Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 34: Icy Reception (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: October 4, 2018

The Band of Boobs catch up with the Crick Elves, then head off to visit some northern dwarves and save Ulfgar! Beverly launches "Operation: Fancy Boy," Moonshine attempts to breed nannerflies, and Hardwon does not take kindly to his new nickname. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Woodpecker and Other Birds" by Kyster at Freesound.org."Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Bouzouki" by xserra at Freesound.org."Macedonian Tambura Improvisation" by Boris Todorovic."Wind Howling" by CGEffex at Freesound.org."Moonshine's House" by Emily Axford."A Hospitable Farewell" by Emily Axford."Vinril's Gems" by Emily Axford."Frostwind" by Emily Axford."A Humble Shopkeeper" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumi, everyone. Ba-ma.

I'm your Dungeon Master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwits. Hard one, Surefoot. Emily Axford. Moon Chan Sabin, The Thrice Crit. Are those critical successes or critical failures? They're both authorized for both. One in the same. And Carl Doltaner.

Beverly Togol, The Fifth. Bard Hard and Lover of Chard. You look charred, it's a can. Delicious green. Oh, yeah. Comes in a lot of different varieties. You got rainbow charred, you got Swiss, you got red, holding a possum as well.

Oh, oh yeah, you are a coaching pop-up at the moment. The harness pop-up. We have multiple pop-ups we've been sent. And this is one of the better ones. His ears real soft. You're so at ease. You're not gonna be picked up on the mic because you're so at ease right now.

I'm just picturing you like in public pretending to breastfeed that. Ew! My cats, when I lie on my side, my cat always wants to like need on my stomach and like sometimes she starts going like north and I'm like no get away. She buries her face in Emily's armpit while needing and it looks like Emily is nursing our cat. It's really creepy. It's like that's such a good or a reaction to call the picture in it. I know, that's why, because someone's like, oh, no, close, stop, just creepy.

The biggest fear. I'm gonna get, you're gonna get taken away from me. I just made it to be funny to see that in public. Like, you think someone is like breastfeeding and I'm like, oh, that's fine. And then it's just a stuffed pasta. We haven't played in a minute here, gang. Yeah.

Because we record in chunks. And we haven't, we haven't played in a bit, but I'm just excited to. I've missed our chunks. I've said it to hop back in. I missed our chunks. Get our chunks. I've said it to hop back in. I missed our chunks. Get our chunks. I feel like I need to address the fact that people told me

that we were doing the lucky feet wrong. So then I said we were gonna start doing it differently, but then other people added me and told me that we were in fact doing it right the first time. So don't at me, we know how to do lucky now. Thank you everyone so much. We're good Leave our dad alone leave leave our dang dad alone Nathag Nathag leave our dang dad alone

Thanks, we understand lucky now Namaste Cool guys, let's get into it. Let's do a little recap. So last week, you guys dropped off your friend Apple Scrumper at the field, then received an urgent message from Toneth and Tingle that the Watchman's tower was under attack by the Chosen. Toneth and it appeared along with Uku, the Goliath Monk, and together you all traveled to the Elemental Chaos to plot a defense. But once there, Uku revealed his real plan.

To kill the Watchman and stop the near-all-knowing being from inevitably joining Theala and the Chosen. You did some soul-searching, but eventually agreed to join Uku and teleported to the top of the tower where you- I still feel conflicted about it. Oh sure. I don't know if it's one Malor what it told me to do. It's a bad taste.

A full regret. So you guys battled the Watchmen during the fight, the watchman revealed some uncomfortable truths, including the fact that hard one's ex, Gemma Bronzebeard, was about to marry the pale prince Gerard Col d'ane, a frosted dwarf from a city called Frostwind in the frigid north. With the help of Uku, you defeated the watchmen, then retreated as the Watchmen's tower fell. Uku stayed behind to save what monks he could and was eventually killed, but not before passing on his third eye to Tonathan, and naming him the new leader of the monks of the unseen eye, and that's where we are now.

So the dust has settled. The village here is mostly destroyed. You see the goliaths begin tending to their wounded. Tonithin and a bunch of the monks walk over to the temple. You see that the structure has been crushed. It's just a pile of debris. But the monks start moving the wood and stone. I'm sure you guys help until you're able to clear a path where they can enter the basement of the temple.

And there, they're able to find the hidden library of the unseen eye, and they begin loading books and scrolls and the like onto carts to prepare to head off into the nearby cloud breaker mountains as Uku instructed Tonethan to do. So right now, you guys are in the Glateron Glades. You've got about a day's hike south to get to the creek. Then from there, it's a short hike to the field,

and that's where your airship is. Before we leave, I do want to ask Tonathan if I can take a book on cleric spells to give to Erlin. Oh, we get in soup and ears for everybody. I actually have a question about a book too. Oh, a law book for Papa. I have two question about a book too. Oh, a law book for Papa. He's right. I have two questions about a book.

Okay. Tonithin goes over and talks to one of the galaists. He's able to find you like an old copy of the book of Polore. That probably has some things that maybe updated ones don't have in them. Like a 5e. Like a 3.5. Oh, yeah, baby. So I guess I was curious if I know that I can't read. It's not one of my quote unquote scales.

You know, I wouldn't put it on my resume. Nor would I have. Yeah. Yeah. Nor would I know how to write a resume. Nor would I know whether or not a sheet of paper was or was not my resume. So it's well.

But I wanted to go over and see if there were any books. I don't know if this exists. Maybe I'm just like, might as well be T-Thin at Spiderwebs, but I wanna put my hand and see if I can like, instinctually with my drood powers read any books. What? I think there's a kind of like intuitive reading. Roll a perception check with disadvantage

and you have to roll a nat 20. You got to roll two nat 20. You want to just see if you know how to read. And Malora will help you read a book. You will find a book of Malora. I got a 17 out of 10. Damn, that's pretty good, not good enough. You'll get enough to read by Osmosis.

Moonshine, are you, do you want to learn how to read? No, and then I can't read books. I'm not sure. I have us, it's not a furiously abiding at Beverly's ankles and pulling him towards Mooshin. I find a, I find a, I find a Phoenix teacher's phonics book in the shelf and ask Tonithin if I can take that with us.

Yeah, I honestly don't know how that got into you. These are all ancient books and pretty hefty tomes. You know, you got to start somewhere. Yeah. And I say, when you're ready. Hey, thanks, young man. Anytime. I can teach you to read if you want.

Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, awesome. It's all your name right now. Let's get out of here. No. Why didn't none of you know how to read? You got to.

I like, yeah, I imagine the hard one, as soon as they, as soon as he was big enough to hold a pickaxe, they just got him right out of school. Yeah, you don't need to be, you need to swing at the door for this. You need to read your opponent on the battlefield. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna break the rules here a little bit Cuz you guys wouldn't know this but I could say for sure that other people at the doorfinage know how to read

This is a purely hard choice decision. The whisper of the watchman says that in our ears This last words the other kids can read that's where the other kids can read. All right. I mean, I guess our work is done here. I guess, well, let's real quick make a pot of jambalai for the first responders, right? Absolutely. I'll be very proud.

You have to help the helpers. Yeah. So I think we're doing a little cookout for the first responders. For sure. Great. OK, so these guys go through. And they're all loading up books as many as they can get

into their carts. They maybe leave behind some things that they're not gonna necessarily need or that they already know. And while they're doing that, you cook up a nice steaming hot jumble eye and a bunch of goliaths walk over. They're technically taking a vow of silence,

but they make some satisfied sounds and give you guys thumbs up. Yeah. If I cast silence on one of them, would it undo their silence? They're just choosing not to be. You can talk to one of you on. I'm not going to ask you questions. I'm not going to ask questions. I'm not going to ask questions.

Do you think it's Spider-Wibs? I think it's Spider-Wibs. What am I even doing? Is that a real phrase? I don't know. It's a little rinser to me. It should be. It absolutely is now.

It is now. Yeah. I don't know. I Live in life. I don't know. It should. Absolutely. It should be. It should be. It absolutely is now. It is now. Yeah.

Are we camping for the night? It's pretty early, you guys. Oh, it's not sleeping time. Yeah, it was like beginning of the day, you guys teleported out. Well, let's get a move on. Because having Ulfgar in this gym, as close to theala makes me...

Oh yeah, hold that up to me. I hold up the gem to my ear. You just hear, ah! Yeah, okay, that's... Look really closely, it looks like he's just forever following. That's my fucking hero. Ah! You're the man holding up.

It goes my hero. Watch it! So, for future reference, because we had... You're the man who's not here. Watch your eyes. Watch your feet. So for future reference, because we had this little issue with Apple where we didn't totally know where the jam was with Elfgar, who has it? Where is it? Where is everything right now? Valnor's holding the bag of holdings.

Probably hard ones got it, right? I think the jam we always keep on one of our physical perks. Okay. Are you wearing it like as a necklace under your clothes, like, roto style? Yes, okay. That's smart. Yeah, but you just kind of hide it. What if you just talk to in your belly button?

Oh, of course, you're gonna come out and kick my ass. I felt that. I knew what I was. I know what you did. You set up a pitch. It pops your eyes out. You wear it like a festive earring, maybe. Ooh, that's kind of cool.

Okay, yeah, festive earring. Yeah, I've got a paper clip that'll make you a festive earring. Oh, you've definitely pierced my ears on this trip. Oh, yeah. Okay, can I pierce my ears? Yeah, I'll teach you how to pierce your ears. Oh, cool.

Yeah, just help this earring out. Just put it in the gel door first up. So, a bunch of people were killed here and is anyone else concerned that the prick Yeah, I'll teach you how to eat all cool. Yeah So much of people were killed here and is anyone else concerned that the cricket Ball nor quiet we're piercing Beverly's ears Okay, so you guys hike all day into the evening and you... I'm super... I'm... I'm...

I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm...

I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... Powerwalk, jogging, or power walking. You guys power walk all day into the evening and arrive at the creek. You see that all of the creek elves here

are loading up their belongings onto ants, the living trees. The ants have like clothing hanging from them and bags and food and various supplies and their branches. You see youngins are like hopping up in them. Like these people are getting ready to fucking motor out. And you guys see Mima and Mama are like, direct and traffic. All right, everybody, get off your rubs. Get off your rubs, we're getting out, we're getting out,

we're getting out. What, Amelore's name is happening. Y'all found green or pasture somewhere? You guys also see, Ol' Cobb and Kooter have like a few archers with them. They've got like a little hunting party out, like, kinda getting ready. And Mimo runs over to you guys and she goes,

oh thank God y'all are all right. I heard about what was happening with the Goliaths and we gotta get the heck out of Don. Okay, so this is preemptive. This is preemptive. I like that. Yeah, that's more. That's more Mimo.

Yeah, very, very, very. It's very tacky people. We gotta get the hell out of here. Hey, what? God, what are you doing with those archers? Oh, oh, I'm sorry. You see, there's just like one buff, one really buff elf that kind of looks like hard one.

Yeah, it's staring down. We're all friends here, we're all in the same time. We're all friends, some of us better friends than others. I grip old carbs on real strong. All right, all right, buddy, look. They're shirts say Cobb Squad. This is my Cobb Squad. You know, we're not a part of any.

They're shirts say this is the Cobb, you can't contain. Or this is the Cobb you wish you had. I start rifling around and Cobb's back for another shirt. All right, I got one. I made one for all you guys. It's doing great. Oh, thank you. Mine's a little big. I guess I can wear for all you guys. It's really great. Oh, thank you. Mine's a little big.

I guess I can wear it to sleep in. Yeah, they only did like a small elf size, which is, you know, next time. Yeah. So where are y'all headed? Yeah, so Mima says, so right before I sent y'all off to Smuggler's Bounty, I sent a Raven to Glade Home, and the high elves said that they're willing to meet with me to talk Interesting I'm gonna show up at their doorstep with about 20,000 crick-elves and they'll have to talk to me that way because we got to get the heck out of here

Oh What is your strategy even they are notoriously inhospitable? It if they don't let us in I'm gonna make a bledocin and you see mama goes that is right mother We will we will storm the gates if need be it is our rightful place as elves mama you have my axe I feel as though I got to give you something to bless this journey because I do not trust it in the empathy of the high elves. I give her a vomit berry. I will use this wise. Thank you. Meemaw kind of surveys the scene of all these Crick Elves kind of putting their stuff together and and getting ready to leave and she kind of shakes her head and she

says yeah we heard this morning about the chosen attacking up and the glitter on glades. And we also sent a couple scouts out over to Ezreda. See what was going on there and chosen have chosen to have taken over there. They just the powers that being Ezreda decided to keep their alliance with the glitter on, even with the shifting power. I'm not surprised. Pretty much everyone on this side of the continent is for the all of now. So Crick-Elz got to get the heck out of here.

Yeah. Don't waste any time. No, there's other cricks. Munchine, Mima kind of puts her arm around your shoulder. And she just kind of takes a moment to look at the landscape with you. You see the lush green forest. Do you hear the babbling crack, the sounds and the lights of the buzzing nanorflies? They can have nanorflies up there in Glade Home. I don't think they got nanorflies in here. What about

flutter bats? They don't have flbats neither. They got lots of good stuff there though. Cat or Lily's. They don't got cat or Lily's, you know. Me, mom. Moonshine, I know. I know. Life was nice there for a minute, wasn't it? I guess you know what? Wherever we go We'll find our new cat or daddy's and inner flies, lily bats, whatever else I've been saying. You know, sometimes I think that maybe it's the creek water that creates these little monsters that fly around. So I don't know that we'll necessarily find the same ones, but maybe. Ma'am, that is too tragic to entertain.

You know, when all this is over, we'll come back to it. You know, we're taking two of each, though, right? You got like a little Noah's Ark for the Flutter bath. That's a really, you know, I, somebody, somebody can't you couple of butterflies. Well, I'm doing, make some more. You see the young insta star? Yeah, can't you name your flowers?

Make them do it. You see, Kooter and adult Petri, start trying to catch him in the time out, bags. They just, they just grab, they just grab and crick bully wugs. I turn proudly to Beverly and Hardwawn, and I say, we truly are an organized people. I mean, it just goes to show you what a community can do. Nairflies bite, right?

Oh yeah, they got little teeth. They got longer teeth. Ah, they're fine, they're fine. They're buying. They're buying. They're like, you're young and in the bag. They actually have multiple sets of teeth. You know, like a shark might be that wherever you go that doesn't have nanoflyes would be an improvement. I can't imagine that. All right. I'm going to pretend you didn't say that my champion. Oh shit. I instantly catch my mom on butterfly. And me Muggos, if nobody's here,

they're not gonna do any damage to the crick. They could care less about burning down some trees or something. If we're here. That's a wonderful notion. Right? The crick is safe. The crick is safe.

The crick is safe as long as it's safe. We'll come back. If we don't come back, then maybe our children or our grandchildren will come back. I think the real crick, all right, okay, yeah. Is inside your veins flowing through your heart? That's right. That's right, we've been drinking a lot of crick water.

Take the bitch out the crick, but we can't take the crick out the bitch. That's what young Beverly is saying. I think that your blood is extremely thin. I think we have the only way there is to win the war inside this little gem here. Yeah, this isn't just a tasteful necklace. This is the key.

I was gonna say, brother, that's a hell of a nasty gem, man. Statement piece for sure. It looks good with this cop squad shirt. You see, Craig Gellapardwan kind of looks jealous at your gem necklace. What's the... Who is this guy? Can I just say Cubsquad sounds like a bachelor at party that's like starting off with Cobb Salad? This is... You gotta start off with Cobb Salad. This is... This is Hardin, the Crick-El fighter he was raised by humans. Or no, sorry sorry he was a human raised by cricket

He carries a giant he carries a giant sword he looks cool harden I can't eat brother Did we? Hey, friend of God. Hey, friend of God. You know you're dead. You have fucking hell like hell. Oh, okay. I'm damned to my mom too. Oh, whoa. Oh, there you go. Okay. Yeah, we're in the commonsion.

You probably grew up with Hardin. So you should. Yeah, Hardin. Yeah. He's not that great in the timeout bag. Really? Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing.

That's probably our one difference. Hahaha. Hahaha. Still time to learn. Do we show, um, I mean the, the, the gym? Yeah. Oh my goodness. So, OofGar is in here.

Oh yeah. Shake it up. Hahaha. No! Listen, you can hear him. If you put your ears around no! Listen, you can hear him. If you put your ears around next to it, you can hear him. You can hear him cussing me out, right? He knows it's you and he's mad.

That's for sure. Oh boy, well, you're gonna have some dangerous folks after you. That's true. Pretty par. So we gotta get this little gem to a Geomancer who can set our hero free. Yeah, we're thinking of heading to specifically Dorven. I believe it was Dorven Forge.

Maybe he had a whole scrum for Thomas. Someone told us. This gem is definitely Dorven Forge. Yeah. Oh, yes, forgive me. We're with the expert on doors. Hardin looks over at it. It looks like a pretty rock to me. I like this guy. Yeah, so we're thinking of going to some sort of dwarven stronghold. I think the people who created it probably have the best chance of knowing how to break them out there.

You see, she looks at it. I've seen something like this before. It looks like some kind of demi Plain-R prison. I think he's kind of caught there in another dimension essentially. And yeah, this is some like non-flival spell shit. So I can't personally break it. I think it's gonna take somebody with that kind of specialty

to get rid of it. Did you on your travels find anyone that could maybe tackle this? Well you know there are the dwarven kings hammers. The the dwarven kings all have that's a cool word insanely powerful hammers that were apparently blessed by the dwarven god Mord, and I would imagine hitting it with one of those might work. So we need to hit it with a big hammer. We've got a tiny rocket, it must be struck with a big hammer. I really think I'm the guy to do it. I was just thinking maybe you want to pick up

one of those King's Hammer someday. It sounds pretty cool to me. Yeah, it seems like an easy thing to just take. Yeah, stretch goal. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Where can we find one of these King's hammers? Well, the bronze beards used to have one and old crab water. Crafish and you tonsils. Yeah, sorry.

Loathe Brown. But then Old King Ludwig, bronze beards went crazy and his shattered because he lost his favor with Morton. But there's Old Cyrus Coldenne up in Frostwinds got one. And then Grim Thor McGuinness, the King Iron Deeps got one too. So it looks like we got a left path and a right path. Yeah, I mean, any of them sounds appealing, but I mean, hard ones kind of their dwarven expert the cold

Day in one sounds solid to me. Yeah, cuz I mean yeah, we should go there For any other reason no just cuz I think that's isn't your ex getting married there soon Is Jim again married dude not getting hitch the watchman was kind of losing his shit Yeah, the wash man who, his trap was flapping. He was flapping his trap. Yeah, he said a lot of things about you. But we might as well go up there and see what's what, you know? Just like for nothing else that you just put it at rest,

that the watchman lied about a bunch of stuff, including drug habits, sexual prowess. Right, I assume that the watchman really was off base. drug habits, sexual prowess. There's a litany of things that the watchman really was on. I mean, any of the things he said say for the drugs is, are fine, they're fine if they're true. That's how I believed you when you said that he was long is because I was like, those aren't things to be embarrassed of.

Right, and you don't do drugs, so like, and I don't do drugs. So I feel like if you know that about me, then it instantly disproves the sex thing and the jamma thing. Right, yeah. Transitive stuff. So as long as you know that I don't do the drugs, you know, yeah.

Alright. Transitive. All right. Transitive. All right. What are you staring at, Harden? Oh, sorry, man. I was just, you're just talking like somebody who does drugs.

I don't know. Our friend, our one. I'm, I'm, I'm much of a thinking guy, but sometimes it takes it. Hey, button it up, Hardin. This guy doesn't do drugs. Look at him. Isn't everybody moving today? Get go.

You better put my things in a tree. All right, Hardin walks on. All right, so shall we then, if we're going to cool down, maybe we beat feet to the ship. Let's do it. Oh yeah. Oh, Mimaudi cold weather clothes, which probably would be chilly weather.

I've never been in the cold before. Oh wait, what? You know, here it's pretty hot. So we got some like light cloaks that, you know, animal pILts and such that you can win. How are we talking win breakers? Yeah, that's how I'm gonna ask. Win breakers, rainbows, conchos.

There's a Ruby Tuesdays of this world, but there's no win breakers. Yeah, Momoss crambles off, and she comes back dragging super laboriously, dragging a bunch of pILts for you guys. We probably get help to with that. No, I can do it myself. You're so fiercely independent.

Scrambling. She brings a bear pelt back, runs back, drags a wolf pelt back, and runs back and pulls like a little fox one for Beverly. Oh, see. I thought that this would be cute. You were correct. I put it on and I switched the little tail around. It is very cute.

I chase him. Oh my God. It's cute as hell. Look at him. He's a little fox. Oh God, pinch his cheeks. Look at you. You're just a little fox.

Aren't you? You're just... You're just... You're squeaky. Any other given day, all your armor, I never think to scoop you, but with that entice and little tail, I want to scoop you but with that in ties and little tail I want a scoop you know I wiggle it in hard ones face furtive little boy so all Cobb looks at you guys and he goes I should probably hang out with hang out with these guys. What? Be the muscle. C'mon, I've got a spell.

I've been wanting to cast on you. You know what? Save that spell because there's going to be a lot more fighting to come, but I got to help, I got to help these crakes get going. If you ever need help in a Glade Home, you just let us know. Send us an animal once you get there once they let you in safely. Oh, that's a great idea. We'll send an animal messenger to Frostwind,

y'all send one to Glade Home. Oh yeah, Penthouse. Yeah. All kind of starts to get a little teary-eyed. Definitely right. Okay, guys, like trying to hold it in. We should write, like, we could write multiple letters if we wanted to.

Yeah, you know what? You know what? Me and Bev are gonna go ahead to the ship. You two can say your goodbyes if you like. Oh, I mean, yeah, that's fine. We can do that, or whatever. Okay, bye guys. Bye.

Bye. He gives you guys hugs. I give a salute to the cricketeers. I steal a jar. Little bit of Italy. I steal a jar with two nanoflives. Okay, you have little nanoflives floating around. I like, I kicked dirt for like a full 10 seconds.

I look up, just like, all a full 10 seconds. I look up. I'm just like, all right, come on. Yeah, man. Yep. And then I just embrace you. He hugs you, Deplay. We're going to see each other again, man. All right. Things will get worse before they get better. But when they get better, you, me, we're going to come here. here we're gonna sit at my crick-size stump looking at this beautiful creek here listening to the babbling streams eating us some brown stuff and having a nice drink of creek water you keep it lighten the meantime that keep it a lot brother gives you a hug bye y'all bye y'all be safe we're gonna send you a messenger. You send us a messenger.

The Crick Alves all wave to you guys. They're animal, of course. They're aboard these trees and everything. And Mimaw turns into like a stag so that she can run and lead them through the forest. Oh hell yeah. Real good. And she just looks at you guys super majestically

and does like a beautiful deer bow. I turn into a stag and do the same thing. You bow back as a stag. Papa's riding you. And Mama is riding me ma. And she says, the fate of Bohemia is in all of our hands. Farewell my queen. Farewell my champion.

I put my head on the ground. Ha ha ha. They're well my champion. I put my head on the ground. And you see, mama pretends that she has little reins on dear Mima and does like a giddy up and Mima takes off running and the ants and the crick-elves take off after them into the forest. Not to ruin the moment, but I think my earring is getting infected. Oh, yeah.

That's normal. Yeah? Yeah, it kind of becomes like part of the look. It's like pretty red. Hey, do you guys think it's weird that old Cobb didn't say buy to me? Oh, God, you're here. You're here.

Oh, hey, I'm staying with you guys. Bellnor, they had a real rapport. We've got like a Balnor rapport, but like the rapport between old Cobb and hard one is legendary. You're not there yet. Give me a tuna sandwich, Bell Nois. I'll show you guys into the bag.

This is what I do, Bass. We're getting closer. The bag boy. Every sandwich. You want your ears pierced, Bell Nois? No, absolutely. Oh, really? Absolutely not. Alright, stop you.

I was going to Munchine. His ear is super infected. No, I'm trying. I'm trying to downplay it. It's like, oh, too close to it. Papa is side-eyed. I get rare, rare, rare. I'm like bouncing the earring back and forth

being like, you sure? I don't get it. We've gotta leave the ear again. Because right now it's the only thing that's keeping all the pus inside. This second, we take it out. I'm scared his brains are going to wake out. You know what this happened to my first Bobby when he got his stud in his ear and he goes

over any drains your ear for you, Bob? And then he gives a thousand yard stare. Who's Bobby? Don't touch the tuna again. Hold on, wait, I have to add Bobby to the Balnor Namak. I think it might have already been established that he has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood.

I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood.

I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood. I think he already has a sudden neighborhood.. Whoa. This is a long trip. Ooh, that's kind of nice. That's like a little break.

Yeah, so we'll say little montage. Yeah. You guys shoot off into the sky and start heading north. I have two things I'd like to do in my meantime. Okay. One is I'm going to casually, when I'm by myself, look through Youngin's napsack for that book. He stole from me and start trying to

learn a little bit. Mostly getting frustrated and throwing it across the room. Go ahead and give me an intelligence check and we'll see how good you are getting it reading. Pop all this reading intelligence check and we'll tell you if you find the book. I got five. Five? Okay you get frustrated on the first night and don't get super far anyway. You even like try to learn what a W is, but you keep just drawing an amigur again. It's just upset that I'm mountains.

What is this? And then I also want to be encouraging the Nannerflies to get nasty. They're attacking each other. You do a charm fly. I do have charm stock. Do you? Yeah, could I cast charm? Sure. On a nanorfly. Wait, I have animal friendship. Okay. Oh!

If I do animal friendship, on both of them, will they want to fuck each other? I essentially winged him for both of the nanorflies. Yeah, if you want to cast spells on goddamn insects, I'll let you have them fuck sure I do that. Okay, cool three straight easy He's a one-anner fly is like flying around on the other man or fly fly fucking style Well, this is This is insane Hell or you got to check this out. I think I'm gonna spend my few days sort of like

I think, how Lord, you gotta check this out. I think I'm gonna spend my few days sort of like trying to do very minor improvements of the ship. So when I arrive, it looks cool. But mostly I'm just like sweeping stuff. I'll cause medic. Yeah, there are like holes in the airship. Yeah, so I'm like sort of trying to like put things in front of the holes.

So it doesn't look like it's. You put a bunch of cool magazines on the coffee table Yeah, this is this is sort of like the Millennium Falcon Like I think it's also yeah, but I'm just like I'm like brushing it up making it look even more pristine Where everybody else who sees it thinks it's you frame all the posters that were previously on the wall held with sticky tack Oh, yeah, that's the other thing I do I I put my poster of Gemma in my That's the other thing I do. I put my poster of Gemma in my... In my captain's room.

Really? It's a good look. And then I start doing like sort of like calisthenics, like circuit training. Right, it is. Nice. I wanna talk to Moonshine. Yeah.

And I say Moonshine, can I take a look at a glad sword? Oh, absolutely, yeah. I gave him over Rosalene. I see, does Rosalene, I feel like since Moonshine's been using it, it would maybe have like a kind of a mushroom aura to it now, maybe like right now it seems to just have the same properties that it had when it was Glad Sword. Like it's got this like kind of white flame,

but you do notice that after you crit during the fight with the watchman, it like gained some power, it gained some kind of charge, it like radiates a little bit of light now. Interesting. Moonshine, you have Fay and Sresby, right? Yeah, I mean, they creep the shit out of me,

but I am of them. I'm just wondering, it's been a long time since we've heard from everyone in the Fay Wild. Oh. Do you think we could maybe commune together? Malore and Polora, a little powwow, and try and see if we can like peer into what's going on there through this sword? Absolutely, yes, let's do it no matter what. If there's handholding involved on them. I mean I was going to keep it pretty sterile, but yeah we could hold hands. Yeah, let's do it. So maybe we put the sword, you know what, how about this?

Okay. Can you make a mushroom circle? Yeah. And we'll put the sword in the middle. We'll do it easily. Okay. And then, cause- I take like my rapport spores and every spore I have, I take some of fungans spores.

You guys want to try to kind of do a little ritual to see if you can use the sword through another plane. Yeah, combined with the fungal network. Okay, cool. I'm gonna say I got Fay and Sestry. Great. This was, it was not my intention for it to work through different planes, but why don't you guys roll and I'll just set a decently high difficulty check. What are we rolling? You guys both roll religion checks. Religion. Cool. I also want to add my vines to it. You can do religion or our Kanna. I'll let you do either one How'd you do I got a three I got a 15 with a 15 you are not able to See into the Feywild Beverly

but you do you spend some time looking at the sword. And you remember that when Galad had it and when you guys were able to listen in on Uncle Duck and Durlin and the people who had swords that you could hear whispers. And right now you hear like very, very faint whispers. What are they saying? Yeah, what are they saying?

You can't tell. It's just like nonsensical speaking in tongues, little whispers. Hmm. Here whispers, but I can't really make them out. I know, I'm sorry. I could just beat some sort of fey, some sort of seely fey, sort of a seely fey.

It's a tricky world there. That's why I am intimidated by them. Huh, well, let's keep Let's get back to saying yeah, all right. This is gonna be our little thing. Yeah, little tea time. Yeah, mood shine Yeah, the netherflies are fucking Why they look pregnant yet they've been going at it like crazy, but no one's having morning sickness pregnant yet they've been going at it like crazy but no one's having morning sickness. They're mammals. Nobody knows. They do have breasts.

And several sets of teeth. Okay so as you breed, nanorflies and fly north over the past over the next few days, let's go ahead and give you guys a history of Frostwind and some info on the dwarves that hard one would know. Is Frostwind the same as Coldain? Is that the city? Coldain is the family name. Ah.

And they're the royalty of Frostwind. Yeah. So Frostwind is the only city in the frigid north, a northern continent separated from the rest of Bohemia by sea. It's ruled by King Cyrus Coldain, the patriarch of one of the three most powerful Dwarven families, the other two being the Macgannises and the Bronzebeard. Each are descended from Dwarves who are said to have climbed Mount Forge and had their hammers blessed by the Dwarf God Mordon himself.

Once they were gifted these King's hammers, the bronze beards founded Kragwater, the McGannises founded Iron Deep and the Koldanes founded Frostwind. Unfortunately, the bronze beards hammer was lost when King Ludwick Bronzebeard lost his mind to the cursed Mithril armor. His descendants feel much shame about losing their kingdom, but settled in Iron Deep where they serve as advisors to King Grimthorne Mechanis. But now, the Bronze Beards have a new hope, Gemma Bronzebeard, who is set to marry the Pale Prince and eventually become Queen of the Frigid North.

The city of Frostwind itself has a very powerful military. Since the Giants were banned to the Frigid North, the other major powers of Bahumia pay Frostwind to keep them at bay. Because of this, Frostwind is flush with cash and weapons. The city is home to many gifted geomancers and tinkerers, and the streets are patrolled by powerful, steam-afforged machines called iron dwarves, who exist only to protect the city and uphold the iron law. Their big brothers, the Iron Golems, patrol the outside of the city wall and a coalition of dwarven rangers called the Winter Wolves Hunt

Giants in the Tundra. The Frost Dwarves themselves look similar to Iron Deep Dwarves, but have evolved to have a pale blue tint to their skin. King Cyrus Col d'ane rules from the Cold Iron Keep. From his throne room, you can see Mount Forge in the distance. The highest peak in Bohumia, a top witch, Coldain's ancestor is said to have once met Moradin. There lies a mysterious purple crack that lights up the sky like the Northern Lights. It's said to be a crack in the material plane itself through which Moriden once traveled.

But no longer travels. So there ain't no chance I can get Rosalina. Last but not more today. We'll find out. So you guys park your airship in this big port. There are many ships, warships, snow is falling. There are chunks of ice floating in the sea. You guys luckily have your pelts, but you'll probably want to buy something a little meteor. But you guys

can get by for now. I sketch a picture of where we parked. In the distance you guys can see the rift in the material plane lighting up the sky with purple. You guys get here and it's getting to be like evening and you see iron dwarves patrolling the docks. They walk with deliberate plotting. The sound of metal reverberates, whenever they touch the ground. They're shaped like dwarves, but they've got no features.

Just blackened iron. And much like hard one, they've got some kind of arcane battery in the center, but theirs is just like a ball of fire. They essentially look like fucking furnace robots. Like TikTok from Return to Oz. I don't know what that is. Does it look like that's in their armor?

Or does it look like that's in the image? It's like that. They are not people. They're machines. There are also pale dwarf dock workers. They have pale bluish skin. A lot of them have white hair, but there are some with brown or black. And you see as you guys pull in to park, you see a dock worker approach as you guys.

And I'm going to preface this dock worker speaking by saying that my good friend and amazing DM Brennan Mulligan introduced in this other campaign, these like pseudo Eastern European dwarves. And once I built this, I literally texted them to be like, can I please use Russian accent dwarves? And he gave me his blessing. So shout out to Brennan, and you could see my daddy DM, DMing a show called Dimension 20 on College Human Dropout. So check out Brennan, and thank you Brennan

for letting me take your dwarfs. That's Fadonya, my good dock worker. Brennan is a man. So a dock worker comes up to you guys and he goes, along you be staying here. I respond in dwarven. Does he speak dwarven?

Yes, I speak dwarven. Right. Then I respond in dwarven. I'm guys, he talks in completely clear dwarven to you. How long will you be staying here friend? Hey there buddy, I'm just a few days. Not more than a couple days. It's gonna be five silver per night to be parked here.

Hey five silver. I'm just gonna try to Dwarven down a little bit. You're gonna, you see he goes, they will not pay the iron price, get the robots. Okay, I just want to pay you directly. You know you owe me 10 gold. All right, guys, that's about the gold. I didn't hear it, I just, because it was in dwarven,

so I'm like, you got us a deal. I talked to him right now. Silver tongue, this one. So you pay the dock worker, and he kind of starts out roping off your ship to make sure it's connected to the money. Who has got our money by the way? Who wrote down the cash that we got when we were with Apple Store? That's a good question. I don't remember how much platinum we

added. I wrote that down. I wrote down 2560 but that was before we added the platinum. We had 30 platinum. It's all good for gold, yeah. Yeah, you guys have a lot of money. So, hard one, you do notice that a few of the ships nearby fly the banners of the bronze beard family. It's this bronze, this dirty orange color with a gold helm, with horns, and a gold beard flowing out. And you do see that there are some dwarves aboard some of the ships and stuff. Cool. Wow, hard one, this could have been you.

Yeah, it should have been me, but I had to break. Wow, hard one, this could have been you. Yeah, it should have been me, but I had to break her heart, you know, what you're gonna do. Oh, how did it go down, hard one? I just told her I wasn't ready for a relationship. She took it pretty hard. Is there a reason we're here and not iron deep? This was closer, I think.

It was actually way farther. I checked the map. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I didn't mind having extra time to let the nannier fly. I was good to know. There's a lot of them in that jar. We got to get a second jar.

Let's go shopping. We should all look good for the wedding, or for the geomancer. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, geomancers are picky when it comes to wardrobe. Yeah, so let's go buy some warm clothes. Sweet. So you guys get off your boat.

Is there snow? Oh, there's snow everywhere. I think the snow I've never been in snow before Yeah, but that is good. It's like mud. Yeah, you guys are fucking you guys are cold as hell right now You guys have windbreakers on or I've established that you don't have windbreakers on but they're roughly windbreaker level I love it. I love this brisk hair I don't know how you doing? You didn't get a pelt.

Yeah, that was rude. Hi. Hi. Do you want my fox pelt? He's got like a tan dad jacket. I'm OK. I'm fine. He's got like a car heart.

That's hard. That's a safety. Bounder puts on his car heart jacket. That's a rugged. Dad warms. Yeah. He runs hot. Yeah.

Guys, honestly, I could, you can bounder our shorts on. I only need a rocket. Dad warms. Yeah, he runs hot. Yeah. Guys, honestly, I could, you could bow to our shorts on. I only need a vest. Yeah, just give me a plate of pasta. I'll be going for it. You're trying to break them. You can't see on. You guys mind if I blow this little fan on us while we walk. Yeah, Papa's all mezzled up inside your fur con.

Oh, I'm cold, but this is cute. We're going to get him a little jacket. We are going to get him a little jacket. We're gonna get him a little jacket. We are gonna get him a little jacket. You guys, can we agree before we go in shopping that we spend the most money on Pawpaw's jacket? Always. Okay. We're going straight to the sale rack for me.

Me too. So you guys enter the kind of main district after you get out of the docks and you see that there are a lot of people around. You see mostly dwarves, but there are a few humans and elves here. The homes are all very utilitarian. They all look the same just rows and rows of spotless houses built of black stone with some like iron fixtures. They're broken up by the occasional tavern or shop. The streets are built of impeccable

cobblestone. Each brick the exact same size and you see the streets are built of impeccable cobblestone. Each brick, the exact same size, and you see these streets are also patroled by iron dwarves. And occasionally you'll see them with an iron dog. Never a little iron dog. That's cute. I like start reaching my hand out to pet it. Do not pet the dogs. They just start going off the bike landing

like an officer. Sorry officer, so not pet the dogs. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's a good thing you don't need drugs on us. Otherwise these dogs might notice. I know. So you guys do, you guys move past the residential district and you see that there is a small shopping district. You find a line of shops, most of which

appear to be owned by the same family. You see, minerals, furs, and finery, minerals, gems, and geodes, and minerals, magic metals. Convenient little square here. Yeah, I'm actually a little uncomfortable with the consolidation of power. That sounds like a monopoly. It's family owned, that's family owned.

True. All right, fair. Small business. Everything around here is family owned, and it's all owned by the same few families. Yeah, all right. All right. Well, not very fair. Is there any place to eat?

Certainly, yeah. There's a tabern as well. How's everyone feeling? Anyone hungry? First we gotta get those jackets, bud. Okay. Yeah, I think, I think. Yeah, family, you are full of chicken.

You're listening, Blue. You are ill right now. I'm definitely gonna go get some first. I think that this is helping my earring though. The cold weather is uh that is probably true. Yeah I'm putting some snow on it. The swelling's going down. It looks great, babe. I look at hard one. It's just perfect. We're gonna have a body and our body. He's his cheek is starting to look and thank that. The right side of his face is in, I think, complete paralysis. It's fine.

I have excellent healing because I'm a paladin. Yeah, I can tell. It's work. Should we go to the... Let's go in. You have to go to first and find her. First. Cool.

So you guys enter Venerals, first and find her. It's the small boutique. There are fur cloaks and capes made from various arctic animals, foxes, polar bears, wolves. Then of course, there is the more fancy attire, Elvin silks, robes, sensible dwarven suits, vests, jackets, circuits. And you're greeted by an older pale dwarven woman

with long black hair and an extremely revealing robe robe and a large blue medallion necklace. Oh, hello Welcome to Vinru's first and finaly. Hello, ma'am. Thank you for having us. I was wondering what's the weirdest animal you got a pelt of? See she she looks around She looks around. Not most expensive, just weird. We have this one. He's a very sick bear, very sick bear. And she pulls out a very weird polar bear, that like one of the eyes is way lower than the other.

It basically just looks like a side cost bear. Side cost bear. You buy? You buy side cost bear. You all ever heard of the ugly produce movement? I'm the ugly firm movement. Sustainability, y'all, how much? Strange weird beard for 5 gold.

Alright. 5 gold. Let's make it 6. 6. You two kind. I am very rich. No need to do this. You are, you are very stupid.

I love you. Thank you. I think I love you. Thank you, I love you. Every hair is so blunt but so kind. You're a little boy. You're very little boy. I'm just wondering if I could trade up from this Foxford to an Arctic Foxford.

She fixes you up with an Arctic Foxford. And one for my friend here too. Thanks, kid. Oh, kid. From Ballinor. Oh, I do not, I think I might be out of it. I have, do you like a snow squirrel? I have a snow squirrel for him. Yeah, I give him a snow squirrel.

I hope you heard a pravid squirrel. Is that okay with you? Awesome, Ballinor. Okay, there's still nuts in it. There's still nuts in its mouth. That's a bonus. I'm going to need those. It's not count those ferocious looking jacket that you have.

Well, you know what? The winter wolves, they are the ones who wear the wolf belts. You are not, you are soft boy. You cannot soft boy. You're a soft boy. You do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do

not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do not, you do that is you are a hard boy. Yeah, I will give you that But you are a boy you're not you are not the You are not a pale dwarf Fighting in the Arctic you are a dwarf. You are a summer boy. You are a summer boy You have nothing but a summer boy head butter Oh my god, I'm a Wait, wait, what kind of headbutt?

It's like you know Like a hey, I'm one of you. We're, this is how the dorks are not in attack. No, no, not in attack. Oh, okay. You're up to for his dice. You're just, this is not the kind of place that it's okay to get. No, I'm not trying to get it to a fight.

I'm trying to do something dwarven, so she knows that I was pretty fight. I guess dwarven headbutt. Yes, dwarven headbutt. Summer dwarves do dwarven Headbutt. Oh boy. Give me a Summer Dwarven. I'll call him, okay, I find. I find, how about the bear, just the regular bear,

not an ugly bear. Ma'am, as a compromise, do you have a snow leopard? I do have a snow leopard. Would you like a snow leopard? I'll have a snow leopard. So little scullicy, but she gives you a snow leopard. It looks weirdly like scullis. Like, did he maybe explode from his fungal thing

and then get shipped here? By some miracle, everything? Now we have one more point of order. I'm looking for a very specific item. What I'd really like is sort of a Mink lined armadillo shell. For my- We didn't have- Arma-

He's a summer boy, but we also have a very special scramble boy. Oh, for the scrubs. Cute, make good stew from him. No, no, no. No, no. Squeeze him, get out his little insides. No, man. Excuse you.

Yes? This is my- This is my life and my blood right here that you're talking about. Oh man. He is not going in anyone's through. Okay, we get him little jacket. We get the stew little jacket. Okay, okay.

Right now you're being a bit dismissive of him. I'd like to let him have his moment to try on and pick his favorite jacket, please. Yeah, we're gonna need to do a lot of money here. We are gonna need to do a full montage money here. We are gonna need to do a full montage of Papa trying on different jackets. Great. And we're off to the back.

Papa tries on a variety of small critter outfits. Rare, rare. Let's go this around with his Arctic Fox. See, they don't have a Mink line armadillo show. They don't have armadillos, though. But they would have like a mink or like a stote or like an unirmin. Oh, I don't have armadillos, no. But they would have like a mink or like a stote or like an unirmin.

I don't know what anirmin is. It's the type of stote. I don't know what a stote is. It's like a pine Martin. Oh, our little green team. There's a lot of different types of weasels. All right, I'll just go for one that. You want an ice weasel?

Yeah. He gets an ice weasweezel, Pelis. I was like a little cape. Ram. Looks good. Do you like it, Pelis? Ram, ram, ram, ram. He gets all cozy in it.

It looks like he's got a little sleepy bag. He instantly falls asleep. Oh. Wake up, bud. Ice-shetting in my overalls and my bib. Okay. Well, next item on the list, shall we check out the... Shall we check out the...

Yeah, it's for that. We could go to the tavern and maybe ask around. Oh. We could try and get a good deal. Yeah. Let's go to... Let's get a drink here. What's going on in the town.

All right, yeah. Let's talk in the town right now. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Oh, let's go eavesdrop. Yeah. Okay. So you guys find the closest tavern to you guys is the ice to meet you in tavern. Okay.

Inside, there's a hearth that gives the room a warm glow. There are big wooden tables with candles atop them, dripping wax on the wood. It feels very much like a tavern or something that you'd see in winter film. It's all a, yeah. The walls are covered in various dwarven knickknacks like picks and

axes. You see a pot-bellied bar tender with a dirty t-shirt and suspenders works behind the bar. This is you know another pale dwarf. He's got white hair and there are various pale dwarves having a drink. You also see a table of these winter wolves. These are fierce-looking hunters. One man and two women. They're all sturdy and covered in pelts. There's one woman who has a full wolf headdress with an actual wolf head. And you can just tell by the way she carries herself that she's some kind of leader within the rangers there. They've all got pale blue skin and white hair. And sitting next to the main woman is a mother fucking big ass white wolf.

Just laying on the ground, chewing on some meat. And you see they're speaking very quietly to each other. That lady's got the jacket I wanted. Yeah, she really does. Do you think I should ask if it's okay if I can pet her dog? I think that you and I should both go pet her dog. We go pet her dog. Just pet her dog with a face.

No, no, I asked politely first. You see they're speaking in hushed tones and as you walk over to her, they just stare at you with an icy glare. I think I just said, uh, my little nephew here wants to pet your dog. It's very cute. He's a wolf. He's very dangerous. Uh, I can't speak with animals. I can't speak with animals Cool, okay, do not he she grabs you by the neck do not cast spells in here. Oh on my dog Yes, ma'am apologies. I was just gonna try to communicate with him. I'm so sorry. He is Go ahead and make like a persuasion checker some some kind of check to make her not mad at you. Okay

That's going to be a Ooh plus seven 22 22. Mm-hmm. I got a one. Okay. You got one. I do not like your aunt here But you are cute little boy. I just thought you got a really cute dog. My dog is cute. A good dog means you've got a good owner. That's just the rules. Thank you for saying that you're very kind. Yeah. Yes. Can I get a little puppy kiss from your doggy?

We are the winter wolves. We are very dangerous rangers. Do not do this to other winter wolves. Okay, that's a real cool name. But thank you. It is very cool. This is the winter wolf. His name is Oscar.

He is quite nice, but I can be quite mean But you can talk to my oh you kind of got like a fire a nice thing on sort of. Yes, cool good. Good cop bad enough like But Like a nice ice baby. I see you and I'm the baby you're the baby you're a cute little baby. Okay, you can talk to my dog Okay, I talked to the dog I talked to the dog Wow you sound just like your master that is I we are the friends. She is not my master Oh, okay, you sound just like your friend there. What was her name? Her name is Toma

Toma Wow, so you're you're one of the winter wolves. I guess you are the winter wolf. That's right named after me That's cool specifically my name is Oscar. So how are things happen? How are things in the town? I know that there's a lot going on things are not great Yeah, yeah, I scratched behind Oscar here. You see You see Thomas turns. What do you say to my dog? I'm saying he's a very good boy. You trying to get secrets to my dog No, it's just saying he's a good boy. What is your deal you go a little bean?

You cute little tooty so I'm saying and but then I do ask again like you know We're new in town. We just want to make sure that we're not getting ourselves in anything anything tricky I say that to the dog. Okay, the dog goes It is official Winter wolf business, but town is dangerous. Do not break laws, do not do bad things, and you'll be okay. All the safer with you watching it Oscar. Hey, that's right. I give Oscar a big hug.

He looks you on the face. Okay. You're a good boy. All right good boy. You were my dad. I love you too. This is not your dad, Oscar. You get the way, Oscar. Do not try to get another baby boy. You've got a little baby boy.

He's not your baby boy. He's a wolf. We have official business here. Okay, I'm sorry to bother you. Yeah, yeah, we're just here. Do not know about your aunt. She's a rotten aunt. You know, some days I don't know about me either. She's a rotten aunt. You. This is the first time seeing snow. I'm a very kind aunt. I can't speak to every. I am a summer aunt. You know what? I don't understand why summer's being thrown around

like an insult in these parts, but sure thing. Do not know hardship. You think giant wars ended, giant wars never ended, giant wars just become frost wind problem. You think I don't know hardship? You think that down in the creek, we don't know hardship. You think that all my people

ain't just packed up all their belongings to go beg at the feet of the people that just That have already expelled them from their Rudy Tutti kingdom. Give me a persuasive check with advantage That's 20 She goes You're from the creek Yeah, that's true. Do you know Jolene the green? Yeah. That's true. Do you know Jolene the Green?

That's my Mimal. Oh, she is good elf. Yeah. You are good elf. That's what I thought. You come from good family. Look at this. It means I'm also a good aunt.

You are, I take it back what I said about you being an aunt. You are a very good aunt. Sometimes it's hard to make out the truth with a snow blow and sometimes it is hard to see who is a good aunt and who is not a good aunt, but I have decided you are a good aunt. Well I am pleased to make your acquaintance. You could kill good, hardly people. Yes. It's not like summer else, summer else live on their own island.

I agree. Do what they do. I agree. Walk that acting like they know who their fathers are. Yes, yes. This is what I say. And most of them do, which is the disgusting thing. It's disgusting.

Yeah. Yeah, no one here dad is. I'm fine around. I'm fine around for the stage. Yes, fine around. I'm fine around. I'm fine around the other guys. What do you all have to drink here?

Yeah, you are going to bartender. We just have, we have light ale and we have dark ale. Oh, dark ale. Dark it is. Would you like a dark ale? Yeah. Of course you like an amber ale. Ooh.

Amber? I guess it. I guess that's what grounds for dark ale. We have a bill with doors. So for us, this is pretty dark. Okay, favorite. All right. So yeah, you guys buy around for the winter wolves.

Yeah, but that plight them to use. Via a report sport. That costs you like a negligible amount of money. You don't even have to take that off. Great. Via a report sport, I'm kind of saying, I like these folk. I'm glad that we're in good with them. I don't know that we should be asking them about a geo-mancer.

No. Okay, cool. Yeah, let's talk to the bartender. bartender. Yeah, bartender Joe is, no. Hey, first I'll have two dark gales. Dark gale. Yeah. Dark gale for summer boy.

He's not a summer boy. You hear for the wedding, summer boy? No. No, what wedding? Yeah, what wedding? I mean, one's or a wedding. The royal wedding. You've not heard of, you've just come to snow ice for no reason.

Well, she's never seen snow. Oh, you're on the most inherited in airship. No, we are not together. Yes, the royal royal wedding. The bronze bearded summer doors come here. They, who's that pale prince locking down? That's really interesting. I was such a wiener when I was growing up. What did you say about the pale prince?? I said I'm surprised he found love because he was always so sickly and I am just like tipping the bartender as we're talking 40% I would like 50 gold to not call the police on you. I'm really averaging our cash here Yeah, I think that word I think we we're 50 gold pretend we don't talk. I'll stop talking shit about the prints now.

Here's 60 gold. Please leave. I'll come back. The establishment or I will call the iron doors. Alright, we'll go but first, do you have sliders? You will go now. Alright, bye. Bye. Bye.

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You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. These people are uptight. I whispered that it's reports. This is my nightmare. Usually I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but that's 100% on you, my friend. Yeah, yeah. That was a little bit on you, but they are a bit uptight. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very tightly wound.

Yeah. I think they're just cold. In general, we shouldn't talk bad about, you know, the ruling family. It's just that, I mean, you guys where I grew up, the ruling family. It's just that. I mean, you guys, where I grew up, the Pell Prince is a notorious dweep. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't know, but it was well known to everybody.

You see Iron Dwarves are just like plotting, I, which is gonna go ahead and keep that down. Yeah, but I'm not playing in a totally. Where I come from, the Boy King isn't exactly cool, but like, you know, he does that own several guillotine, so you kinda just go with it. Oh, okay. Okay.

Should we head to Venerals? Yeah, let's go to the gym, please. All right, but let's not tell them that we've got a gym. Yeah. No, it's just inquire. Okay, let's maybe pretend like. Window shopping. Let's maybe pretend like we're looking for an engagement ring

or something like that. So we're like, we want, we're going to hold for the Royal Wedding something too. Oh, that's true. So we want something that's made by someone really good. Okay, that's what we'll do. So you guys walk over to Venerals, Gems, and Geodes. And you see, from the outside, it almost looks like a jewelry store, but instead of rings or necklaces, there are just the Gems themselves.

Just big-ass sapphires, emerald rubies, and various other precious stones sitting in display cases throughout. And you see they kind of have a little bit of like magic energy to them. You guys can definitely, certainly the spellcasters can kind of sense that there's something going on with these things.

Master Beverly, this is the place that I was recommended to help you find a wedding gift. We were finally doing operations, fans, to boy. It feels like the perfect change, right? You're doing operations, fans, you're going to look away. And then when you look back, I am wearing a frilled collar. Okay, go ahead and give me a deception check. Me?

No, no, no, you can do it. Okay, that's gonna be it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Consulted is this pale dwarf who's wearing this like deep purple robe with like little blue gems on it And he's where he's got like ten rings on he's just kind of weird looking dude. Oh, yeah, and he goes We this is the funeral family Gems this is the best gem you're going to find with the boy. Where's your mother? Are you are you his mother? I know I called master. I'm his Are you, are you his mother? I know, I called him master. I'm his uh... This is one of my fillets.

Fillets? I'm a valet. I have several fillets that attend me in my needs and my wants and my wins. Do you have gold? Oh, do I have gold? Ballnor! Oh, Ballnor walks in with the bag of holding. Show this, give this man a platinum and good faith.

He just, he takes the platinum from you. Okay, that is a lot of money to just give to me. Thank you. That was officially lost more money. That's true. Very well, what the type of gem are you looking for? Well, I'm just window shopping here. I'm report-sporting while I'm kind of

bloviating a bit. Should I ask if they have gems that can be enchanted or if he is able to remove enchants, or what should I ask about? Oh, what if we told him we had like an heirloom? An accursed heirloom. Yeah. And we're optioning the idea.

Well, I have an heirloom, but unfortunately it is a bit cursed. My grandmama, her ghost lives inside it, and we're wondering if you might have the ability to remove curses or disenchanted gym. Grandma gym. Yes, very problematic. Yeah, a lot of those up here. Yes, I am I am salesman. I have Geomancer cousin. His name is Morin. He works in the back. I like to call him moron because

I can tell it's funny. It is funny for me. But it's an unhealthy work relationship. It is I bully him. Do not like him, but I love him, and I love you. I wish I had a brother. I love you too. I love all of them. I like this, I like this about being up here. What did you say her name was again?

My name is Oleg. Can we perhaps get private? A private consultation with Morin? I'd take you on the back to me. Morin, if you want to maybe get a gem look that or something, that would be wonderful. Okay, come back, you follow me. Balnor, moonshine, dummy, come along.

Yes, I'm your humble valet. Oh. I raised your hood a little bit, to cover your very infected ears. This guy leads you guys to the back and there's this workshop. There's this weird little hunchback dwarf back here. He's wearing a very dirty robe and you just see his back. You see that there are like half finished projects in here like magical weapons that are being powered by gemstones and you see that he's casting Spells on something he's like hunching over some gems and like a dagger and then you see there's an explosion and he grabs his face

He goes, oh, I have I have burned my face again and he turns around and you see he's just like his face is like a little bit melty. So he's missing an eye and has scraggly hair. You see, he's got tons of scars and bandages from explosions and tinkering. And the other guy goes, Hey, moron, there's some people here to see you. My name is not moron, or like, stop bullying me. This is a toxic work environment.

I love y'all. It's fun, I love you. I love these people, and I love y'all. It's fun. I love you. I love these people. I love you too. Moron, we've got a consultation. We'd love to talk to you about. Yes, consultation. I put my hand on his shoulder and I less a restoration end to try and I'll do this pain a little bit. Cool. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. Or performance. Yeah, can I do performance? Yeah, or I'll do persuasion. You know what?

I have a plus seven in that. Cool. 17. 17, cool. Oh, thank you. You heal my burn a little bit. My face is still ugly, but and I've heard of it.

Yes, I'm a Renaissance boy. Oh. Mad, a little magic boy. Yes, what can I do for you? What needs doing? You have, cause and tell me you, you have ghosts in your rock? Here's the thing, we don't really, more and we wanna talk to you alone.

Your brother, you know, he's a front store guy. Yes, get out of here. Get out of your old leg. You are the front store boy. They fuck you more on. Oh, like walks off. He is the real moron. I am a geomancer.

He sells rocks, I make rocks. Who's the real moron. I am a geomancer. He sell the rocks. I make rocks who's smarter? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's good to control the fly. Yes. We close the door. Okay. Look like a genius. I'll deny help you I'm reports boring. What do you think should we show? Should we just show him? I guess we should whip it out. Everyone just like be ready to fire. Yeah, if we need to, we can kill him run away. What do we do? I mean, once we show him though, we have to either know, can I do like an insight check to see if, sure. Yeah, yeah, see what his deal is?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's smart. That is 16. So just general kind of insight check, just using your own senses and logic. You know that these guys are either in the Venerable family or are like adjacent to it. And you can kind of just pick up that they're kind of one of the more powerful houses. So they would have like, they wouldn't be us afraid of... Or they would have the ears of very important people and so like just being like straight up

Hey, we have off-car might not be the best idea right, but okay Okay, so yeah hands on your hips. I guess Got it. So we're not gonna tell them we have a off-car No, but we are not sure about prison gems. Yeah, we don't have to show them right we just ask yeah Whatever you want. What's that? You are standing here, just here. I cannot tell if that is because sometimes I slip into unconsciousness because of all the explosions that have hurt my brain. That's it with that.

Yeah, we were all just eating. Oh, okay, I was out for a minute. I'm sorry. It's okay. I love you. I love you. Yes, you. I love you specifically told, tell Dwarf. Is that like a commoner? You're the first person that recognized me as a Dorf

and this guy. Great. You look like very tall, summer Dorf. Hard one. Hard one, I can call you summer boy. That's me. Hard one, I don't really know how the Dorf in language works, but is I love you kind of like a common saying?

It's absolutely not. It is not. It is. These are some weird-ass people. So we want to know about prison gems. We want to know about how to get someone out of a gem that they have been imprisoned in. Oh, those are not legal for anyone to have, except for King Godain. Long ago, we made prison gem,

so that King Godain could imprison his enemies, but only he can release them. Got it. Cool. Cool. So what would you do? So it's not like a iPhone that you can prison break or anything like that.

That is illegal for you to have a prison gem. Yes, we don't. You have a prison gem. No, no We don't. You have a prison gem. No, no, no, no, no, no, we have. That's not all. Why would you, why are you coming back here asking questions about prison gems? If you do not have one.

We're tourists, you know, we just heard that there were these crazy prison gems, we were curious. You buy something, committing crimes is for customers. You buy something, we're not committing any crime, but you're not committing any crime. You're not committing any crime. How many, how much? We don't have a prison gem. You're, you're not committing any crime, but you're not committing any crime. Why do you have prison gems? How many, how much?

We don't have a prison gem. We don't have a prison gem. You're clearly concussed. More and here's a question. How much would we need to buy for these questions to not happen? You'll pay me 1000 gold that put gem in your weapon. We pretend you did not come. Or you came and you just bought something.

What sort of thing? Were you gonna put a gem in my weapon? I could put a gem in your weapon. I could put a gem in your weapon. I could put a gem in your weapon. I could put a gem in your weapon. I could put a gem in your weapon. I love you. It just say that on the sign-out size.

We only need one gem. Just one gem. Are you sure about that? You can do it. You don't want a gem in your weapon? I fucking hate these people. This is all reports, man. Okay, okay.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna check it. A gem in your weapon. Oh, a gem, Roseline. Do you want the emerald for poison damage? You want Ruby for fighter damage? What kind of... I'll take a Ruby because I got poison out the wazoo.

You're a very stossy woman, very poisonous. Very poisonous. We get married. You and me get married. Okay. You want to get married? Very fair. Very forward. You will marry me?

Yeah. This has never worked before. I've got, well, see the problem is, I have all these nanofly children that I'm looking for a daddy for. I will be a dad to your flies. I will make ring for you. Yes, we are in gates to be married.

I give you ring. I give you ring now. I always do it. I thought you were gonna make it. I want a special ring. I don't want a special ring. I want you to make. I always doing it. I thought you were gonna make it. I want a special ring. I want you to make a nice one. Okay. I pat Balder on the back.

She moved on fast. And this fella is not a look. Balder, we gotta get you ordained. You gotta do the ceremony, my man. Don't do that to him, Beth. So you see, he grabs this giant ruby and he takes rolls of lean from you. And he walks over to his little work station.

You see, he hunches over it, and he holds his hand up, and you see these tiny explosions of arcane energy. Like, just kind of hitting, he's not working goggles or anything, ow, ow, this hurts. It hurts me to do my job. Hard one, give him your goggles. No. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Until finally, he returns to you. And Rosaline now has a red ruby in the hilt. And Rosaline now does an extra D6 of damage, of fire damage every time it hits. Hell yeah. Yeah! I thought we were just getting like, bribed by like, Eastern European thuggery.

Hell yeah, you commit crimes that's for customer. Mocha, your fiance is awesome. Ha ha ha. Congratulations by the way. Yeah, yes. When is good for you? Maybe in my engagement ring or my wedding ring, you put some more damage in there. I love you

Beautiful my beautiful big why all right. I'll stop back. We'll talk wedding later. Oh, by the way, when is the world wedding? The real wedding is in seven days seven days. Yes tonight tonight. Welcome party. You're invited to Bronzebeard wedding. Yes. Yeah, we're all we're all get. Oh yeah, we're on the guest Yes, so you my family hosting a welcome party for guests at this wedding week We celebrate the weddings are being we awesome. What's the what's the dress code for tonight? Just that a curious very Very fancy so something like what we're wearing now? No, you look like garbage boy. Oh. Hot summer garbage boy.

Wearing my new pants. Ha ha ha. It was very tight. Yeah, very tight. Yeah. Mr. Venerable, do you happen to own a tailoring store as well? That is next store. There is a Venerable's Finery.

Yeah, we, yeah, we say. Yes, my wife owns that. Wait, you're married. Yes, but we just got engaged. I thought that you would say no, but now I'm going to divorce my wife, so it's not even like a poly. Oh, okay, I gotta be real. I wasn't actually gonna marry you. Please don't divorce your wife, although if you were willing to hop ship so quick, maybe you should divorce her. But maybe you should take some time to yourself. I will think about this. Thank you. Thank you, Long and Hard. We're going to go over there and find clothes. You are so concerned with clothes. We're just going to go to be out of go to this

event. We should blend in. It's like a camouflage thing. That's why you're fixated on it. I want to blend in. Absolutely. It is weird thing, that's why you're fixated on it. I want to blend in. Absolutely, everything. It is weird that the washroom was right about the wedding though. Well, no, we know there's a world wedding, but he's not marrying. Who's this guy marrying? Jimabron's beard.

I hard would not. Summer Dorf girl. He's just having... Isn't that your ex? Wait, yeah. I'm really parched. Can we go back into that tab, or do we go into the other guy? We are not allowed? Wait, yeah. I'm really parched. Can we go back into that tavern? Even though the guy wants to kill it.

We are not allowed. Oh shit, yeah, we keep getting kicked out of places. Is there like a less good tavern? We can go tavern. There's certainly other taverns, yeah. First, let's get some close so we can go to this party. But then I'm gonna need to pregame before we go. Okay, absolutely.

Part one is shook. Two of the core. You guys, you guys go back to a strong core. Venerals first and a finery and you guys can kind of get whatever you guys would like for. I don't need anything in there. What are you guys looking for? I'm going to wear a little suit as well.

There are gowns, there are suits. Would you like a little suit? Okay, so you buy like a nice, elven pants suit. It looks like kind of like a real book. I want to look like Kate Blanchett. Beautiful. So do you want it to be like black? Yeah, I want it to be like black

with like a deep plunge in the front. Perfect. I want to look like Kate McKinnon. Okay, so that costs you like 25 gold. And what do you want to wear it for every day? I'll also a little suit. Okay, so you get a little suit, what color? Green, obviously.

Okay, you get like a little green suit with like gold trimming. Yeah, I think like it's got like a golden Bolo tie nice Balmer by the exact same things just looks like you're just like you're We're twins Hard one the harder one. What do you what are you wearing? Yeah, I just want like a pretty nice suit And then I want I'm gonna put my snow leopard thing over it. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah Hard one, the harder one, what are you wearing? I just want like a pretty nice suit and then I'm gonna put my snow leopard thing over it. Okay, yeah. Oh yeah.

What color would you like? Or you could put it under so it's like the blazer over the hoodie. Oh, that's cool. Like a tech billionaire. Yeah, dark gray. Dark gray. Charcoal.

Cool. You got a nice little charcoal suit. You guys are kind of dressed in like what Jopry would wear in game of thrones You've got that little like it almost looks like a little turtle neck cut Yeah, like a template and then over it you guys have like little cloaks and you're wearing like your Snow leopard cloak and moonshine kind of plunging neckline. Yeah, actually I changed my mind I look like Blake lively in that new movie where she's wearing like a little vest So it's just like the little like formal vest. We look good though. Right. I want to look like Rob Stark

That's what I want. Okay, you get you get dressed up like Rob Stark. Great Okay, so hot all right I Guess like are we just straight up gonna go in there pretend like we belong? Oh while we were all in the place Are we just straight up gonna go in there and pretend like we belong? Oh, while we were all in the place, checking our wardrobe and trying stuff on, I rifle through hard one stuff to see if I can find our cane. Oh.

Okay, go ahead and do a, yeah, go ahead and do a sleight of hand. It's a 10. I think your passive perception is 10 hard ones, so you do, you notice, bevel, like, fish it through your pockets. Quit looking through my pockets, I was looking for snacks. I don't have any.

You gonna snack? Knock it off, Bev. Okay, yeah. No snacks here. I want to be this mean to him, but he's close to finding my arcane. I just assume that it's like, hard one is going through something.

So that's why I'm like, I mean, hard one is tasty. Yeah, I'm crazy. You usually have crasins, it's just weird. Let's just go back to the ship and help some quick water before we go to this fucking party. Yeah, you usually have crazons. It's just weird. Let's just go back to the ship and Help some quick water before we go to this fucking party. Yeah, we spent a lot of money. We should pre-game at home Let's have a bag of salsa. You guys you guys buy your fans equals and go back to your shitty ass boat on the box With the iPhone and a cup These people are tough, huh?

Was it a kid cutie? I'm in the booster. I'm in the booster. I'm in the booster. Oh no. We have one cup that we have to share. I'm in the booster. You guys are just passing the crick water around.

Now I'm just making sure you're being like a music video where we're all drunk. like literally that kick-out he's been saying, you know, that's a good video. Yeah, and Balnor just goes, they kind of threaten us with bribes all the time, but they also perform services. I don't.

I know. Totally get these people. I mean, I love the idea of saying I love you a bunch, but they were pretty rude overall. I feel like we haven't been kicked out of that many places. We were like, oh for three. They're so lawful and then instantly want bribes if you get a break from law.

So harsh winter landscape, I think these people are just products of their environment. If you're not seeing a lot of crime in the streets, it's probably coming from somewhere, probably means they're really good. Yeah, things are pretty buttoned up around here. Yeah, too buttoned up. So our goal then, from what I can tell,

I mean, obviously I know that now your ex is getting married, I'm sure that- It's not a total to me. Okay, it's not, okay, cool. Great. I broke up a long time ago. You just seem to hate these dwarves a lot more than the rest of us.

I mean, they make me uncomfortable. Yeah, totally. I think they're fine. I'm sorry, and then you feel like that. I was thinking maybe since you found out that Gemma was getting married, you'd be relieved because you said that you like broke her heart. Yeah, and you moved on fully. I'm happy that she's happy. No, she can't possibly be happy because she's marrying the biggest doofus in the world. Okay.

So, in Bohemia, I should say. I report for, I report for a series of things that I'm going to do. She can't possibly be happy because she's marrying the biggest doofus in the world. Okay. So, in Bohemia, I should say. I report for, I report for, is just Beverly. And I say, I think hard one still likes his ex. Oh yeah, I think there are some lingering feelings there. Yeah. Okay.

Well, what's our plan? Oh, we can say that out loud. So what? Check back it. And he was just like the sniveling little weenus. Yeah? Yeah, right. Yeah, right. It's not so weird to go from trash

about the royal family with, we're on the ship. Doing it on the boat's fine. Yeah. The music is really fucking loud. Yeah. Oh, the world. Oh, the world. The heart one really is acting like he's, his around his axe. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh happening. She must, she's probably being doing,

like she's gonna be doing this against her will. That's obvious. Cause look at her ex and look at you. It's possible. Right. You don't. I mean, is it possible? It's been a long time.

Is it possible that her tastes have morphed and adjusted as something paler? Bel Norpest the Crickwater. I can't even hear her talking it, man. Sorry. I know, don't get too drunk, Hardwell. I came here to talk to you man. Sorry I know don't get too drunk hard one I'm just gonna get too drunk. We've got to get into, we're not invited to this wedding I don't know how we're gonna get to this party. Yeah, I had a lot of older cousins that were real weeners when they were young

And then they got super hot Just like really hot when they got older. You like your cousins way too much So people are gonna recognize how my cousins are hot people will recognize me at this wedding really I'm gonna stand out I know where I know her father. Let me see how long we can shave the beard That's not gonna happen Let me see how long Pauli Moore have last four. Oh, maybe I could just turn you into something for an hour I could Pauli Morp something. For an hour I could polymorph you. Don't, that's cool.

Can you use disguise self on someone else? I'll let you do that. I think hard one you're probably going to have to lose the beard to be convincing. But what about polymorph? They turn me into a fucking animal. Can I just turn them into? That's the, that's the compromise of Willie DeVake is you can cast disguise self on hard one if he'll lose the beard but what about polymorph polymorph you can just do then we're doing that right I'm no way my shaving okay turn them

into a pig I guess okay what kind of animal do you want to be not pig you can only you can only do things that are like medium size right the target's game statistics include including mental ability scores are replaced by the statistics of the chosen beast. It retains its alignment and personality. So will he still be? He'll just be like a dumbass animal. That's kind of what I am now.

Well, he still be hard one. Like, will he still be hard one? Yeah. He won't be able to talk. He won't be able to talk. I'll let him talk in, of course. Will he be able to listen? Yeah, yeah.

Let's see. That's what you want to do, hard one. If I need to break out of it, I'll let him talk in. Well, he will be able to listen. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's see. That way you want to do it. If I need to break out of it, I can, you can just, can I, can I just break out of it if I need to? Or you can break me out of it? Usually it's like a saving throw. What do you do? What do you do when someone is like willingly doing it?

You can just do it. Okay, so yeah, you can just break out. Cool. All right, let's do it. All right, what kind of animal you want to be? What's the hottest animal do you guys think? Dog, cat. We also have to wonder what they're going to allow in. Yeah, I think that's the question. A cat could maybe a wolf. Maybe a wolf. Oh, yeah, there are. Do you think that they might let a wolf

in? Or would that kind of tougher you guys to tell? I mean, you could tell that the winter wolves and the minerals were kind of cut from a different cloth a little bit. Sure. So it's kind of tough to say, like those, the people that are at the tavern, probably aren't the type of people that are going to be like at that party. Can I pawn him off as my emotional support animal? Well, you're welcome to make deception checks. That's right. I suck at deception though. I think we should turn you into the best chance to get you in. An elegant wolf. Yeah.

And it'll be up in like nice clothes. Yeah, and wolf in nice clothing. Although now I just realized you brought this nice suit. Well, I'm going to go wear it if I turn it. Yeah, great. And that'll really impress Jeba. Not that I'm trying to. Can I still disguise the wolf?

You can, yeah, I mean, you could do whatever you'd like to the wolf. OK, so I'm going to my fourth little spot, Pauli Morph, and turn you into a wolf. Awe! Does it ever so quietly, Hals? Or just break down full-on Hals? Slightly drunk hard one. All right, let's take the crick water away from the wolf. Try to lap it up, baby.

I would like to ride the wolf. All right. Bev, fancy boy gets a top the wolf, moonshine, where he hurts. Report, moonshine get him off of the... Bev, a hard one has ever so kindly suggested you might want to walk. I buck him.

I get a concussion. It really gets his fourth or fifth concussion. On his infected side. Okay, so we've got... We've got an hour before you turn back. Great, let's head to this party. It's an hour walk through the town. Oh my god, hard one's having like a little Cinderella moment.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh my god, beautiful. Okay, so you guys have this ticking clock. Moonshine is dressed in her fine silk suit with a plunging neckline, Bevin Balnor, a wearing matching green suits.

We look like, we look like Dumber Dumber, don't we? A little bit, no. More like cute and cuter. Walking along with hard one, the wolf. Don't wait. A little bit. No. More like cute and cuter. Walking along with hard one, the wolf. As you make your way through this strange cold foreign city towards keep Vincerel, to attempt to infiltrate the wedding, welcome party, and find Gemma Bronzebeard. And that's where we'll end our session.

Oh! Woo! Ha! Hard wolf! Hard wolf! Hard wolf! Beard and that's where we'll end our session Hard wolf hard wolf hard wolf hard wolf jank Holy shit that this is I can't tell if you're just actually a little bit mad that the dwarves are picking on you Oh, I am you are or if you as hard one are just doing amazing role playing being just like hyper Fucking pissed it's I think it both, because Jake in character hates these, or out of character hates these dwarfs. So I guess it makes the role playing easier. And I'm hamming it up only a little bit.

I think I'm in an eight and hard ones at a time. Yeah, you guys are finally in a city that is like, you do go if I kill you. You do go if I don't please, the police stump your way. You're living it up in the city that is like, you do go if I kill you, you do go if I kill the police, the police stumped your way. Yeah, you're living it up in the city. Mervis invented a city full of anti-goof police. Yeah, the anti-goof police are out in full force. Yeah.

Only my cute little boy looks will save us. I was not expecting the polymorph. No. I knew you didn't want to shave that beard, and I didn't want you to either. Yeah, the beard shave was, I was gonna walk into the wedding on disguise before that was happening.

That's funny. Cool guys, yeah, on the rest. Yeah, listen to the short rest, and we'll get more into it. You can listen to that over at patreon.com slash nadpod. That's NADDPOD, don't sing, yes? Yes. Caldwell, you got something to plug.

I have a new show called Cartoon Hell, which is kind of like a. We Nathan, aka Jonathan. Yeah, with Jonathan Tinkle, my favorite little gnome. We're doing a show on Dropout, which is called Streamer's New Subscription Streaming Service. Each week, we take a prompt from our audience, and we draw it, and then we make it into a cartoon. It's really fun.

It's really fun. It's animated, which is cool. You can go to bit.ly slash cartoon hell to subscribe or you can check out the free samples on Drawfee. If you subscribe to dropout, you can check out Emily and me on the new series Dimension 20, which is another D&D show that we do, which are our friends at college humor and Brennan Mulligan are my daddy DM. Oh, like our granddaddy, though.

Our your guys granddaddy DM. That's true, because they do say GM sometimes. So he's the GM, you're the DM. He's the grand messenger. I also have a show on dropout. Yeah. The morning season one is available on dropout right now. If you were subscribed and have not seen it. You can get season one is available on dropout right now. If you were subscribed, go check out Dropout.

You can get a free trial for three months, I believe. Oh wait, also go to Netflix and watch Hot Date. Oh yeah, hot dates on Netflix. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks guys, blanket yourself in our content. Yeah, and buy a hey you up. Me and Emily's satirical relationship advice book available on Amazon and Audible.

Here's another thing. Rate the show on iTunes if you have it. Yeah, guys. Once we get to 3,000 reviews, we'll do a Docky Kong one shot. The ultimate RPG experience. The ultimate RPG experience. Cool, guys. Head on over to the Patreon.

I'll listen to short rest. Follow us on Twitter at CHMRIFUSME, at Jake Her, which is Jake. At Call, the is called Well, AdiExford is Emily and Tweet about the show using hashtag Follow us on Twitter at CHMRIFUSME, at J.K.R. which is Jake, at called the ascaldwell, adiacsford is Emily and Tweet about the show using hashtag NAD pod that's NADDPOD. It's the end of the show everybody, so we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Mallora blesses you starting off with Matthew M. the Bullywag Prince. There are many wonderful Bullywag orthodontists but Prince Matthew was born with perfect teeth. Brad D. the only pebble pot that isn't Craven.

The only thing he fears is how cowardly his family is, but he's so brave that it doesn't even really get to him. Now that is the hardest steel. Jay Loma 72, aka steel breaker, hard one's gym inspiration, and not just on the weights, he inspires hard one with his post workout smoothie order too. It's just so hardy.

Mm, almond butter. Andrew A. aka Feldspar Ligard in the half-elf. Andrew is half-elf and half-wear wolf, which is already half-man and half-wolf. So he's a quarter-man, a quarter-wolf, then half-elf. Wow, like an onion and all those layers. Taylor, pop-off is sixth, a legendary bard to whom no item is in an instrument currently,

touring Bohumia beating Galat's head like a Macap Little Bongo. Dylan B is super weak wizard who wields 12 swords. He never puts them down even when he shits, which makes people really nervous, but Dylan has never even so much as Nick'd his own aah. Horrifying! Simon W, the bootleg of Hardwan Soft Loss, has a very faint high-pitched voice, but regularly uses it to tell his parents how much he loves them. Danny P, Bahumia's resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the door finish. Hard one made him paint the beard thicker afterwards, even though his mustache hadn't really

thickened IRL quite yet. Classic hard one. Tom P. Father of the Realm, serenader of Sleeping Babies, fears the day when his child is old enough to enter the timeout bag. Spencer Casperu, patron elder of libations, ill maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, once made a crick-water soap potent even momma, ever articulate slurred her words just a tiny bit. No way! Pedro E. Bart of the Mountains felt a little weird giving Bart a conspiracy to a bunch of

six-year-olds with pickaxes, mining iron deep, but did it anyway. You need that child labor. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldritch Knight, and owner of the batter's pint in and tavern recently kicked out two horny tieflings out of his bar after discovering they were a succubus and incubus who listened to incubus on the buzz. How could they have possibly known they were so hard to tell? Some of us got totally fooled. Beard man, Dan! The longest beard in Bahumia. Yes, hard on strangled the bullywug king with his facial hair, but Dan once set a tripwire across the road with his. Scott D once got an iron dwarf to laugh.

No. And they're not programmed to do that. Hey, they are not. Aaron C is the guy that taught the Frostwin dwarves about love. Now they say it to everyone. He's in that cute. Hermes W. The Bad King.

The pale prince heard there was a guy named The Bad King. So he tried to change his nickname to The Bad Prince, but the Bad King showed up in Frostwin and stared him down till he re-nigged. T. Alex, an eccentric beautician who was designing Gemma's wedding look, he's thinking a thin, delicate braid for her beard with matching lacework in the bodice of the gown. It's going to be fucking elegant. Parker E, the Captain America of Bohumia, but since there's no American Bohumia, no one really knows how badass his title is, It's just sort of nonsensical there.

Oh tragic but you know I just I know she's got to believe in yourself. RJW aka Harden the pride of the Crick Youngens the great sort of the living wood the bastard of the Crick Jaser of Nannerflies. Spartus a Crick elf who was using the outhouse while the rest of the Crick elves left and is thus Technically the only Crick elf not to abandon the Crick Adam Arbohumi is number one arcane dealer has the good shit But is one of those dealers who wants to like just hang out like just make sure that you hide your N64 before calling him Or he's gonna want to play Mario Kart Brent B taught Alonus magic, not wizard magic though, the life-changing magic of tidying up. Alonus cleaned out her closet and in a way cleaned out her mind.

Cassandra, MHP, Cassandra is Gemma's maid of honor and has a very long speech, peppered with inside jokes and one embarrassing reference to hard one that is surely going to set off Gemma's dad. Do not bring up the X, Matt C, aka Mattie Big Critz, Matt C. Critz so much, he doesn't even need a roll dice, his DM just goes, okay, Matt's turn, and Matt reads back whatever his modifier is, plus 20, and the DM just accepts that he got one. He got one! He got your bell wrong! Danielle, the dastardly-dame, Danielle is so dastardly,

they actually intercepted hard one's invitation to Gemma's wedding and throw it out. A federal crime. You see, aka, Haldo or Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on the SS Stormborn and fought alongside Elias and Red. Once rubbed a White Wolf's tummy and not a trained one. He lost a few fingers but it was worth the story. Cute!

Manny the mundane accidental deity you got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity. Anytime you go to a fast food joint and they have Mr. Pib that's Manny smiling down on you. Daniel you aka multi-four the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfried. Gilbert has actually been missing for a few weeks now so we're concerned Daniel might just have Gilbert tied up below deck. Yeah, keep them out. I don't think anyone's looking too hard. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, is playing the Royal Wedding Welcome Party. Jordan will be pumping very weird Eastern European jams. As he should be, Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword, and living on the stormborne, Jeff is a field elf who just snuck below deck on the airship

and has been living there secretly eating the band of boobs food for several days now. Seekerly eating food by yourself is probably the saddest image. Xavier C. of Frost Giant, who has killed dozens of pale dwarves, whether Xavier knows it or not, Xavier is hard one's best friend. Cutter W. a high-ealth dandy turned to Crick a Barcatect. Cutter is hoping to bring their talents to Glade Home, but the high-elves don't have nearly as much respect

for Barcatecture. It could be a trend, though, tiny houses for the high-elves. Lex Sketch, also known as the Escape Artist. Lex is a talented rogue who once escaped a prison. So seamlessly that no one believed that Lex was even imprisoned in the first place. So Lex couldn't even really brag about it. So it's same with theft, right? John S. A.K.A.

Shubbert the Mushroom. Believe it or not, before NAD pod Shubbert had a career as the purple poison mushroom in Mario Party. Ryan M. N. Awake and Eagle who considered flying aboard the SS Stormborn to talk to everybody but got intimidated when he saw the Nannerfly's fucking. There was a lot of fly fucking. Alaina C. A scientist who discovered the cure to crick-rot in the sap of Nannerbushes, literally a day after hard one moonshine and Bev cured it.

I mean that fame. Gone in a second. Andrew M. A benevolent wizard who gives their daily portant roles to the needy. So sweet. Ricky, aka, tricky Ricky of the Crickie. A Crick elf who got rich off extreme sports, then bought a mansion in Gladehome and throws wild parties that make their high elf neighbors

ring their hands and titter amongst themselves. Andruara, polyglot who speaks every language in Bahumia, even possum, ready. Right. Cannibalistic Cthulua, hideous monster, who eats halflings, sings spooky lullabies outside windows and disobeys the zipper roll when they drive. A true nightmare, Michael McD, head mixologists at the blue mana inn, makes a killer sangria

from Elvenwine and boiled, deactivated vomit berries. Victor T, Bounder's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Every time he remembers his father, tears well up in his precious blue eyes. Henry A. Gemma and Hardwan's high school creative writing teacher that Gemma had a huge crush on, and Hardwan was super jealous of. Henry's hot, Lance W. The author that wrote the book that moonshine is trying to read. If moonshine learns to read, that is Lance W's doing. Justin I helped Bev's dad and the other Green Knights apply

for extended visas in the Feywild. That's right, people, not all heroes wear capes. Some wield effective bureaucratic procedure to save lives. Kayla, the Geomancer specializes in insanely powerful charms and magical properties, but on budget stones like Cubix Arconium and Moisonite. Clayton M. A claymation, Dalmation, featured in the beloved Crickmas movie Time Out for the

Time Out bag, a story of forgiveness. TJM, the owner and proprietor of the popular Bohumian department store, TJ Maxx, which is very similar to the TJ Maxx's in our world, just more blood stains on the clothing. The professional, the only lawyer, to ever successfully beat pop on litigation. So shrewd. In a shoulder-pedded suit, PAPA asked the professional to join his law office and become the law offices of PAPA and PWA. Jacob C. A professional mud-border, but not in the Apple Scrumper sense.

Jacob C. works for a secret, Esry intelligence for us that extracts information anyway they can, including mudboarding. Elena M. The Hunter who dedicated their life to hunting down and killing the Cyclops Polar Bear moonshine is currently wearing the pelt of. Thought they were going to make a killing on such a rare beast and was super disappointed when it fetched a low price and immediately went into the bargain bin. Gone off. Gone off is a rap battle in Bard who invented your Mima jokes and has used them to roast

everyone except those poor dwarfs that don't know who their parents are. Tragic but cool, McPucks, the code master who created our amazing website. He also has full master of the cloud, which in Bohumia is an actual cloud with a bag of holding inside it. Earl and Kathleen L a pair of married rogues who got together after they each stole the other heart. It was love at first failed perception check. That is cute as hell Dylan M an award-winning bug breeder from the Crick the latest achievement was creating a new bug breeder from the Crick the latest achievement was creating a new, flightless breed of nannier flies called ant tames. Jive G, a freelance vizier, who is looking for work. If you're a king of regent and your vizier turns out to be an evil sorcerer, bent on conquering

your kingdom, give Jive a call. Their rates are extremely affordable. And who could forget Corbin A, the Aura, Cockra Ranger, they keep the sky safe for humans and birds alike if it wasn't for Corbin, there'd be like 50 silly incidents every day. Atlas S, Atlas straight up eats lightning, they pluck it from the sky and use it to spice up their eggs. It's also gluten free, now a lot of people know that, but yeah, it is. Wonder what lightning breath smells like.

Jostrich, a normal human named Josh that was bitten by an Arcan ostrich. They later became famous for inventing the world's longest turtle neck sweater. Cameron McKee, a lowly level two cobalt, who is counting their lucky stars at the band of boobs, is now way too strong to ever encounter them in a campaign. You dodged a bullet, Cameron. E.L. Drag the wine wizard, already fist, grape-toed magician who has the patron's state of your suburban aunt's Wednesday book club. Cameron, see, the crow-noor, Cameron has infinite knowledge of what every crow in Bohumi is up to, it was them who sent Kakao to watch over hard one. Oh, a true gift. PW, a Sandwich artist for...

Artificer. Artificer. Who recently opened a chain of enchanted sandwich stores called Sub-Fay? This sandwiches are made by real pixies and will get you high. Damn, yell R. It's a professional gnome cart racer. They somehow always have the blue shell and use it without mercy or discretion. Quentin J. A Wizard comedian who uses the mirror image spelt, play multiple roles.

They're late at stage play. The wacky tobaxi just won a Tony. August Elle, a beloved Bahumi and marijuana dealer. They have a strain called the devil's grass that is literally grass from Osmo. Modius' front lawn, it will get you super high and also kill you. Caleb see the bumblebee! Just a fun little busy friend. They drink to, they live in a tulip, watch out, they might sting you, not they probably

won't they're cool. The bastard of Norvigia, the only person in Bohemia with more nicknames and hard one, they actually invented calling yourself the bastard of, and hard one stole it. Weak, dude. Ugh, Jeff of the North Sworn enemy of Jeff of the South, and for good reason too, Jeff of the South is racist as fuck. And finally, Joshua S. A rare breed of giant that is actually super wide instead of tall, currently serving as the mayor of Ezri's garage door. Love it! Thank you guys so much for listening.

Thank you to our Council of Elders and all of our Patreon subscribers and all of our listeners. Head on over to the Patreon to listen to the short rest and check us out next week for another episode. Thank you everyone. Bye Sweeties! That was a Hate Gum podcast. Thank you.