Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 4: Keep Creepers (The Moonstone Saga)

Episode Date: March 1, 2018

The almost-heroes come face-to-face with the Bullywug king himself, then find themselves trailing an even greater enemy! Hardwon bravely runs away ("because it's smart and not because it's cowardly"), Moonshine gets her stealth on ("like Catherine Zeta-Jones in Entrapment"), and Beverly attempts to channel Steve Irwin. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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PAPA at checkout. That's www.atameneve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, Bahumia.

I miss this place. Jake, her wits, Paul Gwantan, or an Emily Axe. It would all meet like a half-orc shaman who says Bahumya, I will riot. People will riot. I'm one man riot. Yeah. So say a couple weeks in.

We're already talking about rioting. You'll be like Bah couple weeks in, we're already talking about riding. You'll be like, oh, ba-oom-ya. Ba-oom-ya. In your hands. Ba-oom-ya. We're just gonna like whip up a shaman, but they sound like a real weiner. I know you guys just thought you really wanted there to be a really deep bassy drum. Like, ba-oom-ya.

But don't- Yeah. Ba-oom-ya. Yeah, it's like the fucking avatar opening. Oh, yeah, baby. So guys, let's do a little recap. Last week, you improvised some zip line. Yep. Which was awesome. We should have stuck around there and like hosted

some tours. Yeah. Try to make a little cash. You did fairly make it across to be fair. You guys had to scoot. Yeah, but just good. The ropes were the ropes were good. We should open that shut up for the jamboreen. When we free these kids, we're taking them. We're taking them. A jamboreen feature in zip line. Yeah, so you guys made improvise zip line, got across the quick sand, made it to the other side,

picked up the bully wugs, tracks, and you guys found the bully wug camp. There was a lone guard standing next to an improvised gong, rather sneak up on him Beverly took it upon himself to try to trick him with a bullywug mating call You know in his defense he didn't take it upon himself. We were kind of all really on board But yeah, there was a six minute conversation. I was Proud of my knowledge and I got a little too confident, you know? The bully wug heard this fake call, just heard a boy yelling in the woods and he hit the gong, alerting the camp. In my defense, I thought that the gong was for like ritualistic purposes, not a warning gong.

Same. Turns out, if you guys thought that they might ring a bell, turns out warning gongs and ritual gongs. Same gong. You're right, they probably will. We wouldn't even believe it. And killed all the kids. Yeah, we also established that bully wugs do have big human teeth. Oh yeah, big human teeth and a beautiful smile and strong family ties.

A rich history. Yeah. Munchine is feeling very conflicted. She's got a fast and furious level commitment to family and she does not know what she just slaughtered. That's where family trips you down. The blue wags. So this one blue wags sounded the gong.

Seven blue wags went into the swamp to look for you guys. Hard one and Munchine climbed up a look for you guys hard one and moonshine Climbed up a tree and Beverly rolled a one and fell face first in the mud So they put their spears to him Ewok style and started to take him away But hard one and moonshine descended from the trees and with the help of Beverly They were able to kill all seven of the bully wugs But then rather than running away or regrouping, they decided to hide closer to the camp, at the mouth of the camp.

So we left our heroes face to face. If we had rolled well, that would have been dope. Like a pincere tag. It would have been super good. We've spied the bully walk king. Yeah. You know it's a good plan. When you have to say it would have been super cool.

If we didn't fuck up, it would have worked. That's absolutely true. I would say that's probably going to end up being true more than once. Yeah, for sure. That's going to be a mantra. So yeah, so you guys just made a ton of noise as you approach this camp. The bully wugs were already at high alert because the dog sounded like, again, I'm not a ritual, not a ritual, gong.

I dropped my washboard and every time I tried to pick it up, I just kept accidentally playing it. Pappa spasming out. Yeah. Pappa's hiding in the hospital. Pappa's hiding in the hospital. He's even him. He knows my son.

Pappa's a good troppa. Good pappa. He's staying. So, Tidem would believe the trot. How close are the, is the, like a brachian girl with her dog? The second entourage of Bullywugs now. So they spotted you guys.

They're probably around 30 feet away. Okay. The fire. They have spotted you. You see this big pot-bellied Bullywug king with a crown and a little robe. How much love to disembowel that pot-bellied? How much like boss Nass from Star Wars episode two, does he look like?

We're gonna get sued by George Lucas. That's how much he looks like boss Nas. Okay, episode one, I can't even, I can't describe him. I can't describe him if I did, you know, there's just, there's just, there's just, there's just, there's just, there's just, watch episode one. It's a great film, everyone loves it.

So you guys, you guys need to roll initiative. Oh, shit. So we see there's only seven Bollywigs and the King by the fire. That there's six Bollywigs and the King. So seven total got it. That is all you see right now. OK, I'm just putting it out there. I think we need to.

What's everyone's HP at right now I'm a bag of bull. I got I use my second grace my second win song 22 Decent and I've got a little longer ass. You're still the symbiotic symbiotic. Yeah, I've got a little longer as a Fungal entity baby's working with one dime One I 10 oh that's it done yeah I'm not opposed to dead sprint back into the swamp. All right, everybody, roll initiative. All right.

It's going to be 15. I got a 15 as well. 17? Do I add anything else? I'm so fucking lucky. You're so lucky. That is a recurring theme. I can't believe you're the skin of our who is full of luck to you. You're so lucky. That is a recurring theme. I

Can't believe by this you might have our you might not do I For the record you deserve to die. Yeah, I'm now gonna roll for the king But so far you guys have beaten the bully was always a good. It's always a good sign when your DM says you deserve to die You know if it wasn't a comedy podcast that'd be a bad move for the DM. Okay, how'd the king do? King didn't do too great. How did how did all Noss bad some king? So yeah, King episode one fish. Did not roll well.

You lucky bastards. Get to act first. Hard one. What do you do? What are you guys are we sprinting away? I'd like to. Are we gonna go hot? Denny's gonna run.

I think we, I think, I think, Scoutmaster Dining has rubbed off on us. Yeah, let's, let's retreat just for a little bit, try to regroup and form a plan. So you're gonna do a dash action, run your speed into the swamp. Yeah, but just so everybody knows this is not cowardly, this is smart. What do you say as you run away? Yeah, that's what I said. That's what I said.

The King yells, have you no water? This is the brave thing to do. So you don't need to roll anything. What does this mean? My speed is 30. Okay, so you can move 60 feet. You're like, cheetah. So which way are you going?

Are you going back the way you came? Could we try and lead them to the puddle and have them all fall in it? They know this won't better. That's true. Hard one where you go. I think we just go not back the way we came. They'll be able to follow our tracks,

but we're going to make new tracks. Got your going fast, man. Oh, guys are coming for you. Other direction. Not the direction. OK, Brad is fast. So you just run west. You're going towards the castle.

You see here, the castle's super far away. Yeah. It's not that far away, but you start running west. Well, no, we're running back. God damn it. Where are you running? Tell me where you're fucking running. Fuck it.

Towards the king. Where are you actually running? To the castle. To the castle. Okay, to the castle. You start running west. Yes. That is you, moonshine.

No, yeah, oh oh I also do I run 35 so my speed is 35 so I'm actually gonna be 10 feet ahead of hard one at the end of this and I just say I point to Beverly I say there's no sense in losing this young and while we try to save the other young and I agree and I'm running and and pop-off is in the trees Yeah, I'm going to alongside He's how are you alerting pop-off? You're just yelling. Oh, it's gotta be if you yell if you yell pop-off I'll be able to try I feel like you have a really weird whistle that you do a

Weird Blades of glad. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh actually. I was kind of thinking that maybe I get like a little snop whistle In my nose and that's how I call out to pop off Fate and high pitch my speed is 25. Okay, am I gonna be able to keep up? You will be a little bit behind them, but you can take a full run action. You guys are all running west Yeah, you're yelling you're making a lot of noise. Uh-huh pop-os, Gramble in through the swamp. Are you rolling for pop-off? I'm absolutely wrong. They would never let him by himself. They would never let those spears at him. Papa is

okay whenever papa gets to me I'm running and I'm holding my overalls out to the papa can leave it from the tree into my bosom. Papa's gonna try to meet up with you. Oh my god don't say try. Papa's gonna meet up with us. Oh yeah that's better. He's gonna make it. Let me see the range on this one spell. Okay you guys- Just try to say one catch the spell on a poor possum. You guys aren't able to get away.

You guys take on- You're a murdered people in front of their families. Poppaw's making a little order. So you guys start running. Beverly is able to run a little bit faster than the bully wugs. You guys are decent amount faster than the bully wugs. I just wanna run until-

Until you stop seeing them. And so we stop seeing them. I wanna run and then like, before we even set up camp or anything, like spy, like wait, make sure that they're not behind us tracking us. Okay, so you guys run into the swamp, the bully wugs follow you for a bit. I have a question.

I have a question. Can I use shape water to be like on the mud to be like fucking with our tracks? So you. So that's a no. Okay, that's just a flat no. So you guys run into the swamp. You've got these, you've got these bully wugs chasing you.

Wait, pop pop met up with us. Not yet. Beverly, yeah, you've got spears at your feet You're barely getting away there, but you guys do get far enough into the swamp you guys are able to Escape the bully wugs and Great we have learned no less Let's see what happens to our boy pop off. Oh my god you fucking asshole The dice it's such an evil looking inside

So you guys wait five minutes no 10 minutes no Wait, are we taking a rest while we do this right around the 15 minute mark a Little possum scrambles Oh my god and He looks, he looks, he's scared. I hold out my overalls, which obviously I have established. I've got a huge rack. And so he, kind of, it's so funny.

Before we get that out, at least once, at least once it episodes. And he snuggles in and it's like, it's so tight, like a baby Bjorn. You see for once he, he kind of calm down instantly? He's usually real crazy and erratic, but right now he's just like, I almost die. Papa.

Papa, what did you see? Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Okay, I didn't understand that. I'll say, uh, I'm going to come quick.

And I don't know what he's saying. So we're safe for now. We've lost them for the time being. I guess we're about to ride up. Can I do a perception check to see if they're still coming? Sure. That's gonna be 17. Bitch, no, that's gonna be 20.

I just rolled a 20. Yeah, what do I add to the present? Did you roll that 20? I just rolled a Nat 20 Yeah, what do I add to the 20? I just rolled in that 20 Our good boy Beverly I Have my spyglass what is what is perception plus last perception? Oh, that's a of course, okay, which I have zero Yeah, you guys you have zero perception. I'm a big fucking bearded dude. That makes sense You can't see past your beard. Yeah, yes, it's covered in hair. Hard one has a lot of male confidence

and is never truly thought about the world around him. Okay, Murph, lay where we are. What do we see? What do we see? Give us the damage. Yeah, you see bully wugs sneaking through the bushes. Well, we were expecting that. How many?

You guys can see four. Okay. Two heading to like the left of you guys to try to corny on that side and two going to the other side. Question. As long as they're chasing us, then I think the kids are safe.

So do we try to, so if they're currently split up, do we run over to two of them that are trying to stealth on us, just trying to take them two at a time? Oh, like take out their, they're not, you know, running in different directions. They're watching you guys, and they're trying to ambush you.

Gotcha. Okay. Okay. So we ain't gonna get in that. Although if there's only four, if they only sent like a scouting mission, then we may be able to take these out. That gong, don't got wrong. Yeah.

We are, when you hit the gong, things don't wrong. When the gongs are ringing. Rongs are bringing. Rongs are bringing. We either, we either got to, when the gongs are ringing. We either got to go out of, or we, can we run to the castle?

We're in the walls. I don't think that's going to get him to stop. But then we would at least be fortified. Yeah, I think, yeah. We can see where the castle is, right? You cannot see it right now You saw it when you were up in the tree. Okay, Hoon Chien has a general idea of where it is because she saw it But you'll have to do some nature checks to find it. I think we should just we're pretty good at killing bully wugs

Oh famous last words Famous yeah, that's true. I don't know what you guys think if there's only four then I would feel a lot more confident Oh, we all still have the scrolls from the the water walking scrolls. We have the water Water walking we have healing potions. We have healing potions. You have two left. Yeah, okay? Somebody on my desk Beverly used one on you. I think I should make you keep mine for myself Yeah, I feel like maybe I should use a potion. I'm only have ten hit points right now. Okay, well you'll have to ask for hard one Hard one. Could I could I have your potion? I hate to, I really hate to, it totally makes sense. Uh huh.

Yeah, it's yours. Okay, thank you. It's yours little buddy, you're a good boy. Thank you so much. You're a very good one. Hard one, nice. Did you put something in this? Uh nope, that's just, it tastes different.

I just filled it up with water. I have another, I have the healing potion down my back. Okay. I'm bleeding. Okay, okay, Merce rolling. So, are we gonna go? A spear comes flying out from the trees. Let's head to the castle.

That's a, no, we have to find them now. Okay, to hit Beverly, that does not hit Beverly. Okay, we're fighting them. We're fighting them. So, I know you're fighting them, it's a surprise round. Oh, fuck. Okay, we're fighting them. We're fighting them. Yeah, I know you're fighting them, it's a surprise round. Oh, fuck. Okay, two of them miss.

Okay, the other two are throwing spears on the other side. One misses and one hits hard one. Why? It's throwing at all of you guys. Unfair. Okay, that is four, four damage. Quick question before we get hit with a spear. Everybody roll initiative, great.

Again. Ah, Murf, do, how much does the potion? Ooh, baby, 21 for me. 2D4 plus two. Okay. Seven. What did you get hard on? Six.

Six. Moonshot on your first. All right. Let's go. I'm going after, I do like a six swamp roll. Great. I think it's stuck in the mud. I can see Rometti. And I'm just attacking one of them go for it we must imitate our no

longer shalayly though cool you guys so you you see them in the bushes you guys saw them going around but then stuck around a drank potions and spoke so they through spears that you guys so there's two yeah behind you and two in front of you so you'll run run out run out after I feel like only four where if I can cut these guys. I tried to drink the potion faster and everyone's like come on faster I'm like we can't have bad at taking big gulps. Okay, it's 21 21 to hit that does hit okay, but now it's only So it's three, but then I add another D6 because I'm in spore mode. Yeah Hit him for six. Okay, and then?

And then? How long are you in symbiotic? It lasts for an hour. Oh, dope, okay, yeah. And then. Ooh, it's six more for six more. How much damage does that total? Six, 12.

Oh, yeah, you killed this dude. Nice. Woo! I swing my cimitar around and it looks like kind of like a stripper dance. It's still three more. As you're doing that, the other bully log comes at you, tries to bite you with his big toothy grin.

And that is a 12 to hit. That's also a fucking miss. Oh my goodness. And then he's going to swing at you with a spear and he's certainly going to hit four damage. Okay. Okay. Would you want that? The damage? Do you want to take it?

I think, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. She's good to get. The other two guys are going to descend from the other side, and one is gonna go after Bev, and one is gonna go after hard one. Come at me. The one swings at Bev, and is gonna hit the spear for two.

He will pull it. I say, I do a little joke. I joke I say like I'll take the tall one. You're both towering over you. Yeah and he misses with his bite. The other guy is gonna take a swing at hard one. I love that they bite it. I don't think so. Alright. Hey, yeah, for six. And then he tries to bite and he crits. He's slimy. What? Oh God, fuck me. I hate that these slimy friends lead with their mouth every time they fight. Are you standing still?

Yeah, yeah. I was at full when I came up with it. How much is that total? 12? 12? So I'm pretty fucked, but I'm still there. I'm not a sucker. Oh boy.

Oh boy. That is Bev. All right. Bev, take him out. I guess I got no choice. Alright, I fight the bully wug. Great. 20?

15 plus 5. That's super hits. Yep. Nice. Big ol' it. That's going to be cool. What's my sword? D8.

That's 7 plus 5. That's going to be 12. Dope. Finish him. Ooh, okay. We've sliced them in pretty much every direction. What the heck, I'll mix it up. I do a diagonal.

Great. We've got him diagonally, he feels everything. You know he's going to hell for his sins. Yeah, I say 45 degrees. Hard one. Great, I'm gonna spin around, take a swing at this bully walk that just got me with the spear Oh wait no fuck that first. I'm using my action surge You know what I'm gonna say probably shouldn't do that because you know you can kill these dudes in one hit

So why don't you attack see if you miss miss, do an action search. There you go. We're learning. Dude, don't tell me how to do my fucking job. I am gonna do that, but only because I thought of it simultaneously. As you were saying that. What about great weapon fighting? Do I only get to use that one once too? If you roll a one on your 12, then I can roll again.

Got it. So you can use it anytime. Oh wait, Murf, you owe us two lines of a dead bully woke dialogue. How sure. That is a five plus. Oh wait, Murf. You owe us two lines of a dead bullie woke dialogue. I was sure that is a Five plus oh wait. Yeah, five plus 11. That does not hit With a shield nice. You can use action search action search. Yeah. Yeah, hard. How do I do that? He just take another attack? All right That's a three bitch This bully well gets just owning hard one in one-on-one combat Right? That's a three, bitch. Oh, my goodness.

This bully wolf is just owning hard one in one-on-one combat. I had to get losing. Like losing to a frog in a duel, right after I use hard one short foot. Right after I used to throw it in half. I don't know my parents, they would be so disappointed. I slice mine in half and say,

it's easy hard one, you try. Moonshan, you're up. Okay, who's in front of me? No one's in front of me, right? Just one guy. Yeah. One guy's still in front of me? Yeah, you killed one, the other guy's still there.

Okay, I'm going after the guy that's there. Great. Oh, I'm definitely going to. Yeah, I'm not going to. 19. That hits. Oh, that's big deities. All right, I lift my Sima Tag after

Accent is shifting a little bit for One five Plus what this dude plus six four so 11 you have just enough to kill this guy Oh, can we can I say how I do yeah, yeah sure can I put my finger in my mouth and then I give him a wet willy full of Toxie sports. Oh, it's very mushroom grows in his ear canal Yeah, and blows out the other side. Yeah, bitch, and he says no, I love to music Then I say then I say play it was all your watch I play on a song on my washboard. I play I hear it. I play on my I put him the The slowest dirge on my washboard. I

Like it. I want to hear my favorites on one last time Okay, he's making me feel so guilty that I snap his neck Hard one is just like shot him UP UP! Please kill him! So there's only one left. Yeah, one left. And he's gonna fight hard one. And he's gonna try to bite hard one first. Of course.

And he misses and he's gonna try to stab him with a spear. And he misses. He does miss. That's Bev. Alright, I'm going to leave through off my back, man. I think that yeah, I'm going to try and convince the party that we should maybe take him hostage. Can I, you know, I will contain him?

What, what move would that be? Grapple? Grapple. Okay, go ahead and do what I can. Grapple. And a posed strength check. And I would really be trying to kill him, but I have two.

So is that just gonna be a d20 plus my strength? Yes It's gonna be a 12 plus 5 17 you win you are holding this bully wug in place I feel like because I'm smaller than the bully one So I like to think that I like deploy some sort of nerve pinch and then he's on the ground Oh, well being grapple just then he's on the ground. Ooh. Yeah. Well, being grappled just means he's in place right now. He's not incapacitated. You have to knock him out.

You have to get him to zero. OK. Or if, I mean, he's grappled right now, who's the next? It is hard one's turn. Hard one, if you were to assist him, I'll say that you guys could pin him down. OK, cool. But right now, you guys are just in a struggle,

and you're winning. OK, cool. You might. Hard one, pinnion. Hard one, it's your turn. I'm going to drop the nap. turn. I'm gonna drop enough. Go ahead attack with advantage for all 2d 20s and take the higher. This is like in basketball if I set you up for an alley open you just shot the ball. I did not roll that high. I don't want to say

this often but I hope you fail. Oh that is that, that's a 14? Goddamn it. That? Well, no, 13. That's it? 13, doesn't have it. Well, if he's grappled, he wouldn't have his shield up. So I'll say that his AC is slightly lower. No, I think, yeah, his fine, he's still pretty strong. He's going to be okay.

I'd say him losing a grapple is pretty hard for him to get away. I'll give him a little less AC. I'll say that hard one is. Great. It's so deep. It's also funnier if hard one kills this guy. Because I've like a beautiful dog.

I've like brought this parcel back. I do only hit him for six. Okay. Six plus what? No, that was total. I wrote the two plus four. You can reroll the two. You have great weapon fighting.

Where are your skills hard ones? That's what's up, dude. That's the great weapon skills coming out. That's, that's, that's, but not the math skills. That's a nine. A nine, okay. You slash this dude up, but he's still alive. I like that.

I like that. I like the super into the passes. So the way that would work, Now it's Moon Shine's turn. They'll all right. Okay. Moon Shine would like to use, and I don't remember, I don't have this cantrip on me, but in my head, so it's chill touch.

Okay. In my head, what I'd like to do is turn my hand into an icy hand and hold him by the throat. Yeah. So nobody's really down with the hold a hostage. Do you want to just, do you want to just not come out with chill touch? Yeah. Okay. So nobody's really down with the hold of hostage. Do you want to just not come out with chill touch? Yeah. Okay. So I'm not coming out. Okay. So you do non-lethal damage.

Go ahead and roll an attack. I was spell attack roll. You got to do. You got to. All right. So you like warm his cheek slightly. So the spell fizzles in your hands. You're not able to do it. It is now this dude's turn. Give me a strength check, Beverly, because he's gonna try to get it. I need to look up Chill Check. It's gonna be a 21. He rolled a big fat one.

That is your turn again, Bev. I'm holding him. Can I like talk to the other party members now? Yeah, you can talk to him, Versacek. Okay. I think we should hold him hostage. I really wanna kill him. Okay. That's right And also you can also let go and just hit him with the buddy your sword and try to knock him out

Yeah, let's do that. You can just knock him out. I'm gonna I think we can knock him out and then you can you know Beverly give me a tackle. Okay, I'm with you guys, but I'm not you know That's gonna be a 15. That hits. Cool. Roll your damage. Or if you're just doing non-lethal damage, your bonus is automatically gonna be enough.

So he only has a couple HP left. You bang, hit him with the back of your sword. You're using the wrong side of your sword. And the only one gets knocked out, he collapses to the ground. I'm so sorry, Scott Master. Moonshine has tied up her share of hugs. So she just does a real good rodeo tie of him. So he's all the ground. So sorry Scott Master. Munchan has tied up her share of hogs, so she just does a real good like rodeo tie of him,

so he's all tied up. Cool, he's tied up rodeo style. I am impressed. I like all of his feet up. Oh, he's tied. Yeah, you hogged item, so he's. I hogged item. So he's down on his belly,

his feet are tied up. Yep. His hands are tied up. Whenever he comes to, then we'll have a chat with him. So, do we make for the castle and try to contain him in question? Or do we know what the cat is? Do we want to do that?

Or should we just take our rest? Yeah, we need a rest. Do you guys want to carry him somewhere or do you want to stay here? I think we need to carry him and hide somewhere because there could be more. Yeah, I don't think you have the fucking hide. Let's see.

Cause they're a cave nearby. Okay, hard one. Do me a strength check to see if he can carry this dude. Yeah, I have the fucking high Because they're a cave nearby Hard one do me a strength check to see if he can carry this dude not a problem That's a Okay, that's even more than that cuz I know it's your strength on a plus four Baby damn hard HB are you gonna straight's got a hoisted fireman carry. That's right. He hoisted the bullywug over his shoulder.

It's a duller thick legs. As you guys go deeper into the swamp. Or maybe you should. Maybe you should do like a piggyback. Cool. I tied him around my waist like a braided belt. Yeah. Well, he's passed out so we can't ask him what he'd prefer.

I want to mention that I do take out a hanker chiff, a fancy silk hanker chiff, and I gag his mouth so that he can't scream. Got it. Oh, that's good. And then, as we're walking, even though I've been leading the charge with myself, I'm actually going to be taking up the rear and mucking up. I'm throwing muck all over everything. Okay.

Muck and stuff. I liked what Emily was saying. Should we maybe see if there's a place to hide out around here, like a cave or a... Some kind of cave. A boulder or like some sort of recess. Gentlemen, I gotta say I don't think we're getting a nice cozy fire tonight because that's just gonna attract attention.

You know fires, the wall. I agree. I think we're having a dark hang. Okay, put a jumble on. Go ahead and give me a hug. We're gonna have to have raw jumble on. Give having a dark hang. Okay, the jumble eye is gonna happen. Go ahead and give me a hug. We're gonna have to have raw jumble eye. Give me a nature check. Give me a nature check to see if you're able

to find a decent place to sleep or to hide. So I got 14. Okay, it's kind of easy to hide in the swamp because there's all these weeping willows and stuff with super low hanging leaves. But you guys are able to find a mostly dry area. The dryest area you could possibly find. I go for the mostest area I can find. with super low hanging leaves. But you guys are able to find a mostly dry area, the driest area you could possibly find.

I go for the mostest area I can find. Okay, are you gonna sleep in the wet mud? Yeah, how else are you gonna make a cushion? You never made a mud cushion? How else are our spores gonna grow? Yeah. Okay, so everybody's just sleeping in the swamp and the wet mud?

I'm gonna go right up, just a tad, just a tad tire. I'm gonna curl up with that bullie walk for one. Okay, so you guys, we're not doing like a full night sleep, we're just taking a short rest, right? Well, a short rest, you can just take a break. I think we should do a full night sleep. Do you want to do a full night sleep? I think we should.

The Holy One, this guy's tied up. This dude has woken up. He's like thrashing. I think that we should question him. Okay. And then it can I say something without him here in it? Yes. I think we should question him. Once we get the satisfactory answers, I think we should give him an honorable death. Well, at least we could do. I'll give him a kiss of death. That's nice. That's a good way to go. I will not chop his head off. Yeah. And then that's very big of you.

And then I think we take a full-mites rest, and then I think that I'm hoping that we've disrupted the camp enough that we can go get the young and some. I'm worried, I'm worried that we won't have enough time. I think that once they give up on looking for us, they'll have right back to the camp and take out their anger on all my friends. I don't think they're not gonna give up

on looking for us since we killed four of the people they sent after us. That's true. Think about it, if you were planning a big feasts the young ins or anything if you were planning like a big party And someone came in attacked your party and then ran away you probably would delay the party. It's true I am planning my sweet 16 currently and that is what I would do All right, okay, so should we wake up the blue ones? He's awake. Should we show you guys?

You guys find, you guys are kind of hiding under the leaves of this hanging weeping willow. Hard one, you found a mostly dry area. These guys might get sick tonight laying in the wet mud. Can I use my chill touch can trip, not to try to hurt him, but just to create the skeletal ghastly hand or intimidation purposes.

Yeah, for sure. Roll, roll an intimidation check. That's gonna be a 15. Cool. So this dude's already tied up. He's already very scared and you see he's got the gag and his mouth is just cold. No, no, no, no, no, no.

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The little pig, the guy that looked like this guy. You know everyone that's wearing this very cool style of the uniform that I'm wearing? They've got a lot of badges like not as many badges as me, but... Well I don't know what you guys were talking about. We don't have to shake your cheeks back and forth this is how I speak this is how I speak this is how I was born you ever heard of face yoga I don't I don't know what that is yeah okay well I'll show you a little bit out you guys killed so many of my friends and you're you get your teeth to look so white? Yes, seriously.

You just brushed twice a day, and you floss every night. What do you floss with? Oh, really? So all y'all just like every night, everyone gets. Just a big leaf. So great dental hygiene, and you kill teenagers. We don't kill teenagers, we're trading them.

You're what? I mean, no, we're stopped. He just said something. For slavery. Well, training them for what? Did you say trading trading trading with the D dumbass I don't know if you're To be thrown around words like that mister. I'm sorry. I'm so mad at you guys I give him with my skeletal hand just a tiny slap like a little slap he died

guys. I give him with my skeletal hand just a tiny slap like a little slap. He died. I'm scared. Oh stop that. I just do feel like if you stop shaking your head you'd be able to ask me. You're not on a streak with love with you. What are you trading the teens for? I go up to the back of his head and like clamp his head in place so he can't shake. Oh, okay. Oh wow. See're trading. Oh, it's all set tones. Hello. We're trading the human children. Oh my goodness. Two the cobalt and they in turn are going to give us weapons. You wait. Take your. So much smarter. We don't I take your hands off I take my hands off the head. Well doing a Yes, yes very well then See when you talk like that you sound so eloquent

Honestly, I mean if you came in very unnatural, but you sound like a good kid. They're trading the kids Okay, when is the trade happening? Trade is happening tomorrow morning. Oh You Know what your your voice is just so it is so beautiful. I can't help myself. And then I kiss him and sport it. Oh please come on. The voice and sports into his mouth. And he goes, at two moonshine. How did he know your name? Two moonshine. How did you know my name? And he collapses. This is the most kissing I've ever experienced.

Well hang around me, I've experienced a lot more. Not first hand of course, my kiss is very uncomfortable. We're gonna have to have a big talk about just this wanton killing. I mean it's okay in self defense. It's not, you know, I'm with you Beverly because they have, they seem like moral people in some ways. Yeah, when they're, when they're, I just, I feel like it's just stop shaking.

Any civilization that has such a, any, any civilization that has such a good grasp on dental hygiene probably has some level of intelligence. That's all I'm getting at. I just feel like though they've tried to. I'll go to sleep, that's. Everyone passes out. Well, okay, I guess we should carve them up

and use as entrails for warmth. I do that. So you carve up the bully walk. I can't tell you style. Yeah, I taunt on this bully walk for sure. I prepare S-Nice of a meal for Pawpaw's, I can. Yeah, Pawpaw. Oh yeah, it's slightly distrustful.

Do we have any food? Why? Pawpaw was wrong. Why don't you dress mama? You see the hair is kind of standing up on his back. Oh. He's just supposed to. Papa, what's wrong?

Is something a miss? At the creek. Is something a miss? Tell him the old creek. You see, he mimics going up a tree and being left there and being left behind. It's beautiful theater. He uses his little paws. He does charades. Oh, mom's lower.

He says the one, he puts up one finger. Yeah.-huh. Okay one word one word. Okay, and he does it like three syllables three syllables, okay And he he looks sad like he's been left alone abandoned and you see he goes This thing actually is kind of smart Papa I am so sorry. I will, you know what, from now on, you stay in my overall bib. You see Papa nods and... And he grows deeper into your breath.

Burrows into your ears. Lord knows there's ample room and cushion in there. So you guys going to bed for the night? Yep. Bed time. Okay, finally, bedtime. Beverly screams. Bed time!

Great! Inside of a Bollywag. Bollywag swarm from every direction. You know, I actually only need four hours of sleep. Do you want to keep watching? So you just need me to be in a trance, yeah. Yeah, so I'm going to keep watching. Do we have any food or anything?

I would assume you guys brought some food with you. I'm going to sneak the stickler. Are you going to make a jumble? No, we don't have a jumble. We don't have a strawberry jumble. Not to mention, I don't have any saffron. Yeah, of course. Of course, hard one has an RX bar.

He's gonna be. Hard one has enough cliff bars for everyone. I could find you some berries and I'll take first go at them and if they're safe you can eat them. I think I probably brought like the fantasy equivalent of like Ritz bits. Great. I want some Ritz bits instead of underwear. Beverly just eating muddy wet ham. And crackers. There's plenty of food here, Rochelle. All right, yeah, I'm going to bed. I do pull my retainer out of my backpack. Great. I put that in. And I nestled up in my impromptu sleeping bag. Excellent. It's a dead body. It's warm.

So you guys... I enter my trance. I'm Yeah, rolling myself up in my traveler cloak. Great, you guys sleep through the night. It was already pretty late at night, so the sun comes up. You guys sleep late into the afternoon. No, we don't. You have to just get any sleep. They need to get eight hours of rest to get their stuff back. What do you do? Well, maybe we should only do half then so that we can go safe.

They won't get their HP back. Gotta be a little bit to you. Listen, listen Emily doctors worldwide have recommended eight hours of sleep even in fantasy room I'm just saying like what will I get what will we get back if we do a short rest? You get you get your spells back after four hours Beverly needs Don't think it's a awesome hit dice. They can roll their hit dice. I'm concerned that Because he said that tomorrow morning is when the trade is happening. I thought you said like tomorrow Do you see morning? He said tomorrow morning That's what I'm saying. I think we only have four hours All right, then we should just do a short rest. I guess

Okay, so do a short rest but do the four hours so you get your spells back I get my spells back and then what will they get back to get hit day roll your hit dice for a short rest I don't know. What do you guys think? I'm not trying to like steam roll this. I think I think that's wise Yeah, yeah, I think it's gonna get about to get traded for a whole bunch of weapons and then the bully walks are gonna be armed with more than Spears and teeth. I feel like you like wake us up after four hours and we're both very groggy But we understand and I'm like perfectly refreshed. I'm like good morning Good morning, so you have you get to roll you have 2d tens to Good morning, so Chaz. You get to roll, you have 2d10s to expend Beverly,

and you have the same thing, hard one. So you can roll 2d10s. Time for numbers. That's a nine. It's number 10. And a four. OK, that's a one. 13.

13 back to my six. 13 back. And you also get your action surge back and your second wind. I regain 10. Okay. So, oh, that puts me at full health. Cool. I think if we can get these green teens, if we can destroy the rest of the bully

wags, then I think we can take a full rest. Yeah, we'll have earned it. I'm in 19 now, so I'm only going to do that. Murf, do I get anything back like Divine Smite or things like that? You do not. Divine Smite uses a spell slot. What about a lay on hands, which is like a once a day thing? That's a once a day thing.

You'll get that back after a long rest. Cool. All right. Okay. I've got my wits. Okay. So what's our game plan for? So have you waited four hours to get your spells back?

Yeah. We waited four hours. Well, I guess we could have asked the bullywag where they were keeping the teens, but, hmm, well, hindsight. Hinesight, I guess, right? Totally, totally, hindsight. I mean, probably by the fire. That's where we saw the king. The king's gotta be involved in the king.

Yeah, we should probably double back to the fire. I think we should just straight up go back there and kill and try to kill all the bullywags. Just go straight up, up. Unless you guys want to do some kind of sneak in to save them. Let's do it. Let's do a sneak I think a sneak would be wise. So you guys here a high pitched scream in the distance The trade is already happening not in the direction of the camp Uh-huh, but more towards the direction that you guys Castle like halfway between the castle. Okay, towards the direction that you guys... Something castle.

Like halfway between the castle and the blue one camp. Does it sound like a teen scream? Give me a perception check. I know these people, I would probably be able to tell. That's all scream and Jeff. It was so high pitched, what could it be? Okay, that's going to be a 12. Beverly. Yeah. that was Irlin.

Irlin? No, we drilled each other on basket weaving. Lade into the evening. Hard one clocks your basket weaving. Yeah, I think moonshine is definitely like, I gotta put that to you. Oh gosh, Irlin. Basket weaving was clearly your first patch. I think moonshine is definitely like I gotta put that to use Gosh early that's good weaving was clearly your first patch. We were we were almost faded the most faded by the sun

We're in home room together We have to go we have to go towards the screen right now. Yeah, let's go So you guys go towards the scream Go ahead and give me a nature check to see if you guys can kind of track and find a way to go. OK, I got a 14. OK, everyone can kind of give me a check. Or maybe survival. Survival might be better. I got a two.

So I'm blinded with rage. She's just survival. I got a 14. Oh, survival, I would get 17. OK, great. I'm beside myself. You're able to lead these guys worried about early again Berlin and you guys start to hear chatter like there's a big gathering oh They're meeting with the frickin cobalt so stealth mode by the way all of you guys Going to stealth and see this or only some of you. Maybe just I should go.

Yeah, yeah. Since I have men show out. Give me Beverly as beside himself. He really should have been. Yeah, I say hard one. You show him some, you show him some tenderness. I have to stay with her. Herlan taught me how to do, well, stuff there.

Hard one, open your arms. Give him a big hug. Not so tight. OK, I see you're keeping space between you and him. Who in time pushes them to get 12-year-old to the house? OK. OK, go ahead and give me a stealth roll. OK, do I get advanced?

Because you can use the mask of the wild. OK, I got 14. Okay, she fucking loved doing math with my friends. So you sneak up, moonshine. You see about 10 cobalts, five bully wugs and the king. Two of them, the leaders are standing in the middle and communicating. You see the head bully wug is obviously the king guy. He's bigger than the others and he wears the crown

of mismatch jewels and twigs. And then the head cobalt is wearing a blood red robe. How much like boss nest does he look like? The cobalt? Yeah, I was gonna say, do I have any idea of cobalt's and their comparative strength to bullywugs? They are a little bit smarter and savvier than bullywugs, but not as hardy. Okay, interesting, interesting.

Erlin loves cobalts. And they're more than five or so. How many? Ten, right? There are ten cobalts, five bully wugs, and then the king bully wug. Okay. The bully wugs have with them three backs.

Burlap sex. Burlap sex. Are they like, Riding Canvas sex? They are Riding Canvas sex. Moonshan, you also notice a smaller, about knee high, crick bully wug, with a makeshift leash around his neck, and he's being held in place. Fucking rude.

Oh my goodness, we would never do that to our Crick Bullywags. We let them run naked in the street right now. Just like the children. Oh wait, that brings up a very good question. They play with fire. I had a question from earlier. What's the clothing situation on all the bully wugs and cobalts?

The cobalts are nude. Cool. They're little, they're like little dragon rats. They're standing. So not, they're not. They're five-pedal dragon rats. And the bully wugs are wearing what look like potato sacks. Okay.

Not unlike the burlap sack. Not like that. Yeah, so you gotta get the feeling that maybe they made their clothes out of burlap sacks, just sort of cut arm holes out and then wear them as dresses. Can I do some sort of like, can I look around and see if there's like a V, like if I can see any kind of like vehicle that the cobalt came on?

Oh smart, yeah. Yeah, give me a perception check. Can I see if it looks like the cobalt came on. That was smart, yeah. Yeah, give me a perception check. Can I see if it looks like the cobalts are like sensitive about the fact that- You're not near here unless you want to do a stealth check. No, okay. 10? 10?

Come down, never leave me. You don't see any vehicles. What you do see though is you see the, you see three of the bully wugs grab these burlap sacks, writhing burlap sacks, hand them over to the cobalds who in turn hand them a bunch of crossbows and long swords. Cool. Then you also see two of the cobalds have wings. They take off flying and they start circling as the eight other cobalds drag the burlap sacks into the farm.

Okay, I'm going to stealth back to them. Okay. Okay, so the trade just happened. So I think that we should just leave the bully wags and with their weapons, we've already taken a dent at their army. Yeah. We've already destroyed their morale. I think that maybe we should try to get the youngins from the... Right, the mission is saving the kids, not killing bullie walks.

Yeah. So that's what I think. I want to murder everyone of those slimy, beautiful, beautiful, good boy. That's a good boy. What did you guys do when I was gone? You getting blood blood. I'm a scout master, I'm training him now.

I'm a scout master too. Everyone has the scout master. I'm training him now. I'm a scout master too. Everyone has two scout masters. I was like, yeah, pop-up scout master. This is just like Pelor predicted. This is just like in the teachings, a dark scout master and a light scout master. And I must choose which path I must take.

Let's go collect those children. Here's the thing though, only hiccup is that there are two cobalt airborne and I believe they are some kind of spy sort of surveillance. So they may spot us. So the question is there are 10 cobalt, do we just try to stealth up on them if we don't which is fight them all? Just slice them like paper.

We're just trying to track them, right? We're just trying to track them to work? We're just trying to track them to work. We're bringing the kids. You won't have to do as difficult of stealth rolls if you're just following them at a safe distance. I think we are. Yeah, let's do that. Let's just track them.

Hold on, before we do that, how are we going to handle the airborne cobalt? We're going to stealth. Yeah, okay. What they're in the air. I don't think we can stealth them in the air. But it's- Yes, we can.

You're just going to hunt under trees. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, let's do that. I don't think we can stealth them in the air, but it's we can. You guys can hunt under trees. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, let's do that. So we're a stealth and at a distance. Yeah, just tracking them. Give me some stealth rolls. You guys would have to pretty colossally fuck up.

Oh, I got a Nat 20. Perfect. Oh, I got a colossally fucked up. I got an eight. I got a 12. That's okay. But there's my, this is not a colossal fuck up. Okay, cool. Great. This is I got a Nat 20 maybe like my. I would say anything about the five is not a colossal fuck out.

Okay, cool. Great. I got a net 20 maybe. Yeah, 20. My self rubbed off on you guys. I'm hiding under the sport. Moonshine is leading the way. She's able to climb the wing and crawl.

I'm like an umbrella. Like the top of a mushroom comes out like an umbrella that we hide underneath. You guys don't need that. I can, I know how to hide. Hard one. Get under. You guys follow the cobalts at a safe distance. You're easily able to hide yourself

in the thicket of weeping willows, but after tracking them for some time, you push aside a curtain of leaves and you see that you're in a big clearing. And you look ahead and you see the cobalts dragging the sacks into the giant half sunken keep. Oh, the God damn castle that we almost went into. Yeah, but if we slept there,

Oh, molora. You guys, what are we all, if you guys had run in there and just gotten shot by arrows, that's just walked into the archway. Just need a place to lay my head. No. Oh! All right, so we're still pursuing.

So you guys, yeah, so you guys are able to stand at kind of the clearing. You probably can't pursue them. Yeah, I'll just tell you what you guys see. The cobalt's trade all of the green teens to do a bunch of orcs. To a bunch of orcs trade the orcs. To trade them to some humans.

Who are the Barca Scam? And Danny for a hundred orcs. Two of them works, straight to the orcs. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them.

And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them.

And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. And then we found them. Sounds like Mickey Mouse right now. I like it. By the time you guys run into Scoutmaster Denny again, I'll remember his voice. Okay. So you guys see that the right side of the castle, the southeast guard tower is sinking. You see that part of the castle has nearly collapsed.

You see the archway at the center is completely open and rusty chains hang where the drawbirds used to be. It looks like the keep has no ceiling because you can see light in the tops of the distant trees through the archway. It looks like the top floor maybe just fell and became the ground floor for most of the keep, from what you can see here. The only structures that appear to be almost completely intact

are the four guard towers at each corner of the keep. So it's like a square, there's the four corners and each one has a guard tower. The one to your right right in front of you is sunken below the rest of them. Like why you said there's a drawbridge with like chains? Where the drawbridge used to be. So it's like a little decrepit. It's a little decrepit. Yeah, it's falling apart. It's sinking a little bit. It's not there's like a little crepe. It's like a little crepe in a part. Yeah, it's falling apart. Is there a moment? It's sinking a little bit. There's not a mode. It's like low water that has damaged the integrity. Gotcha.

And it started to sink. We would need to like jump or swing across to get in. You would not need to jump or swing across to get in. Well, I guess you don't know. Well, now you do know, because I tip to my hand, you do not need to jump or swing across to get in. Well, I can use shape water and make us a little ice bridge. You do see that the guard towers all have little arrow slits for guards to shoot out.

It could be for like passing pop types through. So go ahead, go ahead guys. Everybody give me a perception check. Okay. It's going to be a 13 for me. It's eight. Gonna be a nine for me. Wow, you guys are not perceptive.

It's fucking hard one. Oh shit, I'm 11, not 13. Oh boy. Okay, moonshine, you see the two winged cobalts come down and settle in that south-east guard tower, the one to the right, the one that's sinking. You see them go into that one and you see the other cobalds just drag the kids in and then you lose sight of them.

It would be tough for you to be able to see into the other tower to see if there's guys there. I guess in real high enough. Do I know if cobalds, like what they eat? to see into the other tower to see if there's guys there. I guess in real high enough. So you'd find them. Do I know if cobalt's like what they eat? You would assume that they eat meat. Okay. Because they're like kind of little dragon guys.

Yeah. You do know what would be common knowledge is that cobalt's do not see very well in the daytime. So they would have a little bit of trouble seeing you. Yeah. So maybe somebody tries to sneak up and see if they get better. Look. Seems like sneak time.

Yeah. Yeah. It seems like we need to be easy on the blind rage. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. OK. I'm feeling calmer now. I'm going to sneak up.

I'm going to sneak up. OK. So how are you proceeding? Are you just like fucking crawling through the mouth? Can I burrow a hole? Can I burrow like a mole? There's low water. You could kind of like swim into.

Like a crocodile? Yeah, you could swim like a crocodile. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom.

I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I'm just swimming with a little mushroom. I get to roll with advantage, because it's cool. Because it's cool. Yeah, cool. Because you said a cool thing. It's dope. Wow.

One was a one, and the other one was a seven, bringing me to a big ol' Wapen 9. 9? Okay. It's huge. Let's see what these guys do. It's pretty good. It's a higher number.

The cobalt are like, hey, there's a wet lady over there. Are you sure it looks like a crocodile to me? Ah, okay. Moonshine, you somehow, despite splashing a bit, while it's trying to be a crocodile, like maybe you popped your head up a few too many times trying to be crock-like. Just be a mushroom.

Yeah, I think you do manage to make it to the front without them seeing. Oh, thank you. So you enter through the archway. Okay. You're in the middle, you're in the front of the castle. Oh my god. This is too much. You're kind of tiptoeing, you're looking around the corner. Again, I'm like full Catherine Zeta. Full Catherine Zeta. Like suddenly my overalls look like they're a tight pleather suit. Right. Yeah. So you're you're basically out just clinging to my hair. You're at the you're at the front of the castle peaking in up against the wall so the guard towers wouldn't be able to see you easily unless they were turned around looking back at the gate. Okay. So you peek around the corner, you see and you can hear cobalts at work.

What kind of numbers we're talking about? You see about six cobalts that are cutting a table up. They got it. This looks like a cat. Cutting the burlap sack full of kids. Just cutting the dead bodies for parts. So you peek around, you see that clearly this used to be several rooms, but some of the walls have collapsed.

It looks like they're mess halls, because there are four very long wooden banquet tables. These clearly weren't made by cobalts. It was probably here with your original keep. But you do see the cobalt are cutting up one of them. Well they're cutting the thing for us. They're cutting one of them. Oh, okay, so they aren't planning a banquet. Right, so the jamboreen is canceled.

They're also barrels. Barry not happening. There are barrels of stinking, rotting meat along the walls. Immediately to your right. Teen meat? Not teen meat. OK, good. You could assume not teen meat.

OK. Thank God. You can see to your right, there is murky green water in a doorway. And you can see that the room is clearly flooded. And then to your left, you can see that you can get to the southwest guard tower from this room. And ahead on the other side of the room is a wooden door that you see cobalts opening and walking in and out, and it looks like they're bringing the wood

into that other room. Okay. I'm gonna stealth back. Tell everyone what I saw. Give it roll, Romi, stealth check. Cool. I'm probably using the wood to make smaller. It's time I got an eight. You got an eight. Total? Yes. Okay, not a whole bunch, no? As you swim back, crossbow bolts shoot out

from the Southwest guard tower. You guys see the guard tower to the left, start shooting down at Old Catherine Zeta here in the mud. Oh, okay. Oh, God, that was too hot. That's a, she had to be noticed. That's a 16 to hit. That's gonna hit.

Okay. Oh, boy. That's five damage. Okay. And then they're gonna shoot. The other guy is gonna damage. Okay. And then, they're gonna shoot. The other guy is gonna shoot. Okay. And he misses.

He shoots down into the water. Fucking idiot. What do you do? Okay. I just tried to run into the forest. Cool. You run off into the forest. Bye.

Yeah, so I run off into the forest. I try to grab you guys attention. Do we notice her? Yeah, you guys here. Okay. She gets back to you guys. Um, you guys do see the is a good news. You guys see the winged winged cobalts that were in the southeast guard tower. Yeah. Fly up into the air. I think we might be bad at stealth y'all. Okay. So we need to hide. We need to find some an area that's really, really like, uh, hidden

from aerial surveillance. Mm hmm. Okay. You guys, you guys are in an area right now where there are a lot of tree tops because you're no longer in the clearing. Okay. Yeah. So you got cover. We're good. You have cover right now. So you guys can hide right now. Murph, with my history check, I have a proficiency in history.

Okay. Would I know anything about this keep? Yes, you would. Okay. Go ahead and give me a history. You want a roll? in history. Would I know anything about this keep? Yes, you would. Okay. Go ahead and give me a history. Do you want a roll? Roll dice? Roll it. I don't know what dice is on.

I'm gonna roll a dice. That's nine plus two, that's an 11. So you know that there was a paranoid noble that used his fortune to build this keep out in the swamp. Does he know anything about what the what these things might be doing with the with the chopped up wood? Does he know anything about their what they would be doing with the chopped up wood? Yeah like they're probably well they're small so they're probably using them to make smaller tables that they could use. That's very very optimist

It would it would depend on if there are any green teen sayings or anything that might help them in this situation The only thing I know is that if a cobalt's tail is wagon then a dragon is a dragon I think I think there are words, but they don't make a sentence. Sorry, let me try that again. If a cool ball tells Whagon, then nearby, there's a dragon. Okay. Okay. So the dragon's dead.

I gotta be honest. Maybe. I have no fucking clue what to do here. Huh. Well, they're alerted to our presence. We've got surveillance on us. I don't know what they want to do with the young, and I don't think we can take on,

I got to take a healing potion or something if we're going to fight them. Well, no, I won't take it quite yet, but. Guys, I didn't want to do this, but I think we should call my dad. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Beverly pulls out a cell phone in the level of 10 palled in, shows up,

and just kills all of the cobalds and you win Sweet beer so just to be clear yeah and Not to give you guys any hints or anything all you have done is Been right in front of the keep yeah, we have not Knooked around the side you have not done let's let's stay so if we stay under tree cover Yeah, so we're like we try to avoid the flying what are they called again? Uh cobalt. Yeah the flying cobalt make like a perimeter of the castle. Yeah Yeah, so if there's any like weak points that we might be able to

Yeah, maybe we'll travel under with the coverage of the trees towards the other side of the We should okay. Do you want to go to the right like around the sunken side? Or do you want to go to the left? I think we had towards the sunken side and see if maybe we could switch the rules there. Yeah, we should have like we've ever played a video game and like make sure that we look around all the sides of the stupid castle. Yeah, I've never played video before. Let's do it. This is the only dorky thing jigg has ever done and it is the most dorky thing ever. I love it. Yeah, you went zero to 100. I do it. This is the only dorky thing Jake has ever done. And it is the most dorky thing ever.

I love it. Yeah, you went zero to 100. I love it. Yeah, I got 20. Okay. Oh. Oh. Okay, so yeah, we're stealthen, need the cover of the trees around to the sun.

See you guys. Okay, it's the castle. Kase the castle. Kase the castle. Over to the right side. While we stealth, I whisper stories about, you know, like shenanigans that me and Irland got up to. There's none of them are shenanigans.

They're not even trying to get off to scribble. One time the teacher wasn't going to give us homework and then Irland and I perked up and reminded him that night we both had a wet dream. Then please be quiet. I was in Ireland, he was in in mind. So you guys sneak over to the east side of the castle. You see that the southeast side of it is mostly sunken in, but you see that the northeast side and the back, you see that there are still two floors that the walls go up higher.

So is there water on this side? Yes, there is water. Can I see if there's like a submerged or partially submerged window or opening that we could just swim through to get inside? Would you like to try to swim under and see what you can see? Yeah, I'll do that. Great. Okay, is that cool with everyone?

I would mean. Uh, okay, it's gonna be, you're gonna have to swim, like 50 or 60 feet. That's, that's fine. Great. Yeah. So you go under. It's best believe I've got my swimming pad. It's murky.

So you can't really see that well. I Am gonna roll for somebody. Okay. Oh God is there like a there's another fucking snake Hey, Murph, I just real quick before I do any of the cool stuff I also I just realized I have lucky and I could reroll on a one which would have been helpful last episode. Yep I just want I have lucky and I could reroll on a one, which would have been helpful last episode. Yep. I just wanted to- You guys should know your skills. I do have a skill called Divine Sense,

which I don't think is like a, I don't know, is that a spell slot skill or can I just use that? I think that will help you if something is innately good or evil. Okay, cool. I don't think that gives you a good. I just didn't know if I was like,

if I could smell any evil here. You're also underwater so if you take a big deep sniff. Yeah I think the ground. I didn't deserve the swimming patch. It floats to the surface. So Beverly, you start swimming. Go ahead and give me a perception check. Okay. start swimming, go ahead and give me a perception check. Okay. Ooh, that's bad. That's gonna be a four. Oh, this is an unlucky episode for the game. Oh, Lord.

Okay. Bev, without any prior knowledge, I just pull out my javelin and start stabbing in every direction. It's cool. Bev, you're swimming. The water is very murky, so you basically just have to keep going until you see if you hit a wall.

Yeah, okay. So you're swimming. Sounds a good, great plan. I do that. This is like gonna be so bad. I don't know what's gonna happen. Suddenly, you feel the jaws of a crocodile. What? What you're pretending to be? Oh my God. That's why I didn't attack you before. You feel the jaws of a crocodile.

What are you pretending to be? Oh my god. Oh. That's why I didn't attack you before. Yeah, it thought I was a... That is going to be a... He's got 18. 16 to hit.

Oh, I have 18. Snaps at your feet. What are you doing? I pull out a javelin and wedge it in between his mouth. Go ahead and make an attack. Roll initiative. Oh, to try and like, to try and like skewer him like a little finger sandwich. Yeah, I'm gonna try and skewer it for the jumble eye.

I'll tell you what, yeah, some fucking gator in that jumble eye. Oh, daddy. Oh, Bollywood snake. Born to die, son. 13 plus my strength. That's gonna be an hurt. No, no, no, no. Roll initiative.

Oh, initiate. You're in a fight with a crocodile Okay, that's gonna be 13. Sorry. Okay ahead of myself. You do go first. Okay I will the way the way underwater combat works is Easier you get disadvantage on most attack rolls which Evelyn does not get a mist attack roll I just wanted let me I think you get what I want to try and do. It's, that's just an attack girl. You can't just kill them in one hit. Well, what I want, no, I don't want to kill them.

What I want to do is wait for him to open his mouth super wide. And then I'm going to like shove the Javilan in sideways and try, okay. Okay, so you're going to prepare a reaction. Yeah, I'm going to toothpick him. You're going to prepare a reaction to try to hold Javilan. You're gonna try to shove him in the halfling Javilan. It's a regular type of thing. I think the DM is saying this is a bad idea.

Okay, cool. Yeah, Emily's played D&D enough with Murph to see that glint in his eye. I mean, if you want to try to break the Javilan over your knee and try to cartoon style perfectly place it in his mouth. Uh-huh. You can try. I'm not taking any hits.

Let's do it. Yeah, let's try it. Okay, go ahead. Okay. All right, so first do a strength check to see if you can break the javelin. Oh, no. Oh my god, you're destroying your weapon. That's going to be a 14.

Okay. So you break the javelin in half and you're preparing a reaction to try to shove it in his mouth. Yes. And try to have it stuck in his mouth. Yeah, so it wedges his mouth open. Okay.

Uh-huh. He probably still has a tail whip or something like that. Yeah. He makes an attack roll. Okay. So as he rears up to attack he opens his mouth you attempt to shove A javelin in his mouth. I don't understand why you're having such trouble with it I just want to wedge his mouth permanently open with a broken javelin. We've all seen hook. Yeah

Give me open Peter Pan style Give me a DC 20 athletics chance Style Give me a DC 20 athletics check You hit me with him 20s all right, I'm gonna hit you with a 20 because it's god damn ridiculous all right cool DC 20 athletics check Only roll 20 You gotta re-roll the hits the floor. Yeah, I reroll it hit the floor

Don't look at it doesn't count it doesn't count because if you get a good roll, I'll tell you guys what he rolled after. Okay. Crazily enough, it was also a 12 on the floor. Okay, that's plus five is athletics, so 17. Cool. You go to shove it into his mouth. Yeah. You will do javelin damage.

Okay. So you can roll damage. That's a successful attack. You can see very quickly that it's not just gonna cartoon style stain his mouth. You get it really? No, he just had to get 20 with his athletics. Yeah, so he just said,

I was very nice about that. I should have said just no. Here's the thing, I like to think that hard one and moonshine from the side just like see me doing this are like, oh, of course. You're just know. Here's the thing, I like to think that hard one and moonshine from the side, just like see me doing this. They're like, oh, of course. You're just underwater. These guys have no, so you guys might see some air bubbles coming up.

Right now moonshine is trying to teach hard one how to huff a creek water. I'm good. So go ahead, Beth. That's gonna be a four plus. You're gonna add three. Okay, so let's give me seven. Seven damage.

Okay, stab this dude and the roof of his mouth. And he takes his attack. That is an 11 to hit. So he's not gonna hit. Right. Ooh, that is back to you. I am taking this Gator's tooth. That's what's happening now.

You're still stabbing him with a thing or what are you doing? Well, he's got one jab on which and his mouth. No, he doesn't. It didn't work. Oh, yeah. I allowed you to get stabbing even though I should have just had your jab and break. You're going to die in the swamp.

What do you do? All right, well, now that I've kind of like gotten a hit on him, maybe I'm going to like retreat and see if my friends can help me. You see that he's pretty hurt. He's not some invincible magical crocodile. You're winning this fight right now. Okay, all right. You can disengage and start to swim back.

Now, he's a pretty fast swimmer though. Faster than you. You can also just like do a normal fight move. Let's have fun on the radio. What I'm gonna do is I'm going to take my sword, or no, I'm gonna take my jabble in half. Okay. How wide is his neck?

Could I like grab him from behind? You can try to grapple him. I'm gonna try and grapple the gator. What? You try to replicate it for a Steve Irwin style. Hell yeah. All right, I suppose. For the record is dead.

Opposed strength chest. Once again, all of this is happening under the muck so we can't see anything. You think you're putting on this great show that all of us are gonna be like, wow, Beverly. Yeah, you're like, what do you think he's doing down there? This should be like the Coliseum badge, like wrestling a gator, wrestling a gator.

What did you recommend? What did you recommend? That's a 18 plus my strength. That's cool. What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend?

What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend?

What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? What did you recommend? How how like how easily would I be able to like probably not very easily you're gonna You can move half your speed up to the surface. Yeah, I'm gonna do that like all the while trying to choke out this gator You go up to the surface. Uh-huh Crossbow bolts descend on you. Okay. I flip the gator over so we don't do shit

You just popped out of the water Well, I now that I'm out of the water they can see me right yes Everyone can see me. Of course. Why wouldn't they? Now I'm going to say the gator damage on the first one. Okay. Don't they hit the gator? He's much bigger. Okay. So this is bad because now we no longer have any cover. Beverly comes up thrashing with a gator and is just getting fired on. No, actually, this is good for us because now he's equated. This is quite a diversion.

What if we can go around and see if we can let you hit it? Yeah, I'll show you. Definitely might die. That's fine. And you get hit for another seven. All right, seven total. Seven total.

Okay, cool. You get hit by some other crossbow bolts. Okay, so you are emerging this water, thrashing, wrestling this gator, and getting shot at by these cobalt ice cream. Second floor, second floor go now! What do you guys see you guys can see him. What's your HB at? It's a 15. 15. None of these crossbows accidentally killed the gator.

No, not one hits the gator. It's a pretty big target. Holy shit. You are just thrashing out in the open. I don't know how you guys haven't died seven times. Yeah, this is this is not a very very polished maneuver. I'm not being unfair. You put it, kill them under the water. You're in a one-on-one fight. Okay. Decided to bring him up. You're now wrestling a gator in front of the whole castle. Yeah, that is what's happened. Okay, all right. I think that you need to retreat.

I think that we don't have an opportunity here. I think that all we've done is come over. Oh, you know what, can I throw an axe at the gator? You sure can? All right. That's a move. I'll throw an axe at the gator. All right, everybody roll initiative.

Oh boy. 18. Okay, I? Oh boy. 18. Okay, I got a five. Nope, I got a three. I just want to, right before you broke the surface with the gator, I like to have said, I think he's gonna get in. Yeah.

I think we're gonna be okay. Okay. Okay, so, well Beverly's already in the order because he was already in the fight. Moonshan, what did you get? Four. Okay, so it will be, so the Crock goes now. Ooh!

He's gonna try to give me a post-strength check. Let's see if they can get out of the grapple. Oh, cool. I gotta be honest, little kid. I think that you might have just sealed the fate of your friends. Ah, ha, ha, ha. All right, this is 12.

Cool, he breaks loose. Oh, nice. Of Beverly and he swims back down into the water. Hmm. Actually, you'll get an opportunity attack on him if he tries to swim away. Okay. If he tries to swim away, do you want to hit him?

Yeah, I'll attack him. Roll an attack. That's a one, but I got lucky seconds to be a roll. Lucky. Oh good. And that's a two. That's a 17 that does it all right cool okay yeah I kill them well your damage okay I'm gonna use my sword this time like a big boy no you can't use your you're like wrestling you have your

spear out okay cool that's a six plus three plus three nine cool You stab them in the gut. Yeah, and he fucking dies. Yay. Where'd it go guys? And you got the whole castle Yeah, cool so the crock is dead. Yeah, you guys can act there's not really anything you can do There's just these guys up in the guard towers Beverly you can kind of just swim down and get back out, but the castle was kind of already alerted to you guys, but now they know you're sneaking around the outside. Can I-

I don't even know about you here. I think- Can we really retreat? Yeah. I mean, we could lead them into the woods and just kind of pick them off as they come in. That's, I don't think you can pick people off as they come into the woods.

The woods are pretty big. There's not really a way to bottleneck in the woods. I'm just saying like, yeah, we kind of, you, when you got Masca the Wild. Uh, so what do we even fucking do here? I don't even know. Okay, is there time, is there, is there not time to case the rest of the castle?

No, because they know that we're sneaking in. You can try to, don't they not see us, they only see Beverly. Oh, that's a good question. They've seen Beverly and moonshine so far. Oh, they're up to something. Yeah, so we're not gonna be- All right, we're gonna try and case the rest of the castle.

Okay, so I'm in the water still. Yes. Can I like continue doing what I was trying to do and dive down and like try and find a, just so that I'm like, so that maybe they think that I drowned. Yeah, okay. Draw their attention. Yeah, because I know I get shot with a crossbow,

I think I could maybe successfully make it seem like I died. I was also underwater with a gator. Maybe I'm just interested in. Interesting, okay. So do you wanna give me a Performance check? Yeah, I'll tell you how we're gonna play dead because you've just killed the gator Yeah, are you gonna come up with the gators mouth around you? Like what are you doing? You have a gator body. Tell me what you're doing and roll a performance check. Okay, or whatever's you're better

I don't know I'll let you do deception or performance. I have a plus six in performance. There you go. Oh, yeah. Brood Beverly's a good boy. That's what you guys know. Moonshine and hard one. You guys will kind of have to do checks to see if you realize he's kidding.

Oh, God. Although you might know that he was smart. I am so glad that Beverly's sophomore year theater performance training is coming into play. Okay, Beverly, see if you can fake out these cobalts. It's a 13 plus six, 19 yet, okay. Oh yeah. Can I describe it?

You can, let me see if these cobalts are gonna get tricked or not. Okay, they're at disadvantage. I guess they are smart, but. No, they're not. I thought they were dumb. No, they can't see you in the light. Oh, they can't see you.

They can't see you on the light. Okay, barely. And they're naked. Beverly, tell me what you do. All right, so what I do is I grab the gator and I start kicking towards the surface. Then at the last minute before I break the surface, I dive into the gator's mouth so that my legs are kicking towards the surface. Then at the last minute before I break the surface, I dive into the gator's mouth so that my legs

are kicking in the air. And then I let it slowly sink down. And I use the last bit of oxygen in the gator's mouth and propel myself forward. That's the kiss of life. Yeah. Towards a submerged window in the castle. Keep.

Beautiful. Would you turn it around? Turn it around. He rolled a 19. You guys, I'll say, since you guys... I need to roll. Because I definitely, since you guys know Beverly.

Since you guys know Beverly, yeah, I will give you advantage on these rolls, but roll perception checks. No way. To get a 19 or higher to see if you realize that he's. I did not. They absolutely think I'm dead. All right.

I got a 13. OK. Munchine. Hard one in Munchine. You guys just saw your buddy get eaten by a crab. Munchine. Munchine Baywatch style runs and dives in. Munchine dives in Baywatch style. style and with that we will end this week's

We fucked ourselves so much this episode. This has been insane. It's been a truly cursed Also Beverly you so easily killed that crocodile once you were just fighting But you fucking came up wrestling a crack. I wanted a crack. I wanted a crack in front of guard towers. I wanted a pet I forgot I did forget about the One thing you guys did learn is that there were in fact cobalt's in that other guard tower Hey, you believe it or not. We didn't fuck up that bad because there was an episode where we didn't go.

Yeah, yeah. You live in your learn. Yeah. I just like that there is a permanent record of how much of an idiot I am. Probably available for all to enjoy. Guys, thanks for listening. Please leave us some reviews. Yeah, leave us some reviews on the podcast.

Please. If you guys give us five stars, what are we gonna do? We'll give you guys shout outs at the end of the episode every week. We'll have the characters give shout outs to people. Say in your review who you wanna get a shout out from, whether it be hard one, short foot, moonshine, siren, Beverly,ine Siben, Beverly Toe Gold,

or maybe one of the NPCs. Or, of course, Papa. Or Papa. Papa can do it. Guys, please follow us on Twitter at J. Kerwitz, at Yaxford, at Caldie, and me at CH Merff. Also, Emily and I have a book out. It's called, Hey You Up,

how to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. Straight up, bye. Check it out on Amazon or in bookstores, a theoretical relationship advice book. Listen if I were you with Jake and Amir. Please. Watch Drawfee on youtube.com slash Drawfee. Listen to Apebook Club with me, Emily and Caldwell. Tweet about the show using hashtag NADPod. NADD. NADD. P-O-D. We are we are. The use of the flesh. We are, we are.

You're the best. We are, we are. In every episode like this. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Now we're going to do our shout-outs, starting with the people who requested Scout Master Denny. So here he is. M-E-D-R-3-X-F, Zach Sossom, and Mid of the vid.

I would like to congratulate you on earning your podcast A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- We're going to catch up with Moon Shine, Beverly, and Hard One now. Please guys rate the podcast, give us five stars and request who you want to shout out from, and we will oblige at the end of every episode. Thanks again. Hard One Sure Foot would like to thank Cole Elf, you are one cool elf, a loyal companion and a true hero. Warm your elven ears by my hearth any time. Teachung 3, ever a comrade to hard one short foot, a friendship forged in the deep. Eric Rossing, you have my great axe, and my throwing axes, and my pickaxe, and my calves.

Sammy B. Bra, I consider you my brethren, born to know one but the mountain together we scale and together we scale, and together we dig. Spaceball luggage combo, one, two, three, four, five. Your honor knows no bounds. Thick as thieves are we, and thick as my quads is our bond. Robert cut off my penis fatty, fatty nar nar, smoke a bowl full of sour cream, veggie burrito penis. You, you are a villain and a traitor.

Henceforth I shall give you the cruelest nickname. Bobby. An excerpt from the diary of Beverly Togold, five leaf green teen and acolyte of Pellor. Dear diary, today I failed to perform a basic bully-wug mating call and deeply disappointed in my two scout masters. How can I ever hope to become a Green Knight and stand in the light of Pellor alongside such legendary Green Teens like Jinkserman Razz, Kitchen NG and Anacopolis I if I can't complete such a basic task?

Even a one-leaf Green Tean like Corey GW,, Laura Ono-Lenin, Sky Trek, or Ace Beth could arouse a frog man in their sleep. What's wrong with me? Maybe I need to brush up on the basics. When I return home, I'll ask my fellow five leads, it's Quant Zarsith, Zippy Wow so great, Red Trush, and Megan Spell to help me study. I'll have bullywugs flashing their pearly whites in no time.

Farewell for now, Beverly. PS Mon do not read this. Hey y'all, greetings from the creek where the skaters are fat and the water has the consistency soup. I wanted to shout out James Dottie, Bard Z Rob, Jank of itch, and Twilight her. Y'all through the swampiest shindig I ever dirtyed my pigtails at. And Bohara 45 OCM 244, Adam B and Anderson 21, Y'all fork and cook a tuna pup so nice they'd be jumping out the creek and into your pan.

Hey Papa! Get it! Oh I see. Papa was trying to tell me that he would also like to send his best. Hey, everybody, it's Murph again. I'm going to do a big list of everybody who rated the show, but didn't request a specific shout-out. Guys is the last week I'm going to do this because there are so many names, so in the future,

if you want to shout out, please rate the show and say which character you want to shout out from. Okay, without further ado, the master list. Shout-out to KiraSfeta, Se 5, Trey from Portland, Amitron, Coupar, DSL Doug 77, Hunter Hunt and You, Jay Brio, Barbus Co, I want a new sound for free, inspired and entertained, Karras 411, Tired DM, All Stars, Dr. Moose, Max Kappa Vito, Jesus H. Dix, Vanilla Twisters, Parker Austin, Rareera Mir, Potchshot 42, Haley Champion, The Brooks, waiting for my flight, Wimmy Air 21, Lolo Milano,

Golden God, EA 2001 616, Fiery Fists, Joseph Griffin 3713, Jack Attack, J. Van Auchen, Goodness gracious, M. Zag 1, W. F. D. Montson, Raphael Yo, Shay The Druid, and Zack Attack. Thanks again, guys. We'll catch you next week. That was a Hitdown Podcast.