Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 42: The Valley of Frigid Death (The Frostwind Chapter)

Episode Date: December 6, 2018

The Band of Boobs travel into Gnoll territory to catch up with the Hill Giants and Bronzebeards at Mt. Forge! Beverly tempts a Giant Wurm with a somber tune, Hardwon meets someone with greater hubris than he, and Moonshine becomes wayyyyy too attached to her ram. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Tundra Trudge" by Emily Axford."The Valley of the Frigid Death" by Emily Axford."Prey Don't Stand a Prayer" by Emily Axford."Yanoba" by Emily Axford."Trust the Gust" by Emily Axford. "Incriminated" by Emily Axford."Vinril's Mineral's" by Emily Axford. "Desecrated" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is not another D&D podcast. the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumiya everyone. Bahumiya. Bahumiya. Very good. Very good. Gregorian Chantin. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Harwitz. Hard one, surefoot. Emily Axford.

Moon Chant Sibon. Rosalines, Rhyder Dye. Who's stolen the roles to make sure we survive. Yeah, whoa! Brute, my goodness. We are pumped tonight, and we've got Caldwell Tanner here as well. Ooh, it's gotta be Beverly Toggle, the fifth mind-freaker of giants.

Ooh, ain't that the truth? I can't wait for the fan art of Beverly as Chris Angel. Man, I wish that nothing was wrong in Galator later on because then these guys would have gotten to see me do my street magic Street magic stand up. What can it's good minor elution? My goodness and Jake Jake you got a little bit of a cult. So if hard one sounds I Jake is sick hard one is fine Okay, I'm gonna stop in the fridge ignore it's not sick. Yeah Hard one sounds. Jake is sick, hard one is fine. Okay. Hard one comes from a harder stop. In the frigid north, not sick. Yeah.

She's not even wearing gloves. Has hard one ever been sick? Yeah, diarrhea ones. From too many sliders. But all the arcane really stops him. Inglater on. All right guys, let's do a little recap. So last week, you guys continued your trek

through the frigid north with the hill giant Huey. After losing your way and not finding the winter wolf tower at the brink of exhaustion, you murdered him and took a nap inside. I'm gonna say it was a few weeks. I'm gonna say it was a little bit boring. I'm gonna style that. There's like, it's a really murder.

It's a recap, but it's also sort of like an enmonishment. Yeah, yeah. Listen, we did what was necessary. I mean, is it murder if you save someone from being murdered? And then murder that's right. You couldn't have brought them to the tower. That's for sure. He might have grown up to be giant Hitler. No, but he was also getting murdered. We saved him from all right, and perhaps gave him a slightly more comfortable death by putting the bag of holding over his head and snuffing out the spark alive. We did do that. Again, giant Hitler though, just Hitler, but really big. That could have been him.

You all vowed never to speak of it again, then headed off eventually finding the first tower. Once there, you were greeted by a winter wolf newbie, who brought you to meet the leader after you showed him a giant's head and proved your worth. The leader was a grizzled dwarf with an axe wound across his face who went by the name Ernim. After losing the hard one in a dick measuring contest, featuring some substantial help from moonshine and battle. It was a minor illusion. Got your back and your front. I rolled a fucking 18 guys. The horn was sounded and the tower was alerted to approaching giants

Hill giants then charged the tower some riding mammoths and you guys along with Ernam and the winter wolves met them on the battlefield After a long a battle that saw a bale or a gourd stomped and nearly killed, you prevailed and earned him offer to let you stay for the night. He gave you information on how to reach Mount Forge quickly by navigating the noles tunnels in the valley of the frigid death. He warned you that there was a gargantuan purple worm in the valley that hunted at night and not to mess with it.

And the noles worship it. And the noles worship it. Then explained that it that hunted at night and not to mess with it. And the Knowles worship it. And the Knowles worship it. Then explained that it only hunted at night because the Knowles feed it during the day. He updated your map with the location of a cave and habited by a knowle named Abastien, who is a quote unquote friend of the winter wolves in so much as he's willing to lead them through the tunnels safely. Should they pay him and butter him up. But Ernum also warned you that Bastion is a fuck.

Does he run the Nolthol? I guess he could say he runs the Nolthol at the Nolthol. The next morning, Ernum. Our school is this Nolthol. You'll find out perhaps. I can't wait. The next morning, Ernum gave you guys some rams to navigate the rocks of the valley and you guys headed off into the frigid death.

Oh, that means that we got fistfuls of ram hair right now. Cause I know they don't have appropriate saddles. What's everybody's rams name? Mine's a ram, Daniel. Ooh, okay. Mine is ram a Dan. Oh, holy day, okay.

Mine's Ryan. Ryan, yeah, yeah. Oh Holy day, okay Mons Ryan Ryan Ryan is the big dumb ram of course forward Ryan Just kind of set like he is moving forward. So you're still going as fast as these other guys But he's jumping horizontally. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense.

It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense.

It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. It makes sense. the ground actually. It's still early in the day.

The sun is shining brightly. This area of the tundra is much easier to navigate because at one point a river joins the valley and you're able to just kind of follow it. But keeping your distance as to not be spotted out in the open. Is it a frozen river? You know, like water that you'd see like some penguins

going, it's got like icy flows. Flows of water with of water with some icy chunks and I do a check for penguins Dido okay, um go if you guys are gonna go out in the middle by the river um are you gonna be stealthy? Yeah, oh, I'm not gonna fucking get We were just gonna go in at the river Yeah, I was gonna go in at the river I'll do a roll if you see any penguins Is it just majestic? Shout out to the two crew.

There are no penguins. Two penguins. Two out of a possible 20 penguins. All right, well, moonshine doesn't even know. You assume are gonna be penguins and then they just look like some bullshit Arctic vulture. It is. Oh, cool.

With like big gooby fucking neck goblers. Moonshine. Moonshine. Tears. Moonshine, you see tears fill her eyes and she said, I always wanted to see a penguin. Well, maybe some other time. You know you could turn into a penguin. Oh shit, I turned into a penguin.

Are you really gonna do that? Oh no. All right, so the valley here is quite wide. You're not pinched in by walls, but you do have this river running in the middle, then basically a long field of snow covered rocks on the side. If you venture close to one side, east or west,

you see the occasional tunnel barrowed into the side of the mountain as you guys kind of hop along. So I think we're just heading towards wherever Bashin lives. Great, so you guys don't need to do survival checks here. It's a little bit easier to navigate. But go ahead and throughout the day, this long day of travel, give me five encounter checks.

Oh, that was hard one who's in charge. Go ahead, roll, I give you five rolls. Yep, cool. What do I add to that? Nothing. Oh, great. Just look, and it's not the same as last time Shout out to the two crew. No great good start. Okay. Shout out to the six chicks. Oh

The six chicks went up. Shout out to the pop guys. Oh awful, I know Shout out to the 14 teens. Okay Shout out to the 15 teens. Great. What a great group of people. How close are you guys traveling to each other? I think we're probably, yeah.

I bet that our rams are kind of nipping at each other's tails. Yeah, I think we got like a caravan going. Got it. So as your rams are kind of skipping along, you guys get to this patch of snow. It seems like a small clearing amongst all these rocks. And as you go to hit it, you see the snow gives way revealing a giant hole, like a tunnel burrowed in the ground.

Everybody give me dexterity saving throws. I'm gonna have your Rams. I'm gonna have your Rams do them as well. Like they roll with advantage. So this is basically to not fall off your ram into a hole. I got an advantage. I scrolled two net 20s. Oh, what?

Well, I am with advantage. So moonshine, your ram as soon as the snow starts to give definitely hot stuff. Ramadhan, you truly are holy. That'll be a role for these other guys. Hard one, yours gets out of the way, but you get rocked a little bit. What did you get on your deck save? 22 22 you're you're good. Bev Randanio

One in an eight your ram falls into the hole Do at deck save to not fall with it. I got a 15 plus my four. Okay, you can jump off there So my aura doesn't shampoo the ram with some sort of glistening aura of safety. The ram got an eight, you need a 15. Oh no! So it's got a twig. Ram Daniel!

Okay, Ram Daniel back at it again with the fallin' to the void. Okay, Boundor's ram jumps out and Boundor gets an 19. Boundor, what's your ram's name? It seems lucky. Boundor the ram. Yours is dead, man. Oh! So you guys, suddenly, you guys.

No, we can't just let that Ram die. You guys hit this patch of snow. All of the snow collapses around it. Three out of the four Ram's are able to jump out of the way. Bebs kind of in the front. Bebs Ram tries to jump, but jumps like in the wrong action. Can I cast jump on the Ram? It is already fallen. You could try to do something to like grab it, but it has fallen. Bev as it was falling, you were able to with your deck save jump off of the

Ram, but Ram Daniel is falling. Can I cast a wind underneath them? That's not gonna. Jettel repose. Get an honorable tip. I guess some vines to try and nice. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, go for that. Okay, I'm gonna say DC 15 Archana check to a rap Ramdan. Can I not use charisma into the color skill? I'm gonna say this is you kind of using it. Can I help put my thorn whip? Yeah, you can roll with advantage if you do thorn whip. That's a 19. Perfect, okay.

Ram Daniel is falling, just making this wrap her thorn whip around one of its hooves so it doesn't go all the way through it. It just kind of starts to sink and now Ram Daniel is just stuck. I'm gonna roll. I'm gonna roll like this. Stay calm. A D like 100 to see that. We're going to get you on the words

Ram Daniel is 60 feet down Down the hole I brace moon shine I grab a Listen to them. I do I don't currently have it sucked Can I cast it can't speak with animal can I cast cast like entangle on my, on my thorn whip to fortify it? I think thorn whip isn't gonna reach 60 feet. I'm gonna say that the way it worked mechanically is you kind of like slowed his fall a little bit

and got him like up against the wall. Okay. That's a rope, Stoda. Yeah, you guys can certainly climb down. All right, let's go get him. We got it, we got to save this ram. Yeah, this is a bad start to the mission. You guys killed the giant and cold blood. I know I'm trying to atone.

We feel bad for what we did. Wait, you guys, you, you don't ever regret the vision. I was not, I was not there. You literally took his final hit once away. You murderer. We can't turn on each other. Yeah, you're right, you're right. I do cast speak with animals. You cast speak with animals. Ram Daniels, we're coming for you. How are you doing?

I'm doing mad. Help. Help. Just a minute, come. I can't move. I need to climb the rocks. I need to climb the rocks. Just like, seriously kicking his feet.

OK, how he's 60 feet? Yeah. What's your jump currently, Ram Daniel? What? Jump? I jump on rocks. All right, I'm just gonna try and, okay, is it touch? I'm gonna jump down there.

What? Jump? I'm gonna jump down there. Give me that ring of featherfall. Doesn't have someone have a ring of featherfall? Yeah, you wanna? Who's wearing it? I gave it to someone, I can't remember who though.

Well, just decide right now who has. I got the ring of featherfall., I can't remember who though. Just decide right now who has- I got the ring of featherfall. Okay. And I dive down there. I dive down there. Okay, do you put a rope on so that we can pull you back up? Yeah.

That's probably a good idea because I don't know that this is gonna hold. I believe that. I jump out with the rope. I believe I with the rope. I literally he back and touched this guy. A bale-nor, uh, wisely grabs pop off the last second. Why don't we just hang out of this guy? He could sit on my lap. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Craikness list. Okay, so he's got a lot of ass-liss that greedy little rodent. Boundless definitely growing the Santa beard. So Bev and a hard one put a rope around moonshine, moonshine, a feather falls down and you get down there to what ram Daniel.

Okay, now I'll put my hands on him and I want to cast jump on him. Okay, what kind of jump? It triples his jump. Ah, so we could use the trampoline. But we just jump distance is tripled until the spell ends. He's good at climbing up the walls and stuff. I'll say with jump, he'll be able to, although it'll be tough for him to get any kind of footing because he's stuck in this little, can you use the trampoline?

It's not a trampoline. Well, it's like a surface now. It is whatever I say. All right. Can I put out my hands to help give them a boost? Sure. I like to give them a boost. So you're lowered right now.

They're hanging onto you on this rope. And this goat is just so bannish like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, help, help, help. Yeah, yeah. Step into my hands. Steps into your hands. I'll have them. I cast jump on you.

You are a slick guy right now I'm gonna have him do an athletics check to Jump up I believe I could fly you rolled in 18 all right So there's enough of a kind of net under him for him to like steady himself He puts his foot up on moonsh's hand, he kicks off, jumps up, arcane power of jump, takes him like fucking 30 feet up and one thing kicks off against the wall,

kicks into the other one and jumps back up and Ram Daniel is rattled. Oh! Oh, wow. I raised my hand free willy style from to jump over me. I can't wait till you kill all of our rams of the next encounter. Suddenly, the ram gobbler shows up.

That is true now that whenever we invest in a creature, then suddenly it's like, well, I can't go now. Now these rams are going to be like little albatross babies. We're going to put a below deck of the stormboard. I'm a Britom. Oh yeah. Like we did the matter flies. No, it's arc, but just rams Bev and hard one it give me a perception check Matt 20

Matt 20 shout out to the two crew Can I use the rams inherent of detection? No. Okay. Hard one. These guys are very fucking hard to see. But with your NAT 20, you see as you're helping Moon shine get out as you're pulling her up, you see a little bit of movement like on the cliffs. I see a little bit of movement over on the cliffs.

Hmm. I see it now too. How far away is it? 60, 70 feet away. What kind of movement is it? Is it multiple movements? With a nat 20, you saw multiple movements of something with like white fur.

Yeah, should I just lighten and bowl? Oh wait, it's white fur? Animals? Oh, or are they frost nobles? This could be our first nolem hunter. Are they headed towards us hard one? It looked like people were trying to surround you or spy on you. Got it. You all want me to just like lighten and bolt them? Yeah, if we let's circle up and get ready to fight, right? All right.

Okay, are you guys circle around the ramps? Are you guys making it obvious that you're trying to fight right now or are you just gonna lighten bull that a nowhere? I'm just gonna lighten bull on a nowhere. Sounds good. Okay. So strike. Okay, so hard one kind of subtly while pretending

to check on Ram Daniel subtly kind of points out like Nudge's moonshot. Just like click, click with his mouth that I can't do because I'm not as cool as he is. Yeah. You know, but he doesn't real loud like click, click with his mouth that I can't do because I'm not as cool as he is. Yeah. You know, but he doesn't realize. Bound or keeps trying to do it. Get that with him.

That was it, that was it. That was it, that was it. And he kind of tips moonshine off to the direction of the couple of guys that he saw. Yeah, and I just kind of whispered myself, watch bitch, call lightning. Okay, call lightning down. Go ahead and make your kind of whispered myself. Watch, bitch, call it. And then. Okay, call lightning down.

Go ahead and make your roll. You actually roll. It's a 100 feet long and five feet wide blasts out from me in the direction I choose. Each creature in that line must make a dexterity saving throw. Okay, so it's a 100 foot range and then it's five feet. Yeah. Okay, it's like a cone.

So there's actually two guys that you were going to potentially get. They got make a dexterity saving throw. One guy got a 19. Okay, he's gonna save. The other guy got an 18. Oh. They still take half damage, I believe. Okay, that's good. Otherwise it would have been like a very nice laser light show for them.

Uh, half a 28. Damn, it was powerful. 14. Dope. Okay. So, hard one. These are good guys. Eagle eye, hard one. These are good guys. Eagle eye, hard one. Out of the corner of his eye,

sees a little bit of movement. He's on High Alert. Motions to moonshine. Moonshine calls lightning. Strieg of lightning comes down from the sky. There's this explosion. And you see two white haired nools. He's, he's, thank you.

Hyena humanoids, explode from behind some rocks over on like a little cliff. Oh fuck. And they like roll down the side of the hill. They take a bunch of damage, but they're still alive. As soon as the lightning strikes, you see a bunch of white knoll heads pop up. They were trying to surround you.

You guys were heading north, so behind you to the south You see another three noles pop up and start running towards you then to the east There are two guys the ones that just got fried by the lightning But another one joins them and those three run towards you then to the west There are three more guys who pull out bows and start firing and a big beefy boy joins them And they all start charging at you. That's a whole lot of nobles. Everybody roll initiative. Okay. Eight. Eighteen. Four. Cool. So there are nobles charging at you from three directions. There are three nobles in each little squad except the one to the

west which has four including the big beefy boy. They're running with their bows out, moonshine you act first. Awesome, I cast Wind Wall in a circle around us. Oh my goodness. Which means that their arrows are automatically deflected upwards and miss. You guys tighten up, wind starts whipping around all of you.

You guys are dangerously close to this fucking pit, though. Now in this circle of winds. It's not a lot of wiggle room. Not a lot of wiggle room. That is the Noel Pack Lord's turn. He goes, you cannot stop us with wind. And he very stupidly, because he's an idiot, is's just gonna shoot into the wind wall. I'm gonna say he doesn't understand that. He shoots at the wind wall. Arrow deflects up into the sky and he looks so, oh, you stupid wind. Turns out we can stop you with wind.

You can't stop me with wind, once I get close to you, bastard. Oh, when you're mad, you look like you're laughing. How'd you know I was a bastard? I could do. He runs 30 feet towards you guys. I said they were about 80 feet away. He's got about 50 feet to go.

That is then hard one, Stern. Can I chuck my spear through the wood wall? Sure as hell can't. Great. Works both ways. Aw, sorry, y'all. And I throw it straight up and see if it lands on the other side Yes, I'll let you do that if you roll with disadvantage and I'll give this guy partial cover

Are you chucking it towards the big dude and the three guys with him? Yeah, I would have aimed for the beefy dude sort of like a tennis Love going over the wall to do it up 20 not net. Okay 24 shit, okay, I will say that you hit him Going over the wall. It'd do it up. 20, not net. Okay. 24. Shit, okay. I will say that you hit him. Oh, what a dwarf call like. I can't deny the 20.

He doesn't have a lot of armor. Okay, go ahead. What's your hard one thinks he's a, of himself as a dwarf? I'm a big dwarf. Hard one, have you been playing lawn darts? This big dummy is just running towards you. You just lob the lightning javelin up over the wind wall

and like a damn Olympic... What a... Javelin. Jeff like a little looking javelin. What's that event? What's that event called? The Olympic... Three throwing javelins.

Guy who throws a stag. What's a non-stag? A fantasy javelinins. Guy who throws a stannicy javelin called. Yeah. Javelin comes down and hits him in the shoulder and explodes with a bolt of lightning. So roll your lightning damage and roll your javelin damage. Dope. All right, so first you're a javelin. You're a lechicuted a dog.

10 just javelin. Nice. And then I roll lightning damage. How do I do that again? That's six. What is it 46 46? That's chunky. It's just once a day though. I mean we got bad rolls for these encounters True, you know bad rolls, so that's 28 total 28 total. Yeah Does he stand he does stand?

Yeah, not good. He's not happy to have been electrocuted. He's foaming at the mouth. You see just a big piece of meat slides off and fries from the lightning. Tasty. And he's just got this sizzling bone for his shoulder blade now, but he keeps charging and he's foaming at the mouth. He loves it. Oh dear. That takes us to Balnor. Huh, what's Balnor gonna do? Balnor, the halflinger, Balnor the ram. Balnor the halfling.

Okay, just clear. Not ram Balnor. Balnor the halfling is just gonna brace himself and prepare a reaction for when they get close. Oh, good idea. That is... Bed's turn. I'm gonna prepare a reaction.

Sweet, so you... I see Balor tensing you in Balor draw your soul. I see I see Balor's cheeks clench through his parka pants and I do the same. Awesome. That is the Noles turn. Noles are just gonna take full dash actions. They're not they're still not there yet but they're only like 20 feet away now. Zuruing in on you guys from all sides. That is Munchan's turn. Okay.

Look at the feet of the Yannobah. Ha ha ha. I'm like considering getting rid of the wind wall. I figure it bought us a turn with them getting closer and then doing spike growth in front of us. Yeah, so let's keep up with what they're, with their approach. Yeah, so I feel like on fucking with their approach.

So I feel like the wind wall is gone. And I'm casting a 20 foot radius centered on a point within range. So it'll be 40, like it'll be like a circle 40 feet from us. The area becomes difficult to rain for the duration when a creature moves into or within the area, it takes two d4 piercing damage for every 5 feet it travels. So where are you putting it? Because they're coming at you from east west and south. In the direction that the noles with the beefy guy are running at us.

Okay, so right around them. So instantly, three of these noles that are running towards you guys that are a little bit ahead of the beefy guy because they took a full dash action are now in this danger zone. They'll take a little damage next turn so It's the beefy boys turn. He sees the wind wall go down He's got to glaive this big sword so he pulls out this big rusty sword and keeps charging it you guys He's gonna start taking damage as he runs through your spikes. He starts rolling angles like crazy.

Oh, oh, that's broken, that's definitely broken shit. Start just start rolling deep voice. First thing is three. Next is eight. Okay. Next is six. Okay. Next is seven. Okay. Next is seven.

Okay, he's dead. He never got to it. So bloodthirsty just forming at the mouth. We will feed you. We have nobody. Just like cracking his ankles on every rock and spike. And then he falls forward and a thorn just goes directly through his eye.

So many threats. And he just dies and he starts shaking on the ground. That's a pretty fun spell I've never whipped it out before. Hard one, Stern. Are there any goals from near me now? There are guys about 20 feet away from you. You now have... Don't go in the direction of the facts.

There's no way to wall anymore so you can do whatever you want. So I'm going to attack somebody with my axe. Okay, do you want to go after? There's two hurt guys coming at you from one side with a healthy guy, three guys coming up from behind you and three guys that are coming in the direction of the beefy boy who are rolling ankles, like please. I'll let them keep on doing that then. I'll turn to the three healthiest dudes.

You roll for sprained damage. Oh, you want to go for the healthy ones, huh? You guys, you should stop threatening people. Look what happened to your leader. Wait, don't get it. No smackdown, just get the shit, man. His hamstrings are done. We're freaking hyenas.

Have you ever seen the lion king? 25 to hit. That's super-hands. The lion king does not end well for the hyenas. Yeah, we don't care, man. 10 damage. 10 damage, okay, he's quite hurt. He just fully, fully chop off half of his head. And he's still foaming at the mouth.

So we're to watch the Lion King and identify with the hyena. It is my favorite character, he's so funny. That is pretty cool. 15 to hit, is that it? That does hit, yeah. He's just wearing like, rags. I mean, it's, we'll be goal-bar, you know? Oh, so sad, they're wearing rags.

Just go wear any of that. 13 damage. 13 damage. He is dead. Got one. I wish I didn't know his favorite movie before I died. I actually prefer the Lion King, chop this and off.

Oh, okay, that's fine. It's fun. And when this dude's head gets chopped off, you see the other two next to him get like, ravenous and super happy and just saliva is running down their mouth. Ooh, they got some kind of blood blood. And they jump in and they bite at you.

Jesus Christ, these guys are goat men, ass. Yeah, yeah. First guy misses, you're able to push him off you. It's like Resident Evil Zombies on you. Look what the fuck. You freak. Second guy rolls a one, he dinks it so hard. He slips on his own saliva.

That's what happens with the one there. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor will rush forward and go after the hurt guys. Bring it Balnor. I'll go after the hurt guys, and I crit. Balnor the brave. Balnor will rush forward and go after the hurt guys. Bring it Balnor. I'll go after the hurt guys and I crit. Balnor the Braire, Balnor. Attack the wounded. This one seemed hurt.

I'm gonna crit on the wounded one. Crits on the wounded. They seem so wounded. Womp the wounded. And whoop the wounded. He loves the t-shirt. He loves it on his poorly, but he fully decapitates a one of them. But the other guys get super pumped about it.

It's bare their teeth and snap at battle nor. Oh no, this is my worst nightmare. You're making them horny. It's the bad guys from the Lion King. And he does get bitten once for five damage. Not too bad. They're not. They have any effect.

Does not like vampire like he's not turned into a hyena? You're not wearing holes are they? You're not gonna find out if they have no madness. Oh. Then that is Belnor's second attack. And he rolls a five. He's so frazzled by these guys just like biting at his neck, just trying to hold them off.

Oh, they're not that wounded. They're not that wounded We can I use my reaction to help Balmer. Oh Yeah, you guys did have reactions prepared you guys kind of didn't get to use those yeah, I'll say go ahead and just go ahead and take two two rounds Okay, great. Yeah, just take two rounds of attacks. May I please yes, all right cool 14 plus eight. I imagine that hits 22 hits. Yes. Yeah great. All right cool Okay, that's 14, on the first hit. You completely killed a wounded guy.

Great. And hurt the other guy for a little bit. You slash through the one that just bit into Balnor. Thanks, bud. He's now covered in disgusting noal gunk. I get hugely grosser than being bitten. I give Balnor a handkerchief. He starts giving himself a spunk bath.

It is absolutely monogrammed. Go for your second attack. It is 14 hit. 14 does not hit. You show blocks with his teeth. So you say you're I was gonna get two attacks or two turns. Go ahead and do two more attacks. Okay, I'll attack again. Okay, that turns go ahead and do two more attacks. Okay. I'll attack again

Okay, that's gonna hit that's 22 again. Sweet That's 13 more damage Jope this one's guys super hurt and shallow to the two crew so that does not it got it great so This guy bounces back and blocks it with his spear that is The Knowles turn first guy is going to take a swing with his spear. That is the Nolestern. First guy is going to take a swing with a spear at Bev. Any misses?

Yep. Bev blocks. Then the three in moonshine spike growth area are gonna act next. I'm gonna say if you wanted to catch the big beefy boy, you had to move it back a little bit. So they were in the middle of it, so I'll say, they got like 15 feet to run through.

Okay. They're stupid as hell, so they're just gonna keep charging. So roll your thing three times. Three. Oh, so three plus four, seven. Okay. Bad.

So 12. Okay, these guys get quite hurt, but they do make it. Oh, we rolled our ankles up. They step very gingerly over to moonshine. Can we say they're pointing mushrooms for flavor? Oh, yeah. Okay.

moonshine, you're, what about these mushrooms? Can we say that they're slimy mushrooms that make the rocks all slimy? These, whether these strands rocks. They can't put these rocks. They roll my ankles on them. Your Charlie Horse weapon worked. Uh, first guy misses on his attack on moonshine. Second guy hits for seven damage. Third guy swings on moonshine and crits, but they're kind of wounds for 13 damage. Okay. That is moonshine stern.

Well, I'm gonna start off by spores and the one that crit on me. Yes, her K. And then I was like, Oh wait, you're not in fun go form, right? Yeah, so it's just six. Okay, he's almost dead. Um, stop, I've already rolled my ankle. I'm just gonna chill touch the one

that crit on me that I just heard. Sweet. How much damage does that is that it does 2d8. Oh And I got just eight eight okay, um, you put your hand on his cheek and his head explodes Oh, there's it explode with like icicles. Yes. Yeah, little swabby mushrooms grow out of his ears And these other two guys get super pumped about it saliva drips down We love it with people died. Oh, no, they're getting gized. They try to bite you One guy hits with his bite for only four damage That is hard ones turn all right cool. I'm just swinging the guy that bit me sweet. We're trying to

24 super hits 16 damage this guy is super her sweet. I'm gonna try to super kill him Please don't 23 23 you hit Careful hard one slaughter makes them slaughter 12 damage 12 damage. He dead finish him I chop off his head and then I use the axe to block my face from the other guy biting me. You can't do that.

Charges out of you, he misses. It works. It works. You're so weird. It's so live, go, is going over your axe in gobs, just dripping down the metal. So nasty. Seems like too much, it's basically barf.

That is Balnor's turn. Ah, ah! Pushing off this guy. Balnor used the hanky. He's still using the hanky with one hand. Swings is sword with the other hand. Misses just frantically has so much goop in his eyes. Swings again, and he hits.

Thank God. But only does seven damage. Not enough to kill the wounded. Not enough to kill. Not enough to kill the wounded. Bev, that's your turn. Hank, he's not enough. I'm gonna have to whip out my face towel.

It's slightly larger, but he's still monogrammed. He traveled with towels with so many sizes. The T.H.H.H.H.H.K.R.S. guide rules, baby. And no socks. How many are grouped around us at this point? Just one. You guys just got one. How many are in the distance? I'm sorry, I have a...

You got two near moonshine, you got the hole. Two by the hole. Two by the hole, you've got one near you in Balnor, and one near hard one. There's not that many left. Yeah, I'm just gonna go for the one the nearest me then sweet cool I was gonna do some fancy stuff, but let's just have fun That was a two we're gonna win this fight That was a whiff on my first attack. Oh

I get to reroll that. That's been a while. That's gonna be 18, is that it? That hits. All right, great. Trying to do a little damage on this buddy. 11 damage. 11 damage.

And is he dead? He is dead. Okay, cool. Finish him, Bev. How close am I to the hole? Pretty far. You guys ran like 20 feet. I was gonna toss him into the hole. How. How close am I to the hole? Pretty far. You guys ran like 20 feet long. I was gonna toss him into the hole. How much are you tossing into the hole?

Yeah, you just... No, no, no, dude. I shout to Ram Daniel, and I say, Ram Daniel's time for a Ram dunk. Or... I'm still so upset. Hey, Ron T hooks the knoll with his horns, runs over, and just casually dips him into the hole.

Yes! No! Alu? Mine too! My great-this feeder! Heights! Ha ha ha! You're beautiful.

Shout out to the two-point crew for that slam dunk. Nice. That is the knoll's turn. There are two around, one shine and one around Hardwon and the rest of the game. Bring it on, come on. I hope y'all miss it. Second miss is. Last one is Hardwon. Misses. Two fours and a five.

Terrible. Team Noll. We're gonna win. I feel it. I feel the victory coming. I feel bad for the victory coming. I know. Moonshine's turn. I pretend like they hurt me real bad. Wow, this is a real even fight, y'all.

I'll just go four-year-old and then pick up time. Yeah, and then attack one with Rosalene. Sweet. Come on, roll these, no, 16 hits. Woo! That's gonna be 14 damage. Okay, this guy's quite hurt. And then that's more or six more.

For six, he's on Death's Door, but he's still alive. Damn, I wish I didn't trash him. Well, I can't believe this is our last encounter. I don't care about the pain. That's hard one, sir. The noles win. I lower my accent, let the nole punch me in the face. And it doesn't hurt that bad, so I swing at him. I crit. Yeah. Probably kill him, right?

Yeah, it was a 12. Okay. Oh, I reroll the one. 22 damage already. 34. Jesus, hard one finish him. I toss him to Ram Daniel. Ram Daniel, I really needed those confidence boosts. You got this Ram Daniel, L.A.U. Go to the Ram. Hooks him because over dips him down into the hole. Damn, Hardwell with the assist. Oh, with the Ali Scoop. Ali Scoop.

That's Balnor's turn. Balnor is going to rush over. Don't worry, moonshot, I'll save you. Thank you. Balnor careful, neither of these are weak. Shout out to so many of them. Shout out to the two, no. No, two twos.

No lie, he just rolled two twos. He's Balnor almost falls in the hole. He's out of the meaner magically, he starts wearing a two-two, and a few rolls in a row. Oh, Balnorina. Oh, damn, you're fired dude. Bad that's your turn.

Is it just the two left by Moonshine? That's it. All right, cool. Moonshine. Push him into the spike growth, right? Oh, what were you gonna say? Are you cool? You're close to the hole, right?

Yeah. Can I mount Ram Daniel and try and ram them into the hole? Yeah, you sure can. Hell yeah. Oh, Ram is big. Ram is big. Ram is big. Okay. And I, I, I, I, without a javelin so that I can do a jaust as well. Yeah, you sure can hell yeah Haha Ooh Mountain combat bitch Okay, and I I would thought a javelin so that I can do a jaust as well sweet actually

Can I hold two javelins in either side for both my attack? You're him make a little Come on All right, so ram Daniel and Beverly charge at this at one of the dudes Go ahead and make your attack roll. It's going to be 19 19 hits Go ahead and make your attack roll. It's going to be 19. 19 hits. Woo!

That's 11 damage. 11 damage. Ram Daniel does an extra 2D4 of damage with his horns. Six damage, another six. Cool. I have to do a second attack. Ooh, 19 plus eight. That's gonna hit, all right.

Shout out to the two crew, that's only nine damage on that one. He is fully dead. So you, you charging him, use both of your javelins, striking to both sides of his shoulder, rammed him, he'll get his horns up, like in his chest cavity, and brutally tosses him down the hole. Oh!

Dunked. No! Let's roll these nolls. I hate that. Then go in the trash. Don't know let's roll these no's hey Then go in the trash that is the no's turn He's going to try to push moonshine down the hole bringing on I'm wearing a fucking ring of feather fall bitch. Oh you are he doesn't know that He just made down the roll in a pretty ring. I pose athletics check. Okay I'll say if you win you could throw a down because this let's face this fight's over

I'm going to win I got a He got a 17 he got a 17. Let's do a roll Who's gonna win? It's a real wrestling match I got no 17 you got a 14 Who's gonna win? It's a real wrestling match. Whew. I got another 17.

You got a 14. So he goes to push you, you kind of take a rest. Can I judo him? Yeah, you judo throw him over into the hole. No, I was healthy. While I do it, I'm gonna produce flames. That's like a little bonfire, so we are making little kebabs. As he falls.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm saying because you got that skewered one. Absolutely, yeah. Mm-hmm, roast them up. Yeah. Yeah, you hear the cabobs hit in the distance. This smells so good, we can't call him down to eat them.

So you guys survive ram Daniels. Near death experience, you're around this big giant hole. These noles tried to ambush you didn't work You got to respect their count the valley The valley is littered with nole corpses No, and things are just quiet. You just hear the winter wind blowing Don't worry counters for this man Do you have a moment you guys do know that by around sunset?

You're gonna get to the tunnels and if you don't get there on time it becomes night. You can take your chances. You can do it every night. No, we want to get to the tunnels. I grab a little bit of the no blood and sprinkle around a seed and I sing the song of the dead in my saddest boy voice. Okay. Blood of the foe trickles on down and into the

soul reclines. Nor is the seed that breaks through the ground a circle of endless vines. Cool. We've been killing a lot of people. I feel like we should just take a moment. Oh you were just being polite. Yeah, I can't tell you what a bad place this was to do a blood ritual I go ahead and roll a like religion. Oh no It's not a blood ritual. It's just a burial put blood on the ground. Oh god. I already can't believe this Religion check. Yeah, It's a 16. 16, you're good. Oh.

What was going to happen? Save it for the short rest, we'll tell you. It's not even short rest. It's not even short rest. How do you think they feed this thing? Oh my God, of course, circles of blood. OK. I'm going to run away.

I'm going to go ahead. Yeah, you guys here, like, you guys do feel like after that, you feel like little tremors. I kick snow on the blood. Okay, Pellor has told me that it's fine to kill. Okay. Let's get moving. I think I'm gonna dig my heels into Ramadan and say,

shoot. Move Ryan. Onward, Ram Daniel. Move, I said. You guys continue to the valley. It's mostly uneventful. These noils were kind of planning on tracking you But you ended them. Yeah, sure they don't they don't have like a focused ambush force now

But you do see you do see like little holes and caves like networks where presumably like the worm has gone You do see like a little yellow eyes popping out from time to time Let's go fucking middle fingers up. If they're gonna be spying on us, let's give him a show. Yeah, I pull my pants down a little bit so my butt crack is showing. I do the same. I do the same. Yeah, we ride side-saddle so we can move them.

You guys all move. I shift my overall so that my butt crack can peek out over the side of my overall. You guys moon the nose as you pass them. You see one no just pulls his rags down and fully defecates on the ground. Just uses so much soft, sir. Shit. Oh, it's steaming.

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. I have anything, nothing but meat for 17 years. I pulled my pants back up, I kick Ryan pretty hard. Very long. You're sweet to meet the body of Nolba. You guys continue following the map. It's beginning to get late now.

You see the sun is lowering in the sky, though it's not quite sunset. Ernim has marked for you on your map. Two nearby entrances. There's a tunnel for the main and nole tunnels inhabited by a majority of the beasts, then Bastions Cave, which is about 50 feet closer to you, slightly south of the main tunnel. And out of the main tunnel, you guys can see these now. You do see some like noles milling about and you see a very dim glow coming out of those tunnels, like as if there are torches kind of deep inside,

but in what is supposed to be Bastion's cave, you see a warm glow like there's a hearth inside. Beeline for Bastion, I think. Yep, yep, the beak get it Bastion. Go fast for Bastion. Wait, before we go, we should probably negotiate between ourselves a price because he's gonna demand a price

So it might be good to know like what our personal limits are. He's gonna want the Rams and we're not giving him the Rams Okay, so we're not giving him the Rams Um, we got or is Bellor on the table Hey, come on now. I'm kidding, but hey, thanks. Good, right? I'm gonna kill those wounded dolls We got some gold and platinum. So, we got a lot of gold. We got a lot of gold. We got a lot of gold.

Let's just try to do money. Money seems good. We've also got other stuff. Maybe. Yeah, we just had, I'll give them the curse, the literal armor. Yeah. Look at the go wrong.

Yeah. Maybe we could give them a song. Yeah, let's try that first. Or a dance. Okay. Cool. So, you guys approach Bastions Cave. You enter and you see rugs on the floor.

You see various trinkets displayed, dwarven hammers, climbing, equipment and whatnot. It's like a TGI Fridays if it were made by a dwarf almost. It looks very much like it's decorated by a dwarf almost. Yeah. Good. It looks very much like it's decorated by someone who doesn't know how humanoid society works and is just trying to like hang random human stuff like he was just given a bunch of gifts and displayed them to seem more.

I'll get a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. He is the little gnomeid. Oh. And then you see sitting around a fire eating a big hunk of mammoth meat. He's got just like a big fat gutted, big piece of mammoth. Oh yeah.

Flinstone style. Yeah, you see sitting in a reading chair is this big hunched back knoll with one ear. Its skin is extremely loose. A big gut hangs out under its mismatched noblemen's clothes, clearly gifted to him from someone. He is so cute. He was a magic card. I'd have him in every day.

He's got bluish gray skin that is very patchy and wrinkly. It looks like he's been burned by acid. Oh, and he's got big jowls And he looks up at you and he goes oh Humanoid's coming to see the survivor I just took too many of you through the tunnels. That's enough for one day Many of you do the tunnels. That's enough for one day. And he takes a big juicy bite of the mammoth leg. You see all like the wetness and the juices drip down his skin.

I offer him a handkerchief. Thank you. He's got a little on your chin there. He takes the handkerchief from Uni Fully Eats It. Just instantly swallows it. Oh, Sebastian, moonshine, Simon here. Would you mind if I just put a couple of spices some seasoning on that lake?

It looks like a delicious piece of meat and I feel like you could get some more flavor. For the first off, you walk into my home. You start giving me things. That's actually very nice. I was thinking that was an act of love. But let's enter to my name is Bastion. I do know I am.

We are friends with Ernim, the wow, the wow wolf. Oh, winter wolf. Yes, the winter wolf. And winter wolf. It's wild too, though. I am friends of winter wolf. I am friend to everyone. I am the great survivor.

Yanoba could not handle me. Greatest warrior, near God to the know people that is Impressive if you survived your know, but I take one knee, but not two Yes, you're very good. He puts a hand on your shoulder. It's just covered in grease. Oh Yes, well like I was saying there the Oh I don't know if that was a long time ago. The pale prince and I are good friends. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Good. Good. So he holds up his dog-like feet to you, and they are covered in the oozeous corns you've ever seen. I make the sign of Polora and I dive in.

He's getting a little bit of Jack. He's getting a little less cute. That's just a 13. Okay, you see some of, you see as you go to massage it, it's like you're about to like pop a giant pimple But the light of Polora keeps it in and it looks a little bit less swollen The pimple holds I vomit now

That feels good to hear the head along look today It sounds like you had a long day You deserve to take a load off here. Have a sniff of this. I pass them on some crick water. Oh, yeah What is this? This is a great vintage all the way to home. Wait, wait, wait, this is all from, I have many great friends from all over from Frostwind to around Frostwind, but my new friends, where are you from?

You're strange skinny tall dwarf. Yeah, I'm a crick. You're a crick elf. Yeah, I'm a Crick. You're Crick Elf. Yeah, I'm a Crick Elf. Yeah, you probably heard of us. I know our reputation gets around. Some of us take some take kind or do us than others. But yeah, my name's Moonchants Abbin and I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.

Yes, you're an elf very fancy. I'm friend to elves because I'm a sophisticated. No. Crosswinded. You see that, yeah. Crosswind, yeah. I mean, I meet all the elves all the time. And the elves come by.

They say, hey, bastion. Old friend to elves, yeah. I've got the Elvish bow over there. You see this like short bow. It actually looks like a pretty nice Elven short bow, but it's like dirty and poorly cared for. You see the string is broken. Yeah, get the nice things. See what they want to see what they gave me to lead them through the mountain. Holds up this big beautiful golden hammer. Oh? This is the King's Hammer!

Oh, crap! Yeah! Who was it that you led through today? How'd it be a bronze beard? Right? The bronze beard, see thing? I don't think they would just give, are we reporse pouring right now?

You can't refer as if you want. I don't think they would just give them the hammer. Maybe we should use our spells to see if this is real or not. I don't think this is legit. Yeah, maybe like, locate object. I got a talk, do you want it? Or do you have it stocked? I got it stocked.

Can I use locate object to see if this is real or not? Sure, cool. Yeah, I think we established in a previous episode that you had studied enough, you did well on a history check to know what like the King's Hammer was like. This is sort of the description of the King's Hammer, but I'll let you know for sure once you get this spell.

Describe or name an object that is familiar to you. You sense the direction to the object's location, as long as that object is within 1,000 feet of you. If the object is in motion, you know the direction of its movement. Got it. It is not within 1,000 feet of you, and thus this is not the King's Hammer.

That's a great looking hammer. Wow, you do have to buy the gods. You do look at it, and it the King's hammer. That's a great looking hammer. Wow, you do buy the gods. You do look at it and it is a beautiful hammer. It's like a really nice hammer made of like silver and like gold trimming and stuff. So it's like a counterfeit moneye, but still a good moneye. It's like this probably costs a couple of thousand gold.

I were forced for as hard one and I'm like, does this look like a bronze beard hammer? By any chance? And I would know that. Yeah, go ahead and roll like a history check. This is my ex dude. So I should all over her palace. Roll like a... Roll like a...

Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a...

Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a... Roll like a I'm gonna always try to check with a vantage. 12. 12? Yeah. I'll say with a 12, that's easy enough for you. Having come from Iron Deep. You can tell that this is something the Iron Deep dorses probably brought along as like a wedding present or something like that. Just kind of like an ornamental, probably not even to be used in battle,

but this guy's like, eh, great, there's the weapon in all of the boomy. It's got a little drool on it. This is a broad-spirit hammer. Okay, interesting, the stock thickens. You see, he takes this hammer and uses it to mash the bones of this mammoth carcass. It's a very nice hammer.

Yeah. Good. He holds it down and uses another beautiful sword to cut more meat off the hammer. You can see it's not a lot of meat. I don't know if Mordon could see right now. He's probably can, he's probably smiling. Yes, a survivor of Yanoba, a favorite champion of Mordon.

Favorite champion? I buy it. Absolutely. I have the King's hammer. So you already led people today, you lead them deep in where they come in for an objective or like, they were going to the mountain. So I took them through the tunnels because I knew the mountain like the back of my hand, the Anoba carved tunnels through everybody respects me.

It said nobody messes with friends of bastions. That's right. The back of your hand has a tattoo on it. It says bastion sucks. Did you know that? I don't think that's true. You are. You over here, what they were chatting about,

what their objective was. Oh, we chatted for such a long time, man. That's, we were such, dude, they were like, they were like, bastion bastion man you're so smart how you know all the way through this tunnel these tunnels are so confusing but not for you and I said I know the tunnels because I'm smart yeah but you've got a photographic memory can you remember anything to say this guy has a photographic I have a photographic maybe at least like a de

carol I have a photographic Maybe at least like a decairot I have a photographic memory Somebody give me a deception check with the garnish Can I do it? Oh yeah, 17 You have an advantage roll for the safety if that's 20 17 What was my deception? Oh, plus four

So, yeah, 21 I do have a photographic memory. I told you, man. I was so bad. No, I took 10 through tunnels. I could take you exactly the way through tunnels. Yes. I thought this guy knows everyone that was in that party's name

and what they were trying to accomplish. Captain Thomas. Uh-huh. Yes, right? The winds are woe. Then there was, of course, some, uh, build a red beard guy.

Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah, everyone knows him. Yeah. I don't know, but like, I trust you. Yeah, there was Mark, Dan. Gotta be a Mark in a Dan. Jamie. Uh-huh.

I report, I report sports, both hard ones. Everyone say, I think we can stop writing down names now. I think maybe only the first two. Let me just, it was a little bit of an awkward walk because Red Beard dwarves very focused on getting to mountain. What the wolves not so happy with the way things going. Yeah, because they were trying to get to that gash, right? Oh yeah, trying to get to the gash.

You got to hack the gash. Yeah, man. Oh yeah, man. I see. Yeah, you've got to, what you've got to get the gush. Okay. Yup. Yup. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs.

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code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Anyways, a little time, Rosemary, but pretty good. Go team pants and enjoy the show. Anyways, a little time, Rosemary, paprika. I think that you can spice up this hunk of meat. Oh, you're a cook. So you can all cook for me. That would be wonderful. Yeah! You, boy. You rub my belly. Oh, we the belly now. Yes, that's so good on the face.

Lie down. More boils on his belly. I see. My god, you stirred out so cute. I want him to lie fully flat so that I can kind of do a little dance on his belly. OK. It's just like jiggling like crazy. How was that?

Boils are popping. Really good, man. Throws up in his mouth. And eats it. So anyway, you guys want to trade the war stories? Are we hanging out? Yeah, I guess we are. Yeah, I guess I think we are.

Great. I'm going to be pretty busy over here cooking, so I'm not going to say that. No, I think you and I can stir that. If you want to come over and take over the tummy dude. I'm on a lesson from a farm. Alright so let me tell you all about the time you know but could not defeat me. Yeah oh you seem like you know you know but one and only weakness. Well because I am too strong and too smart, the other nose were jealous of me.

So they drew a circle of blood as they do when they sacrificed to Enobba inside the caves and they chained me down in the center and when the Enobba came up, I saw the fear in her eyes and she just retracted back into the hole and just instantly everyone started clapping. Everyone just started clapping was like bastion bastion bastion bastion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it sounds like it was perfect like you could have happened any better. No, if you like made it up pretty much just nailed it. Yeah.

And you said you can get to that. Other side of this cave and back in one day. I mean, I can do it in the day, but man, I just want for like 12 hours. So I don't think I could do it tomorrow, but maybe. And he takes his big gold hammer and he starts like, eh, eh. Okay. Yeah, maybe we could make it worth your while. He takes his big gold hammer and he starts like, eh, eh.

Okay. Yeah, maybe we could make it worth your while? Oh, is that the right, though? Well, maybe I could three of my schedule. I have, I do have, I have a very precious fiddle that belonged to a great bard. Moonshine, no, you can't give him the fiddle, Moonshine. Not New Betsy. Fiddle.

Yeah. I like weapons. And music is a powerful weapon. Yeah. You've never felt the power of dance. Moonshine, hit it. I start playing. I bring you to a gig.

Give me the performance. OK, this performance check will determine whether you roll a regular deception checker with disadvantage Okay, he's got a bunch of great stuff. He's he can't be like totally tricked I got a five you start playing and it's You start playing and it's awful music. I started trying to dance with as much gusto as possible. His eyes glaze over. I sing along. Who let the nose out?

And Bastion is just nodding his head. Yes, still the music. Very good. But it just wouldn't be the same without the mouth. Where have you guys put the rams by the way? I'm sitting on my stool Yeah, the mouth of the cave like inside the cave and protected inside the cave Inside the cave or outside the cave inside. Okay, we brought them in you know

When I took 30 over they give me very nice hammer and they give me mammoths. You give me for your ants and all of your weapons and they get through. Bastion, you're killing us here. Yeah, what do you get? Galgina's past. You're a bastion. If you want, if you want precious animals, if that's what you're after, If you want, if you want precious animals, if that's what you're after, I can't do it. Never mind, I can't do it. Never mind. I'd never fly.

I was gonna offer them the native flies. I can't bring myself to. You give new bed seat, but not the native flies. Ha ha ha. The native flies are on their own little nose out there. Can I teach him how to do some in steed so he can have an animal whenever he wants? No, he's not a paladin.

All right. You a drug guy? What the, what the, what the drug you're talking about? Dev, earmuffs. Okay, I'll go check on the rams. I got some pretty pre-mo arcade. I mean, I do know what that is, but they refresh me. I shake the vile

You just put a little taste on your gum He sticks his finger in your vile boyly so boyly Put some of the yellow powder like on his gums just goops of saliva come down You see this little charge of lightning go through him and he goes oh oh, I like that. How much of this you have? You give me three of these and you've got to deal. This is, this is some really good shit. I can only part with what? You can do this as part of the look, man. I am, I don't like walking, I like gang out my place, my pad rules man. I don't really want the fucking go.

You guys can fuck off if you don't got anything. Hard one did the arcane thing work. Oh shit. Hey Beth, I'm so, I'm supposed to go to the reports first. I say hook me up with a minor illusion on the next thing I pull out, okay? You got it. Something to make it look epic. All right, I twinkle my fenders. And I said, ugh, I didn't want to do this,

but have you heard of the water elemental, from the elemental plane, it's sort of this epic other world? Yes, of course. This is her personal trident, and I take the trident out. Hmm. Mm, I make it glow.

Interesting. It's bits of water. Okay. Yeah. I make it glow. Interesting. Spitz of water. Okay. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty fucking rad. He goes over and he looks at it. Go ahead, I guess, and give me a persuasion check with advantage.

That's only going to be 12. You just had to get a ten or higher. Cool. Okay. He looks at it and, all right, take you through. Take you through. He points to hard one in moonshine Oh, no, we have two more. I could deal folk. Okay, you can have it back. He has it back to you

I got fucking like this this look at this gold hammer guys. All right 20 platinum 20 Really? No, I don't have that much five platinum. Hmm, five platinum. Plus the trident, plus the drugs. Plus Boundorus got some 2 to San, just in fact. Yeah, doing the sandwich too, huh? Alright, five platinum,

dry bent, doing the sandwich, drugs. That's sad. Yeah, that's a Saturday night ain't it? And won the ram. No, um. That's a deal breaker. Yeah, that's a deal breaker. We're already part and we've way too much good stuff for you.

All right. You know what, just to be giving, just to be a good friend. I could also throw in this nice card set. Ooh, this is a collector's item. And perhaps, ooh, some of this special Magic Stone, and I pull out the Coral Glow chunk from the Elemental Chaos. Oh, Magic Stone.

Yeah. Seems very important, that will keep it. He takes it and he just puts it down his shirt and it just gets kind of skin-fold Was that a hole to that just going a hole in your body? Never mind. You know what? Enjoy All right, so we've got we've got the deal very, very good deal for everyone. I was trying to unload garbage. Yeah. It's kind of, you know, I kind of,

I also have this old strawberry. Yeah, you already gave me some good stuff. Take it, I'll toss it in as we can deal. Yeah, you're lucky I've got this friggin' man with you, man. Otherwise, I would insist that I have a ram. He looks over at the rams and he licks his chops. Yeah, that name is gonna last for a while, though I've been brining it, it's gonna be,

it's gonna keep. Okay. So we all go in the bed, whether we're doing one big bed. Hey, how'd you know? Just that's how I sleep. Let's do it. Okay.

All right. I'm a, I'm a trance, because I don't totally trust this guy. So I'm like sleeping with one eye open. I'm gonna curl up with my head on a boy like it's pillow. Yeah. Does he sleep in a big doggy bed? He sleeps in a water bed. He sleeps in a big like broken king bed.

It looks like he's trying to make it look like an actual like mattress pad or something like that but it's just like there's like snow in there and shit like under a blanket. It's just some real bullshit stuff. I'm gonna curl up with my ram ride. Yeah, nice. Yeah. I'm tranceanson on Ramadan. Dope. Okay. And Balnor just sleeps sitting up in the corner of the tunnel. I'm not going near this guy. And I'm going to Transon a way that if I like hear your noba and can safely peek what goes

down, I would be curious to watch it. You don't even need to do any kind of roll or anything. Cause once night falls, every once in a while, you just feel these nasty tremors, and probably until you guys get used to it, it like chutes you awake. And moonshine, you're trancing, so you're kind of like looking outside the cave.

You see this giant purple worm, this gargantuan beast in the distance, bursting in and out of the mountains and like traveling through the valley. You see it's shaking like crazy, every once in a while it like dies down and there's no tremors for a while. And then the tremors build back up again and it bursts out of the ground again and it's's just out there prowling, looking for somebody to eat. And you do see the nolls that were kind of hanging around outside the other tunnel, like that was like 50 feet away from Bastion's place, they have gone inside.

Can I, while Bastion is sleeping, I want a massage as temples and maybe try and get some information from him while he sleeps using Zona Truth. A sleep talking. We definitely don't want him to find out that we cast things, but I'll send him because then he won't take us around. Oh, that's true.

I'll explain what I was going to do. I wanted to see if he was telling the truth about how he survived the worm encounter. Oh, no. Okay. His truth was that the worm came up and was so scared that it ran away. So we all know that so well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I wanted to see if we could glean how he actually is. Oh, yeah. If he knows that we cast a spell on him, he might be suspicious. Yeah, he will straight up be pissed at us and then we'll be going through

these on our own. All right, maybe I'll save that for when we don't need him anymore. Yeah, exactly. Maybe we can befriend him and he'll tell the truth on his own. You know what? That's the optimism I have to do. So you guys all, just massage just temples just for fun. You start massaging his temples. Eventually you go to sleep.

Moonshine as you're trans and you do see a bastion does get out of bed and start like sneaking over towards the ramps. I smack his hand away. What? I wanted the bad damn. He looks cute. You definitely... can I do a sense motive on him? Yeah, if you really want to. Wait, what is sense motive in this? Insight? Insight, yeah. Okay, I got, I got a seven. Yeah, he's gonna try to eat the

rounds. Okay. Um, I just slap him like a like a mom in the kitchen. Get out of here. Get back to bed. Alright, get back to one big bed. He takes a job in there. You gotta keep them boys warm. He takes us. Try it and he goes back in the bed. Be careful with that thing. It's not a stuffed animal. Sun rises the next morning. The tremors become less frequent.

And finally, the worm is completely gone. And you see the noles. Once again, a few of them come outside the tunnel. And you see they're kind of like out on a hunt, looking for animals and such. And you guys wake up, Bastion wakes himself up with a nasty shard. Oh, God.

Oh. Okay, just think of, I don't even know if that was like, I'm only gonna have anyone. A hemorrhidled boil at birth. Right, something popped. I just put the covers over it. He just wraps the covers around him like a toga. No.

All right, that'll fix it. That is real sick. We have to be in a cave with you all day. Yeah. Now that the light of day is shining and I can see there's so many stains on this bed. It's not the first time you did that. That's you real quick, because I'm kind of preparing

for the day. Could you give me any insight as to what lies in our path, what sort of challenges and hurdles we may encounter? Some of the less sophisticated knolls might try to feed you to, you know, but not under my protection. So just stick by me and you'll be fine. You know, there's other gigantic spider type creatures. Fire giants deep below. Yeah, fire giants deep below. What do you expect?

Are we talking about like walls or like cliffs or holes in the floor? Oh, yes. I mean, all of these tunnels, they're just the way you know, but goes through the mountain. That's it. All right, thank you. That gives me some insight. I killed the fire giant once. Oh yeah. I just jumped down the hole and now maybe we get a punch in there.

It didn't even get the punch in there. This sword right here, it pulls out this beautiful masterwork sword man that's right buddy what's his arm around you just so what what what what gunk is that on his hand you don't know you've got a gold watch but you know my boils yeah right shall we get to go in best friends. Let's do it. Absolutely, but you guys Walk outside of his cave and he goes I don't know if you're gonna be able to get these the Rams through all the tunnels Shall we free them? No, cuz if we free them here, they'll get captured by no knows. Yeah. I'll leave them in your cave.

But trust you with them. Yes. Oh God. I don't like that option either. Y'all he tried to eat them last night. I know you did. Can we send him to the Feywild? We call about that. Ram Daniel. I guess talk with animals is worn off at this point.

Oh, yes. I don is worn off at this point. Oh, yes. I don't want to waste it again. We got a lot of things. We got a big day coming up. I think we just try to bring him. I don't know. I don't know. We got stuck in this tunnel.

I think that better shot it just like being in the wild. But can I gash his form them to get them through? That's probably with me. It's your spell. Can I just cast like pass without trace on them or something? Oh. Oh, okay.

Yeah, okay. How about I, I don't know what only, but that's concentration. And that means for the next hour. Oh, God. I would only give them an hour. Yo, what do we do? They said, these are rams.

They like, they would probably prefer to be like, in the, there are bar the Rams in the mountains I mean some of them get eaten by those Why in the tunnels get eaten by those more Okay, then Then we'll set them out what not in the tunnels. Yeah, you can set them out to the mountain Okay, you can bring them if you want I have no attachment to Ryan It's not about the ass and kid. Hey, you can bring them if you want. I have no attachment to Ryan. Let's smack him on the ass and kick him.

Kick him on to the mountain. He runs off. I look into Randi. He sure be well, Steve. You see, you see Ryan gallops off majestically. You just see like a couple of noles just like. Oh, he's so sweet. I did not play by your rules.

I said a freak. I don't know what to do here. Okay. Rand Daniel. This is so stupid. This is so stupid. I'm gonna cast Bark Skin on my guy. What does that do?

It gives him...well, what's his AC already? Uh, so low. Uh, 11? Bark Skin gives him a... You touch a willing creature until the spell ends. The target skin has a rough bark like a appearance in the target's AC. Can't be less than 16. Sweet. Okay.

He grows bark skin. Oh, he does not look very appetizing now. Yeah. And then I produce a little flame to get him to like, little fire hunters but... Err. He takes out... He takes out... He takes out fire because the skin is like... I produce a prayer. I know we do, but my meat isn't usually so regal and helpful. You've served me well, Ram Daniel.

Damn. Ram Daniel. Damn. I say a prayer to Pellor, and then I release, I relinquish Ram Daniel, I suppose. Ram Daniel takes off in the mountains with a golden glow around him This rand Daniel look back. You just know he's gonna be fine He's he knows He see all the noals are heading for Ryan

Actually, they're way faster than no, so unless they get shot these immediate guys probably aren't gonna catch your Rams But they go off into the mountains great. I mean then the most live in the mountains gang It's fine who gives a shit no shot. I see you Them last night. Yeah, it did yeah, that's what happens He just takes another he's got just a fucking man. It's like we're holding it with two hands. Everyone here's way too pragmatistic Yeah fucking man with like we're holding it with two hands. Everyone here is way too pragmatistic. All right, take a seat of them. All right, he takes you to this other cave and you see that there are a bunch of nobles outside and when they see you guys, they just start sneering.

Meet, sweet, meet, sweet, meet. Looking at your eyes and Meet, sweet, meet. Looking at your eyes. And, um, Bastion goes out of the way everyone. These are friends of Bastion. That's right Bastion boy. Yeah.

And they kind of like back away, but they keep sneering and you're like, t-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee. Just laughing. It's not my rom. Yeah, maybe don't get these guys to met. By the way, once you get deep, there's a 3,400 in there. Okay, everybody take it easy, huh? So you guys enter this dark dimly lit tunnel.

The knolls see even better in the dark than dwarves. So their torches aren't placed nearly as often or neatly as like human or a dwarven design. So it's like very dim in here, very spooky. It wreaks in here. It smells like rotting flesh and wet dog. There are strange hieroglyphics and paintings in a strange language on the walls.

You can assume no. Occasionally, you'll feel hot air blowing against your neck, only to turn and see a no-l staring right at you. It's fur covered in ash and mud to provide cover in the caves. You just see yellow eyes glowing in here. Tuesday, is it, right? Tuesday. Tuesday.

Where with Bastion? It's really the me. Bastion pipes up and goes, no, these guys are no good at the thing. Good friends of the survivor. Everyone remember? You hear the other nobles giggle and whisper amongst themselves. He got thrown up because he tastes like shit.

He got thrown up. You know what? I knew it. I knew it. In the distance you guys can hear screaming. It's a mix of howls and barks, so you can assume it's an oal. So you continue through these winding tunnels until it opens up into a bigger cave. until it opens up into a bigger cave. You're now on the second level of this little cave, and you can see a level below you. There are a bunch of noles who have another nole chained to the floor.

And there appears to be one who's the ringleader. He's bigger than the rest, and he carries a flail with two humanoid skulls, smoking with red and black energy. All right, that's bad as, that's cool. with two humanoid skulls smoking with red and black energy. That's bad as, that's cool. He wears a rusty breastplate under a frost wind guard tabored that was once white,

but is completely stained with blood. He's got what looks like war paint circling his eyes, but it's actually dried blood. You see Bastion turns you guys, he goes, feeding time. That's what they judge, the dude of me. I'm gonna elbow as you guys. You see the main knoll, this dude with blood around his eyes,

pulls out a crooked dagger and runs it along his palm. The other knolls do it as well. And they make a circle around the knoll who has chained to the floor, and he's just kind of whimpering and barking. Trying to get away just foaming at the mouth. I hate to see that. They all cut themselves and are covering it in blood and making a circle around it. You see the main knoll looks up and he sees you guys with bastion.

You can kind of tell that he is speaking in common so that you guys hear it and know and he locks eyes with you guys the whole time and he goes, we exist to feel you know, but hunger. She who is ravenous, she who must feed. Green and red, arcane energy exudes from the main no like smoke from fire and the entire cave Begins shaking and you see bastion like grabs on to the wall And even else feel like these depraved creatures are shining a light on some of our recent depraved activity Finally a gargantuan beast this giant purple worm burst through the floor of the cave Ganshu and Beast, this giant purple worm bursts through the floor of the cave, open maw with hundreds of rows of teeth, scales like thick armor, and just swallows the sacrifice

hole, along with like two other nobles that were just on the edge of the circle. That's how fucking big this thing is. Without missing a beat, the worm just continues burrowing through the ceiling, causing a giant hole and another giant tremor before disappearing. You guys see the lesser noles start foaming at the mouth and going insane with bloodlust. They lock eyes with you guys and begin to charge.

But you're too far away. You guys are up on this little cliff face. They start clawing at the cliff that you guys are at, just foaming at the mouth until they start falling down at the cliff that you guys are at, just foaming at the mouth until they start falling down and get frustrated, and then just start ripping each other apart. And then you see this one main knoll though, he's got like his head together, but you see his eyes are now like blood red, and he looks up at you guys and a Bastion he goes, oh holy survivor, you bring more guests to

right tunnels do you? And Bastion kind of like coughs kind of nervously, yes will I am the survivor so it's allowed. And this guy speaks up and he goes, that's almost 30 in a day. Some would say, letting so much sweet meat pass through here without the feeding inoba would be more sacrilegious than hurting you. I kind of tilts his head. Anyone who looks like kind of flattered

by being called sweet meat so much. Yeah. And that's where the landlord says it. Oh no! Try to keep it supple. Huh. Ooh. Boy, I wanna butt and kill that guy.

Oh no. Hey man, he's just paying the bills, okay? Oh no, that was. That was a duzy of a day. Yeah, wow. That we had so much, so many bad rolls. It's a long day and then have that kind of night sleep where you're sleeping next to a guy like Bastion. It's like we traveled all day and found the worst motel.

Bastion is, that's why Ernim told you how much he hated Bastion. He's just like he's a fuck. Absolutely a fuck. Yeah. He's a blowhard. He did my sound and cute at first. I don't know why you thought he's outed here. He sounded so cute. I love it too. So sweet. Just like a guy with his with his like jucky treasure. He did. Yeah. That's what I thought he was. Hey, we're gonna talk about it on the short run. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought he was. Yeah. Hey, we're going to talk about another short wrap. Yeah, so head on over to patreon.com slash nabbod. I want to hear us talk more about this episode. Guys, we got stuff to plug.

Watch hot date on Netflix. Yeah, that's a game. I mean, Emily Sketch Show. You can also buy our book. It's a theoretical relationship. Advice book called, Hey, You Up. I had to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. It's available on Amazon and on Audible.

Uh, call the way you got to blood. Ooh, you can check out Cartoon Hell over on Dropout. Also, if you haven't checked out DRAWFY or don't subscribe, please do. We are coming up on a million subs. Which is a real thing. Yeah. That's the best thing. Please lend us your strength.

Sweet. Jake, what do you got to blood? Beer Doyle, baby. Oh, yeah. Brother's just to code out. Yes. Back it on the beer Doyle. So please lend us your strength sweet Jake when you get to plug beard oil baby Yes back in on the beard oil. Did you do you think that you use some beard oil on your ram? Oh, I like make it look good. I sure did that's why all the nobles to Descended on how much of your beard oil is made from Beverly sweet musk. It's all Beverly's musk and is made from Beverly's sweet musk. It's all Beverly's musk and, uh, and Bastion's boils.

And Moon Shine's elk milk. Oh my God, I could bottle and sell that. Give me the opportunity. And, uh, then also, you've got Lulian Orney on dropout? That's right. Me and Emily got fantasy high with a bunch of fun college and group people, D&D play show, and what is the code

to get a discount on dropout? Sign up to dropout.tv slash nat pod. Oh yeah. And guys, follow us on Twitter at CHMRIF as me, at call the escoglal at eXford is Emily, and at J. Kerwitz is Jake and tweet about the show using hashtag nat pod that's NADDPOD. Oh, we are, we are, the youth of the nation, we are are we are the youth of the nation.

We are we are the youth of the nation. R.I.P. Ryan. Oh, right. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent counsel of elders. Oh, Poloar praises y'all. Oh, yeah, starting with Brad D, the only pebble pot that is in Craven, bought Denny a new pair of jeans for the holidays because Denny is always pissing his.

You know, but jeans really saffered up nicely, so Jay Loma, 72, aka Steelbreaker, hard ones, Jim's inspiration, has biceps the size of grapefruits and triceps the size of jackfruits, just a big rippling nutritious ass arm. Dylan B. Assword, wielding wizard who accidentally invented blade singing, like Edward's scissors hands, but makes blades warble along the hip hop tracks instead of making ice sculptures. Danny P. Bohumius resident artist painted hard one senior portrait at the Dwarf and Edge. Danny is a dwarven no frills artist, so the picture of hard one was drawn with coal, and it looks

like a little more than haunted. Tom P. Father the Realm, the serenader of Sleeping Babies, Tom is such a good father. He recently took on a second job at Dwarf Gers Big Borgar working at the Mind Threw to make a little extra gold for presents around the holidays. Just love any Dwarggar's Big Borgar, friends! Spencer Caskbrew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia, like one served to be her so crisp and delicious that Melora took a break from her in difference to say as pretty good actually.

Pager E, Bart of the Mountains, Pager's guitar solos can bring down cliffs. His drumbeats can melt ice caps, and his fiddle playing is also quite good, but doesn't really do anything magical. Gryven SDAK, the stranger, the silver-born, Dreldrich Knight, and ex-owner of the Badger's pint in and tavern quick update. The Badger has been resurrected from the dead. It is now teaming up with Griffin to stop their bar from becoming an orange fitness. They stayed up all last night reminiscing about the good old days and reconnecting

they came up with a plan to save the bar they're going to hold a fundraising dance competition will give you more info as we update. Beardman Dan, Dan's beard is so long that the Hill Giants are currently using it to climb Mount Forge. Beardman Dan might cause the end of the world. Wow, the whack the gash. Scott D are a noun dog trainer in Bohemia, who is secretly a druid.

Basically, just cast Speak with Animals on Dogs and tells them to knock it off and then pretend that it was a strict training regimen so he can make money. A Craven Man. Aaron C. the greatest fighter in all of Bohemia for his size. Aaron is an ant-folk champion who can beat any bug in a duel and some small rodents. Wow.

Hermes Debbie of the back king, currently living in a cave and collateron, claiming to be the ruler of the entire city despite it being ruled by a god. The other bats don't protest though because he does behead his people with great frequency. T. Alex, a goat man who loves life, the only goat man who doesn't get turned on by murder. T. Alex works a nice job at a goat office and comes home to their beautiful goat family

with a respectable goat paycheck. Didn't their beautiful goat daughter get into goat harbour? I heard it, I heard that happened. Wow, Parker E, the only person to ever hang glide off Mount Forge. Parker E did die, so RIP Parker. RIP Parker, RJW has never been defeated in single combat, but only because RJ talks so much shit that they can't help but get beaten up

by multiple people at once. Whoa, what a secret skill! Spark is tag team champion of the Galator on Colosseum fighting pits whose tag team partner is a big-ass bear whose overalls Who wears overalls and has a hillbilly gimmick. They're called Spark is in that big bear. Adam R the R-rated assassin always screams fuck before killing someone and it's almost gotten them caught more than a few times. Cassandra MHP has so much HP they once took a nap, a top mount forage rolled off during the night, then woke up the next day at the bottom of the mountain with nothing more

than a slight hangover to show for it. Danielle, the dastardly damed Danielle is so dastardly, she wants convinced her friends to split the check at dinner, even though she got a jalapeno poppers and didn't share them at all. Da da da da, that's dastardly! You see, aka, Haldor Frostback MVP of the Giant Worse Crude on SS Stormborn and fought alongside Elias and Red. Haldor pisses icicles and shits blizzards, which is why Red let him have his own bath broom aboard the ship. Manning the mundane accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity.

When you get off a plane at the airport and your bag is coming out of the baggage carousel right when you get there that's Captain Manning. He keep in the sky smooth for your friend. Your mouth was going so fast on that. I felt like I was hanging out with M&N. Oh. It was bad. It's like, it's got to be like, yeah.

Yeah. Then you, A, K, multiple for the many face magician. Multiple spends most of their day scamming Costco employees out of countless free samples. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm. Jordan Owens, a magic collection of vapor that's been enchanted to play music. Every time they spin, they tell people

to be sure to check out their soundcloud. Oh, I saw it. And they must see we're going there. And then it went there, Jeffery S. Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword, and to zoot. Allore, Jeff's been taking French lessons on duo-lingo and is now nearly fluent. Keep it up, Jeff! Cutter W, a high that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that.

Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that.

Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that.

Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Lex gets aka the escape artist Lex eats an average of eight keys every day But not because they're an escape artist less Lex just has an iron division scene a very weird doctor John S aka shoot for the mushroom down John recently fell in love with a big mossy pile of lycan But is is worried they don't like in him back Puns aside John is petrified of how to proceed and could really use a wing my-coned.

Ryan M wrote the textbook on Dragon Anatomy, Bev was reading it at the start of the adventure. It took them over 10 years to complete because they couldn't stop giggling. Elena Cia, a displacer beast who got super strong by working out alone because all of their spotters kept failing their saving throws. Andrem and Ultra-chill Iron Deep Dwarf who leads the Ghost Guard, the Coast Guard, the Ghost Coast Guard, equivalent of the Winter Wolves, the Summer Seals. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, their frost wind themed passion fruit, Gash the Wack cocktail, has been such a hit they had to hire part-time air elementals to keep up with demand.

Mm, delicious. Victor TAK, Balnor's boy, who's loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Every night Victor regales his children, Balnor, Jr., Tuna, and Jansport with the tails of his father's bravery. That is a bag, kid. Henry A. Hyperintelligent Nol who writes genre fiction under the pen name GRR Nookian.

Ooh. Lance W.A.K. Dance Lance Lance is a sexy sword dancer, uses a javelin to pull off some ultra-essential pole dancing routines, defeats their enemies by bankrupting them of all their singles. Just an eye, aka the big nul, a huge dog, humanoid with an even bigger attitude. If you can't run with the big nul, then stay in your hole. Caleb, Alonus's wizard assistant, Alonus pays them an experience, which is actually great! Caleb is straight up level 99 now!

Clay and I, a claymation Dalmatianian who is currently wearing a big cone around their head because they won't stop knowing at an infected laceration. TJM, a full orc runway model. No one has ever seen an orc this slender, this Languin. TJM is show-stopping and they are breaking down barriers when it comes to orcs fashion. The professional, the only lawyer to ever successfully beat pop-on litigation, since then, they have joined forces and opened up their own law firm Mo and Mo. Jacob C is super thick, elf, so thick, in fact, that Jacob C has dwarven constitution, not as thick as moonshine, but could definitely fill out her overalls.

Elena M has the number two cobs-old speaking stone and will not stop pranking the band of boobs knock it off Alaina We know it's you Gun off gun off is the only trust worthy rogue in the world They're the only human or beast alive that Balnor trusts with the bags Mick pucks the code master who created our amazing website was recently gifted some of our merch and and his charisma went up Infinity yummy recently gifted some of our merch and his charisma went up infinity. Yummy. Oral and Kathleen L are actually the suck you buy that moonshine and Balnor almost set a for away with Balnor is still mad at them for cock-bucking him.

Dylan M, a talented executioner who kills people with a broadsword clench firmly between their butt cheeks for particularly heinous criminals, Dylan M will toot into the deceased's severed neckhole. J.A.B.G. has the classiest crick-mouthed crick-mouthed decorations on their stump. White twinkle lights, a tasteful wreath, candles in the window. Corbin A. has the tackiest crick-mouthed decorations on their stump. Anormous colorful bulbs, huge inflatable figures, external speakers blaring. Ooh, atlas Stormyper, a gregarious galaya

who started a food fight in a tavern that eventually escalated to become the great giant war. Crazy that it all started with a slightly oversized man and a spoonful of applesauce. Justrich, a jaundiced ostrich. Their skin is quite yellow, but because of the feathers you'd never know. Ah, there's some benefits of that.

ELDREG aka the dragon not. A super jack-nome who just entered Katozes. DO NOT FUCK WITH THE DRAGORNOT. DO NOT! Cameron see an earth wind and fire, Genasi. God, what a pun, right? Guys? Ah, FijiW.

A tiefling warrior whose tail is his best friend in his worst enemy. Once tried to use their tale to pole vault over a river, only to be fit and be attacked by a shark. It did look sick though. Demiel R, a tabaxi who recently vanquished their arch enemy Elaser Pointer. Way to go Demiel, you caught the dot. Josh Azege, Josh Scoop holds the record in in Bohemia for most scoops of an adorable creature. The band of boobs is determined to catch up. Dom R, a member of the Glateron Mafia, was a bad guy

until the city was taken over by the chosen, but now his crimes could be considered political rebellion? What a great guy. Anyway, he kills people for money. Logan C, the only quick young and have never been put in the timeout bag. Logan isn't well behaved, they're just really fast. Nicholas R, the only thing Nicholas R wants for Christmas is for all the dwarfins in the dwarfinage to find a home. Oh. Oh, and an airship. Okay.

Jennifer V, the Goof-Gooer rolls a knack 20 on every Goof, currently sitting atop a mountain on a whoopee cushion waiting to train Beverly. Matt H, a glater on tram worker who had to clean up All the chosen bodies off the track after the band of boobs left them there still has nightmares about it I was just thinking about that today Jacob J fun fact Jacob J was on vacation in moonstone during the battle with the barbarians And had to stay in his air being be the whole time He did get to go to Mishka's Viking funeral though, which was cool. Destincia Wet Wizard who harnesses the power of water to battle evil.

Always wear swim goggles just in case. Ooh, it's slippery. Devon be a firefighter in hell. I know what you're thinking. Why do they need firefighters in hell? Well, there are various structures and such that the devils don't want to be burned down, so it's Devon's job to keep the flames contained to the lake of fire. Jack W. A Bard who was in a successful band until the singer decided to go solo is

currently training to become an assassin to kill said singer. Michael L. the bartender who taught Reggie the air elemental how to sling a cocktail. It costs Michael a lot of glasses and headaches trying to teach wind how to handle fragile items. Sam A.H., the fire elemental that originally trained under Michael L. but eventually burns down the tavern. Wow. Kelvin Noodles, the Noodle Doodle-er!

Can predict the future by slapping a noodle on a canvas and reading the secret message within, totally knew that the later on was going to fall but couldn't help because they just burned themselves by grabbing hot noodles. Christian Age, aka Sergio Salazar Solomon such a t- S-sacharious, de-seal via 7th of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin, once winked so sexually that he seduced an entire town, even the people who didn't see it. Maxl, George's right-hand thief companion, a badass dwarf and tea who could took over kicking shit into Rodeon's mouth after the band of boobs left.

Traylee, friend of the trees, that might make them sound like a pacifist, but really Traylee is part of a violent triant gang that robbed small woodland creatures. Evan K, AK, Malvo Dawnstar. Come one, come all to Malvo Dawnstar's traveling Druidon Clive. That's right, this Crick Alpha has broken off from his many nephew cousins to spread the Crick Life, a missionary of hospitality. His teaching aid is his new Triton boyfriend, Tarland, who loves, who he loves very much. Grace AGE, the graceful Ace, an airship pilot loves very much. Grace A.H. the graceful A.H. in airship pilot, well-known across Bohemia to be a much better pilot

than hard one, accompanied by your trusty co-pilot, Ethan S. the bare-folk warrior who only has an intelligence of eight but is really good at lifting stuff. And that's all for this week. Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you to all of our Patreon subscribers and all of our listeners. We'll be back next week with another episode, but for now you can head on over to the Patreon

and check out our short rest. Thank you so much for listening to the show. We'll catch you next time. Bye, Sweeties. That was a HitGum podcast.