Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 51: The Nannerfly Effect (A Faerie Tale)

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

The Band of Boobs are captured by the mysterious Crone of the Sea and learn some horrifying truths. Moonshine gets an update on the Crick elves, Bev gets traumatized, and Hardwon starts a new workout program. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."The Gunslinger's Girl" by Emily Axford."Mee Maw's Burden" by Emily Axford. "Schubert's Song" by Emily Axford."'Neath a Ceiling of Stars" by Emily Axford."A Haven Away From Home" by Emily Axford."Alanis" by Emily Axford."The Nannerfly Effect" by Emily Axford."When You Wish Upon a Stone" by Emily Axford."Only the Ocean to Console Him" by Emily Axford."A Fate Refused" by Emily Axford."Moonshine's Stump" by Emily Axford."Farewell to Fungen" by Emily Axford."Into the Flame" by Emily Axford."Balnor's Bad Dream" by Emily Axford."Friend Turned Foe" by Emily Axford."The Purge" by Emily Axford."Unknown Tome" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.

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with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone. Oh, yeah. I'm your dungeon master. She didn't say Bahumia.

I said it off mic. Oh, he's so good. Perfect, guys. He's losing the game. Great start to the episode. I am your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Hurwitz. Hard one, sure, foot.

Emily Axford. Moon Shandzaven looking for a lay in the face. Nice. Very good. And Carl Doltaner. Beverly Topel the fifth, Father Finder and Sidewinder. and looking for a lay in the face. Nice, very good. And called the old Tanner. Beverly Tbilable the fifth, father finder and sidewinder. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

What is a sidewinder? You know, it's like a snake that kind of goes sideways in the sand. Oh, absolutely a sidewinder. Also a good roller coaster at Hershey Park. That's the one I was referring to specifically. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do in this episode. Were they destroyed by a flood?

There was something bad happened to Hershey Park this year. Really sound off in the comments. RIP Hershey Park maybe we don't know or congrats if you're thriving If the sideline is still around shout-outs to the sideline there That's a good ride good trip. Anyway guys, let's do a little recap. So last week, you went off with some gnomes who you had freed from the Bear Prince's curse. They led you to the city of free spire, a place in the spring court where Seely and Unseely lived together peacefully. Bigin, the gnome inkeeper took you to his club, the nightcap, and got you sauceed off alcoholic potions and gnome hospitalis. During the night you found out from some hob goblin mercenaries that the unceilig were

planning an attack on the seely court while queen cerilis troops were frozen and vulnerable. You barred a boat from biggin and raced to get to the unceilig but were stopped by a dragon turtle along the way who insisted you come with him to meet the crown of the sea. You refused, but the Dragon Turtle beat you down, eventually dragging you to the crown's secluded island. There, you met a terrifying hag who bound you in dimensional shackles and began dragging you towards her hut. However, as she dragged you, you caught the scent of baby's breath and lavender.

Y'all kind of think the name baby's breath is fucking disgusting. It's a weird name for a flower, sure. I don't like it. I don't like smelling it. For a scent, yeah. For a being that pukes a lot. It's a very weird name. I think I'd be more comfortable if it was a color than a scent.

You guys just having this conversation, as you're all shacking. We have via reports for you. We've got it again. So that's where we are now. You are on this secluded island being dragged by the crone towards one of the island's little straw huts.

You can still see the dragon turtle in the distance swimming away. Oh, so he's just leaving us. I flip him off. Yeah. That won't do you any good there, son. She smacks you in the face. And spits on your feet.

Why? You see she looks over her shoulder at the dragon turtle watching it leave, then gives you guys the side eye and goes, just be cool, just be cool. OK, OK, cool. We're cool. I'll live cool, but okay.

I'm chill. She pushes you through the opening of one of the humble dwellings, one of the huts, but you see inside that it is not a hut. It is a magnificent mansion. You're at the entrance of this grand dining room. There is a fireplace roaring on the other side of the room. A red rug with gold trimming sits under a long,

dining table full of intricate candelabras. You see above you are two more floors with balcony walkways that look down into the dining room and have doors to various rooms. You turn and see behind you, she was pushing you. You see that this sea crown is now a tall, elven woman. Her face is elegant and ageless with piercing purple eyes, but the rest of her is not so elegant. She's got goggles on her forehead that push back or curly black hair. The rest of it is tied up in a messy bun. She wears purple leggings with a black tunic and a black and purple cloak that looks halfway between a duster and a lab coat

She's kind of a mix between a wizard a scientist and an adventure Sick very cool a lot of say Yeah, yeah, you see she releases you guys from the shackles and she goes oh So sorry I had to do that back there guys. I am deep undercover. The Allah's got eyes everywhere. If she finds out I'm here, I'm gonna get grabbed

and end up like, oh, you don't want that. That's true. Of course, since it's regards by the way. Yeah, he says, what's up? Actually, what's up? Not what up? He said, what up? What up?

Yeah, I apologize for around. Sounds like a lot of the other guys. It's exactly. Perfectly even keel, no emotion in his tone. Okay. He was super chilly, yeah. He said, what up? What up? Yeah, I apologize for her. That sounds like a multiple of us. It's exactly. Perfectly even keel, no emotion in his tone. Okay. He was super chill, yeah. Yeah. He said what up.

Okay, cool. No, of course, super chill. Like he loves hanging out. If we see him before you, anything you want us to pass along to him? Yeah, just say what up. So another what up? You're not going to respond to the first what up. It's just going to be a chain of what up with no response.

I guess I'll say you, not much you. Okay. Any uh, wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Hard one, well, it's up a little bit. I will deliver your message, Alonus.

So you see Alonus just takes another look at you guys and goes, I have been watching you guys for a while. It took a lot of work to get you guys and goes, ooh, I have been watching you guys for a while. It took a lot of work to get you here. You see she flicks her wrist and uses telekinetic energy to pull out a chair and falls back into it. She lets out this big sigh of relief. You see she holds up her hand and this long Gandalf-like pipe appears.

A bit of fire appears in her hand and she takes a huge rip Yeah, you smoke anything down up the creek and most of it works I'm a lot of you are proving yourself to be quite a dope and hospitable host But we're kind of in a bit of a rush here. I don't know if you have been- Yes, I've been observing us. Fucking pardon me. So you guys actually don't have to be in a hurry or anything.

You guys are cool as far as the Seely Court business. Oh. Oh, how did you know your tentacles are far regions? Yeah, so I'd like watch you guys. By the way, hard one. that freaking painting you have of Gemma That is so funny. It's a funny. It's a joke. Haha It's not a joke. I haven't seen that painting. I love to see it show it to them Did you paint it yourself? I found this fucking weird painting on the floor

of the show, which a lot of us probably saw, that you saw when I found it, right? You see, she's just like hitting a bowl, what? That's not important. Would you say about time? So there is gonna be an attack on the summer court. The unceilig do know that the sealier vulnerable right now, but here's the thing,

they're not just gonna start picking off frozen halflings left and right. The green nights are bound to the summer court, so if someone were to replace the queen, replace Queen Serilla, they'd get her army. So their plan isn't to kill every single seely soldier, they wanna take over, they essentially wanna steal her subjects.

Oh, okay, I'm saying. They don't wanna kill the Queen queen so they can control the green. So if they get the queen, they get the teens. They get the teens. Exactly. Get the queen. Get the teens. So while we're down here though, we are, unfortunately, serving up Mama Serilla as bait. You see, she's hitting her pipe and she goes,

oh, fuck, no, wait, no, sorry. That's where Bev's dad comes in. Oh, so Bev's dad comes in. Oh, so Bev's dad, daddy? Yeah, I've been working with him. He was over in the unceiligort kind of trying to find out what's up, found out about this attack.

We came up with kind of a plan together. He went to go get Queen Cerilla. He's gonna take her to the autumn courts. We're gonna kind of hide out until we figure out our next move. And autumn court, there's a summer winter. I guess I knew that. I'm sure there's a summer winter. I guess I knew that. I guess I knew that, but I hadn't put it together. It's not really a court, there's no like king or queen there.

There's a princess. Oh, is she as cool as the bear prince was? She's cooler than the bear prince. Sort of like a cool princess. Well that guy's dead, I don't know if you saw that, but yeah. Yeah, I did, that was awesome guys. Can we see like the screen where you're watching us? Yeah, I see it.

You got like a crystal ball or is it just a third eye or? It's kind of like a cauldron situation. So you see she waves her hand, turns the giant oak table into a big metal cauldron. Don't look at the airship. Just show us. Do you guys want to see the board show? Oh yeah, can you get on the airship?

But that painted it. That painted it? Yeah, you see she takes a rip of her pipe and then blows into the pot. She's really cool. And you see she's cries on Jaina Brown's beard. And you see Jaina in Hardowen's quarters, just like, feasibly like, padding around, like, feeling a knock on the hollow part of the room, and then just finding this little painting of jamma. The hard one blows it away. How do I know you found that?

It seems so personal to just find. I did find it. You sure, if you commissioned it or something, you find it. I found it within myself. Oh. Wow, so the hands that dug deeper and iron deep than anyone else. It's just so painted that painting These they're delicate as well

It's just hard with sherford h 25 I'm so surprised god this called called runs HD It's 5k 5 cobalt. Yeah, sorry. I'm kind of like using my powers for evil here like this is fucked up I'm sorry hard one not so later. Is that look getting ribbed? Yeah Can you use that that sweet dank hill home hash to maybe look in on my people in hill home? Yeah, we could check in on them see what's up wait before you go down that road, bev a relationship is about trust. Okay, yeah. You trust. If you trust Irland, you won't spy on him. This is essentially the locked phone. Okay. Can I spy on my mom? Unlocked phone. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Let's see what my mom, I'm making sure my mom's okay. We're on anachynely past those words these days.

She inhales. She blows some smoke in the cauldron. She holds her hands up and she basically gets like different colors of arcane energy on her fingertips and she's kind of like making it dance to make moving images in the smoke. And Bev, you see your mom in a little hobbit hole in hill home, it's very cozy.

She's trying to get the broom but it will go. These things never work Oh, how much did how much gold did we pay? I got a reoriented mom. Yeah, I got a reoriented it gets stuck in the corner She can't hear you just like going it just keeps going. Oh, you can't oh, it's going outside now It's going outside. You see the room goes outside. It's gone. It fully runs away. She starts chasing it the way she starts chasing it. Bring back the helper Bev. You're right, let's go.

Fire up the airship. You're trying to be mortal, play. Alonus, I do not mean to try your infinite pool of spells, but I actually haven't heard from Mima and they were going to Glade Home and I just wanted to make sure they were okay. So I actually, I keep tabs on some of the bigger names, shout outs to your moms because she is one of the bigger names. What up?

They are currently outside of Glade Home. Outside still? Yeah, the high elves, present company excluded. I kind of uptight. Oh, I just got it. High elf, that's good. Oh, dude, this is a real fucking high elf. I high five. Oh dude. I high five a lot of see high five see back But um

Yeah, the the crit gilves are just outside of a glade home, but they're make it they're turning into a tailgate right spirits are high They've taken down the property value a great deal. Oh take it down the property value. A great deal. Oh, no. Happy birthday. Oh, I'm going to be brighter. I'll puff my chest. We'll pride.

We says a lot because I already got a puff of chest. You see she blows some smoke in the cauldron. And you see some quick folks taking these like this like beautiful mode and just making like mud slides out of it, like slipping slides and stuff. And you see just a bunch of piles running around. Oh, trying to chase the young ones away. Wow, dirty, tear to my eye.

They turned the moat into a lazy river. That's clever. Yeah. You know, inputting. Yeah, you see, Kooter is just riding through this ancient moat on a tube, drinking a beer. This is nice. Get out of our ancient moat. This protects, this has magic runes that protect our ancient s'mote to this protects.

This has magic runes that protect our... Oh, you're not listening, you're floating away. You're floating away. Look at that! He doesn't even have a salsa, Dipper. He's just got a crotch full of salsa. He is definitely pissing in the mote. Oh, well, look at that.

He's just reaching right in and grabbing cradads out of there. I know we're all having fun here gang but um shit's fucked up. We've actually done this before a bunch of times. Um, have you guys, uh, do you guys know about like the butterfly effect? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That will be fucking rolls first off. Head rips. Secondly, um, I'm kind of, I'm kind kind of our own action cuter here because I've done this a few times and Things keep going bad. I'll honestly you looping. Yeah, I'm looping This is the first time you guys have made it to me alive though, so shout out to us. What's up? Shout out. Do you know what kept killing? Yeah, what's the top 10 of our best deaths you guys want to see? Yeah, I want to have the end of the best get us give us the fail compilation I want to just be like a quickly edited video that's just like

Yeah, damn hard to imagine all the shit we've been through was us succeeding Wow, and most of these are just choke on a loaf of tortubrit. So you see Alonus gets on kind of a serious face, a serious as she can be, and blows smoke into this cauldron. And you see she makes her fingers dance and creates images in the cauldron. And she goes, so when me, Theala and Ulfgar were on our quest to stop Osmodeus, we had to collect five relics from the first people. These were like the guys

who existed in Bohemia during the age of the gods, but were wiped out when the gods all went to war with each other. You see images of five artifacts in the cauldron, and acts a spellbook, a bow, a helm, and a ring. We use these to unlock the portal to the Nine Hells. You see theala, Ulfgar, and Alonus organizing these into a circle, Alonus and theala work together to perform a ritual and Ulfgar stairs in Wonder as a flaming gate appears, a black hole with flames shooting out and licking the air. Yeah, oh my god. Yeah.

I could wee. Does he still have those pants? He should wear those. They look good. He dresses to impress. Oh, okay. So we've been seeing the worst side of him because he ain't been around.

Maybe. I don't know, man. It's whatever. Okay. Kitsen you. I say that with a twinkle in my eyes. So she continues. After we killed Osmodeus, the relics were immensely powerful, but weren't of use to us anymore.

We had used them as a key to get to the 9 hells. We didn't need them. So, I used my knowledge of arcane science to break them down and to make spell components. You see Alonus in Esri, in a lab with Professor Duttle, using the equipment to break down these relics and turn them into these arcane orbs. Not unlike the arcane battery that powered Juan, the automaton.

Hi, Alon. Yeah, by the way, didn't totally know that Duttle was such a prick. Yeah, he's a total knob. He's kind of a stooge. Like, a lot of the shit is just stuff that I invented that he just kind of took and ran with. He thinks he's a genius, but like, you know,

I fucking, you know, this is all mean, not to brag. That's cool, he's good. Yeah, we killed him. Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, he's tough. Yeah, he's not cool. He didn't get to do anything cool before he died.

Just so you know. Just so you know, he killed him first time. Just so you know. Just so you know. He killed him first time. Hell yeah dude. Oh, fuck it yeah. She daps you guys up. Ah. So cool.

I gotta fucking chill. Guys chill chill chill. I'm getting serious getting serious. So powerful spells require powerful components. And there's nothing more powerful than the wish spell. It's the ability to change an outcome, to bend the fabric of time and space. Of course, the effectiveness of the spell varies based on how strong your components are, so with these five relics broken down, with these five

wish stones, I can make some pretty big wishes. You see Alonus stares at the five glowing wish stones, then even in the flashback pulls out her pipe and takes a huge hit. Sad. Does she rip the bong at the same time in real life? So it's like, like, mirroring each other. You can't tell which one's, which one you're hearing the sound from. I'm getting a contact high. She continues. So, the Aula gets her god complex and I knew shit was

gonna go down. You see in the smoke you see the alla take over to go later on flying atop the mountain and chosen soldiers occupying different areas of the world. Ezri, Moonstone, the Crick. I'm a scientist so instead of acting in the moment I observed when the time was right, I would make a wish and go back in time to set right what went wrong. So, in the first timeline, the Allah creates an empire, He'll set rises against her, and the two gods go to war on the material plane and destroy the world. You guys see, humans and orcs going head to head.

Skeletons and blackened armor, elves and gold, angels and devils killing each other on a battlefield. You see Theala and Il said, she with an aura of light so bright, you almost can't look at her. And he surrounded by fire that burns anyone, friend or foe, who comes within his aura, the two attack each other, and the clash of power creates an explosion that wipes the battlefield.

Good effects. Yeah, thanks. I teleported out of the material plane at the last second. I used a wish stone to go back in time to stop this from happening, one wish down. You see above her, there are five floating orbs of smoke. She pokes one and disappears. In the second timeline, I just straight up killed the aula

before she could ever make an empire. Right, and that's one we're in right now. Ah, let me get to it. You see Alana standing over the aula's body, panting, face covered in blood. I challenged her and beat her before she could ever ascend to Godhood. I thought that was the end of it, but it turned Ulfgar against me. He couldn't understand no matter how many times I explained it to him.

You see, Ulfgar witnesses this and attacks Alonus. She disappears and he looks furious, just looking around for her screaming. He eventually joined Akarot and Il said to get revenge. You see Ulfgar juiced to the gills with the translucent white skin and red eyes, just killing angels, just grabbing them out of the air and ripping their wings off with his hands. I like your eyes.

Yeah, yeah. So in this timeline, the devil takes over the world. I have to try again Two wish stones down. She pokes away another orb of smoke In the third timeline I try to be a supportive friend and counselor to Theala She ends up manipulating me Much as she did off-guard and uses me to serve her imperialist agenda You see Alonus shackled by chosen angels. She resists as theala places a crown on her head,

but then her eyes go milky and she stops resisting. You then see various images of her leveling cities at the alas command. You gotta trust people when you show them, when they show, you gotta trust people when they show you who they are. Yeah, exactly. But it's not quite as simple as just killing her right away

because that didn't work either. So, you know, this stuff, this beautiful effect stuff is fucking hard, guys. Yeah. I remember from the movie. Yeah. Yeah, Ashton Kutcher really goes through it. He does.

He goes, they take that dude through the ringer. Anyway, I escaped eventually and I was able to travel back. You see a beaten and bloodied Ulfgar removes the crown from her head. He turns to fight a swarm of chosen guards as she pulls out one of the wish stones to use it to go back. So in that case, the all had one. I had to go back again.

Three wish stones gone. Pokes away another one there's only two left. At this point, I realize I'm like the same as the all. I'm playing God here, right? I can't fix everything myself, so I think who besides me, Ulfgaren Theolik could help. I remember Jolene the Green, another legendary hero, so on the fourth try, I travel to the Crick,

only to find out that she is stricken with Crick-Rot. You see Alonus looking defeated as Mima shows her her scaps. But she told me about you guys, about how you guys had wandered into the fog to face Maribel. So I joined you. You see that you're in the middle of the battle against Maribel. Moonshine and Maribel are going head-to-head in their fungal forms. Hard one is trying to fight off an infected bev and suddenly a lot of centers and calls

a ball of lightning down on her. Together we defeated her. We were a great team. All of you guys are rejoicing, celebrating with everyone at the Crick. But news of our victory quickly got to the alla. You see, brother all bricked, and the chosen nights watching from the crowd.

But tight ass. The chosen attacked the Crick. You guys died defending it. The thing that honestly hurts the most is that we would lose to the Chosen. Yeah. That's not like recording, is it? That's not uploaded anywhere?

This God, RedCon. Do you have any other wish, though? It's like a wish I never saw that. Please see. You see Barrett Briston, the Chosen captain who took a glad place, swings down on an incredibly injured moonshine who covers Paw Paw to protect him while Mima is bound and screaming in the background. Beverly is full of arrows, standing, trying to defend terrified youngins as a

squad of chosen to send on them. Hard one takes an arrow to the heart for Mama. And he dies in her arms. I'm gonna have to give this movie a thumbs down. Two big thumbs down from Bev. Yeah, so this was my best. But that's how I want to go. For now, I messed up everything again. So I got to go back.

That's four wish stones gone. You see, she pokes away, another smoke orb. You see there's only one left So this is my last chance. I am Racking my brain trying to figure out how to help you guys without drawing attention to you So I hide in the Feywild. I So I hide in the Feywild. I Skry on you all you make it to Glateron on your own you escape the Allah you save your dad you defeat Maribel and save the Crick Just all on your own Because I'm not there the chosen don't attack the Crick

In the smoke you guys see you're rejoicing with everyone at the Crick But then you still die. You get killed by some fucking orc pirates. By some scrubs. We were having an off day. Yeah, it was supposed to be a vacation. There was a lot of hitochina on the fucking killed on vacation. We got

worked on vacation. It's true. Didn't you see how in the next day we turned a hell beast into a dolphin? That's pretty. That didn't happen. Oh, yeah. So you're saying, you see in the smoke of the cauldron, we're back on snots, yacht. But in this timeline, Beverly is dead on the deck, killed by the guns. Oh, hard one in moonshine are dead below deck. Is Apple there? Apple is there. Okay, Apple's dead. Oh, forget us. Apple's gone. Scrooper. So I was fucking bummed out. I didn't know what to do here. I knew I could

enjoy on your party because I would draw too much attention you guys that would draw the chosen to you. I considered maybe going back again but this time bringing Bev's dad but how could Beverly grow into his own person with his father watching over every move? Why is it second? Was Boundar in that one where we all died on the bad way was Bound or in any of these versions. You see she really quick waves her hand and Bound or is cocked out goes to sleep and she goes no Bound or wasn't there. He's the missing piece in all of this. I don't want to trip him out too much right now.

Understandable. Yeah. he spooks easy. I catch Beldor before he falls on the ground. Yeah, cool. Oh, dude, I always forget to do that. I always let them just like, conk out. Did you like, could you create him or conjure him? Or are you the reason he loves tuna? Cause you're like a sea.

How did you get to the Balkans? He's not from World War I. She inhales again, and she puffs into the cauldron. And she goes, so in this timeline, I didn't know that you needed Balnor. I didn't know what you needed. I didn't even know Balnor. I knew that you didn't need a wizard.

You didn't need a warrior. You just needed someone that would tip the scales ever so slightly in your favor. So I waited to find that person, and I let the world descend to chaos around me. You see, everything goes like the first timeline. The material plane is rendered uninhabitable by the war between the Olin Hill said, then in the Feywild, the Unseal-ly take over both courts and monsters rule the land. You see Femoreans, these troll-like titans.

Did they look like what we unleashed on the... Those were regular trolls. These are like actually the army of the Unsealie cord who are more dangerous. You also see Shadow Fey, who look like Drow Elves, these elves with white hair with like purplish blue skin. They're all hunting down and killing a ladren. And she goes, but it wasn't all bleak. Like Cran, Durlin, and Bev's dad, there were other halflings who weren't in the summer court at the time that it froze over. And they formed a new society. They made a little oasis in the autumn court, protected by powerful magic wards that would make them really hard to find.

So you see an adorable little halfling village. It almost looks like the Ewok village on Endor. It's kind of halfway between the Crick and the Shire with tiny little tree houses and rope bridges and hanging torches And a lot of us goes they lived in peace You know despite the chaos of the outside world new halflings were born families were raised And that's where I found our dude You see a lot of us

Arrives there you see she's observing a young halfling dad this arrives there. You see she's observing a young halfling dad, Bownor, with black hair and a black mustache. Oh, in shorts with tube socks chasing a little halfling boy around. And he goes, Bobby, Bobby get out of the dang bushes. You're going to get pricked, bud, bud, you're going to get pricked. And he goes, no, dad, I won't, I promise. Bobby get out of the dang bushes, get out, no, dad, ow! You see that, Bobby has indeed pricked himself in the bushes. He cries and he holds up his finger to Ballonor. I'm Ballonor leans down, he goes,

geez, kiddo, let me see it. See, you know what, that's what happens when you play in the bushes, bud? That's why we don't play in the bushes, okay. Why don't we bring it inside and we'll wash it up, huh? We're having tuna for if we're dinner tonight. It puts us on round Bobby, brings them into this little, little hobbit house.

Anilandus goes, he was, he was perfect. Someone to offer guidance, but not so much that you don't learn your own lessons. Someone who could help enough to tilt the scale in your favor, but wouldn't care the rest of you on his shoulders. Someone who could, We often carry him in the bag. Yeah, someone who could help enough to tilt the scale in your favor, but wouldn't care the rest of you on his shoulders. Someone who could... Oh, in fact, we often carry him in the bag.

Yeah. Someone who could watch your bags. You need someone for that. Yeah. So I approached him and explained the situation that I needed him to help me and go back in time to save the world, but he didn't think he could help. He told me that he had a nice life, a family, that he wasn't interested,

and so I left to find someone else. And while I was gone, something really bad happened, you see a squad of elite, unseely hunters, these drow elves searching through the forest. They're leader, a man in blackened leather armor, dark blue skin, white hair, wearing a red blindfold, sniffs the air, the nods. One of his allies, a wizard, dispels the magic protecting the halfling village,

and it appears. Ezra, the unkind, the leader of the unceilig has a group of hunters that she calls her hounds. The leader, Zalik, is said to be able to smell magic. He found the village and you see the hunters enter the village. Bobby runs up to them curiously and Zalik immediately stabs him in the neck with his soul. No! He flashes a six smile. You hear screaming and watch as the drought enter the individual homes and begin executing those inside. The entire village is raised. The smoke clears,

boughnor returns home with a fresh hall of tuna for dinner, but drops the bags when he sees a smoldering home, then collapses to his knees. You see, time passing, a montage of Balnor alone in the empty village. He digs through an old chest in his home that survived the fire and finds an old suit of armor, a shield, and a sword most likely left to him from some long lost relative back when the halflings still fought. He puts it on and begins training. His black mustache becomes salt and pepper, then turns gray. He's older now, but he's a fighter, not a good one, but a fighter. Eventually you see Alonus returns to the village.

Eventually, you see Alonus returns to the village. I came back to all this horror and to Balnor changing his mind. You see Balnor is kneeling in front of Alonus, he's all geared up in his little suit of armor and long sword. I'll help you. Whatever it takes so that this doesn't happen. You see Alonus in the flashback, pulls out the little glowing wish stone. You'll help a lot more than just this village where you're going. Balnor's got tears running down his cheeks and he goes, I couldn't help them. I can barely swing a sword. Alonus reaches down and touches his cheek and she goes, there's a war coming and

everyone needs to fight, even old men who don't know how. I'll need to erase your memory, the people you're helping can know what we're doing, Bound or nods. You can try but I don't think I'll ever forget. She holds her hand over his forehead. White energy pulsates from it and transfers to him and he gets this thousand yard stare. Bobby. It's time to go now, Balnor. She pulls out a blank card with a gold back. The front of it flashes white and encases Balnor until he disappears.

The card now looks just as you saw it when you pulled it from the deck of many things, the night card with Balnor bowing dutifully. Alonus creates an illusion to hide her true identity. She takes the form of a gnome, thrifty, shifty, then pulls out the last wish stone and disappears. Bev is in the fetal position on the floor. So just to be clear, it's kind of like in Pirates Bounty,

it's Muggler's Bounty, it's kind of like I kissed you, not like I kissed Balnor, or I have to think about it. And um... Yeah, I've got my answer things. Yeah, no, yeah, no, that was Boundore. I'm not Boundore if that's what you think. Right, yeah. No, yeah.

I don't know how we got that from there. I'm rewriting it to be that, okay. Well, I'll explain it to you later. It's moonshine in a way. I think it was a one-on-one, M.O. with Alonus. Thank you, thank you. I'll write up a recap for them. Don't worry, Lana's son.

I don't wanna know. I'm happy with what I just rewrote in my head. So just to be clear, this means now that Bobby doesn't exist in this world. He doesn't exist yet. Yeah, I mean, Balnor, I mean, he's aging differently. If we save the Celi Court, he's not gonna meet his wife. Yeah, I...

Yeah. Okay, but that's okay because he, you know, there was no saving Bobby, but now Balnor is here to save a bunch of other Bobby's. I just, I don't know if I want Balnor to have to sacrifice everything for us. I mean, this is locked up with me to say, but Belmord doesn't have anything.

Yeah, I think the point is that he didn't sacrifice until he lost everything. So he didn't get rid of it. We gotta make that sacrifice count then. I wanna meet these motherfuckers that yield Bobby. I think we need to go after them. Seeing as you guys will probably meet up with Bev's dad soon, who has Queen Cerilla, you can venture to guess who'll be

going after you guys. Can you tell us anything about Balnor's wife? Yeah. Yeah, her name was Mary Ann. She was super chill. She was kind of a better warrior than Boundor, honestly. Really? Where's she live? I mean, before she lived in, uh, in that book. Where she lived? She always lived in that little village.

They were, they grew up there. Yeah. They grew up there. This is several generations later. Like, Boundor does not exist right now. Y'all, we gotta go. We gotta make a detour for a meat cube before we can get on with what we're doing. I don't think this is way far in the future, right? This is way far in the future, yeah. Oh, she's probably like eight years old at best. She's not even alive, definitely not alive.

Okay, never mind. This is the Feywild descents into chaos. Some halflings make a hidden village and live there for generations. You've been trying real hard to figure this out, but it appears that Boundora's fucked. Well no, it appears that Boundora is telling a new story with his life now. Well we don't.

You see she takes a huge rip of the bong. I mean, like what's to say, they won't exist in his afterlife, you know what I mean? That's so true. Oh, damn. Makes you think you guys hit this. You guys aren't thinking like me right now. Yeah, let me hit I mean? That's so true. Oh, damn, make sure you guys hit this. You guys aren't thinking like me right now. Yeah, I'm hit. I hit it super hard.

Yeah, I can't move my legs. Is that normal? Yeah, that's like the grief of seeing little half-length kids get killed, and also we're all super stoned. Okay, so. So Bound or is the thread? Bound or is what's keeping us alive?

Yeah, Bound or drag the thread? Bound or is what's keeping us alive? Yeah, Bound or dragged you down below deck, kept you alive on the ship without his extra attacks and everything in that battle, you guys would have died in the future. You saved you guys a bunch of times. You guys saved him too, like don't get me wrong. It's a give and take, but he was kind of the missing part of this puzzle.

Cobb was always there, you know what I mean? Yeah. To help you guys and go later on. What? Ballon Lord, that's Ballon Lord's, you know, me and Ballon Lord. We gotta put some extra tuna in that bag. Yeah. I'm gonna put some spicy mustard on a sandwich for him.

Well, he might, that might be a little too much for his talk, but I'm gonna put some mild mustard on a sandwich for him. So y'all. It's a really yellow helmet. I see that. But yeah, but I would have a mild mustard on his nose for him. So y'all, really yellow helmets. You see, uh, yeah, Boundhorse is snoring on the ground. They'll wake up instantly. Uh, Boundhorse will never know what it means, but we got to kill those fucking hunt. That fucking hunt.

I mean, hi, my, my reasoning for racing his memory was always just so he wouldn't tip off anybody to what you guys were up to or our grand plan. I feel I think we should tell him now. Oh okay, you're okay with that? Yeah, I'm cool with it. I just didn't want him to freak out. Yeah, totally. I think you guys should definitely tell him I'm going to go outside and take a leak.

Oh, cool. There's a toilet like right over there. Right, I know. You want to just like do that and then come back. Yeah, there's definitely like rooms here. I'm not really gonna, I don't like to be around for the emotional stuff. I'm gonna take a quick lap outside.

Hard one, you go outside. You notice as soon as you go outside, you turn into this weird hunchbacked monster. I maybe you turn back into a zombie. I'll tell him. You know, I can, you guys just need I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm it to tune a melt. I'm gonna make a big dollar treat. I use you would rather eat your I use a very very faint strike with my sword to light it on fire and toast it. In the gentle bath. Perfect. A toasting smite. So you see, she walks over to Balnor. Should we just really transform this space into sort of like a healing ascender? What other channels does this thing have? I start flicking this.

What do you guys all say? Well, do you want to, why don't we just do back to like table? Or do you guys want to do like couches? Yeah. I think we want to do like couches? Yeah. I think we want to do a couches. Yeah, if you have like maybe like those pillow poofs that people can sit on, pop-as-on chair, bean bags. Like let's really hit the this out.

Stay low, but he me over. I like some sage. You like some sage, bean bags all over the space. I'm cooking snacks, it like looks like we're gonna see in a movie, but really it's like for like a therapy session. I have a white Russian ready to put into his hands. I put my phone in a solo cup, and I start playing Dave Matthews.

Yeah. Oh, maybe we should, maybe we should wait and he can tell us what he needs to hear to create. Yeah, all right, cool. Yeah. It's gonna be Dave Matthews, but I just,

if I just pause here. You're right, it is. The winter's cold, spring is cold. It pause it. You're right, you're right it is. So it's called sprayers. So you see Alonus holds her hand or Boundor's head. Hand gets the same white glow that it got when she wiped his memory the first time. And Boundor jolt's awake with this crazy gasp. And all at once, he would cry if he could.

It's just this insane overwhelming emotion of suddenly realizing who you are, remembering all of the bad stuff that happened, being overwhelmed by being where you are, just like, ugh, just, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh I said to life. It's my favorite band. I hug Boundore. I do the um, I do like that back rub that mom's do. Oh, that's so nice.

Yeah, Boundore goes. I rub his bald spot. We're just filling in a little bit. Yeah, wow. Look at that. Thanks guys. I guess I always, I always kind of knew that I wasn't gonna be going back to anything.

We'll make sure that what's left is just as good. And we'll try to give you the best life we can, but I know that it's gonna be different, but we love you, you're a weak dad and we love you. Yeah, why don't we just, you guys are my strong dad and we love you. Yeah, why don't we just wanna- You guys are my strong kids and I love you. Oh, pretty good. You're married, right?

You're married. So, give you guys a hug and a cries. I'm sorry, I had a new boot shine. Oh, that's fine, you know. I'm just kidding. It's over, we're done. I'm breaking up with you. Whoa.

Okay, I'm gonna let you have that today. I'm gonna stand by. Let's do that. Hard one, hard boot shine. I'm gonna let you have that today. I'm gonna stand by I'm just playing hard one. I'm just trying to give him what he needs right now. It's gonna be okay You had a you had a beautiful family Valnor Thanks I I I don't know totally how this works if they're if they're gonna exist or something, but I don't know maybe maybe in the end, if we get a wish or something,

do you think maybe we could try to bring back my little town? Yeah, also, Balnor, you should just take solace in the fact that you have done so right by them. Yeah, you don't need a wish stone to have hope for the future. They would be so proud of everything that you've done so right by them. Yeah, you don't need a wish stone to have hope for the future. They will be so proud of everything that you've done. Thanks, guys. Hey, Sam, that means a lot. Yeah.

I also made you this tuna melt. He weeps and eats it. Oh, I'm gagging as he's eating it. It's supposed to smell like that. What? It's the cheese. It's the cheese. That's why it smells like that. A lot of this takes a rip and leans into moonshine.

I cleaned it with like magic before it, and went over. Thank you. I'm a Laura bless you. Do you want to hit this balknor? I know it's kind of sudden, but that might help. I wouldn't love to hit this. You see balknor takes a huge hit of it. I hold it up to him. No, I'm the pain, no I'm it. Like of it. I hold it up to him.

No, I'm the pain. No, I'm it. Like a squire and hold it in the sword. I hold this pipe up to Balnor. Thank you. Thank you, Beverly. Of course. You guys have given me new purpose.

I'm happy that I wish it was different circumstances, but I'm glad I was along for the ride. Speaking of purpose, I think we have a new one as well. We know who did this. I want to smother that motherfucker with the back. Yeah. I can think of no better punishment. Bound or predator handshakes, you guys.

Yeah. And you see, Alonus goes, so this was like a super heavy night. I have like a lab, I have some like little trinkets I can give you guys, but why don't we kind of sleep it off and wait till tomorrow. Yeah. I think yeah, let's do sleep over style. Let's just make piles of pillows and then just display our bads. One big poof.

One big poof. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see, Boundord goes, if you don't mind gang, I think I might go out for a little walk on the beach. Absolutely. I turn it into a hunchback ogre monster man when I went outside, so just be careful.

I think that was a prank on you. Cool. But you're. Yeah, I made like yours look uglier just because I've like seen you're just like. Just chill out, man. You know what I mean? I'm just talking about. You got that same thing that all of a car is God, man.

I'm super chill. You're super not to your tense. You're flexing right now. This is not your flex. I respect that you think it's. I know that you're buff, dude. It's fine. Um, it shouldn't mean that, dude. It's fine.

It shouldn't mean that much, either just like chill. Totally, it's cool. It's totally cool. It's totally cool. So I'll show you guys up to your room. You guys can crash for the night. Oh, we were blessed one big poo. It's cool.

Oh, guys, I got one big bag. Guys, I've been watching you for a while. Poo, poo. Oh yeah. We want to mix it up though. We want like just one big floor. Yeah, that's a big pool. Yeah, yeah, you guys want to mix it up though. We want like just one big floor. Yeah, cool.

Yeah, yeah. You guys want like a big bean bag? Yeah. Yeah, one big bag. Yeah. In honor of Balnor, we need one big bag. Yeah. You see Balnor exits the mansion and walks outside.

Can I do an inset check or a perception check as he's leaving to make sure he's not like it doesn't have like a twinkle of I'm gonna I'm gonna run and take off. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. go ahead vengeance right now 26 oh Balorges sad okay Had to go he just wants to go out and look at the ocean. He's pretty steady But you never know the day when Balor goes cray

I mean, that's why I picked a man. He's so steady Yeah, it's like the ocean Yeah, dude fucking deep man ocean. Yeah, dude. Fucking deep, man. Thank you. You fucking rule. I mean, you guys rule. I didn't tell you this yet, but I have a picture of you on my house.

Dude, that's crazy. That's crazy how we do that, how we take celebrities and we act like they're not people. Like, we could just hang out, you know what I mean? I totally. Well, you know what I mean. I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to understand. Anyway, I'll show you guys just a room.

So you guys walk up the stairs. There was this little balcony overlooking the dining room. She opens this beautiful oak door, and you guys go into your room. You see that there is one big bed. There's a California king with dark red blankets, with gold trim. They match the curtains, which are opened up,

looking out into the ocean. You see a little hunchbacked monster man walking over to the ocean. There's a little desk with a quill, some parchment and a candle for you to write at. You see books are lining the walls, and there's another fireplace in here, and a few velvet chairs around it,

and a lot of scoes. So you guys wanna do beanbag? Yeah, I throw a bunch of pillows and chair Right near the fire place This place is entirely magic I can make whatever you guys want No, we're so you guys just want to do the play you guys just want to do the pillows then you guys want to make you more chairs the Equipment more pillows from chairs. I'm kicking a cushion really hard to prop it up. As long as you can do, this should suffice.

I jump on, yeah, this is good. This is just, this is fucking weird. So I'm just gonna make like six more chairs. If you guys need more cushions or if you wanna sleep in the bed, that's cool. Okay, yeah, whatever. These are like a bed button, we can just push and it'll turn back into a bed. Yeah, I mean just let me know okay, say what up. I just I'm just gonna go meditate. So I'm cool

I'm nice. Oh, I'm kind of doing the same. Oh Real quick. Yeah, what's up? What's your lowest level reading book in this room? Let me see Um, I got this children's book called Ulfgar goes punch It's just about Ulfgar getting into a fight with a goblin, kicking his ass, but it's like real basic common stuff. That's actually the first book I ever heard of that didn't sound totally lame. You know what? I'm not trying to read it to you. Okay.

Mochang, go ahead and give me an intelligence check. But you do not need to succeed wildly because if you remember during your last insane drug trip, you learned to read a little Give me an intelligence check. But you do not need to succeed wildly because if you remember during your last insane drug trip, you learned to read a little bit. So this is just a DC 10. 15. I'm moonshine, you successfully read this book. Oh my goodness.

I'm so happy. You see, it is a book about a very skinny little off-guard who gets picked on by a big buff goblin, but then he goes and lifts weights. One weight, two weight, three weight, and he gets bigger and buffer, and then he comes back and he punches the goblin out. Oh, Jen, I could absolutely relate to this.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Is this the joy of reading? Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I think it is. Like seeing yourself in the protagonist and whatnot. Oh, holy shit. This is a seeing yourself in the protagonist and whatnot. Yeah. Holy shit. This is a pretty complex narrative for a picture book. Was I wrong this entire time?

No, I couldn't be. Alonus, would you do mind if we would perhaps borrow this children's book? I don't know if it's a limited edition. Do you guys just want it? Yeah. It's a series if you guys want. Yeah. There's a...

All right, like, there's a The All of One. I don't, she's not cool. I'm not interested in the the all the one. Do you want the me one? Yeah. It's called Alonus, Alonus casts a spell. And it's essentially the same book, except it's about her reading books and learning how to cast spells on a goblin. Okay. Yeah, we'll take that to thank you. A lot of you. do you have any of the legendary heroes chapter scrolls? It feels messed up that I would have those,

but you keep them just in case your fame ever goes away. You know what I mean? It's like a memento. I run over to the Quill and I ask her to sign a copy. She gives you a first edition of Gar Scroll. Oh, wow, you can see the goblin's jaw getting cleaved right off in this panel and signs it for you. Oh, thank you so much.

I'll treasure this. Although it is kind of messed up that they call it the off-guard ventures because me and the all are in there too. It's kind of sexist, but you know, things are changing. Although the ratio of your party was perhaps a little kinder towards women than us. Yeah, and we're stronger than Ulf Garo though, the all is gonna do probably more damage than me, Ulf Garo, do good.

And Ulf Garo's done a lot of damage with being brainwashing all that and he was trapping a gem for a while, but you know, he'll do good shit now, I hope. I don't know, I kinda don't know what's gonna happen. Here's the crazy thing now, gang. I don't have any more wish-stones, so. And this is the thing that we've gotten.

Yeah, guys, you guys are alive that's awesome charted territory wow this rules just blackness ahead cool neat yeah fun so okay I'm gonna let you go to bed but real quick tomorrow we are departing for hopefully by tomorrow we'll get a message from Bebs dad and we'll find out what's up great okay well Well, Alonist, you have shown us a wonderful time, even though it was also really depressing at the same time. Hey, you know, that's just life though, right? Yeah. Life sucks.

Life sucks so much, yeah. Although that's about like your perspective, you know what I mean? I've lived, actually, you know what? Pretty much every life I've lived sucks ass. I see she takes another hit, but maybe we can change it so that it doesn't suck ass. Maybe we can make life just okay. There you go.

Y'all should just come live at the creek. It's happened there every single day. Yeah. I might take you up on that. Yeah. Yeah. People are happy there. It's true.

They're weird, but they're happy. I'd say there's something there must be something in the water, but I know there is a lot of mud, and dirt, and carcasses, methane as well. That'll get you fucked up. Caffeine. Yeah, it's like a for-local. Yeah.

It's just a for-local in the water. That's exactly that. It's so saccharine, I don't quite understand. Have you studied that crick water? You must have. Yeah, so the crazy thing is that even more so than Glade Home, the crick shares a lot of similarities to the Fey Wild. I kind of wonder if there wasn't a, you know,

dimension door there somewhere, if there wasn't a gate somewhere there. Oh, so all the like the sweet candy and the soil from the Fey Wild is dripping in the fryer. Cause I mean, there's nanorflies here and Annerflies there. What's up with that right? What is up with that? I got a check on my nanorfly. I spray it for my jar. Go ahead and roll a D20

19 there are 19 nanorflies Yes, we got a commune complete with a charismatic leader. I look at one of the nanophiles as we're like in a robe. He salutes you. And fucking all the other ones. Do you want more jars? Do you want more jars? Yes, please. They look cramped.

Yeah, yeah. If we could maybe have a jar that could be a maternity ward because it looks like about six of them are pregnant. You need a little like mansion jar. She gives you six jars. Beautiful. She magically teleports them into mansion jar. She gives you six jars. Beautiful. She magically teleports them into the jar so they can't fly away.

Whoa, can I make like a rope belt that I can wear the jar for my- That is all matter flies. Yes, yes you can. Oh, Alanna's I almost forgot. I fish out the the vial of a perfume that we have from Ulfgar. Oh shit.

Yeah, Ulfgar gave this to us just in case we saw you. It seems like, you know, obviously he says, what up, but like he gave us this. So I feel like this is maybe more of like a what up? Oh, I actually need some of this. You see, she takes it, she takes another hit of her pipe and then blows the smoke and then sprays the scent to cover the smoke. I thought it was going to be like an e-sig.

You know how sometimes you get liquid cards. The juice? No, I just prefer, like, I like the smell of lavender. It smells a lot better than this stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh wow, that really lightens up the room. It does, right?

Yeah. Anyway, well, good night, you guys. I'll keep an eye on your boy out there. Make sure he doesn't like jump in the water. That'd be great, thank you. Yeah. Sweet. See, Bounder's like edging every closer to the water.

Bounder, we love you. Bounder, we love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you.

We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. We love you. y'all. I think I'm ready to meditate. Yeah. I mean, do we want to talk about what tomorrow holds for us? No, we're waiting to hear from your pops. Yeah, we gotta, I think we gotta keep an open mind,

keep a clean slate until we have our mission in head. Yeah. A hard one curls up with, Ulf Gargo's punched by the fire. I think I'll look over his shoulder and help him with what I learned. So fucking cute. Old, old, wolf. I, while they're doing this, I teach Papa how to write.

Wham! I'm gonna have to step ahead of me. Hard one, go ahead and give me an intelligence check and I'll say pop, I'll do an intelligence check. I'll roll in front of that here. 17 for pop-up. I got a 17 too. Hell yeah.

The boys are doing good. I'm sorry, Nate. I'm sorry, Nate. Pop-up here. You see pop-up, yeah, he does, he gets to E and Mo. He spells like the name Mo. Dude, rappers are always the same. Right here, right here.

If you switch that around, that's Emo, that's two words. Right here, no. Mama, this is so cute. You can write and then I can read what you wrote. We're here. A so many don't get too fancy with your writing. We're here. We're here.

He writes Mo and perfect script now. See, knowledge isn't ill-sense tool. It's useful and fun. Ha, ha, ha. Hard one's fast asleep. Ha, ha, ha, ha. OK. OK. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, should we hit the hay?

Yeah, I'm going to go into trance mode. I leave the door creaked for Belmore. Yeah, I think maybe we like, maybe we like, leave a little note for Belmore that's like, welcome back, we missed y'all. Right, another tune that's like a prime spot right in the middle of the cushion. Right in the middle of Belmore. A ballroom shape hole. Like the chair that you usually slip. Like when you're making like an egg in the hole and you cut out the middle of the cushion. A ballin' or a shape hole. The chair that usually slips like that.

Like when you're making like an egg in the hole and you cut out the center of the bread, we do that but we'll pillows. Yeah, we're the toe. We're the hole and ballin' or the toe. Yeah. A tiny little bag for him to crawl into. Yeah, it's like a sleeping bag.

Yeah. So you guys, yeah, you guys all go to bed. Hours later, you hear ballin' or come in. Not particularly quiet, because he's just a generally loud guy. He's a dad like clearing his throat a lot. He's been crying a lot. He reads the note that you guys left,

and you hear him just start weeping like loudly. Can I wake up and cast silence on him? You cast silence on him? We're there, Jake! We're there, Jake! Everyone can get a good night's sleep unless you guys wanted to wake up. No, I woke up and pretended to be asleep.

I go, so yeah. I don't deal with emotions like that. Bound or curls up in the pillows between you guys and silently sobs themselves to sleep. I do put my hand on his shoulder. Yeah, like we all spoon him a little bit. Bounder cuddles up with the gaits and this is that. We're there to physically come for it,

but you know, everyone's gotta get it to good night sleep. Gotta get your eight. Pop on, Nuzzles Up with Bounder. Me, it's for me, it's for, gotta get my four. Right, four in the form. Maybe I'm just like an optimized person. What are you doing with those other four? Are you doing four bonus hours with us?

I think I'm, you know, Calisthenics mostly. Yeah nice. So we just hear you kind of breathing like, yeah. All right, cool, cool, cool. Just burpees and reading. I wake up with the burpees. So you guys, you guys wake up, we wake up. I ask hard one if you can show me how to do a squat. Oh, you're trying to thicken that ass. I just feel like if you all are strengthening your brain, I should maybe strengthen these little burgliness.

I'm also going to strengthen my ass. I'm going to kill that zallic motherfucker with my strong ass squats. It's time to go hard. Train me. We got to go beast mode. Hell yeah. Let's go Beast Mode. That's true. Is that what we hear back from Bev's dad? Let's get to training.

We're squatting with Papa and just doing the sort of squat toss. You think Papa like a medicine ball? Yeah. And Papa's holding her medicine ball also so it's even heavier. Rare, rare, rare. Rare, he's counting for you guys. Rare, rare. Great for him, kid. Hard one, I'm counting for you guys. Damn, we're gonna be for him, kid.

Hard one, I'm gonna puke. Good. Ball North's also puke. Whoa! Come on, say that there is a pop-up guy into the mix is because that one point the medicine ball came to me. And when I heaved, pop-up accidentally came out

of my overall bib. That's just like the linging to it. Okay, so how much HB do I gain? You know what? Plus three to AC. Wow. If you guys keep at it, I'll let you roll a D4 for HP for having to cost you. If you keep training with hard one every morning.

Oh, okay. You got to train with hard one every morning. Okay. It will be my honor. So this is one. It's a whole hard fun. You're on the hard fun fitness system. I didn't think that I have to pay to do this. It's called HardFun. You're on the hard, hard fun fitness system. I didn't think that I have to pay to do this.

It's one gold, that's it. One gold a day, alright, you know, that's fair, that's a good price. So you guys do your morning squats and you see Alanna walks in and she goes, there's a lot of stuff going on today in the lab guys, if you guys want to come by. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Do you have any of any, any hot plates in that lab? I could just cook you some food.

Oh. Do you want something? I figured we have a little breakfast first. Yeah, we can have breakfast. What are you guys in the mood for? I can just summon it. Ooh. No.

Let's start rifling through Moonshine's bag. Yeah, part of how you show your love is cooking. I would like to show my love right now. It's true, if it's okay. It's for the other fraction of your kitchen. Kitchen sucks. Do you want me to make a kitchen? Oh, you don't have a kitchen.

Yeah, make a kitchen. All right, she just turns the bedroom into a kitchen. Oh, wow. And then I just go to town. Wow, this is old, this is like analog. I'm making, this is nuts. I'm gonna be hungry. I'm gonna be such a mess.

I just make my ass. It's starting small fires. You're even sauce everywhere. I'm worried to leave her in here by herself. I feel like I need to just spell this room as soon as she's done, so it doesn't burn down the whole mansion. And then I come out with some croissants with twigs in them. Ooh, I scarf my neck.

A lot of this also. A lot of this is just like super bloodshot eyes just eats the duig sandwich. Oh, bush boomer boomerangs is rad. Yep. Love these. Oh, this is very stuck in my braces. That's like, no, it's good.

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promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. All right, so yeah, I'm gonna take us to the lab. Uh, so Alonus takes you to her lab. Uh, you see it kind of looks like Dutel's lab. You get the kind of sense that, um, Duttle was kind of a poser and probably either based it off her lab or that she built it for him.

Please tell me you are not working on a pill that tastes like the memory of a strawberry or some shit like that. No, that's some fucked up Duttle shit. I don't do that. There's a buzz of activity in here. There are three clockwork automatons with arcane batteries at their core. They are built of brass and made to look like gnomes But the battery shine in different colors one is blue one is red and one is green. I salute them They salute you. They run over in Huggalonis as soon as they see her good morning mom Good to see you. Oh, what's up guys? Good morning guys. This is Al Lonnie and is I They I told them they can name themselves.

Mom is the best, she's the coolest. She knows all about magic and she built us. Aw, they love their mommy. Yeah, you see she's just like a much better person than Professor Duttle. Yeah. Like as opposed to like hard wand who was just like aching to be a person.

So they help you out down here. Mom just tells me that I am a person because I feel feelings and we talk through our problems together. Absolutely. That's right, you just talk it through, we're different, but you know. Everyone is staring at hard ones.

Feelings. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't mean to just talk through our feelings. Like a beautiful river, right? You see, a lot of us walks over to you, a hard one. You would actually do a lot of good talking to one of these robots for a little bit. Are these your therapy droids?

Sounds whatever. No, just as far as like, they're just really open. Totally, yeah, I can be like a little chat with them. Doesn't matter to me. Small talk, nothing more. Just coffee. So you see that the clock works are at work. You see the red one, Al, it's mixing chemicals and beakers, causing them to bubble.

The blue one, Lonnie, is organizing a shelf of these little orbs that kind of look like the wish stones, these little arcane batteries. You see the green one is fixing a device that almost looks like a big microwave or a freezer that a large item could fit into. It's attached to a laser that sticks out from a big metal arm and it aims down

to a giant glass slide. Oh, honest. What's up? We got multiple gursed items. Yeah, if you want to break those down for spell components. Yes, we do. We could do that for you. Yeah.

Holy shit. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Finally, Bellor entered that bag. Bellor proudly empties the bag. Slow motion, rap song plays. Do you know how many, oh, you do? Because you've been watching us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do you guys think in book? Obviously. Book, for sure. I'd like to get rid of that the Armor the armor I can fix for you if somebody wants to wear the armor. Yeah, that's just pretty strong That's just plate mail if somebody needs plate mail I'm on my dude over here. She points to Beverly and my dude over here. What do you got like 19 AC? Yeah? I'm rocking 19 right now

You'd have 28 see if you put this look at upgrade. Yeah for sure You wouldn't have disadvantage on stealth rolls either with it. Whoa. Yeah Do we got any more Cursor Adams or is it just these two? Well, we've got that horn that someone's spirits that we've never used I think that's not Curse though. Maybe we could have you analyze it until we're playing with fire. Yeah, I feel like we're just like, you know what I'm just like holding, you're just having your like cast

identify spell on it. Yeah, this is, Antique's road show. Yeah, what is this one? This is like right when you get home from like trick or treating and you like pour out your haul and like a shit each other. She looks at the horn that you guys got

from Snotziyat and she goes, oh, this is the horn of Valhalla. So you can blow this like once every seven days to summon like a bunch of pirates to come help you. So this probably would have got you guys out of some gems. Cool. Yeah. I'm just gonna put like a sticky note on this

that says, remember to use this book is straight up bad. I would get rid of it. Armor is bad, but I could remove the curse for you if you'd like. Then you can use it. The Acarot coin is not a good thing. I don't know if you, that's kind of your deal. Yeah, forget the hustle.

For about the Heroic coin. The Heroic coin, that is just some currency. Cool. I look at the Acarot coin and I hear it's whisper once more Yeah, you toss it She takes it that is such a bug an insult to aqraq. Oh, I cannot Is it like a so rap is it like a hydraulic press or we can like watch it slowly? Yeah, oh can we do like a fair wild one of those like a

Mint the coin to be like a Super near Any pressure turns into a trick. Yeah, you see a lot of Does a little illusion to make it look like a penny presser you put the aqra coin from it You spin the little wheel You see it crushes and then it turns into a little bead. Again, here you acarot, you're breaking up over there. Don't know, be brother,

don't know the other one. Turns into a little red bead, this can be used for spell components. So, Bev, I, for a spell like revivify, usually I don't make you guys use spell components, but for like powerful spells that require a lot of spell components Revivify. Usually I don't make you guys use spell components, but for like powerful spells that require a lot of spell components, I will. Oh, okay.

This little bead will allow you to cast Revivify. Listen, I only need 300 GP worth of diamonds to cast it. That is this amount of diamonds. Okay. So I can only revivify once. Yes. Okay, gotcha. Yeah.

Except you guys also have this book. Yeah. You see, she also. Turn that into a Revitify. She takes the book. She breaks the illusion on the Penny Presser machine and turns it back to its normal form. This metal compartment that connects to a laser

with a glass slide. She places the book inside the compartment and activates the machine. It lights up with a yellow glow. Through a little glass window, you watch as the magical power is extracted from this item. Tiny bits of energy are pulled from it as the faces on Ilsaid's book eventually stop moving and are devoid of life. You've basically witnessed a new spell, something beyond a dispel magic. Outside of the

compartment, the lasers begin to do their work using the magical energy to create more spell components, and this one creates three red orbs. Okay, I take Alonus aside and I say, I don't want anyone else to see me make this sacrifice, but I got something that I'm pretty sure could be a spell component. And I take out of a little little leather satchel, the coral earrings that I got from the Columbia. Be water elemental. These I'm pretty sure they're pretty valuable. I've got good news and I've got good news. Which is that these look awesome and you should keep them. Okay, you haven't got to tell me twice.

Alright, I'll keep them. I was ready to make the sacrifice, but... Yeah, why have you never worn those? I don't know, I put them on. They're look good. Okay. Yeah. Wow, why do you talk me out of that?

What was I doing throwing away such valuable possession? You dodged a freaking bullet. So you see, Alonus also puts the armor through the little machine. And you guys now have this mithril plate mail for Beverly. So Bev you can up your AC-220. Can we get this in green? I mean yeah, now I can totally do that. You see she casts a little spell on you and dies the armored green. I, I got a spin around like a lime green You didn't specify what green you want. Wow. This is very bright. It's filling out in the back Do I mean to give you a little junk back there? Hard fun all the way

Cheating is not fun We are paying a hundred gold a week to get Jack to be a hard fun. I wink it, Beverly. We're giving him big funds to get really jacked. So you see a lot of pipes up and she goes, oh I've actually, I've got some cool stuff for you. I've got some custom shit. Oh, I love presents. Yeah, you got mods.

So you see, hard one, she hands you this little gold ring with little red gems in it. And she goes, if you wear this bad boy, you'll be able to cast Hello Shrew Bukes once every short rest, anytime some motherfucker hits you, I know you get hit all of the time. I sure do. I already got this pinky ring.

You got a ring. You want me to like change it, make something different? I wouldn't hate having like a hair tie. Just tie? Yeah. Oh yeah. That's fair. I've noticed your hair gets in your way a lot when we're fighting.

Oh yeah. You see she grabs the ring. It's not quick not in quick enough. You see she takes the ring. Her hand gets this like arcane energy around it. And she just kind of waves it out, and suddenly this metal ring becomes very rubbery and turns into like a hair tie.

I put my hair into a man bun so fast. You get the hellish hair tie. You look like you've got a hair tie. I'm so done. The hellish hair tie. Add the hellish hair tie, and I'm a barista now. You've got to teach me that slide of hand, by the way. Yeah, and I've got something cool for you.

It was a little brass coin with a little green gem in it, but I assume you're gonna want something custom-beverly. This bad boy will give you true strike. Once for short rest, you can do it as a minor action. I can just do it and get advantage on an attack. Pretty rad, pretty rad. I do have minor notes. Okay.

What if instead of a small little coin, it was a full-on sniper scope built into a sword? That sounds fucking rad. So I'll put like a scope on your sword that you can look through to swing at people and get true strike once per short rest. So I can do like a perfect stab through the scope. Hell yeah. She does. It looks like a sleight of hand magic trick. She turns the coin into this little like target sign and it melds into the side of your soul.

I try to like look and see what the trick is this time, like to see if she's like trying to distract me or like mistreat. Can't give you my tricks. Can't give it away. Can't give it away. And moonshine. I got you straight up this cool ass gun arm thing.

You see she pulls up this gauntlet, this like gold gauntlet that has this blue cannon on it. This straight up. I really feel like I need to modify that. I think you nailed it. Yeah, so this. I mean, can you like turn it into like a brawlet and then just turn it right back? Yeahwlet and then just turn it right back

Yeah, she does that turns it right back Cool, so this will let you shoot a spell I invented called chaos bolt. It shoots out a random blast of energy So Emily for practical purposes chaos bolt Chaos bolt Munchine Chaos bolt does 2d8 plus 1D6 damage at level 1. The type of damage depends on what you roll on the D8. So you roll a D8, and then I've got a table here that'll tell me what kind of damage it does.

It's chaotic. It's random. So with this arm cannon, you get one free first level spell slot that you can use per short rest, but you can also now just cast Chaos Bolt at will. At will? You like memorizing. Oh, I see.

You like having it, yeah. Awesome. I like about Chaos. Also because it's in it. I'm a pretty organized person if you see my stump. Like I got the sticks in one pile, I got the dirt in another pile, I got the grubs in another pile.

And then the bigger sticks in that other pile. Right, yeah. But I could introduce a little chaos in my life. Your toilet acorns are all amiss. I didn't want to say anything. Marie Kondo would have my butt. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha when he comes up. So she's able, you do use the gauntlets of Ogrepower, right? I do, yeah. Okay, you see she's able to use her equipment.

She breaks them down. She essentially combines them. Oh, is that an issue? That's an issue. I can't wear this. No, totally. We can do both. Okay.

Why don't we just combine them? Why don't we just make you some bad ass gauntlets that give you strength and also shoot chaos bolts? Shake them like you do with his little hair tie. She shakes the gloves like a polar right-click. She's a bunch of little hair ties to put those together. I don't know. You're right, can you turn this into a pile of hair ties?

She doesn't have sleeves. I know she's hiding these components. Can you do a pile of hair ties and then I can do one of those ponies where you have like little hair ties? I can just straight up loan you a hair tie. That's big of you. She turns one hair tie into eight.

Just take a whole little baggie of it. Oh my God, I put my hair into one of those little ponytails that has a bunch of, a bunch of things on my back. Sweet. And she gives you back your gauntlet of Ogropower, which will now allow you to cast chaos bolt. And I will say, since it's coming from an item you can now Cast it in addition to other spells per turn so if you want to say

It still takes a full action still takes a full action, but if you want to say cast like healing word Yes, and exactly cool cool Suddenly you guys hear a buzz and Alonus reaches in or a pocket and pulls out a big gold disc Oh shit, this is probably your dad. She holds it out and you see a little hologram of Bev's dad pops up. He's got a big white beard and a crazed look in his eyes. And he goes. Looks good, yeah, embrace that wild side. Sweet Pete, I went wrong.

The dang chosen are coming in through the portal. We got unceilig doing a siege outside the castle and the dang chosen are coming in from the material playing. I can't get out of the city. We're gonna go below to the static and you see a lot of us goes, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, this is not good. You know, I never know what to say to my parents on the phone. This is actually not a phone. That was just a message from him. So we couldn't have said anything anyway. That's good, so. What's the quickest way? So he's currently in the kingdom of the seal.

Summer, yeah, right. Get us there. We're just that fucking turtle. But guys, fucking chill, all right. Let me think. You see, she takes a chill. She takes a huge rip guys Do you want it done faster? Do you want it done right? We got fucking thing here. Okay, all right All right cool it with the thing Think okay, what if the fuck what to talk guys if the children are coming through I'm fucking I'm fucking hiding out here

Trying to not be seen by these guys if I go there back close to the alla. She's gonna fucking see me Don't go need to get there quick Yeah, so just don't you all got some kind of like door we can walk through and just break Yeah, we're like a big cannon you can shoot us there everybody chill the fuck out. Here's what we'll do all right They're going to the old court Bev. Yeah, you remember as a child hearing stories about the old court You remember hearing like fairy tales about how the previous fake kingdom, when like the fake queen died, they literally like buried the city with her, that there's literally like a city under the city, not quite like Cragwater where it's like very practical and

it's just like within the mountain. This is like a city under the city and the legend is that they like stole a little bit of sunlight and put it under the mountain so she could have it so that it could be forever summer even as she rested. The old queen died and her last retort was to bury deep the old summer court. That's the Hawkinsaw story. Yeah, that's the song, that's the courts. That's the fucking song. Yeah, this is song. This is song. Everything's fucking real here. Okay, okay.

So, I've never been to the old court, so I'll just teleport you as close to the old court as I can get, right? Once I go there, I'll just go to Glateron on the material plane and just start waging out to distract the chosen so that like, you know, all of the rescue or anything. Oh shit. Everything's or anything. Oh shit. Everything's fucking nice.

Oh shit, it's not. It's not gonna work, right? I also believe in you, Alonus. I think you can do this. Yeah, I'm just gonna like own some dudes. I'm not gonna like fight the all right now. I was good, but if I appear there, she'll know where I'm at,

so I might as well call some troopers. So this is real time. Safety bumpers are off. Alonus throws her arms around you guys and whew, in a flash. You disappear, then reappear In a flash, you disappear. Then reappear in a room surrounded by chaos. Whoa.

A terrible battle is taking place. You see, chosen foot soldiers cutting down a ladrin who are greatly outnumbered. You're in this big room made of marble covered in frost. You see moonlight peeking in from the outside. There are orange and yellow tabards featuring the sunbursts symbol of the summer court all faded and wet and covered in ice from the winter's curse. Unlike later on, which has a city built on a mountain, the summer court appears to be

one castle that is as big as a mountain. You see various grand staircases of marble leading up to other areas. When you look up, you see that there are countless levels ofcases of marble leading up to other areas. When you look up, you see that there are countless levels of castle all the way up to the peak of what would be Mount Glateron. Back to your current surroundings though, you see that the chosen have broken in archway. These pillars with runes on them that lead to a staircase heading down, you can surmise that this is the way to the old court and that the barrier to protect it has been broken. There are about 40 chosen foot soldiers here and a number of them are trying to rush down

the steps, but the band of boobs just showed up with a motherfucking dope wizard in the middle of the mix. You guys get a surprise round. Oh shit. Let's go Alonus surprise round just tosses a sixth level fireball I'm gonna say that these guys have like 11 HP these chosen foot soldiers They even if they save are gonna die so I'm just gonna roll a D12 see how many she hits she fully kills seven There are now 33 chosen guards

I'll say hard one goes next because of decks great. I'm not at a lawn is the all a fucking sucks. She's a fascist Hey, I twirl my dad fuck the alla and I toss it a bunch of chosen. How dare you I Tossed at that guy that how dare you one guy turns as you throw the javelin at his head Roll with advantages surprise. Thank God Jabbling at his head. Roll with advantage, this is a surprise. Thank God. I rolled the one. I rolled the one.

Woo! 24. Super hits. I'm gonna call lightning on this Jabbling. Yeah. So it's 4d6? Yeah. I will let you, you know what, roll a d6.

See how many guys you hit. I'll say you hit at least two. Six. Sweet, you're gonna hit six. 23. Holy shit. Yeah, you fully fry six dudes. guy turns how dare you she's the god Just juggling goes right through his mouth. He his head travels backwards then explodes and lightning bolts a bunch of other guys

Fully fries another six guys. There are 27 left fuck yeah nice. I'm, I nodded along with the guard. It's just fucking awesome. This fucking rules, you guys are fashas. You guys are fucking part of the problem. Yeah, you're chosen, but you made the worst choice possible. Yeah, I wanted it. Fucking dickheads.

Next amount of decks would be moonshine, go ahead. Okay, I'm in fungal form, I'm in a rage, and first off, these guys are weeners, so I'm gonna use my 12 I'm gonna use my 12 halo spores on one Instantly dead and that's a finish it. Mochette. How would you like? Well, I'm actually what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give my kiss on the cheek and Rather than following the ground Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm gonna kiss him on the mouth. Oh, no. But rather than falling to the ground, he becomes my fucking fungal zombie. Yeah.

And I send him to attack one of his brethren, and then I attack one of the first and front of me. I guess that's gonna, does it 29 hit? Hell yes. Okay. It's gonna be 18. Fully kill another dude. Yeah.

There are 25 left and then my other guy hits one of the Okay, go ahead and make it a tackle for the zombie. He's got nine. He only gets like a plus four or five. He misses. Okay. He takes a lumbering swing at this guy. Wait, no, no Ray we were friends

Get him right we love the light we love going to church together Why show my mind you love the life Raise a fucking fascist dude He's by breath that's best turn no more praying Ray All right, I turn to Alana's and say hey could you create a portal right up about there and I point to the ceiling? Um, oh you want to do like some fancy ash flavor shit? Absolutely. Sure. She throws up a little like blue portal and then an orange portal under some guys. Uh, I jumped down through the orange portal on the floor, land out of the blue portal on the ceiling and then I just

Smite down as hard as I came in this inner of these guys. It's just for flavor, you fucking rules, lawyers, get off my back. Does attacking people okay? Does it 27 hit? Yes. Alrighty. So with my wrathful smite, Jesus. What I'm going to do is it does an extra one-de-six of psychic damage and I am going to make them all reconsider their allegiances to their god. Okay, great. I'm gonna try and make them all agnostic. Yeah. Not to see the light of Polora, but instead just a question

of the... They don't deserve Polora. They can maybe work their way up, but they need to start at nothing. Okay, that's nine damage for the regular attack, and then let me roll my D6. Sweet, you fully kill the one that Moonshine cleaved into. And then that's the next are three psychic damage. Cool.

Next guy takes a little bit of damage. Cool. And then while they are reconsidering the existence of deities in your own, would you like to make an intimidation check? Because you guys showing out, I don't know where. And just, man. Yeah, go ahead.

Cool. It's gonna be 18. 18 is pretty good. Cool. It's going to be 18. 18 is pretty good. Go ahead and roll a D4. Ooh. He's all my dice. Thank you, Daddy. That's two.

OK, you see two guys go, shit, this kid might be gone. And they piece out. Two guys just like fully run. I'm Pelor, Jr. I'm kid Pelor, shit. Go ahead and make your second a day 17 hit 17 does it cool. Let me just do a regular d8. This is kind of like a slap in them in the ass with a flat on my sword That's going to be 12 damage 12 damage fully kill another one

Whoo, my slaughtering is asked so hard Bound more runs forward. You should have done squats. I don't have as much personal stuff with you knuckleheads, but apparently you guys are aligned with the knuckleheads that I've got stuff. I'm going to kill you, you son of bitches. That's what's up, Bound Lord. Swings that one, he hits.

So many knuckles on this head, you think it was a hand. Nine damage to one. It's barely alive. Bound Lord hits again. Kills one. Slashes through to another one. That is the guard. That is not the guard's turn because it is. Now everybody rolls initiative. Nine. 16. Hard one you're first. Sweet. I'm gonna jump off of it. There are 20 guards. You see yeah, these guys are super frazzled. You guys show up instantly

Have their numbers surprise Huh, huh go down get the angels get the angels to come up and help us They're like so flat-footed. They're like scrambling trying to get down the stairs But they're talking about the angels. Yeah, whatever that is okay. Let's not let them get the angels fuck their angels I'm gonna swing it the guys running the angels. Yeah, I'm gonna swing it the guy that said yeah Ooh Damn does a 13 hit it does not Dude blocks it with a shield they're not that tough

18 18 hits confirmed weaklings. Oh god damn. I'm gonna drop my hammer and just try to kill this guy with my foot 14 you fully kill one great that is bebs turn. I'll just keep climbing sweet 22 hits yes great Now they didn't know that there are angels. I'm not going to use anything fancy. It's 10 damage and then... Sweet. Oh no. That kind of rolled weird, but does 12 hit?

It does not. Okay. But you are able to kill the one that bow and the order of three to throw in. I feel like I swing this second time on the word angels. I'm like, what? That sounds cool.

That is Alonus' turn. She's not gonna be fancy. She's gonna throw another Six-level fireball. Yeah, fucking fascists Fascists, I'm just gonna dump your dive Alonist Yeah, I like I sell grilled cheeses at fish comfort I know you put that garlic in there because you know what's up. She kills another seven dudes just Fry some God is not real. They just burned it death That's fucking right God's whoever you fucking make of them dude except Polora Polora's I've met a bunch of them. They're real, but like don't let them rule your life. Hold on. No your own truth

That is the guards turn who there are now 11 of them. Oh wow. So fucking scared. What are they gonna do? I guess you know what? They'll try to fight for now. I'll say three of them will go after basically each of you guys. Okay, so they go after Moonshine. Only one of them hits. Four. Bigger now, come on. Six damage. Three go after hard one. them hits four big enough come on Six damage three go after hard one one hits Five damage. Oh Are you finished yet? I yield three go after three go after Beverly

None hits bounce off his new fucking fresh green armor. Oh, it's so good and it's so lime green It's got gold racing stripes. Three go after Balanor. One hits. None of them go after Ray. They're on bread room who turned against them. Prey and Ray. Ray, thanks for being on our side, man. Ray still pounding at people. Balanor takes seven damage. And then two, we're gonna go after Alonus. Oh, you did it. Oh, no, oh, no. She's down.

Alonus takes four damage. You did it now. You fucking did it now. Oh, you did it. You fucking did it now. Oh, you did it now. You freaking did it. This one from me, Bounder.

Leave this one from me, Bounder. Hold on. This one from me. Bounder runs forward and goes after a different one. Shout out to the two crew Balenoar missions. I'm emotional. See, that's all you were showing us told him. He does hit on another guy.

10 damage, guys at Death's Door, but he's still alive. OK, after Balenoar, that is Munchai. OK, I'm going to look at one of the healthy ones and give him a kiss, turn him into a zombie. Don't kiss me, I can't kiss. It's the greatest moment of my life Automatically kill him cuz it's 12 damage. That's insane. Yeah, I'm really killed No, but then I try to make a zombie. Yeah dope. Yeah, so now I've got two zombies these guys are terrified

Wow, they forsaken their god cool. Wow. I guess maybe I'm their new god. Yeah, maybe Protect the zombies. I look at my zombies and I say, who's your god? You are. Yeah, okay, I can see why. We are in hell. I can see why this corrupted PL's heart. And then I attack, I'm gonna attack one in front of me. Street.

There's a 20 hit. Super hits. 19. I need you to do so much goddamn damage you kill one and kill the other one that palinor hurts You cleave through two of them. There's eight left and then I've got my two zombies. I'm gonna just go. Yeah, go ahead attack Doesn't 11. I don't know what what did you say? I doesn't hit okay 15 15 hits okay 15 hits. Okay. 15 hits with their modifier.

Yeah. What kind of damage is that? Roll D6. Okay. Two. Sweet. So six. Yeah.

So they do. It's more about the psychology being attacked by the face. There's zombie and a bunch of other things. These guys had been owning these Winter Eladron. I've even been even been rolling for these Winter Eladron. We'll say that there's a few like guards tying them up, but you do see that the tides of the battle have quickly turned, now that you guys have turned up.

That is back around the hard one. Cool. I've pet my zombies and I say good work boys. I swing my hammer. God damn, terrible rolls 14. Doesn't hit. I know. 26. Super hits. There. 16 damage. God damn terrible rolls 14 doesn't hit I know 26 super hits there

16 damage Fucking cave ones head in and heard another one bad that's your turn seven guys left seven guys left. Yeah, all right I minor illusion my face to like shimmer and shine is if I am a deity Sweet, Oh there are there the allergies again And I rush towards them and say like let me take you to real heaven. It's better. Oh God that's right fucking terrifying heaven to it's No, no, no, no does a 21 hit super great. Okay

Does a 21 hit? Super hit. Great. Okay. Ooh, 13 damage. Super dead. One guy. Okay. You have fun.

You're getting on the gondola to Heaven too. Oh God, he's so calculated with the way he speaks. 19? 19 hits. Great. Ah, just eight damage on that one. Uh, dude, he's super hurt. Heaven too, it's the place for you! That is Alonus's turn.

At this point I just want to say that there's mushroom sprouting out of the eyes and mouths of my zombies. Oh my god, brutal. On a lot of stern I'll say she'll do a fifth level fireball. There are only six dudes left. I'll just roll a D4. See how many they can hit this time because they're probably more spread out. She gets two. She fucking fries. Another two guys. There are dudes left. I'll just roll a D4. See how many they can hit this time because they're probably more spread out. She gets two. She fucking fries. Another two guys. They pair our four left.

That is their turn. On their turn, they fucking flee. They just like this opportunity. Yeah, do we get opportunity? Let's pay for it. Yeah, yeah. Hard one. I'll say hard one moon shining better that you guys get opportunity. Yeah, yeah. I'll say bound one does. You might as well do my zombies get opportunity to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 15? 15 does not hit.

Okay, one of my zombies got six. Give me a zombie got a 12. Is that gonna hit though? No. Okay. I got a net 20. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I just would do both my zombies and then land it on myself. Go ahead and roll down. Also, that's another thing for Rosalene, moonshine. Yeah, I just would did both my zombies and then landed on myself. Go ahead and roll down. Also, that's another thing for Rosalene, right? Yeah, ooh. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Okay, 35. moonshine, you fully kill three dudes. There's one left. Oh, I actually haven't done my kiss of death yet. Well, you don't get to do it, because you did, you do your reaction. Oh, wait, is that an opportunity? Hard to why did you hit on your opportunity attack?

I did not hit on my opportunity attack. This one guy, oh wait, Ballnor did though. Ballnor, Ballnor did. Ballnor is gonna take a big dad swing at this last guy. And he rolls a fucking eight on his D8 to think he does fucking 14 damage, he kills this dude. Yeah. Down or cuts this dude down.

That's right, we do not leave a mess. It is a messy ass room. I know when I was saying we don't leave anyone alive. Right, yeah. Like that would be the mess. Clean house. You guys are in this room that looks like it was some sort of foyer welcome room for the summer court with runes protecting this downstairs area that takes you to the old court.

Now full of dead shows and there's a few alladren that are still alive. So Alonistar, so you guys and says, all right, so you head down to old court. I'm off to go later on to fuck the all of shit up. Hopefully I can distract her enough that she stops sending people through. I chest bumper. She chest bumps you sending people through. I chest bumper. She chest bumps you guys. Dude, I chest bump. God speed or whatever you believe in.

Malora speed. Hell yeah dude. Hell yeah dude, whatever you believe in. It's really not believed when you met the guy, okay. She's gone. She's gone. All right, let's go help my dad. Let's go help my dad.

Yeah. You guys kick aside the corpses, Balon or kicks one of these chosen over. Wait, wait, can we look for like some badges or anything like that we could use? Let's just, let's at least take a chosen, I'm gonna take a chosen outfit. Okay, sure.

You put on the chosen's armor again. I'm not putting it on right now, I just have it. I just wanna grab some armor. Yeah, but specifically some distinctly chosen armor. Sweet, you guys grab the armor off some chosen. I'll say with the bag of holding, you guys are able to get a four sets. Great.

And you guys begin descending the steps towards the old court, towards Beverly Senior, Queen Cerilla, and Angels. And that's where we'll end our session. Angels! Angels! Angels in Bahumia? We'll talk more about it on the short rest.

I have theories. I have theories. Yes. We'll find out about the Angels on the short rest. We want, because that's a spoiler. Should we do it? We'll talk about this episode, though. I'm theories.

I'll be doing a really long short rest one time called bed rest. We did do a long rest at the end of the season. No, no, but we do like a 24 hour streak. Yeah, that's insane. Legit 24 hours. Guys, go on over to patreon.com slash nad pod to listen to the short rest on sing yet, any dpod. Cool, guys.

Thanks so much for listening. We got some things to plug. Watch hot date on Netflix, mean Emily Sketch Show. Oh! Also, we had our press release, guys. We got a season two. Oh, yay!

That is official. We've known for a while. We wanna tell you. You guys figured it out. But we're shooting that in April. That'll come out later. We also have a fantasy high on dropout, college humor streaming service,

and then we've got our book, KUWAP, Pat and Turner, and your booty call into emergency contact. Me and Emily's satirical relationship advice book, called what do you got to plug? Ooh, this week I would like to plug all of the nice people that sent us stuff to our PO box. Oh my gosh, we are in style right now.

We are flush. Yes. We are flush with gifts. Our cornicoopie are runneth over. Oh. First of all, I want to give a shout out to Trey Le, the cray-thay, aka Atnerd Casseroll, and her husband at CrangT Nelson on Twitter. Their entire family sent us a nice 2D-O cross stitch.

It's beautiful. I think if you check the NADPOT Instagram, you'll probably see a picture of it over there. It looks so cool. It's so lovingly crafted. Thank you so much. It's so cool. We also got a, Emily got some books from Lindsey,

aka At Seattle Somaliay. It's a book of Pastel Spells and Monsters You Should Know. I could not have felt more seen when I held him in my hands. What's our cool? That's what we learned and we continue to learn. Jeff S. Lord of the Fjords sent us a cool fairy goblet, some dragon shot glasses, and a warcraft DVD. Hell yeah.

A little too excited about it. And also some leopard print dice. Yes. That they painted. They're so fancy. And they are gorgeous. Have I already rolled a Nat 20 with them? Yes.

Did you roll those? Did you roll your Nat 20 with those? Yes, I did. Woo! So, off to a good start. Those are perfect barbarian dice. I know. Yes.

We also got a dream catcher with custom NAD pod trinkets and charms in it from Megan you. Thank you so much. That will protect us from bad dreams about bad roles. Whenever we are sharing one big bed, the dream catcher will be tickling our chins. It's one big win. One big win. To catch all of our bad dreams. We also got a, oh, Liam, aka Captain Oblivion, sent us these little custom sculpted miniatures that they made. Oh yeah, I'm playing with you.

They look so fucking cool. There, I cannot express how much I have been like, so devastated that nothing on Hero Forge like is like adequately represents moonshine and now I have a moonshine. Yeah, there's an actual pop-off. And there's a pop-off and I cannot express how much they captured pop-off essence. Yeah, hard ones legs are bigger than his waist.

Yeah. So this is awesome. It's a real hourglass. We also got a very nice letter from David aka at DMC Dog. And another super nice, super thoughtful letter from Cal. Thank you all so much for sending those. Like I poured over them and got very weepy. It's really cool that.

Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. Thank you DMC Dog. Been following us since Ape Book Club. Thank you for all your support. We super appreciate it. Ape Book Bud. Ape Book Bud from Wayback, thank you. And your support. And David Book Club. And David Book Club from Wayback, thank you.

And Cal, we support you. Yeah. Yeah. Keep on keeping on Cal. Keep on keeping on be you. Yeah. That's all I got. Sweet. Jake, what do you got to plug?

Just beard oil, baby. beard oil, dude. Hey, can we give an update that I use some today? Not beard oil. I use some, the sister mister. Yeah, the sister mister. Yeah, the sister mister. There's a sister mister now. We're going to the sex.

Our quiet stuff. Ooh. I use them on my hands. Not on my full body yet, because I'm gonna have to just rope to do that and I didn't think that it was, I just haven't had those for a while. I was really soon after.

Emily gave me a really soft hand job and it felt like I had lubed that self. Exactly what my sister's wanted. Exactly what was the Bounder voice of that? I created the company. BrothersCisterCo.com. If you want to give your friends a soft hand job. We don't have sex, we just give each other soft hand jobs. Are you not going to talk about the fact

that he used the Bounder voice when he said hand job? Did I? I didn't mean to. He came out a little bit, you know? Bounder would love to be found on the inside. You are bound to run the inside. I'm bound to on the inside. Are we all a good one? Guys, follow us on Twitter at THMurf is me.

Ed Codias called well, Eddie X for his Emily, Ed J. Kerr which is Jake. At NAD pod is us now. Yes! We got our damn fucking Twitter handle. Finally, the battle is over. Battles over.

Follow us on Twitter and tweet about the show. Pop one or case and core. Right here, right here. Yeah, and tweet about the show. Pop one or case and core. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Yeah, and tweet about the show using hashtag NADPod that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. Oh, we are, we are, the youth of a nation, we are, we are, youth of a nation. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Y'all are so good to us.

And kicking it off with Brad D, the only pebblebot that isn't Craven has to go to his family members house is individually on Halloween to deliver candy because they won't leave the house in fear of seeing a costume. J. Loma, 72, aka Steelbreak, our Hard One's gymspiration, Steelbreakers' Instagram is mostly filled with comments of other dudes asking what his diet is. Nice. Dylan B. A Sword-Wielding Wizard surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times. Dylan is like Edward Sizzerhands, except ten times as dangerous and ten times as hard

to love. Danny P. Bohumi, resident artist painted hard one senior portrait at the door finish, also signed hard ones yearbook because he could tell he wasn't very popular. Tom P. Father of the Realm and Serenader of Sleeping Babies. And Serenader of Sleeping Boundores. Legend has it that Tom visits Boundor every night to make sure it gets a good night of sleep to ensure maximum dad snores. Spencer Casperu, patronelder of libations, ale maker to gods and here is a Bahumia alike, once Brutus shot so norste, even moonshine had a hard time getting it down.

What? It can't be done. Beardman Dan, the longest beard and all of Bahumia, beardman Dan's beard is so long that it bends the rules of space and time and exists simultaneously in each of Alonist's timelines. Gryven SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldridge Knight, X owner, the Badgers Pint Inn, and unfortunately,

the X owner of a brand new Fixie bike. It was unfortunately stolen, perhaps by the same person who stole Amelie's bike. We'll let you two plot your revenge. Wow, Scott D. a buff bully walk who got ripped the right way without eating halflings. Just the occasional noom. Aaren C, the homeless man that was used

by the band of boobs to distract the chosen back and go later on, currently in the stocks of the go later on town square, having tomatoes thrown at them by very angry chosenosen Soldiers. Wow, we truly make people's lives worth sometimes. Herm is W, the back king, and the only back that can see. It gets pretty lonely though because none of the other bats know what he's talking about

when he talks about all the cool ass shitty seas. Spartus, anome gladiator whose heart is big enough to make up for his lack of size. That's right, Spartus has an enlarged heart and probably won't make it to 30. Tragic! Adam are the R-rated assassin. Accidentally said, dang it, while killing someone that resurrected them just so they could do it again and tell them to fuck themselves. Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP, Cassandra has so much HPs she survived the pillage

of Boundar's hometown and just wandered off into the woods for a nice walk. Wow. Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Danielle is so dastardly that she actually sold out Boundar's village to Ezra's hounds. Danielle's essentially killed Bobby. QC, aka Howdor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crudon the SS Stormborn and Fought Alongside Elias and Red, Hugh is so tough that he fell off the airship once and merely rolled an ankle.

Badass, many the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest belt to reach divinity, if you forgot to charge your phone last night but look at your battering and says that you're still at 90 percent, that Mani Linden, you a charger. Daniel U, AKA multi-for, the many face magician. They've been telling people to call them a face magician, but so far the title hasn't stuck. Yeah, so keep trying. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, DJs, frequently

at the nightcap and is super ripped from being constantly drunk off of big and strength potion. Jeffrey asks, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and killer of cord. That's right, Jeff killed a god. Well, we've been building to that. We have Cutter W. A high elf, Dandy, turned, Crick, Barcatect. Cutter has been squatting in the high Elven treehouses and redecorating them, much to the chagrin of their owners.

Let's get the escape artist. Lex is so dedicated to their craft that they took out their shoulders, ribs, and kneecaps so they could be a twisty bag of bones that could fit into all types of spaces. Fun! John S.A.G.A. Shubbert, the mushroom shubbert just landed a role in the upcoming Sportcraft movie as the fearless leader of a warrior race known as Sporx. Ryan M. A Crick-Elf Tailgator Famous for putting a bunch of crawfish on a bun, and crunching

into it, shells and all, it's called the Craw Dog, and it's straight up illegal to eat in Glade Home. Well, Elena C. A Purple Worm who lives in the biggest apple, or as the Knows Who Worship Elena call it, New Worm City. And you M. A Superbuff Sater that approached Trey Ena after the band of boobs left. Andrew asked if she wanted to roll deep and she said yes without hesitation. Ah, jealous. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blue Man in.

Unlike most flaming cocktails that eventually go out so you can drink them, Michael's drinks burn for all of eternity and can only be drank by those who the flame deems worthy. Victor T. Bounder's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. In honor of his father, Victor created a new take on Vienna's classic cheese filled top and strutal. The twist, it's full of tuna and salt with the tears of a devoted son. We've confirmed that this isn't real. Yes, I'm glad that it always be true. Okay, Justin I, a sweetie Todd style demon barber.

The only difference is that Justin is an actual demon and also doesn't give a shit if people know that he's eating their customers. Clay and the amma, Claymation Dalmatian who's on vacation, they wanted to go to the beach, but water is very hard to animate with stop motion, so they went to Las Clegas instead. I'll take it. The professional, the only lawyer to successfully beat pop-on litigation.

Pop-up was super close to winning too, but the jury pulled a 12-angry men at the last minute and totally screwed him over. Jacob C. and Ethical Druid, who traveled across the multiverse to search for a burger that is truly beyond. Most of them still taste kind of like beans, but Jacob has lost hope.

Elena, an editor of the Galator on Free Beacon, some folks say the paper is slightly biased towards the olive, but those people have all died mysteriously in a warehouse fire, so who's to say we're really? McPox, the amazing codemaster who programmed our website, McPox, also made a website for Shay's yoga, but it's constantly crashing because Moonchen keeps her face refreshing the page looking for new picks. Called out, Earl and Kathleen L. the hottest couple and iron deep, wars are fought over who

gets invited to their annual ugly Christmas sweater party. Jive G, the only free fairy who actually pays taxes. Thanks for keeping the roads paved. Jive G, you're a real team player. Corbin A, A, G, the winged warrior. Corbin can't actually fly. They just love fighting and eating chicken wings. They do have a beak though. Atlas Storm Reaper, first of their name, when Atlas was born, their dad called up all his

friends and said he'd flip out and kick their ass if they called their kids Atlas. And thus, was it so. Wow, just stretch the jazz off, stretch their long, noodling neck allows them to go absolutely bonkers on a saxophone. Unfortunately, their beak can't actually use this bitfowl, so their shows are actually more experimental theater than actual music.

EL Dre, GK, the Dragornod, Frostwind's biggest and baddest iron dwarf, they weigh over five tons, GK, the Dragornod, Frostwinds, Biggest, and Baddest Iron Dwarf, they weigh over five tons, can breathe fire out of their mouth, and are capable of experiencing sadness. The last one is a design flaw, but good luck getting close enough to Dragornod to fix it. Oh, Cameron C, a very well known who's deathly allergic to Bazinga Bees, which forces them to carry around a comically large epiphen. P.J.W.A.K. Charo Arcadeus, a tiefling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own.

It's usually not a problem until Thanksgiving rolls around, and Charo's tail has a few too many glasses of wine and starts ranting about politics. Daniel R. Ram Daniels, evil twin, Daniels ultra-itch itchy wool is actually used to make all the chosen undergarments and is responsible for their 100% voluntary chastity. Nicholas R. aka St. Crickolus pulled by a sled of possums Nicholas rides into town every year and lets young and suck the brown stuff out of their magnificent beard. Oh isn't that beautiful Meg that a card? Jennifer V.

The only normal monk in an api full of fighting monks. Jennifer can't channel lightning or focus Chi into cool punches, but they do do all the laundry because someone has to okay. Destincy, the oldest personal account, and currently trying to determine whether or not the Alec can write off the entirety of Bohemia as her personal office. Devon Beade, the Bodega Lord, residing deep within the deli dimension, Devon toils away at their celestial skillet attempting to create the perfect bacon-egg-cheese. Michael L. in a ethereal unicorn wearing two pairs of super fresh timberland boots, no

one knows how Michael ties their shoes, but many men have gone mad attempting to figure it out. Sam H. a Scare Cancou. In addition to keeping cancus from stealing farmers crops, Sam runs a straight, a scared, straight program helping to keep cancou youth away from a life of crime and drugs. Kelvin Newdall's Apostle Elemental, when the band of boobs defeated Kelvin, they were invited to sleep on one big bed of lasagna. Oh, I'm there. Sergio, Celesar, Solomon, Sakurai,

D, Sakwani, seventh of his name, a sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin in case you were wondering, Sergio's tongue is forked, and yes, they know exactly what to do with it. Traile, the cray-fay who shoots rays from their eyeballs. That's right, Traile is actually a beholder in disguise, roll initiative. Aeron G, master of the banishment spell.

Since they can just banish their waste, Aeron doesn't actually own a toilet, which is very economical, but makes having guests over super difficult. Eric B, hard one, the robot's son. No, this isn't a robot that hard one built because they felt lonely. This is an actual human child, hard one legally adopted from the Ezri orphanage and if you wouldn't watch that as a TV show there's something wrong with you. Jury S, a huge sentient shape-shifting cloud if you ever point up at a cloud and go, dang, that cloud kind of looks like Odie, you know, the dog from Gar Garfield chances are that's Jody showing off.

Alucard, a reverse Dracula. If Alucard bites another vampire, they turn back into a human. They bite a regular human. They suddenly get a shellfish allergy. Weird, I know, but I don't make the rules. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section. Also baked to their own first birthday cake, which featured a beautiful wreath of fondant roses

and a perfect replica of the entire Paw Patrol. Adam H. the only person with an ass flatter than Beverly's, they use it to their advantage, though, by waxing their butt and gracefully sliding everywhere they need to go. Okay, fun. Kyle McQ. Professor Dutdle's rival rival who successfully created an egg that

tastes exactly like a strawberry. The only side effect is that you briefly think all your loved ones are dead, but hey, strawberries, whatever, can't be that! Colin G was the funniest halfling in Balnor's hometown when Balnor broke down over his murdered family, couldn't help but smile because he also got to remember a really funny joke Colin made one time. Ryan Hardwan's faithful ram who hard one abandoned. Ryan barely remembers Hardwan though as they're busy with their new career helping a plucky young pig become the world champion sheepdog.

Big Buck, a hunter with a bright orange musket each year they hold a massive hunting tournament. Every year it is won by a mysterious ranger known only if high three letters, A-S-S. Richard F. Ahani Goblin, who was crushed under a massive jar of honey and then later reincarnated as a beekeeper. It seems even death cannot keep Richard from their sacred purpose. Taylor S. A.K.A. Trass the Traveler. Trass has acquired more frequent flyer miles than anyone else in Bahumia And sometimes decides to fly from Galator on to Ezri just for the heck of it John W.G. the philanthropic rogue who will steal the toilet paper you dragged from the bathroom out from under your shoe Now that's what I call dirty date Troy McC uses the bodies of their dead foes as a shield and as a dancing partner

Which disgusted everyone else at their junior cattillion, but Troy knows it's just jealousy. Cannibalistic Cthulhu usually quenches their blood lust with the flesh of their foes, but they're trying to slim down for a wedding so they've been opting instead for S.I.E.B.O.L. Sam L. A super cuddly bug bear called the snug bear. They did a brief stint as the mascot for gl and highs anti-drug initiative, but I fired when the superintendent found out how many green teens they ate. Dom are a one-hit point zombie skeleton who dipped their bones into molten mithril. They still have only one hit point, but their AC is a number so infinite. It hasn't been discovered

by mathematics. Josh S. The revived cyborg version of Josh the cobalt, despite their miraculous revivification, they've been ostracized by the cobalt community at large for being a skin job and box of bolts. Cobalt's are notoriously anti-AI. Let's spreeg, me tree, over of Dorgers, big burger when Dorgers, big burger,

what's that? Claus for humiliation. A druid conclave was meaning in an old blockbuster next door, and a miraculous twist of fate. Lightning struck at the same time a level 19 druid was awakening their familiar and the electromagnetic wave awakened every creature within 50 feet after the Rad infestation became a band of awakened workers, the Bureau of Health had to revoke their poor sanitation rating. Less they be seen as species is. Welcome back, dwargers. Wow. Caleb stormed the love child of Cored himself, which is cool for all the reasons you'd expect, but also Cored is a really absentee parent, so Caleb never had a curfew and snuck all the booze

he wanted without Cored noticing. Andrew A, an environmentalist, who advocates against the use of giant six-pack rings for giant beer and giant soda because they've seen first-hand dragon turtles get caught in them. Nicholas C has starred in every single movie ever made in Bahumia, currently starring

in the film Danger Trist's Minds about an inner city public school of brainwashed dry ads and the teachers who inspire them to think for themselves. Matt L, the weatherman for a phase most watched local news broadcast. Phoebe C Matt L used to have it so easy, but then all this shit with

Queen Serilla now it's snowing in the summer core and they had to get a whole new graphics package just to have it so easy, but then all this shit with Queen Serilla. Now it's snowing in the summer core and they had to get a whole new graphics package just to cover it. Targot, owner and proprietor, Bohumi is beloved general store Targot, the best place to find modern home decor and electronics alike. They've even branched out into produce, which is really creeping everyone out. Mike H. was literally only at a party with the Bear Prince once, but now they're going on all the tell-all documentaries about him and giving interviews about what a with the Bear Prince once, but now they're going on all the tell-all documentaries

about him and giving interviews about what a monster the Bear Prince was. Kevin has a turtle dragon not to be confused with the dragon turtle. Kevin is just a regular-sized turtle with wings who can only fly for so long before they dry out and long for the sea. Trouble, a three-beaked duck that guards

and enchanted pond in the middle of Hill home. Nine Nana Kindleef finally accepted the magic sword they offered her in exchange for all the bread she's fed them, but last they saw she's just been using an resonating needle. Garrett M. A private scry. They're like a private eye, except instead of trailing people to find out if they're cheating, you just bring them a lock of your significant other's hair and Garrett will tell you if they're really at the gym or not. Matthew E. A. Glater on U. Coed who's doing J.Y. Faye, junior year Faye. Fingers crossed he gets back in time to graduate. Samuel B. A. Chef in Hill Home was menu features one of the most sought after delicacies in all of Bohemia and

authentic, Wörther's original stolen from other than Nana Kineleaf's purse. B-Money, a literal sound cloud wrapper. B-Money is a wrapper that cats gashes form on themselves before every show, more mysterious than daft punk and deadmouse combined. Till for G, part of the nightcaps mug club, they have a mug hanging on the wall and whenever they go in, they get too silver off

of their first fashion runway. Guardian of the light, Zach H, the only keyblade wielder in all of Bohumia, Zach is desperately trying to save people's hearts from darkness but keeps failing miserably. Zach also hangs out with an actual dog and duck, they call goofy and Donald and that's honestly kind of sad. Matt CAK, Mattie Big Crits. After a streak of Nat Wands, all of which they re-rolled to be twos, Mattie Big Crits took some time off to post song lyrics and sentimental quotes to Instagram for the tides

of turns, so ladies and germs, hide your die because the crit wizard is back, baby. Mitch D. and enlightened drunken master, water genocasi named Doc Ophla, who is currently working as the Water Elemental's personal trainer, although there are a lot of rumors that he's been spiking her protein powder with arcane. Curtis asked Boundore's P-Nuckle partner, who even though he respected Boundore's righteous decision to leave never got to play another hand of Pinochle with ever again. Wow, and finally, Colton B. Also has a magic cauldron and enchanted pipe smoke like a lawnmess, but mostly uses it to stream friends on Netflix.

Oh yeah, and that's it everybody. Thank you guys so much for listening this week. Head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod if you want to listen to the short rest and catch us next time for another episode of Be Back Next Week. Thank you guys so much for listening. Bye, Sweeties! We love you. Wah, wah. That was a hit gun podcast.