Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 54: Killing Blow (A Faerie Tale)
Episode Date: March 14, 2019The Band of Boobs escape to the Autumn Court and make plans to face the Hounds! Moonshine has a heart to heart with Bev Sr., Beverly becomes an official Green Knight, and Hardwon faces the co...nsequences of his actions. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"The Autumn Court" by Emily Axford."Fantastic & Fuddling" by Emily Axford."A Haven Away From Home" by Emily Axford."Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford."Beverly's House" by Emily Axford."Moonshine's Stump" by Emily Axford."Forsaken" by Emily Axford."The Blows of a Friend, and Not a Foe" by Emily Axford."A Sight For Sore Eyes" by Emily Axford."The Widow" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Goodbye, Sweeties.
["Murphy's
World of the World"]
Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.
This is not another D&D podcast.
["Murphy's World of the World"]
Welcome back to Bahumi, everyone.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow. Nice. I'm your Dungeon Master dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake her wits hard one sure foot Emily Axford
Oh you might have been busy doing math. I was the milkman last episode. Oh, yeah. You were juggling, you were juggling pirates who were fighting your own men.
Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. There were like four battles going on.
A lot to give me. We also have called old Tanner. Oh, Beverly Toggle, the fifth, the sad lad
whose dad's gone mad. It's I like your dad's look. It's a good look. It's a good look.
But yeah, it's a good look.
Your dad's insane.
Mine's dad so.
Yeah, I don't know who my name is.
Give some, take some.
Hey, but you guys all have Balnor so.
That's right.
You all have it.
That's very true.
That's true.
You got a dad in me.
You're more of a peer relationship to me, Balnor.
Yeah, I gotta be honest.
I can't put you in a father figure role, Belnor,
given what happened with the sucky-bye.
I would say, I understand.
Yeah.
I would really love to see who you would consider
a father figure, moonshine,
because like, you're so maternal
and you use around yourself with such maternal figures,
but like for you to like shine through the darkness
and identify a dad, that's gonna be a big day.
Yeah, it's gonna be a real mind fuck.
Is there any, don't touch your nipples when you say that.
Is there any other D&D podcast that opens the show with in character therapy sessions?
Then does the recap, then gets into it.
I don't think so.
And that's why ours is the best.
Oh yeah.
Guys, it's still a little recap.
So last week you hatched a plan to rescue
Queen Cerilla from the chosen soldiers who were searching for her in the castle
working off some info given to you from Tereth the ghost Aladdin girl your
plan was to grab Cerilla then escape through a transporter located in the
old Queen's quarters you then snuck into the old castle, killed a few guards and hid in the basement.
Moonshine scouted ahead and found a staircase
to the upstairs while hard one distracted the guards
by offering them a cask of milk.
Come brothers.
The God I said bless those.
Come the tea of the goddess herself.
Meanwhile, Bev, Bev, Senior and Balnor were able to sneak in and grab Cirilla.
All hell broke loose when hard one was finally caught in his lie, but he was able to use the
horn of all Hala to call forward ghost pirates to cause a distraction.
You guys all then killed a bunch of foot soldiers on your pass to the transporter and quite
impressively also killed a few angels.
Finally, with chokes.
Birds, sure.
Birds.
Finally, with chosen bird angels breaking down the door, you made it to the old queens' private
quarters with Cyrilla in tow and escaped through the transporter to where exactly.
We don't know yet.
Oh! Tell us we're falling. through the transporter to where exactly? We don't know yet.
Oh!
Oh!
Tell us we're falling.
But that's where we are now.
Ooh, huh.
So you guys spend one full week just in another realm.
Oh!
Did we jump into a prison gem?
Yes, you guys are all caught by Acarot.
This was his plot.
That's a, where you get used to the ghost. This was his plot. That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's
a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's
a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's
a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's
a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, up here outdoors in autumn. Yeah.
How the color color trees.
Did we land in a big old pile, leaves?
There actually aren't leaves around you.
Let me describe the scene.
So a brisk breeze hits you.
You're surrounded by giant trees filled with leaves
of deep reds, yellows, and rich browns.
You'll see the occasional leaf fall from a tree
and gently feather its way to the ground.
It is sunset here.
You see the sun in the distance, half vanished beneath the horizon.
With the cover of the trees, the sunset gives the thick forest a creepy, beautiful orange
glow.
You've appeared on this transporter and see that you're in a small gazebo, in a little
garden of sunflowers. There is a short natural fence of what looks like
tree roots that surround the garden.
There is a bench here, a small table with two chairs,
a wine decanter and two glasses.
You notice that the leaves as they fall
seem to avoid this garden,
but leaves cover the ground outside the garden.
It looks like the old queen designed this garden so that she the ground outside the garden. It looks like the
old queen designed this garden so that she could sit and look at autumn while
still kind of maintaining summer. Like this is her own kind of personal place.
Like an opera box. Well first off, y'all it's hoodie weather so get out your
hoodies. Oh, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah, this is it's it's funny because as I was
writing this and everything this feels like so seasonal and cozy and autumn, but we could not be further
from this. So everyone just embrace Halloween vibes right now. Oh, yeah. And embrace it.
I smell the burning leaf piles. Yes. Beverly pulls out a big bag of mellow cream pumpkins
that he's been saving. Oh, moonshine goes to the nearest Walgreens
and starts making impulse purchases of decorative pumpkins.
Look at that tiny little skeleton, man.
Moonshine is gone for 10 days.
She is killed by the hounds.
So you guys actually see, as you appear in the transporter,
you guys take a second to take in your surroundings.
You see the little Aladdin girl appears with you guys.
Hey, Darius.
Oh, Darius.
And you see she, she doesn't appear through the transporter.
She appears like with the bow.
Moonshan is holding the bow right now, I believe.
Yeah.
So she appears like with the bow.
And you see she has like a little ghost version of her bow.
And she looks super excited. And she's like jumping up and down
She starts she like looks out into the open air. She's super excited. You see she runs jumps over the little natural fence
And she begins playing with the leaves and you see that she's able to like interact with them
You see that the leaves are actually like going up can I throw something small at her like a bean and see if it if it jumps off
or I'm gonna see? Or one hands moonshine a bean.
I want to see if it's like a property of the material here or if it's a property of her
now that she's here. I'm just gonna.
You throw a...
Filter with a lentil.
You throw a dried out lentil I guess there.
Yeah. How much damage does she take? She's gonna take 10 dAs right
in her ear. You throw a little bean at her and you see that it
does hit her. And she just like looks chocked for a second,
she turns around, she looks at you. But then she smiles and she
gives thumbs up, she's super excited. I was a blame pop-off.
Papa, right at the lentil. You know, Papa tries to explain it, I was a blame papa papa I'm so curious why jump. Nice. Beverly jumps out. It's our plane to leave in the leaf piles with tariff.
I'm so curious why take can I want to go touch her. I should have done this before I pelten her with a bean
I can touch her. Yeah, okay. Well, we've had a guy. She's been giving me thumbs up
So we brought the bow into the into the real world right to the into the real Fey World
She runs over and hugs you and you see her curses lifted you feel that there's something um she doesn't quite feel totally you know human or
eladjren she doesn't it's not exactly corporeal but you feel a little
something there there's like a substance it's almost like an air
elemental or something you feel like concentrated air yeahed to her shoes. Yeah, and suddenly you guys see another
Aladdin ghost appears.
She looks to be in her late teens.
A peltar with a bee.
She catches it very quickly.
I was joking.
Right away.
She winks at you.
That's dinner by the way.
So just save a couple.
Easy on the beans, all right?
You see Togolds Beverly Togold seniors just eaten hard beans. Yeah, those are dry. That's good. Those are hard meals.
It's good, pop in notice.
You see that this other Aladdin Ghost girl
She's wearing an almost identical outfit to the little girl tight pants with a loose tunic
And she's got a big bow on her back. It looks like a bigger version of the one that the little girl, tight pants with a loose tunic, and she's got a big bow on her back.
It looks like a bigger version of the one
that the little girl has.
The little girl looks so excited.
Derek, is this your big sister?
She nods and she rushes over and hugs her.
The older girl picks her up and starts spinning her around.
I pretend I'm not crying.
I pretend I'm not crying
I pretend I'm not handing you a handkerchief
Thanks, I have a stuffy nose
What do you all think about green team ghosts?
Starting a ghost chapter of the green team thing. I think you definitely should okay. Boundore is full-prick
Bev's dad's just looking at them being like, yeah, just normal, fair wild stuff.
You know, goes for you, night.
Do you eat your mouth closed, Dad?
Nah, nah.
Just eaten crunching on being so hard.
Definitely chipping some tea.
And you see the teenage Aladdin ghost walks over to you guys.
And you see her mouth doesn't move, but she begins speaking to you in your minds. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys.
I'm so pleased to be here with you guys. I don't know what that is, but I'll assume it's something like this.
Yeah, it's like this, but with mushrooms instead of...
Oh, that's not fun.
Whatever you're...
Are you using mushrooms?
I don't smell the stink.
Oh no, no, no, no.
I'm actually supposed to kind of return to the land.
I'm supposed to be a piece, but I was waiting for my sister.
Ah!
And you see, Tara comes up and like hugs her leg.
I ain't that nice.
Family is important. Yeah. That's right. There like hugs her leg. I think that's nice. Family is important.
Yeah, that's right.
There's nothing more important than family.
That's right.
But, you know, it's also the family that you make.
Yeah, I was just gonna say.
Family of juice.
The family you choose.
You have the juice.
Blood family is cool too though.
Well, you know, but, yeah,
who even knows who their dad is?
Everyone's your family if you think about it.
I doubt you're trying to throw.
Yeah.
And you see, um, Boundor kind of like looks afraid over
at the, uh, transport or any goes, uh,
gang, are we worried at all that these guys are going to
start coming through the hounds are going to show up
at some point.
That is a valid concern.
Um,
Tarath and her sister.
Um,
my name's Tabitha.
Tarath and Tabitha, listen to that.
Ain't that cute.
I bet y'all were popular at school.
Are you all safe?
Do you want to come with us?
Can you be hurt by something called the hounds?
Have you heard lower of the hounds?
I have heard of Queen Ezra's hounds.
Yeah. Yeah, I
You helped my sister so I owe you a favor. You see she gets down
She kneels before you guys. Oh, we're doing this. Oh great. We're guys. We're running low on beans
I could give you beans or I can I can buy you some time if somebody's after you.
Time or beans.
I don't wanna put you in danger though.
Oh, I'm a ghost, I'll be okay.
Okay, if you're gonna be okay then yeah,
why don't you and Tara are really good at town.
You see Tara looks like super pumped.
She pulls up her little bow and she like aims it
at the transporter and she gives you guys like an affirmative
nod.
Queen, do you want me to help you set up
some like home alone style pranks
for when they come through?
I think Tara Tho' be able to handle that.
Okay.
All right, I'll give her some of my blueprints.
Ah.
Do you want us to do something with this short bow, by the way?
We're making a memorial bench out of it.
If the memorial bench idea isn't the number one, if we just wanted like an alternate idea
in case the Memorial Bench, isn't what we're doing?
I thought Tariff really wanted the Memorial Bench.
She begged us for the bench.
You see Tariff looks at you like she doesn't remember what you're talking about.
She was just like agreeing to a fun idea.
Tariff, you got so amped.
I literally re-listened to this episode.
You got so amped about it. She looks super confused
Okay, so you guys are gonna buy us a little time shoot the hounds with the arrows
Where where do we go?
Bev senior. Yeah, yeah, Bev's Bev senior just crunching on beans and he goes well, we should probably get to the
Probably our only option here is to get to the autumn court, get behind their walls. That would be most helpful.
Okay, which way?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You see he looks around.
Well, not really sure where we are.
And Tabitha speaks up and she goes, if you want to get to the autumn court where the
princess is, just make sure the sunset is on your right when you walk and you'll get
there.
Okay, I do. It's about a two day hike.
It's about a two day hike.
It's about an eternal day thing,
like the sun doesn't change because it's in an eternal,
ah, it's in the evening.
Now this princess, is she also a giant grizzly bear?
No, okay, what's her deal?
She is half a ladren, half sunset goblin.
Sunset goblin.
Sounds sexy to me.
Yeah, I'll be pet.
All right, enjoy your time with your sis.
Yeah, have some fun.
You know, try and make it fun.
They both nod excitedly.
She loves charades, okay?
Ha ha ha ha.
Tarath runs up and gives you guys a hug, goodbye.
Oh, goodbye, young thing.
Peace.
Thank you for your help. She gives you guys peace signs and gives you guys a hug goodbye. Oh, goodbye young thing. Peace. Thank you for your help.
She gives you guys peace signs and gives you guys thumbs up.
And she goes over to you, Moonshine, and she holds up her bow.
I hold up her bow.
And she points to you.
I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna make it into a more moral bench.
Tabitha goes, I think she means you can keep it if you'd like.
Is that what you wish, Tarith?
Tarith nods.
All right then, we're gonna scrap the memorial, Ben.
Do you, I guess.
You see, I'll be honored.
You see, Tarith looks at her bow,
sees that you have the same one,
and sees that her older sister has the same one,
and just gets so little kid pumped.
And she starts going around.
Bring them bows in.
Just starts like cheers.
Throw the bows, you guys all cheers bows.
Bow bitches.
Yes, bow bitches.
Bow bitches, bow problem.
And Bounder goes, gang, we better get going.
Yep, all right, all right.
Let's battle.
Boba grade, we out.
Sweet, you guys say you're goodbyes
to Tabitha and Tarith.
And I think the bow over my back.
I like it, it's like a baby backpack, but it's a bow.
It's like diminutive in a fun way.
Oh yeah, you're right.
It's cute.
Oh dang, I look cute, I look Hawaiian.
I would say you look so gory, in fact.
Oh wow.
So you guys take off into the forest, keeping the sunset on your right.
The woods are dense enough that the sun never gets in your eyes, but there's enough glow
that you can see well and the leaves crunch under your feet.
I think every, every couple steps, I'm like pointing at the leaves and being like,
oh look at that one.
Oh, I need to go on.
Are we leaf peeping?
I think we're leaf peeping.
All right, I get it on the peeping.
I hold up my, no, I don't have it anymore,
but I tell you about my leaf peeping bench.
What are the people who go,
who like vacation, is it leaf peepers?
Yeah.
Fully a chvoke.
Fully a chvoke, right. People who vacation to go see leaves. Oh, like vacation, is it leaf peepers? Yeah. Foliage folk.
Foliage folk, right.
People who vacation to go see leaves.
Treesseers, right.
You see, yeah, Bev Senior goes ahead
and he's gonna summon a steed.
He summons like a majestic elk.
I'm not gonna burn.
I mean, I wanna do a wild shape
but I don't know what's in store. So
Mochain really excitedly. I shrink away a shame that I can't provide my pregnant elk. So as you guys are
trotting along keeping the sunset to your right towards the autumn court, you know based on what
Tabitha says that you guys got about a two-day hike. So you see Bev senior pipes up and he goes, so these hounds are kind of no joke. Are we
doing full court press and just running for two days and wearing ourselves out and trying
to beat them there? Or do we want to take a rest and try to fight them? Hope that Tabitha
can hold them off long enough
that they're behind us six or seven hours.
I don't think we wanna bring this fight to the city.
I don't think we wanna endanger anyone like that.
I think we should try and get arrested
and then snuff out these sniffers.
Yeah, let's snuff the sniffers.
Yeah, one last stand.
Yeah, a ground or is so pumped up.
I think that we need to take a rest,
get some shit back.
Worse comes to worse, I'll do a Zeld's transfer if they come too quickly. I think that we need to take a rest, get some shit back. Worse comes to worse, I'll do a Zellage Trans if they come too quickly.
I think that we need to booby trap the area and do some kind of thing like that.
Alright, hard one is building a lean too.
I'm digging a hole and I'm sharpening a lot a little toothpicks.
So, you guys, we're gonna fight the hounds?
Bounder, what do you think?
We're gonna fuck up the hounds.
We gotta fuck up the dang hounds. They don't know who the real hounds are. Youard, what do you think? We're gonna fuck up the house. We got to fuck up the dang hounds.
They don't know who the real hounds are.
You got the little bulldog here.
You're a barker.
You're a barker.
Come on.
Hold him back.
Hold him back.
That's right.
We're sending these hounds up today.
We're sending them to the big farm.
Hello.
And you guys see, as you guys are walking,
and you guys have made the decision that you're going to try to fight these
hounds
Boundward gets super pumped up. He starts barking with hard one. He's looking around and then suddenly his eyes wide and he goes I
know where we are
we're
We're not we're not far from my old village
Oh my goodness We're gonna make a stand. We should do it goodness. Do you know what it is, are you?
If we're gonna make a stand, we should do it there.
Okay, yeah.
Seems fitting, yeah.
You see, Balnor starts taking off
into the woods excitedly.
What's going on?
All right, yeah.
Okay, you guys follow Balnor into the woods.
At first, it just looks like this very colorful,
autumnal forest, you can't make heads or tails
of where you're headed
because it's all just very bright.
But then you do start to see some landmarks.
You cross various streams and walk parallel to rivers.
In fact, Moonshine, go ahead and give me an insight check.
Oh, whoa.
I got a net one.
This is a pretty forest, Bruce.
I, wow.
We gotta keep moving, can't go on.
So I'm taking a picture of me next to this pile of leaves.
I'm trying to cultivate a follower.
Does she, with a natural one,
does she like trip into the water and notice something?
Yeah, do I trip, hit my head on a rock
and then have a,
I'll say, I'll say Bev is pretty good
with like nature stuff and everything.
So Bev, you can go ahead and give me minutes.
I'll take a call.
I got a 14.
Okay, so you know that your sort of south
of where like later on isn't stuff in the autumn court
or this land that's like under the jurisdiction
of the autumn court.
And you're seeing all these streams and everything.
And you realize that Fowler kind of lived at the creek.
Poundor.
You're a folk.
You're from the good land.
Yeah, I scoop some of the water
and then like I pour it in a mouth.
It's just like really refreshing water
It tastes like
Wait, no, what I try and do I take out a match and I try and light the creek on fire what happens? It doesn't light on fire
That's unfortunate. Oh, well, you know, not everyone is blessed the way that
Laura pisses in the creek is what we say
So a bound or continues continues to lead you guys.
And finally, you see these trees with thick, thick layers of leaves that go all the way down
near the base of their trunk.
Balnor pushes past them.
You guys swim through these branches and leaves until finally you reach a clearing.
This little hidden spot, you hear streams babbling
in the distance, Munchite now,
this kind of sounds like the creek.
You see the sun pierces through the thick leaves
and creates a ray of sunshine in the clearing
and the balanor stands in the middle of it.
This is it.
This is the place.
Really, it's beautiful.
I never think of taking on a bunch of
quick folk here, maybe starting a new or
starting another, rather a new, seems to imply.
A different. A different.
Boundore begins weeping and
falls to his knees and grabs all.
I would love to do that.
I think we should do that.
Well, you, I mean, you know, not together, not like that.
No, not to, oh no, we broke up.
We broke up, we broke up.
But this was a wonderful place to grow up.
This is where I had my first kiss with Mary Ann.
You see, he walks over to like one tree, next to like a little stream.
Was she in mean doughed?
Not at all, I'm relieved.
She's a halfling.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is where these are the bushes.
Bobbi used to get in these bushes.
He walks over to some very prickly bushes.
Ooh, prickly.
Yeah.
This is where I used to have my little halfling hole.
I look into the stream and I see a big fat tuna swim by.
Ha! Oh, the river tuna. I look into the stream and I see a big white egg fairy. It looks like
It looks like a big, but it's just full of white
I pop one in my mouth. I never want one everyone everyone have a mayonnaise
Calories and this is a beautiful place to build your home. This is better than runners-jell
It's the best dad's to just pop it on.
I like kind of almost bored at this point
point of the tree and I go like, the leaves are bred.
Make sense.
This place rules, the leaves are bred.
Wow.
It goes, pulls down, it makes like little,
like, lower to the ring style, Elvin Elven sandwich with some tuna in the middle.
Lambus bread.
This is the best tuna sandwich I have ever had, Belnor.
Fresh, right?
Yeah, I have to be honest, I was skeptical of your love of tuna,
but I'd never had a fresh sashimi tuna sandwich.
And this delicious, this mayo tree, these mayo nuts,
they're so, I don't know, they're so creamy and so rich and tangy.
Here I thought that mayonnaise was a combination
and a multiplication of oil and egg,
but all along it was its own individual entity.
It's the fruit of a nut.
Wow.
It's the fruit of a nut.
I tell you what, I could definitely see
some cooters and petries getting wild in these woods.
Yes ma'am, answer.
Well, first we got a deal, the matter at hand.
I do enjoy them mucking up stuff for the high elves,
so I'm not gonna call them off just yet.
Seems like they're having a good time in the moment.
Yeah, okay, I'm gonna get right into trancein'
because I wanna try and get my four hours
to try and get a long rest. We should do some shifts though
I'll say you guys can take some time to
You know like talk a little bit and it'll count as resting before you go to bed
I'm actually I'm gonna go ahead and roll a D12 see how many hours Tabitha is able to kind of set them back
Gotcha, she's definitely you know these guys are tough
So you know she's not gonna be able to just like,
kill these guys for you, but you can imagine like,
they might need to take a short rest
after she shoots them a bunch,
or she might shoot them a bunch, hide,
they got a chaser, etc.
They're also getting shot with ghost arrows, right?
Yeah, that's gotta come for something.
Maybe they get shook, maybe they run away.
Yeah, I mean, if a ghost was also shooting arrows at me,
I'd go back to go later on.
You guys beat up a ghost at like level five.
Sure, but they didn't shoot arrows at us.
True.
She was better than the ghost.
Yeah, she was better than the ghost.
Yeah, she was scrappy.
She was scrappy.
Okay, I have rolled.
I have rolled Tabitha's fate has been decided.
Yeah.
You guys start setting up a little camp.
Not much of a camp, probably just take out
your little bed rolls and stuff.
And as you guys are kind of sitting down,
winding down, getting ready to go to bed,
he's see balanore's just like looking around.
Like, you know, he looks serious and ready for the task at hand,
but he's like visibly like excited,
like he's excited to be here to fucking defend it this time.
But yeah, you guys are in this camp.
What do you do?
I guess I wanna talk to my dad about like,
what he's been up to, like where he's been?
Like I know he was in prison, right?
You were captured, are you okay?
Yeah, you see, he gives like a like a long balanord like thousand yard stare
Electro shock therapy. I could experiment with some electricity
You know what I might take you up on that a little later
Fantastic. I got I got lightning bolts so I can just kind of try and do a gentle lightning bolt on your temples. No, so
actually
all these things the chosen coming in through the material plane
and King Leastaborn disappearing, Queen Serilla having her heart broken and all of the green
teams and green nights being frozen, they all kind of tie together. So I was actually doing a bit
of sneaking around the unceiligord, the winter
court to kind of find out what was going on. And I was able to get some
information. Now I don't know how she did it, but somehow
theala was able to brainwash King Leastaborn. See, since Galatoron and the summer court exist in the same place, but on separate planes,
she somehow must have been able to use her powers to affect him.
So we didn't just ghost Sarilla on his own accord.
Interesting, because I did have this sneaking suspicion, like, are we just involving ourselves
in a breakup, in a one-sided breakup?
Sometimes people just need space.
Yeah.
Did you know it's not just drama?
Yeah.
No, no.
It's, well, it's pretty dramatic, you know?
Uh, it's, it's externally sort of supernatural drama.
Yeah.
Right.
So, Theala obviously knows that the Green Knight escaped here
during the Civil War in Galatoron.
She is plotting through King Lestaborn to work with the Unseely to take over both courts
and steal the Seely army for her own.
That sounds bad.
Wow.
So she's really just dropped the facade all together, like influencing people's brains,
trying to take over courts.
That's not right.
Just in any way.
I don't even understand that.
You know what?
You were listening in Sunday school, Beth.
It appears though that she is still keeping up with us.
I though because none of the life folk said to us.
Oh, yeah, this is the all is doing.
So like the life folks still think, oh, there's just there's drama.
Yeah, she's pulling the strings.
She's being devious.
That's not the way of the light. I'm sorry. there's just, there's drama. Yeah, she's pulling the strings. She's being devious.
That's not the way of the light.
I'm sorry, it's just not.
You know what, you're dang right, Bev.
I'm sorry, I'm going on a tear.
Oh, you know what, going on a tear son.
It's a tear, young and tear.
So apparently, Queen Ezra, the unkind,
has this alliance with the Aula.
And apparently, the agreement is that Queen Ezra will get to run both courts in the Feywild whether or not the yalla plans on actually fulfilling this promise that seems to be
Where we're at isn't there any temptation and anyone else is hard to just go straight to Queen Ezra and fuck a rip I
Think that eventually might be
go straight to Queen Ezra and fuck her up. I think that eventually might be what we need to do.
Okay, but not straight.
I'm saying straight.
I'm like, maybe we go right now, but you're saying, no, let's take a detour, do some stuff.
Well, we got the hounds to deal with.
They're on our tail.
That's true.
That is unavoidable.
Work our way up.
Every path that we take.
But I actually, while I was sneaking around the unceiligord,
I did find out that she keeps King Leicesterborn
locked away in a tower.
He's paranoid.
Oh, he is.
So she's like, got him whipped, huh?
He is.
Yeah, do you mean like a metaphorical tower?
Like he can't go out with a voice?
He is quite literally locked in a tower.
Like locked in a tower? Like he can't, like with a voice. Quite literally locked in a tower. Like locked in a tower like he can't like she's
letting me fast food.
Wow.
Locked in a tower.
Right, right, right.
Actual tower.
Like she chooses all the TV shows.
Yeah, like she knows the cat code to his phone.
Oh, definitely.
Yeah, she's like unfollows people on Instagram.
Yeah.
I get it.
I see what you're saying.
It's not a good girlfriend.
Can't be tied down.
But, you know, that's sort of macro problems.
Micro problems is that we've got the Hounds coming after us.
And I just, you know, these guys are,
they're sick puppies.
And he takes a deep breath, gets a serious look on his face.
He takes a deep breath, gets a serious look on his face. There's apparently four of these guys, and the main one, Zalik, can smell magic, and
knows if anyone's lying, and it's very easy for him to see tricks.
So anything we do to try to trick them
needs to be layered.
You know what I mean?
Gotcha.
And so on top of that,
he also has this thing called a death lance,
and if he knocks you out with it, you die.
Huh, that's new information then.
Pretty fresh information.
Not safe.
Not safe.
Well, with the mayonnaise.
And he doesn't like tricks.
Save your, say whatever level for revivification.
Oh yeah, I'm saving them all.
I will stock revivification.
I will study my spells this evening.
Thank you for that information.
It's a good call, Bev.
Okay, so traps might not work
unless we layer them
in specific ways.
Is there some sort of decoy we could do?
I was thinking we could try and hide in these leaves
or make a natural cover, but that might not be enough.
I think, yeah, he'll be able to smell us.
Well, that's a nice thought to go to sleep with.
Yeah.
Oh.
Death lance, huh?
Death lance, guy doesn't like jokes.
Shouldn't be a problem. we take ourselves pretty seriously.
Yeah.
Here's a tough fact, gang.
We're automatically to disadvantage
because we care about each other.
So just know that if they got a knife to my throat,
do what you gotta do.
Bev takes a walk. Yeah, I'm I got to be honest. I will I will fight for you. If I will fight for you. Like what I've got to do is fight for
you. So there's no there's no scenario where I let you get killed. I will get killed before
you get killed. Bev is like a yard away stomping on leaves, having trouble processing any of this.
Hard one is sound asleep.
Hahaha.
Sleeping really well and deeply.
Yeah, snoring just a little bit.
Uh, Bev walks back up.
We just got you back.
And even if that's a weakness,
we'll work through it.
We've done it before.
The chinks in our armor
lead right to our armor,
right to our heart, and there's nothing stronger than that, okay?
No, you're right, Bev.
I'm just saying they're gonna try to use us against each other.
Do they have any sort of like mental,
mirage sort of, very, very,
I've only heard rumors.
They've got a mage with them. They've got a mage with them.
They've got a dryter with them who's like a half-drow, half spider,
and they've got a champion guy who's just very strong.
Well, I gotta be honest. If they're gonna try to, like,
try to use us against each other, like, I'm not, there's no smart decision
where I let them kill you. Like, that's just not an option that would be betraying who we are
To an extent that we're just not willing to do there's no strategy to
Like betraying who we are
See that's not a move bebs in your nods. I'm just saying, you know if they go to kill me
It's like a 85 years old, you know, you're 16 15
like a 85 years old, you know, you're 16 about it. But like the Newtie mags?
Everyone's tired.
Listen, if you were on a big business trip out of town, and I think she was lonely and
I was 11 and I didn't know what to do about it.
But I don't think you have anything to worry about with mom.
All right.
I gently removed myself from this conversation. Yeah, you guys all
get ready to go to bed. And you see, uh, Bev senior walks over to
you, Bev, and he goes, um, Hey, you know, so, um, hopefully when
this is all over maybe since time is
Different here. Yeah, maybe you guys just relax and we can hang out for like a month or something
I'd like that I'd like it too
We've got a lot of catching up to do honestly. Yeah, you more than me, but I don't know we've had quite a month
I've had quite a 25 years.
Do you want to start now?
Yeah. So you guys stay up a little bit.
You guys trade stories before falling asleep next to each other, father and son.
Boundor sleeps, puts his bed roll near where his old little house was and goes to sleep.
Hard one's been asleep for hours at this point. And Moonshine, you do your trance.
So while I'm in my trance, I need to commune with Melora, her in different self,
her in different self and say hey girl, I know that you are busy, I know that your calendar is
Marked the fuck up, but I need your help right now. I need some insight. All I need is just a little bit of guidance Maybe I'll like make a circle around myself with some of this like nice water out here. Okay
So you you do know that
here. Okay, so you do know that Melora exists on the, she kind of like wanders the material plane almost. So it's, it's near here, but it's not quite the Feywild, but go ahead and
roll a religion check. Nine. So with a nine, you're not going to get anything super specific, but you do see a brisk breeze blows through.
And you see laying on the ground like near Balnor, we'll say Balnor has been carrying Queen Cerro, we haven't talked about her much.
She was probably on Bev's senior's mount as you guys are traveling. You see, brisk wind goes through her hair as she's
on the ground there. Okay, I had actually a very specific question, but
Malora, you know, thank you for your guidance. Thank you for stepping in. But that does bring
up a question I was going to ask to, I was going, I'll just ask my questions to the group.
Yeah, so you guys, you guys all wake up,
you guys have gotten your six, eight hours a day.
I have to say something that I think is like,
I feel a little bit bad about saying,
which is that I'm much more concerned with protecting y'all
than I am with protecting Queen Zerilla.
Oh sure, there's a hierarchy.
Yeah, we're on point with that, no?
Long die the Queen. I know that protecting Queen Serilla. Oh, sure, there's a hierarchy. Yeah, we're on point with that. Long die the Queen.
I know that it's not right.
I know that it's not right to say that,
but I just don't know enough about her court politics.
I don't know.
I'm not ingrained in her world.
I can't say.
Well, what you do know based on what has been conveyed to you
is that if they get Queen Serilla
or if somebody bad puts on that crown,
then essentially all of them become
evil.
Essentially.
Yeah.
Can I put on the crown?
You could.
Then you'd be bound to the Feywild, but you could potentially do that.
I don't want that future, but it's interesting.
Politics is a hell of a drug.
Munchen, I understand that we're the priority, but if Cyrilla goes down, if she dies,
then all of the green nights go with her.
Well, it sounds like her crown
is actually the bigger liability.
It sounds like if they don't care if she's dead,
they just want her crown.
So I might not be as concerned about protection.
Her, yeah.
It might be the sort of thing that like it would involve
some sort of ritual to remove it, or even if they killed Yeah. It might be the sort of thing that like,
it would involve some sort of ritual to remove it.
Or even if they killed her, it might unleash some sort of,
I don't know.
Yeah, you don't know if it's quite as simple as like,
you stab them and then you just like get a crown.
It might be booby trapped, you know?
Might as some sort of curse.
I poked her head really, really lightly,
just to see if she's awake.
You see her crown is fully like part of her head.
Okay.
Okay.
Now I just sort of like jab her shoulder really.
It's less of a crown and more of those sleeping, yeah.
Hey, hey.
I think she's, she's good, I think she's out.
But hard one, I think it's less of a crown and more
of a body mod actual.
Got it, got it.
Yeah, it's like a big piercing up in there.
Just kind of hoping that she would wake up.
She's a awakens with a start.
She's never heard something.
Oh, wait, wait and try all kissing her.
Yeah.
Queen's a real it.
Do I have your permission to try to kiss you to wake you up?
Silence is not consent.
Moonshine.
I don't think she did not reciprocate my feelings. Yeah, you see, Bev
Senior goes, as a night of the summer court, I feel extremely uncomfortable
with using her as bait. I would prefer to like build something to like
defend her in or something like this. Wait, I think a trillis might be like a
cat. What did we use in Tangle plus nature's rack
to make her like a cocoon?
A cocoon's a good idea.
Okay.
Cool.
Balnor, this is your home.
Really?
Where did Bobby use to hide when it was time
for him to come home?
Not to bring up any memories.
Oh yeah, it gives a thousand yard stare.
Balnor, tell me a little bit, tell me a little something something I want you to do something painful, but it's gonna pay off
It's gonna help these he walks over
Near where he told you his like old
Little half-ling house was it's near this one tree and there's some there's a little set of pricker bushes near it
And he goes like these suckers are nasty I used to try to cut the thorns off them bad boys
But you know they always grew back you got half roses you got to have thorns no norm all right I'm gonna try and speak the thorns off them bad boys, but you know they always grew back. You got to have roses, you got to have thorns, no more.
Okay, all right.
I'm going to try and speak to these prickler bushes.
Okay.
You're casting speaks.
I have broach.
Yeah, I want to like regard them very reverentially and just be like, oh great prickler bushes
of this beautiful streamside property. I have heard lore of your pricks.
Finally a little respect around here.
You are surrounded by, you know, Leap and Tuna and bread trees and mayo nuts and yet
Bread trees and mayo nuts and yet I only have eyes for you and I need you.
And you'll pledge yourself to me. Absolutely.
I get down on one knee.
That's the need.
What's your first push?
Yes.
Oh, great.
Pricker push.
I've been the knee to in service of you so that you might extend to me
Just a little bit of your ability. We serve noble kings and queens
Go ahead and make a persuasion check with advantage. Okay
Shout out to the two crew, but I'm gonna go with the 14 so 16 you see the
bushes
begin to move,
and these little thorny branches pop out almost like
little tentacles.
The pricks are growing.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Actually, what I need you to do is I need to bequeath you,
the most valuable thing on my person right now, and I need you to defend it
I am a powerful bush. Yes. I need you are the safe behind which I want to store my most precious gems
Many a pair of pants has been snagged upon you
You see Balnor looks super nervous around this bush. We sure we want to do the we want to trust this bush gang
Oh, I trust this bush. We sure we want to do the, we sure we want to trust this bush gang. Oh, I trust this bush.
Trush the bush.
You see it extends branches out to you,
and you see the thorns fall off those branches.
Good sign.
And thick wheat, I mean, and prick we trust.
And I put cerilla on its little tentacles.
You place Cerilla in these branches
and you see they wrap around her as if to hold her.
And then almost like a giant spider spinning a web around something,
they start to grow roots around Cerilla
and put her in like a little cocoon and
then you see the leaves of the bush like grow around her and then a few other
bushes sprout up. I get onto both knees and I kiss the ground from whence the
roots grow. A few leaves from the bush come out and I guess kiss you as much as a bush can kiss someone.
I just love a little tongue, little tongue.
We're going into battle, little tongue.
You make out with this bush.
Turn your head, turn to Beth.
Damn, moochine is cleaning up on this adventure.
Her lips look really red now.
That is poison ivy.
Hard one that is absolutely poison ivy.
Swollen infected lips.
I'm gonna have that taught. You see Beth senior looks at this and he goes, That's a really bad one. That is absolutely poison ivy. Swollen infected lips.
I'm gonna have that's hot.
You see, Pep Senior looks at this and he goes,
well, yeah, yeah, they're very least.
They'll certainly get tripped up trying to get to her.
We'll hear them coming if they're trying to grab her first.
We can buffer it further.
Yeah, I could cast Nature's Rath to kind of create
an extra barrier.
You gotta see, she's under like a bunch of bushes right now.
Unless these guys can come in
Incinerate these bushes and grab her and run without you guys doing anything. She seems kind of safe
Yeah, okay, this is Bush Bush on Bush on Bush. Let's just lay in wait and see if these guys come
Should we go in the trees right above? Yeah, let's go. Okay, so you guys wanna climb up a tree?
Not yet.
Before we do that, I turn to my dad
and I ask him if he will adorn me
in the traditional Green Night armor and face paint.
I've been wearing, like the green,
I've been wearing green teen armor a little now.
I've been wearing the junior Green Night.
I'm asking him to like confirm me fully
as a full Green Night in this moment. Wow, it's been a long time since I've been wearing the junior green night. I'm asking him to like confirm me fully as a full green night in this moment.
Wow, it's been a long time since I've done the ceremony,
but yeah, babe, I think you've,
I think you've earned it at this point.
We can do the abbreviated version.
Yeah, I talk to Alonis and she spoke very highly of you.
It's like pretty much the best parent-teacher conference
you've ever had, son.
Did I get all S's, all satisfactory?
You got all satisfactory, you got S pluses Wow. Yeah. All S's all satisfactory.
You got all satisfied.
You got S pluses.
S pluses.
Yeah.
I blush.
You bend the knee in front of your dad.
Plus impressive than a bush, but you know.
You're at her right.
And your dad takes his sword.
He holds it aloft.
You see it shines with green energy.
He places it on your left shoulder. He places it on your left shoulder.
He does it on the other shoulder.
And then he touches it to your head
and you get like a little crown of leaves
and branches around you.
And it forms your green head armor.
I'll shelter the light and protect the ways
of the engines.
Damn, Sam, you look good.
He's like this, I love it!
Pretty floral, yeah.
Papa's skin is important.
That's the thing that your forehead is really low to you.
Yeah, it's good for the skin.
Yeah, the light's good for the skin.
Right off the ground just hides all the acne up there.
It's great.
Yeah.
Can I take Bev's senior's side?
Yeah.
I just want to take Bev's senior's side and be like, Bev's senior, I'm going to say something
that might come across a little sassy.
Sure.
But the way you were talking earlier,
is sounding like you had a death wish.
And I just want to impress upon you that you have a son
who still needs you for longer and a wife
who is counting on having a nice little retirement with you.
So, you know, I know that a
hero's death can be very romantic, but you got people who need you. And sometimes
the most heroic thing to do is to live on for those people.
You're gonna die an old woman warmen her bed.
You see, Moonshine, Bev, senior nods, Munchan, a bad senior nods and he goes,
She's got me worried about my friends, that's all.
I understand that, but you guys are still young
and I just want to make sure my son doesn't do
anything crazy because...
I know, I know you're coming from the right place.
These people, these unceiligly they're nasty, Moonshine.
And you see, she does it away from Bev,
but he lifts up his armor,
and you see scars all over his body,
like deep slash wounds and stuff.
And he goes, I've seen what happens in war.
I've been captured by them.
I've lived a long life.
I know, but you just still have more to live
is what I'm trying to say.
And it's very important to me to get you back
to Martha Toe Gold and keep you in Bev's life.
He just really missed you.
You see, he nods.
I know that these may seem like childish needs in a time of, you know, epic.
Oh, there's nothing.
There's nothing childish about any of this.
Okay.
Just want to make sure that your head was in the right place.
You know, he kind of turns his head and looks at you moonshine.
I kind of thought that he and the other guy were goofballs and you first showed up in my house with my
Suns broken walk and stick but a hard one's juggling eggs
Beth goes up to hard one and says how's my ass looking?
Well, well, you ain't no chump.
I think it's all the mayo nuts.
Ben Senior looks over.
We play a quick game of grab that.
That's good.
I have been in the conversation and enjoying my grab that.
And then come back to Ben Senior.
Sorry, well, we say.
I was just going to say that you're just
about the best scout masters a dad could hope for his son.
That's very, very nice and I hope to live up to what you just said.
I think you already have.
Wow.
Alright, bring it in here.
I trust, okay, I just needed to check in with you.
Had to have a little pre-battle check in.
Okay, it gives you a hug.
Okay.
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Okay, that's it for me.
Go team pants and enjoy the show.
Let's get our braids on, let's get our paint on.
Alright. Let's climb some trees.
All right. So, yes. So, are you guys all going up in the same tree or different trees?
But I'm wondering if we should like have one tree with all the magic folks in it and then
two pincer trees with Balnor and...
I was thinking since you know Featherfall and Hardwon has the ring of Featherfall that
I could cut, that we could go up super high. Oh, got idea.
That way. And then just Featherfall, that like I could go up super high. Oh, good idea. That way.
And then just feather fall, that like I could go on
hard ones back while he feather falls.
That sounds great.
Let's do that.
And you have someone go on your back while you feather fall.
Yeah, I think I could support Belmore the feather fall.
I'll say, if you're gonna be carrying someone
your own weight, I'll say if you have like the bag a hold
then you can carry somebody down with a feather fall. You can carry two people down with other fall if you.
Ball marg. Could I take the bag? You know, just this once, I had a lot of um,
milestone fatherhood moments here and I feel like this is another one. It's heavy. How do you carry
this thing? I know right? it can get up to 15 pounds
so Really you'd be surprised how tired your shoulders get
Actually, I've got a new strategy and I looked at the two half wings and I say three halves
Let's get up in the street
Three halves make a hole you guys you guys all scramble up into so are you guys so here's what I'll say so
draw Have like sunlight sensitivity.
So, if they're in direct sunlight,
they have like disadvantage,
but I will just say for all of like the rules,
lawyers and stuff at home,
since it is eternally sunset here,
the sun's never gonna get directly in their eyes
or anything, so we're not gonna have a kind of...
But what if someone casts daylight?
The daylight spell?
That would affect them if you were to cast that.
What is that like a 60 foot orb or something like that?
Okay, that's a good orb.
That could fuck them up possibly.
Great, solid orb.
But they could also just like avoid it,
but it might be a good way to defend Queen Serilla.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're all fake, right?
Yes.
Okay, so are you guys, you guys are in two separate trees trees haplings and one tree and the rest of you and the other?
Yeah, okay, so these trees are like abnormally tall
So if you guys wanted to go like 50 feet up in the tree you could do that. Yeah, I think we could still get some like good momentum from 50
Yeah, all right. Yeah, we'll do 50 and then I'm keeping an ear out and the second I hear
What I think could be them?
Or the second I see anything,
I'm going to go into fungal form.
Cool.
I'd also like the whole reaction to activate my sword.
Got it.
Using the wet stone.
I'd like to do some pull-ups on the branch.
Yeah.
Whisper across to Balnor.
Just like get a pump on.
Get them.
Get a pump.
The pull-up.
The pull-up.
I'm backpacking on you like a weighted vest
The real ounce
Dog pound
The real ounce the dog pound
Bound or
Look at how big the mayo nuts are up here
Oh they're huge
Just like big coconut size mayo nuts
This is on the normal
Just bound or is a quick elf essentially
Oh look this is got all this weird shit
You see nanorflies start to fly.
What?
I can't get a couple.
You can't get a couple.
Are they glowing nanorflies?
Yes, they sell you guys out.
Did they glow with the sunset?
Yeah, they're like orange nanorflies, yeah.
They're more like orange flies, I guess.
Oh, they're cute flies.
They're cute flies.
Alora.
Give me that cute fly.
All right, so, all right.
You guys wait, game phase.
I'm gonna start doing some rules.
Okay, so you guys wait.
You guys are up in these trees.
You guys have asked the Pricker bushes below
to protect Queen Serilla.
She has been cocooned by roots
and is under these bushes.
You guys wait for a bit.
Cause wait for hours, several hours.
You guys have now been up there,
I'll say five hours up in this tree.
Maybe that twin-aged goat's killed everybody.
I think so.
Very likely.
It's just head on, I'm caught, I guess.
Can I do an investigation to make sure
that there's not someone sneaking up invisibly
or like, sure, go ahead and do it.
Well, you wouldn't be able to tell that no like we do like a survival or nature to like try and listen for yeah
You guys can do perception checks if you'd like
21 20 20 these fey these hunters these sniffers. They're evil right would my evil sense detect them my divine sense you do
get a a waft of a little bit of evil stank.
Ooh.
What's the direction of that wall?
It's like a serrano pepper.
Wall from the west, wall from the east.
Where am I getting that wall?
It's not quite as direct as you can pinpoint,
but like they're on ya, and you kinda don't know where.
I kind of report spores the letter of Renault
that they just like, I guess, heads on a swivel,
they are imminent.
All right, our fungal form.
Or they're here already.
They might be here already.
They may be like waiting for us to make a move.
Let's fucking wait for them to make a move then.
Okay, are you fungal forming or no?
Yeah, I fungal form you.
How long does fungal form last?
An hour.
Okay, okay.
So you guys see, you guys are all up in these trees.
Bev gets the little hint of evil.
Signals to you guys, or report sports, you guys can talk.
And after little bits, you see a toad
begins hopping out into like the little clearing area.
From where?
I should have moved.
From the woods.
I mean, I'm gonna be straight.
I can't bring myself to just like bow and arrow toad.
Yeah, that could be a bully walks in the ancestor.
Exactly.
Or it could be like, yeah, the ancestor, one of my first boyfriends.
Well, shit, I'ma have to do it.
Hard one, the beast killer.
Oh, the wood this blow, this might be to lure us out.
They may have to scent this fucking toe to try and get us to attack it.
I have my javelin fully cocked, ready to throw, and I all I hesitate.
It could also be just like a scinty or a scout. If what if I could try and move like to another tree farther away, shoot from there, they'll
think that we're up there and then you guys could still get a surprise.
You tore that in yourself.
Also, do we have any more lentils?
We have some poison berries that we saw.
You guys see the toe begins to bounce towards the bush with Cyril in it.
Oh, we gotta stop it. We gotta do something about that. What do you guys see the toad begins to bounce towards the bush with Cyril in it? Oh, we gotta stop it.
I gotta do something about that.
What do you guys do?
Uh, oh, do we have any jars that we could drop the toad?
We're so high up in the tree.
Mine is kind of like a nanofly luxury apartment at this point.
It's true, yeah.
Toad hops into the bush.
I throw it by javelin.
Yep, you throw your javelin.
Go ahead and make an attack roll.
23.
Okay, so as he's throwing the javelin and tandem,
I'd like to cast Daylight on the bush.
Yeah, you better not just be making me kill a frog.
Okay, hard one.
You see javelin goes down, hits this toad.
You see, as you hit it,
it turns into this little like monkey demon thing
and you kill it, it's like,
it's like,
and it spazes out and dies.
Moonshine, cast daylight on the bush,
whole area lights up with light,
with unnatural sunlight.
That's for an hour, baby.
So light radiates from this bush 30 feet on each side.
So a hard one, you just killed this toad
that turned out to be a demon.
I killed the demon, not a toad.
You killed a, okay.
Okay, that one though.
You killed a little frog?
I wouldn't have thrown that, the javelin,
if I had known it was a demon.
I was a frog.
You saw it was a demon.
I was just frog hunting.
What did you do to that frog?
You transformed it into something wicked.
I saved the queen.
Ha ha ha ha.
All right, I guess we're keeping our eyes peeled. Should we just send you out? you do to that frog, you transformed it into something wicked. I saved the queen. Ha ha ha ha.
All right, I guess we're keeping on our ice peel. Should we just send you out or should we keep waiting?
Make the obvious you know we're here now
that we've thrown a javelin.
I mean, I want them to fight, so let's just give it.
So I'm out.
Let's give it another couple minutes, see what they do.
We try and like put out any lures,
we like respond with a toe to our own.
Do you have one?
I can like mine our illusions, something. Yeah, any tree toads, any treeures, we like respond with a tote of our own. Do you have one? I like minor illusions
something. Yeah, any any tree toads, any tree frogs, we could just throw down there.
Go ahead and do a search for a, yep, toad search. I got a, what do I add to it? Nature?
Uh, just toad. Perception. Perseasion. Uh, perception or nature?
Perception, persuasion, survival, perception or nature.
20. Yeah, you find like a squirrel, a chipper monk.
I don't know if you'll good to just throw in a chipper monk
down there.
I do it.
I, okay, I've had hard one throws a chipper monk
down the tree after throwing the javelin.
Our position is well known at this point.
Let's just go down.
So Hard one
You've just done this javelin you just throw in this chipper monk
All of a sudden you feel like you're having a hard attack you're like
Go ahead and give me a constitution save
Jesus let he who cast the first squirrel. Yeah, I guess I'll use a luck point. Okay. I had advantage on that thing through and I rolled two twos.
Shout out to the strong start.
17.
Not gonna do it.
Hard one, you take 33 damage from the harm spell,
and your max HP goes down by that much.
So you cannot be healed by that until you are cured of your disease.
Your heart keeps stopping. It's like fucking terrifying.
Did you say disease? Yeah.
Then I cast lesser restoration.
Cool. Nice.
Um, hard one. Your disease is cured, but you do still take this 33 damage. Got it.
Everybody roll initiative.
10. 23. 15. Moonshine. You are up. That is your turn you have not you guys can
never get a surprise round though before it we going to initiative I use my
restoration yet so now it's your turn but you don't see anybody you just
know that hard one just got hurt and you don't know that they know where you are
you know that hard one through the javelin and you put the daylight up but a
javelin has a much more obvious trajectory than a spell one. Hard one I think our covers blown you cool jump down there.
Yeah let's do it I don't have another hard attack. I shove hard one and we leave down to the
daylight. If Hootin's gonna shove me I want to amend my answers so say that one more time.
Yeah hard one our covers both I think we should jump down. What?
And I shove them so that we feather fall down. guys both feather fall down. I'll say with like 50 feet
I'll let you guys do some bullshit with the ring of feather fall and you guys don't take any damage you guys land on the ground
You land in the daylight
Moonshine there's nobody there we circle up. Yeah circle. You guys are love you like hold the reaction seem smart
Yeah, that is hard once turn. I guess I'm I'm gonna hold the reaction. Seemed smart. Yeah. That is hard one's turn.
I guess I'm gonna hold the reaction as well.
Okay.
But we're gonna start sort of like circling.
That's gonna just look cool.
That's good flavor for us.
Uh-huh.
They're intimidated for sure.
That is the Hound's turn.
Rut-Roh.
They don't hit me.
Queen Cerilla. I. Queen Cerilla.
I'm Queen Cerilla.
Ha ha ha.
Heart-Roh, play along.
She's Queen Cerilla.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ag I really want to defend me.
I'm there to defend Ruth my life.
I'm there to earn.
I'll say moonshine and hard one go
heading to me perception checks.
Okay.
12.
Uh, 20. Hard one. and hard one go ahead and give me perception checks. Okay. 12.
20. Hard one.
With a 20, you catch this spider woman,
this half-drow, half spider.
She wears silver scale male and a silver band
to hold back her hair.
She's got white hair and blue skin.
Her lower half is a thick spider
torso. Her top half looks like a dry elf. You see she's got two swords but
right now she pops out behind a tree and casts darkness over the area.
Oh well maybe I can cast a spell magic as she's doing it. Is that what you would
like to do? Yeah I might just spell magic. So you cast a spell magic as she's doing it. Is that what you would like to do? May have some.
Yeah, I might just spell magic all.
So you cast a spell magic, you undo the darkness.
Yeah, bitch.
Daylight beats the darkness, bitch.
I'm going to smash her in the face.
She's far away.
Then I pick up my javelin that's in the circle
and I'm going to throw it at her.
Okay, you're going to use, okay,
I'm going to say she has half cover.
So go ahead and make a javelin through there cool
Shout out to the three creed
See three creed
Javelin flies out hits a tree and she skitters back
Go ahead and give me another perception check guys
Okay, ooh
21
Hard one 21 is well you see a Okay. Ooh, 21. Um, hard one.
21 is well.
You see a buff,
Drow elf.
He's like an athletic Drow.
He's got his long hair up in a bun
and flowing down on the sides.
He wears a black cloak over chainmail
and he's got a Symitarn one hand
and a whip in the other.
But he holds his hands up
and he's gonna cast
darkness on this area.
Y'all suck.
Keep the spell alive, keep it going.
I throw the body of the toad at him.
Ha ha ha.
So the darkness takes over and I'll say
with the darkness and the sunlight,
they're just canceled out and it's just back
to how it looked.
Oh, that was a good idea.
Made them burn some spell slots, I guess.
Yeah, someone tells me they got tons.
And then, suddenly, hard one, you are stabbed in the back by an invisible lance.
Why wouldn't I be?
21 damage on the first hit.
Two second attack.
Misses on the second attack,
even with the advantage of being invisible.
Great.
Misses on the third attack.
Awesome, I clinched my ass really, really tight.
And I trapped the lance in there so he can't remove it.
The assman's gambit.
He won't stab me again.
You'll have to fight me like a man because your lance is in my ass.
The clap trap.
And then you guys see a mage in like a black robe with like red trimming comes out and is
going to call, or is gonna lightning bolt,
not call lightning.
Hard one, go ahead and give me a dexterity saving throw.
I am rolling so bad.
We need you down here so that we can get your things,
but I shout that out of Trey, that's not it.
I guess I'm gonna use indomitable, right?
To reroll the saving throw.
Great, they're called. I still don't think I'm gonna give it. 14. Indomitable right to you roll a saving throw great. Oh, I
Still don't think I'm gonna give it 14. I just want to say y'all are
Even if y'all win. This is some pretty unimpressive fighting y'all seem like cowards
This is not something that I would that the barbs at the taverns would write poetry about. Yeah, this is Sneaky, this is Bush League.
Yeah, this is like trashy.
Your other drought trash.
I'm not trying to learn anything from what you're doing.
You take 24 damage.
I'm looking to hurt.
That is Bev's turn.
I think God, can we say during the five hours that we were up in the tree that I cast aid
on Balnor and myself and- How long is it last for? Eight hours? Can we say during the five hours that we were up in the tree that I cast aid on
Ballon or and myself and How long is it last for eight hours? Sure. Yeah, cool
So we all just have X five extra HP. Okay, okay, so yeah, I'm going to cast feather fall on myself
I'm gonna put them in my magic sack and I'm going to jump down almost like a Mary Poppins with a big bag instead of a
Numbrawa and
I'm just kind of going with my hand extended ready to touch hands hard one
Sweet
Do you have is featherfall bonus action spell? I think it's a full-on action then you can't do lay hands
Oh, no
Let me double check you can just jump out and take five d6 damage your 50 feet up
You can use your half your movement I think to climb so you can just climb down and it. I'll let you just climb down and jump down if you want to use your
Move that you do that sweet. I'll catch bev too, so it doesn't get you ground. You jump down
Hard one catches you
You can go ahead and heal hard one. How much you need?
Is you know, whatever can I be like 30 that'd be great. All right. I'll save some for like jump starts
But yeah, you get 30 pick pick the lance from my ass, please
It's in there good
So I am Queen Serilla's little brother. Oh, yeah, thank you as me Queen Serilla and my crown I'm ocean to
Mastra has you just hear some whispering and drown
You just hear some whispering and drought. Is that her? Is that her? No, stop.
It's like... Anyways, Queen Cerillo would like to invite you to have a real fight.
So as you, I'll say as you heal hard one, Bev Sr. and Boundor roll out of the bag, and
they look up at you hard one, they go, which way were they?
It was directly behind me, but there's a friggin' spider over there and a scrawny weird
looking drought guy over there
We'll go after the scrawny guy
I can't imagine they have great HP considering how much they had
Bound or a bad senior are gonna go and do perception checks much a lurkies sure to them
Bev senior finds one of the guys finds the mage you see goes
Oh you goofball china hide are you
cast and spills from your little tree uh runs over grabs him out from behind a
tree and him and Balnor start taking fucking wax at him yeah bitch take that
see you should have pissed off our dads that's how you fucking fight a real fight. Told our fucking dads on you, man.
I call my dad.
Yeah, you hear Whisper from the invisible guy.
Oh, you're gonna call your little dad, so I'm sorry.
Yeah, my dad can beat up you and your dad.
Call your dad.
Let's get all our dads in here.
I don't think their dads will show up because if I were your dad, I wouldn't be too proud
of you.
Well, don't say that.
You don't know my dad.
Your dad is a daddy long legs.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
No, that's my girlfriend.
Is it all those long legs to walk out on you?
So, Bebs dad is going to take two swings,
hits both times.
This dude does not have a lot of armor.
This is the mage.
This is the mage that they're going after.
My dad, you see, his dad strats.
He does 22 damage on the first attack. Oh, dad will master slash into this one guy
He looks starts to look pretty messed up takes a second attack does another 21 damage this guy is
Right fucked up. Oh hell. Yeah, that's my dad
Jesus, okay, and then Balnor's gonna take two swings.
Crits.
Yo!
Joeper Bobby Balnor.
You just see, you just see your Balnor go,
ah!
Ah!
And Flawn decapitates this mage.
The end?
Yeah!
Is the mage one that gave me the heart attack?
You hear a whisper from the invisible one.
No, that was me and I liked it. I'd do it again. I
Far down his land
Oh, if I could smell that stuff of a very sensitive nose
You know, we have a little saying back and go later on you messed with the dad you end up dead
You go for ghosts. That's right. You know a goof a ghost or a god or a buddy, right?
You go for god's sake.
I just want to point out to y'all cowards what happened to your brethren.
He was the weakest.
That's what you get for slinking.
Don't be a bunch of slinky sallys.
Can't slink.
The invisible guy whispers in your ear.
I'm kind of the leader of the band.
We have like a rotating line up.
He's not an original.
Oh yeah?
Yeah?
You're the leader, you're the front man.
Oh yeah.
Well your chemistry can't be good if you're rotating it and out.
What do you like some sort of like John Marin?
You just have like a bunch of people that back you up?
You have to be a singing drummer.
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
You keep the beat and sing.
Munch on that's your turn.
You think you're a Rob Thomas?
You're not.
Holy shit. Wait, the mage is dead
Yeah, this dude appears behind you guys
He doesn't take an opportunity attack cuz he was just right there. This is this is Zalik
This is the dude. He's got like black and leather armor. You see he's got a two rapiers at a side
But he's got this lanch this like
Pull with like a knife on the end of it.
It's got like black smoke and you see
little faces in it, like almost like captured souls.
And he's got this red band around his eyes.
And he suddenly appears after the mages did.
I forgot that that's a concentration spell.
Hey buddy, we see you.
I guess that wouldn't, you wouldn't know what that's like though. That's Moons Moonshan Stern. I would like to cast blight on him. Okay. What does that do? So he's got to do a
Constitution saving throw got it
16
He saves okay, okay, well he still takes half okay. What is blight? Is that like a rash?
Boyle
It's kind of like a you see yeah, you see Zalik sniffs the air.
Blight incoming.
Don't say it like that.
Blight incoming.
Blight me.
Blight me, mommy.
33.
But he takes half of that.
And then I spores him for 12.
Oh yeah, you got that.
I'm lightem, poison him.
Blightem, poison him. I'm chop them. And then I just want to just want to dress them down. Yeah, dress me down.
Is it like potpunk? Is that what it is? Your band? Yeah, just trying to figure it out.
Yeah, you're like a huge, straight up a Brendan Uri all of your bandmates straight
up left you bud. That is hard one Stern. I guess I'm gonna oh you know what I'm gonna
whisper into my Queen Samor. Oh, yes, thank you to somebody on Patreon, Twitter, or Reddit. And I'm gonna say, Gemma, baby, you up.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
I suddenly, the three kings appear
in Colday and Luke's sleepy.
Good to go from Gemma Angel.
What?
Oh, no!
Yeah.
You're in it again, though.
Oh, yeah.
And this guy's in a band.
Rise and shine.
Oh, hit music, hit bands.
I love that these guys thing that you would call them
for anything other than trouble.
That's a real call.
You keep saying it.
You call him me, third.
You say hot tub.
Then you want to fight someone in hot tub.
I thought the baby would just hang out one time.
Tell you what, you helped me kill this motherfucker
and we will definitely just chill in a hot tub.
All right.
I've got some very expensive Elven wine you can invite.
Ooh, I like that.
Some between the hammerhead.
That's an action.
Oh, got it.
Oh, all right.
I call the daddy's.
Then can I use my action search?
To then do two attacks, you mad.
There you go.
Shit.
24.
24.
Oh, that hits.
You know what, guys?
I got fucked up by Goofs because I wanted the invisible guy to be able to whisper to you guys,
thus establishing that he's close to you.
So I kind of got Goofed here,
because he could have just attacked you and pieced.
Whoa, so you tried to goof.
I tried to goof.
You never goofed.
It's what it's like.
The boofs.
You goofa boof, you end up.
The band of boofs.
16 damage.
But then I add, oh, then how does the,
how do my little King's,
King friends work?
They'll attack on his turn.
Got it.
Nat 20.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is worth all the saves he missed.
Right.
I was feeling so sorry for myself.
I was getting stressed.
I was at a deep dark hole in the person.
Your butt unclenches.
Pretty stressed.
44 damage.
Yeah.
You see, he still looks like very confident.
And he's doing all these like dare devil dodges.
And then you just smash him like right in the gut
with his hammer and he goes, oh shit,
is that a title track of yours?
Get me, hit me order
Ah, that smell
Good
I bet you're a nightmare of date
I bet you know a lot about wine
I bet all the 17 year old girls you date
I smell a fine eladren vintage
Ha ha ha
Ah
That is...
Their turn
Azzatik yells out,
Trista, Elix, get out here.
Whip me, Elix, whip me.
And you see, you're a sick fuck.
You see, it's like that, huh?
Elix, the big buff dude runs out.
All right boss, I'm coming for you daddy.
Runs out, he's going to swing his- to what swing a little voodoo dollar something. No, he's he's like a big strong hard one dry with a man bun
Wait, you gotta got respected. He looks better
They're both hot and a different way. Oh guy your hell is rebuked
Yeah, I'm gonna tie a
Who do you have a preference for, Loki or Thor?
That's kind of the question.
Oh, that's a tough thing.
Okay, so he's gonna take two.
Two swings with his long sword on hard one.
Focus your fire.
Shout out to the two crew on the first swing from Elix.
Hits on the second one.
So, do my guys attack him?
He does enter.
Yes, so he's gotta do wisdom saving throughout.
He fails, so go give her all.
That's such a nice combination that you call the spirit guardians and then action surge. Yeah, I like that a lot
Go ahead and roll out 3d8
Don't do and they just he's just gonna take this damage because he failed
Thank you. He's looking beefy though. Thank you kings 21
21 great you know jemba's out there saying you guys have open thing
Yeah, yeah, she's doing her thing
I'm doing mine. I met this girl named Triss last week
He looks full stabs you. Oh
He is gonna do a cemetery doesn't do to oh actually does do a lot of damage. I'm wrong. I'm wrong
I'm sorry did Zalik getting whipped do something you'll see in. See, was Zalik? Yeah, I just hate saying that word.
I know.
It just falls out of my mouth like a bunch of grapes.
You get hit for 17 damage, and then you see,
Elex does indeed whip Zalik in the back.
Yes, whip me again, whip me again.
Hey guys, save this for after the fight.
Yeah, yeah.
And then Zalik is going to, he's gonna make a wisdom saving throw.
He does pass his wisdom saving throw, but he'll take half damage.
Go ahead and roll your 3D8 because he started his turn there.
Cool.
You know, most bands just have like fireworks at their show.
The whipping thing is weird.
No, it's like our thing.
Well, yeah, I have to say it's a bit engaging.
It's the most interesting thing you've done so far.
Much more interesting than you've been hiding.
Are you met a commenting on style of this fight?
No, I'm sorry, I wasn't.
I was trying to be mean to them.
I'm like, 11.
Can we meet in my ABCs?
11?
11.
So half of that.
Cool.
OK, five.
I guess I just prefer like a burlesque performance
or something if we're really getting down to it.
Yes, true.
If you're going to break out the whip, but like at least get some tassels in there.
Ah, Salik is gonna attack with advantage because he was just whipped.
Oh, because he's a good, he's a dirty little boy.
Super dirty daddy.
Uh huh.
Ew.
He hits with his death lance.
I'm gonna use, I'm gonna tie my hair up
and use my Elisha with my ear.
Nice.
29 damage.
Do you do a hellish review?
What is that?
I think it's a wisdom saving throw.
Or deck saving throw, I think.
He rolls an at one no matter what.
So it doesn't matter.
So he'll take the 2-D 10 damage.
Cool.
Did he hit with the death lance?
Yes.
Is that like, how does that work?
He has to knock you out to kill you. All right, cool. So it's not like you have to pass a check every time you can hit with the deathlands? Yes. Is that like, if he, how does that work? He has to knock you out to the camera.
All right, cool.
So it's not like you have to pass a check
every time you can hit with it.
It's only six damage.
Six damage, okay.
Oh, so if he knocks me out with the deathlands, I'm dead.
Correct.
Damn.
But like, I can still revivify though.
Sure.
Okay.
Okay.
He's gonna make a second attack.
Hmm.
If he wants.
That's a 23 to hit.
He hits 24 damage.
Oh my god.
And then he makes one last attack.
25 to hit.
Well, if he does more than seven, I'm gonna be dead.
Okay.
Tides a shifton.
You guys see...alik stabs hard one through the chest with his death lance.
And you see all of the life drains from hard one's sure foot.
You see the ghosts dispel in the King's Hammer as Hard One drops the
hammer. You see all of the blood drain out of his face. Hard One, do you have any last words as you
your bad socks. Hard One dies and he pulls the lance out of his chest and tosses him aside.
You are not getting an encore.
That is Drisdus' turn.
You see this spider last.
Your friend's dead.
And uses her little spider legs to climb across the trees and everything and get over to you guys
and she'll take some attacks on Beverly.
Mrs. on the first attack.
Mrs. on the second attack.
And Mrs. on the third attack.
You see she's, you're straight up Lord of the Rings.
She's stabbing down at you and you're
rolling, ducking back, rolling out of the way.
Probably somewhat horrified and inspired
that a hard one, a hard one died,
hard one's dead right now.
I'm focusing on that, but I do have a big rolled
up Newspaper and I'm like whacking her with it.
Okay, that is Bev's turn.
All right, cool.
Zalik is still next to hard one, right?
Zalik is still next to hard one.
Just, you've just seen Zalik is still next to hard one right Zalik is still next to hard one just you you you've just seen
Zalik stab hard one to the chest all of the life drain from hard one and then he tosses him off
Okay, so here's what I want to licks the blade of hard ones blood. Oh gross. Glad I wasn't allowed to see that
How's his blood taste like slice sicko and I hate sliders. Oh
You're just pressing all our dank buttons.
Okay, I am going to just do the biggest disengage possible.
I'm going to take every opportunity attack that I can.
I'm activating my Aby's Gibby boots
and just bolting towards hard one
so that I can defend his body as I attack Zalik.
Sweet, okay.
So, a juristate gets an opportunity attack but she misses okay
So yeah, go ahead and you can make an attack that's
19 19 hits all right good
I'm gonna go ahead and I feel like there's no reason to hold back on smites right y'all yeah
I think that this is the guy that we need to kill the most just cuz he unless we want to just burn all our
Really good eyes? Okay, so I'm gonna do a second level smite.
Real quick here, if y'all don't mind.
All right, it's 22 damage on the first hit.
Okay, he still looks pretty good,
but he's not like at full health.
Like, Elix is at full health.
That Elix looks good.
Thanks, man.
Hey.
I just feel like, you know,
like you could be using that whip for a lot of fun stuff.
Like you could start your own little circle.
This is fun. Whip me, Elix.
Just shh.
Ah, you could be doing like cool little rope tricks.
There's a lot of opportunities that don't involve beating up your friend.
That's a natural 20.
Yeah!
See, that's how you're anything.
You need to attack.
Uh-huh. I am absolutely gonna do a smite.
I am upset.
Not only did I see hard one get killed,
I saw I'm killed in a way that involved
with filmagics and just bad stuff,
and I don't approve.
Yeah, you see, Boundor is doing the like slow motion,
hobbits getting pulled away as Gandalf's die.
Yeah.
Ah!
Ah!
Let me take a moment.
It's gonna be a second level smite. Okay, so that's
That'll with a with the crit it'll be 60 it'll be six plus it'll be eight D8s
D8s and then plus your modifier once I think what happens is like
Flowers start blooming on my crown
But they wheat blood
And I say I don't know what your problem is,
but that is my scout master,
and I need you to watch this.
Ooh, hell yeah, flowers bloom on my dead body too.
Also nice to say watch this after you've worked.
You know, because it's what pressure's off.
You know what we've learned, dude?
That's 40 damage.
This dude's looking right fucked up. You see, he was like,'s getting all these like kind of flesh wounds from the whips and everything
Be like yeah, I love pain and then you just like stab him right under ribs goes
Yeah, if you know that a real pain fan would have loved that
It's a spectrum you know, it's like the the pepper chart. Is this too much for banana banana?
That is
Bound or a Bev senior's turn you see the two half-ling dads are just like no hard one
And run forward at Zalik
The pen your sir gets on
Get away from my son you sick son of a bee. Oh, yeah dads versus daddies
Bound or hits on both attacks.
Bounder does 16 damage.
This dude looks right fucked up.
You've killed so many important people to me, you son of a bee.
Then Bev's dad goes, Bev dad rolls in at one.
He misses big time.
So good then.
Does hit on the second attack.
15 damage.
This dude looks insanely hurt,
but he is still alive.
Moonshine, that is your turn.
You see, Zalik looks frazzled now.
And he looks at you, Moonshine.
He goes, look, these are tough for you.
They're tough for me right now.
I'll call the rest of them off.
What are your allies, you're dead.
You're about to get your ass kicked by Queen Cerilla.
But then actually what I want to do is I want to cast Heat Metal on his death lance
to ideally cause him to drop it and then use my bonus action to go on a rage and jump on it
to try and wrestle it away from him.
Very good. I will let, if you do Heat Metal, he drops it. You don't even need to wrestle it away from him.
I'll let you grab it. Yeah, so I want to steal. Heat Metal? Okay, so he needs to do a saving
throw, right? If he's holding or wearing the object and he'll take damage from it to begin
with, no matter what, but if he has to succeed at constitutions, saving throw or drop the object,
but even if he doesn't drop the object,
he'll have disadvantage on attack rolls
and ability checks until the start of my next turn.
So he takes a little damage.
He could just die if I'm a key one.
He's gonna take damage and I'm also gonna spoil it.
He passes his saving throw, but.
Okay.
He's gonna take 11 damage.
Okay. And then I'm gonna take 11 damage. Okay.
And then I'm gonna spore him for 12.
So he takes 23 damage.
Wouldn't you finish him?
Okay, so I'm gonna take Hard One's hand
and let his dead hand start attacking him,
but then I'm also gonna call Balnor over
and be like Balnor, curb stomp.
I toss the bag to Balnor.
Balnor takes the bag, he walks up to Zalik. Zalik goes no no we don't need to do this look
You still got do you have any but attacked?
Drista you haven't even attacked Elex one of your companions is dead and he's like you're damn right
One of our
Companions is dead and you killed him you killed myrogate son, you killed my boy Bobby and you ruined
my village but you're not gonna get away with it this time.
And he uses a sword, he cuts off one of Zalak's arms and Zalak goes, you can't do that,
you can't do that.
Cut off his other arm and then Boundour grabs him and he holds his face close to his
face and he goes, takes 10 minutes to suffocate in the bag.
Oh, yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
You think you'll bleed out first,
and then you just shove some in the back and tie some up.
Oh, yes!
I whispered a hard one's dead body.
I wish you could see this right now.
You'd be so proud.
And, Zalik fucking dies, but these other two guys are here.
And those guys are sick fucks. And you see, when Boundore brutally kills Zalik fucking dies, but these other two guys are here. And those guys are sick fucks.
And you see when Boundor brutally kills Zalik,
Eelix and Drista are like, oh, this guy's cool, yeah.
Boundor just turned into Nicholas Cage from Mandy,
and I love him.
That is hard one's turn.
Death save.
Death save?
Oh, I thought it was automatically dead. Oh. Hard one's turn. Ah. Death save. Death save? Oh, I thought it was automatically dead.
Oh.
Hard one.
You are in this strange, in-between world.
Like the Feywild right now looks like an oil painting.
Like it's gray and white.
And you can vaguely see what's going on.
But it's all blurry.
And you hear a bunch of voices in the distance.
You hear the voice of Gemma in the distance going, hard one, it's not your time yet, hard
one, hard one, we'll be together, but not now, Gemma.
You hear another voice calling to you.
Son, join me in the halls of his guard.
And from somewhere else, you hear dissonant whispers, but amongst them you recognize the voice of his guard. And from somewhere else, you hear dissonant whispers,
but amongst them,
you recognize the voice of the widow.
We can get out together.
We can get out together.
Mother.
Hard one.
You're hearing these from all directions.
It sounds like your dad and your mom are in separate places
and gems in a separate place.
You're being pulled in all directions.
One light is trying to take you to like Morden
and one's trying to take you to cord.
You keep flashing from the Feywild plane
to somewhere that looks like the autumn court,
but it's all like dead trees and it's all dark
and it's all like desolate.
And yeah, you hear your mother being like,
we can get out of this place together.
That is.
Ooh, what a bad dream.
Elex.
Elex and Driz does turn.
They're going to take swings at Beverly
because he just had this great showing.
So Elex is gonna just take...
I'm your new band leader.
He's gonna take a couple attacks.
Come hit me, it only makes me stronger.
Whip me. Wh hit me, it only makes me stronger. Whip me.
Whip me, daddy.
But no, how old are you?
No, you liked it when you, hey, yeah, I saw him, you doing it.
How old are you doing?
What are you talking to this adult about?
Don't knock this stranger, it's just kill that.
It's in intimidation, dad.
It's intimidation.
17 damage on the first hit. OK.
Takes a second attack.
Hits on the second attack.
17 damage on the second attack.
And then is going to whip Drista.
I'm going to whip you on.
You're a little spider ass.
Oh, yeah, I like that.
How many eggs fall out?
I just get a lot.
So many. She takes, you see they're taking like a little bit
damage when they get whipped.
Down or those are not mayo nuts.
That is.
Down or is busy, he's got a body just kicking in the bag.
Yeah, just wriggling.
That stris does turn, she's gonna take three attacks on Bev.
Mrs. On First Attack.
Crits on the second attack.
Oh, 21 damage.
Okay.
Yeah, you see she slashes you and then like bites at you
with her spider pincers.
You missed up my crown.
Yeah, you got a stupid little crown kid.
No, this is the new look for the band.
No.
We're all wearing this now.
You're not in the band.
We're kind of doing a 60s thing.
They don't need a singer, are you a singer?
Yes! Wow, would you a singer? Yes!
Wow, would you be like the darkness?
She does hit on the third attack.
I don't hate that.
She hits for 11 games.
Yeah, I would definitely pay to see that.
That is back around to Beth.
Okay, so I think what I do is I prepare a vilify.
I take one of the components,
and I guess I swallow it. I've never done this before.
Sure, yeah.
You don't have to do that, oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
It fills you with magic energy
and you feel powerful enough to cast this spell now.
I rub my hands like a defibrillator.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I do the strongest, most powerful touch hands
I've ever done.
What?
Touch.
Ah.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. So. yeah, brother.
Guys, our resurrection rules are that you have to re-roll your death saves to come back to
life.
So, hard one, to not die forever needs to roll it.
So, hard one.
Let me set the scene for you.
So you are being pulled in three separate directions.
You feel your mother in this like alternate dimension.
You feel jamma and your dad calling you
from two separate places.
And then you suddenly hear in the distance,
touch hands.
Go ahead and rule your first death save with advantage.
And you don't get beves plus four.
You're just in like another world. I got a 15. Okay, that's what I'm, shut that. I have with advantage. And you don't get Beves plus four. You're just in like another world.
I got a 15.
Okay, that's one.
Shut up, I have an advantage.
Well, both staying in case you quit.
60.
Okay, so you pass your first one.
Go for number two.
Oh, that's all it wants, wow.
Yeah.
18.
18.
Oh yeah.
I'm in the positive column.
Five.
Five, that's a fail.
Oh.
So you just gotta get one more to,
you gotta get one more to get up.
I could also use a luck point.
Or you could use a luck point if you get a one.
Right.
Yeah, I'll do that.
16.
Yeah.
Hard one, you can decide where you wanna go.
You hear Beverly yelling touch hands,
you hear your mother calling to you
in this alternate dimension.
That seems-
Just to try to entice him, can we say that?
Like, I'm like leaning over him and my boots
like in his face.
Right.
This is trying to tie some back.
My hands are on his nipples.
And then moonshine is leaning over.
So there's a lot of play going on.
I'm going to say, um, mom, I'm coming for you someday.
Dad, we got some unfinished business too.
And Gemma, I love you, but I'm still a little bit of a fuck boy.
Hey, moonshanin, you are hard one comes back to life.
Oh, Laura!
You are dead!
You are super dead!
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry guys, I'm alright.
Can I do one of those hand, yeah, a kick up thing?
Yeah, all right, cool.
Hard one kicks back up.
You got to get your roll to see if I actually land though.
I'm gonna say with disadvantage, you're at 1-HV.
Yeah, cool, so that's a nine.
Okay.
Ooh, and then that's 1-HV.
Ah, oh, yeah.
It's a hard one kicks up, and and then immediately like all the blood goes to your
legs and you just like fall backwards and you're at one HP you're just like catching your
breath you see.
We steady.
Is it okay?
His cheeks get rosy again.
Yeah, I was up for a second.
I was up for a second.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys still have this crazy death spider over you and this big buff dude.
That is Bev Seniors turn though.
In the game. He's going to take a couple swings at this buff guy
with the whip.
And he hits once for 23 damage.
Foxes guy right up.
Bounder's going to take two swings.
Oh, it's so good to see you, Gadson.
He gives you a big dad smooch on the cheek. He hits both times.
He's gonna do 16 damage.
Elyx is still looking pretty healthy. That is
Moonshan's turn. A. I think I'm just gonna go ahead and do a...
I can look at Bev's amulet too. So if you want to fuck somebody up.
Okay.
Totally should.
Cool.
I'll become barbarian and attack the spider.
Sweet.
Wait, have we attack, oh no, we've been attacking Elix, right?
Yeah.
An attack Elix.
Okay.
Yeah, we gotta get rid of that whip.
Does a 28 hit.
Yes, believe it or not.
21 and this four is for 12 so 33
Yes, yeah, you fuck them right up. Yeah, it's hard one. That's your turn all right. Thank God you saved some for me
The goofs are in the bag. We put the goofs away for this one. Goose are gone. I know that funny about this
I
First of all hug bev and moonshine just for a
Miss you so much
I feel like I feel like I could I could have been hugged
uh
uh
I'm just kidding
I'm kidding
I was in the bag
yeah
oh
he opens it a little bit
you see this dude with no arms squirming in there
I doubt you're gonna face really quick
oh
um
alright so I'm going to
swing my queens hammer at zeelix the one that we're we like see Alex alright
19 19 hits
Kewelie fucking hard one died
So you're once welcome pointed down you're not gonna be able to do this all the time, but nope it's well
I got him out this time. I guess Bev has a new collection task now. Hard one's also the best person to die with the luck points.
Because if things got real dire, 23 damage.
Okay, Jesus, good shit.
And I'm gonna swing the hammer eight second time.
Speak.
I'll use a luck point.
Okay, burn him.
Glad I did, 24.
Yes.
For 25. Yes. Fuck, did. 24? Yes.
For 25?
Yes.
Fuck, Dandy is fun.
21 damage.
He's super hurt.
That's too stressful.
Okay, this is a little too heavy for me, brother.
What do you say we call it quits?
Call it a tie.
Yes, this is a risk.
No, we're definitely going to kill you, but I do need to hug my friend one more time.
I go back and hug Bev and look at his amulet
Get up in there. Thanks kid. Go ahead and give it a smooch real quick. Oh, where do your parents live?
Because we need to know where to deliver your body
Actually don't have a great relationship with them
That's right. Sorry of that
They're gonna go ahead and take a tax e-licks will take two cracks at bev if he whips me
and take attacks. Elyx will take two cracks at Beth.
If he whips me, will I get advantage?
It's only if it's an ally.
He actually misses twice, though,
but he is gonna whip to his gun.
I like persuade him to whip me.
Ha ha ha.
Okay, that is Drizz does turn.
She was just whipped, so they're into that kind of thing,
so she's gonna take a attack with advantage.
I do respect, I feel like, you know.
Yeah, don't kink, shame on them.
Well, kinks like them.
The thing I don't respect is that they're killing people.
It's not the right route.
Right, it's between them, it's fine.
Yeah.
She doesn't bring other people.
17 damage on the first attack.
Okay.
And that she's taking two more attacks.
Misses on the second attack.
Misses on the third attack.
Ooh.
That is back around to Bev.
Okay, I'm gonna look at my amulet.
Okay, for a little bonus, hey.
I'll get that addition done in a second here,
but for now, I guess I'm gonna keep hitting Elix.
Sweet, take away that whip.
Okay, say like, hey, slice him off a piece of that.
I could be your little cabana boy.
No, you're so young.
You wanna hang out in your cab? Stop, no, this isn't young. You want to Ike you want me to hang out in your cabin?
Stop. No, this isn't cool. Invite me over to your private club in Washington DC. I've turned to Bev's dad.
You should be very proud. What is going on?
What are you teaching him? It's comedy, Dad!
All right, take your swing. I'm going to do a second-level smite
Okay, 27. Yep, great. Okay, that's going to be 25 damage. Beverly
finish him. Oh, my elix. Okay, I think I wait for him to try and whip me, and then I
let it wrapper on my sword, and I rip it out of his hands. Wait, no, that's my whip.
And then I toss it to moonshine and let her melt metal it.
Oh, he metal it?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay, I heat metal it.
And then I whip them across the back with it
until he dies.
Oh, Jesus.
Jesus.
Just these horrible, open gaping wounds of radiant light
that completely fill his body.
You see the whip opens a wound.
And then, yeah, radiant energy goes all through his body,
and he explodes.
Is that too much?
Did I pass the safe word?
He's dead, kid.
Yeah, I mean, you're done good.
Okay, looks like you're a solo act.
You've been seeing your charges forward.
Hits on one attack.
He does 25 damage. Drist is still pretty healthy, but she can't
take a million attacks from all y'all. Boundlar hits once for nine damage. That is
back up to Moonshan. Okay, hard one. You need a big carrot or connective
Rageon. Rage. Alright, our Rageonner honor. Queen Cyrill is coming to rage at y'all.
Long live the queen.
And I'm assuming that a 24 gonna hit?
Yeah.
Here for 21, then spores are for 12.
Ah, sweet Jesus.
33 again, 33.
She is my lookin' no matter what.
She's super messed up, hard one that's your turn.
All right, not super messed up, messed up.
I'm gonna go try to smush this spider.
Yeah.
19.
That hits.
21 damage, she's very hurt.
Swing it again then.
Cool.
I'll use my final luck point.
Sweet.
No.
Two fours in a row.
Okay.
Huh.
That went so often. You know what, he came back to life. Yeah. Two fours in a row. Okay. Huh.
That's so often.
You know what?
It just came back to life.
You should go easy on yourself.
Yeah, that had a long day.
Trista looks at you guys.
It's been fun guys, but I'll just have to see you all again.
No.
And she's going to cast darkness.
The area is covered in this fog of darkness.
It's tough to see her.
You feel her like dark away.
You don't know how far she got though.
That is Bev's turn.
Oh, I mean, she's given up an evil sense.
I can probably trace her.
That's true.
Okay, I'm going to make a perception check.
16? 16.
Okay, yeah, you see, let me see how far dark. We want to track her down, 16? 16, okay, yeah, you see, let me see how far dark.
We wanna track her down, right?
Oh, yes.
She's definitely not getting away.
Yeah, this spider, you know, this spider's trying
to like crawl under your printer or something like that,
but I'm not gonna let it.
And sometimes I'll put a cup out,
slide some paper under and bring the spider outside.
Not this one, this one.
Sometimes the spider is just too scary to live.
Yeah. Okay, so it. This is not the spider, it's just too scary to live.
Yeah.
Okay, so it's only a 15 foot radius,
so I'll say she was able to kind of like avoid
the opportunity attacks around her,
but you see her skittering off into the forest.
She is about 30 feet away.
I missed a step to her.
Sweet, you're right up next to her.
Oh, wait, shit, I'm out of second level spells.
Okay, I'm at the top.
Then I guess I sprint towards her. Okay, and like I wave my glowing swords that everyone can to where I'll wait shit. I'm out of second level spells. Okay, I'm at that then I guess I sprint towards her
Okay, and like I wave my glowing swords that everyone can see where I'm going. She's still close enough though
Yeah, you got your hippie skippy boots your fastest. How oh yeah, that's true. Go ahead cool
Well, I do wave my swords with people know like the direction ahead sweet
Um, and like the tour guide yep
This way folks this way we're headed to the library. It's a lovely library. The glowing nanoflyes are loving this.
Sunset nanoflyes, right?
Why do we call them cutie flies?
Cutie flies, cause I got a little orange butt.
Cute.
Um, can I attack?
Yeah.
Oh cool, yeah I'm gonna try and spill some eggs.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Shout out to the two crew, except I ignited my blade.
I get to make a little bit of a blade.
Nice!
When does that ever happen?
I'm looking to make omelettes, so give me some eggs.
I don't know if they're gonna be good,
but we'll try 22.
Yeah, great.
I'm definitely gonna eat a spider omelette.
Okay, that's a 13 damage.
Okay, and I'll go ahead and divine some sweet.
So 2D8s, if you're doing a first level.
That's gonna be 22 for my first attack.
Cheese, she's quite hurt.
Cool, I like, I kinda like using this whip
for my smites now.
But the whip does less damage.
It's like, yeah, oh it does?
Yeah, it's a d4.
But it still makes you feel like a bad bull.
Okay, what I do is I attach my sword to the end of the win.
Ha, ha.
Okay, 27.
I hits.
Yeah, great.
One more smile.
Yep.
One more smile.
Yeah.
18.
Beverly Finisher.
You see this spider woman is like skittering away.
Catch you next time.
Ha, ha, ha. I say to her, it's time you heard
some real music and I summon Polora's four lieutenants, the Beach Boys.
We're gonna kill you right here. Kill, kill, kill. Kill you with play hates and we all stab her.
Great, you and Brian Wilson,
in tandem behead her, Brian Kielsen.
While Micah loves, looks on,
makes you a thumbs up.
Mike Dea.
Mike Dea.
Great stuff.
You should have advantage Brian a little bit,
but you're still cool.
Yeah, so you guys, Beverly chases down, just like,
you'd be skipping boots like sweat and chasing down.
This lady jumps up onto the back of her thick spider legs,
stabs her down with the help of the beach boys, of course.
And then comes walking back, covered in blood.
What's eggs?
and comes walking back covered in blood. What's eggs?
I pantingly take out a frying pan from the bag
where what's his face is still lying.
Where's the alic is still lying out of it.
And then I just make a little fire
and quietly make some spider omelette.
As much as I make the spider omelette,
you see Balnor pours Dalek out of the bag.
He's bled out just this dead, drow elf
with no arms and no eyes laying there.
I can help you solve his head
if you wanna make a little keychain,
like I did with Miami.
You can shrink it, it'd be kind of a fun project.
Can we also say that I made the yokes in the spider's eggs say,
welcome back for Hardwa.
I weep.
Happy death day, bud.
Yeah, you guys all see it, you see.
I've done it before, but not like that.
Not like that.
That seemed extra real.
Boundor and Bev's dad kind of like collapse back gas
per layer.
There's just like blood everywhere.
Ballnor looks at like his old halfling village.
He's like, we did it.
This blood will enrich the soil
on one day a beautiful village full of so many
mayo nuts will grow here.
Bobby's blood did not flow here this day, Ballnor shall it.
You see.
That looks blood, didn't, instead. Thanks, guys.
So it's meant a lot to me.
And you see, Bev Senior looks at you.
Hard one, he goes, what's on the other side?
But what's on the other side, Hard one?
Hard one, don't get my dad to jazzed about death.
Yeah, it's nowhere you wanna go.
It's sort of like a gray scale oil painting
I heard some voices that I wanted to voices. Yeah
So so they're coming from different directions my old man's over there my girlfriend's over there
It's talking to my mom for for a bit
I was talking to my mom for a bit. And we know?
Yeah, the widow was saying we could get out of here together.
It looked, the terrain kind of looked like this,
except everything was dead.
You see his eyes go wide.
Shadow fell.
The plane of shadow.
She's a lost soul.
Yeah, and that's kind of my fault.
I packed a lot of that.
And that's where we'll end our session.
Ah!
Ooh boy!
We're gonna save my mom!
Monty Quest!
Monty Quest!
Hey, that's all!
Someday I can't believe parents.
I believe her soul, not SOS, SHS.
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Someday I can't believe parents. Her soul not SOS as HS. Shh.
Shh.
She's this.
We got a lot to discuss on this.
I know short rest is gonna have to be kind of like
a therapy session for me today.
Yeah, I feel like that gave me like an ulcer.
I'm glad cause you guys weren't verbalizing it as much
and I was a little nervous.
I was like, did we just take all the stakes away
with the resurrection spells?
No, when we have a big, you were made it very clear
that this was gonna be a hard fight.
And when that happens, I just get quiet
and focused and stressed.
Yeah, it's just like hard once, dad.
Okay, time to get serious.
I knew someone was gonna die.
So that wasn't a surprise,
but it was still very, very stressful. Well, I was sure it was gonna be peff senior
That was like equally stressful. This is all good fodder for the short
Say all right guys, I'm giving me gray hairs head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod that's any DD
POD listen to us talk on the short rest don't sing yet
that's NADD, P-O-D, listen to us talk on the short rest, don't sing yet. I'm taking up good vibes.
For more Beach Boys theories, guys, we got some things to plug.
Watch hot data on Netflix, meet an Emily sketch show.
You can also buy our book.
It's called, Hey, You Up, How to Turn Your Booty, Call in Transmurgency Contacts, Available
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Call the way you get the plug?
Watch dropout I got a show on there sweet. Uh, Jake we got beard oil every week. Oh, yeah, the body oil the sister Mr. Is that brother sister code? I use sister mister. You just let me know when you need another bottle
I got him at home for you know it comes with a decent amount so I'm doing good. Oh, yeah, thank you for the review
All right guys follow us on Twitter at CH-Murf is me,
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that's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.
We are, we are,
the youth of the nation,
we are, we are,
youth of the nation.
I love you, mother.
It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent
council of elders.
Y'all so sweet.
Oh, yeah, starting with Brad D, the only Pepple Pot that is in Craven, and the only Pepple
Pot who could get through the scary part of Moana without anxiety meds.
Wow. J. Loma 72 aka Steelbreaker Hard One's gym inspiration
always uses the free weights and is known
to chuck free weights at exercise machines.
Dylan B. a sword-wielding wizard
surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times.
It's a good thing the blades float
because Dylan has cut both their arms off.
Wow.
Danny P. Bohumi has resident artist,
painted hard ones, senior portrait at the dwarf anage,
also painted a tasteful nude of the bully-wug king.
Tom P. Father of the Realm and serenader of sleeping babies,
Tom has plus tend to stealth when sneaking next to a cradle
to cradle to admire his kin.
And much admiration is called for.
Spencer, Cask Brew, patron elder of libations,
ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohumia alike,
brewed a Feywild, a IPA, and you better believe it, hoppy.
Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn,
elder tonight, ex-owner, the badgers' pint in and tavern,
and also the owner of the badgers' pint in and tavern.
That's right, they just bought a new tavern
and named it after the first one.
Hell yeah, beard man Dan the longest beard and all the whom you beard man Dan's beard
is so long, it could cocoon, Cyrilla, Thornbush style.
Scott D, the only bully wug to ever have braces, a great shame to their family.
Hermes W, the Bat King, just announced their bid to run for Bat President in 2020, which
is weird because Hermes is already king.
Spartus, a Glyath fighter with a bird familiar, bigger than hard one, and kinder to birds.
Adam R, the R-rated assassin, does most of their killing to uncensored rage against the
machine songs.
Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP, Cassandra has so much HP they don't die when they're
hit by the death lance.
Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Danielle so dastardly that she hid behind a tree and pretended to
be the voice of his mother when hard one dies.
Q-C, A-K, Halder, Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crud on the SS Stormborn and Fautelog
Side, Elias and Red also fought against Elias and Red occasionally because they could
be quite messy and honestly not the best roommates.
Many the mundane accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spilt to reach divinity,
when you order one thing of fries and the drive-through person gives you an extra one by accident,
that's many given you some of his.
Daniel U, aka Multifor the many face magician, each of Daniel's faces is more terrifying
than the last, which is saying a lot because number 6 is a doozy.
Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the Realm, fun fact, Jordan is actually deaf but can smell music.
Cool!
Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and challenger of Bjorn.
Bjorn is a big Viking dude and Jeff kicked his ass in a bar fight.
Hell yeah, Cutter W, a high elf, dandy turned quick, bark a dick, just redid Glade Home Castle
without anyone's permission. John S, aka Shubert the Mushroom, Shubert was actually brainwashed
by Fiala and is now a giant religious mushroom hellbent on taking over the world Oh no.
Ryan M, the namesake of hard ones, Ram hard ones had a friend at the dwarf image
who he neglected and forgot to call after they'd made plans.
Elena C, a chosen soldier, so wholesome
that they won't drink anything but whole milk.
Andrew M, a bard with a knife,
a knife, a fife that will kill you.
Michael McD, headmaid'sologist at the Blumana Inn,
will straight up mock you if you order a mocktail.
As a mocktail, Victor T. Belnor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported
to another world, now who's going to teach him how to dance the Landler before the
Macharra ball?
Just an eye is a bird so big, they're often mistaken for a chosen angel.
Clayton Amis, Claymation, Donation, who's in prostration. Bev. Well, the professional, the only lawyer to successfully beat
pop-on litigation. Sadly has lost every single trial since then, including
their trial for cheating in their case against pop-off. Jacob Z. A half
orc. Dark Jacob Z. Eats all their meals with a sport. Elena Am. A high
elf. That's right. Alana smoked her up.
Make pucks the amazing code master who programmed our website currently
commissioned to code some dice that never rolled a two.
Earl and Kathleen L. a gnome couple who actually went through with the
four way with the suck you buy and it was hot as hell.
Yum yum yum yum.
Jive G. A centaur that invented horse pants. That's four legholes and they're cute as hell.
Corbin A, the only barber who hard one trusts to cut his hair, hard one has never met Corbin
A, which is why his flow is so righteous.
Just rich the jock ostrich after getting lots of swirlies in high school, just rich decided
to hit the gym hard and now they only drink toilet water cause they like it. PJW aka Chara Arcadia, a tiefling warlock whose tail has a mind of its own, also has its
own tinder profile and it has a fuck ton of matches.
Daniel R. Ram Daniels, evil twin you can always tell which ram is Daniel, because they're
wearing tiny little black things.
Nicholas R. aka St. Crickless instead of milk and cookie, St. Crick prefers if you leave
out lukewarm crawfish and some crick water.
That's gonna be another yum from me!
Jennifer V.
Maker of the THC Wörther's that Nanakine Leaf loves.
Bet you didn't know that kid!
Destin C. Winner of the new hit TV show in Chosen Rules Galator on so you think you can
prance.
Devin B, the Bodega Lord, their kingdom is open 24-7 and people have a general mistrust
about their tuna.
Michael L, a swashbuckling rogue who only steals your heart.
Okay, Sam H, the Griggs first ever accountant.
However, no one does their taxes, so Sam stump is not that busy.
Kelvin Noodle's Apostle Elemental has an angel-haired daughter and a son named Riga Tony.
Oh, I like it.
Sergio, Célezare, Solomon, Sakurai, S.D., Sukuni.
Seventh of his name is sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin.
Recently shed his skin and guess what's underneath more hot snake skin.
Traylee, the cray-fay who loves filets, fish, chicken steak, it don't matter as long as
it don't add bones, Traylee is on board.
Eren G, Master of the banishment spell.
Instead of throwing away trash, Eren just banishes it to a pocket dimension.
They still recycle though, because come on, they're not a monster.
Eric B, the only uber driver in all of Bohumia, Eric Saturday nights are fucking packed.
Jury S, found the pressed penny spell component that Beverly foolishly tossed away and used
it to save their ailing friend. Unfortunately, their friend was a chosen angel. Good go,
and Beth!
Alucard, a reverse Dracula, they can enter your house at will, but aren't allowed to leave
until you tell them to. Luckily, Alucard always shows up with a six packs and no one really
minds.
Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section.
They celebrated by smashing their entire face
into a large birthday cake.
Adam A. Chakrik Elf, who mixed things up
by sleeping in a giant pumpkin instead of a stump.
They own a throw pillow that said,
home is where the goo is.
Collin G, a winter alladron who wears shorts, no matter
how cold it gets outside.
It may sound cool, but in alladron society, it's actually a crime and it's punishable by death.
Ryan Hardwan's Ram, who was brutally killed by Knowles when Hardwan abandoned him,
Ryan tasted so good that Knowles opened a slider restaurant named Ryan Ryan in his honor.
Ryan Ryan, that's canon now.
Big Buck, the only donkey to ever be vindictively killed by a DM.
Big Buck recently went to hell where they kicked
Acker out in the mouth and ruined his perfect face. Richard F. Acau who died trying to escape from
the chosen's milk farms. They were later reborn as a penguin which ironically is one of the few
bird species that produce a milky protein rich substance for their young. Taylor, S-A-K-A,
trash the traveler, whenever they start a journey, trash always packs light,
one bag of holding two changes of clothing, and of course one washing machine dryer combo to
wash said clothes. John W.G. invented the face shuffle, a more stylish version of the face step.
It burns all your spell slots, but it's also a real showstopper, so win-win.
Worth it, Troy McSeedy,y only ill-behaved green teen.
Troy wears their badge sash as a belt, which caused Beverly to faint out of discuss on no less than three separate occasions.
Cannibalist of Cthulhu, if you're ever over for lunch and Cthulhu offers you a hand-pie,
say no unless you like the taste of human hand meat, then go freaking nuts.
Sam L, a quick nannier fly fly who flapped their wings and caused a hurricane
in Smuggler's Bounty. They also farted, so the hurricane smells super rank.
Dom R a powerful drow hunter who can sense magic purely by taste. They are known across
the Feywild as the liquor. Josh S the revived cyborg version of Josh the
Cobalt. Robo Josh is 10 times as strong as normal Josh, but is very susceptible
to us so be sure to stock your water spells.
Let's bring Demetri, owner of Dorgers Big Borgher, stop in now and try milkshake and they're
all new cursed collectors cups, one in a thousand cups, traps your mind and body in the
body of an ancient worm.
Caleb Storm Cup Bearer and Cords Great Hall, Caleb is accompanied at all times by Olive
Boy and Vermouth Youth, the celestial twins who supplied Cords with martinis at a moment's
notice.
Andrew A. The new mayor of the crank, Andrew's first move is to install a high-speed quail.
If you catch it, you get free crawfish for a year.
Nicholas C. has starred in every single movie ever made in Bahumia, currently playing Berrick Briston in Battle Angel Theola.
And yes, there is Oscar buzz.
Matt Ella, chosen night who was ex-communicated
after introducing their brethren
to a most sinful creation, the milkshake.
Tar got owner and proprietor of Bahumia's beloved
general store Tar got where hard one buys
his Boston cream pie Yankee candles.
Mike H, a former hound who, upon adopting a kitten, realized they were a cat person all
along and also that they didn't want to murder anyone anymore.
Kevin S. the glater on News Anchor who made headlines when they turned what was supposed
to be a fluff piece on the Allas New Infrastructure Initiative into a referendum on the shortcomings
of her proposed budget.
Trouble, a tiny mouse warrior who uses a needle as a sword, a thimble as a helmet, a press
on nail as a shield, and a subway rat as a horse, adorable, and formidable.
Garrett Am, a ranger who doesn't know how to track monsters but is amazing at following,
the latest trends Garrett absolutely slays, the Pinterest game.
Matthew E, the Oprah of Trinnyvale, similar to Oprah, Matthew E has their own magazine
to which Gens subscribes religiously.
Samuel B, a dwarven ghost who's been spending a lot of time with Gemma lately, making
some power moves like saying, who's he again?
Anytime Gemma mentions hard one.
B. Money, the official currency of the Bazinga B's is actually the most stable currency
in the Feywild.
Tail for G. A wizard who created a magic skinny T. That's basically some herbs that they
cast reduced person on, and is considering using Onyx's
Trinstagram influence to pedal it.
Guardian of Light, Zach H. Bohumi is only keyblade
wielder, mostly uses it to help loosen people's back yard gates that have gotten rusty
from rain.
Mitch D. and Enlightened, Drunken Master, Water Genossi, named Dach Affa.
Once they absolutely decimated the hounds, but it was at a game of
darts. Curtis S once competed against and beat Onyx Lumiere and Obsidian at a showcase
for Moonicorn Dressage.
Coulton B also wields a mysterious shard that whispers into their ear, but unlike Onyx,
Colton's shard mostly tells them to buy Nabisco products.
Barrett K. Barrett, Brisden's personal milk sommelier, anyone who's tried at Barrett's
Barrett Kay's nipple nectar will praise its earthy musk and fein aftertaste of manure.
Jen's Christian tea, another Trinnevellian.
Jen's has suffered months of online abuse from Jen's Lindell, who's been trying to buy
the Trinstagram name Jen's to the rescue for months.
Gage M has the thickest ear gauges in Bahumia,
unlike Jake they never get in fact to be,
but only because of an unholy deal they made with the olive
in exchange for their unflinching loyalty.
Montana monarch, recently weathered the cold spell
in their kingdom with a ninth level heat metal.
Melony F, aka Tiavina Seragon, and Asimar Paladin who drunkenly swore a blood oath, but forgot
what for, maybe it was to a vampire?
Maybe it's a literal blood oath?
That would explain why they're so dizzy right now.
Eat a cookie and grab some juice, Tiavana, then let's get to the bottom of this.
Ray Lee PS, a Feywild Gardiner who's really fucking sick of finding royal bodies in every
bush they try to weave.
And finally, Erin Cia, Somalia, so esteemed, they can tell with just a sniff whether the Moon
Wine came from the Big Moon or the Small Moon, and that is it for this week, everybody.
Thank you guys so much for listening. You can head on over to Patreon for the short rest.
Patreon.com slash an ad pod, and we'll be back next week with another episode.
Bye, sweetie. Bye. an ad pod and we'll be back next week with another episode. Bye Sweeties.
Bye.
That was a hate gun podcast.