Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 59: Blood Rain (The Shadowfell Saga)
Episode Date: May 2, 2019The Band of Boobs arrive in Shadowfell and... somethin' ain't right. Hardwon meets his long lost twin, Beverly's blood becomes a hot commodity, and Moonshine tries to play nice with a vampire.... Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"Scary Ambiance" by ashleyxxpiano at Freesound.org."King Lestibourne" by Emily Axford."Tower in the Distance" by Emily Axford."Angels and Devils" by Emily Axford."Shadowfell" by Emily Axford."Grimhawk" by Emily Axford."Langston" by Emily Axford."Into the Mist" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Goodbye, Sweeties.
Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.
This is not another D&D podcast.
Welcome back to Bahumia Everyone.
Bahumia.
I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz.
Hard one, surefoot.
Emily Axford.
Moonshine, Sabin, part of me, moon.
Shadow, because we're in Shadowfell.
Ooh.
Hold on, very good.
And called the old Tanner.
Beverly Togo, the fifth, formally fake.
Now I'm all gray.
Ooh.
I like that one.
I was thinking you were going to say Shadowfella. That would be good, and I'll say that. But yours is great. Save it. Just save it for the that one. I was thinking you were gonna say Shadowfella.
That would be good and I'll say that.
You're just great.
Just save it for the next one.
I'll splice that right in.
There might not be an excellent.
We might beat Shadowfell in one episode.
Yeah, I might be one in a dollar.
Or we might just have a total party kill.
Oh, equally likely, I'd say.
Brassmore.
Yep.
Guys, let's do a little recap.
So last episode, you began by trying to talk King Leicesterborn down from succumbing to
his madness and jumping from his tower.
After successfully subduing him, you confronted Beav's dad, who you'd learned was working
with Akarot and the Nine Hells to prevent the Allah from controlling the Feywild.
You had a heartbreaking back and forth until Be Bev screamed at him to go, you then packed up Leicesterborn and headed back to the Autumn Court where you delivered
the unceely crown to Princess Jovier, making her queen of the unceely and uniting the winter
and autumn courts. For the first time in thousands of years, the sun set in autumn and Jovier's subjects
enjoyed a beautiful fall night. The band of boobs got some much needed bonding time,
exchanging heart to hearts, shooting off fireworks,
and getting rip, roryn, drunk on Crickwater.
Who are you?
I forgot it was your sweet 16.
It was a bittersweet, but it was indeed.
Oh, but it turned sweet though.
Yeah, by the end, we made sweet.
It was like bittersweet chocolate.
Once you put it in cookies, it's just sweet.
Oh, it's like baking chocolate, yeah.
Yeah.
You saw Queen Jovier help lift the curse on Queen Cerilla
and King Leastaborn returning them
to their fiery summer personalities.
You found out the next morning that curing the monarchs
had indeed helped all of the subjects of the summer court
when you got a message from Durlin and Cran
thanking you on behalf of their newly unfrozen children. With your work finished in the Feywild, you decided
to head to Shadowfell, the plane of shadow, to write your wrongs, defeat Galad once and for all,
and save the widow during the ritual in which Hardwan was brought to Death's door. You are able to
use him as a port key and travel to the plane of shadow. And that's where we are now.
But first, let me tell you all a little bit about Shadowfell.
Please do.
Wow.
So Shadowfell, like the Feywild, is a reflection
of the material plane.
But unlike most of the Feywild, it is a bleak place
full of death where you'd find a river in the material plane.
You might find an enchanted stream in the Feywild
and a baron trench full of bones in Shadow Film.
Oh, hard past, so bad.
So too late guys.
I wish I had looked at TripAdvisor before.
Yeah, oh yeah, shit, there's a half star
Yale preview, so I don't know.
Yeah, it's only got three reviews,
and they're all half a star.
Only one Ruby Tuesdays here.
I'll say I wish I could give zero stars.
There are many creatures that are native to Shadow fell, many of which are undead, including
werewolves, vampires, skeletons, mummies, shadow monsters, ghouls, fallen angels, and countless
other horrors.
Since it is so close to the material plane,
it often attracts the lost souls of the dead who have no other resting place,
like a revenant who failed to deliver on her promise that she made to a god.
With an in great sun. Easy. Or what about some cute skeletons we could get on our side?
Find out. We, find out.
We will find out.
Sounds like a real monster mashup in there.
Despite the overwhelming population of monsters,
there are humanoids in Shadowfell.
Some are descendants of people who traveled there
back when the world was more magical
and the planes were more easily traveled.
Others were brought there as slaves or sacrifices
for various evil doers and somehow managed to escape.
So there are humanoid settlements full of people
who are native to Shadowfell without having died,
but even those humans are not immune to the effects
of their grim surroundings and often fall into madness
or have generally unsettling personalities.
Matt, and dropped with a tangential question.
Sure. When you say
people bring sacrifices, can someone who is doomed to shadow fell send a
sacrifice in their stead? Perhaps a powerful like demigod or something could do
something like that. But it's not like every day Viking King just being like, you
go in that place. No, no, certainly. Thank you.
What kind of idea did you have?
I don't know.
I was like, there's a conspiracy.
They're sending innocent people in their place.
They're rich people.
I thought you wanted to get back to the material plane
and send someone.
Cool.
We just find someone to send in place of your mom.
Oh, problem solved. Great. Great.
So like I was saying, there are mostly undead,
but there are humanoid.
There are people who are, quote unquote, alive in Shadowfell.
But right now, you are not in a human settlement.
You are in a deep mist.
This fog.
You have appeared in Shadowfell.
Queen Joviere's throne room, usually full of life
and song has been replaced by a shell of a great haul.
There's debris all over the floor, the roof is missing,
the wood has rotted and it's blackened.
It looks like this place was burned down.
You are instantly overwhelmed by a deep sense of dread
as this thick fog washes over you and you hear these dissonant whispers.
You look down and you see the hard one is still bleeding out, extremely injured, but you see that there are two of him.
I shatter the mirror, huh? How about that?
Is that not if it's not a mirror?
You sure?
I just ring your bell.
I will be playing one of these hard ones.
Jake will be playing the other.
Jake, you will not know whether you are the real hard one
or if you are a being pretending to be hard one. I'm just gonna make a roll
Great
I
Would say oh shit
You guys are in this deep mist. You see two hard ones both extremely injured
Well obviously you guys know what real fucking hard one, right?
What's the best part part of the crawfish?
The brown?
My dad.
Oh shit.
I also think it's the brown.
What's in the secret compartment?
Don't tell her!
A picture of you eating it!
Don't tell her you eating it!
Dude, fuck you!
You fucking idiot!
We opened up!
We had it all!
Man, not about that!
Dude, Christ!
Alright, bonus hard that, dude, Christ.
All right, bonus hard one, cool.
Maybe this is good?
Yeah.
Two of us?
No, I don't trust your ass.
Wait, I don't trust you, dude.
Okay, Bev, I'm gonna try and sense evil.
Go ahead and roll for it.
Okay, it's like trying to smell a fart
and a shit factory.
Okay. Arcona?
Perception.
Perception, okay.
Okay.
Uh, 14.
These two guys are virtually identical.
Oh, virtually.
Is one of them wearing a loincloth?
I'm both wearing it.
They're both wearing the exact same thing.
Okay.
Jigsaw alone cloth on the other side.
Dick sizes are the ones that we measured in Frostman. They're both wearing the exact same thing. Okay. I'm so sorry to help man.
Dick's sizes are the ones that we measured in Frostman.
113. Oh, that was 18 actually. That was the...
Can I just do like a raw...
I'm gonna use a lot of point real quick to roll for the dick's.
Never do this to me.
Dude.
You gotta get the fuck out of here. You're confusing.
Bro, me.
It's messing with me that you're here right now.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
What are you doing? You're some weird, shadow fell freak.
I'm not weird. You're weird, dude.
No, I'm not. You're weird.
I'm not. You just showed up here.
Okay, but what are you doing? I'll do a split.
I dropped my knees. He dropped to the ground.
He dropped to the ground. It does a split.
Okay, hey, hard ones, what's our goal here?
Find the widow?
Okay.
He knows all the answers.
Can we, I mean, I'm saying if he's got the same goal.
Yeah, if you have the same goal, maybe we just travel with you.
Fine, maybe the real, the real hard one will show his true identity.
AKA me. Fuck. Maybe the real, the real hard one will show his true identity.
AKA me.
Fuck.
When you say me, Bev looks at both of them.
Linguistically that kind of led us in one direction.
Totally.
I have no, absolutely.
Grab his back.
Yeah.
Bev looks around to see if there's another Bev.
Um, there is not another Bev.
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Yeah, yeah, that'll just happen.
Yeah, yeah.
How do you know?
You're a dire.
Because I'm me.
I'm hard one sure foot.
The bastard of the mountain.
The off dead.
OK, maybe you two should just strip down the wrestle.
I think maybe just to like see who wins.
I popped my shirt and tackle him.
Can I go and sniff him? Can I go and sniff him?
Can you go and sniff him?
Yeah, I wanna get in real close to the nape of the neck
where all your most personal sense come out.
Moonshan, go and roll a perception check with advantage.
I'm gonna be mad at this works.
Which one is she sniffing?
I mean, I'm gone for both. Okay.
I think I gingerly walk towards hard one number one,
taking a deep nape of the next sniff.
Yeah, this is like as I'm squaring up to fight you.
Then I'm walking into the other one,
taking another deep huff of hard one. And I got a 23.
Jesus Christ. Okay.
Which I you walk over to one of the hard ones.
The one played by me. You
does he smell like he've been drinking smells like
sweat and blood and alcohol that he's sweating out.
You go over to the other hard one.
The one being played by Jake at the moment,
and he smells like sulfur.
I don't make any moves, but I go to Bev,
and I just report to Spore's Bev,
and I report to him what I
Smelled oh, that's a no-no smell
Are you always smells like sulfur guys know what to make of it?
What I smell like sulfur yeah, keep wrestling though. I want to see how that goes. We can let him wrestle it out
but I got my eye on.
So far.
Yeah, dude, I wouldn't dress sulfur hard when either.
Which one of us smells like fucking sulfur.
I see it smell like a bit.
Oh fuck.
Wait, you nods that you smell like sulfur, and that's no good.
Yeah. That's eggs.
I may be un-evil.
Maybe you're evil. Hold on.
Let maybe submit yourself, prostrate yourself.
We're gonna get this figured out.
Kill me.
Okay, well, we don't need to go that far, but I think maybe we can like,
you know, hard one, hard one.
Let's all try and work this out.
Maybe we don't need to fight.
Yeah, maybe we don't kill anyone just yet. I like the idea that one of the real hard one will reveal himself in battle.
But y'all can keep wrestling.
Maybe we'll wear your wrestling.
Or you'll fuck you over.
Should we wrestle?
I think y'all should wrestle.
Alright, fine. Yeah, let's wrestle.
Okay, um, go ahead and make an athletics check.
Alright, if you see any weird devil fuckery
From you from me kill my ass. Okay
21 for initiative. You guys see
My hard one Rex Jake's hard one
What just starts the one who smells like sulfur is getting owned right now to rest of that. I get, I report scores just bad again and I say, okay, this may sound cruel but I mean
it in a kind way.
Doesn't it feel like hard one would lose to himself?
Doesn't it feel like the most hard one thing that hard one could do?
You know, I could see going that way but I could also see them being in some sort of week-long
stalemate.
Yeah.
It's really gotta go one way or the other, though.
Yeah.
I don't think it's not like a good clean fight.
It's gonna be, you're not gonna feel like you paid
your money's worth for this UFC match.
I guess that's what I'm getting out of here.
Huh.
Well, so the sulfur hard one has been defeated
and is lying on the ground.
They're just wrestling, they're just grappling.
But he's getting his ass kicked?
Yes.
Isn't it just like me to get my ass kicked
by the devil?
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Is he bleeding regular blood?
I smell like sulfur in this guy's kicking my ass.
That's my luck.
Hard one, sulfur hard one. Yeah. I'm so sorry this guy's kicking my ass. That's my luck.
Hard one, silver hard one.
Yeah.
I would like to put you in the bag with your head sticking out.
I will do the wrong thing and hide in the bag.
I want to cast Turn the Faithless.
OK.
It's an other ancient words that are powerful
for fey and fiend to hear.
I present a holy symbol as action.
Each fey or fiend within 30 feet.
They can hear it, it must make a wisdom saving throw.
Unfail creatures turn for one minute
or until it takes damage.
Cool, you cast that, you see neither of them move.
What was that, dude?
Can I try to spell magic?
Yes.
And when just chill, we're gonna cast a bunch of spells real quick.
I'm just gonna do a quick.
No one needs to be alarmed.
Cause whoever's being honest,
except for the one who's not being honest,
they should be alarmed.
I'm gonna cast a fourth level to spell magic.
On who?
On the room.
No, you gotta pick a card.
I gotta pick.
Well, I gotta go, sulfur boy. Sulfur boys, where I would go. So, where I a pick. I got a pick.
Well, I got to go, Silver Boy.
Silver Boy's where I would go.
Silver Boy goes first?
Yeah.
Okay, so you cast Dispel Magic on the hard one
that Jake is playing right now.
Yeah.
And you see, he turns into this mist monster.
I'm telling you, I'm a fucking monster.
Okay, give me, you may now play the real hard one again.
You see this mist monster as soon as it is revealed,
launches towards hard one, everybody roll initiative.
How dare you?
11.
I got a 22. 13. It's hard because hard one normally smells
like eggs, which are sulfurous, but this monster smells much more sulfurous. I am gassy.
Hard one that is your turn. You see this mist version of hard one just whispering at you.
I'm the real hard one, short foot. The bastard of the mountain.
No, you are a sulfurous boy.
You're the sulfur boy.
Not this one.
Watch this.
No, you watch this.
I guess it's miss, but I'm gonna try
to swing my hand right out of it.
Sweet God.
Watch missed.
Watch missed.
Watch missed.
Uh, 13.
Uh, 13 does not hit.
Okay. You see missed hard one Uh, 13 does not hit. Okay.
You see, Mist Hard One, uh, does a split.
Ugh.
Ugh.
He crits in splits.
The Misty Split.
I clock this.
Like, what, okay.
Okay, I do, I do a, uh,
Do you like my cool hat?
My dad gave it to me.
No, he didn't, your hat is sulfur and you're sulfur.
I do a really high kick and swing my axiot again,
or my axiot, my acres, embers.
See it?
20 to hit.
That looks a bit bad, and I'm like,
a little still a little confused.
Yeah, it's like that one's all misty.
Why are you guys confused?
Their misery is turned into mist.
Yes, he turned into mist, but that split was so convincing.
Can you turn into mist?
Hard one?
Yeah, I can't turn into mist. I can't remember hard one turning Can you turn into Miss, hard one? Yeah, I can't turn into Miss.
I don't remember hard one turning into Miss.
Yeah, he's got ghost daddy's why couldn't you turn into Miss?
I can't turn into Miss.
I can split, watch this.
Wait, moonshine, did you gash his form him?
Maybe, I guess you're not must have done.
I thought I tried to cast and just spell magic.
Hit the sulfur, sir.
The sulfur, sir.
Hit the sulfur, sir, for.
How much damage do you do?
Did 16 damage. Cool. The sulfur, sir. The sulfur, sir, for how much damage do you do? Did.
16 damage.
Cool.
Oh, yeah.
How does he take that kind of damage?
What do we see?
What kind of reaction?
You see, hard one has a magic weapon,
so it does strike a fog hard one.
Oh, great.
Does that hard one have a magic weapon?
Can I do an inside jagger something?
Sure.
Shout out to the two crew.
I mean, they're virtually identical.
You once again.
Yeah, just look like twins.
We gotta get you into Sears Portrait.
Yeah, just stinking of sulfur.
Just fully aghast that occasionally forms
like hard ones face and makes one of them.
Wow, two hard ones, maybe it's heaven.
Yeah.
Bed that you're turning. All right, two hard ones, maybe it's heaven. Yeah. Bad that you're turning.
I'm making it.
Alright, double missed gum, let's do this.
Bev, come on, I'm your scout master.
That voice seemed a little off, I rolled a one, I'm going to reroll that.
This 14 hit, 14 does hit.
Oh, whoo, whoo.
Alright, cool.
As a bonus action, I'm going to go and activate my re-roll blade. Great.
The green energy cuts through the fog,
and now we'll cut through the sulfur.
Great.
At some point, is your blade gonna turn gray?
I think that it's probably a lighter green
at this point already.
I think the color is probably seeping from it.
A little bit sage.
Yeah.
The mint knife.
It's like an avocado right now.
Tasteful.
The inside of one, right?
Yeah.
Okay, that's going to be 13 on the first hit.
Sweet.
And lemmey's.
Wack again.
Okay, 19.
That'll hit.
That hits.
And that's 14 more damage. But the squats have really been working for you.
Well thank you.
I think the squats have been working for you.
This guy's, no I'm really proud of you man.
This guy smells like eggs.
Silver boy seems to have like a connection with you.
I've got a connection with you.
Let's do our secret handshake.
We do our secret handshake. He also knows our secret handshake. We do our secret handshake. He also
knows the secret handshake. What? Which handshake? His hands are missed. His hands are
definitely missed. I kind of like the sole foot a minute. Hold on. I let the
miss wash over me and I feel like it clears up my
complexion a little bit. Oh, it's like a sole for mask.
Interesting. Yeah, see that's one thing he's good for but not any of the other
stuff. Okay, I'm going for sulfur boy great
But I'm gonna do is I'll go into a rage and then go for sulfur boy great
Okay, that's another charge from his Rosalene damn
Crittin in a rage. Yeah, and that's gonna be Crittin in the name of
32 Damn in a rage. Yeah. And that's gonna be Critten in the name of 32.
Two,
Damn.
Damn, from Silphus.
How could you do this Mochai and we kissed?
You remember?
Of course, I remember.
Maybe you didn't remember
because we were in the weird trans thing.
We all kiss all the time.
It's not special.
True.
Good point.
I will get both hard ones.
Just see the reaction to that.
So it cuts deep.
So it cuts so deep with Zofa Hard one.
Zofa Hard one is going to cast charm person
at a fourth level.
Wow, everyone, go ahead and give me wisdom saving throws. I'm gonna go ahead and give myself advantage because I have
Advantage against being chirmed. Great. Oh, don't forget to add plus four. Oh, we add your plus four. Yep.
19 19 21 27 Jesus. Hey, guys, advantage and y'all out before me everyone passes including down
I mean you recalculate for you guys that is true the silver smell is starting to tickle my nostrils You're like a you're like a smelling salt in the human form what just normal hard one doesn't hard one cast charm person and stuff all the time
Normal hard ones, you know That is a really good car.
Car one has never cast a spell ever.
You know what I'm saying?
Wait, that guy, that was cool.
That's the real hard one.
Kill me.
Hang on, wait, I forgot.
I'm actually moon chan sabit.
What?
I know that might not be me anymore. I dropped my weapon and embraced myself.
Hard one, go ahead and give me a Constitution saving throw.
29.
29.
Okay, in fact, everybody give me Constitution saving throws.
Okay.
Uh oh.
Constitution?
Yeah.
10. 10? Yeah. 10.
10.
23.
Something happens, but I'm not going to tell you what.
Oh boy.
Oh no.
Oh yeah.
Now we got two shine on our hand.
Sweet.
Oh, two shine.
That is Balnor's turn.
Balnor is going to pull out his gun and shoot it at the mist because that's funny. Stay back. Stay back. He's so fresh. Queen. I hit Swanns for seven damage.
This stinky queen is about ball or an a tizzy. You see the mist is starting to
dissipate a little bit. That is back up to hard one.
Sweet. I'm gonna swing my hard one go at me. All right
I'm gonna swing it at moonshine and ask you to duck at the last
Last time hey hard one. Did you ever look at my amulet? Oh, no, I did it. Do that. Oh, you're at like 4 HP
Yeah, yeah, I would like to not die. I'd like to kill myself at 4 HP. That's kind of cool. Yeah
Pretty metal. Yeah, pretty metal.
Yeah, 26 to hit.
That hits.
Yeah, fuck me up.
All right.
Moonshine.
OK.
You see, as you go to swing the hammer,
you see little missed paw paw comes out of the ear.
Oh, save it.
I don't want to.
Save it.
I don't care if it's miss.
It's beautiful.
Save it. I will not. I'm's Mr. Newflu. Save it!
I will not, I'm swinging at Misty Moonshine's head.
Okay.
15 damage.
15 damage, okay.
Not to the Misty Pop-Off.
You clocked the Pop-Off and lived.
You clock Misty Moonshine's head clean off and Misty Pop-Off's head takes your place.
Okay, that's got a farm.
You face it here. He's in now fully pop-off. No, it's like Moonshine's body with Pop- Papa's head takes your place. Okay, that's gotta find the cute face.
He's here, we're here.
He's in now fully, Papa.
No, it's like Moonshot's body with Papa's head.
Rainier.
Rainier.
That's a fun look.
This is getting too hot.
You see, real Papa comes out of Moonshot's bib
and starts yapping at it.
Rain, rain, rain.
Okay, Papa, if you'll coast sign,
I will kill this room.
Rainier.
Rainier.
Rainier. Rainier. I feel like, I don't know if I want to save my luck points.
I think it's probably worth.
I think I might go a little light on spells,
hoping that this is like kind of an...
All right, cool.
I will just convince.
I'll with this because I love Papa too much.
Yeah, you're probably looking at pop-up while you swung,
trying to make sure at the last second
double checking that you had is approval.
You cool with this?
And as a bonus action, I will look at that as Antler.
Oh, good.
Oh, good.
Hard one at the end of your turn,
go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw.
Nat 20, there I go.
Oh, you feeling good.
Bev, that is your turn.
All right. Yeah, it's spooked me up. Yeah, that is your turn. All right.
Um, how was it?
Yeah, it fucked me up.
Yeah, how's this sulfurous witch looking?
Rare.
Wow.
Now I want to be the sulfurous.
Rare.
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
It's that's pop-up moonshine stinking of sulfur.
Rare.
It's all, it's like your best and worst qualities
put together.
Ha, ha, ha.
A21. 21 hits. Will it? Yes. It's like your best and worst qualities put together 21 21
11 on the first hit sweet
Ooh 13 does not hit yikes I
I guess I kind of like
Swing at it and it does like a miss missed. Yeah, you miss
Transforms into Bev senior No Swing at it and it does like a mismissed. Yeah, you miss. Oh, you miss the miss.
Transforms into Bev's senior.
No!
What?
Freakin' low blow.
You messed up, man.
Low blow.
You messed up.
No.
That's why I went to the devil.
Time out.
I'm just gonna do a bad job.
Freakin' no, do a bad job.
Yeah.
That's why.
That's why I really wanted to attack myself.
Did you feel that way hard one?
Yeah, I liked to attack.
Yeah, I kind of wanted to cut myself out.
It was therapeutic as hell.
Ha ha ha.
Bev, at the end of your turn,
make your constitution saving throw.
Okay.
13.
Okay.
Everyone, I've got to do some extremely active therapy.
Stand back.
That is...
Moonchains turn.
All right, I'm so sorry, Bev.
You know, I love Bev's senior and you know that there's just a pile of mist.
Circumstances.
Does a 22 hit?
Does.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, I'm too good for my own good.
Okay, well that was a lot of talk for nothing.
That's gonna be 12 spores and for another 6.
18.
Nice.
It is, oh, it is not immune to poison.
That's crazy.
He's made a mist.
That makes sense.
That makes sense.
It's a pure mist and I'm infecting that mist.
It's true.
It's like when you get mold in your humidifier.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
It's starting to dissipate quite a bit.
It looks pretty messed up.
Turns back into, you know what?
It's gonna turn into Gemma.
Wow.
And take a crack at the next one.
I lower my weapon to your worst.
You failed me.
I wanted it.
I sure did.
Kill me.
So it's just gonna be like this the whole time, huh?
And hits with, I guess, Gemma has a sword? Sure.
You know what my AC is 20 now, right? Yes. I rolled a natural 19 and it gets plus more than that to hit.
Only does seven damage. Cool.
Slashes into you. You get this nasty little cut.
And then it is going to try to eat more of your memories.
Go ahead and roll a wisdom saving throw.
So that's what it's doing.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
The, no, do I get that?
That's the thing.
I don't know if they're gonna do it.
The saving throw?
14.
Yeah. 14. Not gonna do it.
Oh no.
Oh, it's goblin' your memories.
Well, that might be good.
I feel like we've got a lot of things you'd like to forget.
Yeah, maybe.
There's definitely a couple that you can have for free.
You see, Gemma missed, Flies Forward, and Kisses You, Hard One.
And you guys, for the outside, see it.
Dementor style begins sucking the life out of hard one.
It is literally eating your memories.
Hard one, you take 16 psychic damage.
Wow.
Just so everyone knows I'm finally this.
Yeah.
Yep.
I look down at my blade.
You can remember it all wholesale, bud.
So hard one, you are now memory drained.
The target must roll a D4
and subtract the number rolled
from any ability check or attack roll the mix.
Each time the target is memory drained,
beyond the first, the die increases by one.
Wow, for how long?
Until a shorter, a long rest.
What about a luster restoration?
It needs to be greater restoration or heal.
This is seem like hard one kind of likes it
when she kisses him.
So hard one, you do feel frazzled.
Like you immediately lose your short term memory and you don't know why you're here
and you just see ghost Gemma on you.
Like you forget the past like two days.
That one.
Check your arm for tattoos.
Boundour's turn. The the Bound or just a character
Bound or shoots his gun
Missed on the first attack hits on the second attack does a six damage hard one that's your turn
Can I make an attack on goes Gemma yeah, okay? I
I guess I will but I don't know why I would.
Bucket, Balnor shooting you, so I think I have to kill you. Wouldn't it be pronounced
Joe's to Jemma? Yeah. Okay. So just tell me what you get, I'll roll the D4 for you.
I rolled it. Oh, it's not going to work. I rolled the 13. Not going to do it. Cool. I'll do it again. 21 to hit.
Minus two, 19 still hits.
19.
19 damage.
Hard one, finish.
The mist.
Good Lord.
I guess I, you also fully don't know why you're here.
Right.
Can we get the mist to turn into like,
something? An animal like a horse or something that Hard one feels more acclimated. We don't know why you're here, right? Can we get the mist to turn into like,
an animal, like a horse or something that hard won't feel as more acclimated.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
If the mist turns into a horse, I would kill it on sight.
Yeah, you see, as you go to strike it,
it turns into like a beautiful baby deer
and looks up at you, confused.
Well, time to test your metal.
Sweet.
Yeah, I flip my hand ax up in my hand,
catch it and swipe it across the throat
with one quick motion.
Like a kosher slaughter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoa, what's up everybody?
You see there was a fucking deer in here?
Don't worry, I took care of it.
No one asked.
So hardwood, yeah, you cut this mist deer apart.
It disperses and turns back into just thick fog. So hardwood, yeah, you cut this mist deer apart.
It disperses and turns back into just thick fog.
Right, I don't really feel like myself.
I go to my knee and then fall on my face.
Okay, so does he still have...
Did Hardwood ever get healed?
Yeah, he looked at my hand and right, got it.
Yeah, he looked at the amulet and did a second wind.
Got him, I did not.
Okay, I'm gonna go with that.
So is he still afflicted with this?
Yeah.
It's cool.
Hard one.
I got you.
This might not make sense right now, but I got you.
Just, you know, I don't know.
Go with the flow right now.
You could be really present right now.
Think of it like a mushroom trip.
I'm all in.
Hard one puts out his palm.
Okay. Hard one. Come over here. Bring all in. Hard one puts out his palm. Okay, hard one, come over here, bring it in, group hug, everybody, group hug.
Yeah, I'll get in.
I crawl on the floor.
And then we all huddle around and I cast great a restoration on him.
Hard one, okay, wait.
You imbue a creature you touch with positive energy to undo a debilitating effect.
Okay, so I actually have to, I have so I actually have to all like the dumb feelings that I've had from Queen Ezra
and the confusion and maybe jealousy and all that shit.
I just got put in the back burner and just think of really positive thoughts and then
check, put them in the hard one.
Nine vibes only.
Hard one, you get your memory back.
You are still in this confusing plane that you guys really know
nothing about surrounded by all this fog in this destroyed
great hall.
And Beverly give me another
constitution saving throw. Oh boy. Oh my lord. Can I cast a
lesser restoration on that? You guys don't know what's going on.
Okay, that is a constitution saving set. That's going to be
nine. Okay. I think that rolls. We're good. Don't worry. Good vibes.
Good rolls. Yeah. I think it's one of those spells
where as long as you don't get a one, you're fun.
Because we're all just chillaxing.
Yeah.
So you guys are.
You just have to be able to out there.
Yeah, I get the hookah going.
We get some cushions on the floor.
Yeah, let's just like try and inhale some of this mist.
Yeah.
So you guys are in this deep mist.
And everybody go ahead and give me perception checks.
Not one.
Not one, okay.
19, 10.
But I mean, it becomes an eight.
I've got really good perception, so.
Okay, with those perception checks,
you guys are all still just trying to get your bearings,
trying to figure out what's going on here,
Beverly, give me another constitution saving throw.
Wait, with a 19 and notice anything?
You did not.
We all want me to cast like fairy fire or daylight.
Daylights, maybe a third level.
Would fairy fire give us enough range
to see where we need to go?
Okay, daylight's gonna be an hour,
but only for 60 feet.
Oh, but it's on, it spreads out from a point you choose
within a range, yeah, so it'd kind of be limited to here.
Oh, if you choose a point on an object
you are holding or one that isn't being ordered
or carried the light shines from the object
and moves with it.
That's cool.
I cast daylight on Paw Paw.
And we use him like a little scrambled torch.
Oh, awesome beacon.
Moonshine, you cast daylight on Paw Paw
and Paw Paw begins to glow.
And what is it?
It's like a 60 foot. Yes, so basically like 60 feet in diameter.
Yeah, for an hour.
So this whole area lights up.
While the daylight is up, go ahead and give me
perception checks with advantage.
Okay.
Ha.
21.
23.
I got a not 20.
A. Yeah.
There it is.
Hard one, you see that the mist around Bev is turning red.
You see that it is literally draining the blood from him.
And that Bev, by the way, you have taken 20 damage.
What are you looking at, guys?
And you haven't even noticed it.
That you're bleeding, young, and is there okay?
You're leaking, buddy.
Oh shoot, did I pick a scab?
I maybe it popped something.
I was trying to shave.
I've got like a couple hairs that are coming in.
Moonshine, help me shove it back in.
Okay, can I do an inside of lesser restoration?
We'll save him from this.
Sure.
I have two.
Shout out to the deer group.
You can't, you can't really tell.
So I just have to cast it on him.
Okay, I just, uh, maybe if I heal him though,
I'm gonna do a first level cure wound,
see if that makes him feel better.
10.
10, 10.
Okay, I get healed for 10.
Yeah, so you get 10 HP back,
you had taken 20 damage from these failed constitution
saving throws that you hadn't noticed
as blood was being drained
from your body.
Can I lift up a shirt and inspect it for holes?
Or inspect him for holes?
Sure, you don't see any holes on him.
How's my time?
You do see that as you guys, just the one hole.
That one's supposed to be there.
As you guys notice, the blood being siphoned from Bev
by the fog around him, you see it begins to retract
and this deep red that was surrounding Bev begins to spread out to be like a light pink or a light red in like a bigger
area of the mist. Can I try and scoop up his blood in the mist? Because I don't
want his blood getting dissipated. I want to try and take- That's my blood! I
want to try and take my leftover nanoflide jar,
which doesn't have any nanoflides.
So they're second home.
I make them go back and forth,
based on when they shit the other one up.
And I wanna try and take that and capture all the blood.
There is a decent amount of it.
That is, and you're gonna try to do it.
And you're gonna do it.
Decent effort.
Okay, I will say DC 30 athletics check.
But you get through a lot of D100.
Ha ha ha ha.
Okay.
I did not get it.
What'd you get?
13.
Okay, moonshine, you take out a jar
and begin trying to scoop this bloody fog
and you're able to get get a little bit of it,
but you see it continues to spread throughout the mist,
and you see the mist begins rising.
That's my blood.
I really feel like they shouldn't have your blood.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey.
And it begins raining blood.
Get back here with my blood!
You guys have this daylight, bright daylight going out
in this fog. You guys still don't see anywhere to go, any civilization or anything.
Blood is raining down on you and you begin to hear skittering in the
distance. Summer showers, I guess. Let's just start walking in. Should I just
try and like go up the blood as a training? Let's just go walk in a direction.
We need to get out of here. Yeah, okay. I wish I wish it just be leaving my blood.
I'm a little I don't know what every way there is to get.
It's a good point. I mean, if you have another idea,
I think we should just be walking because there's just going to be people attacking us.
So let's get out of here.
Okay, I could cast magic circle and try and contain whatever is going to be in this blood.
Sure. If you want to do something else, I'm totally fine with that.
Um, I'm just worried that like something is gonna sprout out of the ground.
Okay, so do something.
Alright, I'm gonna cast...
This is a weird spell called Magic Circle, uh, does a lot of effects.
I think it would basically contain whatever Fay thing is gonna be coming out of here.
Okay, creature can't willingly enter the cylinder.
You can like to cause its magic to operate in the reverse direction, preventing a creature of the specified type from leaving the cylinder and protecting targets outside it.
Basically, it's like a prison.
Yeah, it's your blood. If you want, if my instinct is to run, if you're instinct is to stay and figure this out, then I'm with you.
Okay, well hard one, what do you think?
Um, I don't know. I mean, what are we going to do? Collect your blood.
You guys aren't covered in blood at this point.
Just a rain pouring down.
I feel like we've got a lot of it back.
I'm gonna cast Magic Circle
and we're gonna leave this circle where all the blood is.
Okay.
So yeah, I'm gonna say that this main hall,
this like decrepit building that you guys are in
is the area that is being covered in blood rain
Bev you begin casting this spell. It's gonna take about a minute
I cast it with my own blood with your own blood
Need to make a ruin on the
Again, remember when I said I was stocking a stupid spell that I didn't want to stock earlier when I cast
I stocked create food and water. Can I create water to get us all clean?
You can do that later right now. We're in a shower. Oh yeah. Sure. One big shower.
Yeah. Okay. Well, so here's what we're gonna do. It's gonna take bev one minute to
cast that spell. There are many baddies that live in the mist.
Guys, go ahead and roll me an encounter check.
One person do it, the lower you roll, the worse it's gonna be.
Then perhaps Heartland does this roll consider in his-
No, can't do luck check.
This is just me letting you guys do a roll in front of the table
so you don't think I'm screwing you over.
Okay.
Who wants to do it?
Hardware, and you do it.
Dear man.
16.
16.
Oh, yeah.
You guys do hear like hisses and like monsters
like in the distance.
And you see pop-offs just like glowing this lantern
in the night.
It's like.
Okay, go away, go away.
Are you getting rid of it?
I get rid of daylight.
Okay, you get rid of daylight.
Ooh.
Blood pouring down.
You are able to successfully cast Magic Circle, Bev.
I create a spectral gazebo out of Pelora's life.
Sweet. And what are you guys doing now?
You have the spectral gazebo.
Nothing has burst out of the ground or anything.
Well, we're safe inside here, but we can also leave and contain whatever is in here in
some sort of gazebo jail if we want to.
That's cool too.
Yeah, I feel like we need to leave this great hall, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
My instinct once the gazebo was up to like wait for the string quartet and the past apps,
but in lieu of that, I think we paid.
There's going to be a press.. There's gonna be a press.
Let's do a perception check to see if there's like any more derives coming out.
Okay, where's the like-
I gotta snap.
No past, definitely no past apps.
Or there are and we don't see it.
Yeah, sure.
Y'all, I don't think there's past apps.
You gotta stick around and-
Wait for a move.
It's scary.
Just because we leave the mini hot dogs chunk.
I was saying it, it picks in a blanket. Alright, yeah, let's bounce from this mini hotdog chunk. Dang it, picked in a blanket.
Alright, yeah, let's bounce from this, because we, cool.
You guys run off.
Leave me be.
Okay, if we're running behind, I guess, I don't know if this is stupid, but I cast
Cantrip, produce flame to cast a little bit more.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay, you guys do see like a little bit of moon light, but it is very dark here, and
there is this dense fog.
You guys bring the, like a torch up,
and you guys do see that there are like
other broken down buildings here.
You see a few homes and like a derelict church
and like a derelict barracks.
What's the tallest building?
Probably the barracks.
The church would be like a steep old building?
It's like a chapel.
It's not like a big cathedral or anything. Let's climb the barracks and see church would be like a steeple. It's like a chapel. It's not like a big cathedral or anything
Let's climb the barracks and see if we can get a view of like the area a little more. Does that seem good?
Yeah, I wonder if we get up there if we felt safe enough we could get rid of the flame and then see if our eyes adjust at all
I actually have my night vision goggles. I do have a dark vision. I could cast on someone. I've just got normal eyes
Okay, so you guys are running towards this barracks. Yeah, and you're gonna start climbing it. Yeah cool I do have dark vision, I could cast on someone. I've just got normalized. Okay.
So you guys are running towards this barracks,
and you're gonna start climbing it?
Yeah.
Cool. As you guys start running towards it,
I'm gonna say at this point,
you're getting pretty far away from your magic circle.
So you're not gonna be near it.
Should we turn off this torch so nobody can see us?
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and do dark vision on Beverly.
Oh, great, that's very helpful.
Does that help?
Or am I just burning myself? That helps Bev, because Bev, honestly, I thought Halflings had dark vision on Beverly. Oh, great. That's very helpful. Does that help? Or am I just burning my belt?
That helps Bev, because Bev, honestly,
I thought Halflings had dark vision,
so I just was assuming that all of you guys do,
but you don't.
So Valor just following you guys.
Hold on to my cloak, Valor.
Just holding on to your cloak.
Very difficult to see with all this mist and everything,
but you guys were able to see this barracks.
You guys start running towards the barracks.
I'm gonna roll an encounter check.
Okay. As you guys start to get close to this barracks. I'm gonna roll an encounter check. Okay.
As you guys start to get close to this barracks,
everybody give me a perception check.
17, 20.
20.
Oh, shit.
21.
Sorry, Hard one.
Oh, just an honor.
I rolled an encounter check,
but let me roll stealth check.
Okay, hard one and moonshine.
You guys, as you guys are running towards this barracks,
you hear like a,
like this monstery, skittering sound
as this, as something runs by behind you.
Okay, we're being hunted.
Okay, I'm gonna cast Pass Without Trace on all of us.
Okay.
Everyone line it up.
We're doing Pass Without Trace.
I present.
Hi.
Yeah.
Everyone gets a little buck cup.
I'm getting Pass Without Trace.
Cause maybe that'll do something.
Seems wise, are we still,
is the plan still to climb?
Operation, I think so.
Operation Bear climb, Operation Upward Lad.
Upward Lad.
Yes, great.
There's still going on.
Okay, yeah, let's keep on making our way up.
But I guess I'm gonna, now I'm just gonna have
my head on the swivel for this spider.
Should we maybe like all go back to back and kind of circle?
Oh, that's nice.
Keeping bowed in the middle because it's a Kacoi.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, you guys hear this thing skittering.
You guys cast past without trace.
You are all still covered in blood.
So this thing saw you before you cast past without trace.
So everybody roll initiative.
I'll say that you guys saw it.
It saw you. It's like last lap trace. So, everybody roll initiative. I'll say that you guys saw it. It saw you.
It's like this lesser vampire,
this monstrous down and all for this hooked-backed monster
with fangs charges at you guys.
Everybody roll initiative.
Ooh, like a gross faratu.
Shout out to the two crew.
Shout out to the three crew.
Shout out to 11 friends.
You have 11 friends.
I have 11 friends.
You guys see this thing pounces forward
and it's going to jump at Bev
because it mostly smells Bev's blood.
Bev's blood.
That's boy blood right there.
That's fresh blood.
And it's not like any kind of swav vampire
that is like a sweet talk or anything.
It's just,
everybody wants this sweet boy blood. You are you are such a romantic archivist.
You see it has like black smoke coming out of empty eye sockets. Great. And it does in fact
Bite into bev. Oh no. Am I vampir? Is it the same vampire rules?
No, it is not regular vampire rules.
Bev, you take 15 cold damage.
Ooh.
And then I'm gonna need you to roll a D6.
What is this? Freaking monopoly?
It's gonna fucking bleed again.
Five.
Your strength score is lowered by five.
Ooh.
Your life force is drained. Does that mean it goes down to negative one?
Oh, no score a score. Hmm. Okay, one second sure cool 13. What does that translate to a plus two?
Okay, so your tax go down by how much however much that is why is everyone after my blood that is Bev's turn
Okay, great
You said that it doesn't have eyes. Right. Can I, as a free action, use my refillable mug
to douse myself with beer to get rid of the blood
covering me?
Yes.
Yeah, I'll let you douse yourself with beer
as you took a walk me down.
Did the shadow fill?
I've always got to walk me down.
You got to be prepared in shadow fill.
That's awesome, kid.
Yeah.
All right, so I do that. And then- be prepared in Shadowfell. That's awesome kid. Yeah. All right. So I do that and then-
Shadowfell is open, Nutaner. You got to try a Shadowfell hurricane. Oh, damn. And then can I go
ahead and attack as well? Sure. Okay. Does a 24 hit. Does. Great. I'm gonna go into a second level
divine smite. Nice. Nice. Or an extra D8. Ooh, all right.
Cool.
Okay, so do 48 on top of my normal.
Yeah, all right, great.
But do less strength.
24 damage.
Nice.
On the first attack, this thing screeches and skitters back.
I kind of pursue it with my blade.
Hell yeah.
Lighting the way.
The green energy, like seeping,
I feel like the green energy is kind of like
flowing off of my blade and it's getting paler
and paler as I go.
You see as you do things like divine smite,
you see the fog kind of dissipates a little bit around you
and you see like little minor beasties
that are just, you know, waiting like vultures
trying to eat at your corpse when these other guys
of bite at ya. Like little spider start, skittering back as you walk forward.
Pelor, grant me the strength to avenge those who need it and to preserve the light where it is
dimmest. Uh, that's going to be a 21. Super hits. Great. Um's go and do another Divine Smite. Yeah. Yeah.
36 damage. Nice. Smash this thing again. Radiant energy explodes.
My blood is only for discerning billionaires in Silicon Valley.
My ripe young blood.
Moonshan, that's your turn. Okay. You got to shell out for this blood.
I'm going to do. So there's, so there's like other creatures lurking
in the shadows.
So, I wanna do a title wave, like I said before,
but I wanted to crash on this Dracula folk
and anyone else in front of us, but not us.
And then it says that the water then spreads out
across the ground in all directions, extinguishing
unprotected flames in its area, and then it vanishes, but I want it to be around long
enough so that we can also wipe the blood off of ourselves.
Okay, cool.
So, is that my game plan?
Cool.
Let me get away with that.
Yes.
Okay.
Did you save throw?
I did.
I did save throw.
It says each creature in that area must make a dexterity saving throw on a failure.
A creature takes 4D8 bludgeoning damage and is knocked prone.
Cool, this one fails.
On success, they take half damage.
This guy fails.
You could just cover yourself in beer like I did.
But it's a 30 foot long, up to 10 feet wide, so I want to try and get these other guys
in there too.
Oh, great idea.
You dumped a stout on your head, huh?
This is big multi-head.
Yeah.
The head of the beer is still on top of my head.
16.
16.
Yeah, you hold your hands out.
You see blue energy swirls.
You create water.
This tidal wave bursts forward.
Takes out this vampire who flops on the ground as water goes all over
it.
Running water is bad for vampires, so it'll take a little bit of more damage on its turn.
You see the water spread out.
He's knocked prone.
He's knocked prone, he falls down.
You see a giant spider in the background gets washed away by the water.
And I take some of that water and I start to work on this bleeding metal.
So when you start to splash your face in the water,
that is...
Oh, this is like a shower.
I just love that you flushed this spider down the toilet.
The hard ones turn, which you should never do
in real life, everybody.
Really?
Why?
Spiders are good.
Oh, the spiders are good.
It's true.
I think they're pretty cool.
They're the best.
But not that spider.
I'm gonna try to knock the vampire on the noggin great with my
Queen's hammer
27 super hits
14 damage 14 damage. This thing is insanely hurt sweet. I am gonna knock knock it with my hammer again sweet
No, I'm not shout out to the two crew. It's actually prone so you get advantage.
Oh!
Oh!
25 hits.
I should have just forced him if I can forgot.
17 damage. Hard one finish this lesser vampire.
I am going to grab it by its hunched back and drown it in moonshines.
Oh!
I splashed some of the tidal wave on my face
and take a quick shower.
Yeah, quick dip.
You guys just a body shower.
Body guys, wash up.
You get the blood off of you as best you can.
Are you guys using torches or anything?
What are you guys doing?
No, we have dark vision.
Okay, you guys all have dark vision.
Dark vision, night goggles,
banners, confused, as fuck, gorgeous, home man.
Where are we going?
Well, also, I mean, I've got my sword kind of gleaming
with a radiant light.
Is that drawing anything?
Do we know?
Not yet.
Okay, she that.
She did.
I see that.
Okay, what are you guys doing?
I want to take a tooth from the vampire
and give it to moonshine for a barbarian necklace.
Hell yeah, I throw that thing on.
That looks good.
Dang, I look good.
All right.
I'm gonna tap the dregs of Bebs walk me down.
Oh yeah, anyone wants a beer bath?
Just let me know.
Yeah, real quick.
It's taste.
Remember a simpler time.
You begin to hear things skittering towards the
all-per-age and all-per-age line.
See, you guys are gonna climb the sparricks?
Yeah.
Sweet.
So yeah, this barracks kind of looks like mini castle.
It's got like four towers.
The one closest to you, let's say it's basically
like this circular tower and at the top
like half of it is broken off,
but you could definitely go up there
and use it for its intended purposes.
So you guys wanna climb this rock building?
Yeah.
Go ahead and give me athletics checks.
Uh-oh, lower strength.
Oh, man.
I tie myself to a hard one.
Great.
11.
17.
20, not net.
Everybody did well enough that you're all
going to be able to get up there.
Moonchine's going a little slow with her 11.
So go ahead and roll me an encounter check
as you guys climb this thing.
I'll say one through 10, something's gonna
19.
19.
You guys are able to get up.
You do hear some little like monsters,
some little beasties start eating this vampire behind you, but it doesn't see,
but they don't see you and they don't sense you
because you're not covered in blood anymore.
Everybody want that, it's blood.
So you guys are climbing up this tower?
Yeah, you guys climb to the top of this tower.
You see this, yeah, just deep, deep fog.
Everybody go ahead and give me a perception check.
Ooh, 20, not that. Shit.
14.
Okay.
17.
You guys all see in the deep, deep distance the lights of some kind of settlement, of
some kind of city.
And you see a keep on like a mountain
overlooking that city you see lights there like torches and stuff too far away
for you to totally make anything out and all of this mist makes it very hard to see
and Bev you also see eight torches spread out in the mist,
heading out from the settlement,
walking towards you guys.
Oh, we got a sprint.
Got a sprint out.
All right, I mean, are we having roofed up
to roofed up or something?
Should we, I'm guessing that there's a,
if there's a settlement with torches,
it's probably at least someone we can commune with. I don't know if they're friendly. I don't know, they're carrying torches and they're carrying torches, it's probably at least someone we can commune with, I don't know if they're friendly.
They're carrying torches and they're in our direction.
They're carrying torches towards us because we shine a bunch of lights.
That's very true out of vampire. I think we're being hunted.
Yeah, I think so too.
Okay, so we should avoid them.
Yeah.
But the settlement is really the only thing we see.
Should we try and head there before they get back?
Yeah, but maybe we can stealth there.
I like that plan.
Yeah, cool. They probably want more of my blood. Yeah, but maybe we can stealth there. I like that plan. Yeah, cool.
They're probably want more of my blood.
Yeah, they're obsessed with you.
Yeah, I agree.
Feels a little good.
Yeah, you're getting some attention.
Feels good to be wanted, you know.
Shadow, I cleaned up in the face,
you're cleaning up and shadowed out.
Can I inspect Galad's head real quick
to do anything weird's happening to it down here?
Yeah, hard hard one you
Pat at your waist
Glad's head's gone. What?
Okay, I almost built tea everybody everybody needs to fucking relax, but I lost something real important to me
Do you lose your keys? No, we're talking about Gem again. All my really, really private things
fall out of my pocket.
My full block, my Gem of Portrait.
Hahaha.
Okay, yeah, Galazette's gone.
Wow.
Okay.
That can't be.
Don't know you didn't put it in the back.
Should we cast Locate Objects?
You gotta keep an eye on your own stuff, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I died it to my waist.
It's never, ever left my side.
Should we cast Locate Object on it?
Maybe that head is where Galatas.
It's only 1,000 feet, but radius.
I mean, that would get us headed in the right direction
unless it's outside of it.
I will say that even this settlement that you guys see,
so you guys look in all directions.
You see mist in all directions.
And then you see this settlement.
This settlement looks to be about half a mile away.
So you're not super close to anything.
Got it.
So let's.
We'll hold off.
Yeah, but that's a good idea for when we get to this settlement.
Maybe we try to find his head.
Absolutely.
You know what, it makes sense though,
because, well,
collads got his own head here in Shadowfell.
Here's a question, when the missed hard one was around,
he also had a head, right?
No, he didn't.
You guys weren't like looking for Glad's head.
You guys just notice now that it's not there.
You guys don't know whether or not
so it seems like maybe when we're in this plane,
he gets his head back or something.
Yeah.
God, my mom's town sucks.
Yeah, no.
It's a freaky spot.
I hate visiting my mom now.
Yeah.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ugh.
So creepy.
Yeah.
Why do you have to move from my childhood?
Oh, I guess it's my fault.
The fog's nice in the morning, but like the fact
that it hangs around, it's kind of annoying. So I guess, I guess let's try and sneak into the settlement.
Yeah, if these guys have torches, we should be able to avoid them.
Yeah, presumably they don't have dark vision like we do.
Sorry, Balnor.
Hey, you know what? I'll just hang on to somebody's leg. Who said that?
Just grab the thickest leg you can.
Could be Muncha as a little hard one, you don't feel anybody touching your leg.
All right, come on, Belnor.
I fall into a deep, deep possession.
I thought I was sad before I came here.
So are we hoppin' rooftops, are we?
You definitely can't hop rooftops.
It's like a mostly leveled...
I think we're just we're stealthing.
We're trying to stealth towards that.
Okay cool.
Sweet towards the city.
You guys start stealthing towards the city.
Guys go ahead and give me stealth checks.
And you guys have password that trace?
Yeah.
I got a net 20.
Whoa.
Okay sweet.
27.
19.
19.
Okay.
I'm gonna make you guys.
That's how the trace is great. It will vary. Yeah, well technically I got a 30 no technically I got a
33 oh my god so much stealth but we forget where you are
I'll never lost you
Sweet my thick legs slip from his grasp
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So you guys, everybody's got dark vision except except for Balnor, who is holding moonshine's hand,
like a little boy being dragged along, like a rowdy, cranky young and, and you guys sneak
through the fog, you begin sneaking towards where you saw this settlement to be.
As you guys travel, you see a few of these torches start getting closer to you guys, just
by nature of them heading towards where you were coming from, and they're quite spread
out.
Take a wide berth?
Yeah, maybe we can hide and watch them go by so we can see who they are.
Are you guys spreading out or what are you guys doing?
I think we're staying together.
Yeah, we're staying together.
Everybody's staying together.
Okay, cool.
But there's torches coming towards us through the mists.
Yes.
We should be able to crutch down in the mists and avoid a toilet.
Yes, certainly.
There are houses here and things like that.
Yeah, I think.
Decrepit houses.
It looks like there was some old settlement
that was conquered or destroyed before this city was built up, whatever it is.
So maybe we go and like hang out by like the side of a house or some falling part building.
I think we're ducking round corners.
Got it.
Okay, so you guys duck behind the corner of this like half destroyed building.
There's just like this one singular wall up.
You guys hide behind it. And after a while, you see a figure holding a lantern
up near his face.
He's wearing a brown robe and just walking forward,
the sort of kind of vacant stare in his eyes.
Everybody go ahead and give me perception checks.
11. 16. kind of vacant stare in his eyes. Everybody go ahead and give me perception checks.
11. 16.
20.
Not that.
Hard one.
You look at this guy's face as he walks by.
You catch his face in the glow of his lantern
as he walks past you guys.
And you see that this is a human.
That's a man.
There's never been a bad humans, we're probably fine.
I love humans.
Yeah, they're great.
Humans are cool.
I'm suspicious.
Obviously me too.
Yeah.
Should we track him?
Should we throw Pebble at him?
Why don't we grab his mouth and drag him
into a house and interrogate him?
That's what we should do.
Okay.
Yep.
Who's the stealthiest?
I'll get the door mad out.
Probably me.
Yeah.
If I got advantage.
All right.
I'll go into another rage.
So try and get myself advantage on strength checks.
Okay.
And I want to grapple this guy back into a house stealthily.
Oh, moonshine, don't forget your,
your gagging bandage. My what? Oh, your gagging band, moonshine, don't forget your, your gagging bandage.
My what?
Oh, your gagging bandage, sir.
Yeah, yeah, I get my gagging bandage.
Got it, okay.
You used to using this on bully walks, but okay.
I was so, got some stink on it.
Okay, so you're gonna sneak up to this guy?
Yeah, I wanna sneak up and then I wanna grapple
him back into a house.
Okay, go ahead and give me a new stealth checks.
19.
So you wait for a moment of opportunity as he passes a ruined house that still has its roof
So I'm telling you what you do I
Run up gram by the face gram by the mouth. So I said a stifle his shouting and a drag window the house
Okay Moon shine you Grab this guy's mouth a stifle has shouted and a drag went to the house. Okay.
Moonshine, you grab this guy's mouth.
Go ahead and give me a grapple check.
That's gonna be strength, right?
So I get advantage on that, because I'm barbarian.
That's correct.
21.
21.
Okay, you successfully put your hand over this dude's mouth and you are overpowering him and you hear him go
Baby, it's okay. It's all gonna be okay. I'm taking you away from this helpless
And what are you doing? I'm telling him I'm an angel
I'm not paying the save them and I'm dragging him into the house. Okay, I'm an angel. I came to save you submit submit
Go ahead and give me a precision check. Are we into the house. Okay. I'm an angel, I came to save you, submit, submit. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check.
Are we in the house?
Yeah, where are you guys?
Are we in the house with her?
We're in the house, right?
Yeah, we got the house ready for her.
Okay, so you guys are waiting in this house.
I just see.
Nine persuasion.
Nine persuasion?
If he doesn't submit, I'll just muscle him.
You see, even with this very low persuasion check,
you're a little like frazzled.
This has been a freaky situation.
You tell this guy that you're an angel,
but your voice shakes a little bit,
but you see this guy kind of calms down.
I minor illusion.
Because it wasn't a lie.
Ha ha ha ha.
I minor illusion a halo on her head.
Right. Ha ha ha. That's right. I'm a real stereoty halo on her head.
That's right, I'm a real stereotypical angel, not one of them birds you might have seen.
Do you still have your hand on his mouth?
Yeah.
And then are we in the house yet?
I'm dragging him back into the house.
As you start to drag him back into the house, you get grabbed.
You guys see, guys, go ahead and give me a perception check.
Can I spore's on the hand that grabbed me?
No, you can.
Seven.
Okay, 15.
All right.
You guys are all waiting in this house.
You see, moonshine is stalking the student with a lantern,
gets up behind him, puts her hand over his mouth,
begins pulling him back
as she goes to shove him into the house.
You see a dark figure puts his hand over moonshine's mouth and pulls her back.
Okay, we jump out and I'm going to try to grab that guy, put my hand around, that guy's
there.
You guys hang on to the dream.
You all charge out of the house trying to find moonshine.
You see this dude with the lantern is just holding it,
staring there with a vacant look on his face.
Where'd she go?
Where'd he take her?
Where'd they take her?
What?
Who?
The person that was grabbing you.
The angel?
Yeah.
Yes, the angel. The beautiful angel. Oh, the angel? Yeah, yes the angel the beautiful angel all the angel was here
But then she went away. Oh which way did she go she came to save your dumb ass
Carp direction dummy came to save me. We're going to the hall what hall for what reason we
Stairs a lot there and the ball said we need to go there. We need to find who's there. We should go there. You're right. What boss?
We should go. I forgot the boss's name. I'm so simple too. Just like you
Well, there's the boss and then there's the boss's boss to bosses everybody's got a boss and everybody's boss got a boss
Ain't got the way. Oh, it's raw. Oh, it's raw
You see he's got like super patchy hair like you try to like cut his own hair and really fucked up
I'm just this vacant look. Do I see footprints?
You do not see footprints
Your guys perception checks were not good enough to see moonshine get dragged off into the mist
moonshine you've been yanked back by this dude
He got the jump on you. He got a better stealth role than you, but I will do a, and oppose that lettics check
to see if he can like put a knife to your throat,
or if you can push him away.
Hell yeah, I'm still in a rage, so.
Sweet, matter than ever.
I got a 19.
19, okay, moonshine, you do beat him in the grapple check.
So he, moonshine, you feel him grab you and drag you behind the house.
And as he goes to like pull you down,
you judo throw him over you.
Yeah.
And you see this man with long brown hair,
and he's got to go T, and he's got his hair pulled back
in a ponytail.
He wears a black duster over a black tunic and tights, and he's got a rapier drawn, like
ready to fight you, and he's got a raven on his shoulder, and he goes, We don't usually get visitors in Grimhawk.
I like your bird.
You like coal?
Yeah.
He's a beautiful shade of black.
You know, coming down here, you come to appreciate how many shades of black there are.
Lickrish, lead, coal.
Um, Moonshine, um, after your brief scuffle and your interaction
with this guy, you begin to hear hard one
and beverly shouting at this guy with the lantern.
Well, which way dumbass?
I was just a mid-jeet in Einjil, so she probably flew away.
You put your finger out of your nose while we're talking to you.
But, it wasn't even the right nostril.
You have a huge booger in your left nostril.
Just let me bend down. Bend down. huge booker in your left nostril.
Just let me bend down.
Bend down, okay.
Cover one nostril and blow.
Okay, draw another one.
Another one.
That's your fun hole.
He's just not rocketing onto his own upper lip.
Why did you pull me away from that simple folk?
We're a team.
Me and you?
Sure.
No, you and I are not a team.
Why not? Me and the simple Sure. No, you and I are not a team. Why not?
Me and the simple folk.
We let them walk out.
We draw out folk like you, visitors, and folk like me sneak up on those visitors.
And what are you going to do now that you sneak up on me?
Well, I got to take you to the count.
The count? The count. Leader of Grimmhawk. Well, I gotta take you to the count
The count the count leader Graham Hawk
All right, I go symbiotic and see and I guess I got to fight this guy. Okay, um, I go ahead and roll initiative So you see yeah, oh boy
Mochai, but I think I'm gonna keep trying to like grapple him
Hmm, like I want to grapple him and bring him back to hard one and Beverly
Okay, I'm not trying to like knock him and bring him back to hard one and Beverly.
I'm not trying to knock him out.
Cool.
I want to just physically best him.
We should be able to find him, right?
Sure.
Yeah.
Munchine.
Okay, so you do something out of the can today.
I'll say that you're surprised around.
He sees you turn into a monster and he goes,
well, I'm not used to seeing living folks do that.
Go ahead and roll initiative.
Okay.
I think he's convinced we're good.
14.
Okay, Mojang, you see this guy is going to go first.
He's got his rapier drawn and he goes, all right, well,
that's how it's gonna be.
You see his teeth turn into fangs
and he launches forward and he tries to bite your neck
19 to hit that does hit okay
Moonshine you are bitten by this guy
17 damage and then I need you to make a charisma saving throw and
You guys to be charmed yes Yes. Oh, damn it.
And I have advantage.
Yes.
Well done.
Resist those glamors.
20.
20.
Okay.
You see this guy bites into your neck, and he leans back and he goes,
Pretty good, huh?
Actually, I've had better.
He tries to stab you with his right here, impossible.
That one misses super flustered.
Does hit with the third attack.
Three attacks?
Yeah, he does.
But I'm not.
11 damage.
You guys now hear the clash of steel.
As Moon Shine is going toe to toe with this guy.
That's our sign.
I just want him to know that I look at him
and I say, you've only scratched the surface
of my temporary hit points.
Moonshine, go ahead, dig your attack.
Oh, shout out to the two crew,
but I do spores him for 12.
Okay, thank you.
And then, oh, fuck, I meant to grapple him.
Okay, that is the end of Moonshine's turn.
Bevin' Hard One, if you guys would like to run over
to where you heard the noise is coming from,
where you hear Moon Shine yelling from,
you guys may take dash actions to get to her.
Yes, that's what we do.
I wanna, I wanna snuff out the guy's candle
before we do that.
Oh, smart.
I'm gonna pull the hood over his eyes
and spin him around three times
and push him in a random direction.
Do you wanna do a dash action
or do you wanna do something to this guy?
I wanna leave. I wanna do an action and then I wanna a random direction. Do you want to do a dash action or do you want to do something to this guy? I want to leave.
I want to do an action and then I want to activate my boots.
Okay, great.
So you're both, you're able to snuff out the guy's flame
and then you guys both start running towards
moonshine, you guys will be there next turn.
Do my boots not, let me get there faster?
No.
Not enough to do an attack.
Cool.
That is back up to this guy's turn, this vampire guy.
It's going to make another bite on moonshine.
Misses with the bite, tries to bite at you.
You lift up Rosalene.
You just bites at the metal.
Yeah.
It takes two rapier attacks, shout out to the two crew
on the first attack.
Yes!
Hits on the third attack for seven damage.
Ain't nothing.
That is Moon Shines turn.
Okay, I just want to grapple him.
Okay, go ahead.
I want to best him physically to restrain him.
Okay, go ahead and make an athletic check against them.
Okay, I got a
18. Okay cool. Um, you
Win you have him grappled great. I mean, I will spores him for 12 long down here. Okay, he spores him for 12
You spit up in his face. I want to just keep holding them back
until hardwann and Carl Wilgate here.
I mean, hardwann, why did you just say,
go, who the hell is called with?
Wow, what a cruel name.
Hardwann and Fabrily get here.
If I ever have a son, I should leave him there.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
Um, we need you.
But I do want to keep sports in though,
so we should play it out.
OK, so you spores him
That sports for 24 that is hard ones turn hard one you show up And you see moon shine going toe-to-toe with this dude. She's holding him. He's got his fangs out
He's trying to I think I'm doing that thing where like I'm straddling him and I'm holding his form so that he can't attack me
Grappled he can still attack his speed is just zero.
Oh, I wanted to restrain him. Is that not an option?
That is not a thing.
All right.
Um, I guess can I put my boot on his head to try to keep him from biting Moonshan?
So you're gonna use your action to like put your boot on this guy's head?
Yeah. Okay.
Um, and I guess I'm gonna talk to him too.
Like, hey, what's going on here?
You came to our town, I should ask you the same question.
Hey, we'll chat.
She turned into a monster, started attacking me, man.
You're sort of a monster too, am I?
Well, I see you have a bird.
I also have a bird.
And you'll be the same.
What's your bird's name.
Kaka.
He's on a very, very valiant mission.
Very good.
Yes.
Are you sure you don't want to just relax and talk for a little bit?
I'm a heavy to relax and talk.
I want to relax and talk in the first place.
You all came up, tried to put your hand over my friend's mouth back there.
You just hear a guy going,
I can't see the dark.
Yeah.
He's fine, honestly.
It's probably for the best.
We've been craving clever conversation.
We're new in town.
My mom lives here.
Am I here?
Who's right right now?
Did I run up as well?
Yeah, you guys ran up.
Yeah.
Who's the count?
And why are you trying to?
Here's the thing.
You, the way that you said,
I'm taking you to the count,
made it seem like it was not
a conversation but rather a monologue. We're not going to be captured. Is the counts
like a restaurant and you're going to take us there like on the house? Oh okay I can
get down with that. I haven't tried the Shadow fell cuisine. Yeah. Yeah so I'm taking
you to a restaurant. Okay I I go willingly. Okay, great.
Yeah, are we going to go this person? No, I think I want to get some answers from.
Yeah, we got that, okay.
Who is the count?
You got three people on you.
The count Ambrose Montgomery.
Oh, you have just a Dracula?
A Dracula, what?
A Dracula?
I don't use that word.
Okay, the thing with the things that you are,
what do you mean I'm a vampire?
You guys know.
Yeah, you're a suck man.
What suck man?
You see he turns into a mist and oh.
You shouldn't have called him a suck man.
You know, hey, little water droplets.
Just letting you know, I would meet the count at first
when you said that, I thought you meant someone else,
so, but I'm down to meet the count.
I'll let you have a little of my tasty boy blood
if you come back.
I'm down for the count, you know what I mean?
Hello, water droplets.
Is the bird gone too?
Um, bird has flew off when he became a mist.
Is the mist still there or is it like totally?, it's like he's up in the fog.
He's a vampire who turns to a mist in the fog.
Should we go and find that other guy?
Yeah, maybe stupid guy brings us to the boss?
Yeah, yeah.
Or the could just go to the settlement.
I guess that's also true, but we don't know.
Is that the settlement?
Maybe, but where did he say he was from?
I can't see in the door.
All right, well I feel bad about this guy. Yeah, let's go.
Where am I?
Is it just I'm gonna teach him how to read as well?
Is it just me or did that guy seem like a gothic old cob?
Yeah, he was kind of kind of into it rocking that goat's teeth.
That's why I instinctually liked him and I wanted to be on the same side as him.
All right.
All right.
I loved his bird, frankly.
Yeah, exactly.
The name was Cole.
Very cool.
Very cool name.
Not as clever as Cole, but.
I don't know where I are.
All right, we're coming.
I let it.
I'm X-T.
I let his torch.
I let his torch.
I just bring him over here.
He let his torch away from the...
Oh, hey.
What?
Who are you?
We literally just met.
Hi, my name is Moonshan.
I am visiting Shadowfell on Junior Brother.
Where?
What?
I'm doing Junior Year Brought in Shadowfell.
What?
I'm looking for...
I'm with Grimhawk.
I work for Langston.
Great.
Great. Ambrose. What?, I work for Langston. Great. Great.
What?
No.
No.
Langston.
Yeah.
Okay.
But Ambrose, you see he thinks super, super hard.
Ambrose is the ball, ball, gotcha.
Can you take us to your balls?
I'm dying to get a job while I'm here in my junior year, I don your boss? I'm done and get a job.
Well, I'm here in my junior year abroad.
I don't know why I'm keeping up this charade.
It's clearly falling on deaf people.
What?
Can I try something?
Yeah.
I minor illusion, my teeth will look like vampire teeth.
I'll say like, I have business with your master.
Operation business boy.
Yeah, okay.
We go to find the other lanterns.
We gotta see the other lots in the fog
and we walk to them and they do this word of go.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
Yeah, let's just, let's shortcut.
Hey, we're going on our own little shortcut.
What?
You're coming with us.
Okay.
The boss asked you to.
Oh, maybe we'll get you a promotion, big guy.
Yeah, and then you can be peers with your boss.
Be what, we'll get you a duster in a bird.
I don't wanna look at my boss.
What about only one boss?
Wouldn't it be nice to have one boss?
He thinks about it for an extremely long time.
You got two bosses, what if I had one? Yeah, we're gonna, you know, we're
gonna make you the CEO of this vampire. What? Come with me. But also lead the way.
You see he starts walking back from when she came. Are you just, are you guys just like walking with him?
Oh, wrong way. We need to take a back route. A behind route.
Oh, what?
But this is where we go.
A secret route.
There's no secret.
Unraveled route.
Okay, I'll tell you a secret.
Okay, yeah, I'm here for that.
Uh-huh.
When I was a kid.
Yes.
I went to the castle
and I saw it.
What'd you say?
There were chairs there, tables.
This sounds more like a story.
Yeah.
Bad story than a secret.
Oh, what?
Forget it.
Forget it, man.
Let's just, you know what?
All right.
You know what, why don't you go rejoin your friends?
I don't know, though.
You have much to, okay.
Hard one starts crying because you feel so bad for
his mother. Oh hard one are you ever so slightly
concerned that we'll find your mother in this state. Oh no
she lives among these people. Do you know do you have any
portraits of I know you got Gemma in your pocket. What about
your mom. Oh yeah I do have the one I have the one that wanted
you know this woman?
I show the wanted poster.
Holds up the lantern way too close to it
and the one that puts the ring into catch.
Okay.
Oh, all right, no, no.
All right, here's what I do.
I spin this guy around three times and we walk away.
Yeah, thanks so.
Oh, I'm gonna, you'll figure it out.
You just hear spider scaring.
Can you even die in Shadowfell if you are in
Condom De Shadowfell?
You're sticking around long enough to find out.
Yeah, you can die, what are you doing?
Oh, that's the most lucid thing you said all day.
Finally, you're all gonna give us some information.
Yeah, you can die.
What do you mean?
Yeah, you get born, you get dead, my friend.
Well, go do that then. Get dead, you can get born you get dead. Well go go do that then get dead. Yeah, maybe we'll see
Go drink some cough syrup. What?
Go drink too much coffee. I can't
Because taste bad
Try harder.
Makes me feel stupid.
You hurt just a bouquet of pity.
You're what?
You're a flower.
You're the flower, man.
I agree.
I think you did.
Yeah, you're a flower.
Thank you so much.
I think so.
You're a flower, dude.
Thank you.
You are, man.
Thank you.
You are.
So are you. I want you to live. Thanks
I'm dizzy as hell man. I'm just gonna walk towards
There was a house and an angel came to me so I'm gonna go us lanes
You see this dude walks off drops it's lantern. Oh no a fire because the spread
Oh, oh, fuck. Oh damn. This is like a high sense of uncertainty principle.
We can't interfere. If he doesn't know that fire is hot,
then that's all. It's hot. If you're trying to pick up the
lantern, oh, fuck, oh, damn it. Oh, fuck. What is he gonna?
Is it? Where is he gonna, where is he gonna go
if he dies in Shadow fell?
He's gonna, how fuck, how damn it?
Is there like a dumb heaven?
Cause we'll probably go there.
We'll really go to a dumb hell.
I think he's too stupid to go to hell.
Yeah, right?
I don't think Akira would have won him.
Yeah.
So I think we don't have to worry.
All right, let's stealth over to that settlement. Okay. Okay. Um, so, uh, this
building means to catch fire is very, very dumb, dude, um, is
just standing there making noise, trying to pick up his lantern.
You guys begin making your way towards the settlement where you
saw the settlement to be. We're still doing. We're also rolling
all the perception checks trying to sus out any mischief. Cool. I'll say go ahead and make a perception check. 19. 11. 16. Bev.
You get the sense as you guys are going along that one of these mists feels a little unnatural.
Like you go through it and you get your evil sense tingles
a little bit more so than just the regular old evil
mist that is everywhere.
I take off my amulet and spin it up my head on its chain.
You hear in the fog the voice of this guy,
Langston, who you guys fought before, and goes,
well, well, we had a four on one fight before,
but now the numbers have even a little bit, huh?
I forget about Balnor, and I say,
Papa, he's talking about you.
Oh, yeah, he's sitting with you a foe.
Balnor goes, I can't, who's saying that?
Are you counting yourself as millions of individual droplets of mist? Because yes, that's very unfair. Boop bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow your bird. Yeah, you're pulling off that goatee, which is hard to do. You see Langston does appear in the fog.
You see Flanking him is a man and a woman, both slender, long, black hair, wearing all black.
And you guys do see, yeah, they're all pretty sexy except Langston is, you know, maybe
if he cut his goatee and cut his hair, don't have some new clothes,
would it be attractive, maybe?
I like Langston's vibe, but not in like an attraction.
Right, yeah.
How, on a scale of one to Steven Segal,
where I'm not Steven Segal at all.
Okay, hot topic sword guy.
Gotcha.
Is where we're at.
So I guess we do introductions?
Yeah, hi new friends.
Hi, where are y'all from? The mortal plane. I bet you get
that a lot. Material plane, interesting. Yep, the land of the living and whatnot. We're just
searching for a friend who's here. Yeah, maybe you've seen this lady. I blow the dirty, the dirty, the, the ash paper off. You wanted to sign. Ha ha ha.
Uh, you show the, um, wanted sign of the widow and you see he looks at it and he goes,
she ain't here, she ain't Grimhawk.
I don't know that much.
What is in Grimhawk?
You got, uh, Count Ambrose, who looks over the city.
Mm hmm.
You got Taverns. You got people
Pizzons working day-to-day jobs just trying to get by we're just good simple folks And are you all vampires or is that that's just Langston?
They're like a ruling class of vampires and the
Upper class I would classify as vampires. You said you're from the material plane. Yeah, I say it like that material plane
You see that start all licking their lips. Okay, I like my lips, too. Yeah, yeah, we get material plane
We get humans around here, but they're more like that guy than y' you see, he points to where this fire
has taken this decrepit house.
Ow, fuck, ow, fuck.
Can I do a memory check or something to see if I had noticed,
like if there were bites on that dumb guy's neck?
You would have had to do perception checks on him.
He was wearing a robe.
Okay.
So they dumb like that.
Naturally, or if you glamoredored them or what's going on.
Mee's a shell. We sucked him dry unfortunately.
Okay.
I see.
So the goal is to kind of do that to us, would you say?
Well, you know, it's not up to me.
I ain't the boss, but uh,
far as the boss knows.
There's only one or two of you out here, right?
You see he turns to Cole the Raven and he goes, why don't you go back and tell Count Ambrose
that we got two mortals out here that we'll be bringing back for him.
And you see Cole flies off.
Wow.
You know, if there is one thing I hate more
than getting my blood sucked, it is a deceitful employee.
I'll tell you what, you know what,
you gotta take yours where you can.
When you suck this blood, it's gonna be freaking boiled
because I am steamed, everybody in front of initiative.
Oh!
19, nine.
17, I wanna point out that I am still in fungal form, Woo! 19. Mm, nine. 17.
I wanna point out that I am still in fungal form,
but no longer in a rage,
because fungal form lasts for like an hour,
rage only lasts for like a minute, I think.
Ah, I'm low on day.
Yeah, I think I'm going to heal you.
Langston is first.
You see Langston charges forward,
saw that moonshine was not particularly into
his charms. C's beverly glowing with radiant energy, looks at you hard and goes, sorry,
but you drew the short straw and it's going to swing his rapier at you. Misses on the first
attack, hits on the second attack for seven damage,
and then is going to try to bite you.
That is a 26 to hit, hard one,
go ahead and give me a charisma saving throw.
Ooh, you know what?
Maybe I'll use a luck point to see if he'll miss me.
Oh, okay, let me roll again.
That is a 21 to hit.
And that one also, huh?
Ah, lucky me.
Yeah.
So you take,
He's wasmissating through.
So you take 10 damage
and then you need to do a charisma saving throw.
Okay, 25.
Or 20.
25.
Yeah.
No effect, I knew he bites you and then he leaves back.
Uh huh.
Bro, what do you think?
You still thinking about it. Oh, I hated that. Oh, yeah
That is better. Okay. I'm going to cast protection from evil and good on hard one. Okay cool. Cool. All right so a
Silver or a surrounds you and yes, it is you know what it is
It's like Spirit Guardians,
but it's just four silver versions of me.
Dancing around you.
And what does that mean?
All right, so for protection from evil and good,
protection grants several benefits.
Creatures of those types have disadvantage
on attack rolls against the target.
Target also can't be charmed, frightened,
or possessed by them.
Okay, so.
Yeah, baby.
Sweet, so you're picking vampires obviously.
Yeah.
Wait, how did you know we were vampires?
It's super obvious.
Yeah, you at one point self-identified
us vampire, how old you're Dracula and you.
Moonshot, that's your drink.
Okay, I'm going to run over.
I'm gonna do a fourth level cure wounds on hard one.
Nice. And that hard one. Nice.
And, God, that feels good.
Then, it feels better than the shower.
Ha, ha, ha.
24?
24 hit points and then I'm gonna
Hock a big fat,
Lugie at, what's his name?
Langston.
At Langston.
Sweet.
For 12 points of damage.
Y'all aren't, as taken by my charms. I'd like you to be
That is the other two vampires the goth kids as they were
they are going to
launch forward and go after Beverly to rich for your blood to rich for my blood. Too rich for my blood? You can't afford it.
Good people taste better.
You look like a good little guy.
You look like a good guy.
You've already got a lot of explaining to do to Irland.
Ah!
First one, first one makes a bite attack.
That's an 18-a-hit misses.
Misses.
And it is going to use an ability called mind-siphon.
I need you to do an intelligence saving throw.
Uh-oh.
That's got wisdom, but no intelligence.
Um, but I get to add plus four to that, so it's going to be 18.
18.
You're fine.
You are unaffected by it.
Other one tries to bite you and hits.
Um, that is going to be 15 damage.
Okay.
And then it is going to try to do the mind-siphon again.
I'll go ahead and do an intelligence saving throw.
I'm gonna reroll that one.
Cause I'm a lucky boy.
I'm a lucky boy.
I'll do a blue lucky.
Good luck.
Good luck. Yep. I'm a lucky boy. I'm a lucky boy. I arguably lucky blood. Yeah
Hmm 14 14 just does it Bev you save you are not affected
By this mind suck you got to make up your mind you going for brain or you're going for blood
Yeah, good call. We're gonna be going for brain. He's going for blood. Oh, yeah
Well, we enjoy you know like you might enjoy like mashed potatoes and some meat, or you might enjoy like some meat and vegetables or something.
Right.
Different courses, you know, different dates.
Yeah, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all freaky deakis.
Okay. I got it.
Hard one is your turn.
Um, okay. Yeah.
So, when next time you do that, you're just going to want to nibble at like a little bit harder.
It felt like, yeah, right?
It felt like a, like a fish just sort of like annoying me.
Like your lips are cold.
So if you try it again, just that's kind of the vibe.
Run on, run on.
Anyway, I'm gonna hit you with my hammer.
Uh-huh.
Oh, so that is 22 to hit.
Okay.
Hits.
13 damage.
Okay.
The roll, my second attack
not 20 nice yeah great 25 25 damage geez this dude he's looking pretty screwed up
he's more of a dexterous fighter than a real hearty person doesn't like
getting hit by a hammer yeah that. No, that's not true.
That's how you buy something.
I don't enjoy that at all.
Okay.
And I'm gonna use my, I'm gonna action surge and talk to my
queen's hammer and call my dwarf daddy.
Okay.
Finally.
Not a party.
Hot talk.
Oh, the title was lost.
Oh cool.
We're in lost, lost city of shit.
I've learned.
I try to drag up some of the title of ways. Wow. Hey, but at least us
A spirit bevs are here to dance with you. What's up?
Babe get out you walk me down. Yeah, give me that beer left. I do I I pass the beer around
Yeah, hell yeah, I'll have some beer. All right. All right. Fuck this guy. What's this deal? What's his go-to-tee? Trying to bite everybody. Shave your fucking face, man.
It's grow a beard or don't, man.
It's hideous.
Yeah.
I kinda like it. I feel like-
Maybe I could grow it.
Would you think that would work on me?
I'm trying to grow in some facial hair.
I'm very into you experimenting with facial hair.
Yeah.
Alright.
Currently growing it out.
That's Balnor's turn, Balnor.
You should put a little like white streak in your go-toe.
Balnor crits, Balnor's turn. You can put a little like white streak in your goatee. Balnor crits on Langston once.
He's going to do 19 damage.
Langston's looking pretty messed up.
That is back around to him though.
He is going to take an opportunity attack from hard one.
I guess he has to, OK, on his turn,
he's going to do a saving throw to not take the spirit daddy
damage.
Go ahead and do your 3D8's.
19.
19 damage. Okay.
He looks quite fucked up.
You see, he turns to run away from you and go towards Bev
to take a swing at Bev.
The spirit daddy's just like, each, there's three of them,
each one of them clocking with the spectral hammer
You see radiant light like bursting from him and he goes all right. Well fuck this and you turn to doing missed
And you see his
Oh fly off we got to get some sort of like mistrap
I'm like I feel like as a druid I should be able to do something that I could like turn him into ice or something like that.
Yeah, or if we just have like a big tarp.
Yeah.
That's better, Stern.
Okay.
I pull out my big tarp.
I'm just gonna attack one of these vampires that is still on the ground, I guess.
Sweet.
Which ones nearest to me?
Are they both kind of-
There's two that we're going after you, yeah.
Alright, cool.
Um, yeah.
I will attack the dude, I guess.
Great.
Uh, 25 hits great
I'm going to do my last second level divine smite. Okay, they don't seem to like that
No, I'm fine with it. I don't care. Oh, yeah, I don't care. Yeah, what is that Lyson? No, he went away
No, what's your name? My name?
Bob Joe
Bob Joe no, that is a good name. Thank you No, he went what's your name my name Bobby Joe
No, that's a good name. Thank you. Why do I like y'all so much and you still just want to fight me Bob Joe that's a proud name
We thought same show no great line. Yeah, great line of Joe's sounds less colonial
Your ancestors the mayor, okay, no, no, I get 48 okay great
There's the mayor, okay, no, no, I get 48 okay great
37 geez you mess up Bobby Joe vampire. I will continue to mess him up. Why you got to do that man?
You literally just bit me. Yeah, you came off of a town man. You took you started shit You put those big dental straws in my neck getting dumb guys start fires over there
You tried to eat my brain you look over
You see the guy just being like oh fuck he definitely started getting a fire
It's burned alive in the fire. Oh shit. He's done because of you. You're in a bad position
Not me specifically just my actions and the things that I do and the people around me that do it
My friend you have the extremely low ground in this argument. Yeah, man, I don't know.
I didn't specifically suck from that guy, you know.
Well, you do suck, I got a 17.
That does hit.
All right, I'd like to wear not a lot of armor
so that I look good.
All right, I'm going to do first level smite.
Okay.
That's going to be 25 damage.
Beverly finished this dude.
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, okay.
So I, I slice his brain off.
I slice the top of his head off,
can I grab his brain and shove in his mouth?
Okay.
Ha, ha.
You make him eat his own brain.
For a second, he is still alive
in a very confusing situation.
How's it going? He's a taste. You see he turns still alive in a very confusing situation.
That's a waste.
You see he turns into a mist after you kill him.
Oh, well, dang.
Is he not dead?
I don't know.
That's moonshine starting.
I wouldn't need to turn into a mist.
Alright, fuck it.
I just said everyone, we should just try to get her in the back or something.
Yeah, yeah.
I think about to get her from turning into a mist.
Oh, I have an idea.
And then I just attack.
Okay.
That day, 19 hit. 19 does hit. And then I just attacked. Okay.
And then 19 hit.
19 does hit.
Yeah, baby.
24.
Yeah.
And I spores her for 12 more.
She's cruised her right up.
She's already very, very hurt.
I want you to gotta do that.
Because I'm trying to be friends.
We all ain't showing me a lot of damage.
Give me your damn brain juice.
And I'm giving you your brain juice.
You're playing and you can't even put down the welcome mat. Give me your brain juice. You're cute. You're playing and you can't even put out the welcome mat.
You're brain juice.
You're immortal.
The reason mortal succeeds is so they can get their blood sucked
and turn into shells and turn into that guy.
If you come to my place,
you got decorative soaps for the whole thing.
Do you eat animals?
Do you eat animals?
Yeah.
Yeah?
You're an animal to me.
She goes and tries to bite your head.
Thank you. I'm an animal. Go ahead and make an intelligence saving throw
Nat 20 baby. Yeah, can I shove her in the bag? No, you can't
But I'll say you have such a thick skull that she fully can't get to your brain
I don't know what is going on here. She tries to bite your neck
I don't know what is going on here. She tries to bite your neck on she misses.
That is hard one to turn.
Sweet.
I'm gonna come at her with my dwarven posse.
Do I also have four spectral bebs around you right now too?
Yeah.
Wow.
So I am rolling deep.
This is a party.
Yeah, we really do need a hot tub.
Yeah.
Excuse me, excuse me everybody.
Sorry, I'm trying to hit her with the hammer.
Here we go, here we go, here we go.
What a strut from that.
19.
19 hits.
19 damage.
19 damage, hard one, finish her.
Hard one, can I give you an assist?
Yeah.
Take it if you want it.
I imbue Elix's whip with holy light and toss it to you if you want a restrainer.
Sweet.
I watch the whip go over my head and get caught by a ghost spectral Beverly.
And I'm not at that bed.
Spectro Bev whips her, she explodes into a mist.
Oh, you were supposed to like use that to wrap her up.
Okay.
Oh, I see.
You know, you guys know, and probably,
guys, go ahead and give me like history checks.
18.
Oh boy.
History.
I like moonshines 18.
I got it 23.
Cool.
I was like 16.
Bev, I'll say you were probably red stories
like this when you were a kid
and you were like super into monsters.
You know that vampires kind of can't truly be killed
unless you killed them like in their resting place.
Like they fly back as mists, sleep in their coffin,
and then you gotta, you gotta off them.
Is there any way to truly kill them when I know that?
If you find their resting place and stab them in their coffin. Can I do like some kind of like I got an 18
I'm sorry a 16 on my history check
Because I'm viewing pop-up with daylight seem to draw them out and I to believe that they do not have a sensitivity to
Sun oh they might have a sensitivity to sun. Oh, they might have a sensitivity to sunlight,
but if you're just like out in a fog,
shining a bright light, there might just be vampires
like surrounding you, you know, like on the periphery.
Right, they saw the light came towards it,
but it wasn't, we weren't in the light.
They weren't like, they weren't loving the light.
Okay.
And they use those dumbasses to draw us out into the light. They weren't like love, they weren't love in the light. Okay. They actually, and they use, they use those dumbasses
to draw us out into the darkness.
Tortures towards us, we sneak out
and then they're there to collect it.
So maybe they do hate the light.
Okay.
Guys, everybody go ahead and roll me
just a pure luck check.
13.
11.
6.
Okay, as you guys are looking around, trying to figure out what is going on with these
vampires, how you can truly kill them, how you can face this threat, Beverly, a split second
too late. You see one of these lesser vampires, one of these more animalistic ones has snuck up and
Charges to pounce on you gets up you can feel its breath on your neck about to bite into you and
Suddenly its head is blown off by a bullet
So we're dang must have been right where the bullet come from I trace the trajectory and that's where we'll end our session
So it tells me it wasn't Belnor
Yeah, I'm right. Oh, I don't see who said that yeah
A cliffhanger again, oh baby. That's what the guy's name is cliffhanger. That's good
That is a really cool name. Hey, I'm Clif Hanger.
Clif Hanger.
I've got a lot of questions for the short rest.
This is just gonna be a freaking quiz for my daddy.
Plus fast.
Oh man, a new realm, new rules.
I love it.
Yeah, guys, go on over to patreon.com slash nad pod.
There's NADD, POD, to listen to the short rest.
I'm ready to sing.
I'm ready to sing. I'm ready to sing.
I'm ready to sing.
Guys, we got some things to plug.
Watch hot date on Netflix, me and Emily Sketch show.
What's sexy?
We're current.
We're about to start filming season two.
And yes, we are slipping in some NAD pod references.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
Mallorra is good.
I'm in the back of every frame.
That's true.
Call those just looking directly in a camera in the background of every
song. Hill House
style.
It's only getting paid as an extra.
It's going to be a huge time commitment.
It's insane.
Should they pay you?
Yeah.
I'm in the background just for exposure.
Yeah.
My agent said not to do it, so I fired him.
Of course.
You can also check out our book.
It's called Hey You Up.
Head to Turner Booty Calling Termergency Contact. It's called Hey You Up, Head of Turner, Booty Calling, Term Emergency Contact.
It's just a satirical relationship advice book
by me and Emily.
Get it on Amazon or on Audible.
Call the one you got to plug.
This week I would like to plug our fans.
Ooh, that's sent us some fun stuff to the PO box.
First up, we've got Jack W. aka Uthar Bearkiller
who sent us a drawing of moonshine
as a cow named moonshine
salbin. Nice puns about. It's very cute. Thank you so much Jack. Rebecca L aka
3.14 slices of pie on Instagram. Send us a nice note and a drawing of all the
characters as well. Yeah. Also love it. Taylor and Megan sent us a save the date to their wedding.
Ooh. Hell yeah. The date is saved itself. I, I RSVP as a baby. Gotta check the calendar.
I'm scrolling through your Zola right now. I get something at the very choice.
Hope you like dice. Debra W. AKA at Dooberry Panda. Also sent us a very nice note. A lot of complimentary notes,
just like heartfelt handwritten notes,
which can't have enough of those.
They're so good.
They are damp with my tears.
Oh, Alex S. from Wiver and Workshop sent us dice
necklaces, earrings, and keychains,
which we are all wearing.
We are all currently wearing.
Last episode, we were all tanked up.
Now we're all neckless up.
We look like we've a good bodice.
We're laced.
We look like a real bad-ass gang from a 90's show.
They're only get their asses kicked.
That is wyvernworkshop.com if you wanna get some of your own gear.
They also sell keychains, which I think is really cool.
It's really nice if you got like a spare key,
you need to give someone and you need to let them know
that you're a big dork, make it easily rob you because you're unearned then put it on that
And then we also got some DVDs and a commemorative one-year anniversary ticket from Jeff S the Lord of the Fiora
Lord of the sword
I'm very excited. I believe we got
Seventh son which is a movie I've never heard of and the Dungeons and Dragons movie
Yeah Potential mixed bag fodder we shall see which is a movie I've never heard of, and the Dungeons & Dragons movie. Yeah.
Potential mixed bag fodder, we shall see.
I potentially mean it.
Definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely.
And if you would like to send us stuff,
you can do it at 1920 Hillhurst Avenue,
number 222, Los Phillies, California, 90027,
please and thank you.
Oh yeah, Jake, what do you got to plug?
It's been a minute, beard oil.
Yeah!
BrothersCisterCo.com.
Redisons.
Oil, it's back.
The oil is back.
Ha ha ha.
Throw them beards.
Let your skin shine.
Nice.
Nick Rib oil, the two things that I always look forward to.
Ha ha ha.
Sweet guys, thank you guys so much for listening.
You follow us on Twitter at CHMRIFUSME,
at called these call the wall, at the expert isally, at J. Kerwitz's Jake.
At NAD pod is NAD pod.
And you can tweet about the show using hashtag NAD pod, that's NADDPOD. The Newt of a Nation. I want to suck your blood.
It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent
Council of Elders.
Yeah, so kind.
Starting with Brad D, the only Pepple Pot that is in Craven, recently celebrated Denny
for performing the bravest feat he's ever done, sleeping with the lights off.
I still struggle with it, you know, I'm with ya.
J. Loma, 72 aka Steel Breaker.
Hardwan's Jim's Breation, featured in the Bohumi and Documentary, Generation Iron Deep.
Dylan B, a sword wielding wizard, surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times,
also surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times, also surrounded by a floating army of mosquitoes at all times, but Dylan is thinking of investing
in some bug spray.
Danny Peaboo, who was a resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf
image, hard one requested that he be nude and touching fingers with God.
Tom Peab, father of the realm, serenader of sleeping babies, and serenader of sleeping
pop-aws.
That's right, Tom Peab helped out moonshine while she was depressed and gave pop-aws his
nightly scramble scratches.
Spencer cask-fru, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia, like
once brutist out so thick.
It put hard ones quads to shame.
Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldredd's knight and ex-owner of the
batter's pint in and tavern.
Decided to change the name after a feud with the Badger, but then got polymorphed into
a Badger so he's thinking of changing it back.
Fate is a funny beast.
Beard man, Dan!
The longest beard in all of Bohumia!
Dan's beard is so long it created a bridge across the sea to the frigid North.
Oh no, the giants are invading!
Scott D and Orc Dork, that's right baby, this giant green monster wears glasses.
Okay, yeah.
Hermes W, the Bat King, Batman, pledges Fieldi to Hermes W.
Spartus, straight up, Boundor's Dad. A dad of dads, if you will.
I will. Adam R, the R-rated assassin, recently committed a murder so ghastly, Adam just became
the NC-17 assassin.
Cassandra MHP, aka Cassandra Max HP, Cassandra has so much HP, Zelda and Joveer literally couldn't
do enough damage to send them to Shadowfell.
Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Dan Yellow, so dastardly that she created the Shadowfell
mist with her hot topic fog machine.
You see aka, Halder Frostback MVP of the Giant Wars, Critt and the SS Stormborn and fought
alongside Elias and Red, used to tie a rope around himself and jump over the edge of the
ship as a goof careful howl door Daniel you aka multiple for the many faced magician one of those faces in trapments very own
Catherine Zeta Jones Jordan DJ legendary DJ of the realm where's a big mouse head like
dead mouse except Jordans as an actual mouse folks head problematic problematic indeed Jeffrey had problematic. Problematic indeed. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord,
born of the sword and driver of a Ford.
That's right, Jeff.
Just got a sweet new pickup with four-wheel drive
and great mileage.
Congrats, Jeff!
Cutter W. A high-off dandy turned Crick Barcatect.
Cutter does all their renovations with fires,
so their business is responsible for many forest fires.
John S. A. K. A. Schubbert, the mushroom Shubbert is competing against Toneth and Tinkul
in the world's number one scoop boy competition.
We're pulling for you Shub!
Ryan M. Hard one's Ram who did die but then made a pact with Osmodeus to come back as a revenant,
a raminant if you will, and kill Hard one.
Once again, I will. Elena C. a friendly Noah, who barely has any bloodlust at all, has only eaten like three
people.
So nice.
Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, officially took the sliders off the food
menu and made a great meaty cocktail out of them.
Interesting.
Andrew M. A free-style in Bard, give Andrew Andrew a beat and they will drop cutty level rhymes.
Cush a bit, little bit.
Victor T, Balnor's boy whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world.
Now who will take them to the big, rapid, ween game?
I think that's how you say ween. I don't know.
Just deny the best, but who me and basketball player, mostly because no one else knows what that sport is or how to play it.
Jacob C, a hell horse who just looked in the mirror and was like, what am I doing?
Why am I so angry?
Elena M. A noble knoll.
When the other knolls tried to kill the band's ram, Elena stood up for them and let them
live.
Mick Pox, the amazing code master who programmed our website, is also working on a digital
D20 that never rolls a two.
Earl and Kathleen Elle a succupous couple who gets late all the time and eats lots of
souls in Smuggler's Bounty.
Jive G holds the burger eating record at Dorgers Big Borgher Jive took down two.
Jive stretched the jock a stretch the only living creature of Bohemia who can box, jump, higher than hard one.
Damn you are, Ram Daniels evil twin.
Also their Symees twins,
Daniel is a head coming out of Ram Daniels buttocks,
crazy, right?
Nicholas R. A.K. St. Crickless, unlike America's Santa,
St. Crickless is in a polyamorous relationship
with many miscloses.
Jennifer V has a V that's even more vicious than Cobb.
Jennifer technically has a 9-pack because they are so ripped that their face counts as an
app.
Oh yeah.
Destincy.
An archer who fights by bungee jumping out of a goblin blimp.
Very surprising that they are not dead yet.
Devin B. the Bodega Lord.
Stay strong in a diet of ruffles and hostess cupcakes.
Oh yeah. Michael L. Keychains. Keychain. That's right. Keychain has a tiny robot that Team
22 hasn't yet discovered. Hear that, Uncle? Sam H. Alonis is dealer. Alonis recently asked
for some pretty crazy psychedelics and Sam H. is slow playing it because they want her to stay
focused on the war. Sergio Salazar Salomon Sakurai is the Sikwangi, 7th of his name.
A sexy Peruvian snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin.
Also, just had their tongue forked and perhaps took this whole thing way too far.
Traylee the cray-fay who is in my way, move Traylee you make a better door than a window.
Oh, this thing, what?
Erin G, master of the banishment spell.
If Erin gets a parking ticket,
they make the cop that gave it to them, disappear.
Woo!
Dory S, a jacked wizard,
thinking about shaving their giant wizard beard
so everyone can see their super defined jawline.
Ooh, okay.
Alucard, a reverse Dracula,
where's a bib instead of a cape?
Which on a Dracula is arguably more effective.
Baby doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C section was recently sued for malpractice
after leaving a few loose Cheerios and one of their patients during surgery.
I'd forgive it if it was me if I was a patient.
Sure.
Adam H. a shadow fell citizen who was afraid of the dark.
Currently on a quest to find a sacred relic known as the Night Light.
Colin G. Hardwan's lab partner at the doorfinage.
They failed their Geomancy project after a hard one accidentally fused Colin into the wall.
Ryan. Hardwan's Ram. Their ghost now serves as Gemma's mountain the afterlife,
and escorts her to all the coolest clubs full of hot eligible spirit
bachelors watch out!
Big buck pregnant elk moonshines elk and baby also the only elk that knows how to
wild shape.
Why?
If you're ever in frost wind and see a naked elf eating oats off the ground don't worry
that's just big buck living it up.
I love it.
Richard F. a gnome who drowned and was reincarnated as a German which in Bohumia is of course the name of a race of giant
Merman, Guten Tag Richard!
Uh, John W.G. Introduced the Crick-2 Crocs. Everyone there loves the squishy little slippers. They're perfect for crawdad hunting.
John McCee, a dwarf and whose foster parents almost chose hard one. Troy works in Asrias, a daddler analyst.
They have three beautiful children and just bought a summer cabin in Hill home.
Damn, you dodged a bullet in Hardwan.
Cannibalist Kathulu, the Hannibal Lecter of the Elder Gods, basically Mads Mikkelsen,
but with a mouthful of tentacles, so a hotter Mads Mikkelsen.
Oh yeah.
Sam Elve, locally sourced, sourcer.
Sam only uses farm to table spell components
and honestly will not shut up about it.
Dom Arra, a straight edge drunken master monk, will knock you out with a spinning roundhouse
kick in between massive sips of their homemade black tea kombucha.
Josh S the revived cyborg version of Josh the Cobald went on a blind date with hard
Juan recently, but it got short when Josh spilled water on
Juan's hard drive, and he nearly exploded.
Blitzberry Dmitry, owner of Dorgers Big Borgor recently introduced the all-new Impossible
Borgor, which is still made of meat.
It's just called Impossible because it's 5 times bigger than a normal human mouth.
Caleb Storm, Cup Bear, and Courts, great haul.
Also, Bear of of chords, chord.
The ox chord specifically, that's right.
Caleb is in charge of keeping the great hall jammin'
and they just put on Hardwands party mix.
Woo!
Nicholas C has started every single movie ever made in Bahumia
currently starting in the sci-fi smash hit
Ulf Guardians of the Galaxy.
Matt Elle, the first farewell,
halfling to try to eat a mayo nut. Their birthday
is now a national holiday in Balnor's village. Mike H. Chosen Lieutenant who serves under
Galad, they lead a crew of Goth Angels known as the Blackbirds. Kevin S. The sword dancer
who choreographs every kill. If you see Kevin wearing spandex and setting up a boom box,
run. Matthew E. A Trinny Valyan jam maker who
Nyak has sworn to defeat. Unfortunately for Niaq,
Matthew tends to spill a lot and their layer is very sticky.
Samuel B. A nomish rogue who attacks by pancing their victims, then stabbing them in the
cheeks. A true, cold-blooded S. A.S.N.
Till for G. author of the Hilt Children's Book, Ulfgargo's punch in the sequel, Ulfgargo's
to therapy currently working on a companion series called Alonus Self Medicates in order to avoid confronting her emotions,
it's a pop-up book.
Guardian of Light, Zack H. Bohumius only Keyblade Wilder!
Zack opened the door to the darkness, but only because they needed a place to stash their
treadmill.
Mitch D. an Enlightened Drunken Master, what a genociname DAC Alpha, DAC can turn into mist
at will,
so honestly, they're not that impressed by vampires.
Curtis S. a short skinny human
who was Hardwan's bunkmate at the Dwarfnitch.
Kindly let Hardwan have the top bunk,
so he'd have more privacy.
Colton B. a mouse-froke paladin
who fights in the name of the benevolent God, cheese.
Jen's Christian T. the owner of jenslandel.com, much to the ch who runs the popular Crick blog.
Huffede?
Huffede?
Okay, I get it.
Tiavina Saragon!
An Asimar Paladin who drunkenly swore blood oath, forgot what for good thing they got it to a tood on them
As a tramp stamp real quick read the small of T. of T. of Venus back and tell them what they swore their blood oath for
Aaron C. and Mist Monster he uses their powers of mimicry to make a popular sketch comedy show called Mist Connections
Hannah F a journalist who's trying to show everyone that the free fairies aren't assholes
are just disillusioned victims of a systemic and untreated sugar dependency.
Bradley E. Of course drinking buddy who can't believe the boobs would ever taint something
as sacred as a blessed healing gatorade.
Diven T. A Crick L. Who nearly suffocated in the timeout bag then bought a double trunk
Crick side stump with the
money pop-up algorithm in court.
Montana Monarch, a butterfly whose favored plane is national parks and deals plus two
damage whenever they are in one.
L&D, Jens Lindell's choreographer has seen Jens nude more than anyone living or deceased.
Carbureau Chapel Hill, FPV, the Baron of Chapel Hill whose honorable family the Tar Heels
belongs at least thematically amongst the shorefoot and toegolds.
Chad A, a chosen horse cop, that's right, an angel on a horse.
It's dope until they ticket you for J-walking.
Reese NS, the only Bohomian who can make a decent couple romans, wears by this magic dust
they discovered called salt.
T.J. M owner provider of the fickle fiddle, a lively tavern where you can see a different
fiddleer each night but never twice.
RPKB and automaton who doesn't know who made them really wanted to meet the boobs and bottom
with them over not having parents but unfortunately won the automaton stole the show.
Taylor S. A. Gay Trash, the traveler, forgot their passport, but remembered there.
I sport.
That's where you get customs to tattoo their stamp on your butt.
Anime intellect, a computer program to buy a professor duttle to know everything about
anime.
Unfortunately, immediately deemed every other intellect a filthy casual and refuses to work
with anyone. Zolo Dolo, the kid giddy of Trinavale, a game Mr. Zolo Dolo, Mr. Zolo Dolo was also an eccentric
trillionaire hellbent on collecting crystals. Joshua C, the Bear Princess publicist, who is really
struggling to keep the sponsors after their client was revealed to be a cult leader and killed.
And finally, Larissa J, a fire genocid who turns every tub into a hot tub.
Oh, that's fun. Thank you guys so much for listening this week.
Thank you to all of our patrons and our council of elders and all our listeners.
We'll be back next week with another episode.
Thank you so much for listening.
Goodbye.
Woo!
That was a Hate-Gum podcast.
Goodbye.
Woo!