Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 61: Gutless (The Shadowfell Saga with Brennan Lee Mulligan)

Episode Date: May 16, 2019

The Band of Boobs join Deadeye (Brennan) on a covert mission to the Red Fen -- a fabulous vampire club. Hardwon gets into it with some pretentious blood suckers, Beverly questions his faith, and Moonshine finds a new rival. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Club chatter, London" by mlteenie at Freesound.org."Drained" by Emily Axford. "Gutless" by Emily Axford."The Blows of a Friend, Not a Foe" by Emily Axford. "The Montgomerys" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford. "Grimhawk" by Emily Axford."The Fat Monk" by Emily Axford."Deadeye" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code PawPawW-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone. Bahumia.

Bahumia. Yeah, yeah. Got that right. I'm all getting there. Thank you. Did I hear some grit? Yeah, you might heard some. Bahumia.

Oh, man, oh man. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jay Carwitz. Hard one, sure foot. Emily Axford. Moonchan, Sabin. Looking right in the pinstrap. Boom. That was established, sure.

And called Walt Tanner. Beverly Toggle the fifth, a shadow feller who's missing his peller? Nice. What is this? So we're recording this back to back. When you think of this shit. You know I just panicked.

And of course, our special guest, Brennan Lee Mulligan. Woo! Dead Eye. The crick's gunslinger with no skin on his finger. Oh, yeah! Good. That was a good tickles me. I gotta say, I would do the same thing Jake does. Just the best way to get in this game is to not play it.

Right. But now like this is making me feel like I want like gunslayer with no flesh on his finger. Like that makes me want to fucking do it. Yeah. You know, go ahead dude. No, I go. And shake her with.

Okay. The guy from the mountain drinks water from a fountain. Okay. I like it. I've never seen hard one do that, but okay. It hasn't really been established. We're gonna brush past that. Get right to the reek.

Okay. Okay, hang on, I'm no reason to dwell on that one. Good. Last week. I think I might do a t-shirt. Guys, tweet out, hashtag, natbot, if you'd like to see the master of the mountain, a drink room. Oh please, that'd be a terrible t-shirt.

It'd be an amazing tank top. That's right. Head over to store.netbot.com. I'm sure we're selling it by now. It's a lash sale. We don't need to. Yeah, we don't need to wait for the comments. Yeah.

Yeah. It's already in the store. Guys, let's do a little recap. So last week, you met Dead Eye, a sort of dead Crick-Earth gun slinger. You don't totally know what his deal is yet. Dead Eye took you out of the mist and into the nearby town of Grimhawk. A city surrounded by mist and ruled by vampires. Dead Eye revealed that he's been stuck there, not only in Shadowfell, but in the

actual town of Grimhawk for years. The town itself is extremely bleak. Many of the citizens have been victimized by vampires to the point that it has greatly affected their intelligence. They are now shells of human beings. The rest of the villagers mostly stay inside, except the young people who think the vampires are cool and want to be turned.

You encountered one such girl who was attempting to go to a vampire club, but was being stopped by some creepy figures and cloaks. You defeated the cloaked combatants, who Deidre revealed to be a group of religious revenants called the Knights of Penance. You knocked the girl out and took her to an inn where you put her to bed.

You then went back to Deidre's crumbling house that he squatting in and Deidre gave you the lowdown. He said that there were no good guys in Shadowfell and that the nights are actually worse than the vampires. So you all resolved to go to the Red Fan club where the vampires in town are known to hang out and that's where we are now. So we'll say that you guys while you've been hanging out kind of talking to dead eye in his house that you've got drinking whiskey.

Drinking whiskey, you've gotten your short rest. Slangy. I would like to establish for anyone at home that because we've taken two short rests, I've used a zealots trance twice. So if you're adding up how many spell slots or whatever, I've had two zealots trance. Wait, Emily, people are micromanaging your spells? Surprisingly, yes.

I have another message for the people counting Emily spells back the fuck off. I do like to picture people like having their own character sheets for us while they listen. That's cute. Yeah. That's the cute side of it. Yeah. Don't manage my luck points either. I have used seven bullets. You have a limit to the bullets? I take the shit seriously. I'm keeping track of every single resource. I would say... Is that a...

No, I had a sort of amount of gold that me and Murph agreed on prior to the campaign, and I used it to buy ammunition. I would say he wouldn't have to worry about it, but then he was doing like 60 damage per attack, so he does have to worry about it. I have decided about it. Shit, I just realized because I got those spell slots back and I have this, and I have this spell I've been wanting to use on Boundor that's like, it makes your, it makes a ranged weapon more powerful.

Wait, why wouldn't you want to use it on me? Uh, anyways, I wonder if I could use it on you. Hey, actually, while we're getting ready to go out for our big night at the normal club, hey dad, would you mind giving Boundore a couple shooting lessons maybe? Oh, set up some cans? Sure, yeah. That's okay with you Boundore. Yeah, that'd be wonderful. Why don't we frame it as a shooting contest? That's a little more fun. That is a little more fun. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah, no, that's cool with me. Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball. Shh, stop it.

What are you doing to me, bud? What are you doing to me, bud? Uh, well, there, friend, how long you been applying your trade there with your firearm? Let's see, well, we was back the gnome, Spellerly asked someone to get me a gun four or five days. Wow. Time moves fast. I'll tell you this, my friend.

If you know the right way to study four or five days is all the time you need to learn gun skills. That's me and Readin. That's true. I'm not that. You learn, you try to learn how to read. I'm getting pretty good. All right.

I take out Ulfgard Goes Punch and I start and I immediately fail and then I put it away mumbling about how the book is broken Now hey now make it over to her As soon as you take it out I sit cross like it on the floor Remember you know you got got to work on the phonetics the phonetics Do each each letter has its own stupid little character? I think it's broken No, no, I think I use the battery on this well if you don't if you don't finish that book You're never gonna get to the Alonist chapter books and there's a lot of fun in there. Oh

It's not age appropriate. She smokes in every chapter All right, well if we're listen if we're gonna head to the red fan there might be some trouble there You might have a couple more hits up that quick water, huh? Oh Please you want to be sir dead. eye are we gonna get a eaten there? Well, not if I can do anything about it. And dad, I was gonna walk over and take a long rifle off the wall and swing it on his back. Oh!

Y'all already met Lou Ann, this is Reba. Oh my God, I love the names of these. You've got a full cover. Well, you know, I try my best. Herum, really? This is, oh, hardly. These are working women. These are my sister's and arms here.

Oh, Herum's a good thing. Really? Oh. Yeah, it's a group of women. It's a group of strong women empowering each other. Too fun to talk. Too fun to talk. Moonshine, I think you need to learn how to read the dictionary next. I would you.

Herbs are cool. I will say that you are right to be on your guard there, Slim. These vampires are gonna be in various states of hunger and their appetite is quenched by one thing and one thing only now. I'll try to sort them out when we get there, but what you should know is that there's plenty of these young teenagers out there willing to hawk themselves off as blood pets. So as long as you don't cross anybody or start in trouble, there should be easier pickings for these skaters out there than you all.

Okay. So we're trying to sort of endear ourselves to these skaters. Am I a misunderstanding? Well, we'd like to form a shoddy alliance with these skaters. The point is this, we're all trapped here in Grimhawk. And you've heard about these Montgomery's, right? To live up in Grimhawk Manor. Yeah, I heard about what's Al-Baster Montgomery.

Ambrose? Ambrose, I knew some high-falutin' A&A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't know it was a full family affair. Oh, what's a full family affair now Don't get me wrong these vampires are just as twisted and sick as these Revenants are just that their aims are a little bit more base. Shall we say or perhaps more selfish? I

Guess you can put it that way the main thing is they're easy to guess and easy to manipulate. They're just trying to eat. So there are some vampires that are going to be at the red fence tonight and the mists around this town are controlled by Ambrose. He is the one who sets these mists going. Now, there are a number of lanterns in this town that can all you need to do is just get a lantern. They're key to let you pass through the mists. We can all be out of here. Y'all can be on your way to rescue your moms. I can be on my way back to Bohumia

and the lands of the living. Bing, bang, boom. We all get what we want. These lanterns are hard to come by, but they're not impossible. There's a acquaintance of mine at the Red Fan right now who might be able to give us a

hand lock them one of these down. So you've yet to get your hands on one of these lanterns? I have been trying for quite some time. Okay. What's gotten in your way? Well, there are some tasks in this town that are unpleasant or just plain old difficult to accomplish. And the more sure you are to find a skater that's going to have their cells access to a lantern, the worst thing they're going to ask for. Now we might have found ourselves a skater dumb enough to get us our hands on one for a task that might be a little bit more palatable. How are these skaters ever magically manipulatable? I think that depends. I mean you're always taking a big risk, but I think, especially some of the spawning your ones, some ones a little bit more fairer.

I think you can usually pull a trick on them pretty easy. But they're going to have a hard time getting their hands on a lantern. Exactly. And the more likely that a skater is to have their hands on one of them lanterns, the more prepared they're going to be to defend against magical attack. So do you think that what we need to do? Ooh, okay, I've got a couple things that must leave. Wait, I ain't wearing sleeves, I'm wearing a pinstripe vest.

Up the cup muffins. I'm not sleepless. I listen, you know, there's not much to do in Rimhawk, so I've been kind of hoarding just to pass the time. I cannot believe the duds you guys were able to find in my closet. You look. Yeah. What do you think? I don't know, it looks like a kind of Bonnie and Clyde meets the Adams family.

I like it. I really, really like it. Pinstripe, bob top, pinstripe on the bottom. Oh yeah. Different sized stripes, different color blacks. Listen, your shoes don't... Stripes on stripes on stripes. Your shoes don't fit me, but your spurs sure as heck do.

So, I'm gonna borrow a couple of those if that's okay. Oh, you're welcome to. My horse rotted away ages ago. I saw the bones in the front yard. Yeah, I don't need those spurs even one bit, baby. You're welcome to them. I'll take them. Before we depart, can I ask you a sensitive question?

And you can feel free to just, you know, if you don't want to answer, why don't you just burn your nose in that quick water. When did your skin start to rot off? When I woke up here. Okay, I thought I smudge. Well, help yourself to that quick water. Yep. Take it. Oh, God. It's the top for you. It's still good. I still got lungs. I don't have a stomach, but I got lungs. Quick water works just fine. I'm stuck on the bright side. We still got you, baby. Yeah. Yeah. So Intel mission to the red fin to try and find some lanterns. I'm going to try to pin down my contact there. Okay, if y'all want to avail yourself of the local nightlife responsibly, I assume

Y'all might be enough of a distraction. We don't get much travelers through town that I might be able to pin down this contact over in a corner and get the business done real quick I pop I pop just the top button on my vest get the business time real quick. Whew, I popped just the top button on my vest. Oh, take, yeah. I think I'm wearing like, you know when like kids wear a three piece suit. Yeah. It's like, it looks cute, but it definitely doesn't fit.

That's what I got going on. You definitely found like a human child's suit. Yeah. I'm wearing what is that guy in is that guy in Westworld Hector? I haven't seen it. Sure. You know what I'm talking about. In Westworld.

Yes. It's like a long black trench coat with a fucking. Oh, that's why I don't really know what it's. Nice. No, all right. Do you have any steampunk specs I could put on? Steampunk specs. Let me see here.

I'll route around in my house looking for any steam punk goggles that would have been gotten. Go ahead and do an investigation, Jack. See here what we got. Shout out to the two crew. You know what? I'm glad that I wasted your time and got that two out, you. I'll say you find a top hat.

Maybe not with the cool goggles that you like. Can I crush it a little bit? So it was like slightly short. Crush it? Yeah. Crush it a little bit. Roll it up. Take a hit.

All right. I hope that all our get dressed. Sweet. Balnor also wears a child suit. We like it. He has pinstripes. Well, y'all are going to fit in, so that's a good thing. Yeah. Okay, that's good. All right, then I suppose we make our way

I mean are we as we make our way are we pretending to be just you know innocent vampire love and folk trying to have a good night at the red Fan or we sneak in our way there are you here? Here's a question for you dead eye because you know your way around town Are you trying to because the church where, where the revenants hang out, is on the way through the fastest path, would you rather go around to Estonad have to pass them? We only go in a random, good truth. All right, cool. So you guys take the long scenic route.

Cool, one last appearance thing I'd like to say that I have my hair slick back. Excellent. Cool, I do too. Hell yeah. I do one of those slick back, like they kind of like stand up almost like mohawkie in the middle.

Oh cool. Like looks like it's he's under me. Mine's an out, yeah. Mine's just out like I got shocked by a real big fright. You know what, while we're at it, I think I'm gonna shave the sides a bit like a Vikings. Nice. I think while you guys are like slicking your hair back

and doing this whole like makeover at a dead eye's closet. He's just super happy because he's all, it's just like, I think that he seems genuinely like sight to have friends or just people around. And also you guys feel like his like ticket eyes, like oh my god, something happened that was different. Like the Groundhog Day got interrupted. I think he looks over at Bev while you're trying on stuff

and says, it fell off the thing. That's a nice crevice, you got there, pal. Oh, thanks, yeah. It's got a little bit of blood on it, but I think it works. I think it works with your eyes. You got a little speck there, color in the iris there. I might do this and he's gonna do a different knot

on the crevice. Yeah, that's a complex knot. Yeah. Show me that one. He goes, I got pretty quick fingers. And his right hand fully detaches from his arm, runs across his shoulders, down like our pops back on his wrist.

Oh, oh. So this is, yeah. Seems like you used your first time dressing in kind of a darker palette unless I read you wrong. You're actually very attentive, and you've got a good eye, did I? I guess. I'm like,

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I do. Oh, one of your ribs fell off when you've laughed. I laughed too hard sometimes. That one's loose, so that's gonna do that. Yeah. Yeah. You're right on the money.

I guess I'm trying to find my own way and kind of walk in the mist between light and dark. Well, young, and that's a brave first step. I gotta commend you on that slim. I've been burned by the light as often as I've been scared by the dark, and I think you're looking in the right place for answers, friend. Yeah, I think, you know, we've learned a lot from you

in the 30 minutes or so that we've known you. It's been a while, 30 minutes. I gotta say we got in a fight. We met a, we met a shell man. Is that lady with the wimple? It's been, it has been a few hours. I was gonna say it with the wimple. I mean, I, I don't know if I was clear before,

I spent an entire year arranging a rock garden out of novelty glasses in my basement. So this has been, it's very thin. I appreciate it. It has been a big day today. Yeah. Hey, that hand thing. Can you let control that?

How far away? What's the range on that? Oh, this bad boy here. He snaps the hand off and he reaches his other fist back and hits the back of his head and pops the dead eye out of the clean side of his face. His index and pointer, his index finger and thumb on his right hand close around the eyeball and the remaining three fingers that are free, skitter around like a little tripod thing, holding his eye and it runs out of the room.

Oh, that's some sneaky shit. Wait, come, we clocked that, right? Yeah, I think certainly see that, yes. Damn, there's a rant running under foot. I stepped on it. Don't stop, don't stop! Real, real, pop-ups going nuts trying to bite it. Real, real, real, real, pop-ups. Pop-ups, yeah. We hate yourself, that's quiet, pop-up's going nuts trying to bite it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, pop-up's going to

just say it. You hate yourself, that's quiet. Pop-up! Just biting at it and swinging it around. That's Mr. Handy. Dead I jumps in it, trust a wrestler, his hand and eye away from Papa. You wrestle it right away.

You can do it in a pose athletic check. I guess Papa? Yeah. All right. Do I have to roll for Papa? Woo. Yeah, you can roll for Papa. What is Papa at the athletic?

So little, probably like minus three. Oh, Papa, I got a 19, but minus three, that's gonna be 16. I only got a 13. He successfully gets the hand away and is just scrambling around. Scramble man, get back here. Scramble back here. I'll run any day. I can't, I can't, I can't stress how much I need those two things.

We got a scramble man and a scrambled hand. I tell a pathically calm, I calm my heart to try and calm pop. Okay, he, he, he starts drooling and then he just like flops over and starts snoring. Dead eye walks over with his, he visibly, it's a cool trick, but he visibly has worse eyesight and less coordination. He's like down a hand and down an eye when he does that. He walks over, snatches his eye and hand back

and re-affixes them, pops the dead eye back into his head. That seems, forgive me, handy if you're ever captured or anything like that. I'll tell you what, a lot of sheriffs and a lot of jail cells learned that lesson about dead eye the wrong way. Oh, you know. You tell them. Every tale you tell is just a, it's a river.

You should write a memoir. You know what, I actually have been writing one. Would you want to take a look? Yes, I would love to take a look because I feel like us Crick folk, we have such an oral tradition and we aren't writing it down enough. And, you know, we don't get ourselves out there.

We don't get to represent ourselves the way that we wish to be represented because the only thing you see about Crick Elves, high Elves wrote. That's exactly right. We are telling our own stories. Yeah. Did I push his opener room in his home?

And it's just like full Pepe Silvia bloody hand prints. Oh, it's on the wall again, huh? Oh, just go. Pages of poetry being like, the shadows are crawling in. My name is slipping away like a ash on the wind. I see their faces. So it's sort of I'm doing a stream of consciousness thing. OK, OK.

I wonder if you just like I don't know what if you did a pass that was like more about concrete facts and names and times and Yeah, okay, you know what I can't read so I'm probably not a good editor So do you guys head out to the Red Fen? Where are you guys heading next? Let's do it. Red Fen? Let's go to the Red Fen.

Yeah, we're going to Red Fen. Sweet. So you guys take the long way. Take the long way and you travel uptown. You see downtown was all full of peasants who had boarded up their homes and everything. Nobody was outside, very dirty and decrepit, but here you see well-preserved homes.

These beautiful colonial-style houses with balconies and verandas. It's in stark contrast to the houses downtown. And you begin to see people. You see young, attractive people walking about. The women wear tight dresses. The men are in form fitting suits. A lot of these people appear to be affluent,

but others. You can see all vampires though, right? Some of them might be. Bev, your evil sense is probably going off a little more than usual, but you also see, like Sandy, the girl that you guys had dropped off in the tavern a few hours ago.

What does it say rescued? Yeah. Yes, dropped off in the tavern a few hours ago. Like her, a lot of people are like peasants that have clearly like tailored their own stuff to kind of try to fit in. This is so sad. It is sad.

And you see that most of the people are hanging around this place called the Red Fen. As we approach the Red Fen, I'm going to say, Moonshine, you think you could make some lights, do you think it'll make make some lights with magic? I could make some lights with magic. I did not stock daylight because I used daylight previously and it was to horrible. No, no, no, I don't want anything big and it's just like a can trip really. Just some I like to do

this thing when I walk into a bar where I walk up and my you can see my boots under the door at the front of the bar and everyone kind of they kind of turn and look and they see the boots and then the door opens and then if I can get Light behind me and then I just have my silhouette in the door. It's this. Oh Great. I got produced flame. Oh, that'd be great. So I'll just make a bunch of flame. If you make a bunch of flame, but because then it's like, and I'll walk up and I'll hit my boots real hard and people be like, what's those boots? And then I'll be in the door and then open

and then just a silhouette and then go in there. If you need some assistance with your boots hitting really hard, I take out my wood gun. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? Why don't we put on like basically like a regional theater of you walking into this thing? We can give all the, Bev, will you, uh...

Minor allusion to fog? Yeah. Oh hell, you got guests been so long. Yeah. Sweet, so Bev. Like a human fog machine begins making a little bit of fog come out from his hands. You twiddle your fingers and it comes out like a,

like a missed machine from hot topic. I'm also gonna hiss to produce my flame. Moonshine makes a little light behind dead eye here. Hard one times the wood block watching dead eyes feet. Dead eye you walk up to the door of the tavern. You have to like wait. You have to wait a little bit because people are like going in and out and you're waiting for enough space between people that you can make an epic entrance. The time is right. I think even dead eye goes as he's walking up just for him to hear.

We all hear. We all hear. Dead eye go ahead and do a performance check as you enter. Yes. I want to waste them. Oh, that's going to be a hot eight. Dad, I, yep. You kick open the door, fog coming in behind you, your feet hit the ground just as hard

one hits the wood block. You are silhouetted in the light. You stand there like a fucking cowboy that just came into town. You get super excited and a bunch of your ribs start falling out. Oh crap, shit shit shit shit shit shit. I accidentally, I get distracted by this and accidentally switch from produce flame to infestation. And bugs start crawling. Oh, no fucking maggots in me. They will be there forever

Shit sorry, sorry. Oh god. No, I know Dead eye your bones your bones pop up pop up pop up Goes in starts eating the bugs inside you feel pop off scramble like inside you I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I'm gonna chance bib. All right, well, I'm sorry again, that was a good effort, but I'm a ribs fell out. So are you guys all going in or just dead eye? I think just dead eye, right? Yeah, yeah. I don't look, I don't look and say, or do you think it's safe for us all going in?

I think it'd be better if they know how you got in the town. So why don't we walk in together? I'm not sure, yeah. And I'll, and I'll go in and I'll find my friend and all y'all, I mean help yourselves. I honestly don't think that anyone's gonna mess with you, but if they do just holler and uh... Okay.

You know what'll happen. Sure thing. Should we all attempt a dead eye entrance? I run in and say, did anyone see my bugs? To try and save face for cat eye. I try and scoop up some of the fog from Bebs a fog machine and just try and have like a sold tree entrance. So you guys, people are just fully not paying attention to you guys.

You guys just like walk into this extremely crowded bar. Wow. I almost look and it's busy in here. It's very busy. I hope. There's a pianist playing a jazzy tune. There are black leather chairs and small tables sitting atop rugs of deep red. Smoke is filling the air as the patrons puff on their pipes.

It's very loungey. There are some people enjoying drinks, but there are also people getting their blood sucked by vampires. Is there anyone like dancing naked like an erotic statue? No. Is there a pipe nearby that like an erotic statue? No. Is there a pipe nearby that I can have it's bone? Let me describe the room. You see sitting on the... We do all the drugs. You guys see sitting on the various couches,

are these like glossy eyed humans leaning back? They don't look quite like the shells, they look like they're in like ecstasy or something, almost like they're, like they fucking, as vampires like centrally bite their necks or their wrists. And you immediately clock sitting on a chair in the corner of the room is a pale man with long silver hair and red eyes wearing a red smoking jacket. There was a woman in his lap with similarly long silver hair and red eyes wearing a crimson dress with a split

that's shown off a lot of leg. They're stroking each other's hair, but you see their attention turns to you guys immediately and their eyes follow you as you guys walk in at the room. You recognize this dead eye. Dead eye is gonna look over at the eyes and just out of the side of, he actually speaks out of the hole in his cheek

to be as like as surface as possible, and just goes to like, that's Whalen and Scarlet Montgomery. They act socialized, but they're cruel, and they mean business, I'd steer clear. Oh, but what if maybe one of us needed to sort of like run some sexual recon, are they like swingersers invite a third in or anything like that Sexual recon

Yeah, sort of all my best Drop in that like it's term we all use Motion to ball dork a partner up on that. Should we go in there? I think it'd be a solo mission last time, but you know it would kind of got compromised Tell you like this moonshine if you try to get in a threesome that way, that's a three sim is gonna end as a two sim. Understand? Oh, because I'm gonna be so good one of them leaves together. Thank you. Up top. I go for a high five on your bone hand. Dead eye, dead eye actively resists, but the hands flies up and slips.

Okay, and you also see standing near this couple are men and women in black circuits with red trimming. They have gray hair and no pupils, just like white eyes. And they're standing at attention, almost like they're standing guard. They're like this entourage for these, for wailin and scarlet. And dead eye, you would know these to be Vampire Spawn. These are like, guys that'll just do whatever they want. Basically, like lesser vampires

that have been turned by that vampire. Okay. Okay. And behind the lounge area, you see as an actual bars, the small, like, L-shaped bar. There's a bartender with Ravenlox piercing blue eyes and a tight purple dress with a corset, serving some like extremely drunk young men and women

who appear to be like mortals who just lap up the wine and ale. And you can tell it's like one of those things where it's like people flirting with the bartender where you know it's not gonna go anywhere, but she keeps like buttering them up. And next to the bar is a staircase that leads upstairs. Did I just want you to know that if you need a bargaining chip,

Operation Bloodlad is on the table. That is a very heroic gesture, young Beverly. Let me ask you a question by the way, how old are you, Slim? I'm about 16. Okay, that feels alright. I'm gonna have to just reckon with this later, bring it a minor here, but that's just, that's all he's good. You can hold his own.

Yeah, yeah, he drinks a lot. I have a real quick question. Trimature. Would you say that a vampire's bite is Pearson? Pearson damage? I'd say that their gaze is just like their buys. It's Pearson. It's Pearson. Because it might be fun to just cast stone skin on young Beverly, send him in to get his blood

sucked. Because he would have resistance to Pearson damage. I mean, all of this makes me think that I better run upstairs and do my business real quick because y'all will start to ruckus down here. We're just exploring. We're just spitting, Bolly. All right, you guys keep, hey, no judgment and brainstorming, you guys keep exploring options. Who bad idea?

And while you're kind of in that blue sky, I think I'm gonna run upstairs as literally as fast as I possibly can. Oh, do you, okay, okay. Dead Eye is gonna hook it upstairs. But he wants way out, be like, while those two are making out of the lounge, I'd probably recommend the y'all park it at the bar,

seems a little bit safer to the places in here right now. That's good. Yeah, that's great. While we're at the bar, I kind of huddle everyone up and say, hey, a hard one, just a reminder, you probably were thinking about this already, but we should not tell Dei that your mom is a revenant. He seems iffy on the whole deal.

Yeah, I guess he's a little anti-revenant, but this head also could be these specific revenants. True, true, true. Made this weird religious pack. But yeah, let's do like a less is more thing for now. I think so. Better to ask forgiveness. Radical opaqueness.

Um, people, Dei is family. We can tell him anything. Hi, if he asks, I think we can. I just don't know if we need to be volunteer. Sure, but now that it's on the table, I'm gonna feel like I'm holding my tongue not telling him. Okay, well, if you think it's okay, if you trust him, then I'll trust you.

You know what, I'll lay my life on this one. Okay. We can trust him with that information. But also, hard one, have you considered, do you think that your mom is down here living that Revenant in life? Do you think she's frittin' about with her little copper mask? No, I mean, we know that she, that Galad's got her.

And we, I haven't heard shit about Galad and... ...we're in a mock halfway, this is true. Well, I couldn't be, I now just follow me here. Galad couldn't be the dus just follow me here glad could it be the dusk goddess could he oh Man he's so good Yeah But yeah absolutely in his way it sounds like a it sounds like a shitty band. Yeah, so it couldn't easily be him It's like a weird PR rebrand, but I think I could see him doing that

I think let's cut up to dead Eye because this stuff's probably happening pretty fast. You guys are finding seats at the bar over here. As you guys discuss Dead Eye, let's cut to him. So Dead Eye, you go upstairs. And you've probably been upstairs here before. You see a short haul with doors on either side. It looks to be six rooms, and outside the one in the back right corner are two of these pupilless servants in Black Sir Coats. Dead eye approaches and nods to them silently. They nod to you

and one of them knocks on the door and you hear from inside like furious slurping and you hear, the fuck is it? Mr. Montgomery, it's a dead eyesight been out here. Ow. Oh, shit. After a minute you hear sounds like a body hitting the ground and this dude opens the door. You see this is bow, this is bow monk umory.

He's got the same smoking jacket as the guy downstairs, but he's totally disheveled. You see some of the buttons on his shirt are undone. It's on top, his long silver hair is like stringy and frayed. And he's got this like kind of crazy manic look. And you see on the ground is this guy, probably 18 or 19 years old dead with a huge wound in his neck like Bo completely sucked the life out of him and Bo goes, oh man I got you

what you need and now you're gonna do what I asked you to do right? Absolutely look do you want to discuss inside or do you want to discuss out here in the hallway? Yeah it's not a fucking bad idea sorry. I'm really fucking hyped up right now. You can trust these guys. He pats the vampire spawn on the shoulder. Oh, I mean, yeah, these are the faces of complete certainty and loyalty. I trust them with my very online. All right, man. Get the fucking in here. Why? He grabs you and closes the door.

And you see inside, you see the girl that you guys brought to the tavern before, it's tied up, it's got like a cloth around her mouth and is like crying, I'm like looking at you. You see him reaching to his pocket and he pulls out this little box of like ammo, this little box of bullets. And he goes, I got you what you said you needed.

Daddy's got some fucked up, fucking, the chronic magic, whatever, fucking kills, revenants, you shoot one of those suckers with one of these suckers and they'll bleed for real. Just get one hit on them, you can kill them from there. Now does that need to be administered? Post them dropping? Or pop them once with one of these?

Just pop them once and then any other way we take them. So as they don't got a lot of time to recover. Alright, not yet, friend. You get that, I get you that lantern. Now you have this lantern. You know where you're getting it from, you know where it's locked down. How do I come and collect it once the job's done? You killed that Bortram motherfucker, you get rid of him, you come back to the Red Fan, you know what it's locked down. How do I come and collect it once the job's done? You, you killed that Bortram motherfucker,

you get rid of him, you come back to the Red Fan, you know what I am, man, you know I'm here. I know where you are. I wanna know where the lantern's gonna be and how it's gonna get here. I'll bring the lantern here, man, we'll meet here. This is my room, man, so I do my business. I know, bone, I know what's where you do your business.

I'm just a man who likes to have a bargain set and everybody's seeing eye to eye. And the people, like shrinks in his dead eye. He says, now, this lantern, this is not a situation where your daddy's got all the lanterns and a vault somewhere and you're going to need to go to ask permission. I mean to say that up in the Montgomery house, you got a lantern that you know about that you can go and grab and after I'm done it's gonna be here. Is that correct? My daddy look he sends out messengers and shit he does have them in a vault. I'll give you that and normally I would need to ask permission but I just wait for the fucking next messenger to get in. Got one coming back tomorrow. We fucking grab him and I got the lantern.

All right, Bo. I'm counting on you because I will say this and you understand that I'm a man of my word. If I do this for you and these remnants are not a problem in this town for you anymore and I come back and it turns out oops there there was a problem. And this lantern can't come back. I'm not going to be a problem for you. But what I tell your father about you offering it, that's going to happen. Oh, that's fucked up, man. You're going to do that to me. You don't do that to bow your friend. Oh, I'm not going to do it because tomorrow you're going to give me that lantern. You're never going to get to bow, your friend. Oh, I'm not going to do it. Because tomorrow you're going to give me that lantern, and you're never going to see me again. That's right.

Exactly. You're going to be fucking off, man. That's exactly right. Oh, good, man. I don't want to crazy motherfucker like you after me, man. Just fucking kill the guy. That's right. I'll get you your stupid lantern, man.

Good. I'm glad that we are on the same page and seeing that eye. You have a pleasant rest to your evening, Bo. You too. Uh, Dad, I was going to walk out of the room. and seeing that eye. You have a pleasant rest to your evening, Bo. You do. Dad, I was gonna walk out of the room. Anyways, that's how I was saying, I think Dad, we can trust him.

Ah! Ah! Ah! I've been my life on it. All right, let's drink on it. All right, let's drink on it. Cheers, y'all. You see, um, uh,

Dad, I is starting to walk down the stairs just as like the bartenders coming over to you guys. guys She goes what are y'all gonna be drinking tonight? I don't know. What are you drinking? Might be drinking you later. Oh, okay time to go everyone. We're all done here. All right. Well, how about a little taste? You know, I Walk me down. I take a paper cut and just kind of She furiously starts sucking at go ahead and give me wisdom saving throw her charisma saving throw rather Oh is this a charm?

It is I have advantage 19 19 you pass Three so yeah, she's just sucking on your finger sorry just really record I just wanted to squeeze a little bit of a paper cut into a into a into a Finger and started like biting you did you know dead eye muggles got game right you see that everybody wants to get with this part today all right hey 30 seconds what

I do not know the bartender's name uh yes Joe set very impressive yeah moonshine's got a real gift my friend uh he's going to uh does gonna bite the inside of his cheek uh and take let some of the sludgy nasty blood come out and Grab Joe set and spit some of his blood into her mouth

What the fuck are you doing man? She's like push you back good luck getting that taste out of there Taste like a bunch of pennies putting a blender with trash The missing piece in our romantic puzzle. What's happening? What's in the bar? Like, what's like back there? Is it all just like normal alcohol or anything?

Yeah, it's all like normal alcohol. They're basically just, it becomes very clear to you that it's just them luring people, young people in, with like alcohol and shit, so that they can bite them. So is that like tonics or anything like that? I knew a lixers. Nothing. I mean, you could make like a cocktail. Is that they can bite them. So it's not like tonics or anything like that. I knew a lixers. Nothing. I mean, you could make like a cocktail.

Is that what you're... No, I was gonna like, mage hand a potion if it was back there. But you can reach behind the bar if you'd like. It seems unwise. It's worth about to leave. I will resist. All right, yeah, let's be on our way. I'll take a whiskey for the road.

Yeah, cool. She pours you a drink. As you guys are starting to walk out, you guys see a couple of the vampire spawn that we're sitting with Whalen and Scarlet in the corner, standing in front of the door and one of them goes, the lady in the gentleman would like to speak to you and looks at hard one and Beverly. Dude, we're so lucky! I wake it, moonshine. You know I'm Jellis Hard one, but you go,

I'm blessed. All right, I guess it takes two to tango. It's time for us to play a little moonshine in Balnor, huh? Dead I hold my your jacket. Dead eye, you fully know that it's, you would assume that it's because Beverly's a virgin. You know that like, Whalen and Scarlett have like, particular tastes.

Oh man, I can't say they sing, but they must love just like young men, right? Dead eye gets a horrified expression on his undead face? Grabbs Beverly pulls you to the side and says, you listen to me, if you want to survive, you've got a fuck hard one right now. What journals of mine have you been reading? Ha ha ha ha I'm Biff. I took it out of the bag I thought the other people would see it. I must have left it out. There were three lots of them. I'm sorry I'm sorry. He's good with his hands. He's got quick hands. Oh, did he do the little hand? I don't know

It's just look at that ass while It's just look at that ass. While Dad is doing that, he's gonna roll a slight of hand check to put his hand and eye inside one of Beverly's pockets. You can do that willingly if you want, but I don't want anyone else at the bar. Sure, go ahead. Go ahead, see it. Good call. That's gonna be a 32 from me.

Yes, you do it. Stuff goes into the pocket. And I just want that eye basically peeking out of his coat to try to confirm anything that's like, just see if anyone's gonna make a move on bed or whatever while me and Moon Shiner by the door. Sward one, it's done. I'm saying goodbye to Hard One.

I'm like, you'll have fun in there. I get, I will be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I like leading in that moon shine up. Holy shit. I heard the Empire's book so fast, I'm so jealous. I'm elbowing hard one being like, I hope they're not suck you by and I like, wink a little bit.

Ha ha ha. Bound horse fully horrified. I I did this before so I guess I can't tell you not to do it but uh oh boy Man, you know you go to the club. You never know. It's gonna happen. Oh, yeah I saw I saw it through over and I grab a pipe from somebody else who smoking yeah You just grab it from like one of the peasants. It doesn't matter. It's just like hey man with the fuck It's just like something like 19 year, hey man, what the fuck? Just like some 19 year old. I shout after him, world deep. Yeah, world deep.

Kuddy. Are you guys going over to Whalen and Scarlet? Yeah. Yeah. So you guys walk over to them. They've got this little posse of Vampire spawn. What are you guys doing? Dead eye and moonshine, while this is happening? I think I'm just

leaning over to dead eye and be like, you know, I'm a little jealous. I have to be honest. I kind of wish I got handplucked like them. Well, I'm luck to get some. I couldn't get handplucked because you've done it before. Oh, because I let my finger go in that woman's mouth. No, no, they're only picking virgins. That. That can't be true. Wait, but hard one fucks like all the time. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Hard one first call.

Pretty expert. I think, you know, I've, I had gone the vibes since it's just us, I had gone the vibe that maybe he's not the best at it. Like maybe he's got a bit to learn. Not knowing anything that's being said right now, I turn and just shake my fist like hell, yeah. I shake my fist back and then say, like I get the impression maybe he's a bit selfish, you know,

not in the exploratory faith, yeah. Well, you have to be selfish if the only thing you'd ever done was jerk off, because that dude is a capital V verge. And... Well, that just contradicts some of the stuff he said. Okay. I'm not surprised, moonshine.

That guy's got a beard down to his navel. He's ripped to shit. He has a big ol' what is that hammer symbol? What was the weapon he had before the hammer? He got a ax. Yeah, a big ol' phallic instrument. Wow, I mean, that guy, you don't have to be a psychologist to read that guy like a book.

I can't believe I didn't make him feel comfortable to tell me that. Well, you know, it's hard. Masculinity is a trap for a lot of people. Not really, she knew. Meanwhile. That is gonna tell me that. Hey, hard one.

And I would have been completely okay with that we could talk about it. And we could have some help. But that's the thing. It's not the judgment's not coming from you is coming from within himself. It's society All right, you are so right You guys have the big conquer me meanwhile Beverly and hard one You guys approach Scarlett and Whalen

they are surrounded by By these vampire spawners, like standing there like the secret service. And yeah, two extremely hot people, she's sitting in his lap, they're both like stroking each other's hair, but they're looking at you guys, and you see they like sniff as you get close.

And Scarlet goes, you're not from around here, are you? No, but weighs out of town! Oh yeah. And Whalen sniffs up a bunch. Oh, you're from the mortal plane, aren't you? Sure are. Yeah, untainted meat. I like that. I dain't it, I don't know about that.

Beverly told all the fifth, please to meet you. Nostomeach you, Whalen Montgomery. Yeah. Scarlet Montgomery, this is my sister. Oh Shake it hands. It's like that then I like give them the lipist handshake As is the custom amongst the vampires. Yeah so Well, we play in like you got games, like cards, what's up?

Oh, I got a fun game for all of us to play. Now, I'm a little bit more choosy than these other people here. You see these, like, kind of, not minor vampires, you ran into these kind of lesser vampires when you were in the mist that were like monsters. These are more like Langston type vampires, just like Skumbag, Hot Topic-looking guys,

like are biting into people on the couch. And you see Scarlet goes, they're so crass out here with these public displays of affection, but we have more discernent tastes and we lack our privacy. So we'd like to invite you up to our private suite upstairs. We're going to have to insist in fact. I imagine you chose my associate and I because of our huge plump rumps and no other reason and we see that as a grand compliment so we'll obviously be adjourning with you. You see, Wailen, Lix's lips, yeah, juicy plump, rump, full of virgin blood. Over

by the door, Dad, eyes just shaking his head going stupid bringing those two double thick asses in here Oh, sight dammit Those boys are dummy thick You just you want to take us up upstairs just because one of us is a virgin Yeah, me I'm guilty! You see they both look at each other and they laugh and they go, yeah sure hun. Okay wait, what hard one? I could off that.

Be cool, be cool. Merchand doesn't know. Again say that! Are they in danger? They're in an incredible amount of danger. I told Bev to fuck hard one on the floor of the bar. You know, honestly, that is more dangerous than some other thing. I do not believe that we should be encouraging hard one, Bev.

There's a huge image in my picture. There's a huge inventory. I'm just saying, Bev is a young man. I know he can get hard fast. And if he just spit in his hand, and fuck hard one on the floor of this bar, they would both be off the menu. You understand what I'm saying?

I suppose that is a very logical approach to the problem. I'm out here trying to save lives. You see, Weyland and Scarlett motion to their vampire spawn and they go, they'll show you two our room. Oh, well, here's the thing. We don't want to get our blood sucked by you two weirdos. I see. And as fun as it would be for all of us to fuck, it feels like that's not where we're headed, right? Whalen stands up, puts his hand on your shoulder and goes, usually I'm against public displays of affection, but and launches in and bites your-

Oh! I sent my aunt again to Dean! All right guys, everybody rolling in. What's she doing? Oh Jesus. I rolled the 19. 11. I also got a 19.

My initiative is 10. I'll say dead eye and moonshine. If you guys wanna do something minor now, you guys can do it, because you guys were kinda watching them knowing something was gonna happen. So I'll say you can't really have an action prepared because if you had your hand on your gun or something,

somebody would have seen that, but you guys can do... I'm too bad again. You can symbiotic entity for instance. I symbiotic entity as soon as I see go. Sweet, what would you like to do? I would like to, from inside Bebs clothing, grab his holy symbol of pellor,

and fling it out of his clothes like a ring toss onto Whalens head, sweet. Okay, so it's as Whalens is launching into bite hard one. Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check. I'll say DC20, it should be pretty hard. Yeah, it's a ring toss. It's a ring toss. Those things are rigged.

Yeah. Okay, here we go. Come on, win the big Garfield. I rolled a natural nine plus 13-22. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Okay, so technically, technically vampires in 5E don't have any kind of adverse effects from Holy Symbols,

but I'll say the shock of having, I'll say it has enough of a minor effect that it shocks him out of his surprise round. He goes to bite into hard one. This necklace shoots off of Bev, goes around Whalens neck, and he like hop staggers back and like uses his surprise round and fucking pull it off and throw it on the ground. Oh, well done. This probably doesn't affect anything, but I did combine my amulet with the steel from the Feywild reel. They're not affected by that kind of stuff.

So that is actually, they are still first, but they don't get a surprise round, so that's nice. That is nice. They are going to, okay, first things first, The Scarlet is going to cast Charm on Hard One. Hard one, go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw. Don't forget to add plus four. Cool, yeah, you're right next to them. Do you still have that?

I do. Even though you're, oh good. I thought we were gonna lose that, cause we're saving it. No, no, no, we lost the song. 17 raw? No, that's with Bev's thing. Let me see if I add anything to you. You pass with a 17 anyway.

So she goes to cast this spell on you. You are so like shocked by everything that's happening that you don't even have time to make like the proper sensual eye contact with her to fall in love with her. What a miss. He, however, is going to be more brutish and just take some swings at you. You guys see this entire bar has immediately turned into this fight. Denai, you know this is exactly what had to not happen.

So Whalin is going to take one on-arm strike, a swing seat with his claws and is going to hit on the first attack. That's a 21 to hit. That is 12 damage and then is going to take a bite attack. Natural 19, that's going to super hit because that's like a 26 sweet. So, Whalen does manage to bite you. Hopps forward, takes a big bite into your neck. Told you I was going to do it one way or another. Did you think they were trying to have sex with us?

No, I knew they were just wanted to suck our blood. 19 damage to you, hard one, and until you take a short rest, you lose 14 of that. Like you can't be healed for that. Oh, I can't be healed for my full. That's like gone. So your hit point maximum goes down by 14. Got it. But you take 19 but a greater restoration would change that right? Yes Nice That is hard ones turn cool every time I come close to getting laid Somebody dies, wailin's like Pulse back from having bit you and goes hey man

We could have fooled around a little bit too. We would have just also, you should have led with that. You son of a bitch, you're my hammer out of that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Moking jacket cool, so that's that's a rat 17 damage 17 damage sweet and then I'm moving to But him with the other side of my hammer nice 16 hit 16 hit is gonna hit great just the jacket just a jacket just natural armor 18 damage 18 damage nice And then I'm going to fuck it use my action search because I'm really pissed do it up What you could have came up to out room man, what you think was gonna happen

You can't extract a bit of a fire bar 13 hit that is not it That's times 20 20 hits Another wait 17 damage 17 damage. Oh, wait, it's you. Sorry. It's 18, you fought this guy right up However, at the end of your turn He's going to use a legendary action to Two legendary actions actually to make another bite attack That is only 18 hits we miss is She is also going gonna use a legendary action

to take a bite. She also gets an 18 and she misses. Good for you, hard one. That is. Dead eyes turn. Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, dead eye knows that it's so bad if we fight vampires in this bar for so many reasons.

Yeah, so dead eye I take it easy, because I think I still have a chance with this one. I said we could fool around, man, I just get to eat your blood out. You and I are done. I don't think Dad, I is going to unload on these vampires. Also, I can't, because my fucking shooting hand is in Bebs' coat.

So I'm gonna do something, I don't know if this is stupid or not, but I'm gonna do that I think that I would actually do. There's some people in this family that I haven't met, but that have a pretty bad reputation. Sure.

I think would I know anything about a particular like Petunia Montgomery? But I know anything about her, because there's some other vampires in this town. When I know anything about her having a signature or a mark, I know that she's like pretty sick and demented. Yeah, cool. Dead Eye's gonna have his hand stabbed

bev with two things, with the bony fingers, to this it looks like bite marks on his abdomen and is going to streak across the bar next to bed. I'll use a bonus action dash, get over there and quickly like slip his hand and eye back onto his person and go and just yell at Whalen and Scarlett. They're marked, they're marked, they're not yours, they're hers. Go ahead and give me a deception check.

This is gonna be a hard one, yeah. The other dudes don't leave the house really. Can I help on this? This is on my body, okay. I'll delay my initiative if Bev wants to give me a help action. I Mean I have very good deception and persuasion. I'll say if you guys want to hold that off I'll say just in the confusion of all of it. They're like who the fuck are you talking about while they're all fighting? That is Bev's turn. Okay, great. I

Lift my shirt where I felt the puncture happen. I'm gonna roll a deception check with advantage. Okay. Ooh, it's fun to play with another DM. I know. Ring your bell, baby. That is an 18 plus 11 is 29 on a deception check. You see Scarlet and Whalen look at each other for a second and you know that they have their they have a sister and a brother that they're like Pretty fucking scared of because they're sick fucks that just like hang out in their house and they

Look at each other and they like motion for the vampire spawn stopper second. They're like hold on hold on now hold on You see they hang on a hard one. They hang on to Beverly Almost in like a standoff, and they lift Bev shirt up. They see that he's got like two little like cuts on his stomach. That's right, I'm claimed. That's, don't pick me up, I'm someone else's property. You see Scarlett looks up at you, Dead Eye, and goes,

this was one of Potunias, he'd be hanging from a meat hook. Why's he got these two little scratches? Oh, we're acting like her. She's like, I can see into the mind of your sister. I don't know shit other than that I'm dead if anything happens to him. She's doing like a day by day thing with me, kind of it's like an advent calendar

where she just takes a little bit every day. That does, go ahead and give me a deception, Jake. Can I help? Yes. That's going to be a 20. Okay. You see, Waelin and Scarlet look at each other and they're just like,

she's so fucking weird. Why does she do this fucking weird shit? And it's like a torture thing, you know? They, they're like, I don't think you're telling the truth. She actually sent me here just to get you to in trouble. Look, you wanna get in outta here by the skin of your teeth, you little motherfucker. Don't speak another word.

Scarlet kicks Beverly forward towards you guys. And Whalen and Scarlet both put their hands on hard one, and they go, just to be safe, we'll just be taking this one tonight, y'all are welcome to leave. That's the deal we're willing to cut. A cast title wave. I'm, I'll say, you know what?

I'll say you can do this one of two ways. I'll let you kind of like jump to an angle where you can just hit one of them or you can also hit hard one and I'll do a role to see if they're able to hang on to them if they all get knocked down. Hit me. All right, I'm gonna hit him.

Okay, what do they have to roll? Let the wave show. They have to roll a dexterity saving throw. I did hear that running water is like a weakness to them. It is bad for them. They are gonna roll with disadvantage because they are definitely fucking surprised at this very moment. So I'm gonna roll right here. Bravo.

Bravo. Okay, what do they need to beat? 16. 16. Okay, Moonshine UC Scarlet does get washed away. She gets hit by this fucking title wave, and then I'm going to roll for Wailen. So she also takes damage. She will also take damage. And she gets knocked prone.

You see her getting knocked over? Wailen also gets knocked over. Hard one, go ahead and give me the X-Tirties saving throw. Okay. So that's a 19. 19. Whalen also gets knocked over hard one go ahead and give me the extra to be saving throw okay So that's a 19 19 Yes, you say so hard one does not get knocked prone like hard one these vampires are just like ultimately Pragmatic they thought they were being really nice by just being like yeah fine on the off chance that our psychosister did mark him we will just take this one guy and never expected fuckin' moonshine to do anything.

You knew moonshine wasn't gonna leave you, so you like were braced. moonshine fuckin' noxies two over with a wave. I hate him for 20 each and then hard one you take 10. Don't do it. I'll take it. I'm death you won't begin. I mean, they really wanted to fuck you, huh? Yeah.

I didn't hear what was going on, because I was over there. But they were like, I guess they smell experience. Which is interesting. Hard one. I just want you to know that everyone's listening. I wasn't even feeling it. I'm glad that you, I'm glad that you stepped in. I whisper, everyone's journey is different.

So I'm going to go ahead. I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna say that a lot of these vampires here in this lounge are like fucked up. Maybe some of them aren't fighters. A lot of them have, you know, are have been sucking on people who are drunk. And so they are then drunk. So they're not all gonna get involved in the fight.

But I am going to roll. If anyone else was within the 30 foot long, 10 foot wide, if anyone- So they're not all gonna get involved in the fight, but I am going to roll- If anyone else was within the 30-foot long, 10-foot-wide, 10-foot tall- Right, so we'll get to that. So I'm gonna go ahead and roll a- I'm gonna roll a D12, I'm gonna say minimum, there are six vampire spawns here. If I get higher than that, you guys are just unlucky

and there's a bunch of fighters around. I'll roll in front of Bev here. Two, shout out to the two here in the best way so that means the minimum so there are six vampire spawns. I'll say three of them are over by like Moon Shine and Dead Eye like like 30 feet away on the other side of the room and the other three are over by Whalen and Scarlet. The three that were over by Whalen and Scarlet are The three that are over by Whalen and Scarlet are going to hop on hard one. First guy takes one claw attack, misses, tries to bite ya, hits, 15 damage, and 10 of that does not recover. Second guy goes after you, hits on a claw attack for five damage.

And then it's gonna make a bite attack and misses on the bite attack. Third guy goes, shout out to the two crew on the claw attack. All right. Bite attack is a hit. Thank you, two crew. That's a 20 to hits. It's gonna do six, eight, 11 damage, and seven of that can't be recovered. That is the other three guys who I'll say will pounce on Moonshine because they saw her

cast the time. Bring it on, come on. I got my temporary hit points, I'm feeling good. Claw attack, that is an 18 hit, does not hit. Does not hit. Bite attack does hit, that's a 20 to hit. Moonshine 11 damage, six of that doesn't recover. Bite attack does hit that's a 20 to hit Moon shine 11 damage six of that doesn't recover a second guy

Takes a claw attack misses takes a bite attack hits 12 damage eight of it doesn't recover Third guy takes a claw attack misses takes a bite attack misses That is back around to actually you what, at the end of their turn, fucking, they're gonna use legendary actions, but they will just use their legendary action to do a movement, so they are gonna stand up and get up from prone, not that that really affects anything.

That's back around to Scarlet and Whalen. Let's have, okay, Whalen's gonna keep just whacking at hard one. Hits on the first unarmed strike, seven damage, and then is gonna try to do another bite, hits, 17 damage, and 12 of it can't be recovered. Cool. I think I'm gonna finally hellish- hellish-rebuke this little horn dog.

You do see that as he bites in you, he looks like healthier. Like he looks like he's like gaining strength from you. Gotcha. Sweet, let me go ahead and do a save for him. He rolls a natural 70 fails. So go ahead and do the 2d10. Nine damage.

Sweet, as he bites into your neck, your hair bun glows around. Shoot some of some fire. I don't man with a foot. Flaked back hair bun. Yeah, dude. Scorpion tail. The fixed problem man.

Yeah, tonight. Scarlet is going to jump forward and take some swipes. She hits on her hip. That's eight damage on the claw attack. That's exactly enough to put me down. Oh, hard one goes down. You see, she claws hard one, slashes him across the neck. There's like all this blood that goes out of his neck.

Hard one falls down. She gets down on all fours and starts to bite in hard one while he's down. Wait, I have a reaction. As for her. You know, you know, so she auto-crets on a bite attack. You guys just see hard one like convulsing on the ground and turning white.

And that I, you know, he's dead. He's a vampire, he's dead. He's, he's a vampire. He's dead. That is hard ones turn hard one. You are dead. Cool. So death save or no? No, he is a, you guys know enough about vampires. Hard one has just been turned into a vampire. If you can, if you can save him from not getting ripped apart right now, he will be a vampire, otherwise he will just get his throat ripped out and it'll be dead. So what's happening right now is she's on the ground, just biting his neck.

Oh. Who's turn is it? It is. I will be doing something, it's a good time to turn. Yeah, that ice turn. Okay. Hard one is fully dead on the ground.

He can come back as a vampire. Yes. If his body's not destroyed. Right. Buy these guys right now. Yep. Dead eye, um... Dead eye holds the bullets that were given to him by bow up in the air to

um, scarlet and Whalen opens the box, shows it to them. I mean, they just took out hard one in a second. It shows it to them and goes, I'm working for your daddy and I need that man's help. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. Shout out to the two crew on the lower roll. But that's gonna be a 25. Nice. You see Scarlet looks up. Wayland's already like, he's all like red faced,

and he's just been like, you know, kind of a brawler here. Normally this like kind of cool calm collected guys, hairs all like fucked up, and he's all like huffed up Scarlet looks up blood all running down her face having just bitten hard one um and uh she stands up hard ones lying on the ground not moving yet and she goes well what goods are you gonna be to you? He's one of mine now. No, he ain't bitch. Excuse you?

Yeah, yours. The best you could hold for is that he's mine. No, even if he becomes one of your kind, doesn't mean he belongs to you. Actually, I mean, that's the way it works. It's a freaked-up idea of ownership. Scarlett, he's yours. But we ain't better. Hey, moonshine, you wanna get your friend out of here in one piece or several?

He's yours. Just as you are your father's. And right now, Count Maggumri has asked that the Revenant problem in this town be handled and be handled once and for all. And dead eye looks over at moonshine, goelps and looks back. Here's the proof of my hand right here.

Once it's done, it's done. Can I have the loan of your spawn to finish the job that your father asked me to do? See they look at each other and they look down at hard one. Scarlet gives kind of a mean look to moonshine. Whatever bitch people look at. She smiles and she laughs. Take a picture or last logger.

At least I can come up in a picture to picture you going to be. Picture a wall. Who's that time for that? Zero likes, bitch. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Uh, and, uh, she looks up at you, Dead Eye, and, uh, she goes, fine, whatever.

If you can get those fucking remnants off our back, you can have this one on loan. And you see she kicks hard one's body towards you guys. I jumped to claim his body. Dead Eye fully takes his hat off bows and says, man, I'm Montgomery, thank you for your kindness.

You see they, yeah, as you're walking out, Waelin and Scarlet are just like, fucking, oh, how the hell the hell the fuck can get that? I was hanging out with that fucking guy. Harwan, come back to us! Harwan! Dead Eye, if you're doing that, I've dead eye grabs Harwan's foot and just yanks him out through the door into the street.

I'm just slapping his ass. Oh, did I get laid? Did I walk in finally get laid? Oh, buddy. Yeah, you got laid. You guys have to spill comb everywhere. Woo. That's awesome. Yeah, it's such a terrific dream. Who remembers it? I need it described to me. It was everywhere, Matt. Oh, he's awesome. He jacked him. Ah. Hard one.

You are. It's so hard. Who's cure wounds in him? What are you guys doing to him? I'm doing great. I think I'm just emotionally like, I'm doing a greater restoration. Yeah, great.

I'm doing it. I'm gonna say, Bev, you go to do lay hands on him and you feel it like sizzling him, like hurting him. Err, what? I got a binarial disease, babe. This is a bad one. Is it a bad one at all? No, it doesn't revive them at all.

Hard one's still out. He's still out, oh, sorry. He's starting to like, you see like a hand friend from- Great restoration. You do greater restoration and you see hard one's breath begins to like return but very slow. He's like in a coma almost. We, hard one, hard one's breath begins to like return but very slow, he's like in a coma almost. We are one.

We are one. Are you dreaming about something in there? Oh yeah. Maybe we should get away from all these vampires and stuff. I was here the whole time, I should have attacked. I forgot I was here. You should not have, I don't know. The better part of gun skill is not fucking shooting a gun.

I don't know, I'm pretty sure worst case scenario happened, Deanna. Worst case scenario is this guy's splattered like a fucking abstract painting all over the side of the bar. I don't know if you notice the decor in there, it's red for a goddamn reason. Okay, I'm here wound, so this cure wound, so I think. Your wound's bringing some back.

Okay, I just tried it like touch him normally cure wounds. I'm pure wounds, bring some back. Okay, I just try to touch him normally. Does anything happen? Like my top, you see your amulet is like, you get like sense evil from hard one. Your amulet glows when you're near him. Yeah, I keep that thing away from me for a little bit. Okay. Oh yeah, you're gonna be all right.

You're gonna be okay. We're gonna figure this out. Hey, Philan, you were out. I thought you were different. Different, I never, I never, I never, I think I'd feel so different. He's got a giant neck bite and his skin has turned from, you know, like a healthy tan of a strong adventure

to being this like translucent white. I think it's probably because you've sinned and had sex that I can't touch you anymore. I look at my arms, it's like, damn, I lost my tan down here. Yeah, man, why don't we get a, you see like other vampires are like starting to kind of file out of the bar and stuff. We should go, if you can walk, let's get walking.

Yeah, no, I could go for another round of fucking, but let's go to your house. Yeah, you some kind of pro. Well, I feel like I should feel really sick. Yeah. Are we going back to your house or? I think dead eyes just gonna take us to out of the way of the, we're gonna get out of uptown.

Just go find like a quiet graveyard somewhere, somewhere where dead eye can go on a walk and collect himself. Sweet. And he just takes his hat off and just like, there's like a tombstone he sits on. While you're collecting your thoughts, could you maybe put them in a bucket

and splash them in our face because we need to know what the heck you are doing working with the Montgomery's. Every time it's hard to get laid, someone dies. See, me or someone else, hello. Don't talk like that. Okay, no, I'm good. Listen, House

You Are in a new state of being and It's not all bad, you know, I mean you don't feel things like you used to but You know you can still look and see you can move Are you a vampire? No, but we're all dead now. He's a hard one of vampire. We're all vampires, right? Hard ones looks like a super vampire. Sorry to say it, but fuck me. Hard one here. I know how to solve this. I give them my paper cut. Hard one. Go ahead and do a wisdom saving throw. Oh dear me

19 nat nat 19 um you it looks fucking delicious to you But you're not like overcome with enough like bloodlust that you need to like I've heard anything we better not But you do want it like I was gonna say we better not much time but you do want it I'm not gonna lie I want it bad Better put a band-aid on that to keep it out of my sight. That's why you wait till marriage God okay, how do we undo this on Duke? How do we undo this? I'll give you three guesses. No, this game! No more guessing games, Dad!

You know when you were up there doing God knows one that little room I was telling these two. Dad, how we can trust him? I'll put my life on a he's family and then all of a sudden we get into a fight and yes, you technically saved hard one's life but how long did it take?

Well, it took me as fast as I could. I tried my best. I got bad out of there as fast as I could and then I got hard one out Look, have I been completely honest? No, I have not been completely honest Have I been trying my best to get out of this town? Yes, and you as well? Why not do a favor for some nice people when they when you meet them to get out of the town? Have I slowly been rotting for so long in the time slips away in the shadow? Yes, that's also been happening. Hard one is in the same boat that I'm in, and if we stay in this town for much longer, you and your little friend Balnor will too. Why is that four little words? This town is bad.

Okay, first guess, one long night's rest. I wake up and my, my ruddy skin tone is back. I have no blood loss. No, no, no, it's not him. What if we kill the vampire that turned him? You kill the vampire that turned him. You kill the vampire that turned him? Yeah. As I said before, my knowledge of magic couldn't fill a shot glass.

You're liable to watch him blow up in a cloud of ash as much as you would save him. Can I do a history check to see what I know? Is there no precedent for someone getting turned into a vampire getter? What are the feelings that you lost? You said he's going to be feeling new feelings. What feelings did you lose? Maybe there's some good be failing new feelings. What feelings did you lose? Maybe there's some good feelings in there. They don't want to lose.

We want me to say. I don't know. I just want answers. Yeah, don't we all. I would love my feelings. Definitely, I use that more. I got a 22. 22.

Killing her would at the very least make him kind of like a free vampire. It's none of it's good. Bev slides down, sitting on a tombstone. It's not great, but I think that killing Scarlet might be our only chance here. Hey, look, I appreciate everybody's concern, but we came down here for a reason. I want to get my mom out of here.

If I got to be this place's next bed, I have to stick around and be a vampire and hang out at this shitty bar. Fine. Hard one. Isn't your mom one of the revenants they're trying to kill? Fine. Hard one. Isn't your mom one of the Revenant's they're trying to kill? Great question. Your, you didn't say Lydia was a Revenant. Yeah, oops, we weren't totally honest with you.

Sorry, but... Oh! Oh, the Revenant's Revenant is a Revenant. Further records, Jedi. I was arguing that we should tell you that Lydia is a Revenant. Because I said I've been my life on it, we can trust him. And I don't know, I guess I'm not really actually mad at you.

I'm just mad at what happened. Look, circumstances. All the nice things that all three of you want to do, you strike me like a couple of heroes. Well, let me tell you, there aren't no heroes down here. I need to be so pessimistic about having a- Haven- I ain't got no guts!

That's damn right, you don't. There aren't no heroes down here yet. Yeah, because you are a bunch of gutless freaks. We're gonna give you some guts. We don't have to work with these fucking freaks. We're gonna help you find your guts. Yeah. Pop-pop, get in there, freaks. We're gonna help you find your guts. Yeah. Pop-pop, get in there, see this,

we're gonna get in there. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no You don't need guts to have courage. Alright. Or you can just not care. Or you can just resign yourself. But you know what? It's people make up a place. And you say this place sucks. And it's because the people suck. So if you are willing to not suck, then maybe this place will suck a little less.

Wouldn't you agree that soon as we showed up? We don't suck and the place sucked a little less. We rule. Yeah, that's right. We almost all got laid tonight Yeah, almost a hundred percent hard one you want my Fade on it's fully and undead monster I have a tiny little cycle of my chance big I taste this is gonna get out of hand real quick. I just won't be your first Taste the blood of course

I know that you're very experienced otherwise Did I want to chose me what do we do from here? You said that We still need to get one of those lanterns if we want to get out of Grimhawk. That's our best bet, right? Was all long though. We could have got out of Grimhawk? It was only you that needed the lantern? Just why were being honest? I won't even be mad. I'm so much mad about other stuff. To the best of my knowledge,

nobody can get out of Grimhawk without a lantern. Okay. Maybe we've gone to the wrong people for help. My... My mom might be a revenant, but she's still my mom. Maybe she knows what to do. You want to know, I mean, look, you can't take a standing against the Montgomery. You saw what happened in that bar. They took you out of there in no time. They are killers, lethal, and there's more than than you can imagine. That's a big family.

And every other vampire in the Crimson Hills all the way around Grimhawk, they all marked the tune in their drum. So all I'm saying is this, if you want to get out of here, we go, we pop a couple of these Knights of Penance, we get rid of their leader, we head on back. I got the bullets to be able to do it. And then Beaumont Gummary, who use a dip shit the youngest son of the count He gives us a lantern and we ski dad I don't know how to get out of here, too, but I'm not doing it without my mother at this point

I got a side with hard one and say I think that the move is to Just to be clear you guys Nothing would make you think that the widow is here right. Oh, okay. This is a small village in a whole realm. That's what I would have in the end. You would assume if she's with Galad, that in the flashbacks and stuff, probably in the shadow fell area of Galatoran or something. Or be where a lord would be.

So let me ask you know something. If we were, we got to kill his maker. Now, but here's the thing is that you said hard ones your friend. He's a man you respect. He says he wants to be the new dead eye and live in Grimhawk. That's his business. How does that want to be an emotionally right? He does. And anyway, he's trying to be a big man. Can I just say he's got to leave Grimhawk to save his mom. And that's his- I'm pushing back forward. Can I just actually, I would like to just leave.

I'm gonna leave me bev. No. Can we, I would like to just, can we just have a, can we have a little side just, just the four of us, just a bale nor and bev and we're gonna try to, and I, how close are the three of you to hard one? Very close, extremely close. I'll start with scratching a grave stuff.

Yeah. I'll save you. I would say real close. Best buddies, really. Okay, it's my brother. Okay, okay, it's the thing. I'm doing my day. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Okay, okay.

What are you gonna tell us about this vampiric situation? Is that what it is about? Well, look, this morning when you guys came out of the mist, it was my first shot at being able to take on the revenants. You saw that I was, you know, I've faced down one or two minute time before, but I would have been, even taken down that ogre, I would have been a goner with those two halflands if you all had shown up. So when

you came out of the mist, I mean, that's my first shot in lifetime to get the hell out of here. And what I know is this, there's no getting out of those myths without a lantern. Unless Ambrose Montgomery gets rid of the mist altogether, which he's not liable to do. And the other incontrovertible facts, your friend Hard one is undead like I am. Not exactly. He's vampire. That's what's the truth. And y'all can face that? I can face that, but that doesn't mean I need to part ways with him. I'll be friends with Vampire, I don't care, better than half. Oh god. Oh, more.

Yes. You know, it kind of compliments this new outfit, to be honest. I'll say, Dei, you've definitely seen people here in Grimhawk who were maybe like more upstand probably in like the early days when you got here. There were more peasants that the vampires had like better pickings you definitely saw some good people get turned into vampires and like just become lap dogs for the Monk Humories Like everybody who's a vampire becomes a bad guy eventually Lots of people who get bitten by the Monk Humories go on to lead very fulfilling lives Here's a question. If we stole one of these lanterns

and then just got out of town, even though hard one is still pledged to the Montgomery's, like if he's in another plane of existence, if we manage to leave and find our way back, is that enough distance where he can like, be himself again? Yes. If he like, breaks his contract. I don't like him having a tether to Shadowfell

for all of eternity. I think we gotta still lantern and get this bitch who've done made him. Oh, why, why did they have to call you to? We were so close. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, dead did they have to call you to over? We were so close. Okay, okay, okay, okay, dead eye, come on. Now, I have a question, dead eye. Yeah.

Which, so there are graveyards in like uptown that are more like vampire ones, and then there would be like, there's like a small, real graveyard. Small, real graveyard. Buy like our Lady of Penets. Yeah, I think he wanted to get out of vampire neighborhood. Got it, okay.

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like near their church. And you guys do see that a lot of the graves here are like destroyed, have been vandalized, and you see a bunch of statues of an angel, but the angel's head has been like knocked off. It doesn't look like it was there by design. It looks like somebody like vandalized it, like took it down. You see all of these placards that say like our lady of penance and stuff, and you can see the church in the not too far distance. So, y'all ain't gonna leave Grimhawk without Scarlet dead.

And there's no way for us to kill Scarlet without drawing the wrath of the entire Montgomery clan. And you won't help me get the lantern because you think probably I'll just cadaddle with the lantern rather than stay and help and you fight these vampires. Unfortunately, I actually didn't even consider that, but thank you for planting such a seed of my mind's garden. Yeah, that's an own goal for dead eye there.

Would you consider just, I mean, is there a way that we could just poison scarlet? If we could just inject young Bev with something that will kill vampire and buff him up so that she could try and eat him and then it will poison her poison boy blood. And buff them up so that she could try and eat them and then it would poison her poison boy blood I'm gonna wait poison your blood in a way that would kill a vampire. We keep you alive. I mean, I've got magical resistance. I'm a paladin Pelora protects me in that way Pelora protects you in that way. Give me a break You knock it off. You're not exactly in a great position. Oh, it'll be lecturing. Oh, I'm not in a great position. I thought things were going great for dead eye. I remember.

See, I feel like since things have taken such a sad cynical turn, you're acting like it's just validating your worldview. But sometimes it's just the way the pendulum swings. The pendulum has been swinging this way for centuries! Those bullets. You think this is the only place in the world? And all the multiverse filled with false Wicked people? I think everywhere is full of false wicked people.

You damn straight it in! I'm aware of that! All I'm saying is like I just want you to bring a little A little hope to this plan. I'm trying to just I feel like I'm trying to get you to help it. Like the only way I can get you help is like underdress or something like that. And that's not the way I want to conspire. Moonshine, I can feel flies hatching inside my body right now. I get it, I get it, I get it, your life is so hard, it's so bad. I wish I had a life to be hard. All right, well, I don't know, man.

Look, if it's so bad, why don't you crawl in one of these tombs? Huh? If it's no difference, if walking around, it's no difference, why not just go line of grave? Because there's, because Bohemian's still out there somewhere. There's more than I can be. Hey, so there's, because Bomi is still out there somewhere. There's more than that to be in. So there's a little bit of hope in your heart.

That's what I'm asking you to harness. Yeah. Put your last soul around that other than the, and not around the little flies hatching inside of you. Yeah, I mean, hard ones of vampire, you think it's gonna be okay. And it just so clearly isn't. What did you say about Loura?

Hey, chatting with friends, man. All right, I just, I'm ready to be part of the conversation when anybody wants me to come over. Oh yeah, wow, you're... If there's one fun thing to come out of this, think about this, we're kind of fighting like siblings, isn't that kind of nice? Dad, I look over at moonshine and he goes,

even though when I was lying to you the whole time, you still think of me like a brother. Yeah, heck, family's person who last you the most. I lie literally all the time. How do I just like, it's probably dangerously close to your neck? My brother, you can take a bite if you want, you ain't gonna like it.

That's just tempting. I'll make you a bushooter. Squeeze my paper clip. Food truck. No, not give him a taste. I'm gonna taste. He's gonna get into it. Wow, okay.

That's nice. It's just what's the palate. That's all. Okay. Revenants. Vampires. Scrum. Now, here's something interesting.

Vampires think we're out of your human remnants. Revenants say you won't kill vampires. If y'all have your heart set on hunting vampires rather than remnants. We do. Then, what if we told a lie this time together? Oh, I could certainly be persuaded. Yeah, maybe these remnants wanted a little invitation to the Montgomery Manor. I like where your head's at.

See what happens when you think positive? Damn, you got a good brain. Damn, we got good genes. I'm not coming from good stock. Great brain. I can see a little bit of it, right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that came off in the following.

Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. She's anyone see a chunk of skull around here somewhere? Bam, bam. Pop, pop. Scramble's over. Got it back in his mouth. I see it, his mouth. Give me out. Bam, bam. Bam. I'm sure of your nice then later uncle that I'll let you let you play his rib my ribs like a rainbow. Me! I immediately get back in my chest, Ben. See, sometimes you just got barred with that little rascal.

So you want to strike a deal with the Revenants? No, I mean, it could just be putting them against each other, right? Unless you're talking about striking a deal. I'm fine, either way. Yeah. The, um... Hmm. The Revenants may not be as wicked as I had first

intimated to you. They seem pretty creepy. Oh, they're, they're quite creepy. They have poor social skill. I would say that you're words, I'm not that wicked. Your words in tandem with their behaviors, what sold me that they were wicked?

They're opposing the vampires. They're, you know, when I say they're wicked, they're squares, you know, they're like, oh, they're wicked, like, ah, they're such a bad, they're, they're, you know, they're, they're, they're peeve some. If you want my brother, I'd be so happy. I'm gonna go ahead and roll that excited check.

Okay. That's gonna be a 17. Bev, you recall the moment you were about to strike that dude and you talked to Polore and he made your sword dim. I offered a prayer to Polore to guide me before I struck one of those revenants and my sword dimmed. That's never happened before I think we need to talk to them This has gotten so messy and if I wasn't so distraught about hard one I might be pitching a fit, but instead

Let's just yeah, yeah, what do you guys got against Polora? What do I guys buy? What's the same thing I got against all of them, guys? You know, you're walking around asking people, pray to you, give me prayers and it's like, well, what, what, what, what, what state of the world? Why do you need to prayer for? I mean, but you still fiddle a nip for Malora, right?

a nip for Melora, right? I believe that there is a force in the universe that is represented in people caring for one another. And if you want to call that force Melora, that you're welcome to do that. Wait, so do you, I mean, God is, God's a real, no, sorry, yeah, wait, let me flip that around. God's are extremely real, but I don't think they deserve worship and I don't like cool. So, I don't, well, I can't fault you for that.

There's been days that I've been angry at Melores in difference. All I know is that Polar gives me the power to write wrongs that I see in the world. Very real wrongs that I can fix with his power. And that's a power I wouldn't have otherwise. How do you know that? BetX another minute. This is a full minute.

How do you know that? How do I know what? You ever seen Polor come down to Bohemia and take an action on his own? I've seen his visage work through me. Work through you. I've seen. What do you call somebody who takes credit

for the work of others? It sounds pretty vampiric in a way, I guess. Yeah, I'd say so. Well, listen, this is a big question and it's great and I would love to have like a real solid round table about it, but I don't think now is the time to question the strength that I have in this moment. Well, if we're talking about the gods,

there's a church right over there and there's a bunch of revenants inside. Bev walks over to the revenant church. He's done with this. Yeah, let's do it. Hard one, you're welcome to come to the church if you want. However, I think it might not be safe for you. They don't like vampires like me, huh?

I think that you may be received poorly. I'll, I'll saunter over and I'll wait outside. I'll hide in a bush. Yeah. This has been a bad day for me. Can I just real quick? I just want to try something out real quick. I reach into his pocket and I take out a crawfish

and I offer it to him. No, don't do it. I've got moonshine. I don't do that on either way, I think. That's weird. OK. Yeah, no, that's OK. I just, I don't really have an appetite at the moment.

Right. Yeah, I wouldn't really do it. What't really have an appetite at the moment. Right. Yeah, I wouldn't What about to it? I I pull out the infinite beer mug. Oh, I'll have a swig in a bit. Okay. Thanks kid. Do you Don't want one right now? Oh, I don't want to lay it up the thirst either. It's fine. I Think it's just been a long day as long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go inside. Let's go inside Did I while we're walking over I I want to add a dead eye question. Those bullets yours that you got. Are those only for Revenants or is that sort of a, they work on anyone?

Did I flick the lid and take a closer look at them? Uh, go ahead and do a, uh, arcanochec, I guess. Okay. Uh, that is only going to be an eight, an eight. I guess. That is only gonna be an eight and eight. I mean, if bow is not bullshitting and somehow these have the power to actually like pierce revenants and take a, you know, a being who is supposed to be invincible essentially

and resurrect the next day. It stands to reason that it could possibly work on vampires. Here's a question. I know that you're not crazy about Polo or in religion and all that stuff, but if I were to offer a blessing to these bullets and see if I couldn't reverse engineer them to, uh, basically do what they were going to do to Revenants to vampires. Would you want to maybe team up on that? Bev, if you want to do some magic to my balls to make them hurt extra good, you are more than welcome to do that.

Can I do a religion roll? Yeah, go for it. Yeah, that's 23. 23 nice. Radiant energy comes out of your hand. These like white beams go down onto the bullets. They wouldn't be white They would be gray. Okay, so they're bullets. Yes, there you go. The gray energy goes into these bullets and at first it seems like It's just kind of like necrotic energy that's almost kind of trying to fight you But in the end it feels like you're able to, I don't know if overpower it is the right word,

but it seems like you did something. Like, when you got near these bullets, at first you were like, oh, evil thing, bad thing. And now they don't set off your evil stink quite as much. If you can't have faith in the gods, have faith in what you have, and I hand him the silver bullets. Dead Eye smiles, looks over and says, hey, I believe

in miracles, I believe in the people who work them. I don't need to have faith in poor. I have faith in you kid. I do a full and creditor hand paper. All creditor hand shake. And he, he's gonna like hit the box, whip open the chamber of his gun, and let the bullets fall into the holes in the gun and put it back in his holster. Hell yeah, with that. You're still pretty cool. I think that you guys all begin heading towards

our Lady of Penance to talk to the Revenants, the Knights of Penance, and that's where we'll end our session. Oh, man! Yeah! I got the vampire meal! Oh my god, the fucking vampire! And you started that, because I designed that to basically be, we could talk about this more

on the short rest, but you were not supposed to get into that fight, and I was like, can't get out of this fight without killing somebody. It just has to happen. There's just no, you just went into the mob bar, we're just like alcapone fuck you man you just you have to get shot and you alcapone simply have to get shot when I say fuck you though uh he said you he called them freaks and uh hard one really went off on them I don't really said I don't think I think I think I just declined their

offer to go up to the room right and do you remember hard one really went off on them. I don't really listen, I don't think. I think I just declined their offer to go up to the room. Red, do you remember hard one having some short words? I specifically remember saying not you Frank's. But hey, you know what, they had it come in and sometimes you know you got to go to Intel Components. Well, I definitely want to talk about this on the short rest because they're like come up to my room. So I have to be like, no, right?

We could run. We could have killed them in the room. You could have jumped out the window, could have not gone in the first All right, all right guys go to patreon.com slash nad pod. That's n-a-d-d-p-o-d Sure, Rast don't sing yet Guys we got stuff to plug Brandon. What do you got you can check out dimension 20 on dropout dot TV You can see episodes from season like Fantasy High or Murphy and Emily are

playing and you can see side quests and future seasons and tons of stuff. You can check out strongfimipartagonists.com's webcomic and you can see me in a bunch of college humor sketches. Molly Auster tech draws that. Molly Auster tech draws that and she's great. She's fucking rules. We do. We have to have Molly on Netpod. Yeah.

You should. She's great. Guys, check out me in Emily's sketch show. It's called Hot Date. It's on Netflix. You can also check out our book. It's called Hey You Up. How to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. Developable on Amazon and Audible.

Called on what you got. Ooh, you got kids. You like animation. If you're one of those two things, then watch Big City Greens. Yeah. Yeah, it's a show that I work on, on Disney Channel. You can get on Amazon or iTunes, or wherever a product is sold.

Hell yeah. And if people want to send us stuff, how did they do that? Oh, that's going to be 1920 Hill, or a staff, and you'll number 222, Los Feliz, California, 9-0-0-27. Nice. I love getting stuff. Thank you so much.

It's awesome. Yeah. Vampire spawned himself. Oh, come on. Thank you so much. It's awesome. Yeah. Vampire spawned himself. Oh, come on. What do you get to plug? Just my family businesses, brothercysterco.com and Jake's mumscookies.com and tweet at Murph and tell him he shouldn't have turned me into a vampire.

You're right. Brian, let me just say this. Technically the rule is if the target dies, a humanoid slain in this way is then buried in the ground and rises the following night as a vampire spawned under the vampire's control. The fact that you're just like basically kind of sort of working for them and our vampire is actually super forgiving.

Yeah, very cool. But you can forgive him for not letting Boundore shoot his gun. That wouldn't have been- That wouldn't have done anything. But it caused anor shoot his gun. That wouldn't have done anything. But it cost a little bit of distraction. That wouldn't have done anything. Maybe it would have caused the distraction or something.

Save the short rest. Um, uh, Mervras Jake. Uh, when it was Belnor. Where was Belnor? That's what I was saying. Where was Belnor? That's what I was saying. That I agree with.

That is a fair criticism. Feel free to tweet at me. Hashtag, where was Bound or? That's the wrong. You've mapped our scam. I did it. I did it, y'all. Guys, follow us on Twitter at CHMurf is me.

At called these call-doll, at the extra dimmily, at J.Core, which is Jake. Brennan, what's your Twitter? At Brennan, LM. Follow Brennan right now. We're all turning you into a vampire. No! Yeah!

Ah, and you guys are. Only if Balnor doesn't show up. Ha, ha, ha. Just save your fellow or the brain. He would have done it. And tweet about the show using hashtag nagpah. That's NADDPOD. We are, we are.

The youth of the nation. We are, we are. The youth of the nation, we are we are. Youth of the nation. It's the end of the show, everybody. And that means we need to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders. A benevolent UB. Starting with Brad D, the only Pepplepot that isn't Craven. When the Pepplepots go to the pool, Brad has to pack an extra bag of holding just for

all the sunscreen and floaties. Cute J-Lama 72 aka Steelbreaker, hard ones, gyms, inspiration. Unfortunately for hard ones, Steelbreakers been getting into one workout vampires can never do. Crossfit. Dylan B, a sword wielding wizard, surrounded by a floating army of blades at all times. It's kind of a hassle, but on the plus side, Dylan always gets an extra, an entire subway card to themselves.

Danny P. Bohumia's resident artist, painted hard ones senior portrait at the dwarf image. They also painted a fully nude version, which is only available to people who subscribe to Danny's Patreon. Spencer Caskbrew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, created the world's first alcoholic drink for vampires, which they aptly named Bloodwizer. You gotta go for it.

Griffin S.D.A.K. the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldritch Knight, an ex-owner of the Badgers pint in. Turns out the reason their tavern folded was because Griffin was trying to do a Raktat 2E thing, except with Badgers pint in. Turns out the reason their tavern folded was because Gryffin was trying to do a Raktad 2E thing except with Badgers, but then Badgers unionized. Solidarity Badgers. Beardman Dan, the longest beard in all of Bahumia. Beardman Dan has a separate tub just for bathing their beard and yes it is always clogged.

Scott D. Shadow fell's only restaurant critic. Unfortunately, they're also a vampire drain shell and recently gave Sandy's plate of soup for the team for a 15 and a half stars. Hermes W the bad king Hermes is actually a vampire who forgot how to turn back into their human form and decided to just roll with it. Ooh, Sparta's Bohumia's greatest fighter. Spartaas is like an uber at rush hour, because they're always action surging. Adam R, the R-rated assassin, recently did some unrated experimental avant-garde murders, which were very well received, because Adam also killed the critics.

Danielle the dastardly dame, a grim hawk vampire who pours salt into her victims' wounds after sucking them dry. It's kind of a beating of dead horse, which is another thing that Danielle does. QC, aka, how do a frostback, MVP of the giant wars, Crude on the SS Stormborn, and fought alongside Alice and Red, got super drunk and almost fell off the ship, but luckily, Dead Eye was there to catch them. Danielle U, aka Multifor, the many faced magician.

One of their faces is deathly allergic to mustard, but they can never remember which one. So every meal is pretty much a game of Russian roulette. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, just released an hour long chill wave track called Lofi hip hop beats to kill Van Pyrr's last short rest too. Jebri S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword and friend of cord, that's right, hard one you could have just asked Jeff to put in a good word with cord and have your mom set free. Hindsight's 2020, I guess. Cutter W. A high-off dandy turned Crick bark attack, recently installed the Cricks first skyscraper,

or as they're called their cloud-lickers. John S. A.K. Schubert, the mushroom, recently got a job as a no-m's umbrella. It might sound cute, but the hours are fucking grueling. Ryan M. Hardowen's Ram who died, but then came back to life, edge of tomorrow's style. Ryan has currently relived their death 4 million and 6 times. You got this ride, 4 million and 7th satcharm. Elena Cia, a goat person who studied hard, saved up all their money so they could finally pursue their dream of being brutally killed during a vampire blood rave in Shadowfell.

Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, was inspired by Crickwater and now features an entire huffable menu. Andrew M. A cool skeleton with a chainsaw that also needed the band of boobs help but accidentally slept in on the day of their arrival. Victor T. Bounder's boy whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world who will be there to come home to when Victor returns from the Great War. Just in eye an Esri City Pigeon with an urban dude from which magic exudes. Jacob C. the Bahumi and Cat Walker will leash train any tabaxi in three weeks or your money

back. Elena M. a high elf teen who has been sneaking out to party with the cricks against their parents wishes. Mick Pox the amazing co-master who programmed our website also does IT for Alonus when her little robo children are misbehaving. Earl and Kathleen L. too married vampires who are trying their best to wean themselves off human blood starting with mortalless Mondays. Jive G. A smooth talking possum whoum who taught Papa how to scramble with style. Jock Stretch, the Jock ostrich, a smooth-jockin ostrich who taught Papa how to play basketball.

Demi-l-r, ram Daniels, evil twin, loves, noles, and hates, white vans. Nicholas R. A.K.A. St. Crickless, Nicholas is making a list, checking it twice, because they're so buzzed on Crickwater they didn't retain much of the first time. Jennifer V. Hezavee, that's even more vicious than Cobbs. Cobbs is giving up trying to compete in this currently sporting a beer gut. Whoa, devastating. Destin, see a future legendary hero who was supposed to join the band of boobs, what was out of town when the boobs passed through. Better luck next time, Destin! Devin B. The Bodega lord, is protected by four

Gorgonzola golems, a baloney banshee, and a house cat. Cute. Michael L, the highest paid recording artist and galator on a religious rocker who loves acoustic jams and singing about the light. Sam H. Alonis's dealer, the bubble around Ezri, was actually created as a side effect from one of Sam's insane arcane

blackouts. Sergio Salazar Salamon Sakurai is de-sikwan, the seventh of his name a sexy proven snake folk with sweet snake patterns on his skin. Sergio is so sexy, you're charmed without even making a saving throw. Traylee the cray-fay who eats lays, a popular chip in Bahumia made from the bark of Crick Stumps in season with Paws of Hair. A-A-A-A-A-R-G Master of the Banishment spell works as a bouncer in Esri Banishing Stunkbub from the bar. Anytime it gets a little too hopped up on tapas. Jory S. Ajacked Wizard, Jory does Leg Day and Brain Day where they do telekinetic curls

to keep their mind ripped. Alucard, a reverse Dracula, really could have used you today! Alucard, come save hard one please. Baby Doc, the only doctor to ever perform their own C-section, also the only doctor to perform their own appendectomy or any surgery really, you know, baby doc, you should probably stop working on yourself. Adam H, a member of Bohumi is very own own, tween age, mutant ninja turtles, who lived beneath Gaglateron and survived by killing rats and doing karate and eating them.

Colin Chi, a druid who warged into Kaka and purposely crashed him into the side of a tree. Sorry hard ones. Ryan Hardwan's ram was also warged into by Colin and was sent charging off a cliff. Good luck, Ryan! Big buck, pregnant Elk moonshine's Elkin baby, the only Elkin they're heard with freckles. Richard F. Vampire misted, then accidentally floated into a meatlocker and froze to death. John W.G. introduced the Crick 2 Jenga, now young and everywhere making precarious stacks of tree trunks and playing around them. Troy McSee, Bohumius Marty McFly, who travels through time in a wish-thone-powered de laurion. Cannibalistic Hathulu started a recipe blog called The Cultured Cannibal.

This week's featured recipe, Human Allorange. Sam L. A teafling whose dark vision is so strong, they have to wear shade glasses. It looks very cool, but they actually can't get their driver's license because of it. Dom Arra, LaCroix, Genossi, like a water Genossi, except there's probably a whole bunch of chemicals in there. Josh S. The revived cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt, heard through the interplanar grape fine about hardwann and is wondering if cyborgs can become vampire spawn too. Blitzbrieg, Dmitri, owner of Dorgersers Big Borgger, instead of a ball pit they just have an actual

pit filled with rocks and bones. Caleb Storm, Cup Bearer, and Cords Great Hall, also Cords Cherry of Tear, which is to say Caleb's also in charge of boarding the lift. Nicholas C has started every single movie ever made in Bohemia, currently filming in Shadowfell with beloved Shadowfellian, F Fespian Ethan Grimhawk. Matt Ella Shadowfell teen that was about to pledge their body to Scarlet Montgomery until they saw Moonshine chew her out like that. Guess Moonshine did save a teen today.

Mike A. trunts the pottery barn in Grimhawk where they sell some really convincing get out of the mist Lanternock-offs. Kevin S. A kanku who moonlights us vampires Raven. It's demeaning, but hey, Kevin's partner just laid eggs, so it's time to start thinking about that couch fund. Matthew E, Brad owner of the biggest crick-water distillery in Bohemia, also serves a mean Mac and cheese sprinkled with brown stuff. Samuel B, lives in a bell-free in Shadowfell,

and just can't seem to keep all the bats out of it. Show you weighing it, Rodents! Till for G, author of the hit Children's Book, Alfgargo's punch, who just released the highly anticipated Dead Eye Goes Rogue. Guardian of the light, Zack H. Bohumius only Keyblade wielder lost their Keyblade, but luckily they just had copies made. Mischdi and Enlightened Drunken Master, Water Genocinamed Dach Alfa, who went on a juice cleanse to shed some water weight and disappeared. Curtis S. A short, skinny human who was hard ones bunk made at the dwarf image showed

hard one his first Newtie Mac. Colton B. Alignbacker at Shadowfell High, they've already been turned into a shell so they don't even bother with a helmet. Yens Christian T. The owner of JenslandL.com. Yens also worked with Blavin, but only on a picture of Margarita as an inflated nachos. Gage M, an engaging mage,

using the power of empathy, Gage's powers of listening and caring make other people feel seen and heard. Gage can also throw fireballs. Tiavana Serrigan, an Asimar Paladin who drunkenly swore a blood oath, but forgot what for. It might help you to retrace your steps or just start killing demons and see if that changes

anything. Best of luck, Tiavana! Aaron C. An incredibly strong, super douchey vampire who drinks their victims blood by shot gunning it. Hannah F. A Bohumian nanny who disciplines children by pulling punishments out of her bag of scolding. Devon T. Dead Ice Landlord. They're not crazy about all the blood runes on the walls, but think that the glass bottle garden will do wonders for the resale value. Mandana Monarch, a giant butterfly who is the size of Montana, used their massive proboscis to drain an entire corn syrup factory.

L&D and Necromancer, who uses their zombie minions as unpaid labor for their startup, that might sound evil to you, but the great break room has free brain, so it's actually a pretty sweet deal. Carboro Chapel Hill FPV, the Baron of Chapel Hill, currently plotting to overthrow the Deacon of Winston, and the Duke of Blue Devils in attempt to finally cement their rule over the entire research triangle. Chad A. Ethief, who uses the world's longest dagger.

Don't call it a sword though. The last guy that did that got stabbed from across the room never saw it coming. Reese NS, a deadly archer who can use anything as an arrow once killed a man 200 yards away with a barbed quip. TJM, a superhero in Bohumia, but like a Marvel comic one, TJ feels super out of place. RPKB, a defective frost-win iron dwarf, has been running into the same wall over and over for the past three weeks. Taylor SAKA, trust the traveler, Taylor's special powers include writing down deep thoughts

in a moleskin on a high-speed train and collecting cocktail bar matchbooks. Anime intellect, the wisdom of all manga and anime collected into one gaseous mist that hovers over Gladehome. Zolo Dolo and astronautin Bohumiya, but you didn't know Bohumiya was part of a rich, interplanetary system. Josh S, a vegetable farmer in the Feywild. Their crops are constantly getting spoiled by their neighbor's sugar and chocolate pesticides. The rest of J.A. a retired gunslinger who retrofitted their old weapon to be one of those shot squirters. It's terrifying at first, but super fun when you realize it doesn't have bullets in it. Genevieve F, try to rescue the boy king

from Galatoron by holding hands with him, jumping off a cliff, and aiming for the bushes. RIP, boy king, and RIP, Genevieve. Dylan, CM, the toughest brawler at the Blumana Inn. So probably only like the third toughest dude at most bars. Kelvin Noodles, the pasta elemental has spaghetti for hands and you guessed it, meatballs for genitals. Be money, Boundeur's hip hop alter ego, Boundeur's new album straight out of an alternate timeline

where the band of boobs were killed to set to drop this summer. Andrew A lives inside a cursed sword, but it has an open floor plan and a balcony. Jay, Balnor's old fishing buddy from his halfling village. How's it hanging, Jaybird? Heartless master, a sadistic freak who eats crawfish without finishing the brown. CC Lulu, owner and proprietor of Lulu grapes, Bohumiya's premier sportswear company for no-mish women, and that's it for this week folks. Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you.

You can head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod to listen to the short rest, and we'll be back next week for another episode. Bye-bye. Bye, Sweeties. guest.