Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 85: Rogue Gods (The Hellfire Chronicles)

Episode Date: January 2, 2020

The Band of Boobs join their allies and hatch a plan to deal with Akarot's "hollow goddies." Hardwon becomes Ulfgar's wingman, Moonshine feeds an army, and Beverly faces his nemesis yet again. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects Include:"Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Medieval Marching and Chanting" by Yap Audio Production at Freesound.org."War Drums" by Taira Komori at Freesound.org."Rumble" by Tim Kahn at Freesound.org."A Wizard Tournament" by Emily Axford."Gladeholm" by Emily Axford."Blessings of the Elementals" by Emily Axford."Qwiksus" by Emily Axford."Lucanus Aer'tea" by Emily Axford."Escape Smuggler's Bounty" by Emily Axford."Unknown Tome" by Emily Axford."The Valiant Ol' Cobb" by Emily Axford."Deal with a Devil" by Emily Axford."Wish Stones" by Emily Axford."Alanis" by Emily Axford."Demigod" by Emily Axford."Into the Fire" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone. Bahumia. Bahumia. Bahumia. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwitz.

Hard one, sure foot. Emily Axford. Moon Shines Avin, electrifying, quick, coming after your lit bitch. Oh, threatening. And of course, called Waltanner. Beverly Tocquelled the fifth warrior of the dusk, slayer of the husks.

Ooh, okay. I hope, I hope so. We shall see. Fingers crossed. Guys, it has been a minute, happy new year to all the knuckles out there. Happy two year, I said. Yeah.

Happy two year. Beautiful. It's been a long time. So there are a lot of twos in this year. That's right, you're the boob. It's actually a double crit. It's the year of the boobs. We gotta keep going until 2022. It's the year of the double crit.

Best year of all of our little, okay. Man. Beautiful. Roll with advantage and it crit twice. 2020 roll with advantage. That's great. Shit. Check our store.

Check our store. We already, it's already up. It's first item in the store from our D&D lifestyle brand. Yeah. Sweet guys, it has been a minute, so let's do a little recap. Love it. Last time you guys faced the Lich Akarat as he attempted to resurrect dead gods and send them to wreak havoc on the material plane.

After carving through his acolytes, you were able to stop the teleportation of half of the six gods, but the other three made it through. One was a large monster that looked like a gargoyle, another, a green gooey poisonous mass of eyeballs, and the last was some kind of dinosaur siege monster. You defeated Akarat here, but Alonus warned you that the battle was not over. Akarat didn't need to be the ruler of hell to control the rogue gods, now that the ritual was completed. You then had to decide who would wear the Hellfire crown in Akarot's place and decided on Pendergreens.

The logical choice. Munchankast Agayas spell on him, ordering Pendergreens to banish all of the souls that were being held here against their will, then close every layer of hell except the first. Pendergrain's gifted moonshine, the blessing of his essence, cursing her sword so that he could speak to her at any time. And with that, he banished you back to the material plane where three rogue gods, controlled by Akarat, prepare to destroy all that you hold dear and that's where we are now. Well, that can't happen.

Mm-hmm. Beverly, you say that as you guys land in the whisper wood. You guys... Oh, in the whisper wood, okay. Yeah, you guys appear with a lawnus on the material plane and you find yourselves... So we're near Gladehome. Yes, you're in the woods just outside of Gladeholt You see crystalline trees with unnatural colored leaves purples and blues and oranges There are still some Crick Elves living out here and you can see some bonfires you hear by choice right?

Yeah, you see it's there are way less people living out here, but it is also a Magical forest like yeah, it seems like a good life so people living out here, but it is also a magical forest. Like, yeah. Yeah, no, it seems like a good life, so long as there's the opportunity to live in Gladiol. Yeah, you see Kooter pokes his head out of a magical tree house and goes, ah, Moonshaw, where'd you come from? Hey, Kooter, I came from hell.

Hell. Oh, damn, you see he sipped some tea. Wow, that's messed up. Install the new leader in my stead, but I'm probably doomed to go there. Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. Hey, your mama and your daddy just came through a little bit ago with Ocar, yeah.

Oh, good. Yeah, sick. Yeah, he was riding your daddy. He was riding some kind of weird worm, saying, excelsior or something, it was weird. We're actually new. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he does that all the time. Interesting, interesting. Yeah, all right, Cuder. Well, I'm gonna go rendezvous with them

But everything good out here. Yeah, we're just seeing any I don't know giant evil dinosaurs dinosaurs Hey, babe, have you seen any gooey was it gooey eyeballs gooey eyeballs John Donasaur's as well. You see his new high-elvin wife Sparilla pokes her head out and she goes yes, Barilla you go my love. I have not seen any giant dinosaurs or gooey eyeball monsters Oh, it's that kind of teeth damn look at good or slum in it. Yeah, I was gonna say, Sprily, you are positively glowing. Thank you so much. I'm living a wild life out here.

Yeah, I gotta be honest, a fresh air is good for that complexion. Hi, I'm so happy. I'm sure you had that high-elf paler. Yeah. I love your chimineia. You really made a beautiful patio out here. Thank you, yes. You can just, the woods are magical.

I can't believe us high-elves weren't living out here. Look at this. You see, she just starts kicking into the wall and just breaks off part of their house. Kudor helps her lay out some branches and it just starts growing a new bedroom. Oh, are you trying to tell us something? We're renovating, yeah.

Oh, okay, just renovating. In addition, I didn't know if it was addition to the house and it was just a family. Oh, I don't know, are you, my friend? Me, it Spurilla. It's quite difficult. You really guys communicate. I else to conceive,

but I suppose your crick sperm could be so potent. Wow, she just said sperm. She just said it. Really go into the castle. You see, a lot of this is just like running through a million things in her head and she goes like, okay, no, this seems super weird to be out here talking to Kooter,

but actually, you guys need your rest anyway. We need to all be rested up before we do this. I got a question, okay. And I'm gonna run it by my dad, because actually he's here, but I'd like to ask you of it. I was thinking of maybe borrowing the thinking cap. You can certainly speak to your father about it.

I think he would allow it. Yeah, these are pretty extreme circumstances. All right, then let's go find him. Yes, I need counsel from mom on myself. All right, well, it's up to you guys. If you want my advice, I think hunker down, get some sleep immediately, and then let's meet up first thing in the morning,

all round everybody up. I can head into town right now. I can warn Erdan, have him send out messages to the other free cities, make sure the guards are on high alert, I can try to find the God, see where they're located, figure out our next plan, I don't, Akarot's not just gonna show up without thinking

and start blowing stuff up, and if he does, I'll come get you. Hey Kudir, can you get Alana some tea? She looks pretty sleepy. Yeah, he chucks a full mug of hot tea out. Oh, sorry. Shit. I should probably come down and bring that to you.

Let me make another pot. Oh, wow, this tea cup's just magically reforming though. That's nice. It starts to come back together. I mean, I whisper into my cursed sword to Panda Greens and I say thanks for dropping us in the whisper wood. Oh yeah I figured if Trump was screwed up and laid home you guys might want to be like right outside of it.

I'm kind of a tactical genius. Yeah I gotta say you showing a little bit of heart there huh. Oh they call me the betrayer but maybe the only thing will betray. It's what a nice guy. What a nice guy. I get to train expectation. I'm a train expectation. Very good. Wow.

Well, thank you. Never been so happy to be wrong. Hey, well, thanks for making this guest room. Could you remind if we put it to use? Yeah, I could have asked. Oh yeah, y'all are welcome to come in here and stay in our new weird guest room if y'all want. Yeah, that'd be wonderful.

You know what, I wouldn't even for our super trance. So I'm going to do something slightly inconvenient for, well, I guess just Beverly. Drum, I'm going to wake you up in the middle of the night and make you eat meal. Okay. Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, you're gonna have to do sort of a midnight snack

and then you can go back to bed. Okay, so we're both gonna, we're both gonna, that's what you do when you're in a night bowl. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, okay. My dad used to do that. He would get up and get a midnight snack. Well, you know, we're keeping the tradition alive.

That's right. Yeah, Mujan and I will wake you up after four hours. Hard one passes out for nine hours. Over sleeps. Yeah, Alana sends you guys off. You guys climb a rope ladder into Kutur's tree house. And Alana waves to you guys and she goes, I'll let them know about the flactory too

and I'll help Erdan get to work on trying to remove that. Also, I got some snow glopes from hell as souvenirs so if you could pass those along. What do you want to just give it to them yourself tomorrow? Yeah, that's probably a good call. All right, well I'll see you guys first thing in the morning, meet me at the castle. Okay, all right, we'll do.

You see she disappears. Okay, I go into a trance, but then at four hours, I make a hero's feast, wake everyone up, shove it down their throats, and then go into another trance to get my spells lots back. Great. Yeah, you see, um, Kooter walks in while you're cooking the heroes feast. Oh, well, what you're making there? Mind if I have a little bit of that or? Yeah, absolutely, Kooter.

Kooter, you want to come to battle? Do I want to come to battle? I've never seen you on the field. I don't know what sort of a... I'm a little bit of a medic. I can help out, you know, hand it out potions or applying salves and whatnot. That's kind of my thing.

You know what, you have always been a man of the people and I think that you should come with us. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. 18. 18? You see, I once heard that in times like these, everyone needs to go to battle, even old men. You see, Balnor looks up super tearfully and Koot looks down at Boundor, then looks at you and goes,

I don't really know the significance of that phrase, but yeah, I mean, fuck it. Sprill is a cool five leaf town for a couple days. I don't know how long you think we'll be gone. Yeah, a couple days. A couple days. All right. Well, I'm not much of a warrior, but I do have a little bit of medicinal training. So if anybody gets knocked out or anything, I can maybe look around and maybe we can scrounge up some fancy high-elf armor for you. Oh, great idea. I don't know if I'm proficient in things, if that makes sense. Maybe we can get you like, you know what? I'm not just be inviting you into a bad fate. Maybe you should enjoy us. It's up to you guys. I'll come along. I don't give a shit. I think I wanted to give you a chance to shine because I know that you're strong, dude.

Oh, thanks. I think you'd look great in like a white frock, you know, kind of like a Florence night in Galvive. Just running around. Yeah, Kooter night in Galv. Yeah, I'll like a Florence night in Galvive. Just running around. Yeah, Cudder night in Galv. Yeah, I'll wear a frock. All right, I'll start packing up things. Get this guy a frock. You see Cudder starts backing his things. Okay, we got Cudder loaded up with some potions.

Is it the middle of the night? Are we eating dinner? What's going on? Yeah, but Cudder also is partaking of the hero's piece. Yeah, Cudder had dinner. Yeah, because I think it's up to 10 people. Hey, Sasparilla. I'm with just Sparilla. Oh, so pardon me pardon me I thought it was short for Sasparilla It's I got a I got a feast if you want a partake. You'll have a really good day tomorrow

I would love to have some do you want some top-aware in case you need some of this later or anything? Absolutely, is it cool that we're eating this in bed? Isn't that normal amongst the Crick people? Yeah, that's pretty much where I eat all my meals. I'm still checking. It's not because we could have a dining room if we wanted to, it's just fun to eat in bed. It's absolutely fun.

And then like sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night, yummy dream crumbs. Exactly. So how many people can you do for a hero's feast? Up to 12 other creatures. Wow. Sweet, Kudur and Spirilla also give you guys some type of wear so that you can have a hero's feast later. Ooh. Yeah, we might meet like, I don't know, five birds or something. We want to be really strong. Or maybe other warriors. We'll see. So you guys should have a bunch of food in your mouths

in the middle of the night. You guys finish sleeping. Hard one, Francis is full nine hours. I think it is. Oh, God, am I well-trained. Yeah, let's say I couldn't wake him up. So when he wakes up in the morning, then I give him the Tupperware.

I prefer the eggs cold. She tried to sleep feed you, man. It was weird. So the next morning, the sun rises. It is day. Okay. So I guess like, we don't have a lay of the land as to like what's going on.

I don't know how we're gonna find these things. I guess we'll get to the castle first. Yeah, let's talk to the castle. See we can borrow the thinking cap, see we can find Lucana Simema and Mama Sweet, you guys head into Gladehome. You see the troops here are all on high alert. They're all rushing into action You see high elven warriors in elegant armor lead new Crick-Elf recruits in morning drills You see the druids of the old folk circle confer with arch wizards of the academy. You rush to the castle with its elegant water garden

soon to be water park. Wow, the slides really coming in. Yeah, you see that there are some high-elven generals sitting on floating leaves like a lazy river looking over a map. It looks so dangerous, I can't wait to go on this. You guys also see the symbol of Gladehome, this silver tree with frayed branches reaching up towards the sky. You guys are recognized by some guards who quickly usher you into a war room within the castle. It's got a full glass wall that looks out onto the ocean, tall ceilings and walls lined with books. There are various arcane readers, trackers, and devices throughout the room. It's part war room, part study, part lab.

You see in the center of the room, there is another one of these bowls that Alonus uses to make projections, but this one is much larger. It looks to be the size of... It's like a bathtub. It's like a dining room table. It's huge. It looks like it was specifically made for a council to stand around it and discuss battlefield strategy. And you see a bunch of your friends here. You see that Alonus is here, along with Erdan and Mama,

and you also see Mima, Lucanus, and Ulfgar. You see the latter three, especially Lucanus and Mima, snap their heads towards you. Moonshot! Moonshot, I'm so glad you're all right. Mima runs over and gives you up. Mima, I'm so glad you're all right. I mean, Ulfgar broms me, you're gonna be okay,

but it's good to see you. Yeah, we had a crazy time There were these Well, you know, I was blown off into astral space. You see he narrows his eyes at Alonus I'm sorry, okay, I had a plan and sometimes things get screwed up. It's not my fault man. Get off my back And Lucanus goes I tried to get a few cracks in it, one of those angels that was going after Ulfgar and I was- Birds, you made.

Birds, yes. And I misjudged where I was going and I ended up getting caught in the vortex of one of these portals, but luckily your mother and Ulfgar followed me and the three of us were able to get out together. Good, wow. And damn good to see you guys. Yeah, it really is. It's good to see you all. And you're all healthy.

You're all healthy. Let me check them for soft spots. You start checking them for soft spots. They look all good. They look like they rested and stuff. This is a side for so far. You guys see Alannus waves you guys over to join her at the projection pool. You look in and you guys see a map of

Bohemia. There's the main continent which is shaped. It kind of looks like Australia but it's a bit thinner in the middle than the large mostly uninhabited continent that's above it. that's the frigid north. You see the free cities, Gladehome, Hillhome, Frostwind, and Irondeep are marked in blue, while the eastern side of the continent, including Galatoron and Esri, are marked in white to show chosen occupation. You see that in the mountain ranges, connecting the east side of the continent to the west, there are markers for chosen troops who have set up war camps, basically just waiting for an opportunity

to travel through and attack the nearby city of Iron Deep. You also see that south of Hillhome behind another group of mountain ranges are the ruins of Osmovia, the fallen orcish city. There is no marker on that one. It fell to Akira. You see Alonus pipes up and she goes, the city of Osmodia fell when we took out Osmodius the first time. We cleared it out when we went through the hell portal, the first time we killed Osmodeus.

Has there been any activity there since, and I accidentally touched the puddle. You touch it, just all turns to smoke. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. That's like a half hour ritual. If you cannot touch that. I'll give you a help action. Does it in 15 minutes, everyone stands around weirdly.

Ulfgar goes and gets like some finger sandwiches. Yeah, I was gonna say there better be like a plate of croissants. Yeah, I think it's another hero's feast. No one's gonna eat this, I love it. You have a hero's snack, yeah. And you see Alonus goes, the Halflings in Hill Home have reported works in the area. It is likely that they're gathering there.

have reported orcs in the area. It is likely that they're gathering there. So anyway, acroats, gods, aka the hollow goddess are extremely powerful. I did some research last night based on their physical descriptions. And while there's very little information about them, I was able to find some. These beasts are thousands of years old and most of what is known about them, I was able to find some. These beasts are thousands of years old,

and most of what is known about them is just retellings of oral traditions. Somebody just wrote down stories that someone had told them long ago. So take everything I say here with a grain of salt because we don't know much. It's myth, but myth usually represents some truth. Exactly.

So the bubbling slime monster that we saw is a monster that was once known as the Jubilix, an ancient faceless monster and devourer of men. You guys see an image of this green ooze monster with dozens of bloodshot eyes dripping with toxic steaming goo. It's attacks are highly poisonous, it brings plague and disease that can spread rapidly, and it's known to absorb its incapacitated foes into its body. We also believe it can change form because it was spotted in the Iron Deep Mountains by a scout but then quickly disappeared. Could it take the

form of a human? The scout party said that it just disappeared into thin air. So it could have teleported, it could have taken a gaseous form, it did not sound like it transformed into a human. You see she places a marker, like a black marker, to denote an ack or ot sighting near iron deep. And she goes, unfortunately, these gods are super powerful and have some kind of arcane block where I can't scry on them directly. And this one has been extremely hard to track because it can change forms so we don't have an exact read on it last known sighting near the Iron Deep Mountains. Okay. The next god is the gargoyle looking one. This one was once a

demon lord named Fraze or Blue. This one is the most humanoid like and has the greatest command of magic. It too can change shape and hide its true form, but I did catch it for a brief moment in the ruins of Osmodea. I was able to track it there. She places a black marker there. Since the halflings have reported sightings of Orch's gathering here. We can assume Akarat is using this body as the general of his army. Is Akarat ever eliminated by the intelligence of the bodies that he inhabits? You see Alonus thinks about it first sec. Let me go ahead and do a history check for her, not fucking 20. Yes, I do think he is limited by the type of body

that he chooses. I think this demon lord is most likely going to be the one that he's able to speak through, that he's going to be able to control the easiest, the other ones he did succeed with the ritual. So I'm sure he will have command of their bodies, whether or not they'll be able to speak. I don't know.

But there's a chance he might succumb to their primordial rage and be unable to control them a little bit. I doubt he will lose control a little bit. I guess I'm more interested, yeah, to find out if he can be commanding an army as a giant monster or if he would be limited. So that's a good answer. I do think that the reason this demon lord

is down in Osmovia is because there's a bit of politicking going on. Oh, it's rallying the truth. I think the other ones are going to be more straight on attacks. Okay, thank you. The last monster is the most fearsome, a legendary god of destruction known as the

Tarask. The stories say that the monster is impossible to kill and is immune to magic. Okay, so where's that one? Right. It's immune to magic. Again, it's a story. It's likely an exaggeration, but there could be some truth to it. It's just like it doesn't get sick during flu season. That sort of thing. Perhaps, yeah. And then to answer your question, hard one. That one, we've been able to track directly to the frigid north.

That one has not changed form at all. That one, you see she points to an uninhabited area of the frigid north east of Frostwind, and you see she flicks her finger in a black marker appears. And this one, unlike the other ones that are static, that are just like assumed locations of these monsters, this one is like moving ever so slightly. Which direction is it headed? It looks to be headed towards Frostwin. Oh towards Frostwin. It's not there yet. No, it is not there yet. Okay, so we've we've sent messages to all the free cities and the Frostwarves are gathering Matt at the wall. I ask an uncouth question.

Is there a way to get this most fearsome creature to go after Esri or one of the places that is chosen? I'm not proud to ask that question, but I, you know, it's... I think we've got to be thinking of any and every strategy available at our disposal. Yeah. I think Accot is going to be careful not to equally attack the chosen and the free cities. I think he sees where this is headed. He sees that we're the underdogs. He's trying to squash us quickly. So then he can at full force fight the Allah. He wants to erase us from the equation. Okay, so because of Acarot's guidance, we could not try to stick this bad guy on the olive. I imagine the olive sitting this one out, just waiting to see what happens.

That is a big part of the problem. Yeah, you see, Ulfgar looks at the map. You've always known that he has had kind of like a crush on Alonus, so you see he like folds his arms and tries to sound really smart and he goes yeah some and do butably so I would oh Oh my goodness and you see Alonist backs up and she goes like I think you're cool just talk how you

talk it's cool you're a super smart battle master you you know your way around a battlefield, just be yourself. Yeah, no, I was doing that, I say indubitably all the time. Well put, well put, yeah. Yeah, I think you are going to say indubitably myself. This is how hard one and I talk, that you see him just eyes pleading. Indubitably, yeah, for Suisse, my good man.

Oh, yeah, I just, I heard Earl Flars say indubitably a bunch of times. Yeah, you see, Mima nods, indubitably yeah for Suisse my good now. Yeah, I should I heard Earl Flars say indubitably a bunch of times Yeah, you see Mima nods. Mm-hmm indubitably. Yeah quite quite right. Yeah Mima side-eye slu-cottis as she goes indubitably and look at us goes you all the Adam everyone. It's fine Everyone's smart here. That's why we're here. We're all indubitably smart. Ah yes. The hottest, pretty hulture tongue. Ha ha. Now that's normal, he talks like that. There you go. Yeah.

You see, Ulfgar after he's done kind of like blushing, he clears his throat and he goes, yeah, that's going to be a problem for Iron Deep. If one of these gods is near the city, it's likely that as soon as it attacks, the chosen will use this as an opportunity to attack our troops there. So, is iron deep the greatest threat in the greatest threat right now? Alonus goes, or is this most fearsome monster the greatest threat?

I think right now everything is pretty bad and I think we got to divide us up and we need to tackle each one of these things individually. Mama my queen. Yes my champion. War blood, those are my veins. I will fight for you. Where do you send me? You see, she hops up to your chest and puts her head against yours. You honor me. Let us talk about the best course of action. And then I shall decide where to dispense you my champion.

For I know that loose end will be tied up. I live to serve you. You see Erdan speaks up and he goes, well, if Akarat's phylactory is in the all-caster, someone will need to take care of that. I can handle that. Mama, if you would join me, perhaps warn the people of the city, then I can teleport the city, land it somewhere safe, then dispel the Allcaster and get to work performing a ritual to remove Akarats's essence from it.

Erdan, I have a question. Yes. I was wondering if I could borrow the thinking cap. I... I'm, of course, I defer to your wisdom. I do not ask for any greedy reason. I ask because I think it could help. But if you think it's a bad idea, I'm not going to press it.

You see, Lucanus looks at you and then looks at Erdan and goes, come on, man, let her have it. Go ahead and roll. Hey persuasion check with advantage. 17. 17. Erdan kind of scratches his head. He looks uncomfortable.

He goes, well, I suppose the magic artifacts here haven't exactly been kept safe. I actually think it would be much safer in your hands. I ask that you please return it after after this. Absolutely, I have no interest in this belonging to me, only in it belonging to the elves. Also, I'm gonna make a cute little chin strap so it definitely stays on my head. Oh, that's smart. See that you do. Yeah. Also, it's a cool if I modify it by adding a chin strap. Look how this goes.

Tell her it's fine. It's fine. Oh, I suppose, yes, okay, fine. You can put a chin strap on it. I wish you pretty moonshine. I love you customizing. Thank you so much. I've got some ideas.

I wanna keep the brim stiff though. Absolutely, yeah. Keep the sun out of your eyes. Yeah, yeah. And I'm going to weave the tags on. You see Lucana's folds his arms and looks at the map and goes, I would be able to teleport someone or a party if we needed to get down to Asmodea or iron deep or frost wind.

And you see Mima speaks up and she goes, if you could get me down near hill home, we could warn the halflings down there, I could wild shape and sneak around osmodea, see what's going on, get some info on what's going on there. Make sure we're not in immediate danger. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll go where we're sent, but I would love to know that Hill home will be safe You see Mima Put your hand on your shoulder and she goes young and I promise you not a hair on any of those halflings is gonna be hurt Even the Pebble Pots?

Well, I mean, you're gonna be like a priority list for sure, but like, do your best. I'm just saying, if harm comes to the Pebble Pots, it might be for the good of the half of folks. Yeah, I can see the Pebble Pots using human shields. Right, these are hard times. I'm gonna say, not a hair hurt on anybody, maybe a few Pebblebble pod hairs are hurt,

but not outright killed. Pebble pots aside, I want someone to make me the same promise for Iron Deep. There's good dwarfens there. Yeah. You see, off-gar raises his axe, points it at you, hard one, and goes, Iron Deep is my home.

I can rally the troops there and make sure that the chosen don't get in and if the Jubilix shows up in the mountains, I'll be there to fight it. And do it, please. And tell them. And do it, please, sir. Tell them, Dwarfins, I got a hot pot of cash for them after at the end of all this. Oh, yeah. Illegal vampire gold.

Yeah. Well, I hope the Dwarfans aren't out fighting in the mountains But I wouldn't put it past the people who run the doorfinish. No, there's some there's some fuckers And we they got some wily Dorphans do I know I know one of them grown up Hard to inshed the deer I just want to say though like bev Bev, if you, and obviously hard one knew us well, but Bev, if you want to go to hell, that is perfectly within your right.

I think we're long past doing what we want to do. Now is the time to do what we need to do. Yeah, I mean, I certainly understand but that's I hold myself to that standard But I don't hold you to that standard. Why do you think I hold myself to that standard? Who do you think taught me? Stop I shove I shove a little hero's face in mouth So much of it falls in the pool I use the chunks of the pool Just gonna let those home fries go to waste

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm just gonna let those home fries go to waste. They're a little wet, that's fine. They're good when they're soggy. You see Alonus goes, I could join Wolfgar in Iron Deep if what is... I wouldn't smile. Indubitably.

Excellent strategy. We all give little thumbs up behind Alonus's back. An excellent strategy man. I've got Wolf olfgard. You absolutely don't need to talk like that olfgard school. This just comes natural to it. It's just normal so I do. But if any part of what we know about the Tarask is true,

then my magic might not be much of an effect against it. And if the chosen want to try to sneak in through the mountains, I can make it rain boulders on them. Okay. I mean, I am also magical. I might not have much to offer to the to ask, but your magic comes from the land. I feel like you could. Yeah, that's right. I can make the fucking earth angry at it. Yeah. Yeah, you see me. I start to get pumped. We can make it. Earth angry. That's right. That's right. That's right. I'm going to get the trees. The trees going to be so nasty. The trees going to be so mean.

And tree spanking. You dirty, Druid. Damn. That's right. Go dirty on this, Donald. You ain't never met a dirty spellcaster. And you see me, Ma goes, and I can get a message out to Cobb. I know he's out in the Iron Deep Mountains. I can. Uh, I can just keep it's like shifts in the night. We just keep missing Cobb.

Uh, I can have him bring a team to the city in case anything happens there while the, uh, while the troops are out. I'm just going to have some tails to tell. Yeah, he really is. That open mic night is going to be like a four hour event. Oh, it's going to be a full HBO special. that open mic night is going to be like a four hour of that. It's going to be a full HBO special. All right. So I guess that means that we are headed for this dinosaur. You'll be the team that helps frost when fight the harass. Okay. That one thing we're we're here in

Glade home. May we borrow a champion? I think we get a little bigger. Yeah, I got a hero's feet left over. And I know someone who might be able to really bring that hero's appetite. Yeah, you see Erdan turn to you and he goes, yes, anything we'd we'd love to help you in any way that we can. We want Madverse. Yeah, we've got half of a foot long sub with his name on it. You see, Lucana puts his hand on his chin and looks thoughtful and goes, huh, well today

should be his first day of class. So he's probably still in his room, right? Well, he's teaching the class now. He's the new sorcery professor. Yeah, but he's probably still asleep. Yeah, perhaps you could be still asleep. If you go to the university, we'll send a message to set you up with the thinking cap

and you can speak with Mavers and see if he'll join you. Okay. All right. How does that sit with y'all? Oh, let's go find that on school teacher. Yeah. All right, let's beat feet. Wait, before we head out, I have one last thing I need to do.

Okay. I rush over to Ulfgar real quick, and I fish my orb of recording out of my bag and say, you see Arlin, just giving this. Hopefully, I'll be able to explain what's on it later, but if not, I just wanted to have something for me. Indubitably. I totally understand how this thing works. Indubitably, sir. Yes. Indeed. Yes.

I shall take this technology with me. Ah, indeed. In the end of the tree. Of the highest regard. Yes. I will deliver it to Ireland if I see him. And Wolfgart, if there's someone that you care about, and they care about you, don't let that slip away. See, uh, Wolfgart gives a little side eye to Alonus and then looks at you and goes, I don't know what you're talking about, but cool, hard one nods, be very brave.

Three. Zips and lips. Quite fairly, sir. I, I, I, I send Handy Andy to kind of like, um, brush down Wolfgart's hair and kind of like crimp him for his long travels with Alonus. They're going on a business trip. Yes, definitely. He looks really good. So you guys rush out of the castle and make your way down to the university. You see that as you guys are out amongst the Elven warriors and the trainees, you see

pop-up perks up. Me here? What is it, boy? Me here. Okay, I gotta tell you, pop-up, we got business to attend to. You can't just be falling ever, see me if you can. Me, me, me, me, me, me, you're an astral the Ray-A. Me here.

What? You smell the baker, you want to go steal some food, table scraps? Right here. You see he gets down out of your bib, and he scrambles away. And you understand him because he's your familiar. But he says, I have a surprise. I'll meet you guys at the university. Oh.

You have a surprise? Right here. I hope it's more eggs. All right, y'all. I think Papa's getting us something monogrammed. Let's go. Yeah. New jerseys.

Yeah. So you guys run across the Long Bridge to the university and burst into the doors of a classroom where Maveris, the unschooled, Zach, you may say hello. Hello. Maveris, the unschooled, is in the middle of teaching his first class. On the chalkboard, we just see his name written Maverick's The Unschooled is in the middle of teaching his first class. On the chalkboard, we just see his name written Maverick.

Oh my god, is he wearing a tie? Yeah, but like super loosely. He's wearing it around his head though. Awesome. And there's a bunch of young students in robes, in attendance. All right, you're going to want to take your textbooks, right? And open them to just kidding. Rip them in attendance. All right, you're gonna wanna take your textbooks, right? And open them to just kidding, rip them in half. Oh, you see the high-offs,

look amongst each other confused. Rip your, you have to rip your textbooks in half. Yes, sir. They try to rip them, do it. I go in. So just really give me that one. Give me that one. We paid a lot for these hands.

Just dig a knife into it. Just dig a knife into it. You dig a knife into it. One guy goes, any textbooks you have rip in half. Not just for this class. He's turning education on his head. I love this. This is so anti-establishment. Mavericks, what is up?

Oh, thank God. I walked down an aisle ripping every kid's schoolbook and have. Thank you. Yeah, I find a hile who was trying to avoid doing it, and I rip it for him and throw it out of desk. This cost me so much money. Hey, your first lesson is learning how to use the min spell. Hey, oh, I jump up on a desk.

I thin, forget it. Whoa. Oh, God, I was halfway through a lesson where I got to be honest, I was wearing this tie at the beginning of the class. I started sweating, full-flop sweat, because I felt the true panic of someone who realized I made a huge mistake. You seem really nervous for someone who's acting so cool. Oh, sometimes you have to just fake, fake it till you make it.

And thank God, let's get out of here. Yeah. Perfect. This is perfect. We came here thinking we were gonna have to talk you out of being a teacher. I'm enjoying this. You kidding me?

Hey, you know what, class, your homework? Write this down? Yes, sir. Didn't you wait, all of their pencils are broken. Oh shit. Okay, well, remember this. Don't write it down. Find a truly perfect leaf and

surf that bad boy out into the middle of the lake and never come back to school. I can give me a persuasion check. I give him a hell of action. 23. 23. Yeah, you see like 80% of the class starts cheering and runs out in the hall. And you see a couple others just kind of slowly gather their books. You have a really good rating on Rate My Preferred. Wow.

Yeah. Straight up, like Wizard Society. I think I've made a huge mistake. What were you guys doing? Well, OK, here's the deal. We are going on a very dangerous adventure and we thought that maybe we could convince you to risk your life and everything that means anything

to you for our cause. And you don't have to be a teacher for a little while. I'm in. All right. Okay, again, I mean, I had a whole spiel, but you know, well, I mean, you can tell me the bullet points on the way, but I'm in.

Kind of just a, you know, general heroics. The greater good stuff about that thing about that a couple times. Generally risking one cell for the future of Bohemia. We're also gonna beat up a dinosaur. You guys see as you're talking to Oh yeah, that is what. You guys see, as you're talking to Maveris, suddenly you had kicked open the doors to go and talk to him and then they had closed. You see Papa scrambles in from under the door panting.

Rian, rian, rian, rian. I give him his inhaler. He takes his inhaler and a moment later, Apple scrumper strides in what's oil? Saviloies I live in breathe How are you doing? Because It's great. You look good. Thank you. Thank you. It's nice hearing it. Yeah guys Apple for the teacher

I don't know what that means, but I'm leaving it. Did you get your, did you already find your leave? What was student here? I didn't buy, do you carry this perfect leaf with me everywhere I go? Wow, what was it? So symmetrical. Isn't it good? I've never seen a leaf quite like that.

You get a name. I don't know what that means. No, I can't read. Oh, it's going to piss off all those elves. The other elves. Oh, know what? No, I can't read. Oh, it's gonna piss off all those elves. The other elves. Oh, all right, no, I'm in, then. I'm in, whatever, isn't it? Honestly, I'm in.

I've started reading and it is overrated. Oh, really? It's a great, you know, it's a nice tool for acquiring some information, but the information is all super biased. Oh, yeah. Well, I didn't like that. I just like the truth, isn't it?

Yeah, right? I'm a very truthful person, as I'm sure you all knew. Yeah, I know. I remember. I just like the truth in it. Yeah, I'm a very truthful person as I'm sure you all knew Yeah, I know I remember we found that bounty and you split it with us 50 50 I 50 and I didn't even want to you you insist to 50 50. I was not gonna take it Honest is the day is long. That's where we like you Absolutely, you know honest people seem to talk about how honest they are for a long time I've heard that too. I've heard that.

I've seen it. I've not read it. I have no reason to not believe you. Scramper, what are you up to these days? You got free afternoon or five? Yeah, I mean, I'm supposed to be training these elves, but mostly I just have them claiming trees and then mudboard and they can do that on their own.

You got them. What mudboard? Yeah, get their legs their own. You got to know what mudboard? Yeah, get their legs strength up, get their lower torso's up. That's right. Sounds about right to me, honestly. Leg strength and torso, it's all legs and core. Yeah, anyway, they're not super happy with me because I have destroyed a lot of lawns. But, what price strength do you know what I mean?

Yeah, absolutely. Well, Scrumper, we strength, do you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. Well, Scrumper, we are going on a dangerous mission. I meant, okay, again, wow, this is so easy. Yeah. I thought, wow, yeah, never is that thing where you like hang in the door, waiting for people. Yet bullet points, it's like a siege monster thing headed for the walls of frost.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, sure. Again, you're okay. It was just again, just cannot real quick. The beach monster thing heading for the walls of Frost West. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, sure. Again, you're cool. Okay, it was just again. Just, cannot real quick, just again, your life is in danger at risk.

Total risk. You might die. You're all probably gonna die. Okay. All right, yeah. Real quick, I'm gonna pop open this Tupperware, have a hero's feast. What?

Oh my god. Oh, give some of this. I haven't had one of these in a little while. Yeah. I've never had one of these. I've never had one of these in a little while. Yeah, I never had one of these. You have never had a wedded burrito. Yeah, oh yeah, they're leftovers, but I think they're still potent. Leftovers, in my opinion, are often better

than first overs. I agree. You're right. So Murf does this actually do an extra D12 of... Oh, it just does the regular amount, yeah. Okay, okay. Wait, so what do we get? Everyone gets 12 hip points, 12 extra hit points for the next 24 hours.

You're immune to poison and being frightened and you make all wisdom saving throws with advantage. And it lasts for 24 hours. You'd think a wet burrito in Tupperware wouldn't be that great, but this is amazing. Yeah. The tortilla is fallen to pieces, but it's kind of flavor-fall in a way that like it's not necessarily Just tilt it to your lips and drink the Tupperware. I'm doing it. That's what I'm doing. You need to get all that good But yeah, doesn't work unless you drink it all. I'm licking it

You guys see that after a bit Alonus appears in the room with you guys and she is holding the thinking cap She has a two moonshine. I was able to secure this for you. Thank you. But also of course, Alana, you could use it. I don't know what your relationship to this item of clothing is.

I do have a kind of special. I don't want to brag, but I already have plus five new intelligence. So, it takes a huge rip. It takes a huge rip. What were we talking about? I'm a plus zero, so let me get that hat. Right on.

Are you a teacher? Sort of not here specifically, but just like out in the world I teach people stuff. I fucking love your style. Thanks. I like your vibe too. Awesome. Thank you.

Cool. Is Ulfkar here with you witness? Ulfkar is not here. Oh. I'm going to his eyes are darting back. Yeah. I'm looking at it being kind of like, yeah. I mean, we better go.

No idea what's going on, but let's go. I don't either. Hi, I'm Apple. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, I'm Alonus. Well, Apple, this is a very powerful, yeah, sorceress wizard. This is one of the greatest mud borders

in all Bohumiya. No, stall. I mean, just to send me professional in it. I mean, there are professional mud borders, so, there is a professionalist they get. If you cared, you'd be professional, right? Yeah, right. Yeah, no, I do it for the love of the craft,

not for money. Exactly. Yeah, you got to. Anyway, if you got hit that, I do it for the love of the craft. Not for money. Exactly. Yeah, you got to. Anyway, if you got hit that, I would take it. Yeah, she hands you a joint. Sick. It should wear off by any time and get there. I should be fine.

Yeah, all your attacks with disadvantage. Yeah. So Alana, I believe Lutonis was maybe talking about helping teleport us or... I can teleport you guys there. And then I'll meet all those guys in Iron Deep. Teen's assembled. Let's go fuck with the dinosaur, right? Yeah.

Oh hell yeah. I guess I'll put, I'm gonna put the thinking cap on right now. Sweet. I have to like do any saves or anything or am I like friends with it at this point? You have, you've already used it. Okay. Yeah.

I cover it in glitter and like mushroom drawings. So make it look a little more stylish. I want to like kind of like scrunch it forward a bit so it looks kind of like a J-Lo 90s hat. You look cool. Thank you. At first I was like, no, she can't pull it off, but she put it on and I was like, she can pull it off.

Apple, I've already tell you, ever since I met you, something came over me and I do like a real quick rage. Just so she sees it in my eyes. That is amazing. Yeah, you can, it's bad. That's lush. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyways, let's go. Let's get it. All right, let's do it. She puts her arms around you guys and you guys, teleports to Frost Wind. You guys arrive atop the city wall, this massive 300 foot tall structure made of magically infused iron and covered in ice. You see Alonus salutes you guys. All right, I'm gonna go back to Gladehome, grab Ulfgar, head on off to iron

deep, be safe. Can you magic us up some coats real quick? I'm wearing a tank top I'm finding the cold. I don't feel it Weirdly enough I forgot the spell for making clothes I'm you know so many yeah, that's weird huh, you know, huh? What is it? I should just be a simple like cantrip or something? Yeah, I don't know Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know Sometimes you forget like the simple things I guess I could just create food and water and cover you in me. I have this I have an extra cutoff sweatshirt

Couldn't work exactly keep down our goes. Yeah, I run hot if you want just like my coat. Yeah, I'll take your coat You've found ours coated it's like a belly shirt. You have like a performance vest in there that I can borrow maybe? Yeah, I got a North Face. Okay, great. I zip that up. You zip up your North Face.

I guess I'll switch into my scrumper jersey, but it's like a hockey jersey, so it's warm, or like a permafrost puck jersey. It does get a bit frosty during the winter, but that's when the best mud is, isn't it? Yeah. It's like something you would buy at Zoomeys. It's like a hoodie jacket. Yeah. You see Alonus disappears. And you guys are in frost when atop this city wall. It is sunset here. The weather is strangely peaceful. The sun is setting and the snow falls down in big,

Usually peaceful, the sun is setting and the snow falls down in big fluffy flakes. This is in great juxtaposition to the chaos around you. You see soldiers manning the wall, mounting giant crossbows and ballistas. Some of them are repelling down joining teams at the bottom. You see the dwarves down here, like on the surface, look like ants, except for these big iron golems that are these huge iron dwarves created to fight giants outside the wall. There are thousands of soldiers here. You see that they are setting up traps. There is a long spiked rack that they bury in the snow in front of the first line of soldiers so that when you know

monsters show up, it can fly up and stab into them. You see winter wolves, these dwarven rangers with their wolf familiars prepare their ranks for battle. In the distance, in the wilds of the frigid north, you see through the fog that the winter wolf scout towers have all their signal fires lit, which are normally reserved for when they would see giants. There is so much activity and nervous energy here and just people yelling to each other that nobody even acknowledges you. People are just happy that there's other people there, that there's more

warm bodies. You see one guy holding a bunch of cannonballs, like boxes of cannonballs trying to get over to a cannon. Hey buddy, you help me with this, right? It's toss me those balls. It's the balls brother. Hands you a box of cannonballs. Maybe just take the one box hard one. I'm fine. I'll take three boxes please. Last is the fourth one out here. I think they should all supervise. I think they should go over here and then probably ones right here. You're like a commander Yeah I'm gonna give you a deception check 12 12 you know the fucking commander man. Oh, whatever

You know the fucking command their man. Oh, whatever Give these recruits their cannonballs air is tense hand hands boxes of cannonballs to Scrumper and hard one so you guys see there is all this activity around you. Do you guys have anything you want to do? Like long before the monster Yes, I do cannot ask someone how far away is this monster? Can we see him on the horizon? I can actually cast commune with nature as a ritual and we can find out exactly where that's this dinosaur is. Sweet, what is the language of commune with nature? You instantly gain knowledge of up to three facts of your choice about the following subjects as they relate to your area. The terrain and bodies of

water, prevalent plants, minerals, animals, or peoples, powerful celestial's faith, fiends, elementals undead, influence from other planes of existence and buildings. Great. So actually, maybe it wouldn't work on a dinosaur. Yeah, he's an undead. Oh, great. He's an undead dinosaur. That's so bloody cool.

Yeah, yeah. Don't get too excited about him, though. No, I know, you know, no, I know, I know, so I would like to know about the dinosaur. I would like to know about bodies of water and I would like to know about minerals. I get three things, Murphy. Um, they're cool. Sometimes they're salt and sometimes they're crystals. There's a treasure trove of gems and crystals inside the mountains Deep in the frigid north. All right, you don't sense anything peculiar about the water

But you do sense that the big monster the terrasque is About three miles away is getting close right and it seems to be moving slowly or it is Perhaps it it is sunset. It could it looks like it's waiting for night Do you think we could summon just like a giant moth and let the giant moth fight the dinosaur? Just just bit bawling just throwing ideas out. Yeah, I think that's really good. Um, let's absolutely do that Okay, I ask if anyone has seen a giant moth recently Yeah, so I'll pray the big one man. It was like three inches big three inches. Okay. That's a big moth, man. Would you have like an enlarging spell? Hey, kid, carry some cannonballs. Okay. I take

how many cannonballs can I carry? So many. You guys are so strong. Yeah. I'll carry a box. Sweet. Um, I think we should take out the horn of a holla. Oh for sure. And as soon as we see him on the horizon We'll blow that and get these berserkers. Wait, and you've blown it. Oh, yeah ghost pirates come out. Ghost pirates. Yeah Sick as hell. I saw it once. Yeah That's so cool. Yeah, you know what? I should have blown it when I had it. Yeah. Why don't you do the honors whenever we see it? Yeah, yeah, I offer like a little handkerchief to wipe off the mouthpiece. We don't need that Sharing spit is a field elf tradition. You know what you're right. I spit on the mouthpiece. Thank you Thank you. The other one is not rude

Bound our spit on the mouthpiece. Excuse me. I apologize. I spit on the mouthpiece I'm not spitting on the mouthpiece. I actually spit on it a while ago. Oh, thank you. No, I oh You're supposed to mother spit So it's just one dinosaur, right? That's what we're doing. Yeah, yeah I think it's a big help big it it be I mean you see you want it while you guys are talking one of the frostores looks at you guys and goes Just one dinosaur no, but then all the giants too. Hey, what? Talking about the weird giants with holes in eyes you guys didn't hear about that yet No, Linus failed to mention that.

Why don't we through it? You all got a war room here? Well, we don't know what's going on. We just know that dinosaurs show up. Giants show up. Everyone in the walking in tandem towards City. We're all pretty flustered right now and kind of just going by the seed of our pants as it were. All right. Okay. Well this snow you got here, do you think I could mudboard on it? I guess we got a bit of time. If only there was a word for it. No! I think you could mudboard on the snow.

I think it may be mudboard on the snow. That's it! I'll call it leaf surfing. What a pet! You're smart. You should be a teacher. Yeah. Thank you.

Wow. Listen, what is snow except for extremely cold mud? Exactly. It's just clean mud in it. So it's just clean as mud possible. Pretty much a plane where everything is coming. There's no like valley aspects, too. So basically, you've got the water on one side to the south. And to the north, there's like a mountain range.

So they can only come from east to west. They can only attack from the east essentially. So everybody is preparing, pointing their crossbows, setting their lines up in this one direction. It's the only direction anybody can come from. I think Maverick is going to take a step and be like, hey guys, things have changed with me since I last saw you.

I've gotten a little bit more badass. No way. Impossible. Oh, just being a professor. I guess you could say that. You know, sometimes to learn, you have to have wings. And I don't get the, whoa, out of his back, out of these like two holes in a shirt to to dragon wings pop out

Wow, you tattoo the skin in between the bones Yeah, there's sort of a tribal tattoo going on in the in the in the actual the part that takes I'll see you later But I was will just fly up and just get a lay of the land nice like a Like a eagle eye view. Sweet, go ahead and give me a perception check. Nat 20. Oh! Yeah. Mavers, you see in the deep, deep distance, it gets quite foggy out in the frigid north,

but you do see heads bobbing and just zombified giants marching towards the city a couple miles away. So this is hologoddy has a holo squaddy. Oh. All right, Maverick, I just want to double check, take a whole, like look in every direction and then come back down and then relay that to everybody. Sweet, yeah, you look in every direction. The trask would have to be coming from that direction.

It's surrounded by mountains on the other side and ocean on the other side. So there's just one direction for them to attack from. I feel like I should be out in the front lines. I might corral some of these orphan-looking kids. I'm useless up here. I'm going with you, Scrooper. Excellent.

Maverick, could you fly me out so that I could just land directly at a giant or dinosaur's head? Yeah, I was kind of hoping for the same thing. I could do sort of, we could take turns. Oh, I could also do that. What was that? I do, I get my mudboard out and I do an absolutely sick trick that flies me 70 feet up in the air.

Oh, that's a lot of flies. This rules. That's bad. I do have to be back on the floor by the end of Oh, that's a lot of fly. This rules. That's bad. I do have to be back on the floor by the end of my turn, but I can jump very high. We'll get you there. Apple just lands so hard.

And you know that if you were in her arms, you would die, but she's fine. Interesting. I'll just throw you. I'll just jump up as high as I can and throw you a dinosaur. That sounds great. Moonshine, do you want to go with Mavris and I'll go with Scrumper? Yeah, whoever can take me out there.

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wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Before we go though, I do wanna do a quick inspiring speech.

Sweet. To give everyone a little extra HP. I take a knee. How many people can you affect with? Oh, I have to look it up. It's a good amount. So I think it's like everyone in our party and then maybe a couple of the dwarves on the wall too.

I call over the guy with the horn. Yeah. Hey, what's going on over here? Are you saying something inspiring or? I do like a straight up air-agore and like walking up and down the rampart sort of thing. I like check people's helmets and be like, this will hold. I'm 49 years old, kid. I take their sword like, it's a good sword.

Who the hell are you? Fight with pride? I say to all of them like if you fight well if You fuck if you love if you eat a rat You will make it through this This like errant to you now Frostwin guarantee you now for us to win two arms go ahead and give me a persuasion check

did Beverly tell this or a performance check if you know the out of like a personal choice I bet you can also do great I'll pick Beverly up as he's talking to you at the health action sweet all right give him a boost 23 You see a bunch of the soldiers just raise their weapons up. We're gonna win and then we're gonna fuck. Finally. I mean again. Would you say hard ones?

Again, I said. Are we partying? What is this? Oh, we're definitely gonna party. Is everybody going down on the front lines? I guess maybe, yeah, I wanna go on the front lines. I guess maybe yeah I want to go down the front lines you have to worry about dropping me off on him just yet though I want to stay on the wall and then I'll move to react once that we know more. Okay. I should have brought a ring

Well, then I guess I'll blow the all blow the horn now then there the berserkers come out for an hour sweet I'm you see the horn. Oh, yeah, right. Yes, of course pirate zombie pirate ghost zombies To me Apple blows fire it Apple blows the horn. Um, you see a frost worth pirates show up Hey, we're here to plunder the bad guys God, that was a long pause. Yeah, sorry. We're not the best pirates We everybody's too cold out here not them and the people come not a lot of plundering So one day we decided to kind of come in and just raid the docks. Mm-hmm iron dwarves. Hey killed us

Tell us the story later, you know Perhaps he's everyone's already dead So everybody gets down on the front lines. You guys see that King Cyrus Culdane is here leading squads of troops giving inspiring speeches and whatnot. Eventually the sun sets. I'm also going to cast Goodbury and give her one of Goodbury. Great.

That's a token of good luck if everyone wants to win. Speaking of Goodbury, Cuder came along with you guys. Did you guys want Cooter to come? Yeah. All right, yeah, Kooter's there. Yeah, I can. Kooter, oh, he's a Crick-Alvin. He's gonna be passing out.

He's gonna be kind of like when you go on a marathon and someone's handing out Gatorade. He's gonna be like that, but with healing potion. Yeah, Kooter, cool. Amazing. I'm in way over my head. So I'm just gonna run around. Do you have a supply of bananas to hand out?

In case we get cramps, should I have brought bananas? You're good, man. Alright, you're just the juice boy. Right, that makes sense. Cudair, after this, we're gonna go surfing, okay? Alright, or mudboarding. I really hope so. So you guys hear horns go off, signaling the enemy approaching. Then the Dwarven War drums begin to beat.

Don't stir my heart. Don't. Don't. Don't. With each beat of the drum, you feel the earth shaking, like these little earthquakes, and then you start to notice that the quakes aren't quite sinking up with the drums. And then the quakes become more violent. You see the soldiers near you look around nervously. It's strangely quiet. There's kind of no talk amongst anybody. You see the mist of the cold breath coming out of their mouths. And then you see the enemy approaching. There are lines, hundreds of undead giants with hollowed out eyes.

They trudge forward with unnatural gates. Some of them have broken ankles. Others are missing body parts and drag themselves along. You hear a roar that shakes the earth and shakes the wall behind you. You see big chunks of ice breaking off the wall and sliding down. You have to cover your ears and take a wide stance to keep your balance. And then you see it, the terrask. This humongus siege monster with a thick, shiny carapace and huge horns, a terrifying maw and a long tail with huge spikes on the end of it. You see that its eye sockets are empty, save for black smoke, and the red fiery eyes of

acarots. You and everyone around you jolt with this unnatural fear. There is a panic within you that is it's not logical it is just purely a survival instinct, it's fight or flight and you want to fly you want to go. Well thank God we ate that bloody burrito, then, eh? You guys are immune to being feared. But you guys see, as soon as the tarask comes into view, the line start breaking. And you see a bunch of the Frost Dwarves start running. And the braver ones get out of line with the tarask

and just get into position to fight giants instead. And you see they're just clearing a line for the terrask and just get in the position to fight giants instead, and you see they're just clearing a line for this terrask essentially. As it runs, straight towards you. Boom, boom, boom. Yeah, I know the fight giants. I think that's our job. It's to fight the giants over here.

Somebody's got to handle the giants. There are a lot of them after all. I know the horse more. Can we get better ones? I hate it really. No, the ghosts are, the ghosts are cool. Oh, okay. There are just thousands of the soldiers are like running. The ghosts are with you. We're already... Can I intimidate these guys into fighting the Trask with us? Okay, Apple, go ahead and make an opposed

intimidation check against the Trask. Can I help her on this? Oh. I feel like she's still holding me in her arms, so we're just like shouting at all the doors. Great Where you going? Hey, hey, oh, that is a natural 20 Holy shit get back in bloody line you coward. Yeah, fight this dead dinosaur you cowards. Yeah. Fight this dead dinosaur. You see a bunch of the dwarves turn to go run. Apple gets in front of them and grabs one by the collar

and turns it back around. That one and a bunch of other ones are more scared of Apple than they are of the Terras. He's a born general. And turn around to join you guys. So here is how the combat here is gonna work with the dwarves helping you on initiative 20. There's basically thousands of them,

a lot of them are fighting giants, but some of them will be helping you guys fight the tarask. They are going to roll a D10 times six, and that's how much damage they do every turn, just with like thousands of cross bolts. If the harass does damage to the dwarves like kills a bunch of squads, the multiplier will go down. So to stop being times six it'll be times five, then times four, times three until they're wiped out. It was supposed to start at five, but you have rallied a bunch, so now it'll be times six. I'm smaller.

There are more to it. There are more to it. With the persuasion check? Sure, yeah. but you have Rally to Bunch so now it'll be time six. So there's more. I'm smaller. There are more. There are some more with the persuasion check. Sure, yeah. I'm gonna fly over to some others that are running away and say, surely these brave dwarves aren't running away from a dinosaur and some big ol' goons, right? That's 18.

You see they look up at you and they go, dude, we're not running away. We're going to fight giants. That's what we do with Frostworks, man. Okay. All right, we're cool. I'm not weak. They go and they just like diving to some giants.

I want to put my hand into the snow in the ice and cast conjure minor elementals. And I want to summon, ideally, some kind of ice elemental. Well, I have the stats here that I want, but I don't know if this is one of the games. And the ice elemental? Yeah, that's rad. Great, yeah, so eight ice methods.

Eight little ice methods up here. Hi, Mom. Hello, my babies. What's the name of that? I'm a little bit bad for you. Yeah, my little nieces and nephews. Yeah, everyone come in, meet your nieces and nephews. Before they go, fight the big dead dragon.

Or dinosaur. How do you pick up quick on the lineage thing? Yeah, no, it's very important in the fields and the creek, and it's tough. Great. Do you want some toffees? Ha, ha, ha. Speaking of family, I've got some daddies to call.

No, wake up my dwarf daddies from their hammer. Oh, we're home. Where it's cold as hell and sucks ass. But we're gonna earn that hot tub tonight, boys. Oh, yeah, that is the best hot tub and earn the one. I will go ahead and cast Val with Inmidi on the terrasque. Great, yeah, you can see it. Yep. Great. And I would like to click my boots of speed and get super whizzy. Great. Yes. And I'm going to beast mode.

Right on. Because I got my thing, so I can do two concentrations most. Oh man, the camera's just panning down all of us as we get prepped. It looks so good. I'm going into beast mode. I'm symbiotic, but I'm also doing extra damage and calling

up my little ice babies. And Papa turns into the fungal form. Yeah. Maverus takes out two bud heavies and runs up to Balanar and shotguns this with me. Alright. Balanar pounds it. One, two, three. You guys see the tarask takes off heading towards the wall,

straight towards you guys, you guys are in between it and the wall, you guys see the giants run in front of it and next to it, the dwarves pull the trap, the spiked rack comes up and stabs a bunch of the giants. You see a bunch of them are caught, but a bunch of other ones just climb over it and the tarask just bursts through it and keeps coming through.

Everyone go ahead and roll initiative. Let's go. Yeah. Oh baby. 11. 10. 22. 14.

16. Moonshine, that is your turn. All right. How close are we to this dinosaur? 50 feet away. All right. Well, first off, I'm sending my minor elementals, my little ice methods to go after them.

Street. And they're all gonna use their frost breath. Okay. So all eight of them are gonna exhale a 15 foot cone of cold air. Each creature in that area must succeed a DC-10 dexterity saving throw, or take 2D4 cold damage. Okay. So he's got to do 8 dexterity throws. Oh, they're so collicky. This is me trying to get

whatever resistance out of the way. Nice. Alright, pass his first one. He rolls with advantage on them. Passes second one. Passes third one. Passes fourth one. Passes fifth one. Passes sixth one. Passes seventh one. I guess I killed myself. We still love you babies. Okay, well even if he passes, he's still gonna take half the damage, so I'm gonna roll for that. Okay, roll your D-Force. You see these tiny little ice methods fly up? Mommy, are you proud of us? Breathe their ice breath onto this monster. It does not break, it's stride.

We're getting ice cream after this. You're making ice cream unfortunately, but we are getting it. Honestly, I think we can go home. These guys got it. So it takes half, 31. So it takes 15. Yeah.

15 damage. And then I guess I don't really know what to do because I was planning on burning his legendary resistances and I can't fucking do anything on him. Well, he's not gonna use his legendary resistance against a tiny thing. They have to choose to resist it. Yeah. I mean he's not gonna use his legend of resistance against a tiny thing They have to choose to resist it. Mmm Yeah, well he's still saved him all I guess. Yeah, so I guess I'm just going to attack him

Mochai and the runs forward the first person to go after him Not 20 bits. Oh Already three not 20s tonight good lord eat my fucking Supply ass drink it up Told you to eat her ass. I believe she asked him politely Excuse me, sir. Will you please eat my ass please sir? Please? Please, please eat my ass. Please, sir. Please, sir.

I beg of you to eat my ass. Please, sir. Please suck it up, please, sir. Please. You sure ass. You want me to eat your ass. Please, sir. OK, I had him for 40, and then I spored him for 18 more.

So 58 damage. Yeah, maybe. What kind of damage are you doing for the spores? The spores I'm going to do, I guess I'm gonna do acid. Right on, he's not resistant to that. Oh, nice. And then Paw Paw is gonna attack. Sweet.

Yeah, you guys see these frostores are super nervous. They had this unnatural fear, started to scatter. Apple Scrumper grabs a bunch of them, turns them back around. A bunch of them are ashamed and join their brothers and sisters and the other soldiers and start charging at the terrace with you guys. Moonshine leads the charge, whips out the sword, instantly like gets under the carapace and just explosion a fire as she stabs into it. Fire! And then pop-hop misses. With good reason. Great, that is the dwarves turn.

The dwarves are just going to rather than dealing with every single one, you guys just see crossbows and swords and cannon fire from all directions. And every single dwarf together does a big 40 damage. Okay, that a boys. Maveris, that is your turn. Hell yeah. Maveris sees this. I think it just feels like the goal is to just hit this dude a lot.

So Maveris is going to take flight and start flying to try to get in range of the harass. Sweet. From the wall, if I was on the wall., the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the And just let's just get this party started. I'm on fucking sabbatical. And cast six level spell Sunbeam. Okay. Sunbeam is a beam of brilliant light. Plashes out from your hand on a five foot wide,

60 foot long line. Each creature in the line must make a constitution saving throw on a failed save. A creature takes six d8 radiant damage and is blinded until your next turn. Spring break, mother fuck. On a successful save, it's half as radiant damage and is blinded until your next turn. Spring Break, Motherfucker. On a successful save, it's half as much and isn't blinded. Undead and oozes have disadvantage.

Great. Fabris, go ahead and roll a d6 for me. Hmm. Five. Okay. Fabris, you shoot your beam at this terrask. You see it had this shiny carapace. You see as soon as the beam hits it, just...

Carapace shimmers, and it takes no damage. No. This is what Alana told us he's immune to magic. He's immune to me. That was what the story said. I'm going to be. But he did take, he did take. When he broke, I was in.

Let's bash that piss. OK, so this, also this spell lasts for a minute. And every, you can create a new line of radiance as your action any turn until the spell ends. So I will just keep the spell going. And go ahead and do an Arcona check. Arcona, huh? How good is your Arcona at the unschooling?

He's a professor, so. Mr. The Unschooled. 12. Based on what you just saw happen, you get the sense that if it was something that wasn't a melee spell attack or something that shot in a direct line, it might be harder for it to reflect it.

Gotcha. Mm. But a melee spell attack can something that's shot in a direct line it might be harder for it to reflect it. Gotcha. Hmm. But a melee spell attack can be good. With a 12 that's all you get. Um, Apple that is your turn. Great. I'm gonna go into a rage. And how far away is this bloody dinosaur?

Close enough to you guys, you can run forward. Great, so I'm gonna pick up young Bev. Good luck, Clay. Great, so I'm gonna pick up young Bev. Glucolay. And I'm gonna fly up so we're on the back of this dinosaur. Okay. If it's stubby little arms. And I'm gonna attack.

Sweet. Is it quadruped or? Okay, cool. 16. 16 does not hit. Great, and I'm my second attack. The 19. does not hit. Right and I'm my second attack. The 19 does not hit. Oh, tough.

Well then I will hang out and ride it like I meant to not. So you and you don't want to be on the back. Pretty cool. You and Bev are hanging on the back of the harass. Guys, go ahead and give me dexterity saving throws to stay on. I have advantage on dexterity saving. You can add plus four to that as well. Oh, fantastic.

23, 27. Okay. Shout out to the two crew. I can grab him. Not on not your turn. Oh, shit. All right, my dexterity is plus three, so that's five. That's gonna be a whopping nine.

Okay. Bev, you are- A whopping, no, no, let's just all act like it's a big number. Nine, you got nine? You got your school. We're tiny, a lot of things. Oh, that's very good. How did you get nine?

No. Are you sure you rolled the right dice? I had a lot of stuff to it. I, this Tarask flings Beverly off. Apple, you are hanging on rodeo style. Bev, you fall prone. Near the Tarask, the Tarask is going to... Can I use Feather Falls reaction?

Yeah. Cool. So I land on my feet. Okay, yeah. If you use your reaction, you can land on your feet. It's gonna make a bite attack against Bev. It is a 29 to hit. Here we go.

34 damage. You guys see it bites into Bev and holds him down, grappling him with his mouth. Then is going to take a claw attack. That's 26 to hit. 28 damage on the first claw attack. Shhh. Makes the first claw attack. Makes a second claw attack, 25 damage, Bev.

Okay. Makes an attack with its horns. That's it just grams into you and drives you into the ground. That is a 31 to hit, 32 damage, Bev. And then I'm gonna say if it's got you with its mouth, it's gonna turn around and swing its tail at moonshine. It's a little wacky for it to hit you with a tail.

Thank you. That is 28-hit moonshine. Mrs. Moonshine, you take 26 damage and you are knocked prone. Just whips you in the stomach, you fly back, land on your back. So I failed a concentration check. So the one that I put on my hat stays, but I'm going to dismiss the minor elementals because they would have to recharge their breath weapon.

Great. I'm not going to wait around that. They're gone. They just run out. Yep, they're going to be really impressive. Ice cream next time. Go to your room. That is hard one's turn.

Okay, I'm on sabbatical too. Let's fuck this thing up. School's out. School's out. You also see that this thing is trying to eat Beverly like swallow him. All right, sweet. So can I go and smash my hammer into its mouth to try to let Beverly scurry away. Yes, you can either do a regular weapon attack and do your damage when you hit, or you can do an attack to basically shove Bev out of the way or put your hammer in its mouth and block it, but you got to pick one. You wouldn't do damage in that. Got it.

I'll put the hammer in its mouth to let Bev get out of there. Right on. Okay, go ahead and make an attack. 26. That hits. You successfully put your hammer in its mouth. Bev, you find like a split second to roll out of the way. You cannot be chomped.

That is a hard one you can take. Your other attacks. Thank, Pelor. You were on sabbatical. OK, so I'm done picking this thing's teeth with the hammer, and I'm just gonna try to hit it in the face. Great. 23 to hit.

That does not hit. Oh my god. What? Wait, why did you hit the 10-23 to hit? What? I was. I had my damage dice in my hand. I was like, damn come.

Boundary does the dragon balls or you think? Impossible. I'll take the third attack. You know what? That was also not gonna work, but I will, oh wait, I'm gonna let my dwarf daddies. Yeah. He'll do a saving throw, totally fails.

12 damage. Sweets. And I'm gonna action search so I can keep on beating him up. Right on. Damn, none of those are gonna hit. It was 222 and a 14. So hard one, at the end of your turn, it is going to take a legendary action and it is going to take a claw attack against you.

Takes a swing at you. That is a 25 to hit. As a reaction, can I call my shield? Yes, you can use your dwarf daddies. You have the magic initiate feet. A shield pops up. I pound my hammer against my chest. What is your AC now?

26, baby. Oh, you block us. Valnor once again goes impossible. He crushes up their power levels. That is honestly very hot. Bev, that is your turn. I'll look at my own amulet then and then as my action I will cast a haste on Apple Scrooper. Yeah. Now it's happening. Surf through this cold mud with all your speed and might. At the end of your turn,

I'm gonna take another legendary action and take a tail attack against hard one. 40, 3d. So I guess even that gets past my shield. I'm going to miss 43. Go ahead and give me, no, I did the math wrong. 39. That is a strength saving throw.

26. Okay, you strength saving throw. 26. Okay, you do not get knocked prone, but you do take 24 damage. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor's gonna try his dang hardest. First swing misses, second swing misses, crit on the last swing. He does 19 damage, of Balanor's turn

Going to take another swing at your hard one 28 to hit can I use my hellish review? You can yeah, all right cool. It does have immunity to fire unfortunately. I'll just do it because it's gonna look cool I thought you shoot some fire back at it. You see it's a carapace reflex It's gonna look cool. I thought you shoot some fire back at it. You see, it's a carapace reflex. You take 30. Just letting your doors know I can do that.

Very good man. You take 32 damage. Yowch. Okay, so Apple, the ghost have never gone. First off, roll 2D4 plus two to see how many show up. That is eight. Nice. You got two floors?

No, I got 2 D4 plus two. So I got two threes. From now on, they will attack on your turn, but for now, make a tax for them. They need to roll in that 20 to hit. Okay. How many of this, so just eight, I'll roll eight, detail.

Just roll eight D20s and see if you hit. Nope. Okay, nobody hits. But they looked very cool. Go up, try to help. And just to be clear. How does it seem to be their story? Are they all on their own little snowboards?

Yes. Yeah, they do all have their own little mudboards. Well, surfing pirates. When the Dwarven soldiers hit and do damage, it's like cannon fire, but list does, and like 30 dude shooting crossbows. It is like every single person hitting does like a fraction of damage that adds up. That is Moonshine's turn.

I'm gonna get up and I'm going to, as a bonus action cast Grass being Vine. Okay. And the creature must succeed at dexterity saving throw or be pulled. So I'm gonna create it like 30 feet away. And so the vinyl grasp at him and try and pull him away. He'll do a dexter.

Do I also have to do a dexter as I'm on his deck? No, you'll just decide to bail or stay. Great, well stay. That is only a 16. Only a 16. I'm 20. Okay, so that's a fail. So he just gets pulled 30 feet He gets pulled 20 feet toward the vine sweet. He gets he's even get pulled back He's just gonna fucking let it happen. Why would he not fucking piece of shit? I can't do anything until your fucking resistances are gone

I just Pop walk you go into a range my sister. I can't and cast spells. Oh, you're right You know, we have but I have others built up. Yeah, pop out of do and our con it check to see what the fuck is up with his Carp. I think I'd rather take the hell back. She's not a He's just gonna run and try to hit him sweet Does a 29 hit it does all right first hit of the day. He's been hit a bunch times 16 and I sport them for 18 34 can you do an our comment check on it with your intelligence? Sure yet can I do?

Oh, do I have a bonus to my intelligence while I have this thing on yeah, yeah plus five all right. I'll do an our con a check 20 not net 30 20 it is a reflective Carapace anything you shoot at it magically is not gonna work Are there are there is a weakness point in it? No. Is it, there's, there's zipper on it, I can unzip it. What about if I cut a hole in it? Yes, if you cut a hole in his body and kill him, then spells will work.

Oh, but what if I just cut like a light hole in it and then you can just zap him in that hole? That is the dwarves turn. But, Mervful other shenanigans can we ask? Okay, there's got to ask if it has a soft underbelly. Does it have a soft underbelly? No, it's a really hard underbelly. The dwarves did really bad. They only did 10 damage this round.

That is Mavric's turn. Fuck. Fuck. No. You come down here, I have an axe you can borrow. That would be very sick. I'm going to cast a fly on hard one. Right on. Oh shit. Scrumper I could jump too.

Oh no. Join me in the sky. Join me in the sky Oh, I'm gonna cast it out of the fourth level and I'm gonna hit Bev with it. What? Thank you. That is Apples turn who am I to do anything but attack this giant creature that I'm on sweet Yeah, you're still up on it you haven't on it's turn is gonna try buck you every time, but you're still on it right now. That's fine with me 223 23 doesn't hit right? 23 does not hit no and I got a 28 28 does hit

All right, so that's just 22 to hit 20 damage sorry, uh, Balor, you want to get up here? No, are you sure? damage sorry. Ball or you want to get up here? No. Are you sure? Uh, uh, baby I saw it happen to Bev, he almost died. All right. I'm not very dexterous. Okay. Yeah. Well, um, I'll just keep on hanging out up here then, shall I? Apple, go ahead and make a text for your berserkers. Oh right. Yeah. We're still here. We're strong. and your tricks be sick. You can do crit. I got, I rolled 319. Fruit, oh. Truly brutal. They do not hit.

That is the terasks turn. At the beginning of the terasks turn, Apple go ahead and do a dexterity saving throw. I'm outside of your thing now on time. Yeah, you're on the dots too. Oh yeah. Okay, so I got an 18. 18 passes. Great. You can stay on it. Okay, this terrasque is, it's not near dead, but you guys have done a decent amount of damage to it, and it is trying to focus up. Of the people who are currently on the ground, hard one, moonshine, and Bev,

go ahead and give me pure luck checks. Oh, Balnor 2. Three. Balnor got a three as well. Roll off. No need. No need. Two.

Two. Eight two. Two second two. Okay. This thing is going to charge forward at Bev. Here's a question, this is a bullshit. As a halfling, I'm nimble and also stealthy around large creatures.

Does that help me at all? No, not in it. You would need to take like a hide action or something. So this thing charges forward at Bev. First thing it's gonna do is tail attack. That is a 29 to hit. Hits 25 damage. And then I need a strength saving throw from you.

Okay. This Acarot guy really hates teens. He loves beating up teens. Disgusting. We're on a bloody chaperone. Get out the teens, though. Yeah. Yeah. Just a bulging, acarot eye coming out of its eye socket

looking at Bev. They're gawking. You're being creepy. How is this strange man who is inside a dinosaur in a chock? Get out of the teen zone. Inappropriate. Get out of the damn teen zone.

It's leering at you, Ben. You're too big for the team zone. Aren't you embarrassed? Straight check. Strength saving throw. That's going to be 10 plus 4, 14. You are knocked prone by the dammit. Fall down.

That is a 30 to hit. He hasn't had a turn. He hasn't moved. That is a 32 to hit. It Um, that's rolling good feel like It's he has a plus 19 hit so it's not really about rolling good Yeah, that is even if he rolled a one he would hit me that is 28 damage shape on the horns takes one claw attack 26 to hit 30 damage on the first claw attack. Cool.

Second claw attack 33 to hit. Fantastic. 29 damage. Keep it up, Brian. Sorry. It's okay. Then I'm going to take a bite attack. Please miss.

I'm so 41 to hit. That hit. I think I'm going to be down. it's fucking truly ridiculous. I'm sorry 33 damage, Bev. I'm down. Okay, you guys see Bev goes down You got hit a million times 20 comes to will he be flying I'm flying already I can feel myself flying His body once again once, you see this thing

is getting ready to devour Beth. This is why you don't bring Dino's in the scene zone. That is your turnhard one. Sweet, I'm gonna fly into its mouth again. Okay. And this, well, I guess not again, this is the first time I've flown. This is the first time I've done this in a while.

And I'm gonna to stick my, you know what? I'm going to stick my javelin into its mouth to try to prop it open. Okay, go ahead and make an attack roll. That is 13. I'm going to use a luck point. Let's work down that alligator all the way back in Moonstone. This will work again. 27 with the javelin with the javelin. Okay, cool. That hits. You're able to poke into it You don't do damage, but you stab into it in just enough time to get Bev to roll out of the way All right, so then since the javelin is in there with my Second attack and I call lightning onto it with your second attack. Oh, you okay? You want to like split it between two attacks.

Yeah, I will allow that. Yeah, okay. Is he gonna take it, if we hit him in the mouth, does he take these kind of things? This is not a line spell, this is a weapon that is like exploding lightning. Okay. How soft is his mouth?

We shouldn't target his mouth. No, this isn't a video game. Put a bomb in your face. I heard it, attack his mouth. 14 damage right on his mouth. No, this isn't a video game. Put a bomb in your face. I heard it. Attack his mouth. 14 damage right on his mouth. Okay. And then I'm gonna attack it in the mouth with my hammer. Sweet. What if we make a bomb look really yummy? Then he would eat certainly eat it. Okay. That's only a 21. That does not hit. That's right. Are you flying away or are you staying? Can I grab Beth?

I will let you do a Dex check against it. It doesn't have great decks. See who is able to grab Beth first. Foo! That's a not one. I'll use another luck point though. What? That's a not 20. Yeah! use another luck That's a not 20

Your curse truly oh my god Had a not 20 cents then hard on really what a painful painful Fumble Beverly I dropped the boy painful painful. Yeah, for the happen to. Fumble, Beverly. I dropped the boy. As this thing swings into him with a legendary claw attack, you just set it up for an aloeup with a nat one.

Oh, good. That is an auto crit. Bev, you take 60 damage, but it's two deaths saving throws. So you see Bev is struck down, hits the snow in an incredibly awkward angle. I will say we have not been rolling for Kooter. Kooter is going to go at the end of every round and if someone's out, he will try to give them a good bury and help them,

but he's gonna go at the end of the round. That is Beverly's turn. Oh, Joy. Could or cannot get to you yet. You will make one death save, and if you fail it, Beverly Togled the fifth is dead. And that's where we'll end our episode. Wow! Wow!

Wow! You know guys we got to cut this episode. Like Christmas holidays is going on. You know. You're coming in hot 2020. Hey you know my cat was sick and I'm feeling spicy. Oh because of the shit I left in your mailbox. Yeah it is.

I thought that would be funny. That's new is resolution. We did all leave a shit in your mail box I did leave a shit in his mail box I will point out his mailbox is my my mail box yeah but we did you should write I'm the one who actually collects you so so it's rude that you're opening that's on you. Yeah guys, um, let's sit on each other on our

So rest patreon.com slash nad pod that's n-a-d-d-d-p-o-d. Don't sing yet Please don't problem. I know you don't want to and that's fine Shivan and Zach you guys got anything to plug. Thank you guys so much for coming on you'll be on next week of course you guys got anything to plug? Thank you guys so much for coming on. It'll be on next week, of course. Uh, watch Rick and Woody on Adult Swim. Yeah, baby. Five more episodes coming out as soon as we stop being lazy.

All right. It's really hard to write this show and also we really love now. You don't even have to draw. You just do the words. I don't know. No, it's just, the words are really hard because you have to have like a really high IQ

to write in the show. Oh, of course. I understand. to write in the screen. Of course. I've been the knee. Zach, what do you got? I just want to plug Dimension 20. Yeah, baby. We're still doing that. Oh, yeah.

That's been very fun. And outside of that, that's it. Right? Yeah. What about your Twitch channel? Oh, yeah. Sometimes I stream on Twitch. It's just Twitch.tv slash Zachoyama. Sweet. That's the AC.

It's a true gamer respect. It's a true gamer. Guys, follow us on Twitter at CHMIRF is me. I call these call-doll, at the extra Emily, at J.Crowitz's Jake. Zach, are you just at Zachoyama? At Zachoyama. Shivon, what are you? At Voditum. And at Vornitum for Shivon. You can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpa.

That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means we need to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders. Thank you, Alsonme. Starting with Brad D. Dillon B. Danny P. Steelbreaker and Spencer Caskbrew, a group of elite Frostwin dwarves that Ulfgar sent on an ultra-secret covert mission to buy Alonus a birthday gift. They nearly died in the process but did manage to secure Alonus a scented candle and some

bath bombs mission accomplished. Beard Mandan, Adam R. Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Alu Carden, Michelle O. Apple scrumper's personal cheerleading squad. They travel with her to every mudboarding competition across Bahumia and are currently imposing disadvantage on a bunch of giants by booing loudly and tossing their beer cans at them. Howdor Frostback, Multifor, Jordan DJ, Jeffrey S. and Cutter W, a group of Crick-Elf Brewers who recently invented a Crickwater soda called Crick-A-Cola.

It's not suitable for children or nursing mothers and if you drink more than three a day, you'll die, naturally it's already sold out. Shubbert the mushroom, Alainacy, Mixologist Michael McDee, and Boundlor's boy, a militia of mushroom folk, led by Shubbert, who poisoned the chosen milk supply with their spores. If all goes according to plan, it will be the first time an army has been defeated due to simultaneous diarrhea! Fingers crossed! Just an eye, Jacob C, Elena M, Jostrich, and Dana G, the terasks team of personal shell waxers, it's thanks to this demonic pit crew that the dinosaur shell is now impenetrable to magic and also why it smells like peanut collada air freshener.

Yum! Damn yell, R, Destiny C, Gy-G, and Earl and Kathleen and L, four students who mavers brought to the Battle of Frostwin on a school field trip. He promised them an A for the semester if they don't die. Sergio Salazar Salaman, Sakurai's De Sikwani, Michael L, Traylee the Kray Faye and Jury S, for normal adult humans wearing an extremely long trench coat who are currently on a date with a giant it's actually going really well. The giant just asked if they wanted to come back to her place and the humans are not sure how to proceed. Big Buck, Richard X Machina, Sam L. Troy Mixy, engage M.A. team of insurance agents who

is dealing with a torrent of incoming calls from customers who originally declined to ask attack coverage, but are trying to add it last minute. Damm R. Josh S. Nicholas C. Austin C. and Kristen P. D. F. A. C. Also known as dairy farmers against the chosen. These noble milk maids and milk maids have declined to sell their bovine nectar to theolas army, and that includes yogurt, so don't even ask, Hector. My gauge, Matthew E. Samuel B. Tilfer G and O'Cotta,

a group of packed of the tome warlocks who are looking into switching to packed of the Kindle, so they don't have to keep lugging all those heavy books in the battle. Aren C. T.J. M. the gnome barbarian, trashed the traveler, behumia spiercist Ellen D. and Steve A. The dorkers who started MMA or Mythral, Madness, Anonymous. It's a safe space for dorkers to get together, begin to untangle their complicated relationship with Mythral and relearn how to have fun without Mithril.

Anime intellect, Zolo-Dolo, Dylan-CM, the wannabe DM, and its Orin, a team of halflings that open to health food chain called half foods. The hot food bar is really expensive, but they have kombucha on tap. Colton B, J, C, C, Lulu, A Aiden R, H, and Blitz, Brigd Meetry, Theala's personal bodyguards. She pays them not in milk, but in freaking fertile cows, man. I'm hopeless. TimmyR, AlexM, AaronSully, and EricG5, FrostwinNights, who bravely stood and faced the harass.

Unfortunately, they were trampled instantly, but they were brave nonetheless. Lucas B, Jordan L, Talith X, Mateo C, and Puptoff, a crew of pacifists who are out drinking at a nice restaurant in Frostwind right now. Just kind of hoping this whole armageddon thing blows over. Here's open the terrask, eats them if it does manage to get through the wall. Austin MR, Kaley Elise, Barnes & Aitor, and MacPox, and Elite Squad of Dwarven Wizards, who had some really cool spells stock to use against the monster, only for its carapace to reflect it back at them.

They did end up blowing up a shitload of giants though. Devin W, Shenoo Abbey, Jared E, Persephone, and Eric McD, the dwarf in band that keeps the war drums beating in the soldiers in line during times of battle. They also do parades in the occasional halftime show. Reece and S, Eric and Andrea B, Charo, Arcadius and Jay Parker, a group of hilarious Elven pranksters who snuck into Glade Home Castle thinking they were crashing a wedding only to accidentally walk in on the war council, they ended up having to pretend they belonged there and not it along to the whole spiel. Steven C. Maxwell C. Mike K. Omri M. and Calum L. Construction workers on the Glade Home Congressional Water Park. It is difficult to build a loop-de-loop water slide

during times of war, but dammit, someone has to do it. Scott D. Nooth are the prodigy ranger, McCongy, the pinch and Dan Kooter's best buds who he was supposed to go fishing with before he casually decided to just head off to war. They're all standing around with fishing poles right now looking super dejected. Richard C. Karen T. Curtis S. Michael C. and BJL.

Mavericks' students. They have been watching a movie every single class the entire semester. You might think Mavericks is hungover, but this is actually a film class, so it makes sense. Nikki W. Andrew B. Christopher B. Barris and Ken of the Wizard's Tower. Nicholas P. and Robert F. JV's buds in Mordans Fords. They actually haven't seen JV since he and Gemma got back from their honeymoon though because JV and Gemma have been engaged in a month-long tantric love-making session. Hmm, Kevin M. Angel B. Raoul and I am the Atlas drummers in Pendergreens' new metal band

in the first layer of hell. Yes, the band has four drummers, and no, it's still not enough. Mary Bell, the kidney-morphing gnome Esme, M. Robert Jens Christian T. and Jill McGee, a group of gnome managers who work at Hugo's firm. Wondering where their colleague has been the last few weeks, actually, it's not like that high-heeled coworker of theirs to miss work without giving everyone a heads up. Meta Amps, Mr. Hydra, Atticus C, Tom S, and Kazamir, the all-knowing, old cops, BOD Squad. This team of Svelte trainers helps Cob get his core firing every day so the V stays vicious and is oh bleak-stay delicious.

Luke H. Jonathan from Crickfield, Kelvin Noodle's Grace G and Nathaniel P. Mama's advisors. These folks are blissfully bored since Mama is perfect in every way and needs no advice ever because she does everything right. Bend the knee, bend it. Thank you guys so much for listening. I will be back next week with another episode.

In the meantime, you can head on over and listen to our short rest over on the Patreon. That's patreon.com slash nad pod. Thank you to all of our listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, our council of elders. We'll catch you guys next time. Good bye, Sweeties. That was a head-gum podcast. Thank you.