Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 99: One Big Bed (The Chosen Saga)

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

The Band of Boobs have one last hurrah before Thiala returns to Bahumia. Beverly gets in the Jamboreen spirit, Moonshine visits some old friends, and Hardwon experiences a first. Support us a...t Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"Trumpets" by Citrus_Audio at Freesound.org."Rowdy Crowd" by xtrgamr at Freesound.org."Fiddlin' Around" by ecfike at Freesound.org."Kingshammer" by Emily Axford."Mee Maw's Burden" by Emily Axford."Tea for Two" by Emily Axford."Gladeholm" by Emily Axford."Shadowfell Sneak" by Emily Axford."Kiss of Life" by Emily Axford."A Hospitable Farewell" by Emily Axford."A Tale's End" by Emily Axford."Oh, Melora!" by Emily Axford."Hardwon Takes the Wheel" by Emily Axford."The Twinkling Lights of Galaderon" by Emily Axford."Sea Beast" by Emily Axford."Bittersweet Sixteen" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:06 PAPA at checkout. That's www.atadominiv.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey, everybody, Merf here with an announcement about the campaign finale. Next week, we will be live streaming episode 100 on our Twitch on a Saturday, May 9th,
Starting point is 00:01:38 at 5 p.m. Pacific, 8 p.m. Eastern. The format won't be any different. It'll just be the episode audio with some art, but we wanted to have a chance for the community to listen together live. Our Twitch is twitch.tv slash nad pod. That's Saturday, May 9th at 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern on twitch.tv slash nad pod.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Next Thursday we'll post an announcement as a reminder and we'll let you know if this schedule changes so be on the lookout for that. We'll also be posting the episode audio into the regular podcast feed Saturday night after the episode is done airing on Twitch. In the meantime, we wanted to once again thank everyone who's out there having to work amongst all of this craziness, medical workers, delivery people, warehouse workers, any employees and any stores that are still open. Thank you and stay safe.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Now on with the show. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumya everyone. Bahumya. I'm your Dungeon Master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwitz. Hard one, Shorefoot. Emily Axford. And Channet's Abbot. Hitting them dorks with the Pauling Morphs. Oh, okay. Now that's how you force a rhyme. Really? I actually, I was very excited to have the word dork. I was like, I can't believe I've never used that word in an intro before.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Oh, I was just referencing Tertis. Oh, yeah. It was a Tertis. I mean, it wasn't as good a slant rhyme as Tertis, but it was pretty close. I mean, I definitely want my next character to say the word dork a lot. Yeah. And then, of course, we've got called Waltaner. Beverly Toggle, the fifth Maysmaster, gay disaster, let's do this.
Starting point is 00:03:30 All right, maybe is. That's a t-shirt. Guys, the pen ultimate app. Is everybody excited and sad? I'm not emotionally ready. I got stage nerves, baby. I'm feeling itchy. Meets you.
Starting point is 00:03:44 All right, y'all, you know what? Let's get right into it. Let's do a little recap. So last week, you guys faced the rath of pestilence who had corrupted Erdan and the dragon Coixis. The rath quickly revealed that it was working in tandem with the horsemen of war or the dork of War, who had taken... Go easy on him, man. Please don't call me a dork, don't call me a dork. The Dork of War had taken an army of mine-controlled trolls to the one hells in an attempt to steal the Hellfire Crown.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Munchine and Mima, a plane-shift shifted, then helped Pendergreens escape on a motorcycle while Bev and Hardwan battled the rath of pestilence. During the fight, Beverly was trapped in a powerful maze spell, but escaped after following Erdan's familiar bubbles and receiving guidance from Erdan himself. Returns to the material plane, Bev and Hardwan were able to defeat their corrupted friends, but not before Coixis killed Boundor
Starting point is 00:04:50 and badly damaged his body. Meanwhile, in the one hells, Moonshine and Mima were able to defeat the motorcycle trolls with the help of pender greens, then used a pixie polymorph combo to quickly warp the horsemen of war into oblivion. Moonshine returned to the material plane, and together you held hands around Balnor
Starting point is 00:05:12 as Bev cast a powerful raised dead spell after two failed death saves in the ultimate butthole-clenching moment of the podcast. Balnor then succeeded three times in a row and was revived. His wounds seemed to heal up with divine power as he took his first breath, and that is where we are now. So you guys are still in the middle of the city, near the scattered bones of Quixis and the signs of your battle. People nearby are passed out in the streets due to the effects of pestilence's spell.
Starting point is 00:05:48 You guys all kneel around Balnor as he hugs you and takes labored breaths. I saw the light. I thought I was a daughter. What light did you see? Just a bright white light and then I saw some some some darkness and and Lydia Stormborn was there and she was like it's not it's not your your time yet you get you have to I've been I have to go back and right right wow that type of deal yeah yeah it was I don't feel You see
Starting point is 00:06:29 Bombing up anti-life matter And you guys see oh here I can make it on it for you. I know how to deal with that You guys see after a moment a bell nor passes out. Oh Hard one given that berry now. Oh, yeah, of course. I searched my pocket having eaten the berry. You find some, you have like, jammie fingers from having squeezed berry juice into your mouth. I thought you were going to do your thing, so I figured we had time. Just put it in my hand and I'll mash it up into a paste. Hard one tries to wretch.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Hard one starts gagging. Moonshan could solve this, but she sits back and watches the show. It does seem like Balnor is okay. He's just exhausted. You see, he seems stable, but he looks like he's going to need some rest. Okay, I think this is just the effects of Braze Dead dead because it is not as a gentle of a resurrection spell as others. It's a heck of a spell, yeah. It's a heck of a spell. That's some powerful magic, young babe.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Yeah, I'm feeling pretty exhausted myself after that one. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, you said. But you did beatically. Thank you very much. You guys see Mima comes over and gently picks up Balnor and she goes we should get him to your ship he's gonna need some time to recover.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Yeah. You did good Beverly. I don't think a Revivify would have would have cut it in this case. That's good to know I will make God on this one and it seems like the right move. Yeah, it definitely was. Good job, kid. Thanks y'all. I ate barf up a little. Okay, that was good berries. You've been eating good berries too. Everyone stopped getting into the good berries. They were in the breakfast zones. They should be called great berries, honestly.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Mima has just popped a little berry as she like went and picked up balanore y'all This is serious y'all we need to focus up Sometimes the berries all that'll do See that as you all pick up bal Balnor and begin heading back to the ship, other people around the city begin to pop up. They look okay, you see the sturdier folks like guards and warriors and whatnot in their like bright plate mail and cooter. You guys don't see cooter right now, he was at the university where he attacked Balnor. It's got a big bushel of berries and he's doing what he does best. Meema, do you know if there were any casualties from this amongst the folk, you know, the common populace?
Starting point is 00:09:16 You see, she looks around and yeah, you guys see that like guards are waking up and stuff and then they're followed by kind of the normal everyday citizens. You see like older people and kids and stuff. And there's a murmur of confusion. But you do hear people like crying out in pain in the distance and this is the aftermath of an attack, of a tragedy. So you see Mimog nods and she goes, I'm sorry, sweetheart,
Starting point is 00:09:47 I think it's unlikely that we got out of this unscathed. Okay, well, will y'all bring Boundor to the ship? And I might start making the rounds doing a little medicine woman routine. You see, she nods and she goes, let's get Boundor back and I'll come with you. We'll do it together. Okay. Great So You guys see yeah, there's there's this calm chaos around the city where it's nothing violent
Starting point is 00:10:14 There's no riots or like people going crazy or anything It's just the after math of this insane thing where the entire city Had insane bloodlust and then was knocked out. People jumped out of windows to get to you, people fell out of the windows of their homes and things like that, people broke their doors down to try to get to you. So there is the aftermath of this chaos. You guys also see as you're walking away from the sight of your battle, you guys see the de-animated skeleton of Bubbles the Cat who lies on the earth peacefully. Bubbles. And as you
Starting point is 00:10:55 pass it, you see a vision of a ghostly black cat rush off in the direction that you saw the visions of like Erdan and Quixis and Sattafel. I hug Pawpaw so tight. I'm glad they're all together at least. I think we also got to give them bones a proper burial. I'll skip the bones. You scoop the bones. Yeah, this looks like a situation where like bubbles was probably just Erdan's regular familiar, a cat who died that Erdan brought back to life. And now that Erdan's not here anymore, they're both ghosts on another point. He still deserves a proper burial. These bones deserve their final rest in place. Right, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:44 I pinch my nose and I pick up all of Quicks' bones too. I put them in a bag. Absolutely enormous bones. Yeah, those we might just build a museum around, huh? You get like one bone in your bag and it's just like ink numbers you. I need you to leave these for the soldiers, I don't know. It would be cool to make some armor. Actually, can we take it so that someday when I'm a dragon rider,
Starting point is 00:12:07 my dragon can wear bone armor? Yeah, it's gonna take a little bit. You guys take a... I just put a sticky note on all of them, proper to your moonshine, so I haven't been proper to your moonshine. Claimed, claimed. You mark the bones.
Starting point is 00:12:22 They're pretty stinky. I don't think anyone was gonna take them, but that's probably a good idea. It moonshine. Let's I'll lick them so no one else wants them. Thank you so much, Arwan. If you could get them all up. Yes, please. Yeah, Mima goes, I think people are going to be that concerned about the bones, considering they all were just under my control. I go into like, I go into a thrift store anxiety mode where I'm in competition with everyone around me for the best stuff.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Oh, don't forget the metatarsals. thrift store anxiety mode where I'm in competition with everyone around me for the best stuff. Oh, don't forget the meditarsals. I like just poor image. Oh, yeah, poor image. A huge pound of knuckles into the bag. You guys here just bow nor tossing and turning in his coma. Oh, I got it. You can't.
Starting point is 00:12:59 You can't. You can't. Look, everything in the bag. You're doing it wrong. You can't disrespect the bag like this. Oh, we need him now more than ever. you're doing it wrong. You can't disrespect the bag like this. We need him now more than ever. You're doing it. You don't put the small bones on the bottom. They'll get crushed by the big bones. Save the metal tarsals for last. You know let's get to the ship. So a few minutes later you guys get to the stormborne and you see that at first the ship is rattling in the wind
Starting point is 00:13:29 But after a moment you guys see that the arcane bubble Goes back up It seems like Lucanus or whoever else Must have restored it as soon as they got their wits about them. All right. It's good to have dads Does it does it stink like my daddies magic? Hmm. Go ahead and give me an arcana deck With advantage because you know your daddy's magic and almost imperceptible bit of crick stink That's funny That is the distinct barrier of a dirty daddy.
Starting point is 00:14:07 All right. Yeah. You see a monochrome just like surrounding the barrier. Yeah, you see like little worms in the, as a barrier around it. And as people, Luke, think if I ever knew it. So you guys see, yeah, that the ship was kind of moving in the wind here. It was like tethered to this like air dock up on the side of the city, but now it just kind of like sits there floating calmly, levitating.
Starting point is 00:14:33 You see that the city is once again protected and the stormborne rests easily in the sky at this air dock. You guys see Cordon, the gold cobalt and the rest of the crew rush up to greet you. Ah, I see you've gotten everything back in order. How was, you were gone for a while. Was everything okay? Hey, Butler. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Well, nobody recorded the movie, so we can't show you that. But we can give you a quick recap, for sure, yeah. We give him a quick recap, and then I really try to pivot, I really try to emphasize that the bones of this corrupt dragon will be used to protect a future dragon. Yeah, you see that cordone is deeply offended by the idea of reincarnating a dragon
Starting point is 00:15:17 and using it for mechronic means. So he goes, insult to nature and the sky. That's what I said. You see as you guys were talking about dragons and stuff, Boundore's just like nearly dead in Mimos Arms. And Cordon goes, oh, should we get him to a bed? Yes, right away. Let's bring him to the captain's quarters.
Starting point is 00:15:39 Good, I've already redone it. Excuse me. Did you lift any floorboards I grabbed him by the neck? I've already redone it. It's the bow ties. All right, everyone, let's get your nearly dead friend into bed. Absolutely. Okay, all right, let's check out the Captain Corp. I don't know what art he found in there, but I. Yeah, well art was down there.
Starting point is 00:16:20 It looks, this was not my ship. I inherited it. It's not my stuff. It looked like it was an artist that was really Obsessed with the female door form the female. Oh Makes it makes sense because my dad um I also Hard one throws that man. I like matter
Starting point is 00:16:42 So cordone leads you guys to the captain's quarters where he's already done a lot of redecorating. You see, the bed has been made. There are little plants by the window and he is framed. Some of our ones are toward. It's beautiful. It looks like it's like minimalist. It's like minimal. It's painful about a nude than when it's framed. So I really, really appreciate this touch. That is a nice, bubbler's touch. Yeah, you see, you see me, Mom, looks at it and she just goes, just as maloramator. Just as maloramator, we appreciate the nude,
Starting point is 00:17:13 the nude form. Yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad this art that was just laying around the cabin, done by someone else, is serving a purpose, actually. This is pretty cool. Do we believe him or do we know that this is hard one? Go ahead and give me a deception check. That is, that's an eight.
Starting point is 00:17:29 An eight. I'm kidding. But it's a not eight. Even. I give him a tiny thumbs up. Yeah, even with your passive insights, you guys, you guys know. Cool.
Starting point is 00:17:39 Yeah, I wink at him and say the cross hatching is amazing. I shouldn't have signed him, huh? I like the under boob. See you guys place Ballonor in the bed and tuck him in. He's sleeping deeply, almost, he's like near in a coma. But as you watch him, you see that his breathing is consistent. He's breathing these slow breaths,
Starting point is 00:18:06 but they're deep breaths and he seems like he's gonna recover. I get some butt heavy and an IV drip for him. He deep dies immediately. It's diluted. Just a watered down butt and a napkin. It's like a morphine to him. Yeah. He seems to be doing better but
Starting point is 00:18:28 Looks kind of sweaty and red faced I don't know how badly he took everything but tomorrow I can cast regenerate on him Based on let's try and help him heal from whatever sort of Went on inside his body during that process great. Yeah, you see after a few minutes Lucana's Appears in the ship like teleports there. You see he rushes over and he hugs you moonshine he goes Oh, my daughter. I'm so sorry. I was afflicted. I don't know how I was so good winged to a fool I'm a fool for not seeing it coming.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Paypal, your best friend in the world is the one who was the puppet that was being made to dance before you. I absolutely understand. And you know, honestly, I caught on pretty quick. So it's all good. It's all good. You did. You were brilliant.
Starting point is 00:19:20 You used counter spell like daughter. You used counter spell. You, he used counter spell. Ha ha ha. He starts crying. Oh, people. All right, well, I need to be getting the city under control. Where is Erdan? Oh. He was fully consumed by the rath.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Yeah, I think he's maybe being gone for a little bit. I'm sorry, I didn't know that you didn't know that. You see, you read the emotion on Lucana's face for a moment, just this look of shock and hurt, but then he quickly kind of just takes in a big swallow and just goes, right, well, Erdan would want us to get things under control and to protect the people here. I let my guard down before and I won't do it again.
Starting point is 00:20:12 Peba, this is not about you letting your guard down. This is not about anyone's fall other than those pulling the strings. Yeah, this is only one person's fault. He nods, and then he looks disappointed, and he goes, I'm sorry, Moonshine, I wasn't able to finish the spell to lock away the Hellfire crown. The Rathes Charm affected us before we could finish it. Toneth and Anai will have to get back to work on it, but we might want to prioritize getting the city in order. If you've already taken out the horsemen, I don't think the Hellfire Crown is an immediate threat.
Starting point is 00:20:52 I would focus on theala and I can help you seal it afterwards. Okay, so you don't think that it's existence poses a threat that theala might first go grab that Hellfire Crown, then take her primordial throne. I think it's unlikely that she would do her dirty work herself and I think you've handled most of her henchmen. I got pender greens on speed dial, so I can always check in. I'll throw the bus for wherever I'm at.
Starting point is 00:21:21 I'll forget if I say your name. I'll come up immediately. Hey, pender greens, anything sketching going on down there? You know the trolls were pretty pissed off. The race actually for being knobs and controlling them. At first things were a little tense between us, because I totally kicked the rest and jumped them on the motorcycle if you were up at crackling. I totally kicked the rash and jumped him on the motorcycle a few rep of crack Yeah, you know there's a little bit of egg on their face
Starting point is 00:21:47 There that's a moment there, but you know they're pretty bad for rates for being knobs So you come maybe manipulate this into being your troll I'm a different type of nippy way. I think I think we're all gonna be buddies. I think it's all gonna come Okay, all right I've found a gris is down there with a buffer of trolls, a buffer of angry trolls. Then, you know, I'll check it. I'll keep checking in with you,
Starting point is 00:22:12 make sure everything's okay, but it sounds like you're in good hands. Oh, you're appreciating the toilet. Oh, under control. Very nice. You're on that? Oh, you were emphasizing the troll. I see not that I oh you were emphasizing the Troll because yeah, I first thought you were emphasizing the first part of the
Starting point is 00:22:33 Where a helmet and also this is over audio so we could not see or hear you winking Okay, okay, well, you know be well and everyone's asking for your pen degrees. Strange that these are most competent friends. Throw it fun. Throw a cartridge later. I think it was a good thing we picked that field cleanful of those daisies, huh? You know what? You might be right, hard one. Good on us. Yeah, you see, Lucana's goes, all right, 12.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Without our den, I'm gonna have a lot of work to do. I'm gonna go around, collect the mages, and I'm gonna try to get the city under control and try to comfort people. People, do you need my help? I was gonna go around just sort of hand in out heels, like flowers, but do you name my helping any other way?
Starting point is 00:23:28 You see, Mima walks over and she puts her hand on your shoulder and she goes, sweetheart, why don't you focus on the olive? The olive is going to be here in a couple days. Why don't you relax? I'll help your olive people. But what if the way I relax is by helping other people? You want to come around and help heal some people to Matt? I think so.
Starting point is 00:23:47 All right. Why don't we, I don't know how to be any other way. Why don't we go ahead and make a little medical tan and you and I can heal some people up. So, yeah, so, um, moonshine and, um, Mima and people Luke head off. Lucanus, uh, joins up with a bunch of other mages and they start repairing various things around the city. And Mima, along with the other druids and moonshine, start going around and healing people up. I can heal, and I can also do a little plant growth
Starting point is 00:24:14 to try and find some broken stones together. That's cool. Yeah, you see, there were some trees that got knocked over and everything in the weather while the arcane bubble Was down so you're able to like replant the trees or like pull back up the ones that had fallen over Then he nails came loose. I have a hammer. So I'll sort of Put some doors back on their hinges That actually be really helpful. Thank you so much. I want Hard-witted Bev come along and hard ones just like pain stakingly hammering one boarded
Starting point is 00:24:45 Well, I whisper willows back into existence She's gonna spend the evening helping people out around the city But as it gets later you go back to the stormborn to check on Balnor Gradually throughout the night you guys see your various friends and allies come by to apologize various friends and allies come by to apologize for the actions that they took while charm. You see Ma Ba, Jaina, Kran, Durlin, Aguene, all come by. You see Cobb comes in and does a really poorly tied to Jo ki, like runs into the room with his gun drawn and he goes, where's Harbon add? I'm gonna get him this time add I'm gonna get him this time I'm gonna get him this Oh No, this dude broke my window
Starting point is 00:25:31 Not you man, he drops the gun it starts solving. I'm so fucking sorry man. I was trying to keep it God, oh you fucking got me that was good. That was good. It wasn't funny dude. Did you think that was fucking hilarious? I want to hear as you laugh man. He just pulls in the heart when it starts sweeping. I'm so fucking sorry man. Hard one laugh cries. Everyone is laughing and crying. I thought it was like one of those things where it was way too soon for me to make a joke about it, but if I really owned it, it would be freaking hilarious. Perfect timing has always come. Our faces look like the theater masks, just like sad and happy at the same time. Yeah, you see, after like, make that huge thing, like, Mama's
Starting point is 00:26:23 horrified, Mama like almost attacked Cobb. She has no sense if you were like that, but she goes up and apologizes to hard one. I'm sorry, my champion. It's all right. No one said anything to me that I don't scream at myself as I'm working out. I'm just casually pad hard one on the back.
Starting point is 00:26:45 Well, your traps are looking enormous, my champion. That means that means a lot of my equipment. More than you can possibly know. Pops up in your arms. Yeah, you see, Jane up hats you on the back and gives you like a firm apology. And a Gwain is so sincere, goes up to you, Bev, and she goes, I'm so sorry that I killed your dumb ass turtle.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Oh, it's okay. Thank you, your apology. He was just like this a lot, shitty little turtle. I really didn't stand a chance, and I just like totally kicked his ass, and I'm so majestic. It's actually a baby dragon turtle. It's not even really a turtle, but like, thank you so majestic. It's actually a baby dragon turtle. So not even really a turtle, but like, thank you so much. It's very big of you.
Starting point is 00:27:27 It's just like this little baby that was flying at me and I just like shot it down in like a couple shots and those fight ups. Twice as tall as I am, I can ride on it. It's back. It's pretty big actually. Right, so I don't know what you're projecting for, but I just hug her.
Starting point is 00:27:41 She pulls you in like to her. That was just super sincere apology. So she just thinks that you guys are really bonding. When we're in close, I whisper in her ear, I see arrows. You son of a bitch. It's cool that I invented a new thing, but I really didn't want to use it against you bud.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Hey, you know what, that's gonna be perfect on the angel. So I think it was worth it. She nods and pulls you in. It's fun to be on the other side of an apology breakfast, huh? Yeah. Mojang was just huffing, crick water, watching all of these very funny
Starting point is 00:28:16 apologies go down. Yeah. So as the night passes on, you guys see that the lights in the city begin to go back up. It looks like Lucanus and Mima and the other elves are getting a handle on it. You go out under the deck and you can see Druids and Clerics still working to heal people up while May just work to fortify the city. And eventually you guys all get your long rest in for once Balmour is in the bed and you
Starting point is 00:28:42 all fall asleep in shoes. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! That's too beautiful. I think we wake up every once in a while to shout at him if he starts going towards the light. Yeah, I think I sleep light,
Starting point is 00:28:56 like I sleep lightly, and like anytime he shifts, it's almost like when you have a new, like when you have a new baby or something like that. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Very cute. We're spooning him applesauce, feeding him ice chips. Can you something new food, do you need food? I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.
Starting point is 00:29:13 All right, I'm coming towards the light. I'm going towards the light. No, no, no, no. Okay, taking a deep, I got to spend it. I got to spend it. All right, I'm touch-handsing him but I'm slapping him across the face. I sleep so long and deep that it seems like I'm touch-hanging him, but I'm slapping him across the face. I sleep so long and deep that it seems like I'm dead.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Meema mistakes hard one for being dead and reencarnation. Oh! So, you guys are all going to sleep. Moonshine's getting her trance in. The hard one is also getting his trance in, which is a double trance. Deep slumber. Apps like just bent over, completely bent over the back of his chair absolutely gonna have a destroyed back in the morning Just sleeping so deeply and so top heavy
Starting point is 00:29:55 Still holding his hammer. It's just like oh gonna have absolutely no lower back tomorrow His lumbar is absolutely fucked. None of these discs are in the right spot. And you guys see you guys are kind of taking shifts, checking on Balnor and during Bebs shift as he's sleeping closest to Balnor, Bev, you are suddenly awoken from a deep sleep by Bailnor grabbing you and you see he's tossing and turning and talking to himself. Bailve? Bailve? Bailve?
Starting point is 00:30:35 Bailve? Uh, you hear there's something weird about his voice. At times he sounds like Bailnor, but at others he sounds like your dad. Well this is even more confusing than it already was. Dad? You see Balnor suddenly opens his eyes and grabs your hand and goes, yeah, Beth, it's me. You see that even though this is physically Balnor, he does resemble your dad in this moment, just the way he holds his face, his mannerisms. It feels very much like your dad.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Like Balnor is kind of a laid back dude and Be Bev's senior is super high strung. So you see, Boundor's relaxed features are now all furrowed and strained. As soon as I notice, I stop slouching. He stops slouching, he said, I'm gonna go, yeah, Bev, you're gonna hurt your back. You're gonna have a back like your old pop if you sleep and chairs like that, son. I just for tonight, Dad,
Starting point is 00:31:43 we gotta make sure the balanore's okay. All right. He had a real rough day. It was not a walking day for him. Yeah. Well, right, you're, your stepdad here is sort of hovering between life and death. So he was primed to be possessed.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Wow. That's how I was able to get to you, but don't worry. We're gonna make sure he gets better. I can actually help him out a little bit while I'm in here. But make yourself at home. Yeah. It's not bad.
Starting point is 00:32:12 Not bad. It starts like moving around a little bit. So, did you have something you needed to tell me or is this just kind of like a Sunday afternoon checkup? Well, you know, I wanted to have a nice father, son, chat, but there is some business to it, Bev. Before your big fight with the Aula, first off, I wanted to remind you to hustle out there,
Starting point is 00:32:35 okay? I don't want you dogging it. You know, I hate it when you dog it. So I bring it up just because, you know, I know you don't like it when I talk about you dogging it on the tea ball field But you played we had to stick in the outfield and then you would just run around There was a lot of cool flowers out there. I need to catalog them I know Bev but we could go flowerpaken after outfield is a position and you need to pay attention all right
Starting point is 00:32:58 You're right everyone has a responsibility. You're right dad. I'm sorry. Okay. I did have more practical responsibility. You're right, Dad. I'm sorry. Okay. I did have more practical reason for wanting to reach out to you. You're a paladin, bud, and you're going up against a cleric. So the light isn't gonna work on her. You're gonna be at a little bit of a disadvantage. I've been worried about that. But I'm hoping that I can use all my abilities to help my friends and give them the power they need and just make do with whatever light I've got. I think that's a good way of going about it, but I'd like you looking out for your teammates
Starting point is 00:33:37 like that that shows good hustle, you're not doggin' it. Hey, you know what, if you're not doggin' it, don't doggin', you're're gonna hang with the pups and I don't want to be with the pups Right, that's right. I want to be out there with the big dogs dad You know how much I love those t-shirts Now, babe, that's all well and good, but you are gonna have to use your prowess against her and I've learned a few things while I've been on the dark side here. Oh, and You know how I feel about curses,
Starting point is 00:34:11 but if you're gonna dabble in Necromancy, I'd rather have you do it under my supervision, okay? Yes, sir. It's gonna be like when I let you have a beer at the beach house, okay? Oh, I still remember the taste. Let me see your sword. I hold it up, I give it to Balnor. You hold the sword up. You see as Balnor, Bev Sr. holds his hands over it and he begins a chant. We find the light and keep it warm.
Starting point is 00:34:38 For in the dark we are reborn. Our core swarms where others' mourn, and I curse this sword by the storm-born horde. You see that? Bird Slayer shimmers with a magical necrotic energy. It's still glowing a white light, but there's something nearly imperceptible that's different about it. It's more of a ghostly white now than a radiant light. You see that one side of the hilt still has the green parrot wings, but the other side when you flip it has skeletal wings two sides. The same coin And Bev you may now do necrotic damage instead of radiant damage when you smite
Starting point is 00:35:24 Dad, I hate to curse, but this is pretty flippin' cool. You know, I don't like you dropping F-bombs, bud, but sorry I have to do it. Sorry dad. No, you know what, I'll even go as far to say, it's pretty frickin' cool. What, dad? I look around. I look around. Hey, you know, we're in the dark here, bud.
Starting point is 00:35:42 You're right, Dad. What are you gonna be doing during the battle? Is there any way that Lydia and her forces can help? I think I've contributed. All I'm gonna contribute to this fight. And I think that's a lot. You see, he puts his hand on your shoulder. You guys have grown stronger than Heck anybody I've ever known anyone I've ever fought alongside I don't even think I could I couldn't even carry your jock son
Starting point is 00:36:18 I'd never ask you dad. It's weird and gross. I'm glad you wanted because that would be weird Maybe weird and gross dad would be weird and gross thought I'm glad you wanted, because that would be weird. Maybe weird and gross, Dad. It'd be weird and gross, Sawd. I'm so glad I'm sleeping through this. They started to get so loud at that part. I'm always trying not to, you begin to wake up. What the fuck? I never make you carry my cop, Dad. I'm so glad you say about Sawd.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Pulsing for a big hug. All right, bud, well, I gotta get going. I know you're gonna make me proud, because you already have. Thanks dad We wouldn't be here without you You gave up so much And I promise you it won't be in vain now go with those shadow felver cruts in the shape. No dog in it All right, Red go through quit dog and get over here
Starting point is 00:37:01 And he goes all right, love you bud. Love you. And I kiss Balnor I guess. He gives a balnor. And he goes, now I'm gonna give Balnor a little cleanse on the way out. So you might wanna go in and snatch him another pair of pants or yeah, a bucket would be good.
Starting point is 00:37:19 Okay, I'll get several buckets. Good luck bud. You see suddenly Balnor aw awake with a jolt. Oh, the bed pan. Get the bed pan, bam. Which one, extra large? Yes, please. Extra large.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Extra large. Why do they make multiple sizes? Yeah. Actually, this is quite logical. Yeah, especially in a world where there's halflings in humans. Yeah. Human size.
Starting point is 00:37:43 Get the human size. Yeah. Get the, just a cat. Get the, just a cat. Get the Goliath size. You help Alanor. You see he's in and out of consciousness for the rest of the night. It seems like your dad was able to help him a little bit.
Starting point is 00:37:59 I think this is the third time in our adventure that I've helped someone in the bathroom. You are a holy bathroom attendant. Gladly serving. So you guys wake up the next day, and Valnor wakes up with you guys. He's groggy, but he's in good spirits. Hey guys, I didn't do anything embarrassing
Starting point is 00:38:22 or anything last night, right? No, yeah, nothing, nothing at all. I like push the bed pants under the bed. I mean, you filled up a half-orc bed, damn, but that wasn't embarrassing, that was, I'm not full, or, you know, so there's that. Wow. Always something to strive for, brother, don't worry.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Someday, Valnor looks excited. So you guys see throughout the day, you guys have friends coming in and out, Martha Togold and Nana Kineleaf, come by the drop off. Handy, Andy goes for them worthers. Yeah. You see that Nana Kineleaf has a basket of worthers.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Oh, no, it's a bad hand. That's a bad hand. She grabs the hand and starts like going to throw it out the window. What? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey I gently grapple. I mean, there's a place for her in this war. It's one of those things where it starts out as kind of a joke and then both of them start to get a little sweaty and are just like forcefully trying to wrestle the other
Starting point is 00:39:37 one. And Nana Gaines on her arm. I'm going easy though. I'm just, I'm a temper in it so that I'm only ever equal with her. Nana Gaines don ever equal with her. Nanakindly. It's surprisingly strong and you have to try like, you know, twice as hard as maybe you thought you would have. You have a hard one.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Look at her gloves. Wow. Hard one grips his hammer. Martha ToeGold runs over, gives a bat a big kiss. Hey, mom. Oh, my god, I'm so glad you're all right, honey. I know you're going to do so good in your big fights and you're going to save the world. We're all right, honey. I know you're gonna do so good in your big fights and you're gonna save the world. We're all dependent on you,
Starting point is 00:40:08 but I know it's a foregone conclusion. Aw, thanks, mom. Now that I know that you're safe and you'll be watching from afar, I think that I'll be okay. She gives you a kiss and she goes, I guess they're back. Yeah, I treat it like I'm about to go do like a fifth grade play.
Starting point is 00:40:24 Yeah. Yeah. And you see she throws her hands up and she goes, you know, and if it doesn't work out, then we'll all just go to the shadow fell and we'll buy a nice little house. That's true. Live with skeletons and stuff, you know, always looking on the dark side of things. You gotta look on the dark side of things. And yeah, you guys see Martha Togold and Anna Kinleaf drop off some food for Balnor. And you guys. So being where there's originals. Where there's originals.
Starting point is 00:40:50 Mostly just where there's originals and sticky buns. No, absolutely no protein. Everybody feels sick. And my back hurts. This is perfect. Yeah, he said Balnor is eating it. He's just like, this is one of those things where I'm enjoying myself, but I know I'm not going to recover.
Starting point is 00:41:05 And so you guys, you know, go and check out the city during the day. You see that it seems to be getting back on its feet. The druids have fixed the weather inside the bubble. You can see the sun shining on the city. Moonshine, you see that as you're off healing people and helping out around the city. You see Mima finds you and she goes,
Starting point is 00:41:29 Hi Mima. Hey Moonshan. So, can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah. I don't remember everything that happened when I was charmed, but I do remember. Oh, I can walk you through. You turn and do snake. Alright, I remember that part.
Starting point is 00:41:48 In that part. I remember that part. So, it's like that part. We had a conversation before it. You were saying something about the druid's timeless body and how you were concerned about the aging process. Oh, yeah. I mean, I guess I was just wondering, like, do you, because, you know, as soon as I felt
Starting point is 00:42:10 myself getting stronger, I felt that thing I've heard about where some druids get to a level where they don't age just quickly. I just wasn't philosophically, I felt wrong about it. Do you have it? I don't think it's... I do, it's, but it's very rare and not very many crick-ills have had it, but can I show you something?
Starting point is 00:42:35 Sure. And just so everybody knows, the timeless body that Moon Shining Mimai are talking about right now is mechanically at level 18 Druids age one year for every 10 years. So what Moonshine is talking about right now is a fear of living for thousands of years. So Moonshine, you see Mimah takes your hand and brings you over to a large oak tree and you see she reaches her hand out and casts
Starting point is 00:43:04 transport via plants. You see the bark of the tree seems to smooth out to create a shimmering portal, and she begins to step through and motions for you to join her. I don't go. I'm just kidding. So, moonshine, you come out on the other side of the spell and are immediately hit by droplets of rain. You see that you have been transported to a massive branch on the grandma tree.
Starting point is 00:43:35 This enormous tree that dwarfs the biggest redwood that marks the center of the creek. You look out and you see that the creek has flooded. Brown waters rage beneath the pounding rain, drowning stumps that once housed the creek, but you see still the grandma tree stands. Is it strange to say this warms my heart to think that the all I tried to come for us and she just made more of our beloved mode You see me ma laughs and she goes I think I'm getting a contact high I know We got to just get some boats and we can just float around here. I know
Starting point is 00:44:22 Me ma takes a deep breath and she goes So the timeless body, you're going to age one year for every 10. Now, elves can live to be seven or eight hundred years old, but some druids can live to be 10 times that. And Bev has something similar. He's of the earth too, so y'all could be around for ages. Oh boy. Yeah, but as much as it can feel like a curse, it's a blessing too.
Starting point is 00:44:52 I mean, me and Cobb were almost 400 years old. You know, the sad side of it is in that time I've lost lovers, I've lost siblings, parents, children. I've had friends who were orcs, friends who were goblins, who died in their 60s of natural causes. I've had elves I've known who went off on adventures and never came back like your half-brother Vance. Yeah, no, he did come back though. I, you see, she smiles and she goes, I know.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Yeah. I guess, I guess, I'm just, I'm worried because, I walk around, tell people that, that death is a natural part of life. And I just think that it is a natural part of life. I think that there's, I think life without death would make lazy and selfish people. And I think that there is a beauty that is gifted to life
Starting point is 00:46:01 by the mere existence of death in the same way that I sometimes wonder if there is a gift to goodness by the fact that there is evil and so here I am walking around saying it's two sides of the same coin, death and life and it doesn't it feels sort of hypocritical to then outlive them all, telling them all to be okay with their death and then outlive them all, telling them all to be okay with their death, and then outlive them all. Meemaw nods, and she looks out in the creek, and she goes, you know, that's a lot of people say that's the difference between humans and elves.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Elves are off living in their magic cities, and humans in the short time that they live end up building their empires, and in a lot of times in their short lives end up doing more than a lot of elves, but it can be different. How long do half elves live? You talking about hard one? I mean, I saw my mind. Well,
Starting point is 00:47:02 It's on my mind. Well, half of us usually can live to be twice as old as humans. Some live to be 200. I see, but I feel, look, I made the decision to go through this change because when I was down there and I met the glittering lady and I promised her I would bring dragons to the sky by whom you and it seems like a real complicated thing and one that could take a timeless body's worth of life to figure it out. life to figure it out. But how did it feel to lose mayor balance and does losing people does it ever get easier? Sometimes I wonder if there's a limit to how much heartbreak a heart can go through and the longer you live your life the more you're going to experience it. And I guess if I'm being honest, I just don't know what it's gonna be like to know
Starting point is 00:48:05 Bahumia without hard ones, Surefoot. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to find out what that feels like. It doesn't get easier, but there are elves that give into the melon collie and become distant. That's why you see a lot of wizards up in their towers. But Moonshan, I didn't have you until I was 350 years old. By that time I had already lost Maribel. And here now I got you, now I got another sister. And she puts her arm around you. I have met so many people and forged so many relationships that ain't nobody gonna replace Vance, ain't nobody gonna replace Maribel, but Trees Dying, new ones sprout up and we drew it's are the gardeners. We sure it's our gardeners. I guess since you brought it up, I already disappointed
Starting point is 00:49:22 that I haven't made any youngins and would you be disappointed if I maybe never did? Oh, sweetheart, you've made so many youngins. You see, she looks down at like all your like mushrooms and everything. You've brought so much life and joy to this world, I would never expect you to live the way that I did. Okay, that's good. Timeless body is intimidating and I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to be ungrateful by feeling complicated about it. I just, I don't want to be hypocrite and I'm also just, I don't want to be hypocrite and I'm also just There's just some aspects of it that can seem potentially really painful
Starting point is 00:50:16 But I know I can get some good work done with it. Maybe I'm intimidated by it too. I'm 400 years old At some point you and I are gonna be almost the same age which is insane I'll be like 7,400 you'll'll be 7,000. It's going to be kind of weird. Wow. I'm going to go ahead and defeat the all of just to make sure that happens. But look, it is very rare that a druid achieves the timeless body, but when they do, they can do amazing things. I know I told you a lot of stories when you were a little girl but did I ever tell you about My grandma your great grandma
Starting point is 00:50:52 No, I don't know that you did you see she Put her hands unlike the bark of the grandma tree and she got a smiles wistfully and she goes You know what the living wood was before your great grandma came around. A paradise that just hadn't found its people. No, it was just the wood. Oh, okay. There was no tree ants. There was no life in the forest.
Starting point is 00:51:25 She awakened the trees here. It's her life's work. And the type of thing that you do in 500 years, it took her about 5,000. And look at him now. Cataclysm should have just about whopped the forest out. She points out, and moonshine, you look out at where the living wood once was, out on the edges of the creek,
Starting point is 00:51:48 and you see that there are no trees just overflowing water, but you look up in the nearby mountains and see that they are full of these living trees. Like they all scattered up to the mountains? You see them like, now that's a great people. That's that great resilience. That's that great resilience. Get up there. Climate trees. Get up there.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Trees climate. We're climate trees. Trees climate mountains. That's the great one. We got to try it. Yeah, you see that the living wood is literally getting the high ground, like going up and getting out of being flooded
Starting point is 00:52:25 And she goes that's what my grandma did. That's what your great grandma did Do you think it'd be absolutely strange with me though if I invested my timeless body in something that's I don't know where as Bringing dragons back to Bahumia. I just I don't know where as bringing dragons back to Bohemia. I just, I don't know why it spoke to me, but it did. My little girl sticking up for the underdog and making sure they know hospitality, that
Starting point is 00:52:58 doesn't seem out of nowhere to me. Well, you know, they say there's pain in life and there's pain and death and the only salvage hospitality. That's right. And you know what? It doesn't work out until the first thousand years. Try something else. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:15 And when you're good and ready, when you've done what you've wanted to do, you can return to the earth. Like my grandma did. We buried her right here. You see, she pats the grandma tree. She died at the ripe old age of 7,343. The day after she died, a little sapling popped up. 10 days later, it was the biggest goddamn tree I'd ever seen.
Starting point is 00:53:37 Ooh. And through all these storms, through chosen occupation, she stood, watch over the creek. And she'll be here waiting for us when you get back. Okay. Yeah, I can do this. I I guess there is something sour. I'd probably need to swallow though. It is There's people you meet that are Once in a timeless body lifetime kind of people, right? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:05 Okay. And you keep them with you. Okay. Um, moonshan, go ahead and give me a perception check. Is the ol' gonna attack us? I got a 920! Whoa! moonshan!
Starting point is 00:54:17 You hear the sounds of Crick-Bullywigs. What? What? What? Coming from inside the Grand Motri. Oh, me ma, I think that some of the critters have retreated into the Grand Motri. You guys climb in through one of the like higher up entrances. You see that there is like this pelt that is blocking the way
Starting point is 00:54:49 so that rain can't get in. You go in and you know that the grandma tree was this hollowed out big complex with like lots of different floors that at one point it housed thousands of sick crick elves during the crick rot plague. You go in this time and see that while the bottom part of it is flooded, you see that the grandma tree is now housing hundreds and thousands of brick bully lugs in the storm.
Starting point is 00:55:23 You see thousands of these little orange frog people croaking And you also see Nander fly What about Joe I look for Joe the mayor with the Matt so I see leading them mocha you see a Little praying man just go I'm goes hey mocha Joe did you orchestrate this refugee colony? You know what? Sort of got away from me there Technically I am the mayor, but everybody kind of just does whatever they want around here
Starting point is 00:55:54 But that's what the mayor does they're just honestly a face to the chaos. That's right vote Joe That I will I am so at peace to see y'all get a vibe and so beautifully. Yeah, you see, yeah, it looks like the grandma tree is like providing life for the creatures here. You see that there are like vines growing on the inside of the tree that are like bearing fruits that like crick bully wugs are eating at. You see like little chipper monks and stuff.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Um, I do have to though, like, using my knowledge, can I, do I know a fruit that, a fruit or vegetable that has a lot of vitamin D? Because I know there's a deficiency going on in here. Oh, you, oh yes. So I need to like, create food and water and work a flavor. Yeah, you're gonna need a Crick's specialty, sunny fruits. Okay. I need a real quick plant growth into the bark of the tree need a quick specialty sunny fruits. I need a real quick plant growth into the bark of the tree of munches sunny fruits. Y'all are looking a
Starting point is 00:56:51 little pale. Y'all are looking like me in a library. Oh wow thanks Moonshine sunny fruits. Haven't had those in a while. Sun has been out a long time. Get that vitamin D. Get that vitamin D. It's important to get that sunshine. They all shaped like a sunny D bottle. They all, they all shaped like a sunny D bottle. They all jump over and start eating the fruits. And you see Mimal looks super happy to be up amongst the Nanner Flies and the Crick Bully Wags and everything. And you see Mimal goes, Moon Shine,
Starting point is 00:57:17 you remember when I used to send you off to catch Nanner Flies when I had to get a trance? Yeah. I got to get a spell slot back. You mind catching a couple Nannerflies for me while I do a little trance. I go full into kid mode and just like whip out a jar and like act like it's the most important thing in the world.
Starting point is 00:57:35 Mima, I'ma get you every single Nannerfly in here. Moonsign runs off, starts catching Nannerflies. You see a bunch of the bully wugs start jumping up and rassling with you and trying to like get to them before you do. Joe, the mayor joins in and perches up on your shoulder as you guys catch nanderflies. We're gonna cut back to Glade Home.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Back in Glade Home, Boundores and Better Spirits. He's sitting up in his bed throughout the day, old Cobb and a bunch of the green teens come by and are hanging out for a while. A Gwaine, Durlin, and Cran are all sitting around. You see Durlin busts out his guitar and starts playing old jamboreen songs and they pass like a flask around. If you see a dragon, you take a wipe, earth. We do all we can for Mother Earth. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:28 I go. Yeah. Dirlin, Dirlin gets super pumped in Boundores, like clapping. Cran looks like a little bit embarrassed in a way. It looks mortified. I can't believe you guys fucking remember that song. Dirlin and I are like spinning around. We're going like elbow to elbow.
Starting point is 00:58:44 We've got like a whole routine prepared. Yeah, it's like it's like you guys are kids again. Yeah, Crann. Well, Crann and Dirlin, yeah, they're like 40 now because they aged naturally because of the Feywild, but they get back into the kind of jambering spirit of things that feel like you're all kids again.
Starting point is 00:58:59 Kalu Kale gang. Kalu Kale. You guys see it gets to be sunset. You guys see the purple and gold lights of the Glade Home Street lights pop up in the city outside of the windows like the port holes and stuff. Right as it begins to get dark, hard one, go ahead and give me a perception check. Ooh. Mmm.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Dirty 20. Ooh. Mm. Dirty 20. Ooh. Hard one. You see a crow watching you from the sky? And then flitter off into the city. I drop everything. I run after a cock. You see my sweet boy, my sweet baby bird.
Starting point is 00:59:42 As Dirlin and Bev are dancing around, all the halflings are kind of hanging out. Old Cobb runs after hard one and helps them try to track down Kaka. So, awesome. Hard one. You guys take off into the city and follow the path that you saw the birds take.
Starting point is 01:00:01 You see like Kaka in the like deep distance, just like a little black speck. And anytime you lose it, O'Cobbs like a pretty good tracker, he's able to find it. This way, we gotta go this way. There's Kaka. If I could only get it to hear my voice,
Starting point is 01:00:16 I'm sure he'd come to me. Ha ha ha ha. You guys chase it for a good long while. The sun sets, you're going to be out of breath. You rush over to like the other side of the city that overlooks the ocean. And you see finally, this crow has perched in a tree. Go ahead and give me a perception check
Starting point is 01:00:38 to see if you recognize. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That was a six, but I'm gonna use a luck point. Okay. Beautiful. Beautiful. Ooh, that's an 18. An 18? Hard one, that's cockaw. Oh my God. If I, I guess I ran with my hammer probably, but I lay it down at my feet, and I just creep.
Starting point is 01:01:04 Three steps, pause for three seconds. Three steps, pause for three seconds. And I get as close as I can to the tree, and then I raise my finger. Hard one, as you raise your finger up towards Kaka, suddenly, you feel someone throw a bag over your head. Go ahead and roll and oppose athletics check. What the fuck?
Starting point is 01:01:28 What the fuck is happening? Oh no, that's a 30 for my athletics check. A 30? Hard one. As soon as you feel this bag start to go overhead, you reflexively like grab it, stop it from going over your head and just punch the unknown assailant
Starting point is 01:01:46 And you see that you have punched Nerman in the nose. Oh, man. Ah! What the fuck are you doing here, man? You look and you see that it was Jaina and Nerman and Jaina goes, oh, I'm so sorry. You turned around You see that a bunch of dwarves were hiding and pop out They all kind of look around awkwardly and then they look up at you and they go surprise Bring it in you crazy You see frost dwarves iron deep dwarves a lot of them that you recognize you see like King Coldain and King McGannis
Starting point is 01:02:21 You see the crew of the stormborn You see King McGannis goes up to you Slaps you on the arm and he goes you didn't think we'd send you off without a drink first did you? It's dwarven tradition. I knew it. I knew you were gonna put a bag over my head Push me in the face and then get me a beer fucking knew it That's right. You see they do a throw a bag over your head and punch you in the face. Ha ha, it's your edition. I love really hard. Yeah, no bags over your head. You're king for the day, boy.
Starting point is 01:02:51 You see he takes the crown off his head, puts the iron crown on your head. You see a bunch of dwarves come over with like a cask. One of them hands you a mug, pour ale into it. You see King McGannis holds his mug up and he goes to the tall dwarf, tall dwarf! Everybody yells it out in chorus and you guys drink and you sing songs. A bunch of the frost dwarves bring out these drums and a metal instrument that sound like a theraman. They clear a circle and start wrestling each other. Frost d'Orbs against iron deep d'Orbs.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Cobb and Cawcaw join you, of course. I'm absolutely double fisting. You got two beers that you're drinking. And then we're going to cut over to Bev. So back on the storm, born. Yeah, as the night goes on, you're there with all the halflings. Ballonort, this point, is sitting up. He's like on the edge of the bed now, hanging out with you guys.
Starting point is 01:03:46 You guys are telling stories about being green teens and the jamboreans. Such, still such a shame. I feel like we said the jamborean was back on, but we never got to have a real jamborean. You know what, I think that's gonna be the first thing we do as soon as this theala problem is handled. What do you say?
Starting point is 01:04:01 You know what, next year's jamborean. We're doing a jamborean next year. That's, you know what, count on. Let's all, you know, everybody's like jamboreen? We're doing a jamboreen next year That's you know what count on let's all probably you know everybody's like a little bit drunk We promise right now this time next year. We're having a jamboreen time next year. I'm getting my calendar out I'm in my calendar to get your calendar out. It's out here. I got it. Yeah, crann crann looks at you pulls a knife on you You better we better have a jamboreen how long is crann weighted for a jamboreen blood? Oh, I we're gonna have a blood 40 years. It's been it's been 30 years since I've been to a goddamn trampoline. Oh, it's gonna be the best one you've ever had.
Starting point is 01:04:32 Trust me, the calendar is of course a page a day calendar that hard one drew of Jemma. You see after a bit, Dirling goes. I definitely wanna see December Jemma. Just in just a coat, in a fur coat. Santa hat. Yeah, there's so much of imagination. In a fur coat, in a Santa hat.
Starting point is 01:04:56 Just so tasteful. After a bit, you see Dirlin gets a slice smile and he goes, you know what? We might not be able to have a jambarine, but we should pull an old-fashioned goof. Oh! One last goof. One last goof. One last goof.
Starting point is 01:05:12 And Cran nods. One last goof. One last goof. One last goof. One last goof. I straight up do a bad move. Everyone starts chanting for the goofs. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:22 You see Cran goes, I know where Scoutmaster Denny is staying. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. There's no harm in playing one little goof on a former Scoutmaster, I don't think. Ha, ha, ha. Hey, you guys, you guys were saying that, when you guys were kids, you guys got like kidnapped by like frogs.
Starting point is 01:05:41 What if we like, what if we like dressed up as frogs? You see like, Boundars like dressed up as frogs? You see like ballad or it's like gone back to drinking or any? Whoa, slow down buddy. What, not fine, man. You're bandages are bleeding. Hold on. All right, change my bandages, bud.
Starting point is 01:05:56 All right. I change his bandages. Are you saying that while I'm changing his bandages, I go, are you saying maybe we should wear some sort of like bully, what costume or something? You see a Dirland nods and it goes brilliant. I'm changing his bandages. I go are you saying maybe we should wear some sort of like bully what? Costume or something? I see a Dirland nods and it goes brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. How did we how do you and yours? You didn't go to green team camp. No, I mean I grew up with halflings I think it's in the blood goofs are in the blood goofs are in the blood We press the light and we keep it like that That is our way. That is our way. That is our way.
Starting point is 01:06:25 That is our way. That is the way. Now come on to the crafting closet. You guys go into the crafting closet and you find the Scullywag Scuba Suit. And you also find the Bullywag Sleeping bag. The Bullywag Sleeping bag. You guys, to various degrees of success, are able to dress up as bully wugs and you guys prep for your big prank.
Starting point is 01:06:51 This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult!
Starting point is 01:07:10 Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals.
Starting point is 01:07:40 So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-a or promo code pop-a for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. So meanwhile, hard one, you've been drinking and hanging out with these dwarves. There's
Starting point is 01:08:16 probably been like 10 or 11 wrestling matches. It's like, it's, it's honestly like getting, you aren't getting as drunk as the dwarves because like you know You you have to fight the Allah like tomorrow or the day after like sometime very very soon But these guys like just endless entertainment and they're in the drags It's like Nerman is fighting some equivalent frost worth. That's just like a crewman and they're having like a very bad wrestling match All right Nerman. Yeah. Let's call it, bud. And Moonshine, I think at this point, you've come back.
Starting point is 01:08:53 So I come back. Do I see this party going on? I think you can sense kind of where people are at because of your reports, pores, and stuff. Okay. Then I think I'll get back and be a report sports. I say, Yelpardian? We're partying pretty hard. I'd look at Nerman passed out on the ground. Just Nerman getting body slam.
Starting point is 01:09:14 Then I guess I take a shot of Crickwater and I say, who wants to turn it to an animal? And I guess an eighth level animal shapes. And anyone can just, for the night, be whatever animal they want. I just, it's just a spell I've been wanting to try. You see, they have really weird requests. Yeah, I've always wanted to be a duck. All right.
Starting point is 01:09:39 I've been to a duck. You turned King McGannis into a duck. King, I hate this for you. You see the Frost Dorks go up, I would also like to be a duck. All the doors want to be ducks. You know what? We have great reverence for the ducks. Alright, everyone's a duck.
Starting point is 01:09:58 You see, they start having duck fights. It just reignites the wrestling rivalries and they all fight again as duck. Hey, quick pecking each other place. Watch your bills. You duck raise. I swear to God, they think there's so much noble about a mallard. Masters of land and sky. So after a little bit, so moon shine is here, she's casting casting turning these dwarves into ducks and stuff. You know the spell is any animal you want this isn't just a duck. I would like to be
Starting point is 01:10:31 small duck. Oh yes well duck. I want to be a medium duck. All right medium duck. I would like to be a large duck. A large duck. God would admit actually medium duck does sound pretty amazing. I turn hard one into a duck. I made the choice final. He's a fuck. Um, fuck on a duck after a hard one dispels for being a duck eventually. Um, you see, uh, Jaina pulls you aside hard one while moonshine is, um, uh, tending to the other dwarves and turning them into ducks and whatnot. Sorry, but,, but I'm meant for you to also try it. We're like headed towards Dinny.
Starting point is 01:11:11 I trust that it's so bad, Drugs, yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna solve this for you. Yeah, it's just like a bunch of drunk stupid halflings are like dressed up as bullywugs running across this city. We look good. This is authentic. Yeah, there's just like drunk ducks wrestling each other.
Starting point is 01:11:27 The people who needed this spell the most. This is gonna work. And you can be a duck. And you can be a duck. Hard one, you see, Jaina pulls you to the side, and she pulls her mug out, and she cheers as you. Cheers. Hey. Cheers, hey. Cheers, that was real quickie time.
Starting point is 01:11:48 hilarious man, she laughs a little bit. You see, she takes a sip and she goes, so listen, I've been meaning to ask you, normally when I'm attracted to someone, I go through like a six to 12 month long courting process before I formally declare my feelings but seeing as it is the end of the world I don't really have time for that. Right. Anyway I'm sort of intrigued by your... Okay, well sorry. What were you going to say? I was about to say, nothing. Yeah, I was just gonna, nothing.
Starting point is 01:12:26 Yeah, I was just gonna, yeah, all right, okay. Cool. Nice. No, I was just gonna say that I think your friend Moon Shine is cute. Oh, thank God. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Thank God.
Starting point is 01:12:42 Did you see she looks at you and puts her finger between you. Did you think? I shake my head. No, no, no, no. I thought you were asking about Balnor. Balnor? Or Nerman or something. Oh, good Lord, man.
Starting point is 01:12:57 Never. Come on. No way. I don't think so. Right. Well, I don't know her very well. It's just one of those situations where it's like you know, it's a Friend of a friend who you think is cute and I I kind of hoped I'd find myself in a position to get to know her
Starting point is 01:13:13 I'm wild shaping back and forth between a duck and a cute and an elf I look over at moonshine Hey, Jaina the only thing you need to know about moonshine is that she's the coolest fucking elf in the world. I take a shit. Oh God. See what I'm telling you? So why? Jaina shakes her head and she goes, I don't know why, I think that's hot.
Starting point is 01:13:38 I think it's because I grew up, I think it's because I know it would make my dad really mad. Does that make sense? It's the kind of thing that you never knew you were into until you see her do it and then it's like I know it would make my dad really mad. Does that make sense? It's the kind of thing that you never knew you were into until you see her do it and then it's like, wait a second. But anyway, I don't really know her that well and I wanted to check in with you first, is there's nothing like going on with you guys, is there? Me and Moonshot, I mean, no, no, nothing like going on with you guys, is there? Me and Moonshine, I mean, no, nothing, nothing's going on there at all.
Starting point is 01:14:12 See, she burrows her eyes and she goes, you answered that kind of defensively. Well, I just mean nothing's going on between us. Well, I just mean nothing's going on between us. You know, because she doesn't like me like that. Oh, so I mean, she's single. Right. As far as I know, she was engaged a couple times, but I think she's untethered in space. But if you have feelings for her, then I'll back off,
Starting point is 01:14:49 because you and I were friends first. Hey, I got your sister killed, so they're so good. Well, no, you did it. I told you hard one. I tried to explain. I was under the charm spell. They were manipulating my emotions. I didn't, I don't actually...
Starting point is 01:15:04 Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know, you say the truth, because it hurts the most, I get it, it's okay. I don't think that, hard one. I appreciate it. I consider you a dear friend, and I wouldn't wanna hurt you. So if this is someone you care about, I don't need to pursue moonshine.
Starting point is 01:15:23 I'll tell you two things. One, it doesn't matter how I feel about moonsonshine, because she's going to do whatever the hell she wants anyway. And that's one of the reasons why I fucking worship her. All right. Don't let me stop you though. All right. I'll give it a second.
Starting point is 01:15:42 By the way, that girl down there has been looking at you all night. And you see, she points towards a dwarven woman. You see she's got like a cool haircut where her hair is shaved on the one side of her head and then swoops to be like long on the other. She's got long blonde hair and a luscious beard. Oh, wow. And you see, she's got like two hand axes at her side. And she looks less regal than like a jaina or a jama,
Starting point is 01:16:13 like more of a barbarian. She's got like a tunic that is made of pelts. And you see, she kind of looks at you and then smiles real quick and then kind of like turns away. And jaina goes, you do whatever you want to do. You do whatever you want to do. Let's everyone do whatever everyone wants to do. I'm gonna go turn into a duck for a little bit.
Starting point is 01:16:34 It was fun. It was actually really fun. I see Jaina walks off. Lay an egg. I guess I take a ganderrit this mysterious dwarven woman. You see she's like hovering on the outside. You see it's pretty clear that she's checking you out, but she's doing a self-conscious thing where she's hovering around another crew, but like trying to like kind of like inch your way over to you.
Starting point is 01:17:06 It's like honestly kind of a hard one move. Ha ha. Hey, you, you want a beer I have too. And I really only wanted one. I just got the second one to, to keep up this air. Oh yes, I see y'all. Double fisting it, that's cool. I love your accent. What's your name?
Starting point is 01:17:26 Oh, my name is Shibu. Sorry. Shibu. Shibu. Shibu. Hey. I'll call you, okay. Yeah, I'll call you Sibi. Yeah, that's all right. Ah, you must be a hot one, Chef it. Yeah, that's me. Oh yes, I heard you were fighting the Allah. Ah, yeah, yeah, that's me. Oh yes, I heard you were fighting the Allah. Uh, yeah, yeah, that's the plan.
Starting point is 01:17:48 When she came into the sky and she made it rain, kind of made me want to go on a little ride. Really? Yeah, kind of caught me. It pissed you off. Kind of got me angry. Kind of got me angry. Really?
Starting point is 01:18:01 Kind of got me angry right now thinking about it. Yeah, well hey, you can get angry around me, that's fine. Do you like it when ladies get into a bit of a rage? Hahaha. Hey, I'm a big proponent of just everyone doing what everyone wants to do. Hahaha. So yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:18 I appreciate that because I used to live in a village and it would make me sleep on rocks. There were a few of us and they would keep us in a rage and we'd get mad and we'd have to attack people. But I ran away from there about a year ago and I feel kind of at a place here amongst all these iron-dead dwarves and frost dwarves and whatnot. Well, you know what? I'll tell you what, I grew up among these people
Starting point is 01:18:50 and I didn't feel very much in place either. I was always looking for acceptance and I ran away and I was able to find it and now here I am back with these people who I thought would never accept me and they have so I wouldn't be afraid about about all these folks accepting you I think you're part of the family and if I can ask did you you never You didn't have a brother, did you? I had quite a few brothers. I had some cousins, sisters.
Starting point is 01:19:30 Was one of them named JV? Oh, JV? That's the one. That is the one. Oh, the brother named JV? Yes. Two actually, and a cousin? Oh. Two actually in a cousin. Oh, your brother as much as I don't like what he's up to now.
Starting point is 01:19:52 He's a pretty solid dude. Oh, it's, oh, now I know which one you're talking about because most of them were, you know, put me on the rocks and whatnot. But yes, yes, yes know, put me on the rocks and whatnot. But yes, yes, yes, that one. There was a good one. Yes, he was a good one. Felt bad that I left him there.
Starting point is 01:20:11 Bit of a dick move on my part. Hey, everyone's got to do it. Everyone's got to do it. And he turned out all right for him. Yes, he's in Morton's forge. Uh, he's dead with, uh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ah, that's too bad.
Starting point is 01:20:25 I am so sorry. I thought you knew. That's all right. I'm devastated. Okay, here. You have my other beard. Thank you. I don't mind double fisting myself.
Starting point is 01:20:36 And if you, yeah, if you need to go into a rage, if you need to get upset, I've got a shoulder for you to cry on. Woo! Or rage into it. Yes. Well, I think it's pretty cool. I've got a shoulder for you to cry on. Ooh! Or rage into you. Yes, well, I think it's pretty cool what you're doing going off and fighting the other and all that in sometimes before we would go into battle. Might have like a bit of a snog.
Starting point is 01:21:01 I don't know. You do that or? Um, I, yeah, I live to snog. I mean. Yeah, do you like, where do you do it and how or when? Yeah, I'm just about a variance, so I'm alright. Just do it by on like a tree or something. Um, yeah, savage. I can't treat you something? What? Um...
Starting point is 01:21:26 Yeah, savage. I'm gonna go just get another bruski. And I'll meet you behind the tree in T-5. Alright? And then a hard one does a weird moonwalk away to a moon shine. Oh my god. You gotta help me. You gotta help me with something. Hey, yeah, what's up?
Starting point is 01:21:53 Uh, okay. You want to get your into a duck again, because honestly, I'd probably have to do a little trance, because I already cast a spell. Okay. Well, that's tempting. Another thing's happening. And do you see that dwarf over there? Oh, yeah, yeah, she's cute. Yeah She's pretty great beard great beard great beard great beard. She asked me if I wanted to snog and I think I know what that is
Starting point is 01:22:17 Oh, yeah, that's like that's like when your tongues high five Okay Okay, that's awesome. That's what I thought. Yeah. Can you cast something on me that like makes me fuck, like, you know how to do that? Can I?
Starting point is 01:22:35 Oh, that is so funny. Okay. Yeah, give me one second. I can work with this. I would like to cast both foresight and enhance ability for your charisma. Oh my god. You have advantage on all roles. And I think your charisma is boosted.
Starting point is 01:23:02 You're the fucking best. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think I don't think I have anything that can place memories in your head that weren't there. No offense gets out of the bag, I guess, on that one. But I really think you're going to go in there with more beginners looked than anyone has ever had. I fucking appreciate it, Mojang. And if all goes to shit, I'm going to run out from back there and you're going to have to cast me into a duck, okay? Okay, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Go get him, duck.
Starting point is 01:23:39 Hard one waddles behind the tree. Hard one goes, walks off. You see as Shival sees you walking back, oh, you bit hotter than you were before. Oh, I just like to personality, but now. Yeah, that's what two beers will do to me. Might have been moonwalked there. So Moonshan, you see, Hard one goes off behind the tree with Shival. If I had eight hours, I could cast a waken on you.
Starting point is 01:24:08 Just your sexual intelligence. It's like a wakenic. Hard one goes behind the tree as we cut to black. Munchine, you see that Jaina Bronzebeard is like weirdly like hovering near you looking like super red face. Oh, hey, I'm sorry. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
Starting point is 01:24:30 you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you into a duck again? No, I was actually wondering if you might accompany me on a walk. Oh, yeah, I mean sure, yeah, absolutely. You see, she holds her arm out, very proper.
Starting point is 01:25:00 Okay, actually, I hold my arm out. Okay, she takes your arm. You guys both, just like very masculinely, lean arms, both taking the dominant position. So, it's not a use to, yeah, okay. Oh, it's okay, I'm used to, it's, it's, it's, well, no, that's fine, that's, that's okay.
Starting point is 01:25:16 So you see, Jaina walks you out into Glade Home under the glow of the arcane street lights. You walk towards the castle and you you guys go across the water garden, you see the moonlight reflecting on the water. And Jane is super, super nervous at first, but she begins to ask you more questions about the quick and stuff to try to get to know you better. I've heard your nanorflies are quite fearsome.
Starting point is 01:25:46 I'd like to wrestle one someday. I mean, yeah, you know what? Our wild shape into a nanorfly and we can wrestle. Hahaha. My God, so many teeth. Moonshine, go ahead and make an authentic sec. Okay, I rage. You rage?
Starting point is 01:26:00 Hell yeah. 29. Moonshine, as Gina goes to tackle you, you take one arm and shove it up into her armpit and a judo throw her down and you land on top of her and you, on wild shape and the two of you are just super close to each other. And Janice is just breathing heavy.
Starting point is 01:26:27 Ah! Ah! It's been a long time since this has happened. Ah, I'll be straightforward with you that I got some spells. I got a cast later and some nighttime visits I got to make, but I got a couple hours before then. Ah, you see she pulls you in and kisses you. She's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha some tree. We cut over to Beverly and the other Halflings. You guys creep through the city and your bully wugs suits and Balnor keeps laughing. Just freaking hilarious, man. Shut up,
Starting point is 01:27:15 shut up, Balnor. Shut up. Be serious. Stealing kids and eating bugs. We're a bunch of bully walks. Still in kids and indeed bugs, we are a bunch of bully walks. You guys creep through the city until you find Danny's house. You see it's this gorgeous little manner. He must have commissioned a mage to make it for him because it has popped up very quickly. Ah, such a misappropriation. It's this gorgeous little manner near the university. It almost looks like an above ground hobbit hole, cute and quaint with rounded doors and windows.
Starting point is 01:27:53 It's near the edge of center city where the ground drops out beneath the bridge to the university. So he's got a beautiful view of the ocean and the college. And a gwayne looks around, she goes, is he probably gonna break in? Yeah, he's obviously sleeping, this is perfect. Uh, Durlin looks around and he goes,
Starting point is 01:28:13 all right, so are we all going in at one source? One person gonna unlock the door? How do we want to do this? Let's send two people in to unlock the door. He might have some sort of golem guarding him. He's a real coward. It's been a while, but you have to remember, he's an extreme coward.
Starting point is 01:28:27 You see, a Gwayne looks over at you and she goes, all right, we'll do it. No offense, but the rest of you guys are old as hell. And when Cranon Durlin looks super offended, I used to be younger than you. Hi, my name is Gwayne. See, I find you. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:28:46 You guys go to sneak into Denny's Manor. You guys go over to one side of the house, check the windows. You see that they are locked, check the other side. Those windows are locked as well. But you guys go up to the roof and you see that there is a chimney that is big enough for halflings to fit through, certainly. Ho ho ho.
Starting point is 01:29:11 RIPP. RIPP. You and a Gwein begin working your way down the chimney. Go ahead and give me a stealth check, Bev. Oh no. Can I do it with advantage because I'm with a Gwein? Yeah. And we roll that one. Oh no. Can I do it with advantage because I'm with a Gwayne? Yeah. And we roll that one.
Starting point is 01:29:27 Oh no. Oh. Ah. That's an eight. I love Goose. I love Goose. Can we say that I threw handy Andy with them? No.
Starting point is 01:29:42 Okay, I tried. You see, a Gwayne is ahead of you, just completely silent. She hands on both sides of the chimney, slides all the way down to the bottom, looks up at you, gives you a thumbs up, and goes into the house. I give her two thumbs up and I slide all the way down.
Starting point is 01:30:03 You give her two thumbs up, lean forward, super top heavy, you wore like your arbor and everything under it, and Bev, you free fall from the top of the chimney to the bottom. You take real quick eight damage as you, Why does every Bev goop ending a fall? If you're nothing, you clang! every Bevgoop ending a fall. Of your nothing!
Starting point is 01:30:27 You poo clang! Just super, super loud noise as like all of the dust and ash that was in Denny's fireplace like explodes out. You see a light goes on in the bedroom. A gwayne is in the middle of the room. Denny pops up, just sees two shadows in the living room and goes, ah, ah! And jumps out the window, Denny pops up, just sees two shadows in the living room and goes, and jumps out the window, but his window goes over the edge of the city. You see Scoutmaster Denny starts to fly out in the chasm of the city, and he's like,
Starting point is 01:30:58 oh my god, he's gonna fucking die! He's gonna fucking die! No, no, no, I missed you step out the window after that you missed you step out the window 30 feet of movement you see um You're able to fly further than Denny is falling Scoutmaster Denny falls into your arms you guys are both plummeting out of the sky falling right now All right, so I've got them in my arms. Yeah, I guess feather fall sweet You guys you cast feather fall scout master Danny is fighting you the whole time I'm gonna eat you commit to the bit you feel so much piss running down his leg. Oh
Starting point is 01:31:45 gosh that's gross. Get away from me. Get away from me bully. I whisper in Beverly's voice. It's gonna be fine. I'm gonna eat you. No Beverly save me. Save me Beverly. I guess I tried to angle myself towards the cliff so I can climb back up. I... You fall like thousands of feet, with a terrified scout master, Denny. You guys like land in like ravaging waters. You have to swim in back to like save his life. It's such a painstaking thing. And you see that as you are dragging
Starting point is 01:32:27 Denny out of the water, like onto the rocks of the shore, he like collapses on the shore and goes, all right, if you're gonna kill me, just do it fast. You know what I do? I give the agreed upon signal, which is of course a bully bug mating call for all the other teens to get down here. You do a mating call. Everyone is just so far away and thinks you're dead. So you are at the shore's deep underglade home.
Starting point is 01:33:00 Just like rocks everywhere. You start making a bullywug mating, and Denny just gets up and just starts running into like the cataclysm of wilderness. Right, Denny. Denny, I take off the mask. It's me. Oh, Bab, you're good with me! Ha, we got you! You already have your humor patch pal?
Starting point is 01:33:18 Well, long story, but if you have another one on you, that'd be great. You almost killed me! Oh, going into battle against the Allah with a humor patch. But a proud, you displayed it. You know what? Ben, I'm proud of you. You, Bert. You're advanced humor patch.
Starting point is 01:33:34 No. You can't be in charge of giving those out. Despite everything, despite our history, I'm so happy to get it. See, Denny walks over and he just has this patch on him. I've been waiting some day for somebody to goof me and my sleep. And the advanced humor patch walks over and pins the advanced humor patch. It's an honor.
Starting point is 01:33:59 Please be a better person from now on. Bev, as you are here with Denny, go ahead and give me a perception check. Getting these rolls out now, that's a three. A three. Bev, you see suddenly three wolves jump out of the nearby wilderness and just jump onto Denny. Whoa! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh We're back up we're here fuck him up fuck him up. Oh my god. Oh No, fuck him up fuck him up. Oh, come on. They both are just like Terry Stop what Luna call your boys. Oh, if you're boys now call my boys. Go on my boys. Yeah. Yeah, it's okay It's okay. He's cool. He's cool. Well, he's not cool, but he's he's
Starting point is 01:34:57 Unequaintance right you see Luna pulls the wolves back pulls the wolves back. He's just been like all bitten up and messed up. His PJs are all torn and fucked up and he's soaking wet. Oh, well by lived. I need to go to the hospital. You thought that that was the prank before, but that was actually the prank. You attacked me with wolves, Bev. Give me back your uber patch. I see he passes out in the rain. Luna goes, oh fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was your friend. I can kind of like sense how you guys are feeling, like how like my friends are feeling and stuff.
Starting point is 01:35:40 And I didn't want to go near those guys because they're up to something else. What are they doing? What are they doing? What are they doing? Yeah, what are they up to? Are they in danger? How old are you? 16? They were hanging out.
Starting point is 01:35:52 They were hanging out. Cool, nice. But you, I sensed some anticipation and danger and then just like a huge adrenaline spike. So we came right away, assumed this was your enemy, we got him. We, mission accomplished Luna, we got him. Yeah, no, this was just a goof gone wrong. One in a long series I'd say.
Starting point is 01:36:16 Wow, goof's gone wrong. All right, watch it. Anyway, I found where Theala's headed tomorrow. Hang on one sec, I touch hands, Danny just didn't stay. He touched hands, Danny. Ah, I'm alive, but I wish I wasn't. I need a hospital.
Starting point is 01:36:37 Same. So what did you learn? Yes, we found where the court of gods is we think. I wouldn't have been able to find it without theala collapsing the Iron Deep Mountains, so it seems like she cleared a path for herself. We found a collapsed entrance to some catacombs. We poked around in there, and we found a gate.
Starting point is 01:36:58 There's a message in some ancient language. I couldn't read it, and I couldn't get in, but I just kind of felt in my bones that that was the place. All right, we need to tell my friends immediately. We should probably go to them right now. Yeah, what if we went to them in like 10 minutes for moonshine and we could go to hard one if you want?
Starting point is 01:37:19 Okay, you're right, yeah. moonshine, you know, I saw her with her mom. She's probably having a big heart to heart. Let's go to hard one. Totally're right. Yeah, Moon Chin, you know, I saw her with her mom. She's probably having a big heart to heart. Let's go to a heart want. Totally, right. Okay, so can they still fly? Yeah, you see she pulls out some flying potions and she hands one to you.
Starting point is 01:37:38 She goes, you can hop in my back if you want. I'd much prefer that. Save your potions, my friends. She grabs a potion for herself, takes you on her back. You see the other wolves, one of the other wolves just looks up at Luna and goes, I will take this little two legs and just grabs it and just grabs Denny like callously,
Starting point is 01:38:01 like on the back of the neck as if he's a kitten. I don't have a lot of skin there or fax there. That just this just hurts for me Yeah, it's a prank. Ah you with Luna Fly back up with the wolves and Denny you guys I'll say first you dropped Denny off at his house You guys suddenly come down with a bunch of wolves and an extremely fucked up Denny Just like collapses in front of his home and you see Durlin and crann and a Gwayne and Balnor just like what happened man The Frank took a left turn. Is he alive? Yeah barely. I got him. I managed to feather follow him. It's okay. Oh
Starting point is 01:38:42 I guess on the positive side, he was pretty dang spooked. You see, Cran nods and goes, all right then, successful goof. We did it guys. Let's remember, this time next year, we're having a jamboreen. This time next year. I actually, I take the Advanced Tumor patch and I divide it between all of us. Aw, it's a little bit more of a shred of it. You see, Dura-Living Cran are extremely touched by this. So childish, this patch. It doesn aww. You see, Durham Living Cranner extremely touched by this. So childish, this patch. It doesn't go with my shirt at all.
Starting point is 01:39:09 And yet, I want it desperately. You may have it so that you may give it to your children one day when they pull a really weird bad goof. You see they laugh. And those guys will all take Denny back into the house and patch him up. And Luda goes, if you guys got a map or something, I can mark off the spot,
Starting point is 01:39:32 because I'm not gonna be much help to you once you're inside. You guys are beyond what me and my packer capable of here. Gotcha. Again, hard ones are a map guy. We should get to him right away. I think just like expedite the process, you know. All right, right. Let's get to hard one right away. The hard one, go ahead and roll a pure lock check.
Starting point is 01:39:51 Wait a second. He rolls, he has four sides. He rolls everything with advantage. Hell yeah. Thank you. That is a 16. 16. All right, hard one. You and Shival are basking in the afterglow. Lying in the moon lights under, she's got like a pack that has like pelt's in it and stuff. You guys are like laying out in the pelt. Hey, would you like a little smoke? Sure, yeah, I take a long drag and I say, and the other thing about ducks
Starting point is 01:40:27 Yes, you guys all like ducks quite a bit As you're as you're with shivu Yeah, in this blanket like behind this tree You suddenly see a bunch of wolves and Beverly adding directly to our serious printing You know what I'd be lying if I said I didn't picture it happen it kind of like this Well, I if you want to go join your friends, maybe I'll maybe the world won't end in the last year again Hey, that sounds that sounds pretty solid to me All right, hey, I've wanted the all of for me. Yeah, I will
Starting point is 01:41:07 All right, Thanks for the snog. I really know how to close the loop on these things. There's a little boy than a snog, eh? G-gives you a wink. Okay. Hard one. Well, hey, you were literally just in time. Just in time. Any second earlier, and it would have been weird. Oh, thank goodness. Cool tint by the way. Is that one of the morning kindings? Did one of the wizards with that up for you?
Starting point is 01:41:31 I kicked the tent over so it barely doesn't see anything. Ah yeah, under the tent now. I am sorry, I thought you had left. It's a fucking tint. Amazing. I'm just stuck on these peltes now. It's gonna take me a minute to clear these. Okay, I apologize.
Starting point is 01:41:48 Oh, Bev, look at that. New shred of patch, let's talk about that. I'm not gonna get anything else. Oh, you notice. Man, you know what, there's no time. I wanna tell you all about it. It's probably the most primo goof I've ever pulled, but we've got bigger fish to fry.
Starting point is 01:42:03 Holy fish, that is. And I gesture to Luna. Luna, what's up? Luna relays all the stuff that she told to Bev, takes your map off of you and is able to mark where the Court of Gods is in relation to the Iron Deep Mountains. And hard one, you know this area well enough to know that this is not where any mines are.
Starting point is 01:42:28 This is not in any kind of like civilized territory. So this is something new. Okay. And you guys rush off to find moonshine. Oh, real quick, just some housekeeping. Can we say that what everything I did to Jaina was Damn near religious and counts as a zealots trans I
Starting point is 01:42:50 Would say yeah, yeah Yeah, you see Jaina Rolls to the side of you and goes, huh Well Yeah, absolutely should we Well, yeah, absolutely should we yes, we should rejoin the party and whatnot right Well, I mean I'm yeah, it was a pleasure Yeah, it seems though You see you she blushes. Yes, well if you want to hang out and do that again anytime
Starting point is 01:43:29 You let me know I will do that Amina yeah is good to meet you Sorry, I'm used to doing this when people are just mad. Gina runs away I'm used to doing this when people are just mad. And Jaina runs away. I'm so cool. Hard one, Bev, and the wolves run through.
Starting point is 01:43:50 You guys see Jaina sprinting in the other direction. Oh, looking really pleased, right? The hard part is the goodbye. That's what they don't tell you. I'm talking to hard one. So you were a duck. I was a lot of things. That's what I was talking about. So you guys rejoined, so you were a duck. I was a lot of things.
Starting point is 01:44:05 So you guys rejoin and you guys are all together. Boonshine. Hey, hey everyone. Boonshine, hey, damn, you're glowing. Yeah, literally. I mean, not as much as she is if you know what I mean. Oh, I saw. Oh, how old's all the bib will start howling
Starting point is 01:44:28 Bev laughs along we got a we got a map we got a map for you to paper real quick. Oh, okay. Yeah, let me peep that map You look at the map. Yeah, you guys now know where the quarter the gods are and you guys know timeline wise that The alla should be heading there tomorrow night Tomorrow night you say tomorrow night is the 40th night Interesting All right y'all um I guess I'm my Star making preparations for
Starting point is 01:45:03 For this time to get serious. I mean, are we doing this? This is freaking crazy to be on the precipice of either success or failure. Yeah. Sorry to put it like that. Oh no. It just feels weird.
Starting point is 01:45:16 We've had 39 days of waiting for this day to come. And now here it is. Mm-hmm. Yeah. How y'all feeling? I actually feel a lot better after I've already got the cleanse. Do you need any kind of greater restorations or anything like that, Balnor? That might be helpful, yeah.
Starting point is 01:45:37 I'm still feeling a little under the weather, but if you got anything for me. Bring it in, bring it in. Balnor goes over, takes a knee. Okay, I cast some great restoration on that. Cast great restoration. You see that Balnor was looking a little bit like sweaty and like salo skinned and now looks a little bit more like robust.
Starting point is 01:45:57 All right, back in it. It's not a walking day anymore. We're back in it with a hounds baby. Oh, back in it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, back in it. Oh, you see all the wolves instantly start wrapping and going nuts. I don't know where y'all figure yourself for the evening, but it might be nice for old times sake to tap it off with one big bed. There's no other way.
Starting point is 01:46:17 It's a blind. It's a blind. You lead the way, moonshine. OK. You see that as you guys go off, Luna goes, all right then, I don't think there's much else I can do to help you guys, but best of luck. Kick the alas ass.
Starting point is 01:46:35 We will. I bark at her. You know, my dad says that you're not supposed to dog it, but the way you do it, I'd rather be doing nothing else. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it, I'd rather be doing nothing else. Oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! See, all starts going crazy. Nearby guards look super freaked out.
Starting point is 01:46:52 Not sure what they're supposed to do. Luna salutes you guys, and she heads off. And you see, all of these dwarves that are now ducks that are partying, a bunch of the dwarves run up and just like, oh man wolves, let's drink with wolves, this is cool. You see the wolf and the wolves just instantly join the party. We should let them know that timeline
Starting point is 01:47:13 so that they're not literally sitting ducks tomorrow. Oh, actually yeah, that technically could be. It does last 24 hours if they want. Wow. That requires concentration, which I'll be honest. I already dropped my concentration back in the woods with you. You see there are dwarves that are just regular dwarves that are pecking at each other with their faces and everyone is too drunk to know. You're not a duck
Starting point is 01:47:34 Nerman. You're no longer a duck. Yes I am skipping. It's a duck right counts. I'm a duck. Shall we make camp head to bed? Yeah, what are y'all thinking? One big bed on the stormboard or one big bed and one of our fancy Morgan Codden's magnificent mansion or one big bed in the dorm room. See the carls there? How about one big bed under the stars? I think that sounds nice answer. That's right.
Starting point is 01:48:05 Yeah, I was hoping you'd say that. You guys go over, you find a spot near the stormborne, you guys camp for the night under the stars. Okay, so I'm going to sleep for four hours, like I'm just going to like cuddle up with everyone, but then in the middle of the night, I guess I can only cast one of these. In the middle of the night, I'm going to wake up and just kind of rustle hard one a little
Starting point is 01:48:37 bit. Hard one. Yeah. Hey, I just finished my trance, I think. No, I think you're still in the middle of it, I do. That makes sense. You make a beautiful trance or though. And then I'm gonna cast and tip it beyond him so that the spell attracts or repels creatures
Starting point is 01:49:03 of your choice. So angels are going to be repelled from hard one. Okay. Wow. Yeah. So I... So I... So I think I just say, take care of yourself, okay? You're very precious to me. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:49:20 It falls back to sleep. I give them a little kiss on the cheek and then I just, I guess I go back to bed because the other one is only eight hours. Well, I think I just have one last sleep together. Yeah. Before the world changes forever. I guess I can also, before my trance, I'll make the hero's feast and some good berries,
Starting point is 01:49:42 and then I get my trance in. So Moonshine, you go into your trance, you make your heroes feast, you have it ready for everybody in the morning, you guys wake up in the sun rises. Oh wow, oh my gosh, so many berries. Oh yeah, everyone grab the good berries, remember to save them, okay? Ballin' is already popped, but I'm trying to move it. There's only 10 of them. Oh, wow, my God.
Starting point is 01:50:06 I was making goodberry juice. Is that what you're saying, honey? Again, no, not how we use it. Okay. Help yourself to a hero's feast. Your very smoothie could be pretty good, actually. Yeah. I think we finally earned this one.
Starting point is 01:50:20 So yeah, get to it. I guess if you will let me I Would like to cast and a spell then do my zealots trans I would like to cast a ninth level spell then wow zealots. Yeah, great. Okay, then I'm gonna say um Bev I put a little boon on hard one, but I don't want you to think I forgot about you. So I'm going to cast a foresight on Bev. So Bev, you have the ability to see into the immediate future for the duration. You can't be surprised.
Starting point is 01:51:01 You have advantage on attacks, ability checks, and saving throws. And other creatures have advantage on attack rolls against you. I see the world laid out mathematically. So many goofs, so many possibilities. So many goofs, so little time. Right. Yeah. Use it for good, not goofs, if you know what I mean.
Starting point is 01:51:22 Just this once. I will. So ideally, ideally, Bev will be having all these advantage on attacks and the angels will be afraid of hard one. Moonshine, how would you feel about a Boonswap? I could do a Boonswap, yeah. I lay hands on Moonshine and I cast Death Ward. Woo!
Starting point is 01:51:44 That's great. All right, everyone bring it in. All righty. You guys all hug. And Balnor goes gang, if that was the last one big bed, it was a good one. Amen. And hey, because we can never say it enough, Mochine.
Starting point is 01:52:03 Thank you for this breakfast. Yeah, I mean, I did make it at, I did make it four hours ago, so it has gone cold. I went to do the dishes and they were already done. I don't know. That's a little nervous, so yeah. I stayed up and I did the dishes. Mochine, you see that?
Starting point is 01:52:22 Jaina is very formal. She's left you like a thank you card. Oh dear. If we're all getting ready, there's maybe a couple more things I'd like to do just to make sure that we have the best odds we can. Is this your stand up act? I like put away a note card I have in my hand. No.
Starting point is 01:52:44 What? What's the deal with the fun I spell? Your dad ever tell you you're doggin' it and you're like, Dad, but I love dogs. No one laughs. I'm bound to the founder of Cracks Up. I hate doggin' it. I would like to cast the ceremony spell,
Starting point is 01:53:06 which is a Xanathar's guide spell. It's a first level thing where everybody can get a D4 to all their saving throws for the next 24 hours. Oh my God. It's called Dedication, Touch of Humanoid, who wishes to be dedicated to your God's service for the next 24 hours at a D4 to all saving throws So in lieu of a God, I imagine it would just be the service of Bohumi itself. Well, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 01:53:33 and I know this is maybe a little outside of my comfort zone, but I think for just this once I Wanted to so bay my mom and I I pull out hard one sticking poke tattoo kit. Holy shit. We think in tight. Go through my cabin. We doing Titans tattoos? We gotta do Titan Tats.
Starting point is 01:53:54 We're gonna do Titan Tats. What do you guys think is out of Titan Tat? I was thinking maybe just a little pillow. Oh, this symbolized one big bed. What about add just points of pillow? Oh, this symbolize one big bed. What about, I just point to Papa. We're here. Oh, Papa. He got a little lost in all the party.
Starting point is 01:54:12 We're here. He had a big night last night. We're here. He fought a duck and he won. We're here. He nods. He's wearing a medal. We're here.
Starting point is 01:54:23 That's impressive. Wow. Yeah, the dwarves really took to Papa last bear. That's impressive. Wow. Yeah, the dwarves really took to Papa last night. Papa's extremely hungover and is trying to pretend that he's not. Bear. Flaming out, baby.
Starting point is 01:54:33 Flaming out. Part one, you're the artist of the group. Can you give us all little pop hot tattoos? I don't know, can I? I raised my shorts and I show everyone my quad where I already have a pop-up tattoo. It's so infected. Wow, man.
Starting point is 01:54:50 By the way, can someone cast your wounds on this thing? Wow. I like padded as if I'm admiring that tattoo and cast touch hands. Wow, look at that. So big. Wow, it really cleared up. That was big. You're resilient.
Starting point is 01:55:02 What can I say? I draw a pop- Paw tattoos on everybody. Not Paw Paw though, right? He doesn't need one. Bam! Paw Paw still wants one. Bam! Yeah, give him one.
Starting point is 01:55:13 The boy wants one, give him one. Sure. Tattoo of your... All right, where do you want it? Bam! Just like just... Just do his body. Bam!
Starting point is 01:55:22 He's tummy. Bam! He's got a big tattoo of a boss of him. That's way, that's way, if it's on his tummy, then if he grows, then it will still be to scale. Oh, that's perfect. All right. If he gains weight, so will his tattoo.
Starting point is 01:55:36 Wait, can you add mode, all of them hard one? Yeah. I sure can't. You guys all get pop-up tattoos including pop-up? No matter what happens, guys, let's always work to keep being friends and to keep everything we love safe, okay? Yeah, I think we're gonna absolutely fucking destroy the all this fucking day. That's right, yeah.
Starting point is 01:56:01 We're the freaking hounds. That's so fucking stop-proof, I'm facing. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, with a big parade of people, but I'm thinking maybe we just kind of sneak out. You suddenly hear a horn? Oh! Last throughout the city. Oh no! People of Blade Home. My daughter, moonshine, siren, queen of the elves.
Starting point is 01:56:41 Oh! People, and you say like that. I never like that. And her party, the band of boobs, AKA the Titans of Bohumia, our heroes are off to face the God, the Allah, and keep this planet safe. And you hear cheers going up throughout the city as the various citizens of Glade Home
Starting point is 01:57:04 and the super hungover dwarves come around. You see, they seem to have procured ducks, like got drunk during the night and went and grabbed some ducks out of the water. You see dwarves coming by and elves and a laddrin and your friends, like Lucanis and Mima, Mama, Jena. J-okay, Jena's there. I think I'm gonna maybe like do a little uh uh maybe do the tuck the hair behind the ear and like a little little from sprout up.
Starting point is 01:57:35 Oh my god. Uh she shivers. Oh, didn't know I liked that but now I do. I'm gonna try that on Shivalin. Ha! Can I use my spores to, like, from a distance make it happen? Yeah, I have rapport spores. Thank you. Oh, you put a little bit of sheet in my hair. It feels like being at home.
Starting point is 01:58:01 You should be honored. You should be honored. Can I do a perception check to see if I clock and do these things? Yeah, Bev, you can do an insight check. That's an 18. 18? Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:58:14 Bev, you know, it's up. Oh! These guys were hooking up last night. My head is on a swivel between both of them and I'm just like, no! What? Ah! Like, just run over, I jump into hard ones hands. Oh, keep it cool.
Starting point is 01:58:32 Founder Pat, some moonshine on the shoulder. Oh, hey! We were running around hanging out with Scoutmaster Danny, what the hell are we doing, Bev? Hey, hard one, how did my little enchantments work for you last night? I would have had to be a duck without it, so I really appreciate it. So, yeah, you guys see, Shival says goodbye to hard one. Hi, Yis, it'll be good to see you again. Yis, yes indeed.
Starting point is 01:59:00 As long as we don't die, Yis? Ah, alright, don't die because I'll go into a bit of a righh. Okay, hey, yeah. You stay angry. Alright, stay angry. I'll come to that. I'll just be here, steaming up, get me it. Wayne, feed him. I like you when you're angry. That's right. Uh, yeah, um, uh, Bev, your mom, um, gives you a kiss and says goodbye. And all your other friends, Cobb goes over, gives you guys all a hug. Hey, I'm proud of you guys.
Starting point is 01:59:33 You guys have kept it let so far, right? Don't disappoint me. Not the year before. Predator handshake him. Yeah. Cobb Predator handshakes you. And Bev, you see that a Gwayne goes up to you and gives you a hug and she goes, if you can get Irland back, that would obviously make me very happy, but I want you to come back
Starting point is 01:59:58 to. And I know that Irland wouldn't want you to sacrifice yourself or to put yourself in danger. So you come back to, okay? You freaking idiot. I promise I'll do everything I can. You gigantic turd. She brings you in for a hug, gives you a dead arm. I give everyone right back. Oh, the fuck. You guys see Mimaw and Luconis and everyone. Luconis and Mimaw run over and both Gush over Munchan. You're gonna make me so proud, baby. Oh, and you know what, I think you're about to wrap it.
Starting point is 02:00:40 Pride of the elves. You see, Luconis keeps opening up to everyone. All right, it doesn't mean so much to you people. Yeah, I'm Queen of the elves. You see Lucana skips opening up to everyone Alright, it even means so much you people. Yeah, I'm queen of the elves. I'm proud of you Excel C-R! Excel C-R indeed. All the other elves yell out Excel C-R. Strange people And as the cheers as the cheers go up around the city and your friends and family bid you farewell
Starting point is 02:01:06 You all get on to the stormborne Head out from the safe barrier of the city. I think as soon as we get on We're like have all these like plastered smiles on from like like leaving from like saying like oh it's gonna be good Thank you so much. Thank you so much I think as soon we get on as we get on I turn to them and I absolutely drop my smile and a look of sheer terror comes across my face and that's where we'll end our session. Oh beautiful babies.. Wow, wow, we, wow, wow, wow. Congratulations, y'all. You fucked in D&D. Yay! You guys done did it. Keith and Jaina. I know that. The two people have been living in D&D. I know what happened. I think moonshine just went down on Jane for a while. Oh my God, okay. Okay, Munchan got nothing in return.
Starting point is 02:02:06 I think she only knows how to give. And just because I know there will be threads about it, she will mention to Snog, which is just making out, but whatever happened that you all wanted to happen, she was into hard one. If you guys hooked up, you guys hooked up. Yeah, I'll never tell. I will tell.
Starting point is 02:02:26 Oh yeah, we got that. I brought Jane into ecstasy. Sweet guys, thank you guys so much for listening to our penultimate episode. Crazy. That's going to be the last. Amazing. Long rest that the band of boobs have.
Starting point is 02:02:42 Oh, I'm going to show how crazy is that? Oh boy, okay gang. Well, next week, as we said at the announcement at the beginning of the show, we're not going to have a regular episode on Thursday. We're going to be streaming it on Saturday. We're going to be posting another official announcement. So be on the lookout for that, and be prepared to watch it Saturday night. We're thinking 5 p.m. Pacific time, 8 p.m. Eastern. That work for us, I think. That's what we're gonna do. Great. Yeah, I'll be around.
Starting point is 02:03:14 Yeah, we're gonna do that. Yeah. Probably make it. Cool. Does anybody have anything else to plug? Our, we have a whole bunch of new shirts and stuff in the, oh, yeah. We got a bunch of new shirts and stuff in the, oh yeah. We got a bunch of new shirts and stuff in the store. A Maverick shirt, a Scrumper shirt.
Starting point is 02:03:30 Scrumper, the Papa Plot Armor shirt, ton of good stuff, and it's all fresh. It's all up there right now. Go grab it. I think it's shop.nadpod.com. Yeah, correct. Check it out, guys. Awesome.
Starting point is 02:03:43 Cool. And then follow us on Twitter at CHMurf is me, at Call of Duty is called, well, at the Extra Desemoli and at Jake Herwitz is Jake, and you can tweet about the show using hashtag, nadbath, that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d. We are your we are... ...the nation. And now it is time to thank our benevolent council of elders.
Starting point is 02:04:16 We've got Brad D. Dillon B. Danny P. Steelbreaker and Samuel B. Bubbles the Bonecats Brothers and Sisters. Not one of this critter litter was able to live a second life as a skeleton, but Jay Lom is actually did come back as a hairball for a little bit, so that was good. Beardman Dan, Adam R, Danielle the Dastardly Dam, Alucard, and the Undead incinerator. Crick Bullywanks, who have been crossbreeding with Nantaflis and the grandma tree, honestly their offspring is going to have enormous, terrifying, yet perfect teeth. Haldr Frostback, Jordan DJ Jeffree S, Cutter W, and Andrew M. Pendergreens, new troll friends,
Starting point is 02:04:53 now that they're not filled with, but less they are actually pretty rad. So rad that they're actually thinking about, starting band, even though they all play drums, but that's going to be fine. Shoebert the mushroom, Alaina C, Michael McD, the head mixologist, Victor T. Boundor, Bounder's boy, and Michael C, a bunch of frost dwarves who are still ducks, but are way too happy about it, because they're just living that mallard life, and they're not going back, okay?
Starting point is 02:05:19 Justin I, Jacob C, Alaina M, Dana G, and Paul G, the team of scribes that Dana has enlisted to copy an incredibly verbose love letter to Moon Shine that she has not stopped dictating, not even to take a breath. And Dana G is seriously considering sabotaging the endeavor so Dana can just save a little face there. I recommend that. Daniel R. Destancy, Tribe G, David T and Aaron,
Starting point is 02:05:45 Sully, Luna's Wolfpack, Fierce, Loyal, Love's Party. Also, David T fully took off one of Denny's fingers, and it is stuck in their molar. Cider Geo Salazar Salamon Sakurai as Desesuani, Michael L, Traleigh the Kray Faye, Jori S and Matt M, Cordone's team who helped him make over the cabin of the SS Stormborn. They all hung hard ones most tasteful pieces and ultimately had to burn some of the
Starting point is 02:06:12 really fucking deviant ones. Adam H. Ryan, Angel B, Kelvin Noodles, and Chris are a group of ducks that were super confused by all the Dwarven ducks crowding their pond. You gotta snap your bill on those guys. Richard X Machina San L Troy McSee drew nasty Nick W. Some nannier flies that survived the apocalypse in the Grammetry and had been procreating at a rate that would make moonshine proud. Josh S. Nicholas C. Austin C. Kristen P. and Axel A. Gwain's PR team, who walked her through the apology to Bev then watched in awe as she ignored
Starting point is 02:06:49 all of the advice they gave. Mike H. Matthew E. Katherine S. Shadow and Stefaniku. The Glade Home Drugstore where Jaina bought her post hookup thank you card. Turns out Glade Home has a whole section devoted to post hookup stationary. Very cool Turns out Gladehome has a whole section devoted to post hookup stationary. Very cool. I gotta go shopping there.
Starting point is 02:07:09 If only I knew how to read. TJM, the Nombar Barion, Trastotraveler, Robert F Hunter, LR, and Frankie. Cranon, Durland's, Rugby team. That is right, you didn't know they play Rugby, but they do. Zolo, Dolow, Nick B.
Starting point is 02:07:24 Burley, T. Panama, James, I am the atlas. The manufacturers of the advanced humor patch. It is a great honor, woven in silk and gold, and they only make one a year. They were absolutely horrified when Bev ripped it in four. You have to return that, but Colton B. J. C. C. Lulu, Aiden, R, H, and Dave H, Luna's flying werewolf pack, who deaf all have matching shirts that say, when dogs fly.
Starting point is 02:07:51 Timmy R, J, Dragonborn, Zack, C, Joseph A, and Grace G, the tag team champions of the Dwarven Duck Wrestling Federation. These mallards absolutely pack the competition. Lucas B, Jordan L, Talley X Mateo C. And Kazmir, the all-knowing, a bunch of craven pebblepots who were visiting Denny Wimbve attempted his goof within 30 seconds of Denny jumping out the window. They declared him dead, stole all of his belongings and ran. They can't help it.
Starting point is 02:08:21 It is in their blood. They're not to blame. Kaylee Elise Barnesinator Christian A. Yens Christian T. and Luke H. The only other green teens besides Bev who have earned the advance humor patch. They got it by kidnapping their scout master and throwing them into a volcano as a goof. Devon W. Chenua B. Jared E. Persephone and Eric McDee, a nice family that was having a picnic. Hard one and shivvelled did their business behind a nearby tree. Hard one has been reported to the Glade Home Police and is currently wanted for Indies and Exposure.
Starting point is 02:08:54 Very nice. Reese and S. Big Bad John and Eric and Andrea B. Jonathan O. and Austin MR, a crew of dwarfs who against all odds odds retained their duck form after the animal shape spell ended. They will spend the rest of their days waddling and quacking the dream of every dwarf in Iron Deep. Steven C Maxwell C Mike K Omri M and Caleb L the Crick Bullywugs who run Mayor Joe's re-election campaign.
Starting point is 02:09:24 Crick elections are decided by Rasslin, so they pretty much just go around kicking everyone's ass. Scott D, Mick O'Me, Dan, The Red Rain, and Sir Slim. The Kakao impersonators that were hired by Jaina for Hard One's party, you didn't think that was actually Kakao, did you? Nope, just five extremely convincing Crowe body doubles. What the fuck, that's not that's not fucking true Richard C. Caron T. Curtis S. Nathaniel P. and Nikki W.
Starting point is 02:09:52 Kaka's friends on his travel Kaka made many pals each one more generous than the last offering food and shelter But no one could offer Kaka what hard one does unyielding love and attention. Wow, that's really nice I didn't even write that one. I think someone else did. I feel like Merfrotha one, but that's cool. That was really nice. I have him to say. Andrew B, Christopher B, Nicholas B, Kevin M, and Rahul N,
Starting point is 02:10:14 the only other green teens to have their advanced humor patch. They got it when they pushed their scout master into a troubled ocean from an airship. Epic goof, wow, very similar. I didn't steal it. Maribel, the Kitty Morphing gnome, Joe McGee, Meta Amps, Atticusy, and Amy W. The only Iron Deep dwarves who kicked Nermans ass in his wrestling matches. Also, the only people Nermans fought in his wrestling matches.
Starting point is 02:10:40 Eric G. Michelle O. Gage M. Number 1, Beverly Lynn Fan Gen R. and Fel Donas, Nannerflies and the Grandmatchery who are gathering Oppo Research on Mayor Joe. Turns out Joe has some skeletons in his jar, folks. Brittany B. Eric F. Redneck Ruff, Christian S. and Jack L. Tonithin's personal trainers. You might be surprised, but Jonathan doesn't spend all his time studying. In fact, he is training the legs and the core. So he can be the one to do this scooping. You gotta lift with your legs, kids. Y Greck32, Michael K.M. Tingle the Bard, S.M.M. Ben A. and New York witnesses who saw the
Starting point is 02:11:20 jaw jaw, eaguin fight. And so unfortunately for Bev, eaguin really didn't exaggerate that much about kicking Jaw Jaw's ass. Colting K, Spurs Guy 69, Keith K, Emilio D, Garithy Ok and Temporal. Shiblin's clan of very Ipsi barbarians, quite mad. They're in a rage. You better stay active, they way, you'll get it ticked. Yess. Yess Yes! Thanks folks! That was a headgun podcast.

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