Not Another D&D Podcast - NADDPOD Live in Manchester (Raiders of the Lost Croak)

Episode Date: December 5, 2019

The Band of Boobs are live in Manchester! Hardwon bolsters his reputation as friend of beast, Beverly goes on a crittin' spree, and Moonshine grants the gift of intelligence to an unfortunate... soul. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:21 brush processing. Code www-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahomia everyone. Baumia. Bahomia. Bahomia. Bahomia. Yeehaw.
Starting point is 00:01:50 I am your dungeon master, Brian Murphy. Thank you. Join by Jake Herwitz. Hard one, surefoot. Emily Axford. Moon Shine Sivan. Sweet Lou last with a side of sass kicking ass in a thinking cap. And of course, called Walt Tanner. Beverly Togo, the fifth, an absolute mad lad who goes around collecting dance. Hello, come lay! Come lay! We're rowdy tonight, gang. I like it.
Starting point is 00:02:49 I love it. Just popping on. All right. Guys, let's get right into it. So this is going to be a non-canonical, canonical, side quest, starring the band of boobs. They are between adventures right now, kind of just chilling on the SS stormborn.
Starting point is 00:03:09 As we do. Bumpin' some tunes. Do you guys have any tunes in mind that you were bumpin'? I keep trying to suggest weird albeir and get shut down. That's right. We're blotting. He's funny, but we're trying to just kind of hang out, Ben. Yo, he just keeps saying it's funny because it's about food and we're blotting. He's funny, but we're trying to just kind of hang out, Bev.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Yo, he just keeps saying it's funny, because it's about food, and we're like, we know. I just think some of the parodies are funnier than the original songs. The 25th time, it's actually not funny anymore. The parodies are funnier than the original song, Bev. Yes. Sometimes?
Starting point is 00:03:41 Sometimes they're better quality, too. Pursuit of crappiness. It's funny. It's about the toilet. It does take a cutting a long time to get into it, surprisingly long intro to that song. That's Radotats fault. You're dear. Well, do you have any ideas for songs we should play?
Starting point is 00:03:58 Oh, yeah, we're playing a Teenage Dirtbag by Weedis. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Do you mean green teen dirtbag? Yes. Yeah, dirtbag. It's the same song except they apologize for being dirty. So you guys are flying over the sea
Starting point is 00:04:21 along the western edge of Bahumia. Your day drinking. It's still early. Flying over the sea along the western edge of Bahumia. Your day drinking, it's still early. The sun reflects off the beautiful blue ocean and its calm waves. Sea birds are flying alongside your boat while chubby little puffins float over the sea below. No, she doesn't know what she's missing.
Starting point is 00:04:42 I awaken a puffin I was afraid this might happen And yet I put a puffin there Wasn't it isn't eight hour casting time to awaken a puffin? I did stock it's a big deal to talk with you of course Yeah, it's eight hours Can we take eight hours and We're not doing anything. Yeah!
Starting point is 00:05:06 It's a walk-in day. You guys take a full morning and afternoon. You fly super low. You snatch up a puffin. You cast. Why is that? You get up, I was like, this is for the best. Okay, I'm not stealing you. I'm awakening you.
Starting point is 00:05:21 This bird looks attracted to me. Flying away from hard one and two moonshine. I'm awakened in you. This bird looks attracted to me. Flying away from hard one and two moonshine. I have a relationship with this bird. Come to me, my better friend. You cast awakened. It takes a full day. It is evening.
Starting point is 00:05:39 It's like four o'clock. The puffing is as intelligent as a normal human now. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm adding super smart puffin to my character sheet. Sweet, probably. Bravo.
Starting point is 00:05:55 The puffin awakens and goes, oh, I feel, I feel stressed now. Oh. It feels kind of wasted. Me just kind of flying around, trying to eat fish and stuff. I give him a sword. This is still far too heavy for me, but... I give him my sword.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Starts to fly away. Oh, I can keep this now. I get silly. Fly away young puffin'. Oh, I can keep this now. I get silly. Oh, no. Go. Bound or give me your sword. What? So you guys see after a bit, you do have a super smart puff
Starting point is 00:06:34 and now what's your name? Puffing. Oh, yeah. I guess I never really had it, then. Do you want to give me one? No. I awakened you so you could choose your own name. Oh, I was going to say Peter, but that's way better.
Starting point is 00:06:49 I guess if I had to pick one, I would say Peter. Peter the fluff and it's perfect, because it's an iteration. It's beautiful. Your poet. Peter's two. Peter's two. Wait. His name is Peter.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Peter has to say, and we respect Peter's wishes. So guys, after a bit, you see a different type of bird, a Raven Flutters up to the deck. It is not cock-ass, I don't even ask. God, that's living his best life far far from here. Far far far. A Raven Flutters up to the deck with a little note tied around its foot and Peter goes, oh, that's fun.
Starting point is 00:07:31 You could just have notes tied to your foot. You're saying you're a smart bird thing. You know, a new to this old thing. I comprehend languages. I know how to read because I have average intelligence. Do I know how to read, because I have average intelligence. Do you know how to read? Just because I talk to silly voice doesn't mean I'm dumb, mother fucker. I pick up my hammer.
Starting point is 00:08:02 You know what? I step back. Go ahead it. Pretty add to me, mom. Let me call me mom. Hard one, you must fight me. I holster my hammer. Sometimes you get womped by a bird. It just how it happens. So Beverly grabs the note.
Starting point is 00:08:23 You unroll the note and it reads, oh, to my dearest, a poorest, dirty little friends, oh, to be right out, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is written as if it were a comma. I study it and accept that this is a normal thing in writing. I'm learning every day. I write to you in crisis. Honestly, I wouldn't reach out to you otherwise.
Starting point is 00:08:59 Could you imagine me writing you guys a letter? Wow, that one was cat, all cat. Anyway, since the hostile takeover of Glade Home by the Crick Alms, my family has revisionist history. I rip up the letter. My family has lost out on a number of investments. The things continue as they stand now. We're at risk at becoming only the 11th richest family in all of Bahumia.
Starting point is 00:09:32 That would take us out of the top 10. Seeing as we are on the verge of being destitute. I have found something that could save my family. There is a temple on our summer island that is too dangerous and dirty to explore without some poor people with me. If you will aid me in this quest, I'll share a cut of the treasure with you. There is said to be an idol there, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, enough to like use a wish spell, so I can wish to like, you know, end-world poverty, AKA, you know, get rid of all the poor people. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, don't help him. Some deep stakes. I'm not gonna lie. If we enter into this contract, here's a world where we just keep everything for ourselves. I'm not above it.
Starting point is 00:10:51 We can accidentally lose him in a cave. No problem. What do you think, Peter? Well, I really have no context for this relationship. Oh, really? Because that letter was really... No, I mean the letter was rude. The letter was rude. Is there any reason you would help a person who would speak to you like that? Although
Starting point is 00:11:10 it sounds like they have access to powerful spells. You wouldn't want, you know, I don't know, I'm a bird. You know, the council of Peter Poppin never fails to help the old noodle get I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset.
Starting point is 00:11:30 I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset.
Starting point is 00:11:38 I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I'm so upset. I take the fish and I dip it in crick water. Don't eat that entire thing, leave your finger.
Starting point is 00:11:49 Oh, fish! It's it immediately starts seizing. Oh! This is actually pre-normal. I see it pre-color! Okay, he's having a good day. I can't. I can't.
Starting point is 00:12:00 No! See, now you don't have to worry about anything for like six hours. Damn it, Joe. As Peter the Puffin seizes on the deck of the SS Stormborn, you guys travel west into the sea, leaving the coast behind. You remember that when King Selinar, ERin stepped down after a peaceful uprising by the citizens of Gladehome. He fled in shame to his, quote unquote, summer castle on a private island when he left.
Starting point is 00:12:33 So did a lot of the other royals and rich folks around Gladehome, including Ren and his family. So you see as you fly west, you eventually find land. And this is not a single island. This is a series of them. You see there is a huge one with a replica of Glade Home Castle overlooking the sea. This looks to be the King's Island.
Starting point is 00:12:57 You see him out on a private patio, sparring and full gold plate mail. Ta-ta, frog on the water. Dip to the candlelight. Is it just me or is he getting worse? I think he is. I think I broke his spirit. Yeah, you see an attendant is sparring against him,
Starting point is 00:13:14 clearly having to like dive at his rapier to get hit. But the only island that comes close to this splendor is Rens. You see a beautiful keep with glass windows built atop a cliff, overlooking the ocean, out on the balcony, is a bear prince style, infinity hot tub, that turns into a steamy waterfall. You see various bungalows, outdoor taverns, and communal spaces on the beach. There are high elves lounging about,
Starting point is 00:13:50 probably lesser members of Ren's family line or friends. You also see Ren down on the beach waving for you. Come down here, my friends. Oh! Hey, Peter, leader, will you shit on that guy's head? Yeah, real quick. It's not really so much a puffing thing, but I can try! It's actually more of a band of boobs thing, so yeah, get on board.
Starting point is 00:14:15 What kind do you want to do it? Yeah, I'll do it. You're gonna go shit on Ren's head? No, I'm not going to, but am gonna cast Maltstrom on the hot tub I'm just kidding. I'm just gonna the hot tub fills with disease and bubbles over Peter flies over and lets out a tiny shit on to Ren Edaboy, oh, ew what no the puppets don't do this I've studied orology for like so long.
Starting point is 00:14:50 So you guys land down on the beach. You see that Ren is still wearing the royal colors of Gladehom, a silk robe in purple and gold and silver. He looks super tanned and relaxed, just just like well rested and he runs up to you Oh my god, it's been terrible here. Oh Tell us all about your plan Well, we had 10 homes before but now we only have nine We're in hell
Starting point is 00:15:21 Yeah, yeah, we've literally been in hell. You mean like a Walmart or something? Well, not indistinguishable. You see, as he welcomes you, he goes like, OK, well, you guys are my honored guests. So could somebody bring or get some fresh towels? Oh, you see, why do I need to tell this moment? Ren looks super confused at Beverly, like Beverly would understand,
Starting point is 00:15:50 what do you mean you don't need a towel? Just take the towel. You take a towel. It's a fresh towel. It's a fresh towel. Do you know what a towel? I've changed into the towel. And Aaron Lamento brings a towel over to Moonshine.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Moonshine just starts getting naked. Oh my God! Am I doing it right? Yeah, that's great. I also get naked and put on a towel. Wow, this is not okay. No, I do it in that way where you put the towel on first and then you take your pants off.
Starting point is 00:16:20 Sure. Yeah. Just to clarify, you. That really is 16. Sure, yeah Clarify you painstakingly put the towel around you and take your full suit of plate The arrow a mental helps yeah In arrow a mental this feels weird You don't get paid to think, sir. Beverly's feeling way too at home on this island. Yeah, this just feels like going on vacation, Bev.
Starting point is 00:16:53 You're just like, this is just what happens. You see, Ren waves to an elf that looks a lot like him. You met Ren's father when he tried to dismiss the Crick Elves from Glade Home. You see, he's this high elf with this long, severe face, slicked back silver hair with nose just permanently pointed up in a scoff. And you see Ren goes, father, father,
Starting point is 00:17:22 you need to meet these people. Everyone, this is my father, Rin. Can I charge at him and be like, it's a quick takeover just kidding, hey, I'm Moonshan Sabin. You see Rin fully shits himself. I'm seeing a Crick Elf in a towel running at him, saying it's a great takeover. More towels here?
Starting point is 00:17:46 Need some more towels over here? You see, Rin looks kind of confused. Well, you're not high-elves, so presumably you're the help, so why don't you go get us some fresh towels? What are you talking to? He's talking to all three of you. It's actually good. You know, we're gonna need to do something to train this one, point that motion.
Starting point is 00:18:09 I'm trying to be what. What, sorry? To train me what? To like go fetch fresh towels and whatnot. We usually have air elementals, but those we need to enchant whatnot. We've been meaning to like calling some dwarfs. I can't even stop him.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Oh, oh! Oh! You get down behind him, somebody ballin' our places in. Pa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. meaning to like calling some dwarven. I can't stop him. Oh, oh! You get down behind him, somebody ballin' or it pushes him. Pa pa. Oh, I'm sorry. The dude falls over. Ren goes, no, no, papah. They're here.
Starting point is 00:18:37 Papah! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Wow, we got papah. My little son. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. My little son, my pop-up. My son, my pop-up. Oh, no. I stuck the towels in my ears. No, father, they're here to go with me to the temple.
Starting point is 00:18:56 They're going to help fetch the idol. We're going to make a lot of money. Oh, you see, Rin turns you. Oh, you're going to help us make money. Welcome. You'll have to come to dinner later. We're gonna have puffin. I put the towel and Peter's ears. What is he talking about?
Starting point is 00:19:13 I had people eat a puffin. Just quiet, gentle boy. Have some more of this quick fish. It's and start seizing again. Oh, you'll be fine. Yes, I guess we're here to help you locate an idol or something. He's teasing again. Oh! You'll be fine. Yes, I guess we're here to help you locate an idol or something. Yeah, yeah, we're here sort of as mercenaries. Definitely gonna take our code, our share.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Obviously. All right, well, you'll have to combine spend some time in the Infinity Hottub if you're an investor. Oh, yeah, we love, I have three ghost daddies that would love some time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, if you would, one. Oh. Just promise me you would, what?
Starting point is 00:19:45 Just promise me you'll take a shower before we come up because you have shit yourself, sir. Yeah, I'm hoping there's some kind of decor on there. Yeah, I was hoping kind of someone would just bring me a fresh towel, but it looks like we gonna have to ask for one, even though I've shit myself. So clearly, it kind of just rolls down the leg when you're wearing a robe.
Starting point is 00:20:05 It's on the beach. Honestly, kind of the problem. So I'll just stick it out, sir. Yeah. What is high-elf cuisine that your business is so running? It's just puffing, really. OK. What's he talking about?
Starting point is 00:20:23 I, you see, Rand goes, um, papal. I don't know if we'll make it back in time for dinner. We might be gone all the way until dessert. We're going on an adventure. You see, he whips off his robe and he's wearing a full silk Indiana Jones outfit. Oh, that looks like my Halloween costume. You know what, Ren, you can take my towel
Starting point is 00:20:47 because I've actually never been drier. Ha-ha-ha. Oh. Who? Ha-ha-ha. Who? Who? Oh, once for the last.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Will played. Ha-ha-ha. So you see, Ren puts on a big hat. Ooh! A once for the left. Will played. Ha ha ha. So you see, Ren puts on a big hat. All right, let's go, gang. Ren's friends out. Oh ha ha. Hold on, I ask for the ARL mentors
Starting point is 00:21:16 to get me a matching suit. Ha ha ha. They conjure up a little Indiana Jones outfit for you. Is there a whip? Uh yeah. Okay, cool. I attach my sword to the end of the whip. Ha ha ha ha ha. a little Indiana Jones outfit for you. Is there a whip? Yeah. OK. I attach my sword to the end of the whip. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Check this out. What pop? Oh no! Just a wip, it's forward. Just like the sword just clangs onto the ground. Disappears into the sand. I feel like if we found a good fruit tree, though, you could just go nuts with that and make some fruit salad.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Oh, absolutely. You're hell bent on losing your sword, but yeah, adventure R2. Peter, can you get my sword? Well, all right, I guess so. Peter flies over and grabs a sword. Oh, now I have the perspective to see that this is an expensive magic item.
Starting point is 00:22:01 I can tell this for a lot. Give me 20 gold or I'll fly away with it. Ah! Ren, give me 20 gold. 20 gold, I don't keep change on me. I just grabbed Ren's hat and tossed him at the pond. It just worth like 20 platinum. Oh my little hat.
Starting point is 00:22:22 This is Peter's hat now. All right, fine. We'll have you for dinner later. What's he talking about? So, Ren leads you guys off. You guys have been hanging out on the beach. This area that has been heavily affected by magic. Ren's family has used it to build various structures all around it. But now Ren leads you deeper into the island
Starting point is 00:22:48 and you enter a jungle. This forest of deep green with a lush canopy overhead, just a little bit of sunlight poking out and lighting your way. Eventually, you arrive at the stairs to a stone temple. The temple looks to be built into the side of a mountain, but it's impossible to see the whole thing because it's covered in moss and leaves. All you see is this long stairway
Starting point is 00:23:13 leading to an archway over the door. There is a carving of a bullywug king. But it doesn't look quite like the swamp bullywugs you saw in Moonstone. It looks like a combination of Crick bully wugs, swamp bully wugs, and scully wugs. Like some kind of ancestral frog man under the carving of the frog. First of all, you see something written in a strange language. It's actually kind of close to Elvish.
Starting point is 00:23:43 So anyone who knows Elvish can make a history check or a Raw Intelligence Check and try to decipher what it says. First role in England? Is this the first role in England, baby? Wow. So intelligence check, because they're so classy here. So I get a plus zero to this. 12. I went ahead and rolled. And I got a net 20. Woo!
Starting point is 00:24:10 Woo! Woo! Woo! Can you read, can you read Elvish? I can. Wow. I'm so schooled. Beverly, you fully know the Bullywag language. And you see that the script says
Starting point is 00:24:34 you can stomp ants, you can squash bugs, but be kind to gullywugs. Golly wugs. Gully wugs. He must be a distant ancestor of bully wugs. Look at that thing's teeth, my god. Oh yeah, how are the teeth? Can you describe the teeth to us? The teeth are perfect. There are too many of them. How they all fit in there. And of course the Tom Cruise Perfect Center tooth. It's so straight. It's so centered. It's so centered. There should be two there. Perfectly symmetrical. How dare you? You're too goddamn symmetrical, sir. You know what? We're up against too much.
Starting point is 00:25:09 I turn around and go home. I can't go up against these smiles. Some say that Pelor himself gave them that perfect center tooth as a gift. Wow. Pelor wasn't orthodontist. Was he not? That's how he made all this money. Indeed.
Starting point is 00:25:22 I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. This is gif. Wow. Pellower wasn't orthodontist, was he not? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's how we made all this money. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Indeed. Going to medical school seemed like too much work. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Fuck you, dentist. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. OK, so I think going up these stairs, Ren, it seems like since you're sort of the leader here, you should go first. Well, here's the thing I have been here before, but then I saw a frog and I was like, ew. Oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Yeah, I think you should walk first. Me? Yeah. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with disadvantage. Ah! Can Papa make it just regular? Sure.
Starting point is 00:26:05 I see her. Yeah, Papa gets in front and really starts asking to... 10-20. Ah! Woo! Woo! That's right, that's true! Woo!
Starting point is 00:26:16 Good Lord. Good Lord. So you guys have only... Oh, man. You guys have only rolled that 20 so far, right? No, I rolled a 12 first. Yeah, I'm not rolling anymore. I'm done.
Starting point is 00:26:30 So, Ren's gonna have to go for a safefire and all the traps for us. Yeah, with you poor people by my side. I'm invincible. Uh-huh. And Devil May Care. Ren runs right into this temple. You see, he disappears over like the lip of the last stare
Starting point is 00:26:49 and you instantly hear, you instantly, you're just rocks moving and violence and explosions. Oh, okay, follow quickly. Yes, okay. We run after Ren. Yeah, we run after Ren. Everyone be careful of that stare. Don't step or rinse that.
Starting point is 00:27:07 You guys run in. You see that Ren is already fighting. He is fighting a giant stone ant that looks like some kind of column, a giant stone ladybug. And there is also a stone gullywug, this like bullywug looking guard. And you see around the room, I mean your eye is drawn to this
Starting point is 00:27:34 because like, Ren is already, I'm gonna roll to see how close to dead he is because he's almost dead. You guys. It's fine, we can heal, it was better him than us. You guys run into this thrown room. You see it's about 200 feet long. You see it has extremely tall ceilings.
Starting point is 00:27:50 It goes up and up and up. You see on the other side of the room, there's another long staircase that goes up to a platform where an empty throne sits two lit sconces on each side. On the walls, you can see intricate carvings of these great gullywug warriors carrying spears, fighting different giant versions of bugs, medicine, butterflies, ants, and ladybugs with huge mandibles dripping with poison. And then you also see on the wall behind the throne is a carving of the Gullywug King riding a huge dragon turtle. And you see the phrase, he'd the ancient
Starting point is 00:28:34 words under him. And yeah, Ren is, you see this ladybug and ant, like the aunt has ran pinned down and the ladybug is just like pounding on him with giant stone fists. You will die a slow death. I need a real quick recount of the Scullywook. You can do this, you can do that, but be nice to Scullywook. You can stop, aunt, you can squash bugs, but be kind to Gullywars.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Okay, so everyone just go after everything because there's a couple stone gollum, right? There's one stone Gullywars. So who is not attacked when yet? Okay, so everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Woo! Woo! Woo!
Starting point is 00:29:18 Woo! I rolled the net one. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Uh, A bitter applause. That one hurts to hear. My initiative is 17.
Starting point is 00:29:32 I'm 16. In age and initiative. Wow. Sweet. Down. Let me see how much, um, Ren has gotten fucked. Oh gosh. Ren?
Starting point is 00:29:47 Uh, Ren has gotten hit by every attack. Oh no, you're silks. You're silks are ripped and mashed. Ren has been hit for 70 damage. You see, he's just on the ground seizing. Oh, I regret my whole life. You look utterly destitute down there, bro. Mochak, that's your turn.
Starting point is 00:30:10 Oh, man, you know what? Okay, I'm going to, can I run towards where the golems are attacking him? And, hot motherfucker, I'm going to heal him. Oh. Yeah, you're right. You know what? I'm going to throw him away from them. Then, know what? I'm gonna throw him away from them. Then cast a guardian in nature on myself.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Oh, no, I got a fungal form. I'm gonna run towards it, throw him away, fungal form. That means POPPOP will at least get into town. Is he a little down? Now? So POPPOP, go after the ladybug. Papa, I got a grit. Papa, guys, I'm now turning.
Starting point is 00:30:51 Have you guys, have you only rolled crit so far? No, I rolled a crit on my first thing. Yeah, I know, but he got a 20 on his check. So, a stent, like pretty much everything that has happened so far, you guys have crit on this. We're kicking your ass, man. Yeah, I'm getting it. That's what's happening. Wapped.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Okay, so, Papa hits for 16, and then the stone golem has to do a strength check, has to be a 13 strength check or be knocked prone. This, and you're doing this to the Ladybug? Ladybug. You see the Ladybug turns to you, and goes, have you come to this holy place to pray? Yeah, on you. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Oh. Oh. See the Ladybug? The Ladybug just blinks. I was going to say something cool about how you should pray for a quick death, but I just feel on. Oh, you just actually beat you to it. That's where I was second. I was like, oh no, what if you're the good guy? And I should be actually praying to you it. That's for a second. I was like,
Starting point is 00:31:46 oh no, what if you're the like the good guy? I should be actually brain to you, but no, I stand by my way. No, we obviously. We the Ladybugs are vicious. That's a shout out to the two crew on his same thing. Ladybugs is powerful. Bop-bop dives up bites into this golem's,
Starting point is 00:32:05 I was gonna say neck, ladybugs don't have necks. Bites its face, it falls on the ground, just starts like teetering like a turtle. So go after that, you get advantage on those attacks. Oh, okay. You still have an attack, right? Or did you fungal form in them? No, I fungal form the text into action.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Bev, that is your turn. Okay, I guess I'll go after the ladybugs since I get advantage, but I want to use Rin as a springboard to launch forward. Yeah, you already have advantage on the attack, so I'll just give you super advantage. Woo! I'm just saying, you're doing a really good job, called well. Thank you. I like you a lot as a friend.
Starting point is 00:32:40 I think you're a good guy. I appreciate you. I love the adventures and campaigns you take us on. Yeah, hey. Thank you so much. Can I do touch hands to run with my boots as I stomp on him? Yes, I'll allow it. I'll allow it to um you can you can attack and do that. Okay, cool Um, so I'll go ahead and you know what? He's a rich guy. I'm going to give him a poor amount of health
Starting point is 00:33:01 I give him a 15 HP. Okay, sweet You get him back up. Who do we feel have to? No thanks. Little weird boy. You make it just so hard to like you. Okay, does a 21 hit. It does hit the ladybug. It just looks like a big chunk of stone, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Okay, I will just do a normal divine smite on it then. Let's go ahead and do it. Alright, cool. It just looks like a big chunk of stone, right? Yeah. Okay, I will just do a normal divine smite on it then. Let's go ahead and do second level, save my higher slots. Maybe we'll sit down here. Struggle as you might, the ladybugs will wipe all other life from this earth. That's your dream, that's your dream, that's your mission. That is my dream, it's just a world.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Just ladybugs, ladybugs flying around, flitting around, crawling on the surfaces. Yeah, I'm kind of into it. I represent the plight of the aphids. And I shall prevent you from fulfilling your dark dreams. That's 40 damage. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:34:23 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh'm gonna be joking. Do I get advantage on this one too? Yeah, he's prone. Hey, hey, just upside down. Ooh, I'm gonna reroll that one. Arguably lucky. Yeah, arguably for sure. 25 to hit.
Starting point is 00:34:38 That hits. Alright, I'll just do a normal attack this time. That's just 11 damage at that time. 11 damage. That's just 11 damage at that time. 11 damage, huh? That's nothing to a ladybug. Yeah. Your wing looks real messed up. Your spots are falling off.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Are these painted on? Are you a fucking beetle? Are you a fucking beetle? You're a fucking beetle, aren't you? Are you a fucking beetle? Don't you? Are you fucking beetle? Don't say that word. You're stupid. I am a ladybug.
Starting point is 00:35:11 You're nasty little beetle. You're a stinkbug. You're a freaky little beetle. OK, I'm not a... All right, technically, listen. Technically, I am a beetle. However, I was an extra in the movie Ladybug, starring Rodney Dangerfield.
Starting point is 00:35:29 So I am a Ladybug in spirits. I am a Ladybug, it adds up. I'll tell you what, after I kill you, I'll reincarnate you into a Ladybug. Um, go ahead and give me a persuasion check. That was honor. Is my greatest dream. It's gonna be eight.
Starting point is 00:35:48 You do not have those powers which? That is... That was you, James. The ladybug is just this conniving villain. The ant is just a monster. Ooh. Just go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
Starting point is 00:36:09 go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,... 20 AC, try. 20, 22 to hit. Does that hit if my AC's... Right. Shit. 16 damage. It gores you with an ant talon. They're famous talons.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Then it's going to try to kick you with an ant leg. Careful, those are notoriously strong. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, Rin, notoriously strong. Yeah. Sssss. Wait, Rin, did you also study entomology? We can really use your help here. Oh yeah, the giant stone ant,
Starting point is 00:36:53 so I haven't heard of these once, but. Oh, oh, oh. You're worthless. This is why I think so rich. Mrs. with the kick, that is Ren's turn. Ren is going to turn himself invisible. Coward! I feel like you guys can handle this.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Oh, I have all the faith in you. Wait, I see a puddle forming in the corner. That must be him. This is himself in the corner. Yeah, you see, my dad said something about shit just rolling down your leg and a robe and he's right. That is... Uh... Duh-duh.
Starting point is 00:37:28 Why do I have bevroomed on twice? That's wrong. That's good to me. That's right. Bevy, get to go again, weird. That is the Ladybug's turn. Ladybug is gonna get up from prone. Oh, you've done it now. And is going to...
Starting point is 00:37:43 Honestly, I love your vision for the world. I just don't like how you're going about it. You want to die so ladybugs can just roam around on various surfaces. Oh, I can like your vision without actually wanting it to happen. So confused by you, Mrs. on the first slam attack. On Mrs. on the second slam attack.
Starting point is 00:38:01 Your world view is baffling to me. Um, hard one, that is your turn. Okay, uh, what's this, what's this ant's deal? This ant is just a monster. I wanna hit it with my hammer. Yeah, that's what you do. That is a, oh shit, a 15 to hit. You do not, you are not able to hit an ant. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Ha, ha, ha, ha. Cool, no, that's fine. I'll miss, I'll, you miss on ants all the time. They're tough little bugs. I'll try again. That is a 16 to hit. You miss the ant again. Let's try a different D20. You also have luck points.
Starting point is 00:38:40 That's the crit, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the crit, baby! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I was starting to feel left out.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Yeah, I had to earn it. Prettania. Oh dear me. So many numbers. Are you even remembering that you're just rolling so fast? 38 damage. Oh! I think.
Starting point is 00:39:05 It could be. I have no choice but to trust you. Oh, that's a thousand damage, yeah. So it's crazy. Weird. Mathematically impossible, but I'll take it. Um, that you, you messed the ant to write up. Um, that is the problem.
Starting point is 00:39:23 Can I use my action search to try to write it? A real Beverly move. But I respect it. Go on. Yeah. We're at a live show. Yeah. Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:39:36 Oh. Go ahead and make an animal handling check. We know your friend of the animals. I actually did. I, I, it's one of my proficiencies. Oh, yeah. I know, it needs to really. I'm allowed to make two random things proficiency as a fighter. So, yes, and you need an animal handling.
Starting point is 00:39:56 How about you put his friends to animals, okay? That's a different one from what's come up. I mean, you do, you handle them by sending them to hell. Yeah. That's true. You're not like animal control. That was only 11, but I'm using a lot of points. You know, OK.
Starting point is 00:40:12 Yeah, why not? Hard one, I salute you. That's another net 20. Woo! Yes! Yes! Yes! That's what the luck ones are for, guys.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Eat my crits, bitch. Thank you. Great. Great, Kristen. We love being here. Great, Kristen. This is a truly, a truly insane amount of crits. Um, hard one.
Starting point is 00:40:41 You walk up to this stone god damn monster. I was born as a year in its native language. I am. I am. I am. I am. I am. I am.
Starting point is 00:40:53 I am. And set me as your master. I am. I am. This stone monster smells your hand. Smells like the recent blood of probably some horse you killed or something. And it suddenly feels way more comfortable. And you see it leans down and it's
Starting point is 00:41:13 going to let you ride it. This is some avatarship. This is really is. I'm so proud of you right now. Although hypothetically based on the riddle, I think we will have to kill it to open. I'll talk to the next day. So well, it's gonna have to be an-
Starting point is 00:41:27 We have a crush on it with your thighs. Give it the death, it's so crazy. So hard one, yeah, you just straight up have this ant. Sick. That is back around to Moonshine's turn. Okay, Papa's going after Lighty Bug. Oh! Where's Balnor?
Starting point is 00:41:44 Excellent. Ah! Where's Balnor? Excellent. Ah! Ah! Ah! Wait. Oh my gosh, Balnor stayed at the hot tub. Ha! Ha!
Starting point is 00:41:56 Sorry, guys. Still in a towel, changing into his armor. As he runs up, I was also confused by the towel rules. Ha! I was gonna run forward, take some cracks at... ooh, Boundor Crits. Oh my god. Thank you, Manchester. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:42:18 Good Lord. Holy shit. Boundor does a combined 27 damage on his two attacks. Yeah, buddy. Boundor does a combined 27 damage on his two attacks. Yeah, buddy. We pay this is this ladybug right up. Seems the tides have tons on the ladybugs. I will spread your message throughout both of you, my queen. That is back up to Moonshot, sir. All right, I attack her.
Starting point is 00:42:42 What? Oh, you were talking about Peter, the puppet. Peter does not attack. He's a goddamn bird. And he's a rogues. Oh, absolutely. Thank you for yelling, yeah. Peter, can Peter at least come and land on my shoulder
Starting point is 00:42:57 on the end? If you guys want Peter to potentially die, I'll let him attack. I don't want to do attack. No, yeah, we're saving him. The crowd has spoken. Peter is in the melee. He flies down.
Starting point is 00:43:12 How could you make a attack? He makes a goddamn beak attack against a stone monster. He rolls a natural two. He has a minus two to attack. He gets an actual zero, and he hurts himself. You get this. That is much I've turned. Good day. Oh!
Starting point is 00:43:34 Oh! That fucking monster, man. How could you? I lay a quick-infested whitefish at his breath. That's right. Thank you. That's fucking monster man. How could you? I lay a quick and festive white fish at his bread grave. I do a level six, 70 hip-point heel on Peter. I just get it. I'm just getting, so Papa attacked before Peter went and he got a eight and then got to make
Starting point is 00:44:02 another strength row for the ladybug. Oh, she'll be knock prone. Roses six, falls back down. It seems the tides are just permanently here for the ladybug. Are you sure you want? Just permanently in the wrong direction for the ladybug. Your time is ruling the earth. Doesn't seem that good.
Starting point is 00:44:20 Now Moonshine's going to use her great weapon fighter feet to do minus five to her attack to get potential plus 10 damage. Chew South. And that's gonna work out, dude. Does a 22 hit. 22 does hit. Okay. 39 damage.
Starting point is 00:44:44 And a spores her for 18. The spores don't do anything to stone, but you don't need it. Moonshine, go ahead and finish him. Oh! Well, I finish her, and because of my great weapon, if I crit or kill,
Starting point is 00:45:00 as a bonus action, I get an extra attack. So you destroy this stone ladybug, and then you see this ant has turned to kill you guys too, just thinking hard one is on its side. But no, this is what, three, I beg you. You see the stone, the stone, the column, the stone gullywug goes, you're a masked stomp, and I could convince him to join us.
Starting point is 00:45:33 There is no convincing and hands. What? And it's our ancient enemies of the gullywag. What kind of king are you? I am a fucking gullum, I'm not a king. I'm a guard, man. Hard one, close your eyes and plug your ears. Hard one wraps the towel around his head.
Starting point is 00:45:58 Is the ant, you hear, Ren? Is the ant dead yet? Does a 27 hit? Yes. OK. OK. OK. That's going to be 20. It is super hurt, bad that is your turn.
Starting point is 00:46:13 OK. I want to run over to the Gullywaggallum. And I want to brush its teeth. LAUGHTER I want to be kind to this Gullywagg. You begin brushing the Gully wugs teeth and he goes, you have one kind to me. I will not forget this.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Will you aid us in destroying our friend's new pit? I would love to kill an heir. You see the gully wug golem walks forward? I would love to kill an ass. You see the Gullywug Gullym walks forward? No. Anthony Flea! Stop dating them! This only makes it worse, Ardwell.
Starting point is 00:47:00 You see with two attacks, the Gullywug Gullym pounds the ass into the ground, destroying a tad. Why am I cursed to lose everything I love? Hey, at least this time you didn't kill it. It's too true. So you guys have sufficiently stomped this ant, and you have squ stomped this ant, and you have squashed this ladybug, this bug.
Starting point is 00:47:29 So you see the gullywug turns to you, Beverly. You're well truly been kind to gullywugs. Here, take this. And then really slowly vomits up a key. And like, oh. Whoa. Whoa. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:48 I hope I'm like a baby. Get it up. Get it up. Get it up. Get it up. Get it up. Get it up. Get it up. Get ready.
Starting point is 00:47:57 I hold out a towel and catch it. Oh, no. Get in on the towel. Are you seeing Ren stays invisible? Are you reading a magazine? But, yeah, you reading a magazine? Yeah, you see the magazine floating in the air? Five.
Starting point is 00:48:08 No, it's a spell book. It says play elf on it. Oh! I just want to look at nudes. You've got magazine, you pervert. I put it in my pocket. It's so you roll it up, put it in your pocket, it sticks out, there's just a nude elf. Might be a dwarf in the back.
Starting point is 00:48:31 Can I heal Peter? Peter has not gotten hurt. Peter gets attacked once, Peter will die. So, this... Can lose another pet. Yeah. This golem hands you a key. You see it has a little carving of a bullywug king on it. And yeah, it's this key.
Starting point is 00:49:00 It's got like two little teeth on the end. That look like bullywug teeth. Why not? Oh, yeah. Two perfect front teeth. So shiny. Why not? Oh yeah. Perfect front teeth. So shiny. Coated in pearls. It's resplendent. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:49:09 Is there a keyhole anywhere? You don't see a keyhole, but you do. You guys have not investigated the throne or anything yet. You have not been up to that area. Yeah, let's get to that throne. Cool. Can we do some checks? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Go ahead and give me a perception check natural three I got a 23 23 not natural I know that natural about a 23 This episode of NAD pod has brought to you five bird dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts So no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult.
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Starting point is 00:50:53 and enjoy the show. You guys, go up these steps, go to this platform with this throne, these two flaming sconces on each side. And Moonshine, you go up to investigate the throne. You see that there is some kind of like pad there and you lift it up and you do see that there is a keyhole underneath like into the seat.
Starting point is 00:51:17 So it's like a bidet. Yeah, I was just gonna say, I think it's a toilet. Oh, it's a bidet, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. Brent takes a shit. How do you still have to shit, man? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Puffin just goes right through you. Then stop eating it. Okay, yeah, I put the key in. You put the key in. As you turn the key, you see it opens out, revealing a shoot below. Wee! Did you just shout we into the hole?
Starting point is 00:51:45 Yeah, does anything show back? You hear a munchie go ahead and give me an intelligence check. I got a net one. Munchie, you hear someone, a Crick-Alph, from down there yells wee. I'm going head for it. Ha ha ha. Moonshan, you dive head for us to 30 feet.
Starting point is 00:52:10 I've come before you, Cudder. Ha ha ha. You take 21 damage as you crash into a stone floor. Ha ha ha ha. Um. Cudder, Cudder, where are you? I lay out Cudder treats. Ha ha ha. What are those? Oh. Yeah. Cooter, Cooter, where are you? I lay out Cooter treats. What are those?
Starting point is 00:52:29 You lay out Cooter treats. Cooter does not come. And so you know Cooter's not there. Cooter treats are just the top two. Y'all, I shout out. Y'all Cooter ain't down here. You guys hear Moonshine just echoing through the cave. Okay, so now Moonshine is down there.
Starting point is 00:52:44 So we're definitely going gonna have to go. Yeah. How long did she fall for based on her scream? 30 feet. Okay. I'll cast Featherfall on us so we can just like scoot down the chute. I have the ring, so I'll just,
Starting point is 00:52:56 I'm gonna scoop Ren and jump. Okay, you hold Ren. Hold me, hard one. I'm gonna let go. Still pee. I was sh to let go. Still be. I was shooting! Wait!
Starting point is 00:53:07 Ha! You guys fall down the shoot. You guys are on the temple's lower level now. You land on the stone floor with a thud. Above you, the shoot is still open. So you have a little light here, but it is very dark down here. Unnaturally so. You see, even dark vision does not allow you to see
Starting point is 00:53:27 through the pitch blackness. It appears to be some kind of enchantment. But amongst the darkness, I see Emily looking, like she's gonna want me. But I'm gonna finish my explanation. So amongst the darkness, you see a single shining light on a gullywood king idol. It looks gold on first glance, but is a bit more yellowish, almost this radioactive looking
Starting point is 00:53:54 color, and thrums with magical energy. It is on a short stone pillar on the other end of the room, about 50 feet away. It's so dark in here you can't even see your feet on the floor, you can't see the walls, what do you guys do? Can I try and activate my sword to see if it casts a gleam around us? Sure, go ahead and make, I'll say a religion check. I pray to plore to turn on the dang lights. Oh, religion, you said? Yeah, that's going to be 24.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Nice. Thanks. Hey, good job, buddy. You hold your sword up. It lights with holy light that undoes some of this unnatural darkness. You can still not see the walls on either side of you, but you do see a cast,, I'll say like a 25
Starting point is 00:54:47 foot radius, and you see that before the pillar, there looks to be some kind of pit, like this is a trap. You couldn't see the floor because you would fall if you had just run forward haphazardly. Okay. While we're like getting our act together, I kneel down and I face Peter the puffin And I give him the amulet and say keep this safe. You need it more than we do Okay, and when we're done, I'll give it back to you for 25 gold a Shrewd businessman You see pop-up starts to look jealous
Starting point is 00:55:24 No pop- Papa, please. Here. Papa, you know your number one. Me? I make a necklace of Cheerios for Papa. Papa, you're more of a public defender. See Papa turns from you. Papa? Me? I mean, you know the legal system in and out, but you use it for good, Papa.
Starting point is 00:55:43 You see, he holds up the Cheerios. And he points to the amulet. Rear. Can I do another religion check to see if I can bestow the Cheerios with radiant energy? Yeah. Oh, God, please. That's going to be a 21.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Yeah, there. You know what? Now they're frosted Cheerios. And pop up begins eating them happily. Wait, that's equal to a good berry. Be careful. Me. Just goes to town on them.
Starting point is 00:56:16 So what you guys do? So do we see the edge of the pit? Or we just see the beginning of a pit? Yeah, you see the edge of the pit, like the beginning of it. You don't see the end of it. No. You don't see the end of it, no. You don't see the end of it, OK. It might be a much bigger room, you guys don't know. What you guys see is the shoot.
Starting point is 00:56:33 Above you is casting some light down on you. You can see in the immediate five or six foot area around you with orange light. And then Bev has held up his sword. You do not see anything on the, on, you don't see walls at all. So there's more to this room. And you see some kind of hole before you guys end the pillar. Can I use produce flame to make a torch? Just see, I'm just doing that for real quick.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Does it, and is it trigger anything making fire? Go ahead and roll an Arcona check because this is sort of an unnatural light. OK. Arcana. Oh, that's going to be plus 0, 5. 5. Yeah. You just, yeah, you have a torch now.
Starting point is 00:57:16 As you wave it, you see if you hold it up like right down on the floor, you can see the stone below you. But it is not casting any kind of, it is not casting the radius that it should Can you just pick me up and throw me and see where I land? I toss bev across the room Go ahead and make a strength check gladly That is a 17 17, okay, oh 18. Sorry. Oh, 18. Sorry. Oh, thank God.
Starting point is 00:57:46 Pardon me. Beverly. You are hard one runs up to the... By the way, you guys see that the pillar is like 30 feet into this pit. Uh-huh. Cool. Hard one, you run forward, you throw Beverly. Like a javelin, yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Yeah, Beverly's wearing all this armor and everything. He's small, but, you know, with all the stuff on, he weighs 100 pounds. You toss 100 pounds. Super impressive. You toss it like 15 feet. Ha, ha, ha. Beverly, you start falling into the pitch blackness.
Starting point is 00:58:25 I use my whip to catch onto the side. Sweet. Yeah. Go ahead and make an attack roll. Alrighty. Net 20. Woo! Oh!
Starting point is 00:58:37 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Caluca leg! This! That is a little perforated. Can we say with his net 20 that I don't notice him whipping himself up onto the pillar? Yeah! Ooh, Calu, Calais! Please! That is a little perforated.
Starting point is 00:58:45 Can we say with his not-twenty that I don't notice him whipping himself up onto the pillar? Well, you killed him! Ha, ha, ha! You just killed your friend! Don't look it up, Bren. I threw a 30-fucking fee to you. Oh, that is...
Starting point is 00:58:58 I get it. It's so that there's less people to split the treasure between. That's actually really smart. We should kill another one of us. I can't grant into the pit. I'm fine. Hard one's toss was really good. So far.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Beverly, you whip your whip Simon Belmont style around one casual venue fan. Whip the whip around the stone pillar in the center of the room and you're able to pull yourself over there and you are right next to this idol now. Okay, so this is the idol with the glowing stone in its center. And is there pit all around it? Beverly can tell you that, yes. There's pit all around it. Beverly can tell you that, yes. There's pit all around it. Oh, now you have your sword.
Starting point is 00:59:48 Yeah, yeah. You see, yeah, 25 radius, 25 foot radius around the pillar. It is all pit in both directions. Can I try and like chuck a rope so people could get across? I guess like 30 feet, someone could mistystep for sure. But should I just like try and grab this and misty step back? I'm shouting this to them.
Starting point is 01:00:07 Yeah, you hear Ren goes, yeah, just get it, bring it over here, unless you want to die, because again, we can split it between like four people, which is great. You're just so cavalier about that, man. There's lots of ways we can split it between four people. I dangle red over the pit.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Can I do an inside check to see if the thing's going to come alive and try and gulp me down if I take this jewel off it? Yeah, go ahead and make an inside check. That's another net 20. That's insane. Murph, Pablo's dice is broken. What do you want to do, man? I cooked it before we came on stage. Yeah, baby. OK, so Bev, within that 20, within that 20,
Starting point is 01:00:52 I'll say your sword. That was an 11. Your sword glows a bit brighter. And you see the wall at the edge of the room. And you see that there are holes through which spears are pointed out, and it looks like they're lining the walls, like they're just everywhere.
Starting point is 01:01:13 Like this is some serious Indiana Jones shit. Okay. Okay, Ren goes, oh, it's perfect for my outfit. I don't think he wore a velour, Ren. What? Y'all, as soon as I pull out this gym, I'm pretty sure that spikes are gonna try and crush us
Starting point is 01:01:32 on one or possibly both sides. So I guess just get your spells prepped and get your taints clenched because we're gonna need to make a run for it, okay? Okay, I cut my taint. Are we running up back through the shoot? If we can try and scramble up that shoot, that might be the best way.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Pop out of anything. Rear. Pop out just eating frosted Cheerios, not paying attention. All right, let's do it. She shouldn't have given it sugar. We shouldn't have given it sugar. Misty step back.
Starting point is 01:01:59 All right, I wrench out this gym and Misty step back to where they are. Sweet, as soon as you grab it, the pillar in the middle of the room collapses. Like, collapses under you. If you were holding onto that, when you pulled, you would have fell into the pit below. You hear it crashes and sizzles. There's some kind of acidic liquid down below, and the spears start shooting. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Okay. 23. Also not net. Let's start shooting. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Okay. 23. Also not net. Net one. There's a two five though, you know, I'll take that. It's all 20s and ones tonight. I know.
Starting point is 01:02:35 That's crazy. Dice Christ and the dice devil are out. 14. Hard one, you are first. The spears, you hear something clicking into place, but nothing has shot yet. Hard one that is your turn. It is 30 feet up, the shoot.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Beverly is 20 feet away from the shoot. He's at the edge of the pit. Got it. I don't see where that clicking is coming from, do I? I just hear what? No, you just hear it, yeah. I guess I'll just hold the reaction. Great.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Smart and boring. I'm a moron. You hear spears flying through the air? Oh, I thought it was clicking into place like they were about to go. And now they are. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:03:18 Oh, God. Oh, God. And you're ready for them. OK, that is a 25 to hit Bev. Oh, that do. Good roll, friend. 15 damage, go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw.
Starting point is 01:03:33 Ooh. Uh, 21 to hit moonshine. It hits. Brian, no way. Did you hit me? My dear sweet friend. That is another natural 20 That's
Starting point is 01:03:51 Baffling Do you just know that blessed dice into the crowd they deserve it more than I do yeah Nice into the crowd. They deserve it more than I do. Yeah. Oh! I would have bought that off. If it is weighted, feel free to add me. We'll retcon this whole thing.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Take it home and roll it. Retcon! That is 19 damage to moonshine. Go ahead and give me a consaving throw. And a 19 to hit hard one. Hard one, you do not get hit. Bound or does get hit? Constituations save, I got 22.
Starting point is 01:04:26 You pass? Beverly obviously passes. Bound or gets hit for 17 damage, but passes his con saving throw. Ren is invisible, so they roll with disadvantage to try to hit him still. They miss Ren. Are you brave?
Starting point is 01:04:43 You're wearing sunglasses. Everyone can see you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ben, that's your turn. Okay, I'm going to activate my Yippy Skippy boots and just high-tail it for that shoot. Sweet, go ahead and give me an athletics check as you climb up the shoot.
Starting point is 01:05:03 You got to do kind of like Spider-Man style. Uh, that is a, uh, you said athletics? Yeah. 23. 23. Ben, you hop up, you get most of the way up, you just, um, yeah, you, uh, hands on both sides and just start disturbingly quickly moving up this shoot. You got to move like this. Yeah. Peter, Peter the Puff and Vomits watching you.
Starting point is 01:05:27 I don't know why, that makes me upset. That is more spears. They are going to, they shoot at everybody who's still in the room. Mrs. Moonshine? Yeah. 20-tjet-shed hard one. That Mrs. Does it really?
Starting point is 01:05:47 A 20? 22? Oh, no, that is. That is. 17 damage to a hard one. Go ahead and get me a consaving throw. Oh, do do do do do do do. Yeah, that's like a 27.
Starting point is 01:06:00 You're fine. Ish. It feels fine. OK. Mrs. Ren feels fine. OK. Mrs. Ren. Mrs. Balnor. Who? That is Balnor's turn.
Starting point is 01:06:10 Balnor is going to try to do what Bev's doing. It's weird, bud, but I'm going to do my best. You got to split your legs. Balnor way slower going up. No. You got to split. Ah, my hips, Bev. I got bad hips.
Starting point is 01:06:24 My hip flexors. Just absolutely no flexibility. He's going all arms and just grunting. Just super wrist and legs, Bev. You got to wake up and stretch with us, Dev. Get's up 20 feet just using all arm strength. That is moonshine's turn. moonshine's turn? Okay. I'm going to go ahead just to be totally sure. Gonna cast a jump
Starting point is 01:06:52 on hard one. So you'll probably be able to just jump right up. And then I'll just start climbing up. Sweet. Go ahead and make an athletics check. Okay. 17. 17. sweet. What is your movement? My movement's 35. Sweet. With a dash action, you mimic Beverly, you actually get past Balnor, it's super rude. Excuse me, sorry, excuse me, I just,
Starting point is 01:07:15 ladies first, ladies first. I'm really, yeah, struggling here. If you're in a chest. I'm gonna grab some of the presents and hold them while I'm here, thanks, yeah. You push Balnor. And also I put pop on my bib and I invite Peter the leader
Starting point is 01:07:26 into my bib. Y'all not play knives in there, okay? You hear them instantly fighting. Re-me-me-me! Whoa, whoa! Hard one, did you? I'm almost dead already! Did you use your reaction yet?
Starting point is 01:07:40 Not yet. Ooh, okay. Then that is Ren's turn. Ren is gonna cast fly on himself. Ooh, okay. Ah, then that is Ren's turn. Ren is gonna cast Fly on himself. And Fly. Good luck, hard one. Oh. Hey, Ren, if you guys don't get like a higher level,
Starting point is 01:07:54 you could have cast it a more, but then I would need to do a level four and I only have ninth level spells. Did you somehow buy spells? What? I hate you, man. I don't know where you are, but you suck. Ren flies up.
Starting point is 01:08:10 Is it background in me? I mean, it's always to you whenever you want to move. I guess I'll jump now. He just casually jumped. Just like, poison-tipped, spears fly by you. That it's athletic strength. With jump you, if you would like to do a jump check with advantage, you can just make it look cool.
Starting point is 01:08:31 See if you do a flip. You get up no matter what, but it's going to look like a struggle if you do bad. I got a 19. That's not that good. What are you talking about? At this level, man, be honest. You can do better. No, it, oh wait, actually it was a little bit more than I, it was a 22.
Starting point is 01:08:46 Okay, no, see, I mean, I rolled a natu, yeah, I was bad. It was a great roll. It was a middleing roll. Yeah, exactly. Don't shame him on his part. And so I really resent this conversation. We have to have a united front here. A position of strength representing America.
Starting point is 01:09:02 We're not saying fuckers. Opposition of strength representing America. It's an abyss to your fuckers. Are you still better? Hard one. You jump up. What do you do as you jump up? I flip off the queen. You know we have like a work piece, right? No, I would never flip off Mama. That's true. Malaur is side the queen.
Starting point is 01:09:38 You guys have all gotten back up to this first level of the temple. You rush outside. You see the temple is collapsing all around you. There's this earthquake as this idol has been activated, has been stolen. You guys dive out. Can I grab a piece of the Ladybug rock? Yes, sure.
Starting point is 01:09:57 Yes, sure. Thank you. Oh, Bev notices the heritage site sign right next to the temple. Oh, okay, I turned that around. You jump. It just looks in lived in now. You jump out of the temple as it is destroyed, as it completely falls apart. You roll down the steps as the archway crumbles
Starting point is 01:10:21 and turns into a pile of rocks and boulders. And as you guys catch your breath, Bev, you pull out this idol of this gullywug. And suddenly it begins floating and speaking. You will have committed a great atrocity this day. Seriously, why do you think we were trying to go in there? You thought we were just gonna hang out in there? Just as if it's a recording,
Starting point is 01:10:49 just keeps powering through you talking. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You have vandalized our holy land and stolen from us. There is only one way to make this right. You see, Ren just grabs it and throws it on the ground. It smashes it into like five bits. Cool, now we have five pieces of Arcanium, isn't this great? I feel like we should have heard that thing out.
Starting point is 01:11:13 You gotta read the terms and conditions, man. What, it's a weird little frog, man. What's he gonna do? Ribbit at me? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I guess I'd wait and see if anything happens. Yeah, I kind of want to know what the consequence of a steal in this idol is. You guys wait outside the temple. You see the temple is completely destroyed. The idol is destroyed. Ren, just like with a skip in his step, has like the arcaneum, puts it in his pocket,
Starting point is 01:11:40 and starts skipping back to town. You're a bad guy, man. Everything's good. What the froths? I take off my towel and I whip back to town. You're a bad guy, man. Everything's good. What the froths? I take off my towel and I whip in with it. Oh, why? Don't do that to a fresh towel. Wow.
Starting point is 01:11:54 How dare you? There are more purposes for a towel than you could ever know. I think I know. I'm a hile. I know every purpose for every towel. While we're here, I would like to reincarnate this ladybug to be a little to be a ladybug.
Starting point is 01:12:14 How many hours does that take? One hour. What do we have to do? Take it to the hot tub. You wait. Oh, that's you. I can reincarnate it in the hot tub. I'll wait till the hot tub to reincarnate. Oh, so I'm gonna call my dwarf daddies. Yeah, take it to the hot tub. You wait. I'll let you, I can't reincarnate it in the hot tub. I'll wait till the hot tub to reincarnate.
Starting point is 01:12:26 Oh, so I'm gonna call my dwarf daddies. Yeah, right. Okay, let's go to the hot tub. Okay, so you guys follow Ren. Ren takes you back to his family's home overlooking the ocean. There are various air elemental servants bringing out trays of food and wine. And you guys go out into the hot tub. But you guys don't mind if I roll deep. I'm gonna call my dwarf daddies and invite them into the hot tub. But you guys don't mind if I roll deep.
Starting point is 01:12:45 I'm gonna call my dwarf daddy's invite them into the hot tub. Yeah! Oh, dude, this is sweet, man. You just told your wife, look it up. Yeah. Can I conjure animals and just conjure some cute otters for the hot tub? Yeah. You conjure cute otters that hold hands
Starting point is 01:13:05 and float in the hot tub. Oh. And you see Ren tries to join you in the hot tub. Oh my God, disgusting ew! Ha ha ha ha. Otters, my greatest fear! Ha ha ha ha. Oh you know, they're universally adored.
Starting point is 01:13:18 Ha ha ha ha. Are you still invisible? They're disgusting. We were gonna have some otter with our puffets for dinner. You can't breathe. You're terrible. What? Get out. Will you show me to your kitchen? Don't boom me.
Starting point is 01:13:31 Will you show me to your kitchen? Who are you talking to, rent? He's he. Ren just looks off into this. Does anyone else here have bully-wok king just booing you? Oh, you're cursed, buddy. What you're super cursed possible. Ren can you show me to your kitchen? Yeah, wait
Starting point is 01:13:53 Red goes kids what oh Room we're like the servants gone stuff. Yeah, where they make food magically appear. Why would I know where that is? All right, I get a servant to show me the kitchen and I free all the animals. Oh. Oh. Ah, yes. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 01:14:10 You go in there and you see there were puffins ready for slaughter. You open it up and Peter goes, run free by people who rather fly really low. And the puffins fly away. Join the Peter. Join your brothers and sisters. Yes, start a new society.
Starting point is 01:14:31 I don't think they'll have much to talk about. I think I'm going to spend the rest of my life super bored just thinking about stuff. Goodbye everyone. I still have Ben's and me. We'll end. Fries away. Oh, man. Oh, man. I look at the amulet one last time.
Starting point is 01:14:53 Huh, Moonshan looks at the amulet as it flies. Gotta get a walk in. It's returned to its right poloner, Beverly. You know what? I always knew it in up this way. Exactly this way. Should we beat up, Rin? You know what? I always knew I didn't up this way. Exactly this way. Oh. Should we beat up, Ren? I don't regret in the hot tub.
Starting point is 01:15:12 Stop! Yeah, you push, Ren. I had my phone in my pocket. So, what's the game plan with this Arcaneum? Or is that what it's called? Arcaneum? Arcaneum. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:22 How are you planning on moving this product? Well, it's called? Arcaneum? Arcaneum. Yeah. How are you planning on moving this product? Um. Well, it's not drugs. Then what the fuck did I come here for? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Starting point is 01:15:34 Ha. Ha. Ha. Yes? I snuck rocking a bunch out of my nose. It's a cord and bait switch. You can, I mean, you can use money to buy drugs if you want, I guess.
Starting point is 01:15:47 I don't know. I want the, I do. I guess go out on the beach and find a drug dealer or something. I don't know. This is like a powerful magic item. You can use it to cast spells. You can maybe do like a wish or something. If you haven't done it, I'm talking to my dad.
Starting point is 01:16:02 Really? Oh, we can wish for our cake, Mochain. Wait. Mochain, I'm talking again. Really? Oh, we can whisper our cake, Mochite. Mochite, I have an idea. OK, yeah, yeah. I'll follow your lead. You guys see, after a bit, you guys are out on this hot tub discussing how you're going to buy drugs.
Starting point is 01:16:16 With this, this forch. You have to go up to it. Just an element thought to never be seen again in Bahumia. You just have it. And you're going to use it to buy drugs. And you guys see after a bit, it begins raining. And then it begins raining harder. Usually a good sign.
Starting point is 01:16:37 You see the hot tub. We're still in the hot tub though, right now, right? Is overflowing. Are the hotters falling off? You need to catch the otters. This is how to go off no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no is dying Mary Poppins style. No, it's not. Throw that dice into the crowd. This is the guy that got you. Throw it into the crowd. No, I want to get this one.
Starting point is 01:17:11 OK. Another natural. That's another natural. Bay of your. Oh. Oh. Crazy. You're fucking umbrella. Caloo, Calet. Calais Calu Calais God damn it Beverly toe gold practically perfect in every way
Starting point is 01:17:35 Beverly you see your umbrella Glows with the light of Polo and does not turn inside out while while everyone else is does hey guys I think I have a new amulet. I was saying the umbrella happens to me. The umbrella now works like the amulet. Yeah. Yeah, you have a holy umbrella. So you guys see, the storm starts to get very bad.
Starting point is 01:18:01 You guys have to get inside. You see that it escalates to the point that wind is knocking over trees pulling some of the smaller ones out of the ground. You see a bunch of air elementals, unless they're wizards, are running around the island, trying to reinforce buildings with magic. And you see big chunks of hail smashing into the windows. You see a few hillside bungalows are washed away in a mudslide and get sucked into the ocean. The whole house creaks and shifts until finally,
Starting point is 01:18:35 you see the infinity hot tub collapses. And you hear the door of a daddy's going, no! What have we done? As they reach out, Rand, do you have some like scotch tape or something? Um, what? It's gonna have to be ducked, babe. We're gonna need some duck tape or like a gorilla glue, perhaps.
Starting point is 01:18:58 Yeah, you see, um, air elementals and stuff are trying to keep the house together. You see shingles are moving off of the roof, um, and you guys are all kind of blown up against the wall. And you see, as you look out onto the sea, amongst the storm is the silhouette of a gullywug wearing a crown. Stands atop a large rock out in the ocean. And you hear a booming voice go, despite our warnings,
Starting point is 01:19:29 you have not been kind to Gully Wugs. Can you say it again? You. Can I summon two dolphins to hold his mouth straight? Dolphins jump out of the ocean, grab his cheeks, despite our warnings. LAUGHTER CHEERING
Starting point is 01:19:50 You have not been kind to Gullywigs. You are lower than ants, cruelling than ladybugs, and you must pay for your sins, with blood, a demand of sacrifice by morning, or I will destroy your islands. Yes!
Starting point is 01:20:11 You can have a sacrifice right now. Yeah, but literally right now. Everyone relax. You know what? So this stuff works like a wish spell? You would need to be able to cast a wish spell. Oh, okay, I see, I see. Do we have to combine them all to cast a wish spell
Starting point is 01:20:32 or does it have enough energy between you? You would need to combine it all and have somebody who can cast a wish spell. You can't cast a wish spell. Gotcha. Well, Ren, it looks like it's on your shoulders, bud. But wait, if we're going to sacrifice someone, shouldn't it be someone who is worth less?
Starting point is 01:20:51 That makes sense. Worthless. Yeah, like you. How? Yeah. How would you measure that, Rhett? How would you measure the quality of someone's worth? Yeah, I'd love to hear.
Starting point is 01:21:02 If there's an objective way to do it, you just look at how much money they have, and there's just a number. All right, yeah, let's kill whoever has the most. Yeah, that's a good call. You see, Ren casts time stop. And you guys see Ren, whoo, disappears. Do we get to resist it or is it just automatically?
Starting point is 01:21:24 He just casts it as spell. It doesn't do anything to you guys see, Ren, whew, disappears. Do we get to resist it or is it just automatically? He just cast it a spell. It doesn't do anything to you guys. Locate creature. Ah, locate, Ren. How far can that be? It's a thousand feet. A thousand feet? A thousand feet.
Starting point is 01:21:37 Ren is downstairs. Hiding and a cabinet. You even the other people who didn't get to spell here are like, woo-hoo-hoo. All right, y'all, what do we want to do in this situation? I think we take back what's ours, and, you know, I don't want to hurt Ren anymore than he's hurting himself. Yeah, I don't want to lie there. Yeah, let's just go get that last piece and try and,
Starting point is 01:22:06 maybe we can like wish for another Rin to sacrifice, so we'll at least still get the satisfaction of sacrificing a Rin. Yeah, that sounds good, yeah. I guess we had downstairs. Sweet, you head downstairs. You see that Rin, Rin's father, has also walked back into the house. Oh, you're just in time. We had some dwarfs that were brought in. and Rin, Rin's father has also walked back into the house.
Starting point is 01:22:25 Oh, you're just in time. We have some dwarfins that were brought in. They're gonna cook us a nice dinner some puffin. You see like 10 dwarfins coming. We are happy at the cook in the kitchen, I guess. You son of a bitch. What? My brothers and sisters cooking my brothers and sisters.
Starting point is 01:22:47 What are we cannibals? I don't know what you're talking about. When this day is over, I lean to the Dwarfans. This will be your island. And I just like tackle Rin. So just so you're so I've made this very difficult for myself. Yeah, you are tackling a RIN not RIN daddy RIN daddy RIN. Okay, um go ahead and make a athletics check. It's not hard. He's weak. Only in 18. Um, but you form tackle him and he crashes into the ground and hits his head super hard, he's stunned
Starting point is 01:23:26 and can't cast a spell immediately. Oh, what? No! You see the dwarven instantly bounce on him? He was super-rude to us so fast. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Just absolutely get in there.
Starting point is 01:23:40 Give him some serious nougat. Yeah. Just start fucking pounding on him. All right, we're Boris Boris. Y'all, are we trying to actually sacrifice someone here? I don't know whose side I'm on. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:23:51 We don't matter, sacrifice. Where did the dolphins go? Dolphins come back, you have a job. We demand a sacrifice. You know, maybe, maybe leader Peter wants to die. Oh, he was feeling real, but he just left. Really bored. Yes. You know, maybe, maybe leader Peter wants to die. Oh, he was feeling real, but he just left. Really bored.
Starting point is 01:24:09 He flies real fast. Didn't we just wish for this guy to go away? We're not allowed to wish. Oh, we need Brenda wish, you're right. All right, yeah, we're just, we're saying outside the closet door, it was not a good getaway. Oh, hi, oh no.
Starting point is 01:24:24 Oh, ho, ho. I can't entangle on the door, so he not a good getaway. Oh, hi. Oh, no. Oh, I guess. I can't entangle on the door, so he's stuck in there now. Oh, he can't stop again. So here's the thing I can't cast a wish spell because I use my ninth level spell to cast TimeStop to get away from responsibility. Also, I want to keep my arcanium if that's OK.
Starting point is 01:24:41 Oh, can we just give the arcanium back to the bully? What's going on? Why would he say frog? OK, rip open the cabinet door. I think that's okay. Oh, can we just give the Arcadium back to the bully? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? Okay, rip open the cabinet door. Oh, what? Maybe we just sacrifice all the Arcadium.
Starting point is 01:24:54 Yeah. Yeah. This seems too powerful for anyone to have. Everyone relax, okay? You know what? Let's think about this. We can give up Boundor. What?
Starting point is 01:25:03 Who's that guy? Okay. Oh, I hear weird voices in my hand. We can give up Boundor. What? Who's that guy? Okay. I hear weird voices in my head just booing me. I grab Ram by the collar. We go out to the bully wall and I say, what if instead of a human sacrifice, you got a really sick house?
Starting point is 01:25:19 Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. Now 20. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with Ed Vantage. Ah! Nat 20! Yay! Woo! Yay! Good! Lord!
Starting point is 01:25:41 Amazing. You're good. How many crits have we had tonight? Well, we went to a restaurant and we put all our Dyson malt vinegar last night. Yeah, that's great. You can't get that in America. I also pray to Christ all night too. Dice Christ or regular Christ.
Starting point is 01:25:58 Both honestly. You guys see, as you drag, rent out, talk about the sick house, you see the Gullywug looks at you, the Gullywug King, still raining. As you say this, you see the rain begins to calm down to a drizzle, and he goes, will you help me fix the Infinity Hot Tub? Absolutely. As long as you don't eat the otters that live in it. You guys have to be vegans.
Starting point is 01:26:33 We will eat only our natural enemies. Ants and the cruel, cruel ladybugs. I don't know, I love ants. I'm going to have to be firm on this one. I hate ants. I will kill an ant if I see an ant. Could you eat beetles that have been painted to look like ladybugs? You see whispers to another gullybug peeks out, turns back. We could do that as a substitute for ladybugs, but not for ants. Okay, I have a good idea. other gullywood peaks out, turns back. We could do that as a substitute for Ladybugs, but not for ants.
Starting point is 01:27:09 OK, I haven't cared about it. I haven't cared about ants for that long. That's fine. Can I cast Create Food and Water and make a beautiful buffet of beetles painted like Ladybugs? Yeah. I also stocked that. Let's do a dance piece.
Starting point is 01:27:23 And maybe we make some ants, but they're like chocolate ants. You make a little platter like chocolate. No, ants on a log. You make ants on a log. Is it actual ants on an actual log? Or is it raisins on... It's raisins. I imagine raisins, please.
Starting point is 01:27:45 I go on a quick solo mission to drive all the ants from the land. Go where your free brothers. Hard one wanders off, you guys don't see him for the rest of the session. Long live the ant king. You see, the gullywag goes, well, if my weight doesn't talk like that anymore, dolphins are still pinching his cheeks. Well, if my people are protected and we can have our ancestral land back,
Starting point is 01:28:13 then my work here is done. You see, disappears in a flash of light. And you see a bunch of gullywugs begin appearing in the ocean. Just these like purple little frogs poke their heads up out of the water. You see there's little ones, little peepers. Oh, thank you so much for selling us. This is your new temple. This is your new home. I want to go in the hot tub. Get in there. And you see you, and you, as you're holding Ren out, he goes, wait, no, we already kicked these people out.
Starting point is 01:28:48 Why are you bringing them back? Oh, you were not truthful with us, sir. I didn't say I didn't kick out a frog community to build our luxury condos. Ren, do you have nine levels spells? You're talking to Ren. Well, does Ren have nine levels spells? You're talking to Ren. Well, does Ren have nine-level spells? You see the door offense are still pounding on Ren.
Starting point is 01:29:09 Yes, why? If we can get Ren's arcaneum, then we could get a wish spell, and we could get you in a pig amp. LAUGHTER Mochaine. LAUGHTER Nothing. Nothing would give me greater joy, which I finally have and ants. It's called my very own. You have no father, no mother, no uncle, but you do have an aunt.
Starting point is 01:29:39 Let me mount an ad, Mucin. A wish spell would never be better used. Under duress, Rin uses the arcanium to cast a wish spell and summons a gargantuan ant. Leap up, leap up young dwarfs. Right into the sunrise with me. Are you becoming a school bus driver? I am. Hard one, you get on top of this giant ant. It's like, it like instantly destroys Ren's house. Just this giant ant, you get on top of it.
Starting point is 01:30:22 You see all of these dwarfs climb up and join you. Then you just hear chorus, like a chorus of gully wugs going, truly the gods shine upon us. We've gone back our ancestral home and the fine meal. No, no, no. You guys see, please, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels, I take my heels can't take my heels. I can't hold the door really hard. Frogs.
Starting point is 01:30:46 I'm hearing the ocean. Run. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit.
Starting point is 01:30:55 I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit.
Starting point is 01:31:03 I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. I can't sit. And that's where we'll end our session. Thank you so much, Manchester. It was so much fun. Thank you. Thank you, guys. It's the end of the show, everybody. And that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. No, so good to us.
Starting point is 01:31:25 Starting with Brad D. Dillon B. Danny P. Steelbreaker and Spencer Caskbrew. Five plump juicy crawdads who gave their life to help make moonshines hero, heroes feast, even more delicious rest assured friends. Your brown was not spilled in vain. Next up we got Beardman, Dan, Adam R, Dan Yell, the Dastardly Dame, and Alu Card. Rends for Butlers that help him get ready for bed every night. Each of them is in charge of a single shirt sleeve or pant leg.
Starting point is 01:31:58 Used to have a fifth butler that put it on his sleeping cap, but since his family was kicked out of Glade Home, he's had to cut back. tragic. Howdor Frostback, Multifor, Jordan DJ, Jeffries and CutterW5, Druids were all part of the circle of friends. They draw power from their connections to each other and wild shape in a muscular version of whoever posted most recently in the group text chain. Shiver the mushroom, Elena C, Mixologist Michael McD, Andrew M. and Balnor's boy, the only real-life humans to have a plus four intelligence. They can't cast spells, but they're super good at remembering
Starting point is 01:32:37 people's names, and you could probably, they could help you build a gaming computer if you asked them really nicely. Justin I, Jacob C, Elena M, Mick Pock's and Josh Stretch, a group of crick-miss carolers who are on a journey to stop the a la through the power of song. They also each have plus 10 warpull swords in case singing about a holiday doesn't do the trick. Damien R, Destin C, Devin B, Jive G, and Earl and Kathleen L, 5 of Jenslin Dell officials,
Starting point is 01:33:08 Trinstagram followers. They all followed Jens on accident and keep meaning to block him, but are worried that Jens would personally DM them if they did. And he would. Sergio Salazar Solomon Sakurai, Sakurai, S. Sakwani, Michael L, Sam H, Trayle the Kray Faye, and Jori S. Five gullywugs were imprisoned by the gullywug government for their controversial stance that you can be kind to gullywugs and also not squash ants or bugs.
Starting point is 01:33:35 They are each expected to receive a life sentence without parole. Next up, we got Adam H, Ryan, Aaron G, Jake L, and Zach C, the architects behind Teehee Wii! A nomish run amusement park with super scary rides of super suspect construction. Big Buck, Richard X Machina, Sam L, and Troy McC, the flight deck for the Astral Plane, a super slick private jet that flies only the richest and most privileged
Starting point is 01:34:06 to the astral plane. It takes three days and is way less efficient than teleportation, but they let you smoke inside and the booze is free. Nice. Dumb R, Josh S, Nicholas C, and Caleb Storm, the Autobotty shop, where Jens Lindell is getting his Porsche detail. The turns out he wasn't lying. Ooh, Mike H. Matthew E. Samuel B.
Starting point is 01:34:29 until for G. A flock of moon accordance currently urinating onto a vine of moon grapes, giving them their distinctive moon wine flavor. Yum! Aaron C. Bohumia's fiercest L&D, TJM, the gnome barbarian, and trust the traveler, a team of battlemaster fighters who all took the fainting attack maneuver and spent every fight fainting at their enemies.
Starting point is 01:34:54 It's so frustrating, frustrating, most enemies surrender before they even get knocked out. Anime Intellect, Zolo Do-Lo, Larissa J, and Dylan C.M. the wannabe DM, the producers of Teehee, me, the hit television show that looks at famous Bahumian family trees and find out that they all have a little gnome in them after all. Ain't that fun! Colton B, J, C.C. Lulu, Aiden R.H., a group of Crick Alps who infiltrated a Christmas bush nut nursery and awakened all the bushes
Starting point is 01:35:26 to try to bring awareness to the wanton ways that is Crick-Miss Bush tradition. I'm hopeless. Timmy R. Alex M. Aaron Sully and Eric G. A group of aunt scholars who claim that the Gully Wugs have given them a bad rap. They're writing a book about great aunts in history, including a hyper-intelligent awakened aunt from Esri who did groundbreaking work in magical science. the writing a book about great aunts in history, including a hyper-intelligent, awakened aunt from Esri who did groundbreaking work in magical science. They're gonna leave out the part where they worked with Duttle though.
Starting point is 01:35:50 Yeah, that's smart. Luke is B. Rubin A. Jordan L. and Talith X. Renn's rich friends who would drive around with him and a magical convertible, pegging poor people with gold coins. They considered this charity work. Austin MR, just a pissed off Triss, aka Touchit, Kaylee Elise, and Barnes & Aitor 4, Puffin Paladins, who now follow Peter, the bearer of Polores Amulet. They wear full suits of armor, carry little swords, and are devoutly religious. It's adorable.
Starting point is 01:36:23 Devon W, Shinobi, Jared E. and Persephone. Ooh, that has a good ring to it. A crew of dolphins who have been hired to follow the Gullywug King around, holding his cheek so that he'll sound more eloquent with his threats. Since the dolphins got involved, fear of retribution has gone up 30% and sacrifices are up a whopping 50%.
Starting point is 01:36:44 Reese and S. Eric and Andrea B. Charo Arcadius and Jay Parker, the singers of the Bohumian Billboard Top 10 hit Green Teen Dirt Bag. Whether it be karaoke night at the tavern or blasting from a solo cup on a walking day, you're bound to hear this tune whenever good times are to be had. Steven C. Maxwell C. Mike K. Omri M. and Calum L. A family of unfortunate elves who just happened to have been on Rennes Island the same weekend as the band of boobs. They showed up expecting margaritas, but all they got was otherworldly storms and gulley
Starting point is 01:37:17 walk attacks. They did briefly get to use the infinity hats of those. So that was cool. Scott D. No Thor the Prodigy Ranger, Shane B, the Pinch, and Dan, the Gullywag engineers tasked with rebuilding the temple that the Pant of Boob's destroyed. They are not looking forward to it, a lot of those tiles were handmade, just a real headache all around. Richard C, Karen T, Curtis S, Michael C, and B-J-L, the new troll kings of the Feywild.
Starting point is 01:37:47 There's really only supposed to be one, but they couldn't stop killing each other so they felt like it was the easiest option. Nikki W. Andrew B. Christopher B. Barris and Ken of the Wizards Tower, Nicholas P. and Robert F. Ryan the Rams, Brothers and Sisters, it was a big litter and they all live happy and fulfilling lives, though none are as content and safe as their brother Ryan. Kevin M. Angel B. Rowell N. I am the at-list and Ryan of Clan Cougan. Old cops, old synchronized swimming, steam. The Vs in this group were vicious, but the judges were always kind.
Starting point is 01:38:25 Maribel, the Kitty Morphing gnome, Esme Am, Robert Yens, Christian T, and Jill McGee students in Martha Togold's Baking Academy, they are crushing it and Martha is about to finally reveal the secret ingredient. Love. Also butter. Meta Amps, Mr. Hyde Joys, Atticus C, Tom S, Kazamiar, the all-knowing and Mateo C, Handy Andy's friend group. The folks on this list include a disembodied foot, a butt, a cheek, and an ear, a solid groove. Luke H. Jonathan from Crickfield, Kelvin Nudles, and finally Grace G, percussion, bass, rhythm guitar, and frontman in the band that recorded, if I fill a here, may they live forever in our collective memory.
Starting point is 01:39:11 Thank you to all of y'all. Yes, thank you to all of our council of elders, all of our listeners, and all of our Patreon subscribers. We'll be back next week with another episode. In the meantime, you can head on over to our Patreon to listen to the after show, the short rest. We'll catch you guys next time. Bye, ladies.
Starting point is 01:39:29 That was a hit gun podcast.

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