Not Another D&D Podcast - NaDDPod Live in Seattle (Return to Moonstone)

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

The Band of Boobs return to Moonstone for a new adventure in our first ever live show! Hardwon attempts to redeem his first ever "Watch This!" failure, Moonshine slows some bros, and Beverly comes face to face with his old scoutmaster. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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PAPA at checkout. That's www.atadominiv.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code www-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey guys, it's Murf. This week, we're gonna be posting a live episode from our show in Seattle. I think it's one of our funniest episodes ever,

and you can really feel the energy from the crowd. So I hope you like it. Next week, we'll be back with another canonical episode and the return of our friend, Nathan Yaffe, as Jonathan Tinkle. So without further ado, here's the show. We'll be joining us immediately after our walkout, right at the moment that Emily darted off stage

to fetch the dice that she forgot. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Where did Emily go? I don't know if she just bolted. That's a Nat 2 on... Woo! Oh my dice! Yeah.

You almost forgot your dice. She did forget her dice. Yeah, that's a good start, There were upstairs. Band of boobs, baby. Not too unemissioned. Let's go. Good decisions happening tonight. What's up Seattle? Yeah. So first ever live show, thank you guys for coming out. Do we all gather in a bar to play D&D? That's what's up. Hell yeah. So guys, let's get into it, right? Okay. Welcome back to Bahumya everyone. Bahumya. I did forget. You did. You guys.

Oh for two. You guys, over two. You guys know we'd say that you're usually two to three times back at the studio. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy. Woo. Woo. Thank you. Join by Jake Kerwitz, pride of the doorpinage,

bastard of the mountains, six but six of Six of Muscle, and Beard, and Arcane, frankly. I'm hard one surefoot. Emily Axford. Men Shines Ivan, Lover of Thung of fungus and ambassador of decay, freckled, ferocious and dangerously fertile. Oh! Oh!

Woo! And called well-tanner, Beverly Togo the Fit. Junior Green Knight from the city of Galatoron, Beverly is a collector of teeth, follower of Pellor, and according to his mom, a very good boy! Caluca-lay! Caluca-lay! Oh my God!

Such cleverly and giverly at the same time. Was that Beverly or Coldwell? The one and the other. I don't get a spittle came out, which was Beverly, but it was whiskey, which is Coldwell. Although Beverly does have a taste for the booze now. What are you gonna do? That's true. He is immune to poison.

Okay guys, so let's play some D&D, right? Yeah! Okay, yeah. He is immune to poison. OK, guys, so let's play some D&D, right? Yeah. Yeah. So this is going to be a non-canonical adventure, a little side quest for the band of boobs, featuring some of your favorite and least favorite characters throughout the campaign. And of course, their squire, Balnor.

Woo! Yes! Balnor. Woo! Yes! Balnor should get a standing, oh, if you don't mind. Let's take that again. Salute Balnor or leave. Bend the knee to Balnor. What? OK, so the timing of this is going to be right

before these guys went to Smuggler's Boundy. So the party has just left the creek and is off to fetch the SS Stormborn. And that's my daddy ship. We just changed the name to Daddy Ship. It's called Daddy Ship now. No, it's called Daddy Ship. It's not canonical.

That's the only thing that's canonical now is the SS Stormborn is called Daddy Ship. SS scoreboard is called Daddy's Show. Can it at least be Daddy's Show? Just Daddy. OK, so you guys head east on a long hike through the woods neighboring the creek, passing many nanorflies and chipper monks along the way. Joe, Joe the praying mantis, tips his little straw hat to you.

Mayor Joe, how are you? No, pretty good. Y'all come back now. I shake his hand. He gives you a little clawed hand shake. Ow, ow, ow. Hey, I'm just a little bug. That shouldn't hurt you too bad.

That's fair enough. You're a paladin, right? Roll your damage. That's some 2D tools of damage. Oh my god. 98 damage. Well that's dead. Joe's got a mean backhand. So finally you guys approach the end of the forest, reach the ocean and find your airship tucked away behind a cliff along the shore. Your beautiful, busted airship barely functioning and full of holes and Balnor goes, this is the ship you were talking about.

This is your daddy's ship. You have a problem guy that carries the bags. Oh, I'm sorry, is carrying the bags not important? No, carrying the bags. Oh, you wanted to just drop the bags. Final, drop the bags. Oh, I'm sorry, is carrying the bags not important? No, carrying the bags. Oh, you want me to just drop the bags? Oh, you need to drop the bags. Oh, drop the bags. Galad's head is in there.

It's very delicate. You guys suddenly hear the sounds of wild gunfire. Boof, boof, boof, boof, boof. Does it sound friendly? Go ahead and roll a perception check. Shout out to the tail crew! It's really a two. You can't make heads or tails of whether or not this gunfire is friendly. Y'all this sounds fun. Anyone want to go to a shooting range? It sounds wild. I'll say that much. You guys suddenly see old cob bolting out of the woods,

running towards you guys shooting into the air screaming. Don't go! I need to catch you guys! Guys, wait! Wait, don't go! Hi, hey, there's my best friend. Hey, you see, he just collapses panting. Huh, guys, guys, don't leave yet, don't leave yet. I tap him up.

Are we throwing stuff in the air? I throw a javelin. I throw a pop off. What? Rare! Why's it that you're off into the ocean? I throw a javelin. I throw a pappa. Listen to that. Lies off into the ocean. Does a little possum paddle back. It's autumn out of swim. So cute.

Rian, rian, rian comes back. Yells at you. Yeah. Sews, moonshine, takes her to court. An amazing litigator. Some of the tiges that one. So Olcob is gasping for breath. He's on the ground and he's like,

I just ran 15 miles trying to catch you guys in 15 miles. That's like, it's like a half marathon. You're supposed to kind of take that. That's how you get that. Yeah, that's your job. That's how you get that. Yeah, that's how you get that. Yeah, that's how you get that.

Yeah, that's how you get that. Yeah, that's how you get that. Yeah, that's how you get that. Yeah, that's how you get that. Yeah, that's how you get that of rat. He's been chiseled. I sure did like a high interval training thing, but just for 15 miles. High intensity in the training. Do you need a banana? I would love a banana to him. All right, let me see if I got one. Thank you, I could use the potassium, I'm cramping up.

I only have a yam. Would a yam be a yam? Just carve it into him. Damn it, kid. She can take the yam. Why did you offer him a banana? I thought I had a banana. Why are you bringing up bananas if you don't got bananas?

What's going on, Cup? I actually have a banana. Ballon or pulls one out of the bag. See? It came out of the bag. That's so gross. Ballon or bananas are all covered in spots. I...

Can I have a ball, Nana? You want them to be brown so that they're soft, so that they're nice and chewy. I don't know what I'm not getting here. Hard one is eating the yam. How is it? Bad. Okay. So old Cobb hands you guys a note.

He goes, we got a message. We got a message for you guys at the creek, sent by an animal messenger. Moonshine, what does it say? Oh, I take it out and I pretend to study it. It's very important. You're all gonna wanna get your eyes on this. I could translate it to you, but it's not- God God, David Beverly. Read the note. I read the note. So you see that it's a flyer. There

is a picture of a serene landscape. You see a sunset cascading off the water in a bay which you recognize to be moonstone bay. Hey, I know that bay. We all know the bay. I don't know the bay, I wasn't there. That's Shay's Bay. Then there's some text on it that reads, tonight, the village of moonstone proudly presents, stretching those hip flexors, a hot yoga seminar with Shay the Druid. Woo!

Woo! One night only at the Temple of Melora. Oh my god, I'm ovulating. Looks like Daddy's ship has a new destination now. Yeah, can you set your coordinates for Shay's hot ass? I whispered a boughnour. Shay is a girl they both like. Oh, I kind of gathered that kid,

but thank you for explaining. How are your flexors? You know, they're a little tight actually. Perfect. Kind of all dads have, you know, bad lower bodies. Lower back, no good. Hip flexors awful. It's like carrying the bags.

Are we going or not? Let's do it. God damn it. Dad'll ship ho. Dad'll ship? God damn it. God damn it. Let's take a second. That was very good.

Is that called the other Beverly? The line has blurred, sir. So you guys hop into daddy's ship, official name, Canon. And you guys take off into the sky and start writing for Moonstone. So guys, let's do a little Moonstone recap in case there's some plus ones here who don't know about the podcast. I'm so sorry. Who didn't leave when we did the pop-up?

This is baffling. What was that poss possible doing swimming? Or if you haven't listened to the episode in a while. So last time you guys were in Moonstone, you met for the first time ever at the Hungary Trout Tavern. There, you learned that the town had been taken over by barbarians and that Beverly Scout troop, the green teens, had been kidnapped by bullywug, frogmen,

and dragged into the swamp. I'm getting nostalgic. Right? It's like going back to high school. I wish. You learned this from their leader, the cowardly Scoutmaster Denny, who offered you gold to find them. Give it up for Scoutmaster Denny.

Cheers. His, his, boo, boo. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy.

That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy.

That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. That's the daddy. who you intimidated into killing his fellow cobalts then threw him out of a tower. You rescued the green teens then with the help of Pieter, the centaur druid, faced the barbarian bullies and freed the town.

You ended your adventure there by gifting a dragon egg to your mutual crush, Shay, the ageless white haired druid. Are you not going to talk about the roles, the Dragon Rules? Oh, yes, and Emily Rolls- The delicious Dragon Rules. Three ones in a row. We're trying to take the right. Yeah, that's like avocado and eel, some shrimp.

We also, right before the show started, we rolled to see how the show would go, and Emily rolled the one, then Caldwell rolled the one, and then I rolled the six. Yo, but I rolled an 18 bitch. So Jake is gonna do great. I will do Subpar, and it will be a career ending night for Emily X for the elbow Tanner.

So you guys finished your adventure. You celebrated with the freshly rescued green teens and the rest of the village in the annual green teen jamboreen and now you're back. We're back. We're back. You're back. They've almost repaired everything. It looks pretty good. So you guys arrive in Moonstone. The fresh scent of flowers hits you immediately. You see all the homes have moss overgrowth, and there are yellow and purple and white flowers everywhere. It's nighttime, but the glow of the enchanted bay lights up

the whole town like snow reflecting moon lights. You guys make your way over to Melora's Temple. It's this small dome building made of stone. There's a tapestry with a wave like symbol of Melora and there are torches around the outside, but it's very quiet. Doesn't seem like there's a yoga seminar going in here. What? Well, I mean, first things first, I'm in Melore's home. I'm gonna draw a percigil on my forehead in the stinkiest mud I can find. You find some exceptionally stinky mud. I don't think that's mud, Munchan.

You're right, because in using it in a ritualistic act, it's transcended mud. Is that what you're saying? No, it's dragon dung. Ah, okay. There's just a horse nearby. It's just horse shit. I want to go to the Pelor cave, which is in the basement. There's a big, easy boy chair down there.

You go into Pelor's man cave. You have a margarita by yourself for an hour. I've never really got a taste for the booze, man. I'm resistant to poison. What can I say? So you guys enter this temple. You see it's this single circular room with a domed roof. There's a flower bed that lines the floor and a hole in the roof where moonlight shines down. There are scrolls and bookcases lining the wall. You don't see Shay in here though, but you do see your old friend, Pater.

The set, my name is Pater, it's Pater. What are you guys doing here? Well, you see he was, you're flexibly correcting you, but he hasn't seen you guys in like a month. You see the centaur man with long brown hair, with like flowers in his hair, turns around. What are, what are you guys doing in moonstone? We saw the flyer.

He's a hot yoga session. Yeah. Our hip flexors are tight. Bound to be made hotter by our presence. Yeah. This is our old friend Balnor. Oh, yeah. Hi, my hip flexors are the tightest of all.

And you see he tries to do a split and he just gets nowhere. Oh, no. That's not even that wide of a stance, balnor. And you see he tries to do a split and he just gets nowhere. Oh, no, that's Nothing that wide of a stance that's that's like I'm trying 45 degrees You know if you didn't have me carry the bags all the time You see he lowers his head it is my greatest shame Hey, Pieter could I get some of those flowers that you have in your hair? They look really nice. Um, yeah, fine.

I just put Belnor on Pieter to see a bill. This is offensive. I am a centaur. I am not a horse, sir. I push you. Oh, she's just a centaur. I'm sorry, that was rude. You're all rude.

We're fine. That was a Beverly frankly and I apologize. Piazza, do you know where Shay is? Shay has been gone for weeks. What? What? Like she's seen someone, she's been like staying at his house, her house. What is with you guys and Shay?

I don't know what her romance, we work together as druids. Honestly, I just wanted to be happy. Moonshine has to tell us one and you should let Shay know that. Okay, I mean, I'd be willing to share. Oh? Right? Yeah, I don't have a dog in this fight.

I just want my friends to bone. I don't know. Moonshine, Shay, and Balnor, is that? There's nothing going on with Munchan, Balnor. Munchan. Munchan. Munchan. Balnor starts doing squats really narrow stance.

Oh, God, those are so good. Can't get deeper than this, but... P.E.T.R.D. is just shaking his head. I don't like any of you at all. There's no hot yoga here. Shay has been gone for weeks. She took Beverly Mishko, pop-off the second, the baby dragon. And she's like, what's that thing doing?

He bit me. He bit me on the face. You see, he's got a pig. That makes sense. There were a lot of complications during his birth. Yes. He had a doughy at a top. Thought that was acne. Yeah. There were a couple weak links during his birth. Yeah, yeah. He had a doughy at a top. Thought that was acne.

Yeah, there were a couple weak links in the druid circle. And he. All right, let's say, yo, I remember. Yeah, right, right. Well, Pieter, if there's no hot yoga, why did we find this flyer? I hold up the flyer. The flyer. It's just a buffalo wild-wings flyer.

It's just a Buffalo Wild Wings flyer. What is that? Yeah. So, Pupon, show me the other flyer. Do we get half price wings or not? We only have a hooters here. There's no Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm not a loud hooters. Suddenly, you guys hear a voice from behind you.

Hey, gang! I see you guys, a voice from behind you. Hey gang, I saw you. See you guys got my nose. You small, small man. You turned and you see Scoutmaster Denny just skipping into the temple. He's wearing a stupid green park ranger hat. And he's got a t-shirt on that says Scoutmaster. Hey, Danny, I thought we had a little agreement that you stopped Scoutmastering.

Well, nope, you said I wasn't allowed to work with children. So you're Scoutmastering for adults? I'm going to start a tear at the top of this shirt. And hang on. Hold that thought. Hold that thought. Don't tear yet. All right.

Happened. I tear it a little bit. Okay. Still technically a scout master. Just turned it into a V-neck. What's going on? That looks good. That looks kind of good. V-neck on a coward makes him look a little braver.

Thanks. You see he's just like surprisingly kind of ripped from running away all the time from danger. It looks like carrot tuck. I've got no body fat because I'm always running. Guys, please give a warm welcome to the Emerald Elders. You see three incredibly old halflings in green scale mail supporting themselves on canes and walkers,

they round the corner and enter the temple. You see, they pull out long swords and great swords and hold them over their heads. The nights of old are always bold. We can't be bought, we can't be sold. And though our bones are full of mold, our hearts and souls are lined with gold.

I will give it up. I take one of their pants falls down. A woman's falls down for the weight of her sword. I give it up. I give them the green teens to loot. Thank you. What is that? It's the green teens salute. Yeah, so anyway, kind of the reason I brought you guys here, we're kind of in a jam through no fault of my own, of course. So as you can see, I've

started the Emerald Elders. So after you guys left Moonstone, I built a whole retirement community. Oh, no. What? This is such a dodgy institution. Oh, Dennis, you guys said I couldn't work with kids. That's all you said. I went the other direction with it. He's got his hair. This is allowed.

Yes, yeah. You should have killed all the bad things in that swamp. And we wouldn't be in this situation. That's not right. There's still bad stuff in the swamp. Let me get to it. I built a retirement village in the swamp called Emerald Acres.

Get it, Emerald Elders, Emerald Acres. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. I actually don't. You don't? He explains it to you for 15 minutes. You still don't get it. I still don't, but I smile, and I say, yes, I get it. Popbox, I explain it to you for 15 minutes. You still don't get it. I don't but I smile and I say yes I get it.

Popbox, I explained to you. Oh, thank you, Popbox. And he goes, we had a lot of interest. We had a lot of people come out and join our community. And unfortunately on the first night, 17 grandmas and grandpas were dragged from their homes and pulled off into the swamp. I rip off Danny's shirt. I'm technically a scout master.

I have three scouts. You're done, man. But you lost how many scouts? 17. 17, okay? Not 16, 17. Geez, you were so lucky you're a scalemaster and I have to respect you by law.

You're still a good boy, Beverly. I'm very peeved with you, sir. So these kindly others, are we saying that they're out in the bay? Are we saying they're out in Bollywood territory? Are we saying they're creeping around? Well, you know, it's been a couple months, so... Jesus Christ. What?

Did you bathe us here with a hot yoga ad? You should be excited. This is like really well done, too. Who's your graphic designer? Thanks. I use the same guy that I use for the retirement community. Everyone seems to fall for it. It's very good.

Unfortunately, some people do get dragged into the swap from time to time. Huh. But that's where you guys come in. So what do you say? Getting the old team back together, huh? While the team's been together. What's the team here?

Me? No. You? Everyone but you. Beverly? You are a brazen, we have a team. Brazen cowards.-up what do you think rar he just gives a disapproving glance

rar rar rar rar Murf while Danny is talking can I do a stealth role to see if I can get behind him so we can do a tabletop on him yes go ahead and do a stealth role can I cast pass without trace plus ten go ahead I mean I got a Can I cast Pass without Trace? Plus 10. Go ahead. I mean, I got a 21.

I got a 15. Well, that's a 25. Oh, 15 plus 10. That's very good, because Scammaster Denny had a 23. He's very persistent. Scammaster Denny is just a wetty and constantly looking over his shoulders. Trying to see where there's danger, but Beverly, you do sneak up behind him

and get in a tabletop position. The moonshine pushes him, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, you push him. And is that only stealth to do that? That's Rod and his face. Yeah, that's just a strength roll. You throw Scalmaster Denny far over Beverly.

He hits his head and rolls on the ground, and he's knocked out. And that's where Rolanda Ruffus is. You hear one of the Emerald Elders go, you attacked my Scoutmaster, you bastard. I'm gonna actually let him beat me up. Do me. Do me. Do me. Yeah, I'll do all you. Go at it.

He takes a swing at you. We're rolling initiative? He just, I swear to God, he just rolled a nat one. But I'm gonna- Fully defecates. And also is also knocked out. Somehow is knocked out. He should himself so hard that he fell asleep.

Hard one, give that guy your pants. I'm not gonna, I give him Danny's shirt. Make a little diaper. Make a diaper of Danny's catmasters, for sure. I guess maybe we talk to one of the remaining elders. Hey, who are you? Bentley total to fifth, you might know my dad. Have you ever seen the TV program Blueblood?

I shaked any of it. You ain't got to be a brave piece of shit. Who do we have to kill? Well, I don't, you know, soon as I found out people were getting dragged from their homes, I just kind of waited for everything to blow over. Of course you did. Then he spent a month making a fucking pamphlet. And he had to make sure it was just right. I mean, the typography is wonderful.

I can't keep raving about it. Well, you know what? Why don't the whole band of boobs, me, Stan Master Denny, hard one, sure, foot? Hey, Danny. Hey, Danny. You ever watched the bags? Bounder looks so hurt. Watch the, why would they, why would you need someone to watch the bags?

He's actually coming from Moonshine, that's things. Bounder goes and stands outside, I'm gonna need a minute. Take a two to fish sandwich, Bounder goes and stands outside. I'm gonna need a minute. Take a two to fish sandwich, Bounder. Takes a two in a lock-sash. And Scott Master Danny goes, well, we should probably start by investigating the old Amaral Dinkers. I'll hide behind you. And he hops on hard ones back.

Well, piggyback style. Did I ever say this was going to be a thing? Let's go save a bunch of old people. Come on. Your own retirement community. Yeah. You do not feel safe in your own retirement community that you built.

I mean, not that not now that everyone's been dragged out of their homes. No. All right. I mean, on night one, I thought it was going to be great. But you know, then go the way I wanted them to. I want to make it clear that when I cast Pass without trace, I didn't cast it on Denny.

Great. All right, so let's do this, but afterwards, I am reporting you to the Bahumi and Business Bureau. And Papa just rings his hands, ram, ram, ram. That's right. He's a very litigious possumrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bodies. Let's go gang. Wahoo. And he clicks his heels together. Hey, let's go gang. You shouldn't be happy, but let's go.

So you guys go down to the bay. You grab a fishing boat. You guys travel across the beautiful enchanted Moonstone Bay. The water is so clear. You can see all the fish swimming beneath you. Can I jump in? Because I don't have to breathe underwater. You can. Just show off. Moont shine it jumps in and it's just flopping around with the fishes. But you're close back on.

Never. You see, Balnor's just looking off to the moon. Just so sad. Are you from the moon? I'm sorry, what did you say? Never mind. Don't need someone to hold the bags. Boundary, we don't need you to hold the bags

because we want to upgrade you to official band of Boop member. This is not canon. Balnor attempts to push hard one out of the boat, doing a post athletics check. He rolled a two. I crit. How do we roll a two, a one and a 20 tonight already? Oh, extreme.

Ball nor goes to push you. You just sidestep him, knock him out of the boat. He starts to sink like a rock. Don't touch my quad. Oh, I guess I save him. Of course you do. Moonshine. I save him.

I'm like, please don't re-knip it into this, okay? You save, outdoor. Throw them back on the rowboat. You guys get to the other side of the bay, near the edge of the swamp, and you see a small sign that reads Emerald Acres. And out on a series of docs, there are about 12 bungalows, Polynesian style with thatched roofs.

Very peaceful, Denny. Yeah, Denny. Thanks, right? I do a pretty good job. M Very peaceful, Denny. Yeah, Denny. Thanks, right? I do a pretty good job. Mildly appropriate. Yeah. What? Oh, fuck.

On first glance, it looks like a very nice resort. But on a closer look, you see that many of the windows have been broken in and that there are no lights on inside any of the structures. Guys, go ahead and give me a perception check. That's going to be 20, not net, though. Was that a natural 20? No? It was unnatural. Oh, cool, because mine was natural.

Why are we using that? That's it. I didn't want to say mine was a nine, but that's just a nine. Yeah. Natural nine. I love to see it's everybody. Wow. All right, I'm going to say with a nat 20, and a nat nine.

And a nat nine. And a nat nine. Hard one, you're thinking about moving into one of these bungalows. They look nice. That's good. Bev, you look into one of these bungalows and you lock eyes with a bullywug who immediately goes, oh fuck! And duckstab it.

Do we just roll up on a family reunion? Yeah, we're just hanging out here. Yo, that's all of those weird little frog men, you know, from before. Like, Crick Bullywads, Nihah? No, they were very high. Thigh high. Oh, OK, that ain't Crick.

That ain't Crick. I guess I rush over towards it. You're just going to run over to it? Yeah. Okay, I dive in through the window. And me thinking it was a nice bungalow. I was like, oh shit, I had dibs on that one. The window was already...

I'm gonna say, Beverly, if you're just running and diving into the window, you can just get an attack on this bully walk. So, Bev, you lock eyes with this bully walk. He goes, oh fuck! Hey! You just take off sprinting, dive through the window of this bungalow.

Bev, you see this bully walk is fucking jacked. Oh no! So big! And he sees you and he goes, oh, bring it, bro! Ah, take a swing at him. It's so happy you guys were doing this live so you can see Merf's cheeks move back and forth. Oh!

Oh! Oh! Does 18 hit? 18 super hits. Yes. He's just wearing a tank top that says, I don't wash plates, I push them. That news, guys, they're jacked as hell.

And he doesn't do the dishes. I don't do the dishes at all. I just eat out of tough aware over the sink. Your bungalow smells weird. How much does he fart and how much does it smell like protein? How much damage do you do? Yeah. Answer my question first. That's nine damage on my first attack. Nine damage, sweet.

You swing into this guy, you cut his tank top. That's fine, I'll just go at it. Andre the Giant Style! And you see, he's just got one strap. God, it's better! It is better. Can I attack again? Go for it.

Alright, that's gonna be a 19 to hit. for it. Alright, that's going to be a 19 to hit. That hits. Ooh, that's going to be 13 damage. 13 damage. You swing into this guy. You heard him, but you realize you would have cut through like two or three bully wugs in this time. This dude is still going.

He's just looking at you all roided out. Come on! Come on, you little halfling. What's going on here? How can I eat you? You have like three faces when you do that. It's crazy. You're more jouled than bully-wook.

I have nine percent body fat. I have nine percent body fat all over. Everyone roll initiative. Woo, woo, woo. Starting off strong with a six. Look how much you have the 23 baby. Nice. My mom brought her sticky rolls because I got a 19. Nice.

Okay, hard one you are first. As of right now, you are completely unaware that anything was wrong until Beverly dove into a window and then you heard him fighting a giant jacked frog and getting into a screaming argument with him. So that's what you know is going on right now. Oh, man, do they look like battle toads? Yes. Yes. Like, right down to the weirdly defined, genital mound. He's wearing compression shorts, but yes. I'm going to, can I barrel roll through the door

and swing my accent this guy? Go ahead. Great. Before I do that, I want to look at Danny and say, this is why you're not on the team. Yeah. Get up to my feet, look at this bully wolf, and I'm like respect, but I'm gonna try to hit you with my axe.

19 to hit, that hits. And shit, everybody's gonna know I'm bad at math. Nine damage on the first attack. Nine damage, cool. He's pretty hurt, I guess. How much do you fucking squat, dude? I'm so much constitution! I take care of my body now! I made changes! So proud of you that I rolled in that one.

So I lower my accent respect. You look at how scoped and his shoulders are. And you think about it a little too long, and he ducks as your accent swings over him. That is Bev's turn. When you think about it a little too long and he ducks as your ex swings over him, that is Bebs turn. Ooh. So you get to go again.

You had a surprise round, now you get another round. Yeah, I'm going to do an ensnaring strike. Okay, try and hold him down, even though I'm sure he's super strong and it won't work. I can't be held down. This is the core you can't contain. That's my thing. That's my thing. That's my thing. That's my hand.

Who told you about that? Did Josh live? Ha ha ha. Hyrule, up four. Up four plus eight. So still not good. 12. He's just a shirtless man or a man with half a tank top on you hit.

Oh, shit. What I've hit with a 10? Yes, he's got a succeed on a strength saving throw. Oh. No problem, watch this. He's still in all my shit. 24. 24!

Yeah, he breaks out. I still hit him with my sword though. Yep. Okay. Well, well, that's gonna be 10 for the first attack. Okay. And then let's hit him again. Cool. That's a natural 20. What are you doing? How? You usually only roll once. It's true. Go ahead for all your damage. I think in the same way that you are intimidated by all buffies, it's like powering Bev.

Oh cool. Crack style. Yeah. I see it and I'm just like, slurping energy from it. Alright. Oh shit, kid. I feel like I should stop this.

That's a 13. 13 damage. He is on Death's Door, but he is not dead yet. That was two attacks from you? Yeah. OK, he is going after you. You see, he pounds at you with a mighty fist. And he definitely hits.

He just got a 22 to hit. That does hit. Cool. So he got... I present my face. I appreciate it. Actually, what I do got I present my face Appreciate it actually what I do is I open my my mouth so that I hope that his knuckles get stuck on my braces He full-on punches you in the teeth for a 14 damage. Oh my and you're gonna need to go to the orthodontist

Don't worry. I could take care of that for you. I've said a couple young instincts right in my day. Oh boy, as you say that, you're whistling through your two teeth. I'll give you a nice gap. Then he's gonna take a bite with his big, pearly, bullie-wug-white. Oh, they're perfect! How often do you floss, brother? And that is a 19-a-hit?

Oh, that just hits. OK, that is 12 damage, and go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw to not be eaten. What? I need macro nutrients! Ha-ha-ha! And you are full of protein. I'm like three Rx bars. What? He's the... I need macro nutrients! Ha ha ha! Babe, you are full of protein. I'm like three Rx bars.

Yeah, I'm full of protein. Alright, constitution... 11? You pass. You guys watch Beverly Be Swallowed. No! By this bully one. Bye! Yes! That was a cheat meal! be swallowed by this bully one. Why? Yes, that was a cheap meal.

Wait, was that a saving throw? Yes. OK, like a dead plus four to that. You see Beverly not getting in by a bully one. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Wait, I think like he starts to eat me, and then I start glowing and he gets weirdered out by it. He starts tickling his throat from the inside. Tee hee hee hee. Weird! He throws you up. I literally... Pelor bless me with a spicy taste.

Your amulet glows. You know you're got approves of this. Munchine, that is your turn. All right, I'm seeing the sight of this bullywug monstrosity and it's bringing me back to the honorable Melf who lost his life to a bunch of rabbit bullywugs. Well, I mean, other things, but they were bad bullywugs in there, so I'm gonna, in honor of Melf, take out my acid arrows

and go out this guy. Hell yeah. That's one of you. Yeah. Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, This is like a magic throw. These teeny-weeny little D-forz. It was 10, but what do I get? Because I quit. Do I get it? You double it.

He's dead, finishing. Yeah. All right. All right. Now it's time to question him. Well, yeah, I think I'm going to question him. Do you want to question him? I think I'm going to take one of my acid arrows

and hold it up to his just-ticular area and say, please don't do that. Who are you working for? I'm working for myself. I'm just trying to eat a balanced diet. And you get so strong and don't tell me diet because it's never diet. I'm just moving the arrow just up to his urethra

right on the tip of the hole. Pretty sure frogs just got the one hole. I know you're on some shit. This is not natural. This is not natural. This is all hard work and diet. I don't believe it. All right, then who taught you this, who taught you this regimen?

Have you guys ever heard of Josh fit? Oh, my God. Wait a minute. The core you can't contain. Oh, Malora, he stole your shit and pawned it off as a cheap diet plan. It's genius. Now it makes sense that it's natural though. Right, thank you. You just got a work hard, you know, I take I take hard one's hand and shove it I look at the bully wugs calf and then I look at hard ones calf and I'm like pull down I pulled down the the cup of my pants Hard to tell what hard to do a performance check against this bully work

pants. It's hard to tell what you're doing. I'm doing a performance check against this bully work. Right. Hold on, let me see what I add to performance real quick. 11. You guys see that this frogs calves are a little bit bigger than hard ones. Oh, hard ones. Frogs, frogs, legs are notorious. You know a lot of people say you're born with them, but you got to put in the work, man. This is not canon. This is not canon.

Not canon. We're having a good time. This is a fun joke, Seattle, but this is not canon right now. I don't know how to forget this. Guys, we are Michigan J. Fox. So sorry for cursing. Not good, young and let it out. Well, are you going to let me go? I mean, I'm stronger than you.

We've false settled that. Are you the one that's been abducting all these elders? Me by myself? No, look. Josh's meal plan is way too expensive. I decided to come just get some halflings for myself. Oh my goodness, you're eating them? That's the meal plan.

Emerald elder is people. This was not in the brochure. This was not in the brochure. This was not my idea. You specifically mentioned in the brochure that there are no lobs on any of the doors. You know what, there's only... I thought it was friendly. It was like a blast.

Like, old people love the past. We used to keep our doors open. They'd say stuff like that. There's only one way to make this right. And I go up into his, into his bully walk base. And I say, I'm gonna slit your throat and kill you, and then turn you into food and feed you to halflings. And then I slit his throat.

And I'm, wow. And I make Vallor eat him. Valnor's pumped up from this. He's like, yeah, yeah. And he goes over and he just starts eating the frog. Oh, Bella, are you going to let me cook you up? Oh, muscle, this is all muscle. We're going to call you bullie-nor now.

Chewie, so chewy. But he ate our people, he ate halflings, Bella. Yeah, that is true. He just made it personal. Have a frog leg, Beverly. Okay. Has your stepdad, I command you to have a frog leg. Yes, sir. That was getting brazen. I'm gonna eat a bug leg Beverly. Okay, has your stepdad, I command you to have a frog leg.

Yes sir. That was getting brazen. You gotta obey my dad. You guys eat a buff frog. And stat bonuses. What level are we now? It's true man. How are we little star now?

Can we be level 10? Do I get temporary abs? You get a plus one to strengthen. Yeah. Can I do a handstand that turns into a split? Go ahead and do an acrobatics check. Why? OK, my caps grow.

Your caps are now bigger than his because they've been bitten by boundor. That's what's up. Feel my pets. Okay guys I think we have a gym to find. Yeah I mean I got a I got a thought. Could we potentially appeal to Josh's a smaller nature by perhaps taunting him in the sky. You did push him out of a tower. He's probably not going to be thrilled to see us. Yeah, that's right. Don't have me, I appreciate it.

He's also been eating halflings, right? We can sound like it. Yeah, so the question is, do we go deeper into the woods, try to find where his gym is, or do I just cast Skywright and make the cloud say something threatened into him? I like that idea. You can't, you can't bend shit. You're going to threaten him with clouds. Okay.

Wait, is that an actual spell you have? Yeah, Skywright, I've never stocked it before because it's stupid. I mean, definitely do it. So, why don't we do both? Yeah, right? It is night time, everyone. They glow.

Okay, so I do it with stars. If this is Moostone, the big glows, and you can see the sky at night, and she's gonna write everything. If anything, it would be hard to see this guy. Because of the brightness. Right? Bev, back me up. This seems like something you would know.

No, it sounds pretty sound to me. Liar! Liar boy! You're not a real great team. Oh, never lie. It's true. The stratosphere wouldn't allow for it. I'm sorry.

And then I just write, you can't squat shit bitch in the sky. We're coming for you. So, you can't see it now, he'll wake up and see it. You, it's permanent. Into the dark black sky, you write what you assume is, you can't squat shit bitch. You also don't know how to write. I'm taking this bell to pop-hop.

Wait a minute. I, I, I think you're gonna see it just as moh in the sky. Pop-up looks at it. Ram. Ram-am. Brilliant law-mide. I feel like we really got him. If Pop-up proves, then more power to him.

You see, Balnor just walks over and reaches into his pocket and goes, Oh, pockets, they're like little bags, huh? Bags for your pants. Okay. Yeah, and I'm good at them. I don't know why you don't need me. Good at bags. I don't know why we don't need you either, Bal.

You know what, read this yourself, hard one. Read it out loud. And you have to do a card. I comfort Bellor. I say, sorry, they have trouble of being nice to people they don't want to fuck. That's problematic, guys. That's really mean to those tieflings

that I wanted to fuck. Okay, guess we read it. So you guys see this card. It's this black gym pass. The logo has a skull and crossbones, but with a dragon skull. That's so cool, it's dope. And the text reads, Josh fit, go from cobalt to swole bold.

Okay. Located at the old sunken keep. I want to cast a spell as we approach the sunken keep. Okay. I cast fine steed. Okay. And I would like to summon the strongest beefiest horse I can. Okay.

Are you looking for a steed or another father here? You see this big war horse appears. I am your horse dad. I fucking knew it. My name is horse daddy. He bows to you deeply. Well, get on. I turned to moonshine.

I was gunning for the nickname horse daddy. I see a head until this moment. What happened to you guys? What is going on here? I see you had it until this moment. I know. What happened to you guys? What is going on here? Um, okay, y'all, I have the cutest idea. Have we approached the sunken keep you?

Wait, I just realized you're in the middle of the swamp and you're something like a big beefy horse. You get horses and swims. Sink and horses can swim. We've all seen never ending story okay I Will kill your horse Booby Don't booby thrives off of it

It's fine he can walk in the swamp I don't care Yeah It's fine, he can walk in the swamp, I don't care. Yeah! The horse lives for once. That hurts. Cool. Are we close? Okay, so you guys are traveling? Yes.

So you guys travel through the swamp in the direction that you know the old sun can keep to be. Pushing past the weeping willows and the low hanging branches until you come to a familiar scene. A murky pool of water and just above it, a wall of mud. The place that hard one did his first ever watch this, and attempted to climb, only to roll a one and fall backwards into the puddle.

I jump over it with my horse. Ha ha ha. I'll go ahead and do an athletics check. That was pretty good. Yep, that's a 19. You bound over the puddle. Caluca-lay! Yay!

Yay! Caluca-lay! Yay! Caluca-lay! Caluca-lay, my halfling son. The horse jumps over the mud. Canoe-canay! Oh, that's very good.

Thank you. That's very good. Canoe-canay? Oh, that's very good. Thank you. That's very good. Canu Kanay? God damn it. Ha! That is canon. That is also canon. What's over here?

Beth makes it up there. It's just more swamp. Guys, it's just more swamp. Is this special to anyone for any reason? You see Balnor just pops up, successfully makes it up the wall. Just for flavor can I use my thorn whip? Yeah. And just for flavor can I hop over the wall using this big green nerf dye?

Yes you may. That's a net fucking 20. Oh my god this is so beautiful. This is so beautiful. I want to cry. Can you can I bitches? That is so beautiful. Oh, no, Grace Cork. Grace Cork, swap kings. Hard one. You. Finish the mud mound.

Describe how you jump over this little puddle. Take us home, Parvon. over this little puddle. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Take us home, Clark, on. Everyone's watching. We believe in your hard one. Hard one. Hard one. Come on, I thought, are we going?

What's going on? You see, Danny, does it? What? That was a little slippery. As I'm striding up nice, I'm going to just jump over the puddle. I see Danny about to jump over I grab him by the nape of the neck put him face down and I walk across Danny. You have owned my NPC. You got a walk dude. You got robbed. Don't say I got robbed, I think.

I'll cheat and kill you guys, okay? You don't know what I'm doing behind this screen. You got robbed. You got freaking swooshed on. Just get over it. I didn't get swooshed on. Swoosh in a goop. So you guys continue through the deep muck.

Your horse does not sink. And eventually, you approach the old half sunken keep. It sits in the middle of a clearing. There are no trees around it. The mud turns to water here, and the entire castle is surrounded by a shallow pool of murky water. The right half is a bit lower than the left half, because it's slowly sinking into the swamp. The last time you guys were here there were four towers on

each corner but now there's just the one in the back. But the whole structure is made of stone. It's overrun with mold and moss and looks decrepit. There's no door. There's just an empty archway at the entrance. You can see through the missing door that there's no roof that the roof has collapsed and over the archway at the entrance. You can see through the missing door that there's no roof, that the roof has collapsed, and over the archway is a banner that reads Josh Fitt. You see torchlight. You hear metal sounds like metal dropping, and you hear the red hot playing. How long, how long can I slide? Zippo, make my slide. I don't.

I don't think. And then you hear a buzzer go off and you see, you hear someone yelling over the headset mic. Push it, guys, push it. We're doing pull ups now. Kip ups, kip ups. Let me see you do 30 in a minute. Let me see you do 30 in a minute. headset mic push it guys push it we're doing pull-ups now kick-ups kick-ups let me see you do 30 in a minute let me see you do 30 in a minute who can do 30 in a minute confuse your muscles confuse your muscles how long how long can I slide

okay you want to do a dumb thing first, I've got potentially a strategic thing, but it requires us immediately going into action the second I cast it. Sounds good. Okay, and I would like to get within 120 feet of where I hear this sound coming from and cast slow on his entire crew. Okay.

Which means that up to six creatures within a 40 foot cube must succeed a wisdom saving throw or they lose They get minus two penalty to AC and dexterity saving throws They can't use reactions on their turn. They can't you they can either use an action or a bonus action, but not both And yeah, so they basically D&D baby And they can't do two attacks. They can only do one attack.

Okay, so do you want to kind of stealth up into the castle? Yes, stealth up into a window, peek in, and then cast it. You have to enter like the archway, it's a castle. So there's no just like easy hop in the window. I already, yeah. Go ahead and roll a stealth roll with advantage because of your magic boots Nice shake

How do I make this game hard When your rolls don't make sense. This isn't how odds work, Murph. The God of psychiatry is watching over us. Frazier, be blessed. Keep us safe. I'm show your shirt that you're wearing. She is wearing a Niles shirt with the Seattle skyline. She was just wearing the shirt, so I'm sorry if it felt like I flashed you. Shout out to our boy Niles. So, moonshine, you slip right in at the red hot chili, the chili peppers are blasted

and so loud that no one could possibly hear you. You're able to hide under a, like, I guess you wouldn't be able, I was gonna say you hide under a squat rack. It's just a frame, that would be ridiculous. You hide under a bench. You see that this castle, these where there used to be two rooms

and there was that wall that you guys fought the cobalt's at. It's just one big, it's just one big weight room in here now. The structure itself is still very shitty and broken down, but there's a lot of nice workout equipment. There are pull-up bars, benches, squat racks, et cetera. You see a big timer, Josh fit banners, and other various motivational posters across the wall. You see one of a tiny cobalt looking in the mirror

and seeing a dragon looking back at him. Awesome. Oh, you need to pocket that. You see a big, oiled up picture of Josh as a body builder. And it says the core, you can't contain under it. Oh, man. That stands. And moonshine, you see that there are buff bullywugs doing those stupid crossfit pull-ups

where they fling themselves over the bar rapidly. Confuse your muscles, man. Confuse them. And you see coaching them and shearing them on is Josh the cobalt. And Josh is sickeningly jacked. It looks uncomfortable for him to live. His tiny head sits atop his enormous body, water-millensized pecs, 32-pack abs. Fuck. Tree trunk legs.

Big veins pulsating throughout his body. You hear his voice has changed because his neck muscles are so thick that they're like pushing against his vocal cords. Come on, push it, keep up, keep up, keep up, dooms. Keep up. I cannot wait to throw him off another tower. This is gonna be a beefy splash. So would you like to cast your spell, or what would you like to do?

Yeah, I would like to, well, let's just say that we do rapport sports. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, y'all, I'm about to cast it, Kalonen. And then I cast Slow on Josh and five of his friends. Okay, through a poor sport, you hear me just say, oh my fuck. What's the need to roll? Oh my god.

It's gonna be 15. He needs to save 15. I'm assuming it's so roided out, he can't be wise. By the belly of pelore this is disgusting. It takes a lot of intelligence to measure your food and make a good meal plan to make a good diet plan. Yeah, but what about this one? On this particular time, he rolled a three. So that does not matter.

No bonus action. So you successfully pop out, you whip your hands and magic energy, blue energy whips out at these guys, and you see their pull ups start going very, very, very slowly. Oh no, no. Moonsha, you've just increased the resistance. And you see, as they're just slowly kipping up doing like just looks like they're doing regular pull ups and you hear Josh is going come on dudes you're not gonna hit your PR doing pull ups like that and he

turns very slowly and he goes hey hey, it's you again. You pushed me out of a tower. And your friends peer pressured me into killing my friends. We didn't have to try that hard. Where's that coward? Is he hiding? He's hiding. Why are you here by yourself?

I mean, I'm what, yeah, I guess I'm here by myself. Good on him. Good on him. What's that? Get behind him. You want to come here by myself? You can get a sneak round on him. I'm here all by myself.

I heard what he said. Tid out tit about the tower and so. Too proud for a fucking sneak attack. You roied Raging Mother of Fucker. I am the quad god. This is all nanny, man. Are there t-shirts? Sure, yeah, there's tank tops.

All right, I steal a tank top. Don't tell you he's reached his super slow to stop you. Those are $25. And they'll be available on the store in a month. I do pocket a tank. And he goes, you see these bully He walks out still, slowly doing pull-ups, and Josh the cobalt slowly does a dramatic turn. You all killed my family, my friends. You also did that. Yeah, honestly, you might have killed more your own kid than we did.

Truly, all I did was hold a door shut. He's too, he's already started, he's already started his next sentence because he's, he's slow right now so he's, can't wait, stop. You need to. You have to fire roasting him. Guess what everyone? My globe-like glutes floated me to safety. And like any good powerlifter, I rested and recovered. I lived alone in the castle for a while, and there was nothing left for me to do but to lift, and to get unreasonably jacked. Yeah, you did that. But the key to my transformation isn't just my insane work ethic.

Honestly, it's an awesome thing that she cast. It's slow on you. I feel like you're... My voice sounds better now. That's how she sound pretty bad ass. It wasn't my insane work ethic. It was my ketogenic diet. A diet low in carbs and high in fat. But that's impossible. You get sleepy all the time.

You'd think that, but you confuse your body. And then your body starts burning fat instead of carbs, and that's how you get lean like me. And he starts flexing and popping his abs. So slow, but so impressive. Just so slow. It's like a ripple. It's like a leaky butt.

Oh, I wish I could have it on my desk to relax. It's like a conveyor belt. Do you know what the best meat is for a ketogenic diet? Yeah, we know you're eating halflings. It's already been a step back. It's already so far behind you. It's halflings. That's little halflings. Right. That little halflings. Yeah, we're not surprised.

The meat slides right off their tiny little skeletons. I've had enough of this, dude. I cast Moonbeam on him. Everybody will initiate him. Yeah. Finally, Josh is back. 13. The hero you've all been waiting for, 21. Ooh, three.

Beth announces that he casts Moonbeam, but forgets to do it. I have to, I'm like, I cast Moonbeam. Hold on, which one was that? Hard one you are first. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's

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wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Um, okay, I'm pissed. Oh, real quick. I mean, just remember he's got minus two to AC. Minus two to AC?

Oh yeah? Josh, watch this. There he is. Does it 12 hits? It does hit, but he catches it between his enormous packs. What? It's leg day, man. I didn't realize I was going to be getting a chest workout.

Was that a reaction because he can't use reactants? That was just a flavorful deflection. Do I get to roll damage on it? Does it hit? He didn't hit. No. My pecs are too thick for you to do damage. He's got like full on dragon scales now.

Oh, wow. Then I'm swinging at his quads. No, 18 to hit. That hits. Yes. 13. 13 damage. Okay.

That looks like that might have heard him a teeny bit. A teeny bit? Like if he stuffed his toe or something. Okay, so that's a very teeny bit. Yeah, just a little bit. You see, on initiative 20, he's gonna take a layer action. Josh begins popping his pecs hypnotically.

This is what peak performance looks like. Oh my gosh, you may not like it, but this is what it looks like. I can slow. I'm so mad. It's so hypnotic. You see they're jiggling. And everybody give me wisdom saving throw.

It's like staring into the face of Pylora. Oh, when we got young bids, aura. Yep, plus four. Oh, 16 then. 26. Uh, unnatural 20. Okay. Oh, unnatural.

You guys, for a second, think, I need to get away from this man right now. But you, you realize that Josh is just a punk, you shake out of it, you guys keep your resolve. Bound or on the other hand just goes, nope, and he just, Bound or just takes off running. Scoutmaster Denny was not looking, was already hiding, goes, you know what? I'm gonna run, too! And he just takes off running. They both have our bags. That's okay, we got precious goods in there. He should be somewhere else.

Munchan, that is your turn. All right, I'm gonna go ahead and watch a bitch call Lightning. Yeah! I got a Lightning Bolt that's gonna be a hundred feet long five feet wide and I can do it in a line So basically I'm targeting Josh and if I can in that line target anyone else I want to okay And you see the bully wugs don't seem to really want to part in this fight They're just trying to get a workout in I'm gonna respect that and I'm just going to go for job.

Thanks, I'm just trying to improve myself. You still ate several of my grandparents. I was just part of it. I was just eating the meal plan. Yeah, and I'm going to line him up on him. He has to do a dexterity saving throw which he has minus two, too. I believe it or not not this obscenely jacked little cobalt doesn't have great decks in the first place. He got a four. All right. So now I have to do math. Working out, working out. I don't even know why I'm looking. Josh is still popping his pecs. What's going on? I am looking. Josh is still popping his pecs. What's going on if Josh is doing? 24.

24 damage. 24 damage. Bolt of lightning shocks through his body. You see all of his muscles start twitching. I have lots of fast twitch muscle fiber. I'm really making him stronger. Cool, that is Josh's turn. Josh is going to rush forward.

Josh is going to lumber forward. You see he runs, he's like slow motion rocky on the beach, except so enormous. So enormous, he's going to take a claw attack at hard one. I do Croft McGaw now. God, you're slow. I'm going for your eyes, he misses. Pick a lane. Croft McGaw is part of Josh fit.

We do it on Wednesdays. She seems like overkill. He hits on his second attack. He only gets one attack because he's slow. Wait, but that's an action or an action and a bonus action. Ooh, we're consulting the card. Regardless if the creature's abilities are magic items that can't make more than one melee or range attack during its turn. How long does this bullshit last for? Up to one minute. God damn it.

You got whipped, dude. Yes, I'm- I did not get owned. That is Beverly's turn. All right, Beverly's gonna make good on a promise and he's going to hold his amulet of Pellor a lot. Oh! Give it up for God.

God rules! And he's going to chant the spell that activates moonbeam, purly orb upon the sky, in truth you are, but Pelor's eye. Grant me strength to aid my team and save the day with a green teen bee. Oh, yeah, it doesn't go for me. Palur, palur, palur, palur, palur, palur, palur. Palur, palur, palur.ur, Pa-laur, Pa-laur, Pa-laur, Pa-laur. Pa-laur.

Yeah! Oh, God. Pa-laur. Pa-laur. Pa-laur. Yeah, it's a beam. So he rolls a dexterity saving throw or what? Yeah, minus two.

It's actually a Constitution saving throw? Oh. Oh, he's got good time. No. He gets an 18. So I will roll 2D10. Mayor, please. Go ahead.

Can I please throw a mid-damage, Daddy? Please. As long as you call me Daddy, you can roll your damage. Daddy Murphy. Daddy Murphy. You were doing this before the show. Can we roll the damage, daddy Murphy? Yeah, I rolled two ones.

That is good. I give him a tan. I was meeting to hit the bed later this week. I'm so glad. Sweet peace, glistening. This pecs continue to bob. Inchanted. How much damage does he take? Two. I think it might be half-souz only one. Is he looking hurt? He's, weirdly, he's glowing now.

He looks great. Y'all, I'm thinking of trying Josh, but... LAUGHTER You see, or you don't see, Rather, Balboa is long gone. He's gonna roll a wisdom saving throw, still running. Good. Hide the bags, Balboa. It was so slow!

D'I love the bolted. Hard one, that's back up to you. You have three. Do I have any arcane? Yeah. Oh! Dumb of the bolted. Hard one, that's back up to you. Do I have any arcane? Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Do you have the arcane?

Jacob, people tell you to do drugs, you have to do drugs. That's what peer pressure is. Oh my god. Let's just hang on one second. I'm going to just swing my axe normal for a moment. Buh! That is, it's a 24 to hit. That man's great.

I lost my D12, no I didn't. There it is. 18 damage. Okay. I'm gonna swing my axe one more time. This is the calf you wish you could have. 18 to hit. That does hit. Great. That's 12 more damage. Sweet.

Wow. Now I'm going to take my action surge, and now I'm going to sniff a little bit of arcane. Yeah! I was always going to do the drugs, guys. Level two or level one? Which one's the fucking crazy one? Level two.

Then that's the one we're gonna do. Okay. Hard one. Snort some weird yellow drugs. Whoa. Avert your eyes, Beverly. Well, hard one, you brought fun, dude? Let me get out of that fun, dude.

17. Oh, so that's how you got those quads. Guys, Beverly. Hard one, you brought fun, dude? Let me get out of that fun, dude. 17. So that's how you got those quads. You're not natty. I'm fucking natty. Arcane's from the Earth. Does a 17 hit Josh? A 17 does hit Josh because of slow.

Thank God. What do I roll for arcane damage? First, oh, second level arcane. You're gonna roll three extra D6 of lightning damage on top of your regular damage. Oh my God. So all right, 18 plus five. Someone keep track of that. 23 plus one. 24 plus four. 28. That's my first attack. Pretty good. Pretty good, pretty good. I respect you.

I'm going to do a little more arcane. Oh, yeah. Oh, dear, but I think I might have done too much to say 15 hit, Josh. A 15 does not hit. So just roll a wild, you have to, it's like a smite, like a paladin smite, so you only successfully utilize it on the first one.

Go ahead and roll a wild magic surge as the lightning goes through your body. Yeah! Uh-oh. 11. 11. Your body settles down. You're pushing out of your body.

Ah, no featherbeard. I can fucking handle it. By the way, can Jake Herwood's order another whiskey on the rocks? Blantons are worse. Anything will do. Thank you. Emily will have a question.

A deviant in game and in real life. I would also like a whiskey. Yeah, we're all actually addicted to a drug. That is the lair action. You see Josh pulls out a giant keg of protein powder. It says of bromax 9,000. And he slashes into it. And there's an explosion of dust over the battlefield.

Guys, go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. So this is, this is Nadi, your fucking powder. Oh, don't forget to add four to that. I got a nine. Nine. 17. 13. Beverly and moonshine.

Way of protein powder gets in your eyes. And when it hits the water in your eyes It starts to cake and you become your blinded it He starts flexing again That is moon that is moonshine's turn all right, so I don't know how being blind affects it, but I'm just gonna assume it doesn't. So I'm gonna saunter up to him and be like, you know, if you're gonna work out so much,

you gotta make sure you stay hydrated and then cast blight on him, sucking the vitality and moisture from him. There's, he's so sweaty, he's so, boys. What kind of saving throw was that? Constitution. He passes. All right. He's so, boys. What kind of saving throw was that? Constitution. He passes. All right.

Good job. He takes half damage though. Okay, good job. Good job. Thanks. Oh, can I borrow some D8s? Oh, yeah. Who brought your D8 from home? Never leave home without a D8, dude.

Such an underused dog. I keep two of my cheats. 15 damage. He's starting to look pretty. He looks like he just did some cardio. Like he didn't have that top of a day, but he looks a little sweaty. Yeah, is he jiggling a little bit?

A little bit, yeah. It's a little shaky. That is his turn. He is going to do a Krav Maga kick at Hard One's Crotch. Yeah. Come at Iron Crotch. Oh, y'all, attack the joints and the genitals and the eyes. He fucking misses. I hate slow. I hate the things you do.

I hate the things you do to me. Beverly, that's your turn. All right, you're blind. Do I get to try and shake it off? Oh, moonshine, actually, at the end of your turn, roll the try to get the way for it to get out of your eyes. I got a furry. You just make it worse.

It's mixing, you can taste it, it's kind of delicious. I got a taste of smell. There's a milkshake in your eye. That's your turn. It's my turn. I'm going to, I guess do, yeah, I'm going to strike wild. I'm just going to like spin in a circle with my sword and try and devine Smite him.

Cool, roll it disadvantage. Okay. He's going to He's gonna fail. I fail. You fail. Wait, what's this, what's this AC? I got a 12. It's not that.

It's not that. Okay. You spin in circles and you come dangerously close to one of the bully wugs that's just trying to get a work out in. And he goes, I'm using this machine, dude. I just have one more rope. That is bound or stern. Wait, I get a second attack, right?

Oh yeah, yeah, go ahead. Okay, already failed. What, 14? 14 does not hit no. Okay. Yeah, I failed. Still spinning. You spin around. You get back towards Josh, but he catches it in his 32-pack abs, and he pushes it out. Is this gross to you? Extremely. Can I do a consta- even go ahead and do a consta- even throw him. There we go. That's gonna be 19 and then extra four.

Does that break it? 19, that's gonna be too much. Oh, you got a super, super breaks it. All right, cool. Bev, you successfully shake the protein powder out of your eyes as you're spinning around. I just bit some powder flying out of your eyeballs. I catch a glimpse at Josh and I think I just keep my eyes closed.

To my- Don't like staring at greatness, jealous, much- Your veins have veins. You need to work hard and eat rights. Do you fit into any of the tank tops that you sell? No, that's why I'm shirtless. You look like you swallowed a bunch of softballs. Yeah, you see, he like, he lifts up his arms

and he's got a big meaty bicep, but he's also got that like baseball thing on top of it. You look like an ice cream sundae of a man. I hate you. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor is gonna try to shake out his fear. He does not. One of his phob out of his fear. He does not. One of his phobias is pec dancing.

He keeps running. Hard one, that's your turn. Cool, I'm gonna swing at Josh with my axe. I'm gonna first sniff a little bit of the way protein powder, hoping it has the effect of our cane, does it? You do, you get two attacks with our cane. Huh? You get to use the arc attacks with Arcane. Huh? You get to use the Arcane again.

Great. Oh. Shout out to the two crew. But I'm going to use one of my luck points. Go ahead, because why not? Nice. And that's an 18. Oh wait, 16 hit.

That does hit because of slow. Thank you, Aida. 14 damage. And three, wait, 14 plus 3d6. Four, two, three. That's right, everybody. Oh, this is great. This is all we should have. Give yourself a hand.

And that's it. Go ahead, sorry. Can I take my second attack? Go ahead and roll a wild magic search. Oh, yeah. 15. roll a wild magic search. Oh yeah, 15. Roll a wild magic search. 14. You're okay, thank you daddy Murphy.

Dottie. Here comes my second attack, swinging for Josh's penis. That is a natural goddamn 20, baby. Woo! Yeah, and I'm on our cane. Someone's gonna have to help me do some math. Woo! Mer-doin.

Mer-doin. So you've just done this arcane. I'm gonna make a deal with you. Don't make a deal with the deal. If you would like to do another arcane attack, even though technically you've already used up all your arcane, I will allow it for this crit, but then you will have to roll a wild magic surge

at disadvantage. Oh. What? I say, you know, ask your fellow compatriot. I said, do it. Yeah, we're going to do it. We're going to absolutely do it. And you can't use a lock point. No lock points.

Oh, wow. That change is nothing. Let's go. So that's a 12 on my D12. Let's go! So that's a 12 on my D12. 12 plus another 12. Goodness. Plus 7 plus 6. Someone counting.

And then how many D6 have damaged? Do I do want to create on our... Six. Six. Okay, people ready? Two. Four. Two. Six. Okay, people ready. Two. Four. Two. Two. Three. Honestly, that was 15 on the last four. And is that it? That is it. 54. Hard one. Before you roll, your wild magic surge finish him. Oh!

Take him up to the tower. And incorporate the arcane. Oh yeah. Okay. I am going to drop all my axes, because when I crit I like to kill somebody with my bare hands. In this case, my bare calves. Ooh! I crawl up Josh's rip 32 packs saying you shouldn't have had all these abs.

Their hand holds. Grab my legs around his throat, and I choke him to death. And as I'm choking him to death, I spin around and do a line of arcane off his ass crack. And I say, babe, this is the jam burrine canoe canet. And I wink at Bev's horse. I roll to five and a 12. So I guess you're going to go with this five.

Oh no. Oh, look at him. Take the horse, Merv, take the horse instead. There's no side effects that I can't withstand. Hard one. You cast a third-level fireball spell on yourself. Good. And why wouldn't I? Yo, that's kind of cool though to do magic even if it hurts. Hey, moonshine, I can do magic too. I'm so hot. I'm just like, what is wrong?

I'm just believing you're all like, yeah, show me your magic. Watch this. What is wrong? I just believe in you. I'm like, yeah, show me your magic. Watch this. What is wrong with this chapstick? What are the, what's the damage on that rolling still? Oh, oh, man. I thought I would get to roll my own damage since I did it on me and I don't trust the daddy. Let me have this. Jake 42 damage. Shhh!

Total? Total, jerk. None of the ones, no, no, no, no. One of your calves explodes in a fireball as the arcane courses through your veins. That was one of two things that I had. Right before this happened, Bev was like,

wow, maybe drugs are good. Oh, that's true. That's a good thing to come out of this. We're finally showing Bev that drugs are bad. I still have my other calf. And it looks great, bud. So you guys have just defeated Josh. You are into this big gem. You see Boundhor and Scoutmaster Danny walk back in as if nothing happened.

Boundhor looks a little embarrassed. Wait, can we position it so it looks like Josh died with a bad bench press? Yes. How would you like to stage the scene? I just wanted to take his dead body and then make it look like he was doing a bench press and then it like fell on him and he died as a result. You put five pound weights on each side of the bar.

Josh looks like he was crushed underneath it. I go around whispering to the other blue. Honestly, it was probably his diet. Yeah. Yeah, they just slowly turned to you. Oh, man, was he crushed doing that doing 40 pounds? Yeah, if you eat too many elders, you know, you start getting elderbone.

I'll never eat another halfling again. They hop away. You know what? Actually, I'm gonna make them a soup of their bully-wag friends. I got something else for you to eat. They, uh, gleefully eat their friend's soup without noticing. A bully-wag would never do that. Too proud. They could eat Josh.

Oh, all right. Now I prefer everyone to find him and think he died benching. That is fair. So you see Scoutmaster Denny walks over to a fridge nearby and goes, well, opens it up. You see a full of meal prep, all of these Tupperwares on the inside of the fridge. Ah.

Shall we bring them back with the scrolls, hugging? Ha, ha, ha. What do you say? What do you say we take this hafling made back to the temple, huh? Whoa! Oh, my God. Does anyone know enough about reincarnation to know what kind of life we'd be bringing them back to? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, it smells like pork. That's weird. It really does. Is that saffron? Oh my god. It looks like he really dressed it well Valor whatever you do keep these very far from the tuna sandwiches Hey, you know what? Diny let me hold the scrolls They're back in the temple. Okay. Well, I just slap it with my hand then Oh, why

You're a bad boy. All right. I mean, I feel a bit pessimistic about the chance that we can bring these leftovers back to life. But I will put them in my satchel. I understand. I do not want Bev to have to shoulder that burden. Thank you. Appreciate that.

I'll be back. Do I have to hold the bags of Halfway Remains? No, no. No, no. No, no. Now, it's time I prefer not to hold the bags of halfway romance. Thank you. No, no, no, no. At the time, I'd prefer not to hold the bags. Boundar, how would you like to go on a horsey ride? That'd be great. That'd be great. Wait a second.

Wait a second. We just established that he can't ride a horse. No, no, no, I need to try. OK, OK. I side saddle baldor on the horse. Roll DC 10 check. I'll just say, I'll say strength check, or dex check for Balnor to successfully ride the horse.

Toss it. Good enough. Ha ha ha. That is a five, everyone. Boundor goes up on the horse. It's this really special moment. He goes, thanks guys. I finally feel like part of the gang. And he holds up a thumb.

And horse daddy clicks his hooves and charges and he immediately falls backwards, rolls backwards and just lands on his head and is knocked out. That spare you did run away during the entire fight. You didn't deserve a horse ride. One day, Balnor, one day. Yeah, I'm just gonna leave the note tell him where we went.

Thanks. You guys leave Balnor alone in the swamp. No, we don't. We don't. And I throw him over my shoulder with a couple of wear of halflings. Munchine, Scoob's Balnor and the leftover halflings. And I take a bunch of tank tops.

You take all of them. Oh, there's some good ones. Can we get that picture of the cobalt staring in the mirror and it looks like a dragon? And I take a bunch of tank tops. You take all of them. Oh, there's some good ones. Can we get that picture of the cobalt, staring in the mirror and it looks like a dragon? Yeah, yeah. You have to climb a little bit, but Josh is gone. So if you do whatever you want, it's your gym now.

You pull the poster down. So you guys head back into town and go to the temple of Melora. You place all the halfling top-aware boxes in the middle of the room on top of the flower bed. You see, Denny is just hanging scrolls of resurrection like their posters in a bedroom, just everywhere. Is he sticky tech? Yeah.

This is kind of fun, hug it. Why are you so gleeful? It's your responsible for their debts Well, and we're gonna bring them back hugging you did nothing Tell me where's Apple with this one So he finishes hanging the scrolls all over the temple and he goes well Shall we all hold hands and start the resurrection ritual? We all hold hands except not with Danny. He keeps trying to scoot in, get between you guys.

He just holds the back of your hands. And then he goes, everyone, and that includes our audience. Please repeat after me, the emerald elders anthem The nights of old are always bold the nights of old are always bold We can't be bought we can't be sold we can't be bought we can't be sold and though our bones are full of mold And though our bones are full of mold, and though our bones are full of mold, our hearts and souls are lined with gold. Our hearts and souls are lined with gold.

Calu Calais! Calu Calais! This scrolls on the wall, explode in a flash of white. You're briefly blinded by the brightness, but when your eyes adjust, you see a bunch of old halflings alive and healthy in the middle of the room,

extremely confused and grumpy. Do they have like Tupperware as a hat? I guess they would have Tupperware as a hat. Now who wants a free tank top? I love free tank tops. I was watching Blue Buds and a strong frog grabbed me. Yeah. Guys, congrats.

You're alive, but look to your left and right. If you don't see any of your friends, that means they didn't get eaten by some frogs. This guy, you're... That is unnecessarily cruel. Hey, I agree. This guy who was your scout master, this shirtless Craven loser, he's the guy that did it to you. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. Damn, right? I get advantage. I won't need it. That's a natural 19.

I think that's going to work. 21 with my proficiency bonus. You see, they go, here's the one who sold us the bomb bungalows, get them! They start slowly going towards him. Denny turns to run, you guys kind of block him, and the emerald elders pounce, and start beating the ever-loving shit out of Scoutmaster Denny. I throw them all tank tops. I'd like to cast Ray Evan Feebleman on Denny just to make sure he really stops.

I'm already losing the fight. It's already over. Do we freeze frame on us laughing? We freeze frame on the band of boobs laughing. They've saved the day. The Emerald Elders are escorted to the hungry trout in and are given proper rooms. You all visit the extremely poisonous mushroom garden

that moonshine planted in Mishka's honor. Oh! Mishka! Rest in peace, Mishka. All right, P. Then you head on over to the tavern for a night filled with a taste of ale and the sounds of the fiddle. Play us out, Moon Shine, with a little bit of new Betsy. Woo!

The next day, Shay finally returns and leads you guys in some morning yoga, and that's where we'll end our session. Woo! Woo! Woo! Thank you guys so much for coming out. We had so much fun. And that's where we'll end our session. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Thank you guys so much for coming out.

We had so much fun. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. It's the end of the show, everybody. So we need to shout out our benevolent counsel of elders. Oh, Malora, thanks y'all. Oh, Pelora's good. Oh, yeah. the end of the show everybody so we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Thank you.

Oh, Malora, thanks y'all. Oh, Pellor is good. Oh yeah. Oh, bless you all. Emily, kick us off. Alright, starting off we got Matthew M. the Bullywag Prince. Though the reign of the Bullywag Prince was cruel and impetuous, it was turned into a children's book and is now remembered fondly.

I love that story. You know, it's great. It's great. Timeless. Jo N, the lover of Lucy, turned to the fiancé of Lucy, little known fact. Lucy was originally a succubus, but as she was trying to seduce Jo and steal his soul, she accidentally fell for him and she has since renounced her succubus ways. She'll steal.

She'll steal his soul a little bit in the bedroom. Right. But Jo is an incubus, which I feel like that lead got soul a little bit in the bedroom, like just like, but Joe is an incubus Which I feel like that that lead got buried in the band incubus. Yeah Brad D the only pebble pot that isn't craving on ski trips Brad D spends the whole time on the chairlift because every other Pebble pot is too scared to ride alone Yeah, no, we met up. J. Loma 72, AK Steelbreaker, Hard One's Jim Spiration. There was a Wad AK work out of the day at Josh Fitt named the Steelbreaker, which involved

both chains and tire flipping. That's all ripped. Combat legs. Andrew A. AK Filtsbar Ligardin, the half elf. Filtsbar thought they were a full elf until they hit puberty in their tiefling horn and started growing in. Their elf and parents are currently going

through a trial separation. Oh, I'm glad they're trying to work it out. You gotta try. Chailer Papa, the sixth, the legendary bard to whom no item is in an instrument, especially bongs, whether it's sick ribs, lighter flicks, or bubbly heads, tailor Papa, the sixth knows how to make a dank, beat sampling exclusively Bongs. I think I'm the BONG baby.

And then of course Dylan B, a super weak wizard who wields 12 swords, unfortunately, also only wields two scabbards, so at any given time Dylan is wielding at least 10 swords. You got to invest in some scabbards. It's really hard to shake someone's hand. You need scapulae. They're expensive. Simon W, the bootleg of Hard One, Soft Loss. Soft Loss once met Old Cobb at a county fair where Soft Loss was selling cordogs, and Old Cobb

didn't even tip them. So I know, that's how opposite of Hard One. Again, parents love them. Has a healthy relationship. Gemma parents love them. It has a healthy relationship. Gemma will look them in the eye. Soft lost knows a guy named Young Corn. Next up, Danny P. Bohomio's resident artist painted hard one, senior portrait at the Dwarf and Edge was exceptionally patient

with hard one who went out and got a haircut during lunch in the middle of the painting session, causing Danny P to have to repaint the entire head of Hard Wands. He was doing everything wrong. Got the back a more. All right, paint it like this now. Because I leveled up, bitch. Next up, Tom P, father of the realm, serenader of sleeping babies, doesn't even need Gatorade to calm down Ulfkar.

That's impressive. Wow. Vence are cask brew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to the gods and heroes of Bohemia alike invented the keg, which is a dragon's egg filled with colch beer. I would do this. Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would.

Aha. Uh, Pedro E. Bard of the mountains once kept time by banging two rocks together really hard and this is what invented rock and roll. That was supposed to be the Smite Bath. Griffin S.D.A.K. the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldritch Knight and owner of the Badger's Pintin Inn and Tavernvern known for their famous breakfast in beer in bed specialty Sounds wet, just like a super beer. Yeah, all in one go. Beard man Dan, beard man Dan's beard is so thick They have to go to a Buffalo groomer just to get a trim Buffalo groomer

My god Oh my god, in the episode. It's got D. It was funny. I know that's why I got to end. It's got D, a traveling gnome huckster and scam artist who forms an alliance of traveling gnome hucksters and scam artists called Anomenus. Huckster is a new word to me. Is that like a scam artist?

Yeah, it's like a Charlotton. I love it. Charlotteson. I love it. Charlotteson. Ayr and C, a monk was internalized their incredible athletic prowess and is now really great at mental gymnastics. They can play Devils Advocate and even the most obvious scenario. So that's a skill.

Don't go to drink with Ayr and C. Don't. True Paragon. Hermes W, the back king, as back king. Hermes has only called for the beheading of one bat, and it was because that bat had already beheaded another bat. So, it's beard groomer, who braided her moustacheos so delicately for senior prom that Hard one could barely stand to look upon it as she danced with her new boyfriend. Wow, such a tragic past.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. RJW, the proud owner of Bojangles. The horse who rides a horse, and every time he goes to town, he rides the top Bojangles, who is also horseback. Wow. Spartas, a tap dancing hill giant who put on a legitimately earth shattering show. Wow, darling. Adam R, Bohumia's number one arcane dealer and my good friend lives in a super sick mansion in the Feywild with a jetliner view and a finney pool.

Adam R's has a sufferable. This is the scar face of the Feywild. That's right. Brent B. Tautilana's magic, not wizard magic, obviously the power, the magic of positive thinking. He told Alonist that she just needed to manifest her dreams of becoming a god. And look at her now.

She murdered the boy king. Who's that? That was probably power. Oh shit. That's fine. Oh my god. Leave it fine. Oh, right. Leave it in. Cassandra MHP was living in the gym when Ulfgar got there.

Ulfgar tried to strong armor and to sleep in on the couch instead of the bed, but she was not having it. Ulfgar has now had his TV privileges revoked and is only allowed to take cold showers. Oh, that's a one-cut eyeword-wise. She loved it. It's a one-bedroom gym. It's a studio. Maddie C. Maddie Big Critz,

Matthias of House Crit, after much demand, Maddie has decided to open the international house of grits, a breakfast restaurant, taking galator on by storm. Papa Splitz, you can eat grits while you're grit. That's right. Danielle, the dastardly damed. Danielle is so dastardly, she wants ordered an extra large cheese pizza to the pebble pot's house just to fuck with them.

As soon as the doorbell is wrong, they ran. I'll say you know, they're all lactose intolerant. Oh, yeah. They don't even like hot food. They just ran for the panic room so quick. QC, A.K.A. Holder Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on SS Stormborn, and fought alongside Elias and Red. A barbarian warrior from the frigid north who brought Christmas

to the creek. And this Christmas, he's bringing Hanukkah. Oh, no! That's right, very bad opportunity. Many the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity, whenever you just make a traffic light. And you think you're about to get pulled over, but you don't? That's Manny smiling down on you. Praise Manny.

Oh, Manny. Daniel U, aka Multifor, the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Gottfried. It also looks like Gilbert Gottfried, and Daniel might honestly just be riding around Gilbert Gottfried. I get out of the water, you're going to drown the man. No more to go tubing! Jesus. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the water you're going to drown the man No, what's to go to being Jesus Jordan DJ legendary DJ of the realm currently doing a residence at Smugglers and played an Absolutely sick party at Snot's yacht before Snot got shot. I know he was stabbed, but the rhyme was just yeah

Pass it up Jeffrey S Lord of the Fjord born of the sword cook or a Gord's Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword, cooker of gourds. That's right, Jeffrey cooks the most delicious pumpkin pie in the realm. And we about to be in pumpkin pie season. That's right. Yeah. This would be a chefon on that. Sip your latte. Xavier C. is Balnor's good friend who was driving Balnor to the enlistment office

to head to basic training to World War I, where Balmer suddenly disappeared from the passenger seat in his Model T. And that Model T crashed into none other than Archduke, France, for a new home. Oh my God, he started the war. Cutter W, a high-elf-dandy turn, quick bark attack, currently working on the first ever stump in Upper Galatoron.

It's being commissioned by a gnome who's tired of having neighbors and pass it by people doing this. Deep cut. Lex S knows how to stretch. She has she has personal trainer and masseuse. All of her moves, all those hot stretches she learns from Lex. Thank you, Lex.

So pliable. Thank you. John S. aka Shubbert The Mushroom secretly eats a piece of his own head every morning just to stay chill. I do it. I do it. I do too. James B. He is the guy getting rich selling knock off Apple Scrumper jerseys all around the crib. Oh James B.

James B. You got a moonshine I reckon with. They say Scramper. Arple Scramper. Alright, I got some names. We got Ryan M. Pellor's personal steel drum player. Legend has, you can hear the saccharine plinks of Ryan's drum echoing on the wind whenever one of your prayers is answered. Saccharine plinks is a beautiful phrase.

Thank you. It was way too pleased with that. Elena C. Bohumi is the most famous carpenter. Elena specializes in making accessible chairs for dragon-borns, tieflings, and any other race with a big stinking tail. It's really nice, Alaina. Yeah, super woke.

Alaina C. You gotta think about other people. Andrew M, the only person luckier than hard one, gets to reroll every number except six and nine, which even hard one agrees is super nice. That's super hot. Yeah, yeah. Ricky, aka tricky, Ricky of the Cricky.

competed in the same mud Olympics as Apple Scrumper, but in the sewage luge event. Oh, one by default because everyone else was too disgusted to compete. That had to be pretty disgusting. Oh yeah. The Crick and the Field, they get dirty. Yeah, and it all runs off on the same pipe. Andrew R. Captain Snott's biggest rival. Instead of having a talking bird,

Andrew has a straight up naked guy who perches on their shoulder and insults nearby strangers. It's creepy, but also super impressive. Oh, good. Cannibalistic Cthulhu, an assassin who wears a cloak made entirely of throwing knives, known disparagingly by their contemporates as the dagger doofus.

That's so low. That is a lot. That is a lot. It's real loud. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blue Man of Inn. You know when you get a cocktail and it's like two different colors? Yeah. It's like not mixed at all.

Yeah. Yeah. How do they do that? Michael invented that. How does he do it? Magic. Michael McD, please shout us out. How do you do it? How do you do it, please shout us out. How do you do it?

How do you do it man? That's seventh level shit. Two colors. Lock. Blitz break to Meetree, famous d'Orger who owns and runs the beloved franchise d'Orger's Big Borgre. Currently over 100 children have been lost to the cursed abyssal depths of the Big Borgre ball pit.

All right, Pete. All right, Pete. That is not going to pass inspection. It's a fun tip, though. Legend has it. There's still down there surviving off-plastic loss. I mean, there might be a whole ecosystem down there for all we know.

Victor T. Bellnor's boy, who his loving dad was rift from his family and transported to another world. Briefly thought they could communicate with their dad through a radio frequency like in that movie, but just realized he was listening to an ad for a local mattress store. I mean, I would come to you, so I would bow. Yeah, Dad, Dad, are you there?

The brits are winning the war, Dad. I'm worried. Here at mattress king, you'll feel like a king every time you slipped out. Dad, daddy, what does this mean for Germany? Henry A. I'm trying to be a good German little boy. I eat all my chocolate.

Daddy! Daddy! Tell me more about this asleep numbers, Papa. Henry A. A big steaming hunk of monk. Through years of meditation and interval training, Henry has finally mastered the way of the dancing pecs. Wow. Oh yeah, it is mesmerizing.

It's peck marizing. I was too much of a stretch, I'm so sorry. It was, it was perfect. I love it. I love the stretch. It's like Shay. Pinfield, a riddle loving sorcerer who goes by the name, the quizad. Ooh. They cause mayhem and mischief throughout all of Bahumia and are the sworn enemy of the Bat King. Oh my God, turning our council builders against each other.

I know. Can you? Yeah, that's true. What can I say? You know, like you need rivalry. Is this no shade to gray there? Murf, can you include the Quizzard in a future episode? Yeah, he's the main bad guy.

Oh, wow. Colin G, the Boy King's only friend. At first glance, Colin seems like a spoiled prick, but it's actually all just an act so that they can play with the Boy King's gaming run. Mm. I do too. Lance W, the Lance Wizard.

Can someone Lance Bass at will? Whoa. Has he ever done it? Every day it's a once a day spell Although they have never held a spear before and honestly resent being asked that question. Okay, okay fair That's good ask me a question again. I will summon Lance Bass on you He's a bass bar. I will summon him inside you so that you split into Bye-bye-bye He's a bass bar. I will summon him inside you so that you squint too. Oh, hi, hi. Hi. Bye, bye, bye.

That's what he would say. That's him when he's arriving. Yeah. Hi, hi, hi. Hi, hi, hi. All of this is better than the campaign. Justin I, a no-mission vinter whose newest creation, the Steership allows boats to go upstairs.

Some uninformed fools might ask, why? But true boat connoisseurs only need to ask how much. Oh, that's what I'm asking. The Gilbert Gottfried boat can definitely go upstairs. Because it is Gilbert Gottfried, he just flies. Caleb orders three beers whenever they visit a tavern. One always gets a little tepid and flat while they drink the other two, but it looks super impressive. Respect. Respect.

Clayton M. A Claymation Dalmatian. That's a damn it. You can keep that. Teachers the children of Bohumia right from wrong. Can also transform into a car and walk through walls like Gumby. All right, now I respect it. Yo, Gumby could do that.

Oh yeah. He got through books. Fuck, do you remember that? He got through books. He got through walls too if the blockheads were chasing him. I respect it. Yo, gummi could do that. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh horse dog. Yeah, Poki. All right, cool. Go on. I imagine Clayton is kind of like a Poki. Anyway, the professional, the only lawyer to ever successfully beat

Papa in litigation. Currently serving as the prosecutor on a third-degree horse murder case against the band. Come at me. Papa's in trouble. It was self-defense. Papa. We are still in the case. Alright, I got some. Jacob C has a max strength of 25. Currently sitting at 17 strength, so still has a lot of work to do, but it's super broad shoulders and just so much potential. Oh, it's got a motor vape, brother. Rippling. Elena M. can cast spells while invisible. Mostly uses this skill to pull pranks, loves to use ray of sickness on people, so they shit themselves in the middle of business meeting. Alaina, where were you during our fight?

Gone off, has gone off the deep end. This mother effort has three levels of bag madness after having spent too long in the bag of holding Boundore's worst nightmare come to life, balka could resist. Mick Pox, the co-master who just launched our website, rolls code checks with advantage, and yeah, eagre it's a lot.

Yeah, baby, you could have the site for sure. Earl and Kathleen Earl and Kathleen L, a two headed ogre who is married to itself. They spend a lot of time together, but you know what, they genuinely enjoy each other's company and eating gnomes. It sounds beautiful, but is that in-sense. We'll talk about that later.

Dylan and Emma has a max speed of 150, but prefers to jog at a more reasonable 80. Yippie Skippy and D. That's more like dashy splashy. Yippie. Jive G, a bard who plays such beautiful music, they were permanently banned from the Blumana in because people were paying too much attention

and not buying sliders. Wow. Damn. Whoa, they buy sliders. Corbin A. Corbin A, a rough and tumble halfling who was once a prominent art cane dealer, but then had their mind wiped by Professor Dutdle,

currently living a nice little life as an alpaca farmer in Hillhomes. See, a hard one, and that's unnice. Yeah, it does sound nice, actually. Atlas Stormreaper, Elias Stormborn's Arch rival who piloted the SS Stormreaper and had a first mate chip monk named Blue. Oh, did Blue and Red ever fight or anything?

Oh yeah, they beat the shit out of each other. Yeah, because Blue had a blast voice. Jostritch, a jock ostrich who bullied Paw Paw at Crick College, but turned out to be a real nice guy at the reunion. You know, that happens sometimes, don't you? I'm sorry, Paw Paw. I was insecure and I was small. Cameron McKee once jumped off the Watchman's tower

and merely sprained an ankle, hobbled around for a couple weeks But man the story was worth it. That's some good sticks some strong sticks. Yeah Emis L.D. the horse trainer who trained bowed jangles to ride other horses feared and respected by other horse trainers Afraid of you. You're such a good horse train Please don't train me getting respect in the horse training community is so difficult. It's tough. Yeah.

Cameron C, a follower of Polora, who was revived after being killed, one of the few living people in Bohumia, who has ridden Polora's giant water slide on his carnival cruise ship in the sky. It's got so many twisties in it. You're jealous. Brianna H. It's so tough.

Brianna H, a traveling wizard that sells boots that give you disadvantage on stealth. They are the fantasy version of LA lights that glow as you walk. It's, I would make that trade, right? Yeah, they're a practical, but they're awesome. Yeah. I'm bad for the environment. PJW, how's it talking?

How's it talking, Kat, named PJ Jr. Oh, that's cute. And that talking, Kat, has a kitten named PJ Jr. Jr. Oh. Don Lemon the Dwarf, King of the Lemon Dwarves, a subsect of dwarves known for their sour attitude and zesty taste. I want to put one in my Coke.

And finally, Lexi, our honorary council of elders member, sent a hard one, the wood-burned music block as soon as Jake learns how to keep time, we'll finally be able to take this podcast to the next level by starting a band. Don't hold your breath, everybody. Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you dollar, patreon subscribers, and listeners.

Head on over to patreon.com, slash nad pod to listen to the short rest and we'll catch you guys next week for another episode. Bye. Bye y'all. Bye! Bye all! Bye! Go with Polar! That was a Hate-Gum podcast.