Not Another D&D Podcast - Skaldova - Ep. 5: The Parley

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

The Zu Crew comes face to face with hermits of the hold! Discussions are tense but our heroes won’t take this one sitting down.Sound Mixing and Editing by Brian Murphy and Faris MonshiMusic / Sound Effects Include:"Blackthorn Hall" by Emily Axford"Winter Sprite" by Emily Axford"The Children" by Emily Axford"Signal Boost" by Emily Axford"Prey Don’t Stand a Prayer" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You might have heard of them on the show before. Emily's Sister actually works there and they do amazing work providing free or low-cost immigration assistance to New Yorkers. I'm so excited to support them. The show's gonna be a blast. I'm gonna be doing some super embarrassing, super fun karaoke songs. And we might also have a couple of D&D elements baked in. So please come check it out.

You can get tickets by searching Creator Karaoke Live or going to dice.fm. The show is on April 4th in Los Angeles. If you are local, I hope you can make it out so we can sing together and support some great causes. Thanks so much for listening. Now back to the show. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to the Campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast.

Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody. Skaldova! Ignis in requiascat! I'm your dungeon master, Jay Kerwitz, here with Brian Murphy. Brute with the loot, Zudrick of the Murder. Yeah. He's keeping it. Emily Axford.

Unsuccessfully abstaining from the princess's sexy painting. It's Welly Hamdown. Somebody wipe the drool. And of course we've got Caldwell Tanner. Ooh, getting risky as I mouth sniff whiskey, it's Boggy Roger. I forgot about the mouth sniffing. Indeed, indeed.

Now first, before we get into it, how about a little recap? Okay. All right, Murph's on board. Last time, our three odd travelers entered the Dawnhold, once the proud castle of House Summer, now the dark fortress of Bulric the Banished. You avoided a pit trap, a piranha pool,

and fought off a giant tentacle before bursting your way into the princess's lost library. Once inside, our tragic trio was savagely attacked by a book as you discovered a secret study. Entering the room, you viewed an erotic mural, played the opening chord to Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind's 1997 hit single from their self-titled debut album, and took a swig of 200-year-old whiskey. You collected some relics, each to your own individual ends, and then expertly picked an unlocked door on your way into an expansive banquet hall,

hosting a pile of bones. And that is where we are now. Give me another door, I'm gonna pick it. Okay, hold up bones, that's not good. Easy, calm yourself, Willie. So you stand in this expansive hall, the last light of the day, fading from an air shaft somewhere far above.

You take in this decimated room and this ragged pile of bodies, when suddenly it seems to speak. Welcome, travelers. We have been expecting you. Specters! Out of the shadows behind the heap, two figures emerge, both short-statured, heavy-set men,

each wrapped in a musty maroon robe, clasped with the black iron emblem of a chalice. The one in front, his thin hair slicked back over his spotted scalp, spreads his hands as if greeting honored guests. Please make yourselves at home. Marvis, damn you. Won't you pull up a chair for our guests?

I was. I was about to. Oh, you are the Order of the Scared Ones. Huh, indeed we are. And Marvis runs forward, pale and sweaty, with a salt and pepper bowl cut damp against his forehead. He's frazzled, and he begins heaving a wooden bench across the stone floor. It screeches as he mutters crossly to himself. I actually would have preferred the chair over there with a bit of velvet on it.

Actually, I... Which one? Yeah, we're not going to be sitting at all. I cross my arms. Yeah, yeah, we like to stand. I'm swaggering a little bit because I'm drunk. I trip as I say that. Marvis pauses confused. Victors? Get them a seat anyway, you inhospitable oaf. He drags the bench across the hall.

Marvis, good sir, you let your compatriot speak to you in a way that I would never. Indeed, that is not how chums greet each other. Victors is in charge. I don't mind. Hehehehe. Please, have a seat. Alright. Yeah, I'm not gonna take a seat. I... everything about you guys is just a bad vibe. Yeah, bad vibe. This castle is bad vibes.

Yes, yes. There is much, much work to be done in the castle for sure. Right, yes. Please, how may I make you more at home? I would offer to take your cloaks, but there is a chill about. Hehe. A beverage perhaps. Uh... Oh, worry not. We've brought our own. How may I make you more at home? I would offer to take your cloaks, but there is a chill about. A beverage perhaps? Oh, worry not, we've brought our own.

Yeah, we're good on the beverage front. What are you? Okay, so you just came and offered us a seat in front of a pile of bones. Whose bones are these? Yeah. Excellent question. Oh no, these are old bodies.

Soldiers of the old hold mostly. Of course, some new constituents. But the caverns are a dangerous place and sacrifices of course must be made. Oh, true, true, true, Victus. Yes, well, Victus, we're looking for three friends of ours that we believe may have lost their way in this castle. Indeed. We are here to escort them back.

Ah, the Travelers, yes. They are most fortunate that we found them. When we did, they certainly had lost their way. But Bolrik the Benevolent has taken pity on them, and they may yet be saved. Interesting. Yes, I believe it would be best if we spoke with this Sir Bolrick. Yes, in time, in time. Please sit. We have much to discuss.

Amorphous, another bench. Bring another bench. They obviously don't like this bench. I would never like any bench that you bring me. We're going to have this meeting with you 10 feet away in lance distance. And I'm not sitting down. Yeah, I kick the bench.

Yeah, kick the bench, Wily. Don't kick the bench, we can lie down on the bench. Why the hell would we lie down on the bench when the scared ones are here and we know that they're up to no good? And where is Sister Faye? Why, Sister Faye? But you have a friend in the deep. Yes, I come from another order. What order do you come from another order. What order do you come from?

The order of the Oak and Ore. Ah, orders of the past. We are an order of the future. Oh, yes, the future. The future indeed, Victus. Is this what? Is that why you're surrounded by old bones? Yeah, this doesn't feel very futuristic.

Yeah, this is an old ass castle. There's a door you didn't even open. Boggy opened it and all he had to do was separate his shoulder. Stop focusing on the bones. They're not our bones. You introduced us in a room with bones and now he wants to die. There's just a lot of bones.

What does it matter to you? At least use the bones for something. You could construct a chair out of the bones, Percy. Oh, yes. Now that would be rad. Have you ever been to an ossuary? Answer the question. No.

Bone cathedral. Oh I didn't know what that was. That actually sounds really my aesthetic. Thank you for letting me know what that is. Yeah I'm surprised you don't come from one. That's quite ripe. It's good to know where he... We have no uses for bone cathedrals here. We have much more important work to be doing. Marvis, make a bone chair for our guests. They obviously have a preference.

We don't want a chair. Just one moment, one moment for the bone chair. Ah, Marvis scurries towards the pile of bones. I'm gonna whisper to the two of them, what is up with them and our butts? They want us to put our butts in something. They want our butts so bad. They wanna sabotage our butts. They want us to put our butts in something. They want our butts so bad. They wanna sabotage our butts.

Marvis digs through the pile of bodies and sort of constructs a crude pile of bones and offers it half-heartedly. Okay, the chairs are just a non-starter, my guys. They're just a non-starter. Read the room. Very well. Read the room.

Very well. Let's speak. I just wish to make you comfortable, please. For what reason? Why are you? So we can discuss the order and how you may be helpful for the ritual, et cetera, et cetera.

Let us know how we may be of help and we'll decide if we think that's appropriate. Indeed. So, uh, Victus just stands awkwardly by the, by the bench. Now, you come to seek the Travelers, do you not? Yes. I assure you, they, they are below,

and they are well regarded and well looked after. Do you wish to, to join them to witness the ritual? So they have not partaken in a ritual yet. Oh, no. But they've been gone for several days. What are you waiting for? We have grand plans, and the ritual must take place on the first lightless night

when the moon is darkest. Which is... tomorrow eve is it not, Marvis? Yes, yes, tomorrow. Tomorrow eve. Now I love a good ritual as much as any man, but we must make sure that they are willing participants. But of course, what do you think we are, monsters? I don't know what lies in the deep, but from what I see right here, there are three of us and two of you, and I'm becoming impatient.

Jake, are they wearing robes with hoods? Their hoods are pulled back, but yes, they are wearing robes with hoods. Okay. What size are those hoods? What size are those robes? What size? They're humanoid size, sorry.

They're not much, they're short in stature, but they're not much shorter than you. Boggy throws a cheer at Marvis. Wait, the nice one? I feel like we could have, this is one guy's sort of a cheer. Okay, make an attack at Marvis. Zadrake starts to go forward and goes,

I will free the bullied one from the bully, oh. I'm sorry. He was into it, There was something else there. I mean, it's no good. There's a dynamic for sure. It's no good. Okay, yeah, go ahead and give me an improvised weapon attack. With Dex, it's going to be a 12.

A 12 does hit Marvis. Oh, Victus, do something! Look at that! That bone chair just shattered on impact. Protect me! Victus stands up and he raises his hand. He says, please, please, we only wish to parlay. You have wandered far to be here.

Then parlay! You're wasting our time without giving us the info that we want! And I'm a little drunk! I'm a little toasted! Well, he is aggro drunk. She certainly needs a seat, please. I don't.

What are you trying to do to our butts? You have to tell us what you're trying to do to our butts. Nothing. You know what you're like? You're like a locked box, and I'm a locksmith when I'm drinking. I take my hairpin. She's got magic fingers.

You should have seen how quickly Wellie opened this door, this locked gate. Victus backs away from the hairpin. Easy does it, easy does it. Yes, they were doing source all our asses. What do you want from us specifically? Ideal world, we're sitting in chairs. What do you say to us?

Yes, give us. Elevator pitch, go! Marvis, now, get the drinks! Get the drinks, you fool! What? Drinks? What? The second anyone comes near me with a drink,

I'm gonna try and shove it into their face. We're on so high alert right now. You have fucking piratas in here, you have tentacles, there are traps everywhere, freaking poison dogs. Yes, there are many tests in the cave. Wait a minute. Your voice is so untrustworthy. Are you two scholars? My voice!

Are you two scholars? Do you read books? I sniff the air for a fishbaron scent. I have strep throat. My voice is not always like this. Okay, all right, well that's actually airtight. You should be taking a sick day. You should really be taking a sick day.

Yeah, you should be sitting down. Well, thank god we didn't sit close to each other. Yeah! Jeez. We're all breathing recycled crypt air. Are you on antibiotics or are you non-contagious yet? You've got strength now. I'm standing 10 feet away from you, am I not?

As requested. Oh, geez. No. This guy's the anti-mask. I may. I'm doing my own research, is all. Oh, he is a scholar. Oh, he's a scholar.

I'm gonna give this dude the jab. Yeah, come on, even I know you've got to wear a mask. I understand you may not trust what I say, but some truths cannot be spoken. They must be shown, which is why we want to bring you below. But we of course can't do that until you have become part of our order. Marvis!

You start snapping his fingers. I'm coming. I've hurt my leg, asshole. One moment. Yeah, that was, yeah, Bucky, what the hell? I thought we were going to attack and steal their robes. Who throws bones? Oh shit, I love that idea.

Yeah, that's what I was going for. Marvis clatters back with a tray, with a carafe and some glasses. The carafe has a viscous black liquid inside. Do they look like the little, Darwin gave us something to disguise our potions in? You can give me a perception check. Everybody can do that.

That's a nat one for Wellie. I also got a nat one. I'm drunk. 13. Zudrik and Wellie, you guys are on high alert. You're not taking your eyes off of Marvis and Victus, but Boggy, you can see here that the carafe is full of a liquid that looks very similar to the liquid

you guys have concocted with Darwin. And the container is similar, because these are containers that Darwin took with him from the hold. Okay, okay, okay. Well, please, I mean, yes, we will gladly partake but allow us to port ourselves. It's only fitting.

Victus narrows his eyes at that. I prepare another chair. What do you mean port ourselves? I think we're supposed to just swap the cups. Yes, feel free. You may do the pouring then. So now he's gonna watch us fucking pour. You can pour it back into the crap.

I was going to have Marvis do it, but you can pour it. Marvis is all right, it's you who I don't trust. Even though we, I know we threw the bench at Marvis. Well, Marvis passed the test. There's a lot of things in the past five minutes that have happened that we haven't discussed. Let's be honest, it's a shit show, that's right, I said it. Okay, then I sort of huddle with the crew here and I go,

now that it's back in the craft, how the fuck do we switch the liquids? Okay. I'm really confused. What do you mean? Go pour it, go pour it. Fucking, I thought you're the one who did tricks. We had three vials.

We did three vials. And they've got a carafe. He gave us vials that look like they're cups. Oh, I see. Darwin hooked us up. Yeah, so we could've just sort of swapped cups. Slight of handed it. Okay, I see. Darwin hooked us up. Yeah, so we could have just sort of slide of handed it. Okay, I see.

So now we'll pour it and then slide of hand it, so we'll just, there's just an extra step here, it's fine. Let's everyone relax, okay? Marvis mouths something to Victus and Victus shrugs. We're gonna do, but we're also gonna do, we're gonna do good night, bad night, because I've been super aggro, okay, so you guys have to kind of convince me, all right?

Okay, okay, okay. I'm not drinking this shit! Look! Oh! Clanky, my friend, we must! Don't call me clanky! I can actually math! I don't clank that much! Fight, fight!

Wait, sorry, sorry. Zodric, I come from the Order of the Oaken Ore, and we love to show hospitality. In fact, it would be unnightly, un-shivalrous to not, so I do believe that it is just a true show of hospitality. Indeed. You know what? While Welly is pouring, Marfys, I'm so sorry, my friend.

Please throw a chair at me in return. Okay. I'll use this as a distraction. Marvis approaches hesitantly, looks at Victus, Victus shrugs and Marvis shout out to the two crew. He pushes over a bench in your general direction. I hammered up for him, oh, that nicked my shin, yikes. So while this was happening, Welly has poured

and I'm going to try to have swapped out our vials. Okay, give me a sleight of hand check. Okay, I do this with advantage because of the guidance of the load star. I'm gonna use my tactical mind to add a D10. Okay. Nice. So that becomes a 13. The Lodestar. I'm gonna use my tactical mind to add a D10. Okay. Nice. So that becomes a 13.

A 13. Marvis and Victus are each going to roll against this because they are watching intently. Marvis with a four. Smiles satisfied. Four. All right. All right. Very well.

Cheers. Any motions to Victus. Victus stares at you for a long moment, his dark eyes squinting as if trying to see something on the other side of you. Then rolling a 21, he snaps. Enough! He slaps his palm against the table,

rattling the glasses in carafe. We have been gracious and welcoming, but you threw a chariot, my friend, and I fear our patience has run its course. Eat great axe! I attack him. No! I had a whole thing to say! Say it in initiative, asshole.

Wait. I kick Marvis in the head. Yeah, wait your turn, Dunghill. Everybody roll initiative. We'll see if Victus gets to say his speech. 17. 23, six. Okay, Boggy, you are first.

Victus has not been able to give his little speech yet. Okay, I'm going to take the bench that Marfa threw at me and throw it at Victus. Okay. But as I'm doing this, I'm actually using my alert feet to do an initiative swap so that Zudrik can go first. Whoa. Oh, okay.

That's awesome. Eat bench! Quick, before he tells us what he wanted to do Run forward and I'm going to do my launch attack on the victim That's a 18 to hit now listen. Oh shit. Yes, you hit victim We don't want to hear it 24 damage Oh my God. He's truly very, very almost dead. Also, the lance has the topple property,

so DC 13 con saving throw, or else he's knocked prone. Okay. Pick this rolled a seven. He was preparing his speech, and he stumbles backwards, tripping on bones. You ruined it, you ruined my moment. Well, build a better chair next time. Okay, and actually writing himself from the bones,

that is Victus, who dusts himself off and just says, oh, forget it, Marvis, you know what to do. And Victus draws a dark black dagger and is gonna charge forward at you, Zudrik. Oh. And he trips on a bone and rolls a one. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. The bones have it.

That is Wellie's turn. Okay, I'm going to try to swing down with my greataxe. Does a 10 hit? A 10 does not hit him. Okay. She's wasted. I'm drunk. I'm surprised you weren't done in by the piranhas.

Fully sloshed. That is Marvis's turn. Who got the nod from Victus, knows what he has to do, and he mutters, Why has it always got to be Marvis? As Marvis grumbles, he produces a rusted dagger. Marvis fetch the glasses, Marvis set the table, Marvis summon the beast. And with that, he drives the blade into his own palm.

You hear a sick thwack as it bursts through the back of his hand. Blood pumps from the wound, solid black, as he raises it to the ceiling. Always old Marvis. Suddenly you hear a thump, a tremor from above. Thump. Dust drifts down from the rafters.

Thump. Stillness for a heartbeat, and then flying as if catapulted from the beams, a horrifying blur of hooked limbs and leathery sinew crashes into Marvis, knocking him to the ground. His breath catches in a wet choking grasp as a stark white bone claw punches through his chest. The horror hunches over Marvis then twists its vulture-like head unnaturally to stare at the rest of you. It raises the dying monk off the stone floor as his body jerks, kicking weakly inky blood

pulsing from his lips as Marvis does the last thing that he'll do with his life. He smiles. And that is the hook horrors turn. It's just twisted its head unnaturally and it's going to attack the bench thrower, Boggy. There's blood. Wow, it remembers. What did I do? It remembers Marvis's grievances.

It is Marvis's friend. Oh my God, it crit, I'm so sorry. Wait, on that crit, I am going to use my reaction and say activate Lodestar Rune and have the crit hit Victus. Oh, fuck yeah. Holy shit. So the hook horror stomps towards Boggy.

It swings its hook, but Wellie, you throw your voice and it spins around, clocking Victus with this crit. Oh Victus, didn't you know that this monster needs two people to sacrifice themselves? It hits Victus, and Victus is on Death's Door already. And you redirected the crit, but not the other attack, right? I can only do one, I used my reaction. Boggy just like points and laughs,

and then you just get side swiped. That's a 19 to hit, Boggy. Still hits, yep. It slashes into you for 11 damage. Oof. Yikes. Bones have been thrown. All right, that is Zudrik, AKA, I think it's Boggy, you guys have swapped.

Boggy is going to back up out of the range of this bone horror, and then is going to look over, see Victus, and is gonna launch into him. He's gonna draw his scimitar and his short sword. He's gonna try and finish him off. I'm still open to a parlay. Whatever you plan on doing to our butts is not happening this night. If you would have just taken a seat.

Your obsession with controlling the altitude of our butts is sick. It's sick. Your days are numbered, Rump Lord. I only wish you to be comfortable. Don't call me Rump Lord. Too late, sir, Rump Lord. It only wish you to be comfortable. Don't call me Rump Lord. Too late, sir, Rump Lord.

Tis not how I wish to be remembered. Tis you who'll be the Rump Roast this day, friend. Ha ha! I'm gonna take two attacks. Okay. First attack is gonna be a 23. Yeah, you can finish Victus. He has one HP.

I stab him in the gut and knock him over and then sit on him. Oh, perfect. Finally! Wow! I stab him in the gut and knock him over and then sit on him. Perfect. Finally! Wow. Now that's a chair fit for a me. Wow. Okay.

Zudrick laughs so hard and clutches his knees and bends over. The Rump Lord no more. You guys crack up, your laughs echoing in the cavern as this bony horror is approaching Zudrick, but that is Zudrick's turn. Lord. Ha ha. You guys crack up, your laughs echoing in the cavern as this bony horror is approaching Zudrik. But that is Zudrik's turn. Started from the bottom, now he's here.

Ha ha ha. Started from my bottom, you sick freak. Freaking rub lured. Sick freak, I'm drunk. I'll launch up to this bone horror. Weld to hit. Does not hit. Fuck. All right, wasted launch, launch up, launch bone horror. Weld to hit? Does not hit. Fuck.

All right, wasted launch. Launch up, launch right over. That is the Rump Lord's turn. He is dead. He's bleeding out from his gut wound. Wellie, that's your turn. Okay, I'm gonna take out my maul and try to go after this bone horror.

Squawks at you. 24 to hit. Squawks. Sorry, did you just squawk? Are you a bird? You have to tell us if you're a bird. What kind of bird were you once, my set of bones? It cocks its beaked head at you. Wait, Zedric, you speak bird.

You weren't a kingfisher or a heron or a crow, were you? This is a foul bird. It does not look like one of Zudrick's birds. It looks like a human-sized vulture that's lost all of its feathers. Great, okay, so I got a 24 to hit. Does hit. I'm gonna activate Hill Rune

to do an extra 2d6 damage. Nice. Nice. Only 15 damage, but it has to do a con saving throw or fall prone and a strength saving throw or be restrained. Ooh, okay. By fiery, hilty shackles. All right, I'll do the con throw first. That's a 15.

That passes. Okay. So this beast is not prone. And then a strength saving throw. That's a 19. That passes. Okay, so this beast is not prone. And then a strength saving throw. That's a 19. That passes. Okay. Okay. It is not prone or restrained.

Beefy bird. I'm gonna action surge. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Surge, surge, surge. Nat 20! Woo! Nice! Ah!

I just got excited like it wasn't my monster, but I'm proud of you. 17 more damage. Nice. Yep. And that is another con save or be prone. Damn, okay. Con save.

Sorry, that's a dirty 20. God. All right. This boned bird is just prancing around. Birds. Unflappable. Birds should not be this strong. Yeah. This is wrong. You're supposed to have hollow bones. These bones are so. Birds should not be this strong. Yeah. This is wrong. They're supposed to have hollow bones.

These bones are so thick, I knock on the bones. I once wrestled with a rather beefy turkey, and even then I defeated that. Yeah, you could hang a painting on these bones. You really could. This bird's jacked. This jacked bird is flightless, but it kicks off the destroyed chandelier,

leaps in the air, and is going to take two attacks on Zudrik because you knocked on its firm bones. That makes sense. I've never seen muscular bones before. Only a 13 and a 15 to hit. Both mess. Wow. Woo!

So they drive into your armor and scrape down, but they don't pierce your thick plate. And that is Boggy's turn. Righto. I'm going to actually go behind the chandelier, try and get a little cover. I'm going to notch an arrow. You're going bird hunting.

You know what? I'll use my lucky to give myself advantage on this attack. Good man. Nat 20! Woo! Damn! And a two, shout out to the two crew, but I'll take the 20.

You guys are critting on my horror. What's the damage? That's going to be nine damage. All right. And I'll make it a trip attack. So they'll need to do a strength save or they will fall prone. We're trying to get this thing thrown.

You know what, maybe this is- Fall down, you stupid bird. Is this on us? We're trying to trip a bird. It's a 17. The bird prances over your arrow. So fleet-footed. It's flightless, you think you'd be able to trip it bird. It's a 17. Yeah. The bird prances over your arrow. So fleet-footed. It's flightless, you'd think you'd be able to trip it.

So fleet-footed. If it weren't trying to kill you, it might be gorgeous. Yeah. Zudrik, that's your turn. Okay, I will make my attack. Oh. 15? 15 hits.

Yes! Okay. This horrifying bird blinks at you. Yeah, I'm out of launches for the moment. I'm just like really breathing heavy. This armor is really hard to pull, Valt. I'm gassed. Perhaps if you took your helmet off.

Yes, I'm not going to do that. I'm gonna use Savage Attacker to roll my damage twice. Take the higher one, which is 13 damage total. 13 damage. Nice. All right. And I guess I'll, we get it back total. 13 damage, all right. Nice. And I guess I'll, we get it back after a short rest, I'll action surge, I haven't used my action surge yet. Yes! I will action surge.

We've got the urge to surge. This fleet-footed beast backpedals away from you as you drive forward. Trip it, trip it! I think it was fleet-footed enough, I only got a 10. Okay. Textrously avoids you. Fuck, damn it. I think it was fleet-footed enough. I only got a 10 Textrously avoids you fuck damn it actually from the attack I can try to topple it give me a con saving throw one of us is gonna knock this goddamn bird down It just crit

It does not rhyme with any part of that song. That's how to save a life? How to trip a bird. Fuck. Where did I go wrong? I tried to trip a bird. The bird can fly away. No, it works.

It checks out. Yeah, it absolutely works. That's my turn. I get this song stuck in my head. I don't know where that came from. It's just an idea for your loot. I looked at my inventory. I have a hand drum and a clarinet and a lyre also.

The bird starts bobbing to that. And Wellie, that's your turn. Okay, okay. I lift up my maul and I say, I'm ready to end this. Does a 16 hit. 16 hits. Woo! That is 12 damage.

12 damage, this thing is on death's door. And it has to go on saving throw or be tripped. Get down! Get tripped, bitch. Get tripped, bird. Get tripped. Stupid bird. You gotta just walk around.

That's insane. I crit again. Why? Its legs are so skinny. Against all odds, this bird flaps its bones and seems to levitate. The thing is all ankle. It lands softly on a table

and is going to attack Zudrik, who's been trying to trip it. We've all been trying to trip it. It's rolling bad to attack, though. It just can't be hit. It's getting all its energy on its side. A two and a three. It's pecking harmlessly at your armor.

I look around at everyone panting, and I'm like, this is just a bad show overall, huh? Yeah. Kind of, we're all eating some shit. Pretend this never happened. Boggy, please kill this thing. Boggy's turn. I tackle it, just trying to trip it.

Just kidding. From my vantage point behind the chandelier, I'm going to fire another arrow. All right. Does a 15 hit? A 15 hits. Nice. Okay.

Thank the lowed star. Thank the hill. Thank the ender. thank the hill, thank the ender. Give the ender a kiss for me. That's a nine. Boggy, trip this bird. Yes. Yes. I see the arrow lodge itself in its ankle

and I say, no, no, and I rush forward. And then we enter slow-mo as I take out my clarinet and play, How to trip a bird. Time keeps on tripping, tripping, tripping into this bird. And yeah, with the help of my friends, tabletop this bird. Careful, Boggy, you're going to dislocate your shoulder again. I've still got one good one. This bird, the pile of bones, falls finally to the floor

as Boggy pops his shoulder back into place. Oh, there it goes. The hook horror Victus and Marvis are all dead. And now you stand in the desolate hall, which is lit only by your torchlight, the dancing glow playing across the haggard banners. You see now, carved in the stone above is an ornate dragon. It's eroding stone wings spanning the length of the vast hall.

On one end is the door where you entered, the rusted iron gate that Wellie picked. On the other is the dark doorway where Marvis went to fetch your drinks. Okay, I don't know if we have time for this, but I want to look at these banners. What sorts of coats of arms are being represented? This episode of NADD Pod is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're a dice maker setting up an online store to sell your cool custom D&D dice, or an entrepreneur who's made an app that lets you borrow other people's dice when yours are rolling like shit, well then Squarespace is for you.

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cement mobile for details. All right, yeah, you have plenty of time. You can give me a history check with advantage or a perception check. Not 20, baby, woo! And it's history for Welly. Okay, so Welly, you just traverse the entire hall, holding a torch, taking in each each banner they are in tatters

and some of the bolts are entirely empty but you do clock a couple of banners and I'll tell you what they are okay you see a giant blue banner with a silver swordfish you see a stag surrounded by stars You see a blue hawk on a cream field. As you approach the end, fraying but visible, you see an airship, something that you haven't really ever seen in real life. A sky boat? Yes, this is a boat flying through the clouds.

And then you also see your own sigil. The Order of the Oaken Ore has been around for a long time. the clouds, and then you also see your own sigil. The Order of the Oak and Ore has been around for a long time. They've guarded the ore of the gods since their arrival. So your own banner is in here. Wow. Oh, it feels wrong to steal them all, but I want to at least try to draw all of these.

Do I know where the giant blue, with a silver swordfish, or the stags surrounded by stars, or the blue hawk in the cream field, or the airship? Do I know anything about them, or do they predate history? These don't necessarily predate history, but these are minor houses that might not have been recorded or have been lost.

They were around in the age of stories, but their tales are lost to time. Oh, okay. I'm going to just draw them all down. Of course. Yeah. As well you do that, I'll get out my treasure bag and go to work. Yeah. Well, he takes her time copying all of the heraldry. Boggy, you're looking for treasure. Are you, what are you doing? Digging through the pile of bodies? Yes, disrespectfully. copying all of the heraldry. Boggy, you're looking for treasure. What are you doing, digging through the pile of bodies?

Yes, disrespectfully. Yes, I'm also looting. I'm looting the two monks that came after us. Oh, very good. Oh, OK. Yes, I like- Like this and Marvis. I'm going to see what they have on them.

Boggy's idea that we would wear their hoods. Oh, yes. Yes, I think two of you can wear their hoods, and I can perhaps blend against the algae of the wall a bit. Okay. Well, I don't take my armor off, so I might want to just, maybe you want to do, we sort of do the Chewbacca move.

Oh, be a really tall? Come again? I'll be a prisoner? Yes. Oh, I thought you meant I would, I thought- Oh, there's an old tale where- Chewbacca from Lord Star Wars. Yes, exactly.

Because I thought maybe you meant like, oh, I would wear the cloak and then sit on your shoulders and we would just be tall. I pretend I can't hear Wellie over all of the looting that I'm doing. Zudrik, Zudrik, I don't. I can't, I'm sorry. Something got stuck in my helmet.

Did you take your helm off so you can hear me? Wellie's got a great idea because maybe Victus drank the black lace and got really tall. Okay. Actually, look at their bodies. I'm curious to see if they're already marred by the... What if we, we could just cut their heads off and wear their heads under the hoods. Do you need a... Just so they could peek like out if they have beards or something.

How are you... Do you need a head? Do I need a head? No. Okay. So you have one under there? I do have a head? Do I need a head? No. Okay, so you have one. A head start? I do have a head. All right, what do these monks have on them? Okay, so you tear open their cloaks, you poke their bodies with your lance.

They don't have anything of import on them. They've got their vials that they were drinking their black lace from. They have weapons, no personal effects, which is almost odd. It seems like they've given everything to the order. They've lost their humanity. What about the knife that they tried to attack us with?

Does it have black lace on it? You can inspect the knife. It seems like it has some kind of black poison on it. They were devoted through and through. Well. A true shame. All right, well, I guess you all can wear these robes and we can see if we need them,

if we get caught as we get deeper in. Fairly. Okay. But I would like to inspect this pile of bodies and bones and armor. Okay, yeah, sure. Give me an investigation check. I'll give a help action.

Let's see how old these bones actually are. They were saying these are old bones and these bones are pretty good to me. I knock on the bones. You could hang a painting on these bones. I know I keep saying that. No, but it's a common saying. Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's a common saying, like, when someone's been having

their milk, they say, you can hang a painting on these bones. You know, after they fall and everyone's like, I can't believe you didn't break your leg. Right, yeah. You can hang a painting on those bones. Stone bones. That's a 15.

Okay, I don't think there's anything in this pile that is going to be better than any of your weapons, but as you pick through, you can see that indeed, these are probably very, very old bones. Like the monks who originally found this keep didn't take the time to bury some of the last soldiers of the castle. So there are rusted weapons with sigils carved in them.

Sigils, any interesting sigils I've never seen before? You're obsessed with sigils. Welly. Whatever. You know, there's doodles on these. Yeah, check them out, I guess. Sigils that Welly at this point that you have seen, some of the sigils from the banner,

there's a lot of like the sunbursts. These are soldiers from the Dawnhold, but there are also, Baghi, with your 15, newer corpses of monks, because what they're doing in the deep is deadly. They're creating monstrosities, and certainly some of them are being killed by them. Yeah, these old bones are getting mixed in

with the brand new bones. Somebody's gotta sort these bones. This is not gonna work for our ossuary at them. Yeah, these old bones are getting mixed in with the brand new bones. Yeah, somebody's gotta sort these bones. This is not gonna work for our ossuary at all. I think Wellie is feeling a bit of covetousness in her heart and she wants to just do a sly look to see if there are any sunburst cloak clasps. But it's a sly look. She doesn't want anyone to catch her. Okay. So, Willie, are you doing something on the sly? Give me, give me a sleight of

hand check. There's no way Willie can keep a straight face during this. I just really talked to Boggy about the bones. All right, I'm just gonna start putting, I'm gonna start talking to Boggy about the bones. All right, I'm just gonna start putting, I'm gonna start putting the new bones over here. Yes, that's good. The old bones over here. How many guys you think we got here? I'm gonna say 12 guys.

12 guys? I'm gonna say 12 guys here. While they have this conversation, noiselessly, my eyes flit. All right. Noiselessly, my eyes flit. My normally loud, squelchy eyes. Noiselessly. Zudrick, look at this. Under here, under this canvas sack. Oh, geez. Oh, there's at least 13 skulls.

There's another half a guy here. Wow. So as they survey and organize the bones into old and new piles. See, here's the crazy thing is this phalange fits this metatorsal, but this is a new phalange and this is an old metatorsal. It's just funny how that works out. Are you guys noticing any differences in how bones have evolved possibly due to nutritional changes?

That's really interesting. Oh, would you look at that? Yeah, these people do not have access to milk. Yeah, I think these ones, these older ones, were certainly drinking bog water, I'll tell you that much. As you guys crawl through the bones like archeologists. Does a body bath. Indiana bones, am I right?

Yeah. Well, what are you looking for in this pile? I'll say with your, you crit, right? Well, technically the crit was to look slyly. Yeah, but I'll say with your casual glances and with your sly devilish eyes, it's littered with weapons that belonged to fighters from the Dawnholds.

So, you know, they have clasps, they have sword hilts, scabbards with the sigil on them. There's helms. I think that Wellie is feeling, possibly she's transferred her crush from Genevier onto Princess Lenar. And so she's like wanting to- More unattainable.

So much worse. To deck herself out with sunburst sigil ray. What? Trying to attract a dead princess? That's... No, just to be close to her. Jesus. Zedrick can't comment on this because he's too deep in the bones with Boggy.

Hey Zedrick, heads up! Boggy lobs a skull at Zedrick. I want to be like adorned, like someone who just went to a sports game for the first time and decided they like the team and bought everything. You bought a band t-shirt? Yeah. I went to the merch table and I said one of everything.

You did this slyly, but we're just going to be able to see that you're just covered in old gear. Have you always had that clasp? Something seems different about you, Wellie. She wears, as you had one type of armor before, now you have tons of sunburst armor that is very rusty and old. I think I won't swap out anything that's bad,

but I was looking for a cloak clasp that was a sunburst sigil and just any other sunburst gear. You had to. So as you cast your glance over the pile, as Zudrik and Boggy are inches from the bones that they're inspecting, you see one errant clasp, which is the rippling sunburst,

has fallen off of a tattered cloak. And there is also a sword scabbard that has, it'll buckle around your waist and it has a sunburst on the scabbard. Okay, I palm them both. And then put them on. Wow, I didn't even hear, when did you get those? I didn't even hear you look around you get those? I didn't even hear you look

around. Normally your eyes are so loud. Yeah. Boggy and Sondra give me perception checks to see if you notice. I got a 13. Oh, 13 too. Can I try to roll a deception check? Did you? Yeah. Actually, oh, I only got a nine. Sorry. Did you get a haircut? I tried to roll a deception check to make them. Yeah, you can roll it a pose. You're just getting gaslighted. Okay, I actually also rolled a 13. Okay, so Zedric notices you can elect

if you say anything or not. Okay, I think I just think something's a little different, but I can't tell what. Did you change your diet at all on the last, like? Yeah, I've started drinking bog water. Wow, okay, yes. Does, I've started drinking bog water. Wow, okay, yes. Does has a waxiness to the skin.

Also bog deer. Right, yes, oh, that makes sense. Does it agree with my complexion? Perhaps we're all getting sick. Okay. The sallowness allows you to blend in better with the white plants of the bog. All right, so why don't we take these robes with us

and if we get cornered, we can real quick get, or I guess just, why don't you guys do these? Let's pop them on. Yeah, pop them on. Okay, I'm gonna do just a quick look to make sure there's not like something that's oozed from a wound that's going to then infect me. Smart.

Oh, okay, you can make that investigation check with advantage. I'm also gonna grab just a bony hand from the pile and stash it, just in case I wanna prank someone or try and scare them later. Okay, you take some bones. That's hilarious. Eleven to make sure that there's nothing

that's going to infect us on these cloaks. They look, I wouldn't say sanitary, but there's not any new infections on there. Except for the strep. Oh, right. The strep throat. Oh, that's right, actually, yes. One of you is gonna have to be Victus.

And we can't even wash them in the water because it's filled with piranhas. Yeah. Well, I think they won't notice a little blood. They're up to pretty unsavory business down there. All right. So throw on the robes. If we get caught, then you guys say that you caught me and made me drink the thing, and I'll just act kind of groggy. Well, what I'll do is I'm just gonna roll up just a giant blunt of a bog leaf, and I'm gonna smoke that real quick

so that I can get my voice nice and scratchy to mimic Victus. Nice. Here we go, how's that sound? Give me a constitution save. Don't get too high. It just gives you a buzz. 14, 14. Okay. Uh, you're, you're pretty high and you wonder if it was just like weird how much you looked through the bones,

but then you are like, you know what? No, Cedric did it too. It's okay. We spent an insane amount of time on the bones. But fascinating. Should we start walking in the direction that we're supposed to go? Yes, yes. Great. All right. Sure. I start walking in that direction, stabbing into the darkness. Very good. Knowing that anyone I meet is a foe.

All right, so you head over towards the dark doorway that Marvis got your drinks from. As you approach, you see a rusted iron gate that has been cast off to the side, and the tall doorway is an entrance to a primitive lift. It's a small cell constructed of hard wood and braced with iron with two hefty ropes threaded through the floor and ceiling against the right wall. See this is where he could have made his elevator pitch. Yeah.

That's hilarious. That's just clever. Yeah. He's high. That's just clever. Yeah. He's high. It's a great way to trap us and to kill us. Yeah. I mean, I guess stab at it to see if it can trap us.

Just a quick stab, stab into the floor of it. It's hardwood. Your lance goes into it a little bit. But doesn't break through. Should we ride the elevator down but on the top of it? Ah. That's interesting. So that we aren't a ride here.

If anyone's down there, and then we can just break their elevator because we don't care it's not our elevator. Yeah. Okay, great. Well, first things first, is there like a little wheel or something that we can start to like, like, how does this,

how does it go down? Let's look for contraptions. It would appear that it's on some kind of pulley system. Like you would have to heave on these ropes to winch yourselves down. Oh, okay. I think we could just ride down it then. Cause then we could just, we will have control of it.

Ah. We can just. Perhaps one of us should shimmy up to get the element of surprise. That's interesting. Perhaps you, since you're not in a cloak. Okay. I think I still like the idea of us arriving on top of the elevator because they'll think, what, the elevator's here, but it's empty. That's actually great.

I like that stuff. Very smart. I love that type of stuff. I don't know what I was thinking, taking the elevator like a regular person. I should be paranoid. Thank you, Wellie, for reminding me. Great. You're welcome. I dust off my sunbursts and go quote-quote.

I guess I start to lower the elevator then climb out of the elevator. Yeah. Then climb on top of it. Yeah. Okay, so the only thing is this elevator, the ceiling of this elevator is made of solid stone. All right, let me try to describe what I'm doing.

So I go in the elevator, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, me try to describe what I'm doing. So I go in the elevator, right? Okay, I start to get it like halfway down so that I can still see the shaft that we came from. Oh, I see. And then I worm out of it. Then you're gonna worm out. In sort of terrifying fashion where if it fell, I would break in half.

And then we get on top of it. Okay. Into the elevator shaft. So much clanking. Just echoing through the shaft. So Zudrick's plan of half lowering the elevator so we can crawl out and everybody can ride on top. Go ahead and give me a strength check

to start lowering the elevator. Great. I will give you the help action. Appreciate you. 10, I rolled bad. A 10 just does it. All right, the lift starts to lower and you pull on these ropes, you can lower it halfway

and you can crawl out. I slide out and then get back on. Oh, can we have a moment for a short rest so I can get some of my launches back? Oh, that'd be great. Yeah. I would really like a short rest even though I've already used all my hip.

I start panting as I really struggle to get the elevator moving. Okay, so you guys relax against the walls of the elevator as Victus and Marvis's nude bodies rot in the center of the hall. No undergarments, strange. And Zudrik, you've prepared this elevator so you guys can ride along the top.

Great. All right, so you guys pile back onto the top and you'll give me another strength check as you lower the elevator. All right. I will give you the help action again. All right, that time I got an 18. So Zudrik, you heave on these thick ropes,

the fraying fibers biting into your palms. The descent is longer than expected and you begin to sweat despite the increasingly cold and damp air. The walls glide past you, streaked with grime and smelling of corroded metal. Finally, a jarring crunch as the lift finds solid ground below.

More bones. And you guys are above the, you're above the lift now. Wait, we're like trapped in a dark shaft now. I think I thought there would be like layers so we'd be able to get out, but now we are just. Now we're just. Stone beneath your feet. Do we have to go all the way back?

Okay, well wait, well wait, maybe we can trick somebody, maybe we can trick somebody, and we can trap them in it, and then we can pull them up. Okay, that's really clever. Okay, I'm gonna start playing my clarinet. This is a great trap. And I'm hanging onto the rope, ready to no one out as soon as they get in. If you can't trip, you try. Yeah, all right.

Bargy, help me with this. She's going to play her clarinet. As soon as we lure someone, we're just going to yank them up and we're going to ask them what's going on. What song is this? How to trip a bird. Play it on the clarinet. I could probably whip you up a clarinet version.

Oh, here's what I'll do too. Okay, so I'm gonna lift it up a little bit and then I'm gonna let go and really let the elevator bang down. Like a haunted elevator. Bang, okay. We added a little ghostly wailing. Well, we want them to come to us.

Look, it's a haunted. As you guys play music, jostle the elevator and call out. This plane is fucked. You hear a deep groan and suddenly the floor beneath you moves into motion. It rumbles and it begins to lower. This was a crushing elevator trap, which you guys avoided. Whoa!

By not being in the elevator. Wait, so the ceiling was gonna come down on us? The ceiling was gonna come down on you guys. Wow. But instead, it is just lowering slowly. Wow. Yes, sir! Not today, ender, my friender.

Wow, and I was, at first I was like, maybe we'll split up, and that would be wow. Oh. good God. A unique invention. Ah, my boy Dandio Candles. If he could only get his hands on this thing. What a unique contraption. How did Dandio Candles do this?

He was an accomplished tinker. He was beaten with the mallets of his trade. Jeez. Wow. Yes. It took a long time. Really? Yes. What did he tinker? Well, he was a peat carver by trade, but also he would prepare many ingenious inventions

for us. These cow troughs I carry are from him. I would think that a peat carver's instruments would be quite soft and suggestible. That's why it took so long. Yeah. I understand now. Sometimes the peat is rather thick and you need a mallet to really kind of chisel it out. You actually can stab someone to death with a spoon. Yeah. Is that true?

I've seen it happen, yeah. You've seen it happen, but never done it yourself? No, I've done it. I've seen it and I've done it, yes. Just one stab or multiple stabs? Oh, it takes a couple, yeah. Oh, it takes a few, yeah. Do you have feelings about spoons now?

Cedric shrugs. You're very resilient, Cedric. Cedric nods and starts walking down the dark hallway, I guess. Is there a hallway now that we've- You guys have this conversation as the stone, it's a heavy stone roof lowers and lowers, finally grinding to the ground with a deep crack.

And fuck you guys, I'm gonna make you roll athletics checks just to see if you roll your ankles as it hits the ground. Oh. 10. 10. 16. Fine, you shake a little bit, but you're good. Whoa.

I like that we escaped the trap by trying to use it to trap someone else. Yeah. Standing before you is a towering stone door. This was going to be what you guys would have to break out before the, before the roof collapsed. Oh. Now we just don't have a timer.

And also behind you, there is a dark earthen hallway. So there are two doors here, the stone door ahead of you and the open earthen. Oh, earthen, earthen just screams monster. I take out my hairpin and get to work picking the lock. Just so we have options. Will you get through this no problem. Oh yeah, like butter to her.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna face the earthen hole and make sure nothing's coming from there, just sort of through this no problem. Oh yeah, like butter to her. Yeah. I'm gonna face the earth in whole and make sure nothing's coming from there, just sort of stabbing into it. And meanwhile, Wellie, go ahead and crack that bad boy. Okay. Yeah, so I'll keep making ghost noises to scare people. Ooh.

17, oh, no, 19. Yeah. 19, you push your, is it your hairpin? Yeah, my halo braid is starting to fall out because I'm using my hair pins. Oh no. You violently scraped your hair pin against this stone. With a 19, you feel it budge,

but it does not move completely. Oh. Well, I've got one more shoulder to give. All right, go ahead, Boggy. I guess I'll try and ram it. Yep, go for it. Yeah, I'll help, I'll ram it as well. Ooh, um, actually, yeah, that's a 13. A 13. You dislocate your shoulder yet again. All right. I'm going to drop kick it. I'll just run at it.

I got a one. I disloc at my shoulder by drop kicking. Insane. You just look at your shoulder on the floor. What if I, amidst all this, use my tactical mind to apply the D10, use another second wind to apply a D10 to the lock pick. Great. That's eight, so it becomes a 27.

There you go. You actually create a little wedge with your hairpin and it bends but does not break. And you get the stone to budge. You guys can all get your fingers around the gap and roll the stone to the side. Okay. Very good. One, two, three.

Ah! Whoa! On my shoulder. Yes, oh I'm fine, it's great. One, two, three. Ah! Whoa! On my shoulder. Yes, I'm fine, it's great. Yes, everything's fine. Okay, so you guys are going out the front elevator door. Yes. Cedric, would you like to send your crows ahead?

I feel for them at this point. I thought briefly of sending them down the elevator and they may have gotten crushed. So I would not risk Tabitha and the others. KS I bump heads with my birds and hold them for a really awkwardly long time as we all put our heads together. KS This is spiritual. KS Wow. KS And then I look up and I go, I think let's just walk ourselves.

KS Okay. We have two options ahead of us now. CB Would you like me to try and sneak down the earthen passageway to catch a glimpse of what's there? We could do that again. Just kind of screaming monster to me. It is. It is. Okay, let's go through this door that we picked. Yeah, I think the door is the way. Okay. We're going to stealth though. Mm, yes.

Okay. As you gingerly step out of the lift, you peer down a wide corridor. It is eerily quiet. You see a long stone passageway, lit by flickering torches and a series of barred doors on both sides. Slumped in the passageway are the bodies of several scared ones, laying in pools of dark blood.

The fist of a severed arm clenches and unclenches reflexively. The wrought iron bars on one room have been bent and twisted. Oh, someone escaped. Are these dungeons? I think these are dungeons. We're not on the side of Victus and those type of guys,

so whoever he would lock up are on our side. Yes, I agree. Yeah. Unless they've been infected with black lace in our map. Totally true. Yes. Yes. As you say that you hear a loud crash, dust rains from the stone hallway above.

A rumble, then flying from the bent and open dungeon door, the gored body of another monk. Then you see, trampling it is a giant angry beast, sensing you it turns with a shuddering snort. A colossal boar lumbers into view, its flanks slick with sweat, its massive tusks gleaming with blood. Its eyes are not black, but wild with fear. Oh! It lowers its head. Oh!

Regular boar! Regular boar. Regular boar? And it charges at you. Wait, don't look, wait, don't look, wait, you're regular. Wait, wait, wait. And that's where we'll end our session. Wait, wait. Wait, we're regular.

Normally we do hunt stuff and eat animals, but in this context, I wanna be friends. Lord, closer. Cedric, this is your chance. Use your animal handling. I defer my turn to Cedric. I get gored. Squawk at it.

Oh, good lord. Shut the rock at it, dude. Hell yeah. Oh man. So much fun. We'll talk about this more over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadvam, that's hitting D-P-O-D, as we're about to be gored by a regular ass boar.

Or nor! Gored by a boar. Gored by a boar. Check that out. In the meantime, does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? We've got Dimension 20 live shows, be able to look out for them.

We're gonna be in Seattle, we're gonna be at the Hollywood Bowl, and we're gonna be in Las Vegas. We're gonna be in Hollywood Bowl in June. We're gonna be at the Hollywood Bowl and we're gonna be in Las Vegas The we're gonna be in Hollywood Bowl in June We're gonna be in Seattle in July and we are going to be at the MGM in November Wow Vegas so be on lookout for that three great destinations. Oh, yeah I'll go and plug Lorelai and the laser eyes again because I'm playing it now I love it. I love puzzles. My puzzler is sore

French reference and with that We'll go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you so much for listening I could follow us on social media there may or may not use at stage first me at coldest Caldwell at the extra Emily stop and actually go to Jake and you could talk about the show using hashtag nap I that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, youth of the nation. We are, we are, how to trim a bird. So stupid. Really good.

It's the end of the show, which means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Let's get right to it. Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord. Later McSkater. Matt M. Cutter W. Jeff C. Daniel G. Danielle the Dastardly Dame. Carpe Liam. Victor T. AKA Balnor's Boy. Hoyt's Friend. Justin I. Danny Danster.

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I've always been saying this. Cass, Strong Grinch. Steven, Shout Out to Boy the Troll, C. Mike K, Nick W. William W., Big Bad Beardo, The Mad. Anonarama. Percival Fredrickstein, von Musel Klosowski, de Rolo III.

Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock. Manez Hegemony, Bin A. Vibe, Honoring the Cock. Man-A's Hegemony, Bin-A, Dave H, Dustin S, not that Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfars Assistant Izzy F, Big Bad John, DPC is awesome, hashtag honor the cock, shown the Shade tree mechanic of Zelbaldar. Summer Rose, AKA Grand Tare.

Mark, the Dark Lord's taint. Well, Cat C, Mesa of House Inzunza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid. Selena N, AKA Valaesiraptor. Be perky always. Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serv 16, Annie the Feywild Therapist, Connor S, Salil, Bioquart 7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was innocent, Drub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep,

dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament. Valen, Paj, the bitch and bunny bard. Carlin C, Noah, the bullywog boy, hashtag honor the cock. James G, everything bago, the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey. Reverend Shatterbones, ha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

Hawn, Eric B. Marcos, learns the balance druid. Frieda M. Maggie, Holly the Green, laughing hyena. Cow, misses the D5s with all her heart. Aaron B. Russell H., a monk named Dilgo. Yes, the whole thing. Yes, every time. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo. Yes, the whole thing.

Yes, every time. Cody C. Lorelei the succubi and Kira the succulent snack. Mckinnah Stout. Your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yunkle, Andrew and Sid. John Adams. We can be done with the presidential puns. Meg the mail carrier of Bahumia.

James F. Austin S. Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42. Keep them, turn to page 69. Shane C. Barpo Goodburl, Bard-Barian. Garrett G. AKA One Big Curd. Renee, the monster captain. Olivia, the enchanting bard, and Jared, the soap opera cleric, GARRETT G, aka One Big Curd RENE THE MONSTER CAPTAIN OLIVIA THE ENCHANTING BARD and JARED THE SOAP OPERA CLERIC

who will be auditioning for Cali's acting troupe best of luck BLUE ASH FICO GARRETT THE ARTIFICER DAMON, son of that one merchant you know, named John, that one VALKERY, the Gert C. Brother.

Anthony, the raddest of dudes. J. The fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo. Yeet! Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi loves the two crew. Thank you, Lexi.

Roger L. Nodrog, the pacifist barbarian. Gino T. Gianluca. Tristan, the talentless hunk. Leon Kumori, legendary hero of Bohemia from a future campaign. Shenanigans O'Connor.

Mios the Great. Joshua S. Alexander. Linz W. Johnny Dude K, Pawvu Eskinaw, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile, Tim M, TR, MLG Cheeto, Shell Beak and his first favorite sprite girl, no jokes today, just excited Emily's gonna be on Gastronauts. Cool. Snailus, who's infecting Worchester for within. Pawpaw Skadez. Mee-maw Skadez.

Megan N. Anthony B. Savannah H. Bellalore's best friend, Steve. Stephanie of House Inzunza. Benjamin A. Gimli the Corgi. Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend,

Mikel A, Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight, the two crew, Bluthrough, Jennery, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashesaurus, Billy Batson, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.S. the Second, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A, Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg, Darius D, The Guy from That One Thing, Thin Diagram, Cadmilius, The Consumed, A-Gun, Banjo Boy of the flatlands with two working kidneys Wow good for you Bard of holding Clinton P Grinch full cam the Grinch frog man Dean

Jake W hi mom Tuesday cross the choose your own adventure writer not the porn star Steve L Tyler M Alex G. Zivitamakkari. Nicole. Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Ore. Lady Jacqueline P. of Castle Whitestone. Greg W. wants the D20 truck nuts that Jake thought up.

Baruk Thunderhelm. Fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Literally Satan. Whoa. Chupacabri. 5th Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned Labyrinth tour guide. Literally Satan, whoa. Chupacabri, Boney is dead. Coen P., the Duke of Silk's missing son, we're coming for you. The Waterworth, Nick and Amy, whoo, okay, that is all of our elders.

Thank you so so much everybody for your support. It means the world to us. If you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's going to do it for us today, but we will have another episode coming at you next week. We'll see you then. Thanks for listening. Bye bye.