Not Another D&D Podcast - The Mavrus Chronicles - The Babe Blazes (Part 4)

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

The Boys of Summer wrap up their festivities! Mac interrogates a pixie, Tread makes a dry July confession, Dave considers a new weapon, and Mavrus is once again visited by a mysterious presence. Featuring Zac Oyama! Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music:"Hot Boy Theme" - Emily Axford"A Wizard's Tournament" - Emily Axford"The Duck" - Emily Axford"Left is Left and Right is Center" - Emily Axford"Forsaken" - Emily Axford"Cursed" - Emily Axford"Bonkginya, Fia Bonkginya" - Emily Axford"Gunvar" - Emily Axford"I Think I Lost My Glasses" - Emily Axford"Demi-God" - Emily Axford"Crash Landing" - Emily Axford"Escape the Boy King's Brunch" - Emily Axford"Healing Worm" - Emily Axford"Chute Groove" - Emily Axford"The Summer We've Been Waiting For" - Emily Axford"A Faerie Remembers" - Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thank you everybody. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumia. Bahumia. Bahumia! Blazing babe! Yeah, and blazing babe! And blazing babe! And blazing babe!

That's what I mean to say! I'm your dungeon docent Emily Axbritt joined by Brian Murphy. Hate stickers, loves liquor. Mack, son of Bumford. It's not true, man. You're a beer guy. I thought beer counted as liquor.

Is that, is not all alcohol? No, that's what the whole rhyme is. Interesting. Beer before liquor. I don't know what things are. I thought beer counted as liquor is that is not all alcohol. No I don't know what things are With a dragon and drives a station that's wagon Why is that? It's stilted on purpose because of the emo you can do worse than that Following it up we got call will tear night vision dentist on a mission to send this it's hungry day and this it's Hungry Day! That was good, that was honestly one of the best ones Gullible's ever done.

And of course our very special guest, Zack Oyama. I maverissed the unschooled, no creepy premonition will dull his shine. 90% of his time goes to keeping his boy Mack in line. Yes! Oh! It was a little shaky in the middle there. I got tired.

I got tired. You stuck that landing, but not super- You just needed a little break at the end. Yeah, no, like the skateboard. Carabiner, just hang. It was kind of like a Carrie Strugland actually. Yeah, a solid second place. Okay, last session.

The boys of summer entered a healing healing metaphorical dreamscape to cleanse themselves of their infernal wounds. Hungry Dave performed dentistry on an ancient gold dragon. Mack finally let go of the memory of falling off the bike as he watched Carl pedal off, leaving him behind. One could say he had a quarrel with Corl. They're the same word. And Tred dreamt of a driving lesson with a remorseful, ashen Dr. Nevers.

What are we doing in the station that's wagging? That's just how he says it. Nevers' dream, however, was less metaphorical and more vivid than the rest. He watched an eerily crisp version of his future self attend Gladehome University, becoming a bit of a loner and an outsider at the prestige Elfen School. His vision, however, was interrupted by two mysterious presences one called from above the other from below Mavris embraced the dark smoke that called him child of my child And you all awoke in a hailing tent no longer

Infernally touched except hungry Dave who crit to turn his beady black eyes into slide on dark visions Yes to turn his beady black eyes into slide on dark visions. Yes! Check it out. Fuck, damn, dude. Wow. It hurts a little bit every time. A nictating sunglasses. When you awoke, you saw Amber, the Ember Emissary, who informed you that they'd apprehended the pixie

treadhead maid Flea, and you went to question her. On your way there, however, a writhing mass of sweaty limbs poured out of the cuddle cave, stuck in the middle of it, pleading for help, was the better late than never's own Jen with two N. Jen with two N! Jen! You bravely faced off with the moaning possessed cuddle,

but Max Magic fizzled in his hand at the sight of all the seltzer swag the seltzer dryads had gifted you earlier and it caused him to question his faith in the blessed brew eventually you defeated the corrupted cuddle and hungry Dave used a beguiling arrow to enchant the released cuddlers who Mac promptly ordered to remove all the seltzer swag stickers from your various accessories. Yes.

Jen with two ends approached, recognizing Tred as her fellow Better Late Than Ever's founder, Ted's son. He asked Tred where his father was, because she hadn't been able to find him. What? What? Dr. Nevers? That's where we are now! So these cuddlers that you guys saved, released from this cuddle are picking all the stickers off of all your stuff.

Keep peeling everybody, keep peeling. If we had some rubbing alcohol, that'd be awesome. Oh, I can do rubbing alcohol breath real quick, hold on. Yes, bring the stickers to me. And Jen with two hands, she's looking rattled. She's holding this L.L. Bean magazine covered in infernal goo from that corrupted cuddle that you punted at her.

And she actually, she turns her attention just from Tread to all of you. And she says, oh, wait, I know all of you. You're from the party plan. I could swear I've seen you around the supermarket. Oh yeah, you were my manager at the Circle K. I've been working there ever since the divorce. Do you know where Dr. Nevers is?

Oh, you got divorced? We're so sorry to hear that. Or congratulations, because you know, marriage is ending, that's fine. And that's fine. Sometimes that relationship is just like for a time. Me? It's still love.

It's all love. It's all love. All love. Love is love. You see that this is the first person that your words are actually positively affecting. She's like, you're right. It is all love.

It is all love. It's all love. Do you know where my dad is? Cause I had a really freaky dream about him. I didn't mention it to you guys, but we were driving towards that burning river. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I got like really heated about everyone sharing a dream

and you didn't even share your dream with me. And that's really fucked up with me to do. It's all cool. It's all love,. It's all love. Yeah my dad's hands were ash and we were driving through the river and he was apologizing. Did he like burn the burning blazing babe? I didn't feel like he burned the burning it feels like he's he's dealing with some kind of like fucked up dark magic. Did you have like a premonition dude? of like fucked up dark magic. Did you have like a premonition, dude? Is that what that means?

Like where's his, where's his like, did you remind? I'm gonna call her a cult leader. Yeah. And I think that's a bit extreme. Are you talking about Fiona? Yes, he was like, I only did it for you. And I feel like that's like him talking about,

you know, learning magic. Is Fiona around? Where's Fiona? And I feel like you're a pretty good judge of character. Like. Oh, I mean, I have my issues with Fiona, but it's like partially. What are your two end gen?

Talk some shit. Like you can talk shit if you want. Here's the shit. You know what I'd like to do is I'd like to spill the fucking wine into my mouth because I'm having a day and Fiona's all, we can't drink anything. We have to be a sacred vessel for the sacred flame. And I just, honestly, I walked away.

I poured myself a little glass of Pinot Gris. And then I came back and everyone was gone. I jerked off on July 8th. What? What did you do? It's okay. It's a dry July. You just said that to her.

On the eighth, you have to hold off until the Wine and like yeah, I just want to say Really glad that you share it cuz I was feeling so guilty. I was back and everyone was gone I want to say I respect wine like I feel like we're allies in the war against seltzer Yeah, do you want some I hate a seltzer? I don't want to drink something. I don't wanna drink something that is seltzer. Did you know that this guy over here at Point of Tread was freaking out about the stickers? He loved them so much. Oh my God, those trashy stickers.

Did you know that everything becomes his thing? There's always a way that it gets back to his thing. I mean, excuse me? I just want you guys to know I'm absolutely not participating in Dry Jell-O. What? Every time you talk about it, I'm just quiet, because I am not doing it. I just wanna make sure y'all know. You've been talk about it, I'm just quiet, because I am not doing it.

I just want to make sure y'all know. You've been jacking it, dude? Absolutely. Have you guys noticed that I've been a little more high-strung than usual? Oh my god. I just thought you were getting worse. I don't know. But also, I haven't been jacking it.

Yeah, me neither, but that's because I did double in June, and I'm honestly still chafed. And you're hurt, yeah. That's fine. Jen with two N's, where's Fiona? Where's Dr. Nevers? I don't know, that's what I said is I dipped to have a little nip of Pinot Grigio,

and I came back. Is the rest of the crew, is the whole crew gone? I was looking for Ted, but I don't know where he is. Are you guys having like an affair? Don't tell me if you are, but definitely tell me if you're not, cause I've been kind of assuming that you are. Your father?

Oh no, he loves your mother. Oh great, I mean, so do I. Yeah, she's cool. She does an insight check to see if you actually like your mom or if you have deep seated issues with your mom. She got a 17. I love my mom.

She, as you say this this you notice that she really likes that because she herself is a mom well cool that's no I haven't been able to find any of them anyways but I really appreciate you all saving me from that like terribly intimate are Are they fucking? What is going on in a cuddle puddle? Yeah, they're kind of just like rubbing. Yeah, it's like, I think it's very like drug fueled or something, they're just rubbing each other.

Oh, okay. Is the goo on the land's end, is that like, is it like dude I-Core or is it like demon I-Core? Is it Giker? Or is it just like, Give me a perception? Yeah, is it guy can't just or investigation ask me? Can I help you? I got a seven I'm gonna go with the seven. I'm just punching you in the arm. I dude. I can't do stuff figure it out. Um You don't know the rest of you guys see it's a less potent version of this like demon

You could touch this it's kind of like residual So it's just like a different color and I'm sitting there looking at it like is it jizz So if we just remove the cover and and the backside of the magazine I'm more concerned about like the freaking demons that are jizzing everywhere. I know what you're concerned about Yeah This is what I'm concerned about Your dad is missing dude And you're concerned about Jack and all the lands in

When you haven't even made it to the office How do we find my dad? I have an airtight pocket in my disc bag that's usually for snacks But I'm gonna put the lands in in there to keep it safe. And let's find my dad. Alright, let's find Trud's dad. Jen with two hands, did you see anybody that was doing like, demon-y stuff? Like, did you see any demons jacking off? That's a good question.

Cause there's demons. I mean, I think I've watched something like that before. But, not here. No. Oh, like on a nasty channel. I mean, yeah. Like, paper or a nasty channel. I mean it yeah, okay like a for TV channel No, like I mean you're just looking for so you're searching and you stumble upon something totally right

As you guys are having this conversation with John with you and the little fuzzy Pomeranian fire spirit kind of nips at your ankles like trying to corral. What is it bud? I think we're getting hurt. It didn't hurt that. Go to kick it. Whoa, wait, Mac, Mac, Mac. Okay, sorry, I'm a bit confused. Absolutely not. Look how small it is.

It's okay. It's tiny. Okay, so we know who the demons are, right? Seltzer girls. I feel like you have like a weird vendetta for them. Yeah, but there was that one that was like super charred And I feel like we should have like taken better stock of that mentally at the time Okay, let's go talk to Amber the puppy wants us to do something

The little fire spirit is just wagging its tail. You have to show us It does shit a little charcoal Okay, we're gonna shit your roll. Where are the bags? We're gonna give it to Cole. You had them dude. Did you lose the bag? My pants are too tight to put anything in my damn pocket. Then why did you take the bag? You can't fit a bag. Dave, I'm gonna need two frisbees.

Oh, come on. It's the only way. Fine, use my putters. Grab two putters and just throw it. Well, dude, don't throw it. That's Dave's. You gotta hunker it. Oh, sorry.

I hunked it. Let's go over to the picture. So you guys follow this little guy. He's a little guy. He's a little guy. He's a little guy. He's a little guy. He's a little guy. He's a little guy. Throw it Well dude don't throw it, that's Dave's You gotta hunker it Oh sorry, I hunked it So you guys follow this little fire sprite Oh I scoop it up and I carry it

You scoop it up, it's fiery But even though it is fire It feels like a nice little warm glow Almost like a loaf of bread that you just took out of the oven Oh, that's cute I scritch it And it sort of directs you with its little wagging tail Towards an official looking took out of the oven. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, who are these other Ember emissaries and organizers of the event. They're all pacing, whispering in hushed tones in the center of the room, restrained by the Gladehome zine wizards big beast hand, that large shimmering arcane hand

that once gave you a delicious hug, Max. Yeah. Is the pixie. All right, okay. She's no longer under the effect of Treadspell, you a delicious hug, Mac, is the pixie. All right. Okay. She's no longer under the effect of Tread spell, but she still has fire in her eyes.

So she's not actively dangerous. It looks like maybe she's been there for a little bit. So she's kind of settled into an antagonistic resignation. When you first come in, there's like a flicker of fear because you did face her and best her. Yeah, aim at the mace. But she kind of just relaxes back into this cocksure attitude.

Oh, she thought that she was gonna get away with this, but she messed with four guys who jack off schedules are totally out of sync. Usually we're always at the same time. Cause it's all the time. She looks at you, tried it, she goes, you, you made me afraid. But you're the one who should be afraid.

Not really, like you were afraid of me, so why would I be afraid? But I'm not afraid of you. I don't need to get it. Okay. Don't get scared just cause she's like laughing. Yeah, I know. I'm like not afraid at all.

You know, it's common. Why is it so funny? Okay, you're kind of back you have a fucking secret. You have a fucking secret. Why aren't you telling it to me? All right. Hold firm. Excuse me, Miss Pixie.

Can I sidebar with you for a second? I'm gonna cast Bane on her. Ooh. And then I'm going to. Get her, dude. I would like to attempt to intimidate her okay she absolutely fails well I think she just I think it's the opposite of bless you just loses a d4 okay so if she does like an insider something first my like

intimidation it's a 2 with Bane minus 2 she gets literally a 0 okay I get up in the little pixie's face and I go I don't know if you've seen how many spells I failed to cast how many m many spells I failed to cast, how many mace swings I failed to hit, how many stickers my friends wouldn't let me peel off, but I'm getting pretty fricking ticked off and I'm bound to hit at some point. And when I cast a spell and it actually does affect

something, I'm thinking about infecting you unless you tell me where the demon's been jerking off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey, hey, hey! Wow! I'm what? You're wasting your time. I'm not wasting shit. Because the babe is gonna blaze, and when she does, she'll come. Who she? She who he showed to me, and her flaming river will spill into this world. She who she, but what? Flaming river?

I saw that shit in my dream. I was trying to walk into the river. It was your dad, dude? It was your dad dude my dad and like we my dad isn't but you know my dad Where's Fiona? Fiona Inside check to see if she reacts to Fiona. I'm gonna use suggestion And like wait, who's the he who showed you? And like wait who's the he who showed you?

He he came to the grotto and he put her fire in my veins and made me her acolyte The one who wears her prophecy that she will come better late No, no freaking dad fucking dad. What is no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Tread you cannot puke you absolutely cannot puke right now If Tread pukes I'm gonna puke cause I've got nothing in my stomach right now Tread's throat is going dry I got the salivator Mavra can't be a con save and if anyone fails then you all roll a disadvantage That way Everyone rolls a disadvantage

I rolled a 19 I got 11 14 Okay Teder how are you? I got a 11. I got a 11. I got a 14. It's a con save. I got a 13. Okay, Tedder, how are you, Dopey? Just a matter of time. So, Mavras casts a spell, then P. What?

Puking to my B. Puking to my B. Okay. I've got to keep it together. Filled the frisbee, dude. Dr. Nevers barely even knows how to cast spells. How the hell did he give you power? He's a dentist. Okay, you asked her how the hell did he give you power.

Quiet. I'm going to ask you a question. Barely even knows how to cast spells. How the hell did he give you power? He's a dentist Okay, you asked her how the hell did he power? I'm gonna say with Maverick's suggestion spell on her. She's just gonna say it He gave me this and she shows you a charm bracelet with a little moon on it. Oh Well, you're the like cult leader Fiona must have been getting does Jen with two ends have Did she have one of these bracelets on you did not see one on Jen with two and interesting. Okay, right. Well Etiquette for blazing babe. I'm gonna give you this

bottle opener necklace, and I'm gonna need you to slide that bracelet onto me. And I put my neck at her wrist so we could switch. Remy the language of suggestion, because I'm trying to think, and there's no reason she would do this, but maybe suggestion might. It's a wisdom 16 save, I should say, I forgot.

But it's, you suggest a course of activity, limit it to a sentence or two, and then magically influence a creature you can see within range that can hear and understand you. Okay, it's a reasonable thing. I'm gonna do a wisdom save with the Bane. If she fails, Maverice, you can choose to tell her to engage in this transaction.

On a failed save, it pursues a course of action described to the best of its ability. Okay, she got an 18, but a minus four on the bane. Okay. So, she does the plur handshake. Puts the bracelet onto you. I do weirdly reciprocate it with my neck. As it goes onto you, give me a wisdom saving throw.

Oh cool, I get to roll Oh wait, no, no, no, I have good wisdom that's a plus seven seventeen Okay, you for a moment as this bracelet goes on you you feel fire running through your veins You see visions of the infernal plane Spilling into this world. You see a woman wreathed in fire entering this world and you desire nothing more and all you wanna do

is light that fucking babe on fire. Holy shit. But you resist it. Okay, okay. Dry July. Okay, dude, dry July. Do we all get like a turn with the bracelet or what? Okay, can I, can I, should we break the bracelet?

It seems fucked up. Actually as she takes it off and puts it on you, she like goes limp and then opens her eyes and they are clear. Oh, shit. Hey, what's up? Are you okay? I freaked out on you.

Was it just the bracelet that was doing that to you? Where am I? Oh wow. You're in a blazing bed? Oh wow you're in a blazing bit I know I'm a blazing babe. Were you at the grotto? Did I have bad telepathic tipple? Um no you tried to light the blazing babe on fire. Yeah you tried to light the blazing babe on fire after you talked to Tred's dad Did you see a guy who looked like this like kind of more handsome and older? What? Did you see a guy who looked like this, like kind of more handsome and older? What?

I think she, like everything's pretty foggy, but on a 15, I think she can retrieve in the fog of memory. Yeah, yeah I did. I was hanging out by the grotto. Yeah, he was apparently in the grotto, like fucking going wild. He came by, he gave me and my friends Bracelets, so my dad is passing out these like fucked up bracelet. I remember

Okay, okay, like he probably got him from Fiona, right? So try it yeah, so did I I saw like a woman on fire was it could I tell if it was Fiona? It wasn't Fiona was it it the Blazing Babe statue? Was it just, yeah. It was like, imagine the Blazing Babe statue burning away to reveal, I mean... Oh shit. Like a demon. Yeah, like a fiendish...

Right. Well, cause like, they're trying to cleanse the vibes in this land, but like, if the vibes are off and that thing goes off early, then like, the vibes are just gonna be permanently fucked Okay, they're like trying to summon this fire demon here and my dad is helping them do it boys. It's like He's supposed to be fucking cleaning molars and shit You do remember in your dream him just saying I just wanted to do this to have something to talk about with you Yeah, and I think it somehow is all my fault cuz I just haven't been hey

Oh, right, right. Can I sidebar with you for a second? Sure earlier today? Yeah for the first of my life I heard you say something really special that I've never heard before the first time I ever said anything special This specific phrase is a for the best. Ruining every moment before it happens. That is the narrative of this crew. Dave, it looks like they're fighting. I mean, I sidebar with Dave. Should we break him off? What's up, Matt?

You said something really special that I've never heard someone say, not you. Okay. You say special stuff all the time. You said love is love is love. Yeah, and that's gonna really stick with me. I came up with that independently. Okay, you say special stuff all that you said love is love is love Yeah, and that's gonna really stick with me. I came up with that independently I think I heard that somebody else said it but it was like I don't know though It felt like it was coming from your heart. I feel like and and I think that

Your dad created you and you're a person who's special enough to say that. I don't know if anyone asked We did not have this conversation Do you think maverick is being nice No, I think they're like at each other's throats man, we really got to get in there I I get emotional I hug maverick, but in a way that makes it look like I might be attacking Love is love man. Love is love They're not used to this energy so they're like, we need to break them up. We're starting to have like a stilted awkward fight.

Okay. Hey wait, I got one more thing to tell you, Matt. Yeah. I belched a peanut butter stout really loudly into his face. Whoa, that's awesome. Okay, so we have to- I can smell the notes. Hey there, Nadpoles.

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That's uncommongoods.com slash p-a-w-p-a-w for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Goodbye, sweeties. So we have to find my dad. I know how to do it. So I have Locate Object. Do you have to roll for that? No, I don't.

That's the fucking best thing about it. It's just a regular ass spell. So I'm going to cast Locate Object and I was going to do it on the t-shirt that I know he has, but other people have that shirt. So maybe I'll do it on, since he loves your mom so much, I'll do it on the t-shirt that I know he has but other people have that shirt So maybe I'll do it on since he loves your mom so much. I'll do it on his wedding band. Yeah. Yeah, he does Oh god, I really I really fucking hope this works because otherwise it's gonna make me Feel really uncomfortable around as long as he didn't like take his ring off to talk to pixies in the ground We should be cool around as long as he didn't like take his ring off to talk to pixies in the ground It's not cheating but

Read me the language of locate object and we'll resolve this Describe her name an object that is familiar to you. So he was kind of got in before like the the trend of getting like a cobalt or like a titanium ring or something so he just has kind of a classic gold ring it's like kind of slim. I personally would go for like a thicker one but it's definitely timeless and I respect it much like I respect wine. You sense the direction. It's not for me but it's still good. My parents sold it to him. It's from their scales. Oh shit, that's awesome. You sense the direction to the object's location as long as that object is within

1,000 feet of you. If the object is in motion, you know the direction of its movement. Spell can locate a specific object known to you as long as you have seen it up close within 30 feet at least once. Alternatively, the spell can locate the nearest object of a particular kind, blah blah blah. Spell can't locate an object if any thickness of lead, even a thin sheet blocks a direct path. It's just, if it's within a thousand feet,

I can track it. Okay, this is a very fun spell. What you sense as you send this out into this huge festival, what you sense is Tread's dad's wedding ring climbing 20 feet up the blazing baby effigy Your dad's climbing the baby why he's mounting the babe for what reason I don't know he's gonna burn it We gotta stop him real quick boys or this I Bust out the blessed brew. I'm gonna give everyone the plus 1 AC.

Were any stickers in sight when you cast that spell? I had two. You guys healed the fucking stickers. We had a whole fucking gang of people. Astor, you had a bunch of them. I got a butt. No, I'm kidding. Okay, okay. But I'm gonna say that this was happening, but you've kind of caught it. So I'll let you have like a whole round to prepare

before you go out. Let's bust out some blessed brew. Everyone gets a plus one to their AC. Here we go, let's get this vibe right. And we'll do a nice, I know you guys like rag on me when I do like the peanut butter stouts and stuff. And you guys like a little bit of a lighter thing. I'll show you that beer can be light.

We don't need to drink seltzer, and I'll do a summer shandy. Whoa, this is actually pretty good. It's refreshing as hell. Oh my god, the lack of peanut butter is so. It's just like, it's not that heavy. I don't have time to be mad at you guys, just go. Why would you even?

We're giving you a compliment. A trip back. I fall through the tent and take it all down with me. You guys all race to be the first person out of the flap of falling all over each other. And you come out and you see, you would have discovered him higher, but because of that locate object,

he discovered him 20 feet up. People are starting to catch notice. They just think it's someone pulling a prank. Tread's dad is scaling the blazing babe. Dr. Nevers? Dr. Nevers! Everybody roll initiative. Dad, you're being weird.

Your son is here. Fuck yes! That's another Nat 20. Nice dude. And we have a lot of homebrew that we like to use for Nat 20s on the show. So Emily, I'll let you tell me. What do you want to do? Pick me.

Okay, for my nat 20 that I got, Dave would like to... Can I do like a dash action or something? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. All right, cool. Dave will like just dash ahead. You guys all eat the dust of Dave. He is the athlete. He's an athlete. Yeah. I have to admit that. Elite. Yeah. So what did everyone else get?

16. 11. 7. Dave, you are first to act. You see Tread's dad 20 feet up in the air with your dash action. You're like easily within range. You see that he's summoning a fiery cantrip in his hand. Oh shit.

And right now, no impediments. Just fucking... Dave, if you have to kill him, we'll forgive you. How can I kill the source of my knowledge? That's true, you're a mentor. You're a dental mentor. Duck the nevers! This is a waste of your talent.

There's always gonna be between the two And then there's a mentor and mentee say forgive me my mentor Charge up a disc Just call to him I'm sorry. It had to be this way. It's too late, Trev. Just tell him to not do it. You got really close to him. Just tell him to ask him what's going on or something.

Dave inserts his black sunglass eyes so you can't see him crying. Those are filling with water. I'm going to make two attacks on Trent's dad. Wait. No he has to. He has no choice. This is not how I saw this going. How much HP does my dad have?

Can I say that I'm doing- I have Revivify. Can I say that I'm doing non-lethal to try and knock him off? Absolutely. Okay, great. Cool. You're killing him. I can bring him back. If you want, you can just use your attack to knock him off and he'll just take falling damage. Yeah, do like a

shove attack. Yeah, yeah. Since you do a shove attack with your disc. Long range shove attack is what I'm going to be doing. Uh, 21 to hit. Yeah, it's my dad. I don't know. He's been working out. See, you successfully knock him off. He's gonna take ten falling damage Dad Dugner never eats shit at the base of the ball He let out a really sad growling We should have put a cocoon under there. Is he saying anything? Give me a perception check. God, it was like a thwack.

It didn't sound right at all. He like face plants like he wasn't fighting for him. I got to do 23. 23, you see the fire in his eyes. In fact, when I'm 23, you see that little bracelet. He's under some kind of spell, yeah. Okay, great, so don't kill him. Let's remove the bracelet.

I'll kill him. If we have to kill him, we'll have to kill him. We were able to remove the bracelet from the pixie. I have one more attack. I'm gonna go in. Don't. Yeah, I'll say with your attack, you could have fallen right at your feet.

Can I use, instead of an attack can I like cut off the bracelet? Yeah, absolutely. Can I just do that as like a free action or something like that? I think it would be like a little attack, right? Because he's he's in a state of possession. He's groaning and flailing. Dr. Nevers, please. Hi, I want this.

This is great. 19. Absolutely. You you lay into this bracelet. In fact, that's almost so high he's gonna take one damage because he has a... My god, you cut through so hard! I don't want to damage your moneymaker, sir. He needs to touch Tred's mom with those hands. He comes to you right to hear that! Um, Mr. Dr. Nevers.

Ah, Davin Exeus, what's going on? Sir, I don't know what happened to you, but you put on a bracelet that made you some sort of emissary of the devil, and I'm very sorry that I had to beat you up. And I'm going to say that now you guys can have Tread's dad's character sheet. He has two hit points left.

I kneel next to my dad and I say, you've hurt yourself, that's what I've heard, but you'll be okay, you have my word, my healing word. And I cast healing word. Tread? Hey doc. What are you doing here? I thought you had a gig.

I yeah. I completely wiggled. It should have sounded more impressive than that, honestly, but I. Oh you're all here. You said that Tread just dropped you off. Yeah we said ever freaked out You're all we were all lying, but you were possessed by the devil and you tried to light the statue on fire

So I feel like you're you're being worse than you have no like yeah Dad last thing I remember is Mac inviting me to the grotto. Oh Yeah, and apparently I think I've the grotto you like freaked out and possessed the better people did did did fiona give you a bracelet as you guys say fiona four fiends come rushing out with little spiked chains they look aggravated they were here to keep people from going after Tread's dad But now they fucking lost their guy. So they are going to all throw fire bolts at this blazing babe effigy Shit are they hawking or tossing?

They're hooking Maverice it's your thing dude That's what I do Maverice, it's your thing, dude. That's what I do. Maverice hocks. Oh my God, one just crit. Yikes. Oh no. Holy shit. Now I'll tell you guys that this Malora Effigy

is vulnerable to fire damage. And I know how many hit points it has. The next one, it hits as well. Oh dear. The next one gets an at one. And the final one gets a three. Okay, so two of them hit and now this has been ignited. So it's going to keep taking more fire damage. Let's free enter initiative. Do we see Fiona? No. Okay. Spree enter initiative. Do we see Fiona? No. Okay. Next in initiative is Mac.

Mac, you see about 30 feet up, these fireballs have ignited the wood of this Melora effigy. You see the flames sort of greedily spreading, producing this unnaturally thick black smoke. What would you like to do? Okay. Everyone is starting to freak out.

This is bad. These guys, especially with that crit, just hit it for a lot of fire damage. Can I reach my hand into the effigy and channel the power of a cool frosty Gatorade and Cast a third level cure wounds on the blazing babe Yeah, I'll let you do that especially since you have like a watery

Divinity Liz beers never watered down You're right actually it's so alcoholic, it should ignite it further. Crisp, cool pills in her pores start spraying out over the fire. Oooh. Do you have like holes in your hands? 18 HP. So you give it 18 HP back, and I'm going to say that that extinguishes the flame. Say it, yes! I cover it in beer. 18 HP back and I'm gonna say that that extinguishes the flame

Cover it in beer. Yeah, let's see seltzer do that. Look at this silver Batman just Can I do a quick look around see if the seltzer spokespeople around yeah, yeah It's a 10 you see the seltzer girls there, but you see that there's actually some friction between the two of them. Are they like participating in trying to burn the effigy? You look over and you see actually next in initiative, the one that you met as Tess is talking to the one Trish. And she's like,

Trish, I actually fucking lied about the fucking wildfirefire I am actually from the scorched plains of fucking hell, and I'm here to bring fucking hell to Bohemia Yes, you are you spread seltzers everywhere! I lied about everything the only thing I didn't lie about Is how much I love Trish's hard seltzer. I knew it and then she consumes the other dry-eye What? Whoa! Traces hard seltzer. I knew it and then she consumes the other dry That was evil it was it was no it was he's a brand ambassador She said she loves it did the seltzer do that. Yeah, of course it didn't corrupt anybody. She's the spokesperson We don't be like a Pillsbury doughboy fucking stab somebody and then you're like, I want a freaking muffin.

No. I don't think you'd do that. Exactly. Mavris, that's your turn. You've got this flaming blazing babe effigy and this infernal from the scorched plains of hell dryad who just revealed her true self to her friend and is infernal from the scorched plains of hell dryad who just revealed her true self to her friend and is going to join the fray.

So you've got these four cackler guys. Didn't you say that you took jars of fermented veggies? We grabbed some beets for the road. You grabbed some because you want to trade them. Do you want to give me an insight check on that? Yeah. I have a nine total. You look at the beets and you think, nah, not for me. Maverick, focus. Stop looking at the vegetables. Dude, you're just looking at beets. What are you doing? There's freaking demons jacking off everywhere.

At least share the beets. Hell is upon us maverick And you're looking at but we need to finish killing it reds dad I'm a quick perception check as to why was treads dad. What was treads dad climbing up to I think you don't need a perception Check it's like you see these little infernal fiend guys coming out their plan was like treads dad Under this sort of charm effect climbs the statue starts lighting it up on fire and they make sure no one can get up there to stop him you guys interrupted him mid climb and we're able to get him down before that even came into play so now these fiend guys are like fuck this

we're gonna take it down ourselves okay okay I guess I'm just gonna do so there's four fiends and then there's also this scorched plain dry I'm gonna just launch a chaos bolt at the The dry ad okay sick, so it even says I hurl Hurl yeah, you can hurl. I make a range spell attack on the target. So let's see what this on the target, so let's see what this, this guy's not treating me right. 18. That hits.

Okay, so I can, I'll roll two two eights and then I can choose the type of damage, I guess. Okay. And then, and a D6 as well, okay. Okay, so that's 18 damage. And I can choose between five and eight, so I guess I'm doing thunder damage. Nice. Thunder?

Should I be immune to fire? Yeah, so you basically throw this thunderous thing, it splinters her branches. She was locked in this kind of tense moment that turned into a devouring of her fucking brand ambassador friend, and you hit her for 18 damage, and she looks at you, knowing where she's fucking going next.

What are you gonna do, eat me? You freak. I just fucking might. Don't. You're scared again. Don't, no. I was kidding, don't. He was joking.

Oh my God, you're gonna do it. Scott, can't anyone joke around anymore? I can't believe you're saying that. I'm fucking kidding. Don't kill me, Mac. Next up. I will hide behind Mac. Next up, you guys see, coming from the hot yoga tent,

three scorching rays. Oh, scorching sheys? Fiona. That's a hit. On who? That's a hit. On who? That's a hit. On the Blazing Babe. Babe. So two hits.

They're trying to... Start the party early. And the Blazing Babe is on fire again. That is Tread's turn. Alright, the bolts that came from the Hot Yoga tent, can I see who's in there? You wanna go run into there? No, so like- Go in there, dude!

There is, it is obscured as if by a fog cloud because of all the steam coming from this hot yoga tent. Oh. Someone is perhaps using this to obscure themselves. I'm gonna aim my guitar over there and sing. Let's clear the room and let's clear it fast. I can smell your doom, cause hungry Dave has gas. What?

The dude just beefed. Oh, did he beef? He beefed in that tent. And I'm gonna cast Stinking Cloud. Ooh, what does that do? You create a 20 foot radius sphere of yellow, nauseating gas. Oh!

Centered on a point within range. The cloud spreads around corners and its area is heavily obscured. Oh my god. The cloud lingers in the air for the duration. Each creature that is completely within the cloud at the start of its turn must make a constitution saving throw against poison.

On a failed save, the creature spends its turn must make a constitution saving throw against poison. On a failed save, the creature spends its action that turn, retching and reeling." Okay, so Tread, you reach into the memory of that septic tank. It coated you in its fragrance. And you summon this stinking cloud. Does she, does anyone in this tent? Does Fiona? Does anyone in this tent do anything this round

or is it just at the top of their turn? I think it's at the top of their turn. Okay, you hear like a feminine cough. Sorry, Dave Tooted. Yeah, that's right. That's so funny. I tooted. Tread, that was a really cool spell, but like you have to come clean with people.

Well, you have to stop hanging out with my fucking dad. You guys say that all these people who watched you guys like be victorious in this pixie fight, watch Tread summon a fart. Why did you make it yellow? I'm yellow, dude. It's a third level fart. Why did you make it yellow? I'm yellow, dude. Fucking third level fart. Pretty powerful. And then that's background to Dave. Okay, cool. So the babe

is on fire. Yeah. The babe, the babe, the babe is on fire. I think Dave's gonna turn his focus to the babe. He's going to like breathe in deep and then unleash a spray of blue Powerade flavored water blast. Okay, on the baby trying to put

it out again. I'll let you Yeah, I'll let you do this like almost like a cure. Oh, sick. Okay. Since you have your like little retainer and you're doing yeah, I think technically it'd be like frost breath. Yeah, yeah. Cool. So I do, I believe 2d 10. So can I do 2d 10 healing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then we'll say that you put out the scorching rays that ignited it That's gonna be eight points of healing Okay, nice. All right. This babe is igniting getting to put out igniting getting put out the audience at this point is like, oh It's tantalizing. That's the best thing about dry July.

And then that is Tread's dad. I can take one more breath weapon or one more normal attack. Okay, cool. Are the imps all gathered around? Are the cacklers? If you had something that was like within 30 feet or 20 feet, you could hit two of them. I only got a 15 foot cone. Yeah, yeah. I think a 15 foot cone, you can get two of them. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to like, I put out the statue and then I like look at two of them go. Hey

I'm just gonna like chase them down That wasn't my fart Came out of his ass it reeks Okay, so I'm going to do Yeah, I'll do another breath weapon on them. So they're going to need to make deck saving throws. 14 is the number to beat. All right, these little fiendish guys go to die for their lives.

One of them gets a 14 exactly. The other one crit. I'm sorry. Okay, so they both take half damage. That's going to be another 2d10. Let me roll that. So they take three damage damage that's going to be another 2d tan. Let me roll that So they take three damage You see that that was significant to these guys, okay And then that is treads dad if you want to do anything with him

You can also just have him if they're taking a lot of damage. Yeah, I Let's send my dad after these guys My dad has a dagger. Whoa, dad! Dr. Nevers. Dr. Nevers has a knife! Oh, Jesus! No, it's definitely a piece of dental equipment. He goes after me.

He's got a hook! A little hook with him. He's got a little hook! You have a gum cleaner. Sir, there are some rotten teeth over here. Fuck him up! Fuck him up, dude! My dad got a 14 to hit

Run away Dr. Nevers With a fiend no Dude I was kidding about killing him. Next up is the fiends. Oh fuck. Can I? Dad. Do I have anything I can do? Three of them go, just shoot fire bolts at this thing.

That's a not one, that's a hit, that's a miss. So they just do a little bit more damage to it cause it's not a crit. But one of them is gonna take a swing at your dad Bring it on come on Got right. He's gonna try and bite your dad. I'm gonna roll in front of trying to bite your dad I'm the dad you're never gonna hit him is 13 that's Biting is between doctor and mrs. Nevers if they decide that's what they're into

That's a hit. All right Okay, I healed my dad back up to full just so you know oh you did yeah, oh amazing So he only takes Six damage that's half of his illustrious. Yes, he'll sure be great. Oh does he? Dad has he'll assure be Wow some stuff. Oh, does he? Yeah. Dad has Hellish Rebuke. Wow. He's got some stuff. Oh yeah, your insurance doesn't cover this.

This guy's gonna try and do a deck save. He gets a two. Okay. D10. It's a nine. Using the magic that Fiona taught him, unleashes a wave of fire and ends this fiend. Yes!

Holy shit, your dad murdered him. Whoa! It's, you treated him like a cavity dad. Dave, did you see that? That's my work dad. You got him like you get gingivitis dude. When you see something's wrong, you gotta extract it. That's a freaking plaque attack my man.

Then that is Mac. Okay. That's a freaking plaque attack my man. Then that is Mack. Okay Tread what does she need to roll to get out of the fart? 16. No like what kind of save? Sorry it can't. Okay sick. All right, you guys fucking owe me for this one. I hold my breath and I run into the stinking tent. What? And then I'm gonna cast bestow curse on her. You touch a creature and that creature must succeed

on a wisdom saving throw or become cursed for the duration of the spell. If she fails this, I wanna give her a disadvantage on con saving throws. Okay, is it a wisdom save you said? Yeah. Okay, she has a plus two to wisdom. She gets a three.

Yes! Yes! Oh! I immediately run back out of the fart room. But yeah, she has a bestow curse on her. So she has disadvantage on consaves? So she's gonna be stuck in the fart room, not being able to do anything except for retch

unless she can pass a consave. After you go in there, you see that she is concentrating on a spell. Whoa. Oh, shit. Okay, next up is this fucking tree that is coming after you, Mavris. Bring it on! Hahaha!

So she has disadvantage on her attack against you, right? Yeah, because I'm wearing my shimmering Batman cloak. Okay. She looks at your shimmering Batman cloak and takes out these like barky claws and rolls with disadvantage. An eight is gonna miss and then she keeps rolling with disadvantage until.

Until she hits me and then that one. Okay, so she has a second attack, but she's like, where are you dude? I'm over here, I am the knight. What are you like fucking scared or dude? I'm over here, I am the knight. What are you, like, fucking scared or something? I'm fucking so scared. He's crowding the Snider Cup. That is a 15 and a 19, so a dirty 20.

Sheel? Nice. Okay, yeah, it's a dirty 20. Would Sheel take you up? Plus five. So I have, wait, I have plus one because of the Blessed Brew, so I'm 16, so I go to 21 with that. So she misses!

Woo! Okay. Yes. Batman on her. That is her whole turn, Maverick, that's your turn. Okay, Maverick. This fucking infernal tree has squared up with you. Infernal, does it seem like fire damage is, like, do I,

what I? Because she's an infernal tree, she's not vulnerable to fire damage like a lot of trees might be. But fire damage is like, do I, what I? Because she's an infernal tree, she's not vulnerable to fire damage like a lot of trees might be. But she's not like, and she's not immune. Okay. All right, broken. Fuck it.

Dude, mouse minut meter. Yeah, that's his thing. If it ain't broke. Batman. Stupid hooks. I'm gonna say that you have to take a opportunity attack to back up to throw it. Okay, yeah.

But you currently have shields. So I have 21, yeah. And she's rolling with disadvantage. I back up full confidence like Bane. She gets a three and a five. God, he's like the fucking knight. I am the knight of meteors. And I'm just gonna hug two meteors to try and outrun her.

Great. Deck 16. Just plus zero to decks. Whoa. I knew it. Stiff joints. A three and a 14, do you damage? Okay, so that's two, four D6.

Oh nice. Do you dang damn. I'll say this right now. You could enter right now Oh, he did good. That's 20 damage Can't roll much better than that. She does not look good. You're fucking meteor stick around they lodge into her bark Okay, and then that is Fiona around, they lodge into her bark. And then that is Fiona. Who has to make a con.

Who's in the fart. Who's in a hot yoga fart. Hey, hey Maverice, I do a Bane impression. Heart was born in the fart. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Stop, dude. That's amazing. It's so funny.

I can't laugh right now. This is a con save? Yeah, with disadvantage. She has a plus one to con. I'm gonna do it in front of the board. Okay. That is a ten. That fails. That fails. She stays choking on farts.

What is the effect that she succumbs to? She spends her turn retching and reeling, not unlike we did in the med tent. Okay, I'm gonna say she loses her concentration, the fiends disappear. Oh shit. Close the flap on that tent. Dr. Nevers, you did it, you defeated them. Fiona, now that you're sniffing farts,

I want you to tell me, I saw somebody else in the freaking bracelet, who was it? That is my mother. Huh? Fierna, she rules the second layer of hell. Oh, shit. I am descendant of her. And I thought if I hijacked this ritual

and manipulated its magic to summon her, she would finally, at long last, acknowledge me as her kin. This was supposed to be a show of my devotion. Okay, this is really hard for us. We didn't realize it was your mom. Yeah, cause like, moms rock and we like really want to support moms. Well some moms might not rock.

It's true, some moms might not rock, but most moms rock. Mother! I feel so bad. Vierna! Come meet your daughter! That's true, some moms might not rock, but most moms rock. Mother! I feel so bad. Vianna, come meet your daughter! I feel like super guilty. Why, but she like manipulated your dad. You manipulated a dentist.

Yes, because I would do anything to finally meet my mother. Okay, that's sad. You're kind of being rude. As she says this, actually, she comes out, she's like, the gig is up, she comes out, she burns with flames and it completely incinerates her silver robes and you see she's just wearing like an infernal breastplate.

The fucking moon cleric was just a fucking act. Why don't you go and meet her instead of having her come here? Because it feels like her coming here is super disruptive to the festival Because this is how I prove myself to her By helping her and you've ruined it Yeah, but I'm just saying like it's one thing to like impress your mom

But you should really find like someone that you want to impress that wants to be impressed by you like I found with Tred's dad What the fuck? That's such a weird thing to say. I don't even understand this! The thing about Tread's dad is that- She's retching also. Yeah, the farts stink everywhere. You smelled a lot of farts. You smelled so much farts.

It's just absolutely in your nose. You don't understand, there's hot rocks in there and they're just like- And they melted the farts. Yeah, I know, I was in there for a split second It was rank but Tread's dad would never make Tread like have to do fucked up stuff to make him show up That's true. Yeah, he'd never like forced me to do dentist stuff. He lets you play your gigs at Piggly Wiggly Yeah, he was supportive of that even though it wasn't actually happening Yeah, you guys are saying this we are going to have to stay in initiative because she is still up and you've still got This Demon tree, okay?

She's retching in a fart cloud It was Dave my song wasn't me, but honestly at this point I wish it was because that's such a powerful spell, and I'm really excited for my boy I'm gonna work on making my farts like that. I'm gonna eat some really rancid shit. Please don't. Dave, do you want to commit to that? You don't have to. It's a talent in a farting rank.

Dave, just think so carefully. Your farts are already off. Dave thinks about the phrase breath weapon and then replaces breath with butt. It works. I simply won't do that. No. Tread, it's your turn.

This woman, I mean, she's been incapacitated by this horrifying smell. You've got this tree from the scorched plains of hell that's trying to 1v1 Maverice and can't do jack shit. The battlefield is in your favor. Right. So, oh yeah. Do you need a hand? I'm scared, but I'm unhurt. Yeah, I guess I'm not that afraid of the fart sniffer.

So maybe I'll, yeah, I'm gonna witch bolt the tree. And I have a new song and it goes a little something like, what's the point in yelling? What's the point in fighting? How could you stand up to a witch's lightning? Ooh, yeah. Oh baby, that's a 26 my freaking Robin yeah freaking Chris O'Donnell over here I'm Clooney 14 damage to the tree Two hit points left. Yes! Another fucking bolt. I rolled three d12s. You killed the Sultra Smoke's person.

I cry and I embrace Dread. You lied to me! To the light side. You lied to me! At this point, the wildfire druids, like you've turned the tide of the fight enough that they can kind of come out, apprehend this woman. They're gonna handle this elsewhere.

They're gonna get her into the therapy tent with her mom. Amber, the Amber Emissary's like, again, I really don't wanna actually have to have an interaction with you because- It's okay. What? You can talk to us if you want. Thank you.

I realize it's intimidating because we saved this thing like three times. Thank you again. Yeah, we held her in a fart. I can't believe you came up to us and said, started with that. I just, I keep trying, I keep coming over over saying I'm gonna thank them for saving the day and then you make me regret Yeah, Dave is already on the ground playing with her dog

What we're gonna take care of this um you guys fucking save the day Shit I'll try not to say anything stupid, Aang. I was born in the fart. Whoa. Wait, yeah, let me, let me try. Okay, it happens, I regret it. You were born in the fart. I regret it. Okay, I'm walking away.

Jay? I'm walking away so I can remember US heroes, not losers. Okay, so Amber brings the Amber Emissaries, they escort Fiona away. And Tred, your dad, who just narrowly escaped this battle, thanks very specifically to your healing song. He turns to you, regret welling up in his eyes, and he says,

ah, Tred, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. Yeah, I know. I just, I met Fiona and she thought I had potential. And you know, you're so good at magic and I don't know. Next thing I know I'm climbing effigies and, you know, and danger and everyone. They were using you as like an acolyte.

Dad. So that she could summon her mom. Yeah, it's not your fault, Dad. It's like, you just wanted to learn magic to be close to me, but I just want you to be like boring and hang out with mom. That's all I need.

And Dave. Yeah, like I don't want you to have any hobbies or hang out with my friends, you know? I love you, Dad. I love you, Tred. He gives you a big hug. Love is love. It's all love out here.

It's all love out here. I give another bottle opener to somebody. Wait, is Amber still nearby? She's trying to not be seen by you. Amber, wait. Oh, Amber. Amber nearby? She's trying to not be seen by you. Amber, wait. Oh Amber. Amber.

Maverick needs you. Hang on. Sorry, okay. I just have a question. Yeah. About the blazing babe. Is it possible that we, I mean like, have the curses been lifted?

When can we light her? Yeah, and like, is it almost August 1st? I do need you all to, if you wanna help this happen, I mean, we've apprehended the person who is responsible for all the weird shit that was going on, but I do have one more favor I can ask of you. Okay. Anything. Can you guys fucking party until dawn?

Oh. Yeah, but I just have to go into my tent really quick at midnight and I'll come back out. We have to take a quick break at like 1159, but like if we're otherwise good to go. We'll be back out at 1202. Let's start drinking. Wine pong, Jenny, where are you?

I got six bottles of rusty grease, who's ready? Yeah, you were into wine. Wait, I'm gonna open my fermented vegetables. Okay, okay, you opened the fermented vegetables. Give me a dexterity saving throw. That is an eight. An eight? You take five acid damage and you keep taking it until someone wipes it off of you.

Help! I got you, I got you. I lick it off. Lick it off! What? Yeah dude, no. Delicious. Fucking so good. Don't waste a bit. Spicy. Spicy. That's how you party!

Yes! So that is it. You guys saved the babe. You saved how you party. Yes. So that is it. You guys saved the babe. You saved the blaze. What do you guys want to do with the rest of your evening before dawn? I want to do a wine pong with Jen with two heads. And I want to tell my dad that it's all right if he

has to go back home. OK, what do you want to do? I remember those moon elves were sandboarding and that seems pretty dope. so I try that out. Great. You want to do wine pong with Jen with two ends? Yeah. You sidle up to Jen with two ends.

She is incredible. You just saved the day. Make a performance check to see how well you socially interact with this divorcee. You can do it with advantage because you just saved the blaze. Oh shit. 17?

Honestly, you kind of wow her. Holy shit. You do the perfect amount of letting her win, but then still win in the end. Wow. Holy shit. You do the perfect amount of letting her win, but then still win in the end. Wow. Wine pong's like, it's like almost as fun as beer pong. And I thought this, um, Pino Noir was, uh, dry.

Oh my God. I did too. Tread comes out of the tent. Forward full body. You know, I've always wanted to get into beer. Is that right? Tread comes out of the tent and says, Mac, it's your turn to jerk off in there. What are you doing, dude? I'm just saying I finished, the LL Bean is still in there.

No, no, no, no, no. I've looked into the back back page. There's a little bit of guy going on there. He didn't say any of the things. Happy August, Jen. What you want? And Trey, do you want to talk to your dad? Oh yeah.

You just want to convince him to go home early? No, you know what? I want to tell my dad that I'm going to put on a show for him. It's maybe not as good as the Piggly Wiggly, but yeah, here's a couple of new songs that I'm working on. Okay, you take out your guitar, you start playing, give me a performance check. Okay. Oh wait, that's my dad's character sheet.

Can we help him? Oh no, I think I got it. What would you like to do to help him? Oh no, I think I got it. What would you like to do to help him? I sing along because I was at the Piggly Wiggly show last time. So I think I know all the tunes. Mac sings along, gives you the help action. Okay. It's going to be a 29.

Yes! Fred, you gather, not a small crowd, a significant crowd. Oh my god. A crowd that's maybe bigger than could fit in the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly, and your dad fucking watches you, like, so proud. And you even see that he sings along with a couple songs as if he's been listening through the wall

as you've been writing them. It's a hogkish miracle. Dave, what did you want to do? Dave wanted to try out sandboarding because he remembered it looked cool. Great. You go out. Can we say that I like soar past the moon as the song is playing? Happy hugs to all.

I do all a good tug. It's a 17. Dave, you soar across the sky as Dread is performing for his dad, as the sun is broaching the horizon. Oh shit. And as it explodes on the horizon, the wildfire druids light this babe on fire.

It explodes into flame. And Mavris, as this magic smoke curls around, maybe it was the long day, the dramatic sidebars. You feel your eyelids get heavy. You kind of drift into another dream. Another smoky void. Thick smoke moving in slow motion like it's underwater or something. Then the sound of boots approaching. The smoke parts just enough to reveal an elven woman. Tall, ageless face, purple eyes and purple cloak. Goggles perched atop curly black hair. A long thin pipe. Murph, would you be so kind as to read something I've written? Oh!

I've had to make a few amendments based on Maverick. Oh shit. I need to remember her voice. Hello? Mavris Bombera. We haven't met yet, but I am Alanis, the legendary wizard of Bohemia. Uhhhh... okay? I come to you because I have made a dire mistake and only you can help.

Bohemia was under threat, and in assessing the threat, Because I have made a dire mistake and only you can help. Bahumia was under threat and in assessing the threat, I created a series of alternate timelines with the help of some wish stones. Most timelines I was able to loop back to the primary timeline. Unfortunately, there was one branch that took on a life of its own. A rogue timeline. I come to you because the point of divergence is you. In the primary timeline, your friend Carl decides to go to Gladehome University, causing your friend group to descend into chaos, drama, and, a word I don't fully understand, sidebars. I do. Yeah.

If that makes sense. In order to escape the drama, you transfer to Gladeholm. You become a hero in that timeline. But your friendship with your boys does not survive. No. Your absence sets off a chain of vitriolic sidebars. Again, a word I don't fully understand. And the friendship fractures irreparably.

In the rogue timeline however, you stay with your friends and forgo your academic ambitions at Gladehome. I don't pretend to understand the significance of this rogue timeline, why it persists, why it can't be looped, why it can't be scryed, but I must do everything in my power to minimize its threat. The stability of the primary timeline is now dependent on the stability of the rogue timeline. Via powerful divination, I have learned that the key to that stability is you and your boys. And the key to the stability of you and your boys is actually you. Despite all evidence to the contrary, Coral, or Coral as you call him, is not the rock

of this friend group. In this primary timeline, it is actually your departure, your absence that ultimately dooms it. Mavris, I believe it is possible that you may be the rock this friend group i fucking knew it maverice bombora of the party plane you are at the precipice of the divergence point whereby you may enter the rogue timeline for the stability of all of bohemia i'm asking you to put aside your academic ambitions at Gladeholm University done

Wait hear me out the late nights in the library the essays and exams Okay, the postgraduate studies and hard-fought tenure. He said he's out I need you to forego all of that and just kind of hang out with your boys Will you do that for me maverice? Will you enter the rogue timeline? Like right now? Maverice, before you answer, actually, the dark, sulfurous smoke that you reached out to chokes her vision away. And you hear the voice from your dream. What she doesn't know is you already have entered

the rogue timeline, child of my child. And with that, we'll enter the multiverse of Maverick. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And that's where we'll end our session. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

And that's where we'll end our session and someone makes a bad mini campaign. Oh, fuck! Yes! Wow. Chills, legit chills. Oh, the promise. Mavris can die now.

The promise of the future. We can kill Mavris. If he dies in the multi-forms, he dies in real life. Oh, man. Oh real life! Oh man. Oh god. Absolutely incredible. Thank you so much for listening. Zach, thank you for being on.

Yes, oh my god. This has been our most fun run. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming in. It was really wonderful. Excited to explore the multiverse. Yes.

The multiverse of Madras. Oh my god. I can't wait. And now, let's thank our benevolent council of elders. They are, Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater,

Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff Z, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Beardman Dan, Carpe Liam, Bryant, who is worthy of a first class grinching, Daniel G. Danielle The Dastardly Dame. Beardman Dan. Carpe Liam.

Bryant, who is worthy of a first class grinching. Victor T. Balnor's boy. Hoyt's friend, Justin I. Danny Danster. TJM. Trelai The Cray. Christopher B. Damiel R. Jordan L.

Cyborg version of Josh the Kobold. Targot. Stevie Wags. Hellish Rebukeur PhD. Princess Yar Jori S, Rachel from Animorphs, Jack L, Nicholas C, Star of Every Film Ever Made in Bohemia, Mike Hightower,

Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F., Knee Badger, Heradrian, Carboro Chapel Hill, FPV, Rex Daniel, The White, Cece Lulou, Ol' Cobb's Dunkle,

Older Burn, Hericule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R. Braco, Calder Comes Cold, Shout Out to the Cold Cum Companions, Frosty Facial, Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel, Cass Strong Grinch, Stephen CanRageLast4ForYears, C, Mike K, LadyTaco, Ya Girl Got Knocked Up, Congrats. Nick W. William W. Big Bad Beardo The Mad. Eric McD.

Anorama. Percival. Fredrick Stein von Muscle Klawowski D. Rolo, The Third. J. Dragonborn. Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock. Flux Rue. Ben A. Dave H. Dustin S. Danny F. Hawkekeye Pierce Bookfars Assistant Izzy F Big Bad John DPC is Awesome Hashtag Honor the Cock Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zelbladar Summer RG Cat C

Mesa of House Inzunza Ariel the Occasional Mermaid Selena N aka Velaisey Raptor, BPerkyAlways, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Feywild Therapist, Connor Savage, Saleel, Bioquart7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat Was Innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People, Under Iron Deep, Dressed in Blue and Fighting His Way Through a Bracket Style Tournament, V Vaelyn, Paj, the bitchin' bunny bard, Carlin C, Noah, the Bullywug boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bagel, the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Daddy Master Dandy, Han, Eric, B, Marcos, learns the balance druid, Pago's self-proclaimed fake king, asking you to watch The Disruptors starring Ali Beardsley and Grant O'Brien.

Maggie, Holly, the green laughing hyena finally caught up to the duck team. Akash, Thakkar, Cal, just Cal. Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing? Yes every time. Cody, C, Lorelai the succubi and Kira the succulent snack. McKenna Stout your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yunkle. Andrew and Sid. John Adams the right-in candidate. Meg the mail carrier manager of Bohemia. James F. Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them. Turn to page 42. Keep them. Turn to page 69. Shane C. Barpo goodbarrel Bard Baryon. Welsh Lander, Garrett G. One Big Curd. Renee the Monster Captain, Box Clifton, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric who are playing Stick It to the Man down with the Monarchy. Winter S. Fico, Garrett the Artificer,

Damon J. Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, J. The fairies say, ca-caw, congratulations to Susanna and Caldwell on their new baby, damn right. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi H. Roger L. No-Drog, the pass-of-fist barbarian. Gino T. Gianluca. Tristan the talentless hunk. Genetigans O'Connor.

Mios the Great, Joshua S. Alexander, Linz W., Johnny Dude K., Pavu Eskinoor the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Tim M., a catnapping innocent being

listening to a podcast, MLG Cheeto, C Jam Hampton, Shell B., Ken is now first favorite sprite girl, Tris Hard Seltzer, more like Piss Hard Seltzer. Congrats to the Tanner and Wolf fam. Jackson R Snailis, who's infecting Worcestershire for it within.

Captain Morgan Pirate Wizard, Pawpaw Skydays, Mima Skydays, Megan and Anthony B. Savannah H Balnor's best friend Steve. Stephanie of House Inzunza. Benjamin A. Gimli the Corgi. Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend. Mickle A. Josh H. Pilot of the Nightmare verse Flight. Froakie, the two crew, blew through. Jennery, Ethan the mailman, Maple the shy bookworm. Ashesaurus, Seth E. Billy B. Tori the tungsten, Dragoose.

Michael L. S. the second, Jacob the purveyor of shenanigans, Carl B. Pl the Tungsten Dragoose Michael L.S. the Second Jacob the purveyor of shenanigans Carl B. Plumber of the realm Dex Riddlewell Hannah A. Ra AceDrags Highlord of Critsburg Darius D. The Guy from That One Thing Troy's Mom Vin Diagram GKC Teehee Teehee Catamelius the Consumed, Bart of Holding, Clinton P., Thankful Cam, The Frog Man, Dean, Jake W., Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, The Choose Your Own Adventure Writer, Not The Porn Star, Steve L., Alex G.,

Zibby DaBackerie, Nicole, Katerina C., Lady Jacqueline P., of Castle, White Stone, and of course, Potato, Punk. Thank you everybody. That was a hate gum podcast. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink,

and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only.