Not As We Planned - 50. All He’s Bringing To The Table Is Chlamydia

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

A man’s side of the story, the getaway escape, catching your partner paying for prostitutes and do you tell your friend their husband is cheating Producer: Tristan Hehir City Lights by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-officialMusic promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.comCreative Commons / Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-ND 3.0)https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/3.0/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hi, it's Tash and Carly, and you're listening to Motherhood, not as we planned. So get comfy, grab a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and let's start talking about all the things too many of us avoid discussing. Hi guys! Tash told me I look like a cushion. The only reason why I'm saying you look like a cushion is because for anyone that can see it, Carly's top is exactly the same print as the cushion. So it's like a blending. Blending.

I'm on trend. I'm on vibe. Yeah. Cushion vibes. Anyway, guys. Hey, welcome back. If you're not already listening and subscribed to our Patreon episode, go and do it because you're missing out on some juicier some golden nuggets yeah some good stuff um and if you aren't then

can you at least please leave a review up for this one on apple subscribe follow like yada yada we've had some really lovely shares yeah thank you in the world so let's just dive straight in with like a little update of our week i'm gonna have a little rant do it let's go yeah can i run look cool i shared a tiktok on a video of co-parenting like a holiday like and it pretty much was like point of view rather than staying unhappily married for the kids be happily divorced okay and some of the comments have fucked me off people putting and these are the people that i feel like create and still leave there being a stigma for single parents because some people have been pushing things like

no let's not um because someone commented being really nice saying like let's normalize this like how lovely blah blah blah and someone else commented being like no let's not normalize this let's normalize um persevering and staying because um it damages the kids and it's just like oh my god like how narrow-minded and naive are you like why would i i did persevere i fucking begged for the bare minimum why would you want someone to do that why do i want to stay in a relationship that is toxic that isn't good for my mental health and that is showing my kids completely the wrong example of what a good and healthy relationship is yeah and it just pisses me off because i even replied being like what a naive comment some people really struggle and feel a lot of guilt leaving an abusive relationship and eventually they do and

they should be proud and the person replied being like if they're in an abusive relationship call the police it just it just it it winds me up because i feel like being a single parent is empowering don't ever feel like you have done the wrong thing leaving your family or walking away from something that wasn't serving you because it's damaging your kids because that is not how it that's not what it is. You, if anything, are being strong enough to lead a life on your own, regardless of the fears of doing it on your own, to be a better person for your children, to bring them up in a healthy and happy

and loving environment. To show them, that's it. Like we've said it before, kids are sponges. They absorb the environment they're around. I'm sorry, if they're around a toxic environment and that's how they're being brought up that's also what they then believe a relationship should look like so when they're older and they're seeking relationships they'll think that is okay they'll think that's acceptable so actually we're setting the example to our children early on i wanted to almost reply to this person and say like i would never say this

but i feel sorry for your children because you're obviously happy to set an example that like, stay regardless of the shit that you get dragged through stay because it's better for your children no it's fucking not, so fuck you, you annoying fucker fucker Yeah, I don't really have anything else to report

for my week other than you're a cushion. Jo, I have been doing this week. I fell off the bandwagon a bit with it. And again, I think it's like the overwhelm of like doing it all. But I used to write a lot. I used to read a lot. And I've really started to make it an effort to read again in the evenings.

What are you reading? Attached. just got Burmese yeah I reordered it I'm hoping I don't I'm taking it on holiday which I know is really optimistic going on holiday but yeah sleep they might um but like I'm even thinking like they play really nicely together I'm thinking I'm just gonna go with it no pressure it's a year it's a year they are a year older than last time to the date I'm taking really so like I'm just gonna I don't even bother taking a book last year and at a time that was a wise decision amazing I'm taking one book this year and it's really interesting for those i don't know if we've spoken about this book before but it is basically about the different kinds of attachments in relationships and it's very apparent to me that

since coming out of my marriage that i do i have had an anxious attachment and i think it's quite normal when you've been through like trauma and stuff like that like but it's really nice to read something and identify with something and obviously there's ways in which you can learn how to be more secure secure so that's the thing I'm really working towards and again I've already mentioned I'm doing this course and I don't feeling really optimistic about like I'm just feeling that in a really positive place of my relationship I'm feeling we've had some really um big conversations recently um the thing I really value about this at the moment is that I feel like all the conversations that should have been done in a marriage and like I'm having

now in a relationship after a year and I really value that so much because I feel like we're such a team and we're so good at like listening to each other and communicating and even when we might make a mistake in terms of how we do that we're able to kind of learn from that and be like right next time I'm gonna do this better and I just find it really refreshing to be able to sit and like i don't know like we're both learning this is new to us like it's again like we're both in a relationship now where sometimes we feel like it's not just two people like we've both got ex husbands and wives and children and there are more factors to think about and I think it's even more important that you are able to come together

because there will be like things that are thrown your way and you've got to navigate it together rather than getting cross about things or I don't know like being upset with not spending as much time with them you've just got to be there and support each other and just understand that one day it won't be this difficult

one day the kids will be grown up and you know like this is so temporary right now i thought i think i said it before like the days are long but the years are short you just try to like live in the moment and deal with what you can and yeah yeah yeah should we get on with some emails we saw some that we email we saw one from a man that we felt like we should start with and guys guys, if you are listening, the men out there, send them in. Don't be scared. We don't bite. Okay.

Are we ready? Yeah. Male listener, how I found you and why I listen. Pay attention. There's a fly on my shoulder. There's a fly on my shoulder. There's a hole in my bucket. My dad loves it. It's a hole in my bucket my dad loves it for our rising childhood nostalgia

anyway male listener here I discovered your podcast a few weeks ago and just caught up like guys we know that our son male is listening please write in share your stories because we do come from a very heavily dominant woman's point of view and stories.

And a lot of them are the same. And we don't want to paint this awful picture that all men are dicks, because we know they're not. Some women are. Some women are too. And we want to hear those stories. Not just stories about women, but we want to hear your stories. You are just as important to us as our female listeners. So please write in.

We want to hear definitely from more of you um i heard the episode wanting to hear from male listeners and well here is my story sorry it's a long one 2024 has been a rough year for me i've lost a good friend of 10 years over personal differences and then my best friend of 15 years due to an untimely death on top of that i realized just how unhappy i've been in my marriage. Our son is eight and autistic. It has been very challenging and draining raising him, but we get by. Over these past eight years, we drifted apart. My wife stopped wanting to do things together. We were intimate less and not just sex. She wasn't interested in kissing or cuddling, and we just lost all connection. I saw us as two different people.

I, as someone who could handle the stress and challenge of being a parent, husband, person and having a full-time career while she couldn't. My wife has been in therapy for about six years and gets help. She started after we realised she was suffering from severe postnatal depression. PPD? PPD? Prenatal postpartum depression. Which nearly ended our marriage when our son was two and I told her she needed to get help or I was leaving. I know that sounds harsh but it was a rough time for both of us and I still tear up when I think too hard just how awful things were between us. She worked on herself and got better and when

COVID hit I was swamped with work for the next couple of years and then I blinked and it's the start of 2024 and I realised I don't feel fulfilled in this marriage anymore. I noticed my thoughts wondering about what it'd be like to date other women. This was far more than a little crush, this was me thinking about what if something happened between my wife and I, would I be interested then? That is when I knew I had to figure my stuff out at home. We've been going to couples therapy for a few months now. She started to work full time again. Bills were a big stress and things have gotten somewhat better, but something still feels off for me. At times I think we'll figure it out and others I think we're just two different people now and I have a hard time seeing her as someone

I can have fun with. I know things can't go back to the way they were before our son was born but I'm having a hard time reconnecting and I worry we left our marriage unattended for too long for it to be safe for me she's all in still and sees me as her person but I don't know if she's mine anymore I found you all via your episode reasons to stay or leave and I fell in love with your podcast right away I find myself very alone right now and hearing you two and all the stories you share to be comforting it reminds me that others are in similar situations whilst this isn't nearly as bad as some of the stories you shared it's that tough gray area where there isn't obvious what should I do I worry about making the wrong decision. Am I over or underestimating that

the grass is greener? I know relationships settle down from the high of the newness, but am I underestimating or overestimating how much should be left after 10 plus years? I broke up with my college girlfriend of three years because I thought the grass was greener, and it wasn't. I don't want to make that mistake again, but I feel it paralyzes me at times. And it's even more scary without my best friend, someone who would have been the first phone call if something bad happened between my wife and I. I have other friends, but she was the type of friend who called into work the next day so she could support me. So yeah, that is my story. I'm trying to give my relationship time and attention, and hopefully we can schedule a getaway, just the

two of us, in the next few months. But in the meantime, I love listening to your podcast. Thanks. I don't know you all, but I already love you too. Do you know what? I've got to be honest. I feel like I can really understand what you're saying. I think a lot of people probably go through.

a lot of people probably go through and I think that it's that fine line between when people then stray make the mistake and there's no going back or they leave respectfully without doing any damage or they communicate it discuss it and really work hard and I feel like yes you're going to therapy but unless you just have been quite vague it doesn't sound like you've genuinely turned around and told how you actually feel you might have in therapy and if you have and you're still not getting anything like you've said that she's all in like you're her person the grass isn't always greener like sometimes what you've got right in front of you is is good you just marriage and relationship aren't easy like it's I think we read a story it might even be in the episode that's out today or last week where like they really didn't think that they'd be able to get back like to where they were and

they did and they're even better and you you she probably won't be the person and you guys won't be the people that you were before a child but maybe you could be better I think you need to for me I think I'd always want to know that I did everything I could to really try and not even necessarily get back to where you were because maybe that's not an option maybe you can just be different but better I think it is doing things like date night taking a trip away like having a child with autism I can only imagine the strain that must also have on both of you like really really delve deep and talk about how you feel um yeah I agree I think marriage takes work marriage isn't something and love isn't something that just

exists and grows and stays you have to put time and work into it and I think actually where you're at the moment is a really interesting place because you've not acted on any of your thoughts you've you're experiencing them and that's okay but I think that communication is going to be absolutely key and knowing that you've had those hard like it sounds like you have had it harder than a lot of people you know having a child with additional needs is incredibly difficult and of course that's going to add strain on your marriage and i don't know i i think for me as well the fact you're going to therapy is amazing but i think you need to also make sure you are really committed and open to um experiencing that fully rather than i feel like some people go to therapy with the mindset this isn't going to work for us but i can tick a box and say we try therapy

conjure i think you have to make sure you're going in and your your intent to go to therapy is to save your marriage yeah we'll do everything you put in that email are you saying that to her like does she know how you're feeling if the answer is no you need to open up to her more and it's like not in a way of like, look, I'm thinking of leaving you, more like explain your concerns. What can we do as a team to get us in a better place? I think it might be helpful for you

to even like make a list of like, so what are my needs? And what needs of mine aren't currently being met? I think until you know what it is you're missing, like, is it that physical reconnection? Is it the is it more than that is it quality time I think you need to figure out what it is you need so you know what to ask for I think without really knowing what it is and you know look like marriage having kids changes dynamics it changes the sparks harder to find and feel again but i i do genuinely believe that if you nurturing you're watering that seed daily and you're putting in

that effort and you're committed to doing the work then that's going to give you the answer and i think you need to i know we often talk about, we don't have a lot of time and wasting time, but I don't think that is. I think if you invest a significant amount of time in really trying with this, you'll have your answer. But I do think you need the time. And this also does come down to the communication.

Like Carly said, like don't be vague and just say, just don't feel like this is good at the moment. Like be specific. Like what do you want from her what may she need from you and really try and like deliver that so there's hope there and if if you want it then you can salvage it i think keep us updated and thank you so much for emailing in okay this is called help why can't i leave after he had a two-year affair with his best friend's girlfriend? Scandalous.

Oh, I know. Hey, girls. Love your podcast so much and I'm absolutely loving the new episodes on Patreon. I would really appreciate any words of advice, so I would love if you can read this out on the pod so I can hear your thoughts. Love you both. Sorry it's an extremely long one. Everyone says that. Okay. I'm 18 months post separation but I'm still struggling to move on to give you a bit of a back story 18 months ago I finally got evidence after months of suspicions that my fiance let's call him T partner of 16

years was having an affair with his best friend's now ex-girlfriend t became close friends with his best friend's girlfriend over the years that his best friend was in a relationship with let's call her h oh god this is gonna get really confusing okay t will constantly be on the phone to h all i would overhear is them checking in and asking how each other's days were i mean that in itself was so fucking weird can you imagine no your husband or your partner just suddenly like being on the phone like to his best friend's girlfriend i'd be like um i did think it was a little odd how much t spoke to her but i thought i was just reading something into it as t would tell me that she was just a good friend to him so I put my suspicious thoughts to the back of my head. It was his best

friend's girlfriend at the end of the day so he surely had loyalty to him if not me. T remained great friends with H after they split. Oh so H and T's best friend split up. I made it clear I wasn't comfortable with how close he was with H. He told me I was crazy. Oh, they always do. That they were just friends and I was being controlling for trying to tell him who he could be friends with. Not wanting to cause any more arguments since we had just welcomed our baby boy into the world,

I accepted what he told me. That infuriates me so much. Like, gaslighting bastard. All came to head in November 22 when T forgot my 30th birthday. What? What a fucking terrible partner. How do you forget something? We'd been together for 15 years and yet he woke

up and left the house at any other day without even wishing me a happy birthday. Everything was really downhill from this point. We argued. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to marry me anymore. I handed him my engagement ring back and he refused to speak to me for three weeks straight despite us continuing to live together. I was finding so many things that proved he was having an affair but I was gaslit over things that proved he was having an affair but I was gaslit over and over again so I desperately wanted to believe what he told me. I ignored all the signs. I ignored the makeup on his collar, the questionable stains inside his boxers, the receipts from Mills Out, parking tickets with another car registration number on it.

He always had excuses and answers for everything. Relatable. I didn't want our relationship to be over and we agreed to try and make things work. That we would put more effort into one another, get through Christmas as a family, see how we were in the new year. It's always that period, isn't it? January 23, my friend was coming round for the evening and T said he was going to go and get some food with a male friend. I set up the whole operation to catch him out as my gut told me he was lying.

Gut is never, ever, ever, ever, ever wrong. Never. I disconnected the Wi-Fi at our house to disable the CCTV camera so he couldn't see what i was doing i had two friends out in separate cars attempting to find him when i got the call from one of my friends to say he'd just been seen pulling up to h's house i jumped in my car left my friend at home to watch my baby and drove faster than i ever have to her house which was over 30 minutes away from where i lived i made it in just under 20 minutes I can only imagine the speeding I was running so high on adrenaline I kept my cool I calmly walked straight into her

house without even knocking they both denied anything was going on that they were just friends and that the reason T had to lie to me is because I had told him I wasn't comfortable with their friendship. I told him not to come home and he didn't. He stopped the night at hers instead. The next few months are all a bit of a blur. I listed our house for sale. He continued to deny anything was going on and would tell me I was acting crazy. We didn't need to sell the house and that they were just friends but I knew I wasn't crazy. I knew it was more than that. My head was all over the place. I knew he was lying to me but I still craved him and still blindly wanted to believe that what he was telling me was true. To the outside world, to my friends and my family, I was strong and was going ahead with the separation but behind closed doors he

still had a hold on me. I would cook dinner for him at night. We would sit cuddling on the sofa. We would have sex together even though I was convinced he was having an affair with H. He fell asleep while scrolling through TikTok one night and I took the opportunity to go through his phone since it remained unlocked. I locked myself in the bathroom and spent the next half an hour videoing his phone screen whilst scrolling through their entire WhatsApp conversation.

I didn't read all the messages in detail at the time but from what i did read i knew what i suspected all along was happening any normal person would have gone back into the room and kicked off not me after months of being gaslit he had sent me crazy i placed his phone gently back into his hand and woke up to go to bed we had sex that night I felt like I needed to prove that he was really a piece of shit and was playing her just as much as he was playing me when I confronted him the following evening he began to cry and told me he couldn't talk about it right now he offered no sorry no explanation no conversation at all I was so strong at this point I didn't cry

I got myself ready left him at home with our son and went out for the evening to enjoy myself. It should have surely been at this point that I realised enough was enough and to walk away for good. I now had my own house, but I lacked the strength to keep away from him. We continued in a constant cycle of him grovelling his way back, me being suspicious and making accusations, Buster fall out and then make up again. I was craving having that family unit for my little boy. Despite the affair, the gaslighting and emotional abuse,

I just couldn't let him go. January 24, he fell asleep again while scrolling TikTok. So again, took the opportunity and again, I found messages between him and H. I wrote him up immediately this time and asked him politely

to get the fuck out of my house. I was left heartbroken again and it was after this i finally decided to reach out to h she told me that they first slept together in 2019 what as a one-off but the affair started shortly after my baby boy was born we exchanged stories compared lives we were both told and both realized he was playing both the best while myself and T are no longer together, he is also not in a relationship with H either, as far as I am aware. Now she's with someone else. He no longer sleeps over, but he has continued to spend time at my house so he can spend time with his son. I struggle to keep boundaries and constantly find myself in a position where we're snuggling on the sofa. I'll cook him dinner. We

message throughout the day as if we're in a relationship I know I will never trust him and that I deserve so much more and I know he will never respect me enough to treat me right but yet I find myself in the same situation where he is a huge part of my life even though I know he doesn't deserve to be again he seems remorseful but I can't help but think I'm just the easy option H has moved on and he's settling for being with me. I want out. I want to move on. I want to be in a relationship where I'm respected and loved, but I just can't find the strength to cut him off. He is all I have ever known. We got together when we were 14, so I just don't know life without him. How do you find the strength to walk away?

Any advice would be really appreciated, girls. Thanks again, girls. Thanks for being my secret therapy. I think it's really similar to what we said said before I don't know if it was in last week's episode where I was just like I just want to grab her and shake her because it's so obvious and I really feel like you looking at the other girl and that she's moved on and that she's with someone else should really just show you what it could be like obviously I don't know if her relationship with a new person is good but she's done the right thing by letting go of someone that's disrespected her that's lied to her like time again it's it's not just it's just years 2023 it broke down they set together 2019 yeah like that's four years yeah you're you're just wasting precious years of your life with

someone that is just doesn't respect you doesn't it's giving you the fucking bare minimum i mean he's not even giving you the bare minimum he's not yeah no i don't even mean he's not giving you the bare minimum he's giving your cookie he's getting fucking dinners from you and cuddles. And sex. And I just think that you need to, look, I've said it before. People stay until they're really ready. Because if you stay before you're ready, you're in, actually, you're in that cycle. You're currently in that cycle of you don't yet have the strength to completely walk away.

And it just saddens me because nothing's going to change and the only way it can change is by you setting those boundaries which I know you're saying you're really struggling to set but what's yeah it's up to you like you have the power to take control and change things and until you feel ready to there's there's not much advice we can give because I think you know what you need to do I think the thing for me I want you to really like listen to is we we hear a lot of stories of women who can't let go who and let's be honest like the hardest part is walking away the hardest part is worrying about starting over about being on your own about doing it alone about managing finances about child care about everything there's so many concerns that come with it

but I want you to look at all the amazing stories we share and even our own stories and we've both had the courage to walk away from marriages that were not serving us and were not treating us in a way that we were being respected and loved in the right way and not to like dull on you or me or anyone else for that matter we're not special we're not these specially strong people who are made of magic dust who can just get over things for yourself um but who can do just have this this power to just be fine and move on like we all have the capacity and the strength within us and i remember at the start of like my marriage breakdown like I was like I don't know if I'm actually I can physically do this I was so low and I've not

always been as strong as I am but everyone's always like how did you like how did you find the strength like you just do you find a strength you didn't know you have but it's all deep buried within you and you have that in you like every single person who's listening to this I guarantee you are so much stronger than you've probably ever had to be probably stronger than you ever knew you had the capacity to be and I promise you if you just hold on to the fact that the hardest bit is making that decision it's walking away it's setting those boundaries sticking to it sticking to those boundaries and just knowing yes it's going to be so hard to begin with it's gonna hurt surely this is hard yes surely what you're pushing yourself through at the moment is is unpleasant it's

hating the anxiety am i like do you know what i remember being all the reasons why you don't want to leave is all based on fear like it is like you stay because the fear of all different aspects but there was something so refreshing however heartbroken I was at the beginning where I could go to bed at night knowing that I didn't have to worry about checking someone's phone wondering where they were when they were going to come home what they were doing were they lying was i going to get a message from someone else giving me information that i didn't want to know like that anxiety makes you ill and it is not it does make you ill it's not worth it

like it that is not what life is about and i think you know what you need to do and i really hope that you eventually find the courage to do it because he just doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve it. So thank you for emailing in. Please keep us updated. Hopefully we get an update soon that you have told him to. Third date, great escape. We need a bit of dating. Okay. absolutely love your podcast i find it so relatable and always have a listen when i'm getting my youngest

tonight i have a bit of a dating horror story that i wanted to share with you this was prior to me getting married and having children back when i was young free and single i met a guy in a night out and wasn't that keen but had recently been through a breakup and was in my rebound era. I thought I'd maybe go on a date with him as my friends and family were telling me to get myself back out there. We went on a couple of dates and I'll be honest I wasn't really feeling it. I could tell he was into me but I just didn't get that feeling. I messaged him to say I think maybe we should we would be better as friends and he messaged back saying he really liked me

and would I consider going on one more date to hopefully change my mind. I relayed this all to my mum, who I lived with at the time, and she said I should just give him another chance, not to be so picky, not compare to my ex, etc, etc. So, going against my gut, I agreed to one more date. I'm broadly reddit. We went for dinner at a local restaurant, and there were a few pups on the high street.

After we finished dinner, I 100% knew this guy wasn't for me, but I felt bad, so agreed to go for a drink in one of the pups. He seemed very keen to go to what I would class as an old man's pub, but I thought I would only be going for one, so agreed without too much thought. To my absolute horror, we walked in and sitting at the table was what appeared to be his whole family. Parents, brothers and their girlfriends.

I felt sick meeting the family on a third date. Oh my God. Also, after you've said you're not really sure. Like. Oh my god. What's the reason? Reed wrote me as though I was his

girlfriend. I literally didn't know what to say or do. Oh my god that's so. Nice to meet you. First and last

time. Oh my god how awkward. I have never wanted the ground to swallow me up more. If I didn't already have the ick this was the nail in the awkward. I have never wanted the ground to swallow me up more. If I didn't already have the ick, this was the nail in the coffin. I politely said hello and then he went to get us a drink

and I excused myself to the toilet. Thankfully, there was another exit from the pub. Oh my God. She left. Why was she your girlfriend, Bob? Oh my God. Did she leave? There was another exit from the pub at the back,

and that's where I made my great escape. Bruce. That's brutal. I don't know, I had that ball in here. I'm such a people pleaser. To be honest, I'd sit and me and his dad would be best mates before we left. Like, we'd probably be going to chess club together next week. Like, I wouldn't even do that.

I wouldn't do that. No, I'd feel bad. Oh, I've got to mud her, and then I'm going to probably think she's got, like, fucking shits. And they'll be like, are you okay in there, Sandra? Are you all right? Bob's waiting. Bob was talking about Christmas.

As quick as I could, I ran through the back door, not looking back and sprinted to the taxi rank to go home. I'm not proud of it, but just couldn't believe he'd put me on the spot like this, especially as we were not even a thing. Fast forward a couple of hours and I received several angry texts saying he can't believe i would end us like this she's like what i am oh sheesh i'm now happily married with the family of my own but the weirdest thing is yet to come i never told this man my birthday it really wasn't that deep and about three years after

this whole episode he randomly texts me on my birthday wishing me a nice day and saying he often thinks of me oh my god didn't have social media so i have no idea how he would know needless to say i've blocked the number not sure if you'll share this but i I hope you do. Love your podcast, girls. Keep out the plug. Oh my God, that is so funny. I love that. Oh, more, I haven't given you an update.

This may not make sense to people because I shared the beginning part on Patreon, but I heard from him again recently. As in last week. But I thought last we heard heard didn't he block you yeah he unblocked me it was really weird like we text you i called you called me three times i rejected it you listened to our patreon episode i rejected it um match. I'll share the rest on Patreon. Not appropriate.

Yeah. Okay. Don't want everyone to access that. No. This one is called I'm paying for Patreon whilst my husband pays for hookers.

Help. Well, we know there's a bit of a different spending climate. Your money's clearly going to better places. Okay. I desperately need your help.

I have three children under five. I married their father in summer 2022 i found out two months after our wedding he had been cheating on me with numerous prostitutes was pregnant with my youngest and also once baby was born baby was one when i found out i was ready to leave he promised me it wouldn't happen again i believed him we worked through it despite it being difficult we got to a place where we were both happy I found out he was back to his old tricks in April this year when I found out evidence on his work phone again that he had paid but couldn't go through with it he blamed he was stressed because I decided to go back to work full-time and needed more help with the kids while he was also working full-time

so hold on let me just get this straight he felt stressed that his wife was going back to work so felt the need to have a prostitute that's so valid you do that baby and relieve that stress for those processes i'm a thought process the thought What is the thought process? It's the way that he's tried to somehow blame it on her because she's gone back to work. Hon, you're going back to work so I need to work on this prostitute. Also, why should women be made

to feel guilty for wanting to go back for work? This really bothers me. And he paid. He couldn't go through with it. So you are a fine gentleman. As a fucking if. And can I just say on that, like, not to say too much, but why do men think that, trying to think how to turn this, when they're caught in circumstances,

well, they think they're like a big shot, but they didn't go through with it. But I don't know if I was going to go through with it. I didn't go through with it. What do you want? A bloody marching parade? A marching parade and a bloody jubilee celebration? It's insane. Well done. You didn't go through with it.

But the intent was there. And for me, they probably went through with anyone. And they're probably lying because, let's face it, most of these people are compulsive liars. But also, like, if you, I don't know, arranged a prostitute, if you booked a hotel room, whatever it is, the intent was there when you made that plan. And for me me that is just

as bad i said what i said i'm at a complete loss i don't know what to do i'm probably weak and scared about being run get get out he's doing it again i love him so much i believe he loves me i just don't know how to get past this again. I know if I tell anyone, they would tell me to leave, which I get, but I literally don't know how to tell anyone in case I stay. Any advice would be hugely appreciated. Thank you for giving us hope as well as weekly entertainment. I'm a Patreon subscriber. Best money I've spent.

Hey, at least I'm not spending our joint money on a hooker. Advice? Leave. No. I'm sorry, and I know it's really brutal and I'm really sorry, but do you know what? I feel like the last few episodes

we keep hearing about these women who feel like they love them so much, but really if you strip it back, is it love? Is it love? No, you think you love him but that person doesn't exist

like yeah you love the idea of him you love the potential like we're putting him on this pedestal like write down what he

brings to the table because by the sounds of it all he's going to bring is fucking chlamydia I was going to say herpes and like babe

you deserve so much more the fact as well that this has happened before, you worked on it, he's done it again. He's not learnt a lesson. He's not got away. There was no consequence. You've not walked away. And that isn't to suggest that you should now give him a consequence

and then he's going to change. No. He's repeating the behaviour because that's who he is. He's showing you. Yeah. He's showing you that you could give him 100 chances and he's just going to use the fact that you're this

kind, understanding person who loves him and he's going to abuse that power and he's going to do it again. Do you know what? He might do even worse shit than that

because we're allowing it. We're enabling it and he knows you're not going to walk away. And he knows that he can get away with it. Yeah. And the more they know

that they can walk all over you, the more they'll do it. Leave. Leave. Worth so much. Sorry, you should not be sharing your husband, your man. And you know that you don't want to tell your friends. Because you know.

They'll say. So we're your friends. We're telling you what to do. Go. Confession of the week. Confession. Hi, gals. Love the pod. A little confession of the week Hi girls, love the pod

A little confession of the week I'm not really sure what to do So I wondered if you could give me your advice You ready? Always here I'm in a really difficult situation I've just found out that my best friend's partner Is having an affair

Someone I know knows the girl he's cheating with What would you do? Do I tell her or let her find out herself any advice needed I just don't want to be caught in the middle oh I'd want to know I'd want to know I don't know if I could then go through all that right find out and then find out my best friend knew because then i'd be like great so i've lost him and like you weren't a good enough friend that is my opinion i know people differ and be like it's not my problem best friends i guess the only like the only

thing against that would be that sometimes people don't want to know and i think it's maybe like trying to figure out if you know her well enough to know if she'd be the sort of person that would want to know. Like, for example, like, you know that, like, we know that Carly would want to know. So if that was the situation, I'd tell you. Whereas. Oh, now I would.

You're in bliss. Now I would. Yeah. But me, me, three, four years ago, I don't know. I think you need to don't know i think you need to tell her i think you need to tell her all right but you know what you've got to tell her and then she's got a decision i feel like if i was in your situation and maybe this is selfish but i couldn't exist and be around her knowing i knew this really big thing because also I'd feel like if I didn't tell her now and then she found out like in a year or two years time have I felt responsible

for wasting her time of actually being happy and being treated respectfully and loved properly or I don't know does she go and confront him and be like look I know you're having I know this that's the one you need you need to go and tell her or I will. Yeah, do that. Set him straight and you make him take responsibility because actually that's probably him getting off lightly. You need to go and find him and you need to be like, look, I know what's going on.

You need to go and tell her. He's got a day. You've got 24 hours. Or I will. Yeah. Bish bash bosh. Yeah, that was good advice. Well done, Karla.

Woohoo! Do you know, I actually think we've said this before. Have we? Yeah. Yeah, I think we had had that situation and we were like, would you do it? Would you not? And then you give them the ultimatum.

Do you take that risk for a choice? Affirmation of the week. Okay, I'm going to do one. It's just going to be quite aggressive. Okay, here we go. Here's an aggressive affirmation for you guys. Aggressive affirmation, guys. I will not stand to be quite aggressive. Okay. Here we go. Here's an aggressive affirmation for you guys. Aggressive affirmation, guys. I will not stand to be treated like a mug because I am not a mug.

I am a plate. I am a porcelain china vase. No, but like it's about your worth, guys. We listen to these stories and it breaks our heart to hear, I was not in that. Someone walked over me more than once. You know what they say, it's shame on... Shame on...

No. Once. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. It is true. It's true, guys. You're better than that. You actually get one life, I'm sorry. You don't know. Tomorrow's not promised.

Tomorrow's not promised. You were living for now. You might. Everyone who's listening might die tomorrow. I don't mean it like that, but you know when you just got to live in the moment. But not like that. Yeah, we're all going to die. It's not even funny.

It's very serious no you know that tiktok um trend it's like no but it's not actually funny though it's actually quite serious on a serious note we love you i love you i think we should just end bye