Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 100: Ed Gamble and James Acaster (with special guest genie Claudia Winkleman)

Episode Date: April 21, 2021

One hundred! The hundo! The big 1-0-0! In a milestone episode, Ed and James finally reveal their dream meals. And who better for the genie to transfer his powers to than Off Menu fave and this episode’s special guest host, Claudia Winkleman!A massive thanks to Claudia for being our wish-granter. A HUGE thank you to you, the listeners, for helping us reach 100 episodes – we wouldn't be making the podcast if you weren’t listening. And an extra special thanks to No Context Off Menu, whose memes about the podcast are funnier than any episode we’ve put out (follow them @nocontxtoffmenu). Here’s to 100 more!Recorded by and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Uh-oh. 100, baby. 100, baby. 100 episodes, James. This is episode 100 of the Off Menu podcast. And it's going to be a special one. We never thought we'd do 100. Oh, I never thought we would. A lot of we flying around there when I always knew, and I didn't always know that we'd do 100, but I hadn't planned to not do 100, but as is now in the public's knowledge, we said it a lot, you assumed we'd do 10 and then stop. Yeah, I thought that was the drill. But never been so happy to be wrong. I love it. 100 episodes. Same age

as the Great Benito. 100. People don't know that about it. The 100-year-old Great Benito, a tiny little old man. Yes. Well done, Great Benito, for producing 100 spectacular episodes, going through the edit. He doesn't like to be thanked, and he doesn't like people to know that he edits it all with his gnarled 100-year-old fingers. Yes. Just flaking skin onto his keyboard at home. Well, thank you, Flaky Benito. Benito Flex. I've obviously said Benito Flex. Why would I say Flaky Benito first? There's a food-based pun about Benito having flaky skin, of course. Benito Flex. But anyway, let's not get waylaid. It's going to be a special episode, I think, I hope. When it's 100 episodes, any podcast has to

do something special. True. We knew what the obvious thing was to do, and we tried to get round it and think of other things to do because we thought we've got to put it off, do ours another time, but we couldn't resist. We figured that anyone else, the listeners would be annoyed if we didn't do our menus for the 100th episode, and they'd be annoyed if only one of us did our menu as well. They'd be like, what about the other one? We're going to wait another 100 episodes, and that person gets 200 episodes to decide what they're going to have. That's not fair to the first person. Exactly. So we're going dining together, aren't we, Ed? We're going for a little fantasy dream meal together, James, but it's in a dream restaurant

where obviously we get our separate menus. Don't you worry about that. It's probably going to be a long episode because we've got a lot of food to talk about. Yeah, this is two meals worth here, two meals worth, and I'm relinquishing my powers. I'm not a genie for this episode. He has no powers, but powers, of course, have to inhabit some vessel. So we will be handing James's powers over to the waiter in the dream restaurant. We're having a night off. We've searched through the temp agencies, and we've found who we believe to be the perfect waiter and maitre d for the dream restaurant for one night only, and that is Claudia Winkleman. Claudia Winkleman. Claudia Winkleman, a previous dining guest

of the dream menu. Of course, very popular episodes, Claudia Winkleman. So it's very exciting for us that she can come back in now as a worker. Yes, I think Claudia is going to be such a great host in that episode. We talked about she hated water. She did loads of sound effects. She was passionate about food, and I know she'll leave no stone unturned when we tell her what our wonderful menus are. And also, let's not forget, she's just a consummate broadcaster. Let's not forget that. Strings to her by. So many strings. So no secret ingredient because there's absolutely no way we're going to get booted out of our own restaurant. No, thank you. I mean, we'd be idiots to set a secret ingredient for ourselves.

I would like to request, though, that sometime during the night, Jade Adams walks in and gets kicked out instantly. Yes, of course. Absolutely. That's definitely going to happen. You may not be able to hear that happen in the episode, but trust me, it does. It does happen at some point. Jade will come in and go, table pop. Oh, I don't get you out immediately. We should just get on with it then, I reckon, James. Obviously, we're very excited. We're very happy to have made it to 100 episodes. Thank you to the listener. We'll do proper thanks after the episode, I don't imagine, but we're very excited to be here. Just now going into the episode that we're grateful for you listening to the podcast. Yes, we

are grateful because then if we say it now before the episode, they'll probably listen to us with a kind of ear when we say our menus. We love you. Please listen with kind ears. Thank you. So without further ado, this is the off menu menus of Ed Gamble and James Acaster, presented by Claudia Winklemo. Before I do anything, I just like to say out loud, this is quite major. This is not what normally happens because I am, I'm honored. That's what I'm going to use that word to welcome James and Ed to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you very much, Claudia. There we go. Thank you. We're honored to have you. There you get. Oh, the Dream Restaurant has a bird in it today. Well, we're into heating. I am

a facilitator today because what's happening, just to share with the group, it's your 100th episode of the best podcast of all time, let's be honest. Correct. And today, you two, this is huge. I'm going to share your menus. Yes. And I've given you temporarily the genie powers. I've transferred them over to you. Thank you. We did the ceremony beforehand. Yeah. I mean, it was a long ceremony, three and a half hours of humming. Yes, a lot of humming. And you were very good throughout. You're very respectful. Now, Claudia, obviously the idea is you use those genie powers to create our dream menus when we ask for them. But obviously, while you've got them, it would seem a shame to not use them for some other

stuff. Is there anything else you'll be using the genie powers for? No, this is what everyone needs to grasp is, this is not about me. This is what you two like doing. You like asking questions. You have an opinion about a side dish. You're like, what spoon would you use with that? Now, now this is on you two. You spotted my trick there, Claudia. I'm so, this I'm so nervous about doing my dream menu. It's I've just I've realized as I'm trying to do it that it's an awful thing to ask someone to put someone in this position and we've done it 99 times. So I was I was trying to ask you what you do, the genie powers to try and make this about you rather than us because I'm terrified. Nothing to do with me. Nothing to do

with me. Let me ask you this. At what juncture did you start? Have you always, when you've talked to other people, thought, that's madness. I never choose that. Have you always in the back of your head got your dream menu? No, absolutely not because I've tried I've done it but this is this is what my menu is now as of this second. But if you asked me tomorrow, it would be different. That's very fickle. That's very fickle and a bit weird. Yeah, that's the lucky thing about being the host fingers crossed. We do another 100 episodes after this. And on 200, we can do another one of these. And we can show how we've grown as people. Exactly. That's what this podcast is really about. Oh, what would be adorable is if you had

exactly the same. Oh, that would be sweet. If you went, do you know what? I was right. Do you know what? There are some things on this menu. Actually, you said about have we always had it in the back of our heads. And if I'm honest, I've always had a notes in my in my phone where I've written down all the things that are contenders. Wow. And anytime I have anything that's amazing, I've put it in my Google notes because I thought, well, I'm gonna have to do this one day clearly. Didn't know when it would be, but I knew the day would come. That's quite erotic. So you're at dinner with your girlfriend and you say, hold on a sec darling, I've just had a buttered parsnip with a honey glaze. I'm going to stop you there.

Yeah. And wrote it in. Sometimes I've got the parsnip in my mouth and my eyes are closed. I'm in ecstasy and my hands are still writing down in the notes. Manically. The parsnip. James, who have you shared this menu with? Did you want to check with anyone? Was it a parent? Was it a friend? I did check with my girlfriend. I did tell her, well, I didn't check with her, actually. She was nosy and wanted to know what it was beforehand. Because you're constantly in Google notes. She thinks you're having an affair. Yeah. She doesn't believe me. She's like, well, let me see the notes then. She knows James. She knows he's definitely not having an affair. Her first thought was he's probably writing that down in a note to remind himself later on.

Yeah. He's probably writing down what food he likes. Always remembered an album that he likes in 2016. Absolutely lose on this guy. But yeah, I did tell and she didn't, you know, there wasn't a point where she went, what? So I think, yeah, that was reassuring. But there is some things on it, which, I don't know, there's potential for crossover with Ed's menu here. And I would be excited if we get, I don't know if there's a special rule where if we say the same thing, something happens in the dream restaurant. I think we have to kiss. We have to kiss, don't we? No, well, not everybody has to stop what they're doing. Step away from Zoom and do a really poli. Okay, deal. That's what happens in our house. Something major happens. Just, all right,

guys, mat out. Let's do it. And I'm 49. That's quite something. Ed, is there anything that has made you slightly nervous? What's giving you the wobbles as it were? Well, I mean, all of it gives me the wobbles, but in a good way, as in I'll slap my tummy after I've eaten it. But I think, I've maybe, have I messed with the format? As I went through it, I found our format too restrictive. Goodness. So I've danced around the... That's bold. I've danced around the outskirts of the format, but in a way that previous guests have done, so I'm hoping it'll be allowed. Yes. Are you nervous? Because the people who listen to this show love this show. They love the two of you. They often listen to episodes more than once. Are you thinking about pleasing them?

Are you thinking about your fans, the off-menu people who make memes? I've still got ones coming to me of Mr Burns. You know, if they go, well, James has let us down because he's chosen Partridge. I mean, are you worried about that? No. Firstly, I'm not worried about James choosing Partridge. I don't know if that's going to happen. Correct. Nobody would choose Partridge, not even a Partridge, well, especially a Partridge. Continue. I think the people who listen to this will be happy with a lot of different outcomes. So if they're just straight up nice menus and they think they sound delicious, they'll be like, yes, we're on board with that. We like food. If the menus are awful, they'll enjoy making fun of us on the internet. If me and James really come

to blows over something, I think that's the best outcome for them. If the worst thing happens and I do what everyone wants me to do, which I'm not going to say out loud now, James will absolutely lose his mind. Well, I'm not sure. I've been thinking about that. I've been thinking about what if he does it and if he does it, what am I going to do? And in this instance, I'll be so consoled by my own menu that it won't affect me as much. Normally, the menu that the guest brings to the dream restaurant is the only menu I get to hear that day. And when they do something horrible, it really annoys me because I'm like, oh, we had such a lovely chat and now on this, but now I get to conjure up my own, well, Claudia conjures up my dream meal for me.

So maybe, but I don't know. I still might, I don't know how I'm going to feel if he does it. Before we enter, right? I mean, we're here, but before we, let's say we're in the ante room, the lobby. Briefly, what would your dream restaurant look like? Are you on a beach? Are you in a crowded pub? Is that open brickwork? Hmm. I think there is open brickwork, you know? Yeah. I feel like there is open brickwork. I like a sort of large spaced out dining room, but buzzy. I want buzzy. I want sort of like hard surfaces, wood floors, atmosphere, but everyone's spaced out still. You've got plenty of room, but you can hear the Hubble and bubble, but you can't hear what the Hubble and bubble is regarding.

Got you. And exposed brickwork. And exposed brickwork, some sort of plant action. They often go together. Of course. Vines. Some vines. There you go. Ring a ding ding. Hence the McCaw earlier. When you say exposed brickwork, it makes me think of a brick flashing someone. Yeah, that's what I want. I want brick dicks everywhere. That's an option. James, what's your dream? You're walking in, you're holding hands, I pull back the curtain. What does it look like? Well, see, this is where I think I'm actually very unimaginative, because instead of imagining my own perfect restaurant that I've made in my head, I'm just imagining Noma in Copenhagen, because you said that we were in the little bit beforehand

before going in. And that's my favorite experience I've ever, I mean, it's the best meal out I've ever had. And this is no spoilers, because weirdly, none of it has made it onto my menu, but it is the best meal out I've ever had. And before you go in, they put you in like a little greenhouse that's like got all the stuff they've been working on and growing, and there's a bunch of jars that have fermented stuff in them. And you get given a little drink, some hibiscus drink, and just looking around at all the stuff, getting excited about tasting these flavors. And then you have a little walk as well, and you go past a little burning fire, and you get to smell the brunkiness of the fire. And then you go into the main restaurant, and everyone comes out and says hello to you, like

you've walked past a pond with some bread, and all the ducks come in, they're excited. All the staff come up and said hello. And Danish for hello is quack as well. So they were quacking at us. And then they sat us by the window as well. I think that's what I would like in the dream restaurant is to be sat by a massive window. So it's not even, they have this as well, a tea base services. I think the two best places I've ever been for a minute, Noma and Tea Base. A strong link. Yeah. And I want a huge window that is more window than wall, and there to be a pond right by the window. And I can just look out at, like, the water, and I want to be able to see a sunset at some point during the meal.

This is good. I'm there. See, weirdly, when I was thinking of my dream restaurant, I was thinking of Kado in Copenhagen, but I didn't want to say it because I was worried I'd sound wanky. But now James has done that. I'm going to hop on the back of that. Mine is Kado in Copenhagen. Two tickets to Copenhagen, please. I mean, absolutely, please. That is the first place I'm going to go when we can go places internationally. Me too. Nice. See you there. Yeah, done. My husband is Danish. He'll be very happy. Oh, yeah. That wet-mouthed motherfucker. Dribbling dolphin. Trying to say quack and spraying everywhere. It's disgusting. Massive wet tongues. Never mind.

I've got to ask you a question, if that's all right. And there's going to be sound effects, and I'm excited. Still or sparkling water? Joe, it's so exciting having to ask to us and having Claudia ask this. James, do you always go for the same thing? What are you going to have? Well, here's the thing, though. I'm worried because I actually haven't checked with Benito as to whether there's a secret ingredient for this episode. And normally, the secret ingredient is something that Ed and I as the hosts don't like. I know that you hate water. I'm now worried that the joke is, me and Ed get kicked out immediately during the water course. No, there is no secret ingredient. That's only for you two to do. No. I relax. I'm holding two bottles.

Do you like your view of the window with the pond and the 24-hour sunset, sir? What can I pour you? Here's the thing. So, if I had to choose between still or sparkling water, I'd choose still water. And I think I'd be more excited if it had some cucumber in it and some... You appear to be eating in a spa. Huh? You appear to be eating in a spa, James. Yes. Well, I mean, A, you drink water. So, I don't know if you're eating a glass of water with Ed like a madman. Yeah, but why put cucumber in it? It just makes everything taste like cucumber. Oh, yeah. That's the point about in stuff, too. Sorry. I didn't... I actually said to myself before this. Do you know what, Ed? I didn't want this to be a fight because I think James has

excellent taste. Let him live. He wants a big pool and some cucumber water and a foot rub. It's a very profound point, Ed, to point out that when you add an ingredient to something, they then taste of that ingredient. And I agree that if you add cucumber, it tastes like cucumber. I like the cucumber when it's sliced really long. Oh, yeah. When they do the diagonal slice. Yeah, yeah. Got you. Got you. Why do you prefer that? It tastes better. Here's the thing. This is the only one where I was like, everything else on my menu I'm excited about. The water course, I really wanted... I wanted to nail every single part of this menu. Yeah. And the water course, I was like, nothing's inspiring me here. I haven't had a water somewhere that's really blown my mind.

And I thought, I know who's hosting this. They might let me do an immediate loophole. And just replace the water. I've said what I would have still or sparkling. Yeah. And we know that. And also, it's your show. Loophole away. But maybe if I craft open a can. He's written the song. You can't deny that. He wants a constant press. It's got water in it. To be fair, I've gone sparkling, really. It's a mildly sparkling, soft drink, rhubarb course and press. It's got apples in it. It's mainly apple-based, but then this is the rhubarb flavor. I love it. I drink it so much. To me, it's like water.

This is what my logic is. I love it so much that it's just become a normal flavor to me. I wouldn't really pick it as my dream drink and stuff like that because I just drink it all the time. It's my water. It's course and press. And so therefore, if I want to be excited about every element of this meal, I would want to sit down in a restaurant, buy the big window, see the pond, and the waiter just comes over and pours me, pours everyone on the table a glass of course and press from a jug and walks away. And everyone goes, well, this is a surprising start to our meal at Noma. Rhubarb? Yeah. Yeah. I've come all the way to Denmark. I'm having rhubarb. Okay. I think, Ed, if there's no objection, I think that's okay. Well, Claudia, I can't object because you'll find

that way when I give you my choice of still or sparkling water. Oh, gosh. Here we go. The only thing I want to ask you about the course and press, rhubarb, is that in a short glass or tall glass? And does it have ice? And would you be wanting a straw just to really? That's good. Got to drill down. I got to drill. I'd like those details, please. Ice is a con, so I'm not having ice. Not going to get me that way. No one's. Again, that's a very James A. Castor phrase. You're not going to get me that way. No one's trying to get you, mate. Absolutely. No one's trying to get you. Just to chat. Everyone's trying to get me on this. Not being tricked by the ice. Ice fills up the glass, takes up the space that could be used for course and press,

unless the ice cubes are frozen course and press, which I'll be opened. Actually, that's what I want. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you want, mate. Yeah. But I don't want cubes. I want the crushed ice that's made of course and press. Fill the glass with that. Pour the course and press on it. That's what I want. So there's a jug of course and press in the middle of the table that I can keep on topping up my glass, but it's crushed ice that is made from course and press. But that's going to bang into your teeth. Are you using a straw? No. No. I've never seen you use a straw. Yeah. I'm not really a straw guy. He can't purse his lips, Claudia. He has an open mouth all times. Do you know what though? I would use a straw if it was one of those,

novelty curly straws. Yeah. Round the bend. That's fine. Or they said happy birthday. Yeah. Yeah. I like watching that. That's really fun. Okay. So yeah, maybe I'd have one of those straws, but very happy with your answer. Are you delighted with that? Is that made? I'm really happy with it because more palatable. Especially the crushed ice because I hate ice cubes, but then I remembered I actually love crushed ice and I think it's really cool. So like, actually, I'm really happy with that, especially if it's the same flavor as the drink. I know what you mean. I think crushed ice is really cool. And I think it comes from when you go over to a friend's house when you're younger and they have that fridge with the ice machine on the front.

And I think I only had like one friend who had that and I would just spend all day at their house being like crushed ice or cubes, crushed ice or cubes. It's so exciting. And crushed ice was the coolest because you see cubes every day, right? Yeah. Seed cubes all the time. No one cares, but also I don't like a cube of ice in my mouth. It sometimes does that little screechy sound and that. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Benito looks confused. Because you can't purse your lips again. So it just falls out, doesn't it? Can't purse them. Just falls out. Everything in this mill is going to fall out my mouth. That's why I'm next to the window. Next to the window with a bib. Yeah. All right. I'm delighted with that, if you are.

I'm so happy with it. I was worried that I was, Joe, I was really worried that I was going to immediately get told, no, you can't have that, not by you, but by Edward Gamble. And then I looked at him and realized he's done the same thing. Yeah. Of course, yes. Ed, I've got to ask you then. So I've just put a bit of jug of crushed rhubarb flavored fizzy water. Would you like still or sparkling? I'll have a pint of Guinness, please. I can have water at home. I'm not going to my dream restaurant and kicking off with the water. I can have that at the tap. I'll have two liters of water before I go in to hydrate myself. I'll have easy access to a toilet and for still or sparkling water, I would like a pint of Guinness, which they still recommend

to drink after a marathon as the ultimate hydration tool with iron and other vitamins included. One pint of giraffe Guinness. I miss it so much. Thank you very much. Bought up a marathon immediately. I mean, I feel bad about letting the rhubarb fizzy water because the rhubarb Causton World, whatever it is, seems to me water that has just sort of made eye contact with some rhubarb flavoring. Guinness, I'm going to ask you your drink later. No problem. That's coming up. That's like asking for a side dish for water. It's not. It's still, it's a very hydrating liquid. It's, it's delicious. It's, it's better water, essentially. Someone's made better water. Water is still the base of beers and stouts. So there's still water in there. It's still mainly

water. I have a question. Please. Is it not going to fill you up too much? No. I mean, I don't know what your menu is. It might just be Frise lettuce and a tiny timbal of, but a whole pint of Guinness, you're going to need to have a lie down. No. I am extremely greedy. I do drink. I was, I was actually, when I worked in a pub, I was accused by the landlord of drinking Guinness like water. So I don't know whether I'm going to add that to my portfolio of evidence. I use, I could, I can swig Guinness. I can knock it back. I could drink four pints of Guinness before I start to feel full, but I would like one pint of draft Guinness, please, for my still sparkling water course. James, how are you feeling about this? Well, number of questions. I'm feeling a number of ways.

You respect me massively, obviously. Well, look, I always respect you no matter what, but that doesn't mean I like you. Here's what I've done. Here's my question to you. Any loophole that I've applied to my menu, my role for myself was I'm not doing any new loopholes that we haven't had on the podcast before. Right. There are only loopholes that I've let people get away with on the podcast so that we're playing within the rules. Claudia, when she was on, changed her water to, I believe, a soft drink. So I was like, right, I'm going with Causton Press. Sure. Oh, yes. I swapped it for a mug of macaroni cheese. Yeah. That was it. Okay. Well, in many ways, the Guinness kind of has to stand up. Yeah. The Guinness has to stay,

especially if it's Claudia running this dream restaurant today and she's trying to tell me I'm not allowed Guinness, sat there with a steaming hot mug of pasta. I just wanted to flag it up. That's all. No, and you're right to flag it up. I knew it was going to cause a discussion, but I think we can all agree it's a great choice and let's move on. How about this, when they finish pouring your Guinness, when they're just finishing it on the tap, just get into the end. Oh, don't. The heads there, what if they wrote in the phone H2O? I mean, I'd be impressed. Yeah. I'd be happy with that if we're all happy to agree with that. So this is a different day and it's you two talking to a guest. Yeah. It's Dean Gaffney.

He comes on and he says, because what happens with loopholes is they occur normally at the end. You know what I mean? You're 90 minutes in, everyone's jovial, and you go, please, can my side dish be a tiramisu? And everyone's like, ah, get out of here. Bye. Thanks for coming. To go in hard with, I'm not having water, is bold. And I'm just wondering if you two are there, Gaffney, whoever it is, I'm obsessed by him. And he asked for that. Where are you going with that? As the creators, as the hosts of the show? Well, if Gaffney asked for a pint of Guinness, so much respect to Gaffney. Yeah. Of course, because I'd be like, oh, damn it, that's what I would have chosen. We've not done my menu yet. Yeah. Fine. I'd respect Gaffney for

choosing a pint of Guinness. If he could argue it like I have, like there's the marathon evidence, there's the, you know, the actual creation of Guinness. And there's also the, let's not forget what the landlord said to me, Claude, you're at the Rhones Park Tavern. Well, you could drink four pints without even being full. Well, exactly. And I agree. Look, I agree. It's a cheeky choice, but I think we're going to have to let it fly. Okay. All right, guys, you have your beverages. You are in open brickwork. You are by a pond. Let us continue. I can't do it the way you do it, because that would be ridiculous. Try and do it. No, I just can't. I'm too old. I can be both of you. I can be your grandmother's.

Like sometimes you just got to know your place. I was so kind of like, I've thought a lot about just this episode. And I thought, oh, you know, this is obviously because of the pandemic, we've had to do it over Zoom. But for ages, it's been this thing where, you know, we might have to record this episode in person. That's how it's always been in my head. Yeah. And that someone will have to try and scare me by shouting pop and doms or bread and make me jump. And I was like, well, we're doing it over Zoom, so that's not going to happen. And then paranoid as I am, I started being like, what if Benito sorts something out where he pays my girlfriend to jump in and just shout pop and doms or bread, but I'm not expecting it.

I mean, James, look behind you. I'm going to say it in a calm manner, because I've got, I've got two baskets as I come over. That's just the situation. They're attached to me. They're attached to my hair. I've created plaques. And then they go into two large baskets. One has bread in it. Lovely. Different assortment, your choice. The other one has got pop and doms. So you're quite weighed down on one side today. It's a good point, but the pop and doms are also, they have a selection of dips. Right. Okay, let's get to you. In, in, quite heavy base bottom, ceramic urns. So I'm evened out. No problem. Seesaw has sorted itself out. Ed, I'm asking you,

what are you going to have? It's bread, Claudia, but I'm, I'm being very specific about this. Look, I, I like pop and doms, but I think I only get a hankering for a curry once every six months. That's all. What? Yeah, that is all. I'm not really like a big curry guy. I did get the hankering about two nights ago, had a lovely curry and very much enjoyed the pop and doms that came with it, but I'm never buying pop and doms outside of a curry hankering. So, you know, I barely have them. I have them twice a year. So I couldn't in good conscience choose pop and doms. Bread, I have on a regular basis. I love bread. It's a lifelong love affair with bread. I absolutely love it. We're getting specific with this. Yeah. I think it's mad when anyone comes on and they

don't choose garlic bread because it's the best bread. I think it's a way of getting a side, an extra side in for me, choosing garlic bread at this stage. And this is another more specific thing. It's garlic bread with cheese and marmite from yard sale pizza. Wow. I mean, I'm on board. Is it plaited? It's not plaited. No. It's a flat bread pizza situation. So it's basically the pizza dough, garlic butter, marmite, and then cheese on top. And the way the marmite reacts, it's just yeasty and sharp and with the mozzarella cheese and with the garlic butter. I order a pizza from yard sale, but I always order the garlic bread with marmite and cheese. And I think that's my favorite bit. Is it cut into triangles or are you breaking off strips? I'm breaking,

no. I think it is actually cut into sort of across ways. It's cut into thick strips and then one across. So it's sort of in half and then strips within the halves. And it's never done accurately because it's proper handmade stuff. They're not getting a machine to do that. So they're knocking it out. So obviously I'm straight in for the biggest bit. Biggest bit, but also middle bit, extra cheese. Or do you like the slightly charred round the outside? I like both of those bits, but I normally go for the middle bit with the extra cheese in the middle first, because I'm a big cheesy boy. What kind of bread is it? It's like dough. It's just like flat bread, basically. Like pizza bread? Well, yeah. I mean, you know, it's dough. I am very surprised at this.

Well, what you're doing here is garlic bread is often in, I'm going to use a word, the C word, ciabatta, isn't it? Yes. That's what you have. Or like a French stick. Or a baguette, yeah. Thank you. A baguette. And then it's sliced and in it goes. And then suddenly we're in dough ball world. Yeah, you don't need to comment on them where that's a different kind of dough. And that's what you're talking about, but it's laid out flat and is more artisanal. Yeah, it's like a garlic pizza bread, but it's very thin, very crispy, apart from the middle, which is a little bit soggy, because there's the extra cheese and extra butter, like you say. So there's a range of textures within that. You're going all around the world there. And it is just phenomenal.

Talk to me about the ratio. How marmite is it? Or are you just using it for the yeast? You know the marmite's there. You can taste that marmite, but of course it's not thick. It's a thin spreading of marmite just for the flavour. But you know it's there. The garlic's still punching through though. Good. James, are you immediately, like I am, sitting there thinking, I can't believe I didn't choose that, because it sounds outstanding. Oh, it sounds outstanding. But I've never eaten it before. It'd be mad if I changed my order to that now. Are you surprised, James? Why are you surprised? We've talked about garlic bread on the podcast in the past. And you said your favourite garlic

bread is the baguette, sweaty garlic bread. It's the best. It is, but... And so when you said garlic bread, I immediately imagined that. And then you said with cheese and marmite on it. I was like, that sounds absolutely brilliant. And then you said it was pizza bread. And I was like, oh, you have a little marmite and cheese pizza. Well, I've always, I think this is my favourite garlic bread. Generally, my favourite form of garlic bread would be the baguette, the sweaty baguette. But this specifically, I don't think anywhere else does this. So this is only yard sale pizza. And I've always had in the back of my mind that I'm choosing this. So it's, I think maybe when garlic bread has come up recently on the podcast, I've sort of maybe not talked about

this deliberately, because I knew I was going to bring it up. Saving it. Saving it. In the Rolodex. It's like, you know, an actor in the MCU, just doing an interview and thinking, don't mention it. Don't give him any spoilers. Can't do it. Don't give it to the bagie or be on the back. James, I've got my two laden baskets. What's this going to be? I don't, I don't know what he's going to go for. I would like to know what Ed thinks. The thing is, I think you probably talk about poppadoms more than you talk about bread. I know you like bread. Sure, we've shared some wonderful sandwiches, but I think you're possibly going to go poppadoms here. Interesting. So the whole reason why poppadoms or bread even exists in the podcast, because people sometimes have a

go at us for it and they're like, why those two options and blah, blah, blah. We have let people choose other things, but like, you know, it's basically anything that you would be offered at this point in the meal. But the reason it exists is because, you know, every time I've been out for a curry and they've bought poppadoms out, I've been so excited and so delighted that the poppadoms are here. And I've never really felt like that when they bring the bread out before. Normally, when they bring the bread out pre-meal, I'm like, oh, God, no, I've got to resist eating this now. Otherwise, I'm going to spoil my meal. And then if it's nice, you're like, oh, I'm just going to eat this. And I know I'm going to be too full later. But with the poppadoms, I'm like, I can't wait

to smash them. I can't wait to use all the dips. In general, I like poppadoms more than I like bread. And so I wanted to ask guests this because I wanted to know who agrees with me. And every time they say poppadoms, you can hear that I'm a bit more happy. I always do a little bit of a celebration because I'm really happy they've chosen the poppadoms. And I like getting to ask the same questions over and over again about the poppadoms. I love it. And the best place I've ever had poppadoms is a place in Edinburgh, where me and my friends, we stayed on this in the same house for three or four years. And just a few doors down was Kathmandu Namaste, a great curry house. And we would go there and the poppadoms they do there. While they're in the fryer, they fold them up somehow as they're

frying up so that you get like a little triangle, like a cone. And it's just even crispier than a normal poppadom. And those are my favourite poppadoms in the world. They sound amazing. However, I'm going bread. What? You were describing a love affair and I was in. Were you in it? Oh, I was there. I was in the cone. I was in the middle of the cone. I was naked and I was covering myself in mango chutney. Or listen. But this is the thing. I'm doing loopholes that other people have done. And I don't know if anyone's done it. Are you doing a loophole for every course, mate? No. I don't know. Okay. I might be. I don't know if anyone's done the loophole, poppadoms and bread before. I don't know if we've let that slide. And I don't mind if I'm not allowed

it. I don't know. Especially after your big chat at the beginning about you're only doing loopholes that other people have done and you're trying poppadoms and bread, which you're not sure anyone's done before. I don't think they have. No. And also the key thing when you shout it is if you don't mind me saying the word all. Yes. So I don't mind not being allowed it. If I have to choose poppadoms or bread, I'm going bread and it's a very specific bread because there's this one bread that has won me over. And weirdly as well, the guy who made it, he's, you know, I had the meals delicious. And he said to me, big fan of the podcast, and I went, well, I'll tell you this, mate, I've always fought in my head that I'd always choose poppadoms and poppadoms or bread.

That bread you gave me at the start, that has knocked off poppadoms for me. And then he did a little, a little happy dance, that guy did. He was very happy about it. So it was a pop-up restaurant next to the dairy in, was that Clapham? In Clapham. Yeah. But his next door to that. The dairy is now shut, by the way. Yes. Rest in peace. But I believe they're now, they've now opened in Bermondsey and they call the Bermondsey larder. Definitely go there then because delicious food. It was open at this point when I went to the pop-up next door, and the pop-up didn't have a toilet, so you had to go in the dairy to use the toilet. Lovely to be in there, lovely to pop in. It was called Ulta, A-L-T-E-R, that's how you spell Ulta, tiny little place. And straight away you

sit down and he gave us, it was basically, so similar to Ed's in a way, pizza bread. So there was his fingers of bread, which were basically like pizza crust that he'd made, but like the fluffiest, airiest pizza crust. And he had dusted it in this homemade rub or spice, you know, just a mixture of herbs and spices that made it taste exactly like the most delicious pizza. Wow. But it's dry. It's dry. So the, the, the dust in is just completely dry, and it's his pizza crust finger covered in this dust that tastes exactly like a pizza with this dip. I'm looking now, I think that they've now got a natural restaurant as well. Shout out. Is it still called Ulta? Yes. So yeah, it's still called Ulta. And now, yeah, on Lehman

Street in Whitechapel. There you go. When you had a bite of it, I'm just saying this for me, I just need to know a bit more. If I was tasting something that tasted like pizza, I'd be so depressed that there wasn't melted cheese. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? I'd be looking for the sog. Yes. Well, I felt like I was in, if Willy Wonka's got a savoury cousin. He does, yeah. I felt like I was in his savoury factory. And he had gone, this bread tastes just like a full pizza. And you taste it and you go, it does taste it. It's like eating a pizza. And because you're not tasting all the, the cheese and the sauce and stuff like that, it's even more of a magical experience. You're like,

how am I tasting this when it doesn't feel like it in my mouth? Yeah, I was disappointed that I had to share the bowl of pizza bread with my girlfriend. I thought I could just sit here and eat all this to myself. Making notes. The dip that was with it was very nice. I think it might have been an aioli dip, aioli, whatever it's called. I mean, you're definitely closer the first time. Yeah, yeah. Rather than aioli. I think there's some sage, some, you know, crispy sage leaves in the... Can I just say this has got to be some extraordinary bread to beat to poppy domes. Yeah. That's why I'm taking this deadly seriously. Are you Ed? Oh, I am, absolutely. I mean, I'm also completely wrapped as well because I want to try it so bad. I think

James has described it wonderfully. I love that he's transported us to a savoury Willy Wonka's factory, presumably Willy Wonka. And I want to go there and I want to eat those little sticks. If I was to like do my top 100 poppy domes or breads, it would be this number one, and then the other 99 would all be poppy domes. Got you. Also, what's so adorable? I hope you hear this, that you ate one of these, did a star jump and said, just so you know, if anyone ever asked me, this wins. This wins. And it has. And I was so happy with it. And you know, it was really difficult in the notes. I was looking at it and going like, this doesn't represent me because it makes me sound like a bread boy and I'm a poppy dom pal, but I'm going for it. So be it. Yeah. I

would love to have that bread again. Also, in 99, after 99, you can change it if you want. I mean, it's now set in stone for the next 100. Yeah. You're a bread boy for 100 episodes now. Yeah. Also, may I ask, me and Ed are sitting at the same table, right? Of course we are. But you just have different views. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair enough. I've created Ed's side, brick work, loud, spaced out atmosphere, you pond sunset, huge window. Lovely. Well, I would like to try Ed's as well. Oh, that's lovely. Oh, yeah. We can dip into each other's right, Claudia. You're great friends. This is the way of the world. You're in your dream restaurant. Thank you very much. Can I say quickly, my honourable muncheon was I was going to try and

forego bread all together and have deep fried olives from Spantino. Oh, he loves them. I've never heard of a deep fried olive. So Spantino is no longer, I miss Spantino a lot. It's no longer open. It's a Russell Norman restaurant. So who runs Pulpo and all of those restaurants. And I think they do them at Pulpo as well. But they're green olives stuffed with an anchovy, bread crumbed, and then deep fried. And they are the saltiest thing you'll ever eat and absolutely phenomenal. Also good with your pint of Guinness, right? Exactly. Perfect for my pint of water. I haven't forgotten. With your still water. Here's a big question. Because I often think this is the most exciting part, right? You're in,

you're flirting, you've got your Guinness, you've got your rhubarb drink, you've had some pizza. You look across at each other and you go, here comes our first course. So, James, what would you have? Pass. No, don't you dare do that. No, I'm just joking, Ed. Don't you dare. I can't even take that joke. I panicked. I'm not even having that as a joke. I would have gone, I would have left. The whole podcast and the whole podcast would be over. I could not do a food podcast with someone who passes on the starter. It's not funny because it's not funny. I didn't even laugh for a joke. He carried on looking at the camera. He looked down at his desk and he was like, no. Yeah, no, not having it. And if you'd passed, I would have

got double starters and then I would have left the podcast. Yep. Wow. Now, there are some honorable mentions here. Shout out to prawns and watermelon on the rich man's yacht in Sydney. Of course. Wow. May Martin chose it as her starter because she was on the yacht as well. And the rich man made us, well, his wife in the, she was down in the galley, made us the prawns with the watermelon and the lime juice squeezed all over it. It was absolutely delicious. I loved it. If this was a banquet and not a meal, they'd be on the table. Because it's the honorable mention. Maybe you could see the rich man sail past on the yacht on the pond. On the pond. And because he's thrown some out. His wife could generally open. You sure you're not tempted? You lean forward. You're

holding onto the brickwork and opening the door. And you see one of my bread baskets now emptied to catch the prawns and watermelon. Still attached to your hair weirdly. Yeah. So yeah, he can be under his boat. Another shout out is the Carolyn Fried Chicken from Cricket. Of course. Now, I absolutely love it. But the only reason it didn't make it in the list is because I've never had actual Carolyn Fried Chicken from Carolyn before. And I have to assume that that is the best Carolyn Fried Chicken in the world. And so what stops me shouting out the Fried Chicken from Cricket is that I kind of know there must be a better version of that dish out there somewhere. And I really want to try it. And I nearly chose as my starter

Carolyn Fried Chicken from Carolyn, which I've never eaten before. Yeah. But that's the but that's a true dream, right? But I ended up going with something that I have had before. And that is the tomato and basil 3.0 for Matilda Crane in San Francisco. Can you just tell us a lot more? Because as far as I'm concerned, you've just gone, you've chosen this is it for another 100 episodes. Yeah. Some tomato. Yes. That's very much what I feel like as well, Claudia. I'll be honest. I'd have been open to you just having some tomatoes on the table. You know what I mean? With the flowers, just tomatoes, lemons, like some as they have in France, big knife, some lemons. Yeah. Now, I'll be honest, I'm just going to also

going to cut in and say I was worried with my menu that I was being too specific and it wasn't necessarily accessible to everyone who was listening to the podcast. And now all of my worries about that have been washed away. James has beaten you on every on every level. It's folded poppadum that we'll never try. Some chicken from an insect. Continue. So we're kind of in savory Wonka town again. Well, I'm revisiting Billy Wonka. Thank you. So Matilda Crane is, I saw it on Chef's Table, the Netflix documentary series. Yes, obsessed. And there was a, I don't know if you remember the episode. And it's a French lady and her dad died. And she writes poems for every single course and you go in and it's the most pretentious,

maybe the most pretentious episode of Chef's Table. And it's all like poetry is on the wall and the menu is written in poetry and it was a very pretentious place. However, what she can do with a tomato. What she can do with a tomato, I mean, it came out and they just said it's tomato and basil 3.0 and I thought, I don't really like tomatoes that much. Like tomatoes are okay. I've had them my whole life. I've never gone crazy for a tomato. I don't, I'm not really that bothered. Oh my God. It was like every single, they were small, but when I tell you what was on it, it would sound like it was a massive plate, like a platter, but it was actually, you know, a classic small tasting menu plate.

So there's raw tomato on there, sure. But like the best raw tomato you've ever had. But before I say, what's that? Everything on the dish. It was like, I'd forgotten what tomatoes are. So all my life, I've taken up and eating bad tomatoes that were just watered down and kind of all right. And then this was like, this is what a tomato tastes like. Check this out. And it was like the most rich, just satisfying, exciting, vibrant tomato flavors. It was like, I was seeing colors and shapes when I was eating it. It was amazing. So one of the things was on was like tomato raisins were on there. They weren't actual raisins. They were tomatoes, but made, so it was like had the texture, the chewiness of raisins that were like dehydrated tomatoes,

I guess. Very delicious. There was a melon gel. So there was a bit of melon on there as well, this melon gel and this tomato gel, this tomato confit, the raw tomato. I think there was some foam on there as well, some tomato water, which was again, sounds delicious. It all tasted different as well. So it was all like, here's every single, it was a plethora element of a tomato. Here's every like the smarter puree on there. Just like, but it was like, it showed you the full range. Every brilliant flavor you could get out of this one thing. And it was mind blowing and the textures were amazing. And I just wanted to keep eating it and eating it. And I didn't expect it at all at the beginning. I was like, Oh God, they've given us a tomato. And I knew she was big into

tomatoes anyway. The chef, Chef Cren. She loves tomatoes. And I knew that from the chef's table episode, but I just, I get it. You're in San Francisco. You're having a lovely time. Tomato sorbet was on there. But just to be clear, your dream menu, I just want to say this back to you just so you can hear it. I can hear it. And I get it. You were on a plane. You were holding hands. You were having a good time. We have to go to this place. There's poetry on the walls, but you are your dream restaurant. This is your best ever. And I was nervous about the fizzy rhubarb beverage, but then you brought me back with pizza sticks. But what you're saying, it's a plate. Tomato and melon gel, tomato sorbet, tomato water. I mean, have you had other things?

I'm going to jump in and defend James here because I not had that dish, but I know exactly what he's talking about, that when you taste something and the chef has worked magic and reduced something to its true components and made it taste the best it's ever tasted. I've had, it's probably slightly similar. There's a dish at Datera in Bethnal Green where they do like a trickle or salad, but it's with like tomato water and tomato oil and mozzarella and some like basil oil as well. And it is, it's phenomenal. You're like, I've never tasted any tomato like this. And I can imagine it was absolutely fantastic. But yes, Claudia, you're right. When you do boil it down, James has picked tomato as his starter. Yes, but here's the thing. Your reaction, Claudia, is perfectly valid

and it's part of why it's so amazing because I was like you. I was like, oh, come on. I want a plate of tomatoes. And then you're like, oh, that's the best thing I've ever had as a starter. And so if you ate it, you would say, guys, can I redo my off menu episode because I've got a new favorite starter now because it blew my mind. And obviously there's basil in there as well because it's called tomato and basil 3.0. So there's that amazing. I mean, you can't go wrong with that combination. That's a dream thing. I would choose tomato and basil over tomato and cheese. I think it's absolutely amazing. Well, you know, I was defending you, mate. So what are you playing at? Yeah, apologies. No, I like the fact that it was this magical moment in time and it blew you away.

And I'm happy for you to have that as your starter. Yes. You're going to be hungry, though, because so far you've had a bit of rhubarb water. There it is. Then a tiny little stick of non-cheese pizza bread with a tiny bit of garlic dip. No, it's a bowl. It's a bowl of loads of sticks of pizza bread. And then a cherry tomato. I mean, I'm just... And then a bunch of tomatoes. Yes, a little cold, some tomato raisins. You've got to admit, James, you're hungrier than me at this point, bearing in mind I've had a pint of Guinness and a pizza. Sure, but I'm always hungry. I mean, yeah, that's true. I don't like to be hungry. Also, in previous episodes before, and this has mainly happened when we've got chefs on,

we've let people have a drink for every single course. I don't want to argue with you. It's your podcast. I would like, with my starter... Tomato soup. Tomato. What is it? You'll notice how I'm not objecting at all. Yeah, because someone's done the same thing. But we haven't even talked about this. We've not conferred, but of course we've both got a drink. Although, Ed might... This is where Ed might get annoyed at me throughout the meal. I'm not sure. My drink with my starter, I would like the South American Smoothie from Tropicana in Melbourne. Oh, my God. James, you're talking about going to a high-end tasting menu restaurant and eating this delicate tomato flavour, and then you're having a tropical smoothie with it. Have you tried

this smoothie, Ed? I've not, but it doesn't go with that starter. It doesn't go with the delicate. I'm having it afterwards. I'm going to eat the starter, and then... No, you need to have it with it. If you want to order drinks with every course, you have to pair them with the course. That's got to be the rule. He's happy. He wants it. What is in this smoothie? Why is it so magical? No one knows what's in it, because they won't tell anyone. Tomatoes. It's full of tomatoes. It's a secret, but it tastes like a giant raspberry pettifaloo, and it's delicious. I love raspberry pettifaloo. It's the best smoothie I have ever had, but it's also got some flavour that's absolutely incredible that I can't put my finger

on what it is. Sugar? Oh, and there's definitely sugar in it, sure. I mean, I would hope the chef has put sugar in every single one of my foods on this. If any of these dishes don't have sugar on, I'm walking out. It's one of the best drinks I've ever had. I could drink it every day, but as it is, I've only had it twice when I've been in Melbourne. If you do go to Tropicana in Melbourne, you've got to get the South American smoothie, not the South American juice. Right. I made that mistake once. How thick is this smoothie? Pretty thick. Okay, but you're going to need a straw for that, just going back on. I will need a straw for that one, and that's fine. I love slurping it up in the straw. It does have a kind of from-a-tree

kind of element to it. I wouldn't be surprised if they're chucking pettifaloo in there, and there's loads of fresh fruit in there as well. They're definitely adducing fresh fruit into it. Have you thought about these as individual dishes or the whole meal? Because you are in rhubarb, tomato, pizza, and now pettifaloo world, and I'm just checking everything's fine. Everything's great. This is amazing. I'm having the best night of my life. This is him at his absolute best, Claudia. He's absolutely loving this. I just wanted to confirm that you're happy. I'm looking out at the pond, waving at the rich man. Yeah, just chucking a watermelon. Okay, that's your first course. The most beautiful tomato dish

you've ever had in your life, and I think we're all convinced it's amazing, followed by quite thick raspberry, yogurt smoothie that somebody's gone to get you from Melbourne. Fine. Ed, what is your first course? I'm having something that I only discovered fairly recently, but I've had it a few times since then. So, obviously, meal kits, big at the moment, what with lockdown, a lot of restaurants, a lot of people doing meal kits. I am absolutely obsessed with oysters, always have been. I love oysters, but I was always very militant about always raw oysters. I don't like cooked oysters until I had this. This is from a food delivery thing called Decatur. They are sort of New Orleans style thing where they send you crawfish boils or shrimp boils,

because you can't get crawfish here. But the other thing they do is they send you oysters with a pecorino butter, which you put the pecorino garlic butter onto the oysters, and then you char grill the oysters. I do them on the barbecue, and they are phenomenal. They send you so much butter, and you put all this pecorino butter onto the top. You put the oysters on the half shell, onto a very hot barbecue. The butter goes into the fire, it bubbles up, it char grills the sides. You just cook the oysters, and then you get a spoon, and you slurp it out, wipe it around with a little bit of bread, and it is phenomenal. Okay. He sent me a photo of these. When you were putting your menu together,

if you love oysters that much, you just knew you had to have them, and this is in the best formation. This is the best way to have oysters. I mean, yes, I have some honorable mentions. Quick shout out to the Tamworth Bailey Ribs from Hawksmore, the Korean Fried Chicken from Bone Daddies, and just a general meat and cheese platter. Those are all things I considered. But I'm going with the Decatur char grilled oysters with garlic pecorino butter. Okay. I mean, both, if you don't mind me saying not in a bad way, quite fancy, quite chic, a tomato ensemble. I do need to add in that I will be having that with a gin martini made with Harris gin, with four olives in it. Thank you. Oh my God. Deep fried olives. So you're hammered right now.

Oh, I'm hammered. You've had a pint of Guinness. Yeah. Suddenly you're covered in pizza because you just rubbed it on your torso. Yeah. Then you're playing around with some oysters. Yeah. But that makes sense. And you want a martini. Oh, and I want a Harris gin martini. Thank you very much. With four olives. Done. I'm very, I'm happy with you both. What I love is there's absolutely no crossover on any level. No. There is a tiny bit of pizza bread. Yeah. I would also say I'd like, obviously, it's a dream because someone else will be shucking the oysters. You do have to shuck them yourself. And I bought an oyster knife. I think I always knew I was destined to buy an oyster knife. But I have, every time I've done this, I have spilt blood. So I would

like someone else to shuck for me, please. Okay. Well, yeah, this is being brought to you in exposed wall area next to the pond. Don't you worry. It's all being brought to you. How many would you like? 12, 6? Last time we did it, we, me and my fiance bought 24 oysters. So we had 12 each. So I will have, I will have 12. Okay. And did she love them as well? Oh, yeah. She loves them as well. Otherwise, I wouldn't have bought 24. I would have, well, actually, I would have done and I would have had 24. Yeah. Come on. Let's not lie on the podcast. What does she think of your whole menu? Is she happy with it? I showed it to her yesterday and she said it sounds nice, but it's completely different to what she would pick. Good news, though. All the more for you. When Ed made those

oysters, he sent me a photo of them and the photo did look incredible. Like, that photo was so good. I'm surprised it didn't end up on my honorable mentions from our starter. It looked delicious. This is the, like, if I had a trumpet or if I could play the trumpet, I would right now be blowing it because, and if I was there, I put the baskets down, but I would come out and make some sort of proclamation because this is the big one. We're farting around. We're having a nice time. You've had a bit of bread. You've had a couple of drinks. You've had a smoothie. You've, you know, everything's fine, but this is it. When you say to your girlfriends or your parents or your siblings or your best friends, we're going out for dinner. Boo! Big play.

Main course. Ed, what are you having? That's what we say. Okay. This was, for me, I think, the hardest one, although I don't have any honorable mentions because I think I needed, for my own sake, when I picked this to reject all other ideas. I had to go with one thing, otherwise I would have spent too long picking it. Also, can I just say one thing before you? I get that honorable mentions, etc. Slightly dilutes the passion one might have for their choice. I gave my honorable mentions with the starter because one of those things makes it onto the main because, is it a loophole? I don't know. You know, if you go to an American barbecue restaurant, you can get a platter. You can select all the meats you want, all the sides you want. They

put it on a cool tray. You feel like you're in prison, but it's nice. You can dig in. That's what I'm going to do. Because it's a dream restaurant, I'm grabbing my tray and I'm selecting my favourite barbecue meat dishes and vegetable dishes from different places that I've been, that I love. Global to pass. Wait a minute. You're playing pick and mix. That's not a main course. It is a main course. It's a barbecue meat tray. Yeah, but suddenly you're throwing inside. Let me, yeah, of course, because sides are included. You're right, Claudia. You're right. However, again, loopholes within the podcast, Ed's gone global to pass, and we've let someone do global to pass before. But this is more coherent than global to pass

because it's still a barbecue meat tray. It's still everything's of the same type. Let me talk you through it. You can tell me afterwards if you have any issues with it. May I say before you say it, I'm so happy you've done this because this is basically an honourable munchin' for me. Ah, great. I'm very happy that I could make some of your dreams come true with this, James. Thank you, Ed. I would also say I don't think I've had the best barbecue in the world because I've not been to Texas. If any TV commissioners out there would like to commission me for a travel show where I go and try barbecue in Texas, I'd be very on board with that. So, here we go. No, you can come. Okay, so I'm having beef brisket and I'm having that from

Smoke Stack in London. That is the best barbecue restaurant in London ever since Shotgun Barbecue Shop, which was on Carnaby Street. Smoke Stack is phenomenal. I'm having brisket from there. I'm having the Tamworth Belly Ribs from Hawksmore. They're going on there as well. Pork Belly, incredible. I'm having the beef ribs from Pit Que in London. It's now in the city, I think. It used to be where Ugly Dumplings was, Carnaby Street, again. No, I'm not going to have the sausage. I'm just going to have the brisket, the pork belly, and the beef ribs, and then I'm having a range of sauces, including the Rib Man Bacon Holy Fuck Sauce, a few vegetables. I'm having the cauliflower shawarma from Berber and Kew, absolutely incredible. It's a char-grilled

cauliflower and they put this tahini sauce on it. It's amazing. That's going on the tray. And then I'm not going to go wild with the sides because that does feel like cheating, but I'm going to have some cornbread and I'm going to have some pickles, including the Pit Que, pickled shiitakes from their recipe book, which I made the other day and they're phenomenal. And on that tray, I'm also having a bourbon, a Pappy Van Winkle bourbon. Thank you very much. I mean, I've got to allow it because it feels cohesive. He wants to meet and he wants it on a tray and he wants, and that's what he wants, and he's probably going to eat it with his hands. I'm not an expert, but you know, he wants to, he's tucking in, he's got open brick work. There's

some ivy trailing down. He's sitting opposite one of his best friends, there's a pond, and he wants a big old tray of meat. I want the restaurant as well to stink of meat, Claudia. I want it to be smoky and stink of meat. I want my clothes, I want to have to throw away my clothes in the bin afterwards. Yeah, chuck them in the skin. I'm more than all right with this. However, actually, I'm not completely all right with it. Oh dear. I would like to add something to Ed's plate. Oh, please. Best beef brisket I've ever had was at Pecan Lodge in Dallas. I'd love to go there. I'm very jealous that you've been there. If I may say to the way to, excuse me, could you send that over to the man at the table and tell him it's for me?

If we can, yeah, because I've not been there, I didn't feel like I could add it to my dream meal, Claudia, but because my dining companion has been there. I'm happy for that to be in the middle. Yes. Yes, I've got double brisket, baby. Double brisket. The beef brisket from Pecan Lodge was one of my honorable mentions. I was in Dallas for two days and I ate there twice. Indicators. Because the first time I went there and had the beef brisket, at that point, it was the best for God ever tasted and I was going absolutely gaga and then I went there the next day and I had it again. Ed, all I'm saying is the cauliflower. I'm interested in your side dish. We'll come on to that later, but that is a side dish. I mean, just as one of your guests, I took it all very seriously. I know

we ended up with a mug situation, but that feels not the cornbread I'm just saying. Look, I kind of agree with you. If we're looking at the tray and we're looking at what's cohesive and what fits, my argument would be that Berber and Q is a fantastic grill barbecue Middle Eastern restaurant where they cook everything over an open flame. So that's where I thought it fitted, but if you would like me to lose that. No, I can't. I can't do it to you because of your little face. You said he looked about four. I can't have it. Have more cauliflower, grill him, somebody get an open flame. Also, we've let people in the past do full. We've let people do a full breakfast, a full roast dinner for their main course. I'm just happy to have given it a shout out.

It's the tahini sauce is just incredible. And also, I've picked Papi Van Winkle bourbon because it's the dream restaurant and it's so expensive Papi Van Winkle. I've only tried it once in a bar in New Zealand because they had it and I thought, I'm away. Let's splash out. But if you wanted to buy a bottle of Papi Van Winkle, they only make so much of it every year and it's thousands of pounds. They sell them on auction them off. I mean, I'd be just as happy with a bullet, a bullet bourbon, but the Papi Van Winkle for the dream meal, please. A question, Ed. Please, James. Are you happy if on this occasion we changed the name to Claudia Van Winkleman? I would be more than happy. That bottle would be worth even more

because there's an old man on the front normally, Papi Van Winkle, and I want to see Claudia on the bottle instead. I want an old man who doesn't touch water on the front. I think that sounds like a thrilling main course. I think you'd be excited about that. Yes, you've had your pizza and your Guinness, but it's all about just you wait what's coming. Seven people have to carry it in. Brisk it away. Here's a bib. Let's go. I've not considered quite how bad I'm going to feel at this point. I think in my dream restaurant, I can't feel full or ill because by this point, I'd be on the floor. I think that's important. Of course. I started with toast and marmite. You've just got to have

your very favorite things, so I think that's fine. Yes, exactly. James, you nodded when Ed said this was the hardest one to come up with. Was this the hardest for you? Really difficult, and I was surprised. I thought dessert was going to be the hardest. I bet Ed thought start was going to be the hardest, but actually that was fine. Again, I've enjoyed poppadoms more than I've enjoyed bread, and yet bread is what I went for. I've enjoyed desserts more than I've enjoyed main course, and yet I've probably had, no, it's the other way around. I'd say dessert's my favorite out of the two, but I've probably had better main, like I've had so many good main courses, and it was really hard to narrow it down.

Briskit from Pecan Lodge is in my notes as a shout out, as are the skate wing tacos from Cole, which me and Ed had together, where they just bring the skate out, and it is so perfectly cooked that you just get a fork, and you're just combing the fish off the bone. It just comes off, just combing it off, and then making the tacos yourself. But what I've gone for, and I think it's a combination of things. If this is ever on the menu anywhere, I'm ordering it. Just as a dish, it's one of my favorite dishes. But also, when I had it in this particular place, it's just a lovely memory, and one of the nicest dining experiences I've ever had. I would like Beef Wellington

from Ron Gastrobar in Amsterdam. Oh, yes. I think that's a brilliant choice. Yeah, it really is. Beef Wellington crossed my mind as well, but the one that I had a really fun one at Bob Bob record. But generally, you're right, Beef Wellington, if it's on a menu, you've got to go for it. I love it so much. Why was this one so particularly good? Because he was having a breakdown. Huh? Because you were having a breakdown. Very stoned. I love you. It's what is right. Your one is fictional for a laugh. Ed was actually completely on the nose. But it was a nice moment during a bad patch in my life. So I'd had a bad year, an entire bad

personal year, and then I'd gone to Amsterdam in January, the following year, to hang out with my friend who lived there and also work on some music with him for some fun. But I was staying with him and his girlfriend. I was very aware that they were not having any time alone because I was around all the time. So one night I was like, Hey, I'm going to go and for a meal tonight, you guys can have me out of your hair for a bit. And I just basically just googled, you know, best places to eat in Amsterdam and this Ron Gastrobar place looked good. Also, I wanted it to be roughly an hour, an hour and a half walk because I wanted to have a proper walk. I hadn't explored enough. Actually, I had. I've been cycling around and I'd fallen off my bike,

but I wanted a walk. It was awful. I went round the corner and it was just ice and the bike just wasn't there anymore. And I was like, this is really going to hurt. But I had my iPod in my pocket and I really didn't want to fall on my iPod because I didn't want my iPod to break. So I chose to land on my knees just directly on my knees and then continued to cycle around. And then I was thinking about how much my knees hurt so much. I got lost. They don't make iPod classics anymore, but you can get knees. Yeah, yeah, you can get new knees. It doesn't matter. What's an hour and a half to this place? In January. In January. Got there. I mean, one of my favorite meals I've ever had as well, alongside Noma for this memorable meals, the whole meal, you know, the bread there

nearly made it. Actually, the butter was the best butter I've ever had for the bread. They bought whipped butter with tiny bits of like puffed pork scratchings in the butter. And it was so good. Like, you know, I'd probably have that butter on the table for my bread course as well. If I was allowed that. That's fine. And I ordered the beef, I was really hungry. Ordered the beef Wellington and the waiter warned me and said, this is for two. This beef Wellington is for two. I was like, yeah, I'm ordering it. I've had quite a year, mate. Bring it. Yeah. Believe, believe you me, sir. I'm having that beef Wellington and I did not regret it. It was just the most delicious and like beef Wellington's like, you know, I think there's something about

a beef Wellington and I think I've told the story on the podcast before, but when I was first in New Zealand, I was on a tour with a bunch of other comics and we stopped at this one place to have a meal and we ordered a beef Wellington between us all and it was so good. And afterwards, one of us said, oh, I really like another one of them. And most of, we're all English apart from one guy who was Australian. And the rest of us were like, almost fantasizing about what if we ordered another one? Oh, wouldn't that be a nice world? And the Australian guy went, well, let's order another one. And we were like, we can do that. It's like, give it across our mind to do it. And he just was like, yeah, we're ordering another one. And the second one was even better than the

first because we were like, we're living life. We're doing it. We ordered two beef Wellington's. I think that might be an Australian thing, you know, because I don't know if I've told this story in the podcast before, the Australian comedian Damien Clark has completely changed my life when we flew, we were flying to Dubai to do gigs. And it was 10 in the morning and the, the air was this game round and went, would you like a drink? And I went, oh no, thank you. And Damien went whiskey and Coke, please. And I went, Damien, what are you doing? It's 10 a.m. He went, never say now on a travel day. It completely changed my life. Now, whenever I'm flying anywhere, whenever I'm doing international travel, I never say no. And do you always think of

Damo every time? I always think of Damo saying, never say no on a travel day. Yeah. Like that kind of stuff. When someone else does it and you go off course, we should be doing that. So when the person said this beef Wellington is for two, I was like, you don't know me, mate. What's your point? Tom Gleason taught me, always have two beef Wellington's. So 72 please. And it was the best beef Wellington I've ever had. The one that I had with the comics in New Zealand is a very close second. It was incredible. But this one described rare beef, crisp pastry. Perfectly cooked. So if you basically, with a beef Wellington, I want it that if you took the beef out of the Wellington on its own, it would be an incredible steak. Yeah. You don't

want it to just be like where the beef secondary for it is about the whole dish and people will just like, they'll like it. Who cares? The steak on its own would have been one of the best steaks I've ever had. There's this amazing beef, rare, delicious. The sauce, and it's always like the surprise kind of like star of the beef Wellington is the sauce. But then I guess that's where you get a lot of the flavor from. But just the mushroom, I think it's like a mushroomy kind of sauce around the outside of the beef. Ducksail, I believe the word is. Oh, that was exquisite, so flavorful. That was what I was mainly thinking about on the walk home. And the pastry, perfectly flaky golden pastry on the outside. And I took a photo of it. It was my phone wallpaper for

months on end. I was looking at it all the time and figured out how delicious it was, how much I loved it. Can you believe that the year that James had beef Wellington as his phone wallpaper wasn't the bad year? Yeah, that's exactly right. But it was a magical night. It was the beginning. It was something new was happening. Yeah, I felt something new was happening. I didn't order dessert because it was full. That's like, you know, amazing that one of the best meals I've had. Well, I didn't order dessert, but as I left, they just handed me a mini ice cream. Oh, that I wasn't expecting. It's on the way out there. There you go. Oh, my God. My life is really turning round here. James remembers things like that. Like that would have affected James a lot

being handed a mini ice cream. He would have gone back to his friends and gone, and they handed me a mini ice cream. And his friend would have been quite rightly like, oh, yeah, that sounds nice. And then the next morning, James would have got up and gone, did I tell you? Can I just reiterate? We went to New York, we went to New York beginning of last year and we'd been previously on the previous trip. James spent all day going, I'd really like a hot mulled cider just all day, kept saying that. And then we were in a shop looking at some coats or something. And a woman who worked there came over and went, hi, would you we're doing some hot mulled cider today? Would you would you like a mug for free?

And James was like, what? But it didn't stop talking about it for the rest of the holiday. Like just kept going. Do you remember? Do you remember? I said I went inside and then the woman gave me cider. It was in a clothes shop. You've got to understand. We've been in loads of pubs where I've said, I hope they do hot mulled cider here. And they never did. I was like, oh, they're never going to have it. And then we went into a clothing store in the daytime and a lady came up and went, would you like a hot mulled cider? This must be a weird dream I'm having when I'm getting my locations wrong. But it wasn't. I didn't even buy anything from the shop when it's had a free hot mulled cider. Didn't even have to pay for it. I walked out and I was so

happy. I think about that all the time. I think about the free, the free mini ice cream I had. On the way on the walk home, I really needed a shit because I had had eaten so much food. And it was like, I'm not going to make it home. I knew I wasn't going to make it. Yeah. I was like, it's no way I'm making it to my friend's house. And also, if I do, I don't want to do drop this shit in his house because I know it's going to be bad. Yeah, that sort of takes away from the nice gesture, doesn't it? Like, I'll leave you to have some time with your girlfriend and then you get back and drop it on that. No one wants to go in there. That's a beefy shit for him. So like, I was like, this is going to be, it's in the chamber, but you can feel it. It's letting

you know. Yeah. It's going, I'm going to be a bad one. And so I went into this pub. Release me. I was like, I'm going to do this shit in this pub. I don't care. I walked in and no one was in there empty. So the owner, but the only was on the phone and he just watched me walk in, go to the toilet, be in there for longer than it took to have a person then come out. So I thought, oh, I feel bad now. So I went and ordered a drink and I asked for something local and he poured me a sour beer. I've talked about this on the podcast before, I think. I've never had sour beer before and drinking that, it was the most refreshing, delicious drink I'd ever had at that point. And it was after this most amazing meal. And then I had this, something was like,

oh, I love sour beer. Let's not beat around the bush. An amazing shit. An amazing shit. An amazing walk. And then sour beer after it was so, so good. I've never even heard of sour beer. Oh, I've not had one that's been as good since. I've had a lot of sour beers since and actually, they're too much for me. The first mouthful was brilliant. And then it's like, oh no, I can't drink this whole thing. I feel sick. That one, whatever it was, and I don't even know the name of it. But that one from the pub I had a shit in. Do you want that with the mouthful? I was going to ask that because you were a loud bourbon. What are you having with a beef Wellington? If you say a tropical smoothie, I'll burst into tears. So think about this.

I think I do want that sour beer from the pub. I had other ones written down, yeah, I'm going to go for that. I'm going to go for the sour beer because I think that whole experience of the beef Wellington and then that sour beer on the way home, those two things were life changing. So yeah, I've got to go for it. That's the dream team. If you don't mind me saying two brilliant, brilliant main courses. Oh yeah. I think it's testament as well to James that I would happily sub out my main course to try his as well. And Ed's chosen an honourable muncheon of mine. There you go. And I've added my honourable muncheon to his dish.

There you go. You just threw something in. You've got your beef Wellington, your sour beer, you'll buy your pond. There's still the rich man tossing up watermelon and prawns. You've had some tomato, you've had a tropical smoothie. What do you want on the side, James? What do you want on the side? This was also quite difficult actually. Honourable muncheons. The vegetarian version of the rice cakes from Mission Chinese in New York. I think Ed would probably prefer the meaty ones, the more smoky ones. The triple-cooked bacon one. Yeah, but I prefer the vegetarian one. I think that's one of the best side dishes I've ever had.

This is something else that we've mentioned in the podcast many times, this next honourable muncheon. Wasabi King prawns from Tao Taozhu, circa 2016 to 2018 before they changed the sauce. Love it. It's quite specific and I'm into it. When they changed the sauce, I mentioned it on the podcast and then the next time I went in, the guy came over to me and was like, how was the sauce? I still order the King prawns because I still live in hope they're going to be as good as they were back in the day. He asked me how the prawns were and I said to him, they were nice. Have you changed the sauce? He went, aha, Gamble said we changed the sauce and then he showed me on his phone the podcast and I realised that he thought that Ed was me on the

podcast. No, that's hilarious. At least we can finally iron this out. If the man from Tao Taozhu is listening, that's James saying you've changed the sauce. I do not believe you've changed the sauce. Well, he confirmed they'd changed it to me. I believe you changed the sauce, but I don't care. You're still happy. It gets an honorable muncheon, but it'd have to be 2016 to 2018. But my side dish is the berks well put in formalis in Soho. Oh, yes. Wait, what is it? Talk me through it. Ed's so happy he's just fallen off his chair. I was sitting next to Ed when our first day, a parker during the podcast, Simon Rogan came on this podcast and then invited us to his Soho restaurant. It was an evening where they were trying out some new dishes, right, Ed and

stuff like that. I think so, yeah. Me and Ed have been lucky enough to be invited to a couple of those by chefs who have been on the podcast and often it's like the guests are a top chef, a top food critic, and then two idiot comedians who are finishing all of their wine every single course and the chef will occasionally sneak us some extra stuff because we're going absolutely crazy for it. We're basically on the kids' table. Yeah, going, whoa, making those noises and going, oh, yes, I've done that, yes. And everyone else is like, you know, chin-striking and stuff. Heads are spinning. It was a mouthful, just a single mouthful if you're greedy boys like us. And it was, I guess, a bread and butter pudding, but savory with like this cheese,

Berksville cheese, is it? I think it's Berksville cheese, yeah. It's amazing cheese for it and the bread is like croissants, right? Wow. Yeah, it's like croissant dough type stuff. I mean, it is phenomenal and it's one little cube and it's very rich. So I think they do one little cube because that's all you need really if it's part of a big meal. But like James says, we're very greedy. So the chef, Tom Barnes, shout out to Tom Barnes, had to sneak us an extra portion each across the table, which was difficult because it's very much an open kitchen scenario. So everyone saw him doing it. Yeah, people weren't happy at the end of the meal when they discovered we'd had two of those. They were like, what? But it sounds delicious. It melts in the mouth. Yeah.

And it is one of those food experiences where, yeah, like nothing was happening inside my head. It was just me going, holy moly, it made me close my eyes and out loud vocalise how amazing it was. And I was glad there weren't many people in there and it was just a few of us at a table because if it was a big full restaurant, everyone would have gone like, when Harry met Sally over there on that table, what's going on? I would have happily, if they said, and that's all you're having tonight is one after the other, we're just going to bring these out. You'd have gone fine. I'd have been like, yeah, sign me up for that. It's got some really weird stuff in it as well that, you know, I'm sure it all contributes to the taste, but I would never go, oh, that's what I liked

about it. So it's got birch sap on it. I'm just looking at it up now. It's like troughly and it's soaked in like birch sap and then they grate the Buxwell cheese over the top. Sounds amazing. You had me at croissant dough. Yeah, so good. Yeah, again, I'd eat that every day. Yeah. If it was available, I'd eat it every day. Once a day, I would have want to like, you know, go two nuts, but it was just so good. And I've only had it that once, you know, which makes it even more special. So yeah, a lot of these are things that I've had once and I haven't, you know, I haven't been able to go back and have it again. And I really, I just think about it so much that I really want to eat them again. Okay. I was very lucky that one of the chefs at Aulis Oli Marlowe

sent me the Aulis Home Meal Kit. And I noticed on the website that an optional extra is to add that Buxwell pudding to have at home. And he brought the meal around. It was delicious. It was so good. And I opened the bag and there was no Buxwell pudding in it. And I thought for a second about getting it back and complaining. But then I realized it was a lovely gift and you can't really do that. This is all well and good, mate. But yeah, where's the best? So that's a very successful side dish, James. Oh, I love it. And maybe I'll bring over enough for both of you. Yeah, please. I just realized two things. One is that I said I'd never had any of these things more than once, but the beef Wellington, I went back a few days later and got it again.

Oh. And I bought my friend with me. It was the excuse. And the waiter came over and it was a different waiter than the one I'd had before. And the waiter came over and immediately said, so you're the person who had the beef Wellington to themselves the other day. So that got round the kitchen. Also, with my side dish, I would like a rose smash from hoppers to drink. A delicious cocktail from hoppers. It's got rose vermouth in it. And again, one of those inexplicable flavors. I'd really struggled to, I mean, I guess it's just the rose vermouth is the main flavor in it and what it tastes like. But I haven't tasted anything like it anywhere else. It's a real, can't put my finger on it, flavor. It comes in a lovely cold metal cup and it's

probably the best cocktail I've ever had anywhere. Wow. I really love it because it's delicious. I want that with my main course. I mean, I'm thinking that maybe the rose smash, because you brought up what would go better with stuff, maybe would have gone better with my starter and then maybe the fruit smoothie I would have with my side. I tell you what I like about this is I didn't know we were going to do a drink with the side dish as well, because then obviously after the side dish, we're coming onto the drink, which I guess we're having individual drinks with all of the courses and another main drink that's being brought to us throughout the meal. Is that right, James? Yeah. It's going to fall into the pond, Ed. Okay. Side dish. Again, a fairly recent

thing for me. There is a Chinese restaurant in Clapton called Lucky and Joy. It is an absolute delight. I've got delivery from their multiple occasions in the last year or so and one of their side dishes that they're known for, one of their dishes, are simply called sesame noodles. I've picked this because it packs such a sesame punch. It's cold as well and I thought a cold side dish might go nicely. They're egg noodles, but with a sort of creamy, sesame sauce. It looks very simple. It is very simple, but it tastes absolutely delicious. I love sesame flavour and this is just the perfect side dish for me, but I am going to have it with a little bowl on the side of crispy chili oil that I can use if I feel like it and it's specifically Lauganma

crispy chili oil. It's the jar with the lady on the front. Okay. Do you know what? I've had cold sesame noodles before. I'd forgotten they were the best thing I've ever eaten. I've only had it once and I had it in New York and they have it a lot and they're just not freezing cold. They're almost peanut buttery and sesame and just... Yes, exactly. They're so good and I always feel like ordering just that from them, but they have some amazing other dishes, but I do just want to call them up and go send me the biggest vat of sesame noodles you can and I'll maybe add a little bit of chili oil to it. Just a bath full of those sesame noodles. Incredible. I don't have a great story surrounding it about how I had a hard year. I had a great year because I was eating

sesame noodles. He's had a lot of great years, Edd. Again, I'm very happy that Edd has choked because I love sesame as a flavor. I think it's so good and underrated. People forget it a lot. People forget how good sesame stuff is and I'm just glad it's made an appearance on Edd's menu. I haven't been able to put it into my... Yesterday, when I was doing my cook along with my mum with his sesame oil and I told my mum a story that I was like, I told her the story about sesame oil and was like, if the Great Benito was here, that'd get edited out of tonight. She was like, I haven't got any sesame oil myself, but the recipe says sesame oil. I said, I've got sesame oil, mum. Actually, it's funny, you know, when I first moved to London over 10 years ago, I had that

Jamie Oliver cookbook and the first thing I learned to cook from it, it had sesame oil in the recipe and I had to go out and buy all the ingredients and I bought sesame oil and it was the only oil I had in the house for a while. And that was the story. It was me going and me saying to her, because I said it was the first time I'd ever bought oil, mum. So I actually thought that sesame oil must be the main oil and would be in most of my meals and I didn't know that olive oil and sunflower oil were, you know, people liked more vegetable oil. Sesame oil was actually quite rare, isn't it? But the brilliant thing about mum's is she loves you so much she would have been fascinated by that story. I might have told one of her friends today, I did a cook along with James,

I'm very proud of him, he's wonderful. After that year he had, when he ended up at the Beak Wellington, turned him around, you're not going to believe the only oil he had in his house. James used to think that sesame oil was the main oil, didn't everyone know that? I mean, look at him, such success, you wouldn't know. We're doing a cook along next week, mum's. Look, shout out to roast Brussels sprouts, just general shout out to roast Brussels sprouts and shout out to the Jian Bing dumpling from Zhu in Soho, which is a wonderful Taiwanese restaurant, but they do a little pork dumpling, which is almost in like pastry, it's like a pastry dumpling, it's like a little pie with minced pork in it, which is phenomenal. And that is one thing I will

always double order, because my fiance will always be like, we've ordered too much food again. I'll be like, well, I'm going to prove you wrong, I'm going to eat all of this, and then I'm going to order more of those. Till it comes out of my ears. Yes, exactly. And to drink with that, please, I would like a little bastard wine. What's that? It is a wine, it's by a producer called Staffel To Hof, a German producer. It's a Riesling and Muscat blend, I believe, maybe Sauvignon Blanc in there as well. I mean, James first had it at the other fancy chef thing we were invited to, by a wonderful chef called Santiago Lastra, who runs coal, who make those skate tacos, and he had a house in Acton, which he turned into an industrial kitchen to test dishes in,

and would host dinner parties there. And we got invited there, and he said, this is, it's the first time I've had natural wine, I think, and he said, this is little bastard wine, I've never tasted anything like it. It's kind of sweet, it's got like a lot of stone fruit flavour to it, but it's a Riesling, so it's very good with spicy Asian foods, that's why I'm putting it with these noodles, and now I'm obsessed with it. Most wines I will have and be like, that was delicious, I'll move on and try some other wines. This is a wine I buy on a regular basis. I've got Nishkumar into it, Nishkumar now buys magnums of it and drinks them by himself. Everything's fine, guys, everything's fine. Everything's fine. It's fairly low alcohol, it's like 11%,

like some natural wines are lower alcohol, which is why I like them, because you can properly guzzle them. So I would like a chilled little bastard with my sesame noodles, please. Done. Again, we were sat on the kids' table on that as well, me, Ed, and Professor Green. I don't mean to be down on anything, but I feel like you've drunk a lot, so now I'm going to ask you, but this is the restaurant where you can't get to, Hamid, you can't get to, Fold, you're in your dream restaurant, there's the pond, there's the brickwork, everything's fine, good atmosphere, spaced out, happiness, sharing sights. What is your drink, Ed, I'm asking you?

Well, I love red wine. I think red wine is probably my favorite drink. So we're going with red wine. I am not too specific about grapes that I like. I like a heavier red wine, normally. I would probably say a Californian Cabernet Sauvignon is the way to go, because I also think I've had a lot of nice Californian Capsaves, if I may, I will, because they remind me of good times, especially holidays with James, actually, like even like we went to America at the beginning of 2020, we went to New York in 2017, and we ate in some nice restaurants and we had some just some lovely tasting Californian wines, and I don't have a specific one that I want, I just want that. I mean, I like Pinot Noir, I like Beaujolais, I like all that sort of thing, but just a fruity, jammy, oaky,

tobacco-y, Californian Cabernet Sauvignon, and I will have the whole bottle to myself. Thank you. Done. It's been brought to the table. James. I would have been disappointed if Ed didn't choose that, to be frank. If he didn't choose a whole bottle of wine to himself, I would have been like, right, who are you trying to kid? Come on, Gam. I am going to choose the first alcoholic drink I ever liked. Oh, this is excellent. Because I didn't like alcohol at all for a long time, I didn't like getting drunk for even longer, it wasn't until my late 20s when I thought actually getting drugs fun, but like, I just didn't like the taste of any alcohol. Then when I was, I think, late teens, early 20s, I could drive, so the very small window of time in my life when I was driving,

a bunch of my friends went to Newquay for like a holiday, and I was going down just for a couple of days just to see them all, and I went on the day that they went to a cider farm, and I don't like cider now, I don't drink cider at all, because it was the first, I think it's the first alcoholic drink that I was like sick from, you know, I got so drunk I was sick, and now I can never go near it. Should say the Muld Cider in the clothes shop was how the Americans refer to Muld Cider as it's not alcoholic, it's just apple juice. It was a warm apple juice, and I loved it. I can't believe the lady came up to me at the clothes shop, what have you been asking about? I mean, obviously, I'm expecting that at my dream meal, at some point, the lady from the

clothes shop does come out and surprises me with a Muld Cider. She's right here, she's right here, she's ready, yeah. Yeah, so at any point during the meal, I would like the lady from the clothes shop to come out and just say, would you like a Muld Cider? And then I can be amazed and tell her, she's here as well, I've got to get the Muld Cider for free. But we went on this tour of a cider farm, and this drink, even though I don't want any cider again for the rest of my life, I would want this one. Throughout the whole tour, they were giving us little samples of different ciders they did there, and things like that, and none of it grabbed me, I didn't really care about any of it. And I was quite gutted that I'd visited my friends on the day that they

decided to go on a boring tour of a cider farm. And then on the very last bit of the tour, they said that this is our vintage cider, and it was cider that was kept in whiskey barrels, so that the flavor of the whiskey gets into the cider. And I had the sample, and again, just another, well, this is the best thing I've ever had. It's sweet, but it's also got this, like, the flavor of the whiskey was really there. It's not like some stuff, they go, it's kept in whiskey barrels, and you drink it and go, well, so what? I taste whiskey in it. Why have you even told me that? The whiskey had properly infiltrated the cider, and I loved it so much that I then bought a load of bottles of it, more than I could have drank myself,

because I was like, this drink is so good, I'll bring it back for my family. I still live with my parents at the time, went home, said, I've bought you all bottles of this vintage cider, everyone went, we don't like cider. So then I had, like, 10 bottles or whatever, and because at the time, I wasn't a drinker, I didn't, you know, like, going out and getting drunk and getting on it, so I just saw the cider, like, I did any other drink, and I just had it, I had it for breakfast. Like, most mornings, with my wheat evicks and stuff, I'd pour myself a glass of this vintage cider, which was the most delicious drink I'd ever had, and it was so good, like, you know, really wakes the tongue up in the morning. And I've never been able to have it since, I don't

even know what the name of the cider farm was, I don't know what the name of the, but that specific vintage cider from that cider farm in Newquay, I'm really gutted that I don't know, and I've tried to Google it, I've tried to find, you know, as I don't know if maybe there's some, maybe you are better luck than me, but it was the first time I ever liked alcohol, and I never got drunk on it, either. I never drank so much that I got drunk, I would literally just have it like I would have a glass of apple juice in the morning, and then go about my day. I'm annoyed that I didn't keep the bottle, you know? Like, nowadays, I'd probably keep the bottle with a label on it and be like... Or take a picture at least, yeah. Yeah, back then, it was, I didn't have a camera phone, I would have

been mad if I'd got my actual camera and took a photo of that bottle. People would have been like, Guys, is it all right with you at this juncture? I know you don't often do it at this juncture, I'm going to read your menu back before you reveal the finale. Sure, wow. Should we do it? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, James, your menu first. Causton press, rhubarb flavour, inner jug, centre of the table, crushed ice, no straws. Yes, please, and the crushed ice is made of causton press. Big. Then you went to a pop-up restaurant, which didn't have a bathroom, you went next door to something called Dairy, never mind that, you had pizza bread sticks that didn't have cheese on, but they blew your mind. On the table, late edition, you would like some whipped butter

that you'd had at a different restaurant that made you cry. In Amsterdam, you're going to have the whipped butter there with bits of pork scratchings. Then you are going to follow this with what can only be described as a celebration of tomato plate that you had in San Francisco. I don't know what else happened to you that day, what your nighttime shenanigans were like, but it's lodged in your head as the best thing you've ever eaten, and we have to take your word for it. There was tomato, sorbet, there was gels, there was tomato in every different shape or form. It suddenly introduced you to the world of tomatoes. Yes. With that, you would like a tropical smoothie, not juice, that's important, that reminds you of a raspberry pettifaloo, which can only be found in Melbourne.

Yes. Deal? South American smoothie. There you go. Then you're going to have a beef wellington, where it was delicious. The sauce was delicious. You can have it for two if you want. Bring it to the table, the pastry crisp. Outstanding. You'd like that with a sour beer. You don't remember the name, but you did have it in a pub you had to stop at because you were going to soil yourself. Then on the side, you'd like a, what can only be described as a savory croissant bread and butter pudding that's covered in sap, but was delicious. It's very rich. Let's call it a Berkswell pudding. You like that on the side. With that, if anyone's still with me, you would like, as a beverage, a rosé vermouth cocktail that, as you say, is that nothing you've ever eaten before. Then,

followed by this, so you've got tomato in there. You've got a smoothie. You've got some crushed ice. You've got some pizza breadsticks. Hold the cheese. You've got the Wellington. You've got the sour beer. You've got the bread and butter pudding. Then two portions, please. Then you'd like a rosé vermouth cocktail from somewhere called Hoppers or Hollies or Nevermind. Let's not focus on that. You would then like some vintage cider, which you used to drink with your Weeter Bix. Yes. Also, at some point during that, I'd like to be surprised by a mold cider by the lady from the clothes shop. She's coming out regularly, basically, just to take your temperature. Before you reveal your pudding, Ed, are you ready? I'm so ready. I've led you to the table.

You're meeting your friend. He wants to be next to the water. You want to be in somewhere with full atmosphere, but spread out atmospheric. There's open brick. You are going to start with a pint of Guinness, just drawn. Then you are going to have a big thing of pizza bread laced with marmite and cheese, and you're going to tuck into that. I'm happy with that. Are you happy with that? I'm so happy. Good. Then you move into oysters. They've got a special pecorino butter. You are not going to chuck them yourself. Somebody's going to come introduce yourself. They are going to be your personal chucker for the night. It's your dream restaurant. Yes. You have 12. You can have 24. You can share them with your friend. Go nuts. With your oysters,

your plethora of oysters, you are having a Harris gin martini with specifically four olives, but you're not hammered. You're absolutely fine. You've had the Guinness. You've had some oysters. They've soaked something up as if. Then you're moving on to what can only be described as a meat feast. It's a barbecue tray that seven people have to hold. On there, you've got brisket. You've got ribs. You've got pork belly. You've also got some cornbread in case you're not full. And then you've also got some cauliflower that's been barbecued. Open flame with tahini, which doesn't totally fit, but will let you have it because it is yours. With that, you would like the bourbon that costs thousands and thousands of pounds, but just a small glass of it. That's

absolutely fine. I want to use the word periwinkle. The Claudivan winkleman. Thank you. On the side, you're going to have some cold sesame noodles because that makes sense. It goes well with it. No, it does. With some crispy chili oil in a little dish. And with that, you would like some little bastard wine, which is like a wine you've never drunk before. It's blown your mind. You've drunk it. You've introduced it to somebody called Nish, who's now drinking magnums alone. I think you should both call him after this. And then you would like a heavy, yet fruity, but a delicious red wine, preferably a Californian Cabernet Sauvignon. You've shared it together. You went to New York. You went to LA. This is the situation. Those are your menus. Is everyone happy?

So happy. Great. I feel like I've made a really good account of myself for myself. Good. That's the most important thing. You've got everything covered, meat, oysters, Guinness, marmite bread, cold noodles, two different kinds of wine, bourbon, and why not throw in a martini. I've got a problem. I'm going to have to look after my friend tonight after this meal. Lockdown has been hard on us all. So what are you, Ed Gamble, having for pudding? Okay. So obviously the worry here is that if I do say cheese board, there's going to be some serious ructions. I'm delighted with the cheese board. Are you seriously even considering it? Look, I can't believe you'd be even torn. Of course. Look, I considered having a cheese board

for my starter to get it out the way. But then I thought, no, there's so many other things. I wanted the oysters and also I didn't want to pick a cheese board straight away because then James would be relaxed. Then he's not hanging on tenterhooks. And you want to end with cheese. You don't want to start with Gorgonzola. Exactly. You want to end with cheese. But then when I was putting together my barbecue meat tray that has to be carried by seven people, I thought, realistically, what's the worst thing to have after that? And it's probably a plate of cheese. Worst thing to have after anything, really. James, you're about to get your way here, mate. Sorry. Because so help me God, I will pick a cheese board if you annoy me. Even in this

dream restaurant where I can't get full, I can't feel sick, I wouldn't fancy... A big hunk of cheddar. A big hunk of cheddar after a big hunk of brisket. I just don't think I could do it. It's too much fat. It's too much savory fat. Obviously, it's a dessert. I'm going to have loads of sweet fat instead. Good. This was harder for me than I thought it was going to be. I have a lot of honourable munchens, including one that Claudia hates the honourable munchens. I don't, but it takes away the threat. It's like saying, I will have sex with you, but do you mind if I just lick the neck of your four friends? Like, you've got to choose who you're having sex with. Right. Hey, some people are down with that. But you go ahead. It's 2021. Come on.

Including, there's one of my honourable munchens, which I think James would have thought I might have picked as my dessert, but I'm not going to pick it because I was worried that he was going to pick it. And as everyone who listens to this podcast knows, I hate ordering the same thing as other people on the table. I will often change my order if people pick the same as me, because I don't think that's the point of going to a restaurant. Well, Ed, let me tell you, it's also in my honourable munchens, and it's not mine. Oh my God. It didn't make it. So, I mean, that is a disaster because why should I... No, I'm not going to switch it. Honourable munchens. The French toast My mum's rhubarb crumble with cheap vanilla ice cream, peanut butter pie from Flavortown,

a plate of Colin the Caterpillar, but only the faces and asses. Yes. Love that. Pizza Express chocolate fudge cake or carrot cake, all in my honourable munchens. But the winner is the second visit to Hawksmore in my menu. It's the peanut butter shortbread with salted caramel ice cream. It is the first time I started going to restaurants properly and really discovered a love for restaurants. I went to Hawksmore with some friends and I picked that. I don't think I'd really had peanut butter in a dessert very often. The shortbread's incredible. It's got just enough peanut butter, but not super sweet peanut butter like in American desserts. And then the salted

caramel ice cream is just an amazing way to top it off. I'm having that for my dessert and with it, I would like an espresso martini, please. Why not? I mean, Ed, I'm so happy with your menu. I would like an espresso martini because it's the perfect way to end a meal, especially if you're going on somewhere else or walking home. I think I'm going to need that boost to get out from under the table at this point. Good. I think that you've chosen excellent pudding. Excellent. I've never had it, but I'm going to. Thank you. I mean, it's fantastic. That's always been on the menu at Hawksmore. It's so, so good. I couldn't get through this menu without a shout out to peanut butter. I eat peanut butter every day. I love it.

Yeah. Also, I've never, Ed always talks about Hawksmore. Always recommends it. I've still never been. I've never been. Oh, mate. And I hear it's amazing. I kind of want to go without Ed at this point. I'd want to go and be Ed's guest. Yeah, you're welcome. You're very welcome. When lockdown ends, you two should go and post photographs. You will. Thank you. James, you've had tomatoes, just bevy. You've had whipped butter. You've had rhubarb drinks. You've had beef Wellington. You've had rosé vermouth. You've had vintage cider. You've had a pudding made of croissant dough. How is this ending? If we both have an honorable mention that's the same, can we get it for the table? I feel like we've broken so many rules. You're at this point have both had about 10 drinks

each. Do it. If you both, if you really need it. So I'd like to order the chat for you French toast for the table, please. Thank you, James. So that we can both share that. A lot of honorable mentions here for me. The headline of the honorable mentions would be something I had at Noma, and I'm hesitant to say it because I think Claudia's going to go nuts and be a bit angry about this. It doesn't sound like it would taste nice. Tomatoes. Crispy cod skin in white chocolate. Oh, stop it. James, can I just say, and no one expected this, I'm supposed, I'm like the slightly snobby food guy, right? Who talks about high end stuff a lot and memories of going to Michelin star restaurants. You know, and I worry about that sometimes,

especially on a podcast that's supposed to be everyone to be able to listen to and be able to try the things we talk about. You have basically, there's Michelin stars absolutely coming out your ass on this menu. I'm really, I'm taking a back. I've got to be honest about what has tasted the nicest. No, I think you do. Look, and absolutely, you should be. It's just surprised me that you're sometimes we get people on this podcast, food critics, and there's only been two of them, but at some point they'll always make a point of like saying the best food they ever had was something from like, you know, a greasy spoon cafe and I'm sitting there going, horse shit, mate. Absolutely bollocks. You've been eating at the best, most high end restaurants in the world.

There's no way that, I mean, I'm going to call out Grace Dent on this. I think she said chips from a chip shop with curry sauce on it as one of her. She's not wrong. Oh, it's nice. But the best things that Grace Dent's ever eaten, I was like, yeah, okay, pull the other one, Dent. The rest of my honorable mentions for this are not as cut. So that cod skin cookie with white chocolate is amazing. I'd also shout out, smash from Norway, Mark Suspense's pineapple tarts that Simon Rogan told us to have, banana jam pie from Chin Chin, banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery in New York, chubby hubby, Ben and Jerry's ice cream, Trader Joe's frozen banana slices, and any giant toasted marshmallow. I like it. They're my other honorable mentions,

but none of these are my dessert. And I nearly tried to do it that I was having all of them. I nearly tried to do it that I would have the global to pass of desserts and just have all of them together. So I thought desserts are my thing. And again, maybe I was thinking about the listeners too much, Claudia. And I was thinking they really expect me to go big on desserts and maybe I should just choose all of them. But that's a cheat. It is a cheat and it's also dishonest. And it makes it less fun. It is honest. Because I wouldn't want all of them. No, it's great. I would like a cake that my flatmates made me in 2018. In 2018, I was lucky enough to have a stand-up show of mine, put on Netflix. You'd had a bad year, Claudia.

I had a bad year the year before. Back from Amsterdam. It was the first day that the specials had gone on Netflix. And so we had a little viewing party at the flat and my flatmates made a cake. Oh, my God. This cake, I think about it all the time. I couldn't stop eating it all week. Every time I got home, I would have some of this cake. And it was so delicious that I didn't care about it out. My barometer for desserts is that the enjoyment of it has to completely get rid of the guilt of eating it. So that I don't care about the repercussions. I don't care if it's shaving however much time of my life. It's so delicious. And I would eat it all the time because it was that good. It was a triple layer cake, although each layer was the same, but it was like it was

chocolate cake with freeze-dried raspberries in the batter. In between each layer was a salted caramel cream. On the outside of the cake was a white chocolate ganache. And then that was covered with, on top of that was fondant icing. And then on the top of it, they had very professionally done a microphone in fondant and the Netflix logo in fondant, which was very impressive. It tasted so good. And I would like that with a side of my mother's homemade peanut butter slice cream that she makes, which is her homemade versions of Reese's peanut butter cups in a really like double triple quadruple cream ice cream, very rich. When my friend Graham tried it for the first time, he had a mouthful and he looked at me and he went, I'm going to die. So you can feel it

clog up your arteries as soon as you eat it. That's what I would like. I would like the whole cake, not just a slice of it. No, again, you like big things brought to the table. You like the big jug. You know, you want the whole cake with a server. You can share it with your friend, Ed. You can look out across the pond. Yes. What are you drinking? The salted caramel thick shake from Sweet Mother's Kitchen in Wellington. Oh my God. Circa 2014, because I think they changed the recipe to that thick shake later on. But the first time I went to Sweet Mother's Kitchen in Wellington and had the salted caramel thick shake. Again, it was a massive drum of it. And I just drank the whole thing so I didn't care if I was going to die as soon as I drank it. It was

so good that it just made all of life worth living. Loved it. Oh, we are so greedy. Like, this meal is going to end with me absolutely shitfaced and you just buzzing off your tits on sugar. As it should. It's perfect, really. We're going to have to go for a swim in the pond. But you're in the dream restaurant. So you're not going to get too full. You're not going to get too drunk. And you might just have a little, a tiny bit of brisket. Thank you so much. Or just a little sip of Guinness. Oh, thank you. More than enough. I've got lots of things. That's never happened. Here's something though, Claudia, that I would like to propose before we move on. Please. Before we wrap up. Ideally, if I'm sitting down with my friend Ed, and we're both eating our dream meals

at the end of dessert, I don't just want to go home. I would like us to be able to get up from my table, go over, sit by the fire, maybe. And this is, I'm not saying this just to extend an olive branch to him. I would like to have not necessarily a cheese board. This is very romantic continuum. But I would like to have something that's like, you know, a charcuterie, maybe, maybe a bunch of stuff. Cheese biscuits, meats, stuff like that. And I would like to have to drink again from Noma. This is actually my first thing that's making it on the menu from Noma is the coffee kombucha that I had at the end of the meal at Noma. Again, I hadn't really had caffeine in ages. I don't know if you know that. But like, I, let me tell you, I had a 7am flight the next morning. And I stayed

up all night with Nish drinking these black coffee kombuchas all night. And I didn't sleep a wink because I hadn't had caffeine in that long. I have to round off the meal with that drink. It was the most delicious, you know, cold brew coffee, but like with this fruit kombucha kind of fermented kind of taste there. It was so nice, so delicious. I would like that coffee from Noma. And I'd like to sit and watch Ed have a cheese board to himself at the end of the night. Well, if we're going over to the fire, then I'd like to maybe get a little tray of putty four, some little sweet treats, some, some little chocolate truffles, some little crispy sweet things. I mean, I've had some nice putty four. I can't put my finger on where at the moment,

but James knows the sort of thing I'm talking about. I'd like to bring some of those over for him. A miniature eclairs. Yeah. I'd like to have a whiskey. And specifically, I went on a wonderful holiday to Japan in 2018, where I proposed to my girlfriend. We had a wonderful time. And we went to a couple of... Well, the night of, actually, we went to the robot show in Tokyo, which is the craziest, hackiest thing I've ever seen in my life. And we drunk miniature bottles of champagne. And that is the best tasting drink I've ever had, because I don't remember being happier. But we then went to an incredible restaurant called Inua in Tokyo. And it's very Scandinavian, actually, the way they do things. I think the guys who run it used to work at Noma.

We had a mutual friend who's one of the chefs. So he showed us around the kitchen, and then he said, I'd like to buy you a drink to congratulate you on your engagement. And I said, I'd like a whiskey, please. He said, well, we do our own whiskey here, our own label whiskey in Inua. And he gave me one of those whiskies. And that is just the most comfortable and happy and warm I think I've ever felt. So I'd like to have one of those, even though I am aware, that I am now having that with James rather than my fiance. So the memory is somewhat altered. Better. Better, I think. Yeah, better in a way. So I'll have one of those whiskies, please, and I'll give James some sweet treats. Yes. Done. I mean, are you both,

do you feel sated and satisfied with your choices? More than. I do, actually. You know, it was quite a torturous process coming up with it, because you feel like, you feel like that's it then. But like James says, we can, you know, we can change our minds. It's not like, and it's not like we have to eat this every day. This is our, this is our special treat. It's not, I was starting to feel like, you know, when Ross laminates his five celebrities that he's allowed to sleep with, I was a bit worried about that. I was laminating this, but I'm not. This is not a lamination. It's your show. It's your show. And you get another go for your guess. It's terrible. It's deadly serious because you only

get one shot. Yeah. This time next week, you could go, do you know what? I'm taking that plate of tomato essence out and I'm just going to throw in a tuna melt like a normal person. You bet that might happen. Who knows? You've got all the good stuff. I feel great. Thank you so much for having me. Well, thank you for having us. You're, oh, hold on a minute. Sorry, I can just see some of you. What's that? Would you like a glass of warm mulled cider? Whoa! I can't believe this! Well, there we go. A couple of absolutely disgusting menus. What are you talking about, man? They're the best menus we've ever had on this podcast. That is true, actually. They are delicious. Yeah, really delicious. I mean, and everything you said, I thought I would have that

on my menu. Yeah, I would eat all of your menu. I would eat it. I bet I'd love it. It's a shame we had to do this over Zoom. Obviously, in my mind, I know you said in your mind that you thought it would be in person, but in my mind, we would do it live in a theatre or something. But you know, there's time for all of that sort of stuff. Obviously, that was Episode 100, mine and James' menus. We'll do it again at Episode 200. Absolutely. That's what's going to happen, guys. You keep this podcast going. You keep on supporting us every single 100-mark episode. We're going to do our menu. Me and Ed are going to go out to dinner with a different genie each time. Exactly. Obviously, we will have to do Episode 200 over Zoom as well because of COVID-42.

Yes. Obviously, that'll have happened. Who knows? We might have a new producer by then. Hey, you know what? I hope not because I'm going to put this out there, 100 episodes. Oh, the great Benito really has done a smashing job, hasn't he? Hopefully, it's no secret to anyone, but if this was just down to me and Ed, we really would have been impressed if it made it to 10 episodes. It wouldn't have made it to 10 episodes, or we might have recorded one, but no one would have heard it because I don't know how to put them on the Internet. I don't know how to edit them. I don't know how to tell people about it. We turn up, we chat all the shit you hear,

plus more because a lot of it's cut out, and then that's all we do. Then a podcast just happens. To give the listener an idea of how many episodes of this podcast they would have heard, if the great Benito wasn't involved and it was just down to me and Ed, I once went round to Ed's house and we got a video camera and we filmed a bunch of short comedy sketches that were based on us being vloggers talking about our fan theories of various TV shows. We filmed three episodes in one night. What about Westworld? What about Stranger Things? I can't remember what the third one was even about. We were called Jamie and Ed Gamble, and I had an outfit on and everything. We filmed it all. Our fan theory about Westworld was that at the end of series one, when Ben Barnes is on

the horse, and he's naked on the horse, and the horse's butt gets slapped and the horse comes away with him. Our fan theory about that was that Ben Barnes goes off in the desert and fucks the horse, and then they give birth to Mr. Tumnus, and that's how Narnia began. We filmed all of that in one night, and that was probably three years ago, four years ago. Whatever the first series of Westworld was out, four years ago, I'd say, and it's still never seen the light of day. It's not even been edited. It's still on the camera that we used. Nothing has ever been done with it. So that is what this podcast would be, were it not for the Great Benito. It would just be a recording of Scroobius Pip on one of our phones that no one's ever listened to. So what we're

trying to say is thank you, the Great Benito. Thank you so much, the Great Benito. And thank you to all of you guys as well who listen to it and tweet about it and talk about it, and people seem to really be into it. So thanks for being into it. Thank you for jumping on all the little silly things we say, making sure they don't get forgotten, and building a three-dimensional world, because that's what every podcast needs. And thank you, of course, to NoContextOffMenu, who really brings that to life. Yeah, I love them. I get sometimes Ed sends me the screenshots of it, and I'm like, that guy's done really amazing work. Yeah, because James isn't on social media,

so I have to screenshot all of my favorite ones, and I send them to James, and then he has a little chuckle. So he's got his own form of social media where people just cherry pick all the best bits and send them to him. It's great. Hey, guys, if you ever think about leaving social media, it's brilliant, because you just get it curated for you by all your friends. They send you all the best bits. You just get to see the creme de la creme. I'm starting to think I should balance it a little bit and start sending you, like, troll stuff as well. Yeah, so I said to me, look at what this person said about you today, not generous. But we feel very grateful. We're very happy to have made it to 100 episodes.

A lot of podcasts don't make it past one, and look, long may it continue. No plans on stopping. I love doing this podcast, and thank you, Ed, for being such a great guy and making me feel nice and comfortable every episode, even in that one when we were supposedly head to head. I was like, no way. We're friends, bad luck. Yeah, exactly. And thank you, James, for being a good friend and a wonderful dining companion. And hopefully, at some point in the future, we can all get together and have a meal. And I'm saying that to James and Benito, not to you, the listener. I like you. Thank you for listening. You make me feel successful, but please keep your distance. Yeah, you can't all come to dinner. Although, if we do the live show

thing, maybe. Yeah. Oh, well, that's a possibility for the future. Once everyone's been vaccinated, etc. Still a sparkling vaccine. And then we can all get together and have a lovely old time at a live show and all, all eat the same meal. Do you think you can do that at a live show? Can you? Yeah, we'll order all just the same meal for everybody. And they've all got to just eat that. Benito's already shaking his head. See, this is the problem. Benito spots logistical issues sometimes. So we can't really live our dreams because he's like, no, that won't work. You can't have a delivery for 2000 people. That's how many people we're playing to. Yeah, that's how many it would be 2000. 2000 exactly. I think so. So thank you very much.

100 done. We will see you next week for 101. Oh, well, I guess we'll be a Dalmatian. Uh-oh. Pongal. Pongal. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners,

sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy. Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.