Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 113: Asim Chaudhry

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

Actor and writer Asim Chaudhry – aka ‘People Just Do Nothing’s Chabuddy G – has a table booked this week. And there’s a battle of the diet colas.‘People Just Do Nothing: Big In Japan’ is released in cinemas on 18th August.Follow Asim Chaudhry on Twitter @AsimC86 and Instagram @asimcRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the flower of conversation. Adding the yeast of humour. Letting it prove on the internet and baking a wonderful podcast experience. Mmm. It's not the exact recipe for bread. Please don't take that, write all that down and try and bake bread. There's some other stages. That's how you make waffles. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you make waffles, man. Cool, cool, cool, cool. I didn't know you had to prove like waffle recipe or anything. Huh? Didn't know you had to prove it if you're

doing waffles. Yeah, yeah. You've always got to prove it, otherwise people won't believe you. Right, okay. You don't know anything. What is this podcast, James? This is the Off Menu podcast. We've got a dream restaurant. I'm a genie. Ed is the proprietor. And make sure you do. And we welcome a guest into the dream restaurant every week and ask them their favourite ever starter main course, side dish, drink and dessert in that order. And this week our guest is Asim Chaudhry. Asim Chaudhry, wonderful actor, writer, comic. You probably know him from People Just Do Nothing. He plays Chobadi Ji. He's very funny. He is so funny. And People Just Do Nothing is so funny that People Just Do Nothing film

big in Japan is out next week. We're very excited to see it. Very excited. I love People Just Do Nothing, Ed. I think it's hilarious. I think Chobadi Ji is such a funny character. I'm very excited to have Asim on the podcast. Yes, indeed. Can't wait to find out his dream menu. But if he says a special ingredient which we have decided upon, he will be kicked out of the dream restaurant even though he's got a film coming out next week, James. And the secret ingredient this week is peanut dust. Peanut dust. Peanut dust. Peanut dust for those of you who watch People Just Do Nothing will know. Chobadi Ji is an entrepreneur always coming up with different things, willing and dealing. And one of the things, in the

very first episode, he comes up with peanut dust. He's trying to sell people just the dust from the peanut packets. I think it's a good idea. Comes up a few times throughout the series. Every now and again, little peanut dust reference. The fans have really latched on to it. So we're thinking maybe Asim's going to be tempted to play to the fans on this one. And if he is, he chooses peanut dust. He's out. We're going to punish him for it. Even though, James, I genuinely think it's a good idea and I would buy it. Yes. I know you would buy it. Would you use it? You sprinkle it on stuff? Or have I decided? As a condiment. I'd use it as a condiment. I'd occasionally just neck a bit of it. I

think it would be great. Sometimes I use a powdered peanut butter, which sounds like a similar idea. Right. Yeah. Is that spreadable? What's that? You mix it with water. Oh, okay. To make peanut butter. Yeah. It's just like powdered peanut butter. It's like lower in fat and I can basically make loads of it and not feel sick afterwards. Always surprising me, Ed. Everyone should out there. You all deserve to have a friend like Ed. You never fully know the man. Yeah. Some people like to talk about, or you always surprise me when you talk about layers of personality or, you know, oh, that's something I didn't know about you. An interesting backstory. With me, it's like sometimes I use powdered peanut

butter. Yes. I didn't know you added peanut powder to water and made yourself some peanut butter. Very exciting. Well, Ed. Yes. Should we start the episode? Yes. We should start the episode. Enjoy the off-menu menu of As in Chowdry. Chowdry. Welcome, Asim, to the dream restaurant. Thank you. Welcome, Asim, Chowdry, to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I know. So what happened there? Was that an explosion? Yes. Yes. It was. Oh. James is a genie and he exploded out of his lamp, I'd imagine. Right. Okay. Just be careful doing explosion noises around me. I don't want the government thinking, because how I look brown with a beard walking into a restaurant

and then you going, I could get shot. All right. So be a very abrupt end to the podcast. So you're worried that someone from the government is going to hear the explosion run into the dream restaurant and they're going to look around and you're the first guy they're going to be like, it must have been us. Yeah. And exactly. And sometimes before I say, I'm not a religious man, but sometimes before I eat, I do say a little Bismillah, which means bless. And if I say that, combined with a bomb blast, come on. It could get a bit weird. All right. Do you think that level of prejudice is so ingrained that if the government ran in and they saw you and a genie next to a smoking lamp that they'd still assume you were the

cause of the noise? Yeah, they'll still blame me. Also, I like that. I like that James is wearing a blue t-shirt literally looking like a genie. Yeah, this is the most genie cut. I mean, this is genie blue, this t-shirt. This is genie blue. I don't think anyone's described blue as genie blue. I like that. Yeah. That's nice. Absolutely proper, authentic genie blue. I'm quite happy with this. It's a new t-shirt. And I thought I'd get a compliment from you today about it. You haven't said anything. Well, I've not said anything. It looks quite similar vibe to a lot of your other t-shirts. Is that fair? Probably the fairest thing you've ever said to me. So I didn't assume it was new, but it's very nice. I mean, you've got your style

and I think you're working it well done you. Thank you. Yeah. Asim, you bought any new t-shirts lately? Actually, I haven't. I used to make t-shirts. No, I didn't. I had a weird phase. I'm quite an obsessive man, right? And when I get into something, I really geek out on it. And I was really, for some reason, I was really obsessed with that come down with me episode. You know the guy who's like, Dear Lord, what a sad little life. You have all the grace over reversing dump truck that go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not wearing boxes, but I'll show you in a minute. But yeah, sorry. No, no. But that sounded weird. But yeah, so I was really obsessed with like to a point where like, I knew I knew it was I know I am wearing boxes. Sorry, I meant I'm only wearing

boxes. And then I said, I'll show you in a minute. That sounded so creepy. But I'm sorry, guys. No, no, I am just only wearing boxes. I was about to stand up and show you something. Okay. I thought you were going to be our first guest to be Winnie the Poe in it during the record. Um, how's that? You're good. He got his dick out in the first five minutes. Um, yes. Anyway, I was really obsessed with that whole moment. And I don't know why, like, and I know it was already, I knew about it before, but I really, really got into it. And then I was like, analyzing it. And I did like a YouTube breakdown video. And this was during lockdown as well. So I was like, I've started a vlog that I quit after three apps. And I started a podcast

that I quit. I started doing Twitch streaming that I fucking couldn't be bothered with. I'm like that. Like I get into something that I just give up. Anyway, so before this, I was on holiday before lockdown and I was in the jacuzzi and I sprained my ankle. So basically for two days, I was just inside the hotel. And then I just obviously was watching stuff. And then I, then I was on Photoshop and I just made a design of the come down with me guy, his face, and then the other people in the background. And it says like, you know, enjoy the money, Jane, or something like that. Oh, no, no, no, no, sorry. It says, I can't remember. It's enjoy the money, Jane. And it was just a really cool design. And I put it on Twitter, like as a joke,

I was like bored as fuck, wherever. And it went viral. And everyone was like, okay, where can we buy this? And I went, no, no, no, I'm not, I don't sell t-shirts. Like I'm an actor. I don't, that's not my profession. I'm not in the fashion industry. But I had to make them. So I got them designed and you know, they went, it went mental. And then it then became this whole thing where like the actual Jane from the episode, she wanted one and she got into my DMs and she started like basically having a go at me being like, you've got it all wrong. Because I analyzed it so deeply that I actually realized that Peter, the guy, the dear Lord guy, he was actually the victim. Really? 100% like. So for people who don't know about this moment come down with me,

it's when at the end, Jane has won and Peter, whose house the last episode was in, thought he'd got it in the bag, didn't and he takes it very badly, doesn't he? Yeah, he's reading the results. He gets out the paper and he says, and in fourth place, it's me. And then he looks, he scrolls up and he sees that Jane's won. And then he goes, congratulations, Jane, you've won. And then it just starts the most, it's just the way he delivers it as well. They're kind of, dear Lord, what a sad little life. And then you know, you have all the grace and decorum of a reversing dump truck without any tires on poetry. You come up with that. So anyway, I became obsessed with that. I made the t-shirts, they went viral. I even, okay,

now I'm going to stand up. Hold on, let me pull my box. Here we go. Oh, you know, and then during the vlog thing I did, I even got my girlfriend to do a painting of that. It's a brilliant painting. That's exactly like him. Exactly. And she made his eye and his eye red. Like some terminator kind of dude. So anyway, I had a really weird obsession with it, but then it came full circle, like I said, when Jane from the actual episode attacked me, came in my DMs, you don't know anything. He was a fucking nightmare. You don't know. And then we became friends. And then I sent her a t-shirt. And then I've got a picture of the actual Jane wearing the t-shirt

and then the voiceover guy won it one. So then I became like, it came full circle and now I'm over it. Yeah. Now I'm done with it. You say that you get into stuff and then you give it up. It sounds like that ended appropriately, right? You followed that through as far as you possibly could. I think so. Yeah, I'm very, I'm content with it now. Like I'm done with it. Like, you know, like, I mean, obviously if someone brings it up, I will have a chat about them. I'll talk about the, you know, the very complex politics of it all and the social dynamics because I found it fascinating. You know, I did a whole breakdown video on YouTube and not for, like just for myself, like it wasn't for, I wasn't going to be like, yeah, this is going to be great content.

Fuck the content. This was therapy for myself to get over this obsession. And now I think I'm over it. But I was considering making a musical or something about it. Like, uh, yeah, do you know what I mean? Like basing something on it because I do think it's so brilliant. It doesn't, it doesn't sound like you're over it. If you're considering funding a musical, I'm like the cookie monster but my cookies are like, come down with me. You said that you had to make loads of t-shirts. Did you make loads of t-shirts or did you lock Steve's in a garage and make him make them and then let him out in the morning? And paid him a dinner. No, I should, I should have to be fair. No, I actually just got, I just got the same people who do our corruptive merch. I just don't

want to do it. Did a little brief reference to people just doing nothing there. The film's coming out. Big in Japan. It's very exciting. What, what can people expect from it? I think, you know what, it's one of those, I'm really, really proud of it. And I'm only, I've only become proud of it recently because I kind of forgot we made a film because we made it at the end of 2019, like right before Corona hit. We were very lucky in Japan. Then obviously, you know, the world went to shit, cinema shot. So the film has been ready for like a year. I've seen it a million times, given notes on every meticulous, you know, every meticulous detail. So I kind of, I'm sick of it, right? But I let it, you know, you know what it's like when you work or something, you know,

it stops even becoming a thing anymore. It's like, it just becomes weird. Then obviously, I haven't even seen it for like four or five months now. It's just been sitting there. But now like these pre-screenings have been going out and some film reviewers and whatever influences have been seeing and people have been telling me, oh, we really love it and all that. So I'm really excited. And tomorrow we've got like a cast and crew and friends and family screening tomorrow at Leicester Square, which is like going to be 300 people. And I'm actually quite nervous and excited, but also because my mom and my dad, they're both divorced. They haven't seen each other for like, God knows how long, like maybe 10, 12 years.

And they're both coming and my dad's, you know, bringing his wife and his kids and my mom's bringing her kid. And like, it's going to be weird, but it's kind of sweet in a way because like I said to my mom, is it like, is it going to be weird? Like you're going to see dad and like, you know, my stepmom and all that. She was like, and also like, I've got friends who are coming who some of them haven't spoke for years. Some have got friction, some have got beef. And then everyone just said to me, look, fuck all that. This is, we're here for you today. Do you know what I mean? So it's quite sweet, but I am quite nervous because like I said, my mom and my, I don't know what's going to fucking pop off. You know what I mean? It might be.

Maybe your parents will get back together. It's still 20 years later. Maybe you guys will give it another shot. Yeah. We'll go to Disney World again. The lights come up at the end of the film and they're on the back row getting off with each other. Oh my God, that'd be hilarious. I'd love that. You know, you're joking about that. I would love that though. The little kid in me is like, yeah, mom and dad, get back together. It was weird. And I remember when my parents used to argue back in the day,

because they used to argue so much, which is, which is why divorce is a great option sometimes, because they were clearly not right for each other. And as an adult, you fully understand that, you know, but I remember we used to have this thing, which is really sweet and quite pathetic. But when they used to fight, I remember I used to get a little twig and wrap a Tesco bag around it, like a white flag. And I used to run in the room and just wait. That is like the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard in my life. Oh no. Oh no. But yeah, anyway, it's going to be fun. I'm really proud of the film. I think because it's in Japan, in Tokyo, it's got a cinematic feel. So it feels big. Like literally,

you could point a potato in Japan, you know, it's shit camera and it was still looking epic. Like, you know, the place is insane. So it's cinematic. It feels big. But at the essence of it, it's literally, it's the same humor. It's the same tone. The characters feel the same. You know, it's a fish out of water story. It's a story about friendship. And I've always said this, the thing I kind of envy about like people like Chabadi, right? Like, you know, obviously he's my character. But I do envy him because you see me, I'm not content in my life. You know, I always want more. I want to be, you know, I want to be more successful. I want to be do more things. I want to write more films, do more TV shows. Like I'll never, it'll never be

enough for me, right? But Chabadi, Grindr, Beat, Steve, they're all content in their little shit world. Do you know what I mean? And I think there's something really sweet in that. And I think, like Chabadi doesn't want to have competition and compete with the other businessmen. He wants to be the only entrepreneur in the bloody place. You know what I mean? He wants to be number one. Yeah. I'm looking forward to it a lot. It was one of the things that I'm behind on so many UK sitcoms. And during lockdown, I just binged all of people just do nothing. And I'm very excited to watch the film. I've been quoting it a lot around the flat. James, if you get really obsessed with people just do nothing, you can make your own t-shirts. I can make a t-shirt,

genie blue t-shirt. So we always start with still sparkling water on the podcast. Do you have a preference? You know what? Okay, look, we're all grown-ups here, right? Yes. I like a sparkling water. I do. I'm not going to lie. When I was a kid, no fucking chance. You know, it's basically like, oh, it's like a fizzy drink without the flavor. You know what I mean? It's pointless. So I'm partial to a little sparkling water, but only on holiday. Is that weird? No, but let's dig into it. It doesn't feel weird, but I want to know the reason. So is it when you're abroad, there's just something different about your palette or does it feel like a special occasion? It's everything. I'm a different person when I'm abroad. I'll wear things that I would never wear.

Like, look, I bought these shorts the other day. I wouldn't wear these in real life. For the listener, ask him, he's holding up some shorts. He's not showing us his box of shorts that he was wearing. So I mean, I'm just a different person on the day. I feel free. I feel like there's no one judging me. I feel and also like the fact that, you know, like I play a comedy character that's mental when he's wears leopard skin and he's a ridiculous human being. So me in real life, I'm quite toned down. I wear black. I'm a bit more like low key. So on holiday, I feel like I would have a sparkling water. You know, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. So I would and I do feel like, you know, when they say still sparkling, you go sparkling. It just makes me feel

good as well. It makes me feel kind of. So do you want this dream meal to be on holiday? No, I don't want it to be on holiday because a lot of aspects of my meal are very home-based and stories and family and friends attached to it. So I don't think it, I'm just saying a holiday version of me will have sparkling water. But can I just say one thing though that I hate and this is not a diss to the brand or whoever make it. But you know, still like yesterday, I was on the show and they gave me that water in a can still. Oh yeah. That's a new thing, isn't it? Yeah. It doesn't, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right coming. Even if you know it's still water, you take a sip and there's no fizz. It just tastes weird. You feel like you've been let down.

It weds you out. It's kind of like a dream. We know where you can't punch someone or you're punching them and it's not hitting or like, you know, you can't come. Have you had those ones before? And it just dusts coming up. Like when you're about to, when you're about to climb that and just, you don't get, you just get a little, you don't have that one. No, Me neither. Me neither. Me neither. No, that's fucking weird, man. Fucking hell, freaks. Anyway, so moving on. But you know what I mean? Just an, just not, no climax. A frustrating dream. Yeah. And then you got about to come and then dust comes out and a genie comes out of your day.

You come out. I come out. Explosion. Cops come in, shoots both. Yeah. You've got a boner. I've got a boner. Yeah. And one of my three wishes I wish for sparkling water because this water in a can is not doing it for me. Let's go with sparkling water. Yeah. Holiday or not holiday, because I would still have it here, but on holiday, I don't know why always sparkling water. Do you want to, for the sparkling water, do you want to change into the shorts and then you can change back into your more normal clothes for the rest of the meal? Yes, please. Yes. Great. Thank you. Great. Okay. And you want anything in that sparkling water? You want ice cubes? You want

I have an ice and a lime, please. I like a bit of lime in my water. Why does it edge it over the lemon? Lemon? I don't want a lemonade. You know, I just feel like lemon is, there's a big difference between lemon and lime. You know, some people are like, oh, whatever. It's not, it's very different. I feel absolutely. And I love lime. I love the flavour of lime. I'm with you. So yeah, water and lime. Wedge, not a slice. I'm assuming. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wedge. Yeah. Definitely. What's the point of a slice? Because the wedge, you can get in there and you can pick the wedge up and you can squeeze it and then you can get it to the right strength. A wedge, you can't squeeze a slice, can you? No, it squeezes a slice.

It's messy. Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's all bread. Asim Chowdhury. Papa Dom's all bread. God, I feel like the Papa Dom's all bread is quite random as well. I would say Papa Dom's and that's not me being a stereotype. That's me just saying, I like Papa Dom's. And when I was younger, actually, in my drama class, I was very naughty. I wasn't naughty. I was, you know, I was a good kid. I was a good kid. I was just very, I was very hyper. Like, I'm sure you guys were, you know what, you know, like in terms of like funny guys, we always want attention and we always do. So I was a bit, you know, challenging. But my drama teacher absolutely fucking hated me. Like, you know, one of those teachers that like,

if you breathe, you get attention. I mean, it's just like, she just didn't like the cut of my gym. And I didn't like the cut of her gym. And I remember one day in one lesson, my mate threw a rubber at her head, right? Classic. And she turned around and she, yeah, I remember I told this story in American ones and they thought I was talking about a condom. I was like, no, a rubber is an eraser, we call it. And she turned around, she saw it was me and she just was fuming. It wasn't me. But obviously I'm no snitch. I'm not going to be like, it was him. Obviously I took the rap for it. And she kicked me out of the drama class. Right. This was GCSE as well. She kicked me out. And she said, all right, ask them, she went, you need to earn your grade back. And I went,

all right, she was, you need to come in on time. You need to dabba-ban. I didn't. I really tried hard for the next like six months. I came in on time. I wasn't being naughty. I helped my group with their final production. This is where the Popodom became. I wrote it. I directed it. I gave myself a tiny part because I thought, you know, I might not get graded here. So it was called the Popodom father. And it was, it was like, it was like the Asian version of the Godfather. And it was really, it was really fucking good. Like it was funny, sweet. It was about, you know, you come to this day on my door's wedding. And he was eating Popodoms. And, you know, it was fucking ridiculous. And there was like, you know, shooting going on and like,

lassi flying everywhere. You know, I went to school in Houselow. So it was like, you know, very Asian. Yeah. And then at the end of it, like, I was like, okay, I think I've really done a good job here. I hope I get a grade. I hope I get a GCSE, right? Even my whole group, they wrote a letter to the teacher saying, look, we think Asim's deserve that he's done great. She still didn't grade me. So I basically left school with a U in GCSE. And then I quit any kind of drama acting for years, because I thought, oh, I'm not good enough. Or it really disheartened me. And then for years, I didn't do anything. I went into like, you know, like film and media and, you know, script writing and all behind the camera, because it really knocked my confidence. And

it's amazing like how, how powerful teachers can be like a great teacher, you'll never forget. And I still am not over that. I still think she did me so wrong. You know, I'm the same, man. I've got a teacher like that. Every time I think about her, I get absolutely furious still. You want to go up to her as an adult and say everything that you were mature enough to be able to like articulate when you were that age. Exactly. Exactly. And I think deep down, like, you know, she's probably seen me in doing stuff and all that. I was very tempted to go up to after the BAFTA and being like, dear Lord, you ruin my drama GCSE so you can have the money. I'm joking. I am kind of over it. But I know what you mean, James. I still get a little bit

kind of frustrated and sad because I do think it's important. And I think teachers, they should recognize like, I was a good kid, I was a creative kid who clearly had a lot of good ideas. Okay, I might be a bit of a shit, but you need to get like their kids, we're kids, you know what I mean? Like on the complete flip side, my English teacher, absolute fucking legend. He used to listen to my old rap songs and he used to like talk about hip hop with me. You know, he would know when I'd come in stinking of weed, he would be like, he would just always chat to me and he's still my friend today. Till this day, we're still mates. So that goes to show you and he gave me all the confidence in the world to be a writer, to,

you know, English I loved and playing with the language and very nurturing as a, you know, I mean, as a teacher, that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to nurture these kids and give them a chance, man. And I was still a little dickhead, but you know, so just the flip side and it goes to show you how important teaching is. It can change, it could shape a kid's life, you know? I don't think we've ever had as open and in-depth and earnest and vulnerable answer to poppadoms or bread ever. And I absolutely love that answer, really lovely answer, but I'll be honest, as in the whole time you're talking there, I wanted to ask more questions about the plot

of the poppadom father. Yeah, yeah, obviously wouldn't know what happens in the poppadom father. Well, I know that we, I remember when it started, I did that, but like in an Indian, I was like, and the doubler came and it was amazing. I'm telling you, you come to the day of my doors. I remember we used to say, ox, when we were younger, we used to say not ask, we used to go ox me for this. I used to say, but I don't know why. I think it was like a class thing. Like, you know, like if you were working class and foreign, you would say ox. And we also used to say crips instead of crips. So when I was a kid, I used to go, oh, ox your mom for some crips. Oh, so and when the dubbies of these all over the, oh, I really want so and when the ox your mom

for some crips. She won't give it to me, but she'll give it to you, ox her for crips. And I, we had all of that in the Puppet and Bodle. It was great. Was there a take on the horse's head in the bed thing? Did you like, did you do your version of that? No, we didn't. Now, we didn't get to, we were, I remember we were discussing that and it was going to be a dog, a dog instead, but it was just, we didn't really have the props for it. And then we wanted someone to play the dead dog. And this one guy was like, oh, so I'm going to play the dead dog and have no lines. He was like, he took it as a bit of a slap. So we just kind of left that bit out. What part were you, you said you gave yourself a small part, do you remember? I was a cleaner. I just, I came in

one scene and just sweeped up something and then left. And it wasn't even you that through the rubber, this is what's really upsetting me about this. All of this was for no reason. Because it, who threw the rubber us in? It was my, it was my maintenance. Okay, now we can say names. We can say names. It's not snitching because it, no, no, but you know what? It wasn't just the rubber incident. I was always used to come in late. I was always stoned. I was always like trying to chat up a girl, not listen. I was a dickhead, but I loved it though. I loved drama. Like it was one of the lessons where I wouldn't bunk. Yeah. Like, you know, I was known, notoriously known as a bunker in school. I even got an award and always late. I got an award at the end of school, an

ironic award called the early bird award because I was always late or bunking. Never got caught bunking though. That's one thing I'm proud of. Yeah, congrats. Never, ever got caught. It was all just allegations. Yes. So I used to come in the morning, sign in to register, fuck off, because I went to this school in houses called Heathlands and we, our school was behind a massive heat. So it was very easy to bunk and we used to build like little communities in the heat. I remember we used to get sofas and little cages and like sleep there sometimes, like session all night. It was an amazing place. So I was very clever about my bunking. I'd come in, sign in, vanish for the periods I don't want to do, the ones I haven't done my course work for,

then come back for the DOS lessons like drama, like, oh, you know, the bullshit lessons, German. The ones no one gave a shit about, you know. So no, I was a little shit, 100%, but I didn't deserve that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it sounds like even when you were bunking off, you put a lot of work into it. She built a whole makeshift village, some underground, like post apocalyptic, ready player one. It was like that. And we used to name the spots as well. Like there was one place that we found an old Christmas tree and we, we, um, on Christmas Eve, actually, we all met up and we put this Christmas tree and we decorated it with Riz learn drug bags and that became Eve. And so then forever, that's, that's a still a spot in house. Lola, if you're in the park and

you go and meet your Eve, me and my boys will know where to meet up. We move on to your main meal now. You're starting with your starter, your dream starter. Okay. So I don't know if you guys know what Barney booty is. Oh, what they are. Or they're also called gold cup. Oh, yes. Yeah. The chickpea, the little chickpea things. Yeah. One of the best starters you can have. And actually, but I have a different way of doing it, right? So like normally said, what they are, they're just like a little kind of huff pastry, I'd say, right? And then inside there, you feel, you feel it with like these kind of lentils, kind of like Jana lentils and onions and all this amazing like tamarind sauce. It's amazing.

And you have to crack it open. And then you also put a tamarind water in there. And that's what Barney is Barney means water. And then you kind of eat all about I've got a new way of doing it. So you get a shot glass, right? And you put the, the Barney in, right? You put the kind of tamarind water into the glass, then you put your little pastry on top, right? You eat the pastry and then you do the shot in one. Yeah, movement in one little motion. And it kind of makes like all the kind of Muslim boys who want to allow to drink. They like doing it because it feels like, oh, yeah, I mean, I beat them right doing shots. You know, I mean, it makes you feel a bit naughty, a bit around, you know? So yeah, I'd go for that. And it's the taste is incredible.

I love that because whenever I've had those in the past, you put it all in the thing and then you bite down on it and there's a bit of liquid loss when you crunch down on it. But with your system, you don't lose anything. And also the build is quite long as well. Like, you know, you have to get the thing, you got to crack it open, you got to put one bit in, put another bit in, then fill the water in. It's a good, you know, a minute and a half before you eat the fucking thing. So I'm like, pre-prepare all of them, put them on top of the shot glasses and just go mental, mate. Love it. You know what I mean? Shot, shot, shot. Yeah, love it. Do you think you could extend it and maybe put some of the elements maybe on your hand

to lick it off, do the shot, pop it in your mouth? Yeah. Very nice. I like that. I will add that to the agenda. How many are you having for a starter? I think, obviously, I'm a bit of a big boy, but I reckon I could do five. But I think three or four is acceptable. I think it's, you don't want to fill yourself up too much. Also, it's a beautiful taste, but it is quite a strong taste. You don't want that to dominate your palate. You know what I mean? You might need a little palate cleanser after, a little mouge-bouge maybe, you know, something to get rid of, because it's quite a potent. It's lovely, but it's very strong. So yeah, I think three to five is perfect. What would you have as a palate cleanser? Good question. I mean, what are normal palate

cleansers like? Well, I'm not really sure, because like, is it normally something lemony? Like a sorbet or something? They use sorbet quite a lot. But I've always found that quite weird, because I find sorbet quite a taste. Like, it doesn't clean my palate. It's just like having a dessert in it. So it's a bit weird to have it in the middle of the meal. Maybe a little mouthwash, then. A real palate cleanser. I don't know. The sixth shot that you lined up could be a shot of mouthwash. So it goes straight after the golgopas on the top, and you got the mouthwash beneath it, and then bam! Yeah, exactly. Done. You spit it back out as well, if you want to. Have you ever tried boozy ones? Boozy mouthwash? Well, no.

Of a starter, have you ever been like, oh, we said the tamarind water. Maybe I'll have a little bit of booze. No, I don't. Yeah, you know what? I don't know what spirit would go with it, but yeah, I feel like you could try that. That's a, you know, the thing is, do you have spicy alcohol, though? Like, you know, you can get, like, you can get spice, because you can get, like, what's the pecantes, they're a bit spicy, aren't they? Yeah, I guess you can get, like, chili vodka or chili tequila or something like that, I'm sure. Oh, actually, I've had, I've had peri peri whiskey before, which is fucking lethal. From Nando's. From Nando's, yeah. Nando sent me some peri peri whiskey, and it was fucking lethal. I've actually got, I've not,

I've not tried that yet. I didn't dare try that. I think I've got a bottle of it downstairs. So that's, that's, yeah, it's, it's, it's pretty lethal, mate. It's hot. It's quite, it good if you, I feel like it'd be good if you had a sore throat, though. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? I think it'll be good for you, but it's quite out there. But no, yeah, alcoholic, um, gawk up it. I reckon that could be a thing. Where is it on the Nando scale, this peri peri whiskey? Is it like hot, very hot? I think it's, I think it's extra hot. Yeah, yeah, because it hits you in the back of the throat. Yeah. You know what I mean? It goes straight to the back of the throat. So I think it's pretty lethal.

Your main course, what's that tea and up? This isn't all Asian theme, by the way, but this, I had to do this because this is like one of the best things you'll ever eat in your life, right? So my grandmother is an incredible cook. Like her whole life is just food. Like she's lived on the same council estate in Ealing since like the sixties, you know, completely self-independent woman. Like doesn't need anyone's help. Like doesn't, like lives on like five pound a week, right? But she, her cooking is unreal. Like it's just generational, passed down menus. And this meal, you know, if you've heard of it, it's called Halim. Have you heard of Halim? No. So Halim is like originally like a Persian lentil dish that's kind of slow cooked for hours with shredded kind of lamb

and then you kind of finish it off with fresh ginger, onions, lime, and you have it with fresh naan bread. And this thing is a delicacy, right? So in London, there's only one restaurant in London that actually serves legit Halim. And it's called Aladdin's. And I don't know if it's somewhere in North London or something, but it's been around for years. And people travel to go get this. It's kind of like a winter kind of peasant food. But the taste, I just can't even describe the taste to you. It's just so buttery and filled with flavor. And oh my God, it's not one of the best things you ever eat. Anyway, my naan is that's one of her specialities, right? Halim. And it's when my dad, because you know, my dad was the original Chobadi G, right? Like that's what

he's based on. And my dad used to have a restaurant back in the nineties in Hounslow called Al Medina. My grandmother used to come in every Thursday and cook a massive pot of this Halim, right? And people from all over London used to come. I remember as a kid, I remember going to my dad's restaurant and there used to be a queue outside. It was a little takeaway. It wasn't even a restaurant. It was a takeaway. And there used to be a queue outside my dad's restaurant for this Halim. And oh, it's just like, you know, obviously my mom and my dad are, you know, not together anymore. But my dad still talks about that Halim to this day. And like I now and again, my grandmother still loves my dad. Like, you know, she's like still thinks he's an angel. He's not. You know, I've

sent him some of the Halim now throughout the years. And every time he eats it, I can just see it transports him back to the nineties, back when he was the man as well. Like because he was like, he was kind of like a shit Tony Soprano. But you know what I mean? Like, he was like the Aldi Tony Soprano of his day. You know, he had like a lowered red Mercedes. It had a personalized number play. You know, he was cool, man. He was a cool guy when he was, you know, in the nineties. He was a bit of a boss. So I think as soon as he eats it, it takes him back to that. And obviously, it takes me back to so many memories. So I would say Halim. And like I said, it's kind of still a hidden gem in like in terms of like us as Brits,

like, you know, we've really embraced South Asian culture. We pretty much know all the Indian dishes, don't we? But this is a very, very specific dish that comes from a certain part and it takes the prep for it is all day long. And that's when you know a meal is legit when it literally takes eight hours to cook. You know what I mean? And it can feed hundreds is that kind of dish like it's just, you know, almost like a porridge. And then but all the other extra bits you add on, and you need to have it with fresh naan bread like straight out of the oven kind of, it's amazing. It's I couldn't recommend it anymore. I mean, I think we're both going to go to this Aladdin. Yeah, we're going, we're going as soon as we can to try and get this. It's pretty rare that

I'm genuinely starving by the time someone's finished talking about a dish. And that that sounds incredible. But my grandmother's one as well. Like that one in London is amazing too. But my obviously, I'm a bit biased, but my grandmother, I don't know how she's got it, but the recipe is just, oh my God, like it's just perfect, man. Like it's absolutely gorgeous. I'll happily turn up at your grandmother's house. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, come down. I just love this, like slow cook stuff. Like I love making slow cook stuff. I love just my favorites that we can actually taste the amount of time that's gone into it. Yeah. Like is it so it's cooking all day? Do you say like eight hours?

Yeah, it's cooking all day. And like the lamb is just for it just shredded basically within. So it's just it's just in the porridge, just like kind of strips of it everywhere. And then I just buy what I think makes it obviously is the taste is amazing. But it's the fresh ingredients you put on top, you know, it's the fried onions, the garlic, sorry, the ginger, yet you can put fresh chopped chilies as well. And it's just like, oh man, it's so good, honestly. And it's one of those meals where traditionally it's kind of eaten in a in a big bowl when loads of people eat off the same plate, sit down on the floor kind of vibes, you know, I mean, pretty can't do that these days with Corona. But you know, I mean, that's the that's the vibe. It's a very kind of community

together kind of food, peasant food, you know, I mean, if I can't be trusted in situations like that, to be honest, if everyone sat around the same plate in within five minutes, you'd look and my side would have noticeably more missing like I'd be eating into other people's quadrants. Hey, man, can I get you a little pizza slice amount of stuff? Yeah. No, I know what you're saying. But yeah, definitely. So Halim, I've got the recipe for my nan. And obviously, I don't know how to make it. My mom can make it but not the same. No one can make it like she makes it. But I was thinking like, man, this could be like, you know, it's an it's a hidden gem. Like maybe if you could make it a little bit more easily kind of consumable, it could be a quite a big hit,

like a new kind of delicacy. But I don't know how you'd set it because it's basically like a porridge that you might have to, you know, set a little bread bowl or something and you eat it. And it's a very winter time dish as well. It's not really a summer. It's very hearty, you know, for the winter. I know that Chabadi Ji was based on your dad. That's quite exciting to me. My head's very much in the mode of just thinking about people just do nothing all the time now anyway, because I've just watched it all the one guy. So a lot of questions now, because if it's based on your dad, did your dad used to, you know, there's a scene where you guys go to the car boot sale and your buddy Ji is trying to negotiate a table with the lady who works there and he puts

on that like cockney accent. Did your dad do that? And also a little fact for you, my dad's in that episode, he's got a cameo. Yeah, my dad's in that episode. Yeah, my dad is like, I got the, you know, when your buddy goes, hello, my dad's my dad's posh white voice is that he goes, hello. Hi. Hello, mate. He's like, he literally talks about he's hilarious. My dad's like super sweet. I think the difference is that my dad is not like, not a seedy kind of sleazy. He hasn't got that side of Chabadi, but he's definitely got the like I said, he's had like, he's owned an Indian restaurant. He's owned a mini cab office. He's owned an internet cafe. There's actually a picture if you Google Chabadi Ji original, I don't know what you could something, but you will see a picture

of my dad in the nineties in his internet cafe. And then you'll see a picture of me as Chabadi. And it's exactly the same. And I look at just like my dad as well that we are complete. And so yeah, he had all of it, all the internet cafe stuff that was all real, you know, the way all his different businesses, the way he speaks, honey, lady, mate, like he said, lady, that's what my dad calls women. He goes, hello, lady, Mike. He would literally say that. But the best thing about my dad is that like he loves Chabadi. And also he doesn't see why Chabadi's funny. Like he doesn't see that he's like, what do you mean? He's like, he's a bloody smart guy. And he's just bless him. He's always trying. Like he's always got a new business side. Like

he's into crypto now. And I'm like, that's not going to end well. But yeah, he he's a legend. And it's not just based on my dad. It's also based on like, you know, my mates and my uncles around the house. There's so many great characters from where I grew up. Like just those kind of geese is like Del Boy, you know, like just Del Boy is like people who can just get supreme. Their confidence is up here and the ability is all the way down there. Do you know what I mean? Like, and just that kind of delusion is that little gap is just where so much comedy lives. And they're sweet though. That's the thing. Even though like Chabadi's a dodgy bastard, like he will con your nan. Like, you know what I mean? Like he will con your nan. He will

rob your nan over the phone on some fraud shit. But you still love the guy because he's an eternal optimist and he just wants to make it. He wants to he's got that immigrant spirit, you know, and the whole thing about, you know, there's one line where Chabadi goes, I came here in 95 with nothing but five bound and my brother's basketball at my bottom. That's the truth. That's the real thing that my dad says. And every immigrant dad says that I came here with nothing but five bound, mate. And look at me now. Like they always any immigrant dad always came with five bound. I don't know what it was. It was like a starter pack. Just five quid. Let's see what you can do. Yeah, no, I love my dad because he's not perfect,

but he's a real entrepreneurial kind of guy who's never had a job in his life. Always did his own thing. He's a risk taker. Like he would just take a risk. It's really interesting you say that as well. All the different things your dad's done, the restaurant and the Internet Cafe and now crypto stuff. And at the beginning of this interview, you were saying, well, I did a vlog. I did streaming. It's just a more modern version of that. It's like, have a go at this, move on to the next thing. Yeah, I'm a try a hundred percent. I give it a go. I'll give anything a go. And I think actually, you know, I think comedy is all about taking risks as well. Like I think that in its purest form, like comedy is that thought in your head where you're like,

should I say that? Oh, no, but what if it's shit and no one laughs, but a real like someone who really, you know, gives it a go will say it and it might flop. It might, you might die, but you know what? Fuck it. One, you know, one time you might kill and that one time you kill, you could be a legend forever. You know what I mean? So that's comedy is taking a risk. And I think in life, you got to take, you got, you know what I mean? You got to be in it to win it. You know what I mean? Give it a go. Yeah. And my dad had an Italian restaurant as well, which was hilarious in Watford. It was called Bellissimo. And he did it up really well, but then he refused to get Italian chefs. So there's, I think there's a bit in Chabadi, in Chabadi talks about this, where I kind

of spoofed it. But this is a true story. He had his two chefs. There was two, one Indian guy called Mandeep and one seat guy called Gurdave. So they became, they became Mario and Gino. And I swear to God, like the risotto was basically biryani. There was, there was no difference. So your side dish. Okay. So this is more of a condiment, right? But for me, it's a side dish, because I have it with everything. And I would just say straight up chili sauce. It's a certain type of chili sauce as well. Very hard to get. A Scotch Bonnet Bayesian sauce from Barbados. It's called Country Boy. And it's very, I was in Barbados. And we were living in, we was full of one of my mates kind of honeymoon thing. I don't know, he didn't get married, but we still went

on the honeymoon because we paid for it. So we had booked a villa. But anyway, this villa was kind of weird because it was like kind of like an old colonial villa and had like, you know, paintings of his like plantation fields and all that. And to make it even worse, we had like live-in staff. So it was like these people from Barbados living with us as staff. And they were very much like, you know, get out vibes, like, hello, sir. What's some tuna today? Like that. And we were like, felt bad. We were like, no, no, that's fine. We can go to the kids. But they just didn't let us do anything. They washed our clothes, everything. And it all felt very like get out vibes. But that's what it was. It was a villa with live-in staff. And that's, there was their house.

It was fucking creepy. And you know, Barbados has got that kind of history as well. It's kind of weird, right? But anyway, like, apart from all the weird get out kind of weird shit, they had this chili sauce and they used to make this fresh tuna sauce. This is better be some fucking good chili sauce, hasn't it? I mean, this has to be the most amazing thing anyone has ever picked on the podcast for Taster. This has to be absolutely incredible acid. I'm sorry. Okay. What can we do? Like, it was just, but anyway, go back to this chili sauce. This chili sauce, fresh tuna sandwiches, right? Like, for, you know, fresh, the freshest tuna

you can get. And this, this Bayesian Scotch Bonnet sauce. Oh my God. Like I said, it was called Country Boy. I've looked for it in this country. You can't find it anywhere until two weeks ago, someone said, because I've talked about it before, right? You know, I can't remember on what interviews or what. And do you give the context every time? No, no, you get the context. You get the dark, you get the very dark context. We get the very dark history behind you discovered this hot sauce. Yeah, you get, you get the very dark shit. And someone sent me a link on eBay and I bought it. It was this little bottle, 16 pound, completely overpriced, got it. And I've nearly finished it. It's fucking amazing. And it goes with everything.

I went to my cousins on Saturday last Saturday, they, and I bought it with me. And we had it with lasagna. I had it with everything, have it with everything, mate. Yeah. Absolutely. Could not recommend it anymore. Country Boy, Bayesian sauce. Forget all the dark stuff. Right. Forget the dark history. Yes. It's hard to, I mean, you painted a very vivid picture. It's quite, it's quite hard to forget it. It was creepy. It was creepy. How hot is this chili sauce? That's how hot we're talking. Okay. So, right. So I listen, I can handle a lot of hot stuff, right? But I don't really like food. That's like, I don't want to be in pain. I don't think that's, you know, I mean, I'm not a sadist. I think that's fucked up when people want to eat the most hot as shit. Like, it just ruins everything.

I would say this on a scale out of 10. This is a nice eight. Okay. Like, and the reason why it's a nice eight is because the flavor is so good. Yeah. And like I said, try it with fish, try it with the tuna sandwich. Oh my God. So I would have that as, I know it's ridiculous, but that is my side dish because I have it with every, it's on the side of every one of my dishes. How would your grandmother feel about you putting that in her helmet? No, no, no, no, no. You don't do that. You don't do that. That's, that's incest, if anything. You don't do that. It'll be like incest. There's just be wrong. You don't do that. You know, biologically, it's wrong. Yeah. And also, like, I don't, when I say everything, I don't mean like, I mean, like, like I do it to enhance food.

Yeah. Indian food doesn't, or Pakistani food doesn't need to be enhanced. You know, I mean, the flavors are very full. And I'd have it on like a, you know, with chips or a burger or a lasagna or you know, something like that. I just throw it on the side. You don't have chips or a burger or a lasagna with this meal. So what are you using it for this meal? You've got the, I guess you could tip a naan in it. Do you want chips as your side? Yes. You can have chips as your side with this sauce. Oh my God. We'd let that happen. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. I'll do that. I'll do that. But you know, you said that chips in the Halim could actually be a great revelation there. Think about that. We were talking about making it more kind of marketable. Sure. Chips and Halim

chips. Put them in. Get the hot sauce involved. The dream Halim. Yeah. Halim the dream. Yeah. Yeah. A bit of hot sauce. Oh, I like that. You just see the businessman start to come out now. Yeah, here we go. Riffing the name of it. Halim the dream. Here's what we glossed over with your holiday story early on. You said, thank you, James. I wanted to put a pin in this as well. And I'm glad we've come back to it. Your friends, it was this honeymoon. So, A, normally people don't take their mates on the honeymoon. But apparently he didn't get married. So something went wrong there. And then you all went on his honeymoon together. What's the story? Pretty much. I don't want to go into it too much because it's personal. It's not my story to

tell. But yeah, basically there was a wedding planned in Barbados. Didn't happen. We all had bought our tickets. And this villa was very expensive. It was like 10 of us. And obviously, we're not going to not go. You know what I mean? So we went with him, but she didn't go. So it was kind of fucked up. It was quite fucked up. I'm not going to lie. The whole situation was not like normal. It wasn't normal. I love the idea of it's already weird anyway because of the place where you're staying. Your friend's probably a bit, he's in a bit of having a bit of a difficult time. And you're just sat in the corner going, you try this fucking sauce. It will make everything better. And it was weird because like obviously both sides, the bride and the groom, both sides

of their families still came out to Barbados. So we would run into people like from the other side, you know, aunties and uncles and all that. And it'll be so awkward. It'll be like, you're right. Hi, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to say. Yeah. It's great though, isn't it? Yeah, they tried the chili sauce. It's cool. Just an awkward country boy as well. A bit of a weird neighbor as well. Right. I love Bayesian hot sauce as well. The one I had a lot is Aunt May's. Did you have Aunt May's? Yeah, Aunt May's. So for me, Aunt May's is, you know, is great. Yeah, it's great. But it's too on the nose. Right. It's too obvious, too easily available. I see. Maybe it's tasty. Maybe it might even be better than Country Boy. But for me, Country Boy's has got

nostalgia, pain, history attached to it, dark history attached to it. So many things attached to it. You know, wedding, you know, weddings that didn't happen, honeymoon. I mean, it's so much stuff. Gatuna. So many memories for me. Yeah. But Aunt May's is good. It's just a bit too, it's a bit too easily accessible. I know that sounds weird, but it's just too readily available. You're a hot sauce tester. You're a hot sauce tester. Oh, yeah. A little bit. Yeah. I want the shit that no one else can have. Your dream drink then? Well, now we're going to go to Japan for this one. Nice. And we are going to go for Ramone. You know about Ramone? Nice. So Ramone is basically seven up. But the thing that makes Ramone so cool is that it's the design of the bottle.

So what it does is that it's got this kind of, it's a normal glass bottle, but at the top of it, there's a little ball or a little cylinder ball that kind of adds acidity to it, I think, and also stops it from flying out when you're drinking it. But the way you open it is you open the top bit and then you push down on the top bit and the ball goes into the water and it all fizzles. It's like one of the most satisfying things ever. And it's a really nice lemon drink as well. And it was just everywhere in Japan. And you can get them here as well. And it's just the fucking coolest, nicest drink on a hot day, Ramone. Absolutely amazing. Mainly for the ritual. Yeah. Have you heard about it though? I've seen the bottle. You've done the ball thing. Yeah. I've

seen the bottle before when I went to Japan a couple of years ago and you sort of see it everywhere. And obviously, I got obsessed with multiple drinks in Japan and just going to the vending machines are like five times a day. Amazing. They're just so phenomenal. They're just being able to get amazing drinks just walking down the street whenever you want. We've all had the discussion of why don't they have those in the UK and then all comes to the conclusion because people would smash the shit out of them. They'll smash. Yeah, they'll get smashed. Yeah. That's the thing in Japan you just don't have to worry about. You can leave your phone on the street. Yeah. It'll be there the next day. It's just different to society. But yeah, Ramone would

be my thing. I love it. And it is a really nice lemon seven up kind of vibe. It's really cool. Do you think there are other drinks that maybe you prefer the taste of that just don't have a little ball in the top? And maybe your dream drink would be having that drink in a bottle but we could like put the ball in for you. Put the ball in. Pop a ball in. Yeah. Would you pop a ball in? Pop a ball into your drink. Pop a ball in. Pop a ball in. I love, I'm not going to lie, one of my favorite drinks ever is just the Coke Zero. Yeah. Like I don't like Diet Coke. I don't really, I think full fat Coke is too much. Like it's too much sugar. I'll be too, I'll be too hype. Coke Zero is, I don't know what, I just think it's years, light years ahead of any other

diet kind of drink. Really? Like Diet Pepsi is fucking disgusting. I've got a fridge full of Diet Pepsi, my man. I love Diet Pepsi. No, you don't. I love it. I've got a fridge full of it. I love Diet Pepsi. Fuck off. Are you serious? The last drink that touched my lips today was a Diet Pepsi. A Diet, not Pepsi Max. Because Pepsi Max is nice. I am shocked. I like Pepsi Max. I've got Diet Pepsi in the fridge, my man. I can go and get you a can right now and prove it. No, you are the first person who has, I know who has willingly bought Diet Pepsi because Diet Pepsi is normally the choice in a takeaway when they don't do, are you serious? I hate it. I love it. Every time I've had a Diet Pepsi, I'm with you here, Asim. Every time I've had a Diet Pepsi, it tastes like it's

been sat there for so long that the can has started to melt into the drink. Like it tastes like a can. Wait, so, okay, wait, James, do you like normal Pepsi or Pepsi Max as well? I like Pepsi Max. I like Cherry Pepsi Max. It's delicious. Real treat. That's like a dessert in a can. Like Diet Coke? For a long time, I like Diet Coke because I gave up drinking caffeine years ago. Five years, I had no caffeine and then I started drinking Diet Coke again and it tasted like normal Coke because that had been so long. I hadn't had normal Coke in so long. Suddenly Diet Coke tasted like normal Coke. Loved Diet Coke for ages. Just drank Diet Coke. Fort Coke Zero is the same as Diet Coke. We'll put a pin in that and we'll come back to it.

You can tell me why I'm wrong. Start getting bored with Diet Coke. Had a Diet Pepsi one day and thought, oh, there's flavors in this that aren't in a Diet Coke. This is way more exciting that it tasted almost botanical. I loved it. Can you please hold some kind of poll because I, James, I respect you, but I'm shocked by this because I've never heard someone willingly drink Diet Pepsi in my life. Weirdly, I've never heard that he now drinks Diet Pepsi even though I have heard the start of that story around 800 times. So there's now an end to that story. Never gets old. I'm going to go get Diet Pepsi now. Are you coming on talking? I'm going to go get Diet Pepsi. Oh, he's trolling you now. I can't believe he's actually getting a Diet Pepsi. Got some kind

of wholesale. He went to Costco and it was that they had no Diet Coke left and he thought, let me just get this massive crate of Diet. So now he's got 400 cans of Diet Pepsi in his gallery. Maybe he's in the pocket of big Pepsi. Maybe this is Pepsi of sponsorship and he's not told me. We're just trying to ponder it. Oh my God. I got it right here. You can as well. Is it cold? It is cold. Can we hear you open it, please? Yeah. Oh, yeah, not enough. Not enough fizz, though. Oh, yeah, there we go. The exact right amount of fizz. Diet Coke is too fizzy. I can feel it dissolving my gums. This is super. Diet Coke is pretty fizzy, actually, but Coke Zero is the sweet spot, honestly. Is it less fizzy at Coke Zero? Yeah, I think so. But

why do you have this? We were saying, did you get some kind of wholesale deal and you're stuck with him? Or are you in the pocket of the old Pepsi master? Am I making money off big Pepsi? No. This, actually, it's the same thing that you said earlier. You know, you get a takeaway and they send you Diet Pepsi instead of Diet Coke. Yeah, they do. I had that one day and I was like, okay, fair enough. And I was like, actually, I prefer this because I actually like it when fizzy drinks go a bit flat. Oh, man. And I just started to find Diet Coke kind of a bit flavorless. It's aggressively fizzy and not much like flavor to it. I agree with you there. I think Diet Coke tricked us all for years, I think. Come on. This is Diet Coke's the OG. Diet Coke's the best. It tastes amazing.

It's refreshing on a hot day. It's incredible. You can have two or three cans of Diet Coke, whereas all of these other things are like a meal in a glass. I'm drinking my second Diet Pepsi of the day right here. Yeah, only for a joke. Yes. It's only the punchline to a joke. It's interesting. Look, I just want you to run some kind of poll. I want us to find out. Put Diet Coke, Coke Zero and Diet Pepsi and let's just see who the winner is. Can we do that on one of your socials or something? When this comes out, let's just, I want to end this. I want to end this because I've been speaking about it a lot for a long time to a lot of people. Coke Zero, I'm telling you now, Coke Zero will smash the shit out of us. I think it's going to be Diet Coke,

but I know we're all just thinking that the ones we like are the best. Yeah, it'll be interesting Yeah, it'll be interesting. I think Diet Coke will win annoyingly. It's like, Yeah, it might win. It might win. But you're right though, James. I realized that it's too fizzy and it does lack a lot of tape. I think it pulled the wall over eyes for a long time. But what I was saying, a Coke Zero, pop a ball in, could be my favorite drink. Pop a ball in the Coke Zero. I was going to say, do you want a pop a ball in the country, boy? James just spiced out, perhaps, yeah? I was going to say, do you want a pop a ball in the country, boy?

You know, honestly, I think the ball thing is just, I think it's just so the drink doesn't come out. I think that's the only reason is that I don't know if it adds any flavor or acidity. I mean, I feel like I've heard that. I don't think it's true. I think it's literally like, if you get a bottle of Ramone and you do that, it won't come out. It'll come out slowly if you drink it. You know what I mean? I think that's the only reason it's there for. But I don't know. I'm not fully sure. But no, I won't pop a ball in the country, boy. I don't think that's necessary. Grow up. Could the ball also turn the bottle into like a deodorant kind of thing? You can roll the drink directly onto your pits. That would be good with hot sauce. If you don't want too much,

you can just roll it across the top of a bit of fish. Just do like a stripe. That's a great idea, actually. That is a little roll on cheese. That is really nice. Get your dad on the phone. Listen, I've got an idea. We arrive at your dessert. Very excited to hear what this is. Okay. I'm, God, I feel like it's just such an Asian. I'm very sorry for being so Asian. Basically, I'm going to go for a dessert. Thanks for apologizing, Asim, because we're really, not enough people apologizing on this podcast for being too Asian.

We should, we should. I'm going to go for a dessert that my dad used to actually serve in one of his restaurants. In my opinion, and obviously, I'm biased there, what's the best mango you ever had, boys? This is a bit, look, I am shamefully, I don't think I've had any good mangoes really, because even though I now live around the corner from a mango man who, mango season, it's like a pop-up shop that only, it's like an empty shell of a shop until mango season rolls around, and then it's just full of mangoes. And I need to, I need to go and buy some mangoes. That's exciting. Yeah. Mangoes see the mango, man. Mangoes see the mango, man. I mean, I also would say, yeah, I probably, even though I love mangoes,

I've never, probably never had a brilliant one. We had Harry Cundabole on the podcast, and was he saying Alfonso mango was the best? I can't remember Alfonso. Of course he would. Of course he would. Oh, are we gonna have a, are we gonna have a mango war? This is quite a heated debate, actually. I remember I put this up in my story a few months ago, and I was in Southall with my dad and my little brothers, and we went to go get the best mangoes in the world, which are Pakistani mangoes, okay? Any type of Pakistani mangoes, well, it doesn't matter, you can just get, you can get any, literally anyone. So with India, you can only get Alfonso, which is the good one, they don't really have, you know, the quesadilla, they're not as good. Pakistani mangoes, anyone,

the best mangoes in the world, and a real, true, honest Indian man would admit that. Has a lot of my, has a lot of my Indian friends, a lot of my Indian friends admit that as well, they go, you got us on this one, you got the mango thing, you know? We might not have all the, the economy and all that, and education, we don't have that, but they've definitely got us on that, and the GCSE results and A levels and all that, and, you know, most good things they've got us on, I'm not gonna lie, but when it comes to mangoes, let us have this one, please, because we deserve it. Pakistani mangoes are the best, and that's not my dessert, what it will be, will be a Pakistani mango, and my dad used to cut them in half, and then fill them with sorbet inside, and the sorbet

would be made from the mango, you know, the Pakistani mangoes. Best dessert ever, best mangoes ever, and if you haven't tried them, please, mate, you live next to a mango man. Yeah, I've got to go to the mango man. Tell the mango man you want the Pakistani mangoes, and if he says he's only got Indian ones, walk away. No, because I know that there's definitely also a little bit further away, but there is a man selling Pakistani mangoes as well, because I walked past that the other day. It used to be a mini cab office, and now it's pivoted to selling mangoes, so I'm gonna- That's what happens, because they're so seasonal, and I think the season's gone now,

but it was like, you know, a month ago or whatever, but oh my god, like, the best, the best mangoes ever, and we grew up eating them as children. What makes them the best? Just try them, they're sweet, they are filled with flavor, they are soft, they are just, oh man, I can't explain it, like, honestly, and you need to have them refrigerated as well before you eat them, get them a bit cold. It's the best thing ever, and the most, the most thing that really annoys me is that when those, you know, a lot of people's experience with mango is the fucking little cup ones you get in Sainsbury Pret, they're not even mangoes, with lime, fuck off.

That's not how you eat mangoes. Asim is a part of Pret mango in my fridge with a wedge of lime in it, I'm so sorry. You're a disgusting man. Disgusting. Fucking hell, and you live next to a mango man, you've got that. He will, he will head, but he will nut you if you saw that. He will give, he will nut you straight, no questions asked. Just please, boys, Pakistani mangoes, all the listeners, go source some, you know,

they're everywhere, when in season, you can get them everywhere, they are the best, and we need to end this debate as well, the Indian versus, also, I will say, honorable mention to the Filipino mango, also delicious. Right, is Filipino better than the Indian mangoes? Yeah. Definitely, I'd say so. Yeah, but better than Alfonso mango. Alfonso mangoes are good, but try the Filipino ones too, I reckon they,

I reckon they're tied, I'd say they're tied. But none of them are touching Pakistani mangoes, no, we're near. Who's making this sorbet, Mario and Gino? Mario and Gino. Mario and Gino are definitely making a bilisum mango. Yeah, they're definitely making it. I remember once they, when I went to there, they made me a pizza, and they, I was like 15 or 16 at the time, and you know, the pizza was all right,

but the way they decorated the veg on top, they did a smiley face, I went, what are you not doing? And they went, oh, a smiley face, and then I was like, yeah, I know what it is. I went, and I was like, is that how you're serving the customers? They're like, yeah, customer, and I was like, you don't do that, that's not, we're not children, like, it was ridiculous. It was, you know, it was an absolute mess. Oh, amazing.

That's going to round off the meal perfectly, I think, really. You've got the palate cleanser there. You've got the palate cleanser ready to go. Yeah, sorbet, we talked about it earlier. Yeah, you've got the sorbet, and you've got obviously the mouthwash earlier in the meal as well, so the palate's going to be squeaky clean. Well, I'm going to read your order back to you now, Assim, see how you feel about it.

Okay, all right. Water, you want sparkling water with ice and a wedge of lime. Pop it on the top of the edge, you would like pop a dom. Starter, panipuri shot with a shot of mouthwash after it. Main, your grandmother's haleen. Side dish, Country Boy Scott Bonnet sauce. Drink, Ramune, did you say? Yeah, Ramune, I think it might be Ramune or Ramune.

Ramune, Ramune. James, don't forget the chips. You would like some chips with the side as well, with the Country Boy, because otherwise you're putting those on the haleen, which he came down to eventually, but only if there's chips in the haleen as well. I want to try that, yeah. And dessert, Pakistani mango filled with mango sorbet. That's good, it's not bad, it's not bad.

That does sound really nice. And also, I mean, we've had a few menus like this, where I haven't tried, there were three things on there, the mango and mango sorbet, the Country Boy and the haleen that I've never tried, and I really want to try all three of those. Yeah, good. Yeah, me too, but there's three things, but one of them's chips weirdly. I've never had chips, so.

I've never had chips in chips. You've never had a wedge of lime? Well, you know what, at the end of one of these things, if we've all learned something, I think that's what's good, like you try something new, like all these things were just with me from the start of my childhood, since childhood. So for me, they bought me a lot of pleasure over the years, and if I can share that, why not, man?

Spread the love, that's what food's about. Food is love, isn't it? I'm definitely going to Aladdin's. Yeah. I'm definitely not going to go to the place where you got the sauce originally. Never go in there. Well, I think you need a time machine for that, mate. I'll be getting some of the sauce once I've done a rigorous background check into how it's produced.

Yes, let's make sure we check that. Yeah, yeah. Asim, if this was your Come Dine With Me menu, if you did Celebrity Come Dine With Me, and it didn't win, what would you say when you found out the results? Dear Lord, what a sad little life. Congratulations, James, Ed, you've won. Enjoy the podcast, I hope it makes you very happy. Now take your menu.

Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Asim. Thank you, Asim. Thank you, guys. Well, there we have it, a wonderful menu from Asim there, James. Mouthwatering, I'd say. Yes, we're going to go to Aladdin's to try Halim. We've just looked at where it is. It's in Hendon.

The genie is going to Aladdin's, baby. Oh, what an exciting crossover. Yeah, it's actually the least exciting crossover there could possibly be. It's not a crossover at all, really. Yeah, they won't be impressed. When I get there and I say, I'm a genie, they'll be like, yeah, who cares? Yeah, we can tell from your t-shirt. Yeah, we know plenty of genies.

We're Aladdin's, mate. I thought this would be exciting for us. I'm just a man, they'll be like, please come in. Yeah, wow. It's so lovely to finally meet a normal man after all these genies coming in all the time and talking parrots and the like. Ergo, the parrot. Yes.

A boo the monkey. Yes. How many, Jasmine? Jasmine, Raja is the tiger. The sultan. The sultan. Jafar's the buddy. The lady who goes, think he's rather tasty.

That lady? Susie Esmond. Yeah, Susie Esmond. Anyway, those are all the characters from Aladdin we could name. Wonderful menu from Asim. Really liked it. And he didn't say peanut dust. He didn't try and pitch it to the fans.

Congratulations, Asim. You get to have the entire menu. You get to eat all of that, which I'm envious of. And I'm going to make it my life mission. Yes. To have as much stuff on that menu as I can. Yes, please. And also, it means that we will now officially plug your film,

People Just Do Nothing, Big in Japan, which is out on the 18th of August. James, if you're listening to this on the day the podcast comes out, it is now the 11th of August. That means next Wednesday, the People Just Do Nothing film is coming out. Go to the cinemas to see it. Yes, very excited to see that.

Oh, well, I've had a lovely time, mate. I don't know about you. Me too. I've had a great time, mate. What a lovely old podcast it was, and what a lovely old podcast it is. I'm on tour in 2022 doing a show called ElectricEdGamble.co.uk for tickets.

Go and buy some tickets. And keep an eye out on Twitter for the Twitter poll that the great Benito will be launching alongside this episode. Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, Coke Zero, Pepsi Max. You've got to choose your team. Diet Coke for me. Diet Pepsi for me. Coke Zero for Asim.

Benito, are you Pepsi Max? Just nod? No, he's not. What, Diet Coke? He's a Diet Coke boy, Benito. Of course he is. Well, that's pretty rich. That's rich from somebody who constantly edits out

my brilliant Diet Coke story every single episode. I tell that Diet Coke story with a plum, and he's a Diet Coke boy, and he's edited it out. Are you kidding me? Well, the Diet Coke story today, there's a new end to it. I don't think we've had the Diet Pepsi end before,

so if you've added to it, I think it's going to stay a nearer. Maybe that's been edited out as well in the past, but I've definitely mentioned that I like Diet Pepsi more than Diet Coke. Not within the context of the Diet Coke story. That's the thing, isn't it? It's weird. I've associated myself with Diet Coke now,

even though I'm a Diet Pepsi boy. Anyway, Crazy Life. Probably the end of the podcast now. Crazy Life that I lead. We'll see you next week. Goodbye, everyone. Keep it fizzy. Always stay busy.

Hello, I'm Lucy Sanders, and if you've enjoyed this podcast, you might like my podcast, Cuddle Club. It's about cuddling, yes, but really it's just a way into relationships and asking cheeky questions like who is your mum's favourite and when we last unfaithful.

Previous guests include Alan Davies, Ashtonine Bee, Catherine Mayan, Rich Dozman, Ed Gamble, Nish Kumar, and other legends. Get it on A-Cast, Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your all podcasts. And remember to CC everybody in. If CC stands for Cuddle Club.

Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith.

I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories

that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to.

Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog.

You've left it so late.