Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 123: Jeff Rosenstock

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

Grab a couple of tallboys! On his way to a root canal, NY-born musician Jeff Rosenstock joins Ed and James in LA (in a pre-pandemic world) to choose his dream menu.Buy Jeff Rosenstock’s albums on BandcampFollow Jeff on Twitter @jeffrosenstockRecorded by the Comedy Store LA and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Take a large podcast fish, remove the bones of bad vibes, and you get a lovely fillet of Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James A. Caster. Hello, James. Hello, Ed. How are you? Very well. Thank you. Did you enjoy that one? That intro is good. I really liked that one. That was really good. Thanks. And I'm surprised we haven't had it before, deboning the fish. We probably have. I probably did it last week. That's how bad my memory is. Yes, and my memory is worse, because, if anything, you care more than I do about the quality

of this podcast. So, you know, if you can't remember it. Yeah, that's true. Oh, God. What a terrible podcast. Anyway, thanks for listening, guys. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. This is a food podcast where we ask a special guest... Their favourite ever. Start a main course, dessert, side dish, and drink. And this week's guest is... Jeff Rosenstock. Jeff Rosenstock. A brilliant musician is Jeff Rosenstock. I was first introduced to the work of Jeff Rosenstock by James A. Caster. And I was first introduced to the work of Jeff Rosenstock by Matthew Crosby. And Ed works with Matthew Crosby now at a rival radio station. Okay, James, this is not a radio station. I don't know how this is not radio. This is a podcast. We are not

a radio station. I'm glad you've finally come to terms with the fact that we are broadcasting these conversations somehow, but it's not a radio station. I don't have time to explain to an old grandpappy what a podcast is. Okay, man. I mean, I think you need to speak to Benito after this and get your head straight. You're not making no sense. Jeff Rosenstock is one of the best musicians in the world. I can't believe we've got him on this podcast. I'm so excited to find out what he has to eat. I've been to see him live. Ed's been to see him live. And we got to sit down in LA with him in early 2020. Can you imagine such a thing? I hadn't even heard of the coronavirus. No. Ed didn't know what the coronavirus

was. I did. Yeah, James did. He started it. Patience era. But thank you very much, James, for letting us have our lovely trip to America before you did that. Obviously, it's a complicated thing because sometimes episodes are home cooking where we speak to people over the internet. Sometimes they're in person. This is a home cooked intro and an in restaurant meal. Yeah, that's quite confusing. So, you know, you're going to hear them really be able to appreciate the difference in our voices when we're doing it from home and when we're doing it in person. A pre pandemic levity, you'll be able to hear. Well, even so, we had pre arranged a secret ingredient, which if Jeff picks, we will have to kick him out

of the dream restaurant. And the secret ingredient this week is James coriander seeds. Bullshit. I love coriander seeds. They're lovely for flavor. Pop them in a curry. Delicious. No, no, no. Ed, I'm going to be honest with you. I can't fully remember what coriander seeds even taste like, but I know that I'm not a massive fan of coriander. So, I imagine I probably don't like the seeds. Yeah. Well, if you don't like coriander, you're not going to like the little shells that they originated, right? Absolutely. And apparently, Ed, I'm being told that this secret ingredient was suggested to us by Grace kind among us. On Twitter. Thank you for suggesting the secret ingredient. Me and Ed love food so much. We

run out of stuff we don't like, so we have to chuck stuff in there. Yeah. So if you have a secret ingredient to suggest at Off Menu Official on Twitter is the place to go to suggest your secret ingredient. But for now, let's hear the off menu menu of Jeff Rosenstock. Welcome, Jeff Rosenstock to the Dream Restaurant. Hi. Here we are. Welcome, Jeff Rosenstock to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I'm sorry. I'm late. No, I'm sorry. Is that a thing? Are you often late? Are you on time? Are you early? What are you often? I don't know. I'm probably often late. I don't ever want to. I'm never late in my heart, but it's always like, shit, I'm five minutes late.

What the hell? I love that as something to say. If you're late, though, is to go, I'm not late in my heart. Yeah. Like in my heart of hearts, I was determined to be here on time, but you know, I am me, so I'm not here on time. My heart arrived before me. Yeah. What's the Dream Restaurant? So in the Dream Restaurant, no one minds if you're late. In fact, people prefer it. Your booking time is when you arrive. Yeah. It is all of your dreams combined. This restaurant is whatever you want it to be. It can look like your favorite restaurant you've ever been to. It can look like your ideal place in your mind. When you look around, what do you see? I'm outside. I'm outside. It's nice weather. I'm in like a Zen garden vibe. I got,

there's trees, plants all around. It's nice. No one's there pretty much. It's like four tables in the back. And that's, and I'm at one of them. What's the weather like? Poring rain. You know, nice, just warm little breeze, little breeze going on. You don't need a jacket or anything like that. It's sunny, but it's not too in your eyes or anything like that. You know, just exactly what you want. Great like iced tea weather. Whenever anyone brings up iced tea, we always ask them, first of all, have you met iced tea, the rapper? Yes. Yes. Here's what's been really interesting. Here's what's been really interesting. Every time someone brings up iced tea, we ask them, have you met iced tea? And they always have. He's a cool guy,

I guess. Where did you meet? My wife was a publicist assistant a long time ago in New York. This is like 2006 and the body count was one of their clients and her job one day, basically, because I wanted to go to the body count show that she worked on a Saturday, just going around with iced tea to like all of his interviews and stuff like that. Then we went to the show and I met him for like a second and then we were up in the, it was at this venue in New York, the knitting factory, the old one. And they have this like mezzanine where guests of the band can sit and watch the show and stuff. So all body counts, girlfriends were there, iced teas, wife Coco was there. So somebody is sitting in Coco's seat

and Coco comes up and is like, hey, I'm sorry, these are like, you know, bands like wives and girlfriends and partners and stuff sitting here and you're sitting in my seat and there's like drunk and frappe where I was like, fuck it, whatever. I'm sitting in his office seat and I'm sitting in his seat. So go fuck it. She's like, no, come on. Look, you should really get up. It's not your seat. And he's like, you fuck, I'm okay. No, I'm sitting here. I don't see your name on it. She's like, okay. And then iced tea, like, this is in my memory, which is probably heightened. It's fucking iced tea. Like comes through the green room doors like, who's sitting in my wife's seat? And this goes, oh, sorry. I said, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of

here. And then he's like, I'm sorry. He's like, get the fuck out of here. And then he was kicked out of the show. Always worth asking people about iced tea. Coco tried so hard. You know, I get it. We're all having a good time. You're like sitting in my seat, but he's just, you know, drunken dipshit about it. My husband's iced tea is going to be here soon. We also ask, second question we also ask is, do you think that iced tea would drink iced tea? Yeah, it's great. It's not too sweet. It's not, but it's not just water. It's got a little kiss of caffeine in it going through the day or not up to you, you know? I feel like if iced tea didn't like iced tea, that would be the sort of fact he'd bring out at a really boring dinner party.

Well, of course, the interesting thing about me is I don't even like iced tea. Coco, no, stop saying that. That's what iced tea is talking about. Why are you telling that guy that story? What about those things that you do? What about when you release cop killer? I don't even like iced tea. So we always start off with still or sparkling water. What would be your preference? Ice. Do I get ice? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you want ice tea? If there's a best glass of water. I want the option. I don't know what I want. You know, day to day, I want the option still or sparkling. Today, I think I'd go

sparkling a ton of ice. So like fill the glass up with ice, then pour in the sparkling water. I think that's what I'd go with, but I think it depends on the day. Okay, so you're not always going like full ice, full to the brim. No. Also, how do you want this ice? No, sometimes, there's this restaurant Joy in LA, which is great. If you have the time, it's fucking awesome and it's not too expensive, but they have those nice metal cups. I always feel a little cool. No ice required. Put that fucking water in there. I'm good. But you want this in a glass? Actually, now they mentioned it. You want the metal one? Yeah, give me this metal cup. Yeah, we go really detailed with this. Okay, so a metal cup and now that it's in that metal cup,

give me a little bit of ice. Yeah, you don't need to fill it up. A little sprinkle of ice in there, but like sparkling water. Sparkling water, yeah. Very nice. That actually sounds more tempting now because I'm not normally a sparkling water guy, but now it's in that metal cup. I'm on board with that. And you know it's just got that ice and they're chilling it and that metal's keeping it cold. That cold's going nowhere. I know that ice from my experiences in the UK, like in the cumulative less than two months I've spent in the UK probably, mostly not iced beverages. Sure, that's how I rep. Is that your preference or is that just what has been handed down to you as the people? This is what I hear a lot in the UK

and this is a very, very UK thing to say is that when people add ice, they feel like they're being ripped off because they're getting less drink. Yeah, because we don't get like free refills, especially for like soda drinks. There's no free refills, so if there's a lot of ice. What other spoons you're not getting a free refill? No. But it costs like four P to start with anyway, so it's not. Now we're talking about ice, so this is where we always ask, have you ever met ice cube? Never met ice cube. Shame. People never have. Everyone's met ice tea, no one's met ice. Yeah, yeah, just says a lot. Yeah, ice cube keeps to itself. Ice tea, I guess is a man of the people. And you know,

there's ups and downs to both. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone's got a story about you. And then everyone's got positive things to say as well, so that's good. Also, the metal cup, I always like, I prefer cocktails that are in a metal cup if I ever get a cocktail. And like, really, I've just realized that's what I should ask because I always look at the cocktail menu. I don't really know what to have. I'm trying to make a decision. What I should say is, are any of these in a metal cup? Yeah, bring me that. Well, are you looking for the big ice cube too? Do you know what? If it's, I wouldn't want both, but if it's in a glass, like a tumbler, then I would like the big ice cube. Yeah, yeah. Also, that makes me feel better when I see the

big ice cube. I love the big ice cube. Yeah, I do them at home now. He's got a big ice cube thing at home. I have elevated my life. Okay. They're very cheap. The little molds, you just fill them up and they do the big balls, the big balls of ice. Are you making cocktails at home or are you just putting that in a fucking glass of juice? Just like, I don't care. I got these big cubes and they're not cubes. These big spheres, right? Big spheres. Yeah. Yeah. Big globes. I'll do one with like a whiskey. I had a night where I made old fashions that was just a nightmare because I was pouring home measures and I realized me and my friend had got through three quarters of a bottle of bourbon and I do not remember the rest of that. We don't have

anything other than home measures. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think, yeah, big, big ice cube. The metal cups get mules. It's a mule cup. Right. So whenever you get a mule, it normally comes in that tin mug. That's what it's in the tin mug. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've had those before definitely. Yeah. I really enjoyed it. This is maybe an obvious observation, but the price of cocktails has like skyrocketed in the last like five years. Yeah. Yeah. I don't get it. Like every time I've got, I've been like, you know what? Let's like, let's go to cocktail. Let's do it. And I get it. I'm just like, this is just like a different drink. Yeah. Cost 14. I'm watching the care and preparation that goes into it. Ed, that I drink it. I'm like,

well, yeah, it's, you know, it's got the same amount of booze in it. So I'm getting the same amount of drunk. It's just like, okay. I never know what's in it. I always read the list of what's in a cocktail and half the ingredients are like, I don't know what that is, but I'm never going to ask. I'll always be like, that sounds good. I'm never going to go what's, you know, admit to the bartender that I don't know where any of these things are. And you're halfway through making them for me. So I ordered them a minute ago. I asked the whole list of ingredients, even the ones I know. I was just vodka. What do you think of it? Papa Dom's or bread? Papa Dom's or bread? Jeff Rosenstock? Papa Dom's or bread?

Papa Dom's or bread? Bread. I feel like bread, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like there's a wider scope. Oh no, you're right. There's a wider scope. We're going to make you narrow in on the sort of bread that you're fighting. Can I ask, do I have to make this meal? And I understand this is a dream restaurant. So maybe I'm more asking where you've seen success from others. But as far as the meal holding together as a singular meal or, you know, just fucking whatever. I think we've had amazing meals that have held together and amazing meals where each dish is just a standalone, brilliant dish, but wouldn't necessarily marry up with each other. So like we've definitely seen both. I think it's fine if it's not cohesive, but bear in mind, James will read the whole order back

at the end in a long list. And if it's not cohesive, it sounds mad, but as we go along, fuck it. I'm going chain restaurant, the like brown bread from the cheesecake factory. Fuck it. It's sick. It's great. It's great. It's awesome. I would say like sourdough or like a scallion pancake kind of, but fuck it. No, give me it in the basket. Give me some butter. I'm good. From the cheesecake factory. From the cheesecake factory. Yeah. It's a little restaurant, but if you poke around America, you might find a few, you know, in a like shopping center or strip mall or, you know, I just think it's so baller of the cheesecake factories have anything other than cheesecake on the menu. The menu of the cheesecake factory is great. It's like,

I feel like, so being in a band, isn't that very interesting. You travel around all the time. It's so interesting. And we kind of have to figure out like, what's a thing that they could have anywhere that like everyone can eat at. And we all like, you know, I'm vegetarian, our guitar player, our bass player is vegan. We're like, we are kind of all over the map with what we will be eating. And it seems like cheesecake factory kind of like, can get all of us something. And then by the time it comes to the end, you're just like cheesecake. That sounds a bit extravagant. I did this. I've been to the cheesecake factory once in San Francisco. That was the location. How was it? Was it a? Well, I filled up a meat life.

So I like, I went in and I just felt like, oh, it'd be crazy just to go to a restaurant and then just have a cheesecake and nothing else. So I was like, oh, I'll have a meat life. But like, it was huge. Yeah, it's enormous. They give you a ton. Yeah. And I just guzzled that down. And then I had the cheesecake, but I think it was like a peanut butter one or something like that. You know, I went to that because like, at the time is my first trip to America. And I wasn't prepared for like, how often peanut butter was going to pop up everywhere. And I was just like, every time you saw it, you were like, well, I better have that. I was just like, I'm going to go home where there's might as well be a peanut butter drought in the UK. I mean, that's not, it's not making as many

appearances on the menu back home. So I just went full. I went peanut butter all the time. I was eating those Reese's fast break bars every day. Reese's fast break bars look like it's a breakfast bar. Look like it's like, eat this in the morning. Yeah. Absolutely. It looks like it's just a candy bar. Yeah. Eat it in the morning. If it's New Year's Day and you want energy for the rest of the year. Yeah. Sure. Not every morning, which is what I did for that holiday. And I was so concerned when I got home that I went to the doctor's and asked for a blood test before I had diabetes. That is true. And I bet you're fine, right? Yeah, I'm fine. But like, I was just so worried at the time, all the time. Did you have symptoms? No. You were just thinking. No. You ate some sugar and

thought, I must. You ate so much fucking candy where you're from though. It's like candy central. Yeah. But I don't go as, you know, when you're on a holiday, you're like, right, I'm off the leash now. Yeah. And then like, I think I had fast break bars every day, got back home, probably went to sleep, woke up the next morning, had like a bit of a pins and needles in my hand. I was like, I've got diabetes. I don't think that's it. I'm not sure if that's a symptom. I think I know what I'm on about. I am type one diabetic, Jeff. That's why Oh, he's talking about type. Yeah, he's talking about type two. He's talking about type A. Type A caster. One that's completely made up. I'm based on no knowledge.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much. That's exactly how I got the name. So we come to your starter. Oh God. Is it from a specific place? I mean, I've thought about this so much because I can only get one cheesecake factory. No, but it was between two things. One is another chain restaurant. Cheesecake. I didn't expect the poppy dumps are bread. No question. I don't know if you saw it was Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. I know where it got you. Got the brown bread from the cheesecake. So if it's my, if it's like a chain restaurant, I'm going to Pizza Uno and I'm getting their mashed potato pizza was the starter because it's fucking tight. And if it's my dream,

also if it's my dream restaurant, none of these meats are real meat. So I get to have all, I don't have to say no bacon. They just have bacon bits on it. It's the same. You could just get it at the supermarket. Yeah. But yeah, it's like a very, it's a deep dish pizza, individual serving. I'm splitting those cause I got, you know, or getting a little box. Yeah. I'm getting a box for all. Yeah. You got a dream doggie bag. That's fine. Yeah. Just a ziploc bag. We'll just chuck it all in there. But yeah, it's like mashed potatoes, cheddar cheese, melted on top of it and bacon bits on it and a sour cream to dip it in. But that's not what I'm getting. That's my, that's not happening. I said no, it was on the menu. I was like, no,

thanks today. Great shout out though. I got so wrapped up in it. I forgot that that was my runner up. Yeah. I'm getting this thing called cold skin noodles at a place called Sheehan's famous foods in New York. They have it in Brooklyn and Queens. It's like a hand pulled. I think they say it's like Western Chinese cuisine. It's from, it's basically this guy's dad in Queens. Like this is what he made when he lived in China and then he opened up a noodle shop in Flushing Queens and his son was like going to business schools like, yo, what if I turn this into a restaurant? Like that's everywhere. And his dad was like, okay, you see them like pull them, like slap them on the steel table and rip them. And it's got like a really very specific chili oil that they, you know,

it's got like six million ingredients that you'll never know what they are. You know, a little bit of, a little bit of bean sprouts, a little bit of, I think it's seitan in it. It's already, this is as, as is. It's already veggie friendly. It's got some cilantro. It's very simple. I'll get it as like a lunch sometimes when I just don't feel like making things. I would just walk over to it and get it and head home. But today it's my starter. Yeah. Well, it sounds delicious. And it's cold. It's cold. I like a cold noodle. Yeah, you like cold noodles? Yeah, I do. I don't think I've had meant much cold noodles. I've been not very adventurous on the cold noodle front. They're usually super cheap. Yeah. Yeah. Like a cold sesame noodle. It's on like most like Chinese food

menus, at least in New York. There's also something great about seeing someone like make it like that, like slapping it on the metal table, like that stretching it out. And it's like when you see people making pizza properly. Yeah. And like, I just really get, you know, hopefully going to like twirl it in the air with the dough and like throw it up and properly do like a twirl. Yeah. And sometimes they'll fucking do it. Yeah. You don't have to do it, but you'll do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll do it. And you've got to be able to remain calm if you're watching that. You can't like start like cheering them on and stuff. You can. I think you absolutely can. Yeah, come on. That's like a pizza chef's best day if someone's in there going, whoa, when they land a train.

That's what you meant to do. I'm with you. I bet it usually goes ignored. Yeah, totally. I'm like, my own audience. Yeah. Yeah. Giving no encouragement whatsoever. And the guy's on stage though. What the hell? He keeps looking at me, but not saying anything. He hasn't said good job even once. They're doing it a lot. They're doing it all day, but it doesn't mean they, they don't deserve any cheering for it. Yeah. Should give them a bit of a cheer, actually. There's a, there's a Chinese chef in the UK called Nancy Lam, who's quite famous. And she used to have a restaurant that my parents used to go to a lot. And she used to come and make the noodles in the restaurant and apparently would just do crazy shit with them. Like we're putting them

around her head and like apparently like with the, between her legs and stuff. She's like crazy, because they'd get there and you couldn't have it. That's close to a lot of stuff. That's close to her body. That's close to the ground. She's an expert. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those noodles need to be a very specific length. Yeah. Yeah. But then you arrive at the restaurant and she just selects who she let in based on what she thought of them when they arrived. So like my parents were behind a couple and Nancy Lam would be like, apparently genuinely went, not you two, you two fuck off. No, you two come in. That's fine. You two fuck off. I don't feel like I would go to this restaurant. I don't want to be judged in that line. And then

what do you do? It's already dinner time. You gotta go somewhere else. And then you sit down and have the leg noodles. Yeah. If you did that at gigs, how many audience members do you think you'd have each night? That they sent people home. I would never send anybody home. Everybody's, everybody come in. I've served. That's not a mean enough answer. Oh, if James did that on his tour shows, he'd be performing two empty rooms. Yeah. I'll be performing to just my sound guy. I could see it. I'm a bad guy. You don't want to get heckled. You don't want anybody to say a shit. You're talking. That's the thing. Yeah. I'm too defensive. I'm too like, yeah, immediately I'm on the back foot. I just every night be like, you fuck off. You fuck off. I certainly do that when

like people start talking to me when I'm playing and I'm just like, I fucking like, I feel like somebody just like, I feel like I'm in like lights out mode a lot of the time. Like I'm just in it and it just seems like so we just like, just like fucking what you've got your phone, your sister, what the fuck? I was funny crazy when people do that to bands because like comedy, I saw, I don't like it, but I sort of understand it that look, we're trying to make it sound sort of like a one sided conversation anyway. Like it needs to be naturalistic and we're having a chat. Yeah. So people can like misunderstand that, but plague a song. People shouldn't misunderstand that. You don't need to justify it. Yeah, fine. But it's even crazier with a band to be like, I think I

go to add my opinion to this song. I saw you do a show in Camden and there were people in the front who I believe were fighting each other. Oh shit. You were at that. Yeah. You were very nice about that. Very patient about it. You kept on having to kind of go, okay, just stop. Hey guys, I know it's a punk rock show and like, we all want to have some fun, but you know, just try and like be aware of the people around you. They just start again and then the end of the next song be like, okay, so kind of still happen in a bit and I'd like everyone here to be a bit more aware. Did you think I was nice about that? It was so nice about that. Okay. The person who I was talking to was waiting for me crying at the end of the show. What? Yeah. I don't know if I should even say that

out of thing, but isn't that fucking crazy? Like anytime that I feel like I've asserted myself, like, hey, I'm recognizing a problem. I'm trying to be direct and not aggressive and just like say what's up. Like half the time somebody's just like waiting for me after like, fuck you, you fucking, I was like waiting for this show and you fucking like call me out, which like, I guess, but like other people are waiting for the show too. Yeah. So I guess I'd let everybody in, but I would, I would want to be able to throw boneheads out with that. Like people getting all pissy about it afterwards. Yeah. Also that kind of stuff. I had a show once and like there's a routine in the show where like I had a, it's a true story about going to a therapist who was

very unprofessional with me and eventually, and the routine is me reading out the text messages that the therapist had sent me. And as I went to read them out, there's a lady in the front, front two rows and she's kind of went like that. I was like, you okay there? You all right? She went, no, no, no, no, no. Read the text messages, I suppose. And I was like, if you don't, I know it's been like, I said it's really hot in this room and I know it's been a long show. If you're ready to leave, you can absolutely leave. You don't have to. She burst into tears and then like everyone's very awkward. And then I had to read the texts in silence because like it was like, well, you know, and then at the end she was waiting for me with her husband and I was like,

hey, I was like, you okay? You know, I didn't really know what went on there. Sorry if like I upset you. And she was like, I'm a therapist and you're giving us a bad name by reading out these text messages. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. It's like a really unprofessional text messages. She was like, you're going to make everyone think all therapists are bad. And I was like, no, no, I mean, I didn't think all therapists were bad. I just thought this one was bad. Even though she was the only one I'd ever met, I mean, now you're the second one. Now I've got to think therapists are bad. I imagine that you were not framing this in a way that you were, because you're aware of shit. Like you were not framing this in a way like therapy focused on

cheers, bro, read, read, plop. Like, my name is James A. Custer. Don't talk about your problems. Yeah, I bet the good there, but there are bad therapists out there. And I bet it frustrates the hell out of good therapists. Shit, no one's going to go to therapy because some of these people are bad. Yeah, exactly. But are you a good at that gig? Are you a nice to that lady? Don't worry about that. I didn't, I tried to be nice to everybody. I just tried to get them away from each other. I don't know who was right here. Just like whoever it was over there, but they were like, I didn't do anything. So I'm going to stand right here. Just like, does it fucking matter? I don't understand why shit matters so much to everybody across the board. Good message to be

What does shit matter so much to everybody? Come on, guys. So your main course, which matters a lot to me. This matters a lot to Ed and a lot to everybody. I'm going to cry if you fuck this up, Jeff. I've been waiting for you off this podcast for a long time. Okay. So it was between two again. It's hard. It was tough. I was thinking about this this morning. I was like, shit. So runner up would be a bowl of laksa for, I don't know if that's big in the UK. It's not big here, which is like a coconut curry noodle soup. It's Malaysian soup. It's got some peanut adjacent vibes. It's got like fried onions and stuff on top of it. If it's good, there's a place in Sydney, Australia called the golden lotus, which has a bunch of fake

meats and stuff in it, which is good. Or there's just a regular ass place in Melbourne called viet rose, which just does it with tofu. It's good. So that might be what I'm getting, but not today. Today, Vinnie's pizza in Brooklyn, they got the good, they got the good pizza cooks on. And I'm just getting, because I've eaten a lot at this point. I've eaten a whole, I've eaten all that shit. I said I wasn't going to eat. Very grateful you've not had a mashed potato pizza for your start. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to get two slices of pizza with pineapple and a vegetarian spare rib on it. Wow. With a little drizzle of sweet chili sauce. Oh, wow. From Vinnie's in Brooklyn, which is a great place, but like one in 10 times. Yeah. I have a feeling it's mostly

stoners who work there because they have shit like, you know, their pizzas, their cheese slices also just like great. So they're good. They're the best. But like one in 10 times, you'll get a fucking crazy ass pizza that's like missing sauce or like everything's on one side. And you just kind of eat it because you're like, well, what are you going to do next time? Wait another 45 minutes. Have them go make another pizza. Like, I'm going to eat this pizza anyway. Yeah. There's not really much you could do. Now I would describe that toppings wise. Yeah. As a controversial slice. Yeah. Sure. Pineapple. I would describe it as a personal slice. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Look, it's the dream restaurant. You have what you want. I'm just,

I'm thinking of the pineapple, which is obviously that's, that war's been raging for a long time. Sure. Yeah. A lot of people arguing about that. I love it. Yeah. I love pineapple and pizza, pineapple in a Nando's chicken wrap. Got a lot of heat for that from people. Throw it in there. Add a little sweet to your life. A burger. I think it's great. So I'm for, I'm for the pineapple. If I'm grilling up a burger, if this is like, if this is say, me and Christine, we're going away for our anniversary somewhere, some Airbnb that has like a barbecue. Yeah. Again, a fucking pineapple for that shit on the grill. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Pineapple ring. Yeah. Pineapple ring on the burger. Let's do this. Cheese. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cheese, pineapple.

Cheese, like spicy. Oh, shit. There's this place called the mouse house in Wisconsin that has mango habanero cheese. It's called like mango fire cheese. Oh, so good. That's going on that burger. On that burger. On my Airbnb burger. Yeah, but this is just the kind of stuff I'm thinking because it's such a relaxed environment at this dream restaurant. Also, I've already been brought tea without even asking for it. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens. Nice hot tea. Yeah. Oh, that's there. That's great. That's a nice addition to it. But by ice to ice, he's bringing you the hot tea. Yeah. Yeah. And he's being very, and he's super cool. Yeah. Even though you're actually sick and his wife's sick.

Yeah. No, no, no. I know what happens when you do that. You get thrown out of the body count show. This sweet chili sauce situation. This is where I knew that we were heading here. As soon as you said sweet chili sauce, I knew we were heading here because there's a thing that we do on this show where we're very accommodating and welcoming at our restaurant. But there's always a secret ingredient each episode where if the guest says it, they get kicked out. Oh, sure. And it's the secret ingredient that we don't like. Yeah. Okay. Now, not this episode, but a past episode, we've chose sweet chili sauce. Okay. Well, and it is out of all the secret ingredients we've ever said, it's the one that we've got the most shit for online.

Like, yeah, that the listeners were furious with us. Sweet chili sauce. Well, we're the other ingredients that you've kicked people out. I don't have to tell me. Pomegranate seeds. Yeah. I could see that. Dill. Dill? I think Dill was in there. Did we choose Dill? I'm not sure. We're really running out at this point. 50 episodes in. Yeah, exactly. Cheese. Yeah, sandwiches. Yeah, but like, yeah, like whole cloves. We've had all sorts of bay leaves. Yeah. That should just get in the way. Sure. Yeah. And then we said sweet chili sauce, which we both agree on. We're not a fan of. Okay. And the amount of like grief we got for it was astonishing. It's still something that gets brought up to this day. So most of the listeners are on your side with this. Okay.

I'm not here to judge you. Hey, sauces cross the board. Yeah. You're fucking weird. Like, oh, like all sauces, they're weird. Like you might not like something like texturally, especially sweet chili sauce can have like some like little flakes in there to it. Definitely does. Sometimes they're big. So what the fuck is happening with this? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, it's okay. It's kind of that sticky, gluey kind of texture to sweet chili sauce as well. Like glue. Yeah. I mean, maybe referring to it as glue after I'm being pretty understanding your opinion here isn't like the coolest thing to do in my dream restaurant. Yeah. Okay. Well, that happens up there. Yeah, absolutely. It looks delicious. No. Well, do you think it's like fucking more gluey

than ketchup or brown sauce? Yeah, it's gluey than ketchup. Okay. So I guess it's because it's got that kind of like translucent kind of sure. It is a little gelatinous and I'm not talking. I'm not slathering this thing. I'm saying one time. I'm remembering at Vinny's one time because again, I'm pretty sure it's just donors who work at this pizza place. They just did that. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, that's nice. Has that ever been on the menu again? Have you ever had that? It's not on the menu. So they have like two specific slices every day like a pun. And I think I saw something somewhat like this. And then like what I'll do is I'll just order a pizza that is on the menu and leave in the comments. Hey, could you actually make me this thing? Yeah. And they'll always do it.

Great. But yeah, I think I've asked for sweet chili sauce one time since then and they just didn't put it on there. I was like, okay. Two slices. Two slices. Yeah. Same toppings on both. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's good because I think when you eat one slice of pizza, you always want that second slice. And this is my dream restaurant. I'm going for it. I haven't eaten breakfast. I'm good. The slice thing feels very New York. Yeah. And I've been to New York a few times, very rarely been for a slice, but I did it this time and you're right. I went for one slice and then I was like, I've obviously got to go another slice. You get like a cheese slice? Now I've got pepperoni first and then I went and got cheese slice because I decided the pepperoni

is good, but you could probably tell if a place is really good if the cheese slice is good. Do you remember, you don't remember where you went. Scars. Scars? Yeah. I don't know where that is. Lowry side. There's like 6,000 places. Yeah. Okay, cool. Lowry side. Good. You didn't go to like two brothers, which is like 99 cent pizza, which is also good. Cool thing about pizza. I've eaten so much fucking pizza in my life. I've had like two bad slices of pizza. Yeah. Pretty much across the board, like even like shitty like Pizza Hut, Domino's, whatever, like it's still fucking cheese and sauce. Yeah. It's good. That's the thing. When we've talked about New York pizza before, always want to find out where the best place is. Yeah.

If for you, is it Vinny's? I think Vinny's. Yeah, Vinny's is the best slice for sure. There is a place where anywhere we used to live called Danny's Pizzeria. It might be Danny's too. I think it's the original Danny's Pizzeria. It's like a Montrose stop on the L train. They don't have the topping choices of Vinny's has, but they're, their standard is equally as good if not even just like a touch better, but I don't know if that's just nostalgia shit. Yeah. And then if I'm going for like a fancy-ass pizza, I'll go to either Poly G's in Green Point or Roberta's in Bushwick. If I could get a seat, am I right? We went there. Were we there? Yeah. We went there. We got it. We luckily got a seat and I

had a nice pizzas, amazing, delicious. I had this cocktail though, that wasn't even cocktail. It was a beer. It was a beer, but it might as well have been cocktail. I couldn't get over it, Jeff. It was like, it tasted like a whole, like a sweet shop, like a candy store. Was it a sour beer? Yeah, but it was like, I've had sour beers before, but this one was like fruit loops. It was like, it tastes like I was drinking fruity pebbles. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This guy likes sweet stuff. Was it described as a sour beer? Was it like a framboise or something? It kind of said it was sour beer, but it didn't say this is going to taste like you're drinking a fruity cereal. I couldn't get over it. He had to go for a blood test straight up.

Yeah. Yeah. Straight to the doctors. Okay. I feel like you're going for too many blood tests. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Okay. Sorry. You got to get rid of some of that. Yeah. You heard of some of that excess blood. Yeah, yeah. I don't like being sick. So like, yeah, that's it. He's sick blood out of you. He's not even worried about being sick. He just, he feels like he's got too much blood. Yeah. Yeah, a bit too much blood in me. I'm concerned about your, your ultra sweet beer. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was crazy. I was like, I was getting angry about it, wasn't I? Because I love about, as I've been there a few times, so it's amazing. This is no slight on the place, but I felt like I should have been given a heads

up before drinking this beer. It's New York. I bet the fucking, like, I wonder if they've given heads up so much and had somebody be like, yeah, I know what the fucking beer is. Everyone's like, okay, okay, okay. But here you go. That's not rude. Just to the point. Just like, you know, I know, I know. I feel like I always have to defend New York. Rude-ness because I, I know that it's just people try to be like, no, I know the fucking answer. It's this. Yeah. Yeah. There. Your day's faster now. They're busy. There's a lot going on. Yeah. And you're busy too. Yeah. Yeah. They assume you're busy and you'd like to just get to the point. Cause I also like, there are things about New York. So I still, when you said earlier about, you know, you get on the L train, you do

this on Lowry's side. And like, does that still feel cool to you to say those things? Cause like, when I hear those things for people who live in New York, I'm like, that's so cool. You're talking about getting on the L train and going to the Lowry's side and grabbing a slice. You can't imagine how cool I felt when I said Lowry's side. Yeah. I saw it in your eyes when you said Lowry's side. It was like, where was it? And my brain went, come on, where was it? Lowry's side. Was it near the Apple store or the J crew? It was on Orchard Street. Oh, oh, you're in it. Yeah. So I should just say on Orchard. Yeah. That's cool, isn't it? Like, oh, the corner of Fiff and Orchard. Yeah. Oh, stuff like that. That sounds fucking cool. It's okay. You're not cool. It's a secret underground

street that only cool people know about. I live here now, so I miss taking the train a lot, but like, yeah, the train's fucking sick, man. It's cool. It's nice that it just takes, I like that it's, aside from biking, it's just the fastest way. It's like, you could get in a car and do it, but like, honestly, you're going to have to sit in traffic probably at some point. You're going to have to find parking. You're going to have to find parking later. But yeah, trades, it's, yeah, it's cool. I like that it's still just doing its thing. That is what it's doing. It was there before me. It'll be there long after me. Side dish. Side dish. This restaurant closed down. It's another New York spot. It's a place

called Soy Soy & Sake. It was a vegan sushi place that had like imitation, like it wasn't like avocado roll, carrot roll, a bay leaf roll or whatever. It was like spicy tuna roll, spicy fucking whatever roll, volcano roll. Like they went for it and there was all kinds of options. So I would probably get, I would get like a volcano roll, I believe from there. And when it shut down, it was just like, it didn't shut down because of lack of popularity. It was just like the chefs were like, I think it was a husband and wife who owned it. And they were just like, all right, we're done. We're done here. And it, and all of like my not meat eating buddies and ourselves, we were just like, can you just like let somebody else run this fucking restaurant,

please? Like this isn't like, nobody does this anywhere near as good, but it's gone. So that would be my side dish. And I feel really lucky that I got asked for a side dish because that was what I was sad to leave out. Oh, there you go. I was like, that can't be my, that can't be my main. Yeah, sure. And also, and also we're just going to throw like some fucking wilted spinach or something on the side because I haven't had any greens yet. And I just want to feel okay. Accidentally covered in wilted spinach. You don't own a bed of wilted spinach or something. Cold wilted spinach, I guess, because it's sushi or maybe like a, like a ice, an unmelted ice sheet. Yeah. But it's hot on the other side. Or metal plate. A metal plate. Oh, to hold the gold.

Yes. To hold the gold. To hold the gold. To hold the gold. To hold the gold. Yeah. To hold the gold. Yeah. I thought it was like a Saiyan. So even though I'm from England, I thought I must be an English Saiyan. Like when I was English Saiyans. If you were saying new shit, nonstop. Yeah, sure. Well, we could start to hold the gold today. Yeah, I'm gonna. Yeah. To hold the gold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It would be like a little side, like a little side car for your sweet chili sauce or something else. Yeah. And you could just say, yeah. To hold the gold. What's in the volcano? I don't fucking remember. It's got like spicy tuna fake shit. It's got crunchy shit. Yeah. It's covered in like two good kinds of sauces. It's big. I feel like it's

probably got a string bean in it. I just remember it's the one that I was just like, oh yeah. I think I'd like I was debating between that and like the crunchy spicy tuna roll. But just like that one's like just kind of that. But oh, I think it's probably deep fried too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The first time I fried sushi, that was a revelation. Yeah. Because I remember seeing it on a menu and being like, that's probably not proper. It doesn't feel right to do that. And then I'm like, fuck it. Just order it. And it is genius. Yeah. It's good. Also like sushi rolls with crispy bits in them are the best. Yeah. If it's got like a prawn kind of temper in the sushi roll stuff like that, it's absolutely, that's

every time. It's, you see, being a vegetarian, I rarely get that. It's usually just like avocado, cucumber roll. Yeah. It's like great. Yeah. I don't know. They never throw in crunchy bits. Yeah. There's a sushi place called Edo in Crystal Palace in London that do special salmon skin roll. And it's all the salmon skin in the middle. Yeah. It is so good. There's a place in Brighton called Happy Mackey, which is a vegan sushi place that does fake duck. Oh yeah. Love a fake duck. So good. But does duck belong in sushi? It doesn't this one. I'm with you. All right. Sorry for being a judgey. No, yeah. Yeah. So yeah, some sushi. Sushi chef. Come on. Sushi chef. Is it a sushi sushi chef? Sushi chef. Sushi by Sashimi from the... Yeah. We've had a tongue twister on this

show before about sushi when Susie Ruffle is a very good comedian from England. She chose Sashimi. Sushi Samba in the shard. Yeah. From a place called Sushi Samba. Yeah. Sushi Samba in a building called the shard. And it was Sushi like Sashimi from the Sushi Samba in the shard. It's impossible. I still can't say it. Susie likes Sashimi from the Sushi Samba in the shard. That's hard. Yeah, it's really hard. Jesus. We speak for a living. Your dream drink. Okay. Boozy? Non-boozy? It can be whatever you like. Obviously, as a fan, I'm hoping to say, is it tall boys? It's not tall boys. No, no, no. I'm not good. On the rocks by the wall. On the rocks. Yeah. Oh, that's like for what a tall boy is? Yeah. It's like a 24-ounce

unit. This is a dumb question. Ounces, is that... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have units of measurement here that no one else fucking has, and I don't know which ones are what. We don't use it for quiz. We're also stupid. We don't use ounce for quiz. So, it's like a big can. Yeah. That's it. It's just usually like two bucks. Oh, a beer? Yeah, a beer. Okay. Usually like a cheap beer. Sounds like a cocktail to me. In my head, you were drinking cocktails on the rocks by the water. No, it's a drink for the people. It's like you walk into your bodega, they got like the fucking big cans, and you get like a, you know, Papster Coors or Bud Light or Miller. I would probably go Miller High Life if I was going tall boys. Yeah. But I'd probably just go whatever's cheapest.

It's probably a turnout that like all of your lyrics have misunderstood, and I've had like completely different pictures in my head of your life and who you are. Cool. I like that because they're like, they're very specific, and I like that every time I've talked to somebody about it, I'm like, nah, that's not what I'm saying. Yeah. Take that, critics of my words. It's a not tall boy. Not a tall boy though. That's a walk around on the street and hide it in your coat kind of vibe. Yeah. Ice Tea's already just been bringing me now Ice Tea for a while because he can't be stopped. So I've been having like a nice, you know, unsweetened, like a gingery, peachy, greeny, somewhere in that flavor palette tea. And I've

also been drinking just a beer. I've been having a nice beer. There's a brewery in, I think, Brooklyn called Other Half that has a IPA that I think is called Green City. It's like a seven or eight percenter, which is kind of what I like now because it just gets, it just does the job in years. And like if you do the price ratio, it's usually like, no, this is actually like, this is going to do more damage for my buck here. And I've only had it at the Alamo Draft House in Brooklyn, which is, do you know what that is? So that's like a movie theater that they have like food and beers at. Do you have things like that, like stuff like that? I think this was one of the, this was one of the first ones that like kind of franchise itself

around America. Yeah. Yeah. It started like, started in Texas and now they had one in New York and my wife would joke with me because I usually spend like every moment, like I'm, I'm just like spending like eight to 12 hours, maybe less, I don't know. Why, why, why? But I'm working on the cartoon, like on the music for the cartoon, like all the time. And then when I'm not, I'm usually like catching up on ban shit or doing emails or just like, I feel like doing anything. I'm just going to watch basketball, smoke weed, have a beer and just like chill. And I don't like spending money, but every now and then I'll be like, let's go to Alamo Draft and we're going to watch like once upon a time in Hollywood. And I'm going to get like the

fucking $15 veggie burger or whatever the hell it is. And we're going to get an app and I'm going to get this beer. And every time I'm just like, this is the best beer. And I've never really seen it anywhere else other than there, even though I'm sure it exists in many places. And that would be, that would be my drink of choice. And this beer does not taste like fruity pebbles or anything like that. No, it's nice. It's probably like a hazy IPA. It's just like, it's got a little nice, it could taste the hops. The great Benito who's our producer. Yeah. Tell me I got to get to my no, no, no, no. He likes, maybe you don't have to get to it. Is that the real clock? Yes. Oh, sick. I got time. I'm not looking. Fuck. New dentist. Put a list of this. This is our

first guest who has to go to a root canal and immediately after, because it's not a dream dent. It's not a fantasy dent. It's like a fantasy restaurant. It's very nice. Yeah. Yeah. And he assured me is going to give me enough Novocaine. And so, you know, is this your dentist or the great Benito? Yeah. I'm going to get the great Benito and give you just like a couple of shots before I head over there. Jeff's got to go for a root canal, which should be a warning to any of you people who are eating sweet chili sauce all the time. That's why because you ate so much sweet chili sauce that you've now got to go for a root canal. Sweet chili sauce is a special occasion sauce for me. So you can go fuck yourself. Great Benito loves IPA. And the other day,

we went to a bar and I think the great Benito thought that him and Ed had ordered a jug of IPA to share. It was actually a jug of red beer. Yeah. And I thought the great Benito was going to cry. Yeah. He was drinking that. He really didn't like the red beer and how it tasted. He was really disgusted, didn't he? I feel like once you and the great Benito can, I can't talk in the microphone and look behind me. So let me know if he agrees. I feel like when you start drinking, like I was working at a place that like made homebrew beer kits, which is how I kind of went down this road was like bagging hops all the time. Oh, this is this. Yeah. But they feel like once you start drinking beers, it like actually tastes like stuff backpedaling to a not like just 100

percent nothing beer, like going to that middle ground. You're just like, what the fuck am I doing here? Sure. Yeah. He's a great beer. He's agreeing with you by the way. Yeah. He's pumping the air with his festi's giving thumbs up. He's loving it. But also like no shade thrown at anybody who likes. I wish I liked, I wish I fucking didn't have any preference when it came to any kind of food. I wish I was just like cross the board, except for like not eating meat. I just wish I was just like cross the board like, yeah, give it to me. I don't fucking care. Put it in a glass, put it on a plate. I like it all. Yeah. Yeah. So talking of which come to the dessert. Okay. Are you quite picky with desserts? Oh, I don't love sweets. James is a real dessert guy. Or I should say,

I can't, I feel like I can't eat a lot of sweets. Like ones I've had like, so do you have like a fucking like a cake? Okay. Just like a standard piece of cake. Yeah. I feel like I get two bites of that cake. I'm like, great cake. Yeah. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. And then I'm done. It makes my stomach feel bad. And I just don't, you know, I'm like, does it not make your heart to mind feel good? No, I already feel good from all the savory stuff of you. Watching James's face now. I'm so sorry. It's honestly like you're speaking a completely different language. Like he's trying to understand you. What? Like dark chocolate makes me feel good, but like that's the least sweet of sweets you could get. Jeff, I think after this interview, I'm going to have to find my publisher and tell them to

burn all those books. So I'm like, is he going to be able to find the ones you've sent out already? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Burn them all. Just burn those chapters. Do you think the rest of the books fine? Yeah. Do you think this will take it out of no name? She loves desserts. Yeah. Yeah. I like just, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm, it's less than what it seems like. I just can't have too much of it. I could take it. Okay. I'll get it. Do you think this will change how you listen to Jeff's music now? I could tell. Yeah. I've been listening to it like this guy does it like this guy. Is he in a marshmallow while he is singing? That's what you used to imagine. I used to imagine you had a mouth full of marshmallows. It would make a lot of sense. A tall boy was a type of chocolate boy. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, no. Okay. So, you know, he loves sweets. I'm not going to handle that. Okay. But it was still hell. I mean, you know, just still here with the dessert. It might be something that will cheer me up. Yeah. Okay. So, so I would, I would go with the, I would go with a key lime pie. Okay. But, but too inconsistent. And this is my first time going to the dream restaurant. I don't know what they're going to fucking do. Sure. Right. So instead, going to bookend this with another chain. Yes. With a friendlies. Do you know about the chain friendlies? No, but I love the name. Okay. So friendlies is like a ice cream chain, but it's a restaurant. So they have all this shitty ass food. It's like where I went when I was a kid.

It's just like chicken wrap, like fries and burger, something. And you just go there so you can eventually make your way to the ice cream. Okay. And I would get what, which is available in super markets, a nice slice of what's called watermelon roll, which is picture a watermelon, picture a cross-section of a watermelon. You got your nice little smile looking thing. Yeah. Yeah. That rind is made of lemon lime ice cream, lemon lime sherbet. Do you say sherbet or sherbet? This sherbet. Sherbet? Sherbet. Okay. Yeah. Take that, Christine. Not many cases. A little message for their wife. No. We argue about this sherbet and we've looked it up and the fucking like internet says,

you could pronounce it either way, which is like, oh, that doesn't help either of us. So, okay. So that rind is lemon lime ice cream. It's got like something going on on the outside of the rind, which just seems like more lemon lime sherbet. Okay. Yeah. But it's got like a little, that kind of like sparkly sugar on the outside, but it's not that. It's just like a slightly different texture that adds like a little, little crunch. Yeah. But it barely adds a crunch. Almost just enough. Yeah. Okay. And then the watermelon part is watermelon sherbet and instead of seeds, it's got little dark chocolate chips. Oh yeah. Yeah. And it's a, it's a, it's a warm, breezy day outside. So you have a perfect time for this. And it's great. And it's the best. I'm definitely

eating that at some point in my life. I absolutely love it. Also, you really set me up there with, I don't like sweet things. And then you had a watermelon made of sherbet. Yeah. So that is, you, I did not say I don't like sweet things. Sure. You're not adding to the, I feel like I said, I want, what I wanted to say, what I was saying in my heart is that just like, I can only handle so much of them. And maybe I, maybe I like this because I could, I could, I feel like I could just give me the whole fucking, and it comes in like a loaf. You can just slice off and just like, give me that whole loaf. Yeah. Yeah. And let's do this. When we say sherbet, are we talking about the same thing? Possibly not. Oh, well,

I think I know what Jeff means, but like, yeah, it's not the same in England. Sure. But it's the powder. Oh, wow. You must be confused. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, wow, they've compacted powder down into a loaf form. Can I look up a picture of this? Absolutely. You can. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely want to see the picture of this well. Okay. Like, do you have like a rainbow ice cream adjacent kind of thing where it's like raspberry, orange and lime? No, not really. Because that's rainbow sherbet here. Right. Okay. And if you call it something else, then we can figure this out. Fuck it. We can't. This looks crazy. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. I see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a very vivid red. That looks great.

Because it's the dream restaurant. Would you like us to not just bring that, but make a new one for you that is a whole watermelon? So we bring it to you as a whole watermelon and then you can just crack into it yourself. No, thank you. I wouldn't know what to do. Oh, and just, just standard watermelon roll for me. Also, you didn't tell us that watermelon is spelt. I said it that way. W-A-T-T-A-M-E-L-O-N. Did you think it was my New York accent? It's a watermelon roll. Yeah. Is that because they didn't want to be sued by the original Watermelon? Yeah, I guess so. I think it's like a play on like, what a melon, but that didn't quite make it. Like maybe there, you know, it's a fucking corporation. So maybe like 20 people

were in a room and half of it were like, we shouldn't call it that. And half were like, we should. They're like, what if we just don't write what a melon, but like make it kind of that. Or maybe there's, there's so little actual watermelon in it. They can't legally call it watermelon roll. That's probably it. Like crab, crab flavored sticks. Oh my God. I was just talking with a vegan buddy about how we used to think imitation crab meat wasn't just fish instead of crab that we're like, oh, it's like fake crab. Sick. You find out, you're like, God damn it. Come on. This is, I'm reading all about it here. Yeah. This is amazing. Someone's written a whole article about how this is their favorite cake and it is. It's great. You could probably get one.

Okay. So I don't know what the friendly situation is here in the West coast, but like if this is a place where friendlies exist, you could go there and just get one to go. Yeah. And you could go to supermarkets and if they're friendlies, ice cream, sometimes they have that. I definitely want that. I'm going to get that today. Yeah. That's good. Of course you want that because it looks really sweet and the box makes it look like it's for children. Yeah. I take issue with desserts being looked, looking like they're marketed to children. Who doesn't want like an apple, sage, like crumble, whatever all the time. That's the kind of thing I have like two bites of like apple, sage, crème brûlée. I'm like, okay, that's cool. I've had one. I'm good.

So Jeff, I'm now going to read your order back to you. Feel about it. Wow. Water. You would like sparkling water in a metal cup. Okay. Gosh. Now I kind of, I know I had so many. Okay. I'm good. I got the ice tea. I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. Ice tea is coming. Oh, okay. Throughout this, you have an ice tea brought to you or you have a hot tea brought to you and then ice tea. They're all brought to you by ice tea. You're fine. Okay. Pop it on some bread. You said brown bread from the cheesecake factory. Fuck yeah. No regrets on that one. Cold skin noodles from Joanne. Is that? It's X-I-A-N. I think it's pronounced Xi'an. Xi'an. Famous foods, New York. Yeah. Your main course.

Two slices of Vinnie's pizza, pineapple, veggie, spare ribs, sweet chili sauce. Yeah. Side dish. Drizzle of the sauce. Drizzle of the sauce. I'm not having it. Instead of sauce, which they've done some times. I'm not. Look, don't be too liberal with the sauce. I'm being reasonable here. Side dish. A volcano roll from soy and sake, New York, and hide some wilted spinach in there. I gotta have some greens. I'm also thinking that every time I eat sweet chili sauce now, I'm going to think this is a gluey. So thanks. So ruin that, ruin that for you. Absolutely spoil one of your favorite things. Pleasure. A drink. You would like other half green city IPA. And your dessert. If it's a real, if that's the name of it. Yeah. If that's real, but otherwise,

you just want whatever beer they do. Otherwise, they bring me the sweet beer that you got, and I learned my lesson before I ordered them. There's a watermelon roll from Friendly's. Yeah. I like the sound of it. 100% satisfied with this. No regrets. Yeah. That actually together better than you thought it was going to as well. Yeah. I think that's a proper meal. Yeah. The pizza and bread are outliers. Yeah. It's, but whatever. Yeah. Who says, you know, all the same fucking thing. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. No one. That's who. Not restaurant owners. Thanks so much for coming into the dream restaurant. Thanks so much for having me. Thank you, Jeff. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

Well, there we are, James. The menu of your hero, Jeff Rosenstock. A delicious menu. I want to try that watermelon so much. You want to go and try it with Jeff and go, oh, Jeff, I love this so much. Oh, well, oh, sorry. Liking someone's music isn't cool now. Oh, sorry. I'm a pathetic for liking someone's music. Oh, policy, Z. When we had Corey Taylor on, I played it so cool. You, throughout that episode, you were like, oh, Jeffy, I love you the way you play your guitar. Do you know what? I'm proud. Proud that I did that. We cut that out. You said that. Huh? We cut that out. You said that. Jeffy, I love the way you play guitar. I did that. We cut all that out because I said it too much.

Yeah. He said it so much. We had to cut all of them out. Yes. I remember with Corey Taylor and you were like, Corey, I love you. Corey Taylor, Corey Taylor. If I was in Slipknot, I would wear a mask that is a love heart because I love you, Corey Taylor. I'd have to edit that out. I'd be honest, James, if Slipknot came to me and said, Ed, we want you to be in Slipknot, you have to wear a love heart mask and all you do is come up to the microphone in between songs and sing about how much you love Corey Taylor, but you have to give up comedy and podcast and everything. I would, of course, I would do it. Yes. That would be funny, actually. In a heart beat, I'd be the love heart.

They'd be like, who's this new mysterious love heart guy? Number 10. Number 10, the love heart. Anyway, let's stop talking about Slipknot because that was Jeff Rosenstock's episode and I am also a huge fan of Jeff Rosenstock. He's got so many albums out there to check out, James. Yeah. You've got to get out there. You've got to buy We Call. You've got to buy Worry from 2016. You've got to buy Post and you've got to buy No Dream, the latest album, as of now when we're speaking. Yes. Jeff releases a lot of stuff. So, absolutely get into all of that. You've got to listen to the Amagant Sons of Bitches. You've got to listen to every single band. You've got to listen to Bomb, the music industry. Anything Jeff's

ever been involved in. Get on it. He didn't say Corianna C's, which is lucky because we were having a lovely time with Jeff and imagine if he'd had to kick Jeffy out of the restaurant. I would have left as well, Ed. Yeah. You would have had to kiss goodbye to your waiter. Let's go to another place, then, Jeffy. That's what I would have said. I don't know why you're putting on that voice. I would have said, let's go to another place, Jeffy. I wouldn't have called him Jeffy. Oh, no. Thank you very much to Jeff for coming on the podcast. If you want to check us out on the socials, you absolutely can. We're out of menu official on Twitter and Instagram, and the website is offmenupodcast.co.uk. Bye. Goodbye, Ed. Love you, Corie Taylor.

Hello, I'm Lou Sanders, and if you've enjoyed this podcast, you might like my podcast, Cuddle Club. It's about cuddling, yes, but really, it's just a way into relationships and asking cheeky questions like who is your mum's favourite and when we last unfaithful. Previous guests include Alan Davies, Ashley B, Katherine Mayan, Rich Dozman, Ed Gamble, Nish Kumar, and other legends. Get it on A-Cast, Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your all podcasts. And remember to Susie, everybody, if Susie stands for Cuddle Club. Hello, it's me, Amy Gledhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's

never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off, and that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Gledhill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've

left it so late!