Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 14: Jack McBrayer

Episode Date: March 6, 2019

We welcome '30 Rock's Jack McBrayer – the most polite man in showbusiness – to the restaurant this week. James tells a sexy story, Ed cracks some crass jokes and Jack has a lot of foods explained to him.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)Jack McBrayer is currently starring in the musical 'Waitress' at the Aldephi Theatre in London's West End. Check out www.waitressthemusical.co.uk for tickets.Ed Gamble is on tour. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.James’s TV show ‘Hypothetical’ is on Dave, Wednesdays, 10pm.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Two spoons with the podcast, please. We'll be splitting this one. Oh! Welcome to the Off Menu podcast with Ed Gamble. This is his voice. James A has his voice here, speaking out of his mouth. Yes, thank you. Do you want to describe what the podcast is, James? Yeah, we've got a guest in our dream restaurant, and we're going to ask them what their favourite ever starter, main course, dessert, drink, side dish are. Yeah, it's a good format. No one can argue it. Because we do a food podcast, and we're very grateful for this, occasionally

people send us some free stuff. Best part of the job. Now, James, I like booze. I don't know about you. I tell you, a world of booze that I've not fully embraced yet is the world of rose wine. Right. Well, you're not my Auntie Val then, but carry on. I'm not your Auntie Val, and I can't believe that's the first time you've mentioned that. We've been sent some lovely rose looking wine from a company called Mirabow. They've sent us pure Mirabow. They've sent us Mirabow on Provence, and a sort of sparkling looking one. And I've got to say, I'm rather looking forward to tucking into it. It looks very nice. Also, the people at Naughty, that's N-O-R-T-Y, it's a dessert company, I believe. Oh, okay, good. They've

sent us some salted chocolate indulgent cheesecake. Hey! Also, some cashew butter, salted caramel chocolate hazelnut nut butter as well. I believe this is all, this is all vague. I think it's on the vague. It's all vague? I think it's all on the vague. It's dairy and gluten free. Crack on with that, mate. Looks nice, quite frankly. So thanks. And as always, the shameless offer to send us stuff is open. But our guest this week, so excited about this one, James. Oh, I'm very excited too, because you're not going to believe it, people. Our guest this week is... Jack McBrayer. And when the great Benito, our producer, told us that he'd got Jack McBrayer, I didn't believe that it was going to happen. No, as always, on our text

group, we bullied him and we called him a little twerp. We called him a little liar and a little twerp. Jack McBrayer, for those of you who don't know, I'm sure you'd recognise him anyway if you don't know him by his straight name. He played Kenneth Parcell in 30 Rock, who I'd say is in my top five sitcom characters of all time. Incredible character. He's also been Wreck-It Ralph. He's been in Wreck-It Ralph. He's been in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and he could currently appear in Waitress on the West End. He's in a musical called Waitress on the West End. He also started by doing characters on Conan O'Brien's show. He would like heckle from the audience and stuff. Oh, really? Little characters, yeah.

I don't know that. That's a cool little... So we're super excited to have Jack on the podcast. It feels like a real coon for this podcast, James. Yeah, he's coming in. I hope that he's ready for what we've got in store. Obviously, you know, even though Jack McBrayer will chuck him out, will kick him out onto the streets if he mentions a secret ingredient, which is flaked almonds. Flaked almonds. Hate them. What are you doing? I like almonds in general. Of course. But when they're flaked and put in a salad or a curry or on the top of a cake. No, texturally, it's all wrong. Yeah, I don't like it. It ruins all the other ingredients that I have to eat round them. I'm protesting it. Even on the top of flapjacks and stuff. I don't like it.

You don't need... You never need that texture. And also, if you're shaving something that thin with a subtle flavour in the first place, it's going to lose all its flavour. Yeah, what you're playing at? Visually, yeah, it might look okay, but like, come on. It's not worth it. You're paying the price. You may as well eat a box of confetti, as far as I'm concerned. Have done. This is the off-menu menu of Jack McBrayer. Jack, welcome to the dream restaurant. Oh, thank you. It's lovely to be here. Sorry. Uh-oh. Welcome, Jack. Hi. Hi, what's going on? Not a lot. Good to see you. Welcome to the restaurant. I'm a genie. And that's a lovely reaction to finding out and

seeing a genie. It's just, oh, okay. Well, yeah, I didn't want to cause a scene. I'm very nice to meet you, sir. Do you have any genies back in the US? If we do, I have not been made aware, but I'm not opposed to the possibility that they are there. Yeah. Walking amongst us. I'm also a waiter, of course. Because you've come to London to work as a waitress. Well, I'm in a show called Waitress, yes. Yes, yes. But you're not the waitress within the show, waitress. No, spoiler alert. I am not. Up to you. Who do you play at it? I play a customer at the restaurant who falls in love with one of the waitresses.

Oh, well, this is perfect. You're a customer at the restaurant, at the dream restaurant here. And I can already feel there's a little bit of tension between you and the genie. There's tension, but not good. Is that the Adelphi Theater? Correct. Yes, sir. The Adelphi Theater on the Strand, and we're in previews right now, and we open March 7th. And yeah, it's been a lot of fun. And have you done anything like this before? No, sir. I have never done anything on Broadway. When I was living in Chicago, there was a comedy theater there called The Second City, and we would do live shows there. But it was a bit different. We didn't have microphones,

we didn't wear makeup. I guess that's it. We've got great microphones here. Yeah, these are beautiful. Yeah, they're nice. Do you enjoy these ones? Yeah, I've never had microphones at a restaurant. It's very elegant. It's about time. It's high time, right? I agree. I agree. You've got your own songs in the musical and stuff. Are you belting out some tunes? I do. I have to sing. And that is not what I'm known for. Yeah. Do you have a background in singing? The world will be underwhelmed. Have you done any singing before on stage? No, sir. I mean, no, sir. And if so,

for comedic effect. But this has been, it was challenging because so many of my castmates are like, you know, trained in this kind of stuff. So it was intimidating at first, but everyone has been very welcoming. And also we just kind of decided, well, it fits for the character. There we go. Fall in love with the waitress. I know guests fall in love with me yet. Well, maybe if you stuck around longer, you seem to pop in and out quite a bit. That is true. If you've got to go back to the lamp, there's no point starting a relationship. I'm not always in a lamp, Jack. I want you to know that. I'm not always in a lamp. Don't even think I'm a boring guy. Always in a lamp,

opening a bottle, and a gravy boat in another episode. A gravy boat. Yeah, yeah. Makes more sense with the surroundings. Does that. Now it all makes sense. Yeah. I know it was confusing for a second. It's perfect now. Yeah. Now I get it. Thank you. Are you a big fan of food? You're a foodie? Of course. I have food every day. Every day? Every. How many times? Sometimes three. Whoa. And how are you finding London's food so far? I like it quite a bit. I am a person who enjoys routine. And so because work has been keeping us so busy, I do find myself going back to some old

standbys. So now that my days will be more free, I'm excited to explore more. For example, I have yet to have a proper Sunday roast, which is a big deal here in London. I don't think I've ever had a Yorkshire pudding. I just don't like Yorkshire pudding. It's a big point of issue on the podcast. I'm not a fan of Yorkshire pudding. I don't know if I'd like it or not. Because it's savoury, yes? It was a savoury battery. It's just very nice and plump. To me, it's just a big cold up. So it's a bit crispy and soft at the same time. It's a big cold up, old pancake. How is a big cold up pancake sounding? It sounds good though, doesn't it? Well, it's confusing because if it's savoury, but you all call desserts puddings. So it's not a

dessert. No, it's not a dessert, but it's like a savoury pan. I think it's like an old pancake, but I will get tweets about this. Again, people go mad at me for this. People from Yorkshire? People from Yorkshire are not happy with me. And you're right, it shouldn't be called a pudding. I don't know. I mean, I'm not yet to pick up on all the nuances of your language. Yeah, no, I understand. You don't want to know. Which is also our language. Yeah, sure. For the record. Black pudding as well is not a pudding, and it's very English. What is that? Is it tea?

Yeah, if you don't know what black pudding is, I would hear what it is and then decide if you like it. It's sort of congealed pigs blood. Nope, you haven't eaten congealed. Lost me at congealed. Yeah, you would have it with a cooked breakfast. It's like spiced congealed pigs blood with fat in it and stuff. It's a bit like haggis, but haggis? Never had it. That's sheep's stomach. There's goody inside it, right? There's like meat and potatoes inside it. Is there? Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking about shepherd's pie. Oh, yeah, shepherd's pie, there's meat and there's like potatoes on the top.

Okay. And like some beef in it. This is... It's just the sheep's leg. Haggis is like all the... Isn't it all the offal and all the... Oh, well then no. Respect for that. Respectfully. No, thank you. I like that you're trying to keep everyone from all across the UK on side though. So respectfully, no, just in case we're just tours. Yeah, you would have been the greater leads. So can we start you off with some still or sparkling water? Oh, still. Always still? You're a still man all the time?

Well, it's easiest. I'm not particular when it comes to water. And so if it comes out of a tap, I'm okay with that. Oh, so when you say it's easiest, you're more thinking of like tap water rather than bottled still water. Oh, we have all the waters here, Jack. You underestimate our great nation. Oh, I forgot. There's a genie here. It is weird because actually you're the first person who when I told you I was a genie, you can now can't look at me without seeing an actual genie. And so it is quite weird for you. It is. I mean, this is a first, so many firsts that's coming here. So like, you're the first person who I felt like I am, or I feel like I am. I mean,

not that I don't believe it anyway. Well, Jack, so you've got a bit of a... But I don't really believe I'm a genie. Improving the past, right? Yeah. So you've very much just bought into the full scene here. You're in it. I was told he was a genie. Yeah. Here it goes. So you know that I am a genie. You know that I am. Yeah. Pop it up, it's all bread, Jack. Pop it up, it's all bread. What does he say? Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it... Pop it's off the bread? Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread.

Pop an episode of bread. Sorry, Jack. Let me translate for you. Pop it down, it's all bread. Pop it down, it's all bread. Yes. Are you aware of what a pop it down is? No. It's on the table. No, no, no. This is not a quiz. It's not going to be on the table unless it's within the mind table of the podcast. Oh, yes. So pop... Poppidoms, if you go to an Indian restaurant before you sort of order your main meal or ever, they'll often bring out poppidoms, which are like giant, very thin crisps.

Oh, okay. I've never had to explain what a poppidom is before, and I think I've done quite a good job of it. Okay. You've been explaining a lot of food so far. Yeah. That's what I like about this episode. Yeah. We'll explain. Like, Jack has a complete fool. Jack knows nothing. First blank slate. Okay, then what is... What's in-a-in? No, n-a-a-n, no, it's bread. Okay.

So that's like a... That's more of a flat bread type situation. Which is different than a poppidom. Which is different to a poppidom, because that's a crispy, really crispy thing. It's like a big chip. Okay. Yeah. So you get that and you get sauces and mango chutney and things like that to put on it. Okay. Okay. So the choice is... Do you want that that you've just learned about and never tasted? That you've never had a point your whole life, and you've only just heard it described to you,

and you've got a vague concept of what it is. Or would you like some bread? I mean, I get to choose what my meal is, right? Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, then bread. We would like some bread. Any particular type of bread. Can get you any bread you like. If you have a favorite type of bread. Maybe a certain bread you've had at some point in your life from a specific place. I can get you that. Oh, wow. You know what? Let's get some Hawaiian rolls. Hawaiian rolls. I've never had a Hawaiian roll.

Now, the ship is on the upper foot. Because now you have to explain to us. I mean, they're just like little buns, but they're quite sweet. But they're bread. Yes. It's not like a dessert bread. Right. So you can put like little sliders in there and they just taste real good. Oh, that's quite nice. I think it's quite shiny on top. They are. Right. Okay. I think I can visualize it now. Sweet little shiny rolls.

It's like a brioche kind of, is it a brioche type thing? Affair? I don't know about that. Okay. It's brioche. They're like, brioche is like a big Hawaiian roll. So this is an episode of just explaining what food it is. It's good. We recorded a lot of episodes. It's a high tide we had when we were just in detail explaining every single what the concept of each thing is. This is going to be embarrassing for all of us. Yeah, yeah. This is how we're going to break America.

Yeah. Because now we can go, look, don't worry, Americans. We explain all of the foods to you. That's right. We're here to help. This is funny. Our American listeners have clearly been listening to this podcast so far and being like, I don't know what they're talking about. What are they talking about? What is a pop-a-dom? Why is he shouting at them every time? Why is this guy a genie? I knew you'd shout it just to get attention. Yeah. It worked.

I love the way you looked at me as soon as I shouted it. You can say you can make a little slider out of it. Are you a slider, in fact? Because sliders are, for me, quite a recent thing. I haven't known about sliders my whole life. Like I'd say it's quite, and I'm not sure completely where, how much I love them. Interesting. Like I think they're nice. But the idea, I think, is always better for me. I think, oh, I can't wait. I see the idea of a slider. I kind of pop it in my mouth.

And then I have it and I think maybe I would have just liked a big sandwich, actually. All right. That's the thing. Here's what I have to say about that. Depending on where you go, sometimes they offer sliders and they're different kinds and you can mix and match. So you can have a little chicken slider with a beef slider, with a whatever else slider. So then it's like you're having a sandwich, but each bite is of a different sandwich, like a Willy Wonka sandwich.

It's a Willy Wonka sandwich. Worth every pence? That is, we say worth every penny. Oh, yeah. I'm going to change it to worth every pence now. And obviously in America, worth every pence is a very different kind of, bringing in the old VP there. Too soon.

Too soon. Sorry for being pence in early doors. I love that. I like, if you like, because they're quite small, I could bring you a slide, a Hawaiian roll slider. Oh, let's do that. As your bread to start off with. Let's do that.

What's your dream slider filling? Well, because I know what I want from my entree. Let me go with just a small beef slider, please. Small beef slider. Small beef slider. Again, you've hacked the podcast there. That's great because normally people are like plain bread or pop of doms, but now you've got some filling there.

It's good. Put it small often. That's fine. I'm going to allow it. And if anyone wants to have a go at me online, fair enough. So to start, what was your starter? Or appetizer, right? Oh, we can say both.

All right. Okay. I thought I was doing, I thought I was bridging the gap between the two nations there. No, that one we got. It turns out, you know exactly what I was talking about. Well, I mean, just in the context, it makes sense. Okay. Let's see.

First starter, I should probably get something green in there. You know what? Let me just do a nice little, can I do a salad for my starter? Yeah, you can do a little salad for your starter. Yeah, of course. Let me do a salad for my starter, please. What's the best salad you've ever had? I can take you to any restaurant you've ever been to, any cafe, even a home cooked.

A home cooked salad. A home cooked salad. Um, you know what? Just because I'm going to stick to my theme, because I know what I want from my entree, I'm going to go with a little spinach salad, please. Oh, a little spinach salad. Yeah. So what's in there?

I'm looking down at the bowl. Gotcha. Let's put some spinach in there. I like a balsamic vinaigrette. Nice. Let's put some pecans in there. Oh, yeah. Yep.

No one saw that coming. I didn't, I didn't see it coming. Yeah. No. I'm glad you said that because I was worried for a second, that you were going to absolutely hang me out to dry. No, I agree. And claim that you saw it coming.

But I saw you, I didn't see pecans coming. A raw, a raw pecan. Yeah. Yeah. I love a raw pecan. Yeah. But my favorite nut in the whole world to snack on is a roast salted pecan. Oh.

Which you can't really get here, but all over the States. Where do you get them? Waitrose. Oh, over here. You got a waitrose bag. Are you familiar with a waitrose jacket? It's a very posh supermarket. I haven't yet to go in one.

It's very... Why is that? High-end posh supermarket. Oh, I'm a Sainsbury Superstore man. Right down the line. You know what you want. Got my Nectar card? Yeah.

I'm good to go. Yes, please. I am now going to start calling it Sainsbury's Superstore because I like that a lot more. Yeah, it's much better. That's good. Yeah. Well, so you've got some pecans in there,

which has your chosen nut for this salad. Yes, sir. In life, Ed's talking about his favorite nut to snack on. That's my favorite snack in nut. Have you got a favorite snack in nut? An almond, a raw almond. A raw almond. You're a healthy man, Jack.

That's a very healthy sort of snack. Well, yeah, because you start getting older and I can't drink Coca-Cola with every meal. Like I used to could. But also, I like almonds. I like salmon. I like almonds. So I think I'm lucky in that I like some of the stuff

that is kind of healthy for me. Yeah, that is lucky. Yeah, right? Yeah, because otherwise, yeah. It's very lucky. All I think about, because all my favorite stuff is unhealthy. I love it so much. I love chocolate and ice cream.

It's all I would eat if it was, if that was okay and allowed. James eats like a bin. Like as soon as you hit 40, it's going to be a nightmare. Yeah. Except that you're a genie. Yeah, so wish it away. None of it has any effect on me. Sorry, guys, I stepped outside the scene.

Yeah, thank you, Jack. You know what? It's nice to have a guest who knows me better than my co-host does. So whole almond is your favorite nut to snack on? Interesting. Very close to, we always have a, should I reveal it now? Oh, what? We always have a secret ingredient that if a guest mentions it,

we kick him out the restaurant. Oh, was it? It was flaked almonds this week. You are so lucky, Jack. Isn't that true? You are so lucky. It's flaked almonds. Is that true?

Yeah, it was flaked almonds this week. You are such a lucky man. Oh, you don't threaten me. As a snack, I like just a whole raw almond. Then you can stay in the restaurant. And we like whole raw almonds as well. We start like flaked almonds when they pop up in salads or like even on a cake, you know?

It really gets to us. I get it. Man, I get it. We really get angry. Yeah, they've had their day. They have had their day, right? They've had their day, yeah. It's that weird texture.

You may as well put a bit of paper on top of the cake, as far as I'm concerned. Right? Shoo. That's really sticky, too. You seem like you maybe don't get as angry about some foods as we do. Is there ever any food that if you got served it,

you'd be like, oh, no, I can't believe I'm going to eat this. It's the worst day of my life. You know what? I'm not a fan of a raw onion. Yeah. A raw onion can ruin a meal for me. I absolutely agree. It's always raw red onion, isn't it?

Salads that number one in the subject of salads, yeah, they're popping up and they have to eat around them. Absolutely not. It will ruin a salad. It will. It ruins a whole day. It ruins a whole life. Yeah, sure, sure.

But strangely, I can eat grilled onions. I can eat French onion soup. I can eat onion rings. I can eat onion in just about any other form except raw. Yeah. I hate them raw. I'm absolutely with you there. I do not like it.

Sometimes in films, for example, one of the lethal weapon films, I think it's lethal weapon 2, and he's eating a raw onion all the time. He needs to try and give up smoking, Mel Gibson. I don't think I've seen it. I don't think I've seen it. Oh, well, here's another explanation for everyone.

Believe a weapon franchise. Follows the life of 2 cops. God, I'm wasting my life. But yeah, well, you know, just don't watch that film, Jack, because he's eating a raw onion for a lot of it. That would anger me. Truly.

Yeah, you would hate it. As the flaked almonds of... Yeah. Luckily, flaked almonds don't pop up too much in films. Seriously. It would be awful. The worst. Who would green like that?

Yeah. It's like the next Bourne film. He's kind of snacking on flaked almonds all the time. And raw onions. Yeah. Who's this animal? He doesn't even remember what food he likes anymore. Raw onion cake with flaked almonds.

Oh. What's the Bourne? I'm trying to think of a title for that film. Yeah, you got halfway through I was going to say the Bourne indigestion. I thought that's not good enough. No, I've tried to think of something else. It's a good placeholder.

Yeah. Yeah. We can come back to that. We'll work sure people come back to it. Hugs down our most polite guest. Yeah. You're a very... You also seem like quite a...

Like a chilled man, Jackie. You're quite... Because we tried to get you angry there by talking about raw onion. And you didn't flip. You were there. Perspective. Yeah.

Keep perspective. There's more pressing concerns in life. Yeah, there's a lot out there, you guys. Skim past the onions. You're going to be all right. Have you witnessed much anger in London? It's one of the angriest... I mean, although in the States...

Where do you live back at that time? In California, Los Angeles. Which is in the Southwest. Are they angry there? Not really. Not like New York, is it? In terms of just general vibes, I believe that Los Angeles is a little more laid back.

New York, I think just by the nature of how New York is set up, it's a very, you know, it's not a huge land mass and everybody's literally just piled on top of each other. So it's quite congested and it can be kind of claustrophobic. Yeah. And I think that affects the human psyche. Yeah, feeling a big pile. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Where did you feel when... Because you lived there, right? I knew you. Several years. Um, we're in the pile of people. Where did you feel like you were most of the time?

I tried to be on the fringe. I tried to... There's just a lot of people there. There's a lot of people. And it affects you. It really does. To the point where sometimes I just wouldn't, like, leave the apartment flat.

The flat. The flat. Oh, yeah. There we go. Bilingual. Just because it was a true ordeal just to go about your day. So... More space, a lot more space in LA.

That is what I have found. And also, I prefer the weather in Los Angeles. I mean, not to make this a whole thing about New York versus LA, because wonderful, you know, there's wonderful qualities to each. But at this point in my life, I think I prefer having little space, little breathing room, some sunshine. I have a swimming pool.

I know. It's really nice. You're going to London now. That's the opposite of all of those things. It is not sunny. There's no space. No. It's like an older version of New York.

Yeah. And if you want to have a swim in a swimming pool, every pool in London has like plasters in it. Yep. Like... Band-aids. Band-aids. Oh.

Yeah. There you go. Well, there's always the Thames. Yeah. I wouldn't advise it, Jack. We'll see. Are you swimming there? Yeah, the day's still young.

I used to row on the Thames. Oh, yeah. And on one occasion, the people I was in a boat with, we accidentally capsized the boat and all went into the Thames, and we were all very ill for a while. Like with what? Ear infection? Like horrible.

Like, yeah. Just like, yeah, it's really nasty stuff. Is that how you got diabetes? No, that's not how I got diabetes, no, Jack. Oh, okay. It's nothing to do with the Thames. If you do end up in the Thames, and you are diagnosed diabetic,

those things are not connected. Okay. Sorry. I'm learning. This is so weird. I'm learning. I'm learning as I go along with Ed. This is great.

I'm glad I'm here to witness all of it. Ed has diabetes. I'm just trying to learn about things. I'm yet to, you know, I haven't been told the kind of... The origin story. Yeah, the origin story. Yeah, it's not like... It's not like...

So I didn't know if it was you fully into the Thames, and you all came out with different powers. You came out with diabetes? Yeah. I think that's fine. We'll get to the bottom of it one day. One of them can fly. One of them's got X-ray vision, and I got diabetes.

Oh, you lost a bit. It's the baddie. For your main, sir, your main course. Oh, yes, sir. I didn't finish my salad. Oh, I just wanted some cheese in there. Good point.

Oh, this is the worst genie I've ever met. This is the worst genie in slash waiter I've ever done. I know, this is the man who's a professional customer at the moment, and I'm really showing myself up. I used to wait tables myself. Really? I did.

At several restaurants. I was employee of the month. Whereabouts were you employee of the month? It was called Applebee's. I don't know if you'll hear it here. Oh, I've heard of it. I've heard of it. Oh, it's a chain.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard of Applebee's. I spent a time in a car in America for a while and we drove past a lot of Applebee's and Chili's as well. That's the sort of similar sort of thing. For anyone who's a fan of your work, you've been employee of the month for Applebee's is no surprise. That is like, you've played many great characters

in your career who would be employee of the month for Applebee's. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I see the pattern. Yeah, you get it. I get it. Wow, that's amazing. What's the secret for anyone listening

who works in an Applebee's who wants to be employee of the month? What's your tips to them? And there's a lot of them listening, Jack. Are there? Oh, we have a lot of Applebee's who get scared. We're trying to climb that greasy Applebee's lap. We've got a breakdown of the stats

and 80% of our listeners work at Applebee's. Wow, that's quite a demographic. Very specific. We don't make the rules. Any tips for them? Just be a good listener and be pleasant and write stuff now. Write stuff down.

That's a tip to any waiters list. I agree. There's no shame. Nothing gives me more than a write it down. People, I think there's some waiters out there too proud. They think I can remember it all, isn't it? No, because I'm going to make the order extra long. Just to spite you.

We went for a meal once and the guy didn't write stuff down and also sat down with us. Nope. No. Nope. No. Nope. Straight away.

Not employee of the month to sit down. Absolutely not. No. What title would you give that person if not employee? Fired. Fired of the month. Fired of the day. So sorry.

Yeah. Eat your salad. We've got the almond. No. No. Pecans in there. Careful, Genie. The pecans.

The spinach. Yes. Balsamic vinaigrette. And I like a cheese. So I don't know if feta or goat cheese would be best in that one. But and then maybe like a blueberry strawberry kind of thing. I'm thinking more a summery theme. Oh, lovely.

That sounds like a very nice salad actually. I quite like to eat that. Throwing in some blueberries and strawberries. Fresh blueberries and strawberries into the salad. Yeah. Oh, nice. I like it. Right.

It's a curve ball. It's a curve ball. There you go. Did I see that coming? Absolutely did not see that coming. Goat cheese sounds nice but I think that's a good suggestion. Yeah, yeah. Let's do that.

Very nice. Oh, your main course we're coming to now. And that's a very strong start. And you're very excited about this. So am I. I'm excited about the main course. Oh, what a main course. Main course.

I'm going to do barbecue chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob. And I probably need a green with that too. So let's go with like color greens. Now it sounds like I feel like we're in, what setting would you usually have this meal in? What kind of place would you go to to get this meal? Like a summer barbecue kind of thing. I love, so a few years ago I went on holiday to America.

And I started in Dallas. Yeah. And went to Pecan Lodge. You've been to Pecan Lodge in Dallas. Barbecue place. It's probably still the best meat I've ever had. I think about it all the time. This holiday was like a few years ago.

You talk about it all the time. I talk about it all the time. I've heard of this many times. Always think about the brisket that I had in Pecan Lodge. It was so good. And like American barbecue is something that like, I mean, we just haven't really nailed it yet. Nowhere's nailed it.

No. I'm sure you have some version of it. That's quite good. No, it's not good. There's really, what do we have a version of? Well, there's some. There's places that say they do it. In London, there are places popping up.

There's like, the best stuff that we've got in London is Texas Joe's. It's the best. And here's from Texas, to be fair to them. We're not just, you know. That's a false advertising. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's in London Bridge.

And this is a guy who went on Dragon's Den, which is the UK version of Shark Tank. Oh, very good. Yes, sir. And he went on there with some beef jerky. He was trying to start a beef jerky business. Sure.

And that. As one does. As one does. Yeah, yeah. That's popping up now in the supermarket. I saw him. I saw Texas Joe in a supermarket himself checking on his own, like.

Really? Just going, let's see if they've got it stocked up. Really, it wasn't like an official appearance. No, he just walked in there. And what I liked about Texas Joe is that he walked in there trying to look casual. So they, if your product was like on sale in the supermarket, and you live nearby, you're a bit insecure

as to whether it's selling or not. You might like pop in there, just keep your head down, just go and look at it and then try and get out there. The thing about Texas Joe is, is that he's on the packaging. And he's on the packaging. He's wearing like a big cowboy hat. And he's wearing like a boot string tie and stuff like that.

And he came in just dressed like that. Really? Yeah. So he was still dressed like that. Is he a Brit? Oh, he's a Texas person. He's from Texas. Who lives here now.

Yes, he does. He still wears all the gear. He still wears all the gear all the time. That's just who he is. He's not, he's not faking. Which I don't, I mean, you've been in London for a bit. You probably noticed there's no one dressed like that in London. I have never seen a cowboy hat here.

It's not a look that's taken off it. It has not. It is just. Come on, Texas Joe. Work harder. But it's just him. But like, yeah, he went on that. Now he's got his own restaurant,

his own barbecue place in London. But and that is good. They do some. You like it? Yeah, I like it. Very good. Yeah. And they do good stuffed jalapenos there as well

and some wrapped in bacon. Right. I know. I'm not saying this is the healthiest option for me. Oh, I can see why you went light, light starter. Thank you. And then you're all ready for this nice, nice big. Plus, I mean, like, I'm not going to eat this every single meal.

No, this is a special, I'm at a special restaurant. And why is this special to you? Why has it been your favorite your whole life? Well, it's this meal. Yeah. It's a growing up for your birthday. You get to choose whatever meal you want. And that's what I would always choose.

It was there a particular barbecue place near you that you would always go to? Nope, my dad would barbecue. Oh, would you like this to be your dad's recipe, this meal? Is that possible? I can get it. Oh, Genie. Let's do that.

Let's do that, Genie. Your dad's recipe, that's no problem. What's special about that recipe? Is there stuff that your dad does that you can't really, like, find anywhere else? Well, I think you can just tell a difference between home-grilled barbecue versus going to a store. I mean, going to a restaurant and doing it.

So, and also, I think, just the memory associated with it. Yeah. It's fun. It's great. Who would come round for your birthday? Well, we never had, like, big parties or anything. It was usually just a small family affair. We had some family friends who would come by.

My grandmother would come by. Here's the thing. So when we were younger, the one treat we got to do for our birthday. It's not like we had a lot of money or anything. So we got to choose our meal, which for several years in a row was a barbecue chicken for me. And we got to turn on the air conditioner.

So for your birthday, you got to turn on the air conditioner, which is great. My birthday is at the end of May. So it's quite warm in Georgia. My sister's birthday is in December. So I thought we would have to turn it on. Because she wanted the same treatment. So yeah, that was just my birthday meal, and it was so good.

And it's just, it's always fun. My birthday is around a national holiday in America called Memorial Day, which would be, you know, like a bank holiday here where everybody's got a four-day weekend. And it's always wonderful weather. We're kicking off summer. It's just perfect. It's perfect.

I love it so much. Do you want us to turn on the air conditioner in the restaurant while you have your meal? Um, I'm good. What if I told you you could turn it on? Okay, what about this? Is it very hot outside this restaurant right now? I can make it hot outside?

Let's do this. You can make it very hot outside the restaurant so I can turn on the air conditioner here while I eat my birthday meal. This is like a microcosm of what humans have done to the environment. This is true. I did a gig once when there was an air conditioner on in the room. And then halfway through my set, they turned it off. And then I made the observation on stage

that you only realize how loud an air conditioner is when it gets turned off. Now at the time in the room, because it just happened, real big laugh. Yeah. You try again. I was like, great. That's an observation. I can use that in stand-up.

So I did another gig when there was no air conditioner in the room. I just tried to work it into a thing. I said, you never realize how loud an air conditioner is until you turned it off. Absolutely nothing. Gutted. Not the routine I thought I had. They did another gig.

There was an air conditioner on. It turned off again. Said the same thing again. Bought the house down. It is a real bit of sweet. It's a bit of pill to swallow. Well, because it's so, it's such a true observation that people don't realize it until it's happened just before.

Yeah. It's hard to imagine it now, right? If you're trying to imagine how loud an air conditioner is. Yes. That's very much the reaction that James got at the second gig. Yeah. You're already back in the story of Jack. Jack went with very straight improv rules there.

You forgot the end. Yes. And that is all. And we're done here? Yes, and I hope that's the end of your story. That's something he wants. We got caught on the cob. What else have you got on there again?

What did he say? Caught on the cob. Caught on the cob. Oh, corn on the cob. I said, I thought you said we're calling the cops. Like, why? Jack, we're calling the cops. Bad luck.

Bad luck. What have I done? We thought about the almonds. Oh, yeah. Actually, what? Whole almonds is as bad as flaked almonds. We're calling the cops. That's the new thing on the podcast now.

We're going to call the cops on people. That isn't going to be a new thing actually. We should be at a call the cops on whoever we like during the meal. Also, we've got, if we've got the audio of Jack saying we're calling the cops isolated, we can pull that out every time a guest steps out online. We can just play Jack saying we're calling the cops because it's in such a... I'm going to make a mint off of this. We're calling the cops.

Butter on the corn on the cob. Oh, yes, of course. Yes, a lot. Yeah, for your birthday. Yeah, it's your birthday. That's right. Butter up that cob. That's right.

And just for the lesson, a Jack made a face there that he was really, like he was really disappointed in me. Yeah, he did like... Like I was making quite a disgusting innuendo and that was not my initial plan. But by the time we got there, we all knew what butter up the cob sounded like. Don't say it anymore. Are you holding the cob, calling the cob, if we are hands? Yeah.

Or have you got those? Because I've got those spiky things. Right. We didn't have those. We can afford those. We can afford spikes. It was either the cob spikes or air conditioning wasn't it? Yeah.

We sacrificed. Your sister there freezing in the gen of winter, just sitting in her corn cob with her hand, a frozen cob. Just your hands. Hands are fine. Yeah, not real particular. Also, it's a barbecue. You're going to get messy.

Also, it's a barbecue chicken. You're going to get it all over your face. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go for it. Yeah, by the end of this, you're plastered, right? Is this all live here? You're a mess, yeah. And what were the other things on there?

Corn on the cob, barbecue chicken. Mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes. But also, y'all have mashed potatoes here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We love mashed potatoes. Some of us are very good at making them. Yeah.

Who is? Oh, of course. You are? I used to work in a kitchen, Jack. And I was known as the Mashed King. Is that true? Yeah. That's true.

That's come up a lot, actually. He was the Mashed King. Yeah, but any chance to bring it up, I don't mind. I was called the Mashed King, so I'm so good at making mashed potato. Oh. Do you make mashed potato now? Do you make your own mash?

I don't cook anything. You don't get nothing. I'm not good. Never was. I tried, and I followed the recipe to the letter. Yeah. And it comes out looking weird and tasting weird, and I feel betrayed.

Who betrayed you in that situation? Is it the recipe? The recipe. Yeah, the recipe. I did everything that they said. Yeah. Every single thing. And it's awful.

And then you have all that mess to clean up. I'm like, nope. Yeah. I'm done. Oh, having the mess to clean up after a defeat. A defeat. It seemed quite rude, so I just eat cereal for dinner.

You got a favorite cereal? I mean, I have several because you want to be healthy, but sometimes you got to. Also, I don't know if we'd have the same cereal. Do I have Lucky Charms here? We absolutely know what Lucky Charms are. We had them briefly, and then I think we realized they were insane.

Garbage. I think I actually think the government got involved with Lucky Charms. I think they are banned. You can buy them for like 20 pounds a box in some like US import stores here. Oh, yeah. That's not worth it. No.

Yeah. But like, so sometimes I'll just keep one in my pantry. Just if I'm like, you know what? I've earned this. Sure. But then otherwise, you're a grown-up, so you got to eat like RaisinBrain and Special K and all that kind of stuff.

We would get, as kids, we could choose one special cereal a month. Oh, that was good. Yeah. So like that was our kind of thing. So like whoever went shopping with Mum at the start of the month for the big shop could choose the special.

What would you go with? I, as time went, so I imagine like early on when I was younger, it was like, you know, Cocoa Pops and stuff like that. But when I was a teenager, you know, special cereals have got even more hardcore. Right. And I was choosing like Cookie Crisp.

Oh, Cookie Crisp. Which is just a bowl of sugar. Who allowed that to be a cereal? Yeah. It's just little cookies. And there's a wolf on the front, right? There's a crazy wolf. So that should be a clue to any parent.

Don't give your child the wolf cereal. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Howling like a wolf. It is just little sugar cookies. Yeah. A bowl of sugar cookies and then you pour some milk on them. That's great.

I get it. I get it. I know. I know. But then there's that, always a period of time, maybe when you move out in your late teens or early 20s or whatever, where you think I should try and eat,

you know, more responsibly, when you think granola is good for you. Right. And you have that as the cereal. And it's one of the real harsh lessons of growing up when people have to explain to you, that is also a bowl of cookies. You're correct.

You're correct. I mean, yeah, it's a more grown up cookie, but it's still just as bad. Yeah. It's a cookie that might cut your mouth if you crunch down on it too hard. Oh, jeez. What about those cereals that like just,

they do the damage up there when they're too dry and stuff? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can't remember which one it is. It's not a shredded wheat, but something. You put it up there and it feels like you have chewed on gravel. You need immediate medical attention. Straight to the loose of your mouth.

This is not worth it. I'd rather have a raw onion. Just kidding. I would not. Do you have never not a raw onion for breakfast? No, or ever. What are collard greens? Collard, it's a, I guess it would be a root vegetable,

but you eat the leaves of it. Right. Okay. We eat turnip greens as well. You have a turnip root that you can make into a mash, I'm sure, but we would boil the leafy part of that and have turnip greens. Surely you'll have that as well. You have turnip root.

Yeah. We did turn it root, but we wouldn't, the collard greens thing, I don't think. It's never really come over here. No, like, yeah. I think green side dishes that in places here would have like spinach or broccoli and stuff like that. Yeah.

But like collard greens doesn't, which is a shame because whenever I am in America, I love them. I love having collard greens. And I believe they might be a bit more regional. I'm a Southern person. Yeah. So these are more, this dish in fact might be a more Southern dish than if you went up to Boston or New York or anything like that.

This is a more Southern dream menu. You got a tip for anyone going to America, going to the South where they could get some great barbecue. Is there somewhere where you've been that you've had like the best like? Texas has good barbecue, Kansas has good barbecue. Now, here's the thing. You start getting different variations. For example, North Carolina barbecue gets angry

if you're talking about versus Georgia barbecue. Right. Because like Georgia uses a more tomato based sauce versus North Carolina's, I believe it's a more vinegar based sauce. So people are very particular about their barbecue. I'm not as particular, but I do enjoy a tomato based barbecue sauce. Georgia. Georgia, but I think that's also in Texas, in Kansas as well.

You're going to have to double check my facts on like who does their barbecue different ways. But I mean like Texas, Kansas, that's like cattle country. So that's, they're known for this kind of thing. Fair play. Also, actually before we move on, I've got another barbecue question. I think you want to know the answer to this as well. Yes, please.

We've spoken about it in the past is, so we've watched Pit Masters. So called Pit Masters, which is a competitive barbecue. It's a competitive barbecue TV show. Very good show. It's set in the South of America. And a lot of the time, they present their barbecue, like their brisking stuff, on fake, a little box full of fake grass. Is this true?

Yeah, I think there's specific barbecue competition rules that means you have to present it in a certain way. And one of the ways that you are allowed to present it is on a little patch of fake grass. Well, that doesn't make sense. Well, this is what we're saying. Well, maybe you would know, but this is news to you. This is news to me. But also, I don't follow shows like that.

So no, perhaps there are patterns that I'm like, oh, now it makes sense. I think you would enjoy the show. Oh, I'm sure I would. It's on Netflix here, I think. Yeah. So what's that? If you ever feel homesick. If you've got a day off waitress, maybe

pop on pitmasters. This sounds great. Rather than explore London. Yeah, see a museum. Yeah. Stand up, watching it in your hotel room with your hand on your heart. Yeah, watch some old men from the South put a rib on a bit of fake grass. That sounds perfect.

Thank you. Thank you for the suggestion. No worries. And you know, anyone listening, if you know why they put it on the fake grass, please tweet us. They're not going to know. Someone will know why they put it on the fake grass. They're going to make it up. Yeah, they might make it up.

Oh, well, one of the, if one of the Applebee's employees listening knows why. Oh, there's so many of them. Please, Applebee's helpers. Future employees of the month. So yeah, your side dish for you. We have spent too long on the side dish. If you want to just like choose a nice side you've had once. Oh, okay.

Particularly. Oh, maybe I'm misunderstood because I was choosing those as my side. But let me see what else I can do. Oh, we can have those as your side. If you'd rather have those as your side. Well, I just don't want to get too full. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, those are your side dishes because you don't want to

you don't want to overload. Lord, no. I live in Hollywood, you guys. What would you like to drink? What is your favorite drink ever? Well, for this meal, I'm going to go with sweet tea. Sweet tea. Which is a Southern thing.

That's a proper Southern thing. Yeah. Now, I mean, we don't know what that is. I'm not too familiar with sweet tea. So for us and the listeners who don't work in Applebee's, there are some. What is sweet tea? It is pretty unique to the South. It's essentially just tea, but instead of just adding dry sugar to it,

you have boiled sugar into simple syrup. And you add it while you're brewing the tea. Oh, wow. So we're talking about like sugar cereals and stuff. It's really sweet. It's essentially hummingbird nectar. Well, and then you serve it iced. Oh, okay.

Right, right. And then it's so good, but it is like syrup. It's like syrup, but it's so good. It's got so much caffeine. It's the best. How old were you when you started drinking sweet tea? Oh, when you're born. So immediately.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But that and cookie crisps are cookie crisps in sweet tea. So you just run around. No, one day you need the air conditioner on in the winter. Boiling hot still for all the energy you've got. Yeah, it's just a staple. Like you would have it with your lunch and your dinner.

And it's served and the sweet tea I've seen is just served in huge cups as well. Lot of ice, just really sweet. I mean, I can't touch it since I went in the Thames. Yeah. But it's seriously sweet. Super hero diabetes. Crypto night.

It's sweet tea for that. No, I've given away my one weakness to all the other heroes. Oh, no. Is it flavored with anything? Is it like, could you get like, is it like peach or lemon or anything? I think if you buy it commercially, you can. I think like, you know, Snapple has those kinds of things. If you're just making it at home, it's just regular tea

with the simple syrup in there. A bit of syrup. And then you serve it over ice and it is so good. It's so good. I once had a Snapple on a very awkward... Jack's really enjoying how the beginning of the anecdotes we're telling are so ridiculous. Because when you take them out of context,

listening to a podcast where someone starts an anecdote by saying, I had a Snapple. I had a Snapple once. So it was the morning after a one night stand. And we went to a cafe. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Cheers, Jack.

And that's not an easy way to tell it. So what happened? Went to the cafe. I ordered a Snapple. Oh, I can't help but feel that this is the least exciting bit of the story. Sure. I think you're burying the lead. We've previously been chased by a dog.

Is that true? Yes. Is that true? Yes. We came out of her flat and there was a little dog, a Highland Terrier. So quite a small little white dog. And it was wearing a t-shirt that said, I heart bones on it. That is true.

And it was just fusing his bark at us and wouldn't leave us alone. But that's not the main headline of the story, Jack. The main headline of the story is... She was also wearing a t-shirt that said, I love bones. Oh, sir. Unbelievable. You invite me into your home. I am treated with disrespect.

I'm so sorry again, Jack. Bad enough we said about butter in the cob. Butter up that cob. Oh, sir. Sir, be a gentleman. Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's been very crash. So what happened? Snapple?

I got a Snapple, opened it, looked at the lid. You know what's on the inside of the Snapple lid? It's like a fun fact or something. A little fun fact. Mine said, we spend three weeks of our life kissing or something like that. And she said, what does your Snapple fact say? And weirdly, I thought, oh, I don't really want to... I don't want to seem like I'm doing a line on her or something.

I go and I'm like, what? So I got in my own head. Jack, I got too much in my own head about it all. So I went, oh, it doesn't matter, which is very weird. That's weird. You didn't even try and make one out. And she was like, why won't you tell me? I was like, no, it's irrelevant.

Like it was between me and the Snapple. Like I wasn't... I didn't want to tell her. She was like, just tell me what's on the... what it says. And then eventually, like she wouldn't stop talking. So eventually I cracked, but I didn't want to tell her... I still didn't want to tell her the fact. So I made one out. Well, I told her a fact that I knew.

I'd learned it in a pub quiz recently. So I said, it says that armadillos are the only other animals besides humans that can catch leprosy. So to her... Why would you withhold that fact from her? Yeah. I don't know. Her brain's racing now. Okay.

So he's got leprosy. Is he trying to not tell me that he has leprosy? Well, it's fair enough. You wouldn't want to tell us that. Yeah, I mean, after the night we'd had before. It's time for dessert, or as we call it, pudding. Pudding.

Is that right? Oh, yeah. We call it both, really. But yeah, we say dessert on this podcast. But we also call it pudding. It depends. Also, I think different parts of the UK would just stick with. Yeah.

We all know it as dessert or pudding, but like certain places might just be like, we call it pudding. And that's what we call it. Sorry. Pudding or dessert? Oh, yeah. We should go into America.

Yeah. Do a first at the podcast. Why just shout pudding or dessert at this point? Definitely. I know, but pudding is a specific thing for us. Yes. So for you. It's like a custard or something.

Yeah. That's what you would think of. So I like chocolate pudding, banana pudding. Ah, banana pudding. Yeah. Pistachio pudding. Oh, I never had pistachio pudding. Green pudding.

Green. Green. Is that your favorite of the puddings? I think so. Oh, wow. I like it. I never heard of it before. It's like an unnatural shade of green,

but it's beautiful and it's tasty. Is there like whole pistachios in it as well? Is it like though? Flaked. I'll call the cops. We're calling the cops, Jack. But pistachio pudding is not your dessert of choice in the restaurant. Not for this one.

I'm going to go with strawberry shortcake. Oh, again, that sounds quite southern to me. Am I wrong? It might be southern. I mean, definitely people all over America eat it, but I think it might be more traditionally a southern dessert. But also, it's kind of like if you do it homemade, there's a couple of different ways.

This is going to be more confusing than helpful. I worked at a restaurant called Po-Folks. Po-Folks? Po-Folks. It was a restaurant themed on poverty. I'm not themed on poverty. I think it was a celebration of like, hey, everybody can eat here.

OK, yeah, yeah. But it was Po-Postrophe folks. Po-Folks. Yeah, the Po-Folks. And it was homestyle cooking. So a great deal was like just deep fried and like fried catfish and fried okra and fried green tomatoes and just everything was fried. But one of our desserts was a strawberry shortcake.

It was made from, how am I going to describe this? Because this is what we call a biscuit. It's a big fluffy, bready kind of thing that's quite buttery and salty. And you open that up and then you add your ice cream and your whipped cream and your strawberries. And that's one version of a strawberry shortcake. Right. Oh, the biscuit.

Whenever I've had a biscuit in America, it's a bit like a big scone. Maybe, yes. Yeah, it's got that sort of consistency to it. It's quite crumbly, a little bit cakey as well. Yes, it's crumbly. See, I thought scones were harder. Yeah, but they might be a little bit harder, but that's the closest I can imagine it to.

I think you might be right. A bit like a scone, yeah. I think you might be right. But the way my daddy would make it is, do y'all have angel food cake over here? It's like a sponge cake that's real, real sweet and it's just like bright white. And so he'd open that up and just tubs of cool whip and then fresh strawberries as well as like frozen strawberries and get that juice in there and stuff. And it's all just like absorbs and mushes together.

And it just tastes like summer. It just tastes like a dream. It's the best. And that goes with your main course so well. It's a summer day in Georgia. There you go. Strawberries from the salad. Come on, let's all tie it together.

Yeah, your dad's in the kitchen. You've got your sweet tea. I imagine someone's drinking a sweet tea on a rocking chair with like a dab in there. I'm about to say with an eye patch. Yeah, with an eye patch on. And like a gun for an arm. This is what I imagine. Just like home.

A big wave of a boat in it. But okay, so you've eaten in America, but where have you been? You've been to Texas. Yeah, so I went to, when I was in Texas, went to Dallas, Houston and Austin. Oh. I've been to all these. Oh, there's good food there. But good food there, but I did it wrong.

Why? So when I was in America, we use an app called Thrillist. Thrillist. What'd he say? He said he's calling the cops. Thrillist? Thrillist. We use that.

It was very good to us in Texas. Texas, not so good. When we got to New Orleans, it mainly directed us to places that were kind of tourist traps. And so we didn't find, and we were only there for a few days. And so like we, I think on the last day, we kind of went out of our own way and found some good places. But like, it was a bit disappointing until then. Well, good beignets, but like, they're pretty easy to find. But we had good seafood really and stuff like that.

And the worst was that we got home from the trip to America. And we turned the TV on and it was an episode of Man vs Food. And there was a shot, but yeah, we didn't know where it was set yet. So we just turned it on and there was this big shot of this bubbling part of like crawfish and shrimp and all garlicky butter. And my girlfriend at the time, she went, that is my ideal meal. That's like the meal I'd like to eat before I die. I wonder why this episode is set.

And as soon as we learned it was New Orleans, we both felt like crying. So like, we were just there. We could have got that exact thing. It was quite, yeah. I've been to New Orleans, but didn't have a chance to have any food. Really? Oh, that's a waste. Because we were working so we were up really early, but it was during Mardi Gras and we were in a hotel in central New Orleans on the top floor.

And I was trying to get to sleep at 8pm and you can just with parades going on below. Hard pass. And walking through the streets in the morning after stuff during Mardi Gras. Horrible. It's like there's been like a nuclear apocalypse. Yeah, it's bad. Yeah. Again, a lot of people in one place is not my idea of a good time.

I think there's too, too many people in this room. We could leave you there. You're a genie, so we know he's not talking about you. Okay. Well, then the one thing I will leave y'all, if you happen to make it over to America again sometime, if you happen to make it to Charleston, South Carolina, which is right next door to Georgia, that has some of the best food I've ever had. It is real good.

It's called low country cooking and wonderful seafood. Some things will be similar to New Orleans, but also just very specific to Charleston, which is like Old South. General Sherman did not burn down Charleston during the Civil War. Good on him. Is it? But yeah, I would, if you ever, ever, ever make it down there, just make sure you give yourself a couple of days just for the food tour.

Oh, for sure. That sounds great. For real, Jack. Yeah. Well, thank you. You've been a wonderful guest. I was going to read your order back to you. Yes, please.

Yes. You would like some still water. Yes. You would like Hawaiian rolls, beef slider. As your, as your bread. You started, you would like a salad, spinach salad with goat's cheese, pecans, balsamic, some blueberries and strawberries. Your main, you would like barbecue chicken with mashed potatoes, calling the cob,

collard greens, like your father makes. Yes. Those are also your sides. Your drink, you would like a sweet tea. And for dessert, strawberry shortcake also made by your father's hands. This sounds perfect. Fantastic. Thanks so much for coming into the dream restaurant before it was all delicious.

May I, may I get the check? Uh, well, yeah, do you want to turn the air conditioner off first or? I didn't even notice it was on. And also, do you want to watch Jack? It's on us. Genies. But, uh, some bad news, the cops are outside. Oh, no.

Enjoy your time in prison. Goodbye. This is the worst. Lovely meal. Such a lovely meal. And may I say, what a lovely man as well. Very polite. No offence to the rest of our guests.

That is the, not only the politest guests we've had on the podcast, possibly the politest man I've ever met in my life. Yeah, I've never met anyone who's so polite. And yeah, bear in mind, you know, I was definitely doing things that, uh, would annoy him. Sure. Pretending to be a genie for one. So polite to me. So polite.

Called you sir. Can we sir a lot? No one has ever called a genie sir before. No, because they get too used to the fact that the genie's serving them. Yeah, exactly. It was very, very polite. Very nice. A delicious menu.

And also did not mention flaked almonds, but came perilously close. Oh, he was one flake away from being kicked out of the restaurant. Oh, whole almonds. Although to be fair to him, it wasn't in his dish either. No, it wasn't. We did, we led him down that path by saying, what's your favorite snacking nut? What's your favorite snacking nut? Because if you just bought up nuts, you just bought up pecans.

Yeah. We could, we could kick you out of the restaurant here. I'm longing to do it to somebody. God knows. Whole almonds, but not flaked almonds. Yeah. You're welcome back any time, Jack McBrayer. Of course you are, Jack.

What a lovely, lovely episode. If you want to go and see Jack in Waitress, The Musical, is on in London right now. At the Adelphi Theatre, I believe, Ed. Is that correct? At the Adelphi. WaitressTheMusical.co.uk. Great website. Very well, well, we're sighted, Ed.

Thank you very much. What if we want to find out more about you though, Ed? Oh, well, you go on to edgamball.co.uk, or go on to my Instagram or Twitter, which is both Ed Gamble Comedy. Check it out. I'm on tour. I'm doing shows. I'm doing all that sort of stuff.

Check it out. Totally fair enough. What about you, baby? Just Google James A. Castler. Is that it? Is that what you're going to give people? Yeah. Are there any other James A. Castlers that would get in the way of that search?

There was a rapper once, but he's not going anymore. Are you serious? There's a rapper from Nottingham or something. This is your way of telling me that you were a rapper in Nottingham, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right. I'm Ed Gamble The Comedian, by the way, not the political cartoonist from Chicago. Oh, really?

Yes. Hey, if you like the podcast, guys, why not subscribe and sling us five stars? Yeah. Give it a little review. Thank you very much. Absolutely. And make sure you pop along to the restaurant next week and see who's knocking on the door.

Hello, it's me, Amy Gledhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where Spurz and my mum and Astro about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case...

Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North, because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny.

Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Gledhill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian?

It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.