Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 140: Claudia Jessie

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

‘Bridgerton’ and ‘Line of Duty’ star Claudia Jessie’s travelled down from Brum for her booking at the Dream Restaurant. And she’s brought samosas with her. ‘Bridgerton’ series 2 launches globally on Netflix, March 25. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive. Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations). Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the banana of chat, the milk of conversation, the peanut butter of humor, the – what else goes in a smoothie? – raspberries of good times, putting them in the blender of the internet, hitting go and creating a lovely podcast smoothie. Cowabunga, everybody. That was Ed Gamble. James A. Caster here. Welcome to our dream restaurant. Ed's the matriot D. I'm a genie waiter. We're inviting a guest in, and we're going to ask them their favourite ever. Start a main course, dessert,

side dish, and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is Claudia Jesse. Claudia Jesse, a wonderful actor, of course. You'll know her from Bridgerton. You'll know her from Line of Duty and many, many other things. That is quite the CV. V accomplished, James. Very excited. Very excited to have Claudia Jesse come into the party. I don't know what the kind of food she likes. No, no idea. No idea what preferences are here. Pretty exciting stuff. We're probably getting the exclusives on this stuff. I mean, I guess we often get the exclusive when people dream meals. That's why all the tabloids go after us. Yeah, exactly. They hunt us down. Yeah. And they go, oh, let's print some hot scoops from this. But they don't listen to the full

podcast. They just listen to the first 10 minutes and they get their story from that. Maybe she'll pick hot scoops as her main. Hot scoops. My nickname? Maybe. Or maybe we should start a mash restaurant. Oh, yeah. Called Hot Scoops. A journalism themed mashed potato restaurant. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So like every dish is based on like a big news story. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Hot scoops. Hot scoops. Hot scoops and mashed potato. But we've like, you know, we've mixed it in with like, I don't know, what was some of the big, the, the... Like that guy sucking Fergie's toes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be one of them.

That was a hot scoop. Yeah. Yeah. It was a hot scoop when that happened. Hot scoops coming to a high street near you. Yes, please. But also, look, I tell you what, we won't be serving in hot scoops. And that is the secret ingredient. The guest says it on the podcast. We chuck them out, kick them out on their ass. And this week, the secret ingredient is... Hewler. Hewler. Hewler. Hewler. The meal replacement powder. Yeah. I mean, I thank you. No, I've had it a couple of times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know you have. Yes.

Well, yeah, we're on a text group with a bunch of other comedians and Ed once mentioned having Hewler. And then a few months down the line, someone mentioned that Ed had had Hewler once. And Ed was like adamant that he had never had Hewler. And that they were just assuming that he would have because of he's such a healthy boy. And don't assume that I've had it. I would never eat that. And I had to scroll back and screen grab it and go, there's you saying you just had some Hewler. And then the next night, I bought a Hewler as a joke, but I did have it. Yeah, he had it. It's very thick. And it's the sort of liquid that could pour itself out the glass when you aren't looking. You know what I mean? Like it's pretty miserable. But, you know, I guess some

people like that sort of thing. Some people don't care about food, do they? Sure. Some people just decide whatever. And that was from Chris who tweets on Twitter. Go and follow Chris who tweets. Yes. And every time they tweet something, make sure you reply by saying, is this as good as the Hewler tweet? Not as good as Hewler actually Chris who tweets. Chris tweets a lot. Thank you very much. Thank you. But thank you very much for that suggestion from Chris who tweets. Thank you, Chris who tweets. Good suggestion. Hewler. I'm on tour, James. My tour is called Electric. Goodbye. No, no, no, not now. I'm talking to you now, but I am generally on tour doing a brand new stand-up comedy show Electric.

Yeah, that noise might be in it. Spoiler warning. Come along, watch that show. It's very funny. I'd like you to be there. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go to one of them. I'm not going to tell you which one, listeners. So who knows? You turn up. You might want to get tickets to all of them. Yeah. Because when Acas is in the building, it's going to be a fun gig. It turns into a party when Jimmy's in the building. That's when Ed really tries. We'll be chatting to Claudia Jesse momentarily who's in the new series of Bridgerton. Very exciting. I mean, you know, everyone and their mother is talking about Bridgerton. Yeah, certainly my mother. Yeah. And me. So there you go. That's the two. There you go. I watched the last series,

loved the last series. Can't wait for this new one. Netflix, correct me if I'm wrong. Netflix, you are not wrong. I would not dare correct you so you are correct. Thank you. And they say things like that. Hello, good sir. Kiss me on the downstairs bottom, that sort of stuff. Hello, good sir. Our second star of Bridgerton, of course. Yeah. The first star of Bridgerton we talked to locked herself out of flat. So let's see if, I mean, Claudia's going to be in the room with us. So still impressive. She managed that. Who knows this budget and bunch. Yeah. Anything can happen. So let's get to it. This is the off menu menu of Claudia Jesse.

Welcome, Claudia, to the dream restaurant. Welcome, Claudia, Jesse, to the dream restaurant. We're going to be spending you some time. Thank you so much. Now, Claudia, James is a surprise genie there. I think you're the first person who'd ever jumped at the genie coming out of the lamp. And I think I knew it was coming. Yeah. Such a big fan. And I thought I'd be able to just like really be like, nice to see you too, but it took me still. Well, it's different in person, isn't it? Because like, you know, you hear it on the pod, maybe, and you imagine what it's like, but in real life. Yeah, that's a bit more fronting. Because there's a bit later on where

people do jump sometimes. It's odd that there was that amount of surprise straight away. Yeah, it was almost sort of happened just when the arms raised. Yeah, people don't see the arms raised. Yeah, because I didn't expect it. That's it. I didn't, I don't ever imagine you with your arms in the air when you, when I listened to it. Yeah, he's a very physical performer. It was beautiful. And I do feel like I'm in the presence of a genie. Thank you very much. Thank you. Normally, I guess when people imagine genies, I think we've all got our arms folded, you know, like, I think that's the standard pose on like the genies. Yeah, just a wispy bum. Yeah, the wispy bum. Well, he does have a wispy bum,

that's true. But the arms folded, no. Old wispy bum. Old wispy, old wispy bum over here. But yeah, the arms folded very passive aggressive, a lot of genies. Well, no, it's not passive. No, sorry, sorry, sorry. Passive aggressive. It's like, you know, do they wear watches? Because I feel like that might be a little bit to do with the crossing of the arms, because it's a good, you know, it's a good space to always kind of look down. But if anything defines a genie, I'd say it's that they're not really in a rush. Oh yeah. They've got a lot of time on their hands. And they're only going to go back to the, I can't say plant pot that they live in,

but it's not a plant pot, is it? Tell me if you want. This is your episode. Oh, lovely little terracotta pot. A wispy bum in this little terracotta pot. I don't mind it. I live in a plant pot. Lovely. That's nice. That's very nice. Quite open at the top for a genie. Yeah, I guess you water it instead of rub it. Would be the way that would work. Yeah, I prefer that. It's nice to be watered than to be rubbed by a stranger. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. If it was a choice of the two with stranger, I think pour water on me rather than rub me. Yeah. Hydrate me. Yeah, hydrate me. Are you a big fan of food? Yeah. I think about it a lot and I talk about it a lot.

Like I'll always do, when I'm on sets or wherever, I'll do food, heaven and hell. But, and we'll break it down into categories. So if you did like food, heaven and hell with potatoes, chips wouldn't be included because chips would have its own category because then it works out a bit longer. Yeah. Spend long days on sets. Yeah, I was going to say, this is all based around the fact that you're literally there for like 12 hours working. Four hours as well. Yeah. But I don't think I grew up eating a lot of like good food. Sorry, mum. She's, she just, I don't know if she had too much time to be incredibly domesticated. So we sort of had egg and chips, which I loved. It would be like homemade chips,

egg and chips or corn beef hash or stuff like that. But then I went vegan when I was like 24. And then in my early twenties, I didn't have enough money to like eat things. So I think by the time I got to an age and a place financially where I could eat fancy foods, I went vegan. And then there aren't that. So I feel like I missed out on loads of those like real fine dining experiences. But I do love food. And a lot of my day revolves around me thinking about what's for dinner. You say I'm born and raised in Birmingham as well. Yeah. So I moved around a bit when I was younger, but yeah, born in Bram and yeah, back in Birmingham now. So the town of the best Samosa, which I did bring you on a plate. It's quite exciting. Tell us about this Samosa.

So the reason I know about my best mate, Leila, there was a first episode of something I was in and she threw like a screen mini screening at her house. And then she ordered just like 80 Samosas, veggie Samosas, and they cost 25 pence each. Wow. And they're the best Samosas I've ever had. And sometimes we'll make just small trips to Bearwood and area and Bram to get them. It's from Sagar Sweet Centre. And they're so delicious. So I bought loads, but they're really good hot. I actually ate one on the one like on the way home yesterday when I got them. So you guys do have a more of a soggy bag. That's fine. Very delicious veggie Samosas as a gift from Birmingham. That's very nice of you. Thank you very much. I mean, I would eat one now,

but also I'm aware that if people are listening to this in headphones, the last thing they want to hear is me eating a Samosa. Sure, but maybe I'll eat one. Yeah. Oh, they want to hear you. They want to hear you. That's misophonia, isn't it? Is that misophonia when you hate the sound of people? Yes, when you hate the sound of people eating, I think is, yeah. It's a little peak. Now, there's a flyer in here. Let's look at the flyer. Is it a flyer or a menu? Well, it looks like a flyer, but then it opens up in the middle. What's that? A pamphlet? That's a very small book. Sagar Sweet Centre. Sweet Centre. Yeah, they do loads of those delicious. Man, he says lambrogan. He said sweet centre. Then I open it up and it's lambrogan Josh

and me kebab wrap. Oh, sweets at the back here. Yeah, yeah. I like the look of that. Honestly, we could add it around this and it looks like you're looking at something very different. Huh? Really? Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the look of that. Oh, please, no. Apparently, I'm not allowed to talk at it. So you do have a chat. Yes. But no, I'd say before this. Yeah, what do you think? Here's what's great about it, that the handle of the Samosa, I would say, the, I guess, what kind of a triangle would this be? Not equilateral, is it? A really delicious one. I see it looks, yeah, it looks like a delicious equilateral. The handle is very crispy and very rigid. Yeah. And the rest of it.

So it's sort of pasty style, really. You've got a bit to hold on to. But the rest feels very nice and soft. And it's got a lovely golden brown finish to it. So it does look very, very promising. I'm going to eat it. You can mute me if you like, Benito. So we don't get complaints from everybody. Oh, God forbid, the podcast that you get for free isn't exactly what you want it to be. About food. About food. Yeah. About actual food. Specifically about food, yeah. Okay. So this is a vegetable Samosa. It's a veggie Samosa. It's quite spicy, I think. I like a spicy Samosa. You look like you're enjoying it. And I do agree that I do have a handle. And I also

got four PCORAs for myself. Yeah, good. Yeah, it goes to the bus home. The bus home from Beyrwood. You really look like you're enjoying it. It makes me so happy. Oh my God. This is a bit similar. His face is an absolute picture right now. I've been this happy for a long time. Yeah, he's definitely enjoying it. Yeah, there we go. But even when you Google this place, even though it's a sweet centre, so many of the comments on Google reviews are the best Samosas you'll ever get. Great. Great. Samosas. Love them. They're really nice. So that accent is very much within grasp for you there. Yes, but all others are not. Right. That's what I've discovered, that a brummy accent, fine. Yeah. Every other accent,

unless you want sort of generic and American. Yeah. I cannot do. And I can't believe I've outed myself now. But you also can't do accents. Yeah, James can't do accents either, especially with a mouthful of Samosa. And you do Shrek. Right. No? Yes. Yeah. I mean, it's better than James's, to be honest. It's not as funny as James's. Did you used to have the brummy accent? Don't know if I ever really did. I moved about. And then, yeah, life was all over the gaff. So I don't really know. And then my job, I feel like I've done so much RP. I wonder if that sort of kicked anything out of me. Yeah, that was delicious. Was it? Absolutely delicious. I'm so happy.

The, is it, would you call it pastry? No. Well, yeah. Yeah. The outside is absolutely fantastic. The thing that makes them so good is that every element of it's great. The spice that's in there and the contents, also the structure of it all, each bite I took, it didn't start falling over. And now I've got to allow for something. And oh dear, now I've got to hold it like this. I've got a situation on my hands. No stress. Take a bite. It just stays standing as it is. Really delicious pastry, flavorful in itself. I can eat that pastry on its own. I'll be very happy. What I was very impressed was the structure. While you're eating it, you're holding it, you could gesture with that. You can have a full conversation and gesture,

you could do a TED talk holding that samosa. You could duct an orchestra with that samosa. Yeah. And what a wonderful orchestra it would be. Delicious. It was really good. Yeah. I'm going to have another one before I go home. Thank you very much for bringing that in. You're welcome. What a treat. And that's not even on your menu. That's not on my menu. That's just an extra bonus treat. Yeah. This is great. Very exciting. Bridgerton is coming back. Yeah. It's coming back for a second season. One of the shows that I watched in lockdown where I eventually had to work out, I had to shut the blinds to my house because my neighbours would occasionally walk past and see what was going on. And they always walked past

just at the right moment for it to look like I was watching something very sexy. Well, it is very sexy. There was a lot of very sexy stuff in that show. Yeah. Oh, you don't watch anything that doesn't have sexy stuff in it? That's true. It made a nice change, actually. There's actually a lot more chilled out than a lot of the other stuff I'm watching. What can we expect? Is there anything you can tell us? Any duty goss? I don't know. Eloise will be, can I say even more Eloisey? I think so. She's very funny. She's sort of the rebellious one. The one who, well, I suppose there's nothing really rebellious about not wanting to get married and just have your own autonomy. But in the world

of Bridgerton, that's rebellious. Yeah, absolutely scandalous. And determined to get to the bottom of the mystery. Lady Wusserdam. We all bloody know, don't we? We know now, yeah. Look, she was on the pot. Yeah, we've had her on. She locked herself out of her own flats. Actually, mostly cartoons and a rap made by Robbie Williams. So, yeah. Oh, if anyone knows what that rap is, by the way. No, please. Tweet the podcast. No, please, no. Please, no. We're going to get to the bottom of that. We know. We found out on the day it was released. It's a note cake. Yeah, we're all excited. We're really excited. And it was beautiful to film. We're just, I felt

mostly just buzzing to have had a job. People loved it during the lockdown. I feel like it was a nice sort of cuddle that people, big sexy cuddle that people needed during a very difficult time. It was absolutely huge. I know, it's weird. But we were all just like, I was just on my boat with like wearing a mask and cold lockdown. And it's only now really after finishing filming season two that we're all a bit like, bloody hell. That was, that was, what was all of that? Yeah. You know, you didn't need to wear a mask if you were just in where you live by yourself, right? Yeah, I live with my partner. Oh, right. You were like, no. Absolutely, you know. I want to take the chances. And it was very difficult because we were watching

Britain as well. So I was like, don't you get any funny ideas, sir? I'm keeping this mask on. And it's just like good, exciting, sort of, yummy fun, isn't it? Yummy fun. It's good, yummy fun. Much like this podcast. And it was, it was the biggest show on Netflix, right? It was. And then did Squid Game, which just shows you, you can't get a handle on what people like. Yeah, yeah. Because it must have been people after Bridgerton, yeah, death. Yeah. People after Bridgerton going, OK, Bridgerton's the biggest show on Netflix. We need to do that again. Absolutely. And then suddenly a horrible death game show

from Korea is like, no, we're big too. Pretty good though, weren't it? Yeah. You would think that, you know, a lot of people would look at that, who make TV and go, oh, so you really just got to make sure you make something as good as it can be, take that idea, and we just make the best thing of it. But instead they go, no, no, no, let's try and just copy what they did. And see if we get as big. Why isn't this working? Is series two of Bridgerton introduced more Squid Game style elements to the story? Yeah, you basically stuff yourself senseless with cake and whoever doesn't pass away. It has to be the new queen. Great. That was the idea for this show, originally.

Still all sparked with water. All right. So I don't want to swerve too far from the rules because I think they're there for a reason, OK? Ideally I'd have a pint of neck oil. Ideally I'd have a pint of neck oil because I can't drink beer once I've eaten food, but I love to drink beer. That's such a good point. Right, because I can session some lovely delicious pints of neck oil. I can only do really one gamma ray. Session them. Well, John Robin's talk. No, no, no. This is good chat because I'm completely on board with this. You can only have one gamma ray? I can only have one gamma ray. Same six. If I have two gamma ray right off, we regularly go out for pints with Nesh Kumar.

Yes. And he'll always go gamma ray. To start. To start. And to finish. And to finish. Gamma ray all night, that guy can. Oh my gosh. Yeah, but neck oil I can handle. Gamma ray is just far too much. Yeah. Session the same. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I'll start with a gamma ray if I'm feeling particularly saucy. I might kick off with a gamma ray, but then I know I can't continue, so I'll just go to neck oil. So ideally I would, but I don't want to do that. Well, I don't think we're not going to let you have that. I think you've made the case for that because you said that you can't have it after you've eaten. No. And it would be one of your... No.

Really? Yeah. Probably. And I know. And why won't it change? So Salvat is nowhere else to put the drink. And so if you wanted to have it at this point, I think we would be pretty cold hearted to not let you have that as your dream meal. I think you've completely sold us on it, bearing in mind that, yeah, because you love beer. I do. But you can't have it after you've eaten or with your food. So you need one pint to kick off the night. And beer's basically old water anyway. Thanks. How many pints before you're ready for dinner? I'm going to say three. Three. It might be one gamma ray, two neck oil or three neck oil, but it's never three gamma ray. Absolutely not. It's not even two gamma ray, one neck oil.

So can I have it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not hard arses. I think, yeah, it doesn't make any sense to not let you have that. Thank you. Early on. You can have two pints. Two pints? Oh my god, if you'd let me. Two pints to kick off with? Yeah. But no more. No, okay. So we're talking two neck oils or a neck oil and a gamma ray? I'm going to go two neck oils just for safety, because it's dream, because then, because sometimes you can start off with a gamma ray, and then you're like, whoa, I knew I shouldn't have done it. It's too much for me. Can you have one? Oh yeah, I can have one gamma ray. Yeah. Then I'd have to move on to something else. I think it's just too strong otherwise. Neck oil. No, gamma ray. Yeah, but what do you go on to afterwards?

I can go on to neck oil, sure. So we're all having it together. Beaver town are absolutely elated by this entire thing. We've said gamma ray and neck oil so many times. I know. Have beaver town, why don't they get you hooked up with like a pump on the boat or something like that? Oh my god, the end of my life. What if it was like, you know where the rudder is, and what if that was a little pump? So like you still the rudder, but on the inside of the boat, it's a beer pump. So you can just tip it towards you. And so while you're steering the boat around, you can just pour yourself a neck oil. See, no, I would like that. If there was any place I'd have the pump, it would be by the tiller, because then you could just pour yourself a

little jug and that would be nice. Yeah, I would like it. I'm talking about the tiller being the pump. Yes, also this bit. Yeah, that actual bit that you hold and steer. That is the pump. Oh, then I fit very much like that. Yes, please. Yeah, yeah. Okay. But surely if you keep pushing it down to get the beer out, would that not change the direction of the boat? No, because it's right to left as opposed to up to down. So if you pulled it up, that wouldn't do anything. You can't, it doesn't move. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it only goes right and left. He's actually come up with a great idea. Yeah, it's really good, right? Bread. Bread. That scared me as well. Yeah. Yeah. And there was a point during the beef tank conversation. In fact, actually, when you were talking about the

samosa, I'm really going into detail. I was like, he's going to do it in the middle of this, isn't it? I thought you might have been like, yeah. I still had a few stray samosa bits in my mouth. So I wouldn't have missed screaming and potentially spitting samosa across the desk at you. And then that would be the end of the interview. But I mean, how good are those samosas? Would you welcome the sort of spray? Oh, yeah, would you? Yeah, I would. You would be like, yeah. Semi-man spray. But bread. I'm going to go bread. I always thought it would be this delicious like zatar, olive oil flatbread from a place called Demesina in Birmingham. It's like a Syrian cafe, really beautiful. But then I remembered I was living in a flat in Hometon with my best pal

for like six months. And then we had to leave because we used to live as like guardians of properties. Oh, wow. Yeah, because it was the cheapest way to live. And there was a massive Tesco's near us. And they do this like silver circular tin bread thing. And it would probably be, I think it was like a quid. But then me and Leila knew the perfect times to go and get it. And we once got it for 11 pence. And you'd bake it. And it was like a tear and share thing. And it had sun-dried tomatoes, jalapenos and mozzarella in it. Lovely. I'd like that to be vegan friendly now if that's okay, Genie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whip the moths out. I'd taste exactly the same. Yeah, I'd make a taste exactly the same, but it's all vegan. Thank you. Easy. What I like about that

train of thought that you had was, so you initially thought it'd be a zatar bread from a delicious Syrian restaurant, you say. And what you've ended up going with is discount Tesco bread. But I think it's more of the memory. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Me and Leila have had the zatar bread together as well. But this was just like we'd bake it and we'd just stand in the kitchen and eat it together. And it was so good. And I messaged her about it today, being like, I'm right that this is where we got it. And she was saying, yeah, she was like, oh, I really want that bread now. In fact, we were both very poor in that, in that flat. And I remember once coming home and sort of there was one, you know, the bookends of the bread. That's got a name,

Heel. Heels. I once got that last slice, pulled it up in my fist, dipped it in a jar of mayonnaise, ate it and went to bed just to get rid of that pang of hunger. That's not the bread I'd like. No. Oh, it's gonna say that. What, the fistful? Although it actually wasn't that bad. It actually wasn't that bad, I think, because they're quite like mayonnaise. It's probably just a bit disgusting, but like, I liked it. But I'm going to go with the 11 pence. The day it was 11 pence. The day it was 11 pence, because we felt so victorious. I bet that tasted so much better that you got it. Oh, yeah, it was massive. And that was a dinner. The Guardians thing. You're in the place that's to stop squatters moving in, basically. It's like vacant properties. Yeah. So you look after vacant

properties. Are you literally guarding it? If someone tries to break in, are you like kicking off with them? Well, one of them did get broke. I've lived in like a, what used to be a rehabilitation center in Tooting. I lived in an old estate in Hometon that just needed a few people in there. And then I lived in a former doctor surgery in Waterloo. And that actually did get broken into and I was the only person in it had like 16 rooms. But me and Layla were the first people to move in with our cat. And it was like four in the morning and I heard someone break in and I saw someone move past and I had to phone my mum because Layla was back in Bram. And I was like, I don't know what to do, but I know that punch our cat is downstairs. So I ran downstairs. I was petrified

and then I grabbed a knife and my cat and then ran up and locked myself in my room. Oh my god. Yeah, obviously didn't sleep. And then Layla came back and I was like, we have to leave. So we left. We lived there for two weeks. So hold on. Did a terrible job of guarding. I know. And they almost had the cat. So this guardians, sorry. What is this? So the guardians thing, you're not actually there to do anything. No, you're just there to live. It's a cheaper way for me to live and it's a way to keep vacant properties, not vacant. Okay. Who's this Layla character? Layla's popped up a few times already. Layla's great. Yeah. How do you know her? What was she up to? What did she do? She was my best pal. We met when I was 18

and we worked at my first bar job together in a pub called The Cross. It's now called The Dark Horse in Mosley. And we met there and sort of fell in love and she's worked for a mental health charity. But yeah, it's her to thank for the samosas as well because these are her favorites and then got me into them. And then the bread. But the thing is when we lived in Tooting, there was a place next to us that sold two bowls of red wine for a fiver. So whilst we were feeling victorious for like 11 pence on a bread dinner, we'd spend all of our fivers on those two bottles of red wine. And they were just like, they might as well have just had like a white label on it and just said red wine in Comic Sans. Like it was disgusting. But we've freely spent our money on

that. I say freely it was fiver for two bottles. Wait, 258? Yeah, that's how it worked. You and Laila? Yeah, and we lived for those three years in London. And then we also lived above a sharp and east dullage. That was a bit rough because that wasn't with the guardians. They were with some people, not some good people. Yeah, no, we had to lock ourselves in a room with our cat. Again, again, punch. Yeah, he's great. He's still alive. He lives in Birmingham now. Wow, by himself. Yeah, he was sick of it. Yeah. Although once we came home to the Flatten and he had eaten a whole curry and two Krispy Kreme donuts and had learned how to open the microwave. So he'd like jump up on top of the fridge and then the microwaves on top of the fridge

and he'd poke the button with his like, jab the button. Yeah. And then the door would come up, bop him on the head, but then he'd be able to get anything that was in the microwave out. Honestly, until you said he could get anything that was in the microwave out, I was only imagining him opening the microwave so he could put something in the microwave himself. The curry. He needs to warm up the curry. Pissing the film a little bit with his claws. Opening it up halfway through, stirring it up. Do you have any donuts? Apparently Krispy Kreme's are good in the microwave as well.

Maybe they understood the concept of a dessert, actually. Yeah, that's quite good. And two. To move on from the curry and then to know that I need something sweet. Guys, there's a stomach for sweet stuff as well. Everyone knows that. What are these? I can't stop myself. Why not? Let's get on to this starter then, your dream starter. Okay. So there's an amazing Cantonese restaurant in Birmingham City Centre in the Chinese quarter called Chung Ying's. Now, I don't want to brag, but we've had two MasterChef professionals

winners from Birmingham. Two isn't a right. Congratulations. Thank you. Well done. Doesn't sound like a brag because I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you had nothing to do with it. There's a reason though. I feel like there's a thing with people from Birmingham who just want to own everything about Birmingham. And when you meet another, like Brummy on a set or something, you're both just like for ages. I can't believe we're both from Birmingham. Like it's the biggest thing in the world. I bet they can't believe it with you. You sound nothing like it. They're like bullshit. Yeah. But you know, what people don't know about you is that you run a cooking school from your

boat. So actually, it is bragging when you say about the chef. I came from my school. Yeah, that's exciting. Two MasterChef winners. On the bounce, Stu Deely and Dan Lee. And when we were watching the MasterChef professionals finals, one of them like journeyed back to Birmingham. And then I was so excited because he was eating in Chung Ying's, which is my favourite takeaway. I think it's just whenever you see something again from Birmingham, like on telly, like, oh my God, I know where that is. I've walked past there. That's great. So I would like to pick there for my starter. And I'd like their vegan duck and pancakes, which they do actually do. It's just crispy fried bean curd, but with all of the regular stuff. The thing is about this place is,

you know, when you've got an idea of what you want for a Chinese takeaway, and then sometimes it gets there and you're like, no, it's not actually what I want. You want sort of like the movie version of Chinese. You know, when you see people on telly in Chinese food, you're like, I really want that. That's what this place is. They're prawn toasts like the size of a Mars bar. It's unbelievable. Yes. Oh, nice. Yeah, quite often when I decide I want a Chinese takeaway, I think what I want is one from the 90s when I was a kid. Yes. Yeah. Or from an American film where it's the cardboard boxes with a metal handle. Yeah. Or the Pixar films. They've got the same box. Every episode of Friends. That's kind of what it is, except it doesn't come

in those cardboard tubs. But it's sort of like the platonic idea of a Chinese takeaway meal. It's so good that I don't miss the idea of having duck pancakes. And I feel like I remember the first time I ever had duck pancakes, being like, what is this? Sorcery. Like the most amazing thing, to be able to put your own food together. And it's also really good the next day. If you store the pancakes correctly. And how are you storing the pancakes? James really was just going to say something there. He was so directed towards James, it's like you're like only one of them is not going to store the pancakes properly. Yeah. And it is James. So let's make sure that he knows that he should be doing that.

Did he look quite so? I obviously couldn't see James' face when he shouted. Hold my hands up and be like, yeah, okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How are we storing them, Claudia? You've just got to make them airtight. So just leave them in the box, right? Yeah, just don't throw them out. Don't get them out. He would have known it. Make sure you store your pancakes. Yeah, don't take them out the box and leave them on the floor.

The edge. And then you're like, no, this is not as soft as they were yesterday. I read it as you thought I was about to say to you, yeah, but you've got to store them correctly. And you were getting in there before me like, yeah, if you store them correctly, I know. All right, James, don't be boring about this. Yeah, it did feel like that. I'm so sorry. It was such an attack. No, no, no, no. I was very excited to be here. Yeah. So that's what I'd like. They're really delicious. And I'd like a double helping. Yeah, sure. If that's okay, just now I'm getting cocky. You've given me neck oil.

I'm like, I like it twice. But just because then there's leftovers for like the morning, I think Chinese takeaway the next day is punch the microwave it. That's it. Gonna have some crisper grooms. Yeah, something sweet. I've opened it up. So it comes with all the hoisin and the shredded spring onion and cucumber and all of that business. Yes. I mean, I do pancake, bean curd. No, I don't. Uh-oh. I do sauce, bean curd, onions, cucumbers.

Yeah, I would do that too. I always go sauce first and get an even distribution of sauce. Then the meat, then the veg. Back of the teaspoon. Back of the teaspoon. Yeah, come on. Anyone doing it with the fun, isn't it? Yeah. Who's sharing it with the front? So you're going to shred it up. Ripping the pancake up. It's like, oh, this is the worst. No, but sometimes I'll do that. You know, when you get like mayonnaise

and you'll get it with the scoopy part of the spoon. And then you'll pop it somewhere, but then you realise you've still got loads on the scoopy side rather than the spready side. I'm surprised you didn't screw the pancake up in your hand and just dip it into the sauce. Yes. Stuff it in your mouth and go to bed. Don't just sleep. Don't push your teeth. Good night. Grab the knife off to bed.

Grab the knife. Go to bed. Oh, God, yeah. And you are just to check again with the sauce. You are getting an even distribution. You're not just like going a little bit where the actual bean curds are going to be. And I just put it all in that same bit. You are like going all around the pancake. You're not going to the edge, are you?

No, no, no, no, no. Not like up to the edge, but how much of a board are you leaving? Well, I get quite nervous for the first pancake because I'm like, I don't want to over stuff then be left because I'm always left with so many spring onions. I get quite nervous about the distribution. If you ever made enchiladas, when you stuff the wraps to then put at the bottom of the baking tray, I've always got one massive one and then it just gets progressively smaller. And that's sort of what ends up happening with me.

But I'm not doing it like the edge, like it's an envelope. And I'm not doing full disc. You don't do full disc, do you? I don't do full disc. I'm not mad. You would do it. The maximum you would do would be imagining it as if it was like a full-sized pizza. Yeah, like leaving a crust. You'd leave a crust, right? Very good. Very nice.

Right, let's not get started on my my bloody wife. This is how she does it, right? Here we go. By the way, this is crazy. Before, I had got married last year. Before he got married, all the stories about his partner were positive. Since they got married. That's not true.

Absolutely, it'd become an old school complex. She's been doing this since we met. Yeah, yeah. No, don't worry, he's always complaining about it. Here we go. The first time we had pancakes together, I thought everyone just does the sauce on the bottom. Even distribution, you get a thin layer. Right, because then you know how much sauce there is. You know how much you're using.

She goes veg, duck, and then drizzle sauce over the top. She's using half a pot of sauce on her first pancake. Claudia's put her hand over her mouth. Can you believe that? I can't believe what she's hearing. But when you first said drizzle, I thought of like a balsamic glaze. And I'm like, well, and then, but then you said half the tub. Well, because she's like spooning.

And then like she's, but she's like across that. That's dropping it on top. Right, yeah. That's so boring. Unbelievable. But you can't teach someone a new duck pancake technique because that is baked in. I don't know. That's like a family thing.

Claudia, I'm going to ask you the question that I asked all guests after. Ed's told a story about his wife like that. Normally it's edited out of the podcast. How long did you give it? Have you placed bets? Is there a need to do this? Just wondering. They were all doing it at the wedding.

That's all you've done about their relationship. How long have you given it? How long have you given it with that? Do you need any background? No. I mean, you've told me the most important thing about me is a pancake. Over 10 years have been together already. If this is the straw.

That would be crazy, right? Right, yeah. But then the straw is a bit like those little sprigs of spring onion, isn't it? Yeah. It's the sprig that broke the camel's back. Isn't it? You broke the duck pancake. I feel like it's a long, I see a long future.

Yeah, I reckon so. You've just got to see it. It's charming. Yeah, we just don't try these that often. There you go. That's the best way to avoid it. Never let her ever have a duck pancake ever again. And the marriage will be fine.

I can't watch it. Yeah. Let's move on to your main course. It's good menu so far. Yeah. Do you think so? Personal memories attached to everything is very nice. Oh, I was really hoping you guys would like it.

So I've always known this one because I remember the first time I ever had this dish. It was pre-vegan life. So I had like a pork version of it. And I remember thinking it was one of the greatest things I've ever eaten in my life. And it's a bibimbap. Yes. So that's the Korean rice dish with like different vegetables, like all julienne. And it's like a really hot pot.

So you get like crispy rice at the bottom with a gojujang sauce. And you can have like a fried egg on it. And I had pork the first time I had it. And the first time I had it was in a restaurant called Topoki in the Birmingham Gay Village. And that's genuinely what it's called on the map. Because someone told me off once and said you can't call it that. And I went, no, I actually can't. And it was the best thing I've ever had.

And I always thought that's going to be, that's like my menu heaven. Then I went vegan. And I was like, oh, I'm never going to be able to have the skin, am I? But it's foolish. And I was filming in Glasgow and I was there for about five nights. And after my first days filming, I was staying in a really nice area of Glasgow called Finniston. It's like quite trendy. It's really cool.

And I was walking around looking for dinner. And then I walked past this place called Kimchi Cult. And I went in and there was a dish called the vegan bap. And it was a vegan bibimbap. And I went back every single night for five nights and had the same dish. And on the side, I had a crispy deep fried tofu and kimchi bao. And it was my first ever bao. I'd never had a bao before.

And I remember being like, wow. And I had that every single night to the point where like by the fourth night, they were like, do you want the same thing? And I was like, you better believe it. I love that you were there for five nights. Had the same thing every night. So they really got used to you after three nights. And then after five nights, you just never went back.

Just never. They were probably baffled. They were like, is that lady okay? She said too much bibimbap. But it's the most delicious thing I've ever eaten in my life is that dish. So well done, Kimchi Cult. But it's got like big, massive chunks of like deep fried crispy tofu. Tofu's a controversial one.

What do you guys think of tofu? I love tofu. Do you? Absolutely love it. I think people sometimes hate it just because it sounds cool to hate tofu. It's a bit like, oh, that's what people say. That is what it sounds like. You said you can do accents.

You can do, yeah, we can do idiot. Tofu hate it. You can do idiot voice. I like it, but I'm not having it load. So to me, it's not like I actually understand it more when like vegetarian or vegan friends hate it. Right. Because they're like, oh, it's like in so many dishes,

I've got to eat tofu and I'm sick of it now. I never want to eat tofu ever again. I get that. Yeah. When people aren't vegetarian or vegan and they go on about hate, I'm like, what are you talking about? So good. It's quite nice to have it every night again.

Really nice and deep fried so good. So good. I actually had a vegan sort of bibimbap style thing the other night at Mildred's. Oh, lovely. The one in King's Cross. Very nice. Very like loads of kimchi, loads of amazing rice, loads of gochujang, and then deep fried tofu sort of bricks on the top.

It's fantastic. See, that sounds exactly like that. So I don't need to go to Finiston, although I would like to go back there because it was a very tiny little place that sat like six tables and there was a little bench that you could cure and I was waiting there every night after work. It's just so delicious and I'd absolutely demolish it. And it was the summer and then it would stay late until like 11 o'clock

and it would be like beaming sun and I'd be like, I can't get to sleep. But then after there's a Korean food in my belly. Delicious. Does it come in the hot stone bowl? Well, no, because I always took it back to the hotel. And they don't give you a hot stone bowl if you're just saying this, madame. But I know you're going to be back the next night. I could have, but you'll return the bowl, won't you?

You're sad, aren't you? Can't you go anywhere else? But I would have it just in like a little black tub. There was never any room in the restaurant. It was always filled. And it's got like, I was looking at the menu today because I was like, making sure, but they don't have the bao anymore.

They don't have the bao. Oh, they made you say wow. The bao that made me say wow, baby. How are you spelling wow? W-O-A-A-O. So that's W-O-A-A-O. So do you want that as part of your main? Would you like the bibimbap and the little bao wow?

I've got. Lovely, lovely. That's so nice. I've got a side. So I don't know. Look, you've already hacked the water course. Feel free. And I've asked for two starters of the same thing.

Yeah, one for leftovers. Double portion, that doesn't count. I mean, I think this is also maybe the first time that someone's thought about their dream meal carrying over into the next morning. For breakfast. Which is nice, actually. Yeah.

I feel like that's a big thing for takeaway. Or like if you're, do you guys get doggy bags if you've got loads of food left over a restaurant? Yeah, if it's something that like, because you feel quite bad waste and stuff. So definitely if it's something that you're like, we can definitely eat this at home tomorrow. Or yeah, you've got to get a doggy bag.

I have never been in that situation. Yeah, no, finished, done. All done, yum, yum. All done, yum, yum. Little bow wow. Little bow wow. Then maybe I will have a little bow wow on the side. Yeah, you can have a little bow wow on the side.

A little bow wow that made me say wow wow. Because it's tied into the dish. It's tied into the memory. And they don't do it anymore. Yeah, exactly. So if odd wispy bummed the terracotta pot over here. Yeah, the terracotta potter. If that could happen, that would be really nice.

Do it all in one? Yeah. The terracotta potter with the wispy little potter. Love it. There we go. Yeah. I'm sure he can magic that up. Then maybe I'll whiff.

Oh, that's something there. Pardon. Maybe I will. Surprised by what I did. You don't even know what it was that happened. I bet it was like, you just like malfunctioned and then this looked absolutely shocked. It was a proper little cyborg little.

Because we've been saying like little bow wow and stuff. And then saying the bow that made me say wow. I said whiff instead of whiff. Maybe I whiff is what? Maybe I whiff do it. It's like baby talk almost. Yeah, maybe I will have a little bow wow on the side. If that's okay.

Yeah, of course. It was really delicious. And I got it every single night. I really feel bad for finishing. Because there were so many restaurants around. And I could have tried anywhere. But I just kept going back to this place. Gotchajang, is it?

Is that how you pronounce it? Gotchajang? Yeah. I made something with that recently for the first time. I've never used it before. But also first time where I've copied a recipe off Queer Eye. Really? Very nice.

That later series of Queer Eye. And see. Which one was it? It was the one with the lady who owns all the animals. On a big estate. The cauliflower dish. Yeah, so I did the cauliflower steak. And I thought that looks really good and really simple.

So I just copied it along with the TV show. Is he up to... I've not watched Queer Eye for a couple of series. Has he upped his game from series one? Was just like an avocado and stuff. Yes, yeah. He got back to him pretty quickly. Yeah.

And I would say that he has really upped his game. Knows what he's talking about. And I love him. I think he's a very humble guy. Knows that, okay, people make fun of me for this. But I'm not going to, you know, strike back. I'm just going to just demonstrate that I do have a lot more knowledge than people think I do. Well, that's the edit you see.

There's probably loads of stuff on the cutting room floor where he is like, this one's with the fucking haters. Is that something like guacamole to you, motherfucker? Is he your favorite Queer Eye guy? No, Bobby is. Oh, that's my boyfriend's favorite as well. Because he has to redo an entire building. He's learning so hard.

Yeah, he's really doing the lion's share there. I just think he really connects with the people they talk to the most. I think he really talks to them on a human level and really goes out of his way. And actually, I think has more of a connection. And I think that's nice. I think everyone else is doing their jobs really well. Yeah. But you can see there's the TV sheen to it.

And that's why I'm here for watching the TV show. I'm not complaining. But I think Bobby has a real connection with those people and it's good stuff. He agree with you. He is lovely. That's my boyfriend's favorite Queer Eye guy as well. I like Tan. Tan France is my favorite.

Tan's the best. It's possibly one of the most beautiful looking men in the world. I sat near him in a bar once. No. And he is very boosted in real life. Yeah, truly. That's an incredible face and hair. Some kind of hair.

Lovely. Imagine if you were the sixth Queer Eye guy. Yeah, go with him. Yeah. What would be your specialty? Finally, the straight perspective. This house needs more terracotta immediately. Anyway.

There you go. That's the other Netflix show. But you've got to plug other things in the Netflix family though as well, right? Yeah, it's a major part. Yeah. They wouldn't keep me otherwise. You guys seen Stranger Things? We have.

We've had one of the Stranger Things kids on the show. Yeah, not that he would remember. He had no idea what was going on. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Side dish now is exciting because we've given you a bonus side dish. So. I don't know if it's as exciting as the bonus side dish you gave me. It's a little bow well.

It's a little bow well. But I'd like a battered sausage. Yes, you would and you may have one. That is such a great idea for a side dish. Okay, I'm so pleased because I think they are the most delicious things in the world. You know what? Added sausage. I'll say this before you even say something about the sausage

because I'm looking forward to what you have to say about it. But more than any guest, every time we approve of a dish, you're like, oh my god. Can you tell my dad left 20 years ago? If we don't approve of a dish, I don't know how it's going to go down. Your notes in front of you, you rip them all up. Oh, this has been a waste of time. It's because every time we approve of a dish, it feels like every single tension in your body is relieved.

You're like, oh god. Thank god for that. Yeah, we pass away on the train. We get to another dish and all that tension is back again. And then it just goes again. That's the life of anxiety, baby. That's a little panic disorder. Yeah, I feel like a lot is riding on this.

I really want you to like the menu. We love it so far. It's great. We do. And they just brought a battered sausage into the equation. Yeah, and I think there's something very particularly I need for the battered sausage, and it's like gnarly batter. You know that?

Batter. And my boyfriend always says what you don't want is like a Savaloy in a golden wetsuit, which you see a lot. Wow, this guy. Right. It's rare it happens. Oh, no, it's really nice. No, this is rare it happens, but you hear one phrase and you just know, I like that guy.

Don't get on well with that guy. And I'm going to use that for everyone. I know what I like. It's the fact that he's clearly said it more than once. Because as my boyfriend said, what you don't want is a Savaloy in a golden wetsuit. Yeah, as the old saying goes. Yeah. And that's something he said that that's not like an old Birmingham phrase.

No, that's something that came out of his mouth. Yeah. Well, because we were talking about the battered sausage and he was like, yeah, because what you don't want is a Savaloy in a golden wetsuit. And I was like, that is one of the reasons I love you. There's the man I fell in love with. And it's true, like very thin layer of batter. I had a really shit battered sausage the other day, battered vegan sausage.

And I've had a great one. There's like this really tiny like kebab shop called the Veggie Chippy in, I think it might be Hockley sort of area in Birmingham. And they do everything on their menus called like vision chips, vickenin chips, vosset. No, actually, that's the one thing they don't put the V in front of is the sausage. They're like, oh, the sausage is stupid. Vicken we're fine with.

Vicken, yeah. Vish, vicken and chips, amazing. But they do a battered sausage and it was really good there. However, what I'd like is that the whole of the country just goes vegan for this one day and that the four of us could go on a little trip to like some lovely chippies and just try out a few and see which one's the best one. But in the chippy. Well, hold on. I'm going to Google the best battered sausage in the country.

Are you? And yeah, yeah, just to see if it comes up. The best vegan battered sausage or best battered sausage? No, let's just go back to sausage. Because the genies, you can make a vegan. Everyone else goes vegan in the country. The veney. Mono, thank you.

I think you should move to Glasgow. That's why they call you the great. I would, I mean, I'd happily die in Scotland. Not what I said. That's right. Okay, I'll tell you what. That's right. That's not what you said. Yeah, that's not what here.

Really? Best battered sausages in England restaurants. I've got a top 4,934 list here. Okay, let's start from the bottom. Is that how many we're going to visit? Huh? Are we going on a journey? I think this is the top one is not far away is what the fish in Hammersmith.

What the fish? Apparently. I like that name. And also Ranmore Fryery in Sheffield. Nice. Stokesbury Fish and Chips in Newport. That's the top three. Those are the top three.

Yeah, that's the top three that comes up. But there's also a place called Veggie Corner in Coventry is number four. Oh gosh, in Coventry is that? So the fourth one on the list is a veggie place. I'm in Coventry on Saturday watching QPR play Coventry. Well, you might want to go to Veggie Corner and get the best veggie battered sausage that you could get. And it's number four on a list of over 4,000, nearly 5,000.

Oh my goodness. Places. Benita, have you looked it up? Veggie Corner. Does it look legit? Not only do Veggie Corner do a battered sausage, they also do a vegan jumbo battered sausage as well. Well, that's going to be the fucking one, isn't it?

That's going to be the bloody one. Do you know what? The word jumbo isn't used enough. We don't hear it used very much. Jumbo jet, jumbo sausage are the only two I can really think of. Yeah. What else do you think? Could you use it for like jumbo jumper?

Yeah, I would love to wear a jumbo jumper. I'd love to have a jumbo bed instead of a king size bed. Jumbo bed. That's good. Yeah, I think all of that would be great. I guess, do they have like Jumbotron? Oh yeah, it goes into the Jumbotron. The big screens at sports games is called the Jumbotron.

I feel like it would be something like a chain restaurant would do as well. You know, it was very big to super size in America on McDonald's. Maybe there'd be like another burger joint that'd be like, you want that jumbo? Do you want that jumbo? See my accent? Do you want that jumbo? You want that jumbo?

You've got that part of slightly nervous waitress absolutely sewn up. Anything that's out of the jumble? That's me. You want that jumbo? I'm just terrified. Like there's a table of mobsters all having a meal. You want that jumbo, sir? I'd like the gabba goal, please.

You want that jumbo? That's amazing. She's great. She is great. Oh, I hate this. You would be nervous if the mobsters were there. If they're known for just flipping out and killing anyone for whatever reason. Absolutely.

They might be offended by, do you want that jumbo? And she's worked there for years. Or it could be her first day. It could be her first day. She's been told that's the mob table. Don't offend them. You go over there, Sally. Yeah.

I want that jumbo. That's got me. Mumbo jumbo? Mumbo jumbo. Mumbo jumbo, yeah. I mean, often used by the wrong people in a rather dismissive fashion. I think they've taken the word jumbo and they've completely, you know,

maybe that's why people don't use jumbo that much, because they've ruined it. Well, what does that mean? Does that suggest that if you're talking nonsense, you're talking mumbo, but if you're talking loads of nonsense, you're talking mumbo jumbo. Yes, mumbo jumbo.

Yeah. She worked jumbo. Mumbo jumbo. She worked jumbo. You want that jumbo? She's good. Quite her every time. I'm really, really excited to be listening to this.

The nervous waitress who has to ask the mobsters if they wanted jumbo. It's a great character. So, yeah, I think that's a great side dish. No sauce, salt and vinegar. How heavy are you going with the salt and vinegar? Quite heavy on the vin. A little bit crazy on that.

Mumbo on the vin. No, jumbo on the vinegar. Mumbo on the salt. Yeah. So, the other way around. So, mumbo on salt, jumbo on vinegar. Mumbo salt, jumbo vin. Yeah.

Also, at the vegan place you mentioned earlier, when they do, what do they call vinegar there? If they're switching it, the first letter of everything for a V. Inigo. Just inigo. They just get rid. They're like, we don't want to confuse people.

Because they might think it's vegan vinegar or something. Yeah. They also do a vonna, like a donna kebab. Oh, right. That I've actually had and it was absolutely tremendous. I'm really confused why they don't say sausage. I know because I was looking through the menu and I was laughing like, vicken and chips,

vision chips and I was like, sausage. Yeah. Okay, fine, cool. Drink. Because you've always said, we know it's not going to be. You've had a couple of pints already. Pints, because you can't have them after you've eaten. No, no pints.

I think I love an old fashioned, like a lot. So, I go from drinking IPA or bourbon, pallet of an elderly man. Or me. And the boss. Just my pallet. Delicious. But my mum's got this amazing blender.

That's what I'd like to have. Such a great start to the story. Yeah. And I went over to visit. It was halfway through like filming Bridgerton and I had like a week off and I went home and I was like, my mum's got a blender. I'm going to make frozen margaritas.

I've never made them before. I'm going to make them for my family. So, I bought all the booze, all the good stuff, like in a Garvey syrup to put in there. And then they loved them. They loved them so much. My mum, my step-dad and my brother, they'd never had one before.

I'd had loads but I never made any. And then a few days later, I went round and they'd stocked up on all of the same ingredients again and were like, I'm going to make this frozen margaritas again. And I was like, I mean, yeah, let's do it. Let's go. And now they are obsessed with frozen margaritas. They love them.

But then apparently my step-dad got so poorly the other night because he had such a tense brain freeze. But then apparently you just put your thumb on your soft pallet. Yeah, thanks for demonstrating that. I know. You demonstrated it and immediately made eye contact with it. It was very funny. You put your thumb on your soft pallet mouth open

and just looked straight. Straight, I mean, as if to say. Straight in the eye. Straight in the eye. I was like, please. And also I didn't wait until the word pallet was done. I went soft pallet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But apparently that gets rid of brain freeze, which I don't know. Right. Well, apparently. I've never heard that before. Brain freeze is not something that's necessarily troubled my adult life too much. I don't think, I've had it that much really.

What about you, love ice cream? I love ice cream. Yeah, absolutely adore it. You've never had it when it's too cold? I've had brain, yeah. I've definitely given myself brain freeze before, too eager. You love brain freeze. I've never tried the soft pallet.

I bet you love brain freeze. Yeah, I love it. Because I'm like, go on, you prick. Yeah, I do like wasabi. Very funny that you pitched that as an absolute universal observation. You know, when you have wasabi and you say, go on, you prick. Go on, you prick.

It wasn't like that. It didn't say it like that. So I was like, when you have wasabi and you go, go on, you prick. It was like that. It's like suddenly Ray Winston. Yeah, you've just come on here in the hope that casting directors are listening, right? You're doing all your characters.

You're all my characters, even though I claimed I can't do any accents. Yeah, I can do all of them. I can do all the characters, but only one voice, really, and it's nervous Sally. The emotions get across, that's what counts. Yeah. Ray Winston in a Japanese restaurant.

Thank you. Go on, you prick. No, I don't like brain freeze. I do like the wasabi thing, though. I love the wasabi and the sinuses, and then I'm like, oh my god, you prick. Yeah, see, go on, you prick. So delicious.

I think I've only had brain freeze with slush puppies when I was younger. You know, when you get them after school, it'd be like an off-license or not an off-license, like a sweet shop. That would have the twirly machines. I'd get one of those. And I have brain freeze with that,

but obviously I didn't know about the soft planet. No, you're a kid. Don't beat yourself up. Listen, I only do that sort of stuff, embarrassingly in front of adults. Yeah, yeah. I'm a podcast. Thank you.

So I think I'm going to go for frozen margaritas. Made by yourself? Yeah, made by me for my family. Yeah. Because they, I just find it so adorable that they, then it's like their favorite drink. They love it now. And tequila apparently is the only alcohol that's an upper.

Yeah. Have I heard that correctly? And apparently it's good for your digestion. So glug, glug, glug. These lies we tell ourselves. Exactly. Is that actually really good for you? Actually turns back time.

One glass of red wine is actually better for you than no red wine. Yeah, exactly. I think I've heard that about tequila. Yeah. Don't believe it. Well, I don't know, because you still feel a bit shit, don't you?

But I'd like that frozen margaritas at my mum's house. With my mum, my stepdad and my brother. Lovely. I think that would be really nice. So why was it that the stepdad was the only one to get brain freeze? Was he just like really guzzling? I think it must have been like necking it back.

Also, he made it. So he might have overriced. Sure. Yeah. I like mine somewhere between like a liquidy drink and a slush puppy, but not like, his was full slush. Yeah.

His was like snow cone levels of ice. Yeah. So I think he might have just iced himself out. Yeah, he iced himself out. But then no one else, was he just drinking him on his own that time? Or was everyone else having them? No, he made them for everybody.

So they didn't ice themselves out. But I think my mum would have just waited. The situation of making ice margaritas. Yeah. Frozen margaritas just for yourself if you're home alone. I don't know if I can, I could. Do you think you could do that without thinking about how bleak the situation is?

Yeah, no, it's not nice, but I did get that same blender as a gift for my birthday. I'll tell you who definitely could make themselves frozen margarita on their own punch. Punch, punch good. He'd learn how to work the machine. Punch and make it with it. Yeah.

We've put pour on the top so it doesn't splash around. Given it a shake. Yeah. My dog likes beer. Yeah. She likes neck oil. And she just, it once been lying around and she's drunk it.

Well, I took her to the pub the night and she put her pours on the table and then had a couple of licks and seemed to have a nice time. When your dog had a couple of licks, did you just drink the rest of the pint? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I would.

I would. To me, that might as well be toilet water at that point. Really? Yeah, but I just pour it. You really? If it was your own dog. Yeah, my own dog. I'm not, I don't want to, no, I'm past that to something.

I'm not, that's not a judgment thing. That's just the way I am. I would be able to do it. How do you guys feel about peeing in the shower? Interesting. Me or a dog? You were a dog. Yeah.

You. You. How do I feel about peeing in the shower? Because I met someone recently who was disgusted by the idea of an I couldn't believe it. I feel fairly, I feel fairly neutral about it. I don't, I don't feel disgusted by the idea. No.

No. I'm not disgusted by it. My shower that I've got the minute goes through stages of the water not going down very fast. So if it was June, one of those stages, I would not be pissing in the shower because then I would just have it. I'll be paddling in it pretty quickly.

Uncle deep. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm interested to know how the question, how do you feel about peeing in the shower links into you drinking a pint that your dog's licked? Yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah.

I don't actually know, but I felt like there was something about the brain connecting like you saying when it's my dog, not being like, well, it's my piss in the shower. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's where my brain went. Yeah. I, either way, I piss in the shower

and my dog drinks my beer. I mean, that's why you sat up here, haven't we? That's the person I am, that's on this podcast. There we go. So we come to the dessert now. Before dessert. Yeah. I was just wondering how you guys felt about palette cleansers.

Soft palette cleansers? Putting the thumb up there? Very good. That was beautiful. Thank you. I feel great about palette cleansers. Yeah. Yeah.

What were you talking about? Like a sorbet. I can take or leave a sorbet, really. Especially after I've had a frozen margarita. Yeah, that's very true. I have just had a frozen drink. It's almost, it's quite like a sorbet. Yeah, but what if it was cow pulp flavoured?

What are you talking about? Oh, no, no, no, no. Remember, it's the most fragile guest we've ever had. Okay, sorry. Do not. Yeah, that's, we'll tell us a bit more. Take it down a couple of notches. I, listen, if someone said to me,

I've got some cow pulp flavoured sorbet, there's no way I wouldn't try it. I would try it. Yeah. You know, I am very intrigued by this. And you've had some, I'm assuming. No. Oh.

Okay, but take it down. I'm feeling quite sensitive. Do you want a cow pulp? Do you want a cow pulp? Do you want a cow pulp sorbet? I want a cow pulp. A new special on the day, it's cow pulp sorbet. You could have a mumbo, a jumbo.

Well, I just thought I loved cow pulp growing up. Like, I'd feign illness to have cow pulp, because it was so delicious. And I don't have much of a sweet tooth. Ah, okay. I know. Well, this is interesting. And I thought that's a nice palate cleanser.

It's sweet. I'm looking at your notes now, because I'm genuinely worried that I haven't been able to see what it is. And remember, remember, it's quite fragile. Oh, no. Oh, your lovely cow pulp sorbet we've got. I don't know. Remember the cow pulp sorbet?

There is. She's chosen a chip. No, we don't. I don't know what to do. Okay. But it's fine. Let's brought us to Moses. I don't know how to play it.

Okay. And Claudia's quite nervous about how we're going to react to her dishes, remember? So, cow pulp sorbet. We're talking about the palate cleanser. Lovely cow pulp sorbet. I just think that I reckon it would taste nice. Just a tiny little dome of... You're really selling it with your sound effect.

I would kind of maybe prefer just a glug of cow pulp for old time's sake, rather than... But what if the sorbet came with the classic plastic spoon with the 1550 ml? Is it 1550 ml? I think it might be. She says I'll get it from the bottle. You would switch it from the bottle, but imagine... Get it back quite the sink by the time my mum gets in. Hop back in the bath.

She doesn't know what's happened. I'm not even ill. All right. Maybe we'll do like a... Okay, could I have... Big old piss. Swig of... Big old piss.

Pink piss. I could have filled it with a bath. Yeah. Nothing, Mum. Well, I can tell, James. You've been drinking that cow pulp again. What do we think about? Just a swig of cow pulp, then.

A swig? No, I think we should stick with this cow pulp sorbet, because it's very rare, I guess, completely in vents a dish that no one has ever had before, including them. So I think a little dome of cow pulp sorbet is a lovely way to go. It takes off. And I know. Don't say that.

No. Don't say that. Come on. I think someone will try and make that based on this podcast. I feel like that could happen. I think it will happen. Yeah, yeah. And I did absolutely love cow pulp.

And it's nice to hear it get a shout out on the podcast. Sneak a little bonus dish, because, you know, we were all looking for ways to sneak cow pulp into our diet as kids anyway. So I like the fact it's a little, you know, a little cheat code because... I could see it being on a restaurant menu, like a new restaurant menu in London,

and that's what makes the headlines, and that's what gets people in. Absolutely. That would be the thing. We head about this place into a cow pulp sorbet. Yeah. You kidding me? It's fucking amazing.

Amazing, mate. And then later in the course, you get like a bennel in one way, and you know, I realise that all the fun's over, and you know, the rest of your life's going to be shit. And then you get a thermometer up the bum for the final course. Good course. Favorite course.

There you go. Well, then if that's allowed, I think that would be quite cool. And then all of us could try it. And then if it's shit, we'll just be like, well, nah, nah. But... I think it'd be nice and nostalgic.

Yeah. And it's nice to have something a little bit sweet before we go into your final course. What is it? When I was writing this down, I was almost going to put just in big capital letters cheeseball just for you to see it and be freaked out. Yeah.

But I thought that's not actually very nice. No, no, that would be... But I really wrapped my brain because I wanted to have a dessert, like a proper dessert. Yes. So I don't think you'll be disappointed. OK.

Great. OK. But I do find it a little bit fun that there was a bit of tension. Yeah, there was a bit, and I genuinely was thinking, I don't know how to respond to this, to this mess.

Because if she has chosen cheeseboard, I won't feel good about shouting at you, which is normally my go-to. And I did consider just leaving the room. If you said cheeseboard, I think the only way I can deal with it is I'll have to literally exit the room and then that'll be it.

And then when you come out, after you had to have to talk about your dessert with Ed, wrap up the podcast, and then when you come out, you would have seen that I would have fully gone home. Right. And I'd say that's the only way to do the joke properly is to just walk out.

Just to know that your samosas were shit. Get the train. And then you come out going, oh, he's actually gone. Yeah, he's gone. Yeah, that would have been the only way to do it. I would rather you shout at me, actually. Yeah, but I couldn't do it.

Because then you just got to stay, just because then you'd still be here. Yeah. But I'd understand why. True abandonment if he left, if he absolutely left. That would be awful. Hello.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I need that. Thank you. I guess you can guess. I think you can guess. So have any of you guys ever heard of a little chef?

Yeah. Right. Actually, my boyfriend's dad used to call it Little Thief because it was so expensive. That's a great dad joke. So good. I thought you about saying your boyfriend's dad was the little chef.

Yeah, he was. But it was modelled. No. He is somewhere, the little logo, somewhere between the Lerpac Butter Guy and the Michelin Man Tire Guy, isn't he? Yeah. All cast with a ghost.

I mean, all those guys, I think, are basically the same family, right? Yeah. Yeah. Sort of plump. Plump mascots. Plump mascots. Yeah.

I didn't really go on holiday growing up, but we would go on long drives. Doesn't that sound nice? Yes. That's the treat. How long were these drives? Until we could find my dad. So, I mean, one of them's still on going.

Actually, my mum's circling. Well, just until someone couldn't do it anymore, I guess a few days. But in like a day. Or a few days. Yeah, we could go a few days or like a day trip or whatever. Yeah, but we couldn't really leave the country. Oh, shush.

Me. So, but we would go on. I love Little Share. And they'd obviously do those massive breakfasts, wouldn't they? And those big white oval plates. And then they'd have those burgers that had the sausages that were round, but they had the slits in them.

Do you remember those guys? I think bagels. Like a cumberland sausage. But you know, it was like within a burger, but you could see the little like... I think it's called something like a bendy bun, right? Bendy bun? Yeah, I think so.

Love him. I think it was a bend. I mean, it might not have been at the Little Chef, but I think they did do like curly sausage in a bap, and they would call it a bendy bun or something. Bendy bun. Yeah, bendy in a bun. If I've made that up, copyright.

Whoa. Yeah. Okay. That's going on the cow poll restaurant menu. I think bendy bun. Nice. Yeah. No theme to the restaurant.

No, it's insane. But they used to do these tiny sugary donuts with a hot chocolate dipping sauce, like a thick, but they were really hot. The donuts, everything was just really hot, and it was amazing. But you know the donuts, we can't really see the holes, more of like a cat's anus of a hole, if you will. And you dip those in the hot sauce,

and I was obsessed with those. I loved those very, very much. And I think that would be my dream dessert. I'd get like eight of those mini, sort of doing a big like ramekin of the hot, like it was like molten. It was so hot. Yeah, get those at fair grounds sometimes.

And in Kettering, on the high street, every now and again, there's a guy who has a dinky donut stand. And you just smell it all the way down the high street. You go, oh, dinky donuts are here today. You smell it like a really long way away. Dinky donuts are here today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like you walk on the corner,

when he's there, you can usually yell in, they've got dinky donuts. And I like that your pitching this as if you're with other people, like with some mates or family, and you're all like, dinky donuts are here today. When we all know, it's just you walking down the street and out loud to yourself, you say,

dinky donuts is here today. Yeah, I smell, oh, dinky donuts are here today. And then I walk on the street and then I'll see him. And did you say he would be shouting that they've got dinky donuts today? Yeah, he's also going, dinky donuts. Got it. We are dinky donuts here.

Got it. Dinky is the opposite of jumbo, right? Yeah, the opposite is. Whoa. Yeah. Would you ask dinky donuts if they could make a jumbo? Yeah, yeah. Just dinky donut.

Can you make a jumbo? Say it properly. What the? Hey. The dinky, this, you've got the dinky donut. Can I make the dinky donut jumbo, please? And then a jumbo dinky donut, just be a normal donut. No, because if it was a jumbo dinky, yeah.

Because that's a jumbo dinky as a normal. No, because you're talking about, interestingly, the Catanus thing, you're talking about that they're so sort of like puffed up that there's almost no real hole. You can't really see. You can't put your finger in it. But you know that there is.

You could jumbo that. So then there's like almost no hole there, right? Oh, yeah. A jumbo dinky is not the same as a normal sized donut. Yeah, so jumbo dinky would be the same size as a normal sized donut, but the hole is as tight as a dinky donut. Like a lion's anus.

Oh, OK. Yeah. Pop a thermometer in that. You're picking up. So yeah, OK, but it's in size of a normal donut. Yes. Yeah. That's a jumbo dinky.

Because jumbo for dinky is normal, but we're just going to make the hole. Like a dinky. So it's still to scale. To lion. Yeah. To scale. It's to scale.

So the hole is still the same as a dinky hole in terms of how much room you've got there. I beg your pardon. Well, yeah. Excuse me. We know what we're talking about here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dinky donuts.

And how would it be a bit like my breadcrumbs where you tear and share and dip the sauce? It's up to you. And if you don't want to share it, you can just have a. I think the dip would also have to go jumbo. So that size would also, by the same amount, increase. So you've got like a pretty substantial sized dip that you can actually dip this jumbo dinky in.

Are we pushing the pot of sauce into the middle of the jumbo dinky? I would like to. That would be nice. Yeah. Or we could do your wife's technique and drizzle it on top. Absolutely not.

Oh, no. Never do his wife's technique. So waste the sauce. OK. So the genie would like the hot sauce in the middle of the dinky jumbo donut. Yes, but I would like to. Well, I wouldn't put the sauce in the middle.

I would want the sauce on the side and I would want to be able to pick up the donut and dip it into the big pot of sauce like I would do a dinky donut, but with the jumbo dinky. And I would like to do it like that. That's what I would like to do. Ed would like it, I believe, in the middle.

Well, I just, I mean, if this is so puffed up and you're not getting a pot of sauce in there, are you? You're going to, it's going to do damage because it's not just going to expand and the hole is going to let you in. For God's sake. Come on. We know what we know.

You're going to do damage to the dinky jumbo donut dough. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm saying jumbo dinky. You're saying dinky jumbo? Dumbo dinky. No. Jumbo, jumbo dinky. No one's saying dumbo dinky.

No one's said dumbo dinky until you've just said it then. Yeah. So dinky jumbo, that's how you're saying it. That's the correct, no, I'm saying it incorrectly. So it's, it should be because it's a dinky that has been made big. So it's a dinky jumbo. Jumbo dinky. A dinky jumbo would be a big donut that's been made dinky.

A dinky jumbo is just a dinky donut. Yeah. Okay. I think. No, that's right. It's a, you're up for it. I don't think a dinky jumbo is a jumbo, it's a dinky donut because I think a jumbo donut,

a jumbo donut is even bigger than a regular donut. So a dinky jumbo is a normal donut. Yeah. So a dinky jumbo is a normal donut, but the hole is normal. Yes. That's a dinky jumbo. A jumbo dinky has a dinky hole, but it's a size of a normal sized donut.

Yeah. Okay, great. I'll have two of them. Yeah, I think then I'd like one, oh, which way is it? Jumbo dinky, please. I'd have one jumbo dinky with like a lot of the hot chocolate sauce, and then I would like about eight of the dinky dinky. I mean, I'm not sure if I was saying dinky jumbo now.

I think I was saying dinky jumbo. I think it's going to need to be workshopped. I think I was saying dinky jumbo, and you were saying jumbo dinky, and then we talked, you were saying dinky jumbo, and then you said dinky jumbo, and then we made that that was the wrong way. No.

But then you've just said you want a plate of eight dinky dinkies, which we've not even discussed yet. Oh, what the hell is a dinky dinky then? No, that's like a, that's a cheat, just a wito, isn't it? Yeah, it's like a bowl of cereal. Yeah, that's a wito. It's a wito, isn't it?

I don't want wito-sized dinkies. No. Screams Claudia Jesse. I want my little chef, my little thief donuts, and then I want the one that we've created as well. Yes. Okay, great. For my dessert.

Thank you, everybody. Ogden region menu back to you now. See how you feel about it. Baffled, I'd imagine. Yeah. Water, two pints of neck oil. Problems or bread, the 11p Tesco tear and share bread, the vegan friendly one that I'm going to make for you.

Doesn't exist. Starter, two vegan duck pancakes from Chungyings. Made course, vegan bap from Kimchi Cult and Little Bowel. Side, vegan battered sausage, loads of salt and vinegar. Yeah. Drink, frozen margarita, homemade. Little palette cleanser, Calpol sorbet. Dessert, eight dinky donuts from Little Chef, Little Thief,

and one jumbo dinky. Please, thank you. That's a pretty good menu, actually. It's a really good menu. It's very inventive. The Calpol sorbet. Yeah. You'll be surprised here we've never had that before.

No, I haven't. Little Chef. Little Chef's never cut. Little Chef's probably come up. Maybe it's come up. Maybe not as a menu item. Yeah. Thank you.

I like that menu. I think it was a great menu. I really enjoyed it. Thank you very much for coming into the dream room. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you. What did you do for broken to tears?

Wouldn't be surprised. Well, there we are. Great menu. Great samosas. Thank you for the samosas so much, Claudia. Delicious samosas. Above and beyond. Yeah.

Much appreciated. And real insight into her life, I thought. Loved it. Absolutely loved it. Great episode. Well done. So, she's earned a plug from that. Yeah, of course.

Bridgerton launches globally on March 25th on Netflix. Very exciting stuff. Very exciting. And thank you, Claudia, for not saying hule. Yes, no hule there. Thank you. No, no. Thank you.

Chrissy tweets. Thank you, Chrissy tweets. Thank you for tweeting. I'm on tour. My show's called Electric. Get on edgamble.co.uk for tickets. I'm all over the place. I'd love to see you there.

Ah, I know I would love to see you there. Yes, James will be at one of them. One of them, but which one? And he'll be hiding, so. I will be disguised. Yes. So, you have to go up to me. I'll be in very good disguise.

And you have to say, James A. Casto, I presume. Yeah. Yeah, you have to say that. And you have to hold that note for that long. Yeah, and only if you do that will I say, I'm available if it is me. Well, and then his disguise will unlock at the face like I'm only in total recall.

Exactly like that. Yes. But that's why those are the rules. Those are the rules. See you there. Thank you very much for listening to Off Menu. We'll see you again another time. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith.

I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North

because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to.

Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glittle's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog you've left it so late.