Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 146: Jamali Maddix

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

Superb stand-up, Taskmaster anarchist and Hate Thy Neighbour documentary maker Jamali Maddix goes wild at the Dream Restaurant this week. See Jamali in London at the Hackney Empire on 28 May. Tickets here. Follow Jamali on Twitter and Instagram @jamalimaddix Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the flower of friendship, making a little well in the middle, tipping in the egg of good times, getting the fork of humour and mixing it all together to make the pasta of the podcast. Yeah, didn't mind that one. Well done, yeah. I believe I kept in your mistake one first. I hope that won't stay in. No, that won't stay in. No, accidentally, because when you make me record intros and outros all in a big line, I will occasionally forget what

we're doing and do an intros and outros and outros and intros. Well, he said. Well, I said well. And then I remember that we hadn't done it yet, done the intro yet. And then, because I said well, I thought of the making the pasta, because there's nothing more satisfying than when you see someone put a little well in the flower and it's just on a table, then they tip the egg in and then they move the flower in bit by bit and then eventually they've just got pasta dough. His name is Ed Gamble. My name is James A. Caster. This is the Off Menu podcast. We invite a guest into our dream restaurant and we ask him their favourite ever, start a main

course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is... Jamali Maddox. Jamali Maddox, brilliant comedian. One of the best, so funny. Obviously, has also hosted his own series on VICE. Yes, I went away camping with him on the Dave TV show, Outsiders. The VICE show is called Hate Thy Neighbour. It's very different to Outsiders. Jamali's a very versatile man. He is. Brilliant on Taskmaster as well. One of my favourite Taskmaster contestants, especially how Jamali would always laugh anytime Lee Mack messed up. It would be really funny how much Jamali laughed every time something didn't go right for Lee Mack.

Also, Jamali's technique on Taskmaster was to stamp on everything until it breaks, which is a good technique. But do go on Jamali's website and check out C if he's on tour. Check out his social media as well, because he's brilliant and must be seen. Yep, you've got to go and see Jamali, especially because he's doing the Hackney Empire on the 28th of May. That'll be a fantastic show. Get tickets and go to that if you can. Yes, and do try and seek out the TV show where he's a regular called This Is My House, which is a light entertainment show that Jamali looks like he's been dropped into the middle of and has absolutely no idea what's going on, but is so funny.

Yep, he's so good on it. And I mean, inevitably, we will bring that up a bit hopefully in this interview. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, for sure. But we will kick Jamali out of our restaurant if he picks a secret ingredient which we don't like. And this week, the secret ingredient is Portobello Mushroom. Controversial. Controversial. I don't mind a Portobello Mushroom, but this idea, of course, came from Bonito, who is a vegetarian. And as such, is regularly presented with a Portobello

Mushroom in place of other things, for instance, a burger. In a burger restaurant, it might be, oh, for the vegetarians, we have a big Portobello Mushroom, which I understand. I understand that, that you get bored of it. And also, a Portobello Mushroom is presented as a replacement for a burger simply because it's around the same size and shape. Even though, and I've said it, I think I've seen it on the podcast before. I once was at a literary festival doing a gig and I went to get a burger. It's a repeat story, imagine this. I thought it was a normal burger and it wasn't. It was a Portobello Mushroom and it was

absolutely delicious. I think it's quite nice. But now and again, I can imagine you would get tired of them as a veggie. Yeah, yes. I appreciate that Bonito is tired. So we're just doing this one for Bonito. Yes, we are. Occasionally, we do things for him. If Jamali says Portobello Mushroom, he's out on his ear. He is out. I'm on tour.

Yeah. In the autumn, doing more tour dates of my show, Electric. I can't wait to do them. Check out my website, edgamble.co.uk, for details, see if I'm coming to a town near you. And especially if you live in London, I am doing a massive version of the show at the Hammersmith Apollo on October 22nd. And I would love you to be there. My book, James Acre's Guide to Quit and Social Media,

Being the Best Year You Can Be and Cuing Yourself with Loneliness, Volume One, is available to pre-order now and is out in August. But for now, this is the off menu menu of Jamali Maddox. Welcome, Jamali, to the Dream Restaurant. Oh, yeah. What's up? Sorry, I've been waiting for a longer intro. That's better. Welcome, Jamali Maddox, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

Finally, some respect. I just... Are you waiting for a sort of very long podcast intro where we big you up for ages? Yes, you go like, and you've been on this, this, and you start calling out credits and stuff I forgot I was on. He was on Safe Word on the ITV2. We recorded that before. Oh, 6-6-6.

We've already done the intro. So you just back in, you just went straight into it. We've told everyone, you know, that you did the Big Bang show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Trouble Hunters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else have you done? Mate, all of it.

Yeah, yeah. This is my house. This is my house. We did back in this part. I thought this was going to be a friendly affair, and you have to bring out This Is My House. I love This Is My House. I know you do. I know you do.

Yeah, but I know he's so... I know what he said, but he looked at me in the eye as he said it, and he knows where... Because I knew you'd be annoyed about it. I love This Is My House, and I love that you are absolutely yourself on This Is My House. You know what is this? Someone who was it that was telling me, and they were like, like, I was watching it, and like, you could see my vape next to me. They were like, yeah, like I was watching it, and like, you could really tell that you

was just you, because you had your vape, so the next you just got like, nah, brother, it ain't them. And as well as jokes is they kept on telling me, like, can you not guess it so quick? Because it would be like the first five seconds, I'd be like, number four. And they were like, yeah, but can you not? You could tease it. And I'm like, nah. No, no, no, no.

Are you like a big foodie? Do you know what it's... I am because I travel so much, and I realise that if I want to have any type of happiness, if I'm going to be in Norway in winter, and I've got nothing to do, I don't know anyone, food has to be one of my driving forces of enjoyment. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, totally. And I think eating well is kind of underrated to how good that can make you feel.

Do you know what I'm saying? It doesn't mean like eating unhealthily or eating comfort foods, but just eating quality food. Do you know what I mean? Because I think it's so easy just to eat like McDonald's and that stuff's cool, but to actually have food of quality is good. But especially travelling, I think you're right. It almost, and being a comic, like you're evening sorted, but a structure for the rest

of the day being like, I'm going to go to do this and then go for a really nice lunch and then go and get something for dinner. And I don't really drink that much no more. Yeah. So especially after shows, the idea of when I... Like my first thing when I get to town, like what's the food after the gig? That gives me more excitement than like, oh, there's a sick bar. And I'm like, yeah, but it's the food stool.

Do you know what I'm saying? But like, yeah, man. So where I've been travelling, I've been around a lot. Like I've been lucky that I've eaten some real good food. Great. I think both of us on tour, if we're on our way somewhere, we'll be googling on the way there where the best places are. Yeah, fine.

Do you know what? Because there's that stereotype of English food being bad. And I always like used to debate Americans about that. I'd be like, no, English food is decent. You know what I mean? But you go to some towns, man. It is bad. It is bad.

There is so much bad food in this country. Like when you go, when you start doing the tours in the small towns, Oswald, Twistle and all that, the only Bobby May put me onto some game. He goes, the best food to try and get is Indian food. Yeah. Because every town has a good Indian place. And normally it's the most seasoned food you're going to get out of town. It's normally some level of quality in it.

And you can get it after a gig. They never shop. Yeah. They're always open mad late in it. And also there's so many Indian restaurants where you look through the window and you're like, I've never seen anyone in here. Yeah. All the money must be take away because no one's ever going to sit in there.

Yeah. But they're going in and sit, sitting in there feels like a sort of weird treat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Get a big bottle of. Yeah. And they give you the same level of service at 12 o'clock at night. Yeah. Then they do at six o'clock in the evening. Yeah. It's perfect. It's mad.

It's mad. Because you said you were in Buxton this week, Ed. Yes. And that's the best curry I've had in all of the UK. No. It was a really hot, like mega hot prawn curry, but it was just so good and flavourful still. Yeah. Fresh prawns and that like.

Yeah. But you know when something's like really spicy, but it's still got loads of flavour in it. Yeah. So good. You guys, in terms of spicy food, like sometimes I can feel like it gets a little bit too much. Dudes just want to pretend that they're tough. Yeah. Because like I have some food.

I can eat spicy food, but sometimes like this is not, there's no even salt in this. It's just a ghost pepper. Why am I eating a ghost pepper like, you know what I'm saying, on a chicken? Like, you know, there's no flavour to it. You still need the flavour, right? Yeah. A lot of people don't put flavour in it, man. And I like the, I like the buzz that spicy food gives me.

And I like a little cold sweat now. Oh, wow. I like that. But I still need the flavour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The purging all the toxins from my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's something that's so hot that it's like making me feel competing.

But sometimes like you, I like those hot sauce shops you find sometimes where they've got like a hundred different types of hot sauce. Yeah. It's a novelty value. I'm not enjoying a bottle of, you know, ass fucker 12,000. It's exactly what they call it. The ass fucker 5,000. You go, my God.

And people always send me that shit. Whenever I get a message on Instagram, I'm like, hey, can I send you my hot sauce? And it's like, no, you can't. Have you said something about hot sauce? No. I don't know why, but I always get offered brands of hot sauce. And the one thing I always get is vape. Yeah.

Oh, I made, I named one tour vape Lord. And then one, one time one guy wanted to sponsor me to do a show in Singapore because they were banning vaping. And he wanted to bring me over to talk. Yeah. He wanted me to talk about vaping. I'm like, dude, you know, it's, it's just the name of the show. I got one bit about vaping.

We always start with dill spark and water. And you know what? Cause obviously I've heard a podcast on that. And I think if you drink sparkling water, you're mental. Yeah. I think you're sick. I generally, I generally think you're sick and you need help. Yeah.

I remember what the first time I ever had sparkling water, I was so visible for me. Is I went out, I went out of that home and I remember there's only sparkling water. And I was so thirsty and I remember drinking it. And it was sort of like this thing of I wasn't pot. I couldn't quench my thirst. Yeah. And I kept on drinking it and drinking it.

And it's just never. It's never ended. It is never. And that's just more thirsty after drinking it is the horror. I hate sparkling water. Like if someone drinks sparkling water around me, I consider it our friendship worth it. Yeah.

Cause you're mad. Yeah. You drink sparkling water. Not on the regular. When? When is there every situation where you're sparkling? So I was in a hotel the other day on tour and in the room, there was a bottle of still water and a bottle of sparkling water.

Cause it was put both in there. I'd done the bottle of still and then I was still thirsty. So I went, actually what happened the next day is I got mixed up with which was which and I had a coffee and I wanted to cool it down. And I put sparkling water in my coffee. So you had the sparkling coffee. Sparkling coffee. That's quite fire.

I feel like we should start a business. That's quite fire, bro. How did it taste? The coffee taste? Horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Not nice.

It's not going to be a good business. We're on. No. It's not good. But yeah, I see. But even that, that was out of desperation. Yeah. You had finished the still.

So let's put some spark like you drink sparkling James. Not my first choice, but like the only time it is my first choice. I've said it before on the pod would be in a hotel, wake up in the morning. My mouth feels disgusting. I like drinking sparkling water and then all the bubbles go through my teeth and clean my teeth. Why don't you brush your teeth?

I'll do it afterwards. Yeah. Why don't you brush your teeth? Mouth wash. Nah, man. That's nice. I'll have something quick. Let's write this to the bed.

So to immediately get rid of that taste. And then I'll go on. This is the problem with this culture these days. We want to think quick. You know what I'm saying? You want if it's too speedy, bro. Honestly, I find sparkling water. Like I just, I genuinely hate,

I think it's the worst drink possible. Yeah. That and red wine are the two worst drinks. Unfortunately, we part ways here, Jamal. We part ways a long time ago. That wasn't the breaking of our friendship, man. No, but I, yeah, red wine as well. I find, I've had red wine that is mad expensive.

Yeah. And big, cheap. And they all taste the same. It all tastes like bar. Bar and vinegar. They all taste like butter and vinegar. It is foul. Butter and vinegar.

Yeah, butter and vinegar. No, no, butter. Yeah. Bar and vinegar. Oh yeah. I can't say why you thought I wasn't saying butter. But yeah, but it's all trash. Yeah.

I hate all red wine, bro. That's breaking my heart. You like red wine? I love red wine. Yeah. Like good, good, good red wine. I've not changed. Are you kidding me?

To be fair, to be fair, I've seen you drink in Merlot for a long time still. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, but I just thought I don't like red wine either. So I put that up there with my two worst. And I tried the whole red wine with the cheese and the red wine with the, with the meat and all trash.

How do you feel about this? I love a sparkling red wine. Wow. Do you know what? I don't, I don't hate that more. I don't know why, but I don't know why that doesn't, I don't hate that. Would you hate that as much as sparkling water and red wine?

Actually, I think it's weird that you put water in your wine. No, no, no, no, but as in a sparkling, as is sparkling red wine. Oh, sparkling red wine. Oh, that's fine. I mean, at that point, I don't care what you do with your nasty shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Red wine's dead. I don't care what you do with it. What I had, I went abroad recently where the local drink was half red wine, half Coca-Cola. Calamacho. Calamacho. Where's this?

It is in the Basque Country, Bilbao, I had it in. Oh, OK, OK. And it was delicious. It was good. I got really into them. Yeah. It's just, you're not convincing me, man. I just think about red wine, it's just that,

and the taste never leaves your mouth. Yeah, yeah. Because I can drink white wine. Yeah. If you asked me, think of the taste of white wine, I couldn't think of it. But red wine is so implanted in my mind. It's so, because I sort of feel like that about some white wine.

I've changed my mind about it recently. But I think because the first white wine I had was so disgusting and so vinegary and so like, sharp, that that's what stuck with me, even when I've had like more approachable white wines. Do you like rosy? Yeah. I could drink a rosy.

Whispering Angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could drink a rosy. Love whispering Angel. I like my favorite drink, it's a baby sham. Is it? Yeah. You are consistently the most contrary person

I've ever met, Jamali. I drink a baby sham. You will wait for someone to think, I've got the hang of Jamali. I'll do a baby sham. And then you'll say the complete opposite. I love a baby sham. I love a baby sham.

I only drink baby shams. I go to like one of, you know the really old school tough pubs. And they go, we drink it. Baby sham. Yeah. Classy. But again, that's like a,

that's a very unbranded Jamali for you to do. It's going, everyone's as tough as possible. I'm going to order that. Yeah. I want a baby sham. That was some cages. Yeah. But that baby sham.

That was the pilot of hate they enabled. Yeah, yeah. The owl is not nice. Elle as well. I can piss off. But Elle, Elle is gash, isn't it? Come on. Elle is gash, man.

Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. I struggle with like cars. Guinness, Guinness is overrated. Oh my God. What are you doing? Guinness, overrated. It's absolutely extreme.

Ed loves Guinness so much. You like Guinness? I don't know. I did a show in Dublin. And I remember I came up. Oh, where are we trying? Yeah. Yeah.

But I came on stage with like a Guinness. And I went, hey. And I went, not for me. I was just putting down the rest of the gig. And I was like, what is this, bro? It just tastes like metal. From Dead Drink Fab. Lovely.

Yeah. You're mad. So you go for still water then? Oh, sorry. Yeah, still water. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah, still water.

I go for still water, man. I have to. I can't do that spark. And it's always like when you're eating a meal, you want sign that sort of what you're trying to do with the water. You're not drinking it for taste. You're drinking it just to lubricate your throat so you can eat. Do you know what I'm saying?

And enjoy the palate. And I think it overrides it when you're having sparkling water. Yeah. Fair enough. Poppadoms or bread? Poppadoms or bread, Jamali Maddox? Poppadoms or bread? Poppadoms.

Yeah. I was intense then. Do you know what? It put me a lot under a lot of pressure. I would say poppadoms. Yeah. Because bread is so much in my diet already. Yeah.

I don't just bang out a pack of poppadoms. Yeah. Do you know what I mean, though? Yeah. They feel like a trait. Yeah. And that's why. Because if I'm out, I'm going to get a poppadom.

I have to. Because as well as I like the dips. I only eat two of the dips. And I remember one time they only bought me two of the dips. I actually liked it. I said, but have you got to give me the rest of the dips? Yeah. I just want to look at them.

You made them go and get the other two dips. Yeah. And then you didn't eat them. They didn't even eat them, bruv. I just want to look at them, bruv. But I only eat the chutney. Yeah. And the green one.

Yeah. And then I maybe put a couple onions on it. Yeah. Because sometimes they give you out the bowl of onions. Yeah. But yeah, I'll go for poppadom, man. So when you say bread is so much in your diet already. Yeah.

What are we talking? Are we eating bread regularly? Are we brown? Like loaf of bread? Are we baguettes? Do you know what I'm saying? Like it's really, there's only a couple variations of the same thing. Like noodles is pasta.

Do you know what I'm saying? No. Like it's the same thing. So it's like for me, there's only so many variations of the same thing. Yeah. You can call red wine tastes the same. That's facts. So noodles is pasta.

So if you use pasta. Couscous is rice. If you went through a ramen. Yeah. And they brought it and it was full of fusilli. Yeah. You'd be all right with that, would you? Yeah, same thing.

Oh, okay. So you'd be okay with that. Do you know what? Even though once you made people bring out some sauces, you weren't going to eat. Oh yeah. You'd be fine with someone bringing the wrong pasta. Do you know what? At first I'll be mad and then I'll have respect for him.

Do you know what? He's doing it his way. He's a renegade and I respect that. I'll go, I'll go. And he goes, yes, that's what he does. He uses pasta. And I go, all right. I vibe with it.

Agree with that guy. That noodles are pasta though, you know? Well, they're a version of the same sort of basic carb, right? But they do taste different. Yeah. I think they taste different based on the soup. Like if I gave you noodles. Yeah.

Yeah. And I banked some carbonara sauce on that. Yeah. I think you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know? No. Okay. I've had a very similar dish to that and you do know.

How you do? A restaurant called Nishi in New York, which is David Chang restaurant. I think it was like Udon, but with like a sort of carbonara sauce. Oh, and it was Cacio Pepe, I think. Okay. Like Udon. Fantastic. It was nice.

You can tell. You can tell. You can tell. The egg, you think? They use more egg because it's like egg noodles. They were rice noodles. Oh. I guess it's the lack of egg noodles.

So it's not like a pasta with all that. Yeah. It was very good. Okay. Yeah. But even like, so the point I was making is bread is in my diet enough. Yeah. I'll still grab a none.

Yeah. I'm assuming you meant naan bread when you said bread. No, any bread. Oh, any bread. Oh. Any bread for the start of your meal. Okay. Because Papa Dom's is only like, I guess I only eat Papa Dom's at Indian place.

I mean, also, I guess this is just like anything that you would have at this point in the meal that they bring out before you got your main meal. So I'd also allow prawn crackers, stuff like that. Oh, yeah. I like a prawn cracker too. Yeah. I really hate when you go to a restaurant and they bring you out bread, lovely piece of bread.

And then the butter's hard. Yeah. You piss off with that. Yeah. You can fuck off with that. I hate that. You've got to give me some nice, but if it's not like good, freshly baked bread, now you can't just give me a slice of hovis, mate.

Yeah. I mean, that you just put a circle in. Yeah. I'm kicking off a little bit. Do you know what my favorite bread is when I go harvester? Oh, I'll eat so much bread at harvester. Oh, will you? Yeah.

Love harvester. Is that a freshly baked bread? Yeah. In the morning, mate. You don't think they got bakers waking up cracker doing just to feed your belly and you'll just say, I disrespected them. So you go into harvester in the morning. Oh, yeah.

But before I eat breakfast, that's where I go. I go harvester. And I grab bread. I like harvester. Harvester is that thing of that quintessential British thing of eat is shit, but it's nostalgic. Yeah. Do you know what I mean, though? Yeah, it fills you up.

And it's cheap, early bird special, bro. I've raised on that. From probably door to door, less than two minutes from a harvester. Oh. And I've lived there for three or so years now. And I've never been in the harvester. Really? Because when I first moved there, all my stuff was in boxing.

And I thought, if I start going to the harvester for my food, I'm just going to go to the harvester all the time. Yeah. So I made sure I did. Slippery slope. But I'm currently in the process of trying to move. And my plan is the final day, I'm going to go to the harvester for my farewell meal. Go early bird special and go on a weekend.

Yeah. Bro, if you ain't seen white people like you see harvester on that early bird special in the weekend, bro, that's different white people. Because I'm telling you, bro, they bang out early bird special, bro. And you see like old people from the home and that they come out and they get that. They stack up on that salad. Yeah. Get them croutons on that.

From the salad bar. They wear their best. They wear their Sunday best. Yeah. You see them, bro. They wear their Sunday best on that. They iron that blue ink t-shirt. Them capper track suits looking fire, bro.

I grew up on harvester. That's where my mom's in that. You should take me when I was a kid. Yeah. And I used to get the Rocky Horror and the ice cream and that. The Rocky Horror? Yeah. Rocky Horror is like one of their desserts.

Like a big Sunday sort of thing. Yeah. It's a big Sunday. That's your favourite. That's why I always... I realised I'd become a man because I must have been about 16, 17. I went there and I decided I'm going to have dessert for dinner and there was no one there telling me I can't.

And this is my money. Yeah. And that's like, that's quite a man moment. Yeah. Yeah. When you realise, oh, I'm a girl. I'm coming into adulthood. Yeah.

I can decide what I want to eat at what time. It's such a great moment. I'm having dessert for dinner. And then you realise a few years later that... Oh, ten years later. Now look at me. You'll never be more childish. Yeah.

I just think going in and going, I'm just going to have a Sunday for my whole dinner. Yeah. Yeah. Because even the waitress will be like, you sure? And you'll be like, I am a man. I know I'm one. And then, yeah. Then it's just on the road for...

No. I mean, I definitely did that. I wouldn't surprise anyone that like, you know... You do that now, I imagine. Yeah. Well, but as soon as I was like, oh, I can make my own decisions now. I was just like to provide a screen for dinner and feeling like here we go. I'm a grown-up.

I'll probably get to do what I want. Yeah. And then further down the line, the next stage of feeling like a grown-up is when you realise, oh, I can choose to do that, but I'm not much going to choose a healthy meal. And then I go, oh, I'm a real grown-up. But then I don't feel as happy as when I chose the ice cream. No. I'm a grown-up now, but it's kind of sad.

Isn't it sad being a grown-up? Yeah. This feels like a proper grown-up decision, but really I've become my own parent. Yeah. Yeah. You've put your own blocks up. But you would like prawn crackers or what are we going for? Pop-a-dum.

Pop-a-dum. Pop-a-dum. Yeah. Pop-a-dum. Like, I like prawn crackers. Yeah. It's like, they're hot. They snap on it.

Mm-hmm. One thing I don't like about Pop-a-dums though, it's like a group of, like, all of us getting a thing. Yeah. If you don't take that, when someone doesn't take the whole Pop-a-dum, they crack it. Yeah. So now I've got to go behind your half-cracked Pop-a-dum. Yeah, yeah.

And then... To get to yours underneath. You don't like it when they play mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember, like, I don't like that you've cracked it and then you're cracking my half. So now I've got to have two of your halves. I guess that's a misunderstanding that people are like, they think you're all sharing all the Pop-a-dums, whereas it should be one each.

Yes. Yeah. That's how it works. Or you order extra one if you want to extra one. Yeah. But yeah, I don't like that sharing. But then, quite often, you get a Pop-a-dum, like, you take it for yourself, your whole Pop-a-dum.

And there's only a tiny little plate at this point, a tiny little side plate. You've got to put a massive Pop-a-dum and just try and crack it and then pile up all the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in Leeds and I was mad hungry and someone after the show was like, I was like, well, generally, food doesn't go. Yeah, there's a curry place. I'm going that way too.

I was like, I've got to go eat curry with you now. So I went to a curry house with them. They're like, oh, and the whole way there, they're like, oh, mate, wait till you see these nons. Oh, wait till you see these nons. And the nons came out on like a torture rack. And it was this big. I've seen pictures of nons like that.

And I'm just like, this is not what you brought. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I thought, you know what I mean? Because then, like, I get Peshwari none. Yeah. So I ripped that. All the coconuts fall in that.

Do you know what I mean, though? It's just like, but why are you like, I just don't like the ridiculous things. I've been like to a ridiculously slight sized food items. You know, like I've been to America and it's like, look at the size of this burger. And you go, yeah, but it's not, it's not enjoyable. Yeah. It's horrible after a bit. Yeah.

It's horrible after a bit. And you've, and you've come down on quality for the quantity of it. Again, I think we've parted ways again, Jamali. When things arrive like that with like a massive none on a hook, I'm the guy going, oh. I'm having selfies with it. Selfies with it, yeah. Selfies with the none, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Face swap with the none. Okay. Yeah. Maybe I should see it through your lens of happiness and maybe I might enjoy my life more. But I know Peshwari, like cutting that open on the hook and it all drops out. It starts to feel like leather face. That's nothing with Peshwari anyway. When you're doing it by hand, it's coming out anyway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had none for the first time. The one with the meat in it. The keema, keema none. It's not bad, you know? Yeah. That with a kuma. If you have that with a sweet curry, that's fire.

But the Peshwari I've got to have with, I saw someone have a Peshwari with a kuma. Yeah, that's pudding. That's psychopath. That's too sweet, bro. That's too sweet, isn't it? That's too sweet. You might as well drink a can of condensed milk, your madman. So you get to your dream meal proper now.

Yes. Your dream starter, is this from a specific place or is it a general dish? See, I've thought a lot about this actually. I went for, it's a very Pacific dish to Holland. Right. It's like a fast food bar dish over there. The croquette, the Bittenbolt. Yeah.

So basically it's deep fried ragu with either beef or veal. And it's like their bar food. And they do it in, because if you go to like around the world, every McDonald's has a different thing that relates to one of their local dishes. And over there they have the croquette. And it's only the best McDonald's thing I've ever had. Wow. It's like a big croquette in its fire.

And you have it with hot mustard. Yeah. So my opening dish, my starter would be a croquette in between, like they put it like a little white bread hot dog roll. You're getting from Fibo. Fibo's the ones where it's like the little windows. Oh yeah. It's like, it's like a sort of vending machine, but for hot food, you go and put the money

in the window and take the thing out. Yeah. Yeah. But the trick is you, if you go to the front, they'll cook you a fresh one. Oh right. That's if you listen to Rush. Yeah. But if you go to the front and say, yo cook my thing and they'll do it for you still.

But I feel like I'd want the novelty of getting it from the little window. See, there we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I first, what you've been done before. Yes.

Yeah. You've never done the window though. No. Never done the window. Why? There's so many windows to look through. All variations of windows there. That's a good point.

Very good point. No, I haven't, but I've seen it on a lot of sort of travel shows and stuff. Yeah. I would like to go. I'd say the Dutch have low key killed it in some of the best quick pickup foods. Yeah. Because they've got the Belgian frits they do. And they do a thing called fritstals where it's mayo, but with mustard in it.

Yeah. Fire. They got the, the, the croquettes. They got like a weird kind of like Indonesian noodles in the deep fried and stuff. They got, they got a lot of good fast food over there. Like I say, their fast food is better than the fast food here. Yeah. The, the is a bit, a bit of a ball.

Bit and ball. So a bit and ball is at the circle ones and a croquette is the longer tube one. Right. Okay. Yeah. I prefer the croquette one because a bit and ball is sometimes like, especially when you hold them at a bar, you bite into it and it's hotter than the sun. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? And then you dip it in hot mustard and it's just burns your mouth. So you've got to be like careful with them. But I'd say a croquette as my, as my starter, just as a certain little snack thing, you can't go wrong with that. Do you think there's a link between like high quality fast food and legalising cannabis? That's a very good point. Yeah.

I really, yeah. And I think also why I think it was the best food in the world. Like I was like, yeah, I don't know, man. It just tasted delicious for some reason. That day it was just beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. That's a very good point.

I do not, I never thought about the type of shops you see in Amsterdam would directly link to the fact that everyone's high. Like I never thought about that. That's a very good point. The thing about burning your mouth though, with that sort of thing that it has to be good because it gets so hot. Like if you ate something like that that wasn't very nice and you burned your mouth, you're like, well, I'm not touching that.

Yeah. I had jalapeno poppers the other day in Buxton. Right. Because of course you go to the chocolate box town of Buxton and you know, beautiful English town and you think I'm going straight to a Tex-Mex restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. That's what they're known for, especially.

Yeah. Called the Lone Star. We had fajitas. I really found some fajitas and I ordered jalapeno poppers. I couldn't wait. Bit into the first one and I'm like, well, my mouths are right off. Yeah. And it scars your mouth.

Yeah. Completely fucked. Yeah. But worth it. Yeah. For me now, I had my teeth straightened a couple of years ago instead of to wear mouth guards when I sleep. So if I ever burn my mouth like that, it's not good.

I have to take a couple of nights off the guard. Because once I didn't do that, I just tried to power through and it just meant that my mouth just didn't heal for ages. I was just like mashing it up every night. Is that age thing? Because I don't remember burning my mouth out and then being out of commission. Because if I burn my mouth lightly, I'm out of commission. I can't taste nothing for a month.

My whole mouth hurts. There is a thing I've put in about how hot you know just how they're going, but you can't wait. I think bit and ball is a... Because it's a thing about also ragu. It's like this kind of gooey, salty, and then the feel. I mean, beef if you've got more morals. Like, do you know what I mean?

It's just that delicious man. Yeah, really good. We want one of those now. It's a lovely star. Yeah. Yeah. And it being in slab of white bread. There you go.

You're already living up to your promise of the bread being in the bag. There you go. I had to put bread in it. So you dream main course now. Okay. This was a dish that I had in New Orleans. Lovely. And I remember...

I was doing a show there and I had to for some reason get something from a comic book show. I think it was for work or something, but I had to go get something. So the only comic book shop was like out of the main like Bourbon Street and Frenchman Street and all of that. So I went and it was kind of like kind of hipstery uni areas where the big frat houses were. Yeah. And I went down there and it was like a nice little town.

I was like, I'll chill for a little bit up here, you know. And I was like, what's a good place to eat? And about three people told me this place called Jack-O-Moles. Everybody said, but you got to go Jack-O-Moles. You got to go Jack-O-Moles. You might not get a seat, but you want to go Jack-O-Moles. So I went down there. This place was heathen.

Right. And they had a menu and they had a thing called Alligator and Shrimp Cheesecake. And I'm like, I'm going for it. It was fucking delicious, man. It was honestly one of like madness. It's like you've made up a food from your own. Yeah. Alligator is like an episode of Ferty Rock.

Yeah. Talking about what people in New Orleans say. Dude, it's delicious. It is genuinely, honestly, insanely good. Take us through it. I need to know more about this. Even when I was eating it, I couldn't quite decide for what it was, right? So it's basically, you got like a sort of base of it, like a cheesecake, like a base.

It was like savory breadcrumbs. Yeah. As the base. As the bread. Yeah. There we go. As the bread, right? And then it's shrimps, like seasoned shrimps and alligator meat in cream cheese.

And then they whisk it together, add other seasonings to it and then bake it. So it comes out like a savory piece of cheesecake. Yeah. Oh my God. Insane. I cut up. With like a sort of coolly at the bottom. Oh my God.

This is probably the first time on off menu that I can't wrap my head around what one of the dishes is. Bro, I've got sugar full. Is it a bit quiche? No. It's nothing like, it's like... Have you bit quiche, Jamali? Have you come on off menu and bit quiche?

No, but quiche don't have no cheese in it. That's like, I don't know my quiches. Oh, I don't know my quiches, bro. Don't think I don't know quiche, bro. I know that's a little white guy secret, but I don't know quiche. You've been hanging about in the harvester crowd and that. I don't know about quiche, bro. My mum eats quiche in that, innit?

Yeah. I remember being like, what the hell is that, bro? Don't worry. This is it. Oh my God. Right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That's the alligator cheesecake, bro. Let's go look at this. There you go. Strap it. It looks like quiche. It does look like quiche. It does look like quiche. It does not look like quiche to me.

But okay, but a cheesecake technically looks like a quiche. Yes. Like everything can look, you know what I'm saying? Everything can look like a quiche. A Spanish omelet looks like a quiche. Yeah, like a frittata or... Yeah, it all looks like a... It looks like a quiche.

Yeah. I might have just picked quiche. I might have just picked quiche. I mean, that looks insane. It's delicious, though. Yeah. It's honestly like, I remember the guy at the cab man was telling me about it. And he goes, you've got to try this cheesecake, alligator cheesecake.

I was like, is it sweet? He goes, nah, I like, it's kind of got a kick to it, but it's kind of, the texture's quite cheesecake-y. Yeah. But then it's just savoury. It's super savoury. And I'm not normally like, I don't like savoury crepes. Yeah.

I hate ham and cheese crepes. What's the matter with you, bub? Put some lemon and sugar on that, respect your roots. Guess what I like in a crepe? Right. Ham and cheese. Oh, you're mad. Yeah, he loves it.

You're mad, bro. You're that guy at Edinburgh who buys from the crepe place outside of the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Outside of the... Outside of the Gouda Balloon. Yeah. I love it. How packed with the shrimp and the alligator meat is it?

Like, is it like loads of meat in it? Good portion. Yeah. It's not like, I wouldn't say it's overbearingly meaty. And I'd say the only... If I was going to pick any of that, I'd say it was a bit too much shrimp in mine. Like, I kind of weighed more alligator meat. Yeah.

Because that's more... You had alligator meat. No, that's... I was going to ask you to describe the flavour profiles. It's kind of like a fishy chicken. Right. So it's kind of a texture of chicken, but quite a fishiness to it. I don't know.

It's hard to explain. It's not bad. Yeah. It's not the... Out of all of the weird meats, it's not the best one I had. I mean, the best one I had was puppy. That was the... What?

I didn't eat puppy. I thought that for comical effect. I felt for that so quickly. I was going to say puppy. I was filming something. You were filming something. I was going to say dog. But puppy.

I instantly believed that Jamali had eaten a puppy. No, I couldn't do it. Do you know what? I had a kangaroo burger once. That was alright. Yeah. What does that taste like? Gave me meat.

Gave me steak. Yeah, like a steak. After a little while, they all taste the same. Yeah, yeah. That's all that makes me. Yeah. You're like, oh, reindeer. And it's like, yeah, come on.

It just tastes like that. It all tastes like puppy. Yeah, yeah. It all tastes like puppy, man. Delicious sweet, sweet puppy. I love this choice. It's great. Cheesecake.

Yeah. Very exciting. But also, every time people come on and make... Because we've had a few dishes from New Orleans, I think. Yeah. And I always feel gutted because when I went to New Orleans, I just got unlucky and didn't find any decent food. Oh, no, you didn't get no decent food.

Because I... Bro, but it's so much good food. Yeah, I know. That's what I... And I knew there was so much good food there. What did you eat? McDonald's burger, you mean? I had quite a good catfish sandwich and I went and got the beignets and stuff.

Oh, the beignets. Yeah. But like, I just failed to find... And when I hear stuff like that, I'm like, oh, whoosh. Jack and Moses Good. Coops. Great. Coops with that fried chicken.

Delicious. I went to the fried chicken place in New Orleans. I can't remember the name of it. And I was so excited about it. But I don't think anything could live up to how excited I was about it. Like, good fried chicken is still like fried chicken, right? I was like... Yeah.

It was very nice. Do you know what? It's that weird thing in it. There's only few times, I think, that I've eaten something where it's like, what the hell? The one time it was in Berlin, that famous kebab place. Yes. Man. The first time I ate that, that was a defining...

I was like, this is probably one of the best things I've ever eaten. Do you know what I'm saying, though? Yeah. But it's like, more time or not, everything is kind of... It's a certain level of good food. I think you can only recreate mass-produced food that well. That's why home cooking is better because it's smaller batch. You concentrate waste.

If you're just mass-producing fried chicken. Unless you're eating something like an alligator. Cheesecakes. So you don't... You've got nothing to base that on. You've got to compare that. It could taste like anything. I wouldn't know what it should taste like.

But yeah, New Orleans is, I think, one of the better food spots. That's why I had some really good food in New Orleans. Poe Boys and all of that stuff. And Chicago's great food. Yeah. I see it again. I messed up there. I was in Chicago for a day.

Yeah, I literally landed, got to the hotel, had to go to my gig and do the sound check. Then I had an hour until I had to be on stage. So I went out and just tried to find the nearest deep dish place. Went to the wrong one, had an awful one. I went to the right one. You ain't missing nothing, bro. It's not that nice, bro. No.

Nah, it's too thick. Yeah. I've never even understood that. When it comes to pizza, the best pizza. And I've had pizza around the world. I've been eating in New York. Best pizza? Deep dish, pizza hot.

You ain't being that, bro. A slice of deep dish pizza hot? There ain't no better slice, bro. Been around the world. The level of thickness, is it? No better slice. Soaks up the oils. I will say this for Pizza Hut pizza.

And I've never found a pizza that betters this. And I used to eat so much pizza hot when I was a fat little boy. Large, deep dish. What's happened? Pepperoni feast. So double cheese, double pepperoni. As much cheese and meat as possible. And then when they introduced the cheese and pepperoni stuff crust,

it was in heaven. But the base is basically like they fried the pizza. So crispy. All the oil. I love that. Pizza Hut pizza, like a slice of Pizza Hut pizza. Bro, and I've been to New York. I went on this date with this girl in New York.

And she was like, oh, what are you going to do? I said, let's go get some pizza. She goes, where do you want to go? I said, I want to go to Pizza Hut. And she goes, you know what? Listen, you know they've shut down every Pizza Hut. And I believed her. And I went online and said, look, I looked on it.

And she goes, I'm not going to fucking pizza. I live in New York City. You're like, I'm not going to pizza. She took me to this other place. I was supposed to be like the best place in Brooklyn. I was like, bub, this is dead. I want to go pizza hut. It was her second date.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We dated for a little while, actually. But she never would, she never go pizza hut with me. I think that's a great thing to do on the first date. We really keep someone on their toes by being like, I want to go to Pizza Hut in New York. Yeah, Pizza New York. If it's a buffet, boy, game's done, isn't it?

That's a date right there. A buffet pizza hut. Come on, man. That's not a date. That is a date. It is the worst idea for a date I've ever heard in my life. I went to a date in Wimpy's once. It was jokes because I said to her,

I said to her like, oh, we know, I was like joking with her and I said, all right, we'll just go Wimpy's then. She goes, I love Wimpy's. I was like, well, that's where we're going. And we went Wimpy. Wimpy needs a rebrand, bro. They could kill the game right now,

but they need a rebrand. What sort of rebrand would you suggest? It's more young and hip. Yeah, like a sort of hipster burger place. Yeah. I think Wimpy could change the name, maybe. No, I think keep it Wimpy, but like have Stormzy do the advert.

Do you know what I'm saying? Let's get it, you know what I mean? Stormzy's not going to do the advert for Wimpy. Yo, man, we've got to get a budget together. If they change it to Stormzy. Stormzy burgers. It's called Stormzy. No.

Because you've got to play on the nostalgia of Wimpy, right? That's what's going to get people on board. I think that's what's holding them back personally. I think the rebrand thing makes me think, yeah, if Wimpy completely changed her name and launched it as this new fast food chain, I think they would actually do a lot better than trying to continue with Wimpy.

I think if Wimpy knuckled down and just be like, hey, Wimpy, not as shit as you think. Yeah. And people go, actually, it's not. Because if you have Wimpy burger, yeah, it's better than Mackies. Do you think? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, it's not to me a Wimpy. Oh, God, I don't even know. But we're going Wimpy, bro. Where is there a Wimpy? We'll find one. So often. We'll find one.

Ketwin Thunderball? Huh? Ketwin New York Thunderball. Kettering New York Thunderball? Yeah. Well, in Ketwin, we've got a bowling alley called New York Thunderball. Although I think it's now changed to Thunderball.

It used to be called Rockin' Bowl when I was a kid. Yeah. And then it was Wimpy. And then it got changed to New York Thunderball. But Wimpy stayed. But Wimpy, I believe, is the only thing that stayed consistent in it. They've got one in East London.

Well, we'll go to that one. Let's bang it out. Perfect. There's one near the studio. It's the mascot on Wimpy. I think it's just the W. Is it? It used to be a little beef eater.

I thought it was a beef eater. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just trying to imagine what storms he could wear to suggest the beef eater. Beef eater? Yeah, he could wear beef eater. Yeah, he could wear it to the side. Yeah.

Let's keep it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Storm people would be doing it as a comment on Britain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's make it political, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I think Wimpy could do well in these times.

But I think they just need a bigger... Anyway, sorry. I digress. I would say the alligator cheesecake. Was there a sauce? The picture you showed... Yeah, it had like a kooley. Yeah.

It had like an onion-based sort of like... I don't want to say it's not tomato. It was like a savoury kooley that came with it. But I'll be honest with you. The cheesecake was so overwhelming in its taste, not in that kind of bad way, but it had such a unique taste to it that I don't even remember what the kooley was.

Yeah. You know, like you're not there for the sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was just like a really weird... And it was like the seasonings in it. There's a lot of occasion seasonings. Something with a bit of kick, a bit of lime. It was...

It's very good, man. One thing I will say about New Orleans, though, just why we're still on the subject, is I went to like this one place. I think it's like the famous restaurant there. Commodore's or something. Right. It's like the famous brunch spot.

It's quite pricey. They're just fucking like baby rats everywhere. And mice. And I remember I was with a person. I was like, yo, what's going on? She was just like, yes, New Orleans, isn't it? Like, apparently there's rats everywhere. And you can't get rid of them

because basically New Orleans is a swamp, isn't it? Yeah. And there's just rats everywhere. You're in their house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So apparently there's just rats everywhere. You'll see rats everywhere. Like, you go to like the five-star hotel and there'll be rats.

Oh, no. And you just... There's nothing no one can do about it. Everyone just kind of accepts it and goes, ah, drink a grenade. Ah, why about it? It's just a rat. Drink a grenade. What they were saying during COVID,

because there was no more food out, the rats just took over New Orleans, isn't it? Wow. Down by Bourbon Street. It's just rats everywhere. Yeah. Just gangs of rats standing by lampposts with little coins. Flicking a coin with a toothpick in the mouth.

Like, just running the game, bro. Selling each other cheese out of the big jar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let's move on to your dream side dish. See, I wanted to pair it with the cheesecake that I was going to have with the alligator. Because normally, I'll be honest with you, for a side dish, I'd go for like white rice.

I'm an old-school guy. White rice with a bit of butter. I'm good. Do you know what I mean? Or rice and peas or something. But I wanted to be dependent. And the one thing I didn't like about the cheesecake, because I got hush puppies with it.

It's like deep-fried fish-type thing. Right. And with the alligator and shrimp, it was... It was too much. So I'd go for french fries, man. Yeah. Like home hand-cut chips. Skin on.

Skin on, skin off, I'm all right. I'd say mostly skin off. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, because I want the person who was making the chips to put a bit of work in. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

You can't just put it through the press. Do you know what I mean? But like, hand-cut chips, unbeatable. Like, I think it's a good old deep-fried hand-cut chip. I remember there was this calf in Bethanel Green, where the guy had a chip fryer. Yeah. And he was like, he's staying gone.

And I remember, like, you order food and you go, everything comes with chips. Because he just needs to justify having this chip made out. Yeah. Everything comes with chips. You go, I don't want chips. When it comes with chips. And I remember he'd make you have these chips

and they were fucking great. Yeah. Like having egg beans and chips with real chips. Yeah. I can't go, but I can't really eat oven chips, you know. No, oven chips taste like ovens. I have to be like... Yeah.

I have to really taste like ovens. It really tastes like ovens. If you took a bite of your oven. Yeah. But yeah, oven chips, I can't fuck with oven chips no more. It has to be hand cut chips. Do you want it from that place in Bethnal Green? For your dream year?

Can I have that? Yeah. We'll get the guy. He won't mind doing it. He won't mind doing it. Yeah, he doesn't mind. What was it called again? The place?

I can't remember the place. I remember it was that side. Bethnal Green train station. It's closed now. It's gone. But it's where the sweet shop is now. Next to the salmon and bullpup. It's like this little old guy with glasses.

It isn't because of chips. He's clearly just bankrupted himself by giving him too many chips. Yeah. And then I was like, I have your chips. The most nice is this hand cut. Yeah. With egg beans and chips. Yeah.

Like I'm, you know, like I'll eat alligator cheesecake. Yeah. I like some egg beans and chips, bro. Yeah. I mean, you can't go wrong with that stuff. But anyway, so I say chips. I think that's startling us to go with my cheesecake. Yeah.

Is that's what the cheesecake was missing. Like a good carb, because it's cream cheese. Yeah. You got breadcrumbs, but it's a little layer. You know, you got the cooly. You got the meat, but it was missing that. Are you dipping the chips in the cooly? Or have you got a salmon sauce?

No, I'm dipping it. I'm dipping it in the, in the, hopefully getting the cheese. Yeah. Right in there. Yeah. Was it quite soft then? The cheese like that. Yeah.

That cream cheese you could scoop it. It's quite like, it's quite similar to the consistency of a cheesecake. Yeah. It wasn't like mad creamy. Like it was quite still because they bake it. Yeah. So it still has some harder element to it. Nice.

And a bit airy as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it still had that rule. Like, so it's like definitely something, I just, I just, I think something carb and salty would have bought that meal out for me.

I would even took a tater tot at that point. But not a mash. Hey. No. That would have been my sloppy. Ordered a bunch of, no, I don't think it was pizza hot actually, but I ordered a bunch of tater tots the other day. I think we were meant to order pizza hot.

And then for some reason we ended up ordering Papa John's, which is not, not what we would normally do. No. Not our first choice at all. I like Papa John's at all. No, I don't. I hate that. They give you that sauce and it's just like melted margarine.

Yeah. I don't like dominoes because they try to put powder on the crust. You ain't fancy. Why are you trying to lie and pretend you're fancy? You're dominoes. Be dominoes, bro. But yeah, but you've got tater tots with the Papa John's. Yeah.

So that was like, I got a nice little box of tots. Like a good, like I think people shit on tater tots because they don't, they've never had a quality tater tot. Yeah. Like you get a good quality tater tot. That's a good tater tot, bro. To people shit on tater tots, I shouldn't do. I've never shit on tater tots.

I've heard people talk about tater tots. They see tater tots as like kids food. They go, oh, tater tots. Lucky kids. The same way that we were talking about potato waffles. Yeah. I've had respect for your roots. Brilliant.

I went to, there's a cocktail bar in New York called please don't tattle. Have you heard about this place? It's, there's Kriff dogs, which is the hot dog place, which is really good. And then they've got the phone booth in Kriff dogs and you've got to pick up the phone. And then it's on the other side of the phone booth, basically. I've got a reservation and the whole phone booth swings open. You go into this little cocktail bar, but you can get the hot dogs in there. It's a beautiful little cocktail bar, but then also you can get this massive bowl of

tater tots with like cheese and bacon on them. Oh, nice. It's amazing. Delicious. Just drinking incredible cocktails, but just like whamming tater tots. Yeah, yeah. The thing about that is that sort of that having quite nostalgically and, you know, junk foodie and basic food paired with the expensive cocktails.

Yeah. You can't go wrong with that. I like potato waffles as well. Yeah. Love a bit. Have you been to Normans yet? You told me about this place. Yeah, you haven't been there.

I've still not been, but I followed them on Instagram. Yeah. It's one of my favorite food Instagram accounts because it's like, it's like a calf, right? Yeah, it's calf food. It's amazingly well done and beautifully photographed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's calf food, but they hand make it all. Or you can use really good ingredients.

Chicken nuggets, but it's real chicken breast nuggets. Yeah. And they would do like baked beans, but they made the baked beans and that. Oh, nice. And they do potato waffles in there, man. It's fire. That sounds brilliant. They put a picture of a sausage up the other day, which I stopped and just looked at for

a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's good. One of the things I always get, if I remember in LA, is I just go to this waffle place where they bake the hash browns into the waffles. And that's, that is great. But they bake hash browns and bacon or whatever. They kind of, it's one of the best.

Didn't you make yourself feel ill the last time you had that though? Yeah, yeah. But like, yeah, it's so good. Cause also they put a big dollop of sour cream on top of it with your eggs, got your scrambled eggs and stuff. And it's just good. American diner food is the best. Yeah.

Like a good American diner. Like, you know, you get some biscuits. You put that with the egg. Yeah. It ruins you for the day. If you go for breakfast, like even like going to California where they would like jet lags so bad when you wake up. So you like awake at like seven in the morning.

And then I would go to this place, Milly's and Silver Lake. I think we went there and get something called devil's mess, which was like turkey and egg and sour cream and guacamole. And then you get toast with it. And by the end I was like, well, it's eight AM and my whole day's over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's it. I can't for heavy food. Yeah. I was like, like one time I was like, I just want to get like a bagel with some cream cheese and it's the biggest cream cheese is a thick like just whole fish. They don't do that over there, bro. You go to a bowl like, oh, it's like the bowl's the size of the table and everything.

You know, they put a whole like, yeah. Yeah. You just think miners would go to work on one small bowl of porridge. And then this is what you're giving me. And all I'm going to do is sort of walk around and do something to save. I like as well with American diners that they have non-pork options. Yeah. Way better than England.

Yeah. Turkey bacon, turkey sausage, chicken. So they really do actually have a lot of non-pork options, which I like. I mean, I guess one more thing I don't like about here is if I don't eat pork, I can't have nothing for breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Eggs and that's it. It's a pork fest. Yeah. It's a pork fest. They like, you guys love a pork sausage. Black pudding. Black pudding. Black pudding.

You eat black pudding? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. They're just like, they're just like, disappointed himself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Good black pudding, like, stawn away black pudding. Do you eat the one because it's white pudding? White pudding. I don't know what it is. Because that's one with like the blood's like gone like, well, curd and that or something. Do you think it's the white blood cells?

Yeah. Well, whatever it is, I love it. Scientists separate. Yeah. They spent billions trying to separate the white pudding from the black pudding. Yeah. I've never tried black pudding. Is it like meaty?

Yeah. It's meaty, but it's sort of rich and deep. Okay. It's the Guinness of Food, Jamali. Yeah. Okay. It's the Guinness of Food. I tried haggis.

I don't mind haggis. Yeah. It's like I'll eat some stuff that is like, you know, like I'm not a pot. Like I'll eat liver or one thing. I won't eat a brain. No. I don't want to eat brains. Yeah.

I love a brain. Yeah. Because it's a brain on the menu. Honestly, I'm getting the brain. Yeah. I think the thing about eating another animal's memories. Do you know what I mean? Like I don't want to eat your memories and your personality.

Your personality. Do you know what I mean? A duck brain recently, Jamali, straight out of the skull. Yeah. How do you feel about that? And let me tell you. Yeah. It's going up the park pretty quickly.

Let's move on to your dream drink. Homemade berry lemonade. Every time I say something, I feel like you guys are looking at me. No, I'm just enjoying it. We're just taking it in. I've never had berry lemonade before. Never had berry lemonade. Oh my God.

I think the problem with homemade lemonade sometimes is you're just giving me a bitter lemon with some sugar and water. And you expect to be to pretend like, oh, this is. It's just sweet water. Yeah. But a berry lemonade, it just works well with the sour and sweet. Are you making this yourself? No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. And for the day it was outsiders.

And we were staying on this in this, you know… The cooking facilities were shit. And we did get nothing. And we got… We got terrible food when we were there. And then there was… But didn't that change, remember? The guy that looked closer went this better though?

Yeah. It was. It was better now. It used to not. Because also I was like, I can't really eat too many carbs because I'm working and you know, I have got diabetes. And so, quite often, once in one day they went, we're building our own pizzas today or didn't I am?

No, I'm not. You can just have the toppings and I had raw pepperoni and some salad. And then sprayed. just there's some lettuce and then just some grated juice. And loser vegan. And loser vegan, so she just had the lettuce. Yeah, she's had lettuce. That's the one day we saw her with just lettuce,

filming 18 hour shifts. Mad. Well, I wanted to just nap it, say to you, June, all that, what was she saying to you? Just saying my name on a Northern accent. Jamal, eh? Jamal, eh? But one, we had a day off,

but we weren't allowed to leave this Godforsay complex. We wasn't allowed to leave. Yeah, everyone else got to fuck off, though. Everyone else got to fuck off, but we were in a bubble so we couldn't leave. And there was like the kitchens, they were like this big industrial kitchen or whatever. And Jamali very kindly went,

well, we can't have any food from here. So if they will go out and they got some stuff in and Jamali went, I'm going to do a roast dinner or whatever, prepping it all day. And it was delicious. And then we're sitting there eating it and Jamali was just sat there going, this is so horrible.

I'm so sorry, guys. Yeah, because I saw Ed put soup on it. And I was like, if Ed's putting soup on it, it must be dough. This must be flavorless. If Ed has to put soup on it, this must be awful. I believe what you said was Jamali, I've seen the white people putting salt on it. I really must have fucked up.

Yeah, that was actually verbatim. Very unbran away. I do put salt on a lot of things. But yeah, no, it was fine. It was just like, you know when you're cooking and you're stressed when you're in like a kitchen that doesn't have like half this oven doesn't work. This hob doesn't work.

This doesn't work. And it was a long day filming and it was our first day off. And it's just a bit of anyway. It was very nice and you do cook, you're a good cook. I'm a decent cook. I'm a decent cook. But you're not making the best lemonade. No, no, no, this is my fantasy.

Like how I'm going to make it. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's mostly a thing that I had in like a restaurant. It's always those weird places like really shitty Mexican restaurants that will have a really good berry lemonade. Like for some reason they can't get any other food right but they'll kill a berry lemonade.

And it has to be like a red berry. Yeah, what sort of berries are they? I think it's like a raspberry. So it's like it's a raspberry and it sort of comes, you know that sometimes you get a drink and it's two colors? Yeah. It's one of them ones. Cause all the stuff's flight flight.

Yeah, yeah, you mix it in. And I think as well with, cause I have my water, so that's for my palate. And I think there's something about, it's like when I'm eating these foods, like I've got the saltiness of the chips. I've got the interesting flavors of the cheesecake that lemon flushes your palate.

Yeah, yeah. It's a palate cleanser. Every time it's like, sometimes you can eat and it gets monotonous. Thrush that palate out and back on the game. Sounds delicious. It does sound good. Yeah.

I mean, I'm quite excited now to hear your dessert, bring it all home. I have all the questions. This was the hardest one for me. Cause I've got a real sweet tooth. Like I eat ridiculous amounts of cake and sweets. And I've got diabetes in my family. So the doctor said to me, you have to,

but I eat like a share pack of Hyribo in like 10 minutes. Like a bad issue. Like I've actually got like, like I stopped eating sweets and I started getting the shakes. So I was like, oh, I'm addicted. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I have addiction. Like it's bad, bad, bad, bad. Like I'm seeing like you, watching you drink a diet coke right now is like watching, like when the alcoholic goes to a pub, like I'm seeing it. I'm like, fuck, I could get a coke.

Like do you know what I mean? Like I have a problem. So when it comes. I mean, you haven't seen these behind the thing, have you? Oh, so yeah, I saw them. I clocked them already. Yeah, like I saw it. Like it was like a bag of coke at a party.

My eyes is where, what is that? Is that Hyribo? Do you think this started with the Rocky Horror? Do you think this is where you started? Maybe, I just always, since I was a little kid, like I've just been like, cause I was a real big kid when I was like 13, I weighed like 17 stone.

Are you putting some photos of you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think some of my favorite photos in existence. They're hilarious, isn't it? Absolutely hilarious. It's a lovely fat little boy. Yeah. And obviously you without a beard is funny anyway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a sweet picture. I remember, I remember like, I told this story and that someone told me like the really saddest story ever. But I thought it was funny for a long time. He's like, I remember when I went to Jamaica and I was with a little fat kid

and like all the women at the bakery would give me like three cakes and that. Cause like, oh, I'm so fat, give them a kick. And I remember apparently just a rusted man said to me on the boat, he goes, hey, you're too fat man, you eat too many sweets. And look at my belly used to come over my shorts. Yeah.

Like on the whole holiday, all my uncles were like, yeah man, you're too fat, but you too, and they were impersonating the rusted man. They're like, eat too many sweeties, you're too fat. Do you know what? I have to go with my heart in what I actually would enjoy the most would be a key lime pie.

Love key lime pie. And I think it's a bit mad that I've gone with the berry lemonade and then something to it again. Also, can I just say the key lime pie remarkably similar to a sweet version of your main course. Oh, I've got an issue, isn't it? Yeah, I think I must have liked that texture, isn't it?

Yeah. Okay, do you know what? That's a good point you made. I'm gonna fuck off the key lime pie. Oh yeah. Key lime pie is great though. Yeah, it's great. Look, because you're right.

I think that's too similar. And you made me reconsider my option here. I'll go for a trifle. Yeah. I fucking love trifle. Yeah. Again, I'll go with Marks and Spencer. Yeah.

And I'll buy, I'll eat a full trifle. I'll sit there spooning hand, watching. They put it in that plastic bowl. It feels like you just need to sit with it on your lap and just go for it, right? And that's the problem is you can't really tell the size of it. Yeah, yeah.

Because it comes in too thin. So you're like, oh, it's not in the top, that's, you know. But I'd say, I'd say a trifle. Because trifle and it's a different consistency. And you're getting cream, jelly and cake. Yeah. Behave yourself, brother. And if you make it mad cold,

that cream is basically ice cream. An ice cream trifle, isn't it? An ice cream trifle. It's a phenomenal idea. Yeah. I'd love to have that one on your Wimpy menu. Yo, that would actually be fire. Ice cream.

That's that sort of Mr. Whippy ice cream. Yeah, yeah. So it's that softy ice cream. Put it onto the top. I thought it wasn't made of ice cream trifle. Yeah, that's weird. Edit this out. Copyright.

Yeah, yeah. I'll sue everyone in the room for that. You're the fifth trifle on off menu. Really? Yeah, yeah. Very popular choice. Jamie Oliver. Okay.

Peter trifle. Harry Hill. Armando Iannucci. Asmokart. Yeah. See, I would say all of them, all of them are great people. Jamie Oliver did fuck up my school dinners. Yeah.

Are you with that generation? I was a generation. Took away your turkey twizzlers. Yeah. I remember we used to have cheeseburgers morning and night. Right, little fat boy eating me turkey twizzlers. Yeah.

I just, ah, fuck. In the voice as well. Yeah, he fucking, yeah, he ruined school dinners. I remember that. Like we hated him. Yeah, you hated him. Like we really hated him. And you look back and you go,

wow, you really took on the system and tried to do a good thing. We fucking hated him. We were so pissed off with this guy. And do you remember that episode? I loved when he made the chicken nuggets and he makes like the ones how they do it in Matt Donner's net.

And he would have kids like, eh, and they're like, which ones do you want? They go, that one. Obviously. I think like, that's a true hero though, isn't it? Most heroes, they'll get held aloft and everyone loves them. Jamie Oliver did a good thing.

And it was definitely a good thing. And he just took all the hate from everybody. He got a lot of hate. From kids. Still hasn't really got the credit he deserves for it. He hasn't got people going, you know what, well done. Parents would come and give their kids

Matt Donner's through the school gates. Like how much people push back on what Jamie Oliver did. Basically what Jamie Oliver did was said, hey, listen, these are the future generations. They should have nutritious meals. Yeah, or even one nutritious meal a day. It's not like he was going,

and when they get home, you need to feed them something different. He was going, this might be their chance for one nutritious meal a day. And we went and we lived. Fucking lived. We hated you. You're Jamie Oliver fucked up,

but we ruined our lives. Did you like it? Did you like a Turkey Twizzler? Were you? Oh yeah. Oh mate, I love like happy face and all of that. Do you know what, this is funny. Primary school I went to,

because some primary schools is they cook the food. Our ones used to come in these big gray boxes, and it was the same company that used to sell them to the prisons. So you just get these big gray boxes coming and you open the big gray boxes and just reheat it. And it was one of the same that would. Prison food, yeah.

Well, I don't think, I think there was like different menus. The same company. Did you have the little tray as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd have like a little tray. Yeah, you have the ID badge on that. But no, yeah.

So our school dinners in primary school were awful. Like there was no, there was no greens. All right, so you're in the trifle gang now? Yeah, I'll say trifle. Yeah, I do like a good piece of trifle, especially with that deep fit cream. Layer up all the guests who have ordered trifle including yourself and what order would they go in?

Who I like. Layer them up like a trifle. You've all got to be layered up like a trifle. No, not necessarily who you like. Just genuinely, you all have to get in a bowl. Okay. Yeah, you've all got to be layered up like a trifle. We're laying on top of each other.

Order as should you go in. Okay, so Jamie Oliver's at the bottom. Because he's scum. And you can just sit at the bottom. You heard me, Jamie. I hope you're listening to this. You fucked up my life. Trying to make me healthy.

God bless you, Jamie. Jamie Oliver, me. So I want to look at Jamie Oliver's suffering. Because I'm suffering. Because we're being crushed to death. I want to look at Jamie's face while I'm fucking suffering. Jamie, I'm so sorry, Jamie. I heard you're thinking of Nesco.

He's on his back, you're thinking of Nesco. Oh, eye to eye. Oh, we're eye to eye, bro. We're eye to eye. This is a weird human centipede. I'm eye to eye, bro. I'm blocking you down, Jamie. So Jamie Oliver, me, Anuchi.

Is that his name? Because he's a smart guy. If anyone's going to get at this situation, and he needs to coordinate. Because I think he'll be a good convo too. So he could be behind me. And Harry Hill at the top. Because you know what?

That's McCann's got to go on there. She's a chef. She has Darjeeling Express. I put her above Anuchi. No, not at the top. She's got wonderful anecdotes. And she's very... You would like her.

She'd be good on the top. More of a laugh than Harry Hill? They're all a laugh. Yeah, so obviously her at top. And then Harry Hill. Because I think Harry Hill would be good tagging the bits. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

She's doing the sort of... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And me, while you're just staring, Jamie Oliver out in complete silence. Just absolute silence. And then we'll have that lady on the top. Yeah. A human trifle.

I'm going to read your order back to you now. See how you feel about it. Yeah. Still water. No questions asked there. Absolutely. Poppidoms up red. Poppidoms with chutney and the green one.

And the others. And the other two so you can look at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Starter, the Dutch croquettes from FIBO. Main course, Alligator and Shrimp Cheesecake from Jack-O-Moe, New Orleans. Side dish, hand-cut chips from the Bethany Green Place. Drink, homemade berry lemonade, and dessert, trifle.

How you feeling? I think it sounds delicious. A bit mad. It's a bit eclectic, but I'm happy with that. Yeah. How do you guys feel about that? I want to eat that. Yeah, I definitely want to eat that for sure.

Yeah. That's good. I just really want to try the cheesecake. The cheesecake. I want to try the start a lot, the croquette. I actually want to try the chips quite a lot, because it's a place that isn't there anymore, that had really good chips.

And the guy would say everything comes with chips. I would like to try that. So. It's a shame. And I do like trifle. And the berry lemonade. You really love that. Of course I'd love that.

Because that one's not open, another good place is El Petschies. You know the one in Bethany Green, the famous one. Oh yeah, Paleachie. Paleachie. They do good chips. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

They do egg beans and chips from there. You know what, I'll top that meal off. Lovely bottle of wine. Ooh, bottle of red wine. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I think the red wine would be too rich with the cheesecake. Yeah, I actually think you're right.

I think a white wine would be really nice. I know you're trying to make a joke, but let's be serious about this. You're correct. It wouldn't work. Jamali, thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant. Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed myself.

Thank you. Thank you, Jamali. Welcome to the offment. Yeah, I got you. That's funny. There we go. That was Jamali Maddox. Thank you so much to Jamali for coming on.

Thank you, Jamali. Love that. Yeah, lovely stuff. Didn't say Portobello Mushroom, so you've got to stay in the restaurant as well. Thank God. I did not say the Portobello Mushroom Secrets. Ingredients.

Do go and check out Jamali. Check out his social media and his website to see where he's playing near you. And if you are in London, go and see him on the 20th of July. Wonderful venue. Wonderful comic. In for a lovely night.

A lovely night. It's such a good venue. You'll have such a lovely night. You will have a lovely night. It's a great venue. And a great community. A great community. Yes.

Thank you to Jamali for coming on. I'm also on tour. Go and see me in the autumn doing an extension of my tour electric. Ed Gamble. We'll go to the UK for tickets. And I will be doing the Hammersmith Apollo on October 22nd.

I will be doing the Hammersmith Apollo on October 22nd. I will be doing the Hammersmith Apollo on October 22nd. I will be doing the Hammersmith Apollo on October 22nd. My biggest tour show ever. Very excited.

It will be lovely. It will be blooming lovely if there are some people there. It's going to be a big night. I'm all very proud of him. Yeah. I'm going to be touring Scandinavia much smaller venues in September.

Thank you very much, Jamali. Thank you, James, actually. Thank you, Ed. Thank you, Benito. Thank you, Benito, for picking a secret ingredient this week. Yeah. Which didn't get a mention.

But I really want a Portobello mushroom now. Yeah. With a bit of goat's cheese on the top. Thank you very much for listening. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Good-bye. Bye. Bye. Hello. It's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu where spoken to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationships never

been the same since and I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off and that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian?

It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.