Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 152: Paul Hollywood

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

In the last episode of the series, the baking king himself – and James’s nemesis – Paul Hollywood joins us in the dream restaurant. Bon appetit! Paul Hollywood’s new book ‘Bake’ is out on 9th June, published by Bloomsbury. Buy it here. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the egg white of conversation, beating in the sugar of humor, baking it in the oven of podcasting, and then putting a load of salt on it for a laugh. Ha ha! Lovely little reference to when I was on Bake Off Edit. Touch my heart. Ed Gamble there. James A has to hear the Off Menu podcast. Will we welcome a guest into our dream restaurant? And we ask him their favorite ever start. And we ask him their favorite ever. Oh, God.

Ed, it's happening again. Just because I've got him. Just because Hollywood's coming on. I can't do it. We ask him their favorite ever start and make us a side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Paul Hollywood. That's the reason I was referencing your Bake Off episode, James. Yes. It's the disastrous episode of Stand Up to Cancer Celebrity Bake Off. Yep. Now, I have also done Bake Off very recently as we record this.

Yep. Have you not seen my episode, have you? Not yet. No, I've not seen a single episode since I was on it. Now, it would be better if I'd won. Yeah. For the joke. Yeah. I didn't win, but I did do, I'd say, quite well.

Yeah. You did well. I knew that anyway, and I'm happy for you. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, Paul Hollywood coming into the dream restaurant. We've both got different relationships with my guests. Sure. I mean, you know, he ate my cake and he liked my cake. Yeah. He didn't like my stuff. Yeah. He thought it was pretty funny how bad it was.

And that episode has followed me around ever since. So, you know. Well, he's sort of the great white whale of this story, really, to get him in is pretty impressive because we've spoken to a few people. We've spoken to Michelle Keegan, who was on your episode. He won the episode. She was star baker. Yes. But Nadia Hussein, who obviously is like the number one star baker ever.

Yeah. Salasi as well. He's spoken to one of the, one of, was he on the first series? No, but he was, he was, he was on like, he was like one of the, still, still one of the favourites, isn't it? He's one of the favourite bakers ever. Yeah. One of the first bakers for people that people were like, oh my God, I love that guy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely love him. Obviously, we talked to Superkins about Bake Off. Yeah. And of course, rubbed it in my face that she got a handshake. So there's like a Hollywood handshake. So there's a few people that we spoke to about Bake Off, it's come up and now this is, this

is the big tuna. This is the big tuna. Very happy to have Paul in the dream restaurant. He's used to being in a tent, of course, but now he can come into the dream restaurant. But I mean, you'd love this, wouldn't you? If Paul picks a secret ingredient that we have decided upon that we hate, we will kick him out of the dream restaurant. And today's secret ingredient is aqua farba. Aqua farba.

It's chickpea water. If you get tin chickpeas, the sort of water that they sit in, often use them for like vegan baking instead of egg white. Yeah. I mean, you know, obviously, we want to encourage vegan baking as much as possible really. So I'm not, you know, I don't want to say, hey, I like vegan stuff, but when I went on extra slice, yes, which was actually a bit of trivia the day before I went into the bake off tent.

What? That's just how it worked. That's weird. Yeah. So just by coincidence, but it was vegan week that week and obviously me being the dessert boy I am, I ate all of the cakes that people had bought in to the studio and a lot of them were made of aqua farba and I felt very sick afterwards. And I think, I think in my head it was like, it was the aqua farba that did it.

Yeah. It wasn't. We all know what's happened. I can see Benita's face. He agrees with me. You just ate too much. You ate too much too quickly because you're being, you're being rushed off set and you went, I've got to try everything.

No, I've eaten a lot of cakes before and not felt that ill. You know, when I did extra slice, I didn't get to try anything. What? Why? I think maybe because it was more distanced. Perhaps. Oh, maybe. Yeah.

Didn't get to try anything. No one on the panel got to try anything. Well, I was on my way there. I was like, I can't believe I got vegan week. Yeah. And then I was like, this is delicious. And then you felt sick. And then I felt sick because of the aqua farba.

I guess so. Because of the aqua farba. I will admit that when it comes out of the tin, when you get a tin of chickpeas and it's in there, it's an odd consistency. It's sort of a bit slimy. Yeah. I don't like how it looks when it comes out of the tin. That's another reason for wanting to put it on there.

Yeah. But mainly because you ate too many cakes and you blame aqua farba. Yeah. Yeah. Because aqua farba made me sick. Yeah. And like, but Paul, you know, might choose a bacon thing. So, you know, trying to get him on that.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. You would love it if we kicked him out. Yeah. I don't want to kick him out because I'm very excited to have Paul in and I'm very excited about his new book, Bake, James. His best ever recipes, the classics.

He says it's the only baking book you'll ever need, which does sort of somewhat hamstring him for the next book he wants to release. Yeah. It means he can't ever do another one. No, that's a which is a shame. But it sounds fantastic. There's lots of amazing recipes in there. His favorites, cakes, biscuits, cookies, breads, flat breads, pizzas, doughnuts, pastries,

pies, all of those things, doughnuts. Very difficult, James, as I found out on my technical, very most difficult technical they've ever had. Well, no, never seen it. No. But it was not the most difficult they've ever had. I think we all know what that is, creamhorns. No.

But, but yeah, this book sounds amazing and I, I think I'm going to, maybe I'll give it a go. We'll see what Paul can convince me. We'll see. We'll see. I don't think he's bothered about convincing you, James, at all. We'll see about that. It's the last episode of the series, James.

Wow. Time flies when you're doing a series of a podcast. It sure does. That's the phrase. I can't believe it. What series is this? Seven. Seven?

Seven series. What do you reckon? Ten and done? No, I don't think so. You used to say that about episodes, though, didn't you, ten and done? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Not going to happen, mate.

Not ten and done at all. Oh, man. Fair enough. Hey, and here's exciting things. I'm on tour. Yeah. Still, you're listening to this. I've got more tour dates coming up in September, October and November.

He's added new ones. I've added new ones going back to some places that we did very well in last time, going to some new places, doing a massive London date at the Hammersmith Apollo. I'm going to Dublin and Belfast. I'm going to Glasgow. I'm going to Reading. I'm going everywhere, James. Which one in venue?

Hexagon. Thank you. Have a good time there. Thank you very much. Yeah. EdGamble.co.uk for tickets. But now, without further ado, let's hear the off-menu menu of Paul Hollywood. Welcome, Paul, to the Dream Restaurant.

I like it. You were at my fucking life! Now, James, that's not how you introduce the guest, is it? I'm scared. Can I leave? Sorry. I've upped you out of the lamp very in a bit of a mood. Sorry, Paul.

You've got an angry genie today, Paul. Sorry, Paul. I've ruined my life. James, give Paul a proper introduction. Welcome to the Dream Restaurant. We've been waiting for some time. I can't remember you being in the bake-off tent, James. What?!

It's all I hear. No until night! No until night! Did you get a handshake? Did you get a handshake? No. Not even off-camera. You're very...

This is what the listeners don't know, is that off-camera, you're very stingy. Because you're like, you know that your handshake means something. So you're like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. You don't get it until you... Not with us. Not with our group that it was on. What?! It was handshakes all day.

I think everybody got one. I was too cocky, maybe. I don't know what it was. I didn't get no handshake. It was... I'll tell you what. I didn't get a handshake for my bakes. Do you remember what you did on your sick?

What? On your signature bake? What did you do? What are we talking about? He played dumb with me? James, you're going to have to have a normal conversation at some point during this episode. I can't remember what I did! It's just like someone murdered my family.

And it's just like, oh, what? I murdered so many people I can't remember. But think how many episodes of Bake Off that Paul has done since your episode. I did Flapjack. I did Bake Well, Flapjack. And it didn't go well. And you may have warned me. I screwed up that.

Well, you may not remember that it was a Flapjack because it certainly didn't look like a Flapjack. This is the most insulting thing. I love it. This couldn't have gone any better for me. The mix was too wet. You came along and you told me the mix looked too wet. And I was all like, that's because it's not baked yet, Paul. You silly Billy.

And then it came out and I couldn't get it to... It was just a mush. It was like porridge. And you tasted it. And to be fair, you told me that the flavour was nice. Well, Bake Well flavour, you can't go wrong. Yeah. But obviously, you know, it was a soup.

So it was hard for you to say good Flapjack. And then we had to do creamhorns for the technical. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Do you even mean that that is unfair? No. It's dead easy.

People didn't know that that's not dead easy. Paul, it was a rough buff. What's harder? Creamhorns or raspberry donuts? Oh, the donuts by Mark. I thought so. What? Yeah.

You're dealing with yeast. You're dealing with something that wants to live and grow and run out of the tent. I haven't watched this episode because I've still got PTSD. So I'm not watching any of it. Creamhorns, man, that is hard. That is like, they do them in patisserie's. And donuts? No.

They don't do donuts in patisserie's. You had to go to part of a pastry school in France so that I'd do a creamhorn. We probably both hoped, James, that we had some sort of great book to help us out when we were doing Bake Off. Yes. I wish I personally could have bought the book Bake by Paul Hollywood, but it wasn't out back then.

And the only baking book you'll ever need, that's the title. I like to think that. The main reason being exactly, the book was written during lockdown, mainly last year. And Noel was going off to his room to write his script. Matt was doing the same. Prue was right there, Paul, or whatever she was doing. And I think ultimately, I thought I need to write a book

and more of an updated book, actually, because the classic recipes I've chosen are, for me, classics and they've been in the Bake Off for years. But it was with the twist of more chocolate, more this. There's more ingredients around now than there was, you know, years ago when I was writing my first book. So it was time to update them and get them tweaked and get them spot on.

It's, for me, it covers all the bases. Danish, croissant, breads, the lot, you know. Creamhorns? You know. No, no creamhorns. They're too hard. Don't do it, Noel. You can't expect a novice to do this.

Because that's too easy. We need to stick with the hard stuff. That's in his kids' baking book. I can teach my cats. Shut up. Are the recipes written as you would write the technicals? Well, we'll leave a bit out. No, no, no, no.

It's all there. All the methods there. And for me, it was fun because I tested it on a few friends as well. So I sent out some of the recipes to friends and said, Crack on with this. See how you get on. And they all came back with good results.

So I gave them a little judging to see what they were like. And I should have sent you a few, shouldn't I? Yeah, you should have. That could have been... I mean, what a primary for this book, that would have been. Yeah, make these guys... If I cast a good cook thing, it's clearly I can as well. Yeah, but it was never going to happen, was it?

No, no, Paul's never going to miss that. Not again. I'll send it to the worth person ever in the tent. Although he can't even remember me, apparently. No, I do remember you in the tent. I just can't remember you. Almost the blank numbers. Do you know what I tried to do in the tent at one point?

And they carried out the edit and it was annoying. I tried to trap you under a box. And Rylan and I got... Because you were stealing my dolly mixtures. I had some dolly mixtures. Oh, yeah, they were nice. You loved them. I do. You would take a dolly mixture and you would look at me with your rock-pool eyes

and you would pop a dolly mixture in your mouth and you'd look at me like, what are you going to do about that? Nothing, I guess. But then me and Rylan got a little dish of dolly mixtures, put them on the floor under a box that we had propped up with a stick and then tied a little string to the stick and I hid behind a bin and Rylan was shouting you going, Paul, Hollywood.

And then eventually you came round and you looked at the dolly mixtures under the box and you looked at me and went, not falling for that and you walked away. I'm not falling for that. You know what that says to me, Paul? It says that some people weren't concentrating enough on their baking. It's saying they're not spending enough time reading the recipes.

This was during the showstopper at the end. Right. And you had time on the showstopper to mess around. I'd already shanked it. There was nothing to play for. I iced an egg in that one. I put some icing on an egg and said it was pro.

She's more than an egg. She is more than an egg. More than an egg. Do people get scared of baking for you just in your life, like friends and family? Yeah, I think they do a little. I remember once, a few moons ago now, I was invited to a dinner party

and it was someone's birthday and I remember going to their garden. There was a few people that were gathered so I walked in and said, and then the cake came out and she said to me, have a look at the cake and judge it like you do. Bake off. And I said, OK.

So I looked at the cake and I said, that's a great cake. Love what you've done with the colour. Decoration looks good and actually, from what I see in the texture, it looks fantastic. And she said, no, no, no, do it properly. What do you mean? Do it properly like you do on Bake Off.

OK, bring it up to me then. So she brought it up and said, it's sunk in the middle and it tastes and smells disgusting. She never spoke to me for eight months. Goodbye. Be careful what you wish for. Yeah, exactly. When we go to parties, people are like,

pick on us like with a front row and Ed is very brutal. Yeah, terrible new one. Yeah, I'm horrible. Don't get invited to parties anymore. Yeah. I always find it difficult. You know, if you go to a restaurant, when the pudding comes, they sort of wait and go,

and they go, and they go, chef's in the back just wants to know what you think. The bread roll turns up. Yeah. That's even worse, it's right at the beginning. I know, it's at the beginning and at the end. Yeah. But I said, no, you should have bought a copy of my book, Bake.

Yeah, yeah. Then you'd be able to tell. She's out on the 9th of June, 2022, of course. 9th of June, 2022. Put it in your diary. I'll send you a copy, lads. I'll make sure you get a copy, don't worry. Do you know what?

I will actually then attempt. No, you've got to bake from it. They are all tested. They're all proven. They all work. I've got a Facebook. I want you to get into baking, James. I know you bake all the time, Ed.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good. I think, I mean, a lot of people in my family were texting me saying I was robbed, Paul. I don't know how you feel about that. Who won? Example.

Yeah. I mean, to be honest, Matt, Matt did a good job and he didn't win. Okay, he did. He got a handshake. He got a handshake because he bullied it out of you. Well, no, he didn't really. On his biscuits.

Because Prue said, don't give him a handshake. I had to give him a handshake. Yeah. His biscuits were fine. His potato was the best. But his signature was a disaster. He did a version of himself lying on a sofa and then what actually happened was...

They're good. Yeah, but it looked horrible. All I remember is I think everyone did pretty well on the signature and I remember we were standing outside and Elliot, Example, cornered you and went, Paul, would you say this is the best the celebrities have ever been? And you went, well, I don't really know.

Paul, would you say this is the best the celebrities have ever been? And you went, yeah, fine, I would say that. And then about an hour later, he came up to you and went, Paul just said this is the best the celebrities have ever been. Example sounds intense. Yeah, he was good as well. His doughnuts were all right. Yeah.

I mean, everyone screwed up their doughnuts, to be honest. Yeah, because it's really hard. Not like creamhorns. Oh, fuck it up. You son of a bitch. I'd say, I would rather... A doughnut, from what I can just tell, is a ball...

From what you can tell as a baker. A ball of bread with some jam in it. It's a ball of bread that someone's injected some jam into. Yeah, I don't understand your point. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, it's all it is. Creamhorns. Creamhorns, there's so much skill. You've got to do these pastry horns.

You've got to dip the end in chocolate. You've got to have the cream on the inside. There was other stuff that I failed to do along it. Was it the crystal eyes? Was it lemon or orange? I don't know, there might have been. I was doing all of that stuff, my one. I ended up having to serve it to you deconstructed.

And you tried all the ones and you didn't know who had made what, but you looked at me as you were eating that one because you were like, I know this is you. I know you did this shit. Look, you complain about it, but how long is that routine you got out of the bake-off? That's about a 15-minute routine.

Really? In my last stand-up show, yeah, it went pretty well. Very, very good routine. People like that routine. You probably don't even know that. You probably don't even know that you and I are a meme together. No, what's that? It's me showing you my flapjacks

and this is what I actually said. So they started making it how to break down Bon Appetit because that's what I said to you. And people used it to be like, me handed in my coursework or whatever. And there's you and Pru and Sandy looking at me with...

Not with sympathy, actually. Glee in your eyes. Sympathy probably more the case. Yeah, a little bit. I think your horns were flat, weren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The horns, they wasn't a horn. Did you find that difficult?

Yeah, yeah. That's a meme as well. Not a lot of men my age, actually. Not other people talk about it. People are posting the picture of your creamhorns going, when you've had eight puns. We always start with still or sparkling water, Paul. Do you have a preference?

Still all the time. All the time. I don't understand sparkling. Apparently it's quite fattening as well, isn't it? Sparkling water. Go on. Yeah, yeah. Is it? I certainly feel bloated after sparkling. I think still water is, yeah, for me, every time.

I haven't heard that. Have we had that take on the pod? I think we might have done that. I heard something. Something about the bubbles, like calories or fat killings onto the bubbles. That's interesting. Really? Yeah, something like that.

It's almost certainly not true. Greg Davis told me that, so it's not true. Yeah, well, he's a big dummy. Because I guess you're the taskmaster of the tent, aren't you? I think Prue is a lot more welcoming. I feel... When Prue comes over to judge,

I'm like, well, whatever Prue says, if she says it in a nice way, then I'll probably take it. Whereas you're very exacting. Well, I'm very honest. Yeah, I don't like that. Well, it's Prue at least, though, sometimes. I mean, there has been some weird bakes in the tent that...

I mean, I remember seeing some piping, some orange chocolate piping it was on top of a cake, and it literally looked like something my dog could do in the garden. And it looked like, you know, it looked like, and I had a rock viola at the time, a lemon stone rock viola. So you can imagine what the cake looked like.

Violins cake looked like that at the end. The showstopper just looked like a big poo. It did look like a big poo, actually. It meant to be a mountain, I think, but it just looked like a big dump. The thing is, when you say it's something that your dog could have done, I'd imagine your dog's a bit more skilled

with piping than other dogs. Yeah, your dog. It depends on his tea towel holder. I think he just lets go sometimes. So I think that's what I was getting at. Have you ever judged one of those? It'd be quite nervous. Most dogs look nervous when they go for a dump,

let alone if they get judged on it. They want that. He's going to score me on this. I've got no way I'm getting a handshake. I'm not one of those good dogs who's learned how to give him my paw. That's all going to go to waste. That is the most tragic image ever.

A dog who's learned how to give his paw, holding it up and you're just ignoring it. No. That was an awful shit. So you don't get the paw. Do you teach your dogs to give the paw? That's a big deal. Did they appreciate what they're getting?

Probably not. No, he was pretty good at that. The rotty was pretty good at that. Do you ever do it in public? When people went past and went, well, that dog must be great at baking. That dog was such a great cake. I think ultimately you do get

a lot of people trying to approach me for a handshake, whether it's when I'm fixing some plumbing or whatever, and then they go like that and you're going, what am I shaking out for? Where's the cake? Show me the cake. I got a lot of people that wanted

to shake my hand, which I find bizarre. I'm not quite sure. It all started, I think series three. It was just well done. It's just a well done, you've done a great job. It's sort of gone on from there really. I don't know why it's got to this position at the moment.

It's a great moment. What I like is that just before the handshake, there's a look, so you'll be eating it and you'll look to the floor and you're thinking, hmm, how do I feel about this? And then you look up at them and your eyes have this little smile in them.

And at that point, it would be cool not to give them the handshake. That look is going, I'm about to shake your hand. And they're like, oh my God, I can't believe this is going to happen. And if at that point you went, thanks very much, and walked away, I have actually done that before.

I've gone to that point where I was just about to and I actually pushed me self to that position. And then I noticed one of the cakes on the left hand side had collapsed slightly and my hand was literally just to come to the table and I could see their eyes

and they were like fried eggs and I went, nice one. Pop it up, it's all bread. Paul Holly, obviously I've got to go bread. But then what type of bread? Yeah, this is the thing. It depends where I'm eating. I quite like a good seeded roll

with wholemeal flour. Because with butter on the side, it's just delicious. But it's got to be baked properly. Crispy on the outside, a little bit softer on the inside but with lots of nuts. When did you start to notice like, you know, that you had a bit of a eye for or a palate for like this?

With bread, especially or baking and going, I can tell that this is not as good as the one I had last time. Well, my dad was a baker, so I grew up, you know, in and around bread and my dad baking at home and stuff. I used to be a Saturday lad as well so I sort of go into the bakery

first thing in the morning on a Saturday morning, I'll pass. So I think baking generally, baking bread is a is an art form that's quite difficult to master. Once you've mastered breadmaking I think other elements of baking is fairly straightforward. But you do know when something's underprivileged

because it looks heavy or it's split down at the bottom and you can tell by the crust as it's splintered, as it's stayed solid and so you know straight away, before even cutting into it, what it's like. Well, it's some sourdough when they do the split deliberately on the top. Oh yeah, that's doing courage.

Are they tricking you? No, no. But you can tell by the split how it's proved as well, just by how it's split. Oh wow. That's quite normal as well. I do make sourdough at home quite a lot and it's getting that slash right. Yeah. Talking about your dog again.

Yeah. You're a sourdough, aren't you? You're a split at the top. I've not done sourdough. What? I've never made sourdough. That's really difficult. I've dreamed about Ed. Yeah, I've never made sourdough. I've dreamed about Ed baking stuff. The thing is, we've got so many nice bakers near us, so it sort of

feels a bit weird doing bread. Are you basing in London? Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, there's loads of them around here. Yeah, yeah. Where do you really like? If you were going to buy some bread rather than make it, where's your favourite bread from? I don't buy sourdough bread. I mean, I used to go to Poulain, which is a very good bakery, Chelsea

Way, and I met one of the owners originally years ago. And their bread is very French. It's very heavy. It's got rye in it. It's been around for like 30, 40 years. It's beautiful. And I do like their sourdough. I think it's very good. And San Francisco was the other one, but it's a long way to go. Yeah.

Yeah, the guys over in San Francisco make some incredible sourdough. I'm going to San Francisco in May. You're going to love it. Have you been there before? No, very briefly before, but we're there for a few days. Good to Tartines. Tartine. Tartine, go and check out the bakery. And just go in as if you're you know, you're a judge. I'll phone him up and say, I've got a

top baker coming over. Yeah, one of my scouts is coming over. Amazing. I was thinking of John Favreau. He's the one who made sourdough. Do you got me mixed up with John Favreau? Yeah, yeah. I watched John Favreau's show on Netflix. And at one point he was visiting some bakers who were

making sourdough and he was showing them on his phone the sourdough that he had made and how he got the split. Okay. And that's who I mixed you up with. Well, why did you mix me up with John Favreau? I just remember that someone I respect. Oh, that's very well done on getting out of that one. Yeah, yeah.

I made sourdough. I know it was something. I just thought it's quite, you know, it's quite feasibly something that you would do as well. I definitely do the thing where I show a picture of it. I definitely take a picture of it and go, look at this James. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I looked on your Instagram and I was like, look what I've been baking. Yeah, and I tag you on it, Paul. Yeah, yeah, of course.

And then the handshake. I did that. I think Blake Lively. She did a cake and sort of DM me in on the whole thing on Instagram saying, well, I hope this deserves a handshake. So I saw it. In fact, someone phoned me up

and said, have you seen this one? I said, what? So I came out and said, well done with the handshake and then she plastered it all over the feed and the story. I was going, wow. You know, that's incredible. That's what it means, man. Did you and COVID, you weren't able to do as many handshakes, I'd imagine?

No, no. People don't talk about some of the biggest victims of COVID. And Bake Off Contestants. Yeah, Bake Off Contestants, who just had to guess if it was good or not. No, we did a lockdown. We did that lockdown. So everyone's tested so I was all right to do it.

Of course, because you were all together for seven and a half weeks. In full lockdown in a hotel was odd. We couldn't leave, couldn't leave the grounds. We were sort of basically stapled within this area. I mean, there's worse places to be.

But seven and a half weeks is a long time. In that situation, did they had a practice time? Yeah, the bakers could practice. So they did two days on, two days off. And in those two days, they were busy practicing. I mean, my whole thing was just two days overall. I can't imagine how long it's been.

I mean, it's been 17 and a half weeks or whatever you just said and having to get up and do practice bakes in a tent. I didn't even argue whether it's two days, to be honest. Yeah, you really jumped for the first one. It's been fair. I didn't know what was going on. You didn't practice at all there, did you?

I did one little practice run through with my sister. I went to my sister's house. She taught me to make the bake well flapjack. Oh, this is the other awkward thing, family-wise, is that James's sister runs and she didn't. So she did the practice bake with me. She loved doing the bake well flapjack.

I told her what I wanted to do. You said you want to do a bake well flapjack. Yes, because back in the day when I worked at a school, I would get the tube every morning. I'd get a flapjack from the station and the bake well ones are my favourite ones. And I'd eat that and then I'd get to the other side

of the tube and then I'd get a Danish. So that was my morning. And I really love the bake well flapjack. Let's make a bake well one. So she had to like figure it out and we did a practice batch and it was delicious and she had enjoyed it so much. She was like, I'm going to try and make more different.

You had the icing on the top? Yes, it was meant to be. I didn't get down to that. I was meant to put icing on the top. I remember that. That didn't even happen. I think they even kept it for the grace of God. They kept it out of the edit that I was going to do icing on it.

Just to be nice to me. Fab Jax. I just started doing it. It's mad that I almost disgrace to the company before it even started but also it's why the company exists. I'll get you to send you a batch, Paul. My favourite thing is a bake well tart.

I love it. That's even worse. It was there for the taking. They told me that as well. When I said to them, I'm doing bake well ones, they were like, Paul loves that. I was like, great. I practice all of mine quite a lot, Paul.

I did gingerbread skulls with them. They were alright. They were very soft. When you practice them, you went, oh, they're a bit soft. In my head, I went, that's how I practice them. Every single time they were soft. Your flavours were spot on.

Another 5-10 minutes would have been absolutely perfect. I didn't have that 5-10 minutes because for the first 5-10 minutes I put icing sugar in instead of flour. Wow, that is stupid. That is one of the most embarrassing things that's ever been said on this podcast. You would have liked them.

Let's get on to your meal proper, your dream meal. Your dream starter. Prawn cocktail. This is a big one on the pot. A lot of people love in prawn cocktail. A lot of chefs, a lot of bakers. Yeah, loving prawn cocktail. The reason is, it reminds me when I was a kid

we used to go to Bernien. Or Schooner Inns. They're a bit like the harvester of today. And going there and having a prawn cocktail was in a wine glass, got to be in a wine glass. And it was just ice peg lettuce. And literally it was prawns and Murray Rose.

Delicious. And with a bit of brown bread, buttered brown bread. I think they're fantastic. Nowadays, you don't, well actually nowadays you do see a few of them coming back now into pubs restaurants. Every restaurant should have a prawn cocktail. Nowadays they always try and elevate them

or go with the massive prawns or pineapples. But I can't stand having a prawn cocktail. You know where they put a full shell prawn on the side. And you spend the next 10 minutes trying to peel the bloody thing. And then you're trying to peel in this prawn chopping it up, trying to mix it with the rest of Murray Rose.

Doing the cooking. It just takes you forever. That's just the lazy chef. So you like the little prawns? Yeah, just got to have the little Norwegian prawns. Just defrost them five minutes and stick them in a wine glass. You want a proper old school

brandy in prawn cocktail? Absolutely, a little bit of paprika on the top. You've got to have the paprika on the top. Sets it off very nicely. Do you like prawn cocktails? Yeah, but I've not had it much and I think I like the bigger prawns or like the, what would they be

about the size of a, about the size of a two pound coin prawns? Yeah, they're the little Norwegian shrimp prawn. I like them to be a bit beefy. I don't like the little tippers. The tiny little ones in the bag that you get out of the freezer. They wind me up, I don't want them.

They're too small, they're not got enough flavour. I like the ones that are like, you know, popcorn shrimp kind of like proper, nice ones. And the lettuce, I would like it to be as fine, shredded and nice. I don't like it when you get a big, flappy lettuce leaf in there.

There's no way to go and figure out how to eat that. When you go into your mouth and then you end up going oh, I'm just throwing the whole lettuce leaf in your mouth. And it's flicking up Mary Rose into your mouth. And it's burning with that paprika. Exactly.

You might have squeezed some lemon juice in there beforehand. But yeah, shredded lettuce is a must. Yeah, shredded lettuce. You squeeze a lemon in there? I would have a little squeeze a lemon, yeah. Just over the top of the paprika. So where the paprika sits on the top, a little squeeze, just so it dampens

the paprika. And then a little stir. You're not washing your paprika off the prawns. No, no, no. Because I think when you've got it in there, I mean, I like a pint of them. I mean, a pint of prawn cuts it would be fantastic. But you need one of those massive, you know, spoons. But I love the idea of getting your spoon in there

and then you almost fold the whole thing together to make sure everything's coated with that Mary Rose sauce. And then you get sucked in. Absolutely. I'm imagining a big pint glass, but one with a handle that's like dimpled. One of those pint glasses. And then you've got like a Nicarbaca Glory Spoon. Yeah, I'll be in heaven.

And that was a starter. I like you coating it all beforehand. That's what I like to do. When you have a bowl of cereal, I always have to dunk all the cereal that's on the top. Get it all in the milk. I don't want there are no dry cereal in there. You don't have to wait. I wait

then for five minutes, soak up the milk a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Especially on a shreddy. You coated them and you just got to wait for it. Just be careful. I like a variety of textures. So I'll leave some dry bits on the top for cereal and then I'll have the wet ones at the bottom. So I've got like all different things happening in my mouth.

How do we feel about that? I'm not against it. It's just not what I would do. I mean, you tend to get rid of the ones at the top pretty quick. Yeah. And then you start digging down to the sort of semi-permeable ones. They're down at the bottom. They're like mush. Yeah, then you've got the mush stuff. As a kid, I remember taking spoons full of

shreddies and you start with one and then you go to two and then three and you see how many it can get in your mouth. What's your record? Boon. About 22. 22 shreddies. Not to be sniffed at. I'm just going to get a t-shirt done.

That's good. I stayed at a comedian's house once when I was an open spot. So just starting out in stand-up. Of course, you've got an anecdote about shreddies. Yep. This is so up your screen. He let me stay around his house even though he didn't know me. One morning, he was like, do you want some shreddies?

I was like, yeah. He went and warmed up in the microwave. What? No, I do not. This guy, he warmed up his bowl of shreddies in the microwave and then he sat in front of me and then he mushed it all up with his spoon before he ate his most disgusting thing. Even though he had done me a kindness

and let me stay at his house, I hated him. I would do that with Weetabix. I wouldn't have warm milk. I would smash up my Weetabix once I got the milk in there. I do that. When you've got milk on, the milk just goes into the Weetabix and just vanishes. It just absorbs it up, it's like a sponge.

Yeah, they should use Weetabix in floods and stuff. Absolutely. Just layers and layers of it across all the beaches. That's why Kevin's never been flooded. Pretty good, man. We just surround ourselves with it. The Bix. Your dream main course.

This is a weird one. Souvlagi. I lived in Cyprus for six years and a souvlagi is the best meal ever. It's pretty simple. It's basically just a Greek Cypriot pita bread, so it's quite thick.

Inside you've got a bit of cabbage, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, oregano, loads and loads of neck of pork which are cubed and then they're basically over a barbecue charcoal. So they're nice and caramelised. And then you've got red wine and oregano and salt on top of that.

In it, squeeze the lemon juice across the top. Boom. Honestly, I lived off them in Cyprus and every time I go there and I go there a lot, I direct line, I go, there's a couple of takeaways down there I know and I'm straight down it. I want it in the paper as well.

And you have to just tear off the top and actually it's quite healthy. It's griddle meat, barbecue meat and a small piece of pork and then you've got salad all the way through it. It's fantastic. I love that sort of food so much. I love Greek Cypriot food

and all stuff from around there. You can keep your steaks. I mean, I did think lobsters, steak, pasta, risotto. And I came back to so lucky. So it's simple and tastes amazing. I didn't bounce in thing last week where I was filming something and one of the runners

was like, what do you want for lunch? And I was like, is there delivery options? And he was just reading out the sometimes that he'd read out the cuisine sometimes he'd read out the name of the place and there was a place called Suvlaiki that did Suvlaiki. But you like it.

So he said Suvlaiki and I went, it's pronounced Suvlaiki. And corrected him and he was like, I know how it's pronounced. There's the name of the place. I was like, I'm sorry, mate. Sorry. I didn't mean to. He didn't like that.

You would be disrespectful to that guy. And he was like, no, I've not been disrespectful. They've named their place. I would go as far to say I've never corrected a runner on their pronunciation. No, no, I felt bad. I mean, I was getting on with him quite well. Yeah. I was at that point where I was like, me and this guy, we get on. I can say to him

because I thought he was struggling with the I thought he was like Suvlaiki. I was like, I'll help him out. But it came across like I was going. Yeah, it's pretty. It's too likey. I didn't go for that in the end. I went for Nando's. Which he pronounced Nando's

but it was too late. I'll let it go. I never had a Nando's the last year. First one. Wow. First one ever. Yeah. What'd you think? It was all right at the Piri Piri one. I think I had the Piri Piri one. It was all right. They're all Piri Piri. It's all Piri Piri. It was all right. It wasn't over the moon.

Would you have like a half chicken or like I think it was just pieces. I think it was just little nuggets. Thighs? It could have been the thighs actually. It was brought onto set. Because someone said are we having they're going out for something to eat. I went, go on. I'll have a Nando's then.

And I did sort of leave it with someone. I said I'll like chicken. Choose whatever. And I just got this plethora of stuff. It was all right. It was okay. I love the idea of a runner and Nando's going Paul just ordered a Nando's. What truly represents the entirety of the Nando's menu? What heat level do we go for here?

Do you like the spicy? Do you know what recently? I'm doing a project at the moment. We've just been to this country where I had a lot of chilies. And I was sitting in front of this guy who it should be coming out later this year. I was sitting in front of this guy. We had four different types of chilies.

And I thought they started with a sort of a bell. Fine. No problem. That's what I crunched. Whatever. And the guy over there went crunch and fine. Didn't speak much English. Came to the next one. And I thought they're going up in grades here. So the next one I picked it up thinking I trust the crew. Just bit into half this chili.

It was a Serrano chili. Which are hot. And I felt it. This bloke just had two of them straight away. And I went right. The next one I went, I'm going to give him a mess. Then he gave you a mescal, which is a chili with chili powder across the top.

Fill with this like tequila. And then you drink the drink and then bite the pepper. And I got sent to the moon. He'd had six. And then the last one were habaneros. Which he had ten. I just had a nibble at the end, which made my mouth just burn.

He had ten. And we're rubbing him in his eyes. Oh my God. Honestly. Rubbing all these habaneros in his eyes. Is he like a champion chili man? Yeah. He is. He is. I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen anything like it. And there was no sweat. Nothing.

It was incredible. Chili Klaus. Have you seen Chili Klaus? Chili Klaus does stuff where he gets like choirs to sing songs. And then at one point gets him to bite into like a Carolina Reaper or something. And then carry on trying to sing while they're like going nuts with all the fire inside them.

I get the worst hiccups if I eat spicy stuff. Yeah. Like immediately if I eat a spicy thing, I just get hiccups. It's pathetic. Well, I get like... Yeah, sometimes I know what you mean. Some foods will do that. Potato. Sometimes it does me all.

Literally, if I want to have a swig of that, I'm birthing for like ten minutes. Yeah, yeah. Comedy one. Yeah. Does potato make you hiccup? Yeah, it does sometimes. Especially mash. I don't know why. Mash does it.

I should make you up some mash, Paul. Then you'd shake my hand because I'm the mash king. Oh, yeah. What did you put in it? Cream, salt and pepper, butter and a little bit of love. I'll mash that all up for you. And it will be the best mash you've ever had. Do you pipe it, whisk it, or do you just fold it together?

I just use the classic masher. And I'm just there, and I mash it away. And then when you have that mash, you won't get the hiccups because that's how good it is. And you'll shake my hand. To put cheese in it as well? Yes. Do you? Yeah, that was a little bit of love. I do put cheese in it.

I bought that up at the podcast before and been pulled up on it. Yeah. I think the best cheese I found was the more like orange cheddar cheese. That was the best. Interesting, OK. When I was the mash king. I put a little bit of Parmesan in there. Maybe I'll try that. Which is quite nice.

I'm not against that. I find it sets off most pasta dishes. Yeah, that's... What, mashed potato? Parmesan. Or that orangey cheddar. Yeah. Don't go to his house for dinner.

Lasagna with loads of orange cheddar in it. I don't think we've talked about the Savlaki enough. I think that's quite exciting. Oh, yeah. I mean, have you ever been to Cyprus? No. I mean, it is different to the Greek islands and Greece. It is a totally separate country. Most people think it's just one of the islands, but it's not.

It's in the Far East of the Med. And Savlaki is one of those things that once you've tried it, if you enjoy pork and I like it beautifully caramelised, it's delicious. Savlaki are the little pieces. Savlaki are the big pieces of the neck. So it's sort of fist size.

Chocolate and honestly just... Wow. It's just the best food in the world. Yeah, the ironic thing is... I'm pronouncing it wrong. I think I'm saying Suvlaki. It is Suv, S-O-U-V-L-A-K-I. Suvlaggi.

So there we go. I corrected the runner. Oh, no laggy. I don't lick that. I don't lick that very much. I don't lick it. It's a holiday to Cyprus a lot. And the food is just incredible.

And I was a fat little boy. It was perfect. I'm the other way around. I was a skinny little lad. And now I'm a fat bloke. So I think ultimately... I'm halfway down that journey. We used to go to a restaurant

called Arousos Taverna in Cyprus. And you'd go and they'd just bring out the food. You're like mezzay. Yeah, but everything. And then your dessert comes. Yeah, just in heaven. But the thing is when the mezzay comes, I always makes me laugh.

You'd live there a while. So you know where you are in the mezzay. And when friends used to come, they'd start talking. And they'd go, oh, it's amazing. They'd come up with a bit of pitta bread. And they'd just woofin' it down with a salad masala and all the other dips.

And they'd really pack it in. And then another dish would come up. I was the starter. He went, what? And they'd feel quite ill at the end of it. Yeah, yeah, perfect. But then just fruit comes at the end, just melon. Just one big melon. I love that.

Do you think Thomas Latter is best said in a Liverpool accent? I think so. I think it works. You really went for it, though. Yeah, Thomas Latter. I think it's perfect, right? I don't really ever want to hear it in another accent. I think it came from Liverpool originally. Did it? I don't believe that.

I think it's the only dip that sounds better in a Liverpool accent. I think so, yeah. Yeah, I try to think of other ones. I think you might be right, Ed. Well, Hermes Tzatziki. Tzatziki, that might be quite good. Tzatziki, no, Tzatziki.

You can't get your mouth round it. Yeah, you need all those A's, don't you? Yeah, you need the A's. Umus. I'd like to hear it in a Dudley accent, I think. Umus? That's more fun. There's a whole other spin-off podcast we could do,

just different dips, and just finding the right accent for each dip. The big dipper? Yeah, the big dipper. We'll call it that. Also, before we move on, little joke I was going to do and then didn't do. You said Cyprus is a separate country. I was going to say Cypriot country, a little pun. Yeah, not only good, you didn't do that.

Yeah, yeah. You could have done it then, couldn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but he'll turn the volume up on that. You say it's obviously like a separate country. Is the cuisine very distinct from Cypriot country? It's just slightly different. And they have a few more things.

There's a Turkish influence as well. Yeah, so I was going to say, is that coming across the border? And Middle Eastern as well. You've got this sort of Middle East coming in as well. So I just think it is Greek, but with Middle Eastern, you know, a little twist to it as well. But I do love the island.

I go there a lot. I just think it's a beautiful place, beautiful island. I love a lot of friends there, so it's nice going. I can hide up in the mountains, you know, and just disappear for a bit, and it's lovely. My girlfriend's dad used to live there. And he's a pilot. Akratiri.

Akratiri. Or was he a pilot in the REF? No idea what you're talking about. Akratiri is a similar to Tara Misalata. All right. He goes with chips. Akratiri. Commercial pilot, I believe. Oh, right.

He goes on his little, like a little, you know, private plane round. Just fly around Cypress and enjoy it. And he would fly people there. And when I first met him, I said to him, basically, he talked to my girlfriend's dad like he's a guest on the podcast. I said, once you drop people off,

do you fly to the other side of the island where people can't see you and do a loop-to-loop? I can't imagine the conversation he had with your girlfriend after you'd left the room. Well, I thought, is this guy all right? No, I'll tell you what. He didn't say that. Because when I asked him that,

he went, yes. He went, I do that all the time. He said, I go and fly to the other end of the island and people can't see you at the other end of the island. And I do loop-to-loops. That's what he does. He's having you on, mate. My kind of guy, no, no, no.

If you met him, you'd be like, oh, yeah. He does do that. I've really landed on my feet with him. Yeah, great. Your dream side dish. This is a tricky one, this one. Side dishes with a Soulagi is very difficult, but to be honest, it's very difficult

to pick apart a portion of chips. Mm, yeah. But again, when I say chips, you get restaurant chips and you get chippy chips. Mm-hmm. Now, chippy chips growing up were, I remember my mum was a terrible cook. I mean, really bad.

I mean, really bad. You'd say, what's for dinner? She'd go and look in the freezer. It was literally like that every day. We tried to defrost the whole chicken in half an hour. It just didn't happen. But ultimately, I do think chippy chips, I like the soggy-ness of a chippy chip. Mm-hmm.

I mean, yeah, it's all nice to have these crispy little French fries, which I like with lots of different flavours and stuff on the top. It's fine. But chippy chips, soggy chippy chips, and from Liverpool or in the Wirral, you bet, well, anywhere up North, actually anywhere in North of Watford, where you get a bag of chips

and huge sausages inside it and then gravy as well. I love it so called the way through and just have a wooden spoon on the way back. I mean, I say chips is pretty generic, but I always aim towards, even if you ran to the chippy for me and if I was on my dream meal with me,

and you got me some soggy chips on the side, I'd be happy. Is there a particular chippy? There's a couple of chippies, actually, up North. I'm not too sure where they're still around. There's one in Wallacey Village that was particularly good and I think it was Mayflower or Mayqueen, I think it was good. They did great chips, really good.

There's one in Belvedere Road as well in Wallacey, which I don't think that's there now, but they did fantastic chips. But again, it's that sogginess in the, keeping it in the bag and... They sort of sweat in the bag a bit. Yeah, I want that to put me, and it just falls apart.

Are you going vinegar on the chips? I go vinegar and I go salt and vinegar for sure. Salt first, then vinegar and then yeah, just, yeah. Are you saturating them with the vinegar? Not necessarily, because at the time when they seal the bag up,

they're quite crispy and then the vinegar sort of drops down a bit like a plunk, so it gets all the way down to the bottom. And then it gets a bit soggy. So you can turn your chips upside down if you want when I come back the other way. Oh yeah, that's a good technique. Halfway back in the car.

People doing that now, they're proper chefs when they do that. Halfway back in the car, they'll flip the bag over and go, that's a poor Hollywood snack. So you've got to be careful how you put this on vinegar, because if you go like that, it's just going to go everywhere. You're splashing yourself.

I've seen it, like Suvlaki has chips in it sometimes, in the UK. This isn't authentic stuff. But what do you think about that when people do it? Well, I've never had a Suvlaki in this country. George, funny enough, it was on Bake Off last year. He's a Cypriot lad. He's been inviting me up to his house

to come and have Suvlaki in his house. I make it normally at home. I've got a little Cypriot barbecue machine and you put your batteries in. And it just revolves these little pizza pork over the charcoal. And it's delicious. So I like making them at home, so I make my own pitas

and then it's ready. But George being a Cypriot over here, I need to go over to his house and have a bottle of Kea as well. That'd be fantastic. I'm going to try and make Suvlaki. I'm going to give that a go. No, you have to. That's the budget to cook from the neck.

And you want a little bit of fat on there as well. Obviously, that's where the flavor is. You don't want to just lean pork. But then as it's cooking near the end, cover it in red wine. Just drizzle it in red wine. Salt. And then dried oregano on it as well just to finish it off. It's just fantastic.

Are you marinating the pork before you...? A little bit of yoghurt with mint. A little squeeze of lemon juice. You can do it overnight if you want. Or just for an hour is minimum. I'm definitely going to do that. That sounds very good. I'm going to do that this summer.

I love it, honestly. Change your life. It's healthy. I'd say clever with that. I'm smart. I always say I'm going to have more than one. Sometimes I get to Cyprus on holiday and on the way from the airport to the hotel,

I'll stop off for my favorite takeaway. I'm going to get through one. I'm going to keep that. I'll go to the hotel and stash it somewhere. When you book the holiday, how often do you think about having the Suvlaki on the lead up to it? About 10 minutes before a book it. It's on my mind.

Because I'm actually looking at the time I arrived to see if the takeaway is still going to be open. So I'll time my arrivals before the takeaway closes. Yeah. And then as soon as I'm on the plane, I'm going, I'm going to have Suvlaki later.

I'll be having a similar in about six hours. It's such a good feeling. I always overdo it with stuff like that. Went to Copenhagen recently and absolutely obsessed with that sausage roll at Hart Bakery. And literally we walked for an hour and a half from our hotel to get to the bakery.

Two of them straight away, straight down. And then on the last day of the holiday, I was like, I might go and walk and get another one. It's an hour and a half's walk. So I looked up on Google Maps. I saw a branch just around the corner from the hotel. So I could have done that first of all. So I just went and had two more just before the flight.

Absolutely. It is phenomenal though. And then you get Schnegel. He gets Schnegel, don't you, in Copenhagen, which are the Danish pastries which is sort of twisted. I didn't have a Schnegel. I went straight for Suvlaki. I'll get a Schnegel next time. I'm going to be there later this year on my Scandinavian tour.

Ah, you're going to go to Iceland? I don't think so. Because I went there during city bakes. I went to Iceland. And we made this bread, which we buried in the volcanic sort of heated waters and we left that for 24 hours. Then the guys taught me to their pub

to try shark. And it was that fermented shark. And I was like, what? He said, you've got to try it to delicacy. And I went, what? And everyone in the pub left the pub. Because he doesn't seem to understand. He just keeps saying, what?

They all left the pub. And literally they're all outside looking through the glasses. I was at the bar with this barman. He gave me this container. He said, it's in the container. It was like one of those Russian dolls. Eventually I got through to this little pot and I opened it up. And I went, that doesn't smell right.

It literally takes about a minute for it to heat your nostrils. I had a little bit and in mouth. It was a bit like a crab stick. But then within 10 seconds, the ammonia burns your nose. And the smell. Oh, jeez. So why is it worth it for the prank?

Why have they got it then? They don't waste food. I mean, in Iceland, I had meringues made with sheep's blood. They don't waste the blood. And if you emulsify blood with sugar, it emulsifies and you can make meringues with it. So they made these grey meringues.

And he said, try its meringues. He didn't tell me what was in it. So I tried it and I went, that's really unusual. It tastes good there. So it's made with blood. What? Really? And they're like, I was the what guys turned up. He's saying it again. I gave him a blood meringue.

Guess what he said. What would you do if someone turned up on Bake Off and made sheep's blood meringue? It would taste great. It wouldn't be on Vegan Week. But they don't waste anything. If you're going to eat an animal, they don't waste anything.

The eyeballs, the whole thing, the tripe. They eat everything and you think fair play. They don't waste anything. That was the survival thing in Iceland. That's what they mean. Probably not meringues. We need some meringue. We got nothing to eat. Let's make a meringue.

Are we only cream? You brought up meringue and cream and I thought about asking you about Baked Alaska Gate. I'm sure you've moved on from that. We asked Superkins about it when she was on the pod. She talked about it for a bit. It was bad there.

You threw the bake Alaska in the bin. It did throw it away and the problem is we were upset that he threw it away. Sue came running over to me. I was in the green room. Ian, he said, he was just throwing his bake Alaska in the bin. I went, what? Of course you did.

So I came back. I came back and I went, have you been doing it? He said, oh, that was a mess. Basically, his ice cream was never going to set. I think it was Diane. Diane would open up the fridge but it was a literary out for a minute. So his recipe was essentially wrong anyway.

But the fact is he threw everything away. We had nothing to judge. What does that tell for the kids watching it? What it means is if you throw a hissy fit and chuck everything in the bin, you're still going to do all right. That's not what we were trying to say. So we hence him leaving.

Even if it showed up like a complete soup, like James did, you will still taste it and go, I see what you're going for and even if it was just a meringue and all the ice cream had gone, at least we're eating something. But to do nothing and just have a fit

and throw it in the bin is probably not the best thing. I think he regrets that to be honest. What though? His sister now has a bait Alaska business. She's going really well. She really fried over lockdown. You did meringue, didn't you? Yeah, I did.

Yeah, you put salt on top of it for a laugh. I asked proof. The salt was on. Your dream drink. Yeah, just like that. But it has to, the beauty of that is it has to be very, very, very, very, very, very, very cold.

And I actually particularly like drinking it from the bottle. And I like it when you're in a hot country. Yeah. And the problem is you can't have a pint. I know living in Cyprus six years, you can't have a pint because in the summer, half way down, it's roasting. It's like a cup of tea.

So you only have to have bottles. You have to keep the bottles icy. I like it when you go to one of these bars, certainly if you're on holiday, and they bring the frozen glass out and they decant the bottle into a frozen glass. You pick it up and you go, oh. The first one doesn't touch the side.

Give us another one. It just tastes amazing. I think a good lager is good. I mean, I have to be in the mood for bitter. And there are some good bitters in Kent, some of these home breweries and stuff. But a good citrusy lager, I'm happy with that.

A Cypriot lager, is that the sort of... Kio's nice. I quite like Moretti as well. Moretti on draft is particularly good. Yeah, I don't mind. As long as it's cold. It has to be really cold. I like that. I do like a frozen glass. When we were recording podcasts during the lockdown,

when it was summer, before we started an episode, sometimes it was a Friday, we'd go, we're going to go and put our glasses in the freezer. So we knew at the end we were going to have a... Me and Bonito did that. Do you remember, Bonito? What? Yeah. I didn't do that. Yeah, you're not in the gang. I was hitting on this.

I didn't know who put our glasses in the freezer. Frosted glasses. What? I think ultimately... Sorry, that was your catchphrase, Paul. I should have said that. Apologies, don't sue me. I think ultimately, you've got to look at... I've done a bit of travelling over the years, whether it's for film crew or just holidays.

And I still go for... If I see a Pina Colada, I'll have one of them. But you've got to have the cherry in the spot. And if you've got a firework at the top of it, oh, yeah, bring it on. Well, it's the dream restaurant. So do you want a cold bottle of lago with a spark on the top? With a Pina Colada chaser?

Yeah, absolutely. Of course you can, definitely. Both in a frozen glass. I prefer being in a pool. I'd like to be up to Nipple Heights in a very warm pool at about 26 degrees. As I'm wading through the water,

creating a bit of a wake behind me, you know, kids will get washed in and just head to the bar. And then you get there and then you grab your cold beer. And while you're there, you say, I'll make me a Pina Colada. Lovely. This is funny as well.

Again, when Sue Perkins was on, she talked about being in a jacuzzi. She did talk about being in a jacuzzi, but that ended very differently, didn't it? Do you have the same experience as her? In jacuzzi. Yeah, the same experience as she had in the jacuzzi. You can add it to your dream menu if you like,

without knowing what it is. No, I'm going to stick with the pool. You don't want the mystery jacuzzi experience. There's a story about Mel, which I'm not going to say, but I think ultimately, I think wading Nipple High in water to try and get to the bar before it closes.

You want it to be water, you don't want it to be Nipple High in Pina Colada. Without it would be a hell of a lot of wading. A lot of cream. I mean, it would be a workout, wouldn't it? It would be a serious workout. I think wading through quite warm, 26 degree pool

to get to the bar before someone nicks the last seat. You don't want to be in Pina Colada pool. It's an underwater bar, you know what I mean? With the seats or something. I'm just thinking about wasps in a Pina Colada pool. It would be horrible, wouldn't it? And your Icelandic friends would be like,

they'll make something from that. Give that to people. Nipple High is so specific as well. Interesting. I guess it's high enough that you feel quite submerged, but your arms could stay dry to do things. It could still stay to grab the drinks.

It's got that release. I think Nipple High is about rise. If you go neck, I think you're struggling because you've got to lift your arms up to get out. Nipple High is perfect. You want to be able to have your arms on the side like that. That's the listener. Especially if you've got one in each.

You've got one in each hand. What fireworks do you want on top of the Pina Colada? I reckon a £15 rocket. I think 16 firecrackers. Or just a spark, would they? Rammed into a strategically placed glass-aid cherry. Lovely.

That is similar to Sue's experience. It's the pineapple as well. Do you like a glass-aid cherry? No. It's just sugar. You love it. I love sugar. I like Morello cherries.

That little sourness to the cherry. Chocolate and Morello cherries in a bread. Wow. That's more like it. A glass-aid cherry on a nice bun is not. I take that off. Thanks for ruining the bun, you stupid cherry.

Then you cut it and butter it. I always butter an ice bun. Have you ever had an ice bun with lemon curd running through it? It's lemon icing on the top. Inside you have lemon curd piped all the way through. Very good.

You butter an ice bun as well. I told you, my dad does every year, he buys stolen at Christmas and I walk into the kitchen and find him buttering a slice of stolen. How long do you want to live? It's like three pounds. It's like buttering fried bread.

Oh. We arrived at your dream dessert. Very exciting. This is a very clean one, this one. And simple and dead easy and it's a lime posset. Now, I think it's such a clean... I only had one recently a couple of days ago

and I make them if I'm in the dinner party. It's the best thing to make because it's so simple. It's the zest and the juice in cream which you've warmed up over a pound and once it's warmed up you then decant it into preferably a very good champagne glass. Leave that to set in the fridge

for a few hours and then serve it with a little shortbread and it just sets beautifully. It's creamy and then you get that zing of lime and you go in and there are little bites of the shortbread which again must be crumbly

again in the book, fantastic recipe. But I think what you do with it with the shortbread is you bite into it. It's crumbly, it's buttery, melts in the mouth and then you've got that lime kick which you've got that texture of just right whipped cream. It's just stunning.

For you, what edges it in front of a lemon posset? Because lemon... I love a lemon posset. A lemon posset is probably the most common posset. Oh, it's the biggest posset out there. It's the main posset. Limes are one of my favourite citrus fruits

which you should have known that. You both should have known that if you'd done Bake Up. She's done her research. Absolutely. If you made me a key lime pie even if it said, can you make us a cream horn and you just made a key lime pie you would have got a handshake and won't style Bake Up for it.

Has anyone ever done that on a technical just make something completely different? Nobody should. This is looking at me. I'm going to make... Instead of saying, what? You basically twist it to something that you do know about. Yeah. I mean, I've done that.

Journalists ask me a particularly difficult question. I talk about baguettes. To give you a recipe. Let's rank the citrus fruits. Well, I'd like to get into that and I'd like to get into what other possets are there apart from lemon and lime. For those things that are important.

You can do orange posset. Let's rank the citrus fruits in terms of posets and general. Yeah. So we got lemon, lime, orange, grapefruit. What else are we talking? We've got tangerine, mandarin, all the derivatives of the easy peelers. Yeah, sure. Finger limes.

Have you had a finger lime? No, I've had a key lime. Finger limes are crazy. They've got these little pods in them that is incredibly citrusy. And they're quite small, but then you cut them open and they look like little aliens. They're weird. But very trendy in cooking.

It's the first year judging on Great British Menu and everyone had a finger lime or something. Oh, right. Yeah, I forgot. It is also a judge. I do realize you could. I'm an easier judge. At the minute. A few more seconds. See how easy it is. But I do think citrus

holds a lot of key to elements of baking because you don't need a lot in and it packs a punch. It's like when I'm judging, people say I always got lime and it always got grapefruit, orange or lemon. You go, well, it better had because when you bite into it, you want that

slight intake of breath to get the kick and then that bitterness and then at the end, that sweetness that lingers in the mouth, it's beautiful. Yeah. I was just eating a jar of lemon curd for about two weeks. I just kept going to the fridge and just having a lemon curd

and it just tastes exactly like lemon meringue pie filling and that's what I told myself. Yeah, it is. That's what I told myself I was doing. You should have made the base in a bit of meringue for the top. I'm still scared. I'm still getting over that. Right, let's do so. Limes number one. What's number two? Lemon. Lemon is number two, the classic.

Orange or grapefruit here? I'm going to guess you're going to go orange before grapefruit. I'm going to go grapefruit. Ah! You know, my granddad every morning always had a grapefruit, half a grapefruit for breakfast. Always. Religiously, he had this grapefruit. I used to watch him go, I couldn't eat that. But now, because I'm getting older,

I'm thinking, quite fancy a grapefruit. Yeah. Do you think it's an aged thing with grapefruit? Maybe. I don't know. When revving you up in the morning. Maybe. It's healthy. I mean, it's really healthy. Although my wife used to have frozen grapefruit in the morning. So she'd leave half a grapefruit in the freezer

and then get it out and leave it to defrost for a little bit and then it's like having a sort of sorbet in the morning. Oh, that's nice. Interesting. There's a nice idea. Yeah. Rob Deer in a comedian used to do that with grapes. He'd just put grapes in the freezer and then have them all the time. I do the same with Maltesers. I think a Malteser from a freezer

is the thing. When you bite into it, it just explodes in your mouth. A Malteser. Malteser, yeah. Did he sugar the grapefruit, old grandpops? There was a little bit of sugar on there, yeah. Yeah. Not too much, because he was diabetic, actually.

Legend. So he used to put a little bit of sugar on that much. I'm Taiwan diabetic. Any mention of diabetes. Nice to welcome someone else to the gang. Yeah. I'm really glad we've got a posse in there. Yeah.

That's something that I just don't really ever think about them, but when they are on a menu, it's very exciting. Yeah, and a lime posse. I'd never thought of that, because you think, obviously, the lemon is the leader of the posse posse. And then the lime sort of is, you know, hanging in the background more of a henchman.

Yeah, yeah. Backing the lemon up in arguments. I think he's the one, he's a smart one. Yeah. I think ultimately, when you've had a big meal and you think, I couldn't eat anything, but then you look at it and go, I'll have to posse it.

Because actually, it's light enough to be able to almost have it like a soup. Although I did have one a few months ago and they hadn't set it, and they brought it, it looked great. And I was like, hmm, so I got me, again, a long spoon. Yeah. And I stuck it in, because I cleaned it from the prawn cocktail.

So I stuck it straight in, and it went, boom, because it was just liquid. No. Oh, it's livid. Well, it did. I complained that it wasn't set. I had to shot this. I had to shot this posse.

My dad made a lemon posse once from a Gary Rhodes cookbook, and it's honestly the richest thing I've ever eaten. But I think he must have given everyone each the whole recipe for four, because it was in a wine glass, but in a massive Bordeaux glass, almost up to the top.

Yeah. Spread a bit more on that, lovely. A bunch of posse for you already, so it doesn't need any more. It arrived and I went, what? What dad? I'm going to read you all back to you now, see how you feel about it.

Water, still water, a seeded roll with butter, starter, a pint of prawn cocktail, main, souvlagi, side dish, soggy chips with salt and vinegar from a chip shop, a pretty cold bottle of lager, and a pina colada chaser,

nipple deep in a pool. Can I check? Are you nipple deep in a pool for the whole meal, or are you just getting in there for the drink? I think I'd just go in there for a drink. Prawn cocktail nipple deep doesn't feel nice. Just for the listener, just for the listener here as well,

when you say nipple deep, you're not doing a handstand. No, that'll be a bit shallow. Just making sure. You handstanded it in a pool, nipple deep. What sort of drugs are you wearing in this scenario, by the way? They're just baggy shorts,

in advance of your knee, with a nice netting. Ed always thinks about, you know, we've got some, there's some mums who listen to this podcast. You've got to think about the mums. They're going to want to know. Rockers short for these. Dessert,

lime posse with shortbread. Which I believe is, made by your own fair hand. I'd be happy to make it. Maybe the little zest of lime in that as well. Oh nice. Shortbread an easy one to make. That's in bake.

There's flour, you've got butter and sugar, and that's pretty much it. And then you put whatever zest you want in there. Once you've chilled the paste down, bring it out, roll it out, cut it, bake it straight away with a little bit of sugar on the top. That sounds good. That's a lovely menu pool.

It's very effective, it'll do the job. I think James, when the book comes out tomorrow, it comes out in June. Yeah, but when this episode goes out. When the book comes out, whatever time you are living in when you hear this, I think you should bake something from the book. Yes.

And then we'll put some pictures up. I will, I will do it. I will bake something from the book, and you can put it out on the off menu account. Maybe we need to go, I'll tell you what we need to do. In a pool, I know in Cyprus. Nipple deep.

With a beer and a pina colada. That's what it's complicated though. When there's more, there's a few people in the pool getting it nipple deep. Because we've all got to get our nipples aligned. We have a wave machine. That's a very specific wave machine. All aiming different waves at people's nipples.

Against the nipples. It's going to have to be a sort of laser thing. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out, I'm sure we can do anything these days. Anything can be done. We're going to have to step it. Yeah, we're going to have to step it. I think if you were nipple deep in a pool,

I would give you the nickname nipple deep pool. Yeah, nice. You've done this before, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone will be talking. You make nipple deep pool. Nipple deep pool, he loves it. There he is over there, and I get what?

Oh, the what guy. We know him. Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant. Thank you, Paul. Well, there we are. I think that actually ended really nicely, James. Yeah, I feel like a lot's been resolved for me. I feel a lot of healing took place there.

You came in very hot. Yeah, it's burst out the lamp in a rage. It burst out the lamp in a rage. I was also prepared for things to get heated. I knew that you would. You know, I had a few things to pick Hollywood's bones about as well. But it turns out he's actually

quite sweet and disarming. So we just had a really nice chat. We had a chat afterwards as well. He gave us a little cuddle goodbye. I think that was to avoid the handshake. That's how it felt to me. But he shook my hand when I arrived. What?

He shook my hand when I arrived. What, I'm bonito? Yeah, and in the photo. You didn't see what happened in the photo, did you? No. Because we'd actually said before, yesterday we said, I said to you, I'm going to shake his hand in the photo and you can look really angry about it.

In the photo, I shook his hand and then he offered his other hand for you to shake and you didn't even see. I didn't see that. What, what? Oh no. So you still never had a Hollywood handshake. But hey, declining one, that's cool. People think I'm real cool when they see that.

They'll immediately know that you didn't see the hand. Well, I'm not going to say this in this bit. Of course, Paul did not say aqua-farba. He did say aqua-farba. And to be fair, by the time we got to dessert, I would have felt bad kicking him out. He was a nice man. I would have felt pretty bad being like, get out the kitchen.

Plus, we would have missed out on that lovely lime posse, which I really, really want now. Yeah, absolutely. Paul's new cookbook bake, my best ever recipes for the classics, is out tomorrow if you're listening to this on the 9th of June, 2022, that that book comes out.

It is published by Bloomsbury. Bloomsbury! Hardback, £26 ebook, £18.20. Go get it, because it sounds fantastic. Lots of lovely recipes. I'm going to be cooking some things from it. James, you have now promised to cook something from it and take a picture.

I'm going to do it. I'm actually quite excited about it. And yeah, Benito will make sure that the evidence is provided for the public. If I don't go to George's house for Suvlaggi, then I'll show him the pictures. Yeah, let's see what he says. He'll go, who's that guy?

Can't remember. What? What? I'm sorry, what? I'm back on tour from September onwards. Go to edgamble.co.uk. Come and see me on tour. I have a book coming out as well. I don't want to go head-to-head with Paul on this one,

but it's a completely different subject. James A. Gass' guide to quitting social media, including yourself with loneliness. Fondue 1 comes out in August. You can pre-order it to Facilia. I'm very happy with it. It's a bit like baking yours, though, isn't it? It's about baking, sort of baking your personality

and the ingredients of what makes a man. I've not read it, but it's something like that. It's sort of about masculinity for the Snapchat generation, right? Yeah, that's all it is. You, I knew it. Absolutely bang on the money. Yeah, that's all. It's the end of the series.

Always a very emotional time. Some of you might be thinking, what the hell am I meant to do next week when this podcast doesn't go out? My recommendation, go back and listen to one of your favourites. Yeah. One of the classics. Listen to this one, and then go back

and listen to them all in reverse order. Yeah, or do all the Bake Off ones. The Bake Off collection. The Bake Off collection. Keegan, Perkins, Selassie, Hussein, Hatcher. There's so many great Bake Off episodes, and there's plenty more people from the Bake Off Cinematic Universe

that I want to get on, James. Yeah, yeah, we will steadily get everybody one by one. Yeah, we will. I guess Tom Allen, Joe Brand, both from the Bake Off Cinematic Universe as well. That's true. So add them to that. Yeah, I will. That's great. We're doing well.

I want to get Mel. Yeah. I want to get Noel. I want to get Leith. If there's anyone who won't put up with our shit, it's Prue Leith. Yeah, we can't get Prue Leith and see how much shit she'll put up with it.

That's the aim. And we've been sent loads of lovely stuff, James. Food shout-out. Food shout-out says the jingle that we all know and love. We've been sent beers from a couple of different places, actually. We've been sent some beers from Lake Down Brewing Company, who are based in Sussex. There's a lovely can in front of me now,

actually, of a New England IPA. Beautiful can design. And I do like a New England IPA, so I will happily tuck into that. Yeah, delicious. I got sent a Jim Carner home kit, Cougar Home Kit. I think you're getting one at some point.

I mean, I'd already got one of those. I paid for it. Yeah, I've done that as well for a new year. Yeah, for a new year. And it was the best Cougar Home Kit I think I had. It was 2020. Yeah. It was the nicest meal I had at home

that year. There's a lot of cooking at home, a lot of takeaways, a lot of Cougar Home Kits. That one was like, suddenly, I was literally transported into Jim Carner itself, which I've been to before. Well, I think we're both in agreement that Jim Carner is probably one of the best restaurants in London.

So good. The food's so good. So the fact you can get a meal kit of it is pretty good. And I'll be even more excited about it when I get one and I'm not on tour. Yeah. We've got some beers. Yeah. Beaver Town, one of the best.

Thank you, Claudia, Jesse, for shouting them out and getting us some freebies. Sorry, Benito's puppy is in here. Benito's got a puppy. Benito's got a puppy. And there's some little whimperings going on. Someone wants some Beaver Town. He heard us mention Beaver Town beers.

He's doing a little bit of whimpering. Hello, buddy. You'll get some Beaver Town. Great. There's some coffee as well. I'm a coffee boy. So I'm very happy with this. South Coast Roast. Some ground coffee here.

And it gives you the roast to date. So you know when it, yes, toast. So very excited to talk into that as well. I'll be taking this home with me. And we've been sent some noble water, James. Yeah. Sustainable water. All in tetrapac, so it's recyclable. That's exciting, isn't it?

It is. And I love water. I know it's part of my routine. First thing I do in the morning, big pint of water. Yep. And I tell you what, that helps with your poops. Ah, not enough people talk about that. Congratulations, Ed. Thank you. Well, we do on this podcast, of course.

Yeah, of course we do. Thank you very much for listening to this series. You've all been great, I guess. Topfig. I don't get to see you listening to it, but I'm sure you're all great when you're listening to it. Yeah, yeah. I bet. Bye. Bye.

Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato. And our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread.

I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking into your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners.

Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode.

That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.