Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 158: Maisie Adam

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Fresh from The Dip, Mock the Week star and superb stand-up Maisie Adam orders her dream meal. What a roller coaster ride of an episode. Maisie Adam is at the Edinburgh Fringe and on tour with ‘Buzzed’. Go to maisieadam.com for dates. Follow Maisie on Twitter and Instagram @MaisieAdam Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, spooning the coffee of conversation into the cafeteria of chat, pouring on the hot water of humour and pushing down the plunger of the internet. Hello, James. Hello, Ed Gamble. I'm just trying to think. Obviously, there's a cafeteria on the window still over there. That's where you got that idea from. You looked over there and you saw it.

I'll tell you what's happened is that I was going to do a tea bag with hot water onto it, do that sort of thing for the intro. And then we decided on the secret ingredient already, which is tea-based spoiler warning. And I didn't want you to think that I'd got the idea for my intro from the tea-based thing. So I quickly changed it, but it seems that I'm in a similar situation because now you're accusing me of... Before I could see the cafeteria. Yeah, the cafeteria's there, but it's not why I did it because it was sat right there. Benito made me a coffee earlier. Thank you, Benito.

Yes. This is the Off Menu podcast. We invite a guest into our dream restaurant and we ask them their favourite ever. Start a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Now, in that order, and this week, our guest is... Maisie Adam. Maisie Adam. Maisie Adam, a wonderful comedian. So funny. I mean, you might have seen him on Mock the Week. You might have seen her live tour shows. Maybe you've seen her on a mixed bill. She's been on Hyperfetical with Josh Winnickham and myself.

She's been on Wilti. Wilti, as it's called in the biz. Wilti, MTW, H. She's done it all. H. She's not done H. That makes me sad. Like, I'm accusing her of being a drug addict. Yeah. Hypothetical, I was talking about, which is as addictive as heroin. Yeah. Oh. It certainly is, folks.

It certainly is for the guys at Dave. They can't get enough of that. They can't get enough. I keep recommissioning it. Well, Maisie's a fantastic comic, but... She's on tour soon. A what? She's on tour?

Music to my ears. Tell me more. Yeah, it's called Buzz James, and it starts in September. Oh, everyone. You'd better get tickets to that ASAP. It's going to be so funny. You're going to be rolling in the aisles. If there are aisles. Yeah. And if there's not, maybe just roll in that bit between your seat and the seat in front of you.

Yeah. Or all go down to the front of the stage. Yeah. A little mosh pit. Yeah. Love it. I'd love it. People mosh at Maisie's gig.

Yeah. Well, you'd like it at your gig, surely. No. Just sit there. Just slap a smile on your face, and we'll get through it. Yeah. I'm on tour as well. The show's called Electric.

It's going all over the UK, so go to edgamble.co.uk for more information to see me live. Electric buzz. Electric buzzed. We should team up. I mean, that's really, people buying tickets to comedy shows should be seeing those shows back to back. Yeah, they should be really. That's important.

First and then Maisie. Yeah, Electric buzzed. Yeah. Not buzzed Electric. Buzzed Electric sounds like some sort of knockoff, toy, story, merch. I'd buy tickets to the shows. Not going to ask for freebies. Yes, you can have a freebie.

Thank you. Or don't come. That is an option. But of course, however good a comedian Maisie Adam is, if she says a secret ingredient, which we will say now, then she'll be kicked out of the dream restaurant. Yes. And this week, the secret ingredient is green. Green tea.

Green tea. Now, this is a controversial choice, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Some people love it. Do you love it? I love it. I love it.

It's a flavor. I don't like a cup of green tea. I'm thinking more of a cup of green tea. I like it as a flavor. So, yeah, I mean, I'm on your side there. Yeah. But a couple. Are we talking about, so if Maisie talks about having a cup of green tea, maybe it's

her drink. Yes. Then she's out of it. Then she's out. If she says match a green tea ice cream or something, I'm not going to chuck anyone out for that. Exactly. I'm not going to put a bag in water.

Yeah. No, it tastes like spoons. I'm not into it. Oh, it does taste like spoons. I remember getting into, you know, herbal teas and stuff like that and thinking, oh, maybe green tea's going to be the way to go for me as well. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. So, if Maisie says green tea, uh-uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh. She'll be out on her ass and we will make no apologize. And green tea, James, was suggested by a listener, specifically Francis Bell. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. It's Francis.

Thank you, Francis Bell. Now, this is the off-menu menu of... Francis Bell. No, Maisie Adam. Maisie Adam. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Ding-a-ling-a-ling.

Welcome, Maisie, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you. Oh! Welcome, Maisie Adam, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I didn't think the genie came out so quickly. Yes. Yeah.

He's not trying to rush you along, or anything, I promise. No, I was going to say, I started looking at me watch, thinking, you know what, I should just go straight to dessert. Thought he was going to stay in the lamp for a bit. You thought you were going to stay in there? No, you thought? Well, yeah, yeah. Normally, I think there's a good few...

few minutes, but I listen. I'm glad you're out the lamp. Lovely to have you. Well, it's always interesting. I think we've discussed it before. He does just come out the lamp, even though in genie law. In genie law? Yeah, you've got to rub it, normally, right?

Normally, yes, but that's like... There's a lot of unsolicited appearances from the genie when you listen to the episodes. Just a lot of like... It's not like a vampire where you wait to be invited. You just spring out that lamp. Imagine if we had done this podcast and not chosen to be a vampire. That would have a really different vibe to this.

Vampire waiter. Yeah, the vampire waiter. Just looming over you. Even when you've ordered, he stays still over you in his cave. Watching you drink your soup slowly. Yeah, what do you think vampires want people to eat so their blood tastes nice? Good question.

Oh, yeah, what would make... I guess stuff with lots of iron in it. Yeah. Yeah. Is that... So iron brew. Just iron brew. Just drinking iron brew.

Yeah, spinach. Iron brew and spinach sounds like it could have been on the ideas table for what Rocky ate in the films before they got to Raw Reg. Which is iron brew and spinach. In the montage. I would have liked to have seen that. Sylvester Stallone opening his fridge in his tiny apartment in the middle of the night.

Shopping up some spinach and kale. Downing an iron brew. Yeah. Burping his way through the fight. Yeah. And instead of Adrienne, it's just a little Dracula in the corner. I'd prefer that. Yeah.

Hate Rocky. I recently watched it for the first time having like never done so and heard all the hype. And it was one of them where you just keep looking... Amazing. What do you mean you heard all the hype about Rocky? Well, no. 2022.

It's just catching up on my hype. People seem to love Rocky. There's this film out. It's called Rocky. They've somehow managed to do six or seven. But no. Just like... Because you often see like posters of Rocky or like it's always...

Like it's quoted a lot. And then I watched it. And it was again one of them things where I kept glancing at my watch thinking surely the main plot would have kicked in by now. And it just didn't. I remember a lot of old films though. Yeah. Yeah.

I watched a lot of old films over Christmas though and some were quite good. Some good old films. There are some good old films as... Yeah. That's my tip. There's some good old... If you look hard enough.

Yeah. There's some good old films out there. Rocky. Rocky in one. One best picture. At the Oscars. No, it didn't. It did.

Rocky won best picture. Yeah. Sylvester Stallone won best screenplay. But there were like four films. Like there's a thing. It's easy to win. There's like four films then. Yeah.

It's like when... Edinburgh Comedy Award. Right. Yeah. Back when it was like the Perrier. Yeah. There were like eight comics went up to Edinburgh. Yeah.

You just had to turn up and to a horn. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Much harder to get nominated, you know, 2010s onwards. I'd say it's even harder to be nominated so many times and not win it. And not win. I would say that too. I would say.

That takes some doing. Yeah. Yeah. It's an interesting category to be in, wouldn't it, Ed? It's amazing. How is someone good enough to be nominated but not good enough to win? Yeah. Yeah.

To be in that pocket. Yeah. Pretty bleak existence, right? Imagine asking yourself that question on an annual basis. Should have had more iron brain, mate. Yeah. I think we have to make a pact here and now that if you ever do win an Edinburgh Comedy Award, you have to go up to the mic and only go,

Adrian! Adrian! And from the back of the room, Ed, you have to go. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Unless Adrian Childs is in the room.

Oh, yeah. In which case, he'd be having a heartache, wouldn't he? Yeah, we're confused. Not hard. Confusing the childs. Why would Adrian Childs be in the room? Would he be your plus one? Yeah, I'd bring him because I know what this is going to happen.

Yeah. I'd be like, wait till you see this. Just in case, James, every time I've nominated Ed Sport, Adrian Childs along just to see. That's a very awkward conversation for those of us. Sorry, Adrian. I'll pay for your train back. Yeah. That's a West Brom.

Would you like food or something? Do I like food or something? Yeah. I do love food. I really do. I like lots and lots of food. Big spreads. I'm not about...

This is where I might anger Ed earlier on. Great. When I hear the word foodie, I think someone like you who likes to go to them very posh place. I won't go. The food is dead small on a plate. When I think of myself as a foodie, I'm thinking of a big full catarole dish. Yeah, of course.

Right. So you're not even thinking of plates? No. No. This is going to be a reoccurring theme throughout. I'll warn you now. I think plates waste time. That's amazing.

So there's that whole thing that Twitter account called We Want Plates, which is against all those. Have you not seen We Want Plates? No. People send in pictures of hipster restaurants where they serve food in a shovel or a slate or something. Yeah. That's very popular.

Slates and chopping boards. Whereas you don't even want plates. You want it straight out the pan. I just... Listen, I just don't like it where there's more plate than food. And you've got some lovely establishments and you'll post it on your store and oh, that's nice. But there's more plate than food there.

And I just think as a general rule, food should be the dominating feature of a meal than China. Yeah. I think you might have convinced me that that's the case as well. Yeah. Yeah. Just like... I'll be honest, Dad.

I'll say it. Sometimes I look at your story. I don't know. That could have been on a saucer. Yeah. That didn't have to be on a plate. Yeah. He didn't.

You said I'm going to be honest now as if you're about to say the most offensive thing in the world. You know what, Maisie? I've got no problem with you looking at my Instagram story and thinking that could have been on a saucer. Yeah. Okay. I was just feeling the waters by the end of it.

Horribly offensive. I reckon you're being his head now. I reckon next time he... Yeah. Instagram stories, a food photo. Yeah. Yes. Don't look at me like you don't know what those words are.

I'm just making sure I'm getting it right. I was trying to work out what was happening there. You look so nervous. I don't know if your Instagram story is something. I don't know if that's like it. I think that's right. Yeah. I think we know what you mean.

Yeah. Yeah. Check it. I didn't know what you're calling them these days. In my head, James like takes photos on one of those ones where you click it with your hand and it's got a wire attached to a camera that's very far away. And he has to sit there for half an hour. Yeah.

So it develops properly. Yeah. Do you feel that because you're off social media? Do you feel like an old man now? I... Like the world's moving on without you. Feel like I'm more paranoid about that happening. Right.

Like I won't know. Like even considering doing stand-up again, I'm like, I have no idea what people are talking about though. Oh yeah. And so am I going to go on and say a bunch of stuff that everyone's already made those jokes on social media. Everyone's already talked about that. And I'm just sounding like someone's parent just saying a bunch of stuff that like I think

is a really good idea I've had. Whereas actually all the teenagers have already said it online. Right. I really love the idea that your next show will just be you getting up with physical photos going, some people think this dress is gold. Some people think it's blue. What do you think? Now I've looked at both these pages over and over.

Here's a question. Why is your impression of me more northern than you are? I think Rosie went into her stage voice. My stage voice. Which is more northern than you are. You say this sometimes and I don't know what you mean. Well, when I'm speaking to you now. Yeah.

You definitely sound northern. Right. Congratulations. Thank you. When you go on stage, here's how you sound. Don't you dare. Oh, my name's Mary Adam. Oh, fucking hell.

I don't sound like Johnny Vegas when I go on stage. This happens a lot, right? You do this. Rhys James says it. Rhys James has an impression of me. It sounds like a mixture of Johnny Vegas and Paddy McGinnis. Yes. No, I actually don't think you're northern at all.

No. I don't think I do. I think you northern. You up. I northern you up when I do you. Yes. Yes. Yes.

But that's my answer to am I a foodie? Yes. Yes. But I think that's different to what people assume. Do you not think when people say foodie, they mean like? There's negative connotations to it. Master chef type people. Foodie.

But I think what we... I think foodies enjoy a garnish. That kind of thing. Do you think about food? Do you enjoy it? I think about food a lot. There you go. I think about food when I float off into a daydream.

Nine times out of ten, it'll go to food. Yeah. You know, when you get a train to a gig, I'll look out the window. I'll think about a few things. Nine times out of ten comes back to food. Just like... I go to say it out loud and then I just realise how odd that sounds. Like, sometimes I think how many lasagnas could you eat before it's too many?

Like... How many full lasagnas? Yeah, full lasagnas. One. If you had lasagna for breakfast, lunch and dinner, would that be too much lasagna? How big are we talking? You're talking about... Like a whole casserole dish of lasagna.

Okay, sure. One. So definitely one. Yeah, I mean, not even one. Right. Do you not think? Sorry to piss on your daydreams. I think I would get nearly two servings of lasagna in and go, this is enough.

I've got to stop. Yeah. And that would be the corner of the casserole dish. What about pasta bake? Well, the same. I mean, whatever. I couldn't eat a casserole dish of anything if you're asking. For real?

Like a whole... You'd have to let the lasagna go cold. I know I could. By the way, don't ever talk about that. All the kids are talking about cold lasagna. Cold lasagna. Yeah, don't do that. Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, no. No, I could eat... I mean, you could eat a casserole dish of like salad. Yeah, probably. Because again, sometimes I don't plate up my food. This is not a good trait in a person, I understand. But I'll make a big dish or something, like...

And it'll be in the big pan, and I'll just eat it. And I think sometimes... I wonder if I've had the equivalent of a whole dish. Well, surely you know. Yeah, because you're literally... No, so if I've made pasta... The messengers don't have to get that. The messengers don't have to get that.

I'm looking at an empty dish, guys. I wonder if I've had an empty dish there. The people using plates have to think, I wonder if I've had a dish worth. If you're eating it out at the dish, you know that you've had the dish. Right, the big pot, the big pot that is maybe 20 centimetres high, that one, if you cook.

Yeah, a pan. Like a big weekly meal in. Big pots and centimetres, but yeah. A big weekly meal? Like, yeah, you cook for a week. Okay, how do you work? Do you cook one meal on a Monday and then eat that for the rest of the week?

No, I'll cook a meal on a Monday and a meal on a Tuesday and alternate them. Okay. Maybe. With a little bit of a treat in between, if they don't say we'll cook something. That, to me, you said it as if everyone does that. It's not everyone doing that.

That's not normal to me. Do you make a new meal every night? Yes. Or? You want to find a hobby? I do. Cooking. Cooking.

I mean. I don't have the time to cook a new meal every night. No, I really don't. With all the patience. But you start collecting or whatever it is you're doing. What are you? What's your one? I've got all the things I like to do.

I'm now thinking of those things and it's, I could cook because it's usually things like watching Only Connect or... Yeah. What you're describing is almost like a sort of Steve Jobs type thing. That he could only, he only wore one type of outfit so he could just,

didn't have to think about it. And you're cooking one meal at the beginning of the week and you're meal prepping essentially, aren't you? Essentially, yeah. Yeah. So give us an example of one of these big pots. Chicken... Oh, right.

Okay. So chicken tikka paneer, like I'll make all that together. And then sometimes I like to just make it into a pie at the last minute. Just Bob. Last minute? Yeah.

So like it's already... It's the first appearance of the word Bob. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. So it's like a... Like you've already got... Strapping, she says it a lot. You've already got chicken, spinach,

paneer, all of that. It's lovely and you can eat it like in a bowl or whatever. And then sometimes I just think, you know, there's enough here and I'll put some pastry over it. Sounds lovely. You don't have to say put some pastry if you don't want to.

Come on, Bob, some pastry on it. Don't feel like you need to change just because Ed's faked it up. It's a thing, Bob, if you Bob some pastry on. But by the end of the week, are you not bored of it? No.

Because I know there's a new week next week. That's the fun of life. Imagine that feeling every day. Still sparkling water. Oh, still every time. Still every time. Sparkling water. I listened to this podcast

and it's interesting. A lot of people's takes on this bit. Thank you. I think particularly Claudie Winkleman's, which still makes me laugh. But I do think sparkling water is... It's a scam. I think it's not.

A scam. Just grow up. Like... No, it's not. Water is lovely. It's refreshing and I understand why they bring it out. And then sparkling water,

it doesn't taste of... I think if you're going to have a fizzy drink, it needs to be like a Coke or a lemonade. It has to taste of something specific. This is just water but carbonated. And I don't know why you do that. That's a really half-assed effort from anyone who ever came up with it.

Why is it a scam, though? Because they're trying to pass it off as something interesting or different. But what are they getting out of it? Well, no, obviously. I don't think anyone's making money from sparkling water. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Well, that's the scam, I guess. That's the scam. It's all these water companies. I didn't think I'd be coming after water this early on. Don't let them get in your head. But this is a bit like... If you're going to sell water,

grand, heavy on, fine, crack on, what I find annoying is when they then try and carbonate it and pass that off as a whole new drink. No, what you're selling there is dull lemonade. Yeah. Oh, interesting. It's lemonade and you've forgotten

to add a crucial ingredient. Which is? Lemon. Listen, I've watched Only Connect. I'm ready. I'm ready. So, I watch Only Connect because the host defended me once.

Did she? Yeah, she came on this podcast and really threw her weight around. Oh, really? Ba-da. Ba-da. Ba-da. Is that not a term?

No, I really like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's usually used for sort of much more... I would describe alpha male type people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't... Do you think Victoria Corin Mitchell is an alpha male?

She's an alpha. Oh, she's absolutely an alpha, yeah. Yeah. Well, you've got to be with poker, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe she's just got in your head as a poker player. She did?

She showed me who's boss. Yeah. So, I can't watch Only Connect because I just, you know, feel instantly inferior. It's one of them where I give myself a point if I understand the question. Yeah.

See also University Challenge. It's over a question and then it's like, if you sit down and eat a casserole dish full of lasagna, how much of a casserole dish should be right? How many dishes? Right, no, that was me wording it incorrectly. I know what I meant.

You're there. Maisie loves quizzes. She's really good. Oh, don't. Don't you dare. Huh? Well, what's coming up here? She's really good at quizzes.

Do you not know this? I know you're good at quizzes. I'll have you know, just before he gets in with this. Yeah. I have won Richard Osman's House of Games. That's good. Right, so I'm all right at some...

You're in good company? We have a problem. Yeah, we both won it. Maisie, before she was a comedian... I'm so close to walking out. ...was on the chase. Oh, really Maisie? That's pretty cool.

Do you want to tell James what happened? I took the minus offer, which was minus 3,000 pounds, because I did quite badly in the cash builder. And I was against Paul Sinner. Yeah. The Sinner Man. The Sinner Man.

And he offered me minus 3,000 pounds. And then the lady before me... He must have known you were a new comedian. The lady before me, this woman called Mary, she'd gone for the higher offer, and so she'd already bagged 54K. So I thought,

I'll just take the lower offer and be easier. We'll still have lots of money. So I took the lower offer and still lost. Still lost. Yeah. Was the only person that didn't make it through to the last bit,

so you just have to sit the side with the adjudicators and watch everyone else do the last round. What was really annoying is they got it down to the last, like, one second, and it was a question on Little Mix, and they didn't get it right, and I knew... You wouldn't know.

Had I been in that cash builder, we'd have been splitting 54K between us. Can I tell you the best bit about that? The woman before me... Mary. Mary. She... How do you know that?

I said, Mary, she won 54K. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I wasn't listening. It's alright, James, it's okay. Sorry. And she won 54K, and Bradley Walsh went,

Mary, what would you do if you won all that money today? Yeah. And she said, well, me and... She was, like, in her mid-fifties, I would say. Sorry, Mary, if you're listening, but maybe even early sixties. And she went,

she went, oh, I'd really love to take my mum to see these. We love monkeys, and I'd love to see these. She said, like, this specific species of monkey. Yeah. She was like, and we'd love to see those monkeys.

And I was thinking, alright, yeah, where would that be? You know, maybe, like, somewhere far in the world. And then we went, oh, where'd you go to see them? She went Dudley Safari Park. Fucking hell, Mary.

Take your mum anyway. She won 54K. She'd go, she'd take her mum to Dudley. And a stretch of limo. Make it rain all over the monkeys. No, she didn't poke out the sunroof. She's far in the air.

Big spending spray in the gift shop of Dudley Safari Park. Get yourself a shatterproof ruler. Right. Pretty cool. So, yeah, still warm. Pop-a-doms all day. Pop-a-doms every time.

Pop-a-doms. Really? Yeah. Emphatic. Yeah, 100%. Bread's boring. What? Bread's boring, sorry.

What is? It is boring, especially in a restaurant, because they don't bring it, often they bring it with a little bowl of butter that's way too hard. You can't toast it.

You can't, they don't bring an interesting bread. They never bring a tiger roll over, do they? They just bring some, like, sliced up run-of-the-mill bread. Pop-a-doms, however, they come with a selection of dips and chutneys.

And it's just, yeah, I love it. I really love a pop-a-dom. My local Indian takeaway is very, very nice. It does, like, what I think is the best curry. But when I first moved to that area,

I went round to go and order. And there was nobody behind the desk, but there was the TV on in the entrance bit, and it was playing really, really, well, not, all of this is obvious, but it was playing porn

on the television. Really. So, it was just me in this room, stood behind the counter, and there's no bell to ring, so I was just stood

in this very small room with a telly on playing porn. It was just... Like a telly in the corner of the... Yeah, just a man going to town on this woman. And she was, she was very vocal.

Yeah. So it was, that was the only sound, and I was just sort of stood there. I didn't know ever to look at my phone or to watch the porn. No point watching porn on your phone. Maisie is on the TV.

But then he appeared from the back. No. The guy from the back of the restaurant. The guy from the film. The guy from the film. How you enjoying the show? How you enjoying the show? Owns a place.

You're enjoying my world. Is your show real? Put your clothes on and come put out some food. You're not the first, you won't be the last. He came from the kitchen, stood behind,

and then I felt like I was wrong because I felt like he'd come, he'd come into the room where porn was on, and I was there. So it's like you put the porn on. So I felt the need to be like, I didn't put that on. You said that?

Yeah. He knows. And then he went, he did I, but he looked very, very embarrassed. Of course he did. And then I had to make a decision then. Well, not then,

I should have really made it earlier, but whether or not to still order a curry from this place that had been showcasing porn in their entrance. If I walked into a takeaway, and there was porn on the telly, I'm leaving immediately. Yeah, it's a U-turn, right?

Yeah. Well, I had a curry from there before and it was really good. So I was trying to weigh up whilst this woman was enjoying herself. It's quite hard to have a dilemma when it's against the backdrop of very loud orgasms.

But I was trying to think, how good was that curry? And do I really want to still get it from here? And then I didn't really have time to make my decision because then the man appeared. And so then I just went, oh, I didn't put it on.

He went, no, me neither. And then I just went, oh, actually, can Prisanda, please? Yeah, what you should have said. You should have said, I'll have what she's having. Oh, I should have. I could have had my own little...

Yeah. But instead of it with... I didn't put that on. I didn't put that on. Chicken panilla, please. Or chicken korma. Also, it sounds like what's happened. If he didn't put it on either,

that someone... someone really put a chicken korma over there, giving a thumbs up to Panilla. I didn't want to go with that or a chicken tikka masala. I'm just... Any more for any more.

We'll do it later. Later, later, later, later. OK. Do you want to do a Vindali one? No. OK. No, no. I thought...

It's got a do sound at the end. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's probably a pop of the cherry dom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chicken braji. Come on. Chicken braji.

Much now. That renders. OK, I'm sorry. What I think happened is I think someone else went there, got a curry. On their way out, they noticed that the TV is just...

You can... You can change the channel yourself. And they just went straight for porn. And they just said, bam, bam, bam, bam, that's funny. And then they went home. I hope so. That sits better with me.

And then you turned up. Rather than... Watched it. But what telly... What telly would have it... I don't think it was free view from the performance this woman was giving. I don't think it was...

It was proper. Yeah, I think there's a paid subscription going on. Yeah, really? And that's what was quite unnerving as I thought. What could you... Was he watching this and then just thought, I've thought, right,

better go and make some corner sauce. Yeah. Because that doesn't sit well. Was it like Channel... It wasn't like Channel 5... No, it wasn't like... Like saucy stuff. What's that one that used to be on late at night?

When you... Sex, et cetera. It wasn't like that. Yeah, it wasn't like Euro trash. Sex, et cetera. Yeah, yeah. It was like proper like you could see. Do you remember Sex, et cetera?

No, I don't think I remember Sex, et cetera. Do you remember Sex, et cetera? Nobody else remember it? No. Oh. Here we go. No, just like sometimes... Story number six, yeah.

Sometimes when you'd go through the channels... Turns out you did put it on. Late at night, there'd be quite erotic stuff on just a free view channel. Yeah. And it's on a show called Sex, et cetera. But I...

No, I didn't watch it. I just... No? You didn't put it on? No. I didn't watch it either. Of course. Hence why I know nothing about it.

But you... I don't like that. I feel like I've not even got to my dinner and already the image I'm giving out is somebody who watches a heap of porn with a big casserole dish. Yeah. Straight out.

You took the curry off him. Straight out the pot. Yeah. Yeah. Don't bother with the foil thing. Bring the pan out. Leave this on. Turn it out.

Leave it on. Turn it up. I went out in the chase, do you know? So, Pop-a-doms was the answer. Pop-a-doms. Pop-a-doms. And you would like...

Pop-a-doms and porn. Like, porn on? No porn on me. No porn, thank you. Up to you. No porn in my Pop-a-doms. Thanks. Not in it.

In it. No. That would be a real shock. Porny Pop-a-doms. They brought the Pop-a-doms out in that place and they was like, he'd somehow fried a bit of porn in the middle of the Pop-a-doms.

When you crack it open, it makes a little noise. Yeah. That would be so disconcerting. That's not what... You went to an Indian restaurant and you did the thing where you smashed the Pop-a-doms in the middle

and he goes, Oh! Dude, that's not... That's not... Dude, that's not... When you said, Porn in the Pop-a-doms, that's not what I thought.

That's not even more wins to call it. I thought Porn in the Pop-a-doms was actually... What do you do if that happened? What, if you... If you're with friends, if you're with friends,

and you... Make an orgasm now. Would you leave the restaurant? Work party. Just... We get Pop-a-doms for the table. That's Macy's orgasm noise. Ends words.

Ends words. Very like... Macy. Clarinet. Mine was the same sound when I got knocked out the chase. Oh, do you like that? He's just...

He loves it. Just sat at the back of the studio with the adjudicators. Oh! OK. Oh, God. Oh, dear. So, Pop-a-doms.

Yes, please. Dream starter. OK. I'm going to go for breaded brie. OK. But it has to be from the pub from my village, which we went to.

The dip? Oh! I thought you might bring this on. Macy grew up in a dip. No, I didn't. How do you know so much about Macy? Because we've done a few Mock the Weeks together. Oh, yeah.

When I say Mock the Weeks, Ed's ridiculed me every time I've gone on Mock the Week. People listening to this will want to hear about the dip because Macy grew up in a big dip. OK. But I happen to say in passing

on one episode of Mock the Week that where my village was when I grew up, we were talking about icy conditions. And I said whether I grew up... Of course, Mock the Week 9 and pick the story. Pick a story of the week.

Icey conditions. What have you got? But my village is in... I said when I grew up, my village was in a dip. That's all I said. Yes. Because there's a...

The roads in and out both go down and the village is at the bottom. Red rag to a bull on Mock the Week 9. You say you're living in a dip. Well, I know that now. Blood thirsty. Ed just said you've never

sounded more northern than saying when I grew up. And he did his Johnny Vegas voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up in a dip. It's a dip. To dip. Yeah, of course.

But it's true. It's... Imagine the village that they live in on this country. Or Vicar of Dibley. That's sort of... Dibley. Did you see me?

I tried to be serious there, right? I was like listening. This is going to be the... No, you don't know what else is coming on like for me other courses. So I'm dreading this. Has the dip become a thing?

Yeah. People online. They don't tweet anything without people going, like, oh. Like, I'll announce a tour and they'll go, oh, it's nice that you're getting out the dip.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that. But it's like, it's like 100 people every tweet. Really? Yeah. It's just a lot.

It's just a lot of dips. It's a lot, isn't it? A lot of dips. But it's a very... You can cut this out because it was all a mock the week, but James might enjoy it. There was a lady

who lived in the dip called 10 to 2. Because every time she walked down the dip, her feet are 10 to 2 so she didn't fall down the dip. Right. Don't take that out.

She walks with her feet like that and she says it out loud. That's why she got given the nickname in the village 10 to 2 because she wears a little headscarf

and she walks up and down when it's wintery and she goes 10 to 2, 10 to 2, 10 to 2. And I just thought that was funny, but what carried on was the dip, really. I feel like I'm rejoining

social media. But yeah, this one pub, it's called the Black Swan. And growing up, we would always go, me and my friends, we all went to the same school and then we'd get the school bus

from this village. And then on Monday nights, they'd do a pub quiz at the Black Swan. And we'd always go there. And they gave out... Of course, we had quizzes. Yeah, exactly.

I just thought, start early, maybe one day you'll end up on the chase. Yeah. They gave out free chips. They'd bring a bowl of chips to each table for free.

Wow. But because we were all like 15, 16, we never bought a drink. We were those people. We'd book a table for 10, pay £1 to join the quiz, and then repeatedly go up to the bar

and pour ourselves a glass of water. They definitely made a loss on us coming to the quiz every week. But we loved it. And it was a really nice pub. It was run by this guy who lived in the village. Just a really lovely thing.

And then my grandparents, whenever they took us out as well, would always go here. And they did breaded brie as a starter. I mean, beautiful. You know when it's like dead crusty on the outside,

lovely and gooey on the inside, cranberry sauce, a little bit of salad with balsamic vinegar. Lovely. Oh, big open fire. Yeah. Like log fire.

Yeah. Like not hot. You've got to eat that fast. Yeah. That's it. If you're in front of the log fire with the breaded brie. Yeah.

That's going to melt. Yeah. That's what you want though. You want it all like melty, don't you? Yeah. You want it gooey. You want it gooey. I love it breaded brie.

If it's breaded. I know what you mean. I've not had it in ages. It's weird that it's sort of, because it's quite European really, isn't it? Is it? Well, it's brie, isn't it?

Yeah. It's like brie and it feels quite fancy. Yeah. But it's made its way onto as a pasta. Well, you know what's overtaken it recently? Box baked camembert. Yeah, of course.

That's the cheese starter now, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the very popular one. But I think baked brie can't go wrong there. This cranberry sauce, is it like drizzled over the brie?

No, no, no. Big dollop on the side. Yeah. So that you can, I don't like stuff like that. You know, ketchup on chip, when people go all over, I think.

You like it on the side, so then you... Yes. So that, so that I can bob, bob, bob the chips in.

Yeah. Bob the chips in. Yeah. This is the first dream meal we've had. Yeah, yeah. A pop quiz. Like, who's there?

Who's on your team? Right. Heather Jackson. Very, very, she was one of them kids that like didn't have to revise, but did anyway. She was just,

like a child prodigy. Yeah. Whereas I could revise till, like, I could still be revising now and I'd still come out with a C. She was probably our, like,

best player. Uh-huh. You know, if there was any, if there was a question we didn't understand, would go to Heather. Mm-hmm. Luke Schirmer.

Best friend for, for many years now. Probably the most ladi. Yeah. Anything on football. Cricket. But you know you football as well. Yeah.

But he, yeah, yeah, yeah. Football crazy. Football crazy. Oh, that's a, that's a pitch. I'm going to write that now. Yeah.

And then there was, and there was quite a few of us to be honest. And like a few, like few would come and go. It was Max Fairhurst, Susanna Thornton, Craig Denison, first one to get a car.

Yeah. Yeah. Denison. So you'd put like seven of us into a Vauxhall Corsa. Yeah. Sometimes to go to the pub. Yeah.

Even though it was a five-minute walk from every house in the village. Yeah. But when your mate gets a car, right, no matter where the place is, he's like, drive the long way round.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go up onto the A road to come back into the village. Oh, for what? Will you say the long way round appointment, the rim of the, of the dip or something? The rim of the dip.

Which was actually the name of the film being played. In the, in the curry house. The rim of the dip. Oh, that's the other thing. All those names I've mentioned, they all worked,

the Black Swan, at some point in there. No, I didn't. Only one. No. I worked at a golf club as a waitress for £3.50 an hour.

And then I spilled a gravy boat on a bride. Yeah. Absolutely. Like I'm out of nowhere? Yeah. There was a wedding like reception. Yeah.

And I had to take the finger over. And I, Oh man. I could feel it going off the tray. So then I went to catch the gravy boat and the gravy boat was hot. So I let go.

Yeah. I went over this lady's dress. So you probably, if anything redirected the gravy boat towards the bride. I think actually had a knot intervened. It could have missed.

It could have hit like the bride made. But it was already falling into her. Oh God. Yeah. Probably didn't help that, you know,

you'd spent most of your time venting against plates as well. So like, clearly, we know that Maggie doesn't believe in plates. She's putting gravy straight on brides now.

Screaming at the bride. I go, don't put that on your meat. You'll only spill it anyway, but it's straight onto your top. Get out of the middle, man. Well, how did the bride react?

Yeah, she wasn't happy. She wasn't happy. It wasn't good. It wasn't good. So I didn't do any more working retail. They still talk about that,

you know? Yeah, I think so. I know, it's like such a big day for somebody, you know, and then like, yeah.

Every time they remember their wedding day, they'll go, and that fucking weight just spilt fucking gravy all over my dress. Yeah. Yeah,

sort of batted it, really, forehanded it into her. Football crazy, gravy mazy. Oh, there you go. There we go.

So, your dream main course, mazy. My dream main course, I've actually brought something in for you, lads. Wow,

this is genuinely rare. Here we go. Didn't know this was going to happen. Because my main course is, oh boy,

granny's brazing steak. Okay. Okay. This is where you've got questions because everyone can't see what you're doing. Well,

everyone can't see what you just revealed. I've written down recipe, but the recipe is framed. It's framed because it hangs on my wall. Yes. I think this is lovely.

Yeah, it is lovely. Yeah, if you've read about this, you've got a problem with Muriel. Oh, listen, I think it's lovely.

I haven't got a problem with Muriel. I am going to make fun of it. Okay. What are you going to make fun of? Heads up, ditto. You've got a recipe framed that you put on your wall.

I was really chuffed because it's the right size frame. They're hard to find. Yeah. Anyway. Oh, sweet.

The whole thing's lovely. Listen, I think it's lovely. Yeah. Water bay leaf and bouquet Garni. I didn't know what bouquet Garni was.

Muriel, is Muriel still with us? Yes. Okay. Then it's weirder that you framed it. Why is it weirder? She lives,

she lives still up in the village. Yeah. In the dip. So it's not in, not up in the dip, isn't it? Up north,

in the dip. Up north, down in the dip. How far up the dip does she live? She lives, she's right at the bottom. This is not everyone's

sewage drain to the bottom. Also a line from the film in the curry house. It gets better the deeper you go. Yeah. Sorry. I'd imagine living in the bottom

of the dip is worse, isn't it? No, no, no, no. All the rain water, all the sewage and stuff. Well, yeah, that is a problem in the

way I feel. That is genuinely a problem. It's a problem. We do have bad flooding, but Garni's Brazing Steak, I know, I feel like Brazing Steak

comes up a lot, like as a, as a main, you know, is something else. I will say this. She insists that you go and get your ingredients

from Morrison's, and I quote, because she likes to support local businesses. That's great. She likes to go to Morrison's, and she says, because she likes Ken.

And I didn't know who Ken was, I had to look it up, Ken Morrison. She thinks it's a man, Ken Morrison, who's done a few good big, like,

he's branched out, but I think she thinks he's a guy who's done well in Yorkshire and has got a few. I don't know the, what's the, I don't know,

do we have Morrison's down south? Yeah, there's Morrison's down here, but it feels like a northern thing. Yeah, they're definitely more common up north. Ken Morrison. Was it started by a guy

called Ken Morrison? Yeah. She likes, Duncan Morrison, CBE. She likes to support Ken, is what she says.

Dead now? Dead now, so you don't need the support. He's dead. Was it an English businessman? He was the chief president and former chairman

of Morrison's, the fourth largest supermarket in the United Kingdom. Support local business. He was the son of William Morrison, who founded the company. Right.

Spouses, unknown, divorced, Edna Morrison, until 1993, also dead, she died. Yeah.

Lin, Lady Morrison. Wait, that order, Lin, Lady Morrison, not Lady Lin, Lin, Lady. Lin,

Lady Morrison. Yeah. All names, Lady. Well, Lin, Lady Morrison, is what it says. Lin,

Lady. Lin, Lady Morrison. Well, guess how many kids Ken Morrison had? Oh, is it more than five? It's five.

That's the end of that go. That's fun. Imagine if that was the question on the chase, sort of in walking to Monkey World. Relatives,

Chris Blundle, nephew. Who's Chris Blundle? This is nephew, Ken Morrison's nephew.

Well, quite a bit, because I didn't know he existed. You're fascinated, though. There's a lot of written about it,

but there's enough, you know, it's pretty fun. You can carry on talking about the brazier steak if you want. Well,

I just think I deliberately feel like you have to go to Morrison's just because that's what Muriel says. Yes,

if Muriel says that, it's part of the recipe. A lot of stuff that she recommends it, I know what she means, not a little one. Handful of mixed veg. Have you seen the size

of Muriel's hands? No. Very small. No, she's five for six, but massive hands. It would be confusing, the handful would be

confusing if she had one huge hand and one tiny hand. Like a foam finger. Yeah, like a gladiator's hand. But this is one of her dishes

that she does, like, whenever we all go around, I can smell it now when you walk through the front door. She does it in a big, big dish

like this, and it takes ages. She cooks it for hours. Does it say on the recipe how long it's cooking? Or is this all an instinct as well?

It's all Henderson's relish. It's what I'm interested with, Hendo's. Cover with foil and cook for four to four and a half hours. Nice.

Remove bay leaf and bouquet garni before serving. Now, amazing, I've got to ask, because you've asked Muriel to send you that recipe

and you've framed it. Yeah. Do you cook the braising steak? Yeah. You do? Yeah. She crucially,

I love my granny, but she didn't put it in steps. It's all one big paragraph on how to cook, what is essentially a whole day

like. Yeah, because she's not copying the sound from a cook, but this has just come straight from her brain, right? Yeah, I know, but come on, Muriel,

put like step one, step two, step three. My jealous. It is one stream of consciousness. It is, isn't it? It's just free-flowing.

I imagine a sat-like Shakespeare just writing right in a way that's not stable. Oh, I see. That says no. No better. No.

Yeah. No stockpot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's not just written it in her accent. No stockpot.

Whatever you do. No. Also, my family's massive, numbers-wise, but there's a lot of us. Yeah. So this is a great meal

that she does whenever we're all together. I love this. This is my favourite sort of thing to cook. Fan of the frame? The frame's nice. I like that.

She also written serves two at the top. Serves two. It doesn't. That's a very northern woman. There's at least

five portions in there. Yeah. Great. Maybe that's what she lives on her own as well. So maybe that's where I get the whole thing of like

cooking a massive meal. And eating out of the pan? I don't think Muriel eats out the pan. It doesn't sound like Muriel. No. I don't think you could

be called Muriel and eat out of the pan. No one called Muriel is ever eaten out of the pan. A faint haze. Round the steak. What's the faint haze?

Yeah, I know. I still haven't mastered that. I still haven't mastered that. You know, when you look at the air around heat and it's just

slightly sort of a faint haze. Like a no-asis. That's never been a recipe. A faint haze. A faint haze. That's so poetic.

You would not believe the amount of times I find myself squatting in front of the oven. Trying to find this faint haze arise.

I can never get it. I can never get it. It's instinct. And she's trying to put that down into a recipe. Yeah. Yeah. Because what she

really wants to say there is, heat the oil until it's ready. Yes. But she's had to go, what can Maisie look out for? Yeah.

I guess there's a faint haze. She's going to need ever, ever. Sorry. I'm really spelling out for her. Maisie,

you'll need a plate. Get a plate. Well, where do you have to a bad start? So, no, this is my thing. I'd like this braising steak.

However, I don't want it on a plate. Of course. I would like it. Last year, I was looking enough to go on holiday with my fiance.

We went to Berlin and Prague. Nice. It was where we got engaged actually in Prague. And there, they had this thing, goulash.

Yes. It changed my life. It was the best thing ever. It was the best thing ever because it's a good hearty meal. And the plate

is basically bread. It's like a braising steak. It's in this lovely, crusty bread. Then they slice the top off like a little lid.

And you take it off and it's all in there. So, I would like my granny's braising steak within a bread bowl. This crusty bread. Yeah.

You know when I said earlier like, bread's dull. It's not if it's got something in it. It's useful. If it's used. Yeah. A meal.

It was amazing. It was like, honestly, I wish the listeners in the room to see your face when you said goulash. Yeah.

Why? Because it was like you were the first person to ever have goulash. Yeah. I'd never, have you had goulash before? Yes.

Yeah. But the way you said it to us, it was like you were literally, you landed in Heathrow back from your holiday.

You were walking through, you know, still got your luggage and you're telling people about what you've had. The other thing,

goulash, it's called goulash. So Walter Raleigh with the potatoes. Yeah. Honestly, I took photos of it

and put it in my family WhatsApp group being like, Not a photogenic meal. No, it's not. No. My dad was like, what's that?

I was like, it's gorgeous. It's goulash. It's amazing. Also, it's quite similar to Murals brazing steak, I'd imagine.

Yeah, it was, but they didn't use Henderson's relish, so it didn't taste the same. You had a hen doze in a hen frog. Excuse me.

Do you have hen doze, please? We have Liam Perkins. Is that all right? You suck ambassadors. Yeah, I was just going round Prague going, have you got a Morrison's?

Where's Ken? Where's Ken? Where's Ken and his local business? He's dead. So yeah, that's definitely it. Main meal is Granny's

brazing steak, but within a goulash. A bread bowl. How would Muriel feel about the brazing steak being in the bread bowl? Yeah. I mean,

I don't think I'd tell her that I'm doing this. I think, I think she'd be open to it. If I was able to say that it was like, I just don't think I could call it goulash and say that it was.

Well, the goulash is the stew, right? So it's not, you don't need to, you don't even need to introduce the notion of goulash to this. You just say you're putting the brazing steak

into a bread bowl. Oh, well, in that case, she'd love it because she's all about making use of things. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. It's very wartime. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the goulash is the stew rather than what it's served in or the way it's served.

I've not had goulash served in that way. You've not had goulash in bread. You've not had goulash in bread. I don't think you've had goulash in bread.

That's why I was so excited to tell you, because I was like, it's this thing in bread, and it's contained. And I had it twice when I was in, I was only there for three days.

I had it twice. Twice, got engaged in between. That's why we got engaged in both, just absolutely euphoric. Did you put the ring in the goulash?

Yeah. Right in the bread for you. Baked it. Baked it in. I wouldn't have found it. I'd have wolfed it down. I just thought it was, and the first time I ate it by

like, having my goulash spooning it out, and then, but then I was like, that's a lot of dry bread to finish at the end. So the next time I went into

it like a pie, I cut it open and was eating it. Oh, that's the, I like a meal where you can have it different ways, each time.

Two ways. Two. Who knows? There could be more. If any of our two goulashes in my life. How about this? You eat it like a stew out of

the bowl, but then occasionally you rip a chunk of the bowl off. Like a box-baked camembert. Dip it in. Dip it in. Dip, dip, dip. Stop,

Stop. Until almost, no, genuinely didn't mean to be there. You almost eat too much of the bowl and then it sort of spills out the side of it and then you can start eating it with

the knife. Now I can't wait for my third goulash. I'm so excited. Yeah, I can have goulash at the It was spilt all over you by a waitress on the way over. Comes tumbling out the breath hole.

You look up and it was the bride from that day. Oh no. She's like, I told you, didn't I? I tell you, I get you one day. 15 years. I've been training as a waitress. Just to get this job. I've been following you.

Enjoy your goulash, you motherfucker. I've been watching you. What are you? Daddy girl watching the porn in the internet. Daddy porno. Porno watching girl. Maybe that's my wedding meal, is some porn and some poppadons,

then goulash served by a lady who's angry at me for 15 years again. I don't think I could have goulash at the wedding because I'd just spend the whole time going around all the tables going, have you had it? Isn't it amazing? Welcome to Ed's wedding.

Yeah, but that's what happens at all weddings. Have you not noticed that? I don't know. Did you go around going, have you had the food? That's exactly what happens at every wedding I've ever been to. Did you have posh food at your wedding? Was there a lot of exposed plates?

Apart from James who came over to our table to tell us how much he enjoyed the bread. Yeah, yeah, the bread was the best bread I've ever had. Was there a lot of exposed plate at the wedding? Was it nice full portions? I don't notice that sort of stuff, like you do. How do you not notice? Because I was just like, I'm at a wedding getting food.

This is great. I wasn't like, look at the amount of plate I got. Not a huge amount of exposed plate. I was enjoying it a lot. Good, good. Best wedding food, best wedding food I've ever had. Oh, that's a good review there. That's all right, yeah.

That's why he was coming round, doing the rounds. I've been like, ah, everything good here. Yeah. I've been like, good. Okay, Ed, it's the best. That's good way to end, that's good way to end. I've just realised that it doesn't necessarily happen at every wedding ever to everyone.

It happens at every wedding I go to because people are aware of this podcast and they're terrified that I don't enjoy it. That you didn't enjoy it, yeah, yeah. So the bride or groom will always come over and go, Ed. Did you like it? How was the food? No, so it's goulash, definitely.

Goulash. Hold on. No, it's not. No, but it is. What's your main course? Goulash. No. Granny's braising steak.

In the goulash. As a goulash. Hang on, the goulash, look this up, Bonita. The goulash is not the bread bowl. What you want is the braising steak in a bread bowl. Surely. You're not telling me this whole time what I've had was just stewing bread.

And I've... Yes. Regardless of whether or not it's served in bread. So how come every time I went to order, admittedly it was only twice, but I went to get it. Well, you went twice to the same place. No, I didn't, I went to different places. Well, that's how it's traditionally served in Prague.

Oh, I look like a traditionally Prague goulash of Granny's braising steak. OK, but the goulash is... No, the goulash. So you have to have a stew in there as well. But the goulash, now you're saying you want some stew, but you want to put your granny's stew on top of it. No, my granny's braising steak is the stew.

Yes, but you do not need to introduce the word goulash into this order at all. No, because your granny's braising steak in a bread bowl isn't a goulash. And the bread is not goulash. I'm not happy about this. I'm not happy about this. The first time you had the bread bowl was when you had goulash.

And we love that story. Are you mansplaining Muriel's meal too, mate? No, this has nothing to do with Muriel's meal. So it's not goulash, my dream meal. No. I've even in a dream restaurant served in a way that you've had goulash before. Your granny's braising steak in a bread bowl.

Yeah. But you don't want it to be turned into a goulash. Well, what is a goulash then? It's the stew. Right, so granny's braising steak is quite stew-like. It's very... Like, there's a lot of liquid going on. It's not just steak. But is it the same as the stew that you had in the bread bowl?

It tasted very much like this stew that was in the bread bowl. So, would it be, could you phone Muriel now and ask her if her braising steak is essentially a goulash? She wouldn't know what a goulash is. And also, they don't get reception. Yeah, no way. She's gone right to the top at a different time to answer that. We'll get one phone call from the...

Fucking knocking over 10 to two in a way. Yeah, so I think, yeah, I think the way to describe it would be, you want Muriel's braising steak served in the style of a goulash. Yeah, but then that's what, so... Style of the goulash that you had. Yes, yes, yes, yes. In the style of a Prague goulash. Yeah. Yeah. Lovely.

There you go. There we go. Muriel's braising steak in the style of a Prague goulash. Lovely. That's the fifth time we've had that. Great. DREAM SIDE DISH DREAM SIDE DISH DREAM SIDE DISH Right, DREAM SIDE DISH. OK, I feel like the last one, well, I thought it was high-end.

This is quite the other way. Curly fries, but from the Curly Fries stall at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, just outside, and I hate that it's outside this, the ride, the Big Dipper. Oh, it's crossing my fingers for that. No, no, I'm really angry about this, cos I thought, if I just say it in passing, it won't get brought up, but it's already been brought up, the dip thing.

Is that a ride you enjoy, or is it a bit of a Bussman's holiday? Right. Must feel like going home. Call this a dip. In Blackpool Pleasure Beach, there's really good rides. So we went to Blackpool every summer as a family. All of us, big, big group of us, there'd be like 25 of us. And we'd go to Blackpool Pleasure Beach for one of the days. And the Big Dipper is one of, like, the oldest rollercoaster.

It's still wooden. And outside it, there's a Curly Fries stall where they serve Curly Fries in a bucket and spade. Right? But the spade is a fork. So it's like a three-pronged plastic spade. Wow. Yeah.

So that's specifically what you want on your dream mail? Yeah, it does mean that when you've finished it, you walk round the theme park with a bucket. So we just look like a family of caretakers for the rest of the day. But they are the best Curly Fries you will ever, ever have. You're preaching to the converted about Curly Fries. Curly Fries are the best, aren't they?

I feel like there's fries, and then I would say a tier above that is sweet potato fries. Really? Would you say lower? I would say lower. Do you really? I'd put fries above sweet potato fries. But I feel like my point being that fries,

like people have gone different ways. You know, we had normal chips. Then it was like triple cooked. Five guys. Sweet potato fries, that was a thing. Curly Fries are their own league, I think. Yeah. So why aren't they available everywhere?

Yeah, I know, I know. Should be everywhere. When you can upgrade, usually from fries, it's the sweet potato fries. Or recently, halloumi fries. Why can't you get... Yeah, I think they're seen as quite a low-end type thing. I only have ever had them at Blackpool Pleasure Beach

and the bowling alley at people's birthday parties. Yeah, you've only ever eaten them out of a bucket. With a space. Or a bowling shoe. That was your choice. The bell crow can get in the way. I think they are the best type of chips. Why do they taste like that?

I don't know what it is that they do. Seasoning. It's like Cajun seasoning. Yeah, isn't it? Yeah. It's lovely. It's that crispiness that they get on the outside that you don't really get on a lot of chips.

And I like the ones that really... You know the ones where you get one that's got like eight spirals, almost like a turkey twizzler. Yeah. R.I.P. And the thing is, it's the crisp on the outside and then also, it's a bit soggy sometimes. Oh, soggy curly fries.

Which is frowned upon in food, but it shouldn't be. Yeah. And any other chips, any other chips, if you get a fat-cooked chip and it's a thick-cooked fry, sorry, not a fat-cooked chip. A thick-cooked fry.

Fat-cooked chip. What was it, a big chip? What are you talking about? Thick-cooked chip. Big chipper. You know the ones I mean that you're getting like a pub with fish and chips. Yeah.

If they're soggy, couldn't be less interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Straight in the bin. Yeah. But a soggy curly fry. Nice. They're one of them where, like,

whatever one you get, if you get the little burnt bit at the end, lovely. Long, soggy curly one. Very nice. Yeah. You've got any sauces on it? Bit of ketchup,

but again, at the side. And I don't really dip it as much as I normally would, because the curly fry's doing its own thing. The curly fry's doing its own thing. Yeah. And I look, every time I go to Blackpool Pleasure Beach,

this is bad, but sometimes when I gig in Blackpool, I'll go to the Pleasure Beach. Like, I'll just buy a ticket and go. How often are you gigging in Blackpool? It's often Brighton as well. It's not too often. You've got Brighton Pier and stuff.

Yeah, but Brighton Pier. Brighton Pier. Brighton Pier. I love living in Brighton. Sorry. Benito, who is our resident Queen Park infuse, he asked,

just looked at me like I was a piece of shit when I said that. Why? Because he really annoyed that I'd even compare Brighton Pier to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. He got pretty annoyed. Oh, yeah. Right to one.

You can't compare the two. You've got to compare Pier with Pier. So if we're talking, you'd compare Brighton Pier, Blackpool has three Peers. The North Pier, the Central Pier, and the South Pier.

South Pier is the one for the rides. So you compare it with that, which South Pier wins every time. Okay. Central Pier, good for a hot chocolate, a little walk around, maybe a little arcade game.

Fine. North Pier, it's like stepping back in time. It's very old. I think it's got a lot of history to it. It's nice, but it's essentially very dull. Yeah. Brighton Pier's nice,

but the cuisine on there, it's very naff. Yeah. It's very naff. And I've sampled it all. I've sampled the donuts, the churros, they've got a crepe.

That's brightened in it. They've got crepes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Blackpool Pleasure Beach, I think it's one of my favourite places in the world, genuinely. Yeah. I love it so much.

I love it so much. The best thing that ever happens to be at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, there was a guy sitting in the world record for how many times you could ride a roller coaster. Yeah. It's nice to see him again, isn't it?

Richard Rod... Yeah, here he is. Richard... Sitting before you, doing a bit of tech work. No, I'd know him if he walked into the room. Richard Rodriguez. I got to sit next to him on the...

But he had just nodded his head like he knew that guy's name already. Did you know him already? He knows Richard Rodriguez. Richard Rodriguez, right. 405 hours. Is it Rodriguez? What is it?

It's definitely not Richard Rodriguez. How'd you say it? Rodriguez. Rodriguez. Rodriguez. Rodriguez. Rodriguez. Rodriguez, yeah.

That's what I'm asking. Yeah. Because I'm just checking. There's a U in it. So, what's your pronounciation? W. G-U-A. G-U-E.

G-U-A. Oh, Richard Rodriguez. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A.

G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A.

G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A.

G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A.

G-U-A. G-U-A. Should I do the second one? G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A.

G-U-A. G-U-A. What ? G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A. G-U-A.

and these little like leather fingerless things. Oh my, finger seems like a bad idea. Yeah, I know. And he sat there and I was like, I wanna, this is history. I was like 11 years old and I was like, I wanna sit next to Richard Rodriguez. So it comes in and I go to go and sit next to him. And I just, I've just got so many questions to ask him

and he's probably had them all, but he was so red. Like he had blisters all over his face. Terrifying for an 11 year old. Absolutely, like honestly, I was so excited. And then the closer I got to him, I was really like, this is harrowing, really, really bad. He's in that's what happens to Freddie Krueger. He went on the big one.

He rode the big dipper for four weeks. Did you chat to Richard one week ago? Yeah, a little bit, but he wasn't a laugh a minute. I'll be honest, he, I guess I was asking very trivial questions like what you do when you need to go to the loo. What you do for it. There he is. Is that him?

He's pulled up. Yeah. He's got his little gloves on. He's got his American flag t-shirt on. Yeah. He loves having three weeks of riding that rollercoaster, presumably only eating curly fries out of a bucket. Yeah, that's what I sat next to him on.

I didn't get to sit next to him on the big dipper, big dipper, but I did. Your family get a big dipper to themselves, don't they? You're treated like royalty when you turn up there from the original. Yeah. They are, everyone make way. We've got some people from the original.

You're like Ken walking into Morrison's. Yeah, yeah, please. It's all yours. Get out of here, Rodney, get out. This is not for you. You go on the big one. That's Muriel's seat. It was, yeah.

Muriel's sitting on there with a four brazier stake on her lap. He had a faint haze over his face. Definitely. Definitely. He, yeah, he was red raw. Yeah. Red raw was red.

Red raw. Red raw, Richard Rudd regues. Yeah. I love it. Have you been to Blackpool Pleasure Beach? Yes. I've been on the big one. It's so good, isn't it?

I've been on the big dipper. Have you been on the big dipper? Big dipper's good, isn't it? I felt very sick on there. Yeah, big dipper's good. Big one, very, very good. Favorite one, Grand National. Yeah.

Two roller coasters at the set. It's wooden. Yeah, I've been on that. And you race. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the best. I love it so much. Valhalla, an indoor log flume.

Yeah. That's great as well. It's really good. You go through a ring of fire and then through a room of ice. Never seen Bonito nod so much during an episode. It's amazing. Just sitting there nodding, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, I'd always go and get Curly Fries. Usually after the bit, if you haven't before, you're asking for trouble. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I love it. Yeah, Blackpool's like a huge part of growing up. We'd go for a week in August

and we absolutely loved it. We'd stay in this hotel that was run by this woman called Pat Mancini. Oh, right. Well, this is right up on straight. Yeah, obviously. She was known as the queen of Blackpool, right? She was like Peggy Mitchell, bright blonde hair,

several shades darker faked hand than should be appropriate. Like absolutely caked in gold jewelry, like head to toe. And she ran the cabaret bar. She had like Joe Longthorne there all the time, like singing away. We loved it. We loved it.

She had an Elvis convention once, well, every year, but we often missed it. But it was once whilst we were there and she invited us down saying, oh, we've got one of Elvis's relatives. We were like, oh my God. So we went down. My mum bought these Elvis t-shirts off the promenade for us.

Because you were so excited about... It was peeling off after like two washes, but we went down... Like Richard Rodgers was his face. He was like his face. We went down and there was just like 200 people dressed as Elvis, like really well, like really good. And we were like, who's the relative?

Who's the relative? And it was something like his niece's sister-in-law. It was like so far removed. Yeah, and not a blood relative. No, and all of her anecdotes about Elvis were like, oh, well, obviously I was three at the time. So I don't really remember, but my mum said that. And it was like, why are you it?

So we had to go with her anyway. But there was like people dressed up as Elvis who were Elvis age. But then there was like kids who were fully quaffed hair, like hairstyled as Elvis Presley. Early in his life, right? They weren't dressed as like Elvis at the end. No, they were dressed as adult... No, no, they weren't dressed as hamburger Elvis.

They were dressed as peak Elvis, but not child Elvis. Imagine if someone were dressed as they kid up to look like really ill Elvis. On a toilet. They were dressed as adult peak Elvis. So there was like somebody in the... Then there was basically... This is a long way of me telling you,

I had my first kiss at an Elvis convention to a boy dressed as Elvis Presley. But he was dressed as army Elvis. So he looked like Goose from Top Gun. Oh, shit. How old were you? I think like eight, maybe. Well, you're going to have to tell us the whole story.

Oh, no, I just went down with my family. We were dead excited to see this relative of... Your family were there? Yeah, but they didn't... You had your first kiss? What? It was in front of my family. But we went all down to go and see the Elvis's, the Elvi. Yeah.

And we heard a little bit about Elvis from this very tenuous relative. And then there was like lots of Elvis music and lots of dancing. We're all giving it large. Pat Mancini, she was making sure everyone was... Making sure everyone was topped up. It was great.

Great host. Oh, she was. God rest us all. She was brilliant. And then there were these like... Not surprised to hear that. There were these... I'll have you know, she's got an MBE, actually.

There was... For what? A parent of eight-year-olds. I just got... We were all dancing at a school disco to all these Elvis songs. And then I said to this lad, like, oh, what's your outfit?

And he said, well, Elvis was in the army. And he told me about Elvis being in the army and then we ended up going to play pool in the game's room. And then I had a little kiss with... Were you wearing a T-shirt with Elvis' face on it? Yeah. That's weird. Yeah.

Why? I think you might be the only person ever to have their first kiss wearing a T-shirt with a picture of the person your kissing is dressed as. Yeah, that's true. That's quite odd. But I thought it was quite sweet. No.

I look... No. No. It's really weird and creepy. Weird with... I imagine Mancini was leering over you. No. Pat Mancini guarded the door for you both. Excuse me. No, no, no.

It was very innocent. We went to go and play pool and then... We had a very awkward little kiss and then went back to go and dance to us, shook up. How did it go from playing pool to having a kiss? Just sort of like... I don't know how you flirt as an eight-year-old. I can't remember.

But we were just sort of very, like, giggly and laughing. That's the thing when I was eight years old. Teasing each other. I was eight years old. I wasn't kissing anyone. No. Maybe I was an eight. Maybe I was ten. I just remember being very, very young. Like, I was wondering how this even...

I was at primary school. Right. Yeah. Well, even then, primary school, I wasn't going around kissing anyone. And so, like, if... I wasn't going... I wasn't putting it about, James. I was... I had one kiss to a lad dressed as Elvis. That was very normal.

Wondering how the lad dressed as Army Elvis made this happen. Well, I think when you dress as Army Elvis, girls are going to throw themselves at you. That's what it was. How many girls do you reckon he kissed that night? Yeah. Yeah, probably wasn't his only. Oh, God, no.

It was the ultimate, like, Blackpool hotel. You know, when you've got somewhere that's in a time capsule in your head and we... Like, for every year, that was our holiday. Yeah. And it was mad because of the people. The night porter was called Frank. And he'd bring...

Like, my mum and dad and all my aunties and uncles would stay up quite late, being, like, the only ones in the hotel. And Frank, the night porter, they'd go, can we have some sandwiches? And he'd bring them onion sandwiches. That's what I made. Don't give away your dessert.

Yeah, I know. So, what were the onion sandwiches? Just, like, raw onion in a sandwich. Raw onion in bread? Yeah, I don't think people... Also, goulash. Oh, no. No, it was not goulash. He was bringing them... He brought goulash.

No, it was, like, white bread with some onion, bang. And then he'd bring that out and be, like, there you go. It was mad. But we loved Blackpool. It was amazing. It was amazing. Just off the side, this is still here. If you ever go to Blackpool, you've got to go here. Just off the side of the Queen's Hotel is...

Do you like ice cream? Yes. Right. Notriani, ices. They are world-famous. They've been going since, I think, like, just after the World War, I think, is when they've been there. The World War? The World War II, sorry.

I got bad news, Maisie. Sorry. There was two! Wasn't a bit Maisie up on that, so I wanted to hear about ice cream, but yeah. They only do vanilla ice cream. Only vanilla. That's the only thing you can get. But it is the...

No, but it's... No. Just go and trust me. Trust me. Unlike with Granny's recipe, which I will gladly share, they're the only people that know the recipe for this ice cream are the father and son. It's not written down anywhere, either. They have to take separate planes when they go away. Really?

The vanilla ice cream? It's... James, it is that good. Do they give toppings? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got toppings and sauces, and you can have it in different ways. You can have it cone, you can have it in a bowl. Bread. Maybe in a bread. Maybe there's a goulash.

Fucking spade. Yeah. Coke float. You can have that. It's really good. Notriani ice creams. You've got to go. Well, if I... Yeah, next time I'm in Blackpool, I will go there. Get curly fries from the Big Dipper and then go for ice cream from Notriani. I'll do it. I'll have the maizey, Adam, and then I'll kiss someone dressed as Elvin.

An adult. Yeah. Your dream drink. OK, OK. I don't know how you guys feel about certain flavours, right? But I think there is a flavour that exists in this world that, frankly, when the person discovered this, I think you should have just...

Everybody should have just sat back and gone, well, we'll never get a better flavour than that. They should have quit flavours. Yeah, quit flavours. There is no point... That is exactly what I mean. There is no point trying to find more flavours now that we have chocolate orange. I think it's the best thing...

I do not think that's where we're heading for the drink course. Because... So, I love chocolate. I'll have chocolate orange... No. You know this is the drink course. I know it's the drink course. I know it's the drink course. So, my fiancé runs a cocktail bar, and he came up with this chocolate orange cocktail called... Are you ready? You'll love this. A Chocowork orange.

I do actually love that, yeah. It's the best thing I've ever tasted. It's so, so good. It's so good. I have had to write down on my phone what's in it. Not framed it. Not framed it. The fiancé. It hasn't gone to frame just yet.

How do you feel about cocktails? I like... I like the idea of cocktails more than I end up liking cocktails. When I have one and I'm like... I just rather like a glass of wine or a beer. I see what you mean. I see what you mean. I love it, and I like boozy cocktails. I don't want anything sweet in them, really.

So, yeah, no, I already know this is not going to be up my street. I like a martini, gin martini, an old-fashioned something that makes you pull a face. But even like an old-fashioned is slightly too sweet for me, because they use a lot of syrup in it. I'd say I don't like the mega, mega sweet cocktails, but I do like stuff like this by the sound of things. I have one the other day that tastes exactly like

just a liquid black forest gatto, and that was amazing. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've had one there. But I also would probably more often than not have the ones that Ed's describing, the more boozy ones. So, I'm more likely to have the boozy ones. But every now and again, if someone's like saying, this place in particular does a good one of these, I'll have the pudding ones.

I reckon I could bring you both round. This is how confident I am in a chocolate drink. You've got one and a half ounce of vodka. Okay, absolute vodka. I don't think there's really vodka in this. Three-quarter ounce triple sec, half an ounce of chocolate sauce, not syrup, has to be chocolate sauce.

Two dashes of orange bitters, two ounces of half and half, shaken up into a coupé with chocolate sauce. Like chocolate, like powder. Powder. You know. Duster. It is the best thing ever. It doesn't sound too sweet, either, because obviously the orange is coming from the bitters

and the triple secs. Yeah, exactly. It's not like, yeah, it is gorgeous. It's so nice. It's like drinking what? Drinking a chocolate orange. A Terry's chocolate orange. Yeah, Terry's chocolate orange. Yeah. So, it's not boozy, really. Yeah, you don't drink it and go,

oh, God, I'm going to be off my face after a few of these. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I quite like that, because then I feel like it doesn't really count. I'll have one of them and then have a boozy one. So, is that available at your fiance's cocktail party? Yeah, shuffle in Brighton. Yeah, very, very nice.

So, what happens in shuffle? Well, it's called shuffle. You go in. Pour on the tally. Fuck off. Instantly. Ha, ha, ha, ha. All the ships are like, sailing past Brighton stopping. Oh, God, there's a ship in the way.

Someone's in the way. When I'm in the bedroom, I sound like Boatie McBoatie face. So, you go in and you pick the songs that play, like a jukebox, but off everybody's phone connects to it. So, you pick what's played there. And it's a whole load of different music and stuff. But it's cocktail bar.

But a Choc Work Orange has genuinely changed my life. And did you meet your fellow? Was it in the bar? Yeah, I went in with my friends. I'd not been living in Brighton too long. They'd come down to sort of see what Brighton was all about. See how it compared to the dip. And I'd put a song on and it hadn't come on. And he came over to say, like,

oh, how's your night go in as he's cleaning the glasses? And I'd add a few, I'll be honest, I'd add a few G and T's. And I kicked off. That's why you only have the cocktail bar. A gin and tonic, please. Are you telling me you mix the gin with the tonic? Stop it. Keep the G and T's coming. No, but the G was for goulash.

It was goulash and tonic. Goulash and toast. But I sort of kicked off about the fact that my song hadn't come on. And he went, well, what song was it? And it was a Rolling Stones song. And he went, well, that's why it's not come on then. Really sassy.

Sassy, he went and walked over and put share on. So I thought, I'll be honest, I thought I'm barking up the wrong tree. But then we just started like sort of chatting and then we went out for drinks a few days later. But that's how we met there. And then the Choc Work Orange was like, yeah, that's... Is he making those at home for you as well?

Oh, I had a great lockdown. I had a great lockdown. Yeah, just it's a lot of... Oh, I've just made this cocktail. Can you tell me if it's any good? And I'll be honest, unless it tastes like kerosene, it's a big yes. Yeah, make another one.

You got some other favourites? Do you want to shout out from the shuffle menu? They do a jam doughnut. Oh, great. Yeah, have you had them? Well, I haven't had a jam doughnut cocktail, but in Brighton, I've been to an ice cream parlor that does a jam doughnut ice cream that was insanely good. I think it's called Jojo's or something.

Bojo Gelato. Maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bojo Gelato. Yeah. So the jam doughnut one was like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As you said, about the cocktail, so it's literally like...

It just tastes exactly like a jam doughnut, but all of the good, nice textures of ice cream. I've had a birthday cake gelato, bojo gelato as well, that's really good. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, God. He did a really good one called a Cardi Beach, which was nice.

Yeah, I'll be honest. It starts with a name. Although sometimes I'm responsible for the name, and I don't think that's helpful to the business. Al Pacino, which is like a espresso martini, but it's done with Tuwaka. Have you had Tuwaka? So it's a spirit... Thank you, God. Tuwaka.

I barely knew her. It was... Tuwaka is a spirit that's like Brighton's really famous for. Somebody brought over that. It's really... It's very strong. It'll have you on the floor after like three, four shots. Great. It's really lovely.

There's quite a lot of shots of anything there, really. Well, yeah, but as in, like, you will be... Your neck, I'll bottle it up. I'll have you on the floor. You know, a whole castle dish of it. Absolutely destroys you. So that leaves us nicely onto your dessert, which we've had a nice Pudini drink. Yeah. So I'm feeling good about this.

I feel like there's going to be a Pudini pudding. As I've said, there's never enough chocolate orange, so my dessert is... But this is good. I like this because the drink is a sort of bridging thing. That's it. If you're pairing the flavours. This is nice. It's a good idea. Amazing.

And I adore chocolate orange with every fibre of my being, so I don't think you can ever have enough. Is it going to be just a terry? It's not a terry, it's chocolate orange. What is your love affair with chocolate orange, Star? As a kid, I always got a terry's chocolate orange for Christmas. My mum would get me one in my stocking. I loved it.

And it was around the time as well that Dawn French was doing the adverts of Don't Tap It, Whack It. And I loved it. It's not a terry's, it's mine. Yeah, loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a terry's, it's mine. And I loved all of that stuff of, like, she was quite...

I loved Vicar of Dibley when I was little, like watching all of that. Vicar of Dibley. So... I can't believe you even mentioned it. I know, I know. I'm just walking into the fire. Yeah, yeah.

But I just adore it. I like that as well as a kid, something that comes presented like that as an orange. And it's all... And it's really distinctive square. But you know, my mum would wrap it and then put it in the stock in it. And I knew straight away. I just love it.

I really... I love the... What you call, I guess, the core. Oh, the core. Yeah. They should sell a bag of the core. They should sell a bag of the core. So they not do that?

They get the cores to do the advert. Oh, yeah. Not Jim. Write this down. No. Not Jim. No, not Jim. But like the rest of them.

Oh, I'd buy a bag of terry's chocolate orange cores. Cores. They're so good, aren't they? Hey, is a good idea. Yeah. For a new cocktail. Right? Jim.

Jim and the core of a terry's chocolate orange. Yeah. That was the garnish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just stick that in. Yeah. Like a... Tell your boyfriend that.

Stick with an olive inch. Yeah. My dessert though is going to be chocolate orange. And it's... So my fiancee, Mike, his mum, Diane, does every Christmas for me a chocolate orange cheesecake. Right. And beautiful biscuit base. Maybe I would say 35% base.

Wow. Okay. Yeah. It's quite... And then 65% cheesecake. And then on the top. Maltesers. Whoa.

I didn't see the Maltesers coming. No. I like it. Okay, good. I think it would work. Yes. Yeah. So it's curveball, but just let it sit with you for a bit.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because it's... I would almost expect a slice of terry's chocolate orange on the top. Yeah, almost. Well, that's what you'd expect. That's when you go to like bakeries. That's happened a lot recently.

I see a lot of brownies. They're going, terry's chocolate orange brownies. It's just a brownie with a... It's too hard or dense a chocolate to put on the brownie. It is. It is. It is. That's also why I like terry's chocolate orange is they are...

The segments are in the shape of your mouth. Do you know what? Yeah. You put a segment just in your mouth. It's fit. It's just... It's not the shape, but everything you can just put in your mouth. No, but you know what I mean.

It's... He doesn't know what I mean, but it is laughing because it's the stupidest thing he's ever heard. No, it's... You know what I mean, right? Because it's curved. You can't just keep saying that. Curved and flat, right?

Like your mouth. Yeah. It's genuinely... So you put it like behind your teeth on your tongue and it's the perfect fit. It's like a jigsaw. It just... Yeah, like a chocolate retainer. That's what I do.

I put it behind my teeth. And just let it melt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not convinced, are you? No, I'm not convinced. It's the same shape as your mouth.

I mean, you put it in and it just fits perfectly. I think any bit of chocolate you can just put in your mouth. No, right. You know that novelty toy where you wind up a set of teeth and they go across a table. Yeah. Like that. If you think this is making your point clearer, it's not. But think of the shape of the teeth, right?

It's like a horseshoe, isn't it? Of the fake teeth. Yeah. The toy teeth. No, but that is what your... If you took your teeth out of your face... They would look exactly like a toy shop. All right, well, when you look at...

Little feet, little feet. A little joke shop chairman teeth. I know that this is true. I know that this is true. When you look at, like, say a skeleton. Yeah. And you go behind where the teeth are. It is like that toy.

You look at it and go. It's like a horseshoe. It's like a terry chocolate. Oh, I can fit a segment of terry chocolate. Oh, I did that skeleton. I do think that. Yeah. Like, it's a horseshoe shape and you can put a segment perfectly in there.

So that's what I like about it is you just bob it in. And you don't have to think about it. But terry chocolate orange size is not the shape of a horseshoe. No, but one segment is. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. It's curved. Curved like that.

Like a half circle, semi-circle. Never have I seen a horse clip-clopping around and thought, replace that shoe with a terry chocolate orange. Like for like. Like for like. I know what I mean. What you're saying is- And I promise you people listening to this will know what I mean.

Yeah. I kind of know what you mean. But like, also, I don't see how that's more sat- That's nice of them to eat. I know you mean that it's satisfying to eat it because of the shape. Right. Because it fits in your mouth. Same reason this happened last night.

My wife said she likes eating after eight, so pretend she's putting a CD. Put your CD in. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Right. So that's stupid. Your tongue isn't square.

No. And the- And the CD's aren't square. The direction of your- It's more like a floppy disk, isn't it, really? A floppy disk. Yeah. Which I think, actually, knowing your wife, that would be more-

Yeah. Up her street would be like an Amiga company, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or like a play-

Old PlayStation 1. Yeah. Yeah. Put it in there. Yeah. I'll tell her. Yeah. And then ask her, if she can imagine, a chocolate orange segment being the shape of your mouth.

Yeah. No. No. Same wavelength. That's why Ed gets on with you. Yeah. He's like, I can play this sport. No.

No. It's a thing. There's definitely the shape of an- Anyway. Chocolate orange cheesecake. Yes. Of which segments don't feature. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maltesers on the top. It's beautiful. It's really nice. And it means a lot because when I first started going out with Mike, and we did Christmases at his, his dad does Christmas cake for everybody. Oh. A Christmas cake each for everyone. Oh, well.

You know, that size of a saucer. They're really beautiful. And he spends a lot of time like, I don't like Christmas cake. Is that bad? No, no, no. I just don't. I just don't. It is, isn't it?

It's a quiet taste. Heard his little heart break. I know. I know. They're really beautiful. He puts that little conifer tree. Is it conifer tree? What?

Fur tree? Christmas tree. It's a tree. He puts a tree on. Christmas tree. He puts a tree on. And- That squash it?

Yeah. He puts them in. And- You can't look like a little green onion in my face. Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha.

Ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha. Ha-ha. Kind of sounds like Elvis. If you and that guy got together.

Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. I think we should start making Maysier chocolate or cheesecake for Christmas, because I don't know how to say this. Whenever dad brings the Christmas cake over, she makes that noise.

It's not appropriate for the family Christmas table. Oh no, oh no. He makes these Christmas cakes for everybody and it's so much effort for him to do, you know, they take a lot of time. So he asked me up front, do you like Christmas cake? And I said, no, because I couldn't have him. Normally I'd say yes, just to be polite if it's a little thing that you can have or something, but I couldn't have him making a cake for me. And I didn't expect anybody to make a cake in place of this. And his mum took it upon herself to make a chocolate orange cheesecake, just so I felt included and not left out. And I think I'd asked Mike, what's her favourite flavour? And there was no question about it because I bang on about

chocolate orange all the time. And it's so lovely. And I thought it was just going to happen the first Christmas to sort of make me feel welcome. It's happened every Christmas. It's so nice. It's the best part. I look forward to it so much. It's so nice. I understand. That's very nice. Really lovely cheesecake. Also, we should probably clarify, when you were saying about the small Christmas trees, you were saying like a small army man, and then that turned into the army men are on top of your Christmas cake that your boyfriend's dad makes, but he doesn't, just to clarify, he doesn't put army men on top of the individual Christmas cake. No, there's no army men featuring at the Christmas cake or Christmas in general. No, I haven't seen army men since that

fateful evening at the Queen's Hotel in Blackpool. Over your menu batch here now. Yes, please. Do you feel about it? You'd like still water? Yeah. You'd like pop-a-doms? Yeah. You want breaded berebe, cranberry sauce, salad and balsamic vinegar from the black swan in the dip? Yeah, at a pub quiz. At a pub quiz with the team. Yeah. Main course, granny's braising steak in the style of Prague goulash. We got there in the end. Got there in the end. Side dish, curly fries, bucket and spade, from Blackpool Pleasure Beach, drink, a clockwork orange from Shuffle. Chockwork orange, James. James doesn't understand puns. Yeah. A chockwork. Well, I go to a Tim Feing and I'm like, you just said it. These are just facts. These are just

facts. Weird list of stuff. Why have they brought you a blindfolded horse? You've asked for a simple thing at Pizza Express. A chockwork orange from Shuffle, dessert, Diane's chocolate orange cheesecake, and a Christmas day. Yeah. It's quite a nice menu, I think. I think that's a nice menu. I would eat that. I feel so happy just thinking about it. Maisie, thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you. Thank you, Maisie. Thanks so much for having me. Well, there we are, James. The off-menu menu of Maisie Adam and a lovely sip of... Peppermint tea. Don't worry. Does that count as green tea? No, no, no, no. No, no, sir. This is peppermint tea. Get out of here. No, no, no. This is peppermint tea. Green

tea is what... I mean, Maisie didn't say it either, so she got to stay in. Yes, she did. Thank you, Maisie. Thank you, Maisie. Good menu, I think. Good menu. Rude episode. A rude episode. I mean, you heard us, listener. We tried to divert it. We didn't want to be rude, me and Ed. I did. Yeah, me too. Thank you very much to Maisie for coming in. Do go and see Maisie on tour. Her show is called Buzz. It starts in September, and you can go to MaisieAdam.com for tickets. And go to Shuffle. And go to Shuffle in Brighton and order a Chalkwork Orange. Yeah, maybe go and see Maisie in Brighton and get the Chalkwork Orange. Go and see Maisie in Blackpool. Imagine how exciting that will be. Oh, my God. Is

she even touring to Blackpool? Yeah, I think so. If she's not, then I'm going to be disappointed. But that would be a great night in Brighton. Go and see Maisie then. Go out for a Chalkwork Orange. Yeah, to Shuffle. The full experience. Yeah, you've got the full Maisie Adam experience. Can't get more Maisie than that. Yeah. And every person who's working in Shuffle say to them, are you Maisie Adam's fiance? Yeah. Why have you not played the Rolling Stones? Yeah. You've got to go in there. You've got to put a Rolling Stones song on it. Yeah. And you've got to complain. Even if it gets played, you've got to complain that it's not been played yet. And then snap a pop on it, pop it in the mouth, and go. Then that's it. You've had the full Maisie.

I might have some tour dates left. Go and check on my website, edgambler.co.uk. Yes, please. Not up to much over here. No. No. Well, I guess I'll be doing my Scandinavian tour. Making me laugh every time you say that. Doing my Scandinavian tour first week of September. Yeah. Where else are you touring, James? That's it. Yeah, just Scandinavia for a week. First gigs in three years. Off to Scandinavia for a week. That's it. You're both welcome to come. I don't care if I'm welcome or not. So do go and see James. We do have some Scandinavian listeners, I'm sure. Yes. I'll be improvising. Yeah. Maybe go and see him. See what happens. Yeah. Maybe. See how he deals improvising to a famously polite and quiet audience.

Yes. So thank you very much, James. Thank you very much, Benito. Thank you very much, Maisie Adam. And thank you very much, Ed Gamble. Thank you very much, Francis Bell. Take a look at them. Take a look at them. Hello. It's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato. And our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's

about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy. Is it? Yeah. Get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.