Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 16: Jamie Demetriou

Episode Date: March 20, 2019

Jamie Demetriou – comedian, actor and writer extraordinaire – has booked a table this week. His meal's so good, not even a marmalade sandwich made by Paddington himself makes the cut. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)You can watch Jamie Demetriou's excellent sitcom 'Stath Lets Flats' on All 4 and look out for series 2 on Channel 4 later this year. Ed Gamble is on tour. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.James’s TV show ‘Hypothetical’ is on Dave, Wednesdays, 10pm.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Did someone order a podcast? Well, here is one of the podcasts that you've ordered. It's the Off Menu podcast, the food podcast in which me, Ed Gamble, and that man over there, his name is... James A. Caster. We have a special guest and we get them to pick their favourite dream starter. Not their favourite dream. Their favourite... Their dream slash favourite starter. Favourite dream best? Starter. Main. Desert. Side. Drink.

Thank you very much for saving me there, James. No worries. I'll guess this week is the wonderful Jamie Dimitriou. Brilliant. What an amazing comic actor, writer, performer he is. Everyone loves Jamie Dimitriou and we've got him on the podcast. He's in loads of stuff that you would have seen, but specifically he's got his own sitcom Stath Let's Flats, where he plays an estate agent on Channel 4. It was a fantastic series that was on last year. He didn't ask us to plug anything, but it is on All 4. You can

go and watch all of those episodes on All 4 and I would go and watch it because it is very, very funny indeed. So we're going to be asking Jamie about all of his dream courses, but also, James, there's a secret ingredient, isn't there? Yes. Now, this is the first secret ingredient that I actually like, but fair enough. So this is normally an ingredient that neither me or James like, and we tell you what it is in the intro, and then if the guest mentions it during the podcast, they are kicked out and banned from the restaurant forever, James. That is true. Now, I might be kicked out the restaurant myself because I love marzipan

and that's what it is this week. Marzipan, as far as I'm concerned, can rot in hell. I'm a marzipan. Right. I'm almost, because that pun's so good, I'm almost now on board with marzipan. But not fully because it tastes like piss. Oh, come on, mate. Well, we'll see if Jamie Dimitriou likes it or not. He might say that he wants it, he might say that he doesn't, and if he says he doesn't, he's allowed to stay in.

And Joe Whitehead, if he says that he does want it, I'll be kicked out with him. I love it so much. We can't have the genie leave the restaurant. Well, you shouldn't have been such a bully. If the guest and the genie leave the restaurant, then it's just going to be me, a sad man with no powers sat in an empty room. Eating the scraps. Yeah, with a little bonito in the corner, recording it all.

Well, let's see what happens. So, let's start this episode. Here we go. Jamie Dimitriou. Hello, Jamie. Oh, yes. Hi. Hello. Haha. Ah. I thought I was just here having some dinner on my own.

No, you're in the dream restaurant, and that sound effect means that the genie waiter has appeared. Hello. Welcome. Welcome to the restaurant, Jamie. Thanks, man. Good to see you. If I've been sitting in my lap, anticipating your arrival.

Oh, and I didn't know that you guys would be here, so... Oh, you were just... You've just wandered in. Well, I'd like to dine for one, and, well, I mean, usually, a genie pops up. It's just not necessarily one I already respect on the comedy show. Because that's what happens sometimes. You just found this place on Time Out? That is generally where I get my bits and pieces.

Zagats? Yeah. I've actually discovered any music, not Zagats. I don't think I've ever heard that said out loud. Yeah, but I don't ever see that written down. Is it Zagats or Zagats? I thought it was an acronym. Oh, yeah.

Like Zesty... And Great. And Turn Around, because there's a genie behind you. And Great Genie. And Zesty and Great Genie at Tomorrow's Stew. Yeah. Well, welcome to the restaurant that you found on the Great Stew Genie website. Thank you again.

Did your father come? No. Just a wander from Haggeston. Yeah, it was a city map that measured it as a wander. How far are you travelling for most meals? Well, in that area, there's lots of nice things being fried and chopped. So not that far often, but abroad is usually where the most exciting meals are going on. Sure.

Yeah. And that's where I think it's the number one thing for a holiday reason for me. I completely agree with you. Yes. Follow your belly. That's what I do. Going on holiday. Let the belly pick it.

That's a good tip. What's your favourite country to go and eat in? It's just all of the Americas. Yes. I don't think it's subjectively where the best food is, but I think one spends so much of their childhood watching food on telly and all tellies in America that you just want to find it, like pizza and friends. And I don't think...

I mean, Willy Wonka was in London, wasn't he? Where was Willy Wonka? That's a good question. Yeah, he was. But then in the films, he's not. Well, in the first film that we watched as kids. Right. Isn't that in America?

Oh, no. No, it is in England. It's in England, I'm sure. It feels American because it's Gene Wilder in America. Because the buckets are English, aren't they? Yes. Yeah, you don't get an American bucket, do you? No.

It's a trot. Yeah, they call it the trots. They change the name for the American book. Yeah, that's in England, I think. But I know what you mean. You see so much American food and delicious looking food on television. Yeah. But the candies and stuff.

I mean, American chocolate is hell to me. Yeah. I think that's unanimous. But is it, but how is it not unanimous among them? Is it one of those things where, I mean, everybody will automatically assume that, oh, it's just what you're used to. But I feel like if you were to slide a little Cadbury square towards someone who's enjoying a bomb hole her cheese, it would be embarrassing to be like, oh, that Cadbury's is, it is disgusting,

but can I have the rest of it? Yeah. I agree. I don't see how anyone could eat her cheese and not decide that Cadbury's is way better if you have a comparison. I haven't even met an American person who would actually disagree with that. I think a lot of them say, like, almost apologize for their chocolate a lot of the time. Although some places, you know, Ed knows that I love Trader Joe's because Ed told me about

it in the first place. Oh, right. I like the chocolate in there. Yeah, Trader Joe's has got the best stuff. Yeah, yeah. They do those little boxes of little chocolate balls that are nice. I've not had those ones. They're very nice.

The balls are nice. My favorite are the almonds covered in sea salt and turbinado sugar and dark chocolate. Turbinado. Turbinado sugar. It's like a super fast sugar. You've got to get there early to catch the nuts because they run very fast. But yeah, they're just like salty and really sweet and covered in dark chocolate and they're the best.

Amazing. But I think I spent a lot of my childhood not being able to enjoy chocolate because of the sort of stuff that was brought into my house. Right. That's Greek and they tend to come up the left-hand side of nice stuff a lot of the time for this because of the sort of place. Like, if I wanted a chocolate cake for my birthday, might I be like, here's another chocolate cake?

And it would just be brown cake. Brown is chocolate. And then you're on top. You'd be like, and then, but just all the things that you want it to be, there'd be a sort of replacement. So like, like a sort of very, you know, when you put honey in the fridge and it sort of crusts over and you don't get to enjoy the smoothness. So it'd be a sort of brown-colored, flavorless cake that is just the definitive, it's just

cake. That's the flavor. It's cake. And in the middle, we sort of some crunchy honey, but not honeycomb crunchy, like, like cold. And just sort of with a smat. And then the candles would have been in it too long and the wax would have sort of been chipped, not melted onto it, but sort of chipped over time because he would have prepared it

in the morning. And you're like, I don't, this is only just food now. So it's like a prop. It's like a prop of a cake. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, I'd probably pass a prop cake and ask for a slice of that comparison. But yeah.

So I have an odd relationship with chocolate now. I really, I think just generally with all food, I spent, I mean, my dad, oh, I should also add that my dad's a chef. Absolutely no excuse for that awful cake. Huge reveal. But is that, is that classic thing of not wanting to do what you do at work when you get home? Right. But not acknowledging it.

Whenever here is chef going, I don't want to, I'm going to cook shit stuff tonight. Yeah. They go, I'm going to, they're like, no, it is as good, but they just don't put in as much effort. Just something easier. Yeah. Yeah. It's only for the people he loves.

He loves most in the world. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen some hell and just, I mean, this, but also talking about the people he loves, that includes himself. I mean, I've seen him push himself through some bad shit for the sake of not having to put in any effort. I once saw him, he once, I remember, I've got this vivid memory.

I was like 14. I remember being sat in the living room on a weekend watching TV and I was eating an orange or something. And he came in with a metal tray and on it was a pile of chicken bones with nothing, nothing on them, no meat on them, like about six garlic cloves, a raw onion, some, and like some very, very flaky chilies, just like an unpickled. And he just sort of sat down and started going, what do you think? I was like, an orange.

And he was like, huh, and just started tucking into this stuff, popping the garlic in. And like he bit into an onion and I was like, all right, what are you doing? What are you doing? And he was like, he was like, what, do you think it's bad because it's an onion? This is not an onion. It's an apple. In cypress onions, burn your heart. Okay.

Continue. And then started crunching through the bones. And the weirdest part was that when I peeled the orange, I'd left the peel on the side and I saw him eyeing it up. And he was like, are you going to eat that? And I was like, what day is this for you? I know you eat weird stuff, but I'd never seen you. Why do you just suddenly decide to do this today?

So, yeah. Whereabouts is he a chef? He was like, he was pretty good. I mean, he's quite old now. He's nearly 80. He was a very successful chef up until I was born. Right. And then he was about 50 odd and decided he didn't want to do the long evening hours.

I mean, he'd been doing it for, he started when he was like 19. He had to have his knees replaced because he spent so long standing over a hob. Did he eat his old knees? Yeah. Yeah. It's like the placenta. It's a traditional chef thing. You get all your staff from over the years together.

Do you all eat the knees? Ceremonial things. Cheers in his own knees or something. A little hollow clip clop sound like a two coconuts for a horse. Good on him? Yeah. But yeah. So he, that's insane.

By the time he was like, I was like 10. I think he'd bought a greasy spoon cafe in Queens Park. So he spent most of the time doing that cafe three star. It was called in his words. He was like, what do you want to be honest about these things? Good on him. But I mean, it wasn't, it was called that when he bought it. And we were like, change it to anything else.

This is very nice actually. Stars in the sky. See that Orion's belt and stuff like that. You picture the pattern for yourself in the word order then. But yeah. But before that he was cooking, he was doing, he was like, he was an assistant to the first ever celebrity chef, a guy called Robert Carrier. Okay.

He was like the first guy to do sort of Zhuzhi, Ainsley Harrier-esque cooking on TV. And he was like the little Greek guy in the background shitting himself, wondering what a camera was. With a plate for the chicken bones. Yeah. Nice to have that up again. The chicken bones again. Let's start you off with some water.

Do you want some still or sparkling water? It's a night out, isn't it? Yeah. Sparkling. Sparkling. I get tap water whenever I want at home. Well, it's not tap. It would be still.

It could be. It could not be just still. You could have tap. You could have bottled still. You could have sparkling. I will generally go for a tap. But as we're dreaming sparkling, I can afford it tonight. Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. You can afford it tonight. What is an amount that you wouldn't spend on sparkling water? Good question. That is a good question. And we're talking a tall, we're talking a tall bottle, not a handheld. Yeah. But not that you can't hand hold a tall bottle, but comfortably.

Surely. Yeah. That's extravagant. Yeah, we're talking two-handed or one-handed. I would probably... How much would you expect to pay first off? See, I'd never really get sparkling water. So I don't know.

I'd always just go tap water because it feels like a waste of money getting any fancy water. I would expect like three quid or something. It is mad, that, isn't it? Yeah, it is mad. But I would agree. I was picturing, I think I've seen of late a sort of four quid. That feels like the general going rate for a bottle of water with bubbles in it. Five is probably a tipping point, isn't it?

Yeah. That's a fiver. That's where you start, yeah. You can give me a note and you won't get anything back from that. Right, yeah. Yeah, that would be too much for bubbly water. Because tap still and sparkling is basically, it's still the same character, isn't it? It's all the same stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got the same traits. I would definitely not pay six pounds. Five pounds, it depends what day you catch me on. That's a weekend price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm, also who I'm with, if it's a date, you know, you don't want to be, you don't want to turn down any, you know, I'm not paying five pounds for the water.

Because then that really sets you up as I'm going to be this guy. But what if it is five pounds? You say I'm not paying five pounds, I'm paying six pounds. Yeah, I'd just show off. Yeah. Six pounds. You've got any six pound stuff? Yeah, I've got six pound water.

Can I try it please? Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I'm big time going sparkling. I do it. Yeah. Pop bombs off red. Christ. Pop bombs off red, Jamie.

Now this is where I'm starting to wish it was just me. What I enjoyed about that is, I know for a fact, Jamie's had the podcast before. So, James did it as loud and as quickly as possible to try and catch you off guard and it worked. Yeah, I deliberately did not ramp up to it in any way. He made sure I jumped in there when we were in mid sentence. For the listener, he shat himself. I'm going to hold my hands up.

Took me by surprise. Yeah, yeah. I got a bit scared on that one. My finest one yet actually. The huge reveal as well is the back legs of my chair are tipping off the edge of a stage that we're sat on. And behind that is a window that might be open. I could have gone badly.

We've been looking at you going, well, at least we've got a good story about his dad. At least we've got that. Would you put it out? Would you put this out? Absolutely. That'd be the next episode. Have to. It'd be sort of Jonathan Ross, Russell Brown, Saxgate.

Yeah. He's like, you're like that. It's neither of you working for the podcast again. They just replace you. Yeah. With eight for a cast. Yeah. There's no way you're not working for a cast.

I know. You think so? Yeah. I can't believe they didn't ask for permission before launching the show. Take him to court when they sign. Wait, so what was the question? Problems of breath. You could have shot me again.

You expected that. I wanted to be in charge of it for a second in my life. I mean, don't get me wrong. A pop of gum is almost too exciting an experience to top a meal for my liking. And also, I can't do a curry anymore. I've got stomachy stuff. Right. Not pooey per se.

More ulcery, acidity, hell. And that's worse because at least a poo is satisfying, right? Right. Yeah, exactly. But that's the giggle you get. It's like, oh, tomorrow's going to be hard. It's like, oh, I'm going to die. It's going to be really painful.

I do take, I do take, I have a problem with curry culture as well off the back of it. And that whole like going, turning up and being people like, oh, would you reckon you can have? And I'm like, oh, I'm going to, probably going to have a coma. And they're like, oh, you're an asshole. Why don't you have a thing that I think is really fun, nice and fun. It would be agony for me. And they're like, I'd have been to Lou have one anyway. Why don't you want the thing that I enjoy in your mouth?

I agree. I agree. It's a bit laddy, isn't it? Well, but laddies, I'll go, God, I'm a lad, mate. Please. I love it. But I am, it is a... You're having a coma, mate.

I wanted to lure you into making me feel bad, actually. I enjoy it as a lad. But yeah, I'll pop it on to me when I have one. It makes me think, oh, I might be about to have a curry, which I've just never really doing anymore. So it's like a horrible sense memory. Yep, yep. So, that's a long exhale. Yeah, and also, it could have been any of us.

I've learned that recently with recording. An exhale, or you can confuse people. That could have been it. Oh, yeah. You should probably think about that. Future episodes can make whatever noise I want, like a random noise. I'll just let everyone know that exhale was Jamie. All right.

Jamie did do that. But it's also, stealing curry from someone who works in comedy is, I think if you were to say what, like, on the comedy, when I go to Edinburgh or any comedy festival, curry is the thing, right? It's a sort of a slog of a meal where everyone sort of takes the giggles they've had for today and shares them with everyone over a chutney. It's not too expensive, but it is a treat. There's a banquet going on.

They're open late as well, crucially. Yeah, there you go. See, I enjoy curry now and again, but I'm not as obsessed with curry as some people, I don't think. I find that it's too much food. You end up too full. Diabetically, it's a very difficult thing to handle. Right. I'll see the effects on my blood sugar levels for the next sort of 24 hours if I have a curry. Really? Is it a sugary number of curry?

It's high carb and high fat, which is a brutal combination, because it slows the absorption of the carbohydrates. So it's just... And that's podcasting. Yeah. Welcome to the podcast. Hairpub for science. Yeah.

I've played that before. But I do enjoy the flavours, but I just think it's too much. I think the British twist we've added to Indian food is that we've just doubled the volume. Right, right. I just think it's a bit heavy. I see you. Yeah, well, we're together then in that. Yeah.

So my answer to that is bread. Yeah, yeah. My very long answer is bread. And my favourite restaurant in London is a restaurant called Pigeon. And the bread there is on another planet. It's so good. Where's Pigeon? It's Wilton Way.

Okay. I think it's closer to... It's a Hackney restaurant. Yeah. But it's like a potato bread. Okay. And it comes with like a brown butter with some salt on top. And it's not the most expensive of the treat restaurants,

but annoyingly, I mean, and it's all great. They change the menu every week, but no matter who I take, they're always like the best part of that was the bread. And it's no disrespect to the rest of the cooking. The bread is just unbelievably memorable. Great. But what I'm also saying about the bread is I want an even number of pieces because having to cut one in half is hell on earth.

Yeah. Yeah. I want to... I don't want that moment where you're sort of cutting in half and both people are eyeing up sort of who's got the bigger half. I don't want to have to go through that when I'm trying to enjoy it. You can have your own plate of bread. You can each look at...

Just off. I'm fantasising. Yeah. Shit. The bread, if you're going to share it, if you're the cutter, you've got to steady the bread roll with your hands, which means that's the bit you're getting. That's your bit.

Right. So whether you like it or not. Well, I mean... And you have to appear generous. And you're talking behind her genie point of view. Yeah. Right. I guess you're taking people to this place that...

Well, I think it's an honour to take to have the finger bread. Yeah. It's fine. Let's move on to your starter. Let's get into the main bulk of it now. I've found this very stressful thinking of this list, actually. Yes. Good.

Have you two even... Have you two got your list? I wouldn't be able to do it. You wouldn't be able to... That'd be impossible. It's a ridiculous thing to ask someone, I think it's unfair. One day we will. Yeah.

I think one day we will. Yeah, one day we're going to have to. You can't make other people do it. Yeah. But like, I mean, you know, there's been a few episodes where like, something someone said has reminded me of something that I really like, or that might be on my list, actually. Right.

But... I think I won't reveal what it is, but I think we might have the same dessert. Yes. You're not going to reveal what it is. Not here and right now. We'll make my episode a special episode. We'll tell you after. Give people a reason to listen to my episode and I'll know who I am.

We're going to push you out the window later, mate, so I think it'll be pretty special. I don't know if I've done it. I'm going to start by saying I think the starter is often the best course. Right? Well, I'm with you on that. Yeah, Ed is a big old starter boy. I'm the starter boy.

It gives people room to experiment and have a good time because it's not a huge amount of commitment. Yeah. It's a little... Little portions. Yeah, exactly. Lovely stuff. But as I sort of...

I had to... I think I thought so hard about it and felt so bad for all the stuff I'm leaving out, that I just... I've gone very basic for just a food stuff that I love, and that is pickles or gherkins. I'm a fanatic. And specifically a sort of American deli pickle that's like half... Like a dill pickle sort of thing.

Yeah. I mean, it's... I feel like it's like saying if you've been to Big Ben, if you've been to Cats is in New York. Yeah. The pickles there are... Yeah, incredible. They're another universe.

Yeah. And they just come with... I remember the first time I went, I saw that someone had this whole plate of pickles next to their sandwich, and I was very British-ly being like, and how do I... I can't see the own pickles on the menu. How do I compare those?

And they just didn't say anything in return, and then they just arrived with my sandwich, and I just... I almost couldn't eat them, because my fists were so clenched with happiness, just bobbing for pickles on the plate. Absolutely amazing. I stayed on the same...

Not someone's in New York, I was sitting on the same street as Cats is. Really? It's open late as well. So like, obviously in the daytime, you can't move. You take ages to get in there. Going in there in the evening was a joy,

although I didn't go in there. I just went in there and... I mean, it won't surprise anyone who listens to the podcast regularly, but I just went in there and just got some cherry pie. That's what I wanted in there, right? Did you? Yeah. I just went in there and got some dessert pie.

Who took you to Cats is for the first time, James? Ed Gamble took me to Cats is for the first time. Really? Reuben? Yeah. I go with Reuben with pastrami. Right. It's what I do.

You don't do a mix-up? I don't do a mix-up. Just Reuben with pastrami, plate of pickles, a pint of that, the specific beer that Brooklyn Brewery do for them. Oh, yeah, lovely stuff. It's good.

Cell Ray Soda is what I get there. Oh, nice. It's like a celery soda. Oh, right? It doesn't taste like celery. And in fact, you can get... Have you been to Monty's? I don't think I have.

Oh, my God. No, no, no. I'm so happy to introduce you to this. Cats is basically in London in the form of Monty's. Oh, my God. It's a place in Hoxton and the Reubens are unbelievable and they do all the same sort of drinks and stuff.

Oh, great. It's so good. We're going. Yeah, we're going there. Absolutely. We're not on the list. There's actually... I think there's like a few now.

Let's open up a couple more around. It's really good. I'm not bored anymore than if they branched out. If they branched out. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You would like pickles from Cats is Delhi. I think that's what I'm having. There were a few second options that I just want to bring up. There's a brisket roll at Smokehouse in Canterbury, which is around the corner from here. There's a starter and it has this... There's a mayo. It's gotchujang mayo, which is like a spicy mayo.

It's like a curry... That's like Korean chili paste, isn't it? Yeah, it's like a chili bean paste. I don't know. Fermented. But it's... I mean, that is on another planet of deliciousness. That sounds amazing as well.

But I feel like it might be a clash with one of my mains. So I'm just going to stick to the pickles and enjoy myself with those. And just allow the sparkling water to just dissolve any brine. Although I'll go for the brine. At uni, I used to... People used to... I'm a briney. At uni, people used to be like...

You know, if you give Jamie a tenor all down a jar of brine, I'd be like... Well, I mean, I'm... Yeah, yeah. But oh, God, don't make me do that. You nasty sods. Judging... I love it.

I love it. They leave and I'm finishing it off. You spent the first five minutes of this podcast going, oh, my dad's a weirdo. He ate a whole onion. And literally five minutes later, you're going, yeah, I'll down a jar of brine. I don't give a shit.

I'll pretend that I'm doing it for money reasons. Actually. You're right. And actually, it was me with the bones and everything. Oh, shit. Your dad. Don't leave any food near Jamie. Yeah, dad's a very safe eater.

Rubber chin for the bins of a fox. Oh, you know the pleasant in London? Yeah. And there's that pub that's at the bottom of the stairs. Mm-hmm. And they do food there. Yeah. And for a while, they did basically deep fried pickles.

Great. I love fried pickles. Oh, yeah. So good. And I used to have them often when I went there, even though it would... Because the problem with deep fried pickles is you bite into them and they're so full of juice.

Yeah, yeah. And it's just the temperature of lava. Yes, yeah. And it really hurt me every single time. And I kept on getting it, because I liked the taste of it so much. But it was a really unpleasant experience. Yeah.

I know it's... Yeah, yeah. And you get the fat and the fat as well. It's like the fat and the water from the pickle are encouraging each other to be hot. Yes. Be hot, be hot, be hot, be hot. No, you be...

Okay, we're both a lot. Great. Blue cheese dip with that? I can't remember what dip it was. I wouldn't say no to that, though. Yeah. That's what they do at Meat Laker. I know you're not a fan, James,

but they... You're not a fan of Meat Laker? No. I went to Meat Laker once and I just thought it was too dark. Yeah, no, yeah, that's... Automatically, like, light-wise. Definitely.

I think the amount of what your opinion on Meat Laker's food is, I think everyone would agree they don't need to make it feel like you've joined a satanic concert when you go in there. Yeah. Actually, once I was in there,

a lady came up to me and literally she was pointing at the deck on, she went, do you approve of this? I didn't know. She was like, do you approve of all this? I was like,

what's that meant to be? I went, I think that's like a goat's head and like there's some blood coming out of the goat's head. She's like, who's putting on that? Why is that there?

I'm actually on board with all that. Yeah, you like all that. I always like all that. It's tattoos look like. The same person who doesn't say it's tattoos is the person who does the interior design. They're all Meat Laker tattoos.

That is such a specific request. I need to find that guy for my body. Who's a Meat Laker guy? I've got a big fried pickle at my right leg. I bet if you were to turn the lights up, it would just sort of look very... Like a sort of swimming pool foyer or something.

Yeah. Very sterile and sort of fine. If you see a nightclub with the lights on, it's just, it feels really bleak. And suddenly all your tattoos don't make sense at all. Yeah, my God.

I tell you what, as well as nightclub, you turn the lights on. The sweat smell increases. Not sure that's true. I'm going to stand by that. You can smell the sweat more when the lights are on.

How hot are these lights that they're bringing out? Yeah, exactly. But you know, in the dark, I don't notice it as much. You turn the lights on like this, but I think I know what you mean, actually.

So you're a brine. Are you like a bit of brine? I'm hitting the hot. I'm hitting the hot. Pickleback? I wouldn't do a pickleback because I think it would, the combination of...

I shouldn't be having brine anyway for the acid probes. So combining whiskey with that is like putting a gun in my mouth. So what is that to refresh me? A shot of brine and a shot of whiskey or bourbon specifically,

I think you would do. You can buy like brine as pickleback. You can buy it in like the spirit section of a supermarket now. What? Like just the brine that you would use? Like a bottle of brine. And it's effectively just like

Miss Hamish pickle brine, but they're selling in a fancy bottle for like eight quid. I would buy that. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Cheers. You're making two quid out of that, right?

Exactly. Yeah, he's done the whole thing. Well, I'm an investor in the Miss Hamish universe. Yes, it's like a brine chaser. Yes. I don't think I would do that. It's actually delicious.

I don't know if he was asking me. It's a salty shot. It's a salty shot. You liked it? I like it. Yeah. Did one in Bodine's once? Oh, really?

I'll burn end in Bodine's as a thing. It's a whole, isn't it? Absolutely. We're going to his main course now and I get the feeling that we're maybe going to get some beef for this main course

because you nodded to it earlier. Yes. I've been dropping clues everywhere. The callbacks are going to alarm. There might be four shadowing in this episode. It was amazing. Edgar Wright film.

Yeah. Yeah. One of my courses is going to be eight Eaton while dangling out of a window. It was just a reference to that at the beginning. Are we doing main?

Yeah. So this is another foreign delicacy from the States. Again, I just love what they've got to offer over there. I mean, oh, don't get me wrong. London's food scene is wonderful. I want to just doff my hat to that.

Yeah. But have you been to Pine and Crane in LA? No. No. Oh, man, alive. There's this Taiwanese place and my friend went,

oh, you're going to quite like this place. And as you do with things like that, you're like, no, I won't. Who knows more about food? I think it's me. Yeah. Any recommendation is always met

with an immediate no. Yeah, sure. What's this film? Why? Yeah. I watched the films that I choose. Thank you. So yeah, it's a Taiwanese place

and it just is everything I want that sort of food to be. I kind of feel like there aren't that many Chinese or Taiwanese. I love Chinese and Taiwanese food so much. Yeah. But I feel like there aren't that many

restaurants in London that really get me going on that side of things. Yeah. I've certainly the best ones that have taken it to the next level of being in America. So we went to an amazing place in New York called King's County Imperial

that's like a Szechwani. But like... What was that? It's in Brooklyn. Nice. Ed was very clever about it. Ed booked it and did not tell us that Szechwani stuff is meant to

make your mouth numb and stuff. Right. He did it but he didn't tell us it was going to be fun for him. Yeah. And it was fun. Me and John Robbins immediately were going looking concerned

and I'm like, does anyone else? Guys, I thought there's something wrong. It's New Year's Eve and I'm dying. But like, it was delicious. Make your mouth numb and then there's these soup dumplings. Oh, God. Put in a soup dumpling when you've got

a numb mouth. I just feel it burst over your numb tongue. So good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, come now. And also in New York, Mission Chinese.

I've never said that before, by the way. It felt right. Wait, wait, Mission Chinese? Yeah, I've heard about that. Yeah, I need to do that. They do a dish there called Thrice Cooked Bacon. Oh, really?

It's just incredible. It's like a bacon-y pork. It's just this amazing chicken bone with like sliced like rice cake, like mochi stuff in like Szechuan pepper sauce. Oh, wow. It's incredible.

But I've not had any food like that in the UK. Yeah. Maybe there is. Maybe we're overlooking it. Silk Road is pretty good in Peckham, that's quite nice. Yeah, yeah.

Wait, wait, wait. Did you have a... Honestly, if there's any listeners who know of any really great time in these Chinese places in London, in the UK, then tweet us up. Let us know.

I think what I'm talking about is like, I'm sure there's some really nice, authentic places in the UK. But I think I'm talking about like Swish Hipster places. Oh, yeah. Swish Hipster, I think,

there aren't that many. There are loads of like Upmark, like Zhu, XU. Oh, that's great. I love that. It's like, that's in my top five in London. Yeah, that's amazing.

That's the Taiwanese place. But it's incredible. But it's like a special night out. It's not just like a... Well, there's something about like, I would say Tao Tao Zhu for me in Chinatown. It's like a really good Chinese

place. I love it. I think I just haven't experimented enough. Maybe. I think I'm the same. The Wasabi King prawns. Shout out to the Wasabi King prawns.

They're so good. They're cleaning nostrils out. I absolutely love them. That's the main thing. He sticks them up his nose. They're in the sort of... They buy vixen boots. Yeah.

I love that feeling of Wasabi just going up your nose. Oh, yeah. Wasabi peanut is a lovely, lovely, lovely thing. I used to think it was quite funny in a pub if you got like a little half-point glass of Wasabi peas.

Right. To down the whole thing, like it was a pint of beer. Yeah. And I did that and he's like, crunched them all down. It used to be really bad. I had to run to the toilet.

How many times do you do that? A couple. A couple of times. Always with friends? Always with friends. I don't know. I'm not friends with them anymore. They probably won't hang out with

me in public anymore. Came back from the toilet. They were all gone. Yeah. Not another group of friends. I'm beginning to see why now. Oh, but also, oh, shout out also to the Vietnamese

strip near my flat in Hoxton. Really, really good. Yeah. Loads of good places there. Bum, bum, bum. And the foe house. Already nice. Boy, I haven't even said the thing.

Yes, sorry. It's a pine and crane. It's my fault. I'm sort of doing excuses on the end. No, we are kindred spirits. That's what I'm picking up. I'm afraid kindred spirits here. If we talk about any food,

we have to go on for ages. Oh, God. Pine and crane. Really nice. So I'm going there and I'm having, they do a bowl of noodles called Dan Dan noodles, which is just noodles in a peanutty sauce with cucumbers finally sliced on top.

Yeah. And some peanuts and just a nice soy saucy, like very, very mildly spicy sauce. And it's just fresh heaven. Right. And it's not expensive. It's really like, that's like,

you know, when you buy something these days for about nine quid from a restaurant, it's really nice and you get a full meal out of it. It's unbelievable. So I ordered that and a load of sides, one of which is a beef roll, which is like a,

it's like a duck pancake, but the pancakes really thick and the beef is like long, long thin slices of hoisin and cucumber. And it is, it's just, it's so fresh and good. I feel like you just,

you're expecting there to be a sort of battered gherkin-esque quantity of oil that's going to explode with something like that, but it just goes in clean, boy. Yeah. And then, and then some potstickers with that as well. They do really nice pork potstickers

with aubergine in them. A big, I'm a big, yeah. Because that's the kind of, that's, I wanted to pick something where I could have loads of sure.

Look at that. I want to meatloaf. At all, actually. I don't think I've ever had a meatloaf. Oh, I have one once too. We've talked about this on the episode. I feel like I've heard that. I was talking to Ed about it, but yeah,

I've got a meatloaf in Cheesecake Factory. Yeah. He went to Cheesecake Factory and ordered meatloaf. Why do you have to make me scream with laughter? Because it's the stupidest thing I've ever done. I regretted so much. I went in there because I wanted a cheesecake, but then I felt like, oh no, I've got to be good,

and I've got to have a main, because I've always, I can't have, just put it on the side. The famously healthy intro to Cheesecake, a meatloaf and mash. A meatloaf, yeah. And it was, it was so huge, I got so full on it, and then I barely forced this cheesecake down.

The last time I had anything meatloaf based was I had a meatloaf sandwich at the diner in Camden, and then I went down to the toilet and someone had done a shit on the floor. Ha ha ha ha. Does that preempt your shit on the floor? Yeah. I was about to do that.

From the meatloaf. At the Cheesecake Factory, do they have a Wagamama approach to bringing stuff out? So it's like, do you mind if the cheesecake and the meatloaf comes at the same time? I know, I know, I know. Everything just comes out when it's ready, if that's all right.

The cheesecake is definitely already ready, so that's coming out. Yeah. There should be some cheesecake on the table when you arrive, actually. Yeah. I like that. It's not the best job,

where there's already like, each table has like a little, like a mystery dish in the middle, and you choose your table, and then like, yeah. You don't know. There's a mystery cheesecake in the middle. And when it comes to ordering your cheesecake,

you can have, you can order. So it's like deal or no deal. Or you have it for free, the one in the middle. Or you can have that one for free in the middle. Ah, nice. That's quite fun, isn't it? Like a sort of Bertie Bot's

Every Flavour Cheesecake. Oh yeah, yeah. But a bogey. Oh no, I've got the bogey cheesecake. Bertie Bot's beans, either. Like I bought them for my nephews and stuff. It's fun, isn't it? Funny, funny, it's all of that.

But it is mad that they actually have stuck with the premise of Bertie Bot. One of them tastes like sick. Yeah. It's like, oh wow, what have they done to make it actually taste like sick? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that tastes horrible.

That tastes horrible for me. Yeah. J.K. Rowling's sick, unlucky. That's what she does, actually, every year. J.K. Rowling's just sick in a big bucket and then they use it for the Bertie Bot's beans. Imagine there's a meeting that would come before that. Just sort of talking to me, she's like,

yeah, sure, she's doing me to do it now. Yeah, yeah. Happy for it to be my sick. Absolutely happy for it to be my sick. I lost my idea, so. Tweeting about it. It's pretty exciting. There's a photo of me doing the sick.

And pouring them into the bean molds here. Pouring the sick into the bean molds. Is that how it would work? Sicking into a bean mold. We've actually got the bean molds here, J.K. Two minutes, I'll just do it now. Don't worry, all I ate on the lead up to it was nice Bertie Bot's beans.

So that's all you're getting. It's made the same stuff. All right, so it's quite a high acid. Yeah, I'll do that. Just eat Bertie Bot's beans and stick them up and then they're the sick beans. So I've made them, having been to L.A. a couple of times, often alone, I've made the mistake

of going to these sorts of restaurants and then over-ordering massively. Would you say your main is over-ordering or is that just the right amount of food? It's just, that's probably enough. Do you know what? I would eat all that. Because I'm in L.A. so rarely.

I'd over-order and eat all of it. Right, yeah. It's definitely an over, I'd feel terrible afterwards. But not as bad as I'd feel if it was all bad stuff. I kind of feel like doing this list, it was difficult because I didn't know whether to go for nostalgia or what I like now. There's so many things that I have such fond memories of.

When I go back to eat it, I'm like, oh, that wasn't nice, was it? Actually, I was just, I don't want to know. Look, I think Wagamamas is a great establishment. But the other day I had a catsukuri there and I hadn't been there for ages. And I was like, oh, it's not as nice as a really good, someone did me a homemade catsukuri,

which I didn't think was possible a few weeks ago. Surely it's just like Wagamamas had the secret. Yeah, it's a new restaurant for you, right, yeah. And it was unbelievable. And I think it's because it's like, is Wagamamas, is it like, is it, what is it? Is it good quality stuff? I don't know.

I think it's fine, it's just like, yeah, yeah. It's a chain restaurant and they're, you know, they're knocking out a lot of meals a day, so they have to, I guess they, no. It's in that world of like pizza, express and stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. But it is all good stuff.

It's a decent chain. It's a pizza express, is it a frozen dough? I mean, I don't care, I like it all. But I was like, there's something about this that isn't amazing. Anyway, the point I'm making is the binding crane thing is so fresh and like good quality stuff that you don't feel like shit,

you just feel stupid for ordering so much. Yeah, yeah. I think also Katsukuri is one of those things that's never, the first time you have a Katsukuri, it blows your mind because it's so salty and delicious and you really love it. You can't find what, why is it sweet and what way is it sweet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then finding one that's as good as ever again is like you have to do stuff like have a homemade one or something like that. Have one in a really fancy one because otherwise, it's never as good as that first time when you were like, oh, wow, what's this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm like your first gig.

Like when you go and see Katsukuri at a gig for the first time. Yeah. They'd only open for sure. Yeah. They. So we've got beans, we've got green shoots. Right, yeah.

So pea shoots, oh, you're gonna have to recap this again, aren't you? Like a bowl of noodles, dandan noodles, pea shoots, pot stickers. And beef. And what a pot, a good pot sticker is for me. There's nothing more disappointing to me about a dumpling than when it doesn't have that nice brown side.

Yeah, you need the brown side. You know what I mean? Yes, absolutely. And I feel like you very rarely get that. People usually aren't. But I think that is just me being ignorant and that's just because that's the difference between a fried dumpling and a boiled dumpling.

Yeah, I think, but I would never order a boiled dumpling. I don't know why. I don't mind a bit of sliminess, but you have to have the fried bit as well. Oh, for sure. But often they don't specify. Like if you're getting it as a takeaway, it'll just say dumplings and you just got to cross your

fingers for three hours. I don't know why I've specified the amount of time. It's a long time as well. They've got a brown side. Me and my girlfriend were in Japan recently and we just wanted Goza. So we just wanted dumplings and we just found the nearest place

and you just go up and sit at the bar and there's an iPad to order on. And you just, all they do is dumplings and it's just by amount. So we like hit six dumplings and they brought these dumplings along. They're absolutely incredible. So we hit 20.

They brought 20 along and I think we had another 20. 20 of the same or sort of? All the same. Pork and, yeah, just pork and like spring onion. If it ain't bro. Fried dumplings, just constantly hitting reorder. It was phenomenal. Constantly on 20?

Constantly on 20. It's amazing. It never dropped all those 20. So wait, I'm picking, constant implies six at the very least. So you ate like 120 dumplings. I don't know how many we ate, but all I know is there were two girls sat next to us

who ate more than us. Wow. Whoa. They were really going for it. I suppose more places don't do that thing with the button because like, there's one thing internet shopping has shown us is that we are kind of fine with that. Like, it feels like you're not even doing it.

You're not even spending money. You just press a little button and you've got the thing. And you're dealing with people. There's a sushi place we went to like twice as well, two days in a row. Like a proper conveyor belt place, but you just hit what you want on an iPad and then it zooms along to where you're sat

on the conveyor belt and it's so much fun. And did you eat more than you needed there? Yeah, of course. Well, I do anyway, but even more than that. Yeah. Because you got to see it zoom along. Yeah, it's lovely to see food move. That's all I want.

Just wanted to see it. I just want to see it move before it hits. It's so fresh. It's like it's salmon leaping through the river. I actually catch it. Yeah. You catch it in your teeth like a bear. It comes in at the end of the thing.

Yeah. And then you go down to the rivers of Japan and they are actually just sort of sushi-esque conveyor belts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just sort of like flapping along on there. I'm so sad to, I can't, I don't, I think my most shameful food quality, everyone has one apparently is I don't eat fish,

any of it, I don't see food or any of it. And I don't, I don't respect myself for it. I've tried it all. Yeah. My catch phrase that I tried to get going as a kid was if it swims in the sea, it doesn't swim in Jamie D. I tried to sort of make it, make it. Like a kid.

I'd always spin my cap as I did it and pop on some shades. Turnabout Simpson character. But all I was doing was sort of disappointing a friend's parent when I came over. I just tried to sort of make the whole situation cool. I turned into music as I said it. I don't think we should invite your odd friend, Jamie over.

He did that rap about not wanting what I'd cooked. It was the fish fingers we made, we were gonna eat. Always trying to take the edge off and then I just skate around the table. I want to do a fish though, skate. Oh, there you go. And when you eat skate, it is called skating around. Yeah, yeah, skating Jamie D.

Oh, that's a shame. Oh, it's a huge shame. Especially, I mean, the crushing blow to my Greek family. I've got two uncles who are fishermen. I feel like you can probably, if you were to go into Cyprus, if you saw three men sort of walking around really sadly, it's because they know their nephew doesn't eat fish.

They sort of get up early in the morning to go for that walk to just shake it off every day. They shame of it. Imagine your uncles are only like catching like the skeletons of the fish, the perfect skeleton, you take a bunch of your dad. There we go, we caught your favourite. Favourously, my uncles feed my dad.

We all feed our brothers, right? Sure, yeah, that's how it works. Even though they're in different countries. It's a very expensive habit and they don't know why they got into it. Got another parcel of bones from Cyprus. Yeah, they're red snapper guys, but they just cannot get,

and all the stereotypes are pretty true. The whole thing of being like, oh, I'm vegetarian, it's like, all right, we'll have some oxtail then. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a very obscure part of the meat. Yeah.

Yeah, so yeah, I've never experienced sushi, sadly. I've got a question for you about something that I know you've eaten and that I've seen you eat. I don't want to know what it was like. James has been watching you for many weeks now. What was the marmalade sandwich like in Paddington too? Oh, right, okay.

Well... Because you made it look really nice. Do you know what? Surprisingly phenomenal. I mean, they were... Did it actually have marmalade in it? Yeah. So you made a proper marmalade sandwich for you?

Yeah, I'll tell you what, it was such a relief as well, because I mean, by the way, for any listeners, you won't know I'm in Paddington because I'm in it for one second, but I played a prisoner in that, and there's seen where,

so the prisoners are livid because they have to eat gruel all the time, and I mean, as authentic as they wanted to make the marmalade delicious, they made the gruel disgusting. Right. It was like a quinoa, a cold, sludgy quinoa porridge

with like bits that you couldn't identify. We had to eat it, because there were like loads of close-ups where they all they wanted to get was like you eating the food. Eating some gruel, yeah. And like, there's a few scenes where I'm sat next to Paddington.

I got a two shot with Paddington. But yeah, so the gruel was like disgusting, and then the scene comes where Paddington makes everyone sandwiches, and they're fucking nice. Can we swear on this? Yeah. I mean, especially about Paddington sandwiches.

Thanks for being really happy to hear this. A certain like... That the Paddington sandwiches are as nice as they should be. James, I've got a... I'm calling bullshit on this. Oh, no, I've been troubled. This is such a massive turnaround for you. For years, James refused to watch the Paddington films.

Oh, really? Well, the first one, and then because you thought the bear was weird and creepy. Shifty and creepy. Little shifty eyes and creepy eyes. And I was like, mate, you've got to watch Paddington. It's a fucking brilliant film. I was like, no, absolutely not the bear.

It's shifty and creepy. I hate that bear. Yeah, that's what I said. And I'll stand by it. You don't stand by it, because then you went and watched... Have you seen the first one? Shifty and creepy.

Yeah, I watched both of them in one day over Christmas, and I loved them. Yeah, because they're like near perfect films. It was amazing. Yeah, the second one, especially. Yeah. Oh, I love it so much. Every single bit of it was amazing.

I got over the fact that the bear is the creepiest thing in the world. But where's the shift? Where's the shiftiness? It's shifty eyes. His eyes are all shifty. His eyes are all shifty. He is a very magical bear.

He looks around all shifty, and he's just very creepy. So I've got to call bullshit on this. You can't come out repping for Paddington suddenly. Well, I can. Hey, this is a good thing to do in this day and age. So many people now refuse to change their opinions,

arguing with each other. I'm just showing people you can do a term. I'm sure people will criticise you for changing your opinions, but I think I'm right now. I think that those Paddington films are magical and wonderful, and I also think I was right to initially think the bear was shifty and creepy.

So you've done what everyone does, is you've come out and apologised for your behaviour, and then you put a caveat right on the end of it. Yes, that's what I've done. Yes, absolutely. But I'm very happy to hear that the sandwich is tasty. Yeah, they were lovely. And as a gift, we all got given a jar of the marmalade

to take home. It was very tangy. And I think that's what I've been looking for on a marmalade without realising it for so long. It was a very tangy mullade. Really? That's a nice, thoughtful gift, though, for everybody, isn't it? Oh, yeah, lovely.

And it had a little sort of false label, like by Paddington, printed, so I didn't believe it was him. Sure, sure, I might not believe it. I mean, Tom Davis, really makes me laugh, I imagine Tom Davis walking home with a jar of marmalade for some reason. I don't know if that's a funny image. Tom Davis, just Google him.

He'd be trough with it as well, wouldn't he? Yeah, he'd be happy with it. He'd be really happy with it. Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, so it was marmalade. It's marmalade to credit to the makers of it. That sort of stuff. Oh, that man knows his way around catering, my god.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He always puts a nice, I mean, the shout out to Tom Davis, the loveliest man in the world. Always gets a big, fat bit of bread to put everything on top of, so it takes in, like, the whole meal. It's clever. At the end, all the flavours are just sitting in there.

It should be a name for that, like a moist maker, but not. Oh, right, I guess it is a moist maker to an extent. In a way, but it should have Tom Davis' name in it somewhere. Any suggestions? I'm doing loads of tweeting, I said. I'd never do this. I'm coming across, I'm coming across. Twitter's in, guys.

Any suggestions? This is a very specific request as well. If Tom Davis was to make a piece of bread that soaks up catering food, what would it be called? What should it be called? A Juicy Tom. All right, yeah, we got it. No tweets necessary.

Please don't tweet us. It's a Juicy Tom. Called a Juicy Tom. What is your side dish? We've come to the side now. Oh, right, yeah. Hang on, let's have a recap. You've done something clever in that.

I think your main dish is almost made up. I think I can't really have extra. But if I was to dream big, I've been eating, I've been trying to find a place to slip this in, so I guess it is decided. Since I was about, my parents started working evenings when I was about 11, so I had to start cooking for myself around then, and it would just be pot noodle

every night, and I got sick of it after about two months. So I started trying to cook, and my dad's a chef, so I'd sort of ask him for advice every now and again. And the first thing he taught me how to make was a basic salad, and I think that was on my mom's request, just like if he's going to make it something good. And it was just get a head of lettuce, chop it up, and put olive oil, lemon, and salt on it.

And I've been, I've probably had that, or a variant of that, every day for about 20 years. Wow. Because it's like, it's like a free meal. Do you know what I mean? It's in like, you can have it, you can have it, and you can have your whole, it's like, that's just eating water, essentially.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have your whole water, so you can have that, and you can have a whole thing, and it's a big, you can have a massive bowl of it, and it is so nice. Refreshing. And if you, once, it took me about a year to get the levels right, and over the years, I'll sort of chuck in a little things,

spice it up, and everyone again. I've really got into a yuzu, do you know what I mean? Yuzu? It's like a cross between a lemon and an orange, and it's really fucking nice. Yeah, a little bottle of that, a little bit of that on it, and maybe a bit of soy sauce in there as well, instead of replacing the salt.

That's taking you home. And some sesame oil instead of olive oil, I'm just salivating now. That's good, you've thought about the balance of the meal as well. I think that's very interesting. And does that salad have a name, did your dad? No, but feel free to put a flag in it, come on.

Twitter's in with the name. Twitter's in with the name. I'd like you two to tweet at me. Yeah, yeah, we'll tweet at you after this. We'll tweet you after this. That's just with the name of the salad. The name of the salad. Absolutely.

Drink. Drink. Oh, actually, that's a very neat seg. I had, there's a place called Jidori near me, which actually does a very good katsukuri, and they do a yuzu ginger beer, which is where I discovered yuzu, and I was like, oh, pop this in a salad, please.

Can I take that home and pour on my salad? It's, I really like ginger beer generally, and this just gives it a citrusy situation about it, which I can't deny. And that was lovely. So I think I went too hard on, there was one Edinburgh festival where, what's the main?

Is this going to be the most? Crabby's, yeah, yeah. Okay, alcoholic ginger beer. I thought this was about to be the most whimsical James A. Castler story ever, where you're like, one festival, I went too hard on ginger beer. Yeah, yeah.

Well, actually, that is what it's like. It's alcoholic ginger beer, so I genuinely think I had the same fringe as you. I went mad on it, and it burnt my body. Because there were buses that were, so you could walk into a bus, and it was just like sending loads of crap, I was giving away crappies,

and so I just, and I loved it, drank it all month, and then- It's the sweetest alcoholic drink I've ever had, but it's unbelievable. And right at the end of the month, Rob Deering said to me, don't you just think it tastes like washing up liquid? And it was like he'd hypnotize me.

Because all I could taste when I drank it, was like I washed it up liquid. And I hated it, and I can't drink it anymore. So I don't really drink much ginger beer now, because of like that. Oh, it's put you off ginger beer? It really, it really is. All kind of fancy ginger beers, I think.

I'll go kind of safe and do a ginger ale or something, but I don't really, yeah. What's the difference? Ginger ale seems a bit flatter to me. Ginger ale's like- Is that, because I feel like whenever I say, can I get a ginger beer, and they go ginger ale or ginger beer,

I'm like, yep. Yeah, yeah, sure. Ginger ale's like lighter, isn't it? And it's sort of less, almost less ginger, it's not, it doesn't feel spicy with the ginger ale. Right, just a sort of sugar water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wouldn't get fiery ginger ale.

Right, right, right. Okay, yeah. I love a fiery ginger beer. I've learned. Yeah, yeah, I love a fiery ginger beer. But yeah, that Krabby's fringe was a very, I kind of feel like it ruined that fringe. Yeah, yeah.

A lot of us went all in on Krabby's, and it was a bit of a whirlwind. Well, it painted the beer, sorry, painted a picture of him where he told you. I'm sort of picturing, I'm picturing that scene in A Star is Born where her manager tells him that he's ruined our life. Right, we were just back, we were at a gig,

it was Eva, it was in the Gilded Balloon, I don't know that, but it wasn't late in life, it was like a gig where like, we all just go on and do a little spot for our shows, and like we were just sitting on the side, the audience could see us all, we were just sitting on the side of the stage.

You were just surrounded by empty Krabby's bottles. Yeah, yeah, I'm like, damn it, we tried Krabby's. I drink it all the time now, it's absolutely brilliant. I mean, it tastes like washing up liquid, I was like, oh no. Rune yourself, you went out to the stair,

a lot of clouds of yards there to the world. Do you think that's because it does taste like washing up liquid, or do you think you just really trust Rob Deering's opinion? I do trust Rob Deering's opinion, that's for sure, especially when it comes to food and stuff. Yeah, really?

Yeah, because he's really had to, he loves food, but he's also a really healthy guy, he's very good at picking what he eats, and where he eats it from, and so that stuff is like, I'm not bothering with it, unless it's like worth it. Where Krabby's is like, that is not worth it,

that is not worth it for Rob Deering. And as soon as he told me that, because I think that's why he's good at pinpointing the reason why he doesn't like it, washing up liquid. Right, I had that moment with Coriander, but it didn't affect me, as in someone told me that it's to take,

because it's like one in 10 people, it tastes like soap to them. I've heard you two rag on Coriander, and I was worried that it would have a return as the food you can't eat, because I'm ready to talk about it all the time. I mean, I used to, I mean, I will buy a bag of Coriander

and eat it as a snack on the way home. Wow. From a supermarket. It's really weird. Yeah, that's really weird. Like a little garden elf. Yeah, I buy it in those little soil punnets as well. Yeah, just slinging soil all over the bus.

She loves me not. But yeah, I'm really into it, but then I've got a friend called Joe Hampson, who is like, I mean, that stuff is, and I was like, oh no, and I tasted it, and I was like, I sort of see what you mean, but I still am absolutely gonna buy a bag of Coriander. I think cucumber, like one in 10 people

can like smell something in it. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's some like chemical in cucumber that they can smell. It's like the asparagus thing with your whey. Yeah, that's a fact. Hang on. Hang on.

Well, it's not one in 10 people. Yeah, not everyone can smell asparagus in their whey. That's not true. That's true. Benito's nodded. But is it that they can't smell it, oh, it's like a three-part theory, isn't it? It's like there are some people who do it,

and it stinks, and they can't smell it. There are some people who don't do it at all, and there are some people who do it and can smell it. It's not an interesting theory, is it? That's a good theory. I got to two, and I was like, I can't believe there's a first. I'm gonna get to number three.

I felt like I was in a pitch meeting. I felt like I was getting a whole sitcom, a new movie being pitched me. There's three main characters. That's one. Three guys. He smells. His piss smells when he eats asparagus,

and he can smell it. Oh, well, I can, I'm the third character. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, I can smell it. It ruins the whey for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can smell it. Someone pitching it in Dragon's Den,

and then they're like, I don't understand what you're pitching me, and they're like, to be fair, I don't either. Yeah. That's my thing, it's a good idea. I think what's a good idea? Statistically, one of you dragons. Right, put your hand up.

Yeah. But yeah, that can, I think I don't eat asparagus that much as a result, but I would say Cucumber is probably my most frequently bought food. Okay. I love a Cucumber. Would you eat one of those on the bus

on the way home as well? No, just because the japes of having a big Cucumber, like waggling around. You could start shouting at it. Yeah, yeah. Whereas if you're eating coriander on the bus, people leave you. Well, people could make a Cucumber.

We don't have a coriander, leave him alone. Leave that guy alone. No jokes that we had there. They're just little clovers. He's hoping for some good luck today. Yeah. Maybe. That's what people audibly say all the time.

Yeah. Hope you put some good luck. Just wink at me all the time. Hope you get it, mate. I know what they mean by that. We've come to the dessert. Well. My favorite course due to a starter boys,

but everyone knows I'm a dessert boy. Once you've, once you've read, the beauty of a dessert is that you just can't believe there's more room. And then it comes along and you're, just there's something in you, isn't there? It's like, you can. You honestly, mate, you can.

It's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reach inside yourself. It's a hard one as well. I think that my sort of staple thing that I can access frequently is a banoffee pie. Love a banoffee pie. But I think the best pudding I've ever eaten,

I've had once, and it's not reflective of how much I love the whole dinner there, but have you ever been to Heston's dinner? No, I've never. I've never. I've still never been. Right.

It's his restaurant in London. And my main, I actually didn't like at all. My starter was incredible. It's the thing called meat fruit, have you heard of that? Yes, heard of that. The pate and the shape, it looks like a clementine. Right.

And you could, it is like, you believe it's a clementine. Right. And it's the nicest pate you've ever eaten. Okay. But the pudding is a thing called a tipsy cake. And it's a brioche that's been baked. And on the side, there's spit roasted pineapple.

And the brioche has, I don't know what it has on the bottom of it. It's like a Cremon glaze or like, it all just the bottom of the brioche has been caramelized. And it, I went to, I said to the guy, what's the best pudding? And I think I got as far as the, and he was like, go to the tipsy cake.

It's objectively the nicest pudding you're ever gonna eat. And he was completely right. Does it have booze in it? If it does, I don't know. And I wouldn't think it does because I'm not a boozy pudding guy. And just the words, boozy pudding, fill me with dread. It's just, it just reminds me of a TV chef's

judging someone's food and loving that, oh, there's all those booze in it. There are two things you can do on like master chef that will guarantee you love. And that's just fill it with alcohol or fill it with chilies. But it's like, I can do, anyone can do that. It's not hard.

Like, oh, you've got some real hilly, you've got some real chili heat in there. Have you done that? I put chili in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of chili in it. Put loads of chili in it. And it's like, oh, that is very boozy.

Very nice. Very, it's like, yeah, because I put loads of booze in it. Yeah. You're sitting around all day really bored when it's with our food. I mean, we love it. Yeah.

But yeah, a boozy put to me doesn't fill me with joy. But this tipsy cake is, it really, I'm not really painting, but the spit roasted pineapple, just lovely. Yeah, I can't really paint the picture of it. It just was weirdly, I was just surprised by how nice it was. And there's no, nothing else with it.

Yeah, a basket with it, no custard. I would actually. Do you know what I'd get? I sort of flecked vanilla custard, I'd pop along with that, with the real vanilla pods, as I've heard you too. Yeah, yeah. Take those very seriously.

Boat back flag again. But I also like, I also am not a big Heston man. I think that he, I think that the good thing about it was that there was nothing cheeky about it. I'm not, I don't want a cheeky dinner. I mean, I suppose the, I suppose the meat fruit is a cheeky thing. Yeah, that's a cheeky thing.

Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, but I thought he'd filled his cheeky quota for the dinner with that. And I was like, I don't know, I just want straight, I just want everything else to be a straight place. You don't want to get to the end of the meal. And then they're like, and you can eat your napkin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm full. Yeah, I'm full. But like, do you remember that? I think one of the last, they really sort of like pulled everything out of them. They could for all of his programs and stuff. The last one made no sense.

It was like, it was sort of like, I'm going to create food that creates nostalgia. And then you've got like a guy, and it's like in next week's episode, and there's a guy like playing pool and like biting the pool table and being like, it tastes exactly like bacon.

It's like, what is that? What is it evoking for you? The time you ate a pool table. Yeah, yeah. It's like, wow, this God, this house tastes exactly like my mum's lasagna. That was an episode. And I've definitely spoken about this on other things before,

maybe even on this show, but I'll happily tell this over and over again, since it's my happiest memory, and it's just on a TV show. And it was Heston Blumenthal making a big Christmas meal for a load of celebs. And the dessert, he had made a ski resort kind of like scene,

but it filled the whole table. So the whole table was like these snowy hills, and it was all, all edible. And the mountains were made of, it was bait Alaska, essentially. And it was this like black current, like meringue full of black current ice cream. And there was a shot of the rugby player, Matt Dawson,

biting into the side of one of these mountains, and the ice cream poured out. And I think about it at least once a week. It looked so delicious when he bit into it, and it all just came apart beautifully. And I was like, oh my God, I want to eat that so much. I think I saw that, and I think it did look unbelievable, yeah.

But it doesn't make sense though. It's like, I'm going to do something for people they've always wanted, finally. A table of winter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And eating that, and you're going to see it eaten by a rugby player. Yeah, yeah, a rugby player eats it to perfect storm.

He then tried to reframe himself. I love Heston Blumenthal, and I'd really like to go to dinner, but he tried to reframe, I've got one of his cookbooks, which is like Heston at home, which is supposed to be stuff you can do at home. It is impossible to do any of it at home.

It requires ingredients that no one has. And also, I remember he did things like making the perfect steak, and you would watch that and go, oh, this will show me how to do the perfect steak at home. And then it cut to a clip of him in the car park of his restaurant with a massive flamethrower doing the side of it.

You're like, no, that is not the perfect steak. The perfect steak is being able to do it in your own kitchen, surely. Yeah, that's like cooking with Kulio. Oh, where he did the turkey. To the turkey on the roof. Oh, honestly. So it's a YouTube series called Cooking with Kulio,

which is exactly what you think it is. And Kulio really likes cooking now. He's released cookbooks himself and stuff like that. There's a chapter when it was cooked, cookbooks called us salad eating bitches. And when he's making the Thanksgiving dinner, him and his friends just go up on the roof of their building and they're deep fried the turkey

while jumping around making excited noises because they're really looking forward to eating it. But like, he's going, we can't do that. Like, I've got to have spaced it because he goes, we've got to go on the roof because it just spits everywhere when you deep fry a turkey. You've got to get fries that are big enough.

And just like, well, that's it, that's it. It's not a cooking show. Thank you. That's a Muppets Christmas Carol image, isn't it? They cook a goose on the roof. Do they? On the chimney, is that right? It's over the fire.

And then... Oh, it's in the fire. No, it's not on the roof. Yeah, yeah. And then he falls in. Falls down the chimney, he's dancing on top of it. Yeah, mix my images. And I've just sort of raised the goose.

Yeah, yeah. Which I often do when I'm trying to remember goose-based stuff. That should be a phrase, isn't it? Yeah, I've raised the goose. He's raised the goose, though. It always has to be used, literally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do you, when you've actually raised a goose, could you actually say that? So, Jamie. Now, here we go. You would like some spartan water, first of all. And then the bread you would like is that potato bread from... Pigeon. Pigeon.

You would like some pickles from Cats' Deli. And then from the place in LA... Pine and crane. Pine and crane. You would like dando noodles with pea shoots, pot stickers, aubergine. Your side, you would like... Made by your own hands.

Lettuce, oil, lemon, and salt. You would like that. That doesn't sound nice, does it? No, I see why you've done that. The whole thing, do you eat your salad? That's fine. Yeah. Yuzo, ginger beer.

Where's that from? Yuzu. Oh, Jidori. Yuzu, ginger beer. Saying all these restaurants so clearly. And tipsy cake from the dinner. A dinner by Heston, I think it's called. I think that's a great...

I mean, that's definitely a meal that I would eat. Yes, that is. Oh, yeah? That's a cracking meal. I'm a huge fan of the cast, so that feels great. Thank you. Completely taken away from the heart attack I had at the beginning from Pop It Ones and Bread.

Yeah, yeah. Or Bread. There's no Pop It Ones and Bread. Oh, I mean, maybe one day someone will. Someone might do that. Oh, would I have been allowed? You'll never know, no? You never know.

Band of Snatch, baby. Ha ha ha ha ha! Suicide. Ha ha ha ha! That is the world's approach to Band of Snatch. Band of Snatch! I love that now, just making choices in general, you could just...

Oh, Band of Snatch! You've got Band of Snatch, Jamie! But like Band of Snatch, you can go back, so I'll have Pop It Ones and Bread, please. Whoa! Oh, boy! Oh, good.

They did it. Band of Snatch does. Ha ha ha ha! We've got Band of Snatch, they're right. Band of Snatch. Ha ha ha ha! Yum, yum, yum. Please, may I get down from the table?

What a delicious podcast. That was a delicious meal. I haven't tried any of the stuff that he said, but I want to. That's what's exciting. Yeah, I want to go to all those places and eat that, that's something very, very nice. We should go to dinner.

Apart from the pickles, I've had the pickles. We should go to dinner by Heston. Yeah, we should go there. We should go to that other place he mentioned that was like the cats' bit in London. Yeah, we should definitely do that. I'm going to go to all the places. It was a great, that was a great episode.

Jamie was great. Delicious food. Did not mention Marzipan. Did not. The key point being is he did not mention Marzipan. Fair enough. Fair enough. As we said earlier, Stafflet's Flats is on...

What's it called? What's it called? All four. It's called now. 4-O-D. It was 4-O-D, now it's called All Four. All fours? No, it's not called All Fours.

Stafflet's Flats is not on All Fours. Right, okay. It's doing very well. It's on All Four. So you can watch it on All Four. Right, okay. But more importantly than that, you're listening to this podcast.

If you're not subscribed to it, what the hell are you playing at? Yeah, do us a favour. Just subscribe to it. Come on, it really helps our numbers. Give it a little five-star review. You don't even have to write anything. Just hit five stars.

And if you do want to write something, please do. Give it a rosette. Give it a rosette. Can they do that, Benito? No, we don't know how to give it a rosette, but if you work out a way, don't forget to tweet James with suggestions of great Chinese restaurants in London.

Yeah, I want to know all the best Chinese and Taiwanese restaurants in London, please. Tweet that at me. And also any other names for the Tom Davis moist maker. The Juicy Tom. Yeah, the Juicy Tom. Come see me on tour. I'm all over the place.

Check out edgamble.co.uk for dates. Go and see James on tour. Yeah, if you want to. I mean, James didn't seem on board with that, so you don't have to come. If you only buy one ticket this year, make it for me. Go and see Ed.

Thank you very much for listening. Keep on listening. We'll see you next week with another off-menu podcast. Yum-a-yum-a-yum-a. Goodbye. Yum-a-yum-a-yum-a. Hello, it's me, Amy Gledhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu,

where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato. And our relationship's never been the same since. And I am just so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here.

I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy. It's been the same since. And I am joined by... Me. Ian Smith. I would probably go bred. I'm not going to spoil it in case.

Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking into your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North, because look, we're too northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny.

Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off and that's a new podcast call, nor the news we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glyll's mum on every episode. That's not the news. When's it out Ian? It's already out now Amy!

Is it? Yeah get listening there's probably a backlog you've left it so late.