Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 18: Desiree Burch

Episode Date: April 3, 2019

This week's guest is comedian Desiree Burch – star of Netflix's upcoming 'Flinch'. The podcast gets hacked, Desiree knows the way to James's heart, and we find out what's in the dream restaurant's bathroom.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)Desiree Burch stars in 'Flinch' which comes to Netflix soon, and she has a new special on Comedy Central in the near future.Ed Gamble records his special at the Leicester Square Theatre on 12 May. See the Leicester Square Theatre website for details.Ed also plays the Hackney Comedy Experience with Josh Widdicombe, Suzi Ruffell and more on 11 April. See the Plosive website for details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.James’s TV show ‘Hypothetical’ is on Dave, Wednesdays, 10pm.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Oh, boy. Is that some tummies rumbling that I hear? I think it is, Ed. It must be time for the Off Menu podcast. Welcome, listener. My name is James A. Caster. And my name's Ed Gamble. We've got another guest coming in to do their dream meal. Very exciting. Very exciting. They're going to build a lovely dream meal. And we've had some food sent to us. Haven't we, Ed, that we're going to eat soon?

It fills me with joy that people have sent some stuff in for us to try. So much stuff. Firstly, the legendary Rib Man. Yes. The Rib Man, as he's known. He's sort of a bit of a legend amongst the street food community. He's been doing sort of rib stuff for quite a while. He sent some of his bacon holy fuck sauce. Oh, yes. It's absolutely tasty. I'll be honest. This is your little bottle here. He also sent another little bottle and a big bottle. And sorry to say that I've nearly finished the big bottle. It's very spicy, but there's bacon flavour that hits you first. And then the spice. It's

absolutely delicious. Cracking that open. I mean, it smells, smells, smells great. It smells amazing. It tastes amazing. And I've had it on eggs. I'm going to put that out there, but it goes well with everything. James, music's your ears, mate. Yeah. Are you all right? You'd have a little look at the bottle. Well, I'm just looking at the thing. I don't think there is tomato in there. That's the thing I've made myself sound like an idiot. Oh, dried tomato.

Boo-yah! But we've also been said some Paul A Young chocolates. Paul A Young is all that. I don't even mention Paul A Young on the podcast. Already one of my favourite chocolate tears. I go in there quite a bit on Mordor Street in London. I go in there and I get myself, if I'm feeling like treating myself, I might get a brownie bite from there, which I've got the recipe from there. I think a friend of mine went on a course, a chocolate making course, a bacon course at Paul A Young's got the recipe for the brownie bites, sent it over to me. I made it for my brother's birthday.

They're a big, big, big old hit. So I'm very, very excited that Paul A Young got in contact with us because I'm already a fan. Well, they've sent us some delicious chocolates. I've just had one that had rhubarb and ginger in it. It's genuinely delicious. And also a jar of sea salted caramel. Yes, please. Love sea salted caramel. I've put some on some porridge this morning already and it's delicious. Yes. Very, very nice. And you know that I like sea salted caramel anyway, especially we've been talking about it all day today. I dipped naked bars in them.

Do you want to take a whole jar like it was a yogurt? Yep. I ate a whole jar of sea salted caramel so that my ex-girlfriend couldn't have any because I was moving out of the flat. I didn't want to hurt the habit. The most pathetic act of revenge I've ever heard in my life. Yeah. She still hasn't had any. She hasn't had any of that jar in your face. For this day I win. So that's what was sent to us this week, but we're always getting nice stuff and we'll talk about some more stuff. Again, I've got some food news, James.

Yeah. Went over to my dad's. He was cooking something. I didn't want any of it, but then I got very hungry when I was in the kitchen and grabbed a handful of pistachios and put them in my mouth. They weren't pistachios. They were full cardamom pods. So that's my food news. Horrible, right? But then I couldn't tell him that I'd done that because it was an embarrassing thing to have done. So I spat them out into my hand, couldn't find the bin, put them in my pocket,

found them three days later. Just moments ago, you were saying how pathetic I was for eating some salt and caramel sauce. That is much less dignified. That story you told. So thank you to the Rib Man. Thank you to Paul A Young and apologies to my father. The guest this week is wonderful standup comedian Desiree Birch. Secret ingredient, James.

Raw red onions. If Desiree mentions raw red onions, I personally will kick her out of the dream restaurant. So here's hoping she won't mention it. Welcome to our menu. This is Desiree Birch. Hi, how are you doing, guys? Good, thank you. In the dream restaurant.

Here he is. This is the genie waiter. Good to see you. It's lovely to see you. Now, I'm curious as to why in a dream scenario, you would cast yourself as a waiter. This has been a dream for you. I like making people happy. That is true.

That's where I get my pleasure from is seeing other people. Comedians very much the waiters of humour, aren't they? And the waiters of the waiting world. Yeah. Also waiters of the side. Very much. You could have ended with comedians of the waiters. The waiters of the waiters.

Have you ever had a job in catering and stuff? Yes, I did wait tables for about four months at this place that I think no longer exists on the Lower East Side of New York called Nice Guyettis. And yeah, I just came home with chronic aching feet and legs. And you make nothing on base pay in America. You make it all on tips. And I always got the crap shifts

because I was the newest one there. And the funniest thing, because I don't know if you've ever done like waiting tables, food service thing, it's like, you know, everything when you do any kind of service industry job goes better when it's busy, right? Because the time just goes faster. And then you're like, OK, great, I'm done.

But if you have a Sunday afternoon shift, like nobody's coming in for that. And then at some point, you're just sitting there with the bartender watching South Park on the TV screen. And then someone comes in like, what the hell are you people doing here? Like, I'm now having an afternoon off and now you've ruined that. So yes, I have done some of that stuff.

Was there any popular dishes at Nice Guyettis? I mean, it was one of those places with the sort of plastic picnic table, you know, type of covering. So it was mostly, you know, wings and, you know, chicken fingers, drinking food. Yeah, it's, you know, like just drinking and maybe watching the game, food, burgers, whatever.

So, you know, essentially it was just like, come and get it with fries. And was Eddie was Eddie a real person? And if so, was he nice? I believe I think Nice Guyetti does. I feel like he comes from it's maybe not Reservoir Dogs. I feel like it's a character from the film. Is it? Yeah.

And I think somebody just like Reservoir Dogs or liked whichever one and just named it after. And there was like a painting of, there was a dude who ran it. He seemed nice, but he was there like twice, you know, other than that. Some very nice people who were just hustling for cash. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's. I think it might be Reservoir Dogs, maybe.

I feel like it's a Tarantino film. I feel like you don't see Nice Guyetti, but you hear about it. Yeah, I feel like it's, is it not Sean Penn, but the brother? What's his name? Chris Penn? Is it Chris?

Chris Penn? Is it his character? I feel like it's one. It's like, you know, you're thinking of Mr. Pink and whatever, because that's who you care about. And then you're like, oh yeah, by the way, he's in this movie. Yeah. I feel like it's Chris. Maybe. I don't know.

Thank you. Is it the one, is it the guy in the track suit? No, his son. Oh yeah. Is he also, who's in the track suit in it? But yeah. We're going to pause this for two hours and rewatch. Here we go. Our producer, The Great Veneto, is just a searcher on Wikipedia.

Nice Guy, Eddie Cabot. He's the only one who doesn't, he's an alias. He's played by Chris Penn. Yes. Yes. Yes. I remember literally nothing about any film I've ever seen in my life. And I saw that so long ago. But I guess it's because I will say this. One thing about Nice Guy, Eddie, is I will never forget the actual restaurant

is that they had a jukebox there. And one of the songs that was popular on the jukebox was Bill Withers, A Lovely Day, which is a beautiful song, except for when you're not having a lovely day and you're working there and someone keeps putting money in there and playing that song. And you're like, why are you rubbing this in? And that kind of became my torment for like five months while I was there. Here in that intro, is that still looking a bit of a trigger for you now?

If you have a hand, the intro to lovely day. And then you're like, he's just going to hold the note forever and I'm like, he's working here until I die. Would you like sparkling or still water? I would like still water to start. Sparkling water is a treat and a joy, but often kind of kicks up reflexy type things. And I don't want to start my meal off that way because I got a lot.

I got sleeves rolled up. I got a lot of food to get through this meal. That might be at the end, but for right now, still. Yeah, you don't want to get too burpy. Yeah, no. Oh, it's the worst. I can't even burp well. Like, you know, some people can be like, I just have this weird frog bubble like thing that never stops.

It's so gross and depressing. So it sounds like you're about to be sick. Yes, constantly. Half sick. Yeah, it's a half sick noise that emanates from me. And it makes me lose friends. So let's still definitely still like, you know, really just like naturally talented at school, burping on command.

That person's a co-host. What happened to those kids? His face was so serious. He just said that person's the coolest. I mean, he's like the king of the school for like third or fourth grade or something. But like, that's what happened. What happens to that guy?

I don't know. Still, I mean, puberty and then his burp sounds weird because his voice has now changed. Maybe I don't know. You all remember the day your burp breaks. Going home, headed as her. Oh, no. He's taken out a burp choir church or whatever.

Scooby for the rest of school. Amazing. Yeah, I mean, some of those people must go on to be quite successful in life. Yes. And then there's a kid who needs to just burp on demand at school. I mean, that's not that's not all right. Well, I feel like there's there's like a break in the people who know you as that.

And then there's like a wilderness time. And then there's the new people who know you as an adult who never knew that you were the burp king of Schenectady or whatever the heck. And it always takes some person at your reunion or like a cousin to be like, oh, we didn't tell you about how we can like burp out the Gettysburg address or something. And you're like, don't bring this up.

I think that's like a kid's burp in the alphabet. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Like how much have they practiced that? And what happens to their stomachs after like a decade of doing that? Yeah, yeah. That can't be good for you, right?

You know, it's like, was it worth esophageal cancer for that? They're sure that someone should do a study as to the percentage of like diseases and illnesses that are connected to kids who used they literally they could do a graph and go, hang on. We just finally discovered the link. All of these kids used to burp the alphabet. I'll just like, I mean, someone, one of your listeners is going to immediately do that and be like, there's no direct correlation.

I burp the alphabet. My whole childhood. And I'm absolutely fine. All right, all right. God damn snowflake culture. Say we can't burp the alphabet anymore. But the alphabet, you tell my dad, well, please. Pop it up, it's all bread.

Pop it up, it's all bread, that's right. Pop it up, it's all bread. Um, OK, my goodness, it's got to be one or the other. I mean, look, a pop it on scrape, but bread, there's so many different kinds. Bread, bread wins. Bread wins. Yeah, although depends if I'm pacing myself for this meal, bread is a delicious but terrible choice because they will fill up,

that bread will expand, and then you'll be like, I can't even get the soup down or whatever. It's sure. But then I'm like, I think that I'm one of those people who, if I then choose something that, oh, this won't fill me up as much, I'll just end up eating more of it and filling myself up. Yeah. So if I, you know, if I chose pop it on, I think I would just

a whole stack of pop it up. A life's worth of pop it on. They do, they do have that snap and that crispy thing. Although I don't even mind a day old pop it on, although I know that sacrilege. No, you're allowed to say like a day old pop it on. I'm just saying, we can do that for you here. I don't.

Yeah, it's a dream recipe. Here we go and get you a day old pop it on. I mean, I'd prefer them fresh, but you know, you want it to snap and whatever, and the next day it starts to get a little staler. And you're like, I don't care. It's still great and so satisfying. But yeah, I just feel like if this is my dream meal, then I mean, you know, because by the time I'm having a pop it on,

I'm like, why aren't these tortilla chips and salsa? Oh, okay. Yeah, I've got that sort of, I'm from LA. I've got that Mexican food thing. We'll come back to that. We should offer stuff like that. I mean, we have had it that like a bit of a secret item for this first bit is prawn crackers.

If people want prawn crackers, we will allow it. And I feel like we should allow tortilla chips and salsa. Maybe, I think I feel like maybe. I mean, just the smallest little bit. You can just pretend that it's a really aggressive pop it on. Yeah, I think this is, you know, it's a big, it's a big left turn for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think we can offer Desiree tortilla chips and salsa.

Yeah, I think you can have that. If you want that as this course, it's the pop it on Zorba and you can have tortilla chips and salsa. Oh my God. Okay. So you guys have just made my life. It's salsa wise. What are we talking?

I mean, you know, mostly just sort of just a spicier step up from the pico de gallo, you know, it's just going to have tomatoes, onions, maybe cilantro, a little bit of spice. Because not too, too like rich or whatever, like, you know. When we think salsa in this country, I think we've always been brought up with the really wet tomato. Yeah. It's essentially like Bolognese sauce.

Yeah. That's all it is. I know what you're talking about. I mean, honestly, I don't mind that version either, but like, there's a little bit more of a vegetable and less sort of a pureed version. So it's more like just chopped stuff and like really citrusy. But it's like sat there with the lime and it's gotten a little bit like, like that. That's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not too. But I know what you're talking about. I mean, I don't mind opening up a can of tostitos salsa and just do it in that thing either. Not fancy. But you don't have to here. You can have fresh.

I mean, it is a dream restaurant. So yeah, that would be it. And tortilla chips. Is there a specific place you've had them before? Because I would like to give a shout out to Casa Morita in Brixton Village who do their own tortilla chips and how delicious they are. I have not been there yet and I remember after a gig, you were telling me about that place. I was like, I need to go there and I still haven't gone, which is foolish of me because

all I do in this country is crave Mexican food. It's almost impossible to find good Mexican food. Yes. And Casa Morita. What's that? Casa Morita is so good. I like, I love the tortas there. Absolutely delicious.

Yeah. The super tortas, one of my favorite things to eat anywhere. And the tortilla chips. Yeah. They'll come from tortilla chips anyway. And I was order some extra guacamole. Yep. Dip them in that.

Actually come with salsa, but you could probably order it. I'm sure you could. You could order some salsa there. Yeah. But yeah, that's my kind of like, my tip. That's a good thing. I'm sad I forgot about that. I was in, I was in Chinatown at a Chinese restaurant and ran into three American Mexicans

from Southern California who are literally like, where's the good Mexican food here? And I was like, huh. And they were like, is it just that place in Borough Market? And I hadn't even known about the place in Borough Market yet. This is called Al Pastor apparently. And it's, yeah. It's good. There's bread dough tacos as well.

It's quite good. Okay. All right. So good. So I felt horrible. Yeah. Because I was just like, I just go home. I don't know what to tell you.

There's not much Mexican food here because there's three Mexicans in London. Yeah. And I'm talking to them right now. Yes. And I feel like something that the UK should offer once Brexit sorted out is to be like, if Trump's still banging on about the wall, be like, seriously Mexicans, come here. I will pay the one way fare. Like we just want spices.

There's going to be a lot of spaces where there's French restaurants used to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you'll starter. Let's go to your starter now.

Okay. So I've been struggling with this because I'm trying to rearrange the puzzle pieces of the meal. And I was walking over, I think that one thing that I want, one bit of seafood got supplanted by another one because seafood is just, it's just sex food in your mouth. So it's really amazing. And I'm going to try to have to figure out where I fit the scallops in later because I was going to start with scallops because you only ever get three of them anyway.

Because they're like, they're like the ravioli of the ocean or something where they're like, I don't know why they're so precious. They're delicious. And they're like, here are your scallops that are 30 pounds and you're like, what? And they're amazing. Right. And I love them so much. But as a starter, I really love an oyster.

I don't want to be a fancy lady now, but I really would love like a six, a six plate of oysters. It makes me feel like I am the queen of the world when I have oysters. Yeah. Because it's like on crushed ice, like balanced on some crushed ice. Yes. Yes. Oh my goodness.

And I'm squeezing and I'm just like, bring me more. Like there's just something about that feeling where I'm just kind of like I am being weighted upon and worshiped somehow by this food. So it's so decadent. It really is. And so if I'm in a dream, that's where it's starting. Now this is exciting. So I don't think we've talked about oysters yet and there's a lot to talk about with oysters.

I love oysters. I love oysters. Oh, I love the both of you. And I kind of judge people a little bit slightly. And you're like, and I'm like, you either haven't tried or you're broken. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not that with people who say that they're like sushi.

Yeah. And I don't know the idea of more fish. Yes, mom. I'm talking to you. She's going to be listening to this. Apparently I... That's my phone at my pocket. Apparently.

That was your mother being like, I heard that. Apparently I dissed my mum on the Salasi episode and I can't remember what I said. You backtracked. You did backtrack. Yeah. She texted me about it and she said, dissed me again. And I was like, what did I say? And she went, I'll let you figure out what you said.

Oh no. Come on. I don't know what it was. You were talking about growing up in Kettering and not having nice meat in Kettering and you just have a non-seasoned chicken breast. But then later on you did say, oh, it's fine in my house, delicious food in my house. In Kettering in general. You had to catch up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you can cut this out, but was it actually delicious? It's actually great. Okay, good. Because at least my mom knew that she used to burn the hell out of everything. She was just like, look, I'm busy. Just do you want it or what? I gotta go.

And you're like, okay, I get it. That's not the thing you need to take pride in because you're exhausted. Yeah, mommy's oysters are not up to par on this list. But we're all on board the Oyster Express, right? Yeah, well, you said that, you know, with the sushi people are like, I don't like the idea of it. And I think there is a vast difference between the idea of food and the experience of food. Like sometimes they are sort of simpatico and you get exactly what you're fantasizing

about. You're like, yes. But other times you're like, this seems like it would be terrible and it is amazing. And until you try that, then I just feel like, I don't know, probably boring in bed. How are you eating them? Swallow one bite and down or two bites and down. Oh, I'm now embarrassed to say I swallow. Don't be embarrassed.

I used to because I think I was like, the first time I had an oyster, I was scared. Yeah, of course. So you just swat, you get it over with. Yeah. But it's like, that was delicious. And then after a while getting used to it, now I'm a chewer. Okay. I'm trying to think about the like, I'm fantasizing about the like, do I ever chew them now or

not? Or maybe I, I don't know, maybe they just sit there and I go, yes, I'm like, like some kind of weird pelican. All sex in. I looked like a little, I'm a little too excited about them. Shells and all. No. And then I'll like keep the shells because I'm like, they're so pretty.

I'm like a creep. Oh, you keep oyster shells? Not all of them. But every so often you get a cool one and I'm just like, I'm going to put that on the windowsill. How do you take it away from the restaurant? I'm a lady. I got a purse.

You've been probably stinks, hasn't it? Yeah. You wrap them up in a napkin and you throw them in there. I mean, I've swallowed the stinky bit whole. Yeah. So you may as well put the jelly back. Anyone tuning in in the middle of this? Tell us a bit.

What you're putting on it? Yes. It's a question. I mean, the cocktail sauce, the lemon and the, wait, not horseradish. It's the other one, right? Tobasco? No. It is horseradish, but it's, am I, it starts with a T, it's white.

Maybe it's just horseradish. Tarte. Is it, is it that? Is it tartar sauce? It is horseradish. It is horseradish. It's not horseradish. Okay.

Whatever. I put some white stuff on there, some red stuff on there and I squeeze the yellow thing on there. There's like the vinegar. Yeah. I love the shallots. Yeah. The shallots and the red vinegar.

Oh yeah. Those are good. Yeah. The differences in what offerings you get up for your oysters here versus in the States because I don't know that I'd seen the, the shallot situation until I came over here. Yeah. And I was pleased. It's a sharper, a sharper option.

I go, squeeze a lemon, couple of drops of Tabasco. That's it. You're doing me. Thank you very much. I sometimes do that. No. Sure. Thank you.

I don't want cooked oysters. No, I don't want cooked. Oh yeah. I don't want baked or cooked or cooked. I don't want to go over what you do, James, but I need to get this out of my system. Okay. I, I can get on board with that, although a lot of this conversation for me is going to reference experiences I had with food in New Orleans and they will fry them and put

them in a sandwich and make you go, yeah, I don't like them this way, but this is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to New Orleans once for a few days and I need to go back there because it was during a, it's a trip around America.

I had great food everywhere. Yes, literally everywhere. But in New Orleans, we made that, so we were using this app to kind of like, like recommend stuff to us and the floor in the app is the, it's mainly based on other people recommend us or people who have gone there. Yes. And in New Orleans, it was all the places that tourists had gone that weren't good. Sure.

I mean, so we ended up, we couldn't find anywhere good. It was so frustrating because we knew there was good food that we knew there was amazing food. Yeah. And we didn't find any of it. Oh my God. Oh no, this is so bad. It's, oh, oh my God.

Yeah. No, it's upsetting, right? I've also, I've also been to New Orleans, but I was filming there. So we didn't like, we were just eating what, what we could. We had grass services or whatever they had to provide. Yeah. Whatever there was, whatever they, the running could go and get. So we only had one day off and we went and had fried chicken and I cannot for the life

of me, remember the name of the place, but it's very famous. But we had, I had to walk a little bit, it's not outside New Orleans, but it was like half an hour walk from the center of New Orleans. Okay. Well, all the goods, not all the good stuff, but a lot of it's there. Cause if you're in the sort of French quarter and then you go sort of to the side, you get to the marion and the bywater and that's where it gets like super fun and delicious and amazing.

So yeah, you might've had to, I mean, I got fried chicken at like a gas station there. That was amazing. Yeah. I was like, why is there fried chicken here at this gas station? I was like, sure. Cut too. Yeah. Just rotating it.

Yeah. And now you only eat fried chicken from gas stations, that's like the type that you like. It was so ridiculous, but yes. So anyway, just, just go back and eat things and just ask locals. I mean, I, I, I was fed crocodile there and it was amazing. It was like quack crocodile sausage and it was real, real good. Oh yeah. What was it?

I mean pork, like I mean they mix it with pork, so it tastes like a chicken pork sausage, but it's a little bit tougher because of the crocodile and it's got like that slightly gamey or thing where you're like, I'm not used to eating this kind of meat. Sure. Sure. But it was, it was exquisite. Yeah. Yeah.

They will be literally make like fricassee roadkill and you're like, that's great. Yeah. You put that in a cream sauce. Amazing. I want some fricassee roadkill now. I always, we went, when I was there, we went down this big, well, is it the Mississippi? Is it the Mississippi River? Yeah, I guess so because that's the biggest one, right?

Yeah. Big steamboat down there, huge steamboat and every now and again, a smaller steamboat which was very tiny would have come alongside us called the Creole Queen and the guy doing our guide a tour on the thing, we would always be like, who's that over there? Is that the Creole Queen? And then everyone would like, look over and see it. And then we would always just go really hard and go like, go fuck yourself, Creole Queen. And we would like, be really horrible to it.

And we really look forward to it each time because it came out with its little prophetic little thing. And then it would have to be like, you fucking suck, Creole Queen. We hope you sink. Eat a dick, Creole Queen. Really fun. I really looked forward to it every time it came out. It would always break off mid-sentence, whatever you're saying.

And this is where the, oh, who's that over there? We come to your main course. Okay, so yes, this is so hard. Okay, because my sort of go-to in my mind about the epic meal is a seafood-based meal for whatever reason. Sex food in your mouth. Sex food in your mouth. And especially because it was one of those tastes that I had to evolve into, to grow up into.

Where it's like people, when you're younger, you don't, maybe you want fish fingers, but that's like literally it. Like you really don't want any kind of fish. You don't want olives or anything that's like super, and then suddenly you just taste one when you're 20, something like, oh, why didn't I know I love this? And I don't exactly know what evolves in you that makes you crave taste that used to revile, right? But like since I've become, I've grown into, I just, I'm just like the scallops, the lobster, just that like just any kind of, so that's what I want to say.

But when I was in New Orleans, I'm sorry, I'm going to reference this forever. I did have a meal that I thought I could be executed after it was so good. And it was sort of a fusion restaurant. So they would, they had a sort of starter that was a, a kimchi and an dewy hot pot where you're like, what? Right? You're like, you're giving me gumbo and kimchi at the same time or whatever. And it was amazing. It was amazing, right?

It does sound amazing. And what I wound up having for the dinner, and I'm probably going to reference the drink, but I had goat tacos. Wow. Right? Which is like, you know, you're thinking about chicken, beef, pork, right? Every so often a fish taco, which is great. Yeah.

Goat tacos. And they, they had a slaw that was like a pickled thing. And oh my God, do I love a pickle? Like just, just that tart that just like punch you in the mouth kind of feeling. I love from a pickle. So it was, it was the sort of goat meat, which you don't think about, but you're like, that's just damn good. But you actually have it, right?

With, and it was like sort of light, lightly sort of glazed with whatever the heck they cooked it in. And it was this sort of pickled stuff on top that just had the perfect like flavor mashup, you know, like this versus that. And it was amazing. And I've, that place like closed down. I sent two friends there who were on a trip like a year later. And then right after that, it closed down.

It's no more. And I'm just like, I can't believe, because I want to send everyone I've ever loved to that one place. And I hate telling people like, go do this thing. That's impossible for you to do now. Unless those people, cause it was like very inexpensive, but they had opened up, you know, they were a Michelin starred restaurant. At least the chefs were, but they, we ordered everything on the menu between seven, seven,

seven of us, everything, everything, every, every starter, everything. And like by the time we were done, the bill was like 500 bucks for everything that they made, like one of everything. And I was like, this is ridiculous. We had all the drinks. It was stupid. So I'm torn because in any other scenario, I'd just be like, put them three scallops on there and make them the size of my face.

And then we're fine. But I don't know, I might have to have these weird goat tacos with the pickles on them because there are pickles there. So, and, and then I'm still going to have room for other, other things. Cause you know, it's tacos. It does sound good. Goat tacos with some pickles on them is a lot of goat. It doesn't, it doesn't pop up.

Yeah. If I'd curried go, if I'd curried go a couple of times, maybe it's really good. But you know, on a daily basis, you wouldn't, it's not a go-to. It's ironically a goat is not a go-to meat. It's not a go-to meat. Sometimes it's a shame that this is a podcast because you can't see Ed's face as he comes up with stuff. I think, as he says it.

That was a pretty damn clever plan. I'm proud of myself. A goat. A goat. And you were like halfway through it. Yeah. I did not at Bonito. I don't know any woman with the look on his face that he said, ironically.

It's not a goat. It's two meat. Madam. Yes. Um, so yeah, I think it's, I think it's weird goat tacos. I mean, I imagine it is, uh, but just to check it's a soft shell. Um, was it? Oh wow.

I don't remember a lot about that night then. I thought it was. It feels like it'd be one of the softer shells, but it wasn't like the raw soft. Like it was just fried enough that it had some resistance to it. It wasn't like, you know, when you buy the like, you know, El Paso taco shells and they just like disintegrate in your hand, but it did. Like they had like lightly fried it enough so that it had some, um, grip to it. You know, so, um, yeah, like they put them on the plate and they kind of stood up, but

they might have been in a holder. Yeah. I love the little holders. Yeah. Yeah. Very nice. Like I'm never going to buy one of those from my house, but I wish I cooked in a way that required a taco holder.

I think I would buy them from my house. I tried to make, uh, so once, so when I was in New York and had these tacos that were like, uh, hard shell tacos, but with like, um, raw tuna in them or chopped up and delicious. And when I came home, I really wanted some, but couldn't find anywhere that didn't. So one day I went and I got some old El Paso hard shells. Uh, tacos from the shop. And then I went to a sushi place and bought loads of sashimi. Yeah.

I mean, that's not a bad start. Yeah. Yeah. If you're going to recreate it. Yeah. Like that's free. Yeah. Yeah.

And then just went home and, uh, and put also, I think, I thought I got this bit wrong. So I thought they told me in the thing that it had sriracha on it. Right. And I was like, so I was, I did that at home, but it didn't taste quite right. I wasn't sure if I got that bit right, but, um, it was very good. Well, you know where it does them. I do know where it does them now. I was delighted when it happened.

Shaq for you. Shaq for you does it. There's a restaurant called Shaq for you on old Compton street, which is already, uh, one of our, both of our favorite places. Yeah. So it was a very good day. It was like a dream. It was like, it was like what people experience here when they come on this show.

Cause I was already in one of my favorite places to eat. And then they added one of my favorite dishes from somewhere else onto their menu. It was a dream. And I was like, I cannot believe. And they've just done that with me as well. Oh yeah. So I went to, I went to Japan on holiday and discovered the joy of a, uh, katsu sando, which is basically a fried pork cutlet sandwich and they sell them in seven, 11s and stuff.

And they're absolutely amazing. Nice. And Shaq for you just put a katsu. Nice. I think they have all of mine and stuff. They're using it for the power of good. Like somehow they've used that completely spying on the inside of your brain and soul. Yeah.

And given you what you want and not in a creepy way. Thank you for hacking my skull. All of their regular customers. They've hacked our devices and they know what we're saying. Oh, I wish we had that here. I'm going to give Shaq for you a shout out every week until we can go and eat there for free. I've never been and now I must go. Best dessert in London.

Really? It is. I should, should we save that for the dessert conversation for me to find out what that is? Sure. Okay. Cause I now I'm desperate to know. Um, this is great. I, how did you guys decide you were going to make this?

I mean, obviously anyone can talk about food forever. But were you guys just browing down about food and you're just like, you know what? Let's do this for work. I'm not sure we've ever broed down. I think we bro down. I think we bro down. Right. But he said, but he said things to bro down.

I think we bro down. Yeah. All right. We bro, we will bro down. Well, I've at least been trying to bro down. It doesn't always. I don't really know what it means, but just having a chat with your top off, right? And doing that thing where you smash each other's chests together.

Yeah. Yeah. While we shout in different foods. Yeah. Yeah. But then talking about how they're going to get you so cut. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Tuna. Tuna's got so much protein. How many, how many tacos are you having? I think it's three tacos. Yeah. I mean, that's the standard. If you want, I would want more than that person.

Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know. That's the standard. Your choice for scallops or tacos, both of which come in threes. Oh yeah. Clearly like things that come in threes. What's going on here? I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe I only think I deserve a three. Maybe it's all some literary sort of religious symbology or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about the father, the son of the Holy Spirit. Actually, the tacos. This one's the father.

Yeah. Instead of like the Jesus and the fish just like round in a scallop. Yeah. Did he say Holy Goat? No. I said Holy Ghost, Papa, unfortunately, Holy Goat would have been. It would have been great. The father or son of the Holy Spirit?

I really would have made my face when I did that. I don't know. Maybe this is the time to bring in scallops as a side. That's weird. Cause I was just thinking I would probably just have like a nice sort of broccoli rub. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like steamed with some like olive oil and a little bit of whatever just because You know, you're gonna want to feel like you've had something healthy in the middle of not that the go-takers and everything

What they were healthy, but you know, it just feels like oh, I've had a fancy evening Because they brought like weird model broccoli over here Like look I'm gonna cure cancer and scrape your colon and it's like but will you look like this with like purple tips and stuff like this? I'll slender on your plate Quite bitter a little bit more so but I don't I I crave sort of a bitter and tangy and sour tastes You feel you feel like a grown-up if you're on a fancy night out and order some vegetables as well Yeah, yeah, I'm looking after myself. I can have some vegetables

Yeah, and then that means you can eat a whole half of a cheesecake afterwards because you have that model broccoli Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all fine. I had this Sandwich in Philadelphia that I'd wanted for 10 years and it's got broccoli, but it's got like this bitter The one from man versus food. Yeah, I saw it man versus food Oh, and then in for 10 years you wanted it. I wanted it. Yeah, so I mean it in it I was like that looks so delicious because they dip it in the So I know the exact sandwich I'm talking about. It's like very thinly sliced pork. I saw me in it I was like that's what I want from is it from Denix. Yeah from Denix. I've got

Yeah, I've got a t-shirt at Denix t-shirt because I was there for three days I went I've got that sandwich twice in three days and the second time I was like cheese in it as well Right, there's cheese. It's really bitter. Oh, so the cheese is quite bitter Oh, so it's they really go all in on that first thing, but it's really good And I it was it'd been a decade of thinking about that They say never meet your heroes, but you did I've never eat your heroes Yeah, I was in an Airbnb and I remembered the sandwich I was like, I'm gonna see how far away it is

Like did you pop up bolt upright out of bed? And I was like, I'm gonna Google where it is two minutes walk It was such a great moment. I was so happy Red internal market if you're ever in Philadelphia Red internal market amazing. I've got free banana pudding there for my lady. Oh, yeah I waited so long for banana putting the lady in front of me was chatting up to her for a very long time I love when she went away and and I've got what her name was now. It was like sweet Debbie. That was her name Wasn't her name

I still was called sweet Debbie. She was like, I'm sweet Debbie Uh-huh. She's she introduced herself a sweet Debbie It was on there was loads of bits of literature like flyers and stuff. Tell me the truth. I'm sweet Debbie Did you say hello? I'm sweet? Hello, I'm sweet. No, but on all the flyers and stuff. It said sweet Debbie has been making pudding It's all her on the flies She got in on branding early She's like everybody's gonna remember sweet Debbie and be like, that's kind of dirty. Let me get her banana pudding

It was good. Was it the kind with the is was it the nilla pudding like the nilla wafers with the bananas? It was like the sex of the city banana pudding Where is you know, there's The famous bakery of the Magnolia bakery. Yeah, okay It was like that banana pudding But it doesn't have like the way or the the sort of cookie wafers in it with the bananas more like bready kind of Of bread and then and then this one had chocolate chips chucked in there as well. Well, that's sweet Debbie's trademark. That's sweet Debbie That's what she does. She can't say it wouldn't be sweet

Yeah, that was it was very nice and and the best stuff is the best tasting food is free food, right? Yes Oh, yes, absolutely great. I mean, how much does cost factor into our enjoyment of a majority of things because like I mean that meal I have that I talked about a billion times in New Orleans was amazing Yeah, but part of the extra amazing was like and it was so cheap Yeah I feel like it does affect your enjoyment like when you see a show on the West End or in Broadway that costs like 300 quid for a ticket. If you don't like it, you can never admit to that Whereas like if you paid 10 quid for a show, you was like that sucked

Yeah, you can live your life, you know, so I feel like it's similar. Yeah Blast films a lot more easier now is all it was streaming them for free. Yeah. Yeah Bullshit just two hours of my life gone We keep on delaying your I'm gonna have sexly broccoli Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, the first time I ever heard what was um in the American office When Andy Bernard one of his friends is called Rocky Rob?

So I just thought it was Yeah, yeah, so now so every time people would mention it after that. I was just like that's a guy That's a dude. Oh, how is that? Yeah, I mean that's probably the healthiest side we've had so far I mean, it just seems like it's gonna balance out the entire but like I'm gonna get home and be like you should have said the damn Three scallops bitch. That's what you really just own up to it But I just feel like it balances that thinking about a hole like I've already had so many pickled things so many I've had I just slurped the oyster down. No chewing like they're coming out whole like I should have some rough

It seems appropriate and also scallops, I mean, you know in your stomach, you know when the scallops slide in yeah Though the oysters be they're going you can't be hit What are you doing? That's thank you, thank you for explaining what was going. Why are you whole? Oh, she chewed you The whole tacos were confusing enough Oh Yes, I'm gonna I'm gonna leave this I can't believe I'm saying it. I will leave the scallops off for now

Wow, well, we don't know you deserve. Yeah, honorable mention though. Yes. I mean super honorable They should come and do a dance like a they should come like a mariachi band right before dessert But it's just three scallops playing a Look like you didn't wanna like yeah, but like no, I'll always love you But before we get to your dessert, okay, you'd like to drink oh Okay, so As far as I mean, I'm thinking cocktail because who wants a fruit punch right now now, okay, um, I As in keeping with all of my other tastes I tend to be a tart sour drink kind of person

So, you know, I think like things like a Moscow mule or a vodka gimlet or a Margarita, you know, like something that's like pow-pow-pow. I will say That at said same restaurant. I did have a drink that they called the Jesus H. Christ Good, which is something that I then repeated and uttered after I had a sip of it It was a gin base, which I tend to stay away from these days It was my drink for a while, but then I would just wake up crying the next day And so I was just like, oh, that's I was like, I need to stop drinking my friends Like you need to stop drinking gin and I was like, thanks for prolonging my alcoholism. Great. So but it was gin

it had lime pear and Was infused with habanero So it was that weird thing of like it didn't do the things that peppers often do to you where you're like This is delicious. And now I will be in pain sideways full of gas or whatever because it was just in the gin was infused with it So it just had sort of a hot like a heat when you first drink it But then it didn't sort of burn you the rest of the time I don't know it was some kind of magic that they figured out just to have that like But like also like we're not gonna sleep together. I just showed you this to make me excited about the night

I Think it's something like that. I don't know I feel like there are women who do that like shot girls who like you're gonna have fun Bye, you know, like they get up before things get dark habanero women. Yes, exactly So yeah, it was so I feel like it would it would be some kind of infused spicy thing that didn't hurt me Basically, I kind of with all my food want to come to the extreme of taste without it doing what it invariably does to the rest of My body which is just at this point like all kinds of gastrointestinal pain Yeah Literally my body's like you broke it

Anything that can sort of Yeah, I like I like a bit of spice and I like a little bit of heat and I love Anything that's like a lime just anything. That's super sour. Love it. Yeah, so yeah, so far I think this is the episode where I'd say we have the I it's the guest that I've got the most in common with palette wise Yeah, I love I also have become like a huge seafood fan as we got older and really love sour stuff We're going eating and drinking together James. Yes, please Until we have to crawl out Toes out if you treat loads of habanero drinks, they do have that effect

Or run screaming like I gotta go by Yeah, yeah, yeah good to see you Me and James are big fans of Eating a lot of a menu. Yes, then when you find something you really like on the menu going one more of these, please. Yes Yeah, the Shout out to Tom Gleason who is the person who sees an Australian comic. Yeah, and he Introduced me to that way of living we were first of all went to New Zealand for the comedy festival and me and him And also it was a I think Andrew Bird Marcus Bergman and Stuart Goldsmith

We went on this comedy tour together around New Zealand and ended in town ronga And we had a meal at the at the bottom of Mount Monnery And there was a restaurant and we basically ordered one kind of your approach one of each main course But at the time the rest of us were just quite like little polite English boys I think I definitely this is me getting into food in this meal. So it was that meal I mean all had the stuff and then at the end all of us I thought that beef Wellington was the best that was really amazing and then Tom Gleason's is there with a wine He goes, let's order another one. Yeah, and the old English comics. Well, we can do that

We can experience joy and then actually seek it out and have it again Yeah, should this experience be robbed for me immediately never to be seen again. Well, why don't bother the chefs? Could we be creating more work for them? We hate to be any trouble. It's like they love making you smile like seriously. You're paying them for it. Yes I don't want to request anything in this service industry. No Absolute game changer and it was like yeah, I remember that second Wellington or one of the best And it wasn't like the second it was even was it better than the first time you tasted it. I had for the first time ever like I had this feeling of I can do this. Yeah, true

Oh Like we can order as many Wellington's as we like Yeah, I'm with you on all of that. That's very good. That's really wonderful. Oh, I love this podcast It's so much fun because you never really get to talk about all the feelings that food inspires because you're mostly shamed out of them Yeah, you know like yeah, you just survive and just get the gruel in your home You know and so it's so delightful to be like I mean, it's the only well It's one of the few only drugs that we all do because we have to to live Yeah, right and it gives us feelings and experiences and it's just this is beautiful. Thank you

Get the gruel in your hole was the original name of this podcast Get the gruel in your hole Also, there's a Twitter account has started recently called a Was it no context off menu? No context off menu who are tweeting quotes from the show without context And I have a feeling that get the gruel in your hole It's definitely gonna be on there It's gonna be one pretty quickly. You said quite a few things that could end up to be over there Well, I think also, fuck you Creole Queen might be on there too

And unfortunately, I think I'm ashamed to admit that I swallow is gonna be in there And Here we are at the dessert It's we've talked about dessert a lot in the run-up to it already, which is a great trait for me Of course so, okay There are honorable mentions to every cheesecake that's ever existed However, I will say that I have to take a lactose enzyme to enjoy any of them because I'm lactose intolerant

It sucks. It makes I mean, you know cake is fine butter's okay You know if it's baked in whatever but it makes every sort of dessert that comes with a side of ice cream Just like a slap in the face. Yeah And especially in this country because it's full of people who historically can process dairy Yeah, so everything is ice cream at the interval and like, you know scoop of whatever or like in a you know Custard and it's beautiful But like I have to take one to two of those things and if I time it poorly. I'm just like I gotta go I gotta go have a horrible crap somewhere

It was so tasty and it's like whoop there goes all of dinner that I was hoping to enjoy I've never seen at this happy Any episodes so far Also, I think my favorite sort of humor is when you suggested what we all knew what you had Horrible crap to make sure that we're all clear It is vomiting out of the other end That is what I'm talking about all the oysters and the scallops going what we're all in this together Good thing. She didn't chew us

Gotta go out into the world So we went out as we came in And alone Maybe I'll say my shell again There you go, good luck. Just try desperately ruining plumbing Before you flush my mind chucking the guy's shell. I know you got it. Yeah I ate all that broccoli Rob for nothing Did nothing made matters worse. Oh my god, so I

I've accepted that I'm probably going to have to chew a couple of these lactate pills or whatever version of them to enjoy dessert Regardless, well, I'm fine with that this dream restaurant. We have no digestive lactose intolerance. How's that? How's that? Wow, okay. So this is shaping everything up. Okay So before I came in I had a very clear notion of what I wanted for dessert because I've had it Um, it is a place the next time you are both in new york, which I know you go to often I don't know how often you go up to harlem. Definitely do it. Food's great. People are great. It's all history. Lovely There's a place I want to say it's 116 in st. Nicholas. So it's like west

Harlem, uh, it could be higher up in that. But anyway, it's called seasoned vegan And I know what you're thinking you're like vegan. Okay, stop But they did have an almond based ice cream that tasted like Fucking ice cream that I didn't have to take 10 million pills and have horrible shit after And it was the best it was an ice cream sandwich, you know the chip which Who doesn't love a chip which the just the toke and the and it was just The best thing I'd ever had for a dessert And I was like I can just keep eating these and I don't and I can go take a walk afterward without fear

So I don't know if that made it taste even better than it was I can't be held accountable for what my mind's delusions sort of but it was really good like Everything I had there. I had a fish there that had the texture of fish And I was certain was fish to the point at which I was cutting the skin off of it And my friend was like asshole. It's vegan. They just made it look that way. That's probably seaweed Yeah, that's amazing call this the oldest trick in the book. Yeah, I'm just sitting there like and I was like, oh shit Yeah, you're right. I'm eating this like it's a real fish. I'm looking for a bone It's actually like seitan or tofu or something, right?

But yes, this ice cream sandwich. I just there's nothing It's just a things that come in like different like an ice cream sandwich Like who doesn't love a sandwich who doesn't love ice cream. You put them together. I don't need other foods I don't need people. I need this one chip which in my hand that's telling me that I did something right in my life In the war like I just you know, and I would love a you know to say tiramisu or some other fancy or tart or whatever, but like that ice cream sandwich Is really I'm about to cry like I just I loved it so much and and apparently

Apparently you can get them here, but ben and jerry's do Uh, non-dairy ice creams that taste like ben and jerry's ice cream. I like the bomb just amazing ice cream But I can never find them in any shops. I don't know if you have to shop at waitrose to get that That's literally uh, just a shop on the corner near me that sells them and they have normal news agents. Yeah Yeah, there's a there's a peanut peanut butter cookie non-dairy Otherwise, you're just getting you're getting like, you know the stuff that that's sort of um non-dairy brands like you know Like alpro or other people put out and you're like, that's cool It's fine. Yeah, and if you've got the coconut thing, you're like, okay, I can do that whatever, but it's not the same

It's getting freaking ben and jerry's. Yeah, just like they just Just took ice cream. You're like, we're gonna put some sauce in it. You know, they just went they just fucked ice cream up So, yeah, so good talking about meeting your heroes earlier. If I'm at Uh, Ben or jerry, right? I would be quite overwhelmed, right? I feel like two like older jewish guys and lab coats make an ice cream and you're like, you don't understand What you've done for my life I can't tell you how many hard nights I got through with a tiny bite So like I love them so much. Um, I think that's it although

You said but you said banana pudding earlier and it just I had a moment I'm just gonna say this even though I think I'm sticking with the chip which but um, I grew up with vanilla wafer pudding Which I don't think is a thing here because it's like a vanilla brand Like these little vanilla based wafer cookies that you get in a cereal box size thing And you just But there is a and I don't know if it feels like a sort of soul food black thing But other people make it but it's nilla pudding and it's basically You know, uh, american pudding so like thicker than custard, but not as thick as jello, you know

gelatin kind of thing but the in between That sort of uh flavor with uh, so it's like a layer thing It's like you've got the nilla wafer layer Then you've got like the banana and the pudding layer and you just keep layering those over and over again You put it in the fridge and then you just scoop it until the end of time and there's something that's like very You know, it's kind of thing that your mom would make that's like so So inexpensive and easy, but it's just it's just pure happiness. Yeah banana Form like I don't are there people who don't like bananas. Oh, there's some people who don't like bananas the name one me out

Well, these yeah Because I feel like we're primates like that's our thing Yeah, you know, even if it's not your favorite fruit like you can all have and just be like, yeah that that hit the spot right there I couldn't I couldn't live my life and the process Just the the feel of it like it's not like an orange where you're like, this is frustrating Yeah, it's it's equally delicious when it's slightly older as to when it's a young banana, but it changes flavor Yeah, that's the that's the thing that you got to teach kids They're like it's brown now and you're like just open up inside. Don't judge it. It's so much sweeter inside

I've been through that trauma. Yeah, you know um What we haven't covered with this ice cream sandwich is what flavor the ice cream was and also what the um The sandwichy bits were made of because this is this very bad. Yes, you're right So I know because I say ice cream sandwich and you think of that chocolate Thing of the normal fly ice cream sandwich. This is a chip which so it's a chocolate chip cookies Yes, are the the breaded part right soft quite soft. Yes, please And I want to say when I had this ice cream it was kind of

You know it was ben and jerry's bait So I had like some kind of swirl like it was like it was like a You know it was basically a vanilla base with some kind of chocolate and or hazelnut thing and a caramel Situations swirl in there. So yeah, it's just the ice cream that you're like they threw a bunch of great shit in here And my night's done. Yeah Like that's it was I can't exactly remember which but to me I love a I love um Assault a caramel in anything or a caramel, but if you added salt, thanks That upgraded it. Do you know what I mean? You didn't have to do that, but thank you so much

Thank you. It's like when they give you a hot towel on playing you're like, I didn't think I needed it But it just made things a lot better. Thanks. Thank you Um, yeah, and I think there was some kind of chocolatey thing and I don't I don't mind a nut But I think you've already got the the chocolate chips and whatever so you might not want to have a surprise Almond attack in there. I've got to say I've got to say that even before you got to the dessert I could see in james's eyes that this was his favorite menu so far This is so and then you said ice cream sandwich. You know, we were talking earlier about people hacking into our brains Calling out our perfect thing. You said ice cream sandwich that that is james. Yep. I love it so much the ice cream sandwich

After that menu anyway, you've just made his life. Yeah. Yeah. I love ice cream sandwiches Love them so much where I go so a lot of a lot of experiences in my life Happen to have ice cream sandwich good whereas one day so Trader joes I like the mini bite size

Ice cream sandwiches that are the the mint ice cream ones with the curve like I've never had those Yeah, so that it's a holy crap. It's just like like almost an Oreo cookie Thing and then in the middle it's like mint ice cream. Whoa so like I just didn't even know this existed. I'm so stoked to find a trader joes like they don't have them here, right? No, I don't have them here. So like well in America I'll buy a box of those and then just walk around especially if it's in LA. It's really sunny Just walk around eating those but one day everyone in LA looking at you like you're insane

Well, mostly because you're walking around walking and eating while you're walking in your car smashing them into your face So like that makes sense. Yeah one day I did that. I just really wanted them So I and I had a meeting somewhere But I got in really early and I said to myself on the car in the way that I realized I was going to get there early I thought if there's a trader joes nearby, I'm going to get those ice cream sandwiches and just walk around until my meeting There was a trader joes opposite the place was me. So when they got the box walked around eating them had about eight ice cream sandwiches mini mini ones. Yeah got to the meeting The guy sits down. He was like, do you want to eat some food? I was like, no, not really

I just had like eight ice cream sandwiches. I'm all right. He was like, okay fine And then he was like, me made me want an ice cream sandwich now though It's like and then he opened the menu. He's like, they do ice cream sandwiches here And I was like, oh, okay. It's like I'm gonna get these and then they were carrot cake ice cream sandwiches So it's like vanilla ice cream and then either side was like basically a carrot cake Gotcha And he got them and they were also bite-sized and there was loads of them And he went just help yourself to these if you want them and I was like, I'm never going to have these anywhere else

So I had a bunch of those I just had like two courses of ice cream sandwiches one after the other Did you go home from your very important hollywood meeting with a tummy ache? I was like, I'll tell you what. I definitely haven't got that job, but it was it was absolutely worth it I had two helpings of ice cream sandwiches and now there is a new show coming out on HBO about a man addicted to ice cream Just walking around your house old boxes and just memories of ice cream Nice guy James He gave no credit in it

Nice guy James It's Eddie Redmayne is the lead He can play any any red man can play nice guy jimmy He's addicted to the ice cream sandwiches Although I've got to say best best ice cream sandwich I've had god did a shout out to it was in sydney And it was two bits of banana bread and coconut ice cream in the middle with dark chocolate over it dark chocolate sauce And it was really good. It was really good. I've not I've not really had many ice cream sandwiches My only real experience

It's gonna revolutionize your ice cream In portugone, I don't think they sell them here. I think they sell them just in europe is the m&m cookie ice creams They're like really soft cookies slab of vanilla ice cream bit with m&ms on top. Nice. Nice. No, that is a good thing I feel like I was like, we totally have like a travel eating show going up, but it would just be I mean once this gets developed for you know, the small screen for TV But it's just going to be people going to places and being really satisfied by food There's really no drama or

Conflict or anything in that the only conflict is being slightly disappointed by something Also, I mean the drum and clock. What if we give you something dairy? That's a bit of drum and clock You know Get ready and did just start the clock. I mean, you know 30 minutes or less I'm like, it's a delivery. I'm just like this is so great and I gotta get somewhere else soon You're gonna learn a lot more about me Well, let me uh read your order back to you Desmond Okay, I've got it like totally. Uh, you would like some still water to start. You don't like getting burpee

Yes, with lemon, please. That helps with the digestion. Yeah, always have your lemon with your water. No problem Yeah, um some tortilla chips and salsa for the pop of domes of bread. Is there a new one for us? Very happy about that. Uh oysters to start. Uh, you would like a bit of white stuff and red stuff Yeah Swallow them whole Main you would like the goat tacos with the pickle sauce that you got from Uh, it's called it was called moropa in um in the mariny. Less than peace. Yes A side of sexy broccoli rob and uh

Model model broccoli. Yeah model broccoli. Uh, the jesus h christ cocktail. Thank you It sounds delicious and for dessert the non-dairy ice cream sandwich chipwitch. Uh, and that what was the place? It was called seasoned vegan Seasoned vegan. It's like better than lots of normal restaurants. So if you like food, you should go. I'm gonna go. Fantastic. Well, thank you so much Thank you so much. Thanks for having me at the dream restaurant. I'm gonna fantasize about food all afternoon Yeah, if you uh, just go through that door there, that is the dream toilet for you to take a horrible crap My dream diary in Our dream restaurant is soundproof because it's a dream

Soundproof. Yeah, no one even we never know you're in there. They're singing random songs It's one of it. It's one of those japanese toilets that plays music. Oh, yeah And once it's done once you leave the door closes and it gets like bombed with perfume Delicious great meal. That was such a great meal. Uh, it made me want to Like eat it immediately. I would eat that entire meal Right now, right now. I know you would James. I know you would that is a great meal Um, didn't mention red onion Skirting perisly close to it with shallots on the oysters flew close to the sun, but she didn't get burned

A shallot is better than a red onion. I'd say. Yeah, absolutely. Um, it's not and more red onions were specifically, you know What I was thinking about is when you know, you got a salad or something And it just chopped up some raw red onions in there. Yeah, I am not a fan of that person I don't mind it. You know, sometimes it can cut through a cut through a spicy flavor or a Or a fatty fatty beast. Yeah For the rest of the day Yeah, that's true. It does the rest of the day. It cuts through all the flavors. This is there forever cuts through your dreams Yeah, and look, you know me. I'm a pudding man

I don't want anything in my savory dish to stain on my palate all day long So that later on when I'm enjoying the best of all the courses all can taste this red onion Okay. Well, luckily she didn't mention it. Thank you Desiree for that as well Um, so uh like and subscribe do all of that sort of thing And if you uh, if you wanted to see more of Desiree, of course, uh, she's uh, got a series called flinch come into Netflix Which is uh, her shawmosh logifice, uh, torturing people as far as I can make out Yeah, it sounds horrific So if you want to watch that sort of thing and uh, also she has a stand-up special coming to comedy central

So, uh, we're we're also comedians. I'm on tour go on my website at gamble.co.uk Uh, I'd imagine I'm still on tour by the time this comes out. I'm on tour until the end of time Yes, supply and demand baby. A lot of people want to see Ed. So he's going to be on tour And all right. Yeah, you've left a gap there a lot of people want to see James as well. He's also on tour Thank you very much Ed. Do you know scratch each other's backs every once in a while? Yes, please Uh, we'll we'll be back Won't we we'll be back next week We'll be back next week with another fantastic guest in the dream restaurant

I'm gonna go and eat an ice cream sandwich like and subscribe. Goodbye Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale You might remember me from the best ever episode of off menu Where spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and Our relationship's never been the same since and I am joined by me. Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm ugly I'm not gonna spoil In case get him on James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your

Podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called northern news It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the north because look we're two northerners sure But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes It's all kicking off and that's a new podcast called northern news We'd love you to listen to maybe we'll get my mum on get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's northern news When's it out? Ian? It's already out now, Amy. Is it? Yeah get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late