Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 199: Celya AB

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

French-Algerian stand-up (and former cat-sitter to James) Celya AB has a table booked this week. Bon appétit!Celya AB’s new solo show ‘Second Rodeo’ is at the Edinburgh Fringe, Pleasance Courtyard, 2-27 August (not 15). Tickets and info.Follow Celya on Twitter and Instagram @abcelyaRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed and James from Off Menu here. Well, I hate to do this, but Nishkumas got a new standup special coming out, James. Yeah, listen, he's our friend. Yeah. So even if this was awful, we'd have to plug it. Yeah. Here's the problem. He sent it to me.

He asked me, can you watch it, just give me any notes on the edit. Yeah. Just, you know, that'd be really helpful. He knew it was already perfect. He sent it to me to make me feel inadequate. And it worked. Because the whole show was immaculate. I'm very annoyed that he did that to me, but I'm very excited for the public to see this special.

Well, he didn't ask me for notes, because he doesn't value my opinions. I'm happy to say it's probably quite bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you and Nish, you've known each other for longer than I've known even of you. And so he already knows that he's in your head. Also, I was there when it was recorded.

You watched it. Yeah, it is really good. So we knew that it all had got here. This is what you get if you ask us to plug your special mesh. Your power, your control is on sky comedy on demand from August 25th. Fuck you, Nish. T. T.

Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, taking the pork of humor, all the other nasty bits from a pig, mashing it all up in a blender of the internet, and piping it into the sausage casing of friendship sausage. That was a gamble. My name is James A. Castor. We are in a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in every single week, ask them their favourite ever. Start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is Celia A.B. Celia A.B. A wonderful comedian James. So funny. I've been gigging a lot with Celia these past couple of years. Couple of years. I'd say always has a fantastic gig. Brilliant. Gangsmith. Brilliant gangsmith. So many so many jokes. It's such a challenge.

It's been to a terrible comedy critic. Now also, Celia, as how's that for me? Yes. A little bit of trivia. Kat's hat. Kat's at. Got some kittens. Needed them looked after. Yeah. So, so, so, so, I love these kittens now. James got kittens, realized he didn't have the capacity to look after them.

No, why? And then had to get someone else to do for him. That's what I do. And I only trust Gagsmith to look after my kittens. Yeah. Real Gagsmiths. Looking forward to chatting to Celia, James. Very much so.

However, as with every episode, Celia says the secret ingredient, and ingredient which we deemed to be unacceptable, we will have to kick Celia out of the restaurant. See you later, Celia. And this week the dream ingredient. The dream ingredient? The secret ingredient. The secret ingredient in the secret restaurant is panoshakala. No, it's quite, I know a lot of people love Panna Shocker but I had a big routine about

Panna Shocker in my show. Yes. And, uh, it certainly came to see the show and I did a French accent for a long time and said it is French. Yes. And she found it offensive. It's a little bit of an in-joke. Yes.

It's a bit of an in-joke. But now we're making it an out-joke. Oh, we love Panna Shocker, however, Ed is very critical of the English breakfast buffet, Panashokala's that you get in hotels in this country. Not enough Shokala. Not enough Shokala, too much pan. It's a good bit. So I would say it's specifically those panashokala.

Those ones are too much air in them. Yes. The airy Panashokala. That we would go for. An air is a French band. They are a French band and Mune Safari still seen as a classic. Yes. I did.

There was originally a joke in the routine about the French band air, but I found it very difficult to make it work. Yeah, yeah. I mean, even my audience aren't going for that, man. No, no, no. That's very difficult. So, if Celia says part of chocolate, see you later. See you later, but hopefully that won't happen.

We'll see. We'll see. This is the off menu menu of Celia A.B. MUSIC Welcome, Celia, to the Dream Restaurant. Hello. Welcome, Celia A.B. To the Dream Restaurant,

maybe it's better you have a sometime. Where did he come from? Where did I come from? Where? That's a good question. Yeah. I'll please explain the format to me. I'm not familiar with it. Sometimes when people come in and they're not familiar

with the format, and I have to explain that James is a genie, I never feel more like an idiot. Clearly, but I feel in that situation. You think you just sit there, like being aware though. I feel, I feel, I feel silly. You're just describing him being a genie. Yeah, and you feel like an idiot. Yeah, I feel, I feel silly. You're just describing him being a genius. And you feel like an idiot. Yeah, I feel like an idiot.

I'm not sitting there going out to the particular to be a genius if I never had old. And I try and say with my eyes, just go along with this. He lives in a fancy world. So much tech actually. Way more than I expected. Way too much tech actually. He's got podcasts.

Can you describe to the listeners what you saw when I first started? Oh yeah. So do you know, when you do live at the Apollo, that's like a big smoke machine. Yeah. You got the exact same one. Yeah. It's like, I can't see you anymore. There's so much smoke around. Yeah. It's just that. It's just the Apollo smoke machine. Yeah. I put a smoke machine there and it out every time we. Too much. Yeah. Yeah. Oh God. It's far too much. It can't relate. Absolutely. Finally from the seats when you watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It feels pretty great. Well, let me tell you, it is too much and when you do it, you'll all you'll think about when you should be thinking about doing live at the Apollo, you'll be thinking about James as a genie. So, about look, yeah, I'm looking to put you off. I don't know, you'll never come out vaping. Oh, yeah, they should have. It's a good plan. That would be funny. Yeah. Right, I did down Benjamin. You just got yourself booked. I know. You'll be getting the cold. You're going to pretty go gag. I think gag. Smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Yeah. We had a pretty good idea. We need to get a done idea. Polo. I'd like to smoke a cigarette with that talking to you.

Everyone smoke. This smoke everywhere apparently. Yeah. My idea of booking live at Diapolo is the whole process. There's a man with a tiny mustache smoking in the room. Yeah. Everyone's smoking everywhere apparently. My idea of booking live at your Apollo is the whole process. There's a man with a tiny mustache smoking in the room. Yeah, there's actually not a smoke machine. That's just their meeting room, but they're yeah, yeah, yeah, when it opens up, they're all just like, the shells going, okay, I'm going to make you star. That's good. Yeah.

I like when the cell you does. Oh, there's a lot to come. It's funny when I do characters because I've got an accent. So I think it adds a bit of layers, actually. I mean, we've all got accents. Yeah. Wow. Do you like when actors, characters in his stand-up show?

I just want to talk about it. That's really come up early. I was going to ease that in. Yeah, but then we got into doing characters on stage. And you know, I did pre-warn you before you came to see my show that I end by doing what I consider to be a French accent for 10 minutes.

Well, the story is Ed said, oh, you're French. Here's a little anecdote that relates to where you're from. In my standup show, sometimes I do a bit of a French accent. And then I was like, do you know what?

Ed's a nice guy. That's fine. It's probably no more than 60 seconds. I stand up show sometimes I do a bit of a French accent. And then I was like, do you know what? Ed's a nice guy. That's fine. It's probably no more than 60 seconds. And then I went to see your lovely show at Diopolo. So much longer. So much longer. I absolutely loved walking into the little bar afterwards.

My friends and family were there. Well done on the show, Ed. And then I let Rather Room Celia was stood there like a pissed off teacher, looking at me like a how dare-day you do know it was so long that for a bit it changed my accent Look it's good stuff good accent though 10 minutes. He's pretending to be a panorchocular. Yeah holding his extended fingers out where his nipples are For the whole thing I haven't been able to have a punish for good sense No, and it's because every time I walk past one, I see your face, do you follow holding me,

do you think? Yeah, like this. I'm actually stood behind you the whole time. Oh no. You can see me reflected in the bakery window. That's why I can hide the accent. I thought it was my memory. Did you think it's observations about punishable art were valid at least?

His thing. I was fuming. Yeah. But then I looked at my standup and then realized that in a way, the 10 minutes that you did is very little compared to the 20 minutes I have about Britain. So you know, you just do it. I do. I'm actually really lovely. I'd say it wasn't it wasn't about French culture. It was more about British culture,

about breakfast in British hotels and those tiny places. Is this a essay? Is it? It's a video. It's actually very intelligent. It's clever, my bit. It's more of a note-sap thing. When he's got a trouble.

Yeah. Oh, there he is. He's able to cherry pepsi maps. There we go. The first time a cherry Pepsi Max has been drunk on the podcast, I believe. Oh, that is a lovely drop. The other cherry Pepsi Max before, so yeah.

Yeah, I think that tastes like medicine a little bit. Mm-hmm. Can I smell it? Medicine for the soul. You have a little sniff in my drink. Ooh, hello. Nice to meet you. Well, how would you describe the bouquet there to the listener?

Bouquet. I think it smells floral, like a bouquet, but it also smells like if you had an entire one, it would kind of re-opposter your entire budget. It makes me feel a bit sick, actually. Yes. What if someone in this room, namely no names, has a litre bottle of it at home right now, I'm just looking forward to drinking it when I get back. Would this person be drinking the whole litre bottle?

No, they might be drinking the whole litre bottle because they're two points of it last night. I've seen the inside of your fridge, James. Yeah. That's true, actually. And a lot of condiments, a lot of sweets and and just a big litter of diet coke in any way. What perhaps, see. This is great. We've never had an inside James' fridge review.

Sadie has been in my house on her own. Yeah, for a week. You were living in the walls, weren't you? I wasn't living in the walls. I think I hung out with the cats. Yeah, yeah. It was the best week of my life to be honest. It was lovely.

I thought you looked like you had a good time. I had a lovely time. We had a group chat. Yeah. You and the cats. Yeah. I had a group chat with Jams and his lovely girlfriend, where I sent pictures of the kittens.

But then I had a group chat with the cats. Where I sent pictures of Jams. That's a nice one. That's never missing us. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't appreciate it, actually. They did.

It's good to keep them remembering who we are as well. That was my main concern coming back from holiday was their forgotfulness and nothing of sadness there, and they're like, mum, and I was very worried about that. The great thing is that cats absolutely couldn't care less. Every morning I wake up, put an episode of it off menu, being like, let's daddy. LAUGHTER But yeah, so you've seen the fridge. Yeah. I mean, sweets and diet coke isn't going to surprise anyone, I guess.

No, condiments. A lot of condiments, because... Initially, when you got halfway through that word, I thought you were going to say they were condoms in the fridge. Yeah, I like to keep my dick cool. LAUGHTER A dick can be too hot. Yeah.

I want to call it down. I think when it starts smoking, that's a problem isn't it? Yeah, I want to call it down. I think when it starts smoking that's a problem isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steaming. But it's steam coming out of it. Oh, no. Yeah. Lava's your pillow.

Yeah, it's for a long time, James, for the back stage at Lava the Apollo putting a cold condom onto his hot dick and that's what was. What were you taking condom off its like is. Lava the Apollo. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. No, okay, you go back there. And you show them. Here's a question. Drumeco, this is my favorite question to ask. Top 10. Do you think in your life you've had more ketchup or more mayo? Mayo.

I was going to make fun of that being your favorite question to ask them. Remember, this is how we make a living story. I think probably Mayo, yeah, I'll never be like, oh, I need ketchup with chips, I need to have ketchup in that. But Mayo, I definitely prefer Mayo. Big time, big time. Bad ketchup is worse than bad mayo. Correct.

I think I've had more ketchup. I think it's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ketchup and ketchup boys. Yeah. That's what they say. Yeah, I've asked. During the ketchup boys.

Yeah, yeah, I think the Ketron Ketropp crew. Yeah, the Ket, oh. Do you have ketchup been listened to last ketchup. Yeah, yeah, I think the Ketring Ketropp crew. Yeah, I think it, yeah. Oh. Do you have Ketropp and listen to last Ketropp as well? Yeah, yeah, we do. Yes. I was watching, I was like, what are you about that? I think anyone who listen from Ketring will have the same answer as me.

I think that's a little big Ketropp, not me. Yeah. I've been to Ketring. Yeah, did he gig in Ketring? I did another gig in Corby, which is the enemy of Ketring. Yeah, yeah. If anyone listen in Corby, which is the enemy of Kettering. Yeah, yeah. If I said I'm listening from Corby, fuck you. How did the gigs compare?

Kettering, I can't remember it, but Corby was at the back of a holiday and on DM1 or something. Oh, yes. And the manager was at the front of the gig. It was in a, in a veranda. And she didn't have shoes on. The manager didn't have shoes on. Manage it in the picture. That's what I'm sure of. She took off her shoes. It's because what people don't know,

kept in is like a, back in the day, we would make shoes that was like the main industry in Ketrin. So Corby hates Ketrin so much that they refuse to wear shoes. What do you mean Ketrin? Tomatoes. We wear fucking shoes in Ketrin because we're proud. And so that was of ketchup.

The first pair of boots are pepperists are made in Kevin. Wow. No, it's not. Yeah. First pair of boots, the top, Edmund Hillary, top of Mount Everest was where we just boots that were made in Kevin. I feel like... But he has do with that. I won't fucking lie, man. I feel like my disbelief is suspended somewhere.

Yeah. Oh, no. Sartre. Sartre. I think you can all agree. Sartre was French. Oh, fuck off. I wouldn't appreciate if someone could pronounce it correctly, Ed. Sorry, Sartre. Sartre. I think you can all agree. Sartre was French. Oh fuck off. I would appreciate if someone could pronounce it correctly. Ed. Sorry. Sart. John Paul Sarty. But it has not in his head. It's a real. Yes, it's real. No. Yeah. Hey, it's good because you laugh and you learn.

It's good. It's called the gig. So she had no shoes on. She had no shoes on. Which is quite I think that's quite French. I'm surprised you Corbygik. So she had no shoes on. She had no shoes on. Which is quite Ivy, and that's quite French. I'm surprised you didn't feel like home, no shoes. I forgot, I just finished taking off my shoes actually. She had no shoes on, and we were, my friend Daniel, and I were doing both half an hour, which I was too new to do half an hour anyway. And I tried to do crowd work with her

about how she wasn't wearing shoes. With the manager of the venue. With like six months of doing stand up. Obviously, it went really well. She didn't like me at all. And then I had 28 minutes to go. Did older material I'd ever written. And then my friend Dani, which we used to call crowd work king. The crowd work king.

The crowd work king. The crowd work king. Danny was in the back having a cocktail. Was this what's happening? Just like sweating his drink going, oh, wait till she sees me. The crowd work, the crowd work king. I have a good cocktail. It's a good cocktail. I'm in the back.

My friend tell me that sometimes I had whimsy to memories. He was sweating as it were drink. And then when on stage, first thing first he said, what you were in shoes? The King! What you learned, man? Why are you not wearing shoes? Long live the King! We always start with still a sparkling water on the podcast.

Yes, I do. I would like, are we already in a dream restaurant? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There's a preemptive thing that I want to say about a dream restaurant. Please. I want a dream restaurant to be exactly a 20 minute walk from my house.

So I can walk to the restaurant, have a lovely stroll, think about what I'm going to have. But then on the way back, 20 minutes is a perfect time to kind of start digesting. But you're like not home straight away because that weirds me out when you're home straight away. I have to admit. That's a really, really good point that no one's ever brought up. A nice little stroll. Yeah. But also to eat and then suddenly just be back in your... It feels weird, don't it? It feels weird, like if you ever eat in a hotel that you're staying in. Oh yeah, no less than that. And then you just be back in your... It feels weird, don't it? It feels weird, like, if you ever eat in a hotel that you're staying in.

Oh, yeah, no, no, no. And then you're just suddenly in your room. It's like it didn't happen. Yeah. So you've dreamt the whole meal. Yeah. Maybe this holiday and in court be that manager who did have to do something.

She was from Kettering. No way, no way, she was from Kettering. We went to conduct our sales like that. So a nice 20 minute stroll after the meal, pre and post meal. Yeah, and now, before the meal, I want a packet of... Okay. I want a packet of Walker's crisps, the plain ones. So what I want, and now, before the meal.

Why? Because I really like them, and I've started dipping them in soy sauce, so it's extra salty, and it's delicious. But why is this an hour before the meal? Why is this part of the meal? I'm going to get hungry. And I'm going to be like, I can't eat a full meal because I'm going to go for a full meal. So I want something light that will satisfy me. And it's always a packet of walkers that are delicious. It's in soy sauce. Soy sauce on the on birthday. Soy sauce on birthdays. Yeah. On big day soy sauce. When did you start dipping dipping in the soy sauce? What?

What? It was on a coach between Wales and Edinburgh. In 2018, I remember it vividly. Yeah. It was really sad. And because I was out to leave the fringe before to host a gig that didn't in hindsight pay me enough to leave Edinburgh before. And I got a meal deal and had some sushi and then some crisps and then there was a bit of soy sauce left.

And then I thought, you know what, live a little. Oh my God, back to the bed in the room. Yeah, give it a go. Try it. And then I just had to stop myself from telling the rest of the coach. Yeah, getting on the microphone. You got good.

It was so good. Were you sat next to someone? No, I think if I was, they would have moved. Yeah, the crazy woman. They think it's something. Yeah, that's very, it's a very coach thing to do. You always see someone doing something like that. And in fact, no shoes.

No shoes on the coach. You see that? I know you when people take off their shoes on long coaches. Yeah, I hate it. Really? When they do it on a plane, I hate it. Yeah. Really?

We're not on a long flight. Hang on, hang're not on a long flight. Do you have slippers? Sure, I'm a long flight. Surely you're taking your shoes off, Joe. But you're, I'll do my shoelates and I'll lose them my shoes. I ain't getting them. Well, that's weird, huh? But you love socks. Surely you want to show them off. You love socks. I do. What? Hold on. What? I've got it in my head that you love socks. I agree to that, then. Yeah, you do love socks. I love socks do I? You wear wacky socks when you do I?

These are a bit of a wacky guy. Yeah, I didn't know that. You wear socks to show everyone how wacky you are. Yeah, there you go. Wacky from head to toe. Are they wacky? No, they're not that wacky actually. It's got a little pattern on them.

Got your shoes on James. So when I could 10 hour flight, you wouldn't take your shoes off. I'm loosening them. I'm not. Weird. I'm not. That's weird. That's not weird. It's like as a tie and you're a businessman who's just finished work. I know.

Take them off. I would love to businessmen who just finished work. That's so, do you sit with your coat on as well? And gloves? Yeah. I'll loosen all of it. So they're like Kevin and I'm alone too. But well, well done for just naming another cool person.

So, so far you're tense to make me look dumb. Yeah, I've all failed trying to eat your inflight meal, wearing mittens. I'll take my coat off, sure. But then it's like, I'm not, you know, no one wants your cheesy feet. No, but cheesy up the plate. My feet aren't cheesy. Thank you very much. I don't know when we came back, when've been house sitting a whole house stuck in cheese Walked into a big cheese house James being like my cheese French

So maybe she's just being in those of cheese. Yeah, yeah, just the Bring it every fucking wing with this house. I told you that would happen. Are you don't listen to me? You can bring in every fucking movie by this house. I told you that would happen. Are you done listening to me? Steph DePellows would go to cheese. Live it. Chevro. Chevro.

Chevro. What? Chevro. Chevro. Don't even know what that means. It sounds like Dembra, when you say. I don't know. Chevro is the cheese of the, or French for pillow.

What? You don't know what Chevro is. Chevro. Sorry, Chevro. Chevy Chevro. Chevro. Chevro. for pillow. You don't know what chevres, chev, sorry chevra. Chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, chev, Shev, shev. Oh, fuck, I'm not doing that. I got, I popped a panic when I have to try and speak another language. Do you?

Yeah. When I was a kid, I was 13, learning French at school. And then we went to France the first time my family had never been abroad before and stopped at a service station the way to the holiday home. And my dad was like, right, you're learning French. So you just got to get your stuff yourself. And so I had a train in the service station,

had to queue up with this windy queue, went to the front, said what they taught me to say in school. And then the guy came back with a whole load of stuff that they hadn't said in school. I didn't know what to do on a panic, and everyone behind me started getting really impatient in the most horrible feeling. I've just ever since then, I don't, I don't even try.

He doesn't do it anymore. No way, no way Jose. Oh, there was another language. Oh, you're right. You're rhyming in different languages. Yeah, I can rhyme. I might have rhyming in other languages. Yeah, you could go to Spain and, you know, you could, you could muddle through with no way Jose. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to that that. I can model for a friend.

I'm going to find a line they might make with the same word. No, it's a banger though. What's wrong? Every morning, a banger. Robert James. Robert, in France, when I was learning English on the last year of high school, my English teacher was Irish and she was from Cork. And she had the strongest accent that I've ever heard in my life. So for whole year, there was French kids running around with French Cork accents.

Right. And she taught us that bloody was a, like a swear word. So she was like, oh, don't say bloody because that's a swear word. Of course, we're 17. We just say it's saying bloody. Running around saying bloody is a 17-year-old. Most pathetic acts of rebellion ever. I think you're being really rude.

Like the tough kids at school would be like, bloody and then I was like, oh wow, that's a big guy. A guy, that's a gangster, I'm scared of him. I was rubbish at French at school. You won't believe it, given my accent now. But we had to watch Lion. I loved that film.

Yeah, but it's fucking depressing and it really puts you off learning French. Yeah. The brilliant film happens there. Yeah, I hate it actually. Because we all fancy the teacher. So that was a great film. Did you see it? No, I've not heard of that film.

So it's got Lion, which means hate. And it's about like kids, three kids in the suburbs of Paris, the Borleur. And what the day to day is like going into Paris and it kind of links to like police brutality. Really fun stuff. Yeah. It's a really good film. You'd love it. Yeah, it sounds nice. I like it. Yeah. So we learned loads of great stuff, loads of great vocab from that film, but police brutality and sort of racism in France. Great. I would quite in that film. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We haven't even found out if you want to still a spark the more. We asked you like an hour ago.

I'm sorry. But we want you want to be 20 minutes from your house. Yeah. We want the walkers ready salted with the soy sauce. An hour before. An hour before. Yeah. So I want a big pint of really, really sparkling water with ice. I almost want no water, almost just bubbles.

Okay. And I want that before the mail. And I don't want to drink the whole thing. I want maybe a four, five sip. And then throughout the mail, I want tap water. And crucially, I don't want to have to ask for more tap water to be refilled. Because I always feel like a dick when I do it. And they never notice it.

And I just want someone to notice, as soon as they see the bottom of this glass, they tap it back up with tap water. Right, got you. That's what I want. Straight away. But when it's at the bottom, because I don't like it sometimes, if you're in a restaurant,

and I'll have a sip of my water, put it down, and they come around and they top it up. Why don't you like that? Because I don't like when they're hovering all the time, cos you popping up, I'm trying to talk to the person that I'm having dinner with. They're popping in, topping up, topping up. I can't even have a sip of this without this person. We've seen as well. I've told you what my dad does. I've told you this before. I think you pop in. If people are hovering and topping stuff up, he'll go, no, leave that there and you don't need to come here anymore.

Yeah. I'm a specksy. I'm going to be, when I go up, I'm going to turn into Ed's dad. I want to see a version of this podcast with both your dads. Listen, the idea has been floating. Yeah. Oh, not with both our dads, it's not. We've talked about the idea of having your dad on.

There is just my dad and your dad talking. Yeah. I wouldn't even listen to that. I think we would have to have a guest doing their dream menu. Who's going to be the guest? I'll pair it. That's the one for you, mate.

Beneito's dad. Yeah. Beneito's dad is the guest. No, Beneito's dad is the producer. Perfect. Because Beneito's dad is so kind. Yeah. That's a nice man. because Benito's dad is so kind. Yeah. That should nice.

Mad. That's a fucking destroyed. He mints me. Brilliant. This sparkling water, you said you want it to be almost no water mainly bubbles. Yeah. Is that not air?

Do you know how like honey has like holes, but then there's like little bits of honey? Well, like a mental cheese cheese has like I want I want that size bubbles yeah I want big bubbles and the reason for that is I really like how it feels on my teeth I really like how the bubbles feel on my teeth it feels like they're brand new yeah yeah yeah I like yeah do you think that too don't you yes something like it cleans your teeth in the morning yeah it feels like a little like a little spa day for the teeth.

Yeah, absolutely. 100% spa day for the teeth. Spa day for the teeth. For all the bubbles. You want it so many bubbles that this sounds like it would feel like an electric toothbrush. No, no. This many bubbles. So, right for your mouth.

So, in between lame sparking water and electric toothbrush, I'm sorry. I'm right for your mouth. So in between lame sparking water and electric toothbrush, on the spectrum that I wanted to be maybe like 20% almost to electric toothbrush, but not painful. Like, and I wanted to be very cleansing. You think you can get too bubbly of water though. So does it get to a point where it doesn't feel cleansing?

What if you took a sip of this water? Yeah. And then you open your mouth and realize that it had turned your teeth back into baby teeth. What if that? So what if that? What if that? What if that?

Let's think about that for a while actually. What if that though? I don't come to a section of the buggerhouse called what if that? What if that? What if that were red gamble? Where's James James night involved? James night involved. That's for that.

Yeah. No guests. Yeah, just me saying, what if that? What if that though? Let me, let me, let me, uh, sweeten the pot here. Let me put this in. Uh, um, what if, what if this, what if, that's a good twist? That's my first, my spin off. What if this, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, What if this? What if? Oh, that's a good twist. That's my version, my spin-off.

What if this sparkling water, it's really, really sparkling. It will feel the best you've ever... That good feeling that you're talking about, it will feel the best it's ever felt. The best feeling that you've ever got from sparkling water. But it will turn your teeth back into a baby teeth water. What if that... I have to say no, I like my teeth.

I'd have to say, if it's half and half, I'll do it. If you had a half baby teeth and half your teeth now, top half a bottom half of your teeth. Oh no, I was imagining it. Oh, less invite, less than right. I would happily have... Alternate? Just...

Yeah, it's stop and doubt it. He will be pickled. Yeah. What if that doesn't get a chance to say, I think that may be the first use of Higgledy Piggledy on the podcast. I've never had that before. I like the sound of it. Can you say it again?

Higgledy Piggledy. Oh, it's lovely. Yeah. I teach it. That English teacher didn't teach it that word. Too busy teaching you all the effort and Jeff and I go for bottom bottom baby. It's got to be bottom row. Because when you smile, you don't now these guys could stay hidden the whole lives really. Yeah, well, yeah, it's got to be bottom row

hanging on the baby. Yeah, then I get then I'd get lip fillers with just for the bottom to make sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see you use a lip to cover it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, in, in, in short, sparking water. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I only go into sparking water when I stop smoking. And my theory is that it feels like having a cigarette in your mouth. Wow. Because I don't know why I did to, it did something to my tongue. And it, if I hit the spot of like what smoking felt like. Yeah. I haven't, I haven't looked into this. Interesting. We've not heard this before.

No, we've not. Having a sparkling water is like having a sig. Yeah. Hot, siggy. I have a sparkling water when I go to stuff on the way. Sparking water after banging. Yeah. You know, I might have had to do it. Yeah. You have to nick outside a pub to have a sparkling water.

Yeah. In the morning, you have a coffee and a sparkly water. Yeah, I have a sparkly water after banging just to cool my dick off. Oh no, you got to be careful though, man. If you're taking the sparkly water, you can tell it back into a baby dick. Oh no! I'm gonna baby dick! Please don't leave, baby! Don't leave, I swear what I don't know.

It wouldn't happen. I put my ticket to Buckley Water and I got a baby like, Glitch is a life baby. What if that? Can I ask you a question now? I think about that. That's another one of my questions. Do you think you would feel nice to have a whole bath

filled with sparkling water? Like how, because, you know, I mean, if someone offered it to me, I definitely say, yeah, so I'd want to know what that felt like. Yeah. I think it would feel nice. Yeah. It's incredible. Like, was your cozy. Yeah. For a bit, but then would it, would it feel a bit weird and sort of stagnant and it would flatten out?

Yeah, it would flatten out. But then you could, what's that thing that makes bubbles that for you can buy? So the stream, yeah. So the stream, yeah. You would have a soda stream like, like where the taps should be. Yeah, like you're a hamster. I think the soda streams don't work. No, they don't.

So if you made a soda stream bar, it would probably flood you entire bathroom. Yeah. Because they don't, they tend to like explode a lot. Yeah, so that's a no for that, is it? Yeah, yes, a no for me. If you had a bath, it's spock and water. I'm imagining it with a slice of lemon in it. Would you do that? Oh, hello. Hello. I you had a bath, spock and water, I'm imagining it with a slice of lemon in it. Would you do that?

Oh, hello. Hello. I have a lot of slice of lemon. Cucumbers in it. Cucumbers. Yeah. You'd feel great. Yeah. You'd feel like a drink. You'd feel like a little umbrella. Yeah, I don't think you'd feel a little like a little umbrella. I think it would be fun to wear one of those hats that makes your head a little much an umbrella as well. Yeah. So I think if you had loads of sizes of lemon in there. Great. One size on its own would feel dirty. That would feel like there's litter in the bath. Yeah.

Loads of size of lemon, weirdly, would feel clean, luxurious, great. Yeah. One size of lemon, someone's dropped some lemon in my bath if it feels dirty. Would you have someone drink it? Yes. If anyone wanted to drink it, they could drink it. There's people out there who are going to be messaging Benito saying,

I'm up for that. Oh yeah, there's a few creeps who'd love to drink my bath water. Definitely. Sparkling or otherwise. Well, shame. Yeah. So yeah, that's a drink. Sparkling.

Sparkling and then tap throughout the meal. Yes. Topped up. Yeah. Whenever it gets live. Yeah, and I want the person that taps it up to disappear as soon as it's up. No chance. Who do you want to top it up?

Is it me or is it as a journey or is it someone else? It can be anyone in the world. I have opinions about waiters. Yeah. I want the waiters to be happy. I want them to be like on a fair wage and happy. Yeah. But I don't want, it sounds awful.

Do you know when you go to a bar and you're trying to get a drink, but you can tell that two bartenders are like a flirt going on. Yeah. That bothers me. Yeah. No, because sometimes they're like, they're creating their lovely memories of like, how hard do you remember when we met at bartending

and they're really flirting? And I feel like I'm in it. It makes me feel dirty. I completely agree with you. And I feel bad that I completely agree with you. I don't like going into a shop and the people who work there are clearly friends. You know what I'm saying?

That's a friend. And they're having a laugh about something else that I'm not involved in. So they are colleagues, they shouldn't be friends. I'd like to say that I don't agree with what you just said. How are you going in there having a laugh? Yeah, I don't. I would have to face a big of a laugh that happened. If they have a laugh to the point where it's a professional,

they're not doing their job. Sure, I'll get annoyed at that. No, no. But my laugh. Also, I'd be like, if the bar staff are flirting, I'd like to do a bit of a will they won't they? You're a little pervert. Yeah, you're a pervert, actually.

That's right. Hi. Rupert third one in this. I don't mind. So here's the thing. I don't mind them being friends, but I don't like when they've got clearly like, there's a sex vibe going. And that's what I call it.

Sex vibe, yep. There's a sex vibe going. And they, it makes me feel like I'm an extra in the beginning of the romance of what I remember later on. Do you feel like a big character anymore? No, of the romance of what I remember later on. You don't feel like a big character anymore. No, I just like, I want it to be quick. I want, I want this. Thank you, bye bye. And then you can flirt. But like, no, oh my god, that's so funny. You went to New York. That's crazy. Just like, I don't want any of that. Oh, I don't want it holding up my drink. Yeah, definitely.

You can't hold up the drink. But you don't also, if they get together and they're like, together for ages, you don't want them to be sitting around one day going, do you remember that time that woman came into that you don't want to be like a little tiny part of someone else's story? No, and that happens to me all the time. At your show, I was sitting next to a couple and sorry about that. That's okay. And did have a good night, did you? Did have a good night, did you? No. I was sitting next to a couple and they were like really cuddling and every time something made them both laugh, they'd laugh really hard, look at each other.

And then look at me like this. Like I was part of it. That makes me feel sick. Yeah. I also, I don't want people in shops to be friends. I don't know, I want couples to share a moment together over one of my jokes. No. Don't worry, I don't know, I want couples to share a moment together over one of my jokes. No. Don't worry, I don't know what that happens, that often.

Ha ha ha ha. Most of your jokes are disgusting. Pop it up as well, man. Pop it up as well, man. I bet it's how you made me. Pop it up as well, man. I just say, pop it up as a dead. It's the first pop it up as a dead of the...

That's the first pop it up as a dead. He's taken a long time to get to pop it up as a dead. We should have done that for Halloween special or something. We should have done Popodom's or Dead. Popodom's or Dead, Gough Menu. Gough Menu. Oh, come on. We're doing that in the future, Benito.

OK. I don't know if it's allowed, but I would like Popodom's to start with, specifically from a Birmingham restaurant. I used to go to every, every week, it's called Milan next to Snow Hill Station. It's an Indian restaurant and they had the best, the best little sources that you get with the popodons. And sometimes I just go there for that. So I won that before the meal, but then throughout the meal. Are you popular in there?

Oh, actually, there was a bit of a scam doing just just just as a popodons and then leaves again. Oh my god. Just for 40 people. So you used a little bit burn for the last year. Sure. Communion. I would commit the far right. I think.

So, yeah, just next to the station. I really. Sally's proud. I really enjoyed that restaurant because sometimes I gave you like that have like a little competition. When you write your name and then whoever they pick gets a free meal on it. And because they really like to me, every time I write my name the way to would be like,

they're gonna get it. That sounds like that way probably for, there was something going on, but he thought, this is our love story, this is our start, you were just thinking, I was like, when the competition, I was like, it's not a fair wage, it's not a fair wage. Yeah, every time she comes in, she writes her number down. I is so nice, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on a fair wage, and on Yeah, so you want these you want these pop-ins with the dips. Yeah, but then also you're gonna I want yes

Okay, I want two types of bread And there's a lot of bread in coming by the way I don't know what a secret ingredient is, but I feel there's a bit of a French minefield happening Neat terrified what you think if you were to guess if we've done a French one. I'm not putting into that hole If you say it will not kick you out It's gonna be snails or something like Like, I know you'd like to have a gig all about. Like, we did stuff again, don't you? Correct.

It's a very serious meal. I think it's gonna be something obvious. Or like a snail that's holding a French flag. I don't know. That was a hold of the name. So the bread that I want is from a French bakery in Paris called Dupain des Idais, which means some bread and some ideas. And I got one with the domes.

They put domes over all of the like macarons and stuff. I don't remember that. It's great. Oh, that might be putisserie d'éreve, actually. What about French? Panquotid What about pancotidian? Or pancotidian? Or Paul. I do like it in a pancotidian.

I enjoy it. Makes me feel happy. Makes me feel home. Anyways, so I got read into Anthony Baudin in lockdown and I watched so much of it. And every episode I would take notes of where he was going and if I happened to be there I would go to that place. And that's his favorite bakery. And I had it once. And it's the by far the best bread I've ever had in my life. It tastes so rich. It was so good that we bought it, took it on the plane back. And by the next day, it was still as delicious as the first day.

Wow. It was incredible. It was so good. And is this like just classic, you know, a white bread loaf of brown bread? Like what kind of bread was it? I wouldn't say it was like a baguette or anything like that. Which, oh my god, I've almost stepped on a minefield up here. Get out! I'm going to get out.

That would be so unfair. It's like, it's almost like just a loaf. I think we bought a whole and it's brown, but it's got little bits of seeds in it. But it's, I don't know how, I can't even describe the taste of it, just that really reaching almost meaty, it was delicious. And I think about that bread a lot. So it wasn't a sausage roll? No, it wasn't. So we got that bread, which I won. The sausage roll you've ever had. Yeah. It's bread's amazing. Oh my God. When I first moved to England, I went to a weather spins and then went back to France and then we're sitting everyone about this amazing. You really? Yeah. So you should check out this weather

spins. It's amazing. Two breads though. Yeah, the second bread will come in the stanza. Oh nice. Oh, I can't see if you found that. Well, this sounds very nice. So you haven't any butter with this? Burr. Burr. What? I want, I would like a bit of a burr.

Um, but, but, like a butter. Yeah. I want, I want, I want, funky butter. Funky bread.

I want a fucking butter. I want the fucking butter, how's it going? I want the billboard to be trying new material. The back of the restaurant. By the way, the restaurant I want to be starting in the booth side of the thing. I don't want the chair. That's important for me. So, I want butter and I want it to be softened and I want it to be, I want salted and unsalted.

So, I can have a bit of fun. Yeah, a bit of fun. Yeah. A bit of fun. Yeah, a bit of fun. A bit of fun. What are you spreading them on all and chunks of bread or are you getting on the same one? Oh my God, yes. That's the very basic of what I thought you were talking about. You just decided I'm going to have some fun and at no point thought what is this phone

going to be? Well, I won. It's going to be something I'll have them separate. Oh, hell yeah. I'll have a had a had a had'll have in separate. Oh, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell. I'm going to change it. What the fuck? Okay, let me wrap my head around this first. Okay, here's my idea.

I want a slice of that bread, and I want it to be, have a bit of unsalted, salted in different areas. There's no butter, because it's still delicious day, it doesn't need butter. And I don't want to ever feel full throughout this meal, so I can just have one of these, and like, I can still eat the rest of it. Yeah, that's what I want also. I have to ask you a question that we've asked a lot of guests on the podcast I don't know you haven't chose the baguette you mentioned the baguette you mentioned Paris obviously Spend a lot of time in France. We've never we've never asked I'm obsessed with the place. We've never asked an actual French person this question

go on then. Uh, when you go to a bakery, a blonde jury. Very good. A get a fresh baguette on the walk back to your house. Yes, I do. Yeah, yeah. Yes, I do. Yes, the hat of the baguette.

Yes. I didn't actually be the only question to judge whether someone's a psychopath or not. If they don't eat it. If they don't bite the hat off the baguette, then they're wrong. Put them to jail, I think that should be the only question to judge whether someone's a psychopath or not. If they don't eat it. If they don't bite the hat off the baguette, then they're wrong. Put them to jail, I think. Yeah, yeah, straight away. And then the jail can be made up again. So what do you think?

No way they go, they go, I don't know where they go. How come I don't want to get out? But yeah, absolutely, I eat it. And that's, there used to be a big thing in my family of like, we used to fight about who gets to go in my bread that day because we wanted the head of the big head. I guess we'd like to be head things a lot in France. Your dreams start at them, which we know is going to

involve some more bread also for the listener. Celia showed us, we don't know what's on there, but from a distance, Celia showed us the notes on her phone. Extensive for this episode, and it is the most amount of notes anyone's ever made for the podcast. I know, I know, I'm not sure. I just want the listener to know what we're dealing with here. Okay. So the novel.

So what you're dealing with is, I had an idea. I went for a meal once with Ivo and Tim Key and Edinburgh and we had this idea. By we I mean, I think Tim had this idea and then I jumped on it for a restaurant that's called Sips. Just to just to flag up before we move on full transparency up and told about Sips before. I'm hearing about Sips for the first time. I've never heard about Sips. Sips is a restaurant where you can go there and have just a sip of something. And next door to it is another chain called Bite and I'll let you guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone bites you.

Well, that is. We've been talking about Sips. And with baby teeth. There's a lot of like Sips and bites content about to happen because I'm very in this ice cream and I love a lot of food. Okay. So are we ready? Bites is just tap ass though, right?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't you there? No, it's a bite. So like you have a little plate with an actual bite. No one chewed it for you, but like it's like bite size of one thing. Right. Okay. Yeah. Can a paste. Not kind of paste. No, that's not a French word. I mean, sofa.

So, sipped and bites are next door to each other. It seems unnecessary that they're two separate places. It should be called sipped and bites. Sometimes you just want a sipped star. Sometimes I'm walking around learning and I'm like, Oh God, I'm walking around learning, and I'm like, oh God. I'm dying for a sip. Yeah.

And then I have to buy a whole drink, and that's too many sips. Yeah. So is this going to be? Too many sips on the dance floor. Yeah. Is your starter going to be low, the fight that can't cause fans out there?

I remember some songs, some two-minute texts on the dance floor. Is this starter going to be loads of bites? Is it? Yes, it is. loads of bites. So I used to wake in a pub in Birmingham called the Red Lion and they had the best son there was ever heard in my life. Now one of the starters that I would like is okay, when we were in a pub, we weren't allowed to eat during our shifts, but we would get really hungry. So what we would do is we, God, I shouldn't have said the name of the pub. I'm sure they don't do it anymore. What we used to do is eat the rest of people's roasts. So we

like pick up and we call it scraps. And what's up group will be like there's good scraps in the kitchen. And our manager would get really mad at us, but it was it was really good scraps. Please tell me the WhatsApp group is called what scraps. No, it's not that's very good actually. Might rejoin. What's that? 2016 coming back to me. Oh, God.

Come on, that is gutting that it wasn't called that. I know that has got to be absolutely gutting that it was called what scrap. What scraps? It's a fact. They used to do a lamb bap, which was like lamb roast dinner, covered in gravy with mint sauce, and a little bap. And what? Just ignore it. Okay. I think you want that one. I want a bite of the lamb up. Can I just check with the bites as a concept?

Do you get the whole thing, you take a bite and then leave it, or do you get a bite-sized bit of that? Both our excellent ideas. So it's hard to take it all. One involves a lot more waste. One involves a lot more waste and self-restraint, I would say. What if you had, it was a whole thing, you take a bite and immediately you have to give it to someone else.

Yeah, pasta down the line. And then, yeah, I think that's nice. I like sharing food with people, because it's it, that you go, you have it, and then you go, you can't have it, A-Bur again. It's very romantic, actually. I like sharing food with people, don't actually, that's a lie, but, yeah, definitely. I definitely wouldn't like sharing food with people.

If the concept was, it was a bap, I took a and then they took a bite, especially for the second person. Yeah, if you're the second person or the last person, guess to say, the human centipede question again, where would you be in line for the what are you taking the bite? Yeah, you don't want to be right at the end of the line. you take the bite. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not allowed out of the line. You don't want to be right at the end of the line. No. Bites. That's fucked up. No, so bite is like a bite size. Let's say hygiene. Yeah. I mean, each person's bite is different size. So you got to make it.

Oh, they know, they know you. They know you. Well, this is interesting because I once came up with an idea for a restaurant that I might have said on a menu before. Me and my friend Leah came up with it called steak face where you go in and they measure your face and then you get a steak of the size of your own face. That's amazing. Pretty good, right? But is it like the size of, not the circumference of your head?

Not the head. Not the head. So it's just the face. Are you sure it's the first time I've heard about Leah as well? Yeah, you and Leah, yeah. About steak face together. Did they draw your face on it? No, I don't. No, yeah, good, I get that steak face together. Did I draw your face on it? No, I don't.

Oh yeah, good, good. Yeah, that's not bad, I do. I'd like to eat my own face. Yeah, yeah, if they like. But I think that's good. What's steak face? Yeah. No, no.

Shit. I like it. Yeah, I like it. Also, because if there's a little baby or something, they're not going to want a big steak. So it works perfectly proportionally. I've never seen a baby eat a steak. or something, they're not going to want a big steak, so it works perfectly proportionally. I've never seen a baby eat a steak. I mean, yeah, yeah.

Where you've not been steaked. It's luring us in there. Yeah. It knows babies don't eat steaks. He's trying to get us in. Find a little kid. A little kid. Even a little kid.

Oh my god, if I see a kid eat a steak, I'm bullying him. That kid will bully you. No, I'm sitting his lunch money. That kid is lunch actually. That kid eat in the steak. I'm like, can that kid beat up anyone? Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, that kid of brother you are No, I'm sitting his lunch money He's not in his lunch actually That kid ate in the steak I'm like in that kid could beat up anyone

Oh my god, yes I think good luck bullying that kid You try and bully a kid who's eating the steak Stake baby, you own bullying that steak baby Yeah, you're right back Yeah, you'd win in a fight wouldn't you Yeah, you're right Stake baby

I'm sorry to distract from the bite's concept You got the lambap Bite size lambap Then I want, there's a restaurant in Paris that I go to a lot I'm sorry to distract from the bite's concept. You got the lambap. Bite-sized lambap. Then I want, there's a restaurant in Paris that I go to a lot. So it's right by one of the bridges. I'll find a name of it later.

It feels like a tourist trap, but the food is actually really good. And what I want from it is the bottom of a thing of muscles, just a sauce, and I can soak a bit of bread in it and eat that. I'm not bothered about the muscles, they're nice, but there's, I don't like food that has tech, so it's too much. So just get rid of all the muscles, and then I'll just like to dip a bit of bread in it. So far, it's a lot of bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's got some more bread here. But that sauce was delicious. So you want to dip it in, you don't want like a cube of bread that's had that sauce soaked up into it, and then you... No, I want to dip it in, you don't want like a cube of bread that's had that sore soaked up into it and then you

No, I want to dip it in I want to feel strong. I want to I want to dip it in and there's two more which are not bread I want a sip of a vegetable soup that I had in a pub In both the height soups an interesting one would that be in Sips or Bites? That's Sips. Got me in Sips. But then you have to get, if you want the bread, you have to go to Bites. Yeah, so it's tricky. Yeah, let's see, that's why you should maybe adopt a head side idea of having Sips and Bites.

No, well, if there was a conveyor belt telling you a secret tunnel. A secret tunnel? A secret tunnel within the two. Yeah. The, uh, Yoshi's year, and Ed's diner in, uh, center of London, when there was an Ed's diner there, uh, used to share a toilet. That's true. Yeah, you'd go in, you'd go into the toilet and you'd beer in the center of London when there was an Ed's diner there. I used to share a toilet. Is that too? Yeah, you'd go into the toilet and you'd be like in the toilet and then someone from

Yo sushi would be like trying to get into the toilet. That's amazing. I bet they had tails to tell each other. Yeah. Toilet tails? Yeah. What's it like in your sushi? Yeah.

So that could be a way of getting around Simpson bites. Yeah. You could just eat in the toilet and then. Share the toilet. Yeah. So that could be a way of getting around Sips and Bites. Yeah. You could just eat in the toilet and then... Share the toilet. Yeah. I think I'd like to tip your bread in this, your sip there. Oh, dip the bread in the toilet. Oh, no, that's...

I thought that's freaking me. I want to sip of the vegetable soup from a... I was a pub in Rolderhuy, which I forgot the name of, but it's lovely. Yeah. And then my mom, so I'm for the listeners, I'm Algerian as well as French, Tim Tim, damn. And then... Pop twist. Pop twist. the listeners, I'm Algerian as well as French, Tim Tim Tim. And then pop twist. Pop twist.

We have a microphone on that. Now Ed does 20 minutes with the Algerian accent. Yeah, yeah. We're pretty wrong actually. We should open with it either, shouldn't we? No, shouldn't. Also the outfit's a bit much. So there's an Algerian type soup called short pa, which my mom makes.

I don't know if you've ever had it. No, no. No, it's lovely. It's quite mild, but it's very satisfying. And you have it around Ramadan a lot. I did Ramadan once in my life, and then I fainted, so I don't do it anymore. But I used to, I always had the meal at the end of the day, which was amazing. Everyone will have to eat throughout the day. Yeah. And at the end, I was seven stone heavy, I was a teenager. Yes. How did you fight?

Yes. I mean, you fainting when you actually did ramming. Yeah. It was in a shopping centre and the guy, they called an ambulance and the man said, why haven't you eaten? And I said, it's rammed down. And he said, don't do that anymore. And then I'm not messing anymore.

So I guess that man had a big impact on me. Hey, yeah, you can vert. It's not, but, but also isn't that. His name was Jesus. But isn't that... His name was Jesus. But isn't that folded into that anymore? Isn't that folded into Islam though that if you can't do it for medical reasons, that's fine.

Because then everyone else doing it is taking on the fact that you can't do it. Yeah, I think I was very young and I think I just thought, I'm just gonna leave his laments down. That's a bit quicker than putting my guilt on everyone else's lips. I thought what else had to burn in the tank of burn and on. I just leave the room, I shouldn't have.

Don't worry about me, just sit. Just go home. I'm off to Sips and Pikes. But I want a sip of Shorba. Actually, two Sips of Shorba. Two Sips. Two Sips of Shorba. Is that loud in Sips?

It's loud. You get two different containers. Well, that's pretty mad that you can go in Sips and order two Sips of Shorba. Two Sips. Two Sips of Shorba. It's allowed. You get two different containers. Well, that's pretty mad that you can go in Sips in order to Sips of something. Yeah. And then on Fridays, I have two Sips Fridays. Yeah, yeah. We do get deals for it. Yeah, yeah.

And so that's my starter. I want a Sip of Shorba, a Sip of the Vegetable Soup from that Perbin Brother Height, which was the best vegetable soup I've had in my life. And I usually hate vegetable soup. The bread at the bottom of the muscles from the French restaurant. Yeah, which is kind of, I mean, this is like, so that's a sip in a bite as well, yeah. Yeah, it's a sip in a bite. This is a sip in a bite.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You bite in a sip, though. Normally, we get a bit weird about people who are in multiple, what's clearly multiple things on one course, but these are so, you've so specified that in Sips and Bites, that is absolutely fine. It's, it's, it's global to pass. It's global to pass, but like on a smaller scale. Yeah. And I think if we're talking two bites, three Sips here by my, my calculation, that's basically a start. Yeah. So, I think you, you're fine. And I'm going to say the word because I know everyone's thinking it is quite sophisticated.

Yes, you're right. I'll tell you what, makes it not sophisticated in my head is that I've imagined Sips and Bites is spelled with a Z. Yeah. And it's in comic sands on the sign. No, Sips and Bites is all in lower case. Somewhere in East London. With a full stop after.

Yeah. Sips, but it's all in lower case. Wood, lots of wood. And the people working there are all wearing little hats. And glasses. It's very hipstery, Simpson. Yeah. That's how I imagine it.

Yeah. Your dream main course. Oh, okay. I really thought about this. Yes. You thought about the start? And I thought I would know by now. But I don't know if I want a main course. Oh, okay. I really thought about this. Yes. You thought about this, though? And I thought I would know by now, but I don't know if I want a main course. I think I just want sides.

Oh, my God. Interesting. This is going to be another Sips and Bite situation, isn't it? Yeah. We thought we'd left Sips and Bite. We're back in there. So, sides. First side I want, as my main.

Is this the first time someone skipped main? I'm not sure, maybe. Yeah, it might be. Might be. We definitely had starter skippers and dessert skippers. Yes, we have. We've never had a main skipper. Yeah, skipping starters.

Yeah, that's first. No, that's not. That's the only reason I go to restaurants is for the starter. It is mad, but as someone is about to skip main. I just think a main is too much in it when you think about it. After you've had a few steps in mind. Yeah, it's not too much at all. But you've had that's why you should never fucking back a crisp for you right over the

rest. Oh, like a bugger. Actually, no. And I'd like to skip my main course. It's too big. Oh my God. I've just remembered on the way here. I've settled on a main.

So I've got a main. Okay. Oh, we read it for, Oh my God. I've just remembered on the way here. I've settled on a main. So I've got a main. Okay. I will read it for oh my God. Okay. Main is I've read studio Ghibli films. Mm-hmm. Is it Ghibli or Ghibli? Ghibli. Ghibli. Ghibli. Ghibli. Ghibli. What? Ghibli? It is Ghibli. Oh, I've read it. Ghibli the other day to someone to the face. Oh, no. And that text me. They said what did you? Half me. I've said Ghibli for a long time. Actually, no. I've said me you Ghibli. I think I said Ghibli. I think Ghibli is acceptable, but I think it is Ghibli. I think someone else said Ghibli to me the other day. Yeah. And I've now thought that that's how it's said. Yeah.

It's a Ghibli. Benito, you've got to cut that out of podcasts. They have people thinking that I go around saying the wrong one. So, Tuyuk Ghibli. I really like the food in it. I think that's quite a common thing. There's a page I follow on Twitter that's just to your Ghibli food.

Or to your Ghibli food. So my main course is I want a bowl of ramen with pork at the top of it. And I want the broth to be rich and spicy. And the noodles to be on the thicker side. I don't like all noodles. It's ice cream. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I've never said that. It's my life. I'm not. I've never said that in my life. I've never said it on the podcast. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, The size queen. The size queen's arrived. I saw you don't. He better have that ood on. That nice noodle. Wife attack. I don't want to. Would I rise a noodle mother fucker?

Maca-Money guy. Fucking Cardi B. Lerick. Oh, it's funny. So I don't want it to be quite udon, but like on the udon scale, I would say. And I would like to tease staying egg, because one is not enough. I better have one, I think that was amazing. I'd like to have that. Always order an extra egg.

Always. I mean it. And also it makes you think because where's the other half of the egg going? That's true. Yeah, that's true. Well sometimes it's but sometimes I'm thinking not in another arm that they serve in the egg. Yeah. Yeah. Where's that egg going? There must be. Oh my god. They must be putting half an egg in and then throwing the rest of the egg in the pit. It's a bit cute that could happen where you find you find the other half of your egg and someone else is around. Yeah Yeah. You both put it together. Yeah. You both, and then, oh my God, that's so sweet, isn't it?

Yeah. I've discussed it. Yeah. How different do you think eggs are? If you put the two halves together, they wouldn't match any other egg. I put a different one there. They're quite different, I'd say.

Oh, I had an idea for a game where I'm related. OK. I know that's what that all was. Yeah. I know that. I think you'll like this. It was kind of related. So imagine if there was a game where it's a packet of crisps and then you have to put back the potato from the packet of crisps like a puzzle. Oh yeah.

Well put it back into potato shape. Yeah. Do you think it's so much fun? Do you think maybe the slices change shape when they're fried? No, I think it'd be really fun. It'd be as impossible. Because, as I think you know, when you fry the potato slices, they change shape.

It's like, get your jigsaw, fucking it into a blender, and then say, let's try and put that back together again. That sounds fun, Ed. Trying to get away from my phone, so please give me a crisp puzzle. But ex I think. I'm sure you've done that as well. I like the idea that of the potato chips. I think about that puzzle a lot. And I know that they change shapes and stuff.

But I think that life is know, life is dull, have a bit of magic, won't you? You know, who knows, they change shape, but maybe those shapes, the new shapes will fit into one another, and you'll create a big fried potato. Yeah. I'm not convinced, guys, I'll be honest. It could happen.

We're not the one fucking jigsaw's into a blender, whatever you spend your time doing. So that's my main. Are we happy with that? You want the Vaman from... You want to experience it away? Yeah. What's the one?

There's one where the Vaman is specifically Vaman is really good at it. Is it Ponyo? I think it might be one of the... It's where it's like they spend a whole scene making Vaman. Yes. With the pork and the... I think it might be Ponyo. Ponyo. He says, I forgot the guy's name now. The. With like the pork and I think it might be Ponyo. Ponyo. He says,

I forgot the guy's name now, the main guy behind the studio. He says that like in every film there should be a moment where they make it, have a meal. Yeah. And spend that time. And it does look delicious. Yeah. Yeah. Even in spirit of the way that scene where they eat all the foods, like in the tummy and the pigs. I mean, there's a part of me that's like, oh, make me a little piggy. Yeah, it's time me into a pig. I just, yeah, those dumplings. I think they've had the best day out of everybody, I think. Yeah, the pigs, the parents.

They sat down, had the meal turning to pigs and then turned back into humans. I don't remember the ends to be. Yeah, I don't know how that ends. I don't have a little bit of this. So you're dream side dish, so you're working to choose loads of sides for your main. Yes. You've decided not to. Are the sides now just the things that you were going to have for your main?

Yeah, that's quite a lot. Okay, the first one is the first side I want is something that I think you'll be familiar with. I want the chicken wings from Shaq for you. Yes, Korean chicken wings. Yes, but I want them to be magical because I want them to like, you know, they're very sticky. So I want to eat them and enjoy the flavour, but magically my fingers aren't sticky afterwards.

Okay. If anything, they're cleaner. Yeah, that'd be nice. Good, because they are delicious, but I would say they're in my top three foods of feeling disgusting after you've finished eating them. Yeah. And they only make me think of Nish Kumar. Yeah, yeah.

Because he is a man who always gets close. Yeah, always gets them. Always gets them and does not care if he's got dirty hands. Oh, no. Same goes for my dad who ate them and looked like the Joker afterwards. And we're told, we're told him that. And he didn't care. You looked like the Joker afterwards. And we told him that and he didn't care. You look like a Joker. We said, Dad, it's literally on your nose.

I am right. So what? I've just really fun it at L. So what, don't care. Which joke he fled? He fled just joke. Yeah, not Jared Leto. He didn't have like fucking Har Har and he's very certain. If he did, he wouldn't care.

Yeah. I told him. You have one, he looked like jam and letter afterwards. You would have made a thing. Now, with the starter, we let you get away with multiple things because it was all sips and bites. Those wings are massive. To the extent I have never seen a chicken

the size of those wings. I don't know what that actually was. That was an ostrich wing. Buddy builders. Yeah, they got... They read the gym. Oh, they build this. Yeah, yeah. They got the gym. Oh, yeah. I think they are body-building chickens.

Yeah. And there's about what, three wings to a portion, which is disconcerting. They're always disconcerting to get three wings in a portion. Yeah. Think about it. Like, what do they do with the other wing?

With the other egg? The other half egg. Oh, my God, then you have to find, yeah, you have to find. Who has the other wing? This is me. Who has the other wing? Yeah, and then you fly to find... Yeah, you have to find who has the... This is the other wing. Who has the other wing? Yeah, and then you fly away together. Yeah.

What if... This could have happened to you and you don't even know it. What if it is the same day you had some chicken wings and you had some ramen with the tea stained egg and then you came from the same chicken? I think about that stuff. Pond's not me. Honestly, I think...

Like, if I haven't... I think I wonder if there's chicken that I'm having, for example, if I've, like, had it before, like that way. Yeah, or, yeah, or had one of its eggs, yeah. One of its mates. One of its mates. One of the chickens that make the shark for you, wings, you'd know if you have one of their eggs. Yeah, yeah.

Because you wouldn't be able to use them for arm. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're very vain. You're for seven. Can you really have to sell these other bites then? Because like, that sounds good side. That's a big side, isn't it? In another itself. But let's hear the rest of them. I want a square, like a little post-it note square, of lasagna, specifically. Specifically, I used to live with a guy who was a tech comedy club in Birmingham and he also was trained as a chef and he would make the best lasagna I've had in my entire life and he would spend all day doing it and I don't know what he would do to it but he would soak the tomatoes and it was the best thing I've ever had in my life and what he would do is he'd make a big batch and then he'd have a square of it and I'd go, oh you can have the rest for tonight and for work. It's the best thing I've ever had in my life. And what he would do is he'd make a big batch and then he'd have a square of it. And I'd go, oh, you can have the rest tonight and for work.

It's the best thing I've ever had in terms of design. It's my favorite dish is lasagna, but this is the best lasagna I've ever had. Oh my gosh, we don't live together anymore. And it'd be weird to like pop around for lasagna and seeing as I did it. I don't know. If it was that good.

It was incredible. And God, I have lasagna. Yeah, it's just like a book, isn't it? It's like a book. It's it was incredible. Yeah. God, I have a lasagna. Yeah, it's just, it's like a book, isn't it? It's like a book. It's like a book. Yeah, I used to have a joke that never worked. Did you want to hear it? Yes.

About a lasagna. I have a lasagna joke that never worked as well. So you go, if you go ahead. So, hey, your special was good. Yeah, the whole thing didn't work. It's so confident with it. It was a title as a show. Yeah, that's a didn't work. It's so confident with it. It was a title as a show. Yeah, that's a drop a bit.

So, the joke was, hey... Start with hate. All the best jokes start with hate. Drop it in halfway through a circle. Which was hate? As if you don't have their attention already. Hey, listen to this. Hey. Yeah.

It's sad because I actually do that. The joke was, do you use a bookmark of all the corner of your design yet when you want to pick it up later? That presumes that everyone looks at Luzania and goes, that's like a book. Whereas you're the first person I've ever heard say that. We get it because you gave us the context earlier. You think that's like a book because of all that.

And also you don't eat Luzania by peeling the layers back, like pages. I do. And I go, that's enough for that. Going to bed now. Right in the joke. Shall we establish? The last time you're just like, no, I'll just say hey.

Yeah. Everything I need is in that, hey. I honestly, the sad bit is for ages, I was like, I think that's one of the best jokes I've ever written. And people don't just start getting it, but one day it would click. Never did. No, I love the sound of this lasagna. The square of this lasagna. Yeah, the square of this lasagna.

I love the sound of it. Are there other things you're about to tell us about, Celia? So I think we're going to have to make a choice at some point. Yeah, maybe we will also have to have an opinion on it. So far, if I was to limit you to one side, as much as I love Shaqfu Yis. You don't like the wings, you never get the wings. I never get the wings, but it's because of the messiness. Yes.

One of the things actually, one more wing story, a Shaqfu Yis wing story, going there with Camarna and Gianni who's been a guest on the podcast before. He got the wings, didn't want to get messy. So he used, well, I'm gonna say cut the read, but it was too chopstick. Yes. You're lovely girl, friend told me the story and I'm still trying to work out how he did it.

It was quite expert, it's like he'd done it before. He managed to eat it. He'd met that chicken in the gym. He met that chicken and the chicken. But by preparing for a role. When that chicken dropped the Instagram transformation. So fun. Everyone can believe it.

Chicken man. You make it all the way to the chicken fat. The new marvel, but this is really worth a chicken. He had the chopsticks at the very end, the fat end, and kind of like sliced and like pinned it with one chopstick. And with the other one, just shredded along the chicken. Did it work? Yeah, it all fell off the bone. Just did it all like that. That feels wrong. Did it work? Yeah, it worked off the bone.

Just did it all like that. That feels wrong, doesn't it? Ah, it felt wrong. Because when you eat chicken wings, you have to be okay with the fact that you're gonna hate yourself a bit. But it's like a milkshake. Yeah.

When you have a milkshake, it's like, is the fastest you can go from, ooh, little treat, I hate myself. LAUGHTER I'm happy to be very restrained at the minute. I got given as a present for Christmas, but I thought they were like mixes, and I just realized yesterday that they're not.

These like massive wine-sized bottles of, basically, chocolate the cure from hotel chocolate. That's just velvetized chocolate milk, different flavors with vodka in it. And I thought, oh, you got to mix that with other stuff. And I looked at the other day and I thought, oh, no, it's just, you just have it on it. And I thought, oh, you got to mix that with other stuff. And I looked at the other day and I go, oh, no, it's just, you just have it on it. So I thought, now this is gonna be a daily battle.

I've not just pouring myself a big old milkshake, a boozy milkshake that's like chocolate and mint's pie flavor, one of a mix. Oh my God, that sounds amazing. Yeah, like it's really like how the hell do I not? I can't drink a whole milkshake. If I get halfway through, I have to fill the corner over through a mummy where I am. Yeah.

Can I suggest something? Yeah. There's a place where you can have just a bit of a milkshake. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Suddenly, I'm on board with Sips. Yeah.

There's one more, two more sides. They're quick ones. Yeah. And I'm realizing now that I mean, I could just go to a normal restaurant and they will have that. Uh, pork bowel buns, I love them. Uh, bowel buns in general,

I think are just a brilliant invention. Yes. I think what a concept. It's like, uh, food on a cloud. It's, yeah. That must have been how they came up with the idea. Yeah. Food on a cloud.

I bet that make, like if you had a giant bow, doesn't make you good pillow. Yeah, it would. Yeah, oh, easily. If I'm going to choose something from the food world to have a pillow, it'd be a bow. That's one of my questions, actually. Yeah.

It's probably it. That's one of my questions. Do they? That's a bit more difficult, isn't it? Do you have a sheet of lasagna? Easy. Too crispy. No, but it's good.

In the one of the middle sheets. Oh, no, too soggy. All right, Goldie looks. No. Oh, sorry. I'm sleeping because I'm in made of food. Sorry if this is very Goldilocks on me. So you got your pork belly. Pork buns, and I would love some shredded sweet seaweed from Bau in Bauro. They've got shredded seaweed, and it's crispy, and they've put sugar on it. And it's delicious.

Now, how do we fit it? What are we going to do here? So I'll say it, I'm going to put it on the ground. I'm going to put it on the ground. I'm going've put like sugar on it. And it's delicious. Now, how do we fit it? What we're gonna do here? So I'll say it, I don't think we can allow all four. No, I don't think, normally, if you were to say that as your main fine,

here's what I would allow. All four of them as a main and a side sized ramen as your side. A cup of ramen. Yes, let's do that. Yeah. Yes, do that. I want a cup of ramen as your side. A cup of ramen. Yes, let's do that. Yes, I want a cup of ramen with one egg, because it's, otherwise, there's no more ramen left. Oh my god, it could be one long noodle,

then I just do it all in one. One long noodle in a cup with half an egg. Yeah. I think that's in a mug, that's great. That's a great idea. Oh my god, for Sips, you could have a sip of ramen. Yeah, let's do that. That's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have your little ramen switch them around the old flipper. Oh, I'm so happy actually. Yeah, so now you've got everything. Yeah, I've got everything except one last

extra sip. There we go. What is it? Did she leave beef noodles from noodles and dumpling in Edinburgh? It's not an extra bite. You've just picked some more noodles. Yeah, but like, you fucking kidding me. We've just managed to find new ways. Okay. So your sides can be a mug of ramen noodles. Are you going to one more extra thing and entire other portion of noodles? I don't know what I think. I think if you had completely skipped sides and said, I just want all this for my main and skipped sides,

I think I'll, I'll, I'll, yeah. Yeah, fine. Okay. Okay. We ate some noodles and dumplings in Edinburgh. Yeah, I would like to. It's one of the best restaurants in Edinburgh. It's absolutely incredible.

It's amazing. And I think that, do you know what? I'm going to skip the chili noodle beef, but what's, I just remember that on the way, I was like, do you know what? I haven't really picked pasta, but noodles is pasta. I was thinking to myself, I don't really eat pasta. And you've got lasagna.

And I've got, yes. So let's say bite to the chili noodles. You've got a square of lasagna, is that? Yes. So you remember declaring yourself a size queen earlier? It was about pasta. Yes, a lot of pasta. Yeah, I let go of the chili noodles.

Although, if I'm May, just hop on the shout out. Hop on the shout out. Just hop on the shout out. Oh, I'm on the shout out. Noodles and dumplings. Those noodles have got me through a lot of wedding rafringes, and I love them so much. So your dream drink is this one sepore, multiple seps of different drinks that you like.

Okay, my dream drink is a cocktail that I, this, you're going to hate this. You're going to hate it because you're not going to be able to find it. And because I had a cocktail once, and I'm not a cocktail person, generally, I like just wine or sparkling water or the two of them combined. It was the best thing I've ever had. It was peachy and I like it. And cocktails were there's a layer of sugar

around the glass. It had that. I don't remember where it was from. I don't remember who I had it with. But I just know that it was incredible. I had three of them. And they were quite expensive, but they were so delicious that I kept.

Do you know what was in them? It was like peachy orangey. It has... Do you know what the berries was? Do you know what the berries by first? It was no idea. But that's a dream restaurant, right? You can find it.

You can remember. Do you remember what city you were in? No. You must be able to remember what city you were in. In my mind, I think I'm... Oh, God. It was a party night, but I can't remember if think I'm, oh God, it was a party night, but I can't remember if it was a tour thing. It was a night on tour, or after a gig where everyone goes, yeah, let's have a drink after, you know, you've been away from the circuit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Well, the circuit, yeah, I'll shoot stuff. When it was party night, we'd all go get cocktails. So far, we know that're the circuit. Yeah, I'll choose. When it was party night, we'd all go and get cocktails. So far, we know that sugars all around the glass, I personally can't do that with a cocktail and any more because I did some gigs in Tenerife and we all went out afterwards to the comedians party night. Yeah. And loads of massive sugar crystals around the member of the glass.

Yeah. Which you must have loved. Yeah, at the time, I was in heaven. But the hangover was so disgusting the next day. I could have ruined it for myself. We went to a water park. I couldn't go on any of the rides or two hangover. Yeah.

Had to just lie on the sun, but I got my legs sunburned. I'm gonna say that that wasn't the fault of the sugar. I think it's the yeah. But it's the sugar that makes people sick, thinking back on it. Right. I love the dacqueries. Yeah. And like, I just remember the feeling of the sugar on makes me feel sick thinking back on it. Right. I love the dacqueries. Yeah. And like, I just remember the feeling of the sugar

on the rim of the glass. And as the night went on, that getting more and more just like making me feel ill. Oh, my God. And I was a bit of a puke to be in a bush. It was a bad night. Yeah. Really bad.

I think I just remember where I had that cocktail. Oh, my God. Yes. Ten of a rief. No. No, no, no, no, Birmingham, Basement. In Birmingham, where I used to live, remember, I... I waited in a photography studio for a bit,

and my friends, Maro and Vlad, were both fashion photographers, and they invited me to this little runway thing, and it was my first runway I've ever been to. It was very low-key, but they had cocktails there. This is incredible that even when you move to Birmingham Birmingham you can't help but live a French life. On the road work. It was so weird but also like I come from I come from trash in France like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm so surprised. That's my favourite French restaurant. I'm left for bed. Now I come from like basically what La N is is where I come from. Yeah but I Oh, it's my favorite French restaurant. That's the best.

Now, I come from, like, basically, what La N is, is what I come from. Yeah. But I moved to England and something got lost in translation. And everyone thinks I'm posh. And I've started living, like, right. But, like, it's... That's what I've got. I had a cocktail from that thing.

And it was very fancy. I didn't have the prices of the cocktails. And I thought they were free. It weren't free. But that was one of those cocktails. It was there. It was incredible. So you that was one of those cocktails. It was there. It was incredible. So you had the peachy orangey cocktail

at a fashion show in Birmingham. So we can't Google that. No, we can't Google their menus. It was a one-off thing. But it wasn't going to happen anymore. It was in Digbuff, does that help? Digbuff in Birmingham. Digbuff.

Yeah. Yeah. And you don't know what the place was. No idea. I just remember it was delicious and I had three. And then I think they were very expensive. It was 17 qu know what the post was. No idea. I just remember it was delicious and I had three and then I think they were very expensive. It was 17 quid, a cocktail or something. I think because so few people came, they had to offset the year.

They started charging for the free drinks. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm expecting. She's on her third peak. She dug both. I have another drink. Huh?

You have another drink. I have a post drink. Yes, I have it. Come on. A cup of lovely licorice and caramel tea. I'm going to great shake yourself to the English with licorice and caramel tea. Oh, I got that. That's what I'll say. Love with Sally, it says it like, go up your stomach. Go up that. What kind of tea did you say? Lickrish tea. I want like, I really love tea. So I want, there's a licorice one that I really like

that you can buy. I think it's one of the, is it pucker? Mm-hmm. It's a thing. It's licorice one that I really like that you can buy. I think it's one of the, is it poker? Mm-hmm. It's licorice, but I can't remember what the other flavor is, but it is delicious. It's really sweet by itself. Okay, well yeah, it's at the end of the meal. Yeah. Yeah, come on. That's fine.

Yeah, that was my stomach. Hello, stomach. I didn't have time to eat this morning, so my stomach's going. Things make, set the stomach off. licorice tea this time. Mm-hmm. I've got to get back home. Yeah, yeah.

I've only got five pages last in my lasagna. Peppermint and licorice. Peppermint and licorice tea this time. I've got to get back home. Yeah, I've only got five pages less than you. Peppermint and licorice. Peppermint and licorice is the best after Benito Redoubt from the website. Also three cinnamon is really nice. Flavors with licorice. You hate hot drinks, don't you? I hate hot drinks. No, no, no, no, no.

You're just actually having very often these days. I went through, you know, I used to have cups of tea all the time. Yeah, then I stopped having caffeine for about five years, I think. And during those five years, just was onto herbal teas, and then got bored of them, stopped having them. So now I'm really only have hot chocolate from the velvet riser. And I don't know. My dessert, do you know what I'm going to have? Yes, actually. Okay. How many things? Yes, four. Four bites of dessert. Four bites know what I'm gonna have? Yes, actually. Okay. How many things? Yes, four bites of desserts.

Four bites. I'm gonna run three days because I can tell that. I'm not really delivering. I'm not really delivering. I'm not really delivering. Why are you talking? You ordered a delivery room. Yeah.

Two in the chat. Yeah. This is rude. This is very rude actually. Yeah. I can't believe it. First of all, he does an impression of you in his show. I know, 10 minutes, then. I'm looking forward to hearing you deserve it.

And he dresses as an Algerian man for the recording. Yeah. Which for never, we'll have to ignore it yet. But now, could you do this? He's in a gelapa. Yeah, you're in a gelapa. Nothing from Ed. What?

He's lost his temper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went to that, that's true. So the zerts is, I went to a fancy restaurant in London once I was meeting my other time partners Mum she took us to this really fancy restaurant. The dessert was a deconstructed tiramisu I didn't like the fact that it was deconstructed. Yeah, so I want it reconstructed, but with the same elements Yeah, great So you want all of those elements, but for someone to put them back together as a tiramisu

Put them back together like the packet of crisps and the potato. So like I want them all, but because individually exactly the same. Nothing different between the two of them. And I think that all the elements of it were incredible. But I didn't like how snobby it was to deconstruct it. Like don't play with the form. Yeah, yeah, I completely agree with you. Stick to it.

Because all you're doing with deconstructed stuff, is you're putting it all in your mouth and then it with the form. Yeah, yeah, I completely agree with you. Stick to it. Because all you're doing with deconstructed stuff, is you're putting it all in your mouth, and then it tastes the same. So it's just more effort is annoying. It feels like then your mouth is, is that an IKEA furniture? Yeah. And your mouth puts them all together.

Yeah. Well, are you supposed to eat the elements individually? When it's deconstructed, are you supposed to just go around and have a touch fingers after? I just think it looks unfinished, doesn't it? Who wants that? It was just that you made your eyes a bunch finger and then some cream.

But maybe if each element is that luxurious, that's what they want you to do. They're experienced. Good, this element is. All goes in your stomach, how comes this, and comes as a, like a crap out your ass? But then it's all the same. No point deconstructing it. It's all going to be a crap out your ass. If we start saying that, then a whole podcast is pointless. It's all just comes all going to be a crap out your ass. If we start saying that, then a whole podcast is pointless.

It's all just comes out your butt as a crap out your ass. I know, I know, there's like, I know people are just going to come out and go, who cares what I'm going to be doing back here. Yeah, it all comes out like a crap out my ass. I enjoyed that. When you're hungry, Ed, you turn into an existentialist. Yeah.

What does it matter? So I won that tiramisu, but also I would like a, it's a type of paste really you can get in France. I don't think you can get good ones here. They're called Paribrests. And have you had them before? Don't want to know. I'd say it.

That's, I was going to go on about, I think about, have we released my childhood? You just said no. They look like nobils. I think I'm actually thinking of different things anyway. I think you're right. Yes, Perry Breast. So they're like shoe paste, tree based, cut in half, and then there's like praline cream in it, crushed almonds and some sugar.

Like not normal sugar, what's that? Special sugar. Do you know the white white? Ice and sugar? Ice and sugar, that one. Special sugar. Yes, special sugar. That is special sugar. So I special sugar. That's the special sugar.

So I would like a bite of that. And then an hour after the meal, and this is the last thing I'll say. Uh-huh. And I have edited down as I went along, because I'm feeling a bit of impatient from the both of you actually. No, no, no, no, no. I'm loving it. It's a dessert course.

A dessert course. Kipfell is a lovely bakery in London in Islington. They have a Viennese thing called a sacatoate, which is a really dry chocolate and apricot cake that you have with cream on the side. It's delicious. So I want a bit of that. But in an hour after the meal, I want a happy hippo.

The Verva Thumbkinder. The Kinderbjörnohapi hippo. I want a happy hippo. I love it. I kind of do respect the hour before crisps hour after happy hippo. I love it. I kind of do respect the owl before crisps, owl after happy hippo. Yeah. So what for you makes the happy hippo

the superior kinder product? Because a lot of kinder. You have a kinder bueno, kinder surprise. White kinder bueno. White kinder bueno. Those fingers that know how they do now. I got some kinder cards when I moved into my house. Did you like them?

No, they were two sweet, three of me. A bit into them. I was like, I'm giving these to my nephews when they come over because I can't stand that. I was like, this is too much to turn my face inside out. Yeah. I like them. That's mad.

I don't usually eat sweet stuff because I could ruin my life. So this is what I love about the happy hippos. First of all, fun name. I love the name of it. Yeah. Yeah. You want what you eat? I like that it's like a can only but accessible. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it is, but it has can only vibes. I feel like, but you've already just been learning about can only recently. No. Can only this is a thing that Selia

has only recently learned. Have you just started watching the sopranos? You tell the story sounds. I mean, I don't know how it really started, but my girlfriend and Celia decided that they were gonna watch The Godfather film. Right, okay. So I wasn't that far off. Yeah, we're so excited. And I was like, I'll watch the first one. You know, when you get onto the second one,

I'll watch that, although I don't think you are gonna get onto that, because the other day, you were meant to watch good fellas and you use my Amazon account to rent it and then I went downstairs and they were watching Channel 4's The Dog House and watching dogs get adopted and crying together. They watch the Scarface the other day and absolutely appalled by this by the lead character appalled by his behaviour. Yeah. People like this guy?

Nope, nope. That's a film about an asshole. And yeah, tell the you learnt about Keno Lee's watching the godfather, leave the gun, take the Keno Lee's. Yeah. And so there's like, what is that? What are they talking about? I'll tell you what I'm gonna get.

A happy hippo. Yeah, yeah. That was good. Yeah, and the Keno Leeies from that place are incredible. Yeah, it's a place called grains and greens. Which does hazelnut, it tastes like Nutella. Yeah. But it's like a little, it tastes like what?

Nutella, am I saying it wrong? Nutella, you never heard of it. No, it doesn't exist. There we go. Trying to help you out here, sadly. What's the canonies, honey? Yeah. I mean, I had met canonies, I had to go. What's a canola, it's something. I mean, I had met canola, I had not met.

I had seen good things before. But I just forgot about them a bit. And then what a comeback, 2023 canola yet. Yeah, you're doing good on the canola, at least now. So I can see how a happy hippo is kind of like a canola, the wafer, the crispiness and the chocolateiness. Yeah, the filling, the lovely filling. Yeah, how happy it makes you. Yeah, and filling, the lovely filling. Yeah, how happy it makes you.

Yeah, and it's a hip-hop. Yeah, and it's a good size as well for a little, just a little sweet treat. Exactly. If I have a bad gig, I have a happy hip-hop. So there's a map to it. There's some shops that don't carry them. So I keep tracking my mind.

Yeah. Who has a happy? If you have a bad gig, you have a happy hip-hop. Yeah. If you have a good gig, do you have a side hip-hop? Oh, yeah. If I have a good gig, you have a happy hippo. Yeah. If you have a good gig, do you have a side hippo? Oh, yeah. If I have a good gig, I have a connolly. So not every shop carries them in lockdown.

I threatened my ex partner to order 50 happy hippos on Amazon. Fatten from. Yeah, because it was like, that's going to ruin your life. But I was like, it's like seven pounds 50 at a time. And you could get 50 happy hippos. And like I almost did it so many times. I'm going to do it. Yeah, yeah. Like Scarface anyway. Here we go. On a major menu, back to you now, see how you feel. So many pages of this menu. It's like looking at a big design. Well, before you want some really sorted walkers, Chris, dipped in soy sauce,

you know, 20 minute walk to the restaurant, and you want some really sorted walkers, Chris, dipped in soy sauce. Fucking hell. 20 minute walk to the restaurant, and you want a pint of really sparking water, more bubbles than water, with ice, and then throughout the meal, you would like still water, tap water, indeed, filled up throughout. Pop-Oms or bread, you want pop-Oms and dips from Milan in Birmingham, next to the station, and then you want some bread from Japan edit IDs IDs It's where you you can only buy the bread if you've got ID. Yeah

If you're in pain salted and unsalted butter, so you can experiment starters Fights and sips lamb back from the red line and Birmingham bread and muscle sauce with a little bit of bread keeper bread vegetable soup from Boba Hive, Shorba. Yeah. This is always the most vulnerable I ever see you in this bit. Well, I've got to pronounce words. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's very sweet and you're doing the great job. I've done it a great job, it is sweet though. I enjoyed the, I've never thought I would see you say anything in French in my life. What do you mean? Said IDs. You still haven't, so it's good. Yeah.

I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again.

I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again.

I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station again. I'm back in the server station Drink, peachy cocktail from the Birmingham Fashion Show. Desert, reconstructed to him as a reconstructed, Paris breast. Is that enough? Sack of Torte from Kipfirl. Yeah. And then a peppermint and licorice tea, then 20 minute walk home, then a happy hippo, an hour later. Yeah, And that doesn't sound amazing. It sounds insane. I think it could be an amazing menu if you focused it down, maybe. I mean, I will show you the first draft of this menu.

We'll have a guess what your secret ingredient was before we go. Snails or something. No, snails. What? Panachocola. Panachocola. Fucking, that was close. Yeah, it almost made it in there.

Yeah, but you didn't want to give me the satisfaction. I'd imagine a Vordoriga panachocola. I think, oh my God, I even said panachocola. It was so close. It's like, do you know those films, whether you look back and everything was so close to happening? Yeah. It's exactly like we're imagining good fellows.

Yeah, we can imagine that. However that's going to end. Thank you very much. We're going to use the dream restaurant, Celia. Thank you for having me. Thank you, Celia. There we are, James. I mean, listen, loophole's galore.

Loophole's galore, we do respect people who order a lot. We found a lot of people order a lot, the spools. Loose handers with a global tapas. Yes. And there was a lot of nice stuff in there. Yeah. But sometimes when people order a wide ranging amount like that, it's very difficult to discuss things specifically. We ended up having to glaze over a lot of delicious stuff that I was happy to see in there. What's there stuff that you were? I wanted more parry breast chat. Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure. That sounded really nice. I was thinking, I think I was thinking of a different dessert. Okay. When I said what it looked like, there is something that's based on

Marianne's when it's breast. Do you know what? I guess there is. There is. It's the glass. It's the wine glasses. The champagne bowls. Okay. But also, I think there is another, there's a glass, it's the wine glass. The champagne bowls. Okay. But also, I think there is another, there's a cake like that as well. Are you now thinking of just letting the meat cake? Oh, maybe. Anyway, that's what I was thinking of.

I'm not grubby. Oh, yeah, look, he's not grubby. I'm not. Although, if people who think there's podcasts enough, they know that you are. Yeah, I'm grubby. I'm a little grubby, grubby. Yeah, if anything, you're the grubby one. Well, where should you grubby?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, Celia also didn't say panoshokalar. We discussed the incident. Yes. At the top of the show, so maybe some listeners might thought that's unfair. You put in the dish in her head. Yeah. Maybe Sally will pick it later on, and then you kick her out for that. Yeah. But she probably didn't want to pick anything that would make me do my friend Jackson. Yes. Yeah. I mean, and a bit of a mindful, well done for not doing it. Merci. Lovely to hear some behind the scenes info on your fridge as well, James.

A little peak. A peak behind the door of the fridge. I think more condiments than people were expecting. I think the people would expect the sweets, people would expect the condiments. The Diet Coke, people wouldn't expect the condiments. No, the condiments. Thank you very, people who want to expect the condom. No, the condoms. Thank you very much to Celia for coming on the show.

Go and see Celia gig. She's giving you all the time. She's absolutely brilliant. Yeah. If you're at the Edmundre Festival, I think she's doing a show this year. Go and see that. And check her out on social media,

A.B. Celia on social media. Fantastic. Also, congratulations Ed on the Fox and the mall. And the horse. We just had a hamper delivered that was congratulating the makers of the Fox, the mall, the horse and the boy, whatever it's called on all their success from the Apple originals team. Yeah, we did not make that thing. And we thought, well, they must have clearly sent us one and they put the wrong note on it. So we'd started looking in it,

working out what we were going to take away from this fantastic hamper from Dalesford Organic. If anyone from Dalesford Organic is listening, we'd love one of our own hamper before we were told that it wasn't for us and it was for the neighbors. So we've put everything back in the hamper and considered taking something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't. So you can put everything back in the hamper. I considered taking something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I did and so you can do a full inventory check. But if you're listening from Apple originals

or Dale's footer, Gannick, we'd love to have our own hamper. And include the flying teens in there, please. They include all of that and, oh, God. And can only, there were can only's in there. After that can only chat with Celia, there were can only's in the hamper. There was a fridge bag with cheese and tapen-ard and I chopped that in the temps.

Thanks so much to Celia, we will see you next week. Goodbye! Hello, I'm Celia Pasco and I'm Carrie Adloid. You might remember us from the peak of our careers, appearing on the excellent off menu podcast. It's the greatest we've ever felt and we know we'll never achieve that again. But if you remember those episodes and enjoyed what we did, you might be a fan of our book choices and our new comedy podcast, Sarah and Carrie ads, Weird Weirdos Book Club. Imagine us not talking about food but talking about books. But with the comedians you know from off menu, like Nish Kumar,

John Kern, Sophie Juga and more. We're not copying them, we're doing our own thing. It's totally different. It's about books. It's about books. There's no genies involved. It's a space for the lonely outsider to feel accepted and appreciated. I'm just like James A. Custer's bedroom.

Ew! A place for the first nude lesbian in a real book. Just like James A. Custer's bedroom. Ew! A place for the first nude luxury in the real book club, but doesn't like wine or nibbles. You can read along, share your opinions, or just skull-corrown to your raincoat like the weirdo you are. Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you. I'll be ending one as well.

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