Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 211: Steve Coogan

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Steve Coogan joins us in the Dream Restaurant this week. No need for us to write anything else, really. The new Alan Partridge book ‘Big Beacon’ is out now in hardback and audiobook, published by Orion. Buy it here. Steve Coogan stars in ‘Dr. Strangelove’ in London’s West End from October 2024. Buy tickets here. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's fall, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no. You can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon. Yes, we deliver those. Turtles? No. But turtles the dessert?

Yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See you after details. Welcome to the off menu podcast, taking the champagne of conversation, adding the mango puree of humor, letting it stir in the glass, James, just letting it stir in the glass and creating the boolean of podcasts.

That is a gamble. That is a gamble. My name is James A. Castor. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and we ask them a favor ever starter. It's the main course. What is that? Dessert, side dish and drink.

Not in that order. Let things start. And this week our guest is Steve Cougan. Steve Cougan. Yeah. Just Steve Cougan mate. Yeah. Everyone knows Steve Cougan. yeah, just Steve Cougan mate. Yeah, everyone knows Steve Cougan. Yes, Alan Partridge, the trip. The trip.

For the meaner. Trej. Yes, he has a trej. Yeah, absolutely. National? Yeah. National thereof. International, really.

Yeah, yeah, really international trej, although I'm sure he would refute that. Yes, I'm sure he would. We won't ask him if he thinks he's an international trej. We should probably start doing that with the national treasures, say, say to them. Will you admit? Yeah, a national treasure. Now, Steve could obviously, uh, comedy icon with Oaksight to have him on. Very much so. And he's got a new book out. Yes, there's a new Partridge book out. I think the, the Partridge books and the Partridge podcast, Alan Partridge has been the Partridge podcast, Alan

Partridge has been around for so long, creating amazing stuff and somehow still hitting heights. And this new book, I'm about halfway through the audiobook and it is absolutely fantastic. Again, it's called Big Beacon, it's about Alan renovating an old lighthouse. Yes. And it is absolutely fantastic. It's available in Hardback, eBook, and audio book. And it's available now published by it's seven dials.

So do go and get that. That is a genuine recommendation from me. Oh, he's in Doctor Strange Love as well, James. The stage production of Doctor Strange Love written by a manu in Nuchi. Very exciting. Pretty cool. You know, one of my favorite films.

Yes. So that's so exciting that they've teamed up and they're doing that. I very much like to go and see that head. Yes, me too. And you've got a while until that starts James, because it's October 2024 at the Noel Coward Theatre. So we'll set a date now. That's a date, baby. Me, you and Benito. I'll put it in a diary. Yes, very much. We can forward seeing that. It will be awful if we had to kick Steve out of the dream restaurant though. Yeah, well, every single week had, there's a secret ingredient.

And if the guest says it, we do have to kick him out. And if we can't make an exception, even though it's Cougs, Danish Coug. The Danish Coug, yes. Did Nish text you that? Yeah. Nish texted me Danish Coug and said to Ed, Danish Coug. Yeah. Because Ed's got a joke, where he says Danish Boug.

Yeah. I know Nish said it because he's also texting me at Anson a voice note of himself saying it. So yeah It will be a real shame we have to keep the Danish coup go but there is a secret ingredient that if he says it We will remove him from the dream restaurant and today the secret ingredient is To blow on To blow on Of course a very famous food associated with Alan Parchridge because he

eats loads of to blow ones and drives to Dundee and has better feet for the break. So you would think that, or Parchwich would definitely be steaming away from the Toblerones. Yes. But, you know, just Steve Cougan. Did that part of the show come from his love of Toblerone? Is he going to hit Toblerone for his dessert, perhaps? Yeah, it's, it's tense times, but hopefully, hopefully we'll be in the clear.

Fingers crossed we're in the clear. This is the off menu menu, Steve Cougan. Steve Cougan. Welcome, Steve, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you very much. Welcome, Steve Cougan, to the Dream Restaurant. I'm going to be expecting you for some time. Thank you. Thank you. I love the daycourt, it's very atmospheric, especially

love the cables on the floor, nice post-modern industrial touch. Yeah, that feels nice, you can see all the cables on the floor. If you've seen what they lead to, would you rather not know? or would you rather not know? Well, it's a small mini-lect turn with some sort of digital control box, which has levels. I mean, I don't know if you're listening as well, can they see that on camera?

No. Okay, well, there's some technical stuff that you'll never see, and you're just gonna have to imagine. Yeah. But we do need it. Yeah, so we need that, Steve. OK. We often ask people to describe what their dream restaurant looks like.

Are you taking this actual room to be your dream restaurant? No, I'm not going to do that because it's, I think, it's going to be less fruitful, comically. Yes. OK. Yeah. That was, I was gently guzzing you away. OK.

I see. Do you want to know what? I've not thought about the interior decor. I don't like, I mean, I'm just not keen on tablecloths. No, no, no. It makes me feel like I've got to behave or, or use, but I mean, and my assistant booked me a snack between meetings and it was in a very posh restaurant with tablecloths. I think something weird about sitting in a restaurant with a tablecloth on your own.

Yeah, especially for a snack. Yeah, just a snack. Yeah, so I went down the corner to one of the high street boutiques that dispatch quick food, but I'm not going to help them and help their share dividends by mentioning them, but they were robbing up. But so you don't want to say what your snack was? Well, I just, because there might be some people listening to you. No, you know what? I'll take you here. OK, well, if I'm traveling on the motorway, I need a quick snack. I want a lot of protein.

I just get a free range egg mayonnaise sandwich. And I remove two of the slices. So I have one big triangle fat with egg, rather than four slices with the egg. So you get more protein and less bread, more substance. That's a great hack. So you do one slice of the egg. What you do is you get the two triangles in parallel

in the triangular box that we're all familiar with now. And you just take two slices out and put the two lead and fat. Because what they do is they gather the food in the middle so when you slice it down the center It looks really full, but actually if you pull the triangle off of bed off. Yeah, it's sort of centered round You know, it's a bit dishonest bit this engineers, but anyway, that's that's my quick snack thing And I try to be

Veggie-ish But it doesn't always work out. You know, if there's a roast in on the menu, I can fall to pieces Like quickly, but so that's my snack tip. I think I'm actually going to do that. Yeah. And I'm not even just saying that just to make you feel good. Thank you. Although you do feel good, don't you?

Knowing that I'm going to do it? Yeah, I'm all about practical tips and practical advice. And if, by the way, people listen to this and they think, I'm all about practical tips and practical advice. And if, by the way, people listen to this and they think, because I'm sure they will, I'm gonna bring it up now, because I'm gonna bring it up. I do this character called Alan Fartridge. That was my segue into that subject.

Some of the things I say might sound a bit like him. And that's okay. Yeah, that is okay. I mean, as you were saying it, I was thinking, oh, yeah, I remember I read once that I'm under an issue, we just write down things you actually did and put it into the camera. Yeah, that still happens. Definitely that sandwich thing.

Yeah, yeah, well, I do, I do, I'm sometimes I say stuff as parties that I mean. I personally have no problem with. And then sometimes I say things that I found objectionable. Yes, so sometimes, sometimes islands, right? And sometimes islands are wrong. Yes. I think that's the simplest way.

It's okay for your personality to bleed into partridge. It's when it starts happening the other way around with the things you don't agree that partridge says that they start bleeding into your personality that it might be the issue. Yeah, but it just wouldn't. I mean, sometimes, you know, a lot, it's quite enjoyable because he's like a Trojan horse.

When I want to get things on my chest, see a lot of people go on social media, don't they? They're sort of like bang on about stuff and they get stuck in a vortex of an argument with someone they don't know or care about. And it's completely debilitating the waste of their creativity. This is just shove it into their material. Yeah.

That's what I do. I mean, if I've got something to get off my chest, I just put it into the mouth of partridge and knowing that if people go, that's not a very nice thing to say. I go, well, it's just the character. So what are you going to do? It's not me. It's him. I don't know.

I was written a white's first for a fiction now. Is that right? Yes, it, well, we did say we actually me and the Gibbons and I always made the joke that the Gibbons aren't an infinite number of monkeys. That's your brother's call Robin Neil Gibbons, who helped me write partridge, but we did, we did a biography, then we did a thing called No Mads that was sort of an account of a journey he made. And this one is yet to foray into, it's my fictional even in Alan's world. So it's a one level on from, because I hate to break the secret that Alan doesn't actually exist.

What? He doesn't exist. He's not real. the student, that Alan doesn't actually exist. What? What? He doesn't exist. He's not real. Yeah. I mean, the judge of that is a big exclusive for the pod. Yeah.

Or maybe I don't exist. I'm probably just, it does exist. That's an interesting pond. That'd be twist. So we're about 10 minutes right now. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, it's, what is it?

It's, it's called, I did the talking book, the type of talking book, audio book. I'm sure I'm right. It's called, I did the talking book, the type of talking book, audio book. I'm sure I'm as good. It's a talking book. But anyway, I did my version of that a couple of months ago. And I did laugh, which sometimes happens when I revisit material I've forgotten about. It's an Alan, Alan basically moves to Kent to renovate a lighthouse because when Robin Neil tried to think of an idea for the book, what we have to do is try and do something that we think is interesting and funny and not the same old stuff and also not something that's just jumping the shark comically and then ruining all the funny stuff we've done

before. And you think, well, if we do this idea that no no critics can say, oh no, they've run out of ideas. It's another one of those Alan moves to the Kent coast to renovate the lighthouse stories. And also it's a dual narrative as well, isn't it, which Alan's very proud of? Yes, it is. Alan, Alan. Obviously, he's obviously discovered that you can do a dual narrative where one chapter is about one thing and the next chapter about another thing and the third chapter is about the thing that the first chapter was about and so on to the end. Yeah. And just explains it all for people who are like himself. So, yeah, it's an account of that he thought there's a very good sex scene. I'll get to these sort of things that I'm particularly proud of.

Yeah. And describes, you know, the sexual congrass between him and a red head. Remember, the opposite sex, a woman equals a red. And of course, she's called red, because you have to red hair. And he said, he's always wanted to call a woman red. And it gets that opportunity in an novel. Yeah, the sex scene is absolutely horrific. I've heard that on the audio, but the other day is amazing.

Yeah, you just have to sort of go for it really, though this stuff, you know, just holding those and jump. Yeah, well, we're both a wedding once, where in the evening there was like DJs, whatever, and people could do the sign that discoping with the headphones. And. And I noticed that some of them had a green light on it and some of them had a red light on it. And it turned out there was a switch you could flick and it was the first part to a audio book and people just listened to that at the wedding. The wedding. Really? Yeah, there was one like music channel and then you turn, you look around the dance for and some people were just stood there laughing and they were listening to the part to a radio.

Wow. dancing too. That's so, wow, even as you get out more than a would you consider yourself a foodie? Well, I'm talking to my daughter about this last night because she I sort of have to she's my counselor. So I don't think I did, I think I probably am. Yes, but I've eaten in lots of different kinds of restaurants. That sounds really bland, doesn't it? But I have eaten in the very best poshest restaurants and the lowliest. But I think I am a foodie. I didn't grow up as a foodie, but I think I am. But I'm not a food snob, though. And people who describe themselves as foodies almost annoy me because they've used that word

to describe themselves. But I like food. I can certainly say that. Yeah. Are you eating at loads of great, I mean, we've got whole TV service. Are you eating in great restaurants? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, when Rob and I, you know, we did four of those things, two on the BBC that everyone saw, two on Sky, hardly anyone saw and they were equally enjoyable, all of them. But, yeah, we went around Europe, Spain, Greece and Italy and UK. I really enjoyed going on the North of England, the Lakes and Yorkshire and that. And it's Italy probably the best. But yeah, we had some very posh restaurants. I mean, I'm an Italy because they're not quite caught up with the woke thing. I don't think as much as the UK and other European, I mean, on the menu are the men's, all the men's menus had the prices on. All the women's menus didn't have the prices. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's pretty, that's mad on reconstructed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was, I was appalled on behalf of the FHZX.

Well, really neither yours or Rob's menu should have had the price. And just the production menu. Yeah, I know. And that's, that's, that is true. And some of the women were offended quite rightly, but they also didn't have to pay the bill. Yeah. So it's kind of win-win, lose-win for them.

Loose-win, lose-win. Yeah, let's have a phrase. Yeah, lose-win, lose-win. Um,ose win, lose win. Yeah, I'm so afraid. Yeah, lose win, lose win. Um, so, but, but my abiding memory of those serious is that because you're shooting a scene, you have to eat sort of three Michelin star dinners, three time, more or less. I mean, you have to pace yourself because you spend eight hours slowly eating the same meal three times.

Yeah. You have to really, it's very hard to pace yourself when what's been put in front of you tastes amazing. And you just want to snap a little down, but you can't actually make work for yourself later on. And the hardest thing involves when they put the dinner down at, because Michael Winx-Boss and the director were doing a reverse order. So when he shot all the funny stuff,

he just said, okay, I just want to shut you now, the dinner being put down in front of you as if it's the first time. And you're already eating three times, and you have to look at it and go, mm, I just want to chop you now the dinner being put down in front of you as if it's the first time and you're already eating three times and you have to look at it and go, hmm, I can't wait to eat this. And that's the hardest kind of action to talk because you're, it's like when you go shopping around, don't shop on a, on a full stomach or an empty stomach. Well, an empty stomach, we all know that because then you buy rubbish, yeah, because you're salivating. The worst is to shop on a full stomach and then

you sort of just put a sticker seller in your basket and then you go home and you're salivating. The worst is to shop in a full stomach and then you sort of just put a sticker, salivating in your basket and then you go home and you're hungry again and you haven't got what you need. But with the trip, Rob and I were just eating so much rich food, so rich and interesting and all that stuff. But after a while you start to crave really simple food because you've had this assault of the Romanesque, kind of, or G-esque, kind of indulgence of food. And I remember when I was there having this craving for just a fried egg sandwich, you know, with just brown sauce on white bread and butter, just something really simple because you'd have this assault of all these flavours. Yeah, I've had that. Yeah, I've had that one, you know, go to a fancy restaurant, it's a very special meal. And then halfway through, I start thinking,

I wonder, halfway through the meal, that's. Yeah, halfway through the meal, stuffing, I wonder if after this could get a burger for someone. Yeah, yeah, this goes in McDonald's or something. Yeah, I do like comfort food, for the tally, but good, good quality comfort for food. Yes. So food, you know, I said, I was that that so my daughter did help me with go through this with a pen and paper because she said you're going to be all over the place and you won't be able to focus properly so you've got to hone in on stuff. Did she find out right? Yeah, yeah, she is right. I mean I'm not you know I'll be honest I'm sort of

I frequently buy posh red e-mails, I mean posh ones but they're still red e-mails. Yeah, I buy them for two even if it's just me just so I feel like Ih ready meals. I mean posh ones, but they're still ready meals. Yeah. I buy them for two, even if it's just me, just so I feel like I'm not alone. Yeah. Yeah. I just leave half of it. One for you, one for Alan? Yeah, yeah. Yes, that's right. Yeah. I just leave half of it. You don't have to have done that. I at one half is me then, at the other half is Alan. Just because I'm such a method can't be character. Do you, I mean, as we go through the menu, we can try and establish what Alan would have as well. We can. Yeah. Well, yeah. Any of your cabitors? Yeah. Well, there's a Venn diagram of me and Alan, which looks like a sort of figure eight,

but some days that almost turns into just a single circle. And then other times it's like a bottom, two-save, next week. But there is definitely an overlap. I'm quite comfortable with, I mean, the old days, who used to say, I'm not like, I'm the opposite of him, but I'm not really. And also, it's like, you know, he used to be that he was like very right wing and sort of daily male readings, sort of xenophobic, blah, blah, blah, blah, and that feels very boring now. What's far more interesting is him trying to be, you know, socially liberal,

but economically conservative, like a sort of a trendy, like, like the fusion of Tony Blair and David Cameron, the idea that they're kind of like, call me Dave kind of, and, you know, like David Cameron likes the Smiths, but isn't very keen on welfare or wants low taxation. So weird marriage of, oh yeah, like a typical Smiths fan, they're into low taxation. Anyway, so there is that Alan's struggling to be host, modern and enlightened and woke, as woke as he thinks he needs to appear to be to sustain a career.

It's far more enjoyable because it's almost like it's a career decision. Because of culture wars, you can sort of make a career decision. You can go, you can sort of become in this atricious warfare and sort of the daily matter of the Tories at last conference really were trying to pick a fight about culture wars. But most people sort of in the street just aren't asked about, I mean, one way or the other to be honest with you, but they really want to pick a fight to try and try and say, look, the left is really ruining everything. But you can make a choice, can't you? So I think Alan's made the choice that. It's better to on balance. There's not that many kind of daily male anti-woke kind of xenophobes in showbiz.

They're just aren't. There's some, but not that many. So I think he's made the decision to go, I'm going to go with the woke brigade as a career decision. Yes, I'm going to try and sort of get on message with all that. So that's quite quite good fun. There's a bit in the book not to give anything away, but where Alan's talking about me too, and he's absolutely delighted about me too. So it's a great thing. Yeah.

But mainly because he sees that as a gap has been left open for him as a sort of non-offending white middle aged presenter. Oh yeah, yeah. I think he also says that he says there's no skeletons in his cub comment. And for full disclosure, he wants touched Sue Cooke's hair. He's a little bit more. We always start the meal.

We're still a sparkly water, Steve. Well, if it's summer, I'll have very chilled sparkling water, but the rest of the time, I'll have room temp tap water. I prefer northern tap water to this sort of lime-scaley, southern tap water, which is actually got lime-scarred group in Manchester and about to descale a kettle till I was 20-something that came down south. I've got very many happy memories about not having to do scale the kettle in my younger days. Did you take it for granted at the time?

I did, I did, I did, I did, and I come down and I, sometimes when I look in the kettle and see the line scale, I think, yeah, what did I make the right choices in like? Yeah, sure. So still room temperature because if you want to warm your vocal chords up in your so performing live and I'm sure it's come actually might poo poo. Perfection. Perfection. All right, okay. But they actually are, I did go to drama school. So I'm sort of half, actor, half sort of comic, I suppose. And they really do work. Anyway, I'm going around themselves, but basically cold water doesn't help you.

You're vocal, right? Room temperature, normal temperature is very good to keep everything working. The start of this dream mail, you're having room temperature water to warm up your vocal cords. Well, no, but I'm just, I'm just giving you some deep background. I'm trying to pad it out. You know, you know, you can decide what you keep it is later. I'm just, I'm just, yeah, so, um, this is going out live, stick. Ah, okay. So, yeah, so that's that. Okay, what's that? Well, start with going next. Come on, come on. I want to get really get into this now. Pop it on top of it. Pop it on top of it. Well, not, not, pop it on, probably, if I'm

in a curry as I pop it on, but generally, no, I love good bread. When I love good bread, another controversial state from left-wing firebrands to Koon. But yeah, I wonder what social media are gonna say about that. Right. So I was in Spain in sort of a Catalan area of Spain with Rob Brighton, I don't know, five years, six years ago.

And I remember we had this bread in this, I think it was one of these restaurants that was like number one in the world, in some lists somewhere. And the bread and the butter, the butter was from the cows. You could see the cows through the window in the field that the butter came from.

And it was this sweet fresh bread and this, I've never forgotten how good that bread and butter was. But that's very interesting diverting, but really I like Irish soda bread with butter. Simple, text like warm, straight from the oven. You can make it with sour milk. If I'm growing up my mum would have bottlers milk and leave them on the shelf till they went off. So much so that the buildup of sour milk would push the foil top off the top of the milk bottle so there would be a column of sour milk almost solidified, pushing the lid off. And the rest of it was sort of like watery venegrary. They look disgusting. And she just put all that into the mixing bowl

with the fact that it makes soda bread. And it tastes fantastic. So that's my bedcress. But yeah. So we'd like to make it made by your mum. Yes, or my sister is quite good. Or, really, it's been a very working class Irish woman. Yeah.

Would probably do it. Yeah. Right. Yeah, we can sort that out. Okay. But you don't want to see the the cows out the window for this one. No, no, no, I mean, that's just a kind of novel season for for it's when a lot of these post restaurants are they sort of try to make things or they're trying to make it a visceral authentic experience, don't they? And it's just, and if it does have a kind of a peasant flavor, it's normally sort of packaged peasant experience for rich people.

Sure. Do you think it helps in the cow? It was nice to know where it comes. It's nice to be. I mean, I'm trying to be a vegetarian, but I do a bit of meat if I know where it's come from. I won't order a curry. I won't eat a curry with meat in it because I don't want to eat you know battery chicken.

I mean when I was growing up we had a butcher at the next door and our Christmas turkey. It must have, I mean it was like we I once had a 48 pound Christmas turkey. So I said to God that turkey must have been walking on saying please somebody shoot me and we had to push it, we had to kick it into the oven. It almost came out square shapes because it wouldn't quite fit in the oven aperture. And those days, no one cared about hormones or chemicals. It was just quantity in those days.

This is the biggest turkey that anyone's had this Christmas. Therefore, it's good, therefore, it's better. More is better, therefore it's good, therefore it's better. More is better, unless it's worse. And that was the only real criteria, because have you had enough to eat? Yeah. All the ice-read the bino, at the back of the bino,

it's the main character wasn't being sort of slippy or beaten by an adult for some sort of misdemeanor. He'd been given a reward of a fiver, and it was a now for a feast. At the end of every comic strip. Because, you know, those are the best things a child could have is just enough to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A big plate of match and sauce. It's incredible, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, those sausages. It's funny, isn't it? What do they get rewarded in the Bino now? Yeah, I don't, I've not read it for you, but I mean, it was also, I don't, it really was, I think, tried to, I mean, it was also, I don't, it really was, I think

they tried to, I mean, it's the lack of curiosity now, I think it's all like, I mean, they had like the Walter and the softies, they got, you know, someone, basically, sort of, I mean, clearly, it was clearly slightly a feminine young boy turned into the softie, which is really not on message with the current ways of thinking. So I think we've moved on. I like to think we've all moved on from the B-N-O. We haven't. We haven't. We're in the B-N-O. We were. We were. We were. On the panel. On the panel. Yeah. On the panel, many of the minks.

I really. Yeah. And so I'm slightly jealous of that. Yeah. That's why I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, yeah. I'm slightly jealous. That's why I'm with you. I'm with you jealous. Yeah. Yeah. You dream starter. Um, so I was trying to, um, have we got in your head now about the bean opening? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I, I, what is she, she made, I made notes here. I mean, I said, I said some sort of soup to go with the bread. She sounds really boring, doesn't it? But that, but I do, I don't, you know, having, like I say, eating all the best restaurants

in the Western hemisphere, I would quite like a pea soup, but not pea soup. I don't like soups that are made when people blitz everything in a blender, so it's all just one consistency. I like lumps of stuff. Yes. You know what I mean? So it's all just one consistency. I like lumps of stuff. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like pea soup that's got little bits of pea still in it. Yeah, whole peas or just bits of pea. Yeah, just like broken down peas,

like it's half broken down in the greenness of the soup. Yeah. And of course white pepper and big white pepper and the certain things that really bug me. Claire said, Madotus, I said, don't get angry about. Yeah. You can't. Well, basically, I'm fed up of restaurants

that don't have white pepper. They've all got this grind, they're the big sort of grinder with the sort of black pepper. Yeah, black pepper is great for pasta and stuff like that. It's great, but years ago in this country, we used to have white pepper in every cafe, there'd be a little plastic thing of white pepper. And now you can't get any white pepper.

Oh no, we don't have white pepper, we only have black pepper. Why, why don't you have white pepper? Yeah. You know, on eggs, black pepper is shit. Yeah. You have to have white pepper on eggs, on mashed potato, on chepperspie,

or on macaroni cheese, pepper. White pepper is doing that. You're mainly putting it on quite pale stuff. So I imagine the white pepper, you don't know how much you've put on. Well, you just, you just give it a bit of a shake. It's a bit like a sort of, it's like talcum powder, but it's not, you know, and, you know, you say, but it's, it's, people need to be discovered. I think it's associated with sort of low-fi, old-fashioned, old ladies, whatever, that some, that people on trendy are actually not just average, they don't really put it out there, but I predict that there'll be a bit of a

resurgence in what happened within the next five years. Well, it's also you partly because of this podcast. Yeah, I think it'll probably help. So, I'm a big, big white pepper person. Why did we get onto that pea soup? Yes, I put white pepper on the pea soup. There you go. That was why I mentioned that.

What else? Something else that bugs me while we're on things that bug me. When it comes to, because I can't read cook, but I can do a sort of a breakfast. I don't do that quite well. I think of you every time I have a fibro. Yeah, so why? Okay, so part of it.

There was a part of it. I don't try to be vegetarian, but I reserve the rights to not be vegetarian when there's an amazingly good roast in a proper gastropub that really views aged beef. And it's really really yeah so I will do that if I only have another problem of where the meats come from so otherwise it's you know I've we've been over that it's not nice it's not nice

thinking about hot and I don't like you know and also I don't want animals to be badly treated with the breakfast the part about the breakfast oh yes using the sausage as a breakwater yeah to keep the beans waiting the egg. I'm still pretty, I mean that is me. I don't mind beans on sausage and I don't mind sausage in egg. And I don't mind, you know, in the old days when I had more meat in a bacon and egg and beans and bacon, but beans, just beans in egg, it doesn't quite work for me. But these days I still do a bright, bright, bright, but I'll do, I mean, the veggie meat options are so good, you know, like the sausage, in the old days,

some meat, some of these are like, if you've got veggie sausage, it was just vegetables, put it into a sausage shape. Yeah, yeah. Now it's, now they seem a lot more tasty. And so I have those, but I don't like people who put beans in the microwave. It really makes me angry. Yes.

Not as angry as, you know, human rights violations, but, but, pretty angry. Somewhere up between, yeah. Human rights violations and paper cuts. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, it's what, what, what, what, what, what, what, microwave beans? Because they're like, when, you microwave beans, they come out hot and hard,

hot mini-bullets in some watery tomato sauce. What you need to do is put, when you do the breakfast, the first thing you put on is the beans. Beans and I'm really let them break down. It's almost like, almost to the level of mushy peas, but not quite, and some sort of mushy beans. Then they're much nicer to put on your breakfast. So, anyone puts beans in the microwave. It's kind of, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, heyable parts, don't they? Yeah, I know that's just awful. Porridge, you know, I mean, you can microwave porridge. It's fine, but I mean, some things actually, I'm not anti-microwave, you know.

I know some people are snobbous, you don't have microbes. Ooh, they give you cancer, don't. Don't give you cancer. It's a bad science, bad science by people who make science up. Yeah, okay. Anyway. So it's a soup just starter. Yeah, that's what people who make science up. Okay, anyway. So is the soup just starter? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it sounds very boring,

but I like the simple things while dumb, good and good. Okay, so. And you're saving a bit of bread from the breadcourses, the dip in? Yeah, yeah, but soda bread's quite heavy. So I mean, I'm now back tracking on soda, because I love soda bread. It's a great cheese, great.

But I mean, soda bread and cheese soup, that's a meal, really. And also, my daughter class, she said, she just planned it and think of what you perfect meal is. I'll as loads of things I like individually, but they might not work altogether, but I'm still going to say this is what I'm going to have my meal, not because it's it works together harmoniously because it actually doesn't really. But I love them all in their own different ways. So I'm going to put them together on the table. That's fine. That's what we like people to do. It doesn't have to go together. Okay. Good. Good. This is your dream.

Oh great. Okay. Oh great, okay. Yeah. ACAS powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. It's 1986, Nook, and Michael Morrison is offered the opportunity of a lifetime. A new job, a fresh start with a secure future, as a cop. But Mike has no idea he's about to join what he calls the biggest gang in America. I'm Seren Jones and this is Black and Blue Behind the Badge. The story about what happens when you have to pick a side.

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Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. You're not a Canadian voice. I could be. Gluttony. That's good, Ed. Join and listen free for 30 days. Visit audible.ca. So your dream main course, is this going to be something out of left field after the soup? Well, now, this is interesting because I think I've gone through a bit of a transition because I'm

I'm not a baby boomer and I'm I, I think on X, is it like, well, after, I'm sort of right after boomers. Boomers stopped, yeah, very interesting all this stuff, in about 1960, three or four. And what they start with the arrival of the pill, right, basically, there was loads and loads of babies, and then there weren't as many, because it's quite a surprise. So, and I'm just on the cusp of the new lot. So I grew up with them, very old, I mean, I grew up eating really nice food because my mother who's a hard-hired-ish

would cook really fresh food. Not because she was really keen on giving us the freshest food, it was just economically the best thing. So do you make us do, use fresh vegetables and meat, whatever, and it all tastes great. And she would do that for as a sort of an economic choice, not because she thought it was healthy. But I was jealous of all the kids at school

who had Finder's crispy pancakes. I wanted all the processed food. So that was sort of what I wanted. And when I go home now, I see my mom makes vegetable soup. But it's the only, and I remember this vegetable soup tastes great, yeah, because it's had a big bone marinating it for like a month, you know. It's the only vegetable soup that vegetarians can't eat. So I would have had very, very, things like in the old days, cheese on a new pie or roast dinner or something. But now I have, my daughter is a chef. And I'm only blowing her on trumpet

because during lockdown, she used me and her boyfriend as guinea pigs for her food. And I just opened up my mind to the possibilities of really good vegetarian food with incredible ingredients. So I wouldn't have, you know, my daughter's written down grandma food. I mean, in the food my mom makes, my mother, her grandmother. And is your daughter made these notes for you? Well, I was stood next to her and she was screaming, yeah, this is her handwriting.

Broccoli, garlic, chili, pasta. That's the thing that she does for me. She does this thing where she just blitzes and she inputs it in with like broccoli and garlic and chili and pasta. That's the thing that she does from me. She does this thing where she just blitzes ancevian puts it in with like broad broccoli and garlic and chili and pasta and it just tastes amazing. It's not really expensive food. It's that whole new thing. Because she's like, you know the east, you know the east of London where the trendy people live, right? Okay. Sorry. It's like it's growing. I mean, I? Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought you were throwing. I thought that was a thing. I mean, I know that's annoying. I mean, I know that's annoying. But it sort of starts to make me feel like a lot of this sort of posh, very posh over-presented

over, like Michelin star restaurants, fine dining, where some of the joys, I mean, I love, they're very impressed a lot of these chefs, but sometimes they take the joy out of food and it's so perfected. It becomes almost fetishized and elitist and I call them the dot, dot, dot people because instead of putting the sauce on the plate, they go dot, dot, dot with the sauce and like sort of punctuation points and it's like there's something just really in and really attentive about it. It irritates me and it's like you feel like it's a masterpiece, but you don't feel there's any love in it. Yeah. You know, this is really impressive food.

I don't, you know, and that, that sort of love cliche is really, I'd say, important, because it's like the idea of food. People come into gather and you break bread to people and it's a celebratory thing, and it's, and it's, and so, I like, suppose it's good peasant food, right? Really good, and Rob Rydner was sort of pissed out of me on the trip saying, oh, he goes, I know, I know what Steve says, you know, he's got simple ingredients, you know, you get simple ingredients, best ingredients simply made and all that.

Which is true. And that is what he told, when we had him on, he said if you ever have Steve on this, he'll say like simple ingredients, simply made. Yeah, that's true, it's true. And because peasant slash working class, people in Europe, in Spain, France, Italy, even working class people eat really well.

Yeah. They don't in England and they don't in America. They stuff in cardboard boxes given to them by multinational companies that go, don't worry about your food, we'll give you this for three quid, right? So they eat rubbish. And I'm generalizing, I'm generalizing obviously, but that is definitely an issue. And the food I like is the food, like I just describe, which is actually not

the ingredients aren't that expensive, but they taste really great and they're accessible. There's no meeting them, but it's just really, really good food. So I'd have some sort of pasta dish that my daughter would make and for a side. So in Italy, I love good tomatoes. Really hard to come by out there, really good ones.

The only best ones are ones you grow yourself and even partial organic sort of overpriced supermarkets still never quite get tomatoes the way that they are if you take them out of a greenhouse. And so I'd have those chopped up with a bit of salt, pepper, a bit of olive oil. That's it, some white bread, fresh white bread. You can't beat that. Maybe some mozzarella if you're feeling particularly indulgent, but that is a really good, that's what Rob's talking about when he mocks my,

is that sort of stuff I like? It's like really simple fresh. This menu's fitting together by the way. I know you're worried about it, but you know, a lovely piece soaked in broccoli pasta. Yeah, I suppose it doesn't. It's her. Yeah. You like broccoli pasta. I like broccoli pasta. Yeah.

I have too much of it during knockdown. Yeah, it's I like. Yeah, it all chopped and blitzed and just I don't know. Anyway, she does things that are very, I can't quite replicate, but it's, I mean, for example, when, if my daughter does me boil eggs, she'll put tiny blitzed anchovy and whiskered up with the butter. So it's just exactly the same as boiled and soldiers,

but just that little twist you're putting in, will make you suddenly you'll go the toast tastes amazing, just cause there's tiny bits of anchovy in the butter. Amazing. Little things like that. So I'm kind of into that new discovery of that food that looks appetizing and nice. Yeah. It's an over-arranged and over-preened,

over-fetishized, and this over, yeah, a lot of these TV shows in the moment are about this kind of this perfection of presentation and everything. And I just think people are over it and it's like you can have food that looks appetizing and honest and not Ponzi, frankly. Ponzi, non-sifu, I don't want to eat it anymore. So, um, yeah. I remember, I think, is your, would you say like your approach to comedy is similar? Because I remember seeing you being interviewed once, I think it was at the end of the comedy awards and you'd seen a lot of shows that month and you said that you'd like to see like some rough and ready show, you prefer those shows.

Well I do, I like, I polished mediocrity, I'm less interested in, I mean I can see why people like quiet like it, it's like an easy read isn't it, it's like I'm an airport novel of comedy but I like things that are well as a kind of a journey man, you know, I mean, as a sort of a that bustman's holiday that people go, he's really good, isn't he? And I go, he's all right. I mean, that's my response to most of them. But the but when I what I like is when I see someone I go, I don't quite go, I don't know why why I can't quite figure out why they're why they're funny. I mean, Tim Key for example, I go, I don't know why I can't quite figure out why they're funny. I mean, Tim Key, for example, I mean, when I met him, it must be 15, 16 years ago, and I worked, he auditioned for me

when he was in his early days. And I remember watching him and he was making me laugh and I couldn't figure out why he was funny. Yeah. And that's always much more interesting to me because I go, because I think, oh, yeah, I know how to do that. And oh, yeah, oh, I see, he did that. And then you go, oh, yeah, well, you can do that, you can say that really quickly

and say it really loudly or you can say it really quietly and they're both funny. And you sort of learn that stuff, don't you, you're old enough to know that you sort of, you, you start to learn those little patterns and structures about how you do comedy. And they're great. And it's great fun. And it's great also when you discover things where you go, oh actually, you know, I'm going to say to this, I'm going to say that five times instead of three and it'll still be funnier or play around with things and you know, when we did parties of what one's, I mean we did the original TV series, but you know I'm a sex scene in the dark as a sex scene and we thought how long can we keep the people watching TV when it's literally a black screen, almost as a challenge just to in and of itself.

And that can help you find weird things that are weirdly funny for. So that, oh, that's wonderful being able to sort of explore that. But Tim Key, I couldn't see what he was doing. I didn't understand what was going on, what, why I was laughing, or why he was doing was funny. It was like, I was sort of a bit lost. And that's weirdly exciting exciting because I don't understand it. I can't deconstruct it. And so that's the sort of thing I like. That's so,

but things that are interesting and different and not perfect and more interesting to me. Or things almost like because a lot of people, you know, I was always very interesting doing stuff and I was quite challenged when I was working with our Mandarin and Nucy and Patrick Marver and people. But I had to learn to go down the avenue of experimenting and potentially failing to discover a different, more interesting ways of being funny. Or quite, it's quite learned, because a lot of profit, you can be,

you can, if you're very, very professional in this business, very professional, and you consistently deliver stuff which is just above average, you can have a very long career. And, and, you know, have a nice mortgage, a nice house and all that, but, I mean, and good luck to those people, but I just like seeing things where you, you know, Vic and Bob, you said you've never wanted the first people to do you think, why are that? Well, the hell is that funny?

I don't know what's going on. I can't figure it out, but it's making me laugh, you know. And let's try and fold that back into the food thing. Yeah. Well, Tim, Tim Key, the broccoli pasta is like, Tim is like, Tim Key. It is a lot, but it's sort of going back to basics, because you look at Charlie Chaplin and Bustikeaton

and Stan Laurel. That's you. Oh yes, I did play it. But they did stuff where you couldn't quite know. So it sounds like it's not really avant-garde.'s just sort of trying to just shake things up a bit. I think it's good in the box of Lego that it's comedy. It's just shake it up a bit sometimes and then start building stuff again. Yeah, yeah, build something. Yeah, build it such a thing. Yeah, yeah. This is going really well. Yeah.

You drink drink to save. Drined drink. Okay, so yeah, I talked to my daughter about this. I said, what's that? Well, I don't know what my drink. I don't drink any. I used to drink a lot, maybe a bit too much sometimes. But if I was still drinking, it would be, and this is really so it's not like, I mean, I'm like, they're all right, but the best drink of all, by far, the one that I miss, because I'm drinking, is bitter. Apart, and that's, I think Alan's actually maps that, but anyway, bitter, room temperature, bitter, hand pumps in a, from a pub, not chilled. So it's just a room temperature, not that fizzy, a bit flat. Yeah. so it's just a room temperature. Not that fizzy, a bit flat. That to me is a perfect,

I just love the taste of that. Do you have a particular better? Well, the weaker the better, the better. And that's not because I've not wanted to have as much alcohol. It just tastes better. So you get like 3.8%, is that's a good or 3.6 or 3.8. That's a really good because it's a bet. And the reason they're not that popular in purposes, they don't keep as well. So unless someone drinks them quite quickly, they lose the bit, goes off. So they're all 4.8 and 5 and you think,

oh, great loads of alcohol is that. It's actually not a better drink. It's a theory of drinking. Lower alcohol, I think it's a better, I'd say better. In one of the mugs, the sort of mugs. No, I'm not a dick about it. No, it's just like, I know, in a normal glass. I'm not like a real ale. Sure.

So no, just, so that would be, but the thing is, because I don't do that now, I go through fads, as my daughter, as I go, I get into a certain kind of thing, like a kombucha. I was buying loads of kombucha, trying different kinds of kombucha, as that's really goes with me. And you love that as well, isn't it? Love kombucha. Yeah. Yeah.

The sort of, the sourness combined with the sweet. It's not like things are too sugary, and then the CBD drinks are getting all those, and they go that phase, and they go back to the the kombucha and then I just like, you know, I quite like those Dutch eucormal orange jiggers. Well, I have not had that. Okay, it's like sort of just, what jig is like a posh person's name for orange jigger for just orange juice, which I think that might be fizzy. So yeah, I do like Prince Charles Dutch, King Charles Dutch eucormal produce, even though I am an anti monochist. Yes, it's interesting because've done some things right. Yes, they're an orange to use the spot.

I suppose it's just because most of the people who are into it all, there's flag wave in plastic, both the people. I think are kind of idiots because they're an orange to use the spot. I think that's the way it's going to be. I think that's the way it's going to be. I think that's the way it's going to be. I think that's the way it's going to be. I think that's the way it's going to be.

I think that's the way it's just because most of the people who are into it all, there's flag wave in plastic boats are people. I just I think are kind of idiots because they support a power structure that keeps a foot on the throat of working class people. And I just don't be keen on that kind of thing. But yeah, agreed. But how he said that, you know, the Queen worked very hard. And yes, so she's all right. She was all right. The rest of them are problematic for me. OK. I guess they're also like pouring like while they've got their

thought on the throat, they're pouring juice in the mouth. Yeah, when the photo, at least, King Charles, if he, if he has the head of a power structure, even unwittingly and maybe subconsciously has his foot collectively on the throats of working class people by being party to a power structure that rewards blah blah blah. You can feel in the rest yourself. While he's doing that, while he's putting orange jigger in mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth. Your dream dessert. Okay, so this is interesting to me, whether it's interested

other people will remain to be seen. But I do like, I'm a big rhubarb person. If I scan a menu, what I do is I do like, I'm a big rhubarb person. Yeah, I love rhubarb. If I see, if I scan a menu, what I do is I do like a fast word search for the word rhubarb in my head, like a computer, a potential computer. You're potential computer. A potential computer. A quick programming is to find the word rhubarb on the menu. When I see the word rhubarb, I'll just go, I'll have that.

And I'll go, well, it's got rhubarb, I'll just go, I'll have that. And I don't care what it is, it's got rhubarb, I'll have it. Forced rhubarb, which is, in the 1970s, would have been a hilarious thing for someone like John Inman to talk about when I was being served. But we've moved on from them. But it does sound like it's sort of funny in some way. But it's not. Forced rhubarb, which is pink rhubarb,

it still sounds a bit rude. It is rhubarb, which is grown in dark sheds. We know light, so that the rhubarb is forced to sort of, it's almost like the sort of the equivalent of the, the veal equivalent of vegetables like that. Yes, yeah, and, it was sort of vegetable, sort of vegetable, isn't it? It's a weird one, isn't it?

Yeah, I think it's a veg. Rhubarb, is it? Not sure. It's a vegetable, it's vegetable, it's a veal, isn't it? No, that's Yeah, I think it's a veg. Rubar, is it? Not sure. It's a recipe. It's a recipe. That's what I give. Okay. So it's and forced rubbub is naturally pink.

So some most rubbub when you're growing up great, but if you like me, we get a rubbub crumble, you get like a bit of green rubbub, a little bit green, that yes, but a lot of sugar in it. Yeah. The pink rubbub, you don't have to put much because it's naturally sweet.

That's why it's called forced because it's pink, so they are very interesting. So I'll have a creaking, can't you when it's growing? You can't do that. Yeah, I love that. Very interesting for us to do that. They have candles in the shed, it's really, really weird. Looks like a sort of wickamand dessert. Anyway, so yeah, I have a root, now now I do remember a dessert I had about I do remember I had about 2010 on the trip to the it was called the trip the Rob ride in it were in England and it was a hip-hop in which is sort of between like the woman in Yorkshire. No, no, no, no, I slept with a woman at the place called the Innoc Whitewell. Because it's semi-fictional slept with the the woman on front desk Yes, the hotel and consensually even within the fiction. Yeah, and

but but when we and it's a real these are real establishments, but we mix up the actors so some people They were real people some people people actors But happy to say that the woman I simulated having slept with in the drama Was an actor playing someone who worked on front desk who showed me to my room. We had a conversation that the woman I simulated having slept with in the drama was an actor playing someone who worked on from desk who showed me to my room. We had a conversation, it went from there. But developed in a way that was so respectful,

it was staggering. But anyway, so someone, but when we finished about episode, some people go to the hotel because I went, I do go to the hotel to eat the food. It's a place in, in a white well, it's a nice, sort of country pub and it's lovely. I went, it's some of these places I went to before,

we made the trip and I know that place. Great. But some people go to the hotel and ask for the, to actually go to the hotel. The character was called Magda. Right. I meant to say, is Magda here behind front desk? Yeah. It can, can we, can we see Magda. Right. Is Magda here, Pan, front desk? It can we see Magda?

Like, I'd really slept with someone who worked behind the counter. Can you look at the show in between my room? The weird thing is, it's like, because it's semi-fictional, there's like a camp, I wake up in bed with a woman. Did people think that there's a camera crew waiting for me to wake up in my bed?

It's like, I don't know, people got a bit confused, but well, a lot of people can sell them his wife. Yes. I've joined the school run because he'd cheat it on her. Yeah, because I'm one episode he sleeps with. Yeah, I mean, we changed it up a bit because I have in reality, I have a daughter. Yeah. And the trip I have a son. And so we always mixed it up a bit.

So just to just to confuse our enemies. Yeah. They can't do that. They don't know. They go, I don't know what's real, what's not. So anyway, so so so the hip-hippening hall had this rhubarb dessert that had rhubarb done about four different ways, all within the setting, rhubarb, jelly, rhubarb, mitts of like blitzed rhubarb, like sliced rhubarb, all stacked up on this layered thing and I've not had a sense and I've not forgotten it and I sometimes think I'm going to go back to the one day and see

if they still do that. It stayed with me as a dessert. I love that. I've said that. I'm going to have another one which is that generally speaking, when it comes, I'm a huge because there's a tour between that and trifle. Trifle, I'm a huge trifle fan. Trifle, you've never heard of it in America. You can't a huge because there's a tour between that and trifle. trifle. I'm a huge trifle fan. trifle. Never heard of it in America. Yeah. You can't note most gen Zs a bit stare at you and you say, I like trifle. Yeah. You're not about to think it's what awful or something.

I don't know. Do they stare at you because you're just saying saying that completely out of the people? Yeah, because I say it to people in, I was saying it to people at London Bridge stations that go to your turn styles and, like, yeah. And they get so weird that I'm like, chill out, I'm just telling you that I like to write for, should you problem? Anyway, so yes, a trifle is, it just gets, it's not really made a big comeback as it's

New York's, we're bread and butter pudding, those are like I say working class peasants that get reinvented by posh restaurantsonancy. Look, look, remember this. Here's a post version of the working class thing. And it's quite nice. But trifle never got that, got reinvented like that. And I think it's one of those desserts where they use, it's like way of using up stale cake. Because I mean, I just got, it's like bread and butter pudding. It was like using stale bread.

Because you've got cake, jelly, custard, cream, and sometimes spring-collibits. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it really, that's a, it tastes great. I mean, I don't know why it fell out of fashion as well. I'm sure it's due to a comeback at some point. Yeah, I mean, even Marx and Spence still do one. And I do, I went, you know, if I'm, you know, when I'm going, I, I I'm you know when we're going

I um I got to late district a lot yeah got a cottage there that my family use It's not like a second home loads of people use it. I'm really generous with it get off my back So and um when we when I got there we I when you stop off and get sort of you know I get my bread and coffee and tea yeah in case I'm not yeah I've got the essentials for the morning and milk. I will sometimes also go, well, I think I'll have that trifle as well. And so I'll put a trifle in the carry bag. And so there you go. And that's the end of my story about trifle and desert.

One of your friends and colleagues on the podcast and they chose trifle as their dessert. Do you think you could guess which one? Someone that, you know, I mean, definitely worked with a lot. Chose the trifle as their dream dessert. Maybe I'm undoing it. Yes. Yes. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

Do you know what that, that, yeah, I'm pleased I got. You are very pleased. I can say that you're pleased. I was thinking, yeah, that makes sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. Well I'm working with him again, which I haven't done for years, but it's fun. Even you work when you work with a group of people So intense and you're you're you're also got for different directions and then come back and It's quite nice to do it. You go, ah, because it's only when, you know, years later, I mean, it's 30 years ago, nearly that I worked with our map.

Well, over that, we worked on radio, but we did the first TV thing we did, it was called The Day Today. And, uh, on comic circles, it sort of revered as a, sort of, a stand, I only did sick that episode, it's on TV, but, but that was, you know, that was really exciting, so exciting at that time when I was like 20-something, working on a show and thinking, which for when you're in this business,

it happens occasionally. You go, there's no one else I'd swap places with right now. And that was one of those moments. Can we hear a few more of those moments before we wrap up? I'd like to know the points in your career where you've felt that. Because sometimes like the character you play on the trip is always looking at what other people are doing.

Yeah, well this is quite nice to, I think people would love to hear the point. Well, okay, all right, well, let's say what, part of the comic can see the trip is that I'm on the back for a bit irritated by other people's success. And there's some truth in that, but not so much it's all consuming. But Rob does, I was about a pick at that and go, Oh, did you see there doing well, aren't they? Just needling me, you know. But I had really, it was really great when I got the film

I produced, wrote, and acted in Medjuges, and it's got four Oscar nominations. For the meaner? For the meaner. And Rob was saying, I think we were improvising on one of the trips to Spain, something like that, I remember what it was. It was after this, I got all this, you know, adulation. And he tried to go, because Michael sort of can tell me the sound of like Sasharan Cohen, Simon Pegg, Ricky Shvayes, who also made this, had this impact in America, which I didn't quite have and also he said

Lake Bell is This is an American comic actress who I'm huge fan of and and also she's very beautiful and she's very funny But that's but and so she's sort of somebody think wow she's she'd be a great person to Act within a movie because she'd like glamorous and smart and funny, all those things. Anyway, I remember Rob was saying, I see, you're my time pick, doing a film with Leipelm, you like it, don't you? Just, just, just, just, just, just, a winding me up. And I go, well, anyway, this is the time, he's saying. And so and so, and they were, he would do stuff like that but this time he was doing it and I just went Rob yeah four Oscar nomination. There you go. Yes and what about that? I just go

Rob four four four and it was stopped it was sort of trapped trounce anything he'd transwrought me and he got ready for straightening. Oh this is not going to work anymore. straightening, well, this is not going to work anymore. But some, it does still work with circus, because then you don't repeat that success for quite a while. And then he goes, oh, that was ages ago. Remember when you were really good. So, so, so you do get moments like that. I think there was a moment when we did I Am Alan Parties for a series that really landed I got amazing it did get amazing reviews and then you do stuff you think you're equally proud of and it just doesn't quite land but generally speaking I've had more hits than misses and I'm really and I love what I do love working

hard you know I've made a few couple of bombs, but generally doing stuff which is, I like taking risks because it's very hard to get, sometimes it's a summon enthusiast, because I'm naturally quite lazy. But if you're doing something where you go, if I get this rock, it's not like, if this goes well, it'll be really great. But if I get this wrong, this will be really bad and you look shit and everyone will think you're, it's going to really, it's not, yeah.

Then that makes you think, well, I'd be like better, consumptive. Yeah, yeah. And they're better trying to do the best job I can. So, I like, yeah, I'm lucky enough that I'm secure enough that I can go, let's,

let's play for high stakes and see if we win. And, you know, most of the time, I do, but it's because it does fail. It's not about going to be penniless. I'm just going to be very unfashionable. But I'll still be able to put roof on my head. So, so, also, I mean, I always stayed on social media, which is really, really, really bad in some ways, because people don't, someone goes, I didn't know you had a new thing out, yeah, well, I do. But it's good that I don't get sucked into it, but it's very, that I don't get sucked into things

and I can't publicize it, but I do put everything into creative process. So any junk's going on your head and you just throw it out, it's so cathartic, you throw it all into what are you doing, whether it's a drama, writing a drama, which I do a bit of that now, and I'll come and just throw it all in.

And it's all, what's that norm, if I'm not thinking everything is copy, you know? Any bad person, experiences, any bad things that anything people do you're angry with in real life, things that bother you on the news, whatever, just chuck it all in the story up, put it in the oven. I can't believe it's the big hotel.

Yeah, and yeah, so yeah, yeah, anyway, that was a long-winded answer to you. No, but you folded it back into food, you put it in the oven at the end. No, I'm trying to think what I'm just looking at, see, is that any bits that have missed food-wise. Not quite suspicious that your daughter wrote that down for you. She just said that. The main course is something that she cooks. I don't know. I just said a lot. I want to say that. No, you don't need to do that. I said, yeah, but it really does.

I really do. It's like a window into a new way of eating. That's like, I mean a new way of eating. That's like, I mean, some people, younger people who've got disposable income and are not, means, well, you know, those people, the people who live in those areas, that was areas in like Manchester. Well, every city's got that area,

haven't they, the way you go and talk? And I do like things that are like repurposed and, you know, that could have lived in, beaten up, kind of, I don't like things that show off, like food that shows off, like interiors that show off, like cars that show off, and I'm like anything that shows off. I think that's uncomfortable and feel like they've got integrity when you look at them and taste it and, and, you know, stuff like that. I'll put a major menu back to you now Steve, see how you feel about it. You would like room temperature, northern tap water.

You would like warm Irish soda bread with butter made by any working class Irish woman. Starter you would like chunky pea soup with white pepper, main course broccoli pasta made by your daughter. So I dish fresh tomatoes with olive oil, salt and pepper, fresh white bread, maybe some mozzarella if you're feeling like it. Drink a pint of room temperature bitter and does that, well, to be set along the trifle or the rhubarb four ways from hip and whole. Yeah, I mean, I'd be happy with that.

I'll stand by that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the first time as well. We've ever had a guest listen to their own menu bag and check it off against the one they've got in front of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the first time as well. We've ever had a guest listen to their own menu back and check it off against the one they've got in front of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm really happy with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or equally annoying, is the posh people who say, oh, I like her, you go on about the, yeah, I've had those,

if you don't have those 24 course menus, I mean, that sounds like me complaining about something, most people don't get to experience because they're astronomically expensive and, they get, it takes longer to describe the, I mean, basically, for those who haven't experienced it, 24 courses, that's the most people ever have, and it's like a little thing,

and they come on and describe it, and this is a bit of foam, and this looks like soil, and it's like a little thing and they come on and describe it. And this is a bit of foam and a bit of this is looks like soil and it's made from freeze dried mushrooms. So it looks like you're eating soil. I don't know why people want to do that. And then and they talk about it and describe it and it literally takes longer to describe it through than it does to eat it because they describe it and you take it and you go, oh, then you go, wow, that's really interesting. Yeah. And that goes up and after about two and a half hours,

you then you're like, I just want to, I just want to go home and watch Tally with a sandwich with toast, cheese on toast. So I'm not mad keen on those, I do, I do like a post-restaurant, but I'm not mad. There's guy called Simon Rogan, who's, I really, long clean, long clean,

because I ate it long time. And I've been there a few times, and they have quite, was that episode one of the trip? It was. Yes, it was. No, it wasn't in a white well. It was in a long clue. It's a great lesson there, is that if you insist you're standing by what you say, even when all the facts are crumbling. You see what I did, I went, I mean, was that episode one? You know, I was asking you, and James just went straight in with it.. Yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't in a white wall, but it was in it white wall. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, shifting position.

Yeah, it's only you argue with someone, you go, hang on, you've changed position, and they're like, I haven't. But I'm very pleasable, I'm sorry. You just, you know, you disagreeing with me, even as we want. Yeah, because Benito has Googled it now and found out that it's in the white wall. Quite well. Surprisingly, you, the person in the pro-grab will write. But, right.

Anyway, I want to say to, but Sam Rogen is good because he also does do like a, like a browser, like he does do. I, I once had mashed potatoes, lentils and black pudding. I wonder if it was, and it was done brilliantly. So he can do, yeah, he can do the simple stuff and the complex fancy stuff. But on balance, I prefer the simple stuff. He very nicely sent a box to us during lockdown. Oh, yeah.

I have a ribbon on it that said his name on it over and over again. Simon Rogan, Simon Rogan, all over it. And when I got cats, we were trying to make some toys for them to keep them entertained one day. And there was a little furry monkey that one of them liked playing with. So we tied the Simon Rogan ribbon around it and we'd use that to throw it out and they get it. And then we started just casually referring to the monkey as Simon Rogan. And now that's the thing that just,

just normal. Yeah, like yesterday, also the cat has now taken to, if one of the other cats is feeling a bit sad or ill, she brings them Simon Rogan to cheer up. And we've started just, I was saying, oh yes, he's been a bit quiet today, but she bought him Simon Rogan and realizing in my head, this has become a very normal thing that I now say, even though it's not Simon Rogan, because he's a man. You actually shouldn't give cats ribbon. It's a nice, no, that's a, no. Because they swallow it and then it comes, if it comes out their ainess and it's still

out their mouth, if you either way you pull it, you're going to pull it down. Yeah, and you can't floss your intestines. Yeah. And that's a fact. Steve, thank you for coming in. Thank you, sir. To the dream master. Well, there we are, James.

What a fun chat with Steve Cougan. Fantastic. Everything. Fantastic. I hoped it would be. Yes, it was very, very good. Lovely menu as well. Yeah. He'd really thought about it. Shout out to his daughter. Shout out to his daughter. He really helped him with it as well. Write it all down for him. Yeah. Which was lovely. I thought that was a nice, sort of personal heartwarming touch. Yeah, yeah. Very nice.

And most importantly, topl and did not feature on there. So we didn't have to kick Steve cooking out the dream best. Thank the Lord. Do go and buy Alan Partridge, Big Beacon, the new Partridge book. It's fantastic. You can get it on ebook and audio

if you want or you can get it in more traditional, hard back. Lovely to speak, Steve. And do go and see Dr. Strange Love, which is October 2024 at the Null Cowder, but it is on sale now, even though it's a while off, you can get tickets now. It's exciting. Yeah.

It's so excited. And look, it can't all be about the Partridge book, James, because I've got a book coming out tomorrow. It's a lot of tomorrow, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out. 26th of October, Glutton, the multicorcell life of a very greedy boy is out officially. It's publication day, baby. Ed gave me my copy today. I was very excited.

And I cannot say this about, I can't really think about a book. I can say this about, I laughed at the inside jacket. Yes. It's because it's pictures of me as a baby and James finds that funny. Immediately made me laugh. Yeah. I won't spoil it, but with some things that Ed wrote as a baby and James finds that funny. And immediately made me laugh. Yeah, but with some, I won't spoil it, but with some things that Ed wrote as a child as well,

for school. Yes. I mean, how many books do you say that about? They make you laugh before you've even started reading them. Yeah, that's true. I suppose the hope is then you continue to laugh as you read the book. And I'm sure I will.

Yes, I'm sure you will as well. Anyway, that's out tomorrow. Thank you. Let's do some food shout outs, James. Yeah, first of all, I'd like to say thank you to the windmill in Brighton, when I was there recently in Brighton, George Egg of a funny comedian,

and the snack hacker, if you wanna look him up on YouTube and myself, we went to the windmill and they were doing a photo shoot for their new menu and said, well, you can just eat the food, we'll photograph it, and then you can eat it. So we've got a free meal of the whole menu. It's absolutely delicious. I highly recommend it. So yeah, if anyone's in Brighton, they should go and I would recommend getting the ham sandwich. That was my favorite ham and egg sandwich. We're going to Brighton's, who? Yeah. Well, it's going to get the sandwiches. Yes, please.

Now recently on the podcast, James, shamefully just asked for some chocolate. Yeah. Just said, send me some chocolate. And you know what at the time I thought, oh, dear me, it's a dirty sellout. But then all this chocolate arrived. And I'm quite excited about it. So land, land chocolate, centre some chocolate. Yeah.

Delicious. Pump street. Pump street. Land, land chocolate, center some chocolate. Yeah, delicious, delicious, pump street, chocolate, center some chocolate. Thank you. And flour and white, center these bars that are sort of meringue, flavored meringue bars. Very good. That's a nice bite as well. And I've been popping nose in my mouth every time I go. You have been popping and being the mouth walking around. Yeah, thank you for all of those. We've been great. We've been been great. I especially have enjoyed the white chocolate with cacao nips from land. Lovely. So there's probably some people who work for chocolate companies out there, pretty jealous

now going, I can't believe we didn't send them any chocolate. I guess there's a way of rectifying that. You know, balls in your court, I guess. Chocolate balls in your chocolate court. Yeah. So, serving over the net. Here guess. Chocolate balls in your chocolate court. Yeah, serve it, serve it over the net. Here we are. Open mouths. We also got some drinks, James.

And I think this is down to me as well. These are things that I shouted out. Cost and press have got a new flavour. The little beggar boy. Pineapple flavour, a tropical, cost and press. Loved it. Yeah, drank it the other day.

Also, green cola. I got to mention them on the all foot sour cherry. So they sent us some sour cherry, some lemonade, some orange, some cola, so they've sent those over, very excited and LA brewery sent their con butch over. You know, I'm a fan of the butch. I said that to the kooks. Yeah, butch is a fan of the boot, I said that to the coogs. Yeah, boot, bootch is a fan of the coogs. Yeah, yeah, so, uh, Danish boot, Danish bootch. Sometimes you just say things the wrong way around, you just got to run with them, you know?

Yep. And so very excited, all of those, I mean, we've got a lovely fridge here of menu and it's great to open it and see so many nice drinks in there. Yeah. Thanks very much for listening, we'll see you next week, bye-bye. See ya.

Hello, my name is Ian Smith. I'm Amy Gletto. And we are from the Northern News Podcast. Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories We find from the North hey and if you like food and I know you like food actually because you listen into off menu We got stories about pigs getting cooked off-round about with crisps. We've got stories about gravy retling in cow parks We've got stories about restaurants getting one star food hygiene ret and record breaking York's are puddings and we got special guests but you may remember from off menu episodes such as Macy Adam Tim Key Rosie Jones Fatter Herl Gory Phil Wang and he hasn't been on off menu but we got Kevin Kennedy who played Curly Watson Coronation Street take that a cast so please

give a listen to the Northern News podcast. Every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts.