Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 212: Garth Marenghi

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Dreamweaver, doomsage and Sunday Times best-selling horror writer Garth Marenghi joins us in the Nightmare Restaurant this week. Listen to this episode now, before it’s too late… Garth Marenghi’s new book ‘Incarcerat’ is out now in hardback and audiobook, published by Coronet. Buy it here. Garth’s previous book ‘Terrortome’ in now available in a limited pleather-bound edition. Buy it here. Garth is also on tour. Buy tickets here. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast and I'm very excited to say that my book is out now, Glutton the Multicloss Life of a very greedy boy. It's a memoir but it's mainly about food, it's about my life and food. I'm very proud of it, I think it's very funny. Is it touching? I don't know, that's up to you guys to decide. But it is available everywhere you get books now and also the audiobook is available on Audible. I would recommend

buying both three times. Thank you very much. Happy reading, all listening. Acast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Kathleen Goldtar and I'm the host of a new podcast, Crime Story. Every week we bring you a different crime, told by the storyteller who knows it best. You got one witness who can't be found. You got another witness who's murdered. We couldn't sugarcite this story. I was getting calls from Cosby's attorney, Threatening to Sue every day.

Every crime in one way or another is a reflection of who we are as a people, as a city, as a country. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the off menu podcast taking the pumpkin of humor carving in the face of friendship with the knife of the internet and putting in the candle of interviews. It's a scary special James. That is Ed Gull. Oh, that's good. Oh, Ed Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull. Ed Gull, my name is James Screamcaster. And dead gamble, it's normally what I was. Dead Gamble. Thank you. And James. Mames, Mames Acaster. Oh, welcome.

Welcome. Let's get a wee old, a haunted restaurant. Yeah. And we invite it against every single week. And we ask them their favourite ever. Start and make us dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is is Garth Marengi. Garth Marengi famed international horror writer James.

Amazing writer. Of course also had the amazing TV series. Garth Marengi's dark place. I'm just the cut short. But we got to, I think when we were teenagers it was finally aired. And we got to see it. And it's always meant a lot to us, Ed. Yeah, I know it's a horror series, but it's found a home in a lot of comedians' hearts.

Absolutely. And as have Garth's most recent books, Territom, which came out last year, absolutely fantastic. I listened to the audiobook of that. I absolutely hoovered it up with Meers. And Garth has a new book coming out. Well, it's actually out. It's out as of yesterday, if you're listening to this podcast, on the day it is released because of course Garth's new book in Carcerat was released on Halloween. I cannot wait to get stuck

into this, James. It's going to be scary stuff. So you'd be warned, read it, but where? You'd be in the first scare. I believe it follows on the story of the horror writer Nick Steen from TerraTome, which I'm very excited about. I love the character of Nick Steen and Garth really can weave some incredible passages and weaves and dreams. As he's a self-proclaimed dreamweaver, and this is the dream restaurants. It's quite exciting to have him in. Yes, very, very exciting. I wonder what he's going to pick James. It would be awful to have to banish him from the dream restaurant like a demon. That's the thing. Every single week, of course, we have a secret ingredient. If the guest picks it, we will have to banish them from the dream restaurant. This week, the secret ingredient is egg in soup. Egg in soup. Egg in soup was,

of course, a dish that was featured on Garth Marenky's dark place. It's a fried egg. Yeah, it's in a soup. I'd say it's cooked in the soup. The egg is cooked in the soup. It's something I've done before. You've done it. I've done it before because of Garth. No, I think I just did it anyway, although who knows how that man has influenced my dreams and nightmares across the years. So perhaps it was Garth's influence. No, you just get the soup going on the pan and crack an egg into it and it cooks in there. Wow, I mean, you know, it does have quite nice hot-immongana. Yeah, yeah. What kind of soup did you do?

Just with a tomato based one normally. Lovely. You can do it with a cream of tomato. It's very good. I would say it also looks very nice on Garth Meringue's Dark Place. It's one of the only pleasant looking things on that show. Yeah, yeah. It's a goose the only pleasant looking things on that show. So, it's a gruesome affair, much of that show. Yeah. Well, look, this is a big deal for us. Absolutely. We're interviewing one of our heroes.

I can't wait to get stuck in. Shall we just open our doors? Let's open the doors to the Nightmare Realm. This is the off menu menu of Garth Meringue. Marangue. Marangue. Welcome, Garth, to the Dream Restaurant. Right, yes. Welcome, Garth, to the Dream Restaurant, but it's about to give you some time.

Yeah, did you get the message? I got my PA to call her head. I haven't brought anything. It's not a real restaurant, is it? No, it's a restaurant in the mind. It's a dream restaurant. Yeah. And you mean your mind has housed many a world. Well, I mean, I thought, I'd be honest with you, I thought this was a reboot of After Dark. You know what that is? No. No, this was a, it was a late night TV discussion post, post meal discussion that, uh, various practitioners of the horror genre

would meet around a table, around table discussion of all things pertaining to the dark arts. That's what I thought this was a reboot. So to be sat here in a fictional... Fictional, yeah. Yeah, imagine me. Not enough for a novel, just being honest. Yeah, yeah. We've been told that before. It's a no-co-co idea, but it's not enough for a novel. No. It's not enough meat for a novel. Were you turning this into a novel? What do you think we need to add if we were to turn it into a novel? We need a plot. Yeah. And we don't even know where this is going. No, no, we don't know. I mean, you can't sit down and write a novel without really having some idea of where you're going to end up.

I'll do it so you always know where you're going. You don't just stay at the blank page and wait for inspiration. Not always. You've got a destination in mind. I know what I'm doing. Yeah. I guess we've never really considered turning this into a novel, I don't think.

Because we're here to sort of discuss what you're thinking with the dream restaurant. This is all going to come from your mind. You put in the pressure on me. Yeah, we're drawing out of you. OK, but I'm not giving you ideas. Okay, we won't use any of them. No, we won't use any of them for financial gain.

Yes. Okay. Well, if you're happy to sign to that effect, yeah, then we'll then we'll proceed. Has that happened to you before? If any other novelists take and your idol is on, yeah, naming names, they know who they are. Well, your latest novel in carcer, right? Let me stop you there. It's not technically a novel.

It is a novel consisting of three mini novels. Okay. Oh, well. Would that be short stories? No. A short story is between, I don't know, 2007,000 words. A novella is anywhere between 14,000 words and 30,000 words. These basically pan out at around 35,000 words.

So it's in that sweet spot between novella and short novel, I'd say. So it's three short novels, basically. Three short novels. And do they, do they intertwine? Of course, yeah. I think a game was ever done that before. Have they ever these three short novels at once? No, no.

This is first. It says, bury your head in this book, and then dot, dot, dot, permanently. I hope so. It's quite chilling. It's important to have a warning. Oh, what I write, you know, that's me giving the reader something back.

A friendly warning, this could hurt. You've been described as many things, a fight in a man, a fight in a man, a fight in a man, dark scribe, doom sage, yes, arch duke or darkdom, you miss that one out. A fight in a man? A fight in a man? A fight in a man? Darkscribe, doomsage. Yes. Archduke or darkdom?

You missed that one out. Sorry, Archduke or darkdom. Who described you as the second's guess? I did. Now, this is about a horror novelist to this book. It is, next thing. Where did you get the inspiration for that? Hard to know, really.

I guess most of my characters are horror writers of one kind or another. So I'm sure I'm sure I lent upon my own innate knowledge of the profession and forged something quite profound about said profession. But yes, I drew upon my experience in the horror industry. I drew upon the problems I've had with various people associated with the industry over the years, particularly editors of one description or another. And also my general readership that have changed over the years, thankfully, some of them were quite difficult in the early days. You readership. My readership, yeah.

Do you want to expand on the difficulties you had with your readership? Yeah, well, I, for example, I refuse to sign books now. Only in extreme circumstances, because I had a very difficult period in the early stages of my career where people would be expecting me to sign, well, anything from paranoia to breast-ditch. Yep. That's all you've got to draw the line, haven't you? You have to draw the line somewhere. Yeah. I know, I can't spend time signing your body. I have to, I have to write. Yeah. That's fair enough, I think.

Now obviously we're in the dream restaurant here. This is, you know, from your dreams. But you're... Yeah, I'll go with this. I'm going with this, go. But you normally deal in nightmares, is that fair to say? Yeah. So how do you feel about putting the nightmares to one side for today

and going with dreams? As I say, I thought this was a reboot of Afterton. So I'm not happy about it, but I will do it. Okay. If you dealt it to your dreams now and looked at the restaurant, what would you see? What is Gaffemann? A mess. A mess. Lots of blood, flesh, one kind or another. Yeah. Beast or human, beast or human who knows. And is that where you would like to eat if you were going to this dream restaurant, if you stepped into a restaurant,

is that what you'd like to see? Not particularly. You just asked the question. So, but what would you like to see then, if you were going into a restaurant, what a seat, a comfortable seat, a stacked bar, and hopefully a kitchen out the back. Yeah, that's good. Not a lot of people mentioned that there's kitchen out the back, actually.

No, that is a point. Thank you, Gaff. Would you be... And I think I might know the answer to this, but would you be dining alone or with friends? Ideally alone, but no more than three. Otherwise, compensation tends to get dispersed among various guests and then I get...

Or I'll prank I get a bit offended or bored. Who would the other two people be if they were to other people with you, who might they be? My wife, Pam, who is, who generally accompanies me most place, it's not here to die, but she's having some new leather fitted. And our slaughterer, I have a personal slaughterer who runs a farm up near us. And I would probably have him here because he knows how best to sort of dispense with the animal and present the best part of it for consuming. So would that be happening at the Dairy Meal live in front of you, then? Would you like to see, you know, I like to see what I'm eating.

It's last moments, essentially. So yes, I would probably... The slaughter would invite Pam and I, a side, you know, maybe a room out the back, the slaughter would invite Pam and I aside, we'd, you know, maybe a room out the back, you know, side to the kitchen, you know, health conscious, hygiene conscious, there would be a slaughtering area quite close to the kitchen and we would go out there and we would select and we would watch it and then we'd come back, have a drink and, um, and a wait, you know, what it turns into. That's lovely.

That's it. Yeah. I think people, uh, a lot of time people say, you know, what it turns into. That's lovely. I think a lot of time people say, you know, if you couldn't kill an animal, you yourself, you shouldn't eat it. I mean, if you can't meet it seconds before it dies and okay, the stress thing. Yeah, the stress thing. It's respect at the end of the day, toward the beast. Well, we always start with still a spark of water.

Neither. No. Bear or wine. Yeah, I don't want water or beer or wine. So if that still a spark than water. Neither. No. Beer or wine. Yeah. I don't want water. I want beer or wine. So, these are the things that have you never trusted water? Well, have you read my book? Yeah. Can water die? That was the tagline. Can't remember the title.

Bottom line is, it can't. That's it. No, that's a frightening thought. Yeah. Because all water ends up coming back round again. Yeah. And it remembers what's been done to it. Of course. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Would because it can be. I think it's going to be happy coming back to you having passed through him. No. No. I guess it's like a filtration process. But you think that's what they tell you. Yeah. But you're saying that when we're in an

I'm not saying read the book. Okay. Yeah. But you can't remember the title. Yeah. You remember the tagline, though, that water called the, but you can't remember the tagline. You remember the tagline, no. The water, the tagline. He can Google the tagline.

Yes, he can. Can water die? I will. So yeah, you wouldn't want to ever consume anything that's disgruntled as what you're saying. Pretty much. That's why you want to witness this last moment a lot of the time. If you could witness the water's last moments

before drinking it, say, if you saw it. If you saw it, as I say, it doesn't die. Yeah, yeah. But you sort of see the last of it pass through you. Yeah. So you essentially wave goodbye. But you know it's coming back. I not come back to you though.

I might come back to your nearest and dearest. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. With beer, is there not quite a lot of water used in the production of beer? No idea. I think there is. Does that not scare you?

Well, I'll do my research first. Yeah research first. So you'd like wine or beer? Do you have a preference between wine or beer? Not particularly. Do you ever go to one of each? One of each, yeah. That's still unsparkling, really, isn't it? In a way. Yeah. Depends on kind of wine you want, I guess. Yeah. Depends on if you're having a spritzer, really. Yeah. What sort of wine? No, you're not. What sort of wine would you like for the wine bit? A soft wine. Yeah.

Very soft. Yeah. Gentle. A gentle wine and a very heavy beer. A hard beer. A hard beer. A hard beer. Soft wine, hard beer.

What sort of percentage beer are we talking in terms of alcohol? Enough. Enough. Enough to kind of grease the wheels early doors. Yeah. You never know what's going to of alcohol? Enough. Enough. Enough to kind of, it's grease the wheels early doors. Yeah, well, you never know what's going to happen at the meal. Yeah. That's the point.

I mean, do you know what pan would happen at this point? If you're having a good... Oh, she'd match me glass for glass. Or I should say gobble it to gobble it. Gobbble it for gobble it. You would like it. She will match me. I only drink in goblets.

I don't drink in glasses. I didn't know that about you. That's great. I can see, because you you only got glasses on the tiny Yeah, we if we had no that's that's Benito's fault. Yeah, Benito's the producer of the podcast He's called the great Benito because he used to be a magician gust. Oh, right. You are mesmerist Okay, well When you are we'll talk

I've said it's a distrust towards Benito's because it's well It doesn't trust anyone who practices magic Yeah, they are canards. Yeah, no, often they're nice often. They're quite Friendly very friendly people at times too friendly in the right circle in the wrong circumstances They're too friendly, but you know, just be wearing be wearing we're always very wary of him good Yeah, yeah, be familiar with the work of Devon Brown and Yeah, yeah, we have opinions on those of David Brown and David Black. Yeah, yeah, we'd have opinions on those kind of like... He's not exactly John D.

No, no. Who's John D? John D. A dark magician from the... Well, probably the 14th, 15th, 16th century. I say you're free because I don't believe he died. And I think he was alive before he was around. So it could be three different centuriesrist that he was practicing in.

Like water, like water. Poppadoms are bred! Poppadoms are bred, Gafferman. He Poppadoms are bred! Poppadoms are bred. Well, Poppadoms and quite a few plays. How many were you talking? What's the dream about?

Five for me, five for Pam. So she matching you Poppadoms for Poppadoms as well? Yeah. We often race. Yeah. So she usually comes in it on for pop it on as well. Yeah. We often race. Yeah. So it's, she usually, she usually comes in quite a close second. A close second, yeah. And the dips too, please.

Yeah, we're talking all the dip, like, oh, one, one, one, one. All the dips. I didn't touch the salad dip for a very long time. 15 years, I think, of, of, of curiating before I actually decided to give it a go. And actually, it's, it's a good complement to the outer spices. Yeah, when mixed with the other ones, it's very effective, not on its own. On its own, you know, well, you know,

it's nothing on its own, it's just a salad. Yeah. But combine it with the other elements and you have magic, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at the bellito there. Yeah. I've invested in investment.

I'm just trying to engage him in some kind of conversation because I don't know what he's thinking. Yeah. And that is a concern. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. You say 15 years of curry eating. Did that, where did that start? Would you have your first curry? Oh, childhood, I think. I mean, it's the food of choice for the horror writing community. Is it? Yeah. Most conventions will revolve around curry based conversation, essentially, in discussion. The best conventions are where you can get a curry based theme before breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And only select hotels will do that. The only problem is the hotels that do do that often have a bed bunk problem.

When you're at these conventions, who are you hanging out with and chatting to? Well, I don't really hang out with anyone. People will try and hang out with me. Yeah, essentially. I'll tolerate a little bit of that, but at the moment they start handing me their own novels in progress, that's when I'll cut the conversation short. Yeah, you start with somebody who wouldn't let them down gently

if they tried that sort of stuff. Well, you'd be a full toe, because they'll persist, believe me, they'll hang on. What do they want from you then? They want my mind. They want my mind, and they want my success. Guess what? They're not me. They're not going to get it.

It's very hard to break that to someone. You have to do it hard. Yeah. Because they do think that if they linger long enough, and if they hang on to you for long enough, they'll somehow suck up some of your innate essence. Yeah. It's not true. Well, what?

So if I came over to you with, and I brought my, you know, new novel that I'd written and said, Garth, could you give me some advice on this? What would you say to me? No. Okay. And that just in case. Take it away. Yeah.

Take it away. Because if I get so much as a glance of that, a glimpse of it, you could sue me for potentially stealing your copyright or whatever. You could say, oh, you glimpsed my paragraph here and you've come up with a very similar paragraph in your new novel, Mr. Merringer. I want some of your millions. Not really millions, it depends. Hopefully it will be.

But you do see what I mean. It's very dangerous. I have to keep that away from my vicinity. Because they're trying to trap you. That's right. Yeah, this sounds like the voice of experience and maybe someone's accused of climpsing their power. It's not pretty. It's, you know, but it's a fact of the industry. Yeah. And you guys probably have it to a certain extent. But we could never write a novel. So clearly. Yeah. That's the podcast and the format. Yeah.

Which isn't an art form, by the way. Podcasting. Podcasting. There's a lot of talk about it. It's not an art form. It's what it is. It's three plus this guy sitting in a room just talking. You've never thought about doing a podcast yourself.

I'm too busy writing. Yeah. How long in the day do you write? What's your schedule like when you're writing a book like in Casarot? Well, I dream, I mean, I don't sleep, I dream. I dream, I wake, then it is a waking dream for a while, which hopefully will turn into a waking nightmare. Then I'll start writing.

Then I'll stop for, what's that channel for lunch discussion program? Luthwim it. No, that's the other one. Anyway, I turn all those off if pams had them on. Yeah. And I'll sit in the lounge in just eat, then I'm back to writing. And then I'll, you know, finish around about six o'clock, call the slaughterer, and then, um, dine, and then back to dreaming. So you say you have lunch. If you're, you don't, this doesn't need to be part of your dream menu, but what's the best sort of brain fuel for you when you're writing? Brains, funnily enough.

Doesn't particularly matter what the animal is, but brain is a good thing to absorb, I think. Yeah. Do you feel like you get anything any of the sort of thoughts from that we're in the brain of the animal initially, or? I suppose it depends. I mean, I don't particularly want a cow's thoughts, you know, but it tastes nice. Yeah. Start with your dream starter as a good meal would.

I don't know, I put it on here. Yeah, so a very large prawn cocktail. I love prawn cocktail and I can't stand it when it's small. Yeah. But this is the stipulation, like we spoke about earlier, I want to see the prawns and pick them. Right. Yeah, we can do that for you.

It's the dream restaurant, so of course we can do that. So I don't know how you get them in, but whether there's a tank I can look at or a troll nearby that I can go and pick them from a plastic crate or something on net, but I'd like to see them. And this is all part of respect for the animal in question. You know, you get a one small moment to commune with them before they get boiled. So a prawn cocktail with prawns that I've selected, maybe some flecks of lobster. Again,

I'd like to see the lobster, I'd like to see crab, if you have some crab. Bit of a, I know technically prawn cocktail is prawn, but you know, throw some other things in. Let's see if it's going to be a big prom cocktail. Yes. I want to see for. Yes. When you see the prawns, when they're alive, what are you looking for in the prawns that makes you want to pick them? A certain look.

A certain look in its eye, or cluster of eyes. It's very hard to tell with a prawn. It's like all those things in the way. I suppose a knowing look, a kind of a sense of, I know what you want from me. I'm happy, I'm happy to put down my prawn life and feed you because ultimately, what you are doing is benefiting your species. You know, in order to evolve your species,

I know that my species must pass. And I'm happy to do that. And you can sense all that in a look. I'm a writer. Well, the slaughter would be slaughter in the prawns. And if so, ideally, how do you slaughter a prawn? Yeah, good question. I mean, he has a number of ways and devices to go to town on them. See, I could elaborate, but you're probably editor to town.

I would have thought. Yeah, we get cut. Yeah, it's too much. It's too gross. And obviously, you will have some lettuce in the prawn cuttail. Yeah, it's too much. It's too gross. Yeah. And obviously you will have some lettuce in the prawn cocktail. Yeah, not much. Don't like the lettuce part. So just the...

Lots of the sauce, though. The sauce is good. Yeah, the marirose. Yeah, what is it? Get it just in a jar. It's fine. Jars fine. You trust the jar?

It's best way. You don't know who's prepared out otherwise. But you know. Again, back to water. So that must be an issue in restaurants if you'd like to know who's prepared it. Yeah, you're quite suspicious. But I will always call up in advance and get their CV sent through. Yeah. And if I think they're up to the scratch, my slaughter will approve if

we're out and about. If we're back at home, then the slaughter will kind of do it all. But if we are away, then I will get the CV and I'll run it past it. That's good. This is slaughter at living your house. Sometimes, do they have a house? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, if we're having a heavy weekend, he'll come over. Yeah. And we'll put him up. Oh, no, he's always around.

He's only a phone call. Like, pretty nearby. Yeah, I mean, he's a phone call from us. You can usually hear him shouting quite close by. Okay. So, you kind of know that he's... Yeah, you'll hear it. You know, you can hear his handy work from a mile off.

Of course. Yeah, yeah. Do you know if anyone else uses, you'll hear it, you know, you can hear his handy work from a man off. Of course. Yeah. Do you know if anyone else uses him as a slaughter or is it just you? I don't know that. I doubt it. I doubt anyone would. Why why'd you doubt anyone would use it? It isn't pleasant.

No. For most people, but I'm a writer of horror. So, yeah, you know, it doesn't phase me. It inspires you if anything. So it inspires me. I, a writer of horror. So, you know, it doesn't phase me. It inspires you if anything. So inspires me. It nourishes me. As of, I have horror. What do you think of the genre, the state of the genre, the minute terrible state? Yeah. Terrible. Stone TV horror. You yourself were treated quite unfairly in that

genre. And now when you see modern TV, horror, that's probably more horror series now than ever before. Yeah. How do you feel when you say, well, that's probably more horror series now than ever before. How do you feel when you see a go watch star place? Yeah, I liked that. There's the new one just come out. House of Usher. Full of the house of Usher. Full of house of Usher.

I don't know him. I do know Mike. I do know Mike. He has a tendency to sit around a campfire too much and spin yards. You know, it's fine. Yeah, but you know, I'm waiting for him to get back tonight. Is he perhaps going to adapt some of your work, maybe? He wants to. He says he wants to, but I think I haven't talked contract yet. Is that exclusive? You tell it that's quite exciting. I think I've got to see that cross over.

No, it's not. it's not actually true. BELL RINGS Your dream main course, Gareth. Mm-hmm. Beef. A piece from every part of the carcass place. Heart, guts, not the balls, though. I know a lot of people like the balls, but

I don't. So please, okay, skip on the balls. And also I want to commune with the animal first. I'd like to see it. Yes. I'd like to see it go. Of course. So is it also a sign of respect to not have the balls as well as that part of the respect thing or? Did you really want to cover this? Yeah, absolutely. We'd love to hear about the whole dish really. Okay. Well, I have tried the balls, but they're just obviously too chowy and they repeat. And then it was always dead when you tried that. Luckily for it, yes. So there's a lot of, obviously, a lot of different cuts available on a cow, all the different

normal cuts of steak, but then, like you say, the heart, the tongue, all of that stuff, just stuff on the head, you can eat as well. What's your favourite? If you could only have one bit from the whole cat, and you can have all of it for the dream meal, but if you had to pick a favourite, what would it be? I would like it's left rear leg. Left rear leg. The haunch area. What I is on account. Not sure what that would be called, but like, yeah, I know the area., the area, the left hand. Rump maybe, rump. Yeah, I think that's probably what it is.

Yeah, rump. Why the left one in particular? Well, 10, it's a little bit like when you're steering, and when you go in, tight your car into the thing, and there's more weight on the right hand side, yeah, cows are similar, they lean a little bit to the left, I think, which basically means they exercising that muscle a bit more. Sorry, to the right, that's right. So the exercise, the muscle, more on the right, which means that is chewier and less tender. Yes, so you go for

the left because that's the one that's had least, you know, it's the less tough side. It's tender and soft, like the wine. Will you be looking in the cow's eyes as well before? Yeah, they don't really tell you much though. There's not much happening there. You can look at them. There's more of a prawn. More going on. What's quite good if you want a very good effect?

If like me, you are prone to, you know, on Halloween, I will often decorate the house and I'll often take an eye from one of these creatures and I will conceal it in mud in the garden on the front lawn so that anyone comes up, they might just see a glint of something, they'll look a bit closer and there's a real jelly-like eye looking up from the ground. Chaos best for that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good way to scare the kids on Halloween. To scare anyone. Yeah. I don't really like, you know, the key is to try and keep people away from your front door right. So you don't like trickle-treaters. No, I don't like me. But surely you're the house to go to.

That's the one everyone's excited. Exactly. Yeah, but I'm writing. Yeah. And I can't be putting up with, you know, can we, can you want? Can you want? What do you want? Take a handful of those and go. And what are you giving them?

What are you giving them a handful of? Just sweets. Just sweets. Yeah. And in particular, sweet, there's a favourite in the Meringue Household. Whatever is in the bargain bucket at Aldi. Yeah.

Or other supermarkets of your choice. We don't have to do balance it. Oh, fine, if you're an Aldi guy, absolutely fine. As a child though, you must have enjoyed Halloween and trick-or-treating. Yes, I did, but again, I was always writing, Halloween wasn't as big a thing when I was younger. You know, it was a American thing. It was more guy-forks was the, you know, Bonfire Night was the thing. So there was a lot of setting things a light that I enjoyed. Did you ever set anything

a light that like really sticks in your head as the best thing that? Well, we set a lot of local tramp ones, but we were caught. Now, this feeds into my book in Carcer app, okay? Okay, I'm not just being frivolous. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's the third story in this. There's the third story in this, the Randy Mann. That's about a tram, where he wasn't actually set a light in the story. He's not set a light in the story, he's actually drowned. He works in a toilet, he's a toilet attendant, and he works in a toilet block,

and local kids pump the outlet pipes back into the toilet block and drown him in sewage. That was a variation on an experience I had as a child, where my friends, my mates and I decided to set fire to a local hobo. Because they do light fire. This is the thing, they're always around fire. And you know, when you see them in films,

they're always standing around a fire. Yeah. So, because they like fire. Yeah. Now, I'm not saying what I did was right. No, no, no, no, it was wrong. We didn't know then that they need the fire to keep warm. Yeah. We didn't understand that then.

They liked the stuff. Yeah. So do we. What can we do? Yeah, I understand that. Yeah. How do you want this beef cooked? What's sort of level?

Oh, medium rare. Medium rare. Yeah. All of it. If you're going to do the heart, yeah, round, yeah, I like, I like absorbing that pure. But most other stuff, I, you know, I do, like just, again, you've got to be a little bit careful where it's come from. You don't know what can exist in an uncooked meat. So you've got to be careful. I can see through the glass your publicist is going, hey, what? I think it's because of the story you told a second ago about the home that's person.

Yeah. Well, you'll cut that out, I presume. Well, it's up to you. I mean, you said it's an inspiration. You asked me, best get it out the way now. It is, there is nothing I am saying when I say that I was wrong, I'm right. I was wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was the question when we talked about that anyway? We asked, uh, what's your favourite? You sure you said Fadron? I think you said,

well, maybe I think you're most regrett setting up. Well, I've done this a back to it. I'll put you sure I didn't say the thing you're most regretting. But like, I think it was in the sort of area of favourite. Yeah. It was definitely one of the sort of words. The most vivid thing I remember, says it's vivid. But you've said that you acknowledge it was wrong. Yeah.

It was completely wrong. And, you know, I got stiffly told off. Who told you off? I think his mother. It was completely wrong. Yeah. And, you know, I got stiffly told off. Who told you off? I think his mother. ACAST powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Kathleen Goldtar and I'm the host of a new podcast, Crime Story.

Every week we bring you a different crime, told by the storyteller who knows it best. You got one witness who can't be found. You got another witness who's murdered. We couldn't show good kindness story. I was getting calls from Cosby's attorney, Threatening to Sue every day. Every crime in one way or another is a reflection of who we are as a people, as a city, as a country. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Cast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Audible James. Audible is where I go for all of my audiobook podcast and originals, James. There's more to imagine with Audible. For best selling audiobooks to podcasts to exclusive originals, Audible.ca is the home for all your favourite Canadian voices. Yes, in DD Doody. People can listen to The light podcast for Michelle Obama, and Sydney Crosby has a sports memoir on there.

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I could be. Glatton, eh? That's good, Ed. Join and listen free for 30 days. Visit audible.ca. So, your dream side dish, Gaff? Turdakan. Which is a beast consisting of three other beasts.

Yeah. You have a turkey, you have a chicken, and you have a duck. Yes. These were actually bred for real in a laboratory in the late 1980s. They fused these three different types. Oh, wow. And over time, we've managed to create the actual beast, the actual Turdakan and it is a thing that does exist. My slaughter breeds them on a farm up where we live. So that's actually the

thing that it takes a while to dispatch it. It does take a while to get rid of it, because it is quite hard. You have to kill it three times, essentially. Okay, so this is amazing. So I didn't know that I thought it was a bird of been a bird of been a bird or something, but you're saying I mean, that's how it's traditionally yeah, cooked cooked. I'm saying we breed them. Yeah, you're the actual animal. I wasn't aware that anyone would manage this is your slaughterer managed it. Yeah. How does it look? What sort of elements of of each other? It doesn't look appetizing. I'll be honest. One of the heads is sort of appears through another one of the heads, you know. And there are too many wings.

And so it doesn't look, which is why it's important to kind of deal with it as quickly as possible. Yeah. And it does take a while. It's why I have a slaughter. No, he's happy. He's happy to do it. Yeah. Oh, so it's not bred into one animal. It's essentially three.

There's three heads, they're six wings as well. Yeah, there's a whole mixture. Yeah, and lots of legs as well. So that's like all three, just kind of stuck together and it's essentially that's how it turns out. Yeah, well, but on the plate, it is beautiful. That's terrifying. Yeah, I'm sure you can handle it, but for mere mortals, that's a lot to take. Yeah, I would an advisor. Do you watch the to duck and being dispatched is that part of the respect? That's the only one I won't watch. Yeah, because it just takes a long.

Yeah, I think I've happily watched it. I know it's involved. I know what tools are involved. Yeah, from time to time. Go for it. G clamps, work bench sometimes. Yes. What's that sort of square thing, the handle in a set square?

No, that's math, math is not. I think it's a handle code square, a code blade. It's got a blade on it, yeah, for the hacksaw. It's really about keeping it still. Yeah. Yeah. So you need advice and all of that sort of stuff. Yeah.

And is there a way that you like your to-ducken cooked and presented for you? I mean, I like that cook very well. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's three different birds, you know, and bird is, you've got to cook bird well. So you've got to cook bird well. Yeah, cook it three times as long if you need to. And are there any seasonings on it or any spices on it or anything like that?

Mmm, just salt and pepper. Salt and pepper. Give it simple. Yeah. There's enough flavour going on. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

They compete and they contrast and they compliment. Yeah. So just salt and pepper. And when that go well with the beef, do you think? I don't care. For me, it will. I mean, I wouldn't serve it to anyone else. But I like to have, I always get that thing when I'm eating. You have the meal and you get instant regret. I wish I'd ordered that one instead. Or I don't know. and the answer to that is order two. Order one as a side dish. You strike me as a man with regrets who dwells on the past or any regrets. No, you move forward. Good. I'm slightly regretting the discussion we had earlier. Yes, we're aware of that. And we know you'll probably try and get to take it out, but like, it's too late. We've got you on my screen. It's fine for us to include it.

Yeah. So, and also, I think it's interesting to hear the background to the, um, to the Randy Mann story, though. It is. I mean, let me just give you a little bit of clarification for that before you go over to us. Right. So let me find the offending passenger. Finding the Randy Mann. The Randy Mann. Have you read it? Have you read this guys? Uh, we just got given it today, but we definitely well read it. We're fans. And he's just been given it. Of the genre.

Here we go. So here we go. Okay. And this, and you have to remember, this is actually quite painful for me to read this because I drew on my guilt. Real life experiences. Yeah. Yeah. Rolls suddenly realized that she turned her head away from the demons terrifying weapon toward that squat building on the far side of the green that the Rancid Rik factory was none other than Randy's home.

A disgusting public convenience. The local gents in Dankton Park was where Randy had been drowned by a local gang of youths. He'd later emerged as a hideous dream demon, hell bent on supernatural revenge. And she thought desperately as she sought to evade the pursuing demon, there would have been no Randy Mann novels at all if Ross hadn't advised Nick to add one crucial element. No run of ever popular sequels, no Randy Mann 2, Nightmare in Danktown, no Randy Mann 3, Mirror Stryker, no Randy Mann 4, Night Stench, no Randy Mann 5, U-Benders, aka U-Bend or U-Bank., all those other terrifying toilet attendant-based horror novels leading up to the final

installment, Randy Mann's 17 Death Plunge Sally. None of these would have existed if Ross hadn't advised Nick to make one small change. See, the whole point of this is that Nick wrote a book where you didn't feel for the Randy Mann and he's straight. Ross's editor advised him you have to have sympathy here. The Randy man was a victim. Okay. Randy Strayke is a victim.

That is the lesson I had to learn as well as Nick, that he wasn't just the Boogie man. The Randy man was not just a daemon, who's a person who'd been badly treated. Okay. That is the lesson that the book is about. That is what I draw upon when I referred to what happened all those years ago. That's fantastic. Also, you seem to be through your writing there, critiquing the film, you know, horror films. No, no, no. And maybe I would you think of like a lot of the modern day horror films and franchises. Not much, not much. Not much, if I'm honest. So film called Possum, if you see in day, higher films and franchises. Not much. Not much. Not much. If I'm honest.

So a film called Possum, have you seen that? I have. I've watched it once. What do you think of it? Very slow. You're dream drink, Gaf. My dream drink is, well, depends what, what I had earlier. If it wasn't wine, I'll have the beer. If I had the beer earlier, I'll have the wine. Oh, I thought you were having both the beer and the wine stuff, and me. Oh, that's true, isn't it? Which case I'll have a potion? Any particular type of potion?

Ask him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beneath, I said no. Beneath, I could do this choice. He can give you whatever potion. Yeah. Yeah, within reason, beneath time, I'm going. Russell me up something interesting, but not dangerous.

Okay. In your ideal world, what effects would the person have on you? I would like it to expand time. There's not enough time for me to write all I need to write. There just isn't. Having said that, I do believe in reincarnation. I do know that I will be reincarnated as another writer. I was a writer in a previous incarnation,

so, but it's just a bit annoying to have to die and then start the process again, because you waste those valuable years, you know, from not to 20, 25, where you are growing again as a human being. Getting used to curry again. All of that, learning the lessons of who do you not, or who do you, you know, play with fire with.

Yeah, yeah I mean, I've learned that lesson. Yeah. Hey, do you know who you were in the previous incarnation? What sort of things you would write? I don't know his name. I know of his work. I can't say any more than that Okay, are you a better writer than him? I like to think so. Do you think when you come back again? You'll be an even better writer or do you think that's not undoubted? Yeah. It all depends where the mankind is evolved enough to understand and learn from the work that I'm doing at that stage, which I doubt. So relatively speaking, you might be as good because you evolve with each stage of evolution. Yeah. You improve, but relatively you're still like as good. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I don't evolve because I am evolved.

I'm here, I'm a sage, I'm a doomsage, you know, I'm here to help and facilitate your minds heading towards the next stage of evolving. Evolving? Yeah. So I don't necessarily need to evolve, but you guys certainly don't. Yes. Well, thank you as well for helping us. That's okay.

That is a step towards evolving. Thank you. Learning to say thank you and recognising when your life has been improved. No, it's used sometimes occasionally to answer the Ed's tattoos. Yeah, why did you get those? Just thought they look nice. I like the artists, just, you know, collect them. I've got really scary one here, Garty, you might like this one.

It's quite scary. Look at that demon there. Would you look at that? That looks like something you've covered up to change. Was it an old girlfriend? No. No, this is the original piece. Ah, okay.

This is, it's got a teeth coming out of its neck there. Nice idea, isn't it? Quite similar to a story I once wrote. Oh, really? Did you get that checked? No, I didn't. I should have asked the artist really. You sure? You are going to have to get that changed potentially. A game. What was the story? It's an infringement. Yeah. Yeah. I'm on the

side with this. Yeah. You know the story. I don't need to point it out. I mean, I didn't, you know, it was the artist who came up with the story. They know the story. Yeah, I think they probably know the story. Sorry, go. I'm surprised we have a six. Oh, you know, we've moved on to the drink here and, you know, we got to the round the corner, but like, I'm assuming we've left the safaries behind and as a fan of your TV show, I was kind of slightly disappointed not to see broccoli on the menu. Yeah. I won't touch it.

You know, you know, you might think that was a frivolous moment. Uh-huh. I was deadly serious. I don't touch it. Yeah. So you do hate it. I hate it. I tire of it. Actually, I do hate it. I do hate it.

You can do great things with, you know, tend to stand broccoli now. You can char grill it and it gets that sort of smoky smokey. You can dip it in cheese. Yeah. Yeah. Which is nice. I mean, tender stem wasn't as big when you made the series originally, tender stem

broccoli wasn't really a thing, it wasn't as like guys. That's right. I think, I think tender stem came about because of that show, in fact, that episode, I think people realised they had to do something. Yeah. Fuss, tenderem was developed. I must feel good to know that you made a positive change in the world, you've.

Yeah, I just wish we'd faced it all out as a vegetable. That was the aim. Yeah, that was the true aim. What other foods would you phase out apart from broccoli? I would phase out ice. I don't need to because that is happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm comfortable. Yeah. Do you want another water? You just I would like another water. Yes, please. It's some listeners might spot an inconsistency. Yeah, I'm still fearing it.

Yeah, so you're not. Yeah, okay. It's not a pleasant experience for you to get in the water, but you're on your second line. I'm doing it because you haven't provided beer or wine or potion or potion. Would you like the potion to be smoking? You know, something some horror films there might be some smoke coming off of the top of the. Yeah, maybe a little umbrella in the top as well. Yeah, that's nice.

If you want cocktail umbrella in it. And in the goblet, of course, in a goblet. Yeah, you never told us about the goblet. You'd never described the goblet. What's the one at home like? Oh, it course, as well. In a goblet, yes. In a goblet. You never told us about the goblet. You'd never described the goblet. What's the one at home like? Oh, it's large. It's long. Often it will require two arms to lift.

But it is, I think, genuine Nordic. Oh, wow. Or genuine Viking at least. Yeah. Where did you lay your hands on it? Giftshop. Up in Reykjavik. Yeah, it was a Giftshop there.

With the Giftshop adjacent to a tourist of Fennel. A hot spring. A hot spring. Yeah, nice. I can't imagine you're in a hot spring, guy. Oh, well. Now you can. That's why you're not a writer. Yeah, yeah. My imagination is limited to what's in front of me, I guess. Yeah, I can't really. Because I guess you could look at any of us and imagine us in any scenario. Yeah, I can. If, because I guess you could look at any of us and imagine I said any scenario. Yeah, I can. If you were to write a book about Benito, for example, what situation do you think would

best suit him? A man who wanted it all and took it and paid the price. That's great. Yeah, I can imagine him in that situation. Now I only know after you've said it. Yeah, yeah, that's quite a, I would read that book. Yeah. Now if you do write that book, do you think we would maybe have like a, well Ben would

know that they was based on it? I'm not writing it, but I am copyrighting it. You cannot have that idea. Right. We can't have that. We can't have the idea of a man who wants it all into it and then paid the price. No. No, I'm copyrighting that. Those are the price. No, no, that's my, I'm copywriting that.

Those exact words. I'm copywriting that whole plot development. I'm copywriting story. About what you got to now, because that's what AI are trying to do. Yeah, and trying to copy right. Are you worried about the rise of AI? I'm worried about the rise of copyright plotage. Plotage copyright theft.

Yeah, you know, if you steal plotage, it leaves writers pretty stumped. I'm not so much frightened by the technology because I can always lift a hammer or something like that and I can smash the screen if I want. Yeah. You know, if there's going to be a fight between me and AI, ultimately I'm going to win. Yes. Because you're effectively speaking about a screen.

Yeah. Inert screen. But of course, remember from TerraTome, the typewriter was very much the evil demon figure. So technology can be quite terrifying. But you can smash it. You can smash, I mean, I could smash these mics if I want. I could smash the recording. Yeah. Well, I could. You could smash it. You can smash, I mean, I could smash these mics if I want. I could smash the recording. Yeah. I could. You could smash the recording's digital. So it's like on loads of, you know, it's it can go around and smash everyone's if I want. Yeah. So you have to smash everyone's in the world. Top time permitting, but it could be done. This is what you got to remember. Time permitting. Yeah. That's why I argue so much for the extension of done. This is what you got to remember, time permitting. That's why I argue so much for the extension of time. This is the one thing that holds thing that time permitting, we could go around and break everyone's computer screen in the world. And on a space station, if we wish. But it's just that it's time. It's the crucial element.

Always is. We fall down on time, which is why you've got the potion. You can expand that's right. Yeah. So if you smash all the screens and AI goes away, that's the, that's where AI is. But then then you come back to me, you still want stories. You people will need stories. Human beings need stories.

They need tellers of tellers or tales. Yeah. Which is what I am in order to evolve. You'll come back, you know, AI can't copy my thought process, you know, it can't tell a tale the way I tell it. Yeah, it can't come up with, for example, yeah, no, yell the voice of the nullifier raging inside Nick's mind. This cannot be. I was about to wreak ultimate havoc on that very plane of existence. I was that close to causing total ultimate destruction. And then you came along. How dare you? Wow. Wow. You see? Yeah. I wouldn't be able to come up with that.

All the random and it can't come up with the idea for the random man. Where did you get the idea for the random man? Well, I was afflicted for some time with... Well, I mean the name really in the sort of... Oh, whether the name, yeah. And the sort of the story. The story. I was talking. I was afflicted for some time with a series of stone cons, which the only thing that got me through it was to actually write about it.

So I came up with this, have you seen the Randy man streaking through the night? Have you seen the Randy man flashing them a fright? Rapped up in his macking torch with his grubby trillby if you aren't now dead in bed then pretty soon you will be. Watch out for the Randy man who's living in your pillow. Bear with his grubby macking torch when both flaps start to billow. Seventeen times, Nick remembered. Say his name seventeen times and he'll appear. And if the legend was true and you happen to catch sight of whatever the flashing dream

demon kept inside that billowing rain mack of his, then blood would rush instantly to your extremities. The body's internal temperature would rise suddenly under the collar area. And before you knew it, you were dead from exposure, not the weather-related kind. Okay. It's amazing. To your knowledge, is there any other story that's similar to the Vanne mat? No. Your dream desserts?

Gaff. Acaeduary. Now, technically, that is still a savoury dish. Yes. Okay, but I have a meat tooth, not a sweet tooth. Okay, I don't like sweet stuff, so I would go for acajury. I don't want to select my haddock. Okay.

I had to actually frightens me a bit. I did a series of haddock, not related horror novels back in the 90s and the 80s. No, if the haddock could we read that one? Not yet. I will. I'm working my way back through the... Tats out a print. And then there was Haddock 2 more killer Haddock. Did you read that one? No, I'm not going to the Haddock one yet. Haddock 5, the Haddock in? No, there wasn't that one.

We didn't publish that one in the internet, actually. Afternoon of the Haddock, that was quite a good one because that was the time you least expected the haddock to attack. Of course. That's when you got your guard down. Yeah. So yes, haddock, so I don't really want to see them. And it's going to be smoked as well for Kedri, right? Yeah, I do. That would take a while. Lots of curry powder. Put in too much curry powder.

Yeah. Because quite often guests don't like it too spicy. To me, this is more left over the next day. You put it in and they avoid it, and you've got lots left. But do you like it? I love it. I've got amateurs, can we power it? Love it. Now, James loves sweet stuff, so when a guest comes on and doesn't pick a proper dessert, sometimes he can get quite angry, can't you, James? I usually get very angry when a guest doesn't choose a proper dessert, but I will. How angry? Few.

Yes. I've screamed at them physically violent. No, I guess the you've never physically attacked anyone. I closed my laptop screen once, weren't doing it over zoom. Yeah. That was physical. But for something stopping me from getting angry at you, I think there's a chilling presence. And there's a, there's a something that tells me that it wouldn't end well for me.

If I me if I was trying to scream. Well, I mean, obviously, I think it's a... When you shout it earlier on, you barked a couple of things. Yeah. You do have a bit of a rage issue. Yeah, yeah. Definitely would have deserved a rage issue. And I'm probably going to get angry about this later. I'm a bit angry about it now that you've chose finishes your dessert. Interesting. Because like, you've had a lot of meat and a lot of you've had a lot of seafood and you'll start

as an ender on Kedri. It seems insane to me that you wouldn't do that. But I am the guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you are the guest and obviously you can do what you like. I can't change that. It's got it's got stream restaurant. So goth can pick whatever he likes. Yeah, I think Kedri's for dessert.

That's lovely. What a treat. You've already had like a seafood medley for your starter. You've had beef. Yep. From a cow and a Tadukken. And now you've got Cedri, have it up for dessert, which is like, what about an after-denament? Yeah. I would be happy if you had an after-denament. Look, I think you can have that as well as the Cedri though. I think after-denament would be a lovely way to round off the whole evening.

Yeah. And a bottle of, what's that peptic peptobizmone? Peptobizmone. Something that, you know, you need a, that's quite a nice dessert, you know, get an anisee tasting one. You know, when, keep it down. Yeah, the heartburn. The heartburn, yeah, yeah. That's that that's usually my dessert of choice. Peptobizmoneren and after dinner meant. Yeah. I don't know. I think I thought well, take it.

It's like it's after the casual. It's like a digestief, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, very good. Thank you. Very good. Thank you. I have hopes for you.

Great. I could be writer. Well, I've written a book. Yeah, it's not a novel. It's about me. It's about why. Yeah. Okay.

Well, yes, technically, but it's gone. It's coming out the week before yours, actually. Right. How do you feel about that? We're going to be going. Well, we're not competing. We're going to be going head to head in the charts. Yeah, but this is horror.

Is yours a horror related memoir? No. Is it about that tattoo? No, I don't think the tattoo comes up. Actually, it's food. It's about food. It's about food. Yeah. You know, it's his lane.

Is it seemed along this podcast? This podcast comes up, yeah. But I'm holding some of that back as well so we can do our own book. Oh, yeah. How do you feel about his book? I haven't read it yet. I'm looking forward to reading it.

You know, it's very funny comedian. I'm sure it'd be very funny memoir. I always enjoyed hearing stories of him as a little boy, choosing what to eat. He had a very advanced palate. Did you? Yeah. What are you doing? Poets salmon.

I hate that one. I was a little kid, but I just don't like, I never liked kids' menus or anything like that. So just about me being a precocious child. But I just, I was just wanting to get out there now just so there were no hard feelings when the books came out This hard to answer how good do you think do you think we have any crossover with our audience? No, no at all I think you're right. Yeah, I don't think anyone is gonna be choosing between those two I love a hard time with this podcast. I mean, they'll be going what?

Who we how did these guys meet? Yeah, yeah, because I mean I guess a lot of your fan base will probably listen to this podcast And it'll be the first time I read a ship your V.S. lot of your fan base will probably listen to this podcast and it'll be the first time. My readership. Your vship. And they won't have ever listened to this podcast before. Well, I mean, I didn't know who you are. No. Did you do any research when you heard you didn't? No, no. Did you do after dark when it was on the first time? I did. Yeah. Did you go well? I'm very well. Who are you on with?

I was on with Jimmy H. Stevie Kay, Clivey B. All the grids. And what did you discuss? We discussed the fontos steak. Yeah. Was it, forget me, so I never saw it after I was, was it, was it after dawn? Yeah. Was it a show where someone won at the end? Did you win?

Well, if you took away a nugget of insight, then yes, you were a winner, I'm sure. Yeah, the World One, when we chatted horror, when we talked horror, the World One. And do you respect all of those practitioners of the Dark Ark? Of course, yeah, we're all great pals. You still speak to Stevie K? I speak to Stevie K. I speak to them all. Good guys. I mean, great guys. I didn't hear any women on the line up there.

Oh, they weren't any. I don't think. No. Or I didn't notice them. Okay. Are there any great female horror writers around you? I'm sure there are. Yeah, somewhere. Yes. But you don't get involved in all that.

Will you even get involved? Do you read other authors books? I don't have time to read anyone else. Because you're writing. I will reread my own books every so often. Yeah. There's usually something in there I've missed first time around. And you're aware of the,

there's a theory that all of your work exists in the same universe? Expand. We're just like in the Tarantino films and people say it sort of exists in one universe together. Well, we are all in one universe together. But I guess with Stevie K's books as well, people say, because they're all within the same universe as well.

Well, we are all in the same universe. But with fiction, I guess you could, you know, actually with like horror. Yeah, with horror, you could say, you know, this thing's happened, but then in the next book, it could be set in a sort of parallel universe where the thing in the last book didn't happen. Yeah. Because if, if there was a book about aliens invading, you write the next book, you're going to have to start from scratch again with the world. Because otherwise, all the

people would be talking about in the next book would be about the aliens invading in the previous book. If you see what I mean, I don't. Okay. Well, like, you know, for example, with the hospital in dark place existed the same universe as the Mandy man. Why not? Well, exactly, but then that would mean the characters in Mandy Man know about Dark Place know about all of the goons on there, because that would have shook the world, surely

what happened in that hospital. But that wouldn't be a secret. Would it? No. So, like, we just asked you. This seems to be a secret. Would it? No. We just ask you. This seems to be a very pointless discussion. Why do you care? People like it when it's like.

Yeah, when things are like, and there's like, is there any, do you need them to be in this, do you need them to know? No, it changes everything, doesn't it? But there are these, like, little Easter eggs in some of your books that refer. Easter eggs. Easter eggs, yeah. Why would I put an Easter egg in my book? It would mess up the pages. Are you talking about Easter eggs is a term meaning like a little clue in one of your books that

maybe is a reference to a different book that you've written that ties them all together. Right. I think gentleman what you are trying to say is that is there any kind of hidden meaning in my books? Is that is that part of what you're saying? Well, did they interlink in anyway? But I think you're over thinking or I think you're over thinking a book is a book. It's got a story in it. It's got to hear on. It's got a demon. And it's like, you know, if someone picked up, for example, my first book here, Territom, which is about a man who, X-Deen, who doesn't fall in love, but he falls into lust with his cursed typewriter. And I have questions from people,

like you two guys saying, you know, what's this about? What does it represent? Yeah, okay. It's like Sigmund Freud looking at me, and I'm like, what does this typewriter mean, Garth? What is it about? What is it represent?

Doesn't represent anything, Sigmund. It's a guy shagging a typewriter. That's all it is. That's his problem. There's no deeper meaning. There's no deeper meaning. So I can't see why you need to have next dean. It depends. I mean, he meets someone who's very similar to Rick Douglas, for example, in Tarotone, but I'm in control of that. It's a little raised eyebrow. Hey, I know and you know who this guy is. That's what I mean by an Easter egg. And it's not an Easter egg. That is it. All existed at the same universe. Yeah. You fricked out. This is walking around in both again. I think you're right.

I think you're overthinking it. It's an act of respect to the reader. Yeah. Give them a little nod. But then the nod is saying, gone. This is all of the same beautiful. Yeah. No, the nod isn't saying this is all in the same year. It's saying, hi guys. Hi guys. It's saying hi guys.

Hi guys. Yeah. Hi. Yeah. Or if it was imprinted, it would be hi, hi, hi. H-H, H-H, H-H, H-H. You know, it's that kind of moment. Yeah. Yeah. Or if it was imprinted, it would be hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi Pop numbs of all the dips. Yes, please. Pam's matching you there. For that. Yep. In a race. In a race.

A starter, a very large prawn cocktail with prawns that you have seen and selected yourself for flecks of lobster and crab also. Yep. Killed by your slaughter. Main course beef. You would like a piece of every part of the carcass, not the balls, medium rare, heart rare though. Yeah.

Oh, so, kill by the slaughter. Side dish to ducken. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so killed by the slaughter side dish to ducking. Very well cooked slaughter again. Pure bread. Yeah. Pure bread from this lotterist farm. Right. Yeah. Drink goblet of potion chosen by Benito. Hopefully one that can expand time. Yep. Desert you want Kedri very courage. Kedri. And then after you were like pepto bismond and then after dinner mint. That's correct. How do you feel about that? Hey, I'm in it back. Lovely.

Yeah. That was delicious. Count Pam and I down. We're coming to that. And would Pam, to the match you all the way through? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. In fact, she, you know, she probably hogged

most of the prawns, I think. Which she, yeah. She's got a good appetite. Healthy appetite. And just for like, yeah, our animation of comedians, you know, we all have watched dark plays many times over. So I should probably ask, how are the other, how are the rest of them? Those are the dark plays. How are the rest of the people that are in dark plays? I know one of them. Dealerner is serving time. Todd Rivers is working for Armoureded Shanks and parts of Madeline have been found under a car park in Milan.

Sorry, I don't know if I'm laughing at that. That's tragic. Which I was hoping to go and dig them up. But unfortunately, exactly the same moment parts of Richard III were discovered Dundra Carpark in Leicester and the TV crew that were with us up and went off to Leicester to cover that and funding fell through. But I would like to, you know, I'd like to bring about what we can because I think if we put

what's left together, we could probably get her going again through stop motion and maybe make another a film which contractually she still owes me. That's exciting. Thank you so much, Garth. Well, thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant Garth. and maybe make another film, which contractually she still owes me. God. That's exciting. Thank you so much, God. Well, thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Garth. Yeah. Thank you. Sorry, it wasn't after Dark.

I am, too. Yeah. But we've had a great time. Yeah, we've had a great time. We've had an actual conformity of Eden the Book. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there it is. Yeah. It's right there.

Who read it? Yeah. Who will? Who will? is. Yep. It's right there. Do you read it? Yep. Who will? Who will? Yeah. Right.

Well, there we are. Chill to our cause, James. An honour. Thank you, Garf, for coming in. Thank you. What an honour. Yes. Thank you for not choosing Egg in Super as well.

Yeah. There was no...there was nothing that didn't have an animal product in it. I don't think. Yeah, there was nothing there that wasn't done. Yeah, and egg in soup was never going to come up. Egg in soup was never going to come up and introduce. And introduce. And they might actually, but I don't think he didn't want the egg.

He just wanted the flesh of the, of the to duck and yes, too late to ask now, too late to ask now. He's gone. And I'm not sure he'll necessarily once hang out with us afterwards. He didn't, he went, he went, he went because it is fantastic. And you have a week to read it, because then you need to start reading. Glutton. The multicore's life of a very greedy boy by Ed Gamble.

Well, I might actually come, is out. My mind came out before Garth, so it's actually, it came out before Garth, so it is out now. Glutton is the port that counts there. It's a thought that counts. I'm a friend. But now me and Garth are warring authors now, of course. So yours is out. Glutton is the port that counts there. It's a thought that counts. I'm a friend, but now me and Garth are warring authors now, of course. So yours is out. Glutton is out.

Yes, Glutton's out. I've read it. Yeah, James has read it now as as the podcast goes out. I'm sure James has read it. Yeah. But I can't wait for in Carthler up personally. So do you have a week? You had a week to read it.

Yeah. Yeah. And now this one's up. Yes. So go and get both of them. Thank you very much for listening to Off Men You. We'll be back next week with another dream guest for the Dream Restaurant. Don't go having nightmares.

Mm-hmm. Hello, my name is Ian Smith. I'm Amy Gletto. And we are from the Northern News Podcast. Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories we find from the North. Hey, and if you like food, and I know you like food, actually, because you listen into off menu. We've got stories about pigs getting cooked, stuff round about with crisps. We've got stories about gravy retling in carparks. We've got stories about pigs getting cooked, stuff round about with crisps. We've got stories about gravy retling in cow parks. We've got stories about restaurants getting one star food hygiene retains.

And record breaking yorks or puddings. And we've got special guests. Which you may remember from Off Menu episodes such as Macy Adam, Tim Key, Rosie Jones, Fatah El Gori, Phil Wang, and he hasn't been on off menu, but we got Kevin Kennedy. You played Curly Watch in Coronation Street. Take that egg, caster. So please, give a listen to the Northern News podcast.

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