Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 22: Suzi Ruffell

Episode Date: July 17, 2019

This week's guest is stand-up sensation (and regular eating buddy of Ed and James) Suzi Ruffell! We're asking the big questions – like why don't athletes drink sparkling water? – and a new tongue-twister is created. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Suzi Ruffell is performing at the Edinburgh Fringe in August and is touring the UK in the autumn. Visit her website for more info: www.suziruffell.com.Follow Suzi on Twitter: @suziruffell.Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. I don't mind carving. Oh, wait. For a second there, I thought you weren't going to do one, and then you just snuck it in at the end. Snuck it in. I don't mind carving the pod. Very clever. Ed Gamble there. Oh, little James A. Castor. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, where we invite a special guest to tell us their dream meal. Their favourite starter, main, dessert, side, drink. And today,

our guest is Susie Ruffle. You stayed in rhythm all the way through, and I really appreciated it, man. You can take the drum kit out of the drum kit. You can't take the drum kit out of the drum. You can't take the drum kit out of the drum kit. In actual rhythm. That's awful. Susie Ruffle is a wonderful comedian. Amazing comedian. We've known Susie for a very long time. I think we all started out at a similar time, didn't we? Yeah. She's now been smashing it on shows like Mott the Week and Rose Battle. Live at the Apollo. Live at the Apollo. Has she been on Mott the Week? Yeah. Yes!

All the main ones. She's just done all the main ones, and she's been brilliant on all of them. But I wonder what her food tastes will be. Well, I hope her food tastes don't involve celery, Ed, because that's our secret ingredient this week, and she'll get kicked out of the restaurant which has said celery, even though I like celery. I don't like celery, and I tell you what, there's a caveat on that. I don't like raw celery. I understand that sometimes you have to add celery when you're cooking something like a sauce or a stew or something, and it boils down to almost tasteless, but raw celery can absolutely get out of my head. I like it, but you know, I'm happy to stand by you on this one. If Susie says celery, she's out in the restaurant.

Thanks, man. Let's have a little listen to the off-menu choices of Susie Ruffle. And we have a new customer in the dream restaurant. It's Susie Ruffle. Hello. Oh my god, a genie. Welcome. Oh my god, there's a genie. So good to finally have someone surprised to see me and delighted to see the genie. I over the moon love card loads about you. Can I ask first of all, where do you live when you don't, when you're not in, are you in a lamp? Oh no, no, I'm in a magic eight ball, usually. Okay, not usually actually. I mean that, I'd say that changes every episode where the genie lives. You have been in a lamp?

Yeah, I've been in a lamp in a gravy boat this up before, but in between episodes, I live in a magic eight ball because that's how us genies make our money on the weekends. Right, okay. But just, I just want to clear a few things up about genies. They don't, they're in the lamp all the time unless someone rubs them and then they're out the lamp. They don't go into the lamp and then someone rubs the lamp and then they come out. That would just be a, that's an extra added step. Wait, what? You'd be in the lamp the whole time. You'd be in the lamp the whole time. No, I can be poured into another vessel. You poured? Vessel, yes. Can you choose to go in the magic eight ball after the restaurant closes?

Yeah. Yeah. And then where do you go? I have to clock in when I go into the magic eight ball. Right. Clock in. What, like an old factory? Yeah. Yeah. An old factory. And then I wait in there and then people shake it and then I tell them. What people? This people come and ask me questions as a magic eight ball. But it's a magic eight ball sat in the middle of a shut restaurant. Who's coming in? Occasionally, you know, the cleaners. Cleaners will shake it. So. Should I carry on cleaning this restaurant? Yeah. I go, yes, please. Yes, please. Susie Ruffles coming. I want to speak in span.

Yeah. And it is. It's gorgeous in here. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Well, welcome. Welcome, Susie. You've met, you've met the genie. The genie's popped out of the lamp. Pleasure to see you. Slash magic eight ball there. Do you like a clean restaurant? Is that very important to you? Oh, so important. Yeah. Actually, as a child, I went to, I'd seen this TV show of like, you know, when they're like, look at how dirty these kitchens are. Let's make a show.

They've got like a one, a rating of one on their hygiene thing. And so I watched that when I was about nine and became really concerned that restaurants were dirty. Yeah. And so then. Apologies. Sorry. There's no dust. Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that was the worst time to cough. Yeah. I also have some questions about who's going to cook my food. But I'll get into that in a minute. Okay. So I was at this restaurant with my dad as a child and I said,

I'm really worried the kitchen's not clean. And then, and we were in an Indian restaurant, I kept saying, I'm really worried the kitchen's not clean because there's TV shows about, about kitchens not being clean. And then the guy that owned the restaurant was like, oh, come and see the kitchen. So they took me into the kitchen and they showed me how you make a naan bread. It was great. Wow. So you got to be there. And was it clean? It was. Can I see the kitchen here before we carry on?

Yeah. Let's open the door. A little look. That is sparkling. A little look around. Yeah. That is lovely. Do you want to learn how to make a naan bread? You already know. Yeah. No point. No point teaching you. The thing is, it's your dream restaurant as well. So the restaurant is as clean, exactly as as clean as you'd want it to be.

It is. That's what's great about it. That's the kitchen of your mind. So it's you who's made this sparkling. Thank you very much. Yeah. If you look at our food in hygiene, if you look at this hygiene certificate, you can see it's five stars and there's your face next to it. Yeah. Because you're the- With two thumbs up. You're the government body that we're reporting to.

Yeah. Government body, what's my nickname? Well, welcome the government body to the dream restaurant. Are you a food, are you a food head? I mean, I eat food with my head, yes. Yes. I think I've been saying to people, are you a foodie? And I think that, you know, that bristles people a little. They'd say, oh, no, I'm not some foodie. Because foodie would suggest like being quite a snob about food, I think.

So I'm trying to say food head, like it's a cool thing. It's not a thing. It's difficult being British. Yeah. Because we, most British people, we have this like, we don't want to be considered snobs or like pretentious. And then the people who do, they go all in. They say that they decide, I'm just going to be a posh ol' snob.

And then they care, and then they're horrible. I mean, I know that Susie likes food, me and you. Yeah, we've been for food a number of times. We tried to work our way through an entire menu, didn't we? Over time. Yeah, not in one day. What was the menu in question? How did you say it?

Shack for you. Shack for you. Shack for you. And a lovely restaurant. Yeah, it looked very good. So nice. I'd say it's one of my top, my top three in London, I'd say. Yeah, it's very good.

It's very good. And we, Susie chose the, I remember you were like, let's get the aubergines. Yeah. We got that. Love the aubergines. Had a great time. And you're like, let's come back here again.

And we just choose different things. Because we're like, we're quite impressed that we've chosen a bunch of different dishes at random. They were all good. All good. Maybe everything's good on here. And so we'd go back and we'd always order something different. And we didn't hit upon a dud, did we?

No. No, I don't think they've already done dishes. The whole time it's great. Yeah, really good. So I guess I am a bit of a food head. Yes, I think you'd say a food head. I think you're a food head. Yeah, I think I'm a bit of a food head.

I like food. I enjoy cooking. And I like, I like treating myself to a nice dinner. I would say going out for dinner is one of my favorite things to do. Rather than like going to a club or something, you know. Also, I don't think you can combine the two things. Dinner and a club. I don't think you can have dinner and a club.

No. Because if you have to dinner, I want to go to home. I want to go to the bed. Yeah, yeah. So, so I'd say, yeah, it's one of my favorite things to do. And something me and my girlfriend do. I thought I'd go to a nice restaurant. Have you got like a regular restaurant that you go to the two of you?

No, we'll try and find a new one. Great, great. That's sort of the vibes. Something someone suggested. Was there when you first started seeing your girlfriend was like a romantic? Yes, when we first started going out, she took me to Fumo, which I thought was a great baller move of like, I'm going to take you to a really nice restaurant.

Right. And that is a baller move. It's a great baller move. And, and sort of did a, it's like Italian tapas. Oh, yeah. Small plates. Yeah, sure. Small plates.

Yeah. One of my other drag names. Small plates is a great drag. That's very nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm covering my small boobs. Yeah. Small plates, sharing.

Sharing is quite nice on a date as well, isn't it? Yeah. If you're like, oh, this is. Yeah, absolutely. So, also, it just lets the other person know that you're not one of those people who is going to order for yourself and then not share. Yeah. Because you don't want to be with someone out for anything.

No. Well, the problem for me is that I could do small plates on a date to show the other person that I'm not the sort of person who's just going to eat all the food and wants to order and just not share. But you are that person. You are that person. So, why lie? I've shared with food with you before.

Yeah. And I've had. James was very hungry. Yeah, yeah. Who went home crying. Also, apologies to announce this, James. I'm not trying to sleep with you. So, I don't control myself in these situations.

The genie looks sad. Yeah. This is the curse of being a genie. No, I never was asleep with the genie. He's not normally blue, but he's got a shade of blue. That's why I always overorder at those sharing places. So, Shack for you is quite a sharing place, isn't it? And I always overorder.

My technique for that is just start ordering and watch the waiter's face every single time you order something. And you can notice little changes in their face. If they suddenly wince, you go like, okay, one more and then that's enough. Yeah. We once went to Shack for you and with Nish and ordered too much, we couldn't finish. So, so much.

That, I mean, that's impressive. Yeah. We went crazy. Yeah, we went crazy. Yeah, yeah. We ordered so much and we knew we'd done it. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a real, really good day. Yeah. Yeah. Fumo sounds great. I wish I had gone. Yeah, it's really nice. It's really nice, Fumo. Sorry you weren't invited, James.

I'm getting Fomo. Cooks isn't going to Fumo. Oh, yes. I hated that. I really hated it. Five minutes ago, I planned on saying that. I knew I was going to say it. Can we start you off with some water?

Would you like sparkling water? You haven't offered to take my coat, which I find very rude. You're offering to take everyone else's. So, can I pass you this one? Actually, the genie's fairly inconsistent with you. I don't offer to take everyone's coat, actually. Oh, is it people that you like the most? No, no.

Some people, I actually only offer to take their coat. So, I think their coat is bad. Do you want me to take that? And do you want me to take that and burn it? Incinerate it immediately. Do you just whisper the end of it? Do you want me to take that so I can burn it? And burn it forever, because if you look awful.

But you look so good in your coat. I thought you would want to keep it. But if you want me to take it. No, no, no. I don't want you to burn it. No, no, it's fine. Hello. Thank you for letting me come to your restaurant.

Okay. Would you like some water? I'd love some water. Put your coat out when there's a blast. Sparkling or still? Sparkling. Wow, it's straight away as well. No messing around.

I'm confident when you said you would. You fixed me with a stare there, as if to say. Go on then. Go on. See if you can mess with my choice there. No, I think it quenches your thirst more than no more water. Oh, that's crazy. Now, this is interesting.

We haven't had this reason yet. No, because it's clearly not true. I like it. That's not true. Otherwise, you'd see people on the Tour de France glugging down a big bottle of bad water. That's a good point, Susie. Are we using the Tour de France as our benchmark for everything?

What? They're thirsty. Yeah. So sportsmen don't use sparkly water, do they? But I'm thirsty in a different way. OK, how are you thirsty? Like in a cute way? So all they can quench your thirst is bubbles?

Yeah, it's like in a cute, fun way, like in a quirky way, like in a very disheveled way. Oh, yeah, like disheveled up. I just think it quenches your thirst better. Oh, I don't think that's true. I think the bubbles, if anything, make you more thirsty. No, because they get on your tongue. Yeah.

And they like zap it up. No, because you're not... And you go, oh. They don't zap anything up. What are you talking about? Don't put it out of that. Oh, she clipped in me. You're drinking less water,

because there's more room taken up by the bubbles. That's not a thing. Oh, if you have a pint of sparkling water, half a pint of that is bubbles. That is not true. What do you say, though? It's air. There's loads of air in it. Not that much, not half.

You kind of won me over with your marathon analysis. The sportsmen thing, yeah. He didn't say the marathon, but Ed does talk about the marathon, the fact that he's done the marathon so much. He does just feel like... I thought it must be a marathon. Right now, I think I'm right.

I think Quench is a thirst more. And also, I can get normal water at home. I've got that all in my tap. Yeah. There's loads of it. That is true. Loads of it. Oh, wow. I want to treat myself.

The main thing I want to dig is... Hold on. So, you're... Because both schools... Both arguments are confusing me. So, yours is... The bubbles go on your tongue and they zap it up. Yep.

And you get more first quenches. Yeah, so, like, you know how your tongue goes dry? Yeah. And, like, zaps up all the dryness. So, zaps it up with the bubbles. Yep. You can't zap up dryness. If you zap anything up...

Don't you tell me what I can and can't do. If you zap anything up, you're making it more dry. Look, I don't want you... I haven't come to your restaurant to be told... All right. ...that I'm not allowed to zap up water with my life. You can have what you like. Thank you.

I just think if you're given reasons, you better make sure they're not mad. Well... I mean, there's a genie that's my way, so... Speaking of which, that's true. Yeah. All right, fair enough. The logic doesn't hang together in this place anyway.

Speaking of which... Forget... You can say to Susie, don't sound mad. You were saying a minute ago that bubbles take up room in the glass. They do. Of course they do. I don't think that's a thing. Well, they're there, sure.

But I don't think you get less water because there's bubbles in there. Right, if you have a pint of still water and a pint of sparkling water, I think you have less water in the sparkling because there's bubbles in there. This sounds like a GCSE question. Yeah, it does sound like a bit of a GCSE question.

But like... I've got GCSE signs. Right. Double award. Bubble award. Bubble award. I didn't. Right.

I've got double signs. Ah, yeah, the jeans and the signs. Yeah. And so what do you think about the bubbles? I'm not... Obviously there's air in the bubbles. So there must be less water in the sparkling one because some of it's saying...

Maybe if I like a sip on the whole, one sip would be all the bubbles there. Between a sip and a half pint. Yeah, it can't be that you lose out so much there. Yeah, all right. Quentin's your first more. As long as we're agreed with that. I... Because I think the reason why athletes don't drink it

is because it would make them burp. Not because it doesn't quench their thirst. Yeah. I don't think it would quench their thirst either. I do. I reckon if you... You know, like, if you're really thirsty, you have like a lemonade and it goes on in your mouth,

it's just... I think that really helps the thirst. Yeah. You think that helps thirst? Yeah. Because it fizzes? Yeah. I have a feeling we're never going to resolve this.

I have a feeling you're wrong. We're going on feelings, I guess. That's that. And we'll talk about our feelings, Ed. Yeah. We need to get a scientist on the podcast. Benito, make a note of this. We need to get a scientist as a guest in the future

and we need to ask them this. Okay, cool. Pop-a-doms open up, Susie! Pop-a-doms. Yeah. I'm liking how decisive you are. Well, I think you're about to say that pop-a-doms... Pop-a-doms make you less hungry than bread now.

Oh. Don't assume to think... To know what I think about things. I'm enjoying this episode very much because sometimes I'm the one who locks horns with the guests but it's very good to be able to sit here and watch Ed.

I'm going to give him a dead leg. Yeah, yeah, he's a dead leg. Love, love, love, love, Susie. Pop-a-doms, shut your fucking mouth. Just straight in there. Yeah, pop-a-doms, it is pop-a-doms. It's because pop-a-doms, for me, it's just a way to get mint chutney into my face.

Mm-hmm. Yes. And so, and they're the best things to do it on. And when they're warm and they've just come out and they're sometimes like a little bit of oil still on them, oh, my gosh. Are you like the oil on them? Don't mind a little bit of oil.

Right, interesting. I'm always... Because then you know that they've just come out of... They're fresh, yeah, yeah. I don't know how they cook, they've just come out of the, you know. They're fried, I guess. I've never, they're fried, I guess. They're fried, I guess.

They're fried, I make it. Yeah, yeah, I used to fry pop-a-doms. Yeah. In the, well, I went to the kitchen, the kitchen where I was the mash king. Yeah. And I was the mash king for a while. Sure.

And I made the best mash, I was called the mash king. And we would fry pop-a-doms in the fryer. And once I was, there was a guy who would come and deliver vegetables, and he came in and he was waiting around in the kitchen, and I got an order through for some pop-a-doms. So I put a pop-a-dom in the fryer, and it sizzled up, and he heard it, and he turned around and looked at it,

and then he pointed at me and went, oh, pop-a-dom soldier! Oh, that, to me. That's what he did. Amazing, you were the pop-a-dom soldier, but you were the mash king. Yeah, the mash king. There's so many titles in one restaurant.

I was the pop-a-dom soldier. How have you never told anyone that? I've told it before. You've not told it to me? I haven't told it to you, which is weird. I'll tell you why I haven't told it to you. When I first started doing stand-up, I tried to tell it on stage.

Yeah. Well, it's not a stand-up, I think, don't you? No, so it didn't work, so then I stopped telling it just to everybody. But David Trent always remembers it, and David Trent, his main note to me, so I'd always do that bit on stage, and it wouldn't really get much.

And David would say to me, what you should do is you should add the line in the heart of the Caribbean after it. So you should say, in the heart of the Caribbean. And I was always like, where's the pop-a-dom? I was like, come for the Caribbean.

He's like, just say it. Just say that he's had that whole line to you. And then back then, I was very anti-lying on stage. I was like, I can't lie. But yeah, he would say pop-a-dom soldier to me. So we fried them, and then I got called the pop-a-dom soldier. I'm a delivery man, yes.

So what are you having, the mint yogurt? Yeah, mint yogurt, the mango chutney. Mango chutney. Something a little bit spicy, one of the little spicy ones, because they're sort of a little bit different in lots of different restaurants, aren't they? They change up.

Something that's got a bit of spice. Brinjal pickled. It's the aubergine pickled. Yeah, that's nice. It's really good, nice and spicy. And I like the onions and tomato. Yeah, yeah. Very, like that with a bit of the mint chutney on.

So you mix it, you mix a lot of things. Yeah, I'm mixing a lot of things. I also, if I have a curry, which is not my main meal, but just for reference, I also like to keep the mint yogurt. To put a little bit on the top of my curry. Ah.

Good curry hack, I think. Yeah. It's really good. I like that, not many people. I mean, so it seems so obvious, but not many people do that. Would you order a spicy curry then? I would order a spicy-ish curry, yeah.

Sort of, like, I'd say, how's the Balti? Does it have a bit of a kick to it? And then in some places, they'll say, oh, I can put a bit of a kick in. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, oh, yeah. You wink at them and go, put a bit of a kick in there for me.

A bit of a kick in there. And then they've got to take the dip away and go, no! Yeah, exactly. Because you put a good kick in it. Yeah, please. No rice, pashwari, none. Boom. Wow.

Yes. You know what? We've got very similar curry orders. I go, no rice, no rice pashwari, or no rice garlic, depending on how I'm feeling. Love can build a bridge between your heart and mind. I mean, it's not love.

It's actually an order. A curry, a curry can build a bridge. You two were polar opposites earlier. We were. Now look at you. Do you have to drink? I have a cobra, but I make them leave it until it's flat so I get more beer.

I will not continue with this. Don't take the bait. I have a cobra, but I asked for a lemonade as well, and I made myself a cheeky little shandy. Oh, you're getting about two shots of liquid then. You're getting zapped. Might as well be in the electric chair. I've been all over those drinks.

You're starter. Could I please have some tuna sashimi? Lovely. You absolutely may. Absolutely. You can. Is there a certain place you want me to get this to? Yeah, if you could.

If you could get it from Sushi Samba. Now, where's that? I've not been. It's in the shard. Yes. Oh, yes. There's a couple of... Is it in the shard or the heron?

I think it might be in the heron. I would find it very hard to say to people, I want to go to Sushi Samba in the shard. It's a quite a tongue twister, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it is a little bit. I'd like the sashimi from the Sushi Samba. I would like the sashimi from the Sushi Samba in the shard.

Susie likes sashimi from the sushi... Oh, okay. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Do you know what? I also think that I might change the restaurant, but carry on with this.

Yeah, but this is still quite... Another restaurant I really... We might have to change the restaurant. We'll all try and say this. Okay. We'll all try and say this. So tuna... So it's Susie likes sashimi from the Sushi Samba

in the shard, is the full sentence. And that was not perfect, why is it? But Susie likes sashimi from the Sushi... Oh, fuck. Susie likes sashimi from the Sushi Samba in the shard. Oh, it's hard, isn't it? It is hard. Susie likes sashimi from the Sushi Samba in the shard.

It's also in Herring Tower, so... Oh, okay. Yeah, but still. I'm also just remembering that there's a place that does better tuna sashimi, which is sexy fish. Okay. See, what I thought you'd done there is you'd panicked because saying Sushi Samba sounds...

Because it's a very sort of high-end, like fancy London sort of place. No, no, no, I don't mind that. And I thought she's worried that it doesn't sound authentic enough. So what you think I'm going to go... Yeah, she's panicked. Actually, this is a little bit quick and savvy. No, but then you went with sexy fish. I was like, no, she's gone all in.

Which is a restaurant in Mayfair. Where I went for my birthday lunch with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. Amazing. We're not people that have like a lot of money, but I would say that going out to eat is like... It's the big cream. ...our thing.

Yeah. And we love to... Yeah. Like, we'd come up with it. Like, I don't even go to that kind of restaurants, but it's this little thing that Alice and I do. And I think you might enjoy it. Just try and start a little thing.

I think it might really take off. A really good tip for a thing to do. Anyone else who ever goes out for a meal now with their partner will be like, oh, God, I've got to be treading on their turf. Yeah. It's kind of their thing. If we're out for a meal, we should work out which one's Susie and which one's Alice.

The one with the short hair, Susie. Um... Ed, do you want to try and say the tongue twister? Susie likes sashimi from the sushi... So difficult! Susie likes sashimi from the sushi sambar in the shard. Yeah, that was pretty good. Susie likes sashimi from the sushi...

Ah! Do I ever know we've got go at it, Susie? Susie likes sashimi from the sushi sambar in the shard. Very nice. I'm not sure. To slow that down, slow it down in post. I actually want it from Sexy Fish. Easier.

Susie likes sashimi from Sexy Fish. Yeah, that's an easy one. Great restaurant. I've not been to Sexy Fish. Oh, that's lovely. I remember Sexy Fish opening and a lot of the press was obviously about the fact it was called Sexy Fish.

Yes. And I don't know what the food's like because I think it got a lot of negative stuff at the time. What, for the name of the food? For the name. Yeah, well, I don't care about the name. I'm not eating so much of the name. Since then, a restaurant called Flavor Bastard has opened

which has taken a lot of the heat off Sexy Fish. And Shape of Water won the Academy Award. Yeah, so if anything. Is it themed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was lovely. It was a really, really good sushi. And sushi's sort of quite a new thing for me.

I would say that maybe four years ago I would have been like, raw fish. Yeah. Absolutely not. Because I didn't grow up with a very... My mum and dad aren't adventurous with food. Like, my dad has three restaurants a week. Yeah.

That's incredible. And the light, yeah, we were... Whoa. That's, I mean, that's awesome. Yeah, three restaurants a week. How's he spacing these out? Has he got certain days he hasn't won? Yeah, sometimes.

Yeah, well, the same day. He's like, a hamster just fills up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just waits up on a Sunday. It's roast dinner day. Breakfast time. I would say that he'll probably have one like Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday or something like that.

Amazing. That's great because I think if you're not going to be adventurous and have the same thing, I think the choice of the roast dinner is inspired. Yeah. So he'll have like a roast dinner and then like another night he might have sausage and mash

and then another night he might have like pie. Does your dad live in a pub? How dare you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he doesn't. But my mum is very... Like, they're very much meeting to veg as a family,

which I know is also a thing for Willie. But, but you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Still do what you meant, but it's still... Yeah. Say, how far you've strayed, Susie, from meeting to veg? I know, I know.

Mum and dad are livid. But yeah, they're very much... And maybe like hammock and chips one night. I mean, what I'm saying is he has type 2 diabetes. Who's that? It's God bless his soul. Good guy. But yeah, so I like...

I didn't have pasta until I was like 19. Yeah. And so the idea of like raw fish, I thought was utterly disgusting. That's a big step. Yeah. And so in the last couple of years, I tried it in Australia.

Yeah, she's travelled. And it was... And I was with some people that were like, it's so great, you've got to try, you've got to try. And I liked it, but I was still like, oh, I don't like the texture. I find textures of food can be something that I... Like for a long time, I didn't like an omelette

because it feels like the inside of your mouth. Wow. Okay. I've never heard that about an omelette. Okay, I'm now tongue in the inside of my mouth. Yeah, we all are, mate. Everyone at home is. Yeah, I can see that.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So I didn't like... So I found things very... Introducing to each other. I found... I didn't... And so I found the feeling of sushi quite gross

for quite a long time, but now I've really got into it. I love sushi. And are you back on your omelettes as well? Look, I'll have one occasionally, but I wouldn't say... It's not making it into the menu. I've never thought about that, about an omelette.

But it makes sense. And my problem is I don't have those thoughts until other people say them, and then they get stuck in my head. So next time I have an omelette, I'm going to think that feels like the inside of my mouth. Yeah, I think it's because I was eating one once and I bit the inside of my mouth quite hard.

Right. And then I was like, well, I can't be trusted. Uh-huh. Yeah. I can't be trusted with these sharp teeth. Yeah. So now, then it was soup for a year, and now I'm on sushi.

Yeah, that's the progression. Okay, the classic. Yeah, normal people do that. Why are you choosing... So you're choosing tuna over salmon or any other fish. Just think tuna's the best. Tuna is the best. I agree with this.

Yeah, with, you know, a fair bit of wasabi to give it a bit of a kick, some ginger, and a little bit of soy sauce. Nice. Yeah, very nice. In terms... I like tuna sushi a lot, but it has to be quite a fatty tuna.

I don't, I don't... You don't distinguish. I wouldn't judge the fish like that. I'd say that they're important. I think it can be, I feel like tuna can be a little bland if it doesn't have a good amount of fat in it. I feel like you can be a little bland

when you can be a little fat. Okay. Suzy, if this is going to happen every time I give you an opinion, then it's going to be a long record. That was funny though. That was real good. Oh, look, it's always funny. The absolute clear on Suzy's face as she said it.

So I'd laugh halfway through because she was so excited about it. Yeah, as soon as you said fatty, I thought I can get something here. Yeah, yeah, you can get it. We've done roast battle together. This is just... Oh yeah, you did do roast battle against each other, didn't you? That's what this is about.

I'll tell you who would win roast battle though. Win roast battle though. My dad. The triple crown. Yeah, so tuna's thing is more the more meatier the fish is. So I think that's why I kind of quite like it as well. I think anyone who is always scared of having sushi because they think, oh, raw fish.

Try tuna, try the tuna one. Well, yeah, because I think that salmon is quite fishy. Salmon is quite fishy and softer in texture as well. So it really feels like you're eating raw fish when you eat salmon. Yeah, whereas... Well, I do love salmon, but yeah. I mean, it's all delicious. I'm starving now.

Yeah, yeah. That's a great start at the salmon. Good choice of a starter as well because it's... I've got you both on side. Yeah, quite light. It's quite light as well. It's light, but tasty. You could eat that and you could be satisfied,

but also ready for still an absolute massive meal ahead. Yeah. Now, how many slices do you get as sexy fish? I think probably four. Four slices, that's great. Lovely. That's a great start. Also, this is the dream restaurant.

It's all I like. Yeah, if you want... I'll have 15. Double sexy. If you want a double sexy, that's fine. That's also my drag name. Your main course. Yes.

I would like a piece of steak fillet. Piece of steak fillet. Is that a funny way to say it? Yeah. Fillet steak, I would have thought. Okay. Piece of steak fillet. I like...

Is it like I'm learning English as a foreign language? Yeah. Well, that's like you've translated it into French and then translate it back into English. It's like you've done that. Yeah. The piece of steak fillet. Yeah.

Okay, then. I'll have a piece of steak fillet. Yeah. I'd like some definitely more potatoes. Oh, hold on a second. That comes together. That's not my side. It comes together.

Where have you had it? The Hawksmore. Okay. Yeah. Well, okay. I've got no problem with you doing this and saying that that's all part of the main because I like to hear about extra things.

Yeah. But if you're ordering that at the Hawksmore, you're surely ordering the steak and then the side as a dauphin was. You know the truth, Ed. I know the truth. Oh, right. But I'm willing to let you get away with it.

Jeannie? It sounds like it'd be a main meal somewhere. All right. Yeah, I'm happy with that. Yeah, that you would get that. Maybe I'd like to start the afternoon. I do like a special. Yeah.

Yeah. In fact, I think they used to, they don't anymore. So there's no point looking it out, but they did used to do that. Great. Good. Yeah. Because as soon as you said Hawksmore,

I was like, uh-oh, we're in trouble because Ed knows that menu off by now. Now, can I have, is a sauce counted as? You can have it as part of your main. Yeah, great. So I'll have a peppercorn sauce. Cool. Peppercorn sauce.

How are you having the steak cooked? I want it medium to well. Not well done, but I don't like any pink. Here we go. Like a little bit of pink. I don't like any blood. Here we go. Release red.

Oh, Susie. What are you doing? I'm having a lovely time. There's a lot of. You're going, oh, I'd like a fillet steak, please. And if you could just remove all flavor from that, that would be wonderful. Well, what I would say would be,

I would like a piece of steak, please. Yeah, yeah. I would like a piece of steak, please. And you wouldn't even have to get on to how you want it. Because they'd be like, well, if you're calling it a piece of steak fillet, we're assuming you're going to have it medium to well done.

Look, it's going to be basically medium, but a little bit. Like I don't want any blood. I don't want it too red on the inside. I certainly don't want it cold on the inside. No, not cold on the inside. Absolutely not. Susie, we got off to such a good start with the.

No, we didn't. We were arguing. The sheath. I wasn't arguing. You were a longer head. I was enjoying the back and feel. You were a longer head, said. Susie said she has a food head,

and now she's ordered a fillet steak. Already the most tasteless of the steaks. Okay. So you would beat your tongue on that one. Medium to well. What are you doing? I'm enjoying myself. Right.

I'm good. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. That's the sort of thing a bodybuilder would eat before a workout. Oh, that's true. And did you ask me what I was doing after I went to this restaurant? Yeah.

No, but I assume because you're having dofen whilst potatoes. You're not going to the fucking gym. Well, I am. I need to work off those dofen while potatoes. And I'll be using the steak. That's my fuel. Yeah.

Chugging down fizzy water on the treadmill. Yeah. What's up? Why don't you want any pink in there? Why do you not want any blood at the steak? Oh, blood. Just, oh. Just don't like blood.

No. No. Because I need to remove the fat. I need to remove from my head that it's an animal. Oh, okay. Because we should all be vegan. Here's what I think. I think in a few years' time,

because you're now, you're eating sashimi now. You've got, you've got, you're on to omelets. You're on sashimi. I think in a few years' time, you're going to be coming back on this podcast and going, I've had a revelation. I'm eating a cow. It's still alive.

Right. It's moving at me. I can, I'm looking at it in its eyes while I'm eating it. Oh, yes. See, that's the thing I can't think about. So that's why it has to be no, no blood. You've got to stop lying to yourself. As you can imagine,

Ann and Rowley Ruffle, three roasts a week. Yes. They wouldn't go for red meat, would they? They're very, they're very, my dad would be well done steak. He'd get a very, he'd get like well done. Like he'd want to like,

gray all the way through. Yeah. Gray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A nice gray steak. I mean, yeah, growing up, we used to go to the red lion in Wellum, Little Village Pub.

Shout out. Shout out to the red lion. And we would all get steaks. And so you can go to the red lion. She does have it. Oh, yeah, go on. Yeah. Gray lion.

Gray lion. Yep. Susie, how do you feel about that joke? Didn't like it either. Didn't like it. No, not like an alchema. No, but two of the most promising comedians in the country.

Promising? Yeah. Fuck it out. If I'm still promising, I may as well. Well, I said it about Acaster. Yeah. At the start of the podcast, we were promising. We were fully accomplished comedians.

Fine. Fine. Two of the greatest comedians in the country. We've gone down to promising. That's available now. Quite deservedly gone down to promising because of our appalling hit rate of jokes. That feels like a slur now.

I've heard it back. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't regret it. Not one bit. Susie, I completely see your point of view. I agree. I agree if anything.

Oh, it's actually, I took it as a compliment, but then I thought I shouldn't. Yeah. But yeah, redlining, one of them, and I would always get a medium steak as a kid. Okay. Was like, yeah. And I thought like, yeah, wouldn't want it.

And then somebody told me, I'm very easily influenced by people who tell me this is the only way to have something. Sure. And I think I'm missing out. I must be missing out. When Ashton Bede's uncle told me that I absolutely should never mix anything with whiskey.

I should always have whiskey on its own straight. Yeah. Like I still have that in my head every time I'm having like anything whiskey. Especially if it's a nice whisker. I can't mix it with anything anymore. And I just can't go back. I went, somebody, I can't remember who it was,

said you have to have medium rare or rare. You should absolutely not go. And then I've just never been able to go back. And then since I've been having medium rare steaks, I'm like, this is, this is the best. Like I want to cut into it, like butter. That's what I wanted. Just like one forward stroke,

a one back stroke on the knife. Just in your through it. That's a big knife he's using. Yeah. It's a big old knife. Was that big what I did to them? Yeah. That was like he had a sword. Oh. Wouldn't mind that.

Oh, Magini though, that makes sense, doesn't it? Yeah, it does make sense. Where would you keep the sword just on your holster? On my hip, yeah. Yeah. Just hanging down. And one of those Aladdin swords that like, you know, the curved one.

Simitar, Simitar. Huh? A Simitar? What did you call me? I also think this discussion of you saying you wanted it, you want it medium to well, which is fine because it's your choice. Thank you.

I mean, yeah. That is true. Can we have a bit of that? I think my initial reaction to that of, oh God, why would you do that? You've got to have bloat on the steak. Is probably represents my least favorite character trait in myself. If I hear this back and I'm going like, oh God, Ed, shut up.

Yeah. If Susie wants to be medium to well steak. That is what I thought as well. Sometimes this podcast can turn into Ed's therapy session. Yeah. I'm going to say, let's listen to what Ed doesn't like about himself. Oh man, I make myself so angry sometimes. You're promising comic?

Yeah, you're a promising comic. Yeah. I don't know, guys. I wish I didn't say promising. Dauphinoise potatoes. Yes, please. Absolutely incredible. Lovely stuff.

And I'll be honest, if you're having a steak medium to well, you're losing a lot of moisture, which you're gaining back in the dauphinoise. You're mixing the dauphinoise and the steak together. I can imagine that being a lovely bite. Yep. And I'll say you put a little bit of peppercorn on the top. I don't know.

Yeah. I think you only need, here we go again. I think you only need sauce with the steak if the steak itself is not up to scratch. That's how I feel about it. All you really should have is just a bit of maybe Dijon mustard. I like whole grain. Okay, a whole grain.

I'll take a whole grain. A whole grain of mustard's nice. Yeah, very nice. Okay. We spent ages once trying to think of the name for that, didn't we? Did we? I think we did. Or maybe it wasn't you.

Me and someone else. It's on your mustard pot. Me and someone else once had a chat. That's why you always mess those jumpers. Yeah. Is that it? Oh, sorry, I'm dashing off to do my mustard podcast. Don't tell that about it.

You'll get jealous. Yeah, so me and someone else were trying to remember the name for whole grain mustard. And we were like, we were literally saying, yo, it's got grains in it. And we were like, it can't be called whole grain mustard. You know, it just sounded wrong. We're like, it can't be called whole grain. That sounds so basic.

There's too many mustard choices, I think. Do you think there is? When I was a child, and I need to preface this story with, my dad is an excellent father. When I was a child, my dad was having Coleman's mustard, so like the bright yellow stuff with his dinner. Probably a roast. Yeah.

And I mean, the odds are, and I said to him, I must have been about 10. I said to him, what is that? What does it taste like? And he said, I'll give you 15 quid if you put some on your tongue. Exactly what I'd do if I had a kid. And 15 quid. And he didn't think about the price that he was just like straight away.

That's worth 15 quid. That's worth 15 quid. So then he like wiped it on my tongue. Wiped? Amazing. From his knife. Oh, for a knife. For a knife.

For a blue-head. Wiping a knife when your kid's done. 15 quid. It wasn't a sharp one. It wasn't a sharp one. And I screamed and like cried, and Mum and Dad had a massive row. Yeah. Well, naturally.

I would imagine, my mum would go in. What's happened? Yeah. I wiped my knife on her tongue. For 15 quid? I was paying her. I was paying her. But I still don't really...

You got the 15 quid, right? Yeah. Yeah, you would fuck me up. So, if you didn't get paid after that, then that's great. Give you 15 quid if you put some on your tongue, and then wiping his knife on your tongue. He's a man of his word. He wasn't messing around.

So, there's too many muster choices, though. Yeah. And I don't like the yellow one, and I think it probably dates back to that. I think that's probably, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is definitely why you don't like it. I'm no psychiatrist, but I'll crack that one open right now. Okay, brilliant.

There's the rosebud there. You don't like that because your dad wiped it on your tongue and he made you cry. Yeah. Whole grain, I think it's an excellent choice. Thank you. I like DJI in cooking. I probably don't use it in much else.

I use it quite regularly. I use it in salad dressings. Ooh, nice. Yeah. I use a little bit in a salad dressing. Do you ever use a bit of jam in a salad dressing? No. Oh, Lord.

Okay, so if you've got, like, a goat's cheese. Yeah. So, I'd do, like, maybe in the summer, sure. I might be doing, like, a goat's cheese and bacon salad. Lovely job. Because, you know, I like to treat myself right. That's your quirky thirsty voice as well. Yeah, maybe it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quirky thirsty, another one of my drag names. Quirky thirsty voice. Also, the listener really can't appreciate how much Susie's using her shoulders today. No, no, sort of imagine the 80s. Just imagine, like, shoulders back and forth. Imagine dry ice in the 80s.

Yeah, a little shimmy from the shoulders. Yeah, I, oh, do you myself a little, yeah, a little goat's cheese and bacon number? Sure. And then I'll make a little dressing that would be poxamics or just some olive and vinegar. And then I'll just drop in just a little bit of jam. And then shake it up.

What type of jam? Whatever you like. Whatever's knocking around. Whatever you got in. Yeah. Whatever you got in. That's a good choice with goat's cheese and bacon. All that salt and you want a bit of sweet.

You want a bit of sweet. Yeah, I guess. I think I had it in a restaurant. I imagine they used, like, some sort of cranberry sauce. Yes. But I didn't have cranberry in. But you got jam. I've always got jam in.

Jam it up. I've always got some jam in. You jam in? I know Bob Marley's song. Yeah. Pop it on the soldier. Yeah. You jam in with your salad?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now it's quite intriguing what your side dish is going to be because, like, you've already got both of Marley's potatoes there. Yeah. Which is very, very clever. Because it means you've, most of the time, people go for, like, a potato-y thing for a side. Yeah.

You know, you've gone round there. We like it when people hack the podcast rules. Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty smart. Yeah. I would like some roasted broccoli with chili. Oh, yeah.

I was really hoping you were going to go for, like, a green-eye-anything with that. Well, because I'm going to the gym after this. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. You've got this big workout for the bodybuilding competition coming up. Yeah. Is this based on a restaurant dish that you've had before?

No, that's just something that I like that I'll get anywhere. Yeah. If there's, like, yeah. So I've had it in lots of different places, but a broccoli with a bit of chili. So always chili for you? Or garlic, but I'd prefer a bit of chili. Yeah.

Garlic, I find, gets a bit, do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean, though? I know what you mean. You know? There's not really a word for it, but it's just a bit. You go somewhat a bit, like, dry in the mouth. What are you doing there? No, there's not words for it.

There's not words for it. A bit garlicky sometimes, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? It's a bit garlicky. Sometimes it can be, you know, like, I like a bit of garlic. But I don't want to, like, you know, I'm not trying to keep away of empire. Yeah.

I quite like it when they get the crispy garlic with the broccoli. Oh, yeah, that's not bad. Little crispy. Yeah. But I like it if they did it with a bit of chili as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I roast garlic pretty, pretty regularly, I'd say. Just for the listener.

Ed really furried his brows. He said that. Oh, God. Yeah, he did. Roast it in the clove. Like, just chuck it in with some roast vegetables or whatever for half an hour, even less than half an hour. And then you can just pop it out of the clove.

And it's like, they're almost sweet. They're just, oh. I didn't know you did that. I do that all the time, mate. If I'm roasting some veg. You don't know. No, it turns out this is. You don't know my secret garlic life.

No, popping out little cloves of garlic and eating them like sweets. I pop, I pop more gobs straight away. Wow. I love them. Well, he said, what do you want? Because chocolate factory. My friend Faye and I were once at a restaurant.

And this was years ago when I was quite new to olives. Again, olives didn't get into olives until quite a lot later. Faye, my friend, told me that if you have eight of them, you like them. So I did. I like them now. And that's a hard theory from Faye. Hold on a second.

Faye told you if you have eight olives, then you like olives. Yep. And then so you ate eight in a row. Not necessarily in a row. Just like eight times of trying olives. And then on the ninth time, you're like, no, this is good. Oh, right.

So you always come from the deep south. So it's not that you sit there and you have eight in a row and then you will like olives. Eight occasions. Different occasions. And on the ninth occasion, you will like olives. Yeah. OK.

Anyway, we were having olives. I don't think I ever had a problem with olives. Must have been maybe, but you grew up posh. A very precocious posh child. Yeah. Let's not forget that. Never forget that. In Portsmouth, I didn't even know if they had olives in the 80s.

In the 90s. They were round in my house, but I didn't like them. I wasn't into them. But now I love them. Yeah, I love them. But I was in one of those restaurants where they do like a spoonful of olives with like different bits.

You know, it might be a bit of like roasted tomato or like sundried tomato. And there was a clove of garlic and I was quite new to olives and Faye said to me, their white olives, try them. And it was not nice. Quite the liar on this occasion. Wow, Faye pranks you hard.

She pranks me very hard, yeah. But did you like the clove of olives? No, I didn't. Way too much. It was too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you were doing that for many days. Many days afterwards.

Faye the prankster. Yep. I think roasted broccoli, so it's roasted with chili on it. Yeah. That's great. Like. And I like it a little bit burnt.

Yeah, and it's easy to do. It's easy to overdo it. I've tried roasting broccoli before and because it's basically like popping a tree in the oven, right? The little florets, they do burn fairly, fairly quickly. You know, you want to do it in tinfoil?

I beg your pardon. You should. Are you covering it? No, I'm putting it tinfoil on the tray. Yeah. Then like covering it for a little bit. Yeah. And then putting it up on the top bit.

Nice. For the final sort of few minutes. Oh, that's good. See, I've just been bunging it in and not covering it. But of course you need to cover it to protect the little delicate tree tops. Yeah.

Right. I will do that next time. Thank you, Susie. You're welcome, Ed. Oh, friends again. Yeah. Once when I worked in the kitchen and I was the mash king in the poppin' on soldier,

I put a Jackie potato in the microwave with tinfoil on it. Oh. Still. And the head chef called me back to say, come here, you're trying to kill me. And then I laughed because I thought, great joke. Yeah.

But yeah, I kind of got quite the bollocking. Yeah, you will, then. But it's a surprise you kept your job after that. A bollocking when you're laughing at the top of it is really bad. When you've really got your guard down, and then you have to quickly get a serious face on and realize you're in big trouble.

We had a teacher who used to do that trick all the time. So I remember him turning off my friend, Barvik Patel, once. And he made him stay behind after class. And then he went, well, Barvik, come here. Tell me what all this was about. This is a bit silly, really. He didn't be talking throughout the class.

And he did it like that. And Barvik was like, yeah, sorry. And then he would get Barvik laughing. And then I remember this distinctly. He went, you think it's funny? Barvik was so surprised. Yeah. Because he had a mobster for a teacher.

A Joe Pesci. Two roasts, throllie. Three roasts, throllie, dad. He was great at discipline when I was a kid. My mom would be like, you need to tell them off. And they're being really naughty. And my dad would be like, right, come here. And start sort of telling us off.

And I realized that I could get out of anything with my dad by saying, and this was from when I was about nine or 10, one day you and I will really laugh about this sort of thing. And then he just said to my mom, I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm just not going to discipline. Let me give her a deadline. That's a great thing for a kid to say.

One day me and you are going to look like flowers. This will be funny. You and I, we're not so different. I can't shout at her. I'll go get the mustard. Yeah, put your tongue out. Yeah. There's some muddy in it for you.

The drink. Yes. Now, was this an easy decision? Yeah. Ah, great. You've got a favorite drink already. Special Britney. A Pinot Noir.

Pinot Noir. I love a Pinot Noir. Anyone saying Pinot Noir now makes me think of Kimmy Schmidt. Yeah. Yeah. Just that song. Ed bought me a bottle of that.

That is available to buy the Titus Burgess Pinot Noir with a picture of him on the label. Is it? Yes. Yeah, bought some for my birthday for me. Yeah. That's really good. I really enjoyed drinking that.

I love it. It's so, I mean, Pinot Noir in general, that's just, that's one of the only wines where I can be like, I'll order a Pinot Noir and I know I'm probably going to like it. Do you like the guy that plays Titus in... I do like him. Why? Is it, is it, is it? Are you about to tell me something awful?

No, I'm not. This day and age. No, no, no, no, no. Tom Allen and I are going to New York Pride. Yes. And we're going on a gay flight to New York Pride. And there's a performance on there and he is hosting it. That's incredible.

Whoa. Yeah. Tom and I got very drunk at the Attitude Awards and decided that we wanted to go to New York Pride. Yeah. And then we're selling, they were like, we've got a hundred seats to sell and Tom, like, we'll have to.

That's incredible. You don't need to be drunk to make that level of decision. No. Of course. I would make that decision now. Yeah. A gay flight for a start. Sure.

Sounds like it's going to be a laugh, but... Have you been on a gay flight before? Well, I mean, if I'm there, they're always a bit gay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you've got to... Yeah. Did you stand up before, before, when they're doing all the safety announcements?

Yeah, I do them, but they do them all the really camp wrist. Just so you know, this is also officially a gay flight now. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if there is an emergency, no one's going to know where the exit are because you've done the wrist like yourself. Yeah. You thought I was heading down a very different...

Yeah, I don't know where you were going. I absolutely loved that. I absolutely loved it because I... You're not promising anymore as you're one of the big comics. As soon as you said, don't know where the exits are, both of you looked unsure. Because like, Susan was like, oh, hold on. And you were like, uh-oh.

I sound like I'm going to do it all. Especially like the level of jokes we've been doing so far. Yeah, that sounded like it was like that. Like, Susan was right to be suspicious. I was really riffing off the back of Susan saying she was doing the camp wrist. The camp wrist. Yeah.

No, I've never been on a gay flight and... Are the pilots gay on a gay flight? Yeah, I think that's the thing that like, all the pilots are gay, all of the cabin crew are gay, which I'm guessing wouldn't have been a hard thing to find. Sure, sure, sure. Oh my God, we need to find cabin crew that's gay. We'll never do it.

We will. Yeah, no, you wouldn't want a hetero pilot. No, absolutely not. I'm thinking there might be some loop-de-loops and stuff, you know? Yeah, hopefully. Loops, they're fun. Oh, I'm very close to be hosting it. Yeah.

So what does that mean? How do you host a flight? I don't know, but there's just a picture of him dressing cabin crew gear, holding the phone, microphone thing, with like a little cheeky. So I think he would like do a couple of numbers. But there's not a lot of performance space, and that's what I'm really interested in.

It's like, how is he going to use that space? I think just him being there on the flight is going to be enough. I mean, I think it would be fine. Yeah, it's going to be great. He'll sing, I reckon he'll sing, surely. Oh, for sure. It's got a great voice. Definitely.

He was, he played Sebastian the Crab in the failed Broadway attempt at Little Mermaid. He was in Guards and Dolls. I thought that Tom Allen and I have discussed this before on our podcast. I thought for a long time that Sebastian was French. And so whenever I would do his accent, and then I was like, ah, that is, I don't know if I'm meant to do that sort of accent.

It's like, it's French, right? Yeah, it's French. No, it's French. It's French Crab. It's not Sebastian. That is very cool. Oh, very, very just like that. There you go.

But would you like his Pinot Noir then? Yeah, sure. Be a talking point, wouldn't it, when he finished a number and like, you know, I want to come palli with him because I'm going to New York prior for the weekend, probably want some cool gang to hang around with. I would say, by the way, love your wine. Yeah, yeah, it's very good.

You can have the Titus Burgess Pinot Noir. We come to your dessert. Yeah. My favorite course. Everyone knows that. Yeah, everyone knows it. I'm excited about it. Okay, it's very specific.

It's my Nan's Lemon Drizzle Cake. Lovely. A classic. A classic. And how she would do it. We should make a lemon. She's like, I mean, I think I can sell a lot on Nan's Make It. And other people.

You know how to be a Nan? Yeah, it helps if you're a Nan. It really helps, I think. I think you put a little bit of love in there. Yeah, it really helps. Love your life. Old Ladybony Fingers. That's what makes it nice.

Yeah, that's what it must be what it is. Old Ladybony Fingers. Yeah, Old Ladybony Fingers. Another articulation exercise for James. Old Ladybony Fingers. No, I can't do it. I thought you would say that was another drag name. Yeah.

Oh, sorry, that is one of my other names. That's your last drag name. Yeah, you're following that. Yeah, my final drag name. Old Ladybony Fingers. Yeah. She does a few numbers at the end of the night. She'd make the sponge with obviously lemon,

then a bit of lemon rind and yum. And then she'd make an icing with loads of lemon squeezed into it. And then once when it was still hot, she'd put holes in the sponge, maybe about 10 holes in the sponge, and then pour it in until it would go down the holes. They're like, as you'd have a slice,

they'd be a bit of icing in it. Oh, that's great. That's really great. It was really good. Yeah. You've really nailed that. That's my favorite cake, lemon drizzle cake. It is.

And Jeannie, if you can get hold of that, I'll be really impressed because Jeannie's been... Oh, I'll be able to get hold of that. Dead for nearly two years. This is a genie we're talking about. Oh, yeah. I can get hold of it. Great.

I'll get hold of that lemon drizzle cake. Get in touch with her. Jamie Miles. Yeah, yeah. It's my dad's favorite cake, because when I think that's why it's my favorite cake. The kernel. The kernel, yeah.

Susie calls my dad the kernel. I've never met him. Ed once did his voice on stage, and then he came off stage and I was like, should I like a kernel or something? He does sound like a kernel. Your dad would. I've never met him,

but when you do impressions of him... The impression of him on stage is now so far from the actual truth of the man that when he sees it, he's genuinely going to be livid. He'll be angry. And he'll say, why are you making that in front of me? That's like what my mom said to me.

Susie, why did you do my voice like that? And I was like, because that is your voice. My dad loves lemon drizzle cake, so I think when I was young, and I found out that that was his favorite cake, sometimes I think I just decided, well, that's also my favorite cake then. And that's just...

You copied your dad on your favorite cake, my little dork. I copied my dad's favorite cake. But when my mom makes it, I don't think she does icing over it. I think it's just the clear, sugary liquid. Yeah, you won't be icing. Yeah, but that's a really nice idea.

You want to put it into icing sugar instead. So you get icing all the way through. Oh, see, that's a nan's touch. That's a nan's touch. I don't make it mine. A nan's touch, which is also another one of my track notes. It's a bit annoyed that like most places don't do that now.

Now you've said that. It's never been anything I've thought of, like putting holes in the cake and the icing goes down, and you get icing all the way through. Never thought about that. And now you've said that. Lovely little touch, isn't it? Barely annoyed that that's not true.

Also keeps it very moist. Yeah, you know what? So there's an episode of Chef's Table where it's about the person who did milk bar in America. Yes. I've got her name now. My mom's got blank. Anyway, she was saying about the cakes they're making milk bar.

And she was like, they just ice the top, and they don't ice the sides. And she did a long speech about how she thinks it's awful to ice the sides. She can't, you know, you're covering up the whole cake and her dream is that one day no one will ice the sides. And I was sitting there going, are you having a laugh? Like, what are you talking about?

Like, you don't want people to ice the sides. You're not falling, like, every time I hear one of the chefs on Chef's Table speak on one over, I'm like, yep, they're right. Of course they're right. It's like when people tell me I should, you know, have a medium rare steak or something like that. Like, of course, I've been living it up.

When she said you should never ice the sides of a cake, I'm like, I don't care who you are. Who you think you are. Yeah, if you tell me I can't ice the sides, you're living in a dream world. Yeah. If you think that that's nicer just to have the top. I don't see what the logic behind that would be.

If the icing's good, more of that, please. Yeah, more icing. Because it's not like you get loads of icing anyway. No. They make it more people like the corner piece of a cake. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, it's not people aren't going,

oh, please give me a corner piece because they like right angles. It's because they like more icing. Like, when I'm eating, say, right, your classic is the pizza express chocolate fudge, a hot chocolate fudge cake. Sure. Right.

When I'm eating that, you've got the side and the top which is covered in that thick icing and the middle's got some of it as well. But I eat it in order. I eat it so. The king's mouthful is the last bit. Yeah, the king's mouthful. But it's basically.

You've got the king's mouthful, right? No. I've never called it that, no. So, like, you know when you have all my friend made it up? Yeah. Well, either way, it's great. Is this fine again? No, I don't think.

I mean, yeah, let's say it's fine, why not. Well, when you, so when you leave a little bit, actually, my girlfriend Alice and I realized that we, when we were out having dinner together, we realized we were both doing this. And that's when I was like, well, maybe we should settle down. With, say, my main course. Sure.

I would save a little bit of different one, a little bit of mustard, a little bit of, just a little bit of everything. So your final mouthful is like the best bit. And that is the king's mouthful. I would do that with a packet of like starburst or fruit pastels or something like that, sweets. I would save one of each flavor to the end

and then have them all at once. So I can relate. You're such a maverick. Yeah. I can relate to that. Well, you're, you're not just a maverick, you're clearly about six. Yeah.

Like, you're, you're, why are you looking at me like that, Benito? Benito is looking at me like I'm absolutely weird, though. That's a normal thing to do. Since you said about the king's mouthful. Yeah, no, I understand it. No, I think it's weird. Mine's a, the jester's mouthful. Why?

But also, how many fruit pastels are you going to go in at once? That's going to be very chewy. Yeah. So it's pretty chewy, but it's great. You get all the different flavors. It's like five in it or something like that. Oh no. Do you know what?

I'm absolutely unsubscribed to that. Do you not know that at all? Yeah, at all. No. Well, you know, it's king's mouth or jester's mouthful. Other people got to do that. Surely other people do that. I thought my mum was more common than,

I mean, Susie's one got more, more taker than mine. I can't believe this. I was always told to eat the bits I didn't like first. Yeah, but as a child, right? Not now. Not now. No, I always told eat the bits you didn't like first

and then you've got all the nice bit left to the end. Like, if you have a roast dinner, do you save the Yorkshire pudding to last? No, because I don't like Yorkshire puddings controversially. Yeah, this is a real big... Oh, this has really driven a wedge between me and Ed over the years. Yeah, it doesn't like Yorkshire puddings. And I've already got a lot of heat on Twitter about it.

Yeah, and he deserves more. If anything, he hasn't been given enough heat on Twitter. I don't like it. I think it's the equivalent of having an overcooked pancake on your roast dinner. What planet are you living on? Who's making it? Like, have you just not had a good one?

No, I've had loads of... Like, yeah, I've had what you people might call a good Yorkshire pudding. Oh, come on, mate. He's talking about baby food. I think they're a bit tasty. Yeah. Yeah, I've been hoping if I could get a second time in one podcast, bad enough you're making the exit jokes.

And look, I know what you homosexuals and your Yorkshire puddings are like. Yeah, what you might call a Yorkshire pudding. I don't want to be associated with it. I mean, Yorkshire pudding people, which apparently is about 98% of the UK. What I like to do is fill up with gravy. Yeah. Yeah, so what you like is gravy.

No. Put some gravy in a mug. Drink the gravy. No, you drink the gravy. I will drink the gravy. Thank you very much. Is this what your roast bat was like as a bit? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, a lot of edits had to be made. You drink the gravy. No, you drink the gravy. Back and forth for ages. Just kept passing each other a mug. Yeah. They were like, who brought that mug of gravy? I'd tune in and watch that, though.

If it was two people, I'd just go, you drink the gravy. That's a bit of a roast, isn't it? Sorry, I'll just do your gravy. And that was the roast. I'd actually quite enjoy it. Then your dad ran on. Yeah, 15 quid. Where's the gravy?

15 quid, whoever drinks the gravy. I like it. Oh, that's a lovely... I'm going to read your order back to you now, Susie, to make sure that you're happy with it. Yeah, please do. God, this is the longest I've ever taken to order. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was such fun. Um, sparkling water. Yes, please. To begin with, quench your thirst. It's more of a thirst quenching. You would like pappadums, as well, with all the different dips. You would like tuna sashimi from Sexy Fish.

Yes, please. For your starter. The main, you would like a steak. Turn medium to well. Oh, sorry, a piece of fillet steak. A piece of steak fillet. Please, yeah, get it right, right? I definitely want to take those peppercorn sauce.

You would like that from Holt Small. Yes, please. Side, you would like the roasted broccoli with chilli from anywhere, but a little bit burnt, maybe even cooked by your own hands. So I think you seem to... You got the technique.

You trust that the most. Pinot Noir, tightsburgers, Pinot Noir. Yes, please. The dessert. You would like your Nerns lemon drizzle cake. Yes, please. Sounds great to me.

I think it does sound good. I mean, yeah. That fangs together very well as a menu. Ed went on quite a roller coaster without that. Yeah, God, I think it's great at the same time, I think. Yeah. I feel like I've listened to it and been on it all at the same time.

Good. And do you know what? I've said it before, I'll say it again. I think you're both promising comedians. Thank you so much, Susie. Thank you so much, Susie. It does mean a lot. Susie.

It does mean a lot. And yeah, I'm going to... Can I use that as a quote? They'll be like, who's that bird? It's not going to think so much about itself. It never does. That is Susie Ruffle. That is Susie Ruffle.

This is Susie Ruffle. Susie likes sashimi from this... Here we go. Susie likes sashimi. Let's finish it off by all doing it once each. Yeah, all trying to do it once each. Susie likes sashimi from the sushi. You called her sushi.

The first thing you did was called Susie Sushi. Okay. Susie likes sashimi from the sushi shaft, Samba in the Shard. The Samba's the hardest one. Susie likes sashimi from the Susie Samba in the Shard. Susie... You said Susie Samba.

Yeah. Susie Samba. Yeah, that's... Okay, so that's zero for two so far. Susie likes sashimi from the Susie Samba in the Shard. I did it. Oh my goodness, I'm back for that. It's impossible.

Try it yourself at home, but for now, thank you very much for coming into the Dream Restaurant, Susie. It's lovely here. Thanks for having me. Tweet your videos to Susie. Have you tried the tongue twister? Good menu. Yummy.

Little bit of disagreement here and there about how you should cook a steak. But she stood her ground, and that's what I respect. Yeah, I respected it as well, although I don't respect the steak cooking, so it sort of balances out. But she didn't say celery at least, or she didn't get chucked out?

Oh, thank gosh she didn't... If she'd said I'd like a well-cooked steak on top of the raw celery, see you later, Susie. See you later, Susie. But she didn't say it. Well done, Susie. We've invented a new tongue twister.

We have. Susie likes sashimi from the salmon... Okay, that's a tongue twister. James can't do it. Susie likes sashimi from the sushi samba in the shard, but I did a pause in between. It didn't count. It didn't count.

Right, there you go. Leave it. If you at home think you can do that tongue twister, film yourself doing it, and tweet it to all of us and Susie Ruffle on Twitter. Especially the Susie Ruffle. And tag in at Off Menu Official, which is the Off Menu Twitter account.

Also, you can see Susie on tour and at the Edinburgh Festival, just to visit her website for details, which is... SusieRuffle.com. Fantastic. Go on the Off Menu website, offmenupodcast.co.uk. Yeah, there you go.

Also, like, we're on tour, I imagine. Yeah, probably, mate. And all sorts. Watch Sweet Home Keteringo on YouTube. I always like promoting that one. You should promote that one. Not enough hits. Not enough hits on it.

Let's get the hits up on that bad boy. Also, on YouTube, from Turtle Canyon, you made Sweet Home Keteringo, it's just puddings, which is me and Ed. Well, me eating puddings and describing them to diabetic Ed Gamble. It's a wonderful little pudding series, if that's what you enjoy.

Do you ever get that, where you don't know what you're going to say at the end of a sentence, so you start singing, James? Yeah. Oh, fans of this podcast know that that's what I do. So, yeah. Me too.

Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu podcast. Make sure you subscribe. Make sure you review. Make sure you tell your friends and we'll see you again in the Dream Restaurant another time. Have a lovely day.

Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where Spokes and my Mum and Astro about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith.

I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News.

It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News.

We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my Mum on. Get Glendale's Mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening.

There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.