Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 24: Sian Clifford

Episode Date: July 31, 2019

Emmy-nominated 'Fleabag' star Sian Clifford picks her dream meal this week. Loopholes are exploited, there's a detailed water order, and James tells a very boring story. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Sian Clifford on Twitter @SiansUniverse and Instagram @SiansStillSpaceFollow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? James, Ed, dinner's ready. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Hello, Mum. Oh, that's awkward because I'm playing Mum, but I'm also Ed. Yeah. Oh, that's fine. That's Eddie Murphy. Yes. Eddie Murphy would do that. That is your surname. Yes, Murphy. Yes. I've changed it, because there's already another Eddie Murphy. Yeah. I've gone with Ed Gamble. But your original name was Eddie Murphy. Yes. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. I'm Eddie Murphy. Ed Gamble, so I'm always doing that. And over there is James A. Caster. Hello. Hello. Good to see you,

Ed. Lovely to see you, James. Would you like to take us through what the podcast's about? Oh, with pleasure. We have a guest on every single week. We ask them what their best ever start a main course dessert, side and drink are not in that order. And it makes their dream meal. You wouldn't believe that this was episode 24. And James still hasn't quite worked out how to say what the podcast is about. Very difficult to help it. I don't talk about myself. It's not about you. So episode four of series two, just like to take this opportunity to say thank you so much for all the great feedback. We're recording this in advance of the second series being released. So we're just assuming there's been some great feedback. Yep, probably will be some great feedback,

right? And if there's not, you just say it anyway. And people believe it. Trump. Thank you very much for all your wonderful feedback. And no, you can't have your food back because we've eaten it all. Yes, the feedback to the podcast should be called food. Yes, there we go. Happy with that. I'm very happy with that. So who's our guest this week, James? Sean Clelliford. Sean Clelliford, apparently. Sorry. Well, I was trying to say, I was trying to be beneath about this before the podcast is when I was younger, there was Muppets Tonight was on TV. It was a show called Muppets Tonight. Yeah. How old do you think I am? Yep. And, and the host was called Clifford. And they would say,

please welcome your host, Clelliford. Like that. And I went to do it. And like that. And I thought, no, not everyone will know what I'm on about. And then I doubted it. And then I really messed it up. Sean Clelliford is our guest today. Yep. Sean is an actor. She's been in loads of wonderful things, including a little show that I've discovered, James, called Fleabag. Oh, Fleabag. Yeah, I believe it's on the BBC now. I told the BBC about it and they've picked it up and put it on the iPlayer. It's, it's called Fleabag. Fleabag. She's, she's in that. Fantastic. Yes, she's very good. And we're very lucky to have her at the dream restaurant today. Very excited to have her at the dream restaurant. Although we're not so excited that we have not instituted a secret

ingredient that if she says it will kick her out the goddamn restaurant. You better believe it, Ed. Does the word dill mean anything to you? It does. And you know what? I don't mind dill in small little portions. Sure. Or a little flavour. But don't dump a bush on top of my food, mate. Don't dump a bush on top of my food, mate. Also, it's not. All the other herbs are the texture of leaves, right? Yes. Dill is like hair. Ah. It's like a wig. It's like someone's put a green wig. It's a big old toupee. Yeah. So no dill. If, if, if, if dill is a major ingredient in any of these dishes, that's it. So if Sean says dill, she will be out of the restaurant. Absolutely. I hope she doesn't because I'm looking forward to hearing the dream mail of

Sean Clifford. Here's the podcast. Let's talk about food, shall we? Yes, please. Welcome to the dream restaurant, Sean. Oh my God. It's not what I expected. Uh-oh. Welcome, Sean. Welcome to the restaurant. Good to see you. We're expecting you for some time for many decades. We knew you would come. That's part of the dream restaurant is that we've got, yeah, we've got a bookings, a bookings app that tells us for decades in advance who's coming. Everyone was meant to be here who comes here. Is there destiny? Yeah. And you decorate it exactly how they want it. Yeah. Is this what you imagined? Yes, perfect. Take us through what, take us through what's in the restaurant today. Um, loads of natural light.

A lot of natural light. I harvested that myself. Um, the sun is shining, there's a cool breeze blowing. Yeah, Bob Marley. Yeah. Yeah. Is that Bob Marley, the sun is shining? Oh, did I unintentionally equate him? I think he did. Bob Marley points the phrase, the sun is shining. And there's Bob Marley in the corner, of course, playing live in the dream restaurant today. In terms of like restaurants you've been in in real life, I mean, this is real life, but like, this is also a dream. But until now, just in case you'd forgotten, this is also real life, Sean. Okay. Yeah. It's real life, but also dream. What is real? Good point. Good point. Sean's been smoking some doobies before coming in. Perfect. That's a perfect way to start.

A lovely meal, I think. If you're going to meet a genie, you want to get baked beforehand. Yeah. Smoke a fat one before the, before the bread. Yeah. So, but has there ever been a restaurant you've walked into and just the way it looks, the decor, everything is like, you're like, oh, this is, this is the best one. The best one so far. I love it. Maybe it's the wallpaper, maybe it's the music, maybe it's the natural light. I'm going to say the first thing that popped into my head, which was a place called Shutters in LA. Have you been there? No. It's called Shutters on the Beach. It's a, it's a hotel, which I've never had the opportunity to stay in a very expensive hotel, but it's, that restaurant is, that's very

beautiful. Can't, can't remember the food though. Paint a picture of what it looks like. It's like a beach house. So it's, it's on Santa Monica beach and yeah, it's like one of those New England, um, yeah, little houses. So it feels quite cozy, but it's, yeah, the windows wide open and it's natural light, natural light guys. Sean loves natural light. Have you ever tried a picnic, Sean? Natural light 360. Yeah, yeah, you won't believe it. So much, Sean, picnics, I do, I find picnics a bit annoying. Yes, correct. Correction. We've not talked about picnics on the podcast yet, but I've, I've got a few bones to pick with picnics. Okay. I've got a few bones. There's nothing substantial to eat. So you, that's

down to you. I'm going to say that now. Okay. The picnic is very much. Can I just say, this ties in perfectly with something I saw this week. I was out for a walk in Richmond and some people having a picnic. This is how posh Richmond is. It was a catered picnic. No. In a public area, they had like a chef and like a trestle table laid out with like stuff the chef had brought. You know what catered me? It was. And the chef had brought the stuff. That's awful. Okay. That's the way to do it. Yeah. That's the way to do it. In that case, the food thing would not be an issue. I have a problem with sitting on the floor. Okay. My body's not made for that. Yeah. I'm standing or chair.

Stiff hips. Yeah. Stiff hips. Exactly. I don't like having yet laying down and now having your elbows propping you up. Yeah. You can never find the right position. That position is horrible, isn't it? Yeah. Elbows, elbows behind. Or the other way, where your back is like. Laying on the front. Doing like the downward dog. Is that? No. No, it's not downward dog. What is it? No, that's like, um, Cobra. What yoga position is best for a picnic? I only know the Sanskrit words. You know the Sanskrit? It's soup tip, but it can ask now. Oh, but Vanita has just suggested that people tweet us in what yoga position is best for a picnic. Yeah. Hashtag yoga picnic. Yeah. Also do hashtag got a got a boner picnic.

Got a boner picnic. Because I can't believe we let Ed get away with that. Yeah. That was a good pun. Got a boner picnic. When you said it. Sharma being very polite as a guest there, was she? I don't really like puns, but I thought that was quite a good one. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. My old daddy, daddy gamble, old man gamble over there. Old man gamble. That's me. But when you said it, it sounded like got a boner picnic. Got a boner picnic. Yeah. Because I'm the bad boy of the podcast. Everyone knows that. That would make the picnic even more uncomfortable, to be honest.

It would actually. Yeah. Makes any situation uncomfortable. But basically, what about cross legs? Is it in cross legs? I don't know. They'd still be able to see it. Oh, were you talking about picnics or boners in that situation? I thought we were talking about, huh? No. You definitely couldn't do Cobra. No, you could not do the Cobra. I'll tell you that much. You'd be like one of those robots on Robot Wars is flipped over, then they might self-fight themselves.

Or prop you up. Yeah. Yeah. Like a kickstand. Can I just say, I think we've really focused in on exactly what my humor is there. Yeah. Yeah. The Robot Wars boner flip is exactly my humor. Well done. Well done, everyone. I agree about the no good food at the picnic though, because I've never, because people like us who don't want to go on picnics and never the people who pack them. That's the thing. That's the catch, isn't it? Because like, I thought it was a bit unfair when you said it was Sharn's fault, because if you don't like a picnic, you're not packing the picnic. Yeah.

So you're made to go on the picnic and the people who do pack it, they don't care. Because they think it's nice enough that you're just going for a picnic. Sure. But if you don't like picnics and you get invited to a picnic, why not try and make the picnic better by taking along something that you might enjoy? What would be your dream picnic food? So I'm vegetarian and aspiring vegan, is what I'll say. But the, so I'll always take, I always take strawberries. Which I think is a, that's good. That's good. That's safe. You're cutting them with anything? You putting some cream or some sugar on them?

No cream, because I don't do dairy, but also stuff like that is going to, it's going to curdle in the sun. It's like stuff spoils so quickly. And everyone's got those little packets from M&S. It's just like warm artichokes. It's just, yeah, there's something about it that's, I don't know, unless you have it catered or, you know, you bring your cool box. Yeah. Yeah, the cool box. And you're one of those people. Yeah, exactly. You own a cool box. No. I shouldn't go and buy in a cool box.

That seems like the sort of thing I do. If I was invited to a picnic, I'd buy a cool box and then, and then I'd be at home with the cool box and go, I think I'm going to throw that cool box away. Yeah. And I'm part of the problem. If I bought a cool box and I had it at home, I would want to put like my head in it and sort of see how cool it is. That's how you're going to die, isn't it? But you need to put ice in it to cool it. It then, it then keeps the cool in, right? Oh, it's not just cool. It's not just cool. It's not just not a fridge.

It's not like a fridge. It's not a self-sustaining wireless fridge. But then it's the ice keeping it cool. So what's the point of the cool box? You just have any box and put some ice in it. Yeah. But then that's going to, the ice is going to melt and it's not going to be cool anymore. Whereas the cool box is like an insulating thing, yeah. Like a thermos. Exactly. Like a big thermos. Giant thermos.

Okay. Well, don't believe the hype then because I wouldn't want to put my hand in a thermos. Finally, someone's destroyed cool box. Can we start with some still sparkling water, Sharon? Still please. Loads of lemon, no ice. I like that. Yeah, I do actually. Now, why no ice? Okay. This ice thing has to stop.

This is, that is 100% adopted from American culture. We never used to have ice or like you'd ask for it. It would be an extra. Now it's like every water cooler you go to, it is like drinking Antarctica. I hate it. Interesting. Just when the cool box fought, it wasn't going to get any more, it wasn't going to get any more dicks. We're going back into it and kicking its lifeless corpse around the room.

I'd say the ice problem is much more prevalent in America still though. The crushed ice, the loads of ice when they bring you like water. I like in America, they just pour water as you don't have to ask for it, but there's always so much. Bottomless, bottomless glass. Bottomless water, go for it. But the crushed ice is, you have to drink around it. I hate it.

Yeah, it's overwhelming the drink. I wouldn't say overwhelming. It's overwhelming. Does it panic you when you see too much ice? No, and actually I like to crush ice, but that's like a separate thing. What? What do you mean? I like to crunch ice.

Do you like to crunch on ice? You eat it on its own, we don't want it in drinks. I don't want it in a drink. You want it on its own? You can put it in a separate bowl of ice. Can I have some ice on the side please and I'd like to crunch it. A little Clutier Starter maybe? Yeah.

A little bowl of ice? Delicious. A little bowl of ice cubes. Delicious little bowl of ice. No, I'm like trying to cut it down because it does as well. Like we live in a cold country and I'm like one of those people I know. There was a period in my life where I was very, very unwell and it affected what I could eat for like honestly years.

And so I've read so much about nutrition and I know too much about food. Okay. In a really irritating way. Right, okay. Like I know and I've sort of gone beyond it now. Did you used to like mention it a lot? No, it's just more that you get obsessive about like good and bad rather than being like now I'm into intuitive eating where it's like just eat what your body wants.

Eat what you're craving. It's you know. I had a similar, well probably not a similar thing but because I'm type one diabetic. Are you? For a long time. Yeah. And how did I get it changed? Special skill?

Ed fell in the 10. When I was really trying to get on top of that stuff it's that you really need to know about carbohydrate content so you can inject the right amount of insulin for food. So you need to get obsessed with the grams of carbohydrates and things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been reading packets, learning about it, trying to work out if you went out for a meal what grams of carbohydrates were in it. But like a year and a half and it just gets too much.

And now I think that's like a superpower now. I can just look at something and tell you. And you know. And I know. Grams. Yeah. And also it's just about then just relaxing. That's like me and Pokemon.

James has just started playing Pokemon Go. 2019? He is two years behind the craze. I thought about starting it recently. I'm not going to lie. Just started. It's just James on there now. That's the best thing about it.

He's winning everything. You're top of the table. The clouds are clear. There's so many Pokemon out there. You're cleaning up after them. You're not going to walk off a cliff. Exactly. I won't walk off a cliff.

I'm going to get hit by any cars. I'm just going around getting all the Pokemon that everyone's forgotten about. Oh my God. Fantastic. It's a bountiful world out there now if you want to get. This is a top tip. It's a top. Well, actually, I don't want to tell everyone about it because then everyone will do it

and then I won't be on my own anymore. So now how we got to ended up getting to this. Because I was just talking about Pokemon stats. And then in your head, you went and boarded this. I want to talk about Pokemon. Well, you guys were saying about you know all about carbohydrate stats and all that kind of stuff. I know all about Pokemon stats and how. Give us one.

Give us a good stat. If you want to upgrade the Graveler, you need 100 candies. Put yourself back to food. Bought it back to food. Lemon. How much lemon are you putting in the water? Loaded lemon. Loaded lemon.

And I want it like squeeze. So it's like in the water. Yes. It's a real tangy little. When people just put a lemon wedge or a lime wedge in something and don't squeeze it. Yeah, you're not getting. No. You lost just a waste.

Gin and tonic. If I have a gin and tonic in a pub and there's a lime wedge in it. Lovely. Like a bit of lime. But I will have to pick the lime wedge out and give it a squeeze. You've got to get it. You asked them to squeeze the lemon. No, I'll just.

No. No, actually, I'll leave it to chance. Which is a mistake. Yeah, that seems a step too far in terms of ordering something, I think. No ice and squeeze the lemon. Yeah. I mean, that lemon that's in, you can probably hear that listener. That hasn't been squeezed.

But like, it's not been squeezed. That's it. Shine's literally got a jug of water there with some lemon, two wedges of lemon in it. But you know what it's got now? It's got bits of lemon floating in it. And at first you're not sure what they are. What did you think they were? As in no, like, you know, like little bits of the lemon have come off.

So you go, oh, what's that? And then you go. Oh, it's just bits of lemon. What do you worry that it might be? It's not. It's not. Yes. That's your first thought.

That's what it looks like. Little off-menu crank that we like to do. Yep. Welcome to the show. It's some snot water. It's delicious. Or bits, I was thinking bits of people's lips, like someone with flaky lips. Flaky lip person's already had a sip out of it.

I don't want to drink that now. Oh, like Martin Clunes. I bet he has flaky lips. I reckon he salves them. He's got a lovely big lips, right? He must pop a bit of lip salve on. I've worked with him. Oh, yeah?

He played my father-in-law. What was lips like, flaky? I think they were sumptuous and moist. They were fine. Delicious. And what I remember. Myself and Clunes have both got big old wackers on us. What?

You've got a big lip. Have you? I don't really know. Clunes level? Sure. No. No. But pretty big lips.

I've got a small nose as well, so I think in comparison. Small nose big lips. That was my nickname. Yeah? The dream. Yeah. Have I had any names, Sean? I've got some, yeah, like from school.

Shannon, for the people who couldn't say Sean. Oh, my God. Wow. Fair enough. There's sort of halfway there when they say Shannon though. I know, I know. I know. It's only a small change.

I don't know, that's the one that stuck. Shannon, Sharnidge. That's another excellent one. Pop it up as well, Brett. Pop it up as well, Brett, Sean. Pop it up as well, Brett. You're a genie. Yeah.

Yeah. And you like loopholes. Yes. Have you heard of... I think something else falls into that category. Sean's typing up a cheat code here and I'm quite excited about it. Doses and hoppers. What do you know about those things?

Yeah, well, yes, I like both of those things. Do you think they fall into that category? I've never really had them much. You took me to a restaurant once, James. You took me to Hoppers. Have you been to Hoppers? Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? You took me to Hoppers on my birthday once.

Yeah, I did. We had a lovely time at Hoppers. You took me to Hoppers for his birthday. Yes. That's a nice treat. It was a really nice treat, actually. And then we had ice cream after that. Yeah.

Yeah, I probably... Well, what do you think was the actual ditch here? Because if it was from Hoppers, then that feels like a main. But if you're just having something on your own, then I think it'll probably qualify. Let's hear it, Sean. It was originally, I was going to say both. Oh, I don't understand.

Rub it on down, Ted. There's a keyword in the question. I'm basically trying to find a way to get every dish ever into the meal. Well, you can get a hopper with an egg in it. Yes, the best. It's the one thing keeping me from being a vegan is the egg. The hopper with the egg. Or the egg in general.

Or the egg in general. Just the egg in general. Yeah, the egg. The runny yolk of an egg. It's my biggest nemesis right now. Guess what? Old man. Basically, he got into boiled eggs.

As a 33-year-old man, I'd never really boiled eggs before, but now I have one to two boiled eggs every morning. Oh, my God, delicious. I love it. Soft boiled eggs. Yeah. Absolutely. Scoop out a bit of them and then pour hot sauce into the egg,

into the shell. Not done that before. Mix it all around. Oh, dirty old man. Brilliant. I'm not a dirty old man. Why am I a dirty old man for having a soft boiled egg? Didn't like what I just heard with the

making a little hole and pouring the hot sauce into the egg. I didn't like that. Shine didn't like it either. I put paprika in there. A little pinch of paprika. Okay. And some salt. That sounds nicer.

What's wrong with a bit of hot sauce? It's a bit scummy, isn't it? Put your hot sauce in the boiled egg. Keep it down. But paprika and salt's dignified. Right. People salt in there. Do you peel all the shell off the egg first

and then salt it? How are you doing it? I'm tapping. Peel off the top bit. Then a little sprinkle of my seasoning. And that goes on the little white, on the little cap that you've taken off too. And then the soldiers go in.

Oh. Now here's where we differ. I'm not having any soldiers. What? Eggs very anti-war. Right, a little hippy. Yeah. Okay.

We're talking about different meals. I am a conscientious objector. Yes. So you just eat it like a suit? Like a little savoury yogurt. Like a little petit-fallot. Like a petit-fallot? Yeah, petit-fallot.

That's the word I was looking for. I eat it like a little petit-fallot. Is that controversial? That is very controversial to me. Yeah. For Shard's face. Do you think she's taking this lightly? She's absolutely horrified by what you just said.

She's disgusted, honestly. Yeah. I'm just eating it just straight protein on with my day. Convert him. Convert him, Shard. We've got to get the soldiers in there. They're so warming. And I tell you what,

egg and soldiers was a contender for my starter. Wow. Oh, wow. That is a... That would have been a big swing for a starter. Yeah. Essentially breakfast. Essentially breakfast.

Yeah. I mean, it's still on there. Honorable Munchen. Now, key question, James. Are we letting Sharn have hoppers? No, I'm sorry, Sharn. I produced the Great Benita. It doesn't know what a hopper is.

And he would like you to explain it. So, I'm going to say it's like... Almost like a basket, right? It's like a pancake and bread sort of in one. And it's like a little bowl. And it's really, really thin and really, really crispy. And in the middle of it, is an egg, a fried egg.

That was a very good description. Yeah, very good. You started off by saying it's a bit like a basket and I thought we're in trouble here. Because I thought, I don't know if people at home are really going to get a good impression of what a food item is when you've described it like a non-food item. But then the more that went on,

the more I was like, yep, absolutely. That sums me up. And the egg is optional. But I have a lot of respect for the eggs in there. It's one of my favourites that... I love it. Is it a starter? I don't want to deny it.

Well, it's a poppadooms or bread. Yeah, but it should be... It's a starter, isn't it? It's not a poppadooms or bread. Unless we let people have poppadooms and we let people put things on the poppadooms, don't we? Yeah, yes it. Yes we do.

So is it just like a different option for the poppadooms and then like the egg is like what a chutney would be on a poppadoom? Yeah. It's up to you, Jeannie. Oh, it's difficult, isn't it? I think that you've made such a good argument for it and I also love hoppers so much. I'd probably love the egg when I will let you have it

because like I know you're passionate about it. And we let Desiree have nachos, didn't we? We did, although that's more of a traditional pre-meal. Yeah. They actually didn't get bought out pre-meal than nachos. I'm happy with the hoppers. And they are covered in other food. Yeah, they are.

Smothered in it. They're just a vehicle for our food, really, aren't they? Oh, I asked Joel Domit, he'll tell you. Surprise nachos, never know how big they're going to be. Absolutely more. So, I think hoppers with an egg. Yeah, and Joe, we're making that call. All three of us might be lambs of the slaughter on Twitter.

We might have a lot of listeners taking us on on that. We might have to mute our Twitter. Here comes your starter now. Okay. So, we know that it's not boiled eggs. It's not boiled eggs and soldiers. So, I'm going to get, I have like a list. There were so many.

And also, I have, I feel like a lot of starters and sides can be interchangeable. Okay. Yeah, I know what you mean, yeah. They often come up. So, there are like, in terms of like vegan restaurants that are popping up, there are loads of like, I love junk food. And there are loads of like, you can get now jackfruit wings, or you can get these.

I'm convinced, by the way, I'm going to say the secret ingredient today. Yeah, you reckon you are? I'm really, I'm really worried. Yeah. Because I'd usually agree with all of your, all of your things. And you've, but the ones that things that I do, like you've already said, if I say anything that I, that you've already said in the past secret ingredient is fine. No, that's fine.

Yeah, that's fine. Don't worry about that. Absolutely fine. So, one of the like, best meals I've ever, ever had was when my sister and I took my, our mum away to this hotel spa place. I have no idea where it was, or what it was called. And it was a long time ago. So, their chef has probably changed.

I don't know, but we had. Well done to not say he died there. Yeah. I thought that's where you were going. I thought their chef has probably died. I had the most delicious, it's so basic. But it was a leek and potato soup. But it was the most buttery, creamy, delicious thing.

I've ever eaten. And I don't know, I don't know how they made it. And it's, I've tried to recreate it and I can't. And so, that is like a really like, strong food memory for me. Yes. That's something that I love as a starter. And I cook it all the time because I love it, love it, love it. Oh, so you still like leek and potato soup in general?

Yeah. Usually you love the dish itself. It wasn't just that that one caught you off guard and was the best one. I mean, it is the best one, but leek and potato soup is the kind of thing why I'd think like, I wouldn't be bothered about it. Take it or leave it. Straight away, my observation, the Simpsons said leek and potato soup.

I was watching James' face and I think you've got some convincing to do here. Okay, yeah, he's a bit livid. Well. Well, this is a maybe. This particular one, when you said buttery, I was like, I'll see what's happening here because you know, there's so many things. You see what's happening here. Yeah, I'll see what's happening here because like,

we've all ordered something before and that sounds a bit boring. But I'll have it anyway. And then actually, the chef surprises you by making it. Well, they do something to the vegetable that where the flavour is so enhanced. It's like a new sensation. Yes. Look, I like a leek and potato soup. But I think a lot of the heavy lifting is butter and salt and pepper.

Yeah. All right. But is what I think. But I think if you've had an amazing leek and potato soup. It would have to be that one. Yes. So like that, but that. Can I just say as well, we're not giving you an easy ride

because we know you've heard the podcast before. So this is probably the most we deconstructed against menus. Straight off the bat. Well, another thing that was like a very close contender, which I think you will go for, is do you know Padela? Aware of it, not been to it. That's Skinner's partner. I beg your pardon?

Padela and Skinner at the lighted seats. Are you all right today, Joe? I thought we were doing puns there. I was trying to get on the pun train. Sean doesn't like puns. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Sean. I don't know Padela though. Padela is this.

It just sells pasta in London Bridge. It's like a basket. It's like a big basket. Is that a big basket? We've got a basket. People sit in it and eat food. No, you must have heard about it, right? I've heard of it, yeah.

And it's this huge queues, no reservations just like Hoppers, this other restaurant. You know a restaurant in London is generally good if they don't take reservations and they make a queue for two hours. And this one is always, even if you go on a Monday at lunchtime, you will still have to queue for two hours to get in. And they have a really, really small menu.

There's hardly any that have like, I don't know, eight dishes on the menu. It's all just beautiful, freshly made pasta. And there's this gnocchi that they do with nutmeg butter that is unbelievably good. And I know you would both lose your mind if you ate it. Yeah, I think I would lose my mind. It is.

It sounds great. That sounds amazing. Also, I know it's chosen gnocchi yet and I love it. You love gnocchi, don't you? I love it. And when it's like freshly made, it literally just melts. It's so delicious. Gnocchi, are we saying gnocchi?

Good gnocchi. Are you saying that? It's not like that. Every time I eat it, it reminds me of Dennis Menace's dog. Nasha. Yeah, Nyasha. Yeah, Gnasha. Gnasha.

I used to say Gnasha. You used to say it. Chocolate Gnasha. Chocolate Gnash. Chocolate Gnash. Oh. Well, that's how we say it. We are the Fun Bunch.

Is it just a gnocmeg butter on this? Oh, is it? Oh, do you have other things? No, that is it. It's so plain. You can get it with Parmesan, but I do not have Parmesan on it, because it's not vegetarian.

Oh, just in general. I'm glad that you don't disgust him. You don't like it? What? Revelation. You know that about me. You don't like Parmesan? Not the powdered or grated stuff.

No, but like, I mean, this is fresh like from a huge rock. Yeah, from a big wheel. But it's not vegetarian. No, most Parmesan is made with animal sewage. Is it called? If it's not vegetarian. No idea.

So you don't have the Parmesan, you just go straight up? You just go straight in and it is. It's just so pure and beautiful and delicious. I've not had gnocchi in ages. Yeah. I'll have some gnocchi. Now, I think just by the reaction that's got.

Oh, yeah, that's the number one. I think we've got to take the gnocchi with nutmeg butter, over leek and potatoes. Yes. Yep. Yeah, that's fine. I'm fine with that. Okay, sounds delicious.

Back on solid ground, I think. Okay, good. Now, we come to your main course, and to help me God, if it's a main serving of leek and potatoes. I found a loophole. Another loophole, yeah, yeah. No, my main, again, a bit of a tussle. Love junk food, love like burgers and things,

and there are so many amazing like vegan versions of that now. In fact, there's a new place that's just opened in southeast London that I ate at last night that, I mean, it was unbelievably good. Because I think what I don't think I miss, Paul Nelson is called. You know what, I don't miss the flavour of meat at all. I miss the texture, and they've, I don't know how they've done it. Wow.

And I have to say, like, your taste buds change when you become vegetarian, because I was such a carnivore, and I've only been vegetarian for three years now. I've actually sent something back, I've sent a breakfast back because I was convinced that the sausage was meat. Right. And then someone who wasn't vegetarian ate it, and was like, that is definitely not meat.

Right. But you, I've, I don't know, I've forgotten what it tastes like. So I love like junk foodie stuff like that. I thought about like a roast dinner, stuff like that. But actually, the best meal I've ever, ever had was in Thailand, and I was travelling there when I was 19, and I just got there with two of my friends, and we met up with two other friends of ours

who'd already been in the country for a little while, so they knew the route. They'd organised for us to go on this trek. Now, I am not a fan of peril. Right. I hate anything that's going to put my life in danger, and this trek was one of those. You're the person, well, you know when they put on a film thing

saying contains mild peril, you're the person they're warning. Oh, my God. Just you. Yeah. Oh, I can watch it. Other people wouldn't do it. You'll never, ever, ever, it doesn't matter how much you paid me, you're going to get me to jump out of a plane.

Ever. No matter how much I paid you. No matter how much I could raise for charity. Million pounds. No. Million pounds to stop people dying. No. Put an end to death.

Two million pounds. Put an end to death. Yep. You think it would take one million pounds to put an end to death? Just to, let's say a hypothetical. Oh, here we go. Plugging your show again. 10 p.m. on Dave.

Wednesday nights. Josh wouldn't have like questioned the logic of my hypothetical question. You're like, oh. One million pounds. Put an end to death. Yep. What's that? Is that what he sounds like?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he sounds like he's happy. It's more like near-death experiences. Yeah, that's what you don't like. And I did nearly die on this trek where I like fell down the side of this. It wasn't a mountain, but it was like a really sheer drop, and my friend caught me by my rucksack. Fuck off. Oh, my God.

I'm not kidding. Oh, my God. Wait, were you just looking down at it? No, it wasn't like that. It was just like my footing went. Yeah. Because we were on like a really narrow bit of track, and he just, he caught me. How did he catch you and not fall with you?

Because someone caught his rucksack. Was it a long chain? It's like the human centipede in a way. No. We don't bring that up on a food podcast. Yeah, good point. That is the worst, that is the worst film to bring up on a food podcast. Awful.

I apologize, Sean. That has happened during your episode, but I just bought the human centipede. Now that is perilous. Yeah, that is perilous. I mean, I'd have expected that on an issues episode or something like that, but not chance. Yeah. Sorry, everyone. How rude.

I thought you were going to say you fell down and landed in a restaurant and... Straight in the seat and then they just dished you up this amazing meal. No, my friend caught me and it was all very like, I don't know, fraught and panicky. And I already didn't trust my feet before that happened. Oh, now. I mean, we could gloss over that detail, but tell us about your relationship with your feet. Yeah. That you don't trust them.

Like in terms of like... Have they got no rhythm? So you thought they were guilty? Yeah. You didn't. Come on, it's not a pun, I'm allowed that. All right. No, just to be honest, it's like mountains and trekking.

That's what I absolutely hate. It's like, it's fear of falling. And so I don't trust that, you know, when you say something out loud and suddenly you're like, oh my God, that's the root of the problem. I don't trust my feet. And maybe I just need to trust my feet and I'd be fine. Is it that you think your feet will just walk off? I always think I'll just walk off the cliff.

They're just going to go the wrong way. Yeah, they'll just do it. This reminds me of, did you ever see the MC Hammer cartoon where his shoes were their own entity? No. Okay, someone needs to back me up on this, otherwise I'm going to sound mad. Well, no. There was an MC Hammer cartoon and he had shoes that were like talking shoes

and they used to like walk for him. Whatever. Were they attached to his legs? When he put them on. Oh. Yeah. Venita, will you Google MC Hammer cartoon? Yeah, they have eyes at the top and they're...

I got it mouth. Yep. At the end of the shoe, it comes up from the sole so it can speak. Now, unfortunately, because you didn't know about that, we've had to do all of that, all I've got based off this is I was going to say, did your feet feel like the shoes in Hammer Man? But you've not seen it, so... Not seen it.

No. But now you've seen them? Is that what your feet were like? No, because that's a bit creepy, isn't it? It is a bit creepy. Okay, apologies again. It's crazy that your friend called you by the backpack. Yeah, he did.

So... And he's like the oldest friend I have in the whole world as well. Really? Wow. So it was, I could... At that point, he was as well. No, I've known him since, like, he's a month older than me, and we've known each other our whole lives.

Wow. Wow. Yeah. So after that story, I'm presuming your main course is going to be the taste of life. The sweet taste of life that day. It was the sweet, sweet... The taste of fresh air. The sweet taste of beer to life.

Basically, at the end of that trek, or the end of that day, we got to this little place where we were setting up to camp, and it was amazing. We were like by this lake, and it was the full moon, and they basically, they cooked us this meal, which was the first time I'd ever had like a proper Thai curry. So I'd gone for Thai with my family before that, but I'd always, I don't know, refuse to eat full stop.

I think that's the end. I think I just, I didn't, it felt too scary for me to try it. I'm so sorry to interrupt. I'm just going to say, this sounds a hell of a lot like a picnic. And a catered one at that. It's a catered picnic. In Thailand, while you were traveling. Yeah.

It sounds like your main course is a catered picnic. But you know what? It was made by, so when we were walking, we met, we went to visit this village, and then as a courtesy or a welcoming thing, they made us this meal. So it's actually... It's not a catered picnic.

But it was outdoors. It was outdoors. Okay, look, I just want to know where we're going with it. Never seen it. I did sit, we did sit at a table though. Undercover. Undercover building. It was indoors.

It wasn't a building in the sense that we know it. It was like an awning. Upturned basket. Under a big hopper. Under a giant hopper sky. I like the idea that Sean just compares everything to a bus. And I'm sorry for being panicky at this point, because I do want to hear what the curry was.

I want to hear what's in the curry. I did say picnicity. He did say... I didn't say picnicity. Picnicity. I'm pointing at Ed. I think you were about to... You thought I'd done another pun, didn't you?

I did. Yeah. Even though we all knew what was coming, hearing picnicity, that was very funny. It's a very funny thing to me. That's James' thing. Picnicity about a picnic is... Picnicity.

That is funny. But no, they made us this... unbelievably delicious and rich green curry. And it was really, really hot. And I don't generally like super hot stuff, but it was perfect because you could still taste everything. And it was just... It was amazing because I was alive.

Yeah. And so that might have enhanced why it was like one of the greatest meals I've ever had in my life. So would you like that as part of the main... in the dream restaurant? Would you like us to dangle you off the side of something and then give you the meal? Absolutely not.

Okay, fair enough. That's it. And was there any... Was it a veggie curry? It was a veggie curry because it was baking hot. So for them to have... Well, it would have had to have been a fresh kill for it to have not gone sour.

Just someone else who'd fallen off. Yeah. Someone else who'd not been so lucky. Well, they weren't like a backpack, by the way. So it was absolutely... That was just delicious with rice. You're in a Thai restaurant and you've got the choice of green curry, red curry.

You always go in green curry? Always go in green curry. Me too. Yeah. Interesting because I would not... I'm not a big Thai boy, famously. It's not a big Thai boy. No.

But I would always go red curry because I think that sounds like the spiciest. I think it goes back to some sort of like annoying, spicy, masculine thing. But green curry probably spicier, right? I'm not sure. I was thinking it's tastier. I think the flavour's better.

Yeah, I do too. Nathaniel Metcalf, excellent comedian and friend of ours. He used to work at a comic book shop on Berwick Street in London. Gosh comics. Gosh comics. Every Friday, there'd be food stalls outside in the street. There'd always be a guy who did curry, Thai curry. He'd have a big...

a big wok or whatever of green curry. A big old wok of red curry. People would just queue up. Oh, the guy would have that. Yeah. Nathaniel wouldn't eat a whole wok. No, no, no, no, no, no. The guy would have those.

That's all he had. He'd have those two things and once they were run out, it'd go home for the day. Yeah. That guy. And Nathaniel said green curry went so much faster than the red curry every single time. Yeah.

Every time. But I think that's not a good story. Why are you looking like that with Eato? I'm going to cut that out. I think that's a boring story. I'm really boring. The side dish. The side dish.

Again, so... Got a little bit of a loophole coming around the corner. No, no loopholes. Just like, literally, I had about 20 things on this list. So I was like, how do I pin it down? Is this something you had after you were nearly there by a bus? Wow. Look at that.

No, but here's the thing. You can see that list on your phone. My God, it's a novel. Well, there are things that I love like... There are things... So I do love a slow roasted fennel, but I'm not going to use it today. Thank you.

Good. That would have been the ultimate trolling if you picked a slow roasted fennel. Maybe I'll do it. I would have been well and good with it. I love roasted, like, roasted broccoli. Oh, my days. Loads of salt, like, a little bit crispy.

Delicious. All of this. So I love stuff like that. I love, like... I don't know, like, the greens that they do, the mixed greens they do in basaba are, like, really, really delicious. I don't know what.

I mean, it's probably just sugar that they put in that sauce, but it's so delicious. But I think the side I'm going to go for, again, sort of bread-y based, later on in my trip in Thailand. Yes. I had food poisoning. Oh, God, what a trip.

Did you get food poisoning from the curry? I went and... It just made me really sick from it. No, it was actually, like, when I... And I think back to it now, it's actually quite terrifying because I was so young and I was just, like, I was really, really, really ill and, like, I was with, you know, me and my two mates

and we had no idea what we were doing. But I just... They went, like, white water rafting for the day and I just was, like, I can't... Like, I could literally see my stomach spasming on my skin. It was horrendous and it lasted for days. I was so ill and when you're that ill, that it does cross your mind that you're going to die.

Yeah, of course. I'd say with me, it's immediate. As soon as I'm ill, I'm like, well, that's me then. That's it. I'm dead. Bye-bye. So far. Yeah.

Well, maybe if you had a few skydives, then you wouldn't have to die. Yeah. So... Maybe you'd be dead from the skydive, or have broken legs. Sure. I could... I catastrophise immediately.

Yeah. If I'll be like, I'm going to die. Sometimes if I wake up in the morning and I'm the only one in the flat and then I look out the window and I can't see anyone immediately, I assume there's been a zombie apocalypse. Just for a second, I'll be like, everyone else is dead.

This is it. Everyone else is dead. Just me. Are you happy when you think that's the case? I'm not happy. Do you think freedom? Yeah, I think what am I going to do first? I think I'll get...

It's an adventure. But by the time I've thought through the adventure, I'm like, I'll see someone walking their dog or something. Yeah. You're like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. And then you go, there's two of us,

and me and that man are going to have to mate. Yeah. Or I think I'm going to kill that man. Yeah. You just immediately kill him before checking to see if there was a zombie apocalypse or not. Kill his dog first. Kill his dog.

Kill his dog. Use it as a hand. Kill his dog. Kill his dog. No, kill his dog. Kill his dog. That's not acceptable. Not acceptable, really.

But if there's been a zombie apocalypse, and that's what Ed's under the impression of, and then he needs to make himself a warm jacket, then he's got to kill the dog. I've got... But if I'm in my flat, I've got a jacket. I don't think I could... But not...

...legitimize killing the dog to wear a warm jacket when I've got maybe four jackets. But it's the apocalypse now, and you've got to look the part. You can't be going around in your normal jacket. You've got to be wearing a dog. That's true. The apocalypse.

Yeah. Disaster. So it was a bit like that in Thailand. It was a bit like that. But I was so ill that I didn't call my mum. Wow. Do you know what I mean? Where you're light, I didn't want to worry.

That's a really good way of levelling that illness out. It had gone past calling your mum. It was really bad, and I was just like sipping water. I didn't know what else to do. And coconut water, which is actually the best thing you can have, because it replaces all your electrolytes and whatever. I actually topped it for hangovers, PS.

But the only thing that I could eat after that that I could keep down were these pancakes. I think they have a special name for them. And they fold them into a little square, and they have condensed milk. But I think it's made from coconut milk. And it's like, oh my god, it's really sweet. Yeah.

And delicious and warming. And it was the only thing I'd keep down. And it had such a comforting, safe memory for me that that, I think, that's going to be my side. So you're getting a pancake, and you're folding it into a square. They fill it with the condensed milk coconut milk. The sweet, sweet, sweet milk.

Yeah. And then they fold it into a square, and they serve it on a paper plate. And it's a savoury dish, technically. Yeah. You like pancakes? I do. Because that's a second pancake.

Second pancake. I know, right? And the mites fight their way into it. Unprecedented. A double pancake. I love pancakes. If we end up with triple pancake, this is going to be a legendary episode.

Yeah. Well, it's sort of, I think it's already a legendary if I've been to pancakes, actually. Oh, yeah, double pancakes. No, it's already. They are one of my favourite things on the planet. Have you ever missed pancake day? I'm not segwaying into material.

James has got a lot of material about pancake day. I had pancakes two days ago. Wow. At home. For the listener. Do you just make pancakes? We're called a miss in July. So, I think we're not.

Oh, I think they are a year round. Oh, they are. But I miss people. So, I miss pancake day all the time. But I forgive myself. And I just, yeah, every day is pancake day. What did you have on your pancake two days ago? What I will always have on my pancakes,

which is lemon and sugar. You just, tradition. Tradition. Oh, my God, it's the greatest. And we're talking like thin pancakes, traditional, but not thick American ones. No. Are you not into them?

No. No way. What? No. I would prefer those over the thin pancake. Really? And I wouldn't really have... Over the crepe.

Over a crepe. I don't like a crepe. Don't really like a sort of thin pancake. If I was in a pancake place, and it was a rage of pancakes, I'd go with the thick American. Of course. The best pancake I've had is a little thin crepe.

I come to Locke's. Come to Locke's. I went down there. It's the sweetest. You didn't even need anything on it, really. Well, that's where my suggestion for best crepe would be. Down come to Locke's little stall. There.

And I would take that over a thick old American pancake. I don't know. Okay. Here's what I don't like eating a crepe. When they give you a crepe on a paper plate, it sometimes feels like you're just eating the paper plate. A crepe's just an edible plate. Yeah, you probably are.

You're fasting in a little basket. You're into. A crepe is just another basket. That's true. Crepes is another basket. It's another transporter of food. Exactly. Vehicle for food.

Okay, so those Thai pancakes with condensed coconut milk. I think I'm going to chuck that on the side if that's okay. That does sound delicious. That does sound very nice. Yeah, it does sound nice. And it's quite like a cooling thing when you've got a hot curry. Quite nice.

Okay, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Your drink now, which I'm guessing, pancake mix. Yeah. No, it's actually the only cold drink that I like. Oh, oh, well, this is interesting. You don't like any other,

because some people don't like hot drinks. That's quite common. You don't like cold drinks. You only like one cold drink. I like one cold drink. It's got to be milky. But I don't drink alcohol either. Okay.

So other than water, I don't really like, I have hot chocolate. I drink all the time. Yeah. Like that's my drink of choice. You have the diet of a girl diet. That's your drink of choice. I love hot chocolate.

Would you have one every day? Would you have hot chocolate? If I could. You can. I fully respect this. I don't know what I'm making fun of it. Oh, this is totally... This is up to the street.

But basically, my drink that I choose, again, it's kind of... So do you know horchata? No. So this is a Mexican drink, but I first had it in Spain. And it's made with tiger nuts. So it's a plant-based milk.

And tiger nut milk is now very popular and expensive and very easy to make yourself at home. But this is the first time I had it. And it is very creamy. I mean, it's like a milkshake. It's really sweet. I mean, it's like melted ice cream in a glass. It is delicious.

Or a milkshake, basically. But what flavour? If you had to choose between the two, though. Are you going to choose a milkshake? Well, I thought about having a cereal milk flavoured malted milkshake. I had a cereal milkshake from Milk Bar in New York. And it's one of the best things I've ever tasted.

It's delicious. Absolutely incredible. So it's either that or the horchata. Yeah. What do you think? Well, you just... I'm going to let the genie decide. I don't know what flavour this horchata is.

It's very sweet. It's got a kind of nutty flavour. It's between hazelnuts and almonds, I would say, the flavour. It wouldn't be as thick as a milkshake. Right. The thing that's not making it easy for us to help you decide is that when you describe both of them, you describe it like the best things you've ever tasted.

Exactly. So it's hard for us to... Because when you describe one and go, oh, yeah, that one. Try not to choose that one. And then you describe the other one and go, oh, that one now sounds better. And then you went back to the horchata and I was like, now that one sounds good.

Speaking, my perspective is the horchata sounds more like a drink you could have with a meal. Whereas I think sometimes a milkshake overtakes a meal. Yeah. Can be a pudding. It can be a pudding. It's like you're having your pudding at the same time as you're having your main, sometimes with a milkshake.

The dream. Yeah, the dream. Perfect meal. Yeah, okay. We'll go with that then. Is the cereal milkshake, is this the thing you've actually had somewhere? No, it's my dream.

I've made it up. You've made it up to your own dish. I know it does exist somewhere in America. Yeah. Is it malted? I don't know if it's malted. What is malted? So where they put barley malt in it,

and it has that flavour like an ovaltine or Horlicks. Oh, I don't think I like that. You don't like that flavour? No. I like it. It feels like it could work with a cereal milkshake. Oh, yeah. We still need to make the decision, Sean.

Okay. I'm going to go horchata because it reminds me of like an amazing time in my life when I was travelling in Spain. Yeah. So I'm going to go for it. I think that's a good decision. I think it's a good decision.

You made the right decision there. The other one was an imaginary drink anyway. Yeah. But you're a genie. Sure. But you know, you're running the risk there. When I was a kid. You know, something I've never had before,

but it sounds nice and then you might sip it and go, oh no. Disaster. Yeah. I shouldn't have had this for my dream meal. Yeah, yeah. When I was a kid, I went to this like circus, not circus. I don't know, like a performance thing for kids. And there was a guy on stage and one of his tricks

was to invite four kids up on stage and to give them whatever drink they wanted. But out, but wait for it, out of the same teapot. And I was too scared to go up, but I've never forgotten. And the genie reminds me a little bit of that guy. And I'm telling you, one of the kids picked carrot juice. Oh my God. What's wrong with that kid?

We're trying to throw the magician off, I guess. And he had it. And he did it. I don't know how they did it, but they did it. He actually made carrot juice come out of the teapot. But do you know what? He probably just had, you know those things in pubs with the buttons, with the different.

But then he can't have an infinite thing. He can't have. No. It's like whatever the kid's name is in there. Oh, God. If I was a little kid and they got me up to do that trick. And you get to me, I'd go piss. Yeah.

If only you, the listener, could see what I had proud James's little faces. Like he's the little kid who's going to sit in the magician's. What if I'm really happy? I'm easy. He's boxed him. And they're really happy. And then when he made the carrot juice come out,

I'll be like, what's wrong with this guy's piss? That neatly brings us on to your dessert. My dessert. Well, again, I was just going to ask if I could have a trio of desserts, because I'm greedy. Well, I respect that. Talk us through it. Talk us through it, or we'll make our minds up.

Pancake, pancake, pancake. The re-pancake. No, churros. Mm-hmm. But like breakfast, churros. Have you had those in Spain? No, I haven't. No.

So that's like, traditionally how they were eaten in Spain is you would have. I have, yeah. With the... Chocolate sauce. Hot chocolate. Essentially. Do you see how I've managed to like,

wangle everything in? So those, but I would want them to my sister studied Spanish. And so she lived in Granada for a year of her study. And when I went to stay with her for a few days, and she took me to this little cafe in the square, and I had, and I tried that for the first time, and that was... I mean, I love anything fried, to be honest.

But like that was really fluffy, crisp on the outside. I mean, there's basically donuts on there. Yeah. So those, and they sprinkled them with cinnamon and sugar, and then you dip them in more sugar. Yeah. Chocolatey sauce. So those, the lish.

Also, apple and rhubarb crumble. How, now, how... Hold on a second. Now, I know that sometimes trio of desserts... I know, they need to be like tiny... Fit together quite nicely. You put them in like little shot glasses or something. Or they thematically fit together.

Three little cheesecakes or something. Three little cheesecakes. Cheesecakes in a brownie or something. You've gone churros to crumble. You've gone churros to crumble with really cold custard. I think we're going to have to make you pick one, but take us through all the options. Let's hear this.

I mean... Cold custard? Yeah. You know what, I have a lot of time for that. Yeah, so do I. Cool, you need the, you need the cooling element with the really hot pudding, I think. Yes.

I go ice cream on a crumble. It's delicious. Yeah. Which is the coldest of custards. I've always said that. Famously. You always feel like custard is just melted ice cream. Yeah.

Which I prefer. Well, there are some ice cream places that are called... So I went to a custard ice cream place. Frozen custard. Yeah, in America. I went in a... Dallas has had some like custardy ice cream. Very good.

So would you like custardy ice cream on there? Or you want cold custard? No, I want cold custard. Cold custard. Cold custard. That's my favourite option so far out of the two. I'm not a churro. And what's the crumble?

Apple and rhubarb. Apple and rhubarb. Is it for many women in particular? My mum's. Crumble's one of those things. It's got to be your mum's, really. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like roast potatoes. Who's going on my favourite roast potatoes? Someone else other than my mum's. Sure. I went for a pub lunch the other day. I rarely have a Sunday lunch at a pub. Horrible. Disappointing.

Yeah. And you can always judge it by the potato. Yeah. That isn't crunchy and crispy. And people have been like, oh, it's a really great roast. You'll go for a really great roast there. And it arrives and they are soggy.

But it wasn't soggy. It was like... But it was hard. But then not fluffy in the middle. You could honestly... If there'd been a riot, I could have thrown that through a window. Yeah.

If the zombie apocalypse had happened, you could have killed a dog with it. I could have looted curries with that potato. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I think, yeah, I think it's got to be, yeah, mum's crumble, always. My mum's crumble.

And then my other one. Ed's surname's crumble. Oh. A comedian in New Zealand once told me that they used to think my name was Ed Crumble. How do you feel about that? I felt pretty good. I texted James straight away

because I knew he'd love it. I loved it immediately. Yeah. I think about it all the time. That's my agent's dog's name. Crumble? Yeah. That's nice.

R.I.P., come the apocalypse, that dog. Yeah. Oh, no. Poor little crumble. Absolutely not. I'll be wearing crumble like a dragon. No. You will be called Ed Crumble there.

Yeah. Are you fair to take the names of your victims? After the apocalypse? The third one. I'll pick. I'll pick. Okay. Three.

I'm happy not to be. Is a lemon tart that my friend, a girl from my year at drama school, Sia Barkley, who must go on MasterChef. She is the most incredible cook. She made this lemon tart, which was so zingy and, I don't know, sour and sweet and lemony and delicious. And the pastry was so short. And it was just like a dinner that she made for friends.

It was unbelievably good. So that. What did you say to her when you had the tart? I made a lot of noises. Did everyone do that? Was everyone like? Everyone lost their mind. It was absolutely delicious.

I do a lot of food noises. We've talked about this before. I'd go mad for food noises. Who you are now? Oh, oh, oh. Like that? I'll do that. Your mouth is open there.

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm eating with my mouth open. Yeah, he's not closing his mouth. I don't give a shit. It's a horror show, Sia. He's not polite. It's an absolute horror show. Not polite, but I am being polite because I'm saying I enjoy the food.

Pick a team. Do you do it like to the waiter to let them know? Oh yeah, I make the waiter stay while I eat. Yeah. And if they try and leave, I hold their hand and then I eat. And then I go, yeah, pretty horrible. Do you do that once you know how much you love the dish or? Oh no, I just, I always make the waiter stay regardless.

Okay. Just hold their hand gently. Even with McDonald's. Yeah. It's very lonely. If you can't see anyone, it seems they're well dented. So it needs the waiter to be there for the whole thing. So you're going to pick one.

What's it going to be? Was that tart just as it was? It wasn't going to have anything on it. You didn't have any? Prune fresh? I don't remember. I don't think so. No, I think it was just like that.

A little lemon-y tart. It might have had like a mint leaf. Wadi-dar. Yeah. For decoration, but also for a little bit of flavor. To cover it's honesty. Also, I think when I see one single leaf, I just think of Adam and Eve. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Very wholesome boy. Yeah. On the back of the meal I've had, I'm going to go lemon tart. What? I was sure the crumble was a head. I was sure it's going to be the crumble, but the lemon tart edged it.

To be fair, that lemon tart sounds more like, you know, like you're not necessarily going to happen upon that all the time. I mean, this is your specific person made this. And I think you're right. If you're looking at it in terms of the meal that you've had, you don't want to whack a crumble on the end of that. You do not. You need something zinging.

You need something to liven up the mouth. Fresh. Light. Yeah. Yeah. Let me read your order back to you, Sean. See if you're happy with these. You like still water with loads of lemon, squeezed and no ice.

Most specific water order we've ever had. Yeah, absolutely. I really thought about this guy. Popped on the bread, you chose hoppers with an egg. Your starter is gnocchi with nutmeg butter. Main, you would like Thailand Trek green curry after a near-death experience. Side dish, you would like the coconut milk pancake also from Thailand after having severe food poisoning.

Your drink is horchata and dessert you would like, lemon tart made by... Cia Barclay. Cia Barclay. It sounds like a very strong meal. I like that and I like how sweet it is. I think that's probably been our sweetest one, actually. Quite sweet.

That might be the sweetest one. You have to go through a lot in the main course to earn all of the dishes. It's a near-death experience and food poisoning. Yeah. But it's worth it. What was the secret ingredient? Can you tell me now? Dill.

Oh, wow. I do love dill. Do you like it? I didn't mention it, so I thrilled. Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. Oh, my God, thank you for having me. What a delicious meal. Yes, every time.

What? Huh? This is a delicious meal every time if it has a nice sign up. No? I think it's a nice sign up, do you? Delicious meal, another happy customer. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. Oh, she just said that. Yeah, too late now. Bye-bye. John Clifford's meal. Yum-yum-yum. Yeah, real good meal, I think.

Very popular. Nice and sweet. Very popular here. I think was popular with you because it was nice and sweet. Yeah. The Great Benito enjoyed it very much as well. He said it was his favourite, the Great Benito. He doesn't say that lightly.

No, I liked it too. I wouldn't say it's one of my favourites. I'm less into the sort of sweet, savoury crossover business. We know. We know. But she described it very well and it was a pleasure to have her here in the restaurant. Thank you, Sean.

Now, the big question is, dill or no dill? Oh, I love it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Brilliant. And it was no dill. It was no dill.

It was no dill. What a lovely pun that Sean would have hated were she here. Sean has heard this podcast enough times that she was nervous. Our first person was nervous about hitting upon the secret ingredient. Yes, that's right.

She was very worried that she might hit upon that secret ingredient. She was very happy that she didn't. We want our guests the fear us, but she did not say dill. Well done, Sean. Sean's on social meds. You can check her social meds out.

She's at Sean's universe on Twitter. Yes. And Sean's still space on Instagram. Fantastic. Also, if you haven't watched Fleabag, what are you doing? What are you doing with your lives, guys? Watch it.

Watch Fleabag, please. There's a little dweeb in the second series who plays bassoon and that upset me because I used to be a little dweeb that played the bassoon. That should have been your role. He's a little creep. We've been good role for you.

No, no, I can't act. So, thank you very much for coming in, Sean. James, what are you up to? I've got a book coming out in August called Perfect Sound Whatever. You can pre-order it online. I can't wait to read it. I'm in it, aren't I?

You are in it. And I'm referred to by your full name every single time. Thank you very much. So, I want to let you know about some stuff that I'm up to. I'm featured in a book called Perfect Sound Whatever by James A. Caster.

And that's out soon. So, check that out. I'm also on tour. Go on to my website, edgamble.co.uk. Just check out what I'm up to, guys. James, what else are you up to? Turin? Oh, yeah, I'm doing touring and stuff, sure.

But, you know, doing this podcast. Doing this podcast, of course. Check out this podcast. You've got social media on that as well. Oh, yeah. At Off Menu Official on Twitter. We've got a website, www.offmenuboys.com. I wish it was that.

It's offmenupodcast.co.uk. Oh, okay. And we're on Instagram? Yeah. Off Menu Official again? Yeah. You did really well. MySpace?

Yeah, we're on MySpace. Off Menu Yummy? So, thank you very much. We'll be back next week with another guest. Check out Off Menu Yummy on MySpace. For now, we'll see you again. Bye-bye. Bye.

Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case...

Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here, sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North, because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny.

Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glittle's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian?

It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.