Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 25: Loyle Carner

Episode Date: August 7, 2019

Loyle Carner – Mercury-nominated hip hop artist – orders his dream meal this week. He talks about his Chilli Con Carner cookery school for teenagers with ADHD, Ed opens up about his relationship and James gets angry about an Oscar winner.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Loyle Carner is touring the UK throughout October and November. His album, 'Not Waving, But Drowning' is out now.Find out more on his website www.loylecarner.com, and follow him on Twitter and Instagram: @loylecarnerFollow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour, including a date at the Shepherd's Bush Empire. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Have you washed your hands, young man? Because we're about to listen to the Off Menu podcast. Hello, Ed. Hello, James. How are you doing, mates? Very good. I enjoyed that one. Thank you very much. This is the Off Menu podcast, where we interview a special guest about what, James?

We asked them their favourite ever starter main course dessert, side and drink. And this week's guest is Loyal Khanna, who is a rapper of much repute and also has a few connections with food. He set up a school, a cookery school for teenagers with ADHD, which is a great idea and really cool. And also on his album, he's got a couple of food-based tracks. He's got a song called Otolenghi and he's got a song called Carluccio about Antonio Carluccio. Wow. But we have a secret ingredient that, if he says it, he is out on his ear.

Absolutely. And this week it is those little silver balls on the top of cupcakes. Yes. We don't know the exact name for them. They don't deserve a name. I hate them. Those little silver balls. Cupcake is a delicious thing. It's such a lovely thing to have, such a little treat. Yeah. And when they come out and there's some butter icing and then on top is those little silver hard balls.

So hard. What the? Who's enjoying that? They're like shot. Yeah. I don't know if this is a posh observation, but it's like when you're eating some pheasant and there's some a bit of shot left in it. Okay. Well, that is the poshest thing I've ever heard you say. Here's a bit of your friend. I've never, I mean, I can't even begin to relate to what

you just said, Ed. Okay. I'll do it for more, more for the common folk. It's like when you're eating a grouse and there's a bit of shot in there. Partridge? Ed, no one's ever had anything with shot in it. That's the thing. That's what you've got to understand there. Right. Okay. But that's the way they shoot pheasant is with like with the gun when they're all shot,

all splits up. So they can't get little bits. You're now trying to distance yourself by saying the way they shoot pheasant. The way I shoot pheasant. And yeah, it feels, it's just hard, hard little, hard little ball. Yeah. Okay. Hard little ball. Yeah. Well, I mean, if he says that, if he brings up cupcakes, I'm asking what the topping is.

Yeah. And if he says those little silver hard balls, goodbye. Hopefully he will not say that. Yeah. And if he does say it, it's does a anyway, and it's basically got his whole, he's put his order in. Yeah. Kicked out right at the end.

Yeah. Unless he's stuck me, if he starts off with a bowl of these Lord kind of any could do could do whatever he wants. Instead of bread or pop of domes. Yeah. Pop of domes of bread. Actually, guys, I'd like a little bowl of those hard silver balls that come on top of cupcakes. Yeah.

Oh, get out. What another idea? Goodbye. Oh, quick peek into freebie corner because we get sent some free food and drink quite often from companies who really want to shout out on the pod. And you know what? We are easy. Much obliged.

Much obliged. Thank you. We've been sent some sparkling elderflower wine from Renegade and Longton. Lovely purple label. I like the look of the purple label. Yeah. And it's in a, it's in a sort of champagne bottle. That seems like it's going to be nice.

Can't wait to tuck into that. Lovely summer drink. There's number one batch on it. Yes. Also, who likes beer? We love beer. Hello. I've got my hand up.

We love beer. We've been sent some reunion beer. We've been sent a sort of variety of cans. And you know what? I don't judge a book by its cover. I judge a beer by its can and the cans are very well designed. I like the name as well. Yeah.

Reunion beer is a nice, that's a nice positive name. Makes you feel good, doesn't it? Yeah. Makes you feel nice and warm inside. Yes. And also, this is the weirdest thing we've ever been sent. We've been sent giant A4 sized marshmallows with pictures of our faces on James. Yeah.

Season to assist. Firebox, the gift website Firebox, clearly offering this as a service now. You can personalise a massive marshmallow. So we've been sent sort of publicity shots from our posters, which have similar colour backgrounds, I notice. Yeah, yeah. But what we've decided to do, I don't think they're expecting this,

we're taking each other's faces. I genuinely feel less creeped out eating a marshmallow with your face on it than one with my own face on it. I've taken yours home and I want to practise kissing it. Oh, great. I've got a little hole in the mouth. I'm going to snog that marshmallow. Win-win for me.

So thanks for sending that. Yeah. If it's a voodoo marshmallow, I'm going to feel all that. Oh, good luck. The positive side of voodoo. Yeah. But you can get anything put on the marshmallow, I think. Right.

Yeah, I have to, you know, for the listeners thinking, Oh, do I get James or Ed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have to get just us. Anything on there? Photocopy your own butt? Send that in. Yeah, photocopy your own butt.

Lovely stuff. Thank you. But we're excited about this one. So, ladies and gentlemen, the off-menu of Loire Turner. We're here with Loire Carnar. How you doing, man? Yeah, really good. Thanks for having me.

Oh, here we go. Welcome, Loire Carnar. Out of nowhere. Here he is. How you doing? Pretty good, thank you. Good to see you. James is a genie in this.

I don't know if you're aware. I think you can see that, can't you? Yeah, yeah. So, from the outfit, I could tell you. Yeah. See that I'm a genie? What's your favourite part of the outfit? The hat.

Yeah. Five hats on wearing, actually, today. Take us through the hats. They're all chef's hats. Yeah. From different chefs that I've... But basically, as a genie, you get to kind of, like, you know, get people's powers if you touch them.

That's part of the rules of the genie. I've touched Gordon Ramsay. Yeah. Do this myth. And Jamie Oliver. Yeah. And... Two more chefs.

Yeah. One more chef. And Allie McGregor, who was... He worked at the pub I worked at. When I was a teenager. It's amazing. I thought you'd climbed up on Delia Smith there. Yeah.

Well, I felt like I had. But then I remembered all the other people I'd touched and got their chef's hats. Well, I mean, we interviewed Tom Carridge. He could have picked him. Yeah, but I didn't touch him. And you were there. You could call me out on that one. Yeah, that's true.

Didn't touch him. Didn't touch him. I don't touch the guests. You know that. So, welcome... I hope not. Welcome to the dream restaurant. You consider yourself a foodie?

I guess so. I don't really like the phrase foodie. No one likes it, mate. No one likes it. Let me tell you. I use it every time. I see people's eyes. They're like, don't you even...

Don't you dare. But you know. Yeah, but yeah. Sadly, yes. You're involved in food, right? I am. Yeah. I've got a cooking school.

I cook every day when I'm at home for my Mrs. Because she's lazy. Good, man. That's it. Yeah, I do. I love food. I don't know why. I just...

It's all been my thing. What did you get out of... Do you get like... Could you start a cooking school? Yeah. Was there a reason behind that? Like what you get out of cooking? I don't know why I was like...

I don't know when I was younger. I was like kind of nuts. And I still am. But one thing that used to really calm me down was cooking. And so, you know, when I'm stressed out, things aren't going right. It's kind of the one thing that I can have complete control over. It's like... Someone said it's like the closest thing you can get to meditation.

If you can't afford to meditate. Yeah. I get that. Chopping up... I used to chop up vegetables in the kitchen with Ali McGregor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I'd be chopping up the vegetables, it did make me feel a lot calmer. Even though I didn't want to go into work all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm the opposite. Yeah? I think it makes me an angrier person. Oh, so? Because if anything goes wrong... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel you. I lose my rag.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've tipped away more in the bin than I've eaten, I think. Yeah, it gets like that. Yeah, I do... I feel like sometimes I waste a lot just out of like hate. Yeah, I feel that. Yeah, I feel that. Sheer frustration.

What's been the biggest... Like one that sticks in your mind, the biggest defeat in the kitchen? I tell you, the other day I was supposed to be making... Just really simple. It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, right? And I never follow his recipes. I don't really care for that guy that much. Sure.

And so, I mean, I can imagine he's a nice guy off-camera, but... I doubt it. On-camera, he's not that nice. Most people are nice on-camera, so I have a clean must be off. But that's my fault. It's because he's horrible on-camera. He must be a nice guy because it's important. I kind of feel like it's impossible to do both.

Anyways, I was making this chicken from my girlfriend. I was supposed to be. It's simple. It's like you treat it like chicken wings, but with fries. You make them crispy in the oven, then you glaze them. But she was making a Guinness cake. And her Guinness cake took so long that I couldn't make what I wanted to make. So, I switched up and tried to make a thing called a chicken adobo.

You know, it's like a philip... a dish from the Philippines. Right. But it just went horribly wrong. And there was loads of oil in it. And then the oil got into the sauce, and then it was kind of greasy. Oh, my God. The skin was really, like, squidgy and not crispy. Just, like, soggy.

It sucked. Did you then... And you can say this. It doesn't mean it's a safe space. Did you resent the Guinness cake afterwards? And then when you ate it, it was like... The worst part about it was... It doesn't matter how good this is.

It was my chicken. It was so good that I was so... I was even more angry. Because if it had been average, I'd have been like, we both had a bad time. And she said it. She was like, oh, we both had such a difficult dinner, haven't we, today? And I was like, no, you haven't, because yours is great. Mine isn't great.

You just won an award for this Guinness cake. My chicken wings were all soggy. Your home life sounds absolutely idyllic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. You both cooking every night. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I would say that.

She's listening. She'll know that it's not no jacket. Yeah, we cook. I try and cook. She's a teacher, right? Yeah. So she is busy all day and gets back at like 6. So if she's up for it, then she'll help out.

Or she'll make sankels at the start of an order dessert. And I tend to do the main course. But yeah, we cook most days together, which is nice. Right. It's important. Yeah, well, that is important. But not many people do it. No.

I don't think I know many couples where, like, they're cooking different courses each, and they're both in the kitchen doing the same course. One of them's getting in the way of the other, because they've got the other for their Guinness cake. Yeah. That's because most couples secretly hate each other, man. Yeah. That's why it's so true.

Most couples have been making cakes with the ice, you know, the apple meister. Yeah. I stole their complaints into the top of the Guinness cake. Is that most couples, is it? Yeah. Most couples are like, they're complaints to the top of the Guinness cake.

That's what I've been in. I've just, like, I'll order a cake with all my complaints written on it. Eat too loudly. Yeah. Yeah. I'm creating more problems for myself if I'm giving them a cake, though, aren't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

I think they eat that real loud. Can we start you off with some water? Still or sparkling in the restaurant? Sparkling, please. Are you always a sparkling man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty quick. Always.

I don't know why. I really am. Yeah. I think it's the least popular choice, I think. Yeah, it is. Most people just go still. I think a lot of people are like, I don't want to say sparkling.

I don't want to say sparkling. Do they get scared of the bubbles? I don't know because it takes more time to get, because some people don't want it, so you've got to crack a fresh bottle. Yeah. Maybe go to the bottom of the fridge downstairs. Oh, really?

I don't know. It's like a special fridge downstairs. Maybe, like maybe. Yeah, I don't know. It's a special bubble fridge. You've got to put the bubbles in to order. I've found lately that if I'm in a hotel or something, and they always give you like a bottle of still,

a bottle of sparkling water, it's in the hotel for free. And if I wake up in the morning and my mouth, you know, when you wake up in your mouth, it just feels like crap. It was horrible. I love drinking a sparkling water. You know, the bubbles go with one dirty mouth.

It's almost sexual the way you said that. Well, it says it feels a bit sexual. It's like, you know, those dishwasher adverts, where they show the animation of all the bubbles going into the grime and getting all the grime in the dishwasher. That's what I feel like it's gone on in my mouth. How much?

Do you like to swill it around? Yeah, I'll swill it around. But I mainly just let the bubbles just fizz over my teeth. I can feel it all in all the gaps in my teeth and stuff like that. Getting all my receded gums. How grimy is your mouth in the morning? Oh, it's grimy, man.

What were you doing before to get it like that? I don't know. Just staying up and laughing. You know, but like that takes a lot out of you. Yeah, just by yourself having a laugh. Yeah, just laughing, saying in the hotel room having a laugh. Enjoying the fact that I've got a room to myself. Can't believe it.

I had a horrible experience with some sparkling water recently. When I make a coffee, I can't handle like hot liquids really. So I always put some cold water on the top to cool it down. And I went to get a bottle of water to pour some cold water and I picked sparkling by accident. So I ended up having a fizzy coffee. Were you joined on it? Was it good though?

I mean, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Because they've started doing that. People were telling me they've started doing like espresso with tonic water on it. It's like a new, trendy thing. Yeah, I get down with it. I don't drink coffee, but if I did, I reckon that would be good. Maybe with a hot chocolate.

I don't drink coffee either. Yeah, cool. I feel like I'm kind of nuts enough already. Really? I've had it a few times in my life and it's always just sent me over the edge. Doesn't agree with you? I feel like I live in a constant state of having just had a coffee.

Right. So if I was to have a coffee. Are you always doing something? Yeah, yeah. So if I had a coffee, I don't know. I don't think it'd be safe for other people. Sure. But for me, it'd be fine.

You've got to be responsible. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Would you ever have a before show if it's a big show? No, because I just wouldn't stop talking. I wouldn't play any songs. I'd just be like, yeah, so what are you guys been up to? That's what I'm wearing. Yeah, yeah.

I couldn't do it. But you don't drink it? Why don't you drink it? I just gave it up because I was bored. I don't really have any like, I don't do like, I don't smoke or do any drugs or anything like that. And one day I was like, I'm just going to give up caffeine because I've got nothing to give up.

Otherwise I'll give up something. I gave it up by accident, first of all. We ran out of tea bags in the house. I didn't really drink coffee that much anyway. And then I realized it had been a month and I've just been drinking herbal teas. So I was like, oh man, it might as well commit to it. There you go. Do it properly.

There's caffeine in green tea though. Yeah, I was steer clear of that. Actually a lot of herbal teas now stay clear of them because they still have stuff in them that's stained your teeth and stuff. And that was actually one of the main reasons as well. I was like, well, I was drinking so much tea all the time. I was staining my teeth off a treat. I don't want that.

So at no point then, repose it with peppermint tea, staining it with something else. You've since taken up heroin quite heavily though, haven't you? Yeah. Just for example, I'm going to give up. I'm going to give it up one day. I'm going to give it up whenever I want, by the way. I want to make that clear. There you go.

Pop it up into a bread. Pop it up into a bread, Loyal Khanna. Pop it up. Pop it up. Yeah. I like a pop it up man. Can we just say, I think Loyal goes straight into the top three if people have absolutely taken that in his stride.

Yeah, absolutely. He didn't care. Did not budge one inch when he shouted that. It's not the first time I've shouted that in my life. My girlfriend shouts that at me most. Different people live different lives. Good on ya. Thanks.

Also, not many people choose Papa Dom's and I like it when they do. Yeah. Because you've got everything else, the raita, the mango chutney, the onions, all the things that you need with it. So is that what you would want with it? Yeah. If I could get that. Yeah, absolutely.

Mango chutneys, usually I'll just go for, basically, you know, in any Indian restaurant they kind of have different takes on the condiments you get with Papa Dom's and I just put everything that I get on it, except for the lime pickle because that's the only thing I find really truly nasty. Last time I was in an Indian restaurant, me and my friend were there. Couldn't stop eating the lime pickle while also agreeing with you that it was nasty. It is disgusting. But it is weirdly addictive.

It is kind of weirdly addictive because it tastes like a cheap sweet or like a cheap lollipop. And it's weirdly, it's chewy but also not chewy. Yeah, which is worrying. Your teeth go straight through. It's not a texture I recognise from anywhere. No, no, no. It just makes no sense. Yeah.

Yeah, it's so weird and I kept on going back in. Kept on digging in and having some more. I think this is awful, isn't it? Yeah. Give me some more of that. How many do you put on one problem? Because I probably would put maximum of two dips on a single pop. I put all four, depending on how spicy the chili one is.

Go onions first for a nice bed. Yeah. Then some of the rides are like the yoghurt-y dip. Then the mango chutney on top of that. Because that's the thing you want to taste first. Ah, you want the sweetest first. And then if I'm brave enough, I'll go for the chili. But that's only if I'm with my Mrs.

I'm trying to flex. Oh, it's not that spicy or whatever. How long have you been with your partner? About two years. And you're still trying to flex by eating spicy food? I would always be trying to flex. I feel like. Yeah.

Never let that die. She eats really spicy food, so. Does she? Yeah, yeah. But she can't handle it. I think it's the same info. We just never really have had that conversation. We should listen to this and then we'll have that conversation.

I'm so glad. I've been with my partner for nine years. I think I've stopped trying to flex now. I don't think she'd be impressed if I ate a spicy pop of dog. Oh, I've been around and his partner, and believe me, the spark has long since died. Also, I get quite bad hiccups. So if I try and.

If it's spicy. If I try and eat something spicy and I'll just get hiccups. And I'll never enjoy your whole evening. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You can't flex with the hiccups. Can't flex with the hiccups. Oh, you'd be surprised, actually.

Really? Yeah. You can do it? That's pretty cool. Maybe once before. I've never seen someone look cool with having the hiccups. Yeah. Like I've had hiccups before.

It's like a famous thing that you get if you're playing a show. Like the rapper friends that I have. Right? Yeah. They all talk about these things. When you start to play a show, as soon as you start, I don't know, it might be the same for you.

If you step out on stage, do you get like a burp or like a hiccup that just gets trapped just before you start to speak? Sometimes I'll like have a drink of water during the show. Yeah, yeah. And then I feel like I'm going to burp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Afterwards.

You can't imagine. I'm trying to think of all the famous rappers hiccuping. It really makes me laugh. Think about Snoop with the hiccups. He'd probably be the body to get away with it the most. Yeah, he could probably do it the most. He'd be all right. You can't imagine,

Skepta with the hiccups. You sound like a really specific impressionist right now. Imagine Skepta with the hiccups. But it's only rappers with hiccups. That's all I do. MCs who have had the hiccups. I'd pay to sit. Yeah, that'd be quite a good impressionist.

I want to get bored of watching that. If someone could do that. We could ask Josh Berry, friend of the podcast, to do an impression of that. There's a guy called Josh Berry, who does an impression of me. It's a very good impression. Have you had him on the show?

No. It'd be weird with him. It'd just be like you and you. Yeah. He'd have to. It would be a nightmare for me to be honest. One of my little brothers sounds just like you actually. Really?

Yeah, like spot on. A kid called Ben. Oh. And he's really cool. He's kind of annoying, but he's also really cool. Sounds like he is exactly like me. Annoyingly cool. That's not what you said.

That's what I heard. That's what you took, but that's not what I said. Annoyingly cool. Thank you very much. We'll come to your starter. Exciting. We'll get into the nitty-gritty now. The big menu choices.

Is it from a specific place, this starter? Yeah. I'll go for it. The ocean. The specific ocean. That was quite good. Thank you. Don't follow up my humor by saying it's quite good.

Very patronising, James. We've had words and I said to improve on the podcast. That was very good, actually. I'll just have crispy squid. Crispy squid. Now, this is like, who was it? Tom Carage said. The only option.

It kind of is. Why for you? You can tell. Well, Ron, you can tell a good place if it's good, white squid. Then it could be anything, Italian food. Or if you go to a Chinese restaurant, Japanese food. Or if you go to a Chinese restaurant, Japanese restaurant. Tapas.

They all do a variation of squid. Yeah, that's kind of what I go to. Also, because it's kind of almost guilt-free. Because squids apparently don't have much brains. That's true, I've heard. Also, watch the guy chop a squid up with scissors while it was alive. And so for a long time I couldn't eat it. So I only just got back into being able to feel comfortable around squid again.

What was the context of that? I was hanging out with this guy and he was like, Do you want to see something met? Yeah. No, I was watching a program. It's a guy called, like, I can't remember his name. It's like something Nguyen, Phillip Nguyen. It's like an Australian Filipino guy.

That was a cooking show. And he just goes, The best time to eat a squid is when it's fresh. And so he just puts his hand into the ocean and pulls out a squid. And then just cuts it. And my mouth was wide for a long time. I'm still thinking about it. I don't know if I could eat it again.

But I would still put it on my menu because it's my favorite thing. And but you feel more comfortable with the squid because you know it's got no brains? Well, I just feel less evil because it doesn't feel as much. Because it's thick. Sure. That's fair enough. See, I bit an old boy when he puts the whole octopus in his mouth.

I was trying to watch that the other day. But I haven't watched it since I was really young. But yeah, that's weird. That's like, it says on the disclaimer on that film, right? The only thing that was harmed in the making of the film was one octopus. Yeah. It's cool there was one take though. There could have been like five octopuses.

Yeah, there's like five other octopus sat by the camera. Please get it in one take. Get it in one take. Oh, no. The thing is, like, even though we all talk about that, everyone who's seen knows that it's the real. He did it for real. But like, if I was on the crew and, you know,

we've got the budget to not do it for real. And the guy's like, no, I'm going to do it. I'll be like, mate, you don't have to do that. You don't actually have to buy an octopus for the thing. And for him to insist on doing it. But it's like, it doesn't really add much to the character. You can just, you don't have to really bite the octopus. He's got the part anyway, right?

Yeah. He insists on doing it anyway. Doing the audition, sure. And he's the whole thing as well. It's not just like, it is horrible. It really is horrible. Because this is the big thing. Because octopus, I don't eat octopus, actually.

Right. Because octopus live to them like they have like a mental capacity of like a four year old. Right. So the way they fight is actually like a four year old human being, right? Right. The thought of this octopus being eaten on camera, knowing that it's being, it obviously knows it's drumming,

but it's like, you can see it freaking out. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing. It's just kind of weird that that guy would do it. I've had a, when we were in Japan though, we had a few conversations about food and the way that the guys I was chatting to in the culture he was talking to me about, he said that the way that they look at food at animals

is in a completely different way to how like a westerner looks, you know, there's kind of no sentimental attachment to it at all. It's just like, it's just food. Right. It's hurt. That's just it. You know, we went to the market where they keep all of the, the various seafood or whatever is just in buckets.

Right. All like on top of each other. Yeah. And then you just pull one out and kill it. Oh, God. Yeah, it's a bit much. The four year old things really got me. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you won't eat it anymore. I bet you won't eat it anymore. Yeah. I've never thought about that before. I've never known what the mental capacity of different animals are. Sucks. And to know that it's like a four year old.

I've got a four year old nephew. Yeah. Yeah. It's like eating him. Yeah. It's exactly like that. Oh, God. Annoyed.

You showed him. Oh, boy. Now, aren't you? Yeah. He loved that bit as well. I told him that. That's basically you. That'll be you one day.

Yeah. That's to be you. Yeah. But we don't have any octopus on your menu. Cool. It's crispy squid. Yes. They're idiots.

Because they're false. Absolute dances. Absolute dances. A lot of them. It's anyway. You've had a particularly good crispy squid. Yeah. A few.

I just, when we were in Japan, actually, I had really good crispy squid. But it tasted like, it tasted like rib and saucy knick-knacks. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So it wasn't, that's not the best I've ever had, but it was one that really blew my mind.

Yeah. And it looked like knick-knacks as well. Did you tell the chef? Did you tell the chef that? Yeah, I said, have you ever had knick-knacks? Yeah. Compliments to the chef.

You have captured the spirits of knick-knacks. It was a bag of crisps. Yeah. Can't eat them. Can't eat knick-knacks. Why? When I was a kid, I was at a party

and they had lemon and scampi knick-knacks there. Yeah. And they were delicious. I couldn't stop eating them. And then I was so sick and they tasted so disgusting coming out. And I've just never been able to eat knick-knacks again. It was the grossest sick that's ever come out.

They're a very acidic crisp. It's quite a particular crisp as well, to eat a lot of. Yeah. I really went crazy for it. I guess because they really salty the lemon and scampi. Yeah, they're great though. So I really went for it.

It's a win to have that at a party, isn't it? Yeah. As the crisp of choice. Yeah. It's in a bungalow. Because they're such small bs. I remember that as well. Makes sense.

I vividly remember it was in a bungalow. Yeah. It was a greasy, fluffy bungalow. Yeah. Were you sick at the party? Yeah. So in the toilet. Which was obviously on the same floor as the party.

Yeah. Which you'd think would make it easier, but it's not. Because actually, you know, the layout of a bungalow, when you're like a little kid, I was like six or whatever. Yeah.

It's actually, you're not as familiar with where everything is. Of course. Because like, you know, I was used to two floors and the bathroom was probably upstairs. On the left. And like, yeah.

And it's easy. I was amazed to run through, to find where to be sick. So it was actually really quite distressing. But the rib ones are probably quite nice. But I've never even tried the rib ones. It just won't go near an accident point. I mean, it's completely different.

You should give it a go. Because it's not, it wouldn't, I don't think it would. It's the same intensity of flavour, but a different flavour. Yeah. It wouldn't bring back the same memories though. No.

I think you'd be alright. I wouldn't eat as many of them either. I've got more self-control now. Just a bag. Yeah, yeah. The only thing I like, loads of is heroin though. That's the only thing that I would binge on.

It is a binge, isn't it? You get a big bag of it and you just binge it. Yeah. You'll watch a box set and just go through a whole bag of heroin. Yeah, yeah. But knick-knacks is fine. Yeah.

I can have one bag and leave it. Yeah. When I was younger, I couldn't eat a whole bag of crisps. You couldn't eat a whole bag of crisps? That was how I defined growing up, was when I could finally eat a whole bag of crisps. Do you remember how old you were

when you put it on? Yeah, it was like last week. No, I don't know. When I was like ten or something, I could finally eat in my first packet of like Walker's crisps and go in. Right now. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, big boy. You had done it. Yeah. Do you know what flavour it was? Your barbecue, weirdly enough. Yeah. Which is, you know, a forgotten flavour, man. And that's like a pretty full-on flavour.

It's not like your first full-pack was already salted. You were trading with a big boy. Yeah, you know. That's not a bungalow crisps. No, it's not a bungalow crisps. Penthouse crisps. Yeah, that is a penthouse crisps.

Yeah, you get a lift. You never heard one. Getting in a lift to finish that crisps on the top floor. Are you squeezing lemon onto the crispy squid? Yeah, if it's there. Yeah, it's there.

I mean, if I could have the best way to be in a Chinese restaurant, kind of nasty. It has MSG in it, but I haven't been told it so I don't feel guilty about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Super crispy, weird like garlic

and spring onion chili bits on top of it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. On a bed of lettuce. Like crispy garlic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

S. You can have some if you want. So good. The first time you have that. Yeah, mind-blowing. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. Complete game-changing.

Because at first you just leave it and then you go, oh, yeah. It's almost better than the actual squid. Yeah. I didn't even know it was garlic. Last time I had it.

What did you think it was? I saw some little crispy bits on the thing. Knick-knacks. Yeah. Crumbled up knick-knacks. I put some knick-knacks on while it was good.

Yeah, delicious. I got it. It's called star bar. It's in Chinatown. Yeah. Might as be called star bar or something. Star bar?

No, it's got the word star in it. All right, okay. That's where I first had it. That was in my 20s. You'd already eaten a full packet of crisps by then? Yeah. That was well on my list.

I thought you'd just get into the crispy garlic. When you had your first full bag of crisps, did you tip the crumbs in or was that a few years later? No, that was the thing. I think I actually probably just

didn't even understand that. Maybe you tried to put it in my hand and they kept falling from my finger. Or I just threw them away because I wasn't understanding. Yeah. Because the depth of flavor is

really in that bottom bit. Yeah, it really is. As you grow, that's what you really understand. Sometimes it's too salty, but that's when I really like it. Yeah. Like in your plain nachos,

just salted, not like plain tortilla chips. Yeah. It's basically just like a little fimble of salt. Would you order that if it was available as an option in a restaurant, just a little

fimble full of the nacho residue? Yeah, yeah. I use a lot of salt in restaurants. It's got a big issue with it. Oh, well, the salt's the flavor really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love salt. The enhancer. When you didn't, I hate to come back to it, but I think our listeners will have a lot more questions if we don't ask you them.

Back in the day when you didn't finish a whole bag of crisps. What did I do? How much would you leave in it on average? How much? I have another follow-up question.

We're looking at like a third, like a half to a third. Half to a third. Because I was just like, wow, there's so many crisps in here. How am I going to get through all these crisps?

Yeah. And I would just, what's great about it is I say if that's at lunchtime, I'd eat half, then I'll have half on the way home. Oh, so you were eventually finishing them,

but you did it in shifts. Yeah, I had to. I couldn't just eat it in one go, whereas now I pick it up and it's just gone. You can do a whole bag of crisps. My question was going to be who were the rest of the crisps going

to? Well, I mean, my mom would probably take him. If I was out on the weekend, my mom would have him. Yeah. And sometimes she'd be like, oh, you've had a lot of those

crisps already. So maybe she was kind of the reason she was putting it into my head that I didn't need to finish them. Yeah. Maybe I could have kept actually going.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't. She was like, yeah. Oh, are you going to finish those? You don't need to finish those. You're right.

Don't. Was it the day you left home you're like leaving home with I had a lot of Chris with me. Did you shout that? No, I just said fuck off, mum. Yeah. I ruined my Chris beating experience.

Yeah. That's what my day was. Essentially. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My main cause isn't that exciting though,

Mm hmm. it's like it's got to be exciting to you. This is dream male. Okay, so my ado mail kind of in the main course we're kind of four into like Italian main course, right, but it kind of gets Broke out.

So I'd have to have a mood together, okay. Would be like tuna steak? Or some cod cheeks whichever is easier to get on some lentils? And then alongside that spaghetti... Aglio, I had to have...

Wow. That's. They're like that's like as a man. I mean you got yours, you got your and you've got your carbon, your protein, is what they call it. So your main is like two meals smushed together. You want to cut two meals in half and put them together.

Yeah, basically, yeah. What's the name of the new dish? It's tuna aglio e olio. Yeah. Perfect. Spaguna. Spaguna. Also, coincidence.

Yes. That's Ed's middle name. Is it really? Isn't it, Ed? Yeah, it is, absolutely. Tuna aguilera. Ed's tuna aguilera. Tuna aguilera.

That's what I go with. Spagatuna aguilera. Nice. Yeah, that's great. What's your middle name? My middle name is Lemon Scampi Knitnax. So, now, how are you going to eat this dish? You've essentially invented yourself.

It's not the first time I've had people invent a main. Sure. I'm seeing it more like a buffet situation. So, there was an Italian buffet and you've selected your components that you want from that buffet. I'd actually would like it to come out one by one and I'd like it to be presented in quite a regal manner.

I don't think anyone's talked about how they want to have their meal presented to them yet. Yes, although the more you describe how you want to present it to you, the more it's done in two main courses. Well, I mean, I had this big thing, whenever I've been to this, I have the same situation because I can never do it.

I don't understand how it's supposed to work, but you're supposed to get them, they say you're supposed to get them one by one, but I'd like them just next to each other. Well, how I'd really want them is like two in the middle, wait for me, play for everyone with, probably, yeah, girlfriend or Tomo or, yeah, just two plates for myself.

And then I just, for the listener, do you want to say who Tomo is? Tomo is my good friend that manages, sat here having a time of his life. Having a good time talking, he's laughing a lot. Yeah, he is laughing a lot, actually. Tomo's just not talking to the audience. But yeah, that's how I'd have it.

It's those two together and I could add them. And also you'd need like another side, but maybe I'll get to that. Oh, we'll get to the side. Oh, we'll get to the side. Don't you worry, we'll get to it. Don't worry. Was there a situation where you just couldn't choose

between the two? Yeah, for sure, they both don't do enough for me, do you know what I mean, on their own. It's like, well, spaghetti with essentially nothing is not enough of a main, but then tuna with essentially no carbs is also nothing. Look at me, I need both of them to feel satisfied. I think that's fair, I think that's all right.

You sure? Yeah, I think we're good, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we just throw the rule book out the window. Sick. The tuna steak, how is it cooked? How are you cooking it? Pink, yeah, yeah. Just how it kind of, however, but I guess media,

it feels kind of weird when people ask you about tuna steak in a restaurant, you're like, medium or whatever, just it just should never be cooked all the way through, I don't think, because it goes dry. I made the tuna steak the other night. Yeah, good. And it was amazing.

And while I was eating it, I said out loud to my girlfriend, a really good tuna steak is, for me, almost as good as beef. And I honestly thought she nearly started packing a suit. The spark is dead. I cannot emphasize that enough. I cannot emphasize that enough. Absolutely sparkless that relationship. It is true though.

It is true. I'm worried about my own relationship now because I've definitely said, also said that, but it is true, it's better almost. It is amazing. It was pretty rare actually. Yes. I was quite happy with that.

Gotta be. Like, that's one of the things like, I don't do it as much now, but I used to cook myself a tuna steak on a weekly basis. Yeah, same. And because it's so easy, was it like a minute on each side, is that? What do you put on it if you make it?

I just do salt and pepper and oregano, that's it. Nice. How comes oregano, was it just because that's what you heard in the UK? Gemini all the time in the dirt. Nice. In a cookbook, not directly. It wasn't on a record that you really worked backwards.

Yeah. But yeah, that's all it said in the cookbook was just, that's what you need to put on. That's quite a good way to do it. Mine's kind of complicated. I started doing this thing. I had it like about a month ago, it was like a corner shop near me,

like a deli near me, and they'd have fresh food every day. And there was this one thing I had, recently it was kind of essentially, it was like a tuna steak stew almost, with like green peas and whatever. And I was like, wow, this is delicious. I had it, it was kind of buttery, kind of greasy.

So I tried to remake it. So I just fried down some onions, then added like all the obvious things like garlic, chili, olive oil, herbs, whatever. But then add some peas and butter, and a little bit of stock and like turn it, kind of make it kind of thick. Turn it off the heat and put the tuna in it.

And the tuna just cooks from the, you put a little bit of the tuna, tuna just cooks from like the residual heat. Oh yeah. That's good. That sounds very good. And you can kind of leave it as long as you want. You just put it on, leave it on,

like I've got induction, which is horrible, but I leave it on that for a minute, so it's still warm. Then move it off and it just cooks through. I think some listeners are going to be doing that. Yeah. That sounds very nice. Give me credit.

Yeah. Do you want to name that recipe now? I can't, can you name it for me? Because I've really struggled with this. We had this week, I made it the other day for my mum, she came over and we could, none of us could think what to call it. Would you say the tuna is,

how's it cooking it? Is it boiling? Oh, it sucks. I guess it's like, it's like. It's tuna. It's tuna. It's tuna. Fresh peas, tuna.

There you go. Fresh peas, tuna. Fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh. Is this what you're going to say? It's tuna. Do you do that a lot, if you eat something at a restaurant, you'll try and recreate it.

Yeah, yeah. I'll try and make it, try and make it like cleaner. Cause like I'm really, I'm not vegan, I'm not anything like that, but I try and stay away from there as much as I can. Cause he doesn't really agree with me. I try and stay away from deep frying things. So from anything from like,

I've got this wicked recipe for the kids at a cooking school, which is just baked chicken wings that are gluten free, but they're so much crispier than your regular chicken wings, but they're not deep fried. But yeah, I'll just try, just see if I can make them healthier. Cause then I can eat them at home and not feel as guilty.

Yeah. I've noticed that a few times in our chat now, is that a lot of your conscience is very present when you're eating. You got a lot of guilt hanging around different foods. Yeah, it has to be. You're thinking about that a lot. Has that always been the case?

I think, yeah. Well, my mum was a pescater now. She just doesn't eat me at all. She used to just drill it into me when I was younger. Basically just like what animals are and what they could be if they weren't on your plate, right? So. A lawyer.

Yeah, exactly. Professional scuba diver, whatever. So when I grew up, I used to eat meat, I always probably will, but it was just about respecting it, getting it from a good place, making sure it's been treated right and whatever. So yeah, so I ended up doing that.

Did you teach that at the school as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like the big thing. Oh, come on, is this called a meat? I'll just tell it together, will you? Yeah, I do. Is that your girlfriend? No, it's not.

It's a guy called Davis Stanley. Oh, I forget it. No, he's not cool. It's your girlfriend, I always talk to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go back to his cake. I'll go back to his cake. I should have brought you some.

It's actually very good. Oh, I bet it is. I had some on Oscar night this year. Did you? My friends throw an Oscar party every year. And this year, they let us all choose the cake and we had to vote on it. What's that for, what cake we wanted.

And the Guinness cake won. It was good. It was very good actually. It's not, it's not. And then God damn Green Book won. Did that ruin the cake for you? Yeah, that films a piece of shit. I don't know if you've seen it.

My mom said it was great, but I don't know. Little message about your mom. She doesn't know her films. She's absolutely wrong. Tell your mom to stick to telling people what they shouldn't or shouldn't eat. Green Book can suck it. Green Book is like one of the fucking family brothers

directed, directed Dumb and Dumb. Dumb and Dumb is a good film. But like, you know, it's better than Green Book actually. Yeah. So how are you doing the lentils? Lent. Yeah, we're talking about food. We got that.

How, so it's from a book called Pulpo. Oh yeah, okay. Yeah. So the original recipe is with, is with cod cheeks, but cod cheeks are kind of hard to get, come by. And it's cool cause it's, you know, it's less waste. So that's what I use when I can, but tuna steak is my favorite, my favorite fish.

Yeah. So the lentils is what you asked. It's just like, soak them, then boil them, or like braise them, or have you do it? And then you just make like a really, it's like really simple. I don't know how to explain it. It's like a dressing really.

It's like some crondochants, capers, Dijon mustard, olive oil, and some vinegar. You mix that together. Really sharp. And then you just toss, like, like stir that in. Nice. And then you just leave that, and then you put the fish on top of it.

Sounds really good. At one point, a cop says Merry Christmas to him. And you're meant to believe that that means the cop's nice. At one point, the cop pulls him over, and you be like, oh no, he's in trouble because the cop's pulled him over. And the cop just helps him change the tire. He goes, he shines a light in the car.

And you know, oh no, it's a bad cop. And he's like, your tire's flat. And then he helps him change. He goes, see you later, sir. Oh, and Merry Christmas. You're like, what the hell is that? What's the message there? So with the spaghetti, are there any,

do you put any like herbs or anything in the spaghetti? Or is it just the garlic and the olive oil? I don't know what's going on here. I don't know what's going on here. I've got no idea what's happening. I know how I felt when I watched Best Picture getting out. Because I think that's one of the first things I learned how to cook was using like,

just frying some garlic and putting the spaghetti in. It's delicious. It's a good move. It took me a really long time to get it right. I tried it so many times and it was always not. Because you know, when you get it in a restaurant, it's silky. It's like every individual piece of spaghetti

has been like kissed by oil. And that wasn't the case for me for ages. And so I watched the video of Genaro Contaldo doing it, I think. More collage show. Maybe, I don't know, I think it was Genaro Contaldo. And it was just so much simple. It's just loads and loads of oil.

Loads of oil. That is, when you find out that the key to really good restaurant cooking is quite often just loads of oil, loads of butter and loads of salt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. And any program I watch is just that. It's just like, yeah, and have you sorted your onions yet?

It's like, no, just put them in the pan. It's like, yeah, you want to sort those in pepper and butter? Yeah. And then you do it the next time you put the tomatoes in, then more. It's awful. Love it. Although the worst fry I've ever had was like too much oil.

This lady. Was it really greasy? Yeah, it was like a little independent B&B. And me and my two friends staying there were on tour together. And the lady was like, I presume you've come here because of our world famous fry up?

We hadn't come because of that. But we're like, oh no. It's just like, it's award winning the fry ups here. You have to have it if you're here. Well, okay, she bought it up about seven times before even breakfast happened. And then so for breakfast she went, I don't think I need to ask you for what you want.

I guess we want the fry up you've been telling us about. And then we had it and it was the most, just like oily, so much oil. And then the rest of the day I felt like my stomach was like a lava lamp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oil, you just feel the big, all the oil just like moving around in there.

It was horrible. Did you get black pudding? I think there was, I can't even remember now if there's black pudding on there because all I remember about it really was looking at my two friends and we were like, how much of this do we have to eat to be polite? You know what I mean?

When that's the main issue. I think back then actually, I hadn't dared have black pudding yet. Eventually I did. And liked it. That's a good shout. But for a while I was too, I wasn't brave enough. I love black pudding.

I miss it, man. I haven't eaten pork for like four years. That's the one thing I miss. Obviously I miss bacon, but I miss black pudding a lot. Neesh. My guy knows Scottish as well, so I used to have it a lot at home. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And veggie haggis is what I have now. Oh yeah, the haggis. And veggie black pudding, which is actually really good, but you know, it's got no blood in it. And I'm better. That is the best bit. Yeah, pretty much. The main selling point of the black pudding really.

There's all the blood. There's all the blood, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to like that. I've always eaten black pudding even when I was like quite young, little baby eating black pudding. Cause kids are normally quite picky. I always used to, it'd be great to show off

by telling your friends that this is blood and you're eating it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is quite cool. Yeah, that is quite cool. I thought about that. That would have been the way to do it really, wouldn't it? But not even really enjoy it,

but just kind of go, hey, I've been eating some blood. I've just been eating some blood. And eating blood. Been back there eating some blood. Wanna hang out? You teased earlier a side dish that goes with this main course. Is that what your side dish choice is today? Or is it the side dish, something else?

Yeah, it's not actually that exciting. It's just, just Calvolo Nero. Is that how you say it? Just with like, just fried in... Like greens. Yeah, just basically, any greens. Yeah. Any greens.

No matter what kind of cuisine it is. So if I go get Asian food and like broccoli or oyster sauce or anything like that, I'm gonna go get Asian food. Like broccoli or oyster sauce is my favorite. Or green beans with garlic and spring onion or whatever. Basically just any greens on the side. Is that a taste thing, a balance thing,

or is it a guilt thing to make you feel like you've done something healthy? It's actually a taste thing. It's always been one of my favorite things going up was broccoli. I've always really liked greens. I love green beans and I love broccoli. I love peas.

I love edamame, calvaneiro, spinach, kale. All the greens. I don't know why, but when I was younger, because I grew up in a pescatarian house and so my mom was heavy into being veggie, so we didn't eat much of this because it's expensive. And I used to just have to eat greens all the time, but I never hated it.

I used to hate it if it was boiled to nothing. But my mom was kind of, you know, modern back then. Right. She was thinking forwards. She used to fry it and she's like, just cook it in a wok for like two minutes or a minute and it would just be all kind of crispy on the outside and crunchy on the inside.

I was thinking, yeah, having like good, yeah, good vegetables growing up is like, that's a real good, like, there's a treat. It's how you introduce them, isn't it? That's all, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Because I think that's why so many people, because at the cooking school a lot of the kids hate greens.

Right. And it's because they've just been, they've all just been put like regular broccoli, not tender stem or anything, just like regular whole, like broccoli chopped into florets and then just put in water boiled until there's nothing left. Yeah. No flavor, no goodness as well,

because all of the goodness is left in the water that you pour away. Right, yeah. So they don't even feel any better probably from eating it. Because it's just lost all the nutrient, I guess. That's a shame, isn't it? I think that's definitely how I used to cook broccoli

for a while. Yeah, yeah. It's the most people do, because that's how it's shown to have it at school and even in restaurants, it's like that as well. And also, I think it's weirdly like part of the media and part of the understanding that kids hate vegetables. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that influences kids as well. They're like, well, I guess that's, you know, I hate vegetables. But it's not, it's not. I was thinking about that this morning. There was a spider in my bath this morning. Where's this going? Well, I'm just saying, I got up

and I saw a spider in the bath. Yeah. And I just felt, I thought to myself, A, how few times that's actually happened in my life. Yeah. I've seen a spider in the bath. Did you save it? I didn't.

I just left it there, chill out. It might be there when I get home. I just left it there. You'd be there having baths. Wait, were you showering? Were you showering and you watched it? This is a whole saga, this one. Let me tell you.

So they're sorting out, they're sorting out the bathroom and the kitchen and everything in my flat at the minute. So I kind of can't, basically, I can't wash. I can have a bath, but not a shower. And today I just had to do a stand-up rinse in the sink. Oh, cool, yeah, yeah.

Apologies if that's made for an unpleasant experience doing this podcast. Actually, I don't know, I might absolutely reek. But I think that's not the best way to do it. The stand-up when I'm on the spider in the bath, chill it out. My point is, when you're a little kid, you're told that that's the scariest thing ever.

So you're told you don't like vegetables as a kid. You're told that you don't like vegetables. You're told you're scared of spiders in the bath. You're also told to wash properly, but you've ignored that. Yeah, I do whatever I like. Do whatever I want. My whole life, I'm just like, fucking against all those trends.

But I saw the spider in the bath and thought, why were we ever told to be scared of that? Look at it. Helpless as well, because I really can't get out. Yeah, it's absolutely screwed, that spider. You've left him there. I've left him there all day. Try and get out of that little escape room for him.

It is impossible. We had like the same thing happen in our garden, but it was like on a much bigger scale in our garden. Tiger. It was a fox. Baby fox. It's happened five times now. There's like a litter of baby foxes in our area.

And in our back garden, super, they're like closed off so no one can see in or get out. It's just got really high walls. And so the first like a couple, like about a month ago, a little fox, we were on the way to Guyana and I've got loads of security cameras. And so I got a notification on one of my,

from one of the cameras saying there's been moving in the back garden. So I was like, that's a burglar. And it was just a fox and it just couldn't get out. And so it's happened again and again. And now at first we set up like a step ladder for it to climb out. And it took like an hour for it to figure out

how to climb up the ladder and get out. But now we just let him through the house. So it'll come and we just go, oh, what's up? Like follow it with a broom because I'm super scared. Feed it a little bit. Can't touch it. Mrs. says you can't touch them.

Cause if it smells like you, then the mum will reject it. So you just have to let it go through the house about touching it. We've got a pet baby fox now. Yeah, a few. Cause there's, there's, there's, they're saying that there's seven different ones

and four come through the house and one, another one we just helped out. Wow. The whole fox community now has a real taste for Guinness cake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty much. A very picky.

They love it. I got names. No, we haven't named them. Cause I wasn't allowed to name them. Cause I actually said, if another one, when the first one landed in the garden, we were away. I said, if another one happens, I'm keeping it.

No question. Yeah, yeah. And my Mrs was like, yeah, cause she didn't think it would happen again. Another one fell and there's a, there's a video of me on her phone where I go down to the, to the back garden. Cause it's got like, it's like a big,

like big glass windows. And then it's like me with my hand in the window, then it like puts this little paw up to my hand. And I was like, it has to stay, it has to stay. She's like, there's no way. And I was like, let's call it whatever. And she's like, there's no names, no names, no nothing. What are you drinking with this meal?

Like a nice, just a nice lager, man. Yeah. Like I would, I would like to drink some wine, but I never, I never feel as nice when I drink wine. I feel like if I'm not, not a pint, maybe like a, you've been to Australia and had a schooner. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Which is like, for those who don't know, like two thirds of a pint. Yes. That's the, that's the right amount. Schooner is, schooner goes well with schooner as well. Yeah, exactly. Schooner with schooner. And you're schooner.

But yeah, I just think nice and not, like I'd drink a lot of different beers now cause a lot of my friends are older than me and their taste buds are going. So they drink all these IPAs and whatever. And I love them. When I'm, say if you're on holiday and you're eating nice food,

there's nice weather. Nothing beats just a nice crisp. Yeah, a cold lager. Yeah. Really ice cold lager. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And a fizzy water on the side.

You got that. You got that. Just in case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got this particular type of lager that is like the best one you've had that you've, that you've got in memory of drinking it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it's about. When I was in Croway show, I was drinking a beer called Keo, which is that's the nice lager. Like basically any, like whenever I went, cause we tour so much, just the lager of the place that we're in.

Yes. Not Corona, not Heineken, not, you know, just nothing rubbish. Maybe like, oh, you ever had a big wave? Oh yeah. I think I've had a big wave actually. That's just like a golden ale. That's what I'd have actually.

Right. That's good. I think I have had that. I agree that when you, if you're on a board, you've got to have the lager. Yeah, for sure. There's no point. Especially when you go and say, you know,

you do like the obvious touristy thing of going into like the old town, you're eating dinner and there's loads of people eating around you. For me, it's nothing nicer than just going, oh, what beard do you have? Yeah. Viking sized pint.

Love it. What's the biggest pint you've ever had, Ed? I've had like a Stein, which is like, you know, a massive one, like probably a two pointer. Where were you? What was that? I think it was in Italy actually, weirdly.

In Italy, in like a similar situation, like a town square, maybe. How long ago was that? Just getting raucous. Yeah, just getting raucous with my mum. Yeah. Did she have one as well? She had one as well.

And Gabel? No, she, that's the sort of thing that arrived for me. Oh, Edward, you're never going to drink all of that. Oh, sounds like someone else had that. Party time. I should make you feel guilty about what you were eating, drink. So just do a nice crisp lager then.

Yeah, I think so. Not a massive one. What you said you would like a wine, but you're not, what was, what, what do you mean there? I would, like whenever we go out for food, what usually happens is I'll order, we have some water and then we just be like, oh, let's get a bottle of wine.

I'm like, yeah, for sure. Nice Pinot Noir. So I get that and I have a sympathy and I go, do you know what, this is not what I want. I want a beer. So I get a beer as well. And I feel good because I got a bottle of wine. Then I drink both and then I get another beer.

Now there it sounds like. I have a problem. Old Mr. Gilt has helped you out there. Yeah, yeah. You're having a better night. That's the first time. That's the first time the food guilt has helped me out. Yeah, yeah.

But the wine gives me a headache. So I just have like a little bit to feel like I'm part of, I don't want to put a whole bottle on. Do you believe in beer than wine, feeling fine, wine than beer, old beer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that is usually like I have a sip and go out. I'd better save that till later. Yeah. A few beers and then. Yeah. About 10 and then. Because you are a rapper, do you feel like you have to agree with everything that rhymes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty much. Because if someone poses you with a rhyme like that, you have to believe it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Oh, that was just me saying the rhyme, by the way. I wasn't trying to start a battle. No, no, that's cool, that's cool, that's cool.

If you do want to battle it anytime you can, it's fine. But that's the only rhyme I know. So whatever you say to me, I'll just say when and then. I know some other rhymes. You know, you know, whoever smelled it, don't it? Yeah. That's the big one.

That's one of the few that I don't, that's one of the only rhymes that I don't believe in. Yeah, yeah, that, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Because it's rubbish, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one has ever farted and then gone, oh, who did that?

And then drawn attention to it. No one's ever done that. It's never the move. It's not gonna be such a stupid move. Yeah, yeah, that's one of the only ones. Yeah, yeah, he obviously did that. But then also what is equally stupid is whoever did the rhyme did the crime.

Because you just did a rhyme. Yeah. So what the hell is that? It should be whoever did the rhyme did a fart. And then it's like, okay, yeah, good point. Because you're not rhyming, but I did rhyme a minute ago when I said whoever smelled it, dealt it.

That would be a great, I'd love to go and do a rap battle one day and just do those rhymes back to whatever you said to me. Do it, yeah, just point at them. Yeah. I might just go to the rap battle and not even do it. I'd just point at them and say, you've just got a fart in.

I'd just say that every time. Beans beans, beans beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you too. Yeah. That was true. Yeah. You are like a battle rapper. Yeah, right.

He is like a battle rapper. I don't want to get into it. We all feel like we're on edge. We're in the cross fight. Eight mile, there he is. That would be a better version of eight mile. Have you done rap battles before? Only with friends.

Only with you mate. I used to be friends before I beat them. Yeah. No, when I was much younger, when I was in primary school, that used to happen every lunchtime. Oh, cool. But that was just obviously stupid stuff.

No, I haven't. Me and my friend talked about doing it together. I was a double act. But I don't know, as soon as you start making any sort of noise about what you're doing, you have too much to lose. But yeah, if anyone ever wrote anything for me, I'd have to write something back.

So that's just how it is. Is there anyone in particular who you would like to have a rap battle with? You know, I'd actually like to have a rap battle with my old English teacher. Yes. Because he was a poetry wizard. And I reckon that it would be intense.

Because I've got a lot of stuff on him. He's also got a lot of stuff on me, you know? Yeah. But I've probably got more on him. Do you want to call him out now? Do you want to use this as a platform to call him out? No, I don't. Do you know what? No, because I think he might actually beat me.

I don't, I actually don't. This guy? Is it Mark Grist? Oh, yeah, that did. It has happened, hasn't it? I was Blizzard, Blizzard battled Mark Grist. That was a long time ago. Mark Grist going around.

Everyone thought it was really great. I watch it back now and I'm like, Mark Grist and that's tough. Yeah, yeah, he didn't really have it. At the time, he did. Because I was like, oh, god, I'm 14 and there's a teacher rap battle. Yeah, that was pre-Brexit.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know how I watch it? Now I watch it and I'm like, fucking wait, what's your game? I know who I'd rap battle. Yeah? Romesh Ranganathan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can organise that.

He's rusty as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he thinks he's wicked. I'd annihilate him. Yes. I might text him actually after this and tell him that it's on. Actually, you text him and tell him

that I'm going to give him the... We've called him out. With pleasure. Yeah, fuck that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's about hip-hop. He goes, yeah. He actually does know a lot about hip-hop.

Well, yeah, but like, you know. But it still doesn't mean, yeah. We're good friends off the mic, but on the mic, we'll have to just... They're the best rap battles. Bury him, you know. You'll have respect for each other. It's like MMA.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to destroy him. Come to the dessert. My favourite course, always, the dessert course. Ed. I'm a starter boy. I like a dessert. A starter boy?

Yeah, so am I. But yeah, starter's... So am I. Do you like a pudding though? Yeah, if I'm going for it, then I'll go for it. But I don't really... I don't know. Actually, recently, there's been a delivery

around the corner from us that started doing just about school dinners' desserts. Really? Ordering cake and custard, chocolate, cake, chocolate, custard, which is catastrophic, man. A place that just does... It's just delivers and you just get a cake, hot, and then in a thing, in a little tub, you get custard.

Is it from a school? I know. What's a good old cake? It's not like a dinner lady brings it around. It's open at 11, but 11 at night. Here you go, is it? Yeah, maybe, actually. A good way to make some extra capital.

What's it called, this place? It's like the caramel something. St. Dunstan's High. Yeah, there's loads. I think there's loads dotted around London. I think it's like the same. It's like a chain, but it's just... Oh, man.

It's like some school pudding. But no, I don't really go for... But if I go out for dinner, I'll get loads of starters. I like salty things. Because I just feel... Also, I'm like, me and Sugar don't really agree. I've got ADHD and Sugar's not my best friend. So, if I'm feeling...

Just to be clear, because of the conversation we just had, Sugar is, as in Sugar, not... This isn't a rap you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sugar and you don't agree. I was in the front of that guy as well. I hate that guy. Sugar is not my best friend.

Sugar and me don't agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Sugar don't get on. Yeah, yeah. Right, Sonic about him later. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, me and Sugar don't get on. Only time I have a sugary dessert

is if I've eaten a lot of food and I'm really full and I don't think I could make it home. I mean, say on holiday, you'd like... The villa's like 20 minutes away and you're like... God, better have some sugar to sort this journey out. Have it. Ping and then just off phone, yeah. Yeah, shoot home.

Phone it off as well. Yeah, that's pretty smart. So now I'm nervous though, because there's a long history on this podcast of, you know, I really like sweet things and desserts. Ed really likes it when people don't pick sweet things, especially for dessert. He really likes it if he can try and convince people

to have cheese and biscuits or something. No, no, no, no, thank you very much. Won't be doing that. Won't be doing that. Thank you. But there's two that I have that I would go for. One that I had the other day for the first time ever was cheese, a cheesecake,

but it was at this place called Island Social Club, it's like Caribbean place, which does like the greatest roti I've ever had, which is surprising for a place in the UK to do a great roti, like a commercial restaurant. But they have a cheesecake, which is just, it's like candied or pickled ginger and lime zest. It was incredible, lovely.

And it was ginger, ginger nut base, which was probably would go for that or just sticky toffee pudding and custard. So that's the school dinner one again. Yeah. I'll be on this one. I'm going to have to insist you only have one. OK, then I'll go for the cheesecake.

Go for the cheesecake. I think that's the best choice. And what was the place called again? The Island Social Club. Island Social Club. So yeah, check it out, it's a wicked place. I was there recently and it's delicious. They had like, I had goat curry, curry chicken,

everything that I usually would have. It was just, yeah, it was beautiful. The roti was incredible. Good buttery roti is the same. Life changer. Chris, so candied ginger and stuff is something that I didn't get into that until I was like, probably like late 20s or something like that.

I'd grown up to get into it. But I imagine Ed was eating them in preschool or something. Yeah, popping them in. Yeah. Just a whole root. Yeah, yeah. Candied ginger. Very developed, I had very developed tastes as a young child.

Right. How's that still, does that continue to? You know, I'm just eating bark or something. So advanced. Yeah, I'm so past everything, just eat live octopus. I was used to, yeah, whenever I'd never had child's menu or anything at restaurants, even when I was like six. What?

I'm not having that. When you were six, you would order off the adult menu. Yeah. That's quite cool. I'm not like, you could see a lovely menu and all the adults are eating nice food and then you're like, oh, what? I've got to have fish fingers and chips.

Yeah, the kids like that. I'd like that if I went out now. If someone was like, so would you like the young adults menu? Yeah, great. Fish and chips. Yeah, I'd love that. I don't even do the coloring. Yeah, what?

You don't want to do the coloring? I just want to sit and have a nice conversation. Yeah, you're too busy doing your counsel somewhere. Sitting there with a calculator, sort it out your vapour seeds. Or doing yourself some olives. It's been very grown up. Olives were later, actually. I probably only got into olives when I was 12.

Olives would be good for another starter alongside this grid, by the way, just that's the polpo thing that we talked about in the past is the fried olives they have. Oh, yeah. The fried olives are amazing. Yeah, stuffed with anchovies. So good. So good.

Yeah, if you're into salt, that is basically salt bombs. They're great. Great with a little beer. Yeah, yeah. You know it. A little beer with the salt bombs. I'm not going to do that later. I think I'm going to go and get some salt bombs and beer.

Yeah, that's a good idea, so I might do that. Well, yeah, so I mean, as we reach the end of your menu, what I'm taking from it mainly is that your diet is a lot of the time you're taking in, how guilty you feel about stuff and your ADHD and then, sort of now, you're always thinking about those two things all the time. Just struggling those two things. Yeah.

It's my life, pretty much, yeah. Ed has a similar thing, don't you, Ed? I'm type one diabetic, if that's what you mean. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's completely different, but it is. That's what I was...

I'm allergic to nuts, though, so I feel like a dietary... That's not the same thing, but you have to limit your... Yeah, exactly. I have to think about why. What little story about this kind of similar? You all haven't quite got the hang of it. You avoid sugar and you feel guilty? Yeah, I avoid sugar sometimes,

and sometimes I eat sugar and I can just inject some insulin for it. Big gamble, isn't it? Yeah. Do you know what surname is? Yeah, I got it. Come on, I'm flying. You won't believe it. He knows what he's doing, mate.

No, I've done it. I just said it. Yeah. You've done the joke? Yeah, I stepped behind. You can't now tell me the joke, I just did it. God, what's his surname? What is it?

Gamble. We'll read back your order. So, also, I'm scared about reading back this order, because I know that you said a lot of things that I had never heard before and don't know how to pronounce. At least it was written down, because in some instances I don't write it down and I hate that. When they don't write it down, oh my God.

Also, do you pick them up on it? When they're not writing it down, do you pick them up on it at the time? Or do you just let them go away and think, if they mess up, I'm going to be furious? Yeah, sadly, that's what I do. My mom used to say to me in a restaurant is that people, you know a nice person,

if a person's nice to a waiter, then they're a nice person. They don't have to be nice, but they should be, right? Sure. So, I try and be as nice as I can, but it's the one thing where it's just like, you kind of go, I want you to fuck up. Yeah, I can say, you shouldn't have done that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's evil, pure evil. More passive-aggressive, I may have said this on the podcast before, is order extra stuff that I didn't even want, like a really long list of stuff. And wanting to see if they don't, yeah. Just to see there, see if it gets to a point

where I better start writing this down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool, that's quite a good idea. It's always the thing that doesn't arrive is the thing I don't really want, though. It's always like all the other stuff and then there's like a weird like pear salad. Yeah.

And then it doesn't come in yet, do you know what? Thank God. Gorgonzola and pear. It's a tricky thing though, because I've had that before, where they've forgotten something that actually, my eyes were a bit bigger than my belly. Like, okay.

I shouldn't have ordered that. But there's a part of me that is annoyed that they forgot it. So I want to pick them up on it. There's no part of me that's like, I don't really want that anyway. That's a dilemma. Had that the other day with some jackfruit nuggets. Water, you would like sparkling water.

You would like poppy-dums, no lime pickle, but you want all the other dips in there. You'd like some crispy squid, you're going to squeeze some lemon on it. Your main course, you would like the tuna steak on lentils with the spaghetti, aglio aglio. Aglio, aglio, aglio. Aglio, aglio, aglio.

What? Aglio, aglio, it's just garlic and wine. Aglio, aglio. I've said it right, three times here. Aglio, aglio. Side dish, you would like, just greens. I've been saying that since I was six. Yeah.

And specify greens, but you're as happy with any greens. Yeah, any greens. I'll rustle you up. Gimme greens. Drink, a schooner of big wave. Yes. Dessert, you would like cheesecake from Island Social Club with candy ginger and lime zest on it.

Heal good about that? I feel great about that. Sounds pretty delicious. Sounds great. Well, thank you so much for coming on. It's a pleasure, thanks for making me laugh. Oh, well, you know. I know, I was talking to him.

I was talking to him, I was talking to him, I was talking to him. Oh, yes. Battle ended. I just got battled. I know how it feels now. Do a run back. Uh... Oh.

Where? Oh. I, I, I before, I before he, except after six. Well, thank you, Loyal Khanna, for a brilliant episode. Thank you, Loyal Khanna. That was great. I loved all our rap battling at the end. Very good rap battling. I think I might become a rap battler.

I think you'd be really good, actually, man. Thank you very much. You've already got loads of rhymes pre-written. I've got loads of pre-written rhymes by me, or not by me, doesn't matter. By, no, they're a public domain. Yes. Great menu, I thought. Didn't say Little Silver Balls, so well done.

Didn't say Little Silver Balls, even though he could have put some Little Silver Balls on that cheesecake at the end. Could have sprinkled some on. Could have sprinkled one if he wanted to. He didn't. I'm going to try that cheesecake. That sounds real good. That sounds very nice. I can hardly recommend Loyal's album that came out this year.

It's called Not Waving But Drowning. It is a brilliant album. Yes. And actually, towards the end, there's some tracks that made me feel quite emotional. What? Remember, guys, Ed is a posh little man. I'm a posh little man who likes heavy metal. So, for Ed to feel emotions, that is something else. It's the first time I've ever felt one.

And honestly, is this what I've been missing all along? Yeah, yeah, it's great. All the clothes of the rainbow. Oh, I'm going to go and try some more emotions. What ones do you recommend? Happiness is probably the best one. Joy, and stuff like that. I'm not sure, obviously, because it was my first time feeling an emotion.

I don't know which one it was. Yeah, it's probably hard for you to pinpoint it. Yeah. How did it feel? Can you describe it? Oh, yeah. Whereabouts in your body did you feel it? Right at the end of my dick. Oh, that's probably...

I got a really hard end of my dick. No, that's just being aroused. That's a sexual arousal. Ah, I've missed the emotion. I've missed the emotion. Yeah, yeah, that was just... Never mind. Next time, you'll get me next time, emotion. Yeah, but, you know, good review for Loyal kind of there.

Yeah, check out his album. He is also touring. We'll go on his website, loyalkarner.com. He's doing Alexandra Palace in London. Very exciting. I might go to that. Oh, so look out for Ed if you go there, but, you know, stay clear of him during the emotional tracks.

We all know what will happen. If you like this podcast and you haven't subscribed to it, what the bluminelle are you playing at? Working class at Gamble, then? Bluminelle, guys. Why don't you just bloody subscribe if you'd please? Yeah, yeah, very good. Well done.

Yes, subscribe to the podcast. Slick it, five stars. You fuck up. You big fuck. Yeah, very good. Like you? Yeah, you're going undercover soon, aren't you? Yes, I am.

They won't rumble you. As a market trader. Yeah, you'll be fine. I'll be all right, won't I? So, well, who? Like and subscribe and... Do all that. I don't know any of it, Benito.

You're on tour, aren't you, James? I'm clean. Yeah, but sold out. OK, I'm on tour. Yes. I'll leave it at that. So, thank you very much for listening. Do all of those things that we just told you to do.

You've been lovely and we'll see you again in the Dream Restaurant, another blooming time. Goodbye. Hello, it's me, Amy Gledhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by...

Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here, sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North

because, look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on.

Gledhill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.