Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 252: Jason Mantzoukas
Episode Date: June 5, 2024‘How Did This Get Made?’ podcaster and ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ star Jason Mantzoukas finishes up series 11. And half of his meal is lurking in the shadows… Listen to Jason’s podcast ‘How Di...d This Get Made?’ wherever you listen to podcasts. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello and welcome to the off-menu podcast taking the raw steak of friendship, adding in the mustard of humour, the chopped gherkin of two buddies, the raw onion, red onion of
having a nice chat with your friends and capers and capers as well.
Steak Tartare, podcast Tartare, James.
Oh, that is lovely, Ed. I didn't know what that was to begin with.
Did you not? Was raw steak not a clue?
I thought it was going to get cooked. I thought it was about to get cooked.
I thought you were going to sizzle it on the pan of friendship or something.
Oh, yeah. But it was the steak of friendship. So you can't use the pan of friendship or something. Oh, yeah. But it was the it was the stake of friendship. So you
can't use the pan of friendship for that.
This is the off menu podcast. That is a gamble. My name is
James Aker. So together we own a dream restaurant. And every
single week we invite in a guest that we ask their favorite ever
starter, main course dessert, side dish and drink not in that
order. And this week, our guest is Jason Manzoukas. Jason
Manzoukas. He's been in everything that
you like. Yes. I'd say. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Yes. That's the only thing you like, isn't
it? Yeah, that's all I like. That's all I want to watch ever. He is what I would
describe. The league. He's in the league. He's in Parks and Recreation. He's in
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. He also has a fantastic podcast called
How Did This Get Made? Him and Paul Scheer and Jean Diane Raifiel and it's
absolutely amazing. They talk about films that you might not consider to be good
necessarily but they talk about them in a very very funny way.
Yes and we've already had Paul Scheer on the podcast so I think we should go for the
hat trick now that we've had Jason on.
Yes absolutely we should go for the hat trick now that we've had Jason on. Yes, absolutely.
We should go for the hat trick.
Um, but today is the second goal.
It's Jason Manzoukas.
Uh, very excited to have Jason on just to let you know, we are recording
this intro over the internet, but the episode itself is in the studio.
Yeah.
It might be confusing for you, for the listeners.
Um, but what we do is we record the intro in our homes,
and then we race to the studio to record the episode.
Yeah.
And then it is going to be just for a bit of fun,
a race back to our homes for the outro.
Yes, and that's exactly what's happening.
But we do have a secret ingredient, James,
that if Jason says it, he will be kicked out of the Dream restaurant.
Yes, today.
The secret ingredient is Pimento.
Pimento because his character in Brooklyn Nine-Nine is called Adrian Pimento.
Um, we're very clever boys for coming up with that.
Well done us.
And also I should, I should say, James, this is the last episode of the series.
Ah, man.
Series four.
No.
Done and dusted.
Yeah.
Well, series four is done and dusted. Yeah, well Series 4 is done and dusted.
It was done and dusted seven series ago.
This has been Series 11.
What?
And what a series it's been.
What a series it has been.
We've talked about so much food, we've met so many people, made some new friends along
the way.
Benito grew a goatee at one point and then shaved it off and the listeners didn't know
that.
Yeah, they didn't know that at all but let me tell you it got a lot more hot and heavy
and sexual in the studio.
Yeah that certainly did. Also we had all the fruit salads.
There had to have been the fruit salad and...
I don't know where we got to with the fruit salad because look I'll be honest with you I
really lost my way with the fruit salad. I think I said there'd be five ingredients,
I think we did more and I never truly finished the fruit salad.
We did it to make Benito's life difficult.
It's my favorite thing we've ever done the fruit salad.
It is the one thing guaranteed to make James laugh every time is the fruit salad.
It's because you say, put that in the fruit salad at the end.
It's really funny.
Yes.
Oh, I forgot to say about the steak tartare.
Put that in the fruit salad.
Yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Should we get on with the episode, James? Cause it's the steak tartare. Put that in the fruit salad. That's good stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Should we get on with the episode, James?
Because it's the final episode of the series and we've got a wonderful guest coming up.
So we shouldn't dilly-dally.
Let's not dilly-dally. Let's...
What's the opposite of dilly-dally?
Oh.
Speed up.
Willy-wally?
Let's Willy-wally.
This is the off-menu menu of Jason Manzoukas. Welcome Jason to the dream restaurant.
Thrilled to be here gentlemen.
Welcome Jason Manzoukas to the dream restaurant.
I've been expecting you for some time.
I could not be more excited to be here.
Look at this, what a beautiful place.
What do you think? What are you imagining? It is the dream restaurant, it's whatever you have in your... I could not be more excited to be here. Look at this. What a beautiful place
What do you say? What are you imagining the dream restaurant? It's whatever you have in your oh, I was referring to plosive studio
Gorgeous restaurant is in place of studios. We're not gonna stop you a lot of people say why don't we film?
The whole thing and release it because we just release clips and then someone else I don't know if you saw this butito, someone commented on our clip saying that our footage looks like interview footage from a police
interrogation room.
It does feel, when we walked into the studio, it was small.
And I was like, am I in trouble?
Am I, have I been, am I being sick?
We went from a beautiful room outside into a very cramped room.
Yeah.
We like to make you feel uncomfortable.
You know what's smart?
I will confess to anything.
Yeah, by the end of this,
we'll have you saying you ate food you've never eaten.
Yeah, oh, absolutely.
Oh, foie gras, absolutely.
Are you much of a foodie, Jason?
I'm not much of a foodie.
I'm much more of a repetitive eater.
I eat the same things over and over again.
I'm adventurous in the sense of I'll eat plenty of stuff, but I am not like pursuing,
I have a very antagonistic relationship to food.
I have a catastrophic food allergy,
which makes me mistrust food inherently.
And so as a result, I'm very cagey with like new stuff.
So even like this trip here, I've been in London for a week
and I've eaten in almost all the same restaurants
that I ate in in 2019 when I was here last.
Right, cause you trust them.
Just cause I trust them.
And I thought they were great.
And I was like, oh, I'll go back there.
And I have, and there's new restaurants I'm certain here
have not explored them yet.
What's your food allergy?
Eggs, I can't eat anything that uses egg in the preparation at
all. So as you know, pastas, breads, sauces, all sorts of stuff. That's a tricky one, isn't it?
Yeah, it's in a lot. Egg does pop up more than you expect. Oh yeah, no, it's quite pervasive.
And it's not always obvious. You know, it's, it can be quite subtle. It can be just a part of a
component of, you know, here's this dish and you don't think of it,
but like in order to candy the walnuts
that are on top of it, they have to use egg whites.
So something, it can be minuscule like that
and it'll get me.
How will it get you?
Anaphylaxis, like anaphylactic shock.
So I carry an EpiPen with me, you know, the whole,
it's catastrophic, you know, but
It's manageable, but it's it's a whole production and I have to give like a very
Strongly worded speech to every person every server that begins with you know, cuz they're always so hey, you know, welcome
Thank you so much for coming to this restaurant. Just like you guys just were and then I'm like, hi
It is gonna be a nightmare. I just get ready
You know and then I just start going through listing all the ways in which please don't poison me
And then if I feel like they're not quite taking it seriously like there was a guy at a restaurant the other night who went
Like oh, I think you're I think you'll be fine
There's not many eggs in our food and I did a cursory glance at the menu.
It was full of like mayo, aioli,
all these words that I was like,
these are definitely full of eggs.
And he was just so dismissive
that the next time he came around,
I gave him like the backup speech,
which is, boy, wouldn't it be just awful
if I died in this restaurant?
Oh no, wouldn't that be terrible for your restaurant
if you became synonymous with my death?
Also, I don't know when this episode is gonna go out,
but as of time of recording, Easter's around the corner.
Oh no, thank you.
I'm a hard pass on Easter.
It's too dangerous.
Easter, and I'm wondering here on Halloween in America,
kids throw eggs at people
Yeah, that's a big thing. I got hit with an egg once and had to like immediately go home Halloween over skin contact
Yeah, not as much. I won't be like heavy anaphylaxis from skin contact
But I'll get like swelling and hives and like a whole thing. It was all over my arm, you know
But yeah with the assailant when they food threw the, did you say to them, Joe what?
I wish I could have, they drove by in a truck, drove by, they were just driving around throwing
exit kids on the street.
Teenagers.
Also, they would have been probably delighted.
Oh, they would have been thrilled.
That they found someone who got high.
They found the weakest link in the kid group.
That's why they're driving around, they go, we're going to get one, we're going to finally
find someone. And the worst was with the kids
I was walking around with,
I was the only one that got hit.
You know, everybody else,
they'd missed everybody else.
And I was the only one that got hit
and had to go home.
Oh, you see, yeah.
I've just now realized that you were a kid in this story.
Yes, sorry.
Because I was imagining you as an adult.
You were picturing a full grown man.
That you were a grown man,
you're walking around with some kids.
You're somebody walking around with some kids.
And some kids egg you.
And you had to go home.
By the way, I love that,
and they would have been in the right.
For an adult man to be walking around on Halloween like that
with all those kids around, a childless man, I agree.
That is, you should get hit with the egg.
Get him out of here.
Egg the way you don't.
No, I was a kid.
I don't remember what I was dressed as, but I was a little kid.
My next question was what were you dressed as?
Yeah, I was just trying to remember. I have was dressed as, but I was a little kid. My next question was what were you dressed as? Yeah, I don't remember. I was just trying to remember.
I have no recollection, but in all likelihood,
simply because there were so many years
in which I was someone from Star Wars,
I was most likely either a stormtrooper or Darth Vader.
Both of which were costumes my mom made for me
that were incredible and that I wore multiple years.
But quite a lot of coverage on those costumes, right?
Quite a lot of sort of armors.
You would have thought the eggs not getting through that. wore multiple years. But quite a lot of coverage on those costumes, right? Quite a lot of armor. You would have thought the eggs not getting through that.
Nope.
That arm exposed enough to get hit.
If you were dressed as like a big target or something,
then you can't really blame those guys.
Yes.
It was just blinking lights with arrows pointed at me.
One of my favorite Halloween outfits, you and Nish Kumar,
dressed as each other.
We did. We did at a Halloween party here in London. favorite Halloween outfits you're a part of, you and Nish Kumar dressed as each other.
We did, we did.
At a Halloween party here in London,
we dressed as each other and had a lot of confused people.
A lot of people, it was very funny to be at the party
together and then separate and then come back together
and be like, who have you talked to?
And how confused were they by what was going on?
Cause if you're separate, that costume does not work.
Not at all.
It only works when you see the two of us
and you're like, oh, this is funny.
This is very funny and very clever
because they do look alike.
But just on our own, dressed as just
what would appear to be normal people.
Because he was just wearing my uniform,
a white shirt and jeans, and I was wearing his uniform,
which was a black blazer, black shirt and black pants.
The only thing that made us unique was we had name tags
on with each other's names.
We always start with still sparkling water.
Do you have a preference, Jason?
Still please, James.
I'd like still water.
I don't like bubbles.
Makes me gassy.
Do you not like bubbles across the board?
We're talking soft drinks.
Not so much. I'm not a big soda guy either. I'm not a big soda guy, like bubbles across the board? We're talking soft drinks. Not so much.
I'm not a big soda guy either.
I'm not a big soda guy except for the movies.
I'll get a root beer.
That's the treat.
That's like hardcore soda.
I'd say like you don't do soda, but then you go in.
Do you rank sodas in terms of how hardcore?
What are other hardcore sodas for you, James?
Cream soda?
Cream soda seems not hardcore.
To me, that's hardcore.
Really? I feel like that's hardcore. Well, I just wouldn't have it that often
Oh, is that it? Yeah strong flavor. Okay, loopy is like dr. Pepper on steroids. Mm-hmm
That's like that's so I think dr. Pepper is like root beer on steroids because dr. Pepper is like some sort of a medicine or something
Yeah, it feels like it's got like in its its origins, I think are as like an elixir
of some sort. I don't know. I don't trust it. Dr. Pepper, I don't like it.
But you trust Root Beer.
But I'll trust Root Beer all day, every day.
Because it comes from a root.
What root does it come from? Do we know?
Root 66, I believe. Old root 66.
So you don't, but you don't trust the bubbles.
I don't trust the bubbles. They give me gas.
So I'm still water all the way.
It helps me hydrate more.
Also, I'll drink more water, which I always need to do because I'm always not hydrated
enough.
So if I'm the thing that I've started doing lately, after I saw a friend of mine, Katie
Dippel, shout out to Katie Dippel, the great screenwriter, very funny comedian, orders
a lemonade the minute she gets to the table to start
this process of being like, Oh, I'm excited to hydrate. I'm excited to drink something
sweet and it gets you drinking something you then are then then you roll right into water
and you start hydrating. So I started doing that now, which is very refreshing. Yeah.
A lemonade to start. Oh, so you do, so that's soft cool pop.
But that's still lemonade.
I'm sorry, I forgot that.
Yes, what I'm talking about is just like lemon water.
You know, like not a fizzy, not a bubbles,
not a canned lemonade.
Yeah, that seems crazy to me.
What would that be called?
What would lemonade be called here?
I mean, we would still call it lemonade,
but when you say lemonade here,
the first thought everyone has is like Sprite or something.
No, no, no, that makes sense. Yes, no, the first thought everyone has is like Sprite or something.
Yeah, no, no, no, that makes sense.
Yes, no, that isn't what I'm talking about.
Thank you.
So what does aid mean?
So I thought aid meant fizzy.
Yeah, ooh, I don't think so.
That's what I've always thought.
Like infusion or flavored liquid.
Aid, yeah, it's true because it's a suffix
that's attached to quite a few things.
None of them in America are bubbly though. Yeah, I feel that's attached to quite a few things. None of them in America
bubbly though. Yeah, I feel that here it's quite a lot of bubbly things. Limeade, cherry
ade. Gingerade. Yeah. I don't know, can we, I don't know if we can continue this. I think
we are, we just have so much fundamental different understandings of things. Benito, what does
aid mean? Product made of, yeah. Okay. Means product made of.
Yeah. Well then why is it only for drinks then? Yeah. Why can't we have chocolate aid?
Yeah. Sausage aid. Yeah. Why would that be great? Live aid, I guess. Oh yeah. That was
made of live. Yeah. Can't get him on that. So do you want American lemonade as soon as
you sit down at the table. I do, actually.
Yeah, you can have that for your water course.
I think that's perfect.
Great, I'd love that.
Well, that was my question too is,
I'd like to have primary and then if possible,
alternate choices.
Yes.
Like I feel like in a lot of ways,
my dinner will look like a dinner
that I would be thrilled to have with both of you tonight.
But there's a shadow dinner in my mind
that I would also have that is a lot more like,
this thing my mom made, or you know what I mean?
That is in the background.
The shadow dinner makes it sound quite sort of dark.
Yeah, it is.
And is it like evil goth food?
It's terrifying, yeah.
It's a terrifying dinner.
It's Halloween again.
It's Halloween dinner, it's just eggs.
It's all eggs.
It's an omelet. It's the, yeah. Pop-Dops all bread, eggs. It's all eggs. It's an omelet.
It's, yeah.
Popadoms or bread?
Popadoms or bread, Jason Manzougas?
Popadoms or bread?
I'll be honest, James, it's gotta be bread
because what is the first thing you're saying?
Popadoms?
Popadoms is a thing, because again,
and I've listened to enough episodes
and realized in this moment when you say these things,
I am never certain
what you're saying first. Because Pappadom's not a thing we have. Or if we do, we call
it something different. And I've never bothered to look up. But I'm certain it has eggs in
it. It's got, is it like a, like a bready kind of,
No, it's like crispy. It's an Indian thing. You get it at the beginning of an Indian meal
in the UK. I think that's less likely to have eggs in it than the bread is.
Interesting.
It's a safer bet.
Well, I'm going to go with bread. Although, you know what? I'll try something new. If it's egg-free, I'll have a papadom.
Yeah, yeah. Well, you can put that. That could be the shadow choice.
Oh, I love this. Papadoms in the shadow dinner.
Yeah.
And bread, eggless bread like a sourdough or something safe in the regular dinner. So, cause I mean, excuse me,
I don't know what eggs are in what bread, you know?
No, I've never thought about it.
I don't know what eggs are in anything.
Sourdough traditionally safe, you know?
Like a pretty, you know, I wouldn't just start,
you know, freestyling sourdough if they put it down,
I'd still ask, but almost always it's gonna be safe.
Yeah.
You know, there's a couple of breads that are pretty, pretty safe, but, um, but I kind
of steer clear of bread just because you never know when someone's going to be fancy and
brush some egg on top.
So it looks good or something like that.
So what are the danger breads?
What are the breads where you see them?
I'm going nowhere.
Hala, big, huge, you know, brioche.
These are like egg laden breads.
These are like mostly eggs, you know,
and they're, yeah, they have that glaze on them.
They're very, super dangerous.
And restaurants are obsessed with brioche as well.
They love it.
And heartbreakingly, a bunch of years ago,
everybody was like, oh, for hamburgers now, brioche buns.
No more like regular old buns that anybody can eat,
like you, Jason Manzoukas.
No, brioche, fancy buns, everything's egg.
Every, every, at a certain point,
it become everything had eggs in it.
Even like, that was the big,
that was the absolutely devastating thing
about like the mixology craze,
was that suddenly there was egg foam in cocktails.
And like that was like,
that was really wild to wrap my head around
because why would you ever think
that that would be a source of danger?
Like a cocktail?
Like I went on a date once with a woman
to like just a bar, no food.
We had drinks, it was lovely.
We kissed goodnight and I was like,
I have to go to the hospital.
But I was so confused.
I was like, I'm having an allergic reaction
but I haven't eaten anything.
And she was like, well, what are you allergic to? And I was like, eggs? She was like, but I haven't eaten anything and she was like well What are you allergic to and I was like eggs? She was like oh, no my drink had eggs in it
I was like why I was like why would you do that? No, that's disgusting
First of all, why would you order a drink that has egg foam in it?
Rancid in every way
So she had an eggy drink. You kissed her good night. Correct.
And then you had to go to the hospital.
Correct.
So you kissed the lady and then you said,
I have to go.
I have to go.
I had to stop kissing.
I had to stop the,
this was a successful date.
You know how hard it is to get to the point
where I'm like, this has gone well.
This is well enough that we are now,
the classic Los Angeles, let me walk you to your car
Yeah, we are kissing at the car. This is going great. And then suddenly I'm like, I guess I have to leave and go to the emergency room
This is awful or take an EpiPen. Goodbye. Yeah, and then she about she was like, oh my god. I'm so sorry
I was like why you didn't know why would you you did nothing, except choose an, what sounds to me like a disgusting drink.
And were you dressed as Darth Vader or?
Yes, I was dressed as Emperor Palpatine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He looks like he's had a little urge to be fair to him.
He does.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that guy hates that.
You should have said,
I've got to go to the emergency room
because you're too good at kissing.
Yes.
Oh, by the way, well done.
Yeah, thanks. That's a good pun.
She can tell everyone that forever now.
She can be like, I once kissed a guy so good,
he went to the emergency room.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, let's get into your meal proper now,
your dream starter.
Oh boy, oh boy.
You know what?
I think for me, I was thinking about it.
I always want like a Greek salad,
but also a shrimp cocktail is just a,
for me, classic starter.
You know, when I was thinking about this,
I realized that a lot of the, to me, default
classic dinner items that are baked into
what I think of as a nice dinner that I want
is the menu at like a steakhouse.
And I'm sorry, James,
I know that you shit your pants in a steak house.
And I don't want to be giving you PTSD right now.
But that, so, and a shrimp cocktail to me is the,
when I was a kid, that seemed like what you would get,
that was a fancy thing that you would get at a steak house.
And so there's still a way in which I think of it as the quintessential starter, but, and I also
love it. It's a great, it's a great starter. So it's shrimp cocktail. Well, we're going to have to do
the UK American division again, aren't we? Yes. Cause prawn cocktail here is like mayo and
ketchup sort of mix. It's like Mary Rose sauce. Okay. And that's in with the,
Yeah, yeah.
It's just all mixed in,
but shrimp cocktail in the States,
like the horseradish and tomato dip.
Exactly.
It's a cocktail sauce with horseradish in it
and just plain shrimp.
Yeah.
Oh wow, I didn't know that either.
Okay, wow, I'm learning so much.
I think I prefer the American one.
Like whenever I've been to an American steak house,
when there's loads of horseradish in it
Well, and it proper gets in your nose. Yes. It's got a little bit of a kick to it. It's very spicy
My favorite of that kind of steakhouse is
Keen's in New York in next time you're in New York
It is like a turn of the last century smoking house that has like pipes affixed to the seat of the ceiling
They've got like pipes from like it's Albert Einstein's pipe.
It's like it's a wild place. It's crazy. Really Albert Einstein's pipe? Yeah. Oh yeah. All these
famous, all these ex-presidents, all these famous people, all the this is the pipe they were they
used when they came to King, it's a whole thing. It's a nuts place, you know. So were they using
the steak houses pipes or did they or did everyone accidentally leave their pipes?
No, that would be very funny.
Sorry, you can't leave Mr. Einstein until you put your pipe down.
We get to keep it.
No, they're like these long, it looks like Gandalf's pipe.
They're kind of fragile, long white pipes and people sign them and they're all like
lying in the ceiling. It's an incredibly beautiful place. If you want to look it up, we can, I can show
you a thing.
Maybe that's what Oppenheimer said to him. You left your pipe at King's.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, well, that's great.
And it's a great like proper like old school New York steakhouse.
Yeah. I do like, yeah, like fancy American steak houses are great. We went to a mad one though.
And have you heard of the Madonna Inn?
Yeah, in California.
Yes.
They have a steakhouse there that's all pink and gold.
Yes.
With a mad carpet.
And me and my wife, we were on honeymoon
and arrived too early, got quite drunk at happy hour.
And then went to the boutique and my wife bought a dress
which was the same pattern as the carpet
in the steakhouse.
Incredible. That's amazing.
Yeah, that was a good night. And we had shrimp cocktail that night as well.
Home run?
A lot of my dinner will be an homage to your honeymoon.
Thank you.
Dressed the same color as the carpet.
I think that's... So does she ever put that dress on and everyone turns out to be like, remember this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't quite work, I'd say, just like in England when it's like, you know bad weather and stuff to put on a fancy dress the same color as
A carpet in California. It's really
And your shadow choice is the Greek salad. Yeah, I think so. I like a Greek salad
I like a there's like part of my shadow meal is like a Greek salad
Hummus and pita is a much more like Mediterranean. Nice.
You know, not a heavy steak, you know, laden meal, but like a lighter meal.
Which doesn't feel like it should be in the shadows, you know.
I agree.
If anything, it's bright, it's, you know, it's not shadow.
Bring it out of the shadows.
Let it's light shine.
You know, let us bask in its vitamin D glow.
Get that sun.
How do you, we've talked, I think we've talked about this on the podcast before. No, I talked to Richard Herring about it on his podcast with a Greek
salad. He asked me about food. We were talking about Feta and on a Greek salad. Do you prefer
when they bring it and there's the whole block on top or do you prefer it cubed and dispersed throughout the salad? Jesus Christ! I like... by the way, Ed, great question.
Thank you. Great question. And my choice would be a block. Yes. My choice would be a block. And my
preference in Greek salad is a gorgiateki salad, which is a Greek for like a village salad kind of, sort of,
and it would just be tomato, cucumber, some, you know, oil and just the cheese.
Yeah. Like that's it.
None of the rest of stuff that gets put into Greek salads a lot, I feel like messes it up.
No, like- I like a super simple one.
No, no lettuce then?
Nope.
No olives or anything like that?
No, olives, totally fine.
I happen to not love olives, but would be appropriate.
Yeah.
I agree.
I mean, it's all about the cheese for me anyway.
Yeah.
You know, the cheese, the good tomatoes, cucumbers,
that's about it.
You know, that's a solid salad for me.
But you're having the cheese as one block.
But I break it up.
But you break it up yourself.
Yeah, I don't eat it as a block.
I receive it as a block. Yeah.
Yeah. But I'm just wondering about the ratios. It's received but not taken. So you think I'm just
what grabbing it with my hand and just like gnawing on a block of cheese? And you say yoink when you
grab it as well. Yeah, you have to say yoink. Yeah, we're trying to bring that back. I think you should.
Yeah. I said zoinks on something the other day and they were like, I think that's the first time
anybody's ever said zoinks on this. Did you say it? Did you think I'm going I said zoinks on something the other day and they were like, I think that's the first time anybody's ever said zoinks on this.
Did you say it?
Did you think I'm gonna say zoinks now?
Or did you naturally say zoinks?
No, I have somehow inserted zoinks
back into the rotation for me.
I think it started on my podcast
as a way to talk about truly absurd movies
that would be just like,
this is a real zoinks moment for me.
And now I've just started using it without noticing.
Yeah.
Hold on, you've been doing other podcasts as well.
Here's the thing, hear me out, James.
Can't believe this.
I've been doing my podcast for 14 years
simply to get to be a guest on this podcast.
That's the end.
That was launching me towards Plosive Studios
in this moment right now.
Yeah, okay, I'll accept that. You also say bananas a lot on your podcast as well.
I do, and bonkers.
From listening to your podcast,
bonkers and bananas has become part of my rotation.
Thank God.
Yeah.
That makes me very happy.
Your dream main course.
Now I'm looking forward to hearing the shadow but without the shadows
with that now.
Wait so my question is this gentlemen and here's my question.
I think there needs to be an option for a middle course like a pasta course, a secundi.
You can do that.
Okay.
Yeah. I would like the pasta that Steve Coogan's daughter makes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because listening to the episode where he described
the pasta that she makes that he wanted,
I was like, oh, I want that too.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That sounds fantastic and like light and clean,
perfect for like a mid meal plate.
Yeah.
I want Steve Coogan's daughter's pasta
and I don't mean that in any
gross way. So don't come at me for this. It's the pasta from the episode. I want that pasta.
I, is this the first time a guest has directly, directly taken something from another guest
three menu that they haven't had? Very happy. I'm glad. I haven't even considered this as a menu
hack, but quite exciting. Oh yeah. I can't even considered this as a menu hack, but quite exciting.
Oh yeah. I'm delighted.
I can't even remember what the pasta was.
It was like a, it was like a very, like, like I said,
it was like a very light, simple pasta that had like,
I think he said broccoli or it was like with greens.
It had like, it was like a, almost like an aglio olio,
but with greens.
It was not a heavy sauced pasta or anything like that.
So I was like, oh, that sounds great and perfect for,
cause I would like my main to be a steak.
You know, my main is going to be a steak.
I want something light.
I don't want like a heavy meat sauce or a, you know,
some sort of like real beefy pasta.
I want something light.
So that's, I thought that was a great pasta when he said it.
So I'll take it.
Do you have the shadow secundi?
Such a good question.
Of course I'll take it. Do you have the shadow secundi? Such a good question.
Of course I do, Ed.
I feel like my shadow secundi would be like,
cause the other thing that I'm missing,
which I would love that is a little bit more of an appetizer
is a charcuterie plate.
The shadow meal is little bites,
is more like pita hummus, Greek salad,
like to me charcuterie with some pickles and some,
you know, all that kind of, that kind of a plate I love,
but not so much cheese.
I'm not a big cheese person.
Makes me quite gassy.
So-
Is it too close to egg in your mind, maybe?
No, because I used to be able to eat cheese,
but now it just upsets my stomach.
So I just have to steer clear of it.
But it's, I love cheese. It's great. But it really is. The older I get, the more my stomach is like,
we'd really rather not. You know, this is not for us anymore. We don't do, can't do dairy anymore.
Can't really do anything that really challenges my stomach very much. Yeah. So the charcuterie
shadows secundi. I think so. Can you say that really quick? the charcuterie shadows secundi? I think so. Can you say that really quick?
The charcuterie shadows secundi?
Yeah.
Can you tell this guy is...
I'm having a great time.
He's acted with the best of them.
Yeah.
You give him a line.
Oh, I can do it.
I can do it.
Secundi shadow...
Wait, what was it?
Charcuterie shadows secundi.
Yeah.
Charcuterie shadows secundi. Oh. Charcuterie shadows secundi.
Oh yeah, you got the full range.
Oh yeah.
I'm really excited that you've taken some from another guest's menu.
Especially because like, I know that Steve Dora will hear this podcast.
Yes. Oh great.
And it will be a nice surprise.
Oh, I hope so. And it sounds like you're making a wonderful pasta. So congrats.
Congrats. So your steak, is that from a particular place?
Is it a particular cut?
How do you want it done?
You know, and this is going to be,
I suspect very controversial,
but it's not that it's necessarily from a place,
although Keen's would be a great one.
And I'm controversial in the sense that
anytime I order this steak with people,
they're always like, why are you getting the filet? It's the blandest, most boring, least flavorful, least fatty,
least marbled, all the things you're supposed to say about meat. It's not,
it's the, but for whatever reason, it's the one that in my mind, I'm like, well,
that's a steak. That's what I get. I'm getting this filet. So I would get a
filet. I would get a filet medium rare, nothing really fancy about it. You know, I'm not a big sauce guy or any of that kind of stuff. So I'm pretty much good to go. Salt and pepper. I'm ready. Let's do this.
So caveman style really? I'm like the liver king of comedy. Do you know who that is? Yeah, yeah, I'm aware. I don't know who the liver king is.
Can you look up liver king?
Yeah, show them the picture of the liver king.
That would really, I think this really,
for James is really gonna come home.
So, bit background to the liver king.
He's like a sort of fitness guy, right?
Like a influencer personality type, fitness.
What the hell?
So that's him with a big bit of liver.
He's like a proper caveman guy who said,
and all he eats is raw meat.
Yeah.
And it's just him eating raw meat,
and eating raw meat, and his whole thing,
he's just always in his shorts.
And then everybody kept saying like,
well, you're clearly on steroids.
And he'd be like, no, no, no,
this is achievable through just eating raw meat
and exercise.
And of course, at a certain point,
he has to come out and be like,
of course I'm taking steroids as well. I'm not just just eating bone marrow because his videos were just him slurping down bone marrow and all this other just
Absolutely nuts disgusting stuff. Yeah, really great. And then people were like, of course not
That's not how this works and he had to be like, yeah, of course
I'm shooting up like insane amounts of steroids in order to look like this. He's got a really sad apology as well.
Oh, he had to do, I think multiple sad apologies.
I've let you all down.
It's a very good lyrican.
And he's just an influencer,
so this is guys posting videos
and then he ends up doing an apology.
But like hugely takes off in that kind of space
on YouTube or maybe TikTok or something
that is people looking to like hack their bodies basically.
How to unlock, you know, all these guys
are trying to figure out immortality
or some such nonsense and it's all about, you know,
oh, just eating raw meat or all this kind of nonsense,
all these boondoggles that are meant to be like,
no, you want the answer to long life and happiness,
this is it, plus like 10 grand a week of performance enhancing drugs.
Well, that's insane.
So that's who you are.
That's who I am.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, yes, I'm very caveman in the sense of like, yes,
I'm like the, yes, I'm like the liver king of comedy.
Yeah.
You know, that's how I think of myself.
Do you get tired of having to like justify your state choice
to your dining companions? No, I'm not tired of myself. Do you get tired of having to like justify your state choice to your dining companions?
No, I'm not tired of it. I just tell I'm just like, I'm just doing this. I'm not, you know,
because they will, I'm not, I'm not, I don't care enough. You know, that's the thing, like, I feel
like I grew up mistrusting food so much that I have no, I don't, I'm not like pursuant of like, oh, the best version
of it. Now I'm scratching nostalgic itches almost, or something like that. Like these
things are just like they occupy, they are, you know, Proust's Madelines. They are provoking
a memory or, you know, eliciting some sort of nostalgia from me more so than I'm like,
oh, I'm can't wait for that first bite of that ba ba ba, you know, whatever. I don't fetishize the food as much as to me
the experience. Can I just say how high brow you've come across by saying Bruce Madeline's
rather than Ratatouille Ratatouille. Yeah, I did talk about liver king. So I've got
to recover. I didn't hear anything you said after Proust's Madden Life. I was thinking, now what is that? Because you were lost in a reverie.
What's that?
Oh yeah, it's like, and then I literally arrived at, oh yeah, it's like the Ratatouille
in Ratatouille.
Yeah, it is.
That's literally what happened in my head.
I love it.
And then when I rejoined the conversation, Ed was saying, Ratatouille, Ratatouille.
And I was like, okay, yeah.
Great.
I think I'm up to speed.
And by the way, we're now all on the same page.
Yeah, yeah.
So I know that now.
I liked watching you drift off into a reverie.
Yeah, yeah.
Unfortunately, and James knows this,
I'd be the guy at the steakhouse going,
why aren't you having a rib eye?
Yeah, oh, and I believe you.
I don't like that about myself, but I really-
I don't like it about you either.
No, thank you.
And it's why, frankly, you weren't invited to do that.
Yeah.
I think in the past,
I probably would have been that person as well.
But since I have four cats, such a cool flex.
Yeah.
And also what, I don't know where this is going.
Well, every time I tell people I've got four cats, I get the same response from people.
Like most people just be like, what?
That's too many cats.
That's not, and it's not, and I'm sick of it now.
Oh yeah.
Of course. The same basic opinion thrown in my face about
my own life and how I choose to live it and I'm just bored of it like complete strangers.
Oh yeah. Pets will come up in the conversation they'll go do you have any pets? I'll be like
yeah I've got cats. They'll be like how many? I'll be like here we fucking go. Yeah. I'll
say four and then they'll be like whoa what? No you No, you can't have four cats. That's crazy.
That's like, you've gone over the crazy line now.
That's a crazy amount of cats.
I've got to have that fucking conversation again.
So now I would never say to anyone,
are you on the order?
Are you with Philip?
What are you doing?
Well, it's the opposite though, isn't it?
Because people are having a go at Jason
because they think you're doing like the most boring thing.
Correct, yes.
And for you, you're doing the craziest thing.
Sure.
Four cats is not Philip's steak. I still think it's... Four cats is liver king. Well if they're wrong... This math is hard math for me. I'm not going to end up having to do an apology on social media about my cats. Four cats is liver king. Did you get four cats at once or have you over time accumulated? Oh this year I got another cat or all within a year and a half
We got four cats. Yeah. Yeah, so we got we got one given to us
Sure for free got my buddy makes sense. I'm not far. This is a cat influencer. So he gets us gifted. Yeah
They give you a cat
And then like eight months later, I was like, let's get another cat.
So we looked for cats, we found two we really liked.
We're like, right, it's one of these two.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, both of them.
Both of them.
Yeah.
That makes total sense.
Yeah, yeah.
When you put it like that, it makes total sense.
When you said four, I will say my initial reaction was,
that's entirely too many cats.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
Especially for someone who I'm assuming
is on the road quite a bit.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm, you know'm assuming is on the road quite a bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I'm you know, they just man the house by themselves
Golf and move out ages ago
It's just the fall. She hates cats. She hates cats. It's very aggressive
Do that's a conversation you are clearly not wanting to have if you are with someone who doesn't like has and you just keep getting more
not wanting to have. If you are with someone who doesn't like cats and you just keep getting more cats.
They come back and there's two more cats.
Yeah.
What are you trying to tell me?
I think I'm going to leave. They all look so different though that it makes sense when
you see them, right?
Yeah.
Because if three of them were there, I'd be like, this gang is incomplete. You know, you
need a, you need a big guy in a gang. You need a guy. You need like the, the, the weapons
expert, the tech guy, the explosives guy, the sniper
They're a heist gang, yeah
Ed did say when we got, when we completed the set
Ed was like, it's like cats in a cartoon
Yeah
Where they're all a different breed and they've all got different roles
Oh my god
And that's what we've done essentially
And now you're ready to pull off a heist
I think we are ready to pull off a heist
It's a real Ocean's Eleven over there
Yeah Which sounds like a cat food brand It's a real Oceans 11 over there.
Which sounds like a cat food brand. It does actually. So that would be perfect. Watch
that again the other day, Oceans 11. What a film. Yeah. I don't know what I was expecting
that. What a film. Full endorsement. I think I'll watch it once a year. Really? Wow. What
are your other movies that you'll watch once a year zodiac great homerun dark night?
What once a year I love it?
There you have it great
Unimpeachably great list yeah good. Yeah. Yeah those three. I find very rewatchable. Yes, I agree completely
I'll throw the big Lebowski in there. Oh yeah. Ghostbusters Frozen Empire.
Yeah, well I've watched that three times in the last two weeks.
Congratulations.
That's gonna be my new one.
Every Christmas when I want to feel cozy, I'm gonna watch Ghostbusters Frozen Empire.
Your dream side dish, Jason.
Okay, so I think of sides as a vegetable and a starch.
Which one is me and which one's Ed?
Yeah, oh wow, that's interesting.
Yeah, good question.
Yeah, hmm.
I think of, boy, that's a tough one.
Which one of you is the vegetable and which one of you is the starch?
I can see myself as a starch.
Do you?
Yeah.
That's interesting.
James, do you think of yourself as a vegetable?
I think maybe, yeah.
Ed, maybe you're the starch and James, maybe you're the vegetable.
That's fun. I was expecting it the other way around.
Were you?
Yeah, you're a very healthy boy.
Well, so are you.
Not as healthy as this guy.
I feel like, and this is maybe really opening a can of worms,
but while I'm just like eating all of this food and you guys are here,
like are you not eating at all?
You never talk about what you guys are ordering.
True.
Which I find to be rude.
Well, I think we let you order for the table.
We let the guest order for the table, right? I like that.
Conceptually, I think that's smart. Do you think that you're excited about what I've ordered?
Are you interested in this meal? Because I want to keep you guys happy. I like your meal.
I mean, I want to eat every guest's meal. We're not always invited to the dream. Sometimes people say they want other people there.
Oh, I'm not interested in other people. I want only you guys.
Okay, perfect.
That's my goal is I'd like to sit with you both,
have a meal, chat, talk about comedy.
I enjoyed both of your seasons of Taskmaster quite a bit.
I'd love to talk about that.
Yeah, what?
Jason's seen it, so.
You won?
Oh, you have seen it. I have seen it. Yeah, I want my, my, Jason's seen it. So you won. Oh, you have seen it.
Did you, I'm sorry. Did you need me to say congratulations?
You did, you didn't win. No, did you win? I did. Yes. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. He did. He won.
He won task faster. Yes, I came bottom and champion of champions. Thank you. Oh, I haven't seen that.
Yeah, I came bottom. So I've spoiled that for you. I had a meltdown. That's okay. Oh, did you really? Yeah. It went really well.
Meltdown on camera or off camera meltdown on camera during one of the tasks. We only
one episode. We just filmed for one day doing the tasks and we had to get a duck from the
top of the garden into a pond. They put in at the bottom of the garden. Okay. Without
coming out from behind the line. Okay.
We couldn't move the line so they shut down everything basically.
And I ended up trying to get all pipes together and set a tap and run it down there.
And other people did it in like 12 minutes and I took 97 minutes and I didn't get the duck in
and I chopped the duck's head off and...
By the way, it sounds like you did it right.
Yeah, I think that...
I would have done the pipes.
But you had like a meltdown
Yeah, wow. Yeah as bad as James is on bake off. Oh, no, I would like can somebody put both together
Mine was a time. I was always sort of present in my head going. I think this would probably be funny
I was genuinely frustrated, but I was always thinking oh, it's taskmaster. Of course. This is gonna happen
I was never having a genuine physical sure and emotional breakdown, but you were annoyed. Oh yeah. Big time. Yeah. Big
time. So I'd imagine if I did it again, which I shouldn't have, cause I was champion, but
like if you go back and do it again, but surely I would think that you would be, you'd have
all the things that you were like the first time around like, Oh, I should have done that
in your head. So then if you do it again, aren't you thinking like, I had to do a similar
task when I did it with a golf ball and realized afterwards I should have used pipes. So if
I was in your position, I would have done that. So I've been like, aha, learning from
my mistakes, but then that would have been wrong. Yes. Is that what was in your head?
No, what was in my head was it's going to be so cool to see that going down the little
pipe.
Oh, yeah.
And then it was flat.
That's the mistake you made.
The mistake you made was visualizing success.
Yeah, yeah, I was doing the edit in my head.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You were like, oh, and then we're gonna cut back
into the studio and people are gonna put me on their shoulders.
They're gonna be blown away at how effortlessly
the duck just swam down that, ducks belong on water. My whole thing
incorporates their natural environment. I was genuinely thinking that. I want the duck
to be happy. Yeah. And then for me, personal glory. So yeah, we'll eat the same thing as
you. Yeah, great. We'll have the starch and the veggies. We didn't. We'll just quickly
look back. I don't think we got a shadow main. Oh yeah,
good question. We just had the, oh yeah, you got the fillet. Yeah. You don't have to have one,
you know. It's the same Mediterranean for it. Ed, I'm going to have one. Okay. Well, I'm glad to
hear it. There is a Greek restaurant in New York called Pelos that makes a pork shoulder, pork shank
pork shank main that is fantastic. Wow.
And would go so beautifully with the shadow meal
that I've already set up that I'm gonna plug that in.
Yes.
Okay.
Wow, now, cause we're dining with you.
Go for it.
Do we get options to just hopscotch from the shadow
and the-
Yeah.
You can cherry pick whichever you'd like.
Can I just say that so far,
and don't take this the wrong way, I'm 100% shadow.
You know what?
On many nights I am as well.
I don't want the heavy steak meal.
Most nights I want the lighter meal.
I want the lighter, more Mediterranean,
more hummus salad, something light.
I love it.
I feel I've only hopped over to the shadow for the pork,
for the pork shoulder.
Have you? Okay.
But up until now I've been pork, cocktail,
the secundi, I'm going for the pasta,
the Steve Coogan's daughter's pasta.
And then I'm going for the pasta.
You know what?
I'd like to remove the charcuterie.
I would like Steve Coogan's daughter's pasta
to be both present in,
to be the secundi on both main line and shadow.
Okay, I'm happy with that.
Okay, and then, so for me, sides-wise, back to sides,
my grandmother's lemon potatoes,
which are just like a, truly a thing that I have a memory of
that I have never been able to find again, even though it is a common,
you know, in a Greek restaurant or like even like my sister's tried to make them or stuff,
but I can't get the act what I think of it as the taste back. Yeah, I have been chasing the lemon,
those lemon potatoes forever. And then there is Greek stuffing that my mother makes for American Thanksgiving,
which is also very much for me a nostalgia pick that really hits a kind of that to me
is a flavor. It's about like the food of its comfort. It's like the food of my childhood,
but it's only, you know, it's, it's for the holiday, but it is, you know, there's something very sweet about it
that's, you know, and it is, you know, a little sweet tasting.
It's like ground beef and rice and chestnuts
and a bunch of other stuff.
It's delicious.
Anyway, that stuffing I would have as well.
This is good.
I mean, I can see why you eat for nostalgia
because growing up, you had really nice Greek food.
Not all the time, but yes.
Yeah, that makes total sense.
Absolutely.
And very repetitive stuff.
Very, you know, like the same kind of ingredients
recontextualized into this dish or into this dish,
you know, so it was a lot of similar stuff.
And what are the, I've ever had lemon potatoes before.
So what kind of potatoes are they?
You know what, that's a great question.
I don't know what kind of potatoes they are,
but they're just sliced into wedges.
So, and they're, you know, roasted with lemon and oil
and it's super simple, but it's a good question.
I don't know what exact potato they are.
I watched a TV show last night here in your country
called, get ready for it, Celebrity Mastermind.
Yes. And I genuinely ready for it, Celebrity Mastermind. Yes.
And I genuinely sat in the room confounded
because I was like, this must be a comedy show.
There's absolutely no way, shape or form
that this is a real television show.
Because the people seem to be able to choose the category
that they would be asked questions about.
Yes, they have a specialist subject.
Yes.
And then they have, there's a general knowledge round.
Okay, one of the contestants was Ivo Graham.
His topic was Philip Seymour Hoffman movies.
The other contestants categories was potatoes.
And she was just asked, she was like a celebrity chef.
It was my understanding.
All of her questions were just potato based. And I was like, none of these are questions that I would even and she had a knowledge that I was
Genuinely shocked so much so James when you just said what kind of potatoes I was like, oh no
Just like that woman last night. I have to remember like the names and types of different potatoes
And so I don't know what kind of potatoes they are. But this celebrity mastermind I was flummoxed by
because it appeared to be taking place
on like the most ramshackle of stages.
It was bizarre.
So, I mean, Mastermind has been a show
in the UK for decades.
And I believe the guy who came up with the format
used to work in the, in the army or
the police or something.
And it is based on interrogation techniques.
It was captured.
Really?
It was captured by the enemy forces and they interrogated him and only about things he
knew quite a bit about.
They got to choose a specialist subject.
Specialist subject was secrets of the British government. We have you captured.
We're gonna ask you only questions about Star Wars,
the original trilogy,
which was one of the categories last night.
I was like, what?
Well, he says that's what gave me the idea for the show
is that how, cause it's very intense when you go,
we've both done it.
Really? Yeah.
How did you do?
What were your topics I need to know?
Please have just like some quick guesses
about what our special subjects might have been.
Clue, Ed's is a TV show, mine is food-based.
Oh boy.
And it's not potatoes.
No, I'm assuming not.
Not potatoes, I was already taken.
It's not, okay.
Yours is a TV show.
Is it Taskmaster?
No.
Okay.
Is it a show I would know? Yes. Oh, is it an American show? It's an American show. Is it Taskmaster? No. Okay. Is it a show I would know?
Yes.
Is it an American show?
It's an American show.
Is it like the Sopranos?
No, it's a comedy show.
Comedy show.
I picked something that revising it would be, I don't know, it feels like the sort of
thing I should know.
It's a more recent show.
If no, it feels like the sort of show you could have been on, but I don't think you've
been on it.
The Office? No, that's I guess British of show you could have been on, but I don't think you've been on it. The Office? No.
No, that's I guess British in origin. 30 Rock?
Yeah.
Got it.
Yeah.
Was not on it. I auditioned to play Jonathan, Alec Baldwin's assistant.
Yeah.
Oh, I'd have liked to see that.
Yeah. Love that show. Fantastic show.
Yeah. Amazing and fun to revise as well. And so many fun questions.
Yeah. Great. I will say, have you been watching Girls 5 Ever?
I've not watched the most recent season yet, but I'm really excited. I think it's outstanding. It is very questions. Yeah, great. I will say, have you been watching Girls 5 ever? I've not watched the most recent season yet,
but I'm really excited.
I think it's outstanding.
It is very funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Joke Dents.
One of the last remaining, like true comedy machine,
joke machine shows where they are just piling jokes
on top of jokes in a very satisfying way.
I think that show is dynamite.
Yeah, I failed to meet the lead character the other day.
I was in New York and we were doing the same show together
and I really wanted to say hello to her.
Oh nice.
She left as soon as she'd done her interview
and I was very sad.
What show did you do?
Seth Meyers' show.
Lovely.
And I was like, oh, and I really wanted to go out and see her.
Oh, that's sad.
And then they're like, no, you ought to go on the show next.
It's probably the wrong energy to meet someone as well.
Yeah, panicking.
Like, I gotta go meet that person!
Panicking.
Oh yeah, you're all, you're way up in your head
the minute before you go on.
After you come off, you're like, I'll meet anybody.
Does anybody wanna meet me?
I wanna talk to them now.
Paula Pell on that show, I think is pound for pound
the funniest person in the world.
It is absolutely insane how funny she is.
Anyway, and then James.
No, that wouldn't have, Paul Appel, boy, I would love.
Mine was ice cream, the history of ice cream.
The history of ice cream?
Did you know previous, quite a bit of the history of ice cream?
No, I didn't know anything about it,
I didn't revise it either.
He was really panicking because he went into it being like,
yeah, I'm just going to fuck around.
And then I got loads of texts going,
I'm in the dressing room, I don't know what to do.
Well, that was the thing is,
like when people would eat shit,
you really are just, it's a single on them,
while they are just struggling to-
The camera gets closer and closer.
While they are struggling to recall a thing
you know they don't have.
Yeah.
So now you're just watching them tick down
because it's not even like when you're failing,
one of the things that's very fun about watching
Taskmaster is you are watching a show about failure.
You are watching people fail and it is how well
are they able to cover their frustration
and maintain their comedic point of view,
their persona, whatever,
however they are engaging comedically with Alex or whatever.
But Mastermind, they've got no money.
There was a couple of moments I said,
the craziest thing was it was like one guy was,
I'm sorry, this is Britain's number one
celebrity Mastermind recap show.
One of the guy's topics was, like I said,
the original Star wars trilogy.
And every question I knew the answer to every single I was like, boom, boom in my hotel room.
Boom, I'm answering all of them. Which which bit of Darth Vader's outfit has a gap in it?
For real. And then one of the Ivo was the films of Philip Seymour Hoffman. He crushed, by the way.
There was the woman who did potatoes,
whose name I now have remembered is Poppy O'Toole.
I want to give her her credit.
She hosts Junior MasterChef.
And then, oh nice.
And then the other man was, whose name I'm not gonna remember.
And this is how much, cause I was like,
I knew all the Philip Seymour Hoffmans,
the potatoes, I was like, this is impressive.
I have no idea.
The guy who went last must be a sports caster.
And I believe, now this is how crazy it was.
I believe his topic maybe was cricket.
Every question and answer had so many to me,
hilarious specifics, words, names that sounded so,
and he was so sure of himself, you know, Kevin Summers.
And I'd be like, who is that?
What is that?
23 and nine.
And like all of the answers were just as absurd.
It was like jokes.
It felt to me like these are jokes.
This is a joke character.
And he was deadly serious and was doing very well.
He knew he was like eyes on the prize.
He didn't have that I'm terrified James A. Caster.
I don't know enough about ice cream.
Yeah, but he's good.
They had rejected my initial suggestion
for my special subject,
which was the comedy of Nish Kumar.
Yes.
And they wouldn't let me do that.
And then they wouldn't let me do the comedy of Ed
Gamble. Yeah. Oh that would be very funny. Is there just not enough trivia? But I have
hardcore viewers who want it to be serious. Yes. And they don't want it to be
a joke. Oh that's too bad. They wouldn't let me do Slipknot. Really? Yeah. Oh that's
funny because that to me would be the goal. Yeah. Although I guess that would
make it a very different show. Yeah. They want it to be like Jeopardy or something more akin
to like a proper trivia show or something.
It's very high profile series.
This is officially how smart this person is.
Yeah, okay, that's ridiculous.
That's ridiculous.
Oh, that's very funny though.
Oh, I love it.
I wish you'd been able to do the comedy of Nishkamar.
Yeah, I was very much looking forward to it.
Although side dishes, Benito wants to know
which is shadow, which is.
Oh, wow.
Imagine being a producer, not being to say that.
I mean, on this, imagine having to corral this into,
and be like, we actually care.
We're gonna have to put it on the website,
so we actually, we need to know.
Our listeners are very similar to the mastermind viewers.
Yeah, yeah.
They want it to be proper.
And now we're making you choose
between your grandmother and your mother.
I know, isn't that terrible?
Well, here's the thing.
I think that the stuffing is going to be
with the shadow meal and the lemon potatoes with the stick.
I think it will go well that way.
Oh, that will work.
I think that's the best way.
I think that will be the best way.
And then-
There's beef in the stuffing as well.
There it is.
So that's why I'm thinking of, it's not much,
but I'm gonna put it on there. And then I'm gonna sneak as well. That's not gonna understand. So that's why I'm thinking of, it's not much, but I'm gonna put it up there.
And then I'm gonna sneak in just cause I really,
I'm looking at a very loose and weakly vegetable meal,
a weak vegetable meal here.
I'm gonna just throw some broccoli in there.
I need a green, I need something, some broccoli,
some Brussels sprouts, some spinach,
something that's like a cruciferous
green please.
How are you having that prepared?
Oh, like just dead simple.
Just like, you know, broccoli, grill it up for a couple of minutes, you know, like something
very simple, roasted, you know, nothing, nothing fancy, nothing, just a grilled vegetable.
I always order broccoli in a restaurant, no matter what restaurant, because if they have
broccoli on the menu, I'm ordering it. Sometimes it's very simple, just grilled or steamed or whatever. And then I'm like, great, I was always ordered broccoli in a restaurant no matter what restaurant if they have broccoli on the menu I'm ordering it sometimes. It's very simple just grilled or steamed or whatever and then I'm like great. I'm so healthy
Yeah, but sometimes it comes out loud. I say I shout it it comes in
It's like covered in oil and yeah, like and stuff and then I'm like, ha I tricked the idiot
I was ten minutes ago when I ordered that asshole didn't know he was about to get a treat
Vegetable candy That asshole didn't know he was about to get a treat. Ooh, vegetable candy.
It's great.
Now he wins.
Yeah.
You're happy either way.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
All of those are winners.
Pretty good to be at Gamble.
Yeah.
Everything's coming up at Gamble.
Gamble on Ed.
Went to a restaurant in Glasgow.
Okay.
I know you're off to Glasgow.
Yeah. Tell me, is it good? Should I go? Called Kapow, which was excellent. gamble on Ed. Went to a restaurant in Glasgow. I know you're off to Glasgow.
Yeah, tell me, is it good?
Should I go?
Called Kapow, which was excellent.
It's like sort of Asian fusion cuisine.
And they had a hispy cabbage dish.
So now I'm just gonna order hispy cabbage everywhere.
I don't even know what that is.
It's a type of cabbage and they just get a wedge of it
and they grill it.
So it's like proper chard,
but then with cashew nut butter underneath it.
I just had, I just went to Roe V last night, one of the Odalangi restaurants and had a grilled
cabbage that has tahini with it. And it was fantastic. Yeah. So cabbage is my new sort of
love that go to healthy. I love that for you. Thank you so much. Congrats. Thank you.
I steer clear of cabbage. I told a story about... You're a cabbage skeptic. Well, I do love it food-wise, but I told a story about being sent loads of cabbages on
a TV show here. And now when I often when I go on stage, someone just put a cabbage
on stage as a joke. But I've found that it doesn't work if I go on and then tell the
story again.
Sure.
Boring.
Yeah.
So the only funny thing I can do, cause if I ignore it going that's a cabbage that one so I have to do something right
So the only funny thing I can do is walk out on stage and immediately kick the cabbage into the into the wings
Okay, cuz I guess you can't kick it into the audience. No, that's the person in the front rows definitely
Oh, yeah
Yeah, a friend of mine threw like a little orange into a crowd once and it like detached a guy's retina.
Like truly, like just like a tangerine.
No, what's a little orange?
A mandarin, you know, just kind of was like boop
and like literally afterwards they were like,
that guy, you hit a guy and he had to go to the hospital.
Like it's crazy.
But I will say you're getting at something,
your absolute disdain for the audience,
which we touched on earlier,
maybe before we started recording,
which I appreciate and share.
And no doubt I will be dressing down
the London audiences in mere days.
I have developed a very antagonistic relationship
to the audience, partially because they think
they're part of the show in a way that is like,
oh, we've brought you a cabbage, James.
We know you'll like this. And they don't know that it of the show in a way that is like, oh, we've brought you a cabbage, James. We know you'll like this.
Yeah, and they don't know that it hurts the show.
They think it helps.
Yes, that's a heckler's ethos.
I was helping.
They always hang around afterwards to be like,
that was me.
I'm the one that shouted that thing.
I was helping.
I was part of the show.
You're welcome.
And it's always like, are you fucking insane?
Get the fuck out of here.
And people now, it's only more and more
that people are like from the audience,
I need to be heard from.
The people on stage need to hear from me immediately.
Now is the time, I'm not even gonna wait for the time
when Paul comes into the audience and it's appropriate.
I'm just gonna gonna wait for the time when Paul comes into the audience and it's appropriate.
I'm just gonna start talking now.
Yeah, you guys have,
you do questions at the end of the podcast.
Oh, there's a whole part of the podcast
where you're encouraged to talk back to us
and ask questions.
But nope, people aren't gonna wait for that at all.
They are just like, I'm here, I have something to say,
and I'm saying it, and you're gonna have to stop talking
into those microphones if you wanna hear me.
Let's get on to these dream drinks.
Let's do it.
Excited with the main one.
You know, I think a main drink,
I'll have a glass of wine, even though it is,
well, I'll say for the shadow,
it's gonna be a white wine, a lighter wine.
So I'm not a big wine person,
but seems like, you know,
have a glass of wine with dinner.
I know you're supposed to have red wine with red meat
for the main, the main line dinner.
Red wine now upsets my stomach.
Oh, it's another one of those.
So I guess a rose.
I'll take a rose.
Something leaning towards red, but still light and easy.
And then I'll keep drinking my still water.
And yeah, that's it. Does that sound good for you guys? Yeah I'll have that for sure.
Yes I'll have that. Greek wines? Sure doesn't have to be though, doesn't
have to be. Again I'm not very wine savvy you know so something not too sweet not
too fruit forward I guess something I don't know if there's something I'm sure
there's something Greek that fits in there
Yeah, a dry. I rose. I wanted to draw a yes great. Yeah, Phil Wang
Yes, did the wines of New Zealand face especially subjective mastermind smart. I like that. Yeah, so I will I'll say Greek wine
We can get even though I don't know you know what actually I'd like Phil's
Better because it sounds like he knows about it. I would like Phil Wang's full
flight of New Zealand wives. I would like, you know what I wish I'd thought of it because I
thought of the Coogan's Daughter's Pasta, which is the t-shirt. The CDP. Yeah. I wish I'd cobbled
together a meal based entirely off of other guests meals. That's an idea that if it has not been done,
somebody, that's the challenge.
Well, Greg Davis had Phil at stake, we know that.
Okay, great.
But he had it well done, because he was crying.
What a fucking idiot.
See, it's amazing how quickly you jump over
to the other side. I've become one of those guys.
I'm an ad gamble now.
Chastising Greg, who's not even here.
But for real, that's absolutely absurd.
So although someone said, because we always have a go at Greg for having it well done, Chastising Greg who's not even here. But for real, that's absolutely absurd.
So although someone said,
cause we always have a go at Greg for having it well done.
And apparently he didn't on the main episode.
I think he might've said medium and then said,
or I'll just have it well done.
Oh, he got bullied into it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, he didn't.
He said it.
He was doing it to wind you up.
Yeah, he was doing it to wind me up.
He was doing it to upset you.
Oh, he was saying well done to wind you up.
He skipped his starter.
He had a well done.
Okay, God.
Like steak.
I get it.
He's just trying to get a rise out of it.
Yes, very easy to do.
He's trolling you.
Yeah.
What dish on your menu are you hoping another guest will steal for their menu in the future?
Oh, that's great.
And those side dishes are pretty strong content. Yeah, I mean, listen, if someone wants to include my grandmother's potatoes, that would
be a true honor.
So yeah, my hope would be that someone would choose, or my mother's stuffing, either way.
Boy, would I be delighted if they found those interesting or compelling, although I don't
think I described them as such.
Those are the two I want to try the most.
Yeah, I think those would be interesting. Who would be the guest that you'd hope? A future guest that we might have
who you would hope will choose who will say Jason Mazzucchi's Grandmother's Potatoes
please. Yeah, who's absolutely with that? What would blow your mind? Oh, it would blow
my mind if Chris Morris said that. Yeah. You know, I'm trying to think of a someone in
British comedy circles, you know, that I have no relationship to but feel away about, you know, I mean, like, like, you know,
you've already had him on, I would have said Garth Marenghi. Yeah. Just see, of course, you know,
as a fan and as a loyal reader, but he's since he's already been on, has Chris Morris been on?
Not yet. Oh, so there it is. I don't think he does too many.
Doesn't seem like it.
No, no, no.
Doesn't seem like it.
Yeah.
We've met him.
I've not.
No?
No, I've met him.
And?
Nice guy.
Did you ask him to do the pod?
No, no, no, no.
I know you got a, you got build up to that one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so we could get Morris in the future.
Yeah.
I reckon.
I'd be happy to.
Oh, what a conversation.
Yeah. And we'll try and try
and get him to order my, try to push him, nudge him towards my grandmother's potatoes.
He seems like a guy who's easily convinced. I would love it if you guys could give that
as an option just in general. Yes. Would you like to opt in? You know, like when they give
you a thing, like a suggestion, like other people have ordered with this. Yeah. And then
you can just click on, Oh yeah, Jasmine Rice. Let me add that.
Like if you could be like,
would you like to include Jason Manzoukis' Yaya's potatoes?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll definitely be saying that.
Next episode.
Yeah, yeah, next episode.
We'll put that as an option.
Chronologically, we don't release them as we record them.
So the next episode might come out before your one
and then it's gonna be very confusing.
That's gonna be, I love that.
Please, let's confuse the audience as much as possible.
I hope people take from this
the desire to have a shadow meal.
Yeah.
To build a second meal.
Yes.
And I want you guys to know, I made notes
and the shadow meal was born of me being like,
well, I don't wanna choose between these things.
So why don't I just do both?
I took this very seriously.
I feel like if you're gonna have the shadow meal,
we do need to add some element of danger
every time you go into the shadow realm, though.
Yeah, I do like that.
I do feel like maybe, hear me out,
the shadow meal is in darkness, is shrouded in darkness.
There was a restaurant in New York for a while
that was pitch black.
We have one, we've got one here as well.
Did you have one here as well?
Yeah, it was like a thing.
I never went, but yeah, I was always like, that seems absolutely
like a terrible idea. Actually, before we move on from the course, when we had Paul
on, uh, from your podcast, you had a ceremony as well, right? Did he? Yeah. The healthy
old man. He had the healthy old man. Yeah. Oh yeah. But, um, I like that. Something's
always stuck in my head from that. Cause it was the first time we met Paul.
Sure.
And it was a lovely time, really fun.
But we made a joke that I didn't know if he liked it.
So I thought I'd check with you now.
Okay.
He said that he would want this, I think Saki from this place that he went to.
Yes.
Nice sushi place that's shut now.
And then they made him his own cup.
Okay.
And they wrote on it in. In like kanji made him his own cup. Okay. And they wrote on it in-
In like kanji and Japanese symbols.
And he said-
Wrote Paul in it.
He said they wrote Paul or something.
And we said-
I love that you are unpacking this joke.
How many years later?
Five years later?
Yeah, it's a bit-
Got it.
2020, February 2020.
Oh, okay, four years later.
Got it, great.
We said, how do you know they didn't like
Paul Scheer drinks piss? Yeah. Yeah. okay. Four years later. We said, how do you know they didn't like poor shit drinks piss? Yeah
Yeah, and I think I would have said the same joke. Yeah, he said
The first time he answered us with a straight face. He went they didn't like that
Wow, I got the impression the Saki Cup meant a lot to him. Oh, that's very funny. That's exactly the joke
I would have yeah. Yeah. I think it was quite a lot. A lot. So I think he was in like, he was telling a story
that made him feel slightly vulnerable and he was sort of opening up to us a little bit about how
much he loved this Japanese restaurant. And then we came in really hard. He's talked about it a lot.
Quite a bit actually. And how much it hurt, you know?
How much it hurt.
I said I was coming in to do this, he was like,
are you sure?
James A. Castor's a savage beast.
He's so mean.
I'm glad you brought that up.
Don't worry about that too.
I'm questioning now though,
whether that was any kind of,
was that a leading story is the secret ingredient
for this episode somehow piss?
No.
Like, is that, is that,
are you trying to nudge me towards choosing piss as a thing?
Cause we are in the drink section.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ooh, this is awkward.
Today's secret ingredient is horse piss.
Take it away to today's restaurant.
I actually call my piss shadow wine as well.
So you're very close.
Shadow wine.
Your dream dessert.
Well, okay.
So here's the thing.
Dessert for me, very difficult because quite a lot of desserts are just egg-based in every
way shape or form.
All the desserts that people like.
I will say though, in recent years, there has been a real boom in what I consider delicious,
but like vegan ice creams, which to me ice cream is always, is like the thing that as
a kid I couldn't really have that I very much wanted to have. Every once in a while there was a cheap kind of
pre-made ice cream type of bar you would get off of a truck
or something like that would be safe,
but I could never have a pint of real nice ice cream.
And now I feel like there's very good vegan ice creams,
so I would probably have some sort of vegan ice cream
or maybe a sorbet or something like that
is usually safe for me.
So one of those kinds of things,
a couple of scoops of an ice cream or a sorbet
would be my preferred dessert.
Do you have a flavor that you gravitate towards
or a place that you love to have the vegan ice cream?
In LA, there's a couple of places.
There's, they're all chains now.
So you very well may have some of them here.
Jenny's is one, Van Luen is another.
They're kind of like these American chains that are, they have non-vegan ice.
They primarily are, you know, non-vegan, but they have now a list of vegan ice creams that
are quite good.
The one I get is like, it's just like a vanilla and chocolatey kind of swirl thing.
There's one that's got like some peanut buttery kind of stuff in it. But I like just like a plain
vanilla scoop and a chocolate scoop. I'm good with that. Or like a sorbet, like a raspberry or
something, a lemon sorbet or something like that. My focus is always the meal. Dessert I never could
count on. So I'm always like, oh, I just want a couple of bites of something sweet.
Yeah.
So it's a treat if you do actually get.
Always.
Cause it's almost never that I can.
And I'm always then guilty of,
and which I liked quite a bit here,
is I will just get from a corner shop, like candy.
I'll get a candy bar.
I'll get like something that is, you know, that
I want to have as a sweet because I do want that sweet after dinner taste, which I associate
with like chocolatey kind of stuff. So I'll get like a candy bar or something like that.
Do you have any favorite UK chocolate bar? I'm trying to think. There's a bunch of them.
There's a bunch of them that are great that I wish I'd thought to like take pictures of
because I don't remember the names. They, have quite a bit describe them yeah so a lot of the ones that I like
have the appearance of a Kit Kat type of bar a it's wafers it's hazelnut it's chocolate
stacked in some and sometimes it's covered in sometimes it's open all you know there's
one that's like a square like this and they break into individual little pieces.
There's one that looks like a big Kit Kat, wafers,
milk chocolate covered in chocolate,
but also caramel inside.
I mean, it all sounds like Kit Kat.
Kit Kat junkie.
But they're not Kit Kats.
They're not branded Kit Kats, but they are similar.
Talking about a Tunnock's caramel wafer, maybe.
Maybe, maybe.
That's from Scotland and we can get them here.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I think the king of UK chocolate bars.
Absolute beast of a chocolate bar.
I wouldn't describe it as a chocolate bar.
Come off it.
Well, I'm putting that more in a biscuit realm.
Interesting.
Because I would say, see it being brought through
on like a tea tray. Oh. You know, with realm. Interesting. Because I would say see it being brought through on like a tea tray.
Oh. You know, with biscuits. Yes. Oh, so it's fancier than like a Kit Kat or a Twix or something
like that. It's I'd say, I'd say I'd have a tonics and be like, I've had a biscuit rather than I've
had a whole chocolate bar. Interesting. It's a lighter, it's a lighter option for me. Oh,
what I'm talking about is pretty heavy. Okay. It's, it's, it's long. Yeah. You know,
and it's thick too. Like it's like, I don't even know that I would eat a whole one. A lion bar.
It's not a lion bar. I have had a lion bar, but that's in that realm. Like a bueno bar,
kind of bueno, one of those, but that's, those are good too. But this thing I'm talking, I'm
gonna take a picture of it and send it to you because I've eaten a lot of them in the last week.
It's-
Time out bar?
Time out bar?
No, I don't know what that is.
They still does it.
Yeah, maybe they don't even have them anymore.
Huh, I'll try it.
But it's wafers covered in chocolate.
Ooh, that's my, I love that.
I like a little bit of like a crispy crunchy.
In America, there's a bar called a Take Five Bar,
which is a pretzel, chocolate, caramel, it's five ingredients
and I'm forgetting what the rest of them are.
But it's like so much texture,
but also very salty and sweet, which is great.
Yeah, ideal.
Picnic bar, you'd like a picnic bar.
Okay.
You'd maybe even like a star bar.
Oh, star bar's a good shout out.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
I love these recommendations.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go straight to the candy shop after this.
Well, on a major menu batch now, see how you feel about it. I'm not recommendations. I'm gonna go straight to the candy shop after this. Well, on a major menu batch now,
see how you feel about it. I'm not done.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
Jason's not done.
Because I don't know why,
but I feel like you are neglecting a huge component here,
which is I'm gonna have a cup of coffee after this.
Yeah.
You know, or a tea, depending on the hour,
but a cup of coffee almost certainly after dinner,
you know, with my dessert, perfect. That's it. That's what I want because my sincere hope is that
I want a little bit of energy after a heavy meal because we're going to go and we're going to walk
home or we're going to walk, you know, one of the things that I love about being in London is
walking. Every walking to dinner, walking home from dinner.
Los Angeles, we don't get the,
it's very much reminiscent of when I lived in New York,
that ability to engage with the city on foot.
And Los Angeles, you just don't have it.
And I miss- You can't do it, right?
Yeah, no, you're just,
I'm so much more focused on,
where did I park the car?
And I gotta drive home now and all that.
It's just not the same thing.
So I want a cup of coffee to walk home.
I think it's amazing.
Like you're talking about hydrating.
A lot of people I know live in LA
that talk about making sure they hydrate.
But that combined with a city where you're constantly
in your car. God, when you say it like that,
it sounds like I'm an insufferable Angelino.
And Ed, the point is taken.
You've really, right here at the end,
you've really rocked me to my core.
That's what I didn't say at the beginning, man.
Jason Mazdaiki's treat's piss.
Yeah.
The secret ingredient.
But do you not just need the toilet all the time
in your car?
I do.
Yeah.
All the time and have had some very close calls.
Yeah, yeah.
Very close calls.
Is so much so that I've now had to,
a number of times pull
up into side streets to surreptitiously try and piss without somebody being like, Hey,
Adrian Pimento from Brooklyn, I'm a big fan man. While I'm just like, don't look at me,
you know, while they're walking their dog in their neighborhood, while a semi known
person is just pissing or one of those like celebrity tour buses.
Oh my gosh.
And there he is, once again,
unable to make it all the way home from lunch.
He's there every time.
Jason Manzouk is pissing on the side of the road.
If they knew you could be there.
And if we turn down here, we might see, oh, there he is.
Jason Manzouk is once again pissing
mere moments from his house,
because it's always like four minutes from home
my body's like and now go because something about like turning up my street makes me feel like i'm
there yeah and then it's just game over so that's the other thing is i'm pissing in my own neighborhood
like so my neighbor it's only a matter of time it's not like i'm it's not like i'm on the other
side of time being like whatever no, no, it's whatever.
I'm just like crouching in some bushes
like an absolute maniac.
No, I'm in the neighborhood that I live in
where my neighbors might walk by and be like,
hey Jason, how are you?
And I'm gonna have to be like, hey, what's going on?
Couldn't make it home.
I'm in my 50s, who knew?
They're gonna think you don't have a toilet.
Like you've not paid to put a toilet in your house.
Well, I also have a bunch of smashed toilets
out front of my house.
Yeah.
That is like your...
I am very vocally anti-toilet.
I think big toilets trying to take us over.
I will say, I just got one of those Japanese toilet seats.
Oh, wow.
Just the thing you put on and it does all the same stuff.
Holy cow.
You look like Nish, but you know you're living,
you're like good timeline Nish, where you're, you're living. Am I really like good timeline Nish where you're living his dreams?
Yeah. Oh yes. Oh, please.
Me and Nish, I'd say, you know, we talk most days.
I'd say 50% of our conversations are about imagine if we had a Japanese toilet.
Oh, I thought you were going to say 50% of your conversations are Nish saying,
what if I could lead Jason Manzoukas his life?
Does the Japanese toilet have writing on the side that says Jason Manzoukas?
Yup.
Yup.
Shit's here.
Pisses down the road.
Pisses.
Pisses down the road.
Shit's here.
This is Jason Manzoukas' Sake Cup.
Dwight D. Rock Johnson's bushes or whatever.
I will say this is the thing is a game changer.
Oh, God.
The toilet itself, I think is insanely expensive,
but the bidet seat, very affordable and incredible.
I mean, like really good.
Being here for a couple of weeks, I'm like,
oh man, I really miss it.
Yeah, yeah, that's the main,
you can look at the photos of it on your phone.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm texting it, it's not texting me back.
Do you feel really dirty?
I feel filthy right now. I feel like I'm sitting in my own filth. Oh, I'm texting it. It's not texting me back. Do you feel really dirty? I feel filthy right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in my own filth.
You know, it's disgusting.
It's disgusting.
You don't, you feel clean afterwards
in a way that you just cannot
from mashing paper around.
Think about it.
It's crazy.
Why would we do this like this?
This should be,
we should all just shoot water at our assholes
and be done with it. It's absolutely absurd that we mush paper
around and just smear the shit around. You wouldn't do it to your plates. You wouldn't,
exactly. You wouldn't do it to your plates. Imagine if someone, you went to
someone's house for dinner and they popped a plate down, it was clearly like,
yeah, like, we just wiped, we wiped dinner, we wiped, we dry wiped it. We dry wiped
last night's dinner off of the plates.
It's fine.
That's what you're doing.
You're dry wiping your own shit all over.
Is that what you people came to this podcast for?
They know that happened.
They.
They would be disappointed
it's taking us this long to get there.
Your dream meal, your main one,
you want to arrive and immediately be given a lemonade
and then have still water.
Thank you.
Pop-a-dums with bread you would like.
Pop-a-dums is your shadow sourdough for your main.
Shadow starter Greek salad, main starter shrimp cocktail.
Shadow secundi and main secundi is the...
Steve Coogan's daughter's pasta.
The CDP.
Yep.
Main co... Shadow main course pork shoulder. Main main course, fillet steak, medium rare.
Shadow side dish, mother's Greek stuffing.
Shadow, no, main side dish.
People are so upset at all.
Grandmama's lemon potatoes.
You would like some greens either way with those, most likely broccoli, most likely grilled.
Your shadow drink, a white wine.
Your main drink, a rose.
And dessert on both counts
You would like some vegan ice cream or sorbet most likely chocolate and vanilla and a coffee and then you're gonna piss in the bushes
On your way home. Yeah. Yeah, that's it right there. That's good. That's two good. That's the whole deal
Yeah, I mean that's a home run. I'd be thrilled to share that with both of you
Yeah, thank you so much for coming to the dream Restaurant. Thank you Jason. Thank you for having me.
Well, there we are, James. What a wonderful way to wrap up Series 11.
Wonderful menu, wonderful stories, wonderful man.
There we go. The hat trick, the hat trick of things that we like. Look, it's the final episode of the series, sure, but
we're going to be back with some more episodes, I'd imagine, and imagine if you keep an eye out,
there's gonna be all sorts of new episodes,
and then Christmas episodes, and then best of episodes.
Who knows, James?
Yeah, so chill out, mum.
Yeah, chill out, mum.
You don't need to text me every week
when there's not an off menu saying how annoyed you are
that it's not on.
Well, that's very supportive of your mum I think
no she's so angry every time
she said what do you think you're playing at you lady bastards
where's off menu?
well maybe if she doesn't have off menu in her life
she'll have a little bit more time to work on her cooking
she doesn't need to she's an excellent cook
mmm yes
so thank you very much for listening to this series.
You've all been wonderful, as always.
Thank you, Jason, for not saying pimento.
Yes, thank you very much, Jason, for not saying pimento, and thank you for being a wonderful
guest.
Yes.
Thank you to Benito, and thank you to James.
Two finer guys a man couldn't hope to meet.
And I would like to take this opportunity to thank Benito and thank Ed
to a couple of real couple of swells who I'm honored to share a mic with.
We all use one mic.
We all use one mic. That's why it sounds weird.
And the one thing I'd like to say, this might just seem a little bit too emotional,
but you guys listening out there, I'm on tour still. So
come along to my tour. I'm doing the Hackney Empire, June 25 to June 29. And
then I'm also extending the tour into the autumn from late September right
through to November. So check out the details at edgambel.co.uk. And also why
not buy the paperback of my book Glutton if you've not bought the
book so far. But I hope that's not too emotional.
Ed, I hope this isn't too emotional but can I come and see your show at Hackney Empire?
You are welcome to.
Thank you.
Thank you very much for listening. We'll see you again sometime soon. Goodbye.
Goodbye. Hello, my name is Ian Smith.
And I'm Amy Gledhill.
And we are from the Northern News Podcast.
Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories we find from the North.
Hey, and if you like food, and I know you like food actually because you're listening
to Off Menu, we've got stories about pigs getting cooked off roundabout with crisps.
We've got stories about gravy wrestling in car parks.
We've got stories about restaurants getting one star food hygiene ratings.
And record breaking Yorkshire puddings.
And we've got special guests.
Which you may remember from off-menu episodes such as...
Maisie Adam, Tim Key, Rosie Jones, Fata El-Ghory, Phil Wang,
and he hasn't been on off-menu, but we've got Kevin Kennedy,
who played Curly Watson in Coronation Street.
Take that, eh, caster?
So please, give a listen to the Northern News podcast.
Every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.