Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 30: Cerys Matthews

Episode Date: September 11, 2019

This episode could be a case for Mulder and Scully. Musician, 6 Music DJ and wild cook Cerys Matthews has a table booked in the dream restaurant.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Cerys Matthews's new book ‘Where the Wild Cooks Go’ is out now. Buy it here.Cerys is also on tour – visit Penguin Live for more details.Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour, including a date at the Shepherd's Bush Empire. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? I'm going to need oven gloves to touch that podcast. It's burning hot. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Who's that over there? James A. Caster, actually. It's James A. Caster there on the horizon. Hello. And it's me, Ed Gamble here. So, I sat in my little lighthouse watching James. Welcome

to the Dream Restaurant. We are going to be interviewing a special guest today, as we always do about their dream meal. We're going to be asking them their favour ever. Start a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Yes. And our guest this week in the Dream Restaurant is Keras Matthews. That's right. The actual Keras Matthews from Catatonia and stuff. And guess what? She's multi-talented. She's written an actual cookbook with poems in it and stuff. Poems and short stories. What a cookbook. What a cookbook.

It's called Where the Wild Cooks Go. It is. I've been perusing it today. It's very exciting. There's some really cool recipes in there. And also some really nice little simple recipes of things that I'm going to try when I get home. Because bad luck, Keras. I remembered them with my mind. You're very good at memorising stuff, aren't you? Yes. Sometimes Ed just goes in a library and just looks at the book and then goes home. Yes.

He means it at home. I can't remember. Ask me anything. How many legs does the spider have? Four. Correct. As per usual, there is a secret ingredient that if the special guest says the secret ingredient, they will be kicked out of the restaurant. Even though it's Keras Matthews. It hurts to do it. It pains me to do it, but you know.

And the special ingredient, sorry, and the secret ingredient this week is sugar work. That's right. Sugar work. You know when you go to a fancy-ass restaurant and they're bringing the pudding and on top they have put basically something that is like, it looks like a spring sometimes, but that's also the consistency of a spring. Yes. Sometimes it looks like a little climbing frame or whatever, but you see them do it on a master chef and stuff like that and make a dessert. They have to do some sugar work just like working with caramel and spun sugar or whatever to make it look all fancy and actually no one wants to eat that.

Breaks your teeth. It's like they put the pudding in a cage. Yes. No, thank you. I think I'd like this pudding in prison, please. No. So if Keras says I'd like some sugar work on that, you're out, Keras. So sorry. Yeah. It hurts me to do it, but you'll be out. But let's not go into this negatively. I'm sure she's going to be a wonderful guest.

Yes. This is the off-menu menu of Keras Matthews. Keras Matthews. Welcome, Keras, to the dream restaurant. I'm so happy to be here. I'm starving. I hope you've got some food for me. Well, we've... Oh, now. Welcome, Keras Matthews, to the dream restaurant.

We've got so much food for you. Something to flag at the top, Keras, is James is a genie waiter in this. So he's a genie and he'll be bringing you all your dream food. Is that why he's wearing silk pants? Yes. Correcto Mundo. Hot. It's hot enough. In this kitchen.

I didn't know I'd be pushing some buttons today in my silk pantaloons. What's the saying when you, if it's too hot, get out of the kitchen. Yeah, yeah. Can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. That's the one, yeah. Poof is hot. Yeah, yeah. You can't stand the heat, change the material of your pantaloons. Yeah, yeah.

But these pantaloons are highly flammable silk pantaloons. It's the elasticated waist, I like. It is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very good. It's something very specifically with braces to hold them up as well. It's a very odd look for silk pantaloons. Not many people are doing that because it's a schoolboy thing. Yeah.

D. Kegme. No. I used to work in the kitchen where that happened a lot, actually. I used to work in kitchens before the stand-up and at one kitchen, people would pull each of us trousers down all the time. Because it is, it's rock and roll. Yes. You know, people think rock and rollers are the rock and rollers, but they're not.

It's the kitchen. What goes on in the kitchen, as per Anthony Bourdain's book. Right. Yeah. That's a lot. The night rock and roll. It's an incredible book, that. I love that book.

Absolutely amazing. Yeah. Rest in peace, Anthony. Absolutely. They, yeah. I mean, a lot of cocaine flying around in kitchens by the sounds of it. Whoa! Is that in the cookbook?

No, it's not. That's not a recipe. It's not in my book. No, no, no. Because you've got a cookbook out, haven't you? I've got flour in my book, guys. Yeah, that's what it all is. And salt in my carbon.

It's given me some white powder now. It's called Where the Wild Cooks Go. Well, it is that. That implies a little bit about nature and a little bit about it not being like a she-she kind of cookin', you know. I'm not a pristine cook. I can't bear, like, you know, having to be completely exact. So most of these recipes, in fact, probably all of them, you know, if you make mistakes,

doesn't matter. Yeah. Or if you haven't got one ingredient, it kind of, you can kind of improvise, that's the way I like it. Sure. There's a much more realistic way of going about things, isn't it? Because we always forget stuff, and then. Basically, like, you know, who's in the mood to go shopping at the end of a day's work?

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Oh, gosh, you know, you've got to get the sort of un-pusterised milk, you know, from the farmer's market. You know, all this kind of, who, in all reality, does that? Yes. If you're working as well. So it has to be pretty practical.

So if you don't have cocaine, you can always. You can use sodium bicarb. And have a brilliant day next day. Yeah, exactly. Fantastic. No paranoia. And how long have you, because, like, have you always, like, been into cooking something your whole life, or has it been quite a recent thing, a recent passion?

Oh, no, no, totally. My mum was a rubbish cook. She, she, she only ate chicken and chips, and then when we'd come home, like, I grew up in the 70s and the 80s, and we'd come home from school, and we'd be, like, starving, and she'd be like, well, if your crispy fried finnuses are in the freezer waiting for you. Because in the 80s, and you, I don't know if you were around in the 80s, but it was like, everyone seemed to have, like, this is what she does. So she, she, she got this deep fryer, and those deep-frying pots, and so it was either

like chips or deep-fried finnuses. Or just stick it all in the pot. Or, like, cod's row. Do you know the tins of cod's row? Oh, really? Like, deep-fry, and then eat with lime pickle. But anyway. That sounds quite nice.

Fried tins of cod's row. Yeah. I mean, you'd fry them in the fryer. I don't know if that's normal. Anyway, in short, she wasn't a good cook, and then my dad got a taste of, for curry, hence the lime pickle everywhere. Yeah. And so he kind of made my mum, you know, get rid of the vest, the curries, and trying,

and she got friendly with a lady from the Gujarat, from Gujarat. So she started cooking, and that was it. It was amazing. So we had curry all the time. Dals, and rotis, and puris, and okra, and that was it. And she was good at cooking the curry. She's bloody good at cooking the curry. Wow, so it was like a food revolution.

Yeah. It was a complete sort of change of, like, Superman, from Kent Clark. Is that the right word? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really was. Clark Kent. Clark Kent. Yeah, Kent Clark, I think, invented shoes, or something.

Kent Clark was when they found out... It's a new politician. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they found out Clark Kent was Superman, he had to change his identity again very quickly. Yeah, yeah. And change it to Kent Clark. Yeah.

Ever felt for it? Yeah. Weirdly. So we always start off with the choice of, still or sparkling water? Sparkling. Oh, so quick. Yeah, quick answer. Party, party.

No, seriously, because otherwise it's just water. Sure. It's quite boring and dull, but when you have a... A few bubbles in it, it tickles your mouth. The little tickle of the mouth, little party. So, I mean, we've already talked about the partying in Bourdain's book, and now we're ready. The first thing is a party for you.

It's a slightly more acceptable legal party. Yeah. Well, no, the thing is, you were asking about cooking and stuff like that. I think the best thing that you can do in life is have a great company. Make sure you surround yourself with people you like, that's the one. Great food, a drink that you like, and music, and a fire, and you cook. Now, are you cooking on the fire? Yeah.

Right. This is the first time in the dream restaurant we've allowed anyone to have an open fire. So, I've got to get an open fire going, that's fair enough. Yeah. I love fires. I love them. So, where are we then? If you've got a fire, is this inside, outside?

Okay. So, my usual setup these days is Kotlitch, so it's a Balkan area. I think Hungary is where it's from, but I could be wrong, so I have to fact check after, but definitely the Balkans. So, it's a system, a tripod, where you hang an enameled, sort of rounded cauldron on a chain. Oh, wow. And this is on, there's a picture of this on the front of the book as well, a little

sketch of that. Exactly. The beauty of this is that if you're cutting down meat on meat and you don't want to have an all-out burger, sausage blowout, you can, you know, it absolutely opens your options to cook anything you want. You don't have to just use a grill, but you can also get grill attachments, and you can get like a paella attachment, so it's superb and you cook it over a fire. It sort of looks like a, because it's a little sketch, it's a witch's thing, right?

Yeah, yeah. So, it's like you should be cooking a child. Witch, the word witch apparently comes from old English meaning wise woman. I like that idea, because that's the other thing about cooking, I don't associate it with being like, you know, shackled to the kitchen and another job, because I can just, if I don't want to cook, I can, you know, do what? You know, we have options to go out and buy ready-made and we can get takeaways and all the rest of it.

But I find like, I feel empowered if I know how to make these things, so I don't have to go out and buy takeaways, I have to buy ready-made, because I know the answers, so there's loads of keys in this book, how to make fight, how to make your spice mixes, so you don't have to go out to the shop all the time, because you've got the whole spices and you just know what makes garam masala or what makes feta mix and all the rest of it, because I think it's empowering. Yeah. And I want my kids to be able to, you know, put two fingers up at ready-made foods if they

want. Yeah. Yeah. And when did you start? I saved money as well. When did you get into the cauldron? Well, I've always loved fires. Right, okay.

You okay? Go on. When did you start to do a relationship with fires? Always. When I was a kid, I'd always like, you know, nudge people out of the way and I'd be in charge of the barbecue. Right. You know, because like I said, my mum did cook very well, so yeah, and I loved fires.

My dad actually loves fires as well. My dad's always in charge of the barbecue, but it's definitely a way so he doesn't have to speak to anyone. Yeah, well, that's another thing I love about cooking actually, and fires, you know, whichever way you're cooking, I mean, it's all about fire and heat anyway, is you're in the zone. So you're in that zone. You're in, like there's room for one captain of this ship. You're in the kitchen, you know, you look as if you're busy so you don't get into trouble.

You've got your music that you'll love on and you've got a bottle open of wine and you're in the zone. Oh, I completely associate with that, it's perfect. Mess around you, you know, if somebody asks you for something, you go, oh, can you ask your dad to help you? And you can go and host, you can go back and be like, is everyone all right? How's everything going? But then you can always go, sorry, I've just got to go and get something out of the oven.

Yeah, oh, gotta check. The cold. And then just go and have a moment to yourself. It's perfect. I'm glad that's exactly what it is. So I did it on my birthday once, I DJ'd my own birthday party. So you didn't have to talk? Yeah.

That's really sad. Yeah, that was quite sad actually. I thought I was getting involved. I thought we were all related to each other. Especially when you were playing Spandex Valley. Yeah, yeah, I was playing Spandex Valley. I thought I was getting involved. I thought we were all related to each other.

We were playing Spandex Valley. Yeah, yeah, I was playing that. No, that was a similar situation. You were sort of barbecuing the beats. Yeah, I was barbecuing the beats. And you know, people could come over and chat to me a little bit. I was like, I've got to play the next song, guys, I'm sorry. You know, it's good.

I love that. Low pressure. Yeah. Pop it up, it's all bread! Pop it up, it's all bread, Paris! Pop it up, dums! Spicey ones! Of course, I like thin breads, because then it doesn't make you...

Yeah, that's often the issue at the beginning of the meal. If they bring a big hunk-a-hunk of bread. Yeah, and you know, it's not good for you anyway. All this refined carbohydrates, they know that now. So what do they say? The more white bread, the sooner you're dead. Have you heard of that? No, but I'm going to start using it, but I'm going to use it when I eat white bread.

I don't know where I got it from. The more white bread, the sooner you're dead. My mum probably. But anyway, no, thin bread, then you can really enjoy it without worrying about it. In Sardinia, where they have those massive pieces of bread that are crispy, like the Italian kind of bread-sticky things, but they're delicious in Sardinia. Do they call it... It's something...

It's like music paper, I think it translates as. Really? Yeah, I think it's translated as something... Can we find out? Yeah. Music paper. I love that. Yeah, because it's very, very thin and they sell them in like piles, so it's like...

I got it. Sardinian music bread is a traditional Italian flatbread whose name originates from its resemblance to ancient parchment. There we go. On which the island's sacred music was written. Thank you, everyone. I love it. See, that would have gone in there had I known it.

My favourite fact that I've got... The next edition. Is... Did you know what Luxembourgish name for turkey is? No. No. Schnudelhung. Do you know what it means?

Oh, no. Snothen. Every time you wear... Look, a turkey, you'll know it's a schnudelhung. I have a feeling that they named that before they decided they were going to eat it. Eat it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not like that.

I love names and things like that, funny old curiosities. Yeah, so definitely pop-a-dums. Definitely pop-a-dums. Are these from anywhere in particular? Is there like the best pop-a-dums you've ever had? Did your mum make good ones? No, we never made pop-a-dums. I just like madrasse ones, personally, you know?

Yeah. But from my local takeaway or restaurant. Yeah, everyone's local one is the one that they tend to have a fondness for. A lot of times, if you visit people in their hometown and they're like, we've got to go to this curry house, it will blow your mind. And then... And you go, it's kind of only slightly not as good as the one that I go to in my house. It's pretty standard.

Yeah, with curry houses, it tends to be rather than someone's gone and tried loads of curry houses and they found the best one. It's proximity that matters. Yeah. Because you can't walk home very easily after two tick massage or twenty pop-a-dums. Yeah, it's got to be a short roll home. Ten lager points. And the best thing about your childhood is that you didn't have to walk home often.

No. You carry every single night. Yeah, pretty much. Does that mean you go really hot with curries now, then? I carry chilies with me. You carry chilies with you? Yeah. Oh, well, Paris is going into her bag.

Yeah. I mean, it's a bit dried up, but... Oh, no. Loose chilies. Not in my separate little bag. Just loose chilies. Loose chilies. End with your keys and your wallet.

Yeah, but that's if I'm desperate, those of it. I usually carry dried flakes with me as well. It's a bit more... Loose or something? No, in a bag. I wasn't prepared. So those loose chilies, what would you do with those? So, say you're eating something in a restaurant and it's not spicy enough.

Yeah. Would you carry a little knife and chopping board? Well, usually at a restaurant, they give you a knife and fork, so I'll cut it. Very good. Very good point, Keras. Sorry, I'm not an expert. Handy, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it all started when, you know, because obviously I was a musician, so we told a lot. And, you know, when you're eating outside of the norm, because your hours are so irregular, if you're eating outside of the normal hours, you can quite often end up just having like sandwiches and I can't stand sandwiches. You get kind of, it's like, cold, wet, damp. Yes. You know, really, another cheese sandwich, Kaiser, whatever it was in Germany. Yeah, there's no joy.

There's no joy in the normal hours. I've got all that recently. Just, I'm done with sandwiches now. Yeah. First of all, problem, I know, hands up. You didn't tell me that. Yeah. You didn't tell me you were done with sandwiches.

And wraps. Same thing, wraps. Any of my foodies will try and keep from you, so stay on the podcast. Yeah, wraps are the next to go, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But having said all of that, if that's the only thing you've got to eat, then if you've got a fresh chilli or any Tabasco or hot sauce that you like, you know, to put it on it, it makes it a bit more of a, like the spammacles in the water, it's a bit more of a...

Yes. Yeah, yeah, a bit more of a party. I used to carry Tabasco around, but it used to spill, because the top gets kind of loose, have you noticed that? Right, right. I don't recommend carrying Tabasco around with you. You regularly spill in Tabasco everywhere. Yeah, it's not a good look.

It smells of vinegar. Yeah. But, you know, because we used to travel a lot as well on planes, and playing food was kind of miserable, so yeah, you feel like you've got, you know, you've hit the jackpot when you're sat on the plane, and you've got your whole bag of fresh chilies that you think... It's okay, you might not be enjoying this, but I'm eating like a king. Yeah, yeah.

You know. Well, the rest of the band, were they all, like, into food and stuff as well, or were they eating all the rubbish stuff and you were the one with the chilies having a good time? Yeah, that was it. Yeah, yeah. I went through a phase of, I found out you could get by sriracha, little bottles of sriracha with keychain, like a keychain thing on, so you could put a bottle of sriracha on your

keys. But people give you weird looks when you're getting everything out and you've got a bottle of sriracha on your keys. Yeah. And I used to run out really quickly, so I just ended up with an empty bottle. What would it be, what part of the bottle was connected to the keychain? It was like a little, an attachment thing, and it would go through the bottle at the end, and then the nozzle would be on the other end.

Yes. So it wouldn't be the nozzle attached to the lid, because then that's coming off. Because then that's coming off right away. Yeah. They thought it through. Yeah, yeah, sure. They're not dummies, it's sriracha. Yeah.

But then when you're putting the sriracha on the food, you're jangling around, surely? You're jingling and jangling with your keys. Oh, sure. That's why they were looking at you. Yeah, that's why they were jingling every time I sprained my hand. Elvis is sprinkling on his tooth. That's why it's sliding. That was in the restaurant.

They could hit me coming. Yeah, shut up. Yeah. So we've come to your starter, the headliners. Are they all headliners? They're all headliners. They're put in as a headline. Yeah.

I'm going to go for, like I lived in Nashville and South Carolina for a total of six years, and so I picked up a lot of love for soul food in the South, like okra and, well, at the time I was eating meat fried chicken, and there was like catfish sandwiches. Oh, yes. So they were breaded catfish fillets, sweet onions sliced, Tabasco, and yellow mustard in cheap white bread. Nice. Yeah.

And it crunched when you ate it. Yeah. But I don't, anyway, that's, but I'm not having the fish for starter. I love catfish sandwiches. I went to New Orleans for like a holiday, and I found a place that is such amazing catfish sandwiches, and I've been thinking about it. You know, sometimes, I don't know if anyone else has this, there are foods that you hear about, and before you've tasted them, you can't stop thinking about them until you eventually,

like, I've never had catfish before, but as soon as I heard, I think I saw an episode of Man vs. Food, he did a deep fried catfish eating challenge, and he ate like about 50 deep fried catfish or something like that. He was putting them away, but I was there going, those look so delicious. I'd like one of those. I would love one of them in a sandwich, please. Because it's the softness of the bread, and then the crunch in the middle. Yeah.

The double crunch of the fried crust of the fish, and the sweet white onion. Yeah. It's that, that gets you. I've had catfish in Nashville, a terrible chain restaurant, but even they nailed it. Like, I think I had blackened catfish, so rather than it being breaded, it had all the like spices on it and stuff. It was absolutely phenomenal. I've caught a catfish with my hands as well.

Have you? He lied sometimes. It's not a lie. It's on a TV show. That sounds like a lot. It was in like, it was caught in a little trap thing. It was dead. It was dead.

I caught it with my, it was on a plate. It was the blackened catfish. It was dead for two weeks. Because you need to hook your hand into its mouth and pull it out of the trap. We put it back and stuff, but they're terrifying looking things. They're ugly. Sorry catfish. Yeah, sorry catfish, but you are.

You're real ugly. Bottom dwellers as well. You can almost taste the sort of silt and soil in the catfish. That's putting me off ever eating it again, Keris. Thank you. With a touch of your bare hands like a lion would. I did. It's on film.

I actually saw the episode where he does it. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. He does do it. So that's not your starter though. No. I love the idea that you can fry green tomatoes. Very southern.

But you don't have to. You know, if you don't grow your own tomatoes, you don't usually buy green tomatoes. So if you've got red tomatoes, you can still deep fry them. Oh, not deep. Sorry. You can still fry them. And again, it's the crunch and then the nice sort of refreshing juicy tomato in the middle that I love and it's super easy so you need tomatoes, flour, salt and pepper,

beaten egg and cornmeal. Lovely. See this is great so because because these recipes are coming from your book which we've actually got here this normally people just go I want to go to this restaurant and we don't know anything about what goes into the dish how it comes together this is the first time because your book is your favorite meals anyway right? Yeah yeah that I've been collecting them all my life so when we toured with Bandol when I was solo when I was just traveling anyway I collected music but also collected the favorite ideas and foods and cocktails and poetry so I and curiosity is like we were

talking about yeah so I've tried to put them all in there. Oh great. Yeah so this is one of them so you don't have to do fried green tomatoes they're equally as good if you make fried red tomatoes. I've got a question when you fry the tomato how hot does the middle get because whenever there's a tomato in like even a toasted sandwich too hot. It's dangerous. If you bite into it and the tomato will just it'll just shoot out at you. Yeah well I can't be health and safety officer. I like fires so you just have to take that risk yourself if you can't stand the heat. Normally they're sliced up isn't they for fried. Yeah they're okay with this one.

Oh that would be hilarious. I have had a deep fried avocado it's kind of a tech smacks idea that was in a restaurant in Nashville it's rather nice but we were sat there and it was the walls were alive with mice so we ceased to go there. Mice? Yeah they should have. Alive with mice. Yeah no literally running up and down like streams of water. Oh no. But you sat down and still had a full meal. Well we were regular. We were regular so we didn't you know we we we'd go really very often because the Margheritas were good as well. Yeah because there was a little mouse making them. It's like ratatouille. Yeah shaking that stood. So you used to go you used to regularly go to a

restaurant that had mice running up and down the wall. No no we'd been regular for a while until there was this outbreak. Oh okay and then there was the outbreak of the mice. And then we ceased to go. And then you had to stop going. And then it shut down. Fair enough. Poor restaurant. When you say there's a distinctive difference between green and red tomatoes. So I know you can do this with people with either one of them but like is there a difference when you're eating them? The green ones would be slightly less sweet and slightly more sour and slightly more firm. Yeah because green versus red is always a very difficult you know debate with any kind of food. Like my one what I think about is just to let you know James regularly tells a very boring anecdote about

green curry versus red curry. And he tries to get it into any episode we do because he knows that Should we move on? I'm already kind of like green or red chilies boss. Do you prefer Thai green curry or red green? It's a bit racist isn't it? It's a bit racist. It's not racist? It is to the curries. It is actually. It's racist. Think about that we've already offended the catfish. I love all colours. I don't even see colour. I'll just have a Thai curry please. It's all about the taste isn't it? I like the green ones better. I like green and curry. Well that's your personal choice. We don't need to debate that. I can't believe how much I've been shut down on this. Oh I'm so sorry love. It's fine. He deserves it. Yeah yeah I was trying to crowbar my boring story

in the Benito series. Did you have a new one? Did you have a new one that you were going to break out? A new story? I will say. Stick to your classics. You know I did the DJ in my own party. I mentioned that earlier. That was good though. I thought that was perfect for what we were talking about as well. It was good. But you were really crowbarring the green and red thing in there because we were talking about mine. We could feel it coming. I could sense it was an old one that you were trying to crowbar. I had never met him before. This cold came into the room. I don't know what's going on. I saw a mouse when I ran out the wall. I know that's a new story for me because you just heard about the mice calling at the wall. What would you have the tomatoes with? Would

there be like a little sauce with them or a dip or anything or just as they come? Like crusty bits of salt on them. Just as they come actually. That's the way I would eat them. I mean you could make your own coleslaw. Oh yeah. Because the way I like to eat is like having lots of bits and pieces on the table. So it would be coleslaw, fried green and red tomatoes. You might have some grits and poached eggs or prawns. You know just a bit of a mixture of stuff like that. Just picky bits. Yeah. Maybe mint julep. You know just to get into the vibe of the south. Yeah. Whisky and lime and sugar. Lovely. This coleslaw. How are you making coleslaw? Are you using a mayo or is it like a vinegar based? Oh never mayo. No. Because in the south it would

go rancid quickly. So you just use kind of a regular salad dressing with vinegar. A little bit of honey if you want and oil and salt and pepper. Mustard if you want. I think we can put that on your starter can't we? Oh yeah. I think that sounds like a delicious combo. I think. Dip your feet into the south. Yeah. When did you live in the south? Like was it after the band? Yes. I left the band late 90s, early 2000s and I went off to do road trips around the south. Like looking for the graves of people like Robert Johnson. Oh yeah. I don't know. I love Mississippi John Hurt and Dine Willie McTale. People like that. So if you you know and then you're driving around the south and then you'll go over Tallahatchee Bridge and you're like oh my god. You know there are all these

song references everywhere and yeah. So it was great and there's a place called Itabina. A place called Holly Springs and all these places they can try out new things that are new to you anyway and drink lots of sweet tea. And they mean sweet don't they? Oh too sweet for me. Yeah. And some people are all fine. It's healthy. It's half and half. So you've got like half a tonne of sugar and half a tonne of sweet. And then there's the other one because a lot of these places like did you know that the county which makes Jack Daniels is called Lynchburg and it's a dry county and it can never be made other than anything other than being a dry county because the population isn't big enough to undo the vote or something like that. But it's quite fascinating. You can go

around and see how Jack Daniels is made but you can just lift the top of the vat up a little bit to sniff. We can never taste it. Oh wow. Yeah it's illegal to drink it there. Yeah. But they can make it and then ship it out. Yeah exactly. So you have to go like across the county line. Which there's a lot of that in America while it certainly is in the south because they've got different alcohol drinking rules in the county. So for instance when I was living in South Carolina if I wanted to drink on a Sunday I'd have to hop over the border into North Carolina and maybe get me into a Mexican restaurant who were allowed to sell you beer with food. And all of the different counties have different rules like you can buy beer in some garages

but you can't buy liquor in most supermarkets. Right. You have to go to a liquor shop which you'll find with a red dot and then you can get spirit liquor and wine there but you couldn't buy wine from a supermarket. So you have to work out your system. You really seem like you know all the rules as well. Well I like food and I like a little bit of wine with my food. Yeah sure. I mean it's all the grand tapestry of you know wonderful things that we have privy to in this one life that we have on earth. Music and food and drink and dance and company and fire. Boys entered the fire. And history and curiosities you know all of these things that make life interesting you know. I used to like fire when I was a kid but I set fire to

the toilet roll once. What? It was still on the wall. How did you do that? It's still on the wall. It was on your butt. It was it was on the like as in it was like hanging on the wall on the little on the little toilet roll thing and I found some matches and I set fire to the toilet roll and it went up too quickly because of all the air in between all the slices. Oh yeah yeah all the slices. Yeah it went up. What did you do? I got told off. Did you go help? I burnt the wall yeah I had to get my mum to come and help. Who told you off your mum? Yeah my mum told me off. Oh better than your dad telling me off because I imagine your dad telling you off is pretty. He'd be really angry. Ed's dad it's very strict. Scary. Not strict and he's not

scary anymore but you know things things change as you get older right. He's uh now I think he's rather silly. Yeah you think he's silly now for sure. I think he's got sillier at his uh at his old age anyway. But no I wouldn't set fire to his toilet roll. I saw a very eminent member of the rugby team welter rugby team um in a in a hotel um they'd won the Grand Slam and they were celebrating in the hotel and one of them came out of the toilet he'd wrapped himself up in in toilet paper and he came out and said I'm a mummy. I am. I'm a mummy. And the other member of the team said to me he thinks he's funny and then got a lighter and set him lights. He said that's funny. No rugby players were hurt in this story. But yeah I've never forgotten. What did it

burn to a crisp? No no no don't try this at home but it was it's no I've never forgotten that. I love it. I love the Welsh mummy saying I'm a mummy I am. Absolutely love it. I just some things you never forget. I love that he's won the probably the biggest title of his entire career. It's the high point of his rugby career. He goes I'm going to dress as a mummy. There's a lot of toilet paper as well the big glass. Yeah to do that for ages they come out and announce that he's a mummy as well. It was it was very funny I think. The size of rugby plays you can start a new role halfway through. I love that you were there as well. They should put that as an advert instead of the Andrax dog. Was it just like every prominent Welsh figure

was at that celebration? Yeah I wouldn't say everyone but it would just happen to be all staying in the same hotel because we'd stay there. It wasn't yeah. It wasn't a secret Welsh hotel. It was all of Wales in one hotel. No. No. Sorry getting excited. Alice James wasn't invited. Alice James would not have been invited. Do you know Alice James? No. No. Bad luck Alice. Bad luck Alice. We're going to just like isolate that and send it to him. He's a Welsh comedian. He does Welsh language comedy and stuff. Yeah I've heard of him. Oh yeah now you have. Yeah but I said I don't know him though. He said do you know him? No I don't know him. Okay. Your main course that's a delicious. Also a very nice like light refreshing kind of starter.

Yeah it also feels like a treat as well. Feels like a little treat. So ramping up to the main course. All right well I'm going to go I think I'm going to go Mexican. Lovely. Oh no I might not do that actually because you'll think I'm an alcoholic. Was it just going to be a bottle of tequila? Yeah. Yeah tequila isn't it? That's great. I'm going to do it. What the hell? I'm going to do it. It's tequila prawns. Oh yes. Tequila mockingbird. So basically super easy but it looks really effective in the kitchen because you sort of basically chop some garlic and you can put some onion if you want but I don't put some garlic oil. You get your prawns frozen fresh whatever you want to use and then chilies if you've got chipotle flakes put them in as well. From your bags?

Yeah start cooking that until it's all heated up and the prawns are cooked and it's hot and then you put in three tablespoons of tequila or mescal and then you set it alight and it sizzles and it goes. Is that fire? Yeah. And it looks like you really know what you're doing and and then salt and pepper and fresh coriander parsley or mint on top and a little squeeze of lime if you fancy and that's it. Oh great that sounds delicious. But it looks and smells it's a whole sort of experience. Yeah like proper like a bit of showmanship. Yeah yeah that seems to be pretty quick as well like how how long does that take? Nothing no time at all. I like most because that's the thing you know I work as well I love working and I don't want to come home and you know be

starving of have the sort of pressure of trying to cock because that wouldn't be that interesting so it has to be quick. So a lot of these recipes are like super quick. I don't think I'd trust myself to do the fire thing after the toilet roll incident I sort of. No you'd be alright. You'd be alright just keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen you're fine. A bucket of water and some sand. I trust I do the Christmas pudding I like the Christmas pudding but I always use too much brandy so we have to wait for like five minutes while it burns out. Yeah and then watch it doesn't burn your mouth. And then yeah and then try and eat it with the fire still going. Within the first I think month of me moving out my parents house and living with flatmates I

left a pot on. I can't remember what happened. I don't know how it happened but I remember coming back into the kitchen and it was a flame and it was all like fire and I didn't know what to do and I was so scared of everything hatching fire so I opened we were on like a third floor flat I opened the window and I just put the pan out on the window ledge and then shut the window. I thought you were going to say you threw the. I didn't throw it out. There was this big window ledge like quite a big slope so I just put it out on there and I shut the window to give myself some thinking time to be like what am I going to do? I'll let it burn outside for a bit because I was like I don't want it to set fire to anything. And did it work? No I put it there and

then I decided that I would probably like put like I think I either I think I tried yeah I put a dunk off and eventually I know that was not the first thing I did. Are you living in flats at this point? At this point you know it's in a flat. It's super dangerous. Yeah oh I didn't know that. You didn't know what was going on. I put a pan out the window. I put a pan out the window and put it out on the ledge still on fire. Little beacon but yeah. What were you cooking? I have no idea. I have I think as well it was a dirty pan right that I hadn't so I think I hadn't even started even cooking anything in it yet. I think I just put it on there to heat it up and there was already like scummy old food and oil in there anyway from the last time. Oh mate. And all the old

stuff caught on fire. I think that's what happened. I'm better now. Yeah I'm not coming around your house. No. Well you like fire. You love fire? Yeah when it's good with food but not scummy or bits of big crispy oil and fat. Yeah you can barely see my flat from a muller. Little welcoming bacon there. This is smoke signals to give some directions. Yeah I know that's good. The prawns sound very these are big prawns you're doing? No I don't like big prawns very much. You don't like big prawns? I was giving a jumbo prawn and it was totally jumbo. It was totally jumbo? It was too jumbo for you. Too much. I mean yeah you know the rastafaris don't eat prawns because they're sort of they eat rubbish don't they? What's this? In the rastafarian religion they

don't eat prawns because they eat rubbish. You know like again we mentioned cutfish being bottom dollars it's that kind of thing. Okay because of what they eat they won't eat the... No. I've often thought the whole poop line thing in a prawn should put more people off. Well that's what I mean imagine the jumbo sized prawns with a jumbo sized poop line. It'll put you up. Yeah it's like a washing line. See it's like an oil pipe you know it's like no don't want it on my plate. So yeah it didn't bode well it's actually made me very few prawns and make sure they're the little ones. You can get tiny little brown prawns as well you know. Yeah I'm very much enjoying how you two are very much on the same wavelength. With poop lines? Yeah you're just completely vibing off of each

other. Yeah yeah I don't like poop lines either. Well it should put more people off shouldn't it? Yeah sure. You have to scrape it out. Yeah or if you get it in the right bit at the end you can that's quite satisfying to peel out the whole thing and not break the poop line. So it's getting a rabbit as well isn't it? Like when you skin a rabbit if you make a pierce the intestine wall it can really badly. Yeah have you skinned a rabbit before? Yeah well my dad did that he did that um don't eat meat now. No not after that. Not after he's skinned a rabbit's intestine. So you don't eat you don't eat meat but you eat fish? Well actually when I started writing this book I ate a bit of meat and a bit of fish but

more and more and more I'm just not eating so much at all. It's easier to not now I think. So now this dish is just tequila. Yeah back to the same with there's a theme coming in this. Tequila and fire. It's just it just makes more sense and my my daughter's vegan and my husband's been a vegetarian since she was 18 so basically in the in the book you can either you know it gives you um options to cook it with any of those in mind so you can make it a totally vegan dish for the most part not all of it obviously but you can make it vegan or you can make it you can add meat if you want to eat meat and all that kind of thing. Right I've got vegan Welsh cakes in there for instance. Oh nice yeah that's some nice Welsh cakes. They're actually

really nice they're more like biscuits they're a bit crispier. Yeah I do like Welsh I only ever have Welsh cakes though when I'm staying in a hotel in Wales and they leave Welsh cakes in the room for you. It's quite predictable isn't it? Yeah you know you go out for a meal in Wales when it's a sort of an official affair and guaranteed you have lamb. Yeah you know you're like you know guys shake it up a bit. Guys come on tequila prawns. Without the prawns no pipeline for me. So I had my Welsh cakes this week in my hotel moving car. Because they left them in your hotel room for you. And there was two of them I had one and my girlfriend I think the previous week had sent me a photo she was at home and she'd made herself enough cake mix for eight fairy cakes

and then just ate the cake mix and didn't do any baking with it. I'm with her on this. Yeah absolutely cool right she said she loves cake mix and she said if she was on this programme her dessert would probably be cake mix. I love her already because I like making Welsh cakes and not cooking them either so it's just like yeah well this is the thing. So I had this particular Welsh cake and I felt like it was overcooked. I felt like it turned into cake mix in my mouth. Right that makes sense so I felt like I was eating cake mix. That's good then. Yeah and I said to her you'd love this because it's like just like cake mix and she ate it and disagreed and said it was not like cake mix. She liked it but I was doing a gig. I was doing a gig at the Millennium Centre. Okay. But in

between that I was yeah in Welsh cakes and ordering Bloody Mary's at the bar. Also there was like a thing with the bar where there was two bars in this hotel and one bar. One red, one green. One red, one green. Now tell me this. Which is the best one. One bar was just for this function that was a PTA meeting and one bar was for the guests and the PTA one was always full and they ran out of beer as well so the PTA people coming over to the guest bar trying to get guests to buy them boots and I was buying men more than twice my age but like they were teenagers. Why were you buying them beer? Because they recognised me and they were like come on James get me some beer and I was like oh otherwise I'm a wanker now because they would go and go James Acasus and buy people beers.

I don't think that's what you had to do man. Well I did it. They gave me the money and then I went and ordered them for them. They played you like a fiddle. Yeah they really did. They gave you the money and they made you that's the most demeaning thing I've ever had. I just showed them my hotel room key because they wouldn't serve the guys. We won't serve them. They don't live here. Yeah so I had to go over and get them for them. They placed it like a fool mate. No it feels like it now. What side dish are you going to go for with this very nice tasty mate? Also so far pretty light. The whole room feels light and nice room for a substantial side dish if you want it I'd say. I'm going to do chickpea and potato curry. Lovely. Jamaican style. So in Jamaica we go quite a lot

to Jamaica. My husband loves it there and signed quite a few artists because he's got a massive reggae collection and so we go there a lot and basically the season in the key of the curry is going to be fresh. They use fresh thyme, Scotch bonnet, garlic, ginger and onion and spring onion and I think that's it. Turmeric, cumin, coriander, pimento, cayenne yeah and some potatoes and chickpeas and coconut milk. Oh coconut milk. For the Scotch bonnets that smell oh my gosh and a pinch of jerk seasoning. I'm getting really hungry. That is the problem with this podcast. We mainly talk about their favourite foods but we don't provide any snacks so afterwards we all end up just eating. Stomachs eating itself. Mine is already. Also whenever anyone mentions the

Scotch bonnet um I mean he's already been mentioned on the podcast but I always think of Ellis James. Do you? Yeah because Ellis once made a risotto and he decided to put a Scotch bonnet on you but he scraped out all the seeds and put the seeds in them and he basically made quite a it was quite mild actually. He said it was because he didn't you know there's no he got rid of all the seeds and put them in the bin and just could have chopped them. He was quite underwhelmed by it. Oh I thought you were going to say he touched his eyes or something. No I've done that. I've done I've I hate to say it I've chopped a chili and then picked my nose and that is the worst thing you can do. There's a rest of the night. I snorted a whole pint of water. It's just real. It's an opposite bourdain. So as

you're cooking you're picking your nose. Yeah well no this was after so I chopped. He celebrates with a little nose back afterwards. Yeah okay you've got to relax somehow after you've cooked right. This is food and then it gets to my happy place up there. Yeah and then I touched it and because it's a sensitive area up there as well. Yeah on fire it was absolutely awful. Of course people have done worse. Yeah but we're not going down there. No. Fair enough your episode Keris I mean I'm always ready to take it into senior conversation topics. It's very blue. Very blue yeah. You're not are you James? No I can't decide if I'm red or green. Yes you've got to keep all of it in now Bonito. So here's what I'm thinking Keris

is that your mains actually sounds like a side and your side sounds like a main. Isn't this a main isn't it? Isn't this my main? Oh so did you do your side first? Oh I see yeah no but the thing is I don't I don't roll like that see. I don't like my pet hate actually is having a plate of food mounted with food and that's it. I can't stand it because I like lots of food in the middle of the table that I can pick up and help myself to but somebody serves me like massive food like dollops it on my plate like that. Like I don't like it. So of course this situation is we're asking you for a main and a side but we can mix it up we can just say that's what should we call them though? Just call them anything you want pink green red red blue.

Let's not go down that road again. No just just. I've still written down my story yeah I've still written for me to do the story. If it comes up organically you said it was fine. Yeah but you could do what you want if you want to call the tequila prawns a side and the chickpea curry the main you can do that. I feel like that if I was like to sit down I'd want like a mains worth of chickpea curry yeah and those lovely tequila prawns as a side. Yeah I'd like that that's what I would like. Let's flip them then yeah. Yeah flip them okay. We can always flip them. I need you in the kitchen with me to design the menu damn it. You've got to put up with a lot of boring stories about these occasional moments of clarity.

Just for an hour and then suddenly Karris and was there something is this from your childhood this chickpea curry or was it something this is relatively new we went to Jamaica about last Christmas last time and then came home and one of my neighbours is from Jamaica and they cooked me a potato curry and I was like oh damn this is good and so um I have them to thank. What's your favourite thing to do in Jamaica when you go there? My favourite thing to do yeah um well the the sea is just ridiculous the turquoise seas um and you can you can canoe around so if you're in in one area and get canoeing you can you can canoe around to beaches where there's nobody else and there's some trees there that

grow on there's massive seeds and you can just start wandering around thinking where these seeds came from or you know where they're going to float to and things like that and drinking pinnacle order yes because it's made with fresh coconut and fresh pineapple and the rum which was invented by the people that were working the plantations the slaves invented rum and the story is just amazing that you know that this is where it all began. I love pinnacle orders I haven't really had them much since I did there's a tv show I've probably stopped now called Drunk History yeah and uh it's just comedians getting drunk and then trying to retell a story from history um and I did it and uh I knew that you know they they show what drinks you've had they

kind of like do little rundowns of all the drinks you've had in order to get as drunk as you are and so I thought it'd be funny just to drink pinnacle orders and have as many as I could to kind of like so that it came up on the screen that I've had that many pinnacle orders and since then I've not had a pinnacle order. No no rum for you because it totally does affect your brain so quickly your memory it doesn't mind anyway yeah yeah how are your jokes and your your historic jokes how many did you have to have when you started really losing the plot. Well I had to tell a story about how the uh so I can't even remember it now so it was like how Thomas Becket became the Archbishop of Canterbury I think is what I had to tell the story of and there was one phrase which

is like a real famous phrase I think where the king says won't someone rid me of this interminable priest yes and I could not for the life of me remember and I kept on prompting me and being like and what did they say and I was like he said suck it this guy can suck it and they were like no you're gonna do that I was there for a very long time I've said a bunch of stuff that they didn't say and I could not remember it at all we were there for eight and also I hadn't really eaten much and I kept on eating go for a week so because I drank so much and they were like please just James it's a couple more I was like no no no I'm gonna piss myself. But that's what they do like I've done drunk history as well and where do you got accesses on youtube uh I think

mine's on youtube it's in comedy central I don't know if mine's on youtube obviously I had so I think I had 12 double gin and tonics and seven double vodka red balls um like I had a lot holy but I was just free pouring so I don't remember I don't remember the second half of it but they I remember the director does that they they go like we just really need to get this last bit it's like you're the one who's told me to get drunk yeah yeah you can't be surprised you can't be surprised. Ed phone me I was in so that um New Orleans holiday that I said about when I was in the airport about to come home I got a phone call from Ed and I thought I'm gonna ignore that because I'm in America with custom loads of money and then he found again and then again it's like well it

might be an emergency so I answered it and it was just Ed basically just done drunk history and was just giggling down the phone at me and I'd be like hello oh dear oh no and then it became a tradition whereas I did another I did another thing and then my phone might say a pasco I thought oh pasco doesn't normally make me just laughing down the phone I was like are you doing drunk history it's like yes and told me I have to ring you it just became a thing that would uh comics would go and it get drunk and I'd have to ring me every time and I'd have to be like talking through yeah no you're doing very well I can't believe you have pina coladas though because I see that's quite a sickly drink you can't have more than two was it your theory that it was more sustaining

though it was a bit more food didn't it my theory was that it'd be funny so I just thought it'll be funny when it comes up on the screen that I drank that many peanut because everyone else is like beers or gin and tonk sort of like pretty standard what you drink going out and mine was just like yeah James has had 12 pina coladas and like and then when I got home I remember getting home and um ringing my girlfriend at the time uh and talking to her to be like oh so how about something fun and then I forgot I put the washing machine on the timer and the washing machine went off I was like the house is haunted so I was merely convinced I was like there's a ghost in the house I swear to god I swear I'm not fucking around I wasn't anywhere near that washing machine and it

just started by itself I was doing a whole wash by itself but I didn't even think I loaded it there's all the clothes in there it's washing oh Jesus Christ I was really scared about the haunted washing machine so that's and tonight after this in the evening I'm doing a podcast different podcast we're guest on it and the whole point of that is you get drunk I don't want you to think that so you were worried that we would think you're an alcoholic because you had to key them in the prawns dish I'm going to tell you that most of my work is binge drinking really that because it's very neatly into what your uh drink would be in your dream meal well we're we're just like jumping from country to country yeah so we've been to south American

south Mexico the turquoise waters of Jamaica we're gonna now go to um island because within within the 15 countries because it you know when you're cooking at home or when you want to eat at home how do how do you go about choosing what you're gonna eat yeah because not for cooking but for eating so you go to say shall I go to the Mexican shall I go to the Chinese shall I go get pizza Italian you know that's how I think anyway um so it made sense to do that the cookbook that way as well so if you fancy Chinese you can go into the china chapter if you fancy Mexican blah blah blah anyway so that also includes British food yeah but I thought it'd be interesting to do it in um the four nations so you've got Irish food Scottish food Welsh food and English food as well

which is really cool because you've got Yorkshire puddings in England yes I love Yorkshire puddings and that you can make pancakes on this podcast yes I hate Yorkshire puddings I love them oh well that's when I would we're not vibing off each other anymore bad luck yeah all the things was come to an end yeah cut cut the what's the name of that um the umbilical cord gone I didn't realise we were attached by an umbilical cord up until this point that was a revelation to me yeah yeah you're a little baby I'm a little bit floating around I'm a growing boy that's why I need my chick being potato curry no I think they're like they're like pancake they're like big pancakes idiots just call them an idiot it's okay

can be as weird as you like when he says this kind of stuff it's ignorant yeah I like Yorkshire puddings yeah they're amazing even bland not a single guest has agreed if you're so far no well I'm gonna anyway so we're not gonna make Yorkshire puddings we're making a drink so we're gonna go to Ireland yeah um this um is an absolute like what I love the best about cooking is that you can have relatively small amounts of ingredients this one particular is just three but when you put them together it's more than the sum of its parts so your three ingredients are tea and Maria vodka and half pint of Guinness oh yes right I'm not being funny but when you get yourself a half pint you pour in your shot of tea Maria you pour in your shot of vodka and you fill

it up with your Guinness ideally from the draft yes or with a widget if you you know we can have it's the dream restaurant it's the draft if you set up chocolate it's your chocolate and it's called death by chocolate oh lovely very nice I like a sweet boozy cocktail yeah I'm a peanut clatter man yeah yeah yeah so like yeah some of this tastes perfectly like chocolate but it's actually three types of booze pretty great yeah and tell you who gave me that recipe was Ian Brown from the stone roses did he now yeah and it's best best gift you can give somebody is a gift of ideas like that yeah absolutely stay with it all your life and if you don't like Christmas shopping that's you go into an old pub you have a half a pint of that stuff

or even two and then you then you lose it and you lose all the history um no um and then it makes Christmas shopping kind of bearable because you just don't care it's a bit this warm fuzzy feeling everyone's asking what they've been giving give it Guinness for Christmas yeah try try it honestly try it at home because I absolutely love getting it it's so chocolatey what other musicians have given you recipes um well I've had chefs that Yasmin Khan I love Yasmin Khan's book self-frontails she's given me a book of poetry does that come to the opposite of what I asked you see I would be more generous I think a poem is a recipe of words thank you I love that I love that oh the umbilical cords see me seeing itself again I can see refused um you actually put

gate is over Tom Jones give me cigars is that coming yeah yeah I can't think no no that's the only one I can think of that would be an interesting cookbook as well like maybe that's for your next cookbook you could do like just recipes from musicians and each so you kind of like even have to come up with recipes yourself we arrive at your desserts oh which is always my favorite course Ed Ed can take and leave it I'm a starter boy really he's a little starter boy I'm savory as well yeah there you go putting it short you have to agree on that um well I was going to do some Moroccan um amlu and thousand whole pancakes amlu is great because it's all you need is ground nuts like

you use tahini you can use peanut butter or almond butter add a bit of honey and a bit of oil like sesame oil or walnut oil and you put it together and mix a lovely alternative to using Nutella so you don't have to go and buy these big brands anymore it's called amlu and you put it on pancakes I know you love pancakes but these are thousand whole pancakes so when you're cooking them all these holes pop up but I'm not going to do that okay I think we should end with my own home country yeah I think we should um the aforementioned Welsh cakes because you really like them didn't you yes um but I'm going to do vegan ones instead oh okay to my daughter's vegan and she's given me um the what you can do if you're making vegan if you're baking and you're

baking for a vegan you can change instead of using eggs you can use chia chia or chia seeds oh yeah okay yeah yeah with a bit of water yes um and the amounts are for one egg for the equivalent one egg one tablespoon of ground chia or chia and three tablespoons of water put it in the fridge so it congeals then use instead of the egg and that works for your your Welsh cakes and they're really crispy lovely biscuity Welsh cakes I've got another dessert in case Welsh cakes is not enough okay because I quite like it when you go to restaurants and they give you a little taste of more than one dessert I mean that's become a bit of a sissy fashion thing now you get a little tray and there's about three or four squishes I love that anything but chocolate no so this is

when I picked up when I was a child in Spain I love Spain I love Spanish food as well and music and all the rest of it but anyway super simple you know those little small melons that are bright orange in the middle yeah they're about the bigger than a tennis ball but not as big as a football yes now you need one of those cut it in half pull out the seeds and get a really nice bottle of herrith sherry or any sherry that's in your cabinet still and pour it into that hole and give it to your guests with a spoon I saw that one in the book that one really stood out because it's very colourful a great picture of it in the book and just it was just it's called just melon with sherry yeah and then you put the recipe in there just bung some sherry and some melon because it's the

idea how do you thought about doing it no absolutely not have you tasted it no it's like death by chocolate it's like holy shit this is alchemy this is magic this is so easy but so damn good it does that I will be trying it for sure yeah of course I'm going to do it tonight on this other podcast I'm doing can we give it some melon and some sherry please you should have done that on drunk history yeah about eight melons you're changing that 10 sherry and melons now before you read the order back I'm going to say it I know Karris was worried that we were going to think badly of her for using so much booze I think this is the boosiest we've had on our menu well yeah we've had that and it nearly wasn't until you switch the dessert to the sherry melon the thing is so

I'd say it all goes the other boozy episodes we've had have been from chefs it's been very you know to be fair alcohol has been very successful people like it yeah yeah um you would like some sparkling party water yeah uh pop it on to start from your local curry house uh fried green tomatoes as your starter um with a coleslaw maybe with a coleslaw on the side there uh for your main originally the side but you got switched out was the chickpea and potato curry and then your side originally the main but switched out is your tequila prawns drink death by chocolate as recommended by Ian Brown half Guinness tier maria vodka dessert vegan welsh cakes slash melon with sherry yes yeah ideal bon appetit that sounds lovely I mean I I've been I've been well up for sitting down

having all of that I'd be very happy to eat all of that where's this wildcook going now where you headed after this I don't know where did you fancy going oh yeah just go to Jamaica just go and get a melon and all the places you describe I'm going to read you a poem before we say goodbye because I thought I'm gonna stick in Wales I'm a guest read a poem oh do you want a story instead oh I kind of want both now you might have to edit this I think a I think a poem I think a poem would be lovely no you've got you've got to listen to this one you'd like it it's from the Mabinogion and it's how not to deal with your enemies I'll just do a small version of it okay so he rose up and put his two feet into the bag and pull to end up the sides of

the bag so that guile was over his head in it and he shat the bag up quickly and slipped a knot upon the thongs and blew his horn and then upon behold his household came down upon the palace and they seized all the hosts that had come with guile and cast them into his own prison and poil threw off his rags and his old shoes and his tattered array and as they came in everyone of poils night struck a blow upon the bag and asked what is here a badger said they and in this manner they played each of them striking the bag this is with a guy in it remember striking the bag either with his foot or with a staff stick in case you were wondering and thus played they with a bag everyone as he came in asked what game are you playing at thus the game of badger in the

bag said they and then was the game of badger in the bag first played thank you I could have listened to that for a lot longer yeah I had to read an audiobook once that I actually wrote and you just made me realise I did an absolutely shit job it's way more expressive it's so I wanted to hear the whole thing that was great well thank you so much thank you so much now we're all go and play badger in the bag what a lovely menu and if you if you listen you can go back and listen you probably work out how to cook them she almost gave us the full recipes yeah I'm very detailed recipes and I tell you what I'm going to try um I was deaf by chocolate sounds delicious oh yeah yeah so I'm actually after this a little inside info yeah on this evening I've got to do a podcast where I have

to get drunk for it oh I'm a guest on that one yes and I think I'm gonna make that my drink if they let me oh well don't have too many because we're recording tomorrow okay I'll be a good boy so be a good boy don't have too many be awfully if we had to record lots of podcasts and you were hung over yes well I don't have to get drunk for the podcast tonight so okay but just just be sensible also you may have noticed Keris did not say sugar work which is why she was allowed to remain in the restaurant well done Keris congratulations Keris congratulations and her book is where the wild cooks go that is out now and she's also doing a live tour of it where she's you know reading out recipes doing poems doing some of those stories like she did a story in the bag pretty she did

all the all the bag bag man stuff so go and check that out if you google penguin live you can find out more about that um we've got some food in front of us James oh yummy yummy yummy yummy we've some cans of wine from nice yeah we've got some phentomans phentomans soda soda the the rose lemonade is one of my girlfriend's favorite drinks oh is it now yeah so very very happy to receive some of that my friend in pokemonin and also we were sent some brownies from lolas delicious a little box of brownies all different flavors oh we've been so naughty we've been so naughty um if you like our vibes then you should check out our stuff i'm at gammel comedy on twitter and instagram i've got a live stand-up comedy special on amazon prime video go and

check that out as well and i'm on tour and all that jazz james what you up to mate i'm at james a caster and there's nothing you can do about it and also i have a book out called perfect sound whatever about 2016 is great this year for music of all time but for now we will see you again in the dream restaurants i'm off to get drunk best night of my life death by chocolate be careful hello it's me amy glad to you might remember me from the best ever episode of off menu where spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on uh mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since and i am joined by me ian smith i would probably go bread i'm ugly i'm not gonna spoil it in case get him on james and ed but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience

to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing it's called northern news it's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the north because look we're two northerners sure but we've been living in london for a long time the new stories are funny quite a lot of them crimes it's all kicking off and that's a new podcast called northern news we'd love you to listen to maybe we'll get my mum on get glills mum on every episode that's not the news when's it out ian it's already out now amy is it yeah get listening there's probably a backlog you've left it so late