Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 60: Emily V Gordon

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

Academy Award nominee Emily V Gordon – co-writer of ‘The Big Sick’ – joins us in the dream restaurant on her visit to London town. And she has a cracking celeb story.Watch ‘The Big Sick’ on Amazon Prime Video.Listen to Emily’s podcast ‘Staying In with Emily & Kumail’ on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, Acast and Spotify.Follow Emily on Twitter: @emilyvgordonRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Excuse me, I've found a hair in my podcast. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Ed Gamble there with another great opening. Thank you very much for the compliment, James A. Castor. My pleasure. How are you doing? I'm very well, thank you. I can't wait to ask our guests what their favourite ever starter, main course dessert, side dish and drink are. What I really like about these intros is quite often I'll just try and get them into just

a chatty sort of relaxing chat and you're all business. This is our chat. It's our chat all the time. You just get straight to the format. Yes, we have a very special guest and we're going to be asking them their dream meal. And the special guest this week is Emily Gordon. Emily Gordon is a screenwriter. You may know her work from The Big Sick. Oscar nominated, thank you very much, for screenwriting. Oh, hello. Someone's good at their job. Best divisional screenplay. She wrote The Big Sick with Camille Mangiani who was also in The Big Sick and is her husband.

There is a secret ingredient though, James. The secret ingredient and we will chuck her out of the restaurant if she says this is charcoal. Charcoal. It's a gimmick. It's an Instagram gimmick. It's an Instagram gimmick. Instagram. That's what you said. Yeah, I did say that. I realised it.

It's this special costume you can buy to instantly turn you into a Gran. Yeah, I'm an Instagram. I hate it when people buy those black ice creams and then take photos of them. And they're like, look, it doesn't taste of anything. It doesn't taste of anything. It's not a flavour and it doesn't even look that nice. It's just weird that your ice cream is black. But that's it.

Also, it's like black teeth. Black teeth, drinks. You can buy drinks with charcoal in. You can buy like water bottles with a charcoal filter. It's all nonsense. And so help me God, Emily. You know, she lives in LA, mate. Yeah, we're really laying a trap here. We're not playing softball.

So hopefully Emily will not say charcoal because she's come a long way just to do this. So fingers crossed. Yes, a bit feel quite bad actually. Here's the off-menu menu. Have a minute, Emily Gordon. Welcome, Emily, to the Dream Restaurant. Oh, what happened? Welcome, Emily Gordon to the Dream Restaurant.

What's happening? Hi. Big surprise. This is the genie waiter, aka James A. Caster. Good to see you. I've been expecting you since we opened this restaurant 500 years ago. Oh, that is more backstory to the restaurant we've ever had. Yes, that's when it started.

500 years. And who was coming to the restaurant back then? Jafar. It's just Jafar. Jafar always, always bread, if you're wondering. The basket so he doesn't have to pay or? Yeah, well, it's always at the beginning. We always give people the choice and we always pick bread.

And crackers for Iago, of course. Yes, because of little crackers for Iago. The parrot. That parrot was always grumpy. He just wanted crackers. He just wanted crackers. There's always all he wanted. That's what, have you ever seen a parrot eat a cracker?

I was just wondering this exact thing. I have no idea if they actually eat crackers or not. Yeah. Do they? Well. Is that a different podcast? Polywant a cracker, right? Polywant a cracker.

Polywant a cracker is a big part of all of our lives. Is that a thing that parents have said out loud? I mean, who originated that? Well, I guess I'm assuming someone taught that to a parrot rather than a parrot was like Polywant a cracker. And then people like, parrots can talk and they love crackers. So I'll teach him to request the thing that I have extra of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That must be it. Is someone who had loads of crackers? Yeah. So it can't be yet. It must have been that they taught it to say it because it's easy for them to say. Polywant a cracker. Polywant a cracker.

Poly is quite hard, isn't it? You ought to do your Ls. So you have to name your parrot Polly. Yeah. It feels like another step. Yeah, it's another thing. It's got people Polly. It's got to want a cracker.

Cracker feels like it's easier to say with a beak than Polly is. Yeah, sure. Yeah, that feels right. I've never done this this early in the podcast, but I'm imagining I've got a beak. Yeah. And cracker seems easier than Polly. Yes, absolutely.

Cracker does seem easier than Polly. Yeah, I would raffle if I was like a parrot. I would raffle if I was like Koko or Kiki. And that sounds similar to cracker, which is also easier for everybody involved. I also feel like parrots would want to eat like a fruit. Yeah. Like crackers are not native foods to their...

They're so dry. They're so dry. Yeah, so dry. It is just because it's easy for them to say, right? It must be. It must be that. They don't actually like crackers. They can't order one because it's annual or something if you're a parrot.

Polywant a lasagna. Yeah, Polywant a lasagna. Now you're just Garfield. Yeah. He loves lasagna so much. Oh, that guy couldn't get enough lasagna. I mean, I get it. It's really good.

It is good, but not every week. Yeah. Here's a question early to us for you. Because I always thought like the lasagna in Garfield looked like the best lasagna. Is there like a cartoon food you can think of that you've seen in a particular cartoon? I'm putting you on the spot here. Great question. Anything you've seen in a film or a comic strip or anything that you've gone,

that looks so tasty. I want that version of it. I think the food in video games often looks, when I was a kid, like a double dragon. Anything that's like where you like hit a trash can in like a full turkey. Or like a pizza or a burger. I was always like, that looks good. I always thought that would be delicious. And it'd be like, what a great thing to just have like, oh, I'll just have a whole burger

fall out of this trash can and I'll munch down at it. But I generally think cartoons, everybody, when people are going to sleep in cartoons, that is the coziest sleep I could possibly imagine. But I think that like there was a, do you guys know the show, The Critic? John Lovitz's cartoon? Oh, it was like from the 90s and it was like a send up of the entertainment industry. And at the beginning in the opening credits, he would like curl up and go to sleep. And I was like, yeah, that feels nice.

Yeah, so they just go straight to sleep cartoon character. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, they're not fretting about how they don't go to enough museums. Yeah, yeah, that's what I do. But you have what the video game Trash Can Turkey? Yeah, that's what I want. I want, here's what I want, because you've never asked this question before, James. And I do have the answer ready to go.

Studio Ghibli films have the best food. I was thinking that. I was thinking that. And when I went away. Yeah, the spirited away, that's calciferous and spirited away with the pan, with the fried breakfast and the bacon looks amazing. And the eggs look amazing, just all bubbling away. And the fire's gone fast.

I mean, it will do bad things to you. You shouldn't eat that food. You'll turn into a pig person. That's true, spoiler alert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's worth it, like. But that looks so good. You might be worth it.

When they turn into pig people, when they're eating all that food, I think even though I know that now, I would still eat all that food and turn into a pig person. You're completely right. The dumplings are huge. Yeah. Would you guys say, anyone a dumpling? Yeah, don't say anyone a dumpling. Yeah, anyone a dumpling.

Like, were you a pig? Difficult to say when you're a pig. You imagine yourself, we were snout. I'm imagining it. I've still got the beak as well. Things have gone really weird. Yeah. They always have one tooth, I feel like.

When pigs and cartoons always have like a one tooth. Yeah, just on the side, just the chew it. Yeah, yeah. That was straight tooth. God, that's a great movie. We always start with still a spark in water. The choice. Tap.

Always tap. Man of the people. No, I usually go, I will go sparkling or tap. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have, no, do you have a brand of water that you like the best? Sparkling or like a brand of? Well, let's say you're out and about.

You're going around. There's a lot of bottled water in LA. More so than anywhere else I've noticed. Yeah, we like water. Yeah. If you're going into, you know, a gas station or a corner store. Oh, very good, James. American.

Bodega. Well done. Bodega, yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you're in New York. Oh, yeah. Cool. I think I tend to go Fiji.

But that square bottle, if you're then getting into a car, makes life very difficult for cup holders. Oh, okay. I thought you were just talking about going into the car. It's like, I'm doing an act out that means nothing to you. It's huge. But I would say probably Fiji and not for any real brand. It's just there.

It's usually there. I think the bottle, the Fiji bottle, it just looks clearer and cleaner. Yes. I don't think I've seen a bottle of Fiji. Can you describe it? It's square. It's a square bottle. It's a square.

And it has liquid. Also, it has this kind of like, the outside, they do a fading, kind of like a gradient of blue on it. So it's like a deep blue food to a lighter blue on the outside. Ombre. This guy knows his water. It just looks quiet. It looks inviting.

It looks refreshing. I also find if it's like a really cheap brand of water bottle, and like in America, you'd have like a deer park, I can taste the plastic. Do you know that thing where it's like, this particular bottle here in this room is, looks like a nice thick plastic, but if it's too thin of a plastic, I feel like it's bleeding into the flavor of the water.

Okay. I feel like. I might be wrong. But even, even so, just the fact that you feel like it. Oh yeah. That's all it takes for me to be like, never, never in my life. This tastes like plastic. This tastes like plastic.

Yeah. And Fiji does not, to me. What do you think about canned water? I feel strange. It's weird, isn't it? It's a weird feeling. I feel strange about boxed water. It's a big thing everybody likes to give out now in LA.

It's like, ooh, it's boxed water. It's better. And they're like so proud of themselves. It's a box. It's fine. Like we're, but like, you don't need to congratulate yourself that hard. Do you know, like nobody was looking for an innovation in that industry, but I think some of them are more recyclable or somehow that's like the advantage of them.

Yes. And then I know Jaden Smith. Yes. Of the Will and Jada. Yes. Have, he has like his own water company now that you'll sometimes get that at like an event. Like. His own water company.

I don't know if I would want fresh water there. At what point do you get to a stage in your career where you're like, I think it's time I started a water company. As much as I want to make fun of him, he apparently is doing it, like he gives away water in like areas like Michigan, Flint, Michigan like places. Apparently it's like a more of a charitable company and like places will buy it because he then gives that money back to like give it away to other people. It's apparently a lovely thing that he's doing, but I'm still going to make fun of it.

It's a box of water. And what am I doing? I think it's Jaden Smith. Yeah. Yeah. It's very funny to make fun of Jaden Smith. Yeah. Also, he's seen what happens after Earth.

If we don't start looking after the environment. He was in that film, wasn't he? And after Earth is not. Are you talking about Karate Kid? Which, it wasn't he in the Karate Kid remake? It was, yeah, that's it. It's not post-apocalyptic as far as I'm aware, but after Earth, oh, if the world's like that, if we don't look after it,

we're going to need to start doing some stuff because that movie's stunk. I'm not Shyamalan, right? If the post-apocalyptic world, it looks like an M. Night Shyamalan film. That's a disaster. We're all in trouble. We're all in trouble. That should inspire you to action. But he'll show up and save everyone because that's his role in all of his movies,

M. Night specifically. He's always like, don't worry, I got it. He's always like, don't worry, I got it. He's always like, don't worry, I got it. He's always like, don't worry, I got it. Hello. Pop it up to our bread. Pop it up to our bread, Emily.

Pop it up to our bread. Bread. I'm going to go bread. I'm going to go bread. Okay. Oh, we're going to your farm in our hands. You're not a very good waiter, if I may be honest. No one's ever called a man on that.

500 years, no complaints. So who's really wrong? Very aggressive. I need some time. Can I have both? Oh, let's hear it. I mean, they both are good. You don't know.

You don't know what you're going to want on the day, but I feel like I don't usually crave Papa Doms, but once they're not in my vision, maybe I would. But I'm going to say bread. I'm going to say bread over. Yeah. Is there a certain type of bread you like? Or is there a specific place you got some good bread from?

I don't really like talking about this. But I've been... This is why people listen to podcasts. Yeah. I'm going to make a severe... I've been avoiding gluten for a couple of months. Avoiding. I'm not in a place where I'm like, I can't eat gluten.

I don't turn... But it just keeps me from eating bread constantly. If it's not available, then I... So I guess I would say the Styrofoam mash that is gluten-free bread. That's what you're... Because you're avoiding bread. I'm avoiding gluten. Gluten.

Yes. Can you feel the benefits of avoiding it? Here's what is a bummer. I've stopped... I've been avoiding gluten and refined sugar and dairy, but I don't really eat that much dairy anyway. And I have like a lot more energy. I wish it wasn't true.

It's really annoying when I'm eating this, isn't it? I hate it. You can actually see the benefit of it. Oh, I didn't want to do it. And I was like, I'll try it. And then I'd... Yeah, it feels great. I hate it.

I love bread so much, but I do... If I eat bread, I'm like, I think I feel a bit depressed after it. Yeah, I think I'm getting sick. Do I have a cold? I don't think our love makes me sad. Yeah. I mean, that is... That's right.

And so the key to life is just avoiding the things that you love. Yeah, all the things that you love, and then you just kind of feel better in general. And I'm never happy, but I'm also never sad. You're never sad either. So that's the thing, right? Hey, you've even paid to go on the roller coaster, or you're standing around watching the roller coaster go in.

Yeah, some of that would have been pretty bad. Right? And hoping people don't change out of their pockets that you can pick up from the roller coaster. It's not normally this early in an episode that you say something existentially destructive, James. But that roller coaster thing really bummed me out just then. Yeah, that's what life is.

Everything I love makes me sad. Everything I love makes me sad. Yeah, I'm not going to argue with you whatsoever. And sometimes I want to feel sad. Yes, sure. That's what sometimes I just get at McDonald's because I'm just leaning into some sadness. There's self harm.

There's some self harm in that. Yeah, for sure. Just go for it. Feeling sad anyway. Yeah, go to McDonald's. We go bag of carrot sticks. Oh, James's McDonald's order is carrot sticks. How are the carrot sticks there?

I've never had them. Divine. You know, they fry them in beef fat, right? There's no way that they're not like, we'll just pour a little on. That's what our customers have come to love from us. Yeah. It's all clown fingers and stuff.

It's not good for you. They are good though. Well, they're just carrots. I mean, basically, I only go to McDonald's very late at night when there's no options. And if I'm sober, which often I answer coming back from a gig, I feel too guilty for my last minute of the day to be an actual McDonald's.

And so I go in and I get a grilled chicken wrap, a diet Coke, and some carrot sticks. That is the worst McDonald's order I've ever heard. I'm surprised you've not been beaten up in a McDonald's late at night. I should have been beaten up by now. They should have refused to serve you. Yeah. Imagine being beaten up by a grimer.

Which one's grimer? Is he the... Grimace. Grimace, that's a Grimer. Who's Grimer then? I mean, it's not McDonald's person. Grimace. That's an even funnier name.

That's just a facial expression. Oh, that's some cartoon food I like. Yeah, you're not wrong. The Carty McDonald's food. That's right. It's much... It actually looks pretty similar to the actual McDonald's food for the most part, though.

Yeah, which is helpful. I like how the fries are quite springy in the drawings. Very yellow. Very yellow. Yeah, yeah. I'd have a lot of fan out when they're coming out of the box. In a way that they never do. I really like watching, and this goes for any fast food restaurant,

the Big Shovel, the Fry Shovel, that is like wide at the end, and then it's got the funnel towards it, and when they put it in the packet, I love watching that happen. Would you like to use that? I'd love to. How would you find it, do you?

I'd love to use the Fry Shovel funnel. You would love to use the Shovel funnel? Do you think that you could get that from this podcast? Do you think that's something you could get? Oh, that's a good shout. We could probably get it. Most things, if we mention like a gadget, sometimes people get in contact and offer us one.

I mean, the height of privilege is, can I pretend to work at your restaurant for like an hour? I just want to know. I'd love to just come in and have the experience of what it's like to be like a normal person. Can you use the Fry Shovel please? Hand it over. Oh, it's so funny.

It's like undercover boss, but I can't offer them anything at the end. That's right. Undercover guy. Undercover customer. What an end into the episode. They sit down and I got a confession to make. I was undercover the whole time.

Oh man, are you going to give me? No, I'm not the boss. I was undercover. I have a podcast. Yeah, podcast and we were talking. I just wanted to use the Fry Shovel. Yeah, the whole website. I was wanting to sit you down and say,

thank you for using the Fry Shovel so frequently. Yeah, if one of us is weird that you loved it, it's like, yeah, I don't have any work here. Anyway. Anyway, I have to go. I'm going to turn to my happy life now. They might have that on Amazon, don't you think? They might have a Fry Shovel on Amazon.

I don't know if that's what you would. I don't know what I'd use it for though, because in my day-to-day life, I'm not making large quantities of fries. Do you have a cat? Maybe a cat litter scoop? Oh, yeah. Maybe I should get a cat.

That would be great for the cat. Scooping it in with a Fry Shovel to get the cat litter. It's like, look how it fans out. Oh, so is that also? It's just like the cartoon. Are you picturing all the shits going into the bin and then fan it out as lovely? 100%.

It's exactly Anna McDonald's cup. Yeah, you don't have to put all the cash in the McDonald's cup. Fan out. Wow, what happened? I don't know how we got there, really. We're talking about bread. Are we talking about bread? Yeah, obviously.

Yeah, things that make you happy. Yeah, that's true. But you've chosen the gluten-free bread. Yes. But is that because it is the best bed you've ever had and you want it in your dream meal? I mean, you're right. If I'm going to go dream meal and it's like a fuck you situation,

I'm probably not going to do that. I'm probably going to go with like a brioche, like something or like just something like a well-baked bread that has like a little olive oil on the side. Yeah. That's probably what I'm going to go with. If it's like apocalypse. I call them apocalypse foods,

like stuff that like we're all going to die. So let's just eat what we want for our damn lives. But I'm trying to, but gluten-free bread is not bad. Some of it. Yeah, yeah. But most of it is. Is that because the brand of gluten-free bread that you recommend to all the non-glutenies out there?

I don't know if it's, there's one in America called Canyon Bakehouse. It's pretty good. Shout out to Canyon Bakehouse. Shout out Canyon Bakehouse. Guess who's about to get a load of free Canyon Bakehouse? Oh, it would be a dream. It would be a dream.

Thanks guys. So we come to your starter. So we're entering into the big leagues now. Big leagues, the big boys. The big boys now. Is there something that makes you happy or something that makes you feel fine? These are all ones that make me happy.

I'll say. There's a restaurant in Los Angeles called Night Market Song. There's several Night Market restaurants, but Night Market Song is like the new hip one that opened kind of on our side of town. And they have a crispy rice salad. I think the official, I'm going to butcher it. It's Nam-Kow-Tot?

Yes. Yeah, that's great. I did a great job with the tie. And it originally has like pork and stuff in it. And it's not that I don't eat pork, but the gluten, like the vegan option is so much better. So the vegan crispy rice salad at Night Market Song is like dream starter, dream.

And this is something. So how long has it been open for this place? I'd say maybe like two years at this point. Okay. Yeah. And did you go like early doors? Were you an early adopter? Early. It got very, very popular.

And now it is very popular. And it's really, really hard to get in. And so I find that you can just like call in and order for pickup and go grab it. Oh, nice. Which is what we end up doing a lot of the time. But what you have to do is as soon as you sit down, you have to order it immediately

because they run out a lot. So you sit down, order like two, maybe three orders, depending on how many people are there. Yeah. It's very spicy. It's like a crispy, it's like, it's basically like rice crispies, but in like a Thai salad with like lime juice.

And it's ridiculous. Like what do they, what do they replace the pork with for the vegan option? I actually, I think they just don't have the pork. I think so. And I just like, for some reason it gums it up. I don't know. I like it kind of being a light item.

And what I also love about that restaurant is that every single time you go it's different levels of spice. So you actually can't, you can kind of request what you want, but like that's how you know they're, they're like putting their heart and soul into it every day because it's not like, well, this is always this spicy.

Like one day you'll go and it will tear your face in half. And then the next time you go and you're like, okay, I got it. I can do this. That's a nice like roulette every time. Yeah, every single time. Yeah. Also you saying about ordering food at the Thai place,

showing up, eating it and then immediately leaving. You know what that reminds me of? Are we going to talk about it? Are we going to talk about it? It's fun to talk about that. Are we allowed? Yeah. Go for it.

Me and Emily went to a Thai restaurant. Yeah. And there was a table that had a meal on it, but no one was sitting there. Right. As soon as, but basically empty table. And then they put the plate down. And as soon as they put the plate down,

Eddie Azad walked to the door, walked up to the table, ate the food, walked out again. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life. He must live nearby. He must live nearby. I don't know. That's baller.

It was absolutely brilliant. And it wasn't that I was like, we weren't like noticing like, oh, there's a plate of food there and no one's eating it. It was that we watched him walk in. He said he's not. So you're going to watch him walk in. He just arrived at the restaurant.

He walked in and all of us were like, and there's already a meal there. And then he just ate it very quickly. At one point he was standing and eating. Yeah. Yeah. And then he left without paying. And then he left.

Who knows. Maybe he arranged. He must have an arrangement with that right. He obviously had to, he obviously paid for it somehow at some point, but we didn't see any transaction. He's probably got a tab. He's got a tab.

He calls ahead and he's like, I want my meal on my table so he can just eat standing up when he's straight out again. Yeah, and ate it. Leave. Small place as well. It wasn't a big restaurant.

Yeah. And I think we were all like, does everybody see this? Is it just us? See this? Because nobody was really reacting to it. And we weren't either. We were playing it very cool.

Yes. But as soon as he left, we were all... Did you all just watch him in silence, eat that food and then leave? Honestly, it was hard to... I focused on whatever we were talking about. It wasn't that important, whatever it was. Yeah, we had to fake a conversation

while taking it in turns to play look out. And we were like, what's this all doing? Now, he's standing up and eating it. We need to get him on the podcast and ask him about it. What happened? Yeah, I have a thing of like, if there's something going on, but you still have to maintain a conversation,

I just start talking about Batman. It's just like a thing I've done. And because there's always something to talk about with Batman. Always. Sure, there is. Yes. And so it's my go-to, like,

if I start talking about Batman to Camille, he'll be like, is something racist happening behind me? Like, what's going on? He knows that that's like a cue of like... I think he's not walked in. Is there a fist fight happening that you haven't shown me yet? He's not, it's back, isn't he? That's incredible.

Yeah, it was very strange. I have been to one of the night market restaurants in LA, but I was there by myself and I went, it's not a good place to go alone because they are sharing sized dishes. And I walked in and ordered a couple and the guy was like, are you sure about this? Are you sure you want to be in this restaurant?

And I was like, yeah, bring me two of those dishes. Bring it on. And then I sat there and I resolutely ate all of it and I've never felt worse the next morning after a meal. You were doing it as like a fuck you to the waiter who was like... Yeah, well, he was genuinely trying to be helpful. He was like, are you sure you want to eat this by yourself? And I was like, yeah, and put some more rice on the side,

actually. And then really chewed through it. And it was absolutely delicious, but very spicy and I was very full. While you were eating it, were you shouting it? I love makes me sad. Yeah. I was screaming Eddie want a cracker. Eddie want a dumpling, I think.

Eddie want a dumpling. But you're fine. Eddie wants a dumpling. Eddie want a crispy rice salad. Sorry, you were very specific about that. Polly wants a cracker. Eddie wants a dumpling. Yeah, although from what we saw, Eddie wants some Thai food.

Eddie wants Thai food. Eddie wants Thai food. Very delicious. Yeah, great Thai food. Yeah, Eddie wants some Thai food and he does not want to be held up with the order in process or the pay in. He knows what he wants and he just wants what he wants. Yeah.

I like that. That makes me like him even more. Your main course. Okay. Are we staying in LA for this? No. We're going to North Carolina, which is where I'm from. We're going to a little town called Elizabeth Town, North Carolina,

which is where... Why O'Dea, James? Are you thinking of the movie? Yes. No, it's nothing to do with the movie. That movie makes you want to be sick. Yeah. Well, this town won't.

Well, it might. My family goes on this lake trip every single year. They have for like 65 years. It's like this annual kind of... We rent a terrible hotel. It's not a great hotel. And in the nearby town, there is a restaurant called Melvins that has a thing called Melvins Burgers.

And they are under $2 a pop. There is a line that is... The line is very long, all day long. It's a very, very popular restaurant. Has been for many years, but it progresses very quickly. And you... A Melvins burger is one of the best things I've ever eaten in my life.

Great. It's a very small burger. It's got like... You have to get it all the way. Kumail always does a thing where he tries to like order it special. And it's like, you just don't do that. But that's okay. Everybody forgives him.

But it's like... It's got like chili, slaw, onions, like things that normally disgust me. But somehow on this burger, it is the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. What kind of a bun is it? Just like a regular ass, like grocery store bun. Like it is...

There's nothing special about any of the ingredients It's somehow just the way they put it together. It's the waiting in line. It's that you can only get it once a year. For me, at least. The resident civilist with town. They only have that burger when you come back into town. Exactly.

That's the rest of the year. They're just like, why? Why do we have to wait for this lady to arrive before we get the burger? But it's like... It's just... It's the thing I think about the most when I'm like... What would I...

If I only had like one meal left, I think I would want to eat one of those burgers. At least a couple of those burgers. Is it a messy eating experience? Oh, the messiest. It's disgusting. And it makes your hands smell bad. It's not good.

And you shouldn't eat it in the restaurant. Like we always look at people doing that and be like, oh, amateurs. You're supposed to get like a massive bag of them and then take them back to whence you came. Eat them in the bath. Or eat them in the car in the way like a sad... Yeah.

On the toilet if you want. But they're absolutely amazing. And I was like... Do you know the band the Melvins? Yeah. Yeah. I was a huge Melvins fan all growing up. So when I was like 16,

I took an actual photo of the front of the restaurant, Melvins. And I sent it to the Melvins, like the address that was on. This is so stupid. That was on their CD that I had. And I was like, hey, I love you. Here's a photo of a restaurant that made me think of you.

And it didn't occur to me until like 20 years later how dumb that was. But they sent me back a sub pop catalog. Wow. And a little note was written on it that said, I love you too. Love Buzz. I don't think there's any way that King Buzzo,

who is the lead singer of that band, actually wrote that note. But I still have that. You think it was Buzz Lightyear? Buzz Aldrin. It was probably Buzz Aldrin. He loves everyone. Buzz Aldrin really had a drop off after the whole moon stuff.

So he started replying to fan mail directed to King Buzzo. Working at sub pop. Well, I guess I'm working at sub pop now. But my moon days are over. Nothing else for me to do. But I still have the catalog. And it literally had not occurred to me

until like fairly recently, what a stupid, what a weird kid, little kid thing to do. To like send a photo. All you were doing is like proto Twitter. Because now that people are doing that all the time. Just tag him? Yeah, just make you a tag in it. But you just had to put it in an envelope and send it off.

Which to take the effort to do that is bonkers. Yeah. It's pretty dumb. But the burgers are amazing. Hide off. You still got the catalog. I do still have the catalog. And I saw King Buzzo at a movie, not a movie theater.

There's a cemetery in LA that puts on shows and stuff. So I was at a concert, saw him there, because his hair is huge and crazy. And I went up to him and I meant to say it to him. And I've not ever had this thing where I like get weird. I got so weird and started like shaking visibly. It's the people that I was a fan of as a child that I cannot handle talking to now.

And he's an icon, right? And he still looks like he did back in the day. Amazing. Yeah. And so I think Camille had to like be like, this is Emily. She's a big fan. And I was like, I think I'm meowed.

And then we left and I didn't get to say anything. You go bugger. You're a bugger, man. Burger restaurant, me, you. In the Christopher Nolan films, he's got a teapot. But some people wanted to put it on. I'll tell you a bit. I lost it.

I was not okay. I could not keep it together. But long story short, that's the burger for me. That's the main. So it's got bun, slaw, like a mayo-y slaw? It's like a mayo-y slaw. It's like chopped up onions, chili. I think there's mustard,

which is not a thing I enjoy overall. Is it? So has it been around your whole life? Yes. Who owns it? Like is it a family? I think it's family owned. Yeah.

Not king buzzer. Not king buzzer. Or a buzz on chicken. That's the other thing he's doing. What a twist. All the buzzes were there. Has it always had long lines? Yes.

My whole life. My whole life. Like a small little family run business. Whole life. That has always had really long lines. The burgers are so good. When you go in, the idea that like when you go into work there, you know you're going to be busy the entire time.

Do you know what I mean? Like that's a crazy thing to me. Like this whole day, my entire shift, I will be working nonstop. There will not be any slow periods. Because we've gone all hours of the day. We've gone and maybe it drops off like in the non-summer months. That could be true.

I'll give it that. That might happen. But the whole summer, anytime you're there, it's like very long lines. Do they have a fried shovel? I'm sure they do. I think they have the fried basket, but then you also have to have the fried shovel.

You need the shovel and the basket, really. Yeah, you're right. I cannot confirm. Yeah. Same with the cut letter. You need the basket to sieve everything out. Separate. Do you feel like I could make that work

without the basket, I think? Yeah, actually, it depends. Yeah, just send me a funnel. We'll make it work. So that's a very, I like that as well. I've been holding it now. Oh, they're so good. That film is so bad.

Oh, I've not seen it. Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst. Kiki Dunst. I think there's a Kiki Dunst. Kiki Dunst, the other parrot. The parrot, Kiki Dunst. And yeah, it's pretty, it's one of those,

it was around that era when people were making a lot of those kind of, it was all like, you know, guys writing female love interests. It's like Men and Picks a Dream Girl. Just yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah. That's the film it originated from, apparently. That's right.

The guy who, is it Nathan? There's a guy named, the guy who originated that phrase. Yeah. Which I wish it could have been a woman. But that's okay. I think you're right, it did come from that movie, even though many examples before and after. Many, many examples.

And during. I was talking about Garden State today, on the way here. Yeah. And the scene and that where she goes, I'm going to make it, do something no one's ever done before. And there's a really weird noise in one spot. And goes, no one's ever done that and that. But he's looking at her like, I'm so in love.

Just these magical women that don't have any in her life or thoughts. I'm just going to take my shoes off and run in the rain. Well done, it's actually annoying. So in love with this woman I wrote. And what's great is she doesn't ask me, she doesn't challenge me, except in that magical creative way. She doesn't challenge me about how I'm a fucking asshole.

She doesn't challenge anything about my life. She doesn't really need any room or like have her own interest, which is really great. I can show her all my movies that I love. She's never seen them before. She's like a culture sponge. There's that famous, I've seen it in a big sec when he's chosen the movie.

Yes. You. That is very much a- Give him what for. And I have, as a nerdy woman who's dated nerdy men my whole life, I'm consistently having men try to get me to read The Watchman. Do you know what I mean? Like that's my whole, I've been like, oh my God, you'll love it.

Be like, yeah, I have read it. I've read it. Oh wow, you like horror movies too. It's amazing. Like if they don't seem to understand that like, I also like the same things that they do and they really, really want to be the ones to introduce me to it. And I do get new stuff from every man I've been with.

I do get new pop culture items every single time. But yeah, I really wanted, I really desperately wanted that scene in the movie because not only did it happen in our actual relationship where Camille showed me the Abominable Dr. Fibes on our first date, which I hadn't seen. So that's fair. But it is this thing of like, are you gonna be cool enough? To handle the stuff I like.

It's like a test. Yeah, it literally is. Yeah. So it's a, I love it when men test me on my taste is the line that I wish I could have written, but Zoe Xan actually improvised on the date. It is maybe my favorite line in the movie. But that's because she was channeling you.

Yeah. She was so, so into it. It was so playing you. Because she has experienced it too. It's not just you. Anytime I would read the watchman, I was reading the watchman on a train in Chicago when I lived in Chicago. And that's the most I've ever been hit on in public

in my entire life. Really? Just meant we're gonna be like, what are you reading? It's actually, it's a really good, do you know, do you know? And you're like, yeah, got it. Calm down. And you're even reading it. I'm literally reading it.

Hey, have you read that? Yeah. You should read the watchman. You should read the watchman. You should read the next page of that. The next page is the best page, actually. Oh, man, I love you. In my, when I started doing standup, like right at the

beginning, there was a comic in Norfampton, the neighbouring town called Jake Moore, and I'd gig with him a lot. And his uncle was Alan Moore. Oh, wow. I would come to a lot of the gigs and draw the posters. Are you kidding? Yeah, yeah. And we were very excited about that, obviously.

All of us were. And my friend, I've got a friend called Jake, who's not a comedian, but is a good guy. Loves Alan Moore. So I got Alan Moore to sign one of the posters, gave it to Jake, and within a week he lost it. Didn't know where it was. What?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm still furious about it to this day. But I said to him, why is that poster? He went, I don't know. I was like, you can care a little bit about it. Did he care what you gave it to him? I like it for Jake.

He's kind of like, oh, cheers, man. Cool. Oh, my god. He's like, it's like, I'm giving him like a chocolate bar or something. Oh, yeah, I have to do that. Thanks, man. I was a little hungry.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah. That is bonkers. Yeah, he's lost it now. So like, I'll never get that poster again. Or someone else has that poster. Yeah. And it's had a wild yarn about how they got it.

It was a Christmas gig one. And it drawn the baby Jesus, I think, drinking in a crib. That's so cool. That is so cool. Boozy did a crib, baby Jesus. Pretty cool. And also like, ooh. Yeah, nice work.

They were always like, there's an Easter bunny, did a really drunk Easter bunny. But I wasn't on that. I like imagining every holiday mascot being on drugs. That's great. That's a good time. Also, love referring to Jesus as a holiday mascot. Yeah, Jesus the holiday mascot.

Fair enough. Yeah, he's the best one. He's the real holiday mascot. He's lasted the longest. It's his birthday. He's got the best brand. He really does have. And was just a baby.

I mean, you didn't even know. The brand continued throughout his life. And after death. And after the river. So many holidays he became a mascot for, but he's different phases of his life. We come to your side dish. Oh, yes, yes.

Do people ever do two? Oh, well, pick one. And then you can give an honorable mention to another one. You can do an honorable mention. Or we are open to being persuaded. Well, let me tell you why. The reason I added this one, because I wanted to have one London item on the list.

OK. But my original choice was there's a dish called at Major Domo, which is a restaurant in Los Angeles. It's David Chang's restaurant. It's very, very good. And it's called chickpea hozon. And it is a pasta dish that doesn't actually have pasta in it. It's like chickpeas.

And I don't even know whatever hozon is. Which is, and it is, I, like, I can't, I cannot function when I'm eating. It's so, I start doing like a weird little happy dance. Like I can't, it's just a really amazing kind of, it tastes like an amazing pasta dish. And it's not important to me that it's not a pasta. I don't care if I'm eating pasta or not.

It just happens to taste like the best pasta dish I've ever had. And it's like kind of savory. There's like almost like a, there's almost like a miso-ish flavor. But it's not. I don't think that's involved in it. And it, it's just ridiculous.

It's a ridiculous dish. It's so good. I've never had any David Chang stuff. I would like to. So to what you were saying, I went to Major Domo a few, like, like a week or two ago, brought my friend Joan Aray with me. And then I was like, can we invite a third

just so we can order more food? Because we're going to feel like jerks if it's just the two of us. Now, from now on, you just order food for three people if it's two of you. And then just say, Eddie is going to be here in a minute. That's for Eddie. And then when they turn their backs,

you just eat the food and you go, Eddie's gone. Eddie's gone. He'll pack you in the usual fashion. Just like he always does. He's like a ghost in the night. That's what we love about him. Yeah. We actually were like concerned.

We were like, we're going to eat everything. If we, we're going to eat all the foods. So we're like, let's get this third person, our friend Neil, who's great. So we can just have someone to eat the extra food. But I actually didn't even order it the last time I was there because I was like, I'll just house it. I'll just house it so hard.

So I didn't even let myself have it. That's what I like to do that with like foods I really love, especially if they're not that good for me. I'll like deny myself. So the next time is even better. Yeah. That's great. Sure.

Because you can overdo a favorite dish. Yeah. And that's a sad day. That's a sad day when you realize you've done it. You've made it not special anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's like leaving your Christmas lights up.

Sure. Yeah, but food. Yeah. I went to Jalupo, the Gelato place in London. I went there five days in a row once. And then it was like, I'm going to have to stop this now. How have we never talked about this? It was bad.

It was bad. It was, and they, they'd only opened recently. I've got a reputation for the sweet tooth on this podcast. They gave me a gold card. Oh, times to Jalupo. They did? Yeah. They were like, you can have this card.

You're in here a lot. Do you want this gold card? Oh, that's a sad day. Right. And I was like, okay, cool. And then I went back the next week and then we don't do the gold cards anymore. Yeah. Oh, they, they give it to you because they knew what they were about to do.

It was literally like they just gave me a little pat on the head. They never, they never did the gold cards. That had a tracking device in it. So they knew when you were coming. Oh, here we come. I laughed at Gates. Here we come. Put the clothes side up quickly.

I love it. It's such a good place. At Christmas, I like to go there. Christmas put in Gelato. There's the Christmas put in when they do, and they also do an eggnog one. And I like, I love both of them very much. Oh, also, I like Christmas put in naked bars

when they do them every Christmas, which they don't always actually last Christmas. I don't know if they did them. I got very sad. What question do you have, Emily? That's actually, to be fair, Emily, you probably have a lot of questions about what I just said. Why didn't they make it?

I don't know what I did do last year. You didn't make this question going to be what's a naked bar? Yes. Yes, okay. But I assume it's like a health food bar. Yeah, it's kind of one of those. Like it's like compacted dates, and then they put other like cashews and stuff.

Yeah, it's not me. You really make it sound very after. It's compacted dates. But then I would imagine that a, like a very delicious dessert flavor of something that is traditionally healthy and not delicious, it's kind of annoying and awful. So it's, but it's not.

Sure. But I don't think, I mean, I love naked bars, so therefore I have a suspicion that they're not good for me. And that's why I love makes me sad. So like, I don't think that they can be. I'm like, surely this isn't good for me. They're very sweet. I think they're very sweet.

I'm really loving it. So it can't be actually. I think the Christmas pudding, when genuinely it just tastes like a Christmas pudding, that someone's just giving you a stick of Christmas pudding. It's kind of amazing. And, but like, yes, I don't believe it's good for me. Also very happy, I'm just going back quite away

in the conversation, but that Jonah Ray got a shout out there. Met Jonah once, one of my favorite dining experiences with him. And Jonah, if you're listening, I'd like to, if you can record yourself doing what we come to know as the menu bit, it was one of my favorite little bits of waiter banter I've ever seen anyone do. Jonah thought I was having a bit of fun with the waiter. Where was this at the scene?

It was a duck and waffle. Duck and waffle, sorry. Duck and waffle, yeah. In London. The one in the high-rise for no reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 24-hour-rise. It was a very poor, myself and Nish.

You guys did terribly. Nish crew, my friend, did the podcast. Our responsibility was to take our American fans to somewhere hip. That was the only criteria we were given. You went to duck and waffle. Well, no, not at first. We went to about 20 other places that were all shut,

and then eventually had to go to a place we'd never been to before. You guys can't be trusted to organize anything. Yeah, you would have done it first time. I'm aware of that. Just call ahead. I'll organize it, and then you guys will have it. Listen, we'll just take you instead.

That's fine. You can sort this out. You're the worst person I could be telling this to actually, because you would have nailed it first time. Yeah, absolutely. Make sure you're genuine the angle. It was cold, and we were just walking around, and you know when you're in your new city,

and you're just like, I'll just go where you guys are going, and then you're like, where? They don't know where they're going. Where are we going? We did not know. It was really stressful. I mean, because we didn't really know Emily

and everyone very well at the time, so we were doing a lot of like, just to ourselves, just to one side, so I couldn't hear. I was going, we're really screwing this up. This is going so bad. They said they wanted somewhere hip. They're going to find where we don't actually live here. Fias, I don't think we ever said we wanted somewhere hip.

We just wanted to eat. Come out of it. Come out. He uses that kind of language. He does. That is absolutely correct. He said somewhere hip, and we misunderstood what hip meant.

Captain party. It could be captain parties. And which lived up to every bit of... Absolutely had that food there on the menu. I loved it. The food was amazing. It was very nice. But at one point, the waiter came over.

I was like, are you ready to order? And Jonah was holding the menu. He said, yeah, I have a question. The waiter said any questions. And Jonah went, yeah, I have a question. What is this? What is this thing? Did he say any questions about the menu?

Yeah, he probably said any questions about the menu. And Jonah was like, yeah, what is a menu? What is this? And the guy just looked at me and went, this has got the food on it there. And you can order the food. And it went so bad. Of course it did.

And after he left, Jonah was just like, we were all like, oh, so that menu bit went really badly just then? And whoever referred to it as the menu bit. So if Jonah was listening, can you please record yourself doing the menu bit? It's really, you need his voice to do it for sure. On a future episode of our menu please.

But also I'd like to say to our listeners, next time you're in a restaurant, maybe try the menu bit and let us know how it goes. Film yourself secretly doing the menu bit to someone. So what happens is, this is very clear, if they come along, if the waiter says do you have any questions about the menu, you have to ask what a menu is.

And first person who gets a laugh becomes a guest on the podcast. Wow. Yes, Benito agrees. Benito, very enthusiastic agreement. So that's one of your sides. If you'll allow me, and I need to, the Nassu Misto at Dining's SW3.

Which is a terribly named restaurant here in London. It's a restaurant I went to a couple of days ago, and they have this aubergine eggplant dish that is like a caramelized situation that looks like a sneeze, to be honest, and transported me to another world. Wow. I've had that in different places.

Is it like a half? It's a half, yeah. And they grill it with Miso on top, and then it goes all soft and like snot in the middle. Very snotty, very snotty. But it is phenomenal. It is the tastiest thing I've eaten in quite some time. Wow.

Yeah. I've never heard of this place. Dining's SW3. I mean, of course I've not heard of this place. When you asked me to take you to somebody who ate in London, I didn't know. I got lost and went to a duck and waffles. Get in the left, we'll go up as far as possible.

Yeah. You have great taste in restaurants. You've introduced me to a lot of really good restaurants here. Thank you very much. So you've done a great job. I think it's definitely improved since this podcast, maybe, because maybe, were you doing the podcast? I was, but like, you know,

I think that made me cocky that night. So you've got those two to choose from. So what are you going to do? I want to kind of put it in a thing where we can visualize this. Waterworld. Oh, OK. And you're on, like, in a crow's nest situation, and there's two planks either side of it,

and one, at the end of one of them is the oversheet dish. At the end of the other one is the... Chickpea hoes on. David Chang Tui. And you could, if you run to one dish, the other one will fall, and you will never get it again. I don't know why I... So this is why we'll do a reference to that.

I'd suggest, imagine you're in a dream restaurant and you only get to pick one side. It's Waterworld. Wait, no, hold on, wait. I'm in a crow's nest. It's Waterworld. You've got to walk the plank. Oh, I have to walk the plank.

Wait, first off, you don't walk the plank from the crow's nest. No. And you don't want the plank to get a bowl of food. I'm misremembering Waterworld. Or just pirate lore in general. Yes, misremembered Waterworld and maybe pirate lore. So you're on the crow's nest. Yes.

And there's a bowl of the chickpea pasta on one plank, and there's a bowl of the nasu aubergine. I'm going to go with the chickpea hosane, if I have to. Chickpea hosane. So the aubergine has dropped into the sea and the sharks are all... There's a shark see it. And they loved it. Yeah, they want more.

Sharky want an aubergine, that's what I'd say. Are there any sharks... Oh, Bruce was the name of the shark and George, right? Yeah, or Sharky was the name of the shark and Sharky and George. If you... Did you have Sharky and George in the States? No, I don't think so. I think it was an American show, wasn't it?

Sharky and George. I thought it was, The Crime Busters of the Sea. Yeah. What in the hell are you referring to? It was a cartoon and they solved crimes underwater. Sharky and George, Crime Busters of the Sea. I'm aware now it seems like we're just making up a show to try and fool you. Yeah, that's right.

It does seem that way. There's a lot of... I have some cartoon holes in my cartoon. Yeah, childhood cartoons. There's a lot of stuff that Kumail will mention to me that I'm like, he's like, it was an American cartoon. He was in Pakistan. He saw it.

I did not see it in America. Right. I was watching a lot of like today's special 321 Contact, like live action shows where mannequins become real and teach you math. Yes. Those were my chance. Of course you were. Yeah.

So that'd be good if like a guy took you out on a date and wanted to impress you, show you Sharky and George. I'd be like, oh my God, you seem so cool and connected to your childhood. They bust crime underwater. There's no big deal. They can solve any mystery. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I've got this tattoo.

You definitely need to have a tattoo of Sharky and George if you're going to be showing me Sharky and George on it. You would. Where would be the best place on your body to have a Sharky and George tattoo? So I don't think on my arm would really work. Out of context, that is the stupidest sentence ever. And in context, it doesn't make that much sense. That's right.

On my wrist. Oh, like an inner wrist. An inner wrist. I'll turn around and they'll be there. You know, most people have breath. Yeah. Sharky and George. Sharky and George.

What was George? Sharky was a shark. George just a small fish. If he's just a big fish, but he named himself Sharky, that's pretty badass. Yeah. Yeah, that's quite cool. Yeah, that's quite cool.

Like Captain Buzzo. Yeah. Let's give yourself a call now. The drink now will come to the drink. Oh, I had a hard time with this one. Here's what I'm going to choose. So when I was in college, I did not realize that drinks had calories on them. Yes.

I didn't learn that until a little later. This is a big thing. Everyone goes through this. Is that right? Yes. So I would get every single day a 44 ounce cherry limeade from a restaurant called Sonic. It's a chain restaurant. It's like a fast food place.

I don't think you have them here. But their whole thing is like, it's like an old-timey drive up. It's like a woman comes, you drive up, you put the thing. It's like a drive-in theater. You order from your car, but you're parked and a waitress was cute, like short shorts and roller skates comes out. All I can imagine when people talk about that is the big ribs being put on the side in the flints and then toppling the thing over.

Exactly. That's why ribs aren't on the menu at Sonic. Yeah. They don't want problems. It also had a drive-in, like a drive-through, which is what I would get. And I would drink a 44 ounce cherry limeade every single day. Like it was nothing. It didn't occur to me that that was not a good idea.

So it's just like a syrup. It just was a cup of syrup with barrel ice, which barrel ice is a... Think of your favorite ice. Do you have favorite ice? Favorite ice. Interesting. I like a huge... You know when you go to like a fancy cocktail bar and they put in a huge cube of ice?

I love that. Yeah, I like the huge cube of ice. But I also like just the crushed ice. Yes. This is more akin to that. Yeah. Yeah. You can kind of crunch it.

Yeah, just a huge thing of syrup and ice. It would slowly melt. I would drink 44 ounces. You must have been buzzing all the... I'm sorry to say buzz again in this. You must have been but the sugar at high. Yeah, it was not good. But it tasted amazing.

I absolutely loved it. And I kind of realized at some point like, oh, this is not good. I also was a bit of a thicker milkshake back then. So I kind of was like, oh, this is probably not a good idea for me overall. So at some point I was like, I can't ever drink that again. And I just cut it out of my life completely. I still miss it. I've had a cherry limeade before.

I've made like, we have a... Do you have ice blasts? No. They're like slushy. Oh, okay, got you. But fizzy. Yeah. Like a fizzy slushy.

Yes, we have a version of that. I can't think of the name of it right now, but we have a version of that. Yes. Are they the tango one? They tango ice blasts. Well, I used to work in the oak tree in Wixie Park, as you've discussed. Yeah. And there was called ice blasts back then.

And I would mix the cherry and the lime one. And then add some Pepsi as well. Wow. Wow. And I would just drink that all the time. Again, thinking that... Everything's fine. No calories, I'm absolutely fine.

And I would go around and help myself to the ice creams. I spoke about this before on the podcast, but it is one of the happiest days of my life. I will say when I was a barista when I was 16, which is like quite some time ago, and I was a barista in a hospital, I worked at like a coffee stand and it would just be like bereaved old men who were like, just gave me coffee. I don't want anything fancy. Like they were like...

Because there would be like latte and all this shit on the menu. And they would be like, why are you doing this to me? So I just mostly made like regular ass coffee. But I would make a thing for myself that was like a combination of every flavored syrup that was available to me. And I called it the Milky Way. Just a 16-year-old just drinking every flavored syrup. Who did that milk?

All the syrups. Are you just drink all the syrups with the coffee? A little tiny bit of coffee. Yeah, yeah. What the hell was wrong with me? Milky Way. Yeah. Also, I think the character of the bereaved man who has to order a complicated coffee

is one of my favorite characters that we've had on the podcast. Oh, that's great. It's a real... That's a sketch that really needs to see the light of day properly. So sad. And I was supposed to push the fancy drinks on them, but I would just be like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about your work.

You can't try an up-celebrate man. No! No, you really can't. I'm not one of the choice anymore, please. A lot of men who's like also masculinity were threatened by... Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. ...option. And this was when I was 16, so it literally was like,

this is like 1995, 1996. This is a long time ago. This is the initial sort of coffee, the coffee craze. Yes, before Starbucks really took over as like a thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So people are just getting used to all those opposites. Or not even slightly getting used to it. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, what a character. Can't get it out my head. Oh, bereaved barista? I didn't know. Oh, the bereaved star. The bereaved star. The bereaved star! You were the bereaved star!

You were a bereaved star! You won! You won! A bereaved star. No, that's genius! So your drink is the cherry limeade. 44 oz. 44 oz.

It's got to be 44 oz from Sonic. Sonic. Amazing. Great drink, I want to try it. Your dessert. We're going sweet into sweet, isn't it? Cast a dream. Yeah, how are you going to up the sweet from the drink?

Oh, I got you. I've chosen, which is technically a breakfast item, but as I've had with you, breakfast items for dessert are quite good. I'm choosing the berry bow stock, which I will explain what that is, from a place that no longer exists in Los Angeles. That's great, but that's the function of the dream restaurant, is we can bring those things back. And I worked really hard to keep this in my life.

So there was a restaurant called 2040 in Los Angeles that had, was like a breakfast lunch place, but it had like pastries, and the berry bow stock was amazing. And it's basically like a slice of like brioche bread that has like orange syrup, like a berry jam. There's almonds, maybe almond syrup on it as well. And I think it's somehow baked and then a little fried. It's just like a ridiculous,

it's just one of the most amazing things I've ever had. So that was, it was at 2040, it was amazing, 2040 closed. And as it was closing, we knew it was going to close in like a week or so. I was like, who is your pastry chef? And does she like, he or she work anywhere else? And they said, oh yeah, she just is right across the street at McCalls, which is like another, it's like a butcher shop that's across the street. I went to the butcher shop and was like, can I speak to the pastry person?

And I kind of just flattered the hell out of her and told her, I loved it so much. And she was like, well, I make stuff here, but she was like, it's not a very popular item. But if you email me, I'll just make a bunch of them for you. And I mean, for me to pay for, like a couple of days in advance. So for like a year and a half, I've been able to email this woman directly and be like, can I get a few?

And at first I was like, I don't mean to drop this in, but it's relevant to the story. The first one was like, it's got to be for like a big reason, like a celebratory. So when Camille and I were nominated for an Oscar, the first thing I did, second thing I did, was email this pastry chef and go, hey, I got nominated for an Oscar. Can you please, because I was like, I got to break the seal somehow.

I was like, I just want a bunch, as many as you're willing to make. And then you called Camille and told him. By the way, but no, I got very post-op. So I got to have them that day. And then it kind of became a little looser. She was like, literally any time, it's not a problem to make them. So like every few weeks, we would put them, we would freeze some of them to keep them.

And then two weeks ago, she put a sign up in the window of the butcher shop. And she is no longer working there. So, and the email address I had was the email address that she had at the butcher shop. Have you asked the butcher where she is? I need to do that. I need to.

That's, I got so upset. But will it freak her out if you go, you ask a bunch of where's she now? And he's like, oh, she now works at the fishmongers or whatever. And then you've got to go there and go, kind of speak to her. She comes down and she sees you and goes, oh my God. Again, again.

Oh, Jesus. I've changed my name. How was this happened? I will track you down. It's not a bad idea for a film. Yes. When you write it and it gets nominated for an Oscar, what are you going to eat to celebrate?

Yeah, I'll do the cherry limeade at that point. Here's a question I want to ask. What is the food like at the Oscars? Okay. So when you're there, the new thing that they do is under everyone's seat is a snack box. Because you have to get there at noon. I had to, I had to get there at noon,

which means you're, you're getting ready before noon. The show isn't until four or five PM. And then you're literally, you don't have a chance to eat for like, I'd say 12 hours. Like you're just kind of sitting around. So they're very intelligently, and I forgot who sponsored it this year.

This is the year we went, which was 2017. And so there's a snack box, you open it. It's just got literal like potato chips and like snacks. Yeah. And so you're kind of like, this is so stupid. And then like within a half an hour, you're just like shoving it into your face. And then there's the governor's ball afterwards,

which is like the event that's attached to the Oscars. And the food is fine. It's like fancy people's food that's meant to appeal to everyone. So it's kind of nothing. Okay. I know exactly the sort of thing. Just like, the winners, am I right?

That's right, because I didn't win. Meant to appeal to everyone is just fine. No risks. No risk at all. Yeah. Nothing interesting. Got it. Anyways, to the very postdoc.

It's like, it's delicious. How many would you like for dessert? Can I have two? Yeah, you can have two. Okay. And you can have a bag of them to freeze. Yes, that's what I really wanted. I know ladies address piped onto the top of it.

I would cross oceans of time to find her. And she's been always been very flattered by it. Like she's like, no, it's so great to have someone love something you make that much. Yeah. But she wasn't so flattered that she emailed you to say, I'm moving and here's where I'm going. That is correct.

Because I'm starting to think she's flattered by the chase. She's probably left you some clues. I should go read that. I actually took a photo of the sign that she left in the like window of the store. I should reread the sign and see if there's any like, if I add up the first letter of every word. Yeah.

Maybe. It'd be like an escape room. She's left you some little clues. What if she's left some little brioche breadcrumbs? You followed the little trail and you find it. Shout out to the fact that you were going to pick gluten-free bread because you wanted to avoid gluten and then you've had a burger and a brioche pudding.

How far them? I think that's why I wanted the gluten-free bread. It's like I'm going to make some mistakes tonight, baby. Ramp up to it. Let's read back your order. See how you feel about it. Your water, you would like some sparkling water. Maybe, maybe even...

Do Fiji do you like sparkling water? Don't do that. Anyway. Poppins of bread, you chose gluten-free bread. Canyon Bakehouse. Canyon Bakehouse. Starter, you'll like some vegan crispy rice salad from the night market song.

Main, you would like Melvins Burger. Yes. Side dish chickpea, hose on from Mojodomo. Your drink, you would like a 44 ounce cherry lime made from Sonic and your dessert, you would like the berry bow stock from... Nowhere. A lady who is on the run.

Feel happy about that order? Oh, I feel amazing about that order. I feel very good about that order. Does feel pretty good, actually. And as I think we've had quite the ride, there's been many characters along the way we've got to know. Really feel sorry for that guy still. Yeah, right?

Yeah. The guy who's talking to the bereavester. The bereavester. The bereavester is a great television show that should happen. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely have the bereavester. This is, Camille and I had a podcast about video games for many years and it would be a thing where Camille would at the end of the podcast

would be promoting, oh, I'm on this TV show, I'm on doing this, I'm doing this, and I had no credits. So I just started making up a television show that I was on called The Flower Deranger. But I'm a florist who is also a serial killer. Great. And I got, people started making like art for it and stuff. And so, yeah, Flower Deranger and the bereavester are the two,

everybody who's grieving. Yeah. Maybe it's the, what's the step before you go to hell? Poetry. Poetry. That's what it is. Yeah. That's what every program is.

Perfect. That's what I think. Name two. The sequence, Shark in George, for one, and Home Alive, the film. Thanks very much for coming into the restaurant, Emily. You can see Emily Tuesday nights on Fox in the bereavester. And The Flower Deranger is coming to Netflix soon. Thank you for telling me.

Yeah, yeah. Lovely. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was the off-menu menu of Emily Gordon. Great stuff. Delicious stuff.

Crack in menu. Really good. Very good menu. I've never really been into sugary drinks, but I'd really like to try a cherry lime made from Sonic James. Yeah. It sounded really nice, especially like stuff that's from people's past. And I don't have it anymore.

I want to try that burger. Oh, the burger sounds great. I want to queue up for that burger. I love a messy burger, but I would have to eat that in the shower. Yeah. I need to wash her off straight away with things like that. Make room for two in that shower, Ed. I'm coming in.

Willie, and back to back. Willie, back to back, so we don't see any business. Well, just so it's messy-wise, we won't get any of the burger on each other. So we're standing back to back, making it in the shower, eating the burgers. Yeah, because otherwise, if we stand facing each other, we'll get each other's burger mess on each other. Yeah. If we stand so that you've got your back to me, but I'm facing you,

I'm going to get my burger on your back. So we need to both be back to back so that we get our own burgers on our fronts and nothing more. Yeah, that sounds good, actually. Yeah. We'd need quite a wide shower head to truly cover it. Otherwise, we'd need to back to back and then just shuffling from side to side to make sure we get in the water. Yeah, yeah, to alternate bites.

Yeah. So thanks very much for listening. Emily did not say the secret ingredient. Charcoal. Thank God for that, because it was a very entertaining episode. I would have hated to have to kick her out. Don't want to talk bad. James, us here at Off Menu, we have our own social accounts, don't we?

At Diabetes. And also, the Off Menu podcast has its own at Off Menu Official on Instagram and on Twitter. Also, thank you very much. We've been sent some wines from Most Wanted Wines and some crisps and dips from Hipchips. Fun to say. I know it's you tucking into the sweet hip chips. Yeah, I love crisps dipped in chocolate.

When Benito went to Philadelphia, he bought back some crisps dipped in chocolate for you and I ate them all. Yes, and he also bought you a cup. And I wore it. Yes. So I got two presents and you got none. Very, very nice. Speaking to you all, come back again soon.

Well, we will be welcoming another fantastic guest to the Off Menu restaurant. Don't be a stranger. Bye-bye. Farewell. Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato. Our relationship's never been the same since.

And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North

because look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on.

Get Glittle's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.