Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 71: Amy Hoggart

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

‘Almost Royal’s Poppy and Georgie are reunited! Ed’s former castmate and all-round ‘glutie cutie’ Amy Hoggart joins us in the dream restaurant – which, this week, is in New York City.Watch ‘It’s Personal with Amy Hoggart’ on TruTVFollow Amy Hoggart on Twitter: @amy_hoggartRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? And the good thing about this podcast is we flambé it to table side. Oh, lovely. That's a good one. Thank you very much. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Welcome, Ed Gamble. Welcome, James Acaster. And welcome you, the listener. Whoever you may be. Whoever you may be, we like you very much, dependent on actions. Absolutely. We don't stand by everything that you do. We don't know. So don't think that whatever you do in life. Oh, I did James approve of this. Because we don't. What we approve of is you've downloaded and are listening

to this podcast. That's it. We approve of that. That's the given. I don't have anything else. James, where are we? We're in the dream restaurant, and we're going to welcome a guest in a minute and ask them what their favorite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink are. And more broadly, we're in New York City. Oh, yeah, sure. We're in New York City. Yeah. That's pretty exciting. I forgot about that. We're in New York City right now. We're in an office on Wall Street. Oh, we've been allowed in an office on Wall Street. I feel like Leo DiCaprio. Yes, the actor. You got a cough. It's like a big scene in it.

And today's guest is Amy Hoggart, wonderful comedian, writer, actor. I've known her for many years. You have. You did a wonderful TV show with her called Almost Royal. Do you remember that? I do indeed. Almost Royal. One of my most favorite parts of my whole career, I'd say. Such a funny show, Ed, if I do say so myself. And you've watched it. That's why you say that. We played brother and sister, and we went around America pretending to be part of the Royal Family. It was a lot of fun. Georgie and Poppy Carlton. Georgie and Poppy Carlton. And it's wonderful to welcome Amy here. She is also on full frontal with Samantha B and her own TV show. Very, very exciting stuff. Very exciting. But even though she's got all

these fantastic shows and even though you're very good friends of her, I'm afraid, Ed, if she says a secret ingredient, I'm going to kick her out the restaurant. We've got to kick her out the restaurant. Hey, look, I'll back you up, man. That's the rules of the podcast. No matter how friendly we are, she got to go. The secret ingredient this week is bitter melon. Now, we had this last night. We went to Mission Chinese in New York. Wonderful restaurant. Fantastic restaurant. So good. One of the dishes had bitter melon in it. I loved it. I loved the bitter melon. I was eating it loads. Even though there was some bitter melon in our drinks, some little circles of bitter melon. It was raw in the drinks. Raw in the drinks.

But it was cooked in the dish, which was lovely. Yes. I loved the raw bitter melon. Thought it was great. You and Benito thought I was insane. Well, I was backing you initially, because my main name while we're here in New York is to push Benito to the edge. Yes. So Benito was saying, I don't want to eat that. That's disgusting. Why are you eating that? And I was like, shut up, Benito. I can eat it. I ate some. And it tasted for about an hour afterwards like I'd been sick. Like I'd vomited. It was like acidic vomit taste. It doesn't taste like that to me. It tastes absolutely. I love how bitter it is. I love the deliciousness. And by the way, I just want to clear up any confusion, because this happened to a friend of mine when we were very

young. He ordered, he saw on the menu that they had the drink bitter lemon. Yes. And he ordered bitter lemon. And then when it arrived, he cried because he thought he'd ordered a bit of lemon. Well, if I remember faces, ridiculous. Yes. A, crying because you don't get a bit of lemon is insane. Yeah. But also ordering a bit of lemon. Yeah. Yeah, mad. I'm thinking that any restaurant would phrase it that way. So a bit of lemon. This is not a bit of melon. No. This is a bit of bitter melon. Yes. A bit of all bit of bitter melon. That is a secret ingredient. She says that she's out on her own. Even though I love it. But now let's see the off menu menu of Amy Hoggart. Welcome, Amy Hoggart to the dream restaurant. Thank you.

Welcome, Amy Hoggart to the dream restaurant. Do we joke in a moose bush? Yeah, go on. Absolutely. And what is it this time, James? Peas in a pod. Peas in a pod. Oh, nice. I love peas. Yeah. I better remember that for all the food stuff in a minute. Do you love peas? Yeah. Do you love peas? Yeah. One day, I ate mushy peas three times, and then I had peas for dinner. What? I went back from a festival. No one could believe it. On your way back from a festival? Yeah. Like, I ate mushy peas at the festival. So they serve mushy peas at the festival? Yeah. It was like a, you know, breakfast thing. Yeah. Breakfast. Breakfast peas. I don't know. I can't explain it, but I ordered it.

And then we went on, like, a ferry or something. It was on the Isle of Wight. Went on a ferry, and they had mushy peas on the ferry. I had some. And then we got to a service station, and I thought, it'd be funny to get them again, just to make my friends laugh. And then when I got back, Mum had made peas for dinner. Just peas. With other stuff. Yeah. I mean, that is incredible. It's a lot of peas. And you, just to think, Amy, you were worried about coming on the food podcast, because you didn't think you had enough food-based material. The first food that's mentioned, you've got a whole attic about it. A whole attic about the time you ate loads of mushy peas and then peas.

Yeah, that's my only food story. Well, thanks for coming on the show. Well, thanks for coming on the show. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Very exciting. James has only started doing the Amoose Bushes recently. I really like it. It went very well, from my perspective. And every time he does it now, I can see him suggest the Amoose Bush and then panic, because he's not a thought of what it's going to be. Did you have it pre-planned? No. I did not know I was going to say peas in a pod. So it was amused even to me. I was amused by it. You were amused by it. Yeah. But worked out quite nicely. It didn't work out well from an anecdote perspective.

Yeah, straight into the mushy peas anecdote. I mean, you didn't say mushy peas. Now, that being Amoose Bush, I really, really, really like. Yeah. You love them. But I just tweaked it a bit. I wouldn't have thought that you would like mushy peas. Why? Because Amy's immediately on the offensive. She's really on for you. We don't know each other very well. That's true. Obviously, you and Ed, brother and sister, it's fine. Yeah. Obviously. I don't really know you very well. But when I've been around you and you've been eating food and talking about food and talking about your day-to-day routine, it sounds very healthy. Right. And so mushy peas is what I would not,

I would not regard it as that, but I guess it's a bit of a, it is a healthy food that you've kind of cheated and made it. It looks like it's unhealthy, but it's actually quite healthy. I don't know if it's healthy. I mean, it's peas, but like, they add stuff. They add stuff, but I don't even know if it, is it peas? Because sometimes it's like it. I have two, I've just realized I've got two more mushy peas out of it. Yes. That one is impossible. You know, Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Yes. Very stressful because it's an unpleasant time. Yeah. And so one thing that got me through the last two years was if I couldn't sleep in the night or whatever. Oh, no.

I would get up maybe just any time of day, actually, all night. If I was stressed, I would comfort eat mushy peas out of a tin from little cold. And that would relax you. So if you were a bit sad, you'd eat mushy peas out of a tin and that would make you feel okay about your life. No, it didn't make me feel better. No, no, no. That would have really made you spiral. I mean, it probably happened like a few times, but one of my friends came up in London just because I was struggling and I said, this is my weird habit, one of them. And she did it too and she really liked it. So you dragged your friends down with you? Up, yeah. You inspired her. Yeah. So she wasn't like, oh my God, I do that too. No, she was like, that's rough, but I'll do it

with you. Like, you know, we're in this together. And then she liked it. Joanna. Joanna Fleck. Joanna Fleck does whatever you say. She came up from London because you were having a bad time. Yeah. So she just dropped everything and came to London and came to Edinburgh. She really loves me. And then she ate some mushy peas with you because you were doing it. Yeah. I don't really do that anymore. Right. So that's anecdote number one. That's number two from the promise three mushy peas anecdotes. Yeah. The other one's actually quite sad. I don't know whether to tell it, but it was when I moved. The last one was sad, by the way. All three. I'd say the first one wasn't happy. No, I like the first one because you were eating it

to make your friends laugh. You're trying to make your friends laugh. Was Joanna Fleck one of your friends on the trip from the Isle of Wight? Oh, yeah. She was. That's good to hear, though, because otherwise I would have hated it. Tell your lie, she wasn't there. Oh, she wasn't there. Okay, back to sadness again. Fleck's on your mound for the bad times. That's what's sad. You don't evolve Fleck when you're having a laugh. No, she doesn't get a good day of me. So mushy pea anecdote number three. It's sad. When I moved to the States, I was really worried about it because I didn't really want to come. Sorry, America. And my boyfriend at the time was trying to be caring and sweet,

so he made me mushy peas. But it was just like peas and cream. What? Which is not mushy peas. So the one I remembered it was because you said it's healthy. It's cream and peas. It reminds me of the far show, Cheesy Peas, which I wouldn't eat. No. No. And I didn't have any food the next day, so while I ate, it was creamy peas. Oh, she did eat it. She did eat it. The house. That does remind me of a Peanocdote. I could. When I was at school. The gift that keeps on given. When I was at school, so probably quite young, I was probably maybe seven or eight. In art, a project we were given was to, we got given loads of different coloured crepe paper

and a paper plate, and we had to make our favourite meal that our parents cooked us on this thing. And I panicked, and I couldn't think of anything that my mum cooked me, so I made Cheesy Peas. Oh, like the far show. But I didn't need it. Well, this was pretty far show. I was very much an innovator. I don't know, but anyway, I had to screw up loads of little bits of green paper and stick them on individually, and then they tried to hang it on the wall, and they all just fell off. And I just put a sheet of yellow over the top of the cheese sauce, and I told my mum I made Cheesy Peas, and she went mental. Why? Because she reflects badly. Yeah, it reflects badly. And also,

that around that same year, you had to write a story, and I wrote a story about someone being on a treasure hunt, and then every time they thought they found the treasure, it was just like a box of empty vodka and gin bottles. So my mum was like, they think I'm an alcoholic, it cooks you Cheesy Peas. That would make sense, they'd connect. Yeah, it would connect. Do you often eat from tins? Because we've travelled together a lot, making the show, Almost Royal, and we'd arrive in a new place, and we'd go shopping and buy some food. Quite often, Amy would buy just a tin of pumpkin. A tin of pumpkin? Yes. Like, what do you mean? Like, pumpkin pie mix. I don't know why. Pumpkin pie filling. I like pumpkin a lot.

But I don't remember. There was one period where, oh, this reflects badly as well. I bought a little mini blender. Yes. Because you can get sick of hotel eggs. Buy a mini blender, and that's, I would put pumpkin in a smoothie during autumn, and we often shot in autumn. Yeah, we did, yeah. And I was, when I'm working, I'm very meticulous about what I eat. I'm quite obsessed with energy. I think you are too. I mean, obviously, diabetes, poor, sorry. Yeah, you know, it was like a healthy start. Yeah, we were pretty healthy doing that, I think. Yeah, two healthy friends, James. Two healthy friends together. Yeah. It's not what my relationship with Ed is like. What do you do together? I'm like the little devil on his

shoulder. Really? You're the nice, poppy little angel on his shoulder, and I'm evil little devil going, Ed, come into this place and eat some cake truffles with me. So today we went to Milk Bar, and we bought a box of 12 cake truffles because we thought it'd be lovely to share with our guests, and we've had four records today, including yours, and only one guest has had a cake truffle. I mean, I would love a cake truffle. I should say to the listeners off the bat, I'm gluten intolerant. It's not a diet. It's a very specific health thing. I've had it for 12 years. It's legitimate. Yeah. I just can't eat a cake truffle today. You do need to say that because it really embarrasses me. It's my top least favorite factor by myself.

What, being gluten intolerant? Yeah, one of the least favorite factors. Yeah. A few others? A few others you want to throw at us? There's the whole pee thing. That doesn't bother me. Yeah, I said it really quickly. Because you're properly gluten intolerant, right? I'm not saying this is so boring, but Traces would not kill me, but it makes me very ill, and it makes me extremely depressed, as well, for a short time, and there's nothing that would make me risk eating it. Yeah. You enjoy food, right? But you're not, are you bothered about it? Be honest. Well, I'm shy about it because I thought immediately when you asked me,

oh, that will be a dreadful episode that I wouldn't want to listen to. I do really like food. I like eating, but I'm not a foodie. Last night, can we talk about it? Yeah. So we go to a foodie place. It's in New York, Mission Chinese. Is that the name? Yeah. There's nothing that would make me go if it wasn't for the fact that, and I wouldn't have gone. It's just I wanted to be with you. Uh-huh. But you wouldn't normally bother? No. I mean, the chairs, the booth was heaven. I said it's like, getting to bed. Yeah. It felt incredible. That's what you like most about it, right? That would be my top takeaway. The food was

lovely, but honestly, if we'd gone, I mean, we could have gone anywhere. Yeah. And I would have been as happy. It is delicious, but it's so serious. It makes me feel like under pressure. No, I get that. I totally get that. Well, I get very serious about it. Yeah, you're very serious. Because I've just spent a lot of time with Ed. I've ruined food for you. I believe so. I never ate mushy peas before. You get very serious about it. Like, we've got that reservation. There was a bit of drama. You're hungry and you're tired. I know this man. And then at dinner, like, the waitress wasn't doing it to the speed that you were expecting. It was fine, though. And I can see

that. And then also, I have this personality trait where I want everyone to have a good time. I want everyone to be, like, upbeat. So I'm like, no, I like the speed, you know. But it's, yeah. And you don't like the bathrooms. I didn't. That was my low. And after I left. Yeah, you did leave. Pre-check. Pre-check. No. Brits don't know this, but there's an app called Venmo. You can pay your friends. No way of proving that. Well, let's start with taking the order now. Similar watches. Yeah. We should cut that. No, keep it in. Georgie and Poppy have similar watches. Don't let me call you Poppy. Don't mind. I don't mind if I'm with you. I don't mind not doing it all the way through.

I don't mind if I'm with Ed. I don't mind being aligned with the character of Georgie Carlton from Almost Royal because he's nicer than me. He's very nice, Georgie Carlton. He is. I had a weird moment during filming once. I'm sure I told you that. I think I'm just such a fantastic actor that I'm in character so much. Yeah. But I was with Ed as Georgie and I looked to him. I turn around and I went, I thought in my head, I love Georgie. I love him. He's the kindest man. He's so sweet. He looks after me every day. He's heaven. I never thought that about you, but I like you a lot. Yeah, I'm fine. I love. But Georgie's great. A big Ed fan, but in too reasonable degree. Yeah, fine. Yes, but Georgie's nice and you'd rather be with Georgie. I think

you do more for me. Yeah, definitely. I don't know what you do for me. No. Very little. That's true. So it's still a sparkling water. Still. Never sparkling. It just tastes a bit off and it ruins your tooth enamel. You'll be careful. You'll never grow it back. So that's interesting. This is the stuff I was expecting. Don't miss it. Oh, my God. As much as your pee is completely through me. It's a little, I like Americans drink seltzer all the time. Also, one of my big food things is I worry all the time about the environment and the ethics of it, which is so boring. Again, it's going to be, it's going to drag this episode so far down, but I like it. There's just seltzer everywhere

and people like just have get through cans and cans and cans. I'm like, it's going in the ground or the seat. I haven't said that at work. I have about one a day. A flavored one. What flavor? So because we can get you that. It's the dream restaurant. Oh, yeah. But it's my favorite drink and also it's going to disrupt the flavors of the food. We've got to keep it neutral. This doesn't have to be, this isn't your drink selection. This is your hacking the water. I'm going to get a filtered still water. A filtered still water. My friend, Sam, told me that normal water is bad for you. I don't know. Normal water is bad for you? Well, it's just not as good and like if you can,

if it's a dream restaurant, get it filtered. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Otherwise, I drink it. What do you want it filtered through? A filter. If I may. Yeah. Nice charcoal filter maybe. That's cool because it should have worked, but it does. Does it? I don't know it. If I saw some of the, the charcoal in their filter, I think it would probably get on. You think they got their shit together? Yeah. Yeah. Or they're enamel intact. Yeah. Enamels everywhere. I just think it looks dirtier. Yeah, but I like that. How's it working? Get a bit of coal in your water. Yeah. But it's your choice. It's my choice. So you want a charcoal filtered water. You can have a charcoal filtered water.

Yeah. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread. Yeah, you still got it. Georgie Carlton wouldn't say that. No, he would actually. He would say, he would like it, wouldn't he? But he'd say in a different way, maybe a lot more self-conscious when he'd be like. And then he'd say something about his friend wiking him off at school or something. Yes. That was very much to go to. I'm a massive pop-a-dome head and I have a pop-a-dome, I have at least one pop-a-dome anecdote if you're interested. Yes, very much so. Absolutely. I just love pop-a-dome so much,

they're tasty. And I think they're like crisps, but they've got more going on. Yeah. Yeah. And I really like curry and I think that growing up in London is just such great curry. So I miss that a lot. Are there no good curry places in New York? I've never found one, but I also don't because I just feel like it's all about the immigration patterns and there's just so many more South Asians in London. Yeah. And here you would, I would eat more food like, I don't know, Italian food and like Mexican food and whatever. So then I go home and the first thing I want is a curry. So I realized this and like a few years ago, why do you not eat pop-a-doms more Amy? Because you like to eat them so much. So then I like start snacking on them a bit.

But anyway, one day, yeah, I used to take myself on writing retreats. I only did two years, but in a row, but I was like, I'm going to always get an Airbnb and like take myself off to write for two days. Really nice. So I go, but I had to do a food shop and I always think I eat less than I do because I'm only little, but I can't pack it in. So anyway, I realized I was really hungry. I basically ran out of food and started to get hungry, but I also had no transportation. So I had to walk back to the nearest town along the river, but I have a fainting tendency. I hadn't eaten enough. So I passed. Well, I knew I was going to pass out. So I knew I just get close to the ground. So I sat by a tree and like came to and then I got into town and I went

to a co-op and I packet pop-a-doms in the rain outside on my own and I went back to my apartment and did some writing. That sounds like the saddest writing retreat. Yes. Yeah. Because if I bought more food at the beginning, I could have just plowed through and had a good time. What were you writing at the time and did the fact you'd eaten a packet of pop-a-doms in the rain influenced the project at all? It took a lot of time out. It's not like a pop-a-doms story now. Yeah. I've never written this story up, but... When you came to, did you not kind of go, what time is it? What's going on? You just went onto the shop. I don't think I've fully lost consciousness. It was just like I would have if I'd not sat by the tree. Okay. And then I went onto the shop. And then I ate the

pop-a-doms in the rain. Yeah. Do you want anything with the pop-a-doms like a chutney or would you like them in the rain? We could make it rain in the restaurant. Rain in the restaurant if that's what you want. Yeah. Bring me a little tray of... Rain. Just a little sources. The bits, the normal bits. The chutney, the mint. Yeah. I haven't been out of England so long. I don't even know the names. That's how it works, is it? No, I haven't been so long. You don't know the names because I was a pop-a-dom bit. Yeah. Tasty. You know the names. I know the names. Don't pretend like you've forgotten England. Make us sad. Sadder than you already were from my horrible stories. Yeah. I mean, we've heard some very sad stories, so... I feel low. I don't like to tell you. It's a very

depressed episode. Yeah. I'm loving it. I'd love it. I'd love it. Georgia would love it. Georgia would be very sad. Georgia would be like... Yeah, you'd be giving me a hug. Yeah. Changing my ways. The next story I tell is going to be uplifting and I'm going to come across very well. Okay. Okay. Your starter. The problem is it was going to be pop-a-doms. It literally was. That's why I lit up in the face when you started talking about pop-a-doms. I'll pivot. I'll pivot. You can have more pop-a-doms. We're not going to stop you. Let's have a curry starter. Okay. Because I love curry. Yeah. So what sort of thing? It's going to be hard. Do you mean like a traditional starter in a curry house,

or do you mean like a little mini-curry? A mini-curry, yeah. A curry for a... That's baller. Is it? Is that uplifting and cool? I admire it a lot. I worry, though, that you've forgotten the names of all the curries. Sarge Paneer. You've been out of England too long. Sarge Paneer. Sarge Paneer. Yeah. To start. That's really weird, isn't it? No. That's not weird. Isn't it? I don't think so. Nice. Yeah, I love it. I love Sarge. I love Paneer. I don't want to tell you. Pop them together. That sounds like the perfect dish for you, then. Yeah. It's got my name written all over it. Anything that you can just sneak more cheese into, I think, is a good... Yeah, but what we're leading is I don't like it when the cheese is runny.

Okay. It's got to be like nice, sort of dry, salty spinach, and then chunks of cheese. And then chunks of cubes of cheese. Call it a day. Yeah. Call it a day. Was there anywhere back home that was like your favourite place to go and get a Sarge Paneer? We used to have a favourite curry house and it closed. Sad story again. There we go. There we go. Burnt down, something like that. And then now I've got a new one called Tango Itsy, and it's near my family home. So we'd go at Christmas because you get sick of Christmas food, and then you go there. Curry is the best antidote to boring Christmas food. Absolutely. Yeah. And also, there was a nice local story about how this is ridiculous. It was either Brad Pitt or George Clooney. I think it was George Clooney,

but Brad Pitt has also been to Twickenham because he went to the Hall Fords and everyone was really excited. But anyway, George Clooney was at the Tango Itsy, which is really weird. A bicycle shop. Yeah, yeah. No one could believe it with Angelina. And I don't know, but it was like, they'd rented somewhere near there and it was talk of the town. They'd gone to the Hall Fords. So that's why I'm confused. Like, why would Brad Pitt and George Clooney end up in Twickenham? But I'm pretty sure it's George Clooney who went down Tango Itsy's. And they made him wait. They made him wait. Yeah, but in a nice way, and he was very nice about it. Yeah. Him or Brad Pitt, probably him. Yeah, yeah. Do they have a picture of him on the wall now in

Tango Itsy's? No, it's just they don't care, and I love that. Yeah. So that's what's good for you, is you can go in there and they're not going to be. No. You're not going to get packed in Tango Itsy's? Like every other restaurant, they treat me just like a normal person. Hold on a second. Roll back. Do people call it Hall Fords? Oh, shit. What'd you call it? I was going to say Hall Fords, but I didn't want to. Hall Fords. But was that, did people call it Hall Fords? Amy's been out of England for a while. I'm so sorry. Americans would call it Hall Fords. No, I don't know. It's probably Hall Fords. I've never been. You've not been. Even Brad Pitt goes to Hall Fords. Even Brad Pitt's going there with Angelina. Yeah, no, I've been loads. I love it at Hall Fords.

So do you want the sarge paneer from Tango Itsy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Do you want Clooney sitting on the adjacent table? It doesn't bother me. No, it doesn't. Do you want to see Clooney waiting at the door because we've made him wait? Yeah, because I took the table. We can make him wait for the whole meal if you like this. He's just, he was so nice about it. I don't mind him waiting. Yeah. Yeah, and he doesn't mind. Clearly not. It's fine. Do you want it in one of the little like silver dishes that you get in a curry house with the little handles on the outside? Yeah. Nice, innit? Yeah, I do. Oh, it's so nice. Yeah, it is good. Tasty.

Your main course. I have thought about this. There you go. Are you going to be sick? Are we going to stick to the Indian seat? No. That's what I was going to say. I didn't say, are you going to be sick? Yeah, I'm sick. I was thinking about this because there's like any meal ever. So on a Sunday, it's Sunday today for the listeners, thinking about the days. If I'm in London, me and my brother will always go back to my mum's house and Sunday nights we always have a roast, but I've been doing it my whole life. So I think honestly, away from home, I would choose a Sunday roast at my mother's house. Yeah. Take us through all the elements that make up your dream Sunday roast. So in this ideal restaurant... All the tragic stories with each

other. I like, I would love to have chicken, but in this dream restaurant, no animals were or died. Right. Okay. But you still want chicken? Yeah, but it's done so that it's not had an impact on the environment and it's not an animal. Right. So it's a... Because it's a dream restaurant. So it's chicken. Yeah. But it's not an animal. Yeah. We're trying to work out how we could make it. It's like magic. How about this? So it doesn't have an effect on the environment. Yeah. We can kill and prepare it on another planet. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. An alien chicken. An alien chicken. Yeah. And it's evil as well. Okay. Well, then it deserves to die, is that point? Yeah. And I will enjoy eating it. Yeah, but it's tasty. It's tasty. It's tasty, evil alien

chicken. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we do chicken. Yeah. Roast chicken. Yes. Crispy skin. Yeah, but I don't like skin that much because the top's nice, but underneath it's like a flappy skin. It's like a blister. You mean on the like... The underside of a chicken skin is like a blister to me. I could peel it all off. Well, you can have it then. Are we eating together? Yeah, if you want me to pop in. I'd love that, James. No, thank you. I'll pop in and suck the bottom of the chicken. Yeah. Well, I'll eat the top of the chicken skin. Yeah, perfect. I'll just have the wet bit. How are you... I'll have to nibble and then pass over. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'll suck the bottom of the chicken. We didn't say we hoped we wouldn't

feel sick. I feel awful. You know, I definitely don't feel sick. George Clooney is not sticking around for a bit. No, he's gone. If he's seeing that going on, he's going to be out the door. And I get that. And what else is with the roast? Because you've done a clever thing here, picking the roast as your main, because we're going to come to a side dish in a minute, but included in a Sunday roast is side dishes. Yeah. So what else is with your dream roast? So I'm a side dish woman. I love side dishes. And often if a restaurant has... A side dish woman. She is a side dish woman. Thank you. She orders multiple side dishes. Oh, she's a pop in on my head and a side dish woman. I understand.

Yeah. Is it arrogant to say stuff like that? No, no, that's not what we're laughing at. It's how easily these just roll off the tongue with you. It's very funny. I'm a pop in on my heads, first of all. And also, I'm a side dish woman. So it sounds like I've said it loads. Yeah. It sounds like that's how you identify and how you've always thought. And you've gone through life saying that out loud loads and not look to anyone's reaction when you've said it. Yeah. That's not a phrase. I love immediately. Love through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'll have another one. I'm a pop in on my head, of course. Anyway. I'm a mushy PR holic.

So yeah, in a restaurant, I'd often... If I can tell the side dishes are amazing and I think the mains will pale, I'll just have side dishes. Yeah. I think that's a good... I can't do that. Why? It smells weird, but I think I should be able to do it because I think it's a good idea. Here's another thing that illustrates my attitude to food is that when I once went to Venice and, you know, the food was just a lot of gluten and I chose the fun of the restaurants and the ambiance and everything and just got like beans and potatoes on the side. It didn't bother me at all. I just had nice evenings on side dish go. Yeah.

So we're just having a lot of sides and my mum will do a lot of vegetables, so obviously peas in their pure form. Yeah. In many ways, the chickens aside to the peas. And I will keep coming back for more peas. Like everyone's finished eating and I'm just still at the peas. Because in case you've forgotten, listener, Amy's little, but she can pack it in. She can pack it in. She's little, but she can pack it in and keep on getting those peas. Just keep the bone near you. I know my brother's not going to touch it. He doesn't like peas. Not a pea fan. He's not a pea fan. Oh. And with gravy and some salt. Yeah. Gravy and the peas. Yeah, pour the gravy on the peas. Okay.

Gluten-free gravy. Yeah. Brussel sprouts. Yeah. How are you doing with the sprouts? She'll roast them with coconut oil. It tastes fantastic. And red cabbage, probably. Yeah. With some apple in that. I really like it. Oh, my mum does this. My mum's going to excellent cook. I haven't finished. Oh, she's the best. She's the best. She's the best. Sorry, I thought you were coping off. She makes this thing called Melanger and it's like aubergine. How does she do that? Melanger? Yeah. I think I'm pronouncing it right. With a bit of white wine and a pan, she just simmers it for ages with herbs. She does this other thing. It's called... Oh, it's got another foreign name. It's like grated courgette that's baked in the oven with some egg

white. Oh, flavoured home. All this is on the side of the roast chicken? Yeah. I mean, she's not done it that many before. Yeah. But it's dream restaurants. It's dream restaurants. Yeah. So you don't even need the chicken. I'd happily just live off that. So, hold on. Do you want this chicken or not? Or do you just want a collection of side? Maybe let's just do the sides because then we don't have to make anything an alien. Then I don't have to... Yeah, you don't have to make anything an alien. I don't have to suck the bottom off anything. Yeah. George Cloody could happily watch now. Yeah. Yeah, he's staying. We'll just go with all those sides and then are we taking a side order or are we just doing

loads of sides? I think I'll take a side order on top of that because your mains are all those sides. Your main is all those side dishes that you'd normally have for a roast dinner. Yeah. And then your side dish is something else. I think that's fair enough. Yeah, I think that's fair enough. Well, I've already had chicken, I mean, spinach for the starter. So I can't go down that road again. Maybe roast potatoes. Interesting that you didn't include that with the sides. Yeah, that's very interesting. Normally that'd be the first ones to be included in a roast dinner. Yeah, but you got to Melange before you hit roast potatoes.

I truly forgot about that. I truly forgot about that. That's Melange. Melange got a look in first. Yeah. Melange, the aubergine is chuffed for itself. Yeah. Years of being ignored before roast potatoes and then it had a look in and it turned out it was a sexy emoji. Oh, yeah. That's not why I like it. No. I should have said that at the top. Melange emoji. That's how you know. Yeah. I think this guy wants to come over and have some melange. I can't wait for my melange. Oh my God. Is that what people do? Just text the aubergine emoji and come over. I don't know if they just immediately go over.

It's coming round. I don't think it's like the bat signal. But I think it's definitely the only emoji that currently exists for a boner. Mine doesn't look like that. No? No. James? Huh? James? I don't know. I'll have to kiss and tell. I haven't because of my own dick. Sorry. That sounded like it. It is good to know that. Would that you could? Oh, if I could. If it looked like an aubergine, I could. Yeah. I've been smoothing it all the time. Melange.

Oh, it's smoothing. It didn't be melange by the end of the day. Melange. So roast potatoes. As your side. As your side. Yeah, but do you know what? With roast potatoes, I have a weird eating habit with them. Like, I don't like the powdery shinside. Like, the powdery potato bothers me. You don't like the potato? I like the edge. So, for your side dish, in this scenario, you would like us only to give you the outside of the potatoes and completely take that, the middle fluff out. If you can gut it, that's good. But otherwise, I will. Yeah. I mean, that sounded like a threat. Yeah.

No, we could do that. It's a dream restaurant. We wouldn't let you do that yourself. Thank you. Yeah. We will roast you some very crispy potatoes. Yeah. And then we will cut all the edges off, and that's what we'll give you. Thank you. It's like potato skins, isn't it? Yeah, but crispy, right? Yeah, crispy. Sort of like chips. Crispy up. Yeah. Or poppadons. Yeah.

Yeah, a bit like poppadons, absolutely. So, that's good. So, you've got the sides from the roast dinner, and you've got the sides of the roast potato. That's how much of a side girl you are. It's a side of a side. I'm going to say this now. This is the meal of a psychopath. Yes. Yeah. I feel dreadful, but I think I knew I would. Like, my friend Nathan once said that, the food I eat makes him feel sick. Like, people have commented before.

People do comment on my eating habits quite a bit. And I get self-conscious. Like, my old roommate would always say, well, can I just look at what's going on in the bowl? And I say, no, keep your eyes out. She always looked. And then her mum came over, and she started looking why I was eating. It was mayhem. What stuff that you were eating at the time did they not approve of, and did they not like? What was in the bowl? I can't remember.

She said, let's look in the bowl, and you would like keep your eyes out. I was freelance at the time, so I was always buying stuff and putting it in the fridge and then mixing it up. Right. Okay. Now, you being freelance, there's absolutely no relevance to putting things in a bowl and mixing them up. Yes. Not an excuse. You know, we're freelance. I've never thought, oh, fucking hell. Another day of being freelance, time to mix everything I've got in the fridge in a big bowl.

Okay, Ed. I see your approach. I'd just go down Sainsbury's or wherever I was, and I'd buy hummus, and I'd buy lentils, and I'd buy spinach, cook up some brown rice, olives. Are they all in the same bowl? Just stir it up, sauerkraut, peppers, cheese. I don't know. Put it, and then I would just be, I'd get creative. I'd let it happen, and then I don't want you guys looking at it.

Yeah, you don't want anyone's eyes in that bowl. That sounds like an absolute mess. Does it not sound tasty? I'd eat it, but in a private moment. You don't want anyone to see that. Right, yeah, it's a private meal. Yeah, it's a private meal. Yeah, it sounds like, like, crazy poke.

Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah, poke. The poke bowls. Well, yeah, if you've got brown rice, and then you've got all this other stuff, and you're just putting them all in a bowl together, it kind of sounds like a similar thing to poke. Freelance poke.

Freelance poke. Yeah, where you just, like, whatever you can get your hands on, and then it all goes in the bowl with the brown rice. That's not part of my dream meal. That's just my reality. Yeah, that's the freelance reality. Yeah, yeah. When you register as self-employed with HMRC, you just send them a picture of your big mix up bowl.

Yeah. And they go, yeah, I don't want them to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's pixelated. So your drink. Yeah. This will be interesting. Will it?

Well, I'm expecting it to be like, I would like a pint of beer, but I need the froth. Or something like that. That sounds good, a little spoon. Yeah, you're just like, just the froth on its own. Yeah. And you're like, I mean, you're like it filtered so that all the bad stuff comes out of it.

Yeah. Chocolate on the bottom. Just some pure water at the end. I am a froth fan because... There you go, there you go. A froth fan. A froth fan. A froth fan.

A side's woman. And a pop it on head. And a pop it on head. I used to work in a... A side dish woman. In a cafe. And you know when you get a compliment in it, it goes to your head.

You need to go to your head. Yeah, you need to go to your head. Look at what we're doing. Absolutely. You had a few compliments at your time. I would make the coffees and the cappuccinos, and I got really good at frothing. Like really good.

And everyone was complimenting me about it, so I started frothing more and more and more. So then it was like, some coffee and loads of froth. But the froth would be like, half the drink in the cup, and then it's towering above because I don't have to carry it. And no, I could drink it. And they'd always comment,

gosh, it's a lot of froth. And I'd be like, thank you. And then because I didn't drink frappuccinos, they're not for me. So I didn't know that that's not what you want. I just kept giving them out. You just thought you found your calling. And you were like, yeah, frothing up.

Thank you. And if someone ordered a latte, I'd always be a bit disappointed. But we did Footlights, and I wrote a whole sketch about coffee. And everyone's orders, and none of the references were anything anyone else had noticed. It was just things, it's just for me. Yeah, you played a coffee lady.

Yeah, it wasn't very funny. I loved it. So I do like froth, but I'm not ordering it tonight. Because I think it'd just be a red wine, a very rich one. If I go somewhere with a nice cocktail menu, I'll peruse it because I know you must, but I just want a red wine and a nice red wine. Right, yeah, yeah.

I still fall for it, a cocktail menu. But last night, I ordered that cocktail. It was fine. But it was blue. It was very blue for a drink. It was bright blue, and I feel like it should have said on the menu, it was bright blue. I did say it had blue curacao in it.

Well, I didn't put two and two together there. Wasn't it margarita? Yeah, it was like a riff on a margarita, but it was blue. It looked like toilet duck. It did look like toilet duck. When it arrived, I just saw it. Which doesn't taste good.

No, no. No, that's a job. Yeah? Yeah. Hey, what's a freelance gal going to do? Clean a loop. You got to clean a loop. What?

I don't know what you mean by that. I thought you were interested in the fact that you had drunk toilet duck before. No, no, no, no, no. I have bad taste, but I'm not. If you drink toilet duck, you end up making the toilet more dirty. Yeah, you have to duck it yourself.

Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. I thought, don't get rude, Amy. Just because you're talking about food, it's not going to get rude. No, food doesn't have to be rude. A lovely red wine. A lovely red wine.

And I broke, I had dry January. I did dry January. I broke it for Brexit out of solidarity in my country. And I was really happy to get back on the red wine. When you say you broke it for Brexit, that was the 31st of January. Well, like it, Brexit was like 11 p.m. So I thought, oh, just because I started it in London.

So I actually did the full 31 days to the hour. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. How often will you have a lovely red wine? What do you mean of a week? Of a week? Oh. Is it just with meals out or?

No, I don't know. Sometimes I think maybe I should like work it out to see if I drink too much. But just with friends. You didn't get home? No, I wouldn't drink on my own. But I would drink if I had people over or if I had a meal or whatever.

But someone told me that it stops you from sleeping. So, and I do sleep badly sometimes when I've been drinking. So I try to switch to whiskey. But you have to know a lot about whiskey to drink it. Do you think? Yeah, because they ask you which one do you want and you can't say.

I've full bodied one from this local. I think with anything, you just get one you like and then you sound impressive when you ask for it. Maybe I just need to do that. Yeah. Do you like Scotch? Do you like Bourbon? I don't know yet.

All right, okay. Whatever whiskey I have, I notice and go, oh, that is different to the one I had before. And I immediately forget. And I immediately forget. Yes, okay. Yeah, I've done that because I did whiskey tasting and I went to one of those places in Tennessee

where they like take you through it. Very boring. Very, very, very boring. Yeah. It was the thing to do there. Yeah. But it was so dull. Was it like, you know, the Jack Daniels adverts

when they talk for a really long time telling the stories about old Jack? Yes, yeah. There's a lot of story behind it. And like, it all sounds really delicious, like oak paneled and aged and stuff and smoky. See, I'm a sucker for all of that. I would be like, even though my brain would be going,

this is so boring, the other half of my brain would be going, oh, interesting. Really? Yeah, trying to get on board. I went on a tour of the Brooklyn Brewery. Yeah. And the lady, this is so good. The lady had her eyes shut for most of the tour.

What do you mean? She was just talking to us about the Brooklyn Brewery. I don't know how long she'd been there, but she had her eyes shut and she was just going, I'm just going to get this out of the way now. I don't like beer. And she must have mentioned that like four or five times that she didn't like beer.

She's like, but you guys like beer. That's why you're here. This is how we make it. Unbelievable. She did not give a shit about beer. Why was she working there? She was getting a job. She'd be a great guest.

Yeah. You've got to get her on the pod. Yeah, get her on the pod. Get her on the pod. But that's fine, that the tour is like 10, 15 minutes and then there's a bar. That's what you want. You just want to drink it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bit of preamble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Full play. Yeah. This is the opposite of this podcast, like quite torturous. Making people talk about food they like

and then go and see you. Goodbye. And then you've got nothing at the end. No one's got anything. We, I didn't, you guys didn't even come want to drink or anything. No. No.

You're very... You bought, you bought cake stuff. You bought cake truffles. Inconsiderately bought you something that you can't eat. That's not, it's fine. But you did know that, Ed. Yeah, I bought them for the whole day.

Yeah. For the guests and... But can you eat that? Yeah, I've eaten one. Gave some insulin. Okay. You know that, Amy. Yeah, but you break, you know,

you'd break it if it's really good, right? So it must be something you wanted. That's good. This is from Milk Bar. Cake truffles from Milk Bar. Absolutely delicious. I would like to eat that. Oh, we've got some.

I'll make a good episode. Yeah. If you just popped a truff. Then... Oh, you don't want to know. What would happen? Well, I would get ill. Yeah.

Would you like... How explosive would it be? What noise would you make? It's more sick. It's more vomiting. Okay. Talking about bodily reactions. Okay, let's do it.

Last night you told me something. Oh, no. About what you and your family do now that I really wanted you to tell James because I thought he'd enjoy it. Don't throw me under the bus like that because the reason we got onto the topic of it was that we were talking about how...

Because I was saying I'm worried about coming on the podcast tomorrow. I'm not a foodie. I think it's mead.ep. And then I was saying I can't even pretend to be cool because Ed knows me. And we've spent so much time together. And then I was explaining how I know

everything that Ed eats. Like, I heard a rumor that you'd gone vegan and I thought, why didn't I know that? Like, I didn't like... Yeah, I did it for a bit. But you didn't like that you... Luzonist told me I'm thinking I didn't know that. Yeah.

So you were worried that there was something happening in my diet and you should be across my diet? I felt like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it felt not like a betrayal, but it's like, okay, well, that's what you think about later. And so, Ed, we know what you're trying to eat. We knew each other's routines a lot.

Normally chicken salad, by the way. That's a gluten-free thing, yeah. You both ate chicken salad. We've both had chicken salads a lot. I find that humiliating. Go on. It's just basic as it... And it's bad for the environment.

Tell James about your family fault. Well, I was just going to get onto the fact that first, are you the bad first, that he would text me about his farts? Yes. I don't know. Hands up. I don't remember doing this. But you told James.

James, you knew the story and I told him. And I don't remember that. Explain what I did. Corporate me. You told me, yeah. So you had already told me and Benito about the time you ate so much barbecue and then you went to bed and then you farted all night long.

And then when you left the room, you felt really bad. Because you're like, that's just going to stink of farts. And the cleaner thing has got to go in and that's never going to go out. And then you told us that on the way to meeting Amy because you were telling the stories on the road of almost all. And then I was talking to you.

And then you were like, oh, yeah. Ed once texted me saying how much he'd farted in his room after this barbecue. And we were like, we've just been told that story. Yeah. Clearly that's like the best. I don't remember texting you about it. You're texting me a lot.

You were like live texting. But I don't remember doing that. But you know, I hear that back about myself and it makes me think what a great laugh I am. Yeah. I didn't mind it. Yeah. Cards on the table.

I thought, it's fun. It's fun to know. It's fun to know that you start all the time. I don't mind knowing what's going on with anyone's body. I love to know. You know, we were all on the road together. Yeah. Tell me.

Why not let each other know what's happening with the old. Tell me what's going on. With the old. But cool. However, I'm struggling to see what this has to do with your family, Amy. So my, something that I find really funny living in America is that people think Brits is so nice and polite.

And I think we're very disgusting. And someone once told me that he thought me and our mutual friends Sam Martin were disgusting women because we were rebelling against our upbringing. But I was brought up disgusting. So my family are quite gross. You wouldn't know to meet us, but if you were to come around for Sunday dinner.

So we'll have our roast and then we'll sit, we'll watch a Poirot or laugh around with the cats. We have a laugh. Laugh about with the cat. We just have all sorts of cat games. Like we have one where I get under blanket with a cat and then we have a race to see who gets out first. You're the cat.

Why don't you say we have a lot of funny cat games? That sounds like just you. Well, my brother will get the black, sort the blankets out. We just have fun games, like feeding them stuff. And we also like hold them up to tickle them. Like my brother will hold the cat up and pass it around. We'll play with it. The whole family will just tickle it.

Yeah. And we tent them. So like if we're watching TV, we'll like tent them. So they tent them. Like if you want a cat to stay on you, these guys will stay on you. You cover them with blankets. So they like call it.

You trap them. Trap at me. Yeah. Yes. So we're having a nice time. And someone's going to fart. You know it's going to happen because of all the veg. Yeah.

It's mostly likely to be my brother, but it could be me and my mom. And so me and my brother have this new thing now where if anybody else farts with burps, we take credit for it. So if someone farts, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, everyone. Because it's very, very disconcerting to have someone take credit for something

that's disgusting that you've just done. And it's as though you're like showing off. So if someone burps, I'll now automatically be like, hey, sorry about that. That was me. It's just a game. And it's a game? Yeah.

And your whole family doesn't know? Or take credit for each other's cars? And we just thought I did this Christmas. And me and my brother couldn't believe how funny we found that. Like that is unbelievably weird to do that. And then we were just playing around with it. I got back here, told a few people. It's taken off.

I know. Yeah, it's taken off. It's a thing. It's the hottest craze in America. It's so funny to me. There's someone doing that, particularly me. You wouldn't think that I would take credit for your fart. Some of my favorite sentences on the podcast.

It's so funny to me, the idea of someone doing that, particularly me. Yeah. I regret everything I've said already. Good. That means it's been a good episode. We're coming to your dessert now. Oh, what was that noise?

It's just difficult being gluten free. Yeah. Sure. My friend Leo calls me Glutie. Sorry? Glutie cutie. His wife's also gluten intolerant. So he calls his wife a Glutie cutie as well.

A Glutie cutie, yeah. I'm glad he calls his wife a Glutie cutie. Yeah. Because it would be awful if he called you a Glutie cutie. And not his wife. Glutie cutie cutie. But not his wife. Yeah.

Yeah, and she was gluten intolerant. Right. Yeah, exactly. She would then immediately get suspicious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is she a Glutie cutie and I'm not a Glutie cutie? Why is that woman so Glutie cutie? You shouldn't be called a Glutie cutie though,

because you can't have Glutie. There's a problem with it. Yeah. You should be a non-Glutie Glutie cutie. Well, we'll go back and say that. Yeah. I don't like this guy. Well, you literally just met him.

You just met him. Oh, well, that explains that he didn't make a good first impression either in that room. I was like, this guy seems like a kind of guy. Nicknames that need over-explaining. Or just don't make sense. Yeah. Nonsense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you can pick. He's trying to have it out with him after this. Do it. Go in there and go. We'll do it in the middle, if you want. Who's a Glutie cutie now? And he's going to love it.

So your dessert, not a Glutie-based dessert? No. No. I would go for, can you say something generic, like a gluten-free this? You can say whatever you want. Because I often, gluten-free stuff's usually bad, but some desserts work better if it's like almond flour.

Like a brownie's really nice. Yeah, so I would probably just have a gluten-free brownie. Call it a day. With almond flour. Call it a day. With almond flour, yeah. You know what does really great desserts but reflects really badly on me?

Go on. This restaurant called Cafe Gratitude in LA. I know, I know it's bad. It's had shout-outs on the podcast before. It's hell, but I'll never go to LA and not go there. Because it's fun, it's a laugh. And the food is good for me. So be honest with me.

So you're saying it's fun, it's a laugh because they make you do all that thing, saying like I am grateful or to order the thing. Do you think that's fun and a laugh or are you using that as a defence mechanism for the fact you actually really like it and the ethos behind it? Yeah, you got me.

This is the thing is that I find it with a lot, I'm not saying this about you. Okay. But there's definitely a lot of Brits who move to LA and they actually really get into it, but because we're British, we feel that we have to be apologetic about it. I don't like it.

It's really stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking stupid actually. And then you go, do you love it? Yeah, I love saying it. I love saying it. I am powerful, please. Or whatever.

Yeah, and then they ask you the question of the day and you do think about it. What sort of things do they ask you as a question of the day? They'll be like, what is your sense of purpose or something. Yeah. And I like, because I am already like that.

Like I have that new age hippie side to me. But maybe it's a British thing, I'm very cynical about it as well. It's my ongoing tension. What sort of desserts do they do there? They'll just do a lot, everything's glue and free. It's a lot of like cake, but it's like chocolate and nuts and shit like that

and coconut or whatever. I can't remember a specific one, but I remember going and just with a lot of people and ordering all of the desserts and eating all of them. And then I saw Alicia Silverstone and she smiled at us. It was like really the best night of my life. Well, we can make that happen in the dream restaurant. Yeah, I'd love it if she smiled at the end.

So we can get you a coconut nut and chocolate cake from Café Gratitude. And then Alicia Silverstone is going to walk in, she's going to breeze past Cluny and she's going to smile like that. Flick him the rod. He's still waiting to get in. Yeah.

Poor guy. Poor guy. Yeah. James was really worried I could tell. Why are we worried? Because of everything else I've said. Dessert's my favourite course. Is it?

And I know that you can't eat a lot of desserts. I was worried that we were going down a more savoury route for the dessert and then I was going to have to cry. I would never eat like cheese for dessert or anything like that. Yeah, stupid, innit? I love it. I don't... I mean, it's just a main course. Yep.

It's not a main course, is it? Correct. Have a bit of cheese for a main course. I... Well, I don't know. I had mainly cheese for lunch. And a cracker. And mushy peas, of course. And mushy peas.

I had a date to dream. Dead to dream. And a major order back to you now. Oh, dear. Do you know anything about it? I mean, it's mad. It sounds... It's disgusting. It gets more normal, doesn't it?

Oh, bear in mind, this is all going to be... This is all going to be put in a bowl and mixed up. Yes! Put it in a bowl, but do you know what look it was in? No, keep your eyes off it. Eyes off my bowl. Filtered still water. Pop it on.

Can I get lemon in my water? Yes. Thank you. Do you want me to filter the lemon? Not tonight. Pop it on. Sardponeer, it's your starter. Main course.

Here we go. Just the Sunday roast sides. No meat. So you want pea sprouts, red cabbage, apple, milange or whatever it was. Courgette, gravy. Gluten-free gravy. Side dish.

The outsides of roast potatoes. None of that, whatever you said earlier. Fluffy stuff inside. Fluffy stuff inside. Potato. Fluffy middle. A rich red wine to drink. And your dessert, you would like...

Well, you did say gluten-free brownie, and then it changed to a coconut and chocolate cake. Ed said that. Not cake. Yeah, but I thought I was trying to incorporate all the things. Thank you. Would you like a gluten-free brownie, though? At Cafe Gratitude.

At Cafe Gratitude. Yeah. Yeah. With Silverstone smiling at you. Yeah. Honestly, I know I sound like a horrible woman, but it sounds delicious. Well, that's what it should do to you.

It's exactly, and it's exactly like everyone who knows me. Oh, my God. Well, no, that's... That is what you would like. The main course is fucking crazy. The main course is absolutely bananas. It's not. The main course on the side of...

Oh, it is. The only comparable menu was loose-unders. Yes, Luke cooks well. She makes so much brown mush, and she always apologizes. She's vegan. It lentils, sweets, everything mushed together, and she always apologizes,

and it tastes like heaven to me, but I know I'm the only one who likes it other than her. She made a vegan pizza once, when we were over at her flat, and it tasted like tomato cake. Yep. It might have been. That might be the vegan...

It was rubbish. I would definitely like it. Yes, you would. Yes. And so now you've finished your meal, you can go into the living room. Thank you. Play with the cats.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. See what happens. Take credit for some other people's farts. Your family are going to be in the living room. They're all farting like goodens. Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. Horrible to drag them as well. Mm. Mm. It's like in your family you've made, whoever smelt it dealt it an actual thing. Whoever didn't deal it dealt it. Smell it.

Whoever didn't deal it steals it. Yes! Whoever didn't... I don't know why I said smell it, that's not... You were helping him, he got there because of you. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I'll take the assist on that one. Yep, absolutely.

But between you and me, I wasn't listening to Ed. Fair enough. I was thinking of my own version in my head, completely blocked it out. As far as I was concerned, he could have said it, there's that same thing before me. I didn't know what...

That happens a lot. If you listen back to the podcast... Really? ...quite often I'll say something and then one minute later, James will say exactly the same thing. Typical white man. Yep, thank you very much.

Can I ask you a question? Yes. Would you eat that meal with me? No. I would. I would eat it, but... Joe, what actually? I would totally eat it with you.

Here's the one thing I would eat, weirdly, is I'd want to try the potatoes. Yeah, the outside of the roast potatoes I'm on... I just want to... Yeah, because my favourite roast potatoes are the ones where they're chopped slightly too small and there's no fluffy bit in the middle. Yeah, it's just the crisp.

Just the crisp. So I would like to try that. Okay. Yeah, the other side. And... The melange sounds nice. Actually, so here's the thing now, because I'm thinking...

We're back in. Actually, I'm just an absolute hypocrite because the stuff I would like to eat is the crazy stuff that we said, but because you described me, your mum's cooking sounded really good the way she cooks all those vegetables. I would like to try all that

and I'd like to try those potatoes just the sides. And I'm not bothered about the normal stuff either side of it. Because it's just chicken, you had chicken before. Yeah, but like, your starter and your dessert aren't as enticing to me. Oh, I see, I see, yeah. I'm more curious to try... You know, when else am I going to be able to try

your mother's cooking? That sounds delicious. You're welcome anytime. And also, this potato thing. So now I'm sitting here saying, oh, I'm sorry, I can bath. But actually, those middle ones are my favourite ones. Yeah.

I feel like I've converted you to the dark side. Oh, no. Yeah. The dark side of the overview. One tin of mushy peas, please. I can't believe mushy peas weren't on my menu. Well, you... Peas were, yeah, peas were.

Well, I think we'd love to come to your mum's house and try the man on shay. And to let her know that, I'm going to text her the aubergine emoji right now. Yeah. Definitely do that, but leave straight after you read it. Yeah, yeah. If I just stay over, you're going to be claiming a lot of credit.

Oh, my God. He'll be texting me there. He's been fighting on me saying that was me. Thanks so much, Amy. Thanks for having me. And there we have it. Wow. The odd, off-menu meal of Amy Hoggart.

Odd, but she won us round in the end. I mean, yeah, yeah. She did. Those crispy potatoes sound good, man. Yeah. I've got to admit it, at the end of the day, I can stand around and be like, ha, ha, ha. But...

You would eat it. They're the ones... That's the stuff I wanted to eat. Yeah, there we are. I wanted to eat the vege, I wanted to eat the potatoes. And most importantly, she got through the whole meal because she didn't say bitter melon. She didn't say bitter melon.

She didn't say bit of melon. No. It was very, very well. It didn't come up, even though she was at the meal last night. Yeah. You know, there was a high chance she could have mentioned it.

The meal last night came up. Yeah. She could have been like, I tell you what, I loved it that. Yeah. I mean, I'd like to chuck into this. We skirted very close there, but she did not say the secret ingredient.

If you like the cut of Amy's jib, she's got lots of stuff available for you to watch. If you're in America, her new show, It's Personal with Amy Hoggart, is out now on True TV. Also, get on YouTube. Look at her correspondent pieces for Full Frontal. They are excellent and very, very funny.

And also, if you like me as well, why not check out Almost Royal? It's just two seasons. It's very silly. We're very happy with it. I love it. James loves it. He's watched it.

I love it. I watched it. Sue me. I don't want to see you. I'm happy you watched it. Thank you very much. So, yeah, it's a great episode, especially if you're a pop-a-dom head or...

Yeah, or a side woman. Yeah. Side dish woman. Oh, side woman means a lady you have an affair with. Yes, yeah. Amy is not that. Side dish, fine. But not if you're referring to a woman as a side dish.

Yes. Strictly speaking, food-wise. Good, good stuff. Yeah. We're going to carry on having a lovely time in New York, aren't we? Interviewing more people. We are.

I want Italian food tonight, James. Benito looks, he's raised his eyebrows, he's nodding his head. Benito's very hungry. Yeah. Also, he's got an Italian name, so they're all like him there. I'm also slightly concerned,

because I think you're very tired right now, James. Yes. And I want to go somewhere close to the hotel. So you can then pass out. I can mess my little head. Yeah. Yes, probably. Yeah.

Good idea. Probably. Huh? Pop-a-dum. Is that what they say, pop-a-ble? Pop-a-ble. They'll say pop-a-ble? I'm going to listen back to it later.

Hopefully, you'll cut this off a lot earlier than this. Oh, it'd be insane if he carried it on going for this long. Well, thank you very much. Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu podcast. We will be back very soon with a new special guest and a new lovely menu. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble yourself off.

Michael Dries The Greatest In The World Michael Dries The Greatest In The World The Greatest In The World Ever wondered about the world's greatest mysteries? Who built the pyramids? Where is Bigfoot?

Is time travel possible? Oh no, Mark. From invisibility to where the aliens are living amongst us. It's Microscope, the improvised comedy show from the award-winning John Kearns and me, Matthew Inns, an all-round nice guy. Where's it available? I'll tell you. iChemes, Spotify, Acast and all the other places you get podcasts from. It's Microscope. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu,

where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationships never been the same since, and I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the north, because look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of crimes. It's all kicking off, and that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's

it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.