Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 73: Hari Kondabolu

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

New York born stand-up, writer and actor Hari Kondabolu – who made the acclaimed documentary ‘The Problem with Apu’ – orders his dream meal this week on the Off Menu podcast with James Acaster and Eddie Bagel Lonely.Rent Hari’s documentary ‘The Problem with Apu’ on Amazon.Follow Hari on Twitter: @harikondaboluRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Are you sure you want to point to that podcast? The percentage of humor is very high. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Hello, Ed Gamble. Hello, James A. Caster. How are you, mate? Very well. Thank you. I very much enjoyed that introduction. I thought it was great. Thank you so much. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, where myself and James A. Caster ask a very special guest what, James? Their favourite ever starter, main course, dessert,

side dish and drink. Yes, indeed. And the special guest this week is the wonderful comedian, Hari Kondabolu. Hari, like I say, is a brilliant comedian. He's a brilliant writer. He's got stand-up specials out there. He also had a documentary recently called The Problem with Apu, James. A fantastic documentary. And if you got angry about it, you're an idiot. Yes, it sort of investigates the cultural issues behind Hank Azaria doing Apu's voice in The Simpsons. Very interesting, very progressive, lovely to move forward and discuss these things and move forward in an adult way. Yes, in an adult, grown-up way. But that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk

about Hari's dream meal. Very excited to find out. But, of course, we will be removing him from the restaurant if he says a secret ingredient. Absolutely. It pains me to do so, but if he says a secret ingredient, here's out the door. And this week's secret ingredient is Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans. Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans. This was James' suggestion. I don't know if you need telling. Could be anyone's suggestion. Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans from, I believe, the Harry Potter series, yes, James? Yeah, but they've been made a reality now, Ed. They're out there in the real world. Like most things from Harry Potter have become real.

And have you had them? Oh, I've had them. And some of them are nice, but some of them are like earwax flavour or vomit flavour. And the nice ones aren't worth the bad ones. Put it that way. Right. So, if Harry suggests Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans in his dream meal. Yes. You never know. Yeah, I suppose you never know. People might do this. People might be like, I had the Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans. Yeah. Actually, I really loved them. I even loved the little earwax ones that make you appreciate the raspberry ones or whatever. You never know. Some people might like these things. And then they'll throw them in at the end. Yeah. Well, we will be kicking about the dream restaurant, which will be awkward,

because we are recording it in his apartment. Yeah. So, that's going to be pretty difficult, on your bike. Get out of your own apartment. We own this place now. Get down the fire escape. Oh. Is it New York? Have we mentioned that yet? Oh, yeah. We haven't mentioned that we've been recording this in New York. So, that's... We've probably needed that bit of context for the listener. Yeah, before I made my fire escape joke. Yeah, yeah. The fire escapes on the outside of the building. It goes all the way down the metal steps, all the way down the side of the building. That's pretty good. Get out of the outside of the building, Harry. You suck. Look at the Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans. I don't want the earwax in my meal.

Right. Let's hear the off-menu menu of Harry Condobolu. Welcome, Harry Condobolu to the dream restaurant. Welcome, Harry Condobolu. We've been expecting you for some time. Now, what do you think of that sound effect? I'm assuming you're replacing it in post. Is there a post? Oh, no. We don't do anything in post. That is what goes on the... Oh, okay. That wasn't a placeholder. No way. I don't know if we're going to do it in post. It's going to replace what you just said with great sound, James. I really liked it. I'm assuming you're a waiter, Jeannie. That must be what's happening. Oh, Jeannie, who's also a waiter. What a lovely surprise. We'll get you

saying that later so we can come. Fair enough. Yeah, we will put that in. Yeah. Amoose Bush? What the moose bush? Would you like an amused bush and amused bush? Now, this, Harry, is when before we started recording, I said that James has introduced a new format point without telling me this is it. And every single American guest we've had on is gone. What the hell are you talking about? Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. Everyone has been confused by it. You know, sometimes you go for a meal and they give you a little thing beforehand, an unexpected thing that you've ordered your food and then they're like, hey, here's a little... This is from the chef. A little something something. Yeah, that's an amused bush.

And just an amused bush. It's not an amused bush. Oh, really? Yeah. Amused bush? Yeah. I've been calling them amused bushes. That's what I've been saying. Amused bush. Why is it just amused bush? Because it's French. I thought the bush is amused. No, it's amused after you have the amused bush, right? They don't give you a... They don't come and hand you an amused mouth. I thought it was amused. No, no, no. Because the mouth is something that's being amused. The amusing is done by the amused bush. So it's bush mouth? Yes. Amuse. It's like it's to excite. Excite the mouth. The bush is accurate. There's definitely a bush involved. There's a bush involved, but the tense is wrong.

Yes, yes. I've been getting the tense wrong a lot of the time. That's probably why you were confused. Oh, that's exactly why I was confused. You know what an amused bush is, but not an amused bush. Yeah. So it's just a little snack from the kitchen. They often say this is from the chef, and then I'm always a bit confused by that, because you think, well, surely all the food's coming from the chef. Right. Yeah, yeah. But this was specifically like, let them try a little bit of this. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Is it usually because someone, like, they like the person that they're serving it to, or is it just like anybody could get it?

I think anybody could get it, but it feels like it's just for you. Yeah, it always does. Makes the meal feel extra special. Yeah. Immediately you've got something, you know. And what's the amused bush? Oh, yeah. It's a giant Toblerone. Wait, so the chef makes their own Toblerone? Oh, that'd be good. Should have thought that through. Yeah, yeah. Probably should make their own Toblerone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you prefer that? Yeah. I mean, if it's coming from the chef, otherwise I'm just assuming, oh, like he bought a Toblerone, couldn't finish it. Let's give it to the customers. Yeah, yeah. It looks like it was bought at the airport,

and then like palmed off on you. That's the only place it's available, I believe, is at the airport. Yeah, yeah. The giant ones. Yeah. That's too much for an amused bush. Surely, James. That's too much, isn't it? Do you want to hurry to eat the whole thing? Well, I thought what could happen is that we'll just like unwrap it, and then put it in front of him, and then like we can slot his food choices in between the little triangle. And you can like eat it as you go along. Yeah. Presuming all your choices are toast, I think that would be it. Yeah, as long as you order in toast and tacos, that's fine. Although, what, I mean, would you, because obviously there's dark chocolate Toblerones,

milk chocolate, white chocolate, have you got a favorite of the chocolates? I always like asking guests this. It's great. I like it. I mean, I think milk chocolate is certainly like, I know that's the most childish, but it's the one I like the most, but I've been eating a lot more dark chocolate because I'm aging. Yeah, sure. And you got to, I mean, it makes it less guilt. It's less guilt. It's, it's more bitter and less sweet, which is consistent with aging. Yeah. You got a brand of dark chocolate that you're getting into in a minute. You got a go-to. I bet Ed has. I bet you a million pounds.

A million pounds. It's a lot. As soon as we ask Ed, he'll be like, there's my dark chocolate. Well, let me check my cabinet right now. I'll tell you what I've been eating. Oh, excellent. Well, Harri's an actual apartment. We should point out to the, the guest at home. He hasn't gone all the way home to check his cabinet. No, no. We're going to bite him out. It's called Madecasse. It's from Madagascar and it's 70%. So it's still pretty milky. 70%. There it is. And there's a lovely little limo on the, on the packet there holding a cocoa. Oh, uh, what's it? Bud? Pod? Pod. Yes. Bean? A pod. Bean. Beans are in the pod. One of the saddest things I've ever seen. Is this a good moment to slip this?

Perfectly. This is where we do all the sad stories. I saw, uh, I saw a video of a bunch of, you know, cacao farmers and, uh, they were introduced to chocolate for the first time because they had spent their lives with the, you know, growing and sending off this. But they didn't know what it was for. And they were finally given a piece of chocolate and all of their brains were, this turns into that. And it, it was really happy. It was nice to see them happy. And then you realize this sucks. Yeah. They never got to enjoy chocolate. Yeah. That's like me in podcasts. Like I, I, I record this all the time. I've never listened to one. But no, but it's, it's slightly different in that no one has been preventing you from listening to

this. This has been available to you all the time. It's free. It's totally free to download. Yes. And in fact, it's the opposite. Because if you were to listen to this, I'd imagine your reaction would be, Oh, this turns into that. Yeah, sure. I wouldn't, I wouldn't be impressed. I avoid it for a reason. How high would you go on the percentage? I've been known. I've been known to have a hundred percent. What? Yeah. That's, that's baking chocolate, essentially. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty much sugar. No sugar. You can get, you basically, all you need is one cube and you just let that melt on the tongue and then all the flavors develop. Is there a flavor? Yeah. There's a flavor of the, of the cacao pod. Oh,

right. Do you hallucinate? Oh yeah. You go to, you go to chocolate space. Chocolate space? Yeah, it's amazing. Oh, that's pretty exciting, Ed. I didn't know you'd done a hundred percent before. Oh yeah. I do a hundred percent on a, on the reg 80, 85 is probably where I hover normally, actually. And then a hundred if it's a big night. If you're hanging out with Jerry Garcia. Yeah, sure. Me and the boys are tripping. At what percentage have you gone up to? I think I've tried 90, but I don't prefer it. No. I think 80s is probably pretty good. And this is pretty low, I think for dark chocolate, 70, right? 70s. You can eat a bar of 70 and feel fine, like if you tried to do that with a hundred, you'd have a nightmare. I never have joy eating this

chocolate. I, like when you have like garbage chocolate that you find anywhere, right? Like in any corner shop, it's like, okay, this is really good. Rhyans with childhood, this doesn't remind me of childhood. And it leaves me feeling like this was almost what I wanted it to be. Like, dark chocolate feels like a failed dream. It doesn't really, it doesn't give you what you actually wanted. I think it's pretty sad if someone ate dark chocolate and reminded them of their childhood. Depending on your childhood. What an awful childhood. Like you're raised by Mr. Burns or something. Sorry to bring up The Simpsons. Right. You can bring up The Simpsons. Sorry. You can bring up The Sims. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. James, we said we weren't going to bring

up The Simpsons. I didn't mean to do it. You can bring it. I still love The Simpsons, despite... You still love it, even though it's kind of got bitter over the years. No, fans of chocolate haven't threatened to kill me. Yes, that's true. That is the... And nor did I make a documentary talking about the institutionalized racism that is in chocolate, though there is much. Yeah, there is a lot of it. There's a lot of it. There's a lot of it. Post-season Ten Simpsons is sort of like 100% dark chocolate. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. It's difficult to take in more than one cube at a time. But I would argue that it's not healthy for you in this one. No, no. Imagine if I just made documentaries about things I loved in childhood and I just destroy them one by one.

And the last one's my mom and dad. So you would normally start with Still or Spark and Water. Wow. Yeah. It doesn't matter what the company is. Ah, well, it's whatever company you want it to be. Yeah, it's like your dream water at this stage. Oh, no, do you mean the company, the people you're eating with or the company that's irrelevant. But like, no, the actual company that makes the water. Oh, we love going this deep. So you've got a favorite, a favorite company. Well, I'll tell you, it's not going to be that LaCroix or however we pronounce it. Oh, yeah. I made up LaCroix, but do you all have that? We don't, but we had it for the first time on this trip in Catherine Cohen's apartment. That was

the Celts. Oh, yeah, the Celts of stuff. Yeah, it's just Celts. Yeah, I enjoyed it. But then I didn't know that there was like a lot of stuff. I hadn't heard the hype. Everybody loves it. It's like the biggest. Everyone buys it and it's like, it's just, it's just seltzer with lots of different flavors that some of which are really good and some of which are really bad. It's like everything else. Yeah, yeah. But it's just the latest thing. I would go with Rolling Rock, which is a cheap seltzer brand in America. I would go with that for the sparkling. Nice. And why that one specifically? Because it's cheap and it's a way to protest this LaCroix business in a way that I feel is like, you know, like the fact that I would have the choice of anything in the world.

Yeah. And I went for the cheapest possible thing. Yeah. That says a lot. Shows you're a man of the people. Yeah. Right at the top. Let's people know who you are. Right. I thought Rolling Rock was a beer. That was my first thought. What am I getting confused with there? I thought we got an absolute legend. Yeah. An absolute legend in the dream restaurant today. He offered a choice of water and then he said beer. Beer. And then quickly Google if I meant white rock seltzer. At which point? Yeah, white rock. Too late. You're having a beer. Drink up. I'm impressed that I knew that Rolling Rock was a beer though. Yeah, you're a beer guzzling ledge. Oh, I guess I am in a way. I've never had one before. I mean, I'd expect it. It's got a much better knowledge of American

food and drink than I have. So I'd expect Ed to know that, but I'm quite impressed with myself that I knew that. Did really well there, man. Yeah. Pretty good actually. If I was a listener of this podcast, which I've established I'm not, I would think, well done, James. That's really good knowledge. You know? Pop it up and sort of bread. Pop it up and sort of bread, Harry. Bread, bread, bread, bread, bread. Olive bread. Olive bread. Yeah. I'd say I didn't know if you said olive bread or I love bread. I love bread. I love bread. Yeah. Yeah. Olive bread is very nice too because it feels like you're getting two appetizers in one. You're getting the olives and the bread. You've hacked it. You've hacked the bread course. Do you want to put some other

appetizers in the bread? Well, the bread also will have, there's going to be some balsamic vinaigrette mixed with oil on the side. Yeah. So you can, you know, if you're sick of just olive bread, you want something different. Yeah. You want the oil, the vinegar and the oil and vinegar. That's very good. Yeah. And that was a, James said, do you want anything? So you've got the olives folded in, but this is the dream restaurant. If you like nuts, maybe you want to fold in some peanuts as well. Any other sort of bar snacks you want to put in there. Yeah. I would like bacon covered dates. In the bread. No, no, separate from the bread. No, because it's the bread course. You're going to have to put them in the bread. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Would you give

you a big life book, a massive life of bread, which has a pocket of bacon covered dates in it? So it can be anything in the bread that I want? Yeah. Could, could Reese's Pieces. Yes. I want Reese's Pieces in the bread. Still in the packet or? No. Come on, man. It's just preserved as they were so you can just reach it and get the packet out and eat them. So you want olives and Reese's Pieces in the bread? Yes. And bacon covered dates? Yes. Okay, great. This bread is bigger if you like. Yeah. Yeah. I want bacon covered dates in the bread. Yeah. Which, is that essentially a sandwich? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But it's baked, it's baked within, but we just need to know whether you want it mixed in with the dough and so that's everything spread throughout or baked in like

sort of cavities within. Yes. Cavities within. Cavities. Yeah. Cavity of bacon covered dates. Yeah. Cavity of Reese's Pieces. Yeah. Cavity of olives. Yes. Yeah. It's pretty big. The word cavity really is unappetizing. Yeah. It's not a good food word. I think we've found the ultimate hack for this show now. Yeah. You could just put anything in it. You could just have an entire massive room-sized bread with loads of different meals baked within it. And then when it comes to the start, you just go, not for beef. Yeah, yeah. But isn't that essentially what pie is? Like you just, it's all sorts of different meals just baked inside a shell, isn't it? So in answer to the question, Poppedums or bread, you've chosen pie. Yes, correct. Yes. I chose a huge pie.

I was like pie to begin with. Is that a bread? It's a pastry. Yeah, it's a pastry. It's a dough based thing. Yeah. I'm sure you could, I mean, you don't need to convince me. I'm fully on board with this weird triple pie. Yeah. I love this. Also, what kind of bread is it that we're baking all these goods into? Oh, it's olive bread. Oh, you mean? Is that white bread? Oh, let's say it's wheat. Wheat. I got to be a little healthy. Sure. Yeah. Whole wheat. Yeah. Whole wheat bread with a pocket of baking covered dates in it. Correct. A pocket of Reese's Pieces and a pocket of olives. Yes. And the bread, that means it has to be very thick. It has to be like, we're talking like a couple of bricks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of bricks thickness of it. Warm? Of course. Yeah. So

the Reese's Pieces gone in after or before the baking process because they're going to be melted if they're... After. It's nice to have a little texture, different textures in your bread. Yeah, agreed. You want that. I mean, do you want it like, you know, sometimes people make those cakes now where you cut the cake open and in the middle is like a core of like M&Ms and it just pours out if you're seeing those. Oh, jeez, now I haven't. Yeah. It's like the middle of the cake has been cored out and they just filled it with M&Ms and then put a lid back on top of that so that when you cut into the cake, it just when it all rolled out like that. It's James's dream and James's dad's dream as well. Yeah. Wait, is it real? Yeah, yeah, we've lived it. Me and my dad have lived it together.

It was great. It was a child's birthday party and I'll be lying if I said my dad didn't push kids out the way to get to that. But yeah, we couldn't believe it. I think it was full of skittles, that particular cake. Not even M&Ms, like skittles, like proper high sugar, like crazy mad. Skittles really? Yeah, and like the icing was like fluorescent green to this cake. Like there wasn't, the baker wasn't trying to be subtle about it. Like this is going to be insane. Like they were really trying to flag it up early doors. Oh, so this is a populist baker. He's not concerned with the craft at all. He wants people to be happy. All about the gram. Yeah. No, and there's going to be photos of that, but then everyone's going to eat it and get a little bit too dizzy.

Yeah. It's not going to be a pleasant experience eating it. It's going to be intense sugar high. While I've been in New York, I've been watching Zumbo's Just Desserts on Netflix. I don't know if you've ever seen that show. I have not. It's an Australian baking competition show and Zumbo is the chef who it's all based around and they all talk about Zumbo. They're like, he's a genius. He's just a majestic genius of a chef. He bakes these incredible things. There's no one else like Zumbo and then he appears and he is the most boring man in the universe. He's no charisma whatsoever. I would love to have Zumbo on the show, but I don't mind jeopardizing it by saying he is a boring moron.

But they bake things like that all the time and the episode I was watching someone baked a chocolate skull cake and it was red velvet. So when you cut into it, it was all and then it was all blood in the middle and it all poured out. Yeah. Do you like that sort of thing? No. I don't like that. I don't want my dessert raw. Yeah. You don't want that in the bed? Do you want a pocket of blood? No, no pocket full of blood. Is it actual blood or is it like chocolate syrup? It must have been like, yeah. It was like raspberry sauce or something. I think red velvet with raspberry sauce in the middle. Raspberry sauce. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We can get you real blood. Yeah. That's what you're angry for. We thought you wanted to say,

no, it's not real. Well, it would have to be O negative just because I'm O negative. I'm the universal donor for emergencies. Yeah. So we get you a baggie baggie around blood for emergencies. Is that negative like quite a rare type? No, I think it's split up. It's just O negative can only receive O negative. It can donate blood to anybody. O positive can only can receive from everybody, but they can't really donate to anybody else but O positive. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I'm special. So is your partner O positive? Yeah. Yeah. I brought that. I brought that up the other day. I'm like, how she just takes and I just give. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, it's the reverse from our real lives. And I'm like, yeah, but in a life or death situation,

I'm the one that's more useful. Sure. Yeah. So you're going to have to hope that that's what happens one day. Right. Right. Because then it will instantly balance out. Oh, you need my blood, do you? Is that what? Oh, I thought it wasn't as useful as you were, but you're bleeding to death than I happen to have the remedy. I shouldn't have made this speech so long. So we come to your starter. Yeah. Big leagues now. No, that's when I meant to say bacon covered dates. Am I allowed to have a second course of bacon covered dates? Oh, you are. Or you can, I mean, because you've like kind of hacked this and got your potential starter in the bread, you have another starter, you can talk, you can tell us how much you love

bacon covered dates. Right. And then if you want to, you can pick another starter at this point because you've, you've just hacked the system. Really have. Well, then I'm going to say Tom Carr soup. It's a Thai soup made with coconut milk and a little bit of chicken. Will it go well with the bread? No, no, no. Well, nothing will go well with that bread. No, that bread is an absolute Frankenstein of a mess. And there's a chance I'll start eating the bread and feel a little sick and stop eating the bread. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And good thing there's a second appetizer to get this done in addition to the, the, the booge or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Good luck placing this soup in between those Toblerone ridges.

You got to get there. Oh, wait a second. So mighty booge, does that mean the mighty mouth? No, it's spelt differently. Oh, okay. I want a full disclosure. I was going to ask that earlier. It might be though. I don't know what their, what the, the sort of origins of their name are. Maybe, you know, they're pretty wacky guys. Yeah. You know, I'm sure they wouldn't mind misspelling a French word for a sort of surreal gag. How's it spelled in amuse-bouche? I'm, I think it's B O U C H E. That's what I imagined. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Any other questions? Well, I just imagined it B W S H. Amuse-bouche, you thought the French word was like the mighty

bouche. Yes. You're the one who suggested this format point. You didn't know what it was. Well, I've always heard it and never seen it written down because like, because it's never on the menu because it's a surprise. That's a very good, yes. Or I've ever heard it. I just heard it said, I thought it was amused boosh as in mighty bouche. Amused bouche as in mighty bouche. Yeah. That's what I've always heard them say. Never written it down. Surprise. No one ever writes it down. I bet no one's ever written it down. So when people look up to you like a waiter said an amuse-bouche and you've heard amused bouche and you've just been saying, yeah, they do amuse me a lot. They're a very good comedy duo.

They're funny. Oh, thank you for my Toblerone. So this, so I just want to go back to the Baking Cover dates because obviously that was going to be your appetizer. Yes. So you're a fan of Baking Cover dates? I very much so. Is there a place that you go for Baking Cover dates to? Places that are generally overpriced. Yeah. That have tapas. They're usually, it's very good, but you're never full. And so, but that is usually one of the highlights is the Baking Cover dates. So it's not one specific place. Okay. Generally, I've eaten those at Tapas restaurant. So there's, it's like a Spanish thing, right? I think so. At least that's the only times I've

ever had it, I think. Now, I'm not sure I've had Baking Cover dates. I think I've had a Baking Covered prune before. What? What, a nursing home? Where is that available? But they are called Devils on Horseback. That's the name for a Baking Covered prune, is Devils on Horseback. So the prune is the horse and Baking's the devil? I guess so, yeah, because the Baking's on the prune. So that would make sense, but it is wrapped all the way around a prune. So you'd have to imagine the devil sort of curled all the way around and gripping under, gripping onto his own legs under the horse's undercarriage. I would imagine dates, if prunes are horses, dates are stronger than prunes, right?

You reckon? Bigger, stronger animals than, yeah. So what's the, I was thinking, I thought it'd be more like a donkey. What? Or the date would? Yeah. I think a prune is the donkey of the date. What's a horse? We've established that. Yes, but like, if I was to imagine which one would be a donkey out of the prune, all I imagine with prunes is obviously old people and dumps. Yes. Taking a nice dump.

Yeah. So I was thinking, I was so chatting up with a donkey, then a horse. So if a prune is a horse, I'd say a date was like, A wolverine? A wolverine, or like a rhino. Rhino's good. Or like a angry zebra, like a really angry zebra. Angry zebra on horseback, yeah. Yeah, I'd say like, Baking Covered date should need a different animal.

Okay. So it's still, actually, sorry, I got that wrong. So it's a devil on angry zebra back. Okay. That's what you like. That sounds much more reasonable. Yeah, that's what you're into. Have you ever seen those zebras that are bred with horses? So they're half zebra and half horses? No.

It's not very exciting because they kind of look alike anyway. Yeah, because they're sort of like that. I think I assumed a zebra was half horse anyway. Right. Right. But they're actually different, but they can actually interbreed. I was looking, because I saw, what do you call it, a liger, which is a lion and a tiger. I'm like, well, that's fascinating.

I wonder how it would look with other animals, and they're all very uninteresting. Oh, this is similar to what was there before, except now you have stripes. Yeah, because I guess the sort of animals that you can cross breed are quite similar anyway, like no one's ever going to do a cat and a slug. Right. Well, there's a Dr. Moreau element, I feel like, in the air right now. Yeah. They're doing all sorts of stuff, like growing ears on rats and shit.

Yeah. So I don't think that's out of the realm of possibility. So a cat and a slug would have to be the male. I would say. Do you think? A cat, a male cat would absolutely destroy a female slug. That's true. All right.

Cats have got spiked dicks. All right, there you go. Wait, so you're saying it would be a female slug and a male? No, it'd have to be a male slug and a female cat. I'm not suggesting they actually fuck. I don't think that's how these things work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were imagining them like in bed together.

I think they have to like, when they cross breed things, they could just take, you know, take sperm from one and the egg from another and do it in a test tube rather than put them in a room together and put on Barry White. But it's very romantic of you that you imagine something else. It wasn't romantic. He was imagining a male cat fucking his female slug today. Well, it's more romantic than taking cells and mixing them together in a lab. Yeah.

Well, I mean, what an exploding woman. That's my problem with ligas and stuff. Like when people are like, there's a liger or there's like a zebra horse, half-zebra, half-horse thing. And you see it and like he says, they're not very interesting, but I think the reason why you've lured me in here is because when you said half-zebra, half-horse, you just made me imagine a zebra and a horse banging, and I'd rather see that.

That'd be more exciting, wouldn't it? It would be, actually. Imagine seeing a lion and a tiger having sex. It'd be so scary. It would be very scary. Yeah. Yeah. The tricky one.

Yeah. Because I'd imagine they'd be very angry that you deserved them. Or potentially embarrassed. Be angry at each other in a way as well. Yeah. Like, I don't... We're not supposed to be together. What are we doing?

Yeah, it's sort of a Romeo and Juliet situation. Yeah, it's a little bit. It's a little bit. But I don't know how we've got onto this dates and bacon, but like... Do all the podcast episodes go in very bizarre directions? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, good.

Don't worry, you're not the first, you won't be the last. We can only apologize. So, bacon cover dates are in the bread anyway, but you've got this... Is it spicy, this chicken soup? Not very spicy, no. No, no. Love coconut soup. Coconut soup.

Very nice though. It's obviously very warm and on a cold day, it's a nice little treat. It has a little galungal in it, which I don't... It's a weird... I don't know exactly know what it is. No, me neither. But it's in the soup and I like it because it sounds amazing. Galungal.

Yeah, I've never heard it before. It sounds very... Galungal. On a matter of pay, like someone glugging a soup. It does sound like a glug, yeah. Glungal. Yeah, I'm making that... I'm sure I'm mispronouncing it, but could it be galangal?

No. I think it's galungal. That sounds right. Sounds like another animal that's like made up of two animals. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what two animals there would be, I don't really... That's where my improv skills...

Absolutely flounder. Is there a place you've had this soup that's like the best? Uh, there's a place called Taitom in Seattle that is extraordinary. Great. First Seattle shout out on the podcast. I think it's the first Seattle shout out we've had. Oh, I love Seattle. Seattle's my favorite city in the country.

Oh, wow. Really? How come? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, I started doing comedy there. I was right out of college. I went there and I don't know, some of my best friends are there. And something about the climate...

Even though it's always kind of rainy, it fits my personality. And I like it. She stood in the rain eating a 90% chocolate bar. Correct. You're imagining years 23 to 25 right now. So, your main course now, which is not baked into the bread? No, we hope. Unless you're...

Reese's Pieces is your main course. Oh, we respect that so much, obviously. This is very tricky, this is hard, I've thought about this a lot. But I realized the side dish could potentially be another main course, but smaller. So technically you can sneak in two main courses. That's very good, yeah. That being said, I'm going to choose Fool, which is a dish that started out in, I believe, the Middle East. The Fool that I like is Eritrean slash Ethiopian.

It's from a restaurant called Cafe Salam in Seattle. It's fava beans, tomato, some peppers, some kind of cheese on top. And it's eaten with an Italian bread. I like the particular Fool in this restaurant, Cafe Salam, one. Well, first of all, the history of Fool is fascinating, because I mean people had to travel a great distance and then introduce this to another culture that put its own spin on it. Italian bread, because Italy was in Ethiopia, right? They were colonized Ethiopia, so the Italian bread.

But this particular restaurant doesn't get Italian bread. They get French bread from a Cambodian bakery, because the French colonized Cambodia. The amount of death and destruction involved in this incredible meal makes it so much more fulfilling. So many people had to suffer for me to eat this. There's something about that, it's so beautiful. And so tasting sort of delicious sadness every bite. It's like, oh, all of history. So, oh, it's a delicious meal.

It fills you up. Is it like a stew? Kind of. It's like a very thick stew, but you need to use the bread to kind of... You wouldn't use a spoon. You would use the bread to like scoop up the Fool. Like a dip. Kind of like a dip, yeah.

Halfway between stew and a dip. Yes, halfway between stew and a dip is accurate. A step. Yeah. Oh, that feels like it should be a side dish, then. No, no, because I like that it's... It's heavy. It's good. That'll fill you up, right?

Has some oil in it. It's heavy. It's heavy. It'll fill you up, absolutely. Yeah. Side dish shouldn't fill you up. So this is the main course. And I take it you just want normal French bread, not your bread from the bread course,

because you don't want any Reese's pieces dropping in your fool. Correct. Correct. As much as I like the different cultural diffusion elements of this, I don't want Reese's pieces to be a part of this experience. I think, yeah, I think there's enough cultures involved in your main course that you need to start introducing American candy to the situation. Yeah.

Although, if you like deaf and destruction, I'd say American candy is probably quite a good, a good addition to the dish. Have you had any since you've both been here? I had a Hershey's kiss yesterday. How did that feel? It's, I think Hershey's tastes like human urine. But he keeps going back for more. What's your default chocolate in the UK?

Is it Cadbury? No, I would have, if I was just picking up any bar from just like a service station or a petrol station or something, I would get a Kit Kat Chunky with peanut butter. I'm a sucker for a peanut butter chocolate. So I do like, I quite like Reese's. Yeah. Because it's just so sweet. Right, right, right.

But Hershey's is just absolutely. But you don't have like a default chocolate, like this is the company that, like Hershey's makes a big percentage of the chocolate that we have. Sure. Cadbury's made most of the chocolate in the UK. I would say Nestle as well. I'd say like most of the Cadbury's ones are like, but at the minute, I'm going for a big Milky Bar buttons phase.

Because you're seven. Correct. Yep. And I'm really enjoying the big bags of buttons, but then the buttons are massive and you get to eat them like that. You could genuinely, it'd be a big thing, but I think they should cast you as a new Milky Bar kid. Yeah, sure. Absolutely.

I interviewed the Milky Bar kid. Did you really? Once. Yeah, yeah. One of the old ones. I interviewed him for a TV show and it turned out that he was the Milky Bar kid in the 80s, where the Milky Bar kid was set in space and not a cowboy. And I was dressed as a cowboy for the whole interview.

And then they'd learnt that he was actually the spaceman, a Milky Bar kid. I'd absolutely wasted my time. Did he even ask you why you were dressed as a cowboy? No, he just kind of accepted it. And then I was like, and then he was like, I was like, you know, you're being the Milky Bar kid, you're out in the desert, and you're fighting everyone and going in the saloons and stuff. He was like, well, I'm going in space.

What? What? So yeah, I've been in space. I'd fight the Emperor's Ark. And I was like, what are you talking about? You're not the Milky Bar kid. So like that was pretty crushing actually, but he still signed a photo of me. He signed a photo of you?

To my favourite deputy. That's what he wrote. To my favourite deputy back on Earth. Yeah, yeah, back on Earth. I end up having like sort of posh a chocolate these days anyway. I'm completely obsessed with Choco Lonely, which is a Dutch chocolate company. Choco Lonely? Tony's Choco Lonely.

Brightly covered packages. And they do an amazing like, there's like a caramel-y one. The plain one's great as well. They do a great almond one as well. It's absolutely delicious. I love it, you know why? Because I feel like chocolate, especially on Valentine's Day is branded as this romantic thing. Sure, yeah, yeah.

And I like the idea that, no, but on a day-to-day level, it's really about the loneliness. A Choco Lonely is very good branding. I appreciate it. Through his name and there and everything. Just him on his own or Lonely or Tony? I like how it's Choco Lonely. And you wouldn't expect you'd want to be connected to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They just make Tony's Lonely. Yeah, Tony should just be called Tony's Lonely. Yeah, yeah, we always assume it's like Tony's as in it belongs to him. It's actually Tony is. Oh, there's a pretzel one as well. There's with bits of pretzel in the Tony's Choco Lonely. Oh, well, that's good. Well, then I mean the pretzel and the chocolate aren't Lonely.

They have each other. Yeah, they've got each other, but Tony doesn't. No, Tony doesn't. Tony's still Lonely. It's not the opposite of your bread course. He's put bread in chocolate. Right. He's got pockets of bread in the chocolate there with the pretzel.

I'm an innovator. What's good about it as well is all the other chocolate you break off into chunks, like uniform chunks. This is all like crazy paving. Like it's all over the place. You'd snap a bit off. You might get a tiny bit. You might get a massive bit and there's a huge circular bit in the middle.

Basically, it's designed to not share because you eat it when you're lonely. You're going to have to have it all of this so we can put the pretzels wherever we like. Doesn't matter if you get a small bit because, you know, there's a big bit coming your way next. Oh, good old Tony. The first time I came to America, I went to San Francisco on my own for 10 days and I ate Reese's Fast Break Bar every single day, which was like a kind of a big lump of like the peanut butter,

chocolate bar size bit of the peanut butter, like with nougat kind of things, the sugary mess covered in chocolate. And it was the nicest chocolate I'd ever had at the time. I ate them so much that when I got home, I immediately went to the doctors and asked for a blood test because I thought I had diabetes. I always feel silly saying that around Ed because Ed knows more about. Well, I am type one diabetic, yes. Am I allowed to take a bite out of this rugula that you have brought?

Yes, absolutely. Is that what that is? Yes, I bought it along with me. I got it from Russell and Daughters. Less said about that, the better, James. If you ever wanted to go there and you weren't there without me. It's chocolate and rosetta. Ed, we could go together.

I don't want to go with you. I'm going by myself. That seems to be the way people do things around here. I'm going to go and get a bagel by myself and then I'm going to eat some Toadies Choco Lonely. Oh, no. Eddie Choco Lonely, Eddie Bagel Lonely. Eddie Bagel Lonely. I'm not organizing any more food trips during this.

I'm not choosing any more restaurants for all of us together. I'm only going to places by myself from now. It's a single bagel. Well, it's a single bagel that you knew I wanted. You could have had it. We want to go again with you. Well, bad luck. Why?

You will not be getting my list of restaurants that I was planning on. I don't understand. I'm going by myself. But can't we, we can be with you. Like, do you have to be there when we have it for the first time? Yes. Oh. Because we're here together.

I will say Terrace Bagels, which is a block away from here. It's fantastic if you do want to. Is it better than Russell Daughters? I can't tell you. I don't know. Why did all your friends go to Russell Daughters without you as well? Isn't Russell Daughters a chain? Yeah, there's a few of them around New York.

Oh, they've been to all of them. They probably went yesterday. No, we just went, me and Benito went to one. We had to leave earlier than they had. And we didn't have to. We thought, you know, oh, Benito was like, I'm so hungry. And we're like, let's look for a place. And we're like, oh, there's a Russell Daughters line right there.

So we just went to the maps. And then we just thought, we'll just go there and get one. And you knew as soon as you made that decision, I bet someone said, Ed will be annoyed if we go there without him. No, we didn't say that. We didn't think that that would happen. You should know me better. We thought it would be OK.

Sorry, Harry. I don't like that you have to witness it. Oh, Eddie Bagel lonely. What is this? It's arugula. But what does that mean? I thought arugula was rocket. Yeah, that's arugula.

This is R-U-G-E-L-A-C-H, is that right? R-E-G-E-L-A-C-H, correct. Five points to Harry. Isn't it like a Jewish cookie, right? Yeah, it's like a little like, it's like a Jewish Swiss roll. It's lovely. From what I can see. It does look very nice.

It's very nice. Full of chocolate, raspberry, apricot, depending on the different ones there. It's an assorted one. And pastry that goes around in the spiral. I'm very hungry, of course, because I haven't eaten today. Oh, dear. So you've got this full for your main course.

Yes. With the bread. Correct. And now your side, which you've said is another main course. It's a main course. And this is tricky because I kind of want to make this. I wanted this to be the main course, but then I'm like, yeah. It's a dish called idli.

It's a South Indian breakfast dish with my mother's peanut chutney, which is unbelievable. It's my favorite meal. I probably should have made it the main course, but I couldn't imagine full being a side dish because it's so filling. So if I only had two pieces of idli as a side, there might be just enough room to get that in. Now, what is it?

I believe it's made with, I don't remember the name of the flour that it's made with, but it's made with flour, like many things are. And it's fluffy. It's like a little rice cake. Oh, rice. And the answer was in you all along. And yeah, it's fluffy and the chutney, it's a nice thick peanut chutney with different spices in it, and it's delicious.

I don't think I've ever had peanut chutney before. That sounds amazing. Oh, it's not really a thing that you wouldn't normally find. My mom based her recipe on, I don't know, someone else's recipe. I think maybe someone from my dad's side, and then she put her own spin on it, and it's incredible. I've never had anywhere else. Is it sweet as well?

No, no. It's just like, it's about, you taste the peanut for sure, but it's like, it's, there's definitely a little kick to it, depending on how, but it's, yeah, it's good. It's definitely savory. Yeah. So they're like little cakes? Yeah, yeah, little, little, right.

I wonder if I have, hold on a second. Yeah, it's quite a good side dish. Yeah, I actually think you've picked the right one. Yeah, yeah, a couple of little cakes. Oh, they're like that. Actually got them. So they're like, they look like flying saucers. Correct.

Yeah. Big flying saucers. Like, yeah, giant, well, not giant flying saucers, that gives it, but like, big. Not as in like, ones without actual aliens on. Yeah, but not as in the sweets either. No, they're puck-sized. Puck-sized. Puck-sized, yeah.

Now you have some in the fridge there. Yeah. Does that mean you made some, or did your- My mother made some, gave me some for me and my girlfriend to eat later. Yeah, that's why it's in the fridge right now. Perfectly timed. Do you have the peanut chutney as well? No, which is very bizarre because I, to be honest,

I don't want to eat it without the peanut chutney. It's really a conduit to the peanut chutney. It's a chutney vehicle. It is, definitely a chutney vehicle. I mean, the idli itself is fine, but like, you know, it gets a little boring after a while, it's bread. I really eat it for the peanut chutney. Now, this might be an outrageous suggestion.

Tell me. But if you've got the fool there as well, is there a world that you dip the idli in the fool? Oh my God, I've never thought of that. I mean, I just kind of imagine a world where those two things would coexist other than in the world we've created right now. The only other world I could imagine it existing

is if I was on death row and they let me choose whatever I wanted for my final meal, and I actually, they would actually follow up on it, do it properly, then I could have both those things and I could attempt it, because at that point, why the hell not? You gotta try it. You gotta try it. Um, but yeah, other than that, no, I can't imagine.

You wouldn't do it. No, I don't think I would. No. So even if it's all in front of you in the dream restaurant, you've got the French bread, you've got the fool, you've got the idli, you're not, at no point, if no one's looking, you're picking up an idli in here, you're sneakily dipping it in.

Oh, I want to maintain the integrity of both dishes. Even though I've really done a job on that bread with the bacon cover. You got a lot of bread here. There is a lot of bread here. It's definitely a carboload. I mean, initially, when you asked me to do this part, because I thought it was my last meal. And so it might just be, just because of what I've chosen,

I don't know if there's recovering from this. When they, when they do like the last meal thing on death row. Yeah. Do they get you whatever? In theory, but I've seen enough specials where it's like, yes, for the chicken thing and this thing and that thing. And they gave him a cheese sandwich. You know what I mean?

It's like, or like, he wanted this fancy pizza from this place. And it was a microwave thing. You know, it depends on the prison, but most, I mean, it's not. The budget is usually like keep it under $20 or something. Okay. It's not particularly. I wasn't there a big thing of apparently the most popular death row meal was KFC. And KFC were really annoyed because it was like such a bad PR for them.

Which it should be a good PR thing for them. Like if you had one meal left in the world, I would eat this of all the things there is to eat in the world. I would eat this chicken. Yeah. I think it's either that or murderers eat KFC. Yeah, but they're, but everyone eats KFC. That's it.

It brings everyone together. Yeah. Or murderers, non-murderers. Right. Yeah. That's the one thing that so many people have in common is that we all eat KFC. Why can't we just concentrate on that? So that sounds delicious.

That sounds like a very nice, I do think you've chosen. Yeah. I think you've chosen the right side. The right side in that situation. So your drink. Oh, this was really tricky. Yeah. Can I have multiple drinks?

You can tell us drinks that you've rejected. Okay, sure. You can't bake other drinks into your main drinks. Yeah, well congrats if you figure out how. There were three drinks options. The ones I rejected I suppose are Sprint, which is a discontinued Indian soda. Right.

Discontinued in the mid-90s. I've only had it once. I had, me and my brother had about six or seven bottles each, because it was the most remarkable thing we've ever had. And then we never had it again. So that got rejected. It's a bummer. What flavor was it?

Barely remember it. Only had it once, but it was, I can't remember, but I remember it was like, what the hell is this? Was it called Sprint? Because everyone who drank it had to just do lots of it really quickly. Right, right, right. The second drink is another discontinued Indian soft drink, Goldspot, which was huge.

It was the, it was the, maybe the biggest soft drink in India, Goldspot. And then Coke was finally allowed back into the Indian market, and their Fanta drink took over. And I think they bought Goldspot out and eliminated it. All right. And Fanta is not the same thing. So Goldspot was an orange soda, right? It was an orange soda.

It tasted different than Fanta, and you can't have it anymore. It does not exist. So Sprint Goldspot didn't make it because they don't exist. But we could do that for you. We could resurrect them. I didn't think about resurrection. What were you going to go with? Henry Weinhardt's Root Beer.

It's a root beer company made by the beer company, Henry Weinhardt. Had it for the first time in Seattle as well. It's popular on the West Coast. They also have Thomas Kemper, which is a fantastic soda company. And they also do incredible root beer, but the Henry Weinhardt's, even though it's made with high fructose corn syrup and not actual sugar, is my preferred root beer.

I love root beer. That's my favorite all-time root beer. OK. I don't think I've ever had root beer. What? What? How many times have you come to America? I've never had root beer.

Well, we'll get a root beer right after this, then. OK. I don't even know what it is. Me and Benny are always going and getting them about him. Yeah, that's the problem. You've never had root beer. Think of root beers together. Me and me.

Me and little B. Me and little B. What is it? It's, have you heard of Sasparilla? No. Right. It's, I don't know. I don't know what it is.

I only know the word. I only know the word. It's like an American boy. I only know the word Sasparilla, and again, apologies, Harry, from The Simpsons. Oh, no. I am so sorry. I didn't think it would come up again.

It never comes up on the podcast. It's about twice now. I hate to tell you. I have a family unit just like The Simpsons. Your girl also has nuclear power, just like Springfields. I'll tell you another drink I like. A Slurpee. Just like this.

It's actually Slushies on The Simpsons. Is it Slushies on it? Yeah. What's Slurpee from? 7-Eleven. Oh, so Slurpee's the real one? Slurpee's the real one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I thought Slushie was the fake one, and Slurpee was The Simpsons. No, because we have Slush puppies. Slush puppies are a thing, but Slurpees are a branded drink from 7-Eleven. So Slushie is in The Simpsons. Yes, it might also be real, but that's... Say, how can people accuse you of hating The Simpsons?

Are you, you know, everything about it? I know everything from about till about season 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no one, even the writers don't know what happens. No one has any interest. I'm not shocked considering the plots I've been repeating for the last 20 years. We definitely should dig into what we beer is.

Yes. There is a bit of a medicinal taste to it, if you're not used to it. You know, I definitely hated it as a kid, but as I've gotten older and my palate more sophisticated, I finally enjoy this kid's drink. Yeah. Yeah, your palate's finally developed of that as well.

It's really remarkable to go to a bar and ask for root beer and see responses, and then see my response when they actually do have root beer, so I'm very happy. It means one of those drinks, though, where, like, so I've had it and I've enjoyed it, but I think I can feel my teeth dissolving. Lots of sugar. Oh, yeah, like, even more so than, like, most soft drinks.

I'm like, oh, I am melting my teeth. So maybe that's why I haven't had it, because I'm type one diabetic. Never have full, I never have the full fat drinks. Do they have, and is it worth it, having a diet root beer? They do have it. Not the same? I mean, it's never the same.

I mean, I think you'll get the essence of root beer if you have the diet. You'll have the essence of, oh, this is, I vaguely get the taste of it. Would it be possible for you to have a sip of regular root beer, you couldn't even have a sip of it. No, I could have a sip of it. Right, right, right.

I just wouldn't drink like a whole can. Right, right. But yeah, I could have a sip of it to get. A sip or two, you'd get the idea. If you can, I'd say Stewart's is pretty solid. If you're going to go with the main team, you have A and W or Barks, that's fine. That's your standard root beer.

But if you could get a Stewart's or a higher end company, I'd recommend it. But what's the one you like? Henry Weinhardt's, but that's not available everywhere. If you can get it, I strongly suggest it. I don't think Thomas Kemper is available. It might be just in the West Coast, but yeah, I like trying different root beers in different cities.

Local breweries and stuff. What makes that one better than the others? Taste good. I like the taste of it. It's nice. Also, this is like three soft drinks you put forward here. Are you not a drinker? I'm not.

I don't drink. No, I don't drink very much. If I was to drink, if the choice was an alcoholic drink, this doesn't make me sound that much better. But I would have Krabby's alcoholic ginger beer. Okay, yeah. Sure, so yeah, that's where we are. Or I would have this Belgian beer called Fruly

that's made with strawberries. Are you familiar with Fruly? I'm familiar with Fruly, yeah. They have it in this place. I think they used to have it at this bar in Angel, I think that was called the Bull. Right, okay. But yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you like the sweet drinks? Yeah, yeah, I like sugar. Yeah, yeah. Oh man, I haven't had Fruly in so long. Oh man, it's been at least 10 years since I've had Fruly. You can't find it here. Yeah. I've been looking.

I'm sure there's some like, you know, you know, we're in New York. I'm sure there's some sort of trendy beer importer who can get you a bottle of Fruly. Maybe I should try, but is it worth spending 20? Yeah, it is worth spending 20 bucks to get a single bottle of Fruly. I've only had it off the tap, to be honest.

There's people in the UK who spend like 20 pounds for a box of Froot Loops. So I'm sure it happens the other way around here. With beers. So you got your lovely sweet drink there. And now that leads you into a lovely sweet dessert. I would hope. I mean, I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I think you're fine. James is always worried that people aren't going to pick like a lovely sweet dessert, but it's clear you like sugar. I mean, I had Reese's pieces on here, but we've already done that. So I think we've already had the Reese's pieces in the bread. I think what we're going to do,

and I've thought a lot about this, we're going to have an acai bowl, right? Okay. Delicious with mango, but the mango is going to be Alfonso Mango, which is about, to get that to America, it's $100 for six mangoes. Right, yes.

It is the mango, the most popular, most expensive, best mango while Alfonso Mango. Lovely. I would want that on the acai bowl. So the acai bowls? Yes. I don't think they've really filtered through to the UK. Oh, they're lovely.

So it's like a fruit, right? So I'll say, I think it's like a, yeah, it's like a berry or a fruit, and it's supposed to be extremely healthy for you. So what people do is they grind it up and they ice it up, and they turn it into like almost like an ice cream that you put on the bottom, right? And then you put granola,

and you put different types of fruit. You might put some goji berries on it. So maybe some honey, perhaps add protein to it, or some peanut or almond butter, and you eat it. So it's technically healthy, but it's full of sugar. So much sugar. And I put it as a dessert to remind myself that it is a dessert,

and I have to stop eating it for breakfast. Yeah. Because it's full of so much sugar, even though it is, it is like the healthiest unhealthy dessert you could have. I think that there's a whole thing with things like that and granola, and we went to a place yesterday, I had some coconut yogurt with more coconut on top and cashews,

and it's all like, this is healthy, this is healthy. It's not, it's too tasty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how you know. It's far too tasty. That's how you know. Yeah, yeah. That's an immediate red flag. Just taste nice.

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, there's healthy plates. No, this healthy food is delicious. Oh, boy. Oh, may as well have had a chocolate lonely. Yeah, when you think of, when you know that this isn't sucralose,

or some artificial sugar, when it's like, this tastes like real sugar you've done for it, it's no longer, yeah. Yeah. A friend of mine took me to like a, like a health food supermarket in LA once, and they were like, this is, it tastes so good here. Get the sugar-free cakes of this kind of stuff.

And I tried them, and they were not good. And that's how I knew it was a proper health food. Right. I was like, I kind of had to say to her, you know what, this is a proper healthy place. Yeah. Like you definitely have found a really healthy place here, because none of this is fun to eat.

I didn't have a good time with it. I think I have a single mouthful here, but you have found a very healthy place. I will say, I mean, fruit is the health, I mean, it's healthier than having another dessert, because it's fruit, so it's natural sugars and stuff. Sure. And that helps.

Still sugar though. Still sugar, still sugar, and the berries are very, they're healthy, but again, they're antioxidants and superfoods. Mm-hmm. Still sugar. Honey is sugar. Yeah.

It's delicious. Granola has sugar in it. Yeah. Yeah, it's all sugar. But honey's like keeping the bees employed, so that's good. Yeah. Right, right. So yeah, you can always like make yourself feel better.

If you're going to weigh up the kind of guilt, the guilt of scales, you know, it makes you feel better. You're supporting local bee economies. Especially, yeah. If we weren't eating honey though, the bees wouldn't stop making it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they'd stop. I don't really understand how bees work. I'd love to know if there was a honey boy cut, what would happen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Where are we going to sell this honey? Yeah, yeah.

We've got so much. If the bears don't want it. What would they do? Would they like go to gap year or something? We're going to take some time out. Would they overthrow the queen like? You failed us. We're going to read your order back to you now.

See how you feel about it. Okay. You would like white rock seltzer. Yes. Olive bread with Reese's Pieces, bacon covered dates, and olives in little cavities baked inside the bread. Yeah, that doesn't regret there, but yeah.

Starter, some Tom Cha soup. Tom Cha soup, yes. Tom Cha soup, sorry. That's right. With chicken tie. Yeah. Chicken tie of chicken from Thai Tom. Yes, correct.

Thai Tom in Seattle. I'm reading my own writing here. Benito didn't write it for me. Main course, Fool. Yes. From Kefa Islam. Yes, in Seattle as well. So that's Seattle later.

With their Cambodian French bread. Very important. Yeah. Side dish, idly with mum's peanut chutney. Correct. Correct. But only two because you got to save some room for dessert. Absolutely.

Yeah. Drink, Henry Weinhardt's root beer. Correct. Oh, would you like that in a glass or the bottle? Bottle. Dessert, I know that you have to help me with this one. Acai bowl. Yeah, acai bowl.

So how do you feel about that? The one thing I regret now that I look at it, there are no vegetables in here. No. Oh, there are no vegetables in there. And there's nothing green or healthy in the slightest. No. Other than the acai bowls.

The dessert, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I throw in salad or something? No, too late now. I mean, you can bake it in that bread again. Yeah. You can have a full salad in the bread. Wait, I have a solution. I have a solution.

I want to add some coffee to the end. Yes, you can do that. Since there isn't enough fiber or vegetables, and at some point, I... So you add in the coffee so you can get everything moving. Correct. Right. That's an excellent...

That's a really good life hack, I think. Don't eat vegetables. Just have a coffee. Just have coffee. You will die eventually. But at least you'll go to the bathroom at some point. Oh, thank you very much. That sounds like a delicious meal.

Yes. Some of it definitely doesn't. Thank you very much for joining us in the dream rush. Oh, it was a pleasure. I can't wait for you both to play with me. And there it is, the delicious, interesting, and occasionally, slightly weird menu of Hari Kondobolu, thinking specifically about the cavity bread.

Yes, yeah, yeah, the cavity bread. I explore him, regret it. Yeah, absolutely. As he was deciding on it, to be fair to him, but, you know, big, big fans of Hari will not be surprised that he has mango in his dessert. That is a... He loves mango.

He's talked about it a lot on stage. He's talked about it a lot. People know that that's his favorite, Alfonso Mangoes. As he was talking about the Alfonso Mango, behind him on the shelf in his apartment was a painting of an Alfonso Mango that a fan had done for him. Yeah, so no question.

We should have guessed, really. What it was going to be. Yeah, yeah, we were wronged. I think it was going to be Bertie Bott's heavy flavor beans. It wasn't. And so that's why... Although, maybe he'd try the Alfonso Mango

flavor Bertie Bott bean. Maybe there's one of them. I'm sure he would, but probably it would be like, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference color-wise between the mango one and the sick one. Yeah, yeah, it'd probably be quite a similar... Baby poop or something, yeah. Year in one or something.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, roll that dice. So well done, Hari. You got through the meal without being removed from your own apartment. It was a pleasure to have him in the dream restaurant. Such a pleasure. Such a pleasure.

Also, if you want to hear more from Hari, you can see he's got his special on Netflix called Warn Your Relatives. Warn Your Relatives, it's called. And go and check out his documentary, The Problem With Appu. It's very interesting, very well made. And Hari is great.

So thank you very much, Hari, for that brilliant menu. Glug, glug, glug. Hello, I'm your dad's friend, Lou Sanders, and I've launched a new podcast called Cuddle Club. It's better than it sounds, actually. I talked to a special guest about cuddling. There's not another podcast on cuddling,

I thought to myself. Guests include Katherine Ryan, Richard Osman, and Alan Davies. It's a perfect gift to yourself or to loved ones, because it's actually free to download. I'd love you to listen, but you're going to be the loser if you don't. It's worth reminding you

that there's no other podcast about cuddling. This business gone crazy. It's available on Apple Podcasts, of course it is. Acast, yes. Spotify, wherever you get your podcast, subscribe now, please. Don't be a absolute dick piece.

Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where Spokes and my Mum and Astro about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread.

I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North, because look, we're two Northerners.

Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode.

That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.