Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 88: Mae Martin

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

The Dream Restaurant opens its doors for series 5, and its first patron is superb comedian and creator/star of ‘Feel Good’, Mae Martin! Ed’s trying to smuggle a ninja star into the kitchen and James reminisces about shrimp.Watch ‘Feel Good’ on All4 in the UK and on Netflix worldwide.Follow Mae Martin on Twitter @TheMaeMartin and Instagram @hooraymae. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, Fallen Off the Bone and Into Your Ears. Yes, that said Gamble talking to you there. Yes. Hello, James A. Castor. How are you? Good. Thank you, Ed. I like the idea of them falling off the bone and into your ears. I like that. Would you eat something with your ears if you could? Yeah, yeah, I would actually. It'd be quite nice. Just hold a dish up to your ear like a telephone and let your ears munch away at it. But then where would it come out?

Oh, your nose. Oh, I wouldn't really like that part. I wouldn't like that. I didn't have to hover your head over the loo. Yeah, yeah. Not into that part. Anyway, this is a food podcast where we have a special guest on and this one is recorded over Zoom. It's Home Cooking. Home Cooking Week. And what do we ask them, James? Their favourite ever, start a main course dessert, side dish and drink. And this week's guest is Mae Martin. It's series five and what a way to start. It's Mae Martin. She's absolutely brilliant. Comedian, writer, actor. Her brand new show Feel Good is available now on all four and worldwide on Netflix. So exciting. She's always

been a brilliant comedian and people are absolutely lapping up this new show. Yeah. I watched all of it during the early, I remember it came out really early in the lockdown and I just ate it all up into my ears. Noma, noma, noma. Like a buffet, which is interesting because it also has Lisa Kudrow in it who is Phoebe Buffet. So everything all links up and back to food. Can't be coincidence. So if Mae says a secret ingredient, she is out of here. That's the way we do things at the Dream Restaurant. It's your dream until it's your nightmare and we have one ingredient that we hate that if she brings it up, we will kick her out. And this week, the secret ingredient

is shrimp flavoured primula. Shrimp flavoured primula. That tube cheese spread which has its place but not the shrimp flavour. What the hell are people doing? No, thank you. Like you say Ed, it's got its place but I don't think the shrimp flavour has its place. Fishy cheese doesn't. Down the toilet. Yeah, no way. If you buy a tube of that shrimp flavoured primula, just open up the toilet and empty it all in there. And certainly don't eat it with your ears. No. Even though it's in the perfect tube to eat it with your ears. To be fair, if you are eating stuff into your ears, then it is probably quite good to just get something tube and get it right in there.

Benito is just letting us know that it's called cheese and prawns is the official title. Cheese and prawns primula. And he sent us a link. I can't believe that it's actually still a thing. Because I remember it from my youth. No, there it is. Cheese and prawns, perfectly cheesy with proper prawns, a flavour combination we've been told shouldn't work but just does. Don't believe us, give it a try. I'm going to say don't give it a try because it doesn't work. We've been told shouldn't work. Yeah, you have been told that. Yeah, time and time again and we're telling you again. So, if May picks cheese and prawns primula, she's gone. Sorry May.

Hopefully she won't know because she's very good. So, without further ado, here is the off-menu menu of Maymartin. Welcome, Maymartin, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you so much for having me. Whoa. Welcome, Maymartin, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Was I late? I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. You have added this. We've been expecting you for some time, relatively recently, I'd say. You don't say it every time. It's pretty aggressive. It's passive aggressive is what it is. I should explain. Since the dawn of time, it has been foretold who will come to the Dream

Restaurant. And I've always known, I know all the guests will ever be on it already. And so, that's what I mean is that even since before May's birth, we were expecting May in the Dream Restaurant. That is some time. There's no tardiness. When I was just a twinkle in my mother's eye. Exactly. Did your mother have twinkly eyes? Yeah, very. She sounds like a genie as well. Yeah, she may have been. Yeah. If your mother could grant you three wishes, what would you want them to be if you would ask three wishes of your mother? Oh, specific. Oh, I'd like her to forget some things I've done. If she could just put out of her mind some of the sort of traumatic episodes of my adolescence,

that'd be good. Yeah. Just choose three of those. Yeah. Maybe trick her into thinking I have a PhD. So, your wishes for your mother would be to just like mess with her mind, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Make myself look better by totally deceiving her. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair enough. Yeah. I enjoy that. Now, we always ask, does your mother have twinkly eyes? But that's the only time it's never felt creepy. Yeah. We always ask, does your mother have twinkly eyes? And we always ask, how's your little clay man? Oh, thank you so much for asking. He's really well. He's on the shelf behind me there. I don't know if you can see. I'm going to need some background. No, I don't think so. Okay. Yeah.

Basically, in lockdown, the only creative thing I've done in lockdown is I bought some clay online and I made a little clay man. And then as soon as I built him, I became kind of obsessed with whether he was a benevolent or a malevolent energy in the flat. And like, I wanted to destroy him at one point, but I was like, then I'll be cursed. So I've kept him. He's up back there. So you've come around to the clay man now. You think he's a benevolent force? It's more like I'm stuck with him now. Whatever his influence is, he's here now. Well, also just to let you know that for the podcast, when we ask you what you want for each course, we'll also be double checking what the clay man will be having. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We'll also ask what the little clay man wants. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you say you'd be cursed? Why is that? There's something about, I really anthropomorphize objects and things, and especially if you've created a man from clay, like some kind of God, and then it seems dangerous to destroy him. I don't know. He seems, I could show him to you, but I think you've seen him. He's, I saw him from a distance. He looks real. I don't know. I don't know. I just don't want to risk it. It's the same way, like on my deathbed, I wouldn't say like, Oh, I don't believe in God. Like just, I don't want to risk it. Yeah. So I don't want to destroy the clay man just on the off chance that he comes alive

at night. Isn't there more of a risk of him coming alive at night if you don't destroy him? Yeah. That's a really good point. That's a really good point. So maybe just take his legs off or something. That's a good idea. The best of both worlds. He's still there. Yeah. The best of both worlds, maim the clay man. Maim him. Yeah. Dismember him. Maim Martin. Yeah. I was just about to do that. Damn it. That's my wrestling name. It's a bit, it's a bit hungover today. Usually I wouldn't have gotten there first. What were you doing last night? Drinking alcohol. Right. I went to meet me. I went to meet my friend and I'd not seen him in a long time. And apparently that was an excuse to drink an obscene amount of red wine and then sort of waddle home. And I can't do it anymore.

I just can't. I can't do it. So today has been an absolute right off. But luckily I allowed it to be a right off because I knew we were interviewing you later and I was like, I'll try and get over this hangover. And I will have achieved something. Yeah. Unfortunately, I've not got over the hangover and I apologize in advance for not getting in there quicker with my puns. Maim Martin. Yeah. What I was thinking about is maim artin. Oh, yeah. Maim artin. Yeah, of course. That's right. So many in your name. Yeah. Maim artin. I like it. Also, a little clay man figure is a form of art. So maim artin. Yeah. Works. Yeah. And maybe that would be my sort of wrestling technique would be dismembering people and being like, I made you and I can break you. Just grabbing them and asking them

if they're malevolent or benevolent or whatever. Yeah. I would like that if a wrestler was asking that as a question. Yeah. Are you malevolent or benevolent? Tell me. Friend of thought. You ask the crowd, you're like, what do we reckon malevolent or benevolent? And if they shout malevolent, you break their legs off. Yeah. Yeah. No legs. And if they're benevolent, what do I do? Just like kiss them or something? Yeah, give them a little kiss. Put them on the shelf. Yeah. You put them on the turnbuckle like it's a shelf. Yeah. So you display them. Yeah. Okay. Still a sparkling water, mate? Still. 100% still. No question. If I wanted salty water, I'd have a drink of bodily fluid, you know? Do you speak to every waiter like this?

I'm right that it's a bit salty, right? I think some of them are. I'd certainly, I mean, shout out to Badwa, one of my favorite sparkling waters. That's definitely got a salty tang on the back of the palette. I'm into that, though. And I wouldn't drink a bodily fluid to replace that and stick with the water. Yeah, that's fair. No, I'm going to go cool, crystal, clear. I just, my friend drove to France at one time and we went in a mountain stream and drank. Like it was just bursting out of the mountain. It was ice cold. It was clear and we just drank it straight from the mountain. That's what I want, really. Now, when you say you and your friend, I'm imagining you in France with the little clay man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the little clay man. He can't really go in the water. Oh, no! But he's the kind of guy that would know where the mountain streams were, though. Listen, I know where a really great stream is. Ice cold waters can be great. I cannot go in the water with you. I can't stress that enough. So I'll give you directions. Once we get to the stream, you're on your own now. Watch for the car. There is something, he's driving. There's something really magical about drinking water straight from the source. Like I have the same thing. I really have this fantasy about eating a piece of fruit off the tree while it's still growing. Like take a bite of an apple that's still growing

from the tree because I feel like you get more nutrient somehow. So when you say still growing, you can like see that it's, like it's like midway through its growth. So you're like basically plucking an apple that's going through puberty. Is that fair? Yeah, eating a pubescent apple. Yeah. Or just that it's still attached. It's still sucking those nutrients out of the ground and I'm just eating it. So you're making sure it's still on the branch and you're just free hand? Yeah. Are you stabbing it with one hand or are you just? Just the face going for it. So reverse bobbing for apples. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. What would that be called? Flubbing for apples. Yeah. Oh, he is. He is hungover.

Listen to that. Flubbing for apples. Oh no. Come on. We're all riffing there. It's a low point on the podcast. Flubbing for apples. I like that. I'm sorry they had to happen during your episode, mate. Flubbing for apples. The thing is, sometimes James just comes after me for what I consider to be no reason and I'm going to get loads of shit about that and to wait for age is about flubbing for apples. Yeah. Yes. If I'm honest, my only motivation for doing it was because I know he'll get loads of shit about it. You should never have admitted you're hungover. Yeah, I really shouldn't have done. That was my mistake. Although to be fair, there's a run of about three podcasts where James is hungover and we really didn't

let him get away with it. So it's absolutely fair enough. Okay, good. Yeah. Would an apple be the dream fruit to do that with? Because I'm thinking I might like to do that with a peep. I'm so glad you said that. That's as we were going with the apple thing in my head. I was thinking, is it too late to say I don't want an apple? I want a peach. Yeah. Peach or, I mean, a pear maybe, but it's too hard. I think a peach or like a mango. Oh my God, imagine a mango. Fuck. But with the mango, if it's still attached, are you just biting in through the skin or are you like getting a knife involved in the situation? I guess I'm going through the skin, but I heard about a guy, I heard about a guy who ate oranges with the peel. Really? Take a bite out of a

clementine and chew up the peel. Now, I'm going to need a few more bits of information. Where do you hear about this guy? I think this was a friend of mine said that his grandpa used to do it or something, but yeah, you're right. It's hearsay. It's hearsay. The problem is every time you say you're a friend, we think it's a friend. I know, me too. Yeah. He whispers it in your ear while you were asleep. My dad used to, cut it down, I don't love a peel. I'm just trying to work out what the clementine's granddad looks like now. Me too. He's eating oranges. Yeah. Well, I think that sounds, I think we can definitely get you the water from the sauce. Yeah. You can definitely have that exact water that you drank in France from. Was it a waterfall? No, it was a running stream. It had

almost rapids in it. It was running quite quickly, the water, and it was ice, ice cold. If I'm being honest, I didn't see the exact source springing out of the mountain, but it tasted amazing, probably full of bacteria. I don't know. It's great to have done that. How old were you? It was a couple of years ago, and I'm 12, so I was 10. I guess I was like 30. I love it. Yeah. You do that, right? Oh, I do that. I've only done, I've done something similar once in the Yorkshire Dales. We stumbled across a little stream, and I filled my water bottle up from there and frolicked around in the stream for a while. It really is delicious, but then I was frolicking with bare feet and then drinking the water,

and then I realized I'm basically drinking my own bath water at this point. You need to get it when it's gushing out of the mountain rather than the stagnant water around you, but it really is a great experience. I think this is my favorite water choice ever, because it's the freshest water available. So fresh. Maybe it's on a full moon that you're drinking it to. I don't know. Yes, I'm an added magical element. I feel like when you drink it, then you're instantly, you've prolonged your life by at least six months. That's how I felt when I drank it. I was like, I'm going to live a bit longer having done that, you know? Do you want fountain of youth water? Oh, no, I don't want to stick. The world's bad. I don't want

it. You know what I mean? And actually, we've already had one person choose that weirdly. Really? An absolute idiot. We had someone choose that once. Yeah, and I don't want to, I was a mess in my twenties. I don't want to be back there. I'm good. I want to, if I could have a fountain of like stopping time, I don't want to go backwards. I just want to arrest time. That would be good. Well, it's no one done that as a film or a team. Has anyone done that? Arresting time fountain. Just somebody just to stop time and stay at what age? Yeah, that would be good. Peter Pan. Should we do that? Yeah, Peter Pan. Yeah, it's Peter Pan. Yeah. The boys are vampires. Yeah, vampires as well. Twilight. I mean, then this goes on,

I guess. Yeah. Do you want us to get a bottle and fill it up from there and bring it to the dream restaurant? Or do you want us to get like a pickaxe and divert the stream straight into the restaurant? I'd like you to divert the stream so that if I want to refill, I can just reach down and dip my glass into the bubbling brook. Perfect. Bubbling brook, babbling, babbling brook. Yeah. Yeah, you want it to be babbling. Yeah, you've got to have. Do you want it to be babbling? Is there such a thing as too much babble though for a brook? Definitely. If you're having to shout, to be heard. Yeah. Yeah. You know what, River, I'd like to drink from. What's that? The chocolate River in Willy Wonka's factory. Oh my God. I love that. Of course, you're the guy

who watches Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and doesn't take any of the life lessons from it, just focuses on the chocolate. Yeah. And the things you want to steal from the factory? Yeah, exactly. Like you've watched that. You've ignored that someone falls in that and gets sucked up a big tube. You're just like, well, of course, I'm going to do exactly the same thing. Yeah. Completely empathize with him. Don't blame him for doing it. Yeah, you're kid. You go straight into a movie where you can eat everything. Yeah. There's a chocolate River. Of course, you're going to keep on drinking it. What kind of chocolate do you think that is? Is it in your mind like chocolate milk, like drinking chocolate, or is it like a thick,

like viscous dark chocolate? Like, what do you want it to be? Very good question, because in the film, it looks like it is chocolate milk. Yeah, it does. But I would find it more irresistible if it was just melted chocolate thick. Like, I remember going to like this Jamie Oliver cafe near my house once, and it didn't last long this place. It was like open for like a couple of months and shut down. And I got a hot chocolate, not knowing that the Jamie Oliver hot chocolates are just chocolate bars melted down really hot in a mug. And it was one of those things where I was excited. And then immediately before I even had a sip regretted it. And this is going to make me feel so bad afterwards. Yeah, I was walked around thinking, right,

I've got to get a gym membership and start doing exercise because that chocolate is the opposite of your water from that. I was like, that's the years off my life. Absolutely. It's just filled up all your veins inside it. I can feel everything moving slower. Yeah. What's the name of that place? There's a place in Fitzrovia that we went to, James. Do you remember that does those hot chocolates that are just melted chocolate? And I think you had the same reaction to that where you had one of those and I think you went and got tested for type 2 diabetes immediately afterwards. Yeah, I do remember it. I can't remember what it was called. It was delicious. And sometimes there you can get mugs made of chocolate, right? Yeah, you can. That sounds

good to me. Well, wait, does it? It might be too much, you know? Yeah, it is almost too much. I think when you like drink all of the chocolate and you're like, I'm really full. And then you're like, now I've got to eat them all. I went to a gay bar once where there was a chocolate fountain in the middle of the gay bar and it was like a Saturday night at 1am and all these sweaty bodies everywhere. And then they had this horrible chocolate fountain. It's like, why have you done that? Like, no one wanted it. It's a good idea in principle. It's like, what's the most extravagant thing we could put in the middle of this bar? But in reality, Vogue Collège, fine. Chocolate fountain, absolutely not. Everyone covered in sticky chocolate? No, disgusting. Not for

that. I'm surprised that at some point you did a turnaround to look at the fountain and I was just standing there with a mug. Hi, bye. 2am. It was a delicious chocolate. You would have been the person I would least expect to bump into in that scenario. Don't think you're here. Pop it up into my bread. Oh, fuck. Bread. Bread. There was a moment where you were like, oh, no. But then you were pretty much straight onto bread. I thought about it the question today and I waited up and I was really going back and forth and then I said to myself, after hours of going over it, I was like, I'm just going to have to go with when he says it, what comes to my mind. And I really thought bread only because of the butter

and like a toasty baguette. And there's few things nicer than that. Would it be a baguette then? It's like the type of bread we're going for. Yeah, we're going baguette, like warm, crusty on that, you know, the huge crusty on the outside, soft in the middle, nice butter. Now, if it's all about the butter, really, have you ever considered spreading a butter on some pop of domes? That doesn't appeal to me. I think with the pop of domes, you could dip it in a nice like writer or a mango chutney, but no, but buttered pop of domes. I don't think so. I'll be honest, mate, even as I said it, I knew it was a bad idea. I thought I'd cracked it. I was like, I've never, we've never said this. We've done like so many episodes of this podcast

and no one's ever picked buttered pop of domes. And I'm going to say it and it's going to blow people's minds. And then I got halfway through saying, I thought it sounds absolutely disgusting and I'm sorry. That's okay. I don't know. If there was like a fondue bowl of melted butter, and I could get a warm pop of dom and dip it, submerge it fully and then bring it out again. I know a gay bar that would be willing to put that in the middle of there. Also, you mentioned butter there. Would you like to have butter straight from the sauce? When it's not yet matured, a milk from the teat? No, no, I would not. But I did, when I was a kid, I went on a school trip to like,

it was called Pioneer Village. And it was, you go back in time to this house that's meant to be from whenever I didn't pay attention really to the details. But we churned our own butter and that was cool. And yeah, freshly churned will be good. And I like the process of churning. So I might have my fresh water and then be like, can I churn? Can I churn the butter? And see if you guys don't let me churn it myself. Will you be wearing medieval clothes? Yeah, I'll be wearing like a smock, a tunic. I mean, now you've said the fresh water from the sauce, it doesn't seem logical to not have everything from the sauce and fresh on your menu. I know. Like, obviously, if you're going to have a fish, you want it straight out of the sea.

Freshly baked baguette? Yeah. You don't want to have to get like the wheat from the field or whatever, do you? You can take it too far. Yeah, you can take it too far. There's a limit, definitely. Like, yeah, I don't want the milk from the teat. I want to churn the butter. I do have an image of you as a school child on that school trip arriving and then they churn in the butter and you just break away from the pack and run and start while they're churning to stick your head in there and start drinking it. And they're like, hey, stop it. She always wants it straight from the sauce. Sorry, we can't stop. Stop flabbing that cream. Flabbing? Is that? Yeah, that's what Anne said earlier. Flabbing for apples. Yeah. Flabbing

for apples, flabbing for butter. That's come back. When you used to go on school trips, would you get, I would get absolutely manic. Like, I think I was probably a nightmare. Just the excitement of leaving the school, I would just be so manic and just like trying to be Ace Venturer the whole time. What is it? Do an impression? Yeah. And just being like, hey, everybody, look at me. And yeah, volunteering for any activity. And yeah, I think I would have been a nightmare. I think I was just looking for opportunities to smoke cigarettes, to be honest. So anytime the teachers weren't there, be running off trying to smoke a cigarette, I bought a ninja star when we were in France. Really? A ninja star? Did you manage to get it back

to England? Yeah. I mean, amazingly, some of the kids' mums were there to volunteer to look after the kids on the trip because there's only a couple of teachers there. And my friend's mum took it off my hands and helped me smuggle it back onto the ferry. Cool mum. Really cool mum. My mum's slightly less cool when she found out I had a ninja star and confiscated it because I nearly killed a neighbour. Was it really sharp? Oh yeah, it worked. I used to go to the back of the garden and throw it into the tree and stuff to pretend I was a ninja. Oh my God. It went over the back wall and nearly landed on a neighbour. So he was like... In a neighbour? In it and nearly landed in the neighbour. So he was like, I'm sorry, I've got to give this to

your mum and my mum confiscated it. My brother's really into swords and stuff and rare blades of it. He makes his own chain mail and stuff and he knows all about swords. Sometimes when my parents would go out and you know when you're a kid you convince yourself someone's breaking into the house or we used to. We'd be like, I heard a noise. My brother would always go get his sword. Stay in bed everyone. I'll take care of this. Could your brother make a little tiny set of chain mail for you know who? Oh my God, yes. You come to your starter dish. Okay, I am nervous because like I said before I know your fans are very rabid and I don't want to be judged for my choices but I try to think what do I genuinely

want. I'm not trying to sound cool. This is what I want and it's a dish that I've concocted that's it's called a cornucopia of shrimp but it's inspired by actually a lot of my best culinary experiences. Weirdly James were on that like one day in Sydney when we were on tour and we had these amazing like on a yacht had these prawns with the watermelon but they were just huge fresh prawns. I love you guys say prawns. I'm going to say shrimp moving forward. Shrimp sounds better to be fair. Yeah, yeah. I've always thought that. Yeah, so it's like shrimp three ways this starter. So it's like shrimp dumpling, shrimp tempura and just like a shrimp cocktail with loads of that red sauce. Yeah. And yeah, I feel like it's a gross thing to just want to eat so many shrimp

but I'm just going to embrace it. I think I know that sounds amazing. You're going to get no rabid responses from anyone over that. I think that's an absolutely solid gold winner. Also, yes, you want to eat loads of shrimp. Yeah. I don't think you can get full on shrimp. No, and different sauces for each thing, right? The dumplings have a little soy thing. The tempura have like maybe a mayonnaise, like a some kind of flavored mayonnaise and then just those jumbo prawns. Because also in Sydney, I think we went to a dumpling restaurant that was also very famous and good. Yeah, that day it was great. Soup filled dumplings or something. Yeah, fuck, that was good. I'm really glad you brought that day up as well. So I was hoping going into

this. I was like, I might have to really, at some point, I've got to bring up the prawn platter that we had. But you beat me to it. It was a combination of like where we were in this hot sun on this boat. The food itself just, I've never seen prawns so big. And so how big we talking? I mean, they were like many lobsters almost. Oh, wow. I have a long running sort of mind game, just somewhere where I go in my mind a lot. And I used to talk when I told Greg Davis, we used to talk about this a lot, imagining a prawn the size of a turkey and you carve it like a turkey. Oh, I love that. And we used to call it the prawn key. And in our, in the story of it, it was invented by like a James Bond villain,

like a mad scientist. He'd be like, I've invented a prawn the size of a turkey. And then James Bond would be like, okay, well, why am I here? Well, that's it. That's all I've done, the prawn key. And you can take big slices off it. That sounds so good to me. That texture, you can't beat that texture. How often would you and Greg talk about the prawn key? Regularly, we were talking about the prawn key. Wait, wait there. I always think about what the biggest of each species of animal is ever recorded. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'd love to know. Biggest recorded shrimp. I'd love to know. We would talk about it a lot. And within the little act out,

it was called Dr. Prawn Gough was the name of the doctor. And then he'd talk about, he'd go, I've invented a prawn the size of a turkey. And then James Bond would go, and what is your plan? And then he'd go, no plan. So you did that every time. Yeah, no plan. So every time you were talking about the prawn key, you'd do that little act out first where he says, I've invented a prawn the size of a turkey. He said, what's your plan? No plan. And that's always what you do. And we talked about it on the DVD commentary for his DVD and someone knitted us did a cross stitch. No. I was in prawn saying, no plan with prawn Gough underneath it. So if anyone was just thinking of doing that now,

it's already been done. Yeah, don't do that. Already got that cross stitch. So you're going to have to do me one of the little clay man. Yeah. Mate, that day when we had all that food, what did you have at the, there was an ice cream sandwich place that we went to. And I think I bought up the ice cream sandwich that I had before. So I had coconut ice cream with banana bread as the instead of cookies either side and some dark chocolate sauce on it. And it was so good. And I can't remember if you had an ice cream sandwich or if I was the only one and everyone was standing around waiting for me. No, I did do it. And I think it, I think it had like a peanut butter cookie involved. I think it may have been a peanut butter cookie sandwich

with just vanilla ice cream inside. I think that's yeah, because coconut I'm allergic to. So just, just saying that there's any contamination, cross contamination in the kitchen of this restaurant. Are you allergic to nuts and coconut or is it just coconut? It's just coconut. And to be fair, I've never been tested, but I think I am. Or I might just not like it, but I whenever I eat it, I get like really bad stomach pain and quite like red in my face. It's weird. It's a weird reaction. Do you think it's, are you allergic to like tropical things in general? Yeah. Kiwis, I think also give me a weird feeling. But it's all very, this is all very like nebulous. Like it's like, it gives me a weird feeling, you know what I mean? So you got the cornucopia of shrimp. What

order are you eating this in? Are you one at a time? Are you going all over the place? Is there one of the shrimp that you would never follow with another one of the shrimp? I think I'm going to go tempura dumpling and all I know is I want to finish with the fresh prawn from the boat in Sydney. Yeah, because I was so, it was almost a palate cleanser. It was so like juicy and fresh. It's watermelon shrimp and lime juice all over it, wasn't it? Yeah. But you never know if like, there's some emotional reason why we're both so attached to that meal. Like, I don't think, you know, we didn't know the guy that much for context, Ed. Yeah. You've definitely talked to me before about the prawn and watermelon on the boat before. I've definitely

heard this story. I'm really glad that May brought it up because I think for you, James, this story occupies quite an important emotional part of your brain. And if May had not mentioned it and then you brought it up and she was like, I don't remember May. Yeah. No idea. I think you would have been absolutely destroyed. No, the funny thing was that he was a heckler. He had heckled you the night before and then, and it was this man in his fifties. Well, he was asleep. Oh, yeah, he was asleep in the game. So he was like the first one with the gig and he was asleep this man. Yeah. And we had all, I mean, I think I'm not doing any of us a disservice when I say this. So basically it was the Sydney Arts Festival and then we're doing comedy there for the first

time. Normally it's art stuff. There's a Spiegel tent every night. There's a mixed bill comedy show on and it was May, myself, Josie Long, Sam Campbell and Stephen Scopolis. Great liner. I don't think I'm doing any of us a disservice when I say that every night, apart from maybe one night, we died on our asses. And without exception, all of us, it was because it's quite a heterogeneous mix of people. And then also the audience, it was in a tent. They didn't know what they were. We bombed so much. So badly. And we couldn't figure it out. There's one night where we all did well. And then yeah, for the rest of it, there was a nightmare. Yeah. And that guy was asleep on the front row one night. And I kicked off about it. Yeah, I cannot believe this shit. We're here dying every

single night. And now our guys are asleep. And then afterwards he was like, sorry, you all died again. Sorry that I was asleep. Do you want to come on my yacht tomorrow? And we all just said yes. Yeah. So I think only me, you and Josie did it. We went on the yacht and he had his wife in the galley making this meal. And that was the only element of it that was a little bit like shady was that she, she never emerged. And when she did, she was very like scuttly and kind of like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'll just bring the food and disappear. Was she acting like it was quite normal that he'd invited loads of comedians through the previous night show onto the boat? Yeah, kind of. She was sort of very meek, this woman.

In my mind, he invited you onto the boat, you all got on the boat and then he immediately fell asleep again. I think he probably did fall asleep. I mean, he was pretty chilled. I mean, that's the reason why I think the food must have been amazing because we were excited to be on a yacht. Sure. First time on a yacht. But it's not like we were super best buds with this guy who'd fallen asleep at the gig the night before and his wife in the galley. So like, we didn't know them that well. And we thought, oh, it's nice to be on a yacht. I think it's because this is my take on it. When she bought up the platter of the prawns and the watermelon, I thought, this will be shit. Yeah. Because it didn't look amazing. It did like, okay. It's been prepared. It's been

prepared in a boat in a shitty little kitchen. Yeah. But it was just the quality of the ingredients and the simplicity and just the lime juice or something and a glass of cold prosecco. Just like, it's really nice. Yeah. Yeah. It was really nice. So you saw that and you thought, this is going to be shit. That's exactly how the audience felt before your gigs in Sydney started. But they were right. So have you come to your main course, May? Yeah. Is this from Sydney as well? It's inspired by, it's not the meal, but it's inspired by what Steen cooked us on that same culinary adventure that we were on. I'm going with a very classic and I thought about more exciting choices and I just kept coming back to that I want a lamb roast

with really good gravy and I want horseradish instead of mint sauce. That's a bit of a left turn for lamb. Yeah, I know. You're fucking with the program. I mean, I'll have mint sauce on the side. No, don't get bullied into having mint sauce, May. You've made your horseradish bed. I just want the lamb to be falling off the bone, our friend Steen on that same trip made us a slow cooked Greek lamb dish that was like, he cooks it overnight, I think. It's like just rosemary and garlic and I don't know why I haven't chosen that. I think it's because I want a roast. Yeah, I was very late to enjoying lamb, I think, because like in England, it's not always done really well everywhere. But Australia and New

Zealand absolutely knock out the park. It's incredible. Yeah, maybe I want it in New Zealand or something. Also, is this weird? The times I enjoy a roast the most is when I'm hung over and so I kind of want to have a hangover for this meal. Because you know what? Sunday roast, you're hung over, yeah. Transfer your palace? That's fine. Yeah, you can have some of this one. There's plenty to go around. Why is that? Why hangovers just make it so satisfying? You're hungry, it comes to the table. There's something quite, yeah, there's something quite warming and nostalgic about roast dinners, I think as well. They make you feel safe. I think that's kind of what you need in a hangover. You don't need any sort of anything edgy if you've got a hangover. You want gravy and potatoes

and I mean, lamb is for me, king of the roast meats. I agree. And I want the potatoes with rosemary. I want, oh, this is a bit of a curveball. I want cauliflower cheese. Where is the best cauliflower cheese you've had? I think in the 90s at home, I think my dad just would make a really cheap cheese as well. I like basic, cheap children's food, basically. Did you guys know that my dad's a restaurant critic? That's his job? What? No, no. And that has come up in what I would say too late into the podcast. You should have opened with that. Yeah. He's a restaurant critic and a food and wine writer and he, like he wrote a book called The Men Who Ate Toronto and it's a picture of him eating Toronto on the

cover. So in the 90s, we would go to all these, like we were so lucky because it was free food and we'd go to these restaurants, but it was the 90s. So it was a lot of like sun-dried tomatoes and Alfredo sauce and yeah, a lot of garlic, like heavy 90s kind of Italian food, but it was great. That's amazing. I mean, we always get nervous when there's critics in the dream restaurant, obviously, but who have you had? We've had Grace Dent, Jay Rainey, the two most fearsome food critics. But as far as I'm aware, they've never eaten Toronto. Right, exactly. My dad used, he did one time, an article where the premise of the article was that he'd go in disguise to the restaurant. So he put on the maddest disguise, just this crazy wig and

he looked like Austin Powers. And of course it attracted way more attention than I ever want to say. Who's this mad man in full movie makeup? We have not asked you what the little clay man wants for starter or main course. Well, I'm hoping he doesn't eat like my hopes and dreams and I hope he eats like normal foods. But he looks almost like he could eat worms or something. He's a bit like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Like maybe he's sort of in a in a sunless cave and he's eating raw fish or something. But no, I think he'd want to eat, you know, a little cookie, cookie crumble or something. Yeah. For all three. Basically, if he's malevolent, he's eating worms. And if he's benevolent, he's eating cookie crumble, did you say?

Yeah, I don't know what that is. No, I don't know what that is either. But it sounds good. You've invented it. Is it like an apple crumble, but replace the apples with cookies? Yeah, I guess so. I just thought of it. But yeah. That sounds amazing. That's not bad. I like that a lot. Absolutely. I think this lamb dish is unfoldable. You can't pick up any faults of it. It's great. Thank you. It's about the gravy. It's about the sides, the horseradish. I'm glad that you've gone along with that. Is that something you do just in life? You put horseradish with lamb? Yeah. Do people give you a hard time for it? Sometimes you get a snarky waiter. If you're having a pub roast and you've ordered the chicken or the lamb and you're like,

can I have some horseradish on the side? And they're like, they give you a little look. But no, I would always order a side of horseradish. Yeah, deffo. I like a food that will clear my nasal passages. Oh, I'm so on board with that. Wasabi, seshwan. It's the only reason I get ramen is to completely empty my head. Actually, speaking of straight from the source, you could maybe grate raw horseradish. Would that be cool? I don't know. That'd be cool. Wasabi is basically Japanese horseradish, right? Yeah. And you're supposed to have that straight from the source. Yeah, we'll bring in a whole fresh horseradish and just grate it all over your lamb.

When you guys were kids, were you the type of kid who would eat things as a dare, like eat really hot things as a dare to be funny and stuff? Of course I was. Yeah, of course. Yeah, me too. With your ninja star eating wasabi. Yeah, I used to eat wasabi or spoonfuls of salt or things like anything to try to impress the people. I don't know. What would the reaction be? What were you feeding off of there, babe? Well, you'll know if you've done this, that there's a moment of a gratifying laugh or like, oh, this kid's wild. What a rebel. And then there's this long process of you being so nauseous and trying to rinse your mouth out and feeling quite sad and pathetic, sitting at the back of

the bus like burning. I used to do that far too late on in life as well. Like I do, you know, in pubs, I don't think they really do it anymore. Maybe they do. They serve snacks in like pint glasses. They'll do like a pint of wasabi peas. I could like, I try and chug a pint of wasabi peas quite often. The only difference being from what you were saying is that it was never a dare. I did it just off my own back. And it's horrible. You can feel it through your nose. It really gets to your nose, doesn't it? Yeah. No dare. Would you say that before you do it? No dare. Your side dish, May. I'm going to have please. Lobster mac and cheese. Oh, yes. Yeah. Big chunks of lobster. Lots of black pepper on top. Yeah, because it's rich. You don't want a whole thing.

You want a couple of big spoonfuls, I think. Yeah, I'll agree with that. It's the kind of dish that you only want as a side dish, really. I don't want it as a starter. No. That's gonna kill the rest of the meal. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want it as a main and be sick. Side dish is perfect. And I want it served in a nice little pot, like a little clay pot, maybe? Oh, no. The poor clay man is going to be, that's my mother. I might have said this on the podcast before. I think I always liked the idea of mac and cheese. And then when I'm actually eating it, it's never as good as I hope it could be. Oh, interesting. I think it's always just, I just want, I want it to be cheesier and cheesier. I almost think that, yeah, I want melted cheese, really. I want a river of melted cheese.

Yeah, you want like a sharper cheese, maybe? I think so. But the lobster really helps, I think. Definitely. Maybe some breadcrumbs on top. I think I've talked about my favorite ever mac and cheese on the podcast before, that I had at the wedding and they put jalapenos in it. Oh, that sounds good. I can eat that forever. That was incredible. Benito has just said, yes, you have on the show. The bed of Benito's life is editing out things that we've already said on the podcast before, because I've definitely given my heart take on mac and cheese before as well. I've eaten lots of mac and cheese. Perfect side dish. Again, I mean, I don't know why you were nervous. You're nailing this sofa. Yeah. Thank you. I'm really pleased.

Now we come to the drink where others have fallen down in the past, famously Joel Dominic with his protein shake. Oh, come on. I'm going to go with, and it's so hard to choose a drink that would go with everything. So I kind of didn't think about that. I just thought, what's my favorite drink? And I'm going with a classic whiskey soda. So a shot of Jamison. So I know I was down on soda water before, but soda water and fresh lime. Very refreshing. I think I started drinking them because Jude Law drinks them in the town to Mr. Ripley. And I was like, that guy's pretty cool. And then I'd sort of taught myself to like them. And now it's all I can drink, not during the day, but you know. Right. Let's say someone says to you, Mae Martin, for the rest of your life,

you're only allowed to eat and drink what a certain character in a certain movie has. Yeah. This type of question fills me with such joy. This is great. So the actor or a character? I'm trying to decide if it should be a specific character in one film, or if it should be an actor and all the roles they've played. And you could only have what they've had throughout their whole career on screen. Because we know actors eat nothing. They eat boring food. Sure. So you wouldn't want it in my actual real life. I think it has to be a character in a film, doesn't it? Yeah. I think so. I'm sure in The Godfather, they're eating some nice food sometimes in those restaurants, nice big food. But I think I'm going to, I said I like kid food before. So I'm,

I know characters I don't want. Rufio only paints or whatever. Imaginary paints. Imaginary food. Yeah. The penguin eats raw fish. I think I'm going to go with, in the movie Stand by Me, that in the set in the fifties, favorite film, love it. But they're, they just, they buy like burger meat from the burger shop and they go and make a fire in the woods and they cook it over the fire. And it just is very wholesome. And they talk a lot about pews. They love cherry flavored pews. And it's just like kid food, but out in the woods, it's the whole environment. So I'm going to go with, I'm going to go with that. But if I'll think about it and get back to you. It's a bit of a theme to some of your choices, you know, you're out in the woods, there's a

babbling brook, you're cooking burger meat on a fire. It's a very sort of a natural outdoorsy way of approaching food. I'm Canadian, you know, a lot of my formative memories were in the woods, I think in long summers. The true Canadian choice would of course be to eat like the Mountie from due south. Yeah. And he probably eats like moose or something. Yeah. I think he eats moose. But then of course there's, is the other character called Ray Vecchio? I don't know where that's come from. Sounds like someone else who eats paint. The New York cop, right? I think it's with the standby me thing is that you've also got to see a dead body at some point. Yeah, that's true. But you know, I'm not, I'm not averse to it because it's a coming of age

thing for them. I'm sure it would be for me as well. Yeah. Yes. The other character in due south is called Ray Vecchio. And that is, I can't believe I know that. And that's one of those pieces of information. When it pops up, you go, what, what space is that taking in my mind? What is not there that should be there that I know that there's a character in due south called Ray Vecchio? I think that's a good answer to the standby me kids. I don't really know what I would do. I was thinking about sideways. I'd like to trail the wine they have in sideways. Yeah, they make it seem really good. But sometimes people who talk about wine are bullshitting a bit and it would all be a bit same after a while. True. If we can stretch it out to

TV characters, if that's possible, you mentioned the godfather made me think Tony Soprano. The Soprano's food, I think it's just incredible. It looks so good. It's turned wise then. I've never seen it. But yeah. Yeah, we've never seen it. Oh, it's just a lot of amazing Italian American food. Big things of like sharing pasta or yeah. Veal Cutler, a lot of fried veal. Delicious. When I was a kid growing up, all my stories start with that phrase. When I was a kid, it's so embarrassing. Move on, you know. On the street I grew up on the corner, there was a schnitzel restaurant. It said the best schnitzel in town and I never went there.

It's not a good story, but I always thought about it. When did you start drinking these whiskey sodas? When did that become your drink? Would you say it's your drink? Yeah, definitely. I'd say around 20. Before that, it was just whatever. I didn't know my limits. When you're a teenager, it's terrible. There's a beer in Canada called Cold Shots and it's like 10% beer and it tastes awful like garbage. I would drink those in my teens a lot. Yeah, about 20 years old. I was like, now I'm a big man. Have some whiskey sodas, dude. It is funny how you get influenced by that sort of thing. I think I only started drinking

whiskey because of Mad Men or because of cool people drink it in films. Totally. I now like the taste, but I'm sure there was a moment where I was like, I'm just going to have to power through this because I want to look like Don Draper. Yeah, coffees like that at first. Whiskey looks delicious in films before you've ever tried it. It looks like it's literally just a caramel drink that must taste like orange and caramel. Christmas oranges and caramel, just all in a glass. Then you have it for the first time, why are people drinking this? Yeah. But then I had a Rob Roy and I've definitely said this on the podcast before, Benito, before you say anything, but a Rob Roy to me

tastes like how I imagined whiskey tasted like when I originally saw whiskey. What is it? A Rob Roy? Bitter whiskey, red for move. I think that is all that's in there, but my own mind, when I discovered those, I was drinking them all the time. Come home, shake one up, slurp it down. Would you really shake one up? Yeah, we had a cocktail. Well, my friends at the time, my flatmates, they would pop a series about cocktails. So he made me one one night, a Rob Roy. I wanted to know how to make it, so it's easiest thing in the world.

So I used that cocktail shaker when I got in from a gig. Really great. I loved it. I loved shaking it up, pouring it out. If you're drinking alone, is it more or less depressing when you use a cocktail shaker? Excellent question, more. Yeah, I think it's less cool and more depressing. Yeah, yeah. The more you do for the drink, when you're by yourself, the more depressing it is. So if you like, then put an umbrella in it, or a little sparkler or something. Yeah, a little cherry. Yeah. Oh, the sparkler is tragic. I'm like, the lighter is not working. You cry and it puts the sparkler out.

Yeah, really depressing, actually. Yeah, it's not great. I mean, yeah, I definitely, when I was doing the shaker and I was on my own, I didn't feel brilliant. Well, I did a pickleback by myself in the kitchen the other day. What's a pickle? A pickleback is a shot of bourbon, and then you chase it with a shot of pickle juice. Wow. And it's absolutely delicious and I love it, but it's not something you should do by yourself standing up in the kitchen, because it's a pretty bleak moment in your life. Yeah. But these are lockdown times.

A shot by yourself is sad. Yeah, these are lockdown times. And I've just actually made some pickles, mainly because I know that I'm going to drink the juice with bourbon. That sounds good to me. Yeah. It's really good. Yeah, it's locked down. All bets are off. Definitely all bets are off. I ate a jar of peanut butter one night. What? The whole jar? In one sitting. Yeah. Again, very surprised. It's taken this long for this to come up in a first podcast. At least he consumes the entire jar of peanut butter in one sitting.

Because I've been working out and my friend said, oh, peanut butter is good protein. And then I was watching Honey I Shrunk the Kids, a classic, and I had a jar of peanut butter in a spoon. Absolutely disgusting image, just on my own, but it was delicious. But you know when they say peanut butter is a good source of protein, they don't mean a whole jar of it, right? Yeah, they mean like a protein bar, don't they? Yeah, they mean like, serving suggestions with peanut butter is crazy as well. It's like a teaspoon is enough protein or enough calories. You'd be like, as if anyone's ever going to do that. I'm with you.

Right. I'd go to town on the jar like a big yogurt. What kind of peanut butter was it? Crunchy, smooth. Good question. It's called natural earth, but it's not that really healthy kind. It's like it is still sort of sweet and salty and it's not. I don't like the ones where you have to stir the oil in. Oh, yeah. Time for me to shout out my favorite peanut butter. Yeah. Man in life. What? Man in life peanut butter. M-A-N-I-L-I-F-E. Absolutely changed my life.

When I found Man in life peanut butter quite recently, it changed my Man in life. And you can quite be on that. I ordered like the kilogram bucket of it as well. Oh, well, I'm going to Google it. What I would say if you order the one kilogram bucket, you're going to have to restrict yourself, May. You can't eat one of those in a sitting. What if I'm watching, honey, I blew up the kids. Yeah, then you've got to. And you've got to send us a picture of you eating an entire bucket of peanut butter in front of the honey. You've blown up the peanut butter, haven't you?

No, surely then you should watch Honey I Shrunk the Kids again because then you can pretend you shrunk. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. I see with the giant peanut butter. Yeah, yeah, that'd be good. There's a, it's a trilogy and the third one was straight to video and it's called Honey We Shrunk Ourself. Um, genuinely, I was Googling it recently. The other two, it makes sense because when he's shrunk the kids, he has to in the film go up to his wife and say, honey, I'll shut the kids. When he blows up the baby, he has to say, I'll do it. When they shut themselves, she's probably noticed, right? Yeah. Yeah. But also it's not that the logical next step in the trilogy is actually a honey,

we kept the kids the same size, right? Yes. Yeah, because it's all about the kids. Yeah. Honey, the kids are regular size. Or what you said earlier, but with size instead of age, honey, I just zapped the kids and they're going to be the same size forever. And then we'll never change size. That's more tragic in a way, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So kids, I know you feel okay today, but in a few years, you're not going to like. I arrested the kids in time. Food wise and honey, I shut the kids, me. Yeah. When he's in the Cheerios. Yeah. So put yourself in that position, send it to you and you've shrunk down and you're in the Cheerios. Would you,

would you drink the milk? Yeah, definitely. Would you give the milk a little drink? Definitely. Yeah. And I'm not bothered about the fact that my whole body's in it. I'm going to drink the milk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we've got to drink the milk. We arrive at your dessert. Now we talked a lot about puddings throughout this episode, my kind of episode. When Ed's hungover, this guy grabs the wheel. We've been talking a lot about dessert. Excited about this. Yeah. I'm nervous. I really, I really am torn between two things. And they're kind of in keeping with some of the stuff we've talked about, about childhood and stuff. But I guess I need to make a definitive choice, don't I? So I'm going to say, oh, fuck,

I'm going to say white, white birthday cake, like a slice of like cheap, like Betty Crocker from a box, mate. You know that stuff you make? Yeah. Wait, I want to go back to the other choice. I'm going to get your faces. No, I mean, look, you were still doing it, but it's because you were, you've lost all confidence halfway through it. Yeah. Okay. White birthday cake. And I'm not saying vanilla. I'm saying white because there's no flavor to it. No, it's like a white sponge, but very moist with a white icing. Yeah, that's it. But you kept talking about it as if there was other things you were going to add to it. I know I really did, but that's it. But I, I'm going to change my answer. And I'm going to say

pumpkin pie. It's a Canadian classic. Yeah, pumpkin pie. Yeah. As I said it, I was like, that's not good enough for the meal I've just had. I don't want to feel this chemical feeling after I have the cheap white pie cake. I'm going to go a pumpkin pie, which is very divisive. Some people think it's too vegetabley, but a good pumpkin pie, nutmeg, cinnamon, pumpkin mix with whipped cream, like freshly whipped Canadian classic Thanksgiving. That's what we're having. I really don't think I've ever had pumpkin pie, you know, because it's not really a thing here, is it? Not really, but they, I can make you one. They sell the stuff, like the pumpkin mix. Yeah. It's a, it's a particular brand and they sell that in some specialty shops here. And then

you can make it, oh, it's really good. It's like a kind of earthy flavor. You had it, James? Yeah, I love it. It's delicious. Growing up, my friend's mum, even though the family wasn't American, but they lived in America for a short amount of time. And so every Thanksgiving she would make a pumpkin pie and I would get in on that. And it was great. And also like, she was one of those friends' mums who was like, as soon as she figured out what I was into, she'd make more of it. So there was more specifically for me. I was one of those kids as well. I was the little greedy boy. Invite Ed over again. He eats food, doesn't he? He likes all his food. But would she smuggle it? Would she smuggle it and then just start back for you? In the pie, in the pumpkin pie.

Yeah. Eat this carefully. Actually, the mum who did that for me was like a proper feeder mum as well. Like if I stayed over, she'd be like, because her kid was like really skinny and wouldn't eat anything. And then she'd be constantly like making me peanut butter toast. She'd be like, do you want some more? I was like, well, I've had six. Two more wouldn't hurt. Sounds like she preferred you to her son. Yes, it really does. Yeah. Because I was a fat little boy with a ninja star. I would love, I would love that little boy. Fat ninja. Who would have loved the fat ninja? I think there's a kind of, I think you put condensed milk in pumpkin pie too. And that's a really specific flavor that I really like. Yeah, it is great. And I'm quite surprised

it hasn't had it actually. It's the kind of thing that I think it's been to America a lot, filmed a lot of stuff there. Actually, we filmed something for Thanksgiving in America as well, at a family's house. And I don't think I had it then either. I just don't want to eat too much of them filming, I think. Maybe that was it. I'd stay in character. And if I got too into pumpkin pie, Ed would have come out. Would you have pumpkin pie on Canadian Thanksgiving? Yeah. Is Canadian, I don't know enough about Canadian Thanksgiving. Is the story the same? What, genocide? Yeah. Yeah, it's celebrating the genocide against the Native Americans. Yeah, it's really bad. It's so bad. But it's just now we don't, we just have the meal. It's not like

my family was like toasting to the spilled blood of the Native people. But we would have the Turkey and maple glazed carrots. That was a really blank response to that. No, I'm taking it in, to be honest. I was expecting James to absolutely jump on it because you glaze anything he's on board. I thought there was going to be more detail. I wasn't there given, I was like a, I was a captive audience at that point. You said maple glazed carrots. I was like, I'm here for the full duration of this. And then you went, end of story. Yeah, mate, you're actually quite talented at that. That was the white cake again. Here's ingredients in white cake. Cake and some icing. Guys.

The Thanksgiving thing, yeah, the other element is usually sprouts and then also red cabbage, like cooked red cabbage with some kind of vinegar and sugar and stuff when you cook it down. Yeah, really nice. I've really gotten to doing that with leeks lately, of like chargrining leeks and then doing it with vinegar and honey and getting them all over it. Oh, nice. James, I'm worried you're going to burn yourself out on the leeks because this has been a lockdown thing. James has basically been in leek down because the hangover's gone. I don't mind that. That's good. I'm back, baby. Forget about flogging for apples. This guy's in leek down. You're having a lot of leeks, haven't you, mate? Yeah. Well, you know, at the start of lockdown, I started

learning new recipes, learned a handful of things, really liked to have carried on making them for the whole time. That's not going to be over soon. So I've basically just been, yeah, doing myself duck breasts, those chargrilled leeks. I've been roasting loads of potatoes and broccoli. I love roasting broccoli that's covered in olive oil and lemon and garlic and then getting it out and then lobbing it around with some parmesan and some black pepper and then eating that. Oh, but this is pasta that I've been making all the time that my girlfriend taught me to make. It's quite sad that she taught me to make it because it's quite simple, but what is it? Slice up chorizo, fry that up, slice up just broccoli stalks, chili and garlic,

lob all that in with it once the chorizo's done well enough, then chuck a bunch of capers in there with that as well. You've got some pasta on the go that whole time. Get a cup of the pasta water, chuck that in with what you're cooking, straight the pasta out, chuck the pasta in there as well, chuck loads of parmesan, grate your parmesan in there, mix it all together, black pepper. Oh, I've been addicted to that. It's so good. That sounds really good. A lot of chucking and lobbing going on with your recipes, aren't there? Jamie Oliver. There's something that I should have said at the beginning of the podcast, and now we don't have time to go into it, nor should we. Nothing to say except that my dad wrote a cookbook in the 70s called The Seducer's Cookbook,

Cooking for Success, and it was about how to seduce women with food. It's very problematic. You say we don't have time to go into this. Cancel whatever plans you have. We're going to need to hear more about The Seducer's Cookbook, Cooking for Success. I think he probably sold 20 copies, and he was in his 20s when he wrote it, but it was published properly, and it was absolutely panned by critics because they were even at the time, they were like, this is weird because it's like, how do you get in the woman's fans by cooking? And secondly, all the recipes are not sexy. They're very pungent and wrong, I just like hippers and stuff. I think he just kind of got a maybe had a good meeting and got

the book deal and then just panicked. It is a real gem. Within the recipe, does it say why it's like a seductive recipe? Do you have to present it in the shape of a knob or something? Yeah, everything's shaped like a knob. No, it was like a sort of comic book, so it would give you examples of things you could say while you served it and interesting music you could play, things like that. I absolutely love that. The Seducer's Cookbook. Had he met your mother by this point? No, no, he had not. When they met, did she know about The Seducer's Cookbook? But did he keep that a secret? Yeah, I wonder if it was something he was proud of or... Well, it obviously worked for your mum, right? So did she enjoy The Kippers?

So, I'd oblige your order back now, May. Okay. First of all, this is all with a hangover. The whole thing. I'm hungover, yeah, for the whole meal. Let's have a hangover. Water. Still water from a babbling French brook, diverted to the dream restaurant under a full moon. Yeah. You would like warm baguette with butter and a little clay mammal have some cookie crumble. Yeah. Starter, cornucopia shrimp. That's a May Martin original. Tempura, dumpling, fresh. Little clay man has cookie crumble again. It gets that top touch. Or worms. We don't know, we might have worms. Or worms, actually. Main course, roast them from New Zealand with gravy, horseradish, roast potatoes and cauliflower cheese. Side dish, lobster mac and cheese.

Drink, whiskey soda. Does a pumpkin pie. Yeah. The only thing I would do is add some of that broccoli you just described to the roast. Roasted broccoli, and then you said tossing it in parm and pepper. Yeah. Put some of that on there. Get some in green. Absolutely. I'll add that in. I'll cook it myself. Don't mind it. That sounds like a great meal, May. Yeah, May. You had no reason to be nervous about that at all. That is a great meal. I mean, you nearly had a reason to be nervous with that white cake bullshit that you nearly threw in there. I know. I'm so glad I changed my mind. Well, thank you so much for coming on, May. Thank you. That was a delicious meal. And you've been excellent company.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, May. It's the G, that's honestly the first time the GD has ever complimented a guest on their company. So it's done very well there. I'm touched. Well, there we have it. What a brilliant menu. And what's some lovely memories from the A-Caster cannon. Oh, it made me feel so good. I was so glad that May brought it up. And then it means as much to her as she does to me. And also, after the podcast, May sent me a photo of me on the yacht with some Prosecco. And you got Sydney Opera House in the background. It's a wonderful photo. I've never seen you happy here, quite frankly. I was so happy. Weirdly, I completely forgotten about having Prosecco on there because of how much

I loved the shrimp and the watermelon. So seeing the photo of me with the Prosecco was like, oh, yeah, it was even better than I remembered it being. Well, maybe we can put that photo up on the socials, maybe, let everyone know what a lovely time you had. I'll send it to Benito. You've mentioned the shrimp. Luckily, she didn't say shrimp-flavored primula slash cheese and prawns because she was talking about shrimp. And I was like, uh-oh, is she going to throw a tube of primula in there? I'll be honest, I was never worried about it. Well, I started to think like, why have I chosen this secret ingredient for May? Why have I agreed that we have a shrimp thing? One of my favorite memories of May involves shrimp, and I once had

a talk about it. So I was very relieved because if she has said shrimp-flavored primula, I think I would have also kicked myself out of the restaurant. I've been like a bad waiter. That would not have made you feel good, James. No. Actually, speaking of feel good, that's the name of May's TV show, starring May, starring the brilliant Charlotte Ritchie, and that's available on all four and Netflix worldwide. So you should go and watch that, please. Absolutely. We've got loads of other things going on, James. Yeah. In fact, May Martin has done my other podcast called James Acasus Perfect Sounds, about 2016 being the best year for music of all time. You did a music podcast as well, Edward.

I did. It's called Lifers. It's about people who've been in heavy metal for decades and keep going despite all the obstacles in their way. That's available on Spotify. And also, I do a radio X show with Matthew Crosby every Sunday, and that's available as a podcast from wherever you normally get your podcast from. We've got a lot happening. Go on off-menu official, Instagram and Twitter, offmenupodcast.co.uk. Buy some off-menu merch. We've got amazing merch. Go and get it. Go on to Apple Podcasts. Let us review. Our life is just so busy, James. There's so much going on. Yeah. People don't understand that me and Ed actually run the website. And every time you've ordered one, we've got to go. We've got to box it up. Yeah. Print it. Yeah.

We've got a lot of stuff to do, but we're happy to do it. So you guys get your teas, get your mugs, get your tea towels, your totes. But for now, we're shutting the shop on the restaurant for another week, and we'll see you soon. Bye-bye. Take care yourselves. Have a spoonful on me. Hello there, listeners. Can we recommend you a new podcast? It's been going for three years, but it'll be new if you listen to it now. My name's Stevie. My name's Dessa. And we host the Nobody Panic podcast, which is all about how to be a functioning adult without consistently screaming and or crying all the time. Although crying is okay,

crying is good. Listen to our episode on how to cry at work. It's all kinds of different how-tos from how to be creative to how to concentrate to how to begin a small talk. Thank you, Stevie. We bring our experience, which is sort of minor, and then we get experts in to really give the advice. We release podcasts every Tuesday. It's on Apple Podcast, Acast, Spotify, basically wherever you get your podcasts. We're there. We're there. We're ready to impart not our advice necessarily, but the advice of others to help you get through your day and your life. Are we selling it yet? I'd like to say that we're much better in the podcast than we are on this advert. Please do come over and check what we're like on The Real Thing.

Oh, yeah. You'll be pleasantly surprised. Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny.

Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off, and that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glittle's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.