Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 9: Selasi Gbormittah

Episode Date: January 30, 2019

Oh boy, Selasi Gbormittah – ‘The Great British Bake Off’s most relaxed contestant ever – is this week’s guest. But before getting to dessert he picks his favourite savoury dishes. Plus James gives a burger chain a kicking, Ed talks marathon prep and Selasi’s surprised by a well-known fact of life.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)Don’t miss Selasi’s desserts and cocktails event on Regent’s Street on 28 February. And find his recipes on the BBC Food website.Ed Gamble is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Tuck your napkin into your collar because it's time for the Off Menu podcast. Very nice. Yeah, good. Yeah, really good. I'm enjoying that. I'm enjoying coming up with new little intros every week. You're very good at coming up with them. And I can tell you, just coming up with them on

the spot. You've got so many in your head. You're very quick on your feet. Thank you very much. Ed Gamble, that's who is quick on his feet. Yes, James Acaster here. Ed Gamble's friend and Genie. Yes, also, James is a Genie waiter. This is the Off Menu podcast where we ask a special guest every week for their dream starter, main, side, drink, and dessert. James plays the Genie waiter. And our guest this week is Salasi Bourmita from Bake Off. One of my favorite ever Bake Off contestants. Very excited to have Salasi in. Famously chilled out and relaxed in the Bake Off tent. So, let's see if he is as relaxed

in our restaurant, in our magical restaurant. I'd say he's one of the most popular Bake Off contestants of all time. Yeah, even people who don't watch Bake Off know Salasi is. Know Salasi. I'm really looking forward to this episode. Yes, so am I, especially because I, as you know, am a pudding head. You're a... Is that the technical type of what you are? Yeah, I know it sounds like a, you know, a mean term and a bullying term. A pudding head. Yeah, you're a pudding head.

Yeah, it sounds like the sort of thing Biftanon would say. No one calls me... Why, you little pudding head? No one calls me pudding head. But I love puddings and I follow Salasi on Twitter and he tweets a lot of pictures of puddings. I get very excited every time he tweets a picture of a pudding. Great. Quite frequently I've tweeted him stuff, really lame stuff like, save me a slice. Like an auntie would say, on Facebook. Yeah. Oh, looks delicious. Save me a slice.

To be fair, when he replies, he will. Yeah, and he never does. Never does, but maybe today when he comes in, he'll bring an arm full of all these slices that I've asked for. Old pudding slices. Yeah, here you go. Captable. Yeah, even a pudding head like you might turn your nose up at an old slice. An old slice. It's sitting around. We've got a secret ingredient, of course, that if Salasi mentions it,

he is out of our dream restaurant. That's how it works. We have a secret ingredient that neither of us like, and if the guest says it, they're out on their ear. Can I made it dessert based as well? Is this a thing if this ever pops up in sweets or desserts, I get annoyed. He could be tripped up by this. Licorice. Yes. It's licorice, the secret ingredient.

The devil's rope. I hate the devil's rope. The devil's rope, licorice. I hate it. The witch's hair. I hate it. Disgusting. The gold chains. I hate, I hate Bertie Bassett. Yeah. Oh, if Bertie Bassett was real, I would beat him up.

I'd kick the shit out of Bertie Bassett. I would go to prison for killing Bertie Bassett. I don't care. I'd get longer than people would normally get for assault, because in court, I'd be like, I absolutely, I don't regret a thing. Yeah, I absolutely hate him. Yeah. I would kick him in his stupid nose, kick his head off. Kick all the pink bit out the middle of his head.

Oh yeah, I would kick that pink bit out the middle of his head. I'm knocking his stupid hat off and throw it in the bin. I would really beat up Bertie Bassett. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I used that asshole. But then they brought out fruit all sorts. Do you remember that? No. So when I was a kid, they briefly, so I always looked at licorice all sorts. This is why I hated them as well.

I looked at licorice all sorts of what they looked delicious. The bright colors, and this looks like a delicious sweet. And then you put it in your mouth and it tastes like the devil's piss. And I didn't like it. And then they brought out fruit all sorts. Yeah. I didn't have any licorice in them whatsoever. And they looked just as colorful, but they tasted like fruit flavors.

And I absolutely loved those. Yeah. But they were out for like, you know, a month. It was very short. Were they deliberately limited edition, or did people not pick up on them? Yeah, you see, I don't remember if it's a limited edition or not. But normally when it says limited edition, you know it's not. Well, they're testing. They're testing the market, right?

Yeah, you know you're just being tested. But clearly it was just you buying them. Yeah, this was like just me. Yeah. And then they went and look, if anyone from Bassett's is listening, please be met the fruit all sorts. Maybe just deliver me a bag. And if you want to send Bertie Bassett to deliver them, fine.

But I'm going to kill him. He can come over and deliver my fruit all sorts to me. And then I will set him on fire. You know what? If I was a witness to you killing Bertie Bassett, I wouldn't say a thing. Thank you very much, Ed. Although I would want you to say a thing because I want credit for it. Oh, right.

Okay, yeah. Oh, tell everyone. Yeah, tell everyone that I did it. Yeah. Do a lot of Instagram story about it as I'm beating him up. You could put a picture of it on Twitter and then I'd probably talk you back saying, save me a slice. Yeah, exactly.

I would save you a slice. Thank you. Do you want to come over and kick a slice out of his stupid fucking face? So here we go. The podcast with Salassie. Let's hear it. Hello, Salassie. Hello.

Thank you very much for joining us in the Dream Restaurant. The off-menu podcast. Welcome. Okay, that is, I'm not sure if you're aware that James is a genie waiter on this podcast. So that was him appearing. That sound effect that sounded like a big splash is actually him appearing out of a lamp. Do you wrap this side? I'd expect it.

Salassie's the one who's taking the most in his stride out of any guest in here. Just completely five of it. Doesn't phase it whatsoever. Some people are surprised. Some people are confused. Salassie just went with, okay. Yeah. I guess the genie waiter, absolutely fair.

I'm used to this. It's what people expect of you. Do you find there's a bit of pressure sometimes when people meet you that you've got to be super relaxed? Normally, yeah, but then sometimes people think maybe he's just a person that I put on TV. But I mean, I am relaxed in my life. So I don't try and be any different. Do people try and test you like they do with the Buckingham Palace guards? No, no, no, no, no.

We're just poking and just, nah, nah, nah. I mean, give me a few tequilas and I'll be on the dance floor. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Well, hopefully today isn't the day where we finally tip you over the edge. Oh, no, I'll be fine. And make you angry. All right, well, yeah.

I won't turn green. Yeah, welcome along. Good to see you. You said you got back from Switzerland recently? Yes. How long were you there for? I was there for eight months and I was doing some fancy chocolate stuff. And sugar work and high in patisserie.

So it was pretty cool. Yeah. I did eat a lot of chocolate, which I love. Yeah. That's part of it, right? Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. You weren't sneaking it. You won't be naughty.

Well, it depends what you mean, naughty. I mean, occasionally there'll be a chocolate just lying around. And I don't like to waste food. Yeah, fair enough. I mean, I'm very big on the environment. So yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah.

And one of the biggest problems facing the environment is chocolate that's just lying about. Of course. Yes. Because a bird could trip over that. Yeah, yeah. That's true. It could.

So God bless you, Selassie. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Bless you, Selassie, for saving all those little birds' beaks. Every little helps. You got a dark chocolate, a milk chocolate and a white chocolate. You can only have one of them. What are you going to choose?

Dark. Yes. Yes. I think we all agree on that, which is rare. People get annoyed with people who like dark chocolate. We do get annoyed of us. I like dark chocolate. Yeah.

I mean, it's good. In a way, it's a bit, I mean, I'm not big on health because I love desserts and I'm a baker, but it's the healthier option in the chocolate range. Milk chocolate is good if it's got nuts or other things. It needs something else in there to bump it up. Yeah, exactly. And it depends on the milk chocolate.

If you get a really rubbish one, it's just sugar. Yeah. But you can get good quality milk chocolate, but dark chocolate is always, you know. Because and the higher percentage of cocoa, the lower the sugar content as well. Indeed. That's what your t-shirt says, isn't it?

Yeah, that's one of my... That's one of my catchphrases, so let's see. We've got some merch coming out. Very wordy merch. In the past, I've had 100% dark chocolate, which is strong. It's like ayahuasca, isn't it? Yeah.

Exactly. It really makes you hallucinate. Actually, they've brought something now. I feel bad. Oh, yeah. Next time. It's okay. Yeah, next time we'll do the sequel.

What was the hardest thing you had to make in Switzerland? What's the biggest challenge? The biggest challenge actually was being there, because when you leave Bake Off, you don't... People almost put you on this professional pedestal, but you're not really a professional. You're just a homemaker, really good at it.

You make it onto the show and you excel, or you bake some amazing things. So when I went to Switzerland and my first day in the kitchen, all the other students are younger than me, and they've grown up in the kitchen environment and constantly in the kitchen, and chefs white in the big ass boots

that all the chefs were that unattractive and the trousers. And I got there and I was like, oh, do I fit in? So I wasn't too sure, because I remember my first day, I went in, we're in a suit, because we had classroom and kitchen sessions. I wore the suit and I was like, oh, I think I've run the wrong outfit. So I had to quickly go back into my room,

change into my chefs white, go there, and then the chef, the first question the chef asked me was, are you sure you're supposed to be in here? Whoa! Yeah. I mean, he's a cook, I love him. He's a really good friend now, but that's... That's not a good start.

Well, yeah, exactly. Because I was quite nervous and I don't show my nerves at all. I was quite nervous because it's a new environment for me, but then as soon as I got in, it was okay. So for me, to go back to your question, it's more the whole situation that I found myself in that kind of made me nervous. But then the other bit was sugar.

So we did a lot of sugar showpieces, molding, sculpting, and blowing sugar. And it was because you're working with really hot, molten sugar and your fingers are burning. We had to blow like a dolphin or a shark out of sugar. Wow. Right. Yeah.

So of course it's very temperature sensitive. You're blowing, you're blowing, you're almost good. So as you're blowing, you're pulling it, and then you're forming the shape as you're blowing. That sounds impossible. So what have you got? A long pipe? Yeah, so you've got a little metal rod.

Obviously got a hole through it, and it's got a pump at the end, which you basically pull the sugar. You fold the sugar around the pipe, and then you start blowing. So as you're blowing, you're forming the shape, and you think you've got it, then it pops, it explodes. Oh, God.

So I tried so many times. I tried to do a whale, shark, then I ended up with a dolphin. No, I was trying to do a dolphin, which was harder because you need to get a, was it, is it called beak? Yeah, the little bottle nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So try and get a nose, and then get a body, and then you basically finish it off. And that was the hardest bit. So I think sugar work. I don't think I could even draw a dolphin. Why is it mainly marine mammals? I mean, you can do it. I don't think there's a rule,

but you can do anything. But the theme was Nemo. So we're doing a finding. Right, okay. Was it Dora? Finding Nemo, or those finding Dory? Dory, not Dora. That's Dora the Explorer.

Finding Dory. You don't need to find Dora the Explorer. She finds stuff. Yeah, yeah, exactly. She could have found Nemo, actually. So I think it was the sugar work that was the hardest. I'll show you a picture later, but it was hard. Did you get it in the end, you managed?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, I didn't finish my showpiece because we get graded on it. So I mean, everyone struggled then. But you must, you're used to that sort of thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. After Bake Off, they say do a showpiece and you're going to be graded.

You know, like, this is nothing. Yeah, that was, I think that was one thing that worked to my advantage, because all the other students, they're pretty much in school, and they've never been in competitive environments before. Whereas I've come from Bake Off and I'm used to the stress of the tent and, you know,

the minimal sort of time constraints that you get given, et cetera. So, I mean, when it came to competitions in the school and came to exams, I was more under, you know, I was more relaxed than the other students who were very stressed and nervous and literally pulling their hair out. So that kind of helped me.

They didn't know how to handle melonsu. When they came and started asking them questions. What are you two doing here? The chef going, are you sure you're supposed to be in here melonsu? Serious question. I don't think I'm out of order this time. Are you meant to be in here melonsu?

But the things that you had to bake for your last episode of Bake Off, did you go home and, like, make them again to face the demons immediately? Nah. Have you never done them again? Nah. Never got anywhere to do that?

So, what was the palm? Yes, I mean, I've made path pastries since, but I've never been a fan of fun and fancy, because I find them too sweet. But apart from that, nah. I love fun and fancy. Nah. Oh, really?

Mr. Kipplin ones. Yeah, I like Mr. Kipplin ones. I don't mind. Yeah, I like them. Although, I bought a giant one once. There's, like, a huge one that's like, this is the size of, like, a big cake, but a fondant fancy.

Oh, really? That is too sweet. And I bought one thinking this would be brilliant. And yeah, it was not brilliant. That's just mainly the fondant, right? Yeah. I felt like I was in Willy Wonka's factory. I think this was really exciting.

And then it was really regretful. And no one else wanted it. You know, when you think that, oh, this will, everyone will want this. Yeah, but no. No one would say you ate it. Just me and a whole giant fondant fancy. And no one else was there anyway.

Yeah, it was just me to be. Well, welcome to the dream restaurants, Alassi. Thank you. You get to do your dream meal. This is the genie waiter, James A. Caster, who's going to be taking your order. Pleasure, sir. Yeah.

There you go. Alassi's a genie. Oh, man! It's the first time a genie's got to have a genie in there. No wonder you weren't impressed earlier when I was a genie. You're a genie yourself. I love you.

Well, welcome. First of all, sir, would you like a still or sparkling water? Still place. Is it always still? You're still man? Yeah, very still man. Occasionally I drink sparkling if it's only water available, if they can't give you tap water.

Yeah. That's illegal. If any restaurants can't give you tap water, you should challenge them on the law. Yes. Which isn't a good start to the meal, but you should, you should say. Is it actually illegal?

It's illegal for a restaurant not to have tap water. To refuse tap water. Could you, could you take them to court? Yeah, you could take them to court. Of a water, yeah. Yeah, you could. Who would your lawyer be?

Nemo. It would be a poorly blown sugar dolphin. Yeah, yeah. It would be Saul from Saul Goodman. Yeah, he would be here in Saul Goodman. In a water tap water case. Pretty sure he would be the only lawyer to take that case. Still water, sounds great.

Do you like a big old bottle of still water in the middle of the table? We're all in tap out. You know what? I don't really, I'm bad at this, right? I don't drink that much water. I mean, I should be. We got it.

No, so last year. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I tried to, so if we go to a restaurant and there's an alcoholic drink, I'd rather have that than water. Straight to the booze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the food to even come along.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm saying that if nobody else does that. Always. Occasionally, I'll have a glass and I rarely finish the glass to be fair. Right, well, they're like the kids from Signs. Yes, that's a very specific reference to one of the less well-known M. Night Shyamalan films.

Yeah, there's a little girl, right? Yeah. And she could never finish as any of her glasses of water. And she just leaves them all around the house. So their house is just full of all these, like half full glasses of water. And you think, well, there's no point to that. But the message of the film is that.

Drink your water. No, no, no. That's the twist. At the end, she becomes very dehydrated. I think that's what the film works for things. 15 minutes so that they can pull the rope from underneath you. The message of Signs is drink your water. Drink your water.

At the end, a big message comes up on the screen. Drink your water. Also. Pop it up to your bread, Salasi. Pop it up to your bread. Again, the only person completely not phased by me shouting. Didn't flinch whatsoever. I mean, for the listener, I think it is so unfair that the listener did not get to see that.

Because normally, I shout at people and they're a bit startled. They didn't quite expect it. Salasi not only didn't flinch, didn't move a muscle. He maintained eye contact with me the whole time. He looked right at me. And then went, hmm, okay, pop it up to your bread. You normally will shout it once and then shout it again quieter, because people have jumped already.

You shouted that twice at exactly the same volume. So Salasi took it all in and went. Bread. Bread every time. Bread every time. I do like poppadons, but bread, yeah. What kind of bread do you want? What's your favourite type of bread?

If I can get you any type of bread in this restaurant. It could be a specific bread that you've had before, maybe a home cooked one someone made for you. Peshwari Naan. Whoa. Joel Domet. Oh, we are, we are. I mean, Salasi, I don't want to make you nervous and I'm sure it won't.

But Peshwari Naan was also the choice of Joel Domet, who is, and I'm not being unfair here, the most hated person who's been on the podcast. But it was not the Peshwari Naan that caused that hatred to you. No, to be fair, to be fair, he was still okay. You'll always choose Peshwari Naan if you're like, if you're getting a Naan bread. Yeah, always Peshwari Naan.

Well, because you've got a sweet tooth, right? Yeah, massive sweet tooth. I mean, that won't surprise anyone. You've been spinning dolphins out of sugar and stuff. Yeah, you've basically worked out a way of having a cake before the meals properly started. Yeah. Because that is, that is essentially.

I love the almond filling in there, so which is just the best thing ever. Almond and coconut and stuff, isn't it? Yeah, like a bounty bar sandwich. Oh, a little bit. Like a battenberg. Yeah, a battenberg sandwich. He went somewhere when he said battenberg there.

You glazed over it and your head just went somewhere new. But it was as though I had a battenberg, you know? I've never made a battenberg. You've ever made one? No. Make a battenberg? That's the... But again, that sugar is what the royal icing around it.

And the outsides is sugar. Yeah, a lot. A lot of sugar. Let's move on to your starter. Yes. So this is like the, what would you like to start? My starter, if I would or if I could have it every, every time I go to a restaurant,

would be a prawn and lobster bisque. Oh, it's the first bisque we've had. And we've gone very fancy early doors. Yeah, that's a real... Is it fancy? A prawn and lobster bisque. Yeah, prawn and lobster bisque. You can get these things in your local supermarket.

Sure, but who does? I mean, is that the one you want? You want me to go and get you a tin one for the supermarket? No, no. I'm sure you could get it at the local supermarket, but I don't think anyone says I'm just going to nip down to Tesco and buy myself a bisque. I mean, it's because I visited Mota a few years back

and it was the best starter I've had in ages. And it's just always stuck. What was this place? What was it? I can't remember. The restaurant by was in Gozo, in Mota and again, they brought out a warm bread, like bread roll, and then the prawn and lobster bisque came out and it was just,

yeah, it was just everything. And had you... Was it already your favorite starter anyway, or was that prawn and lobster bisque? The one that made you go... It's the one that made it on the list. The one that made it on the list. It was the one that made it on the list

because I've never really been a starter fan. So every time I've gone to a restaurant, booze then straight to me. Straight to pudding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that's it. So I've always skipped the starter until that. Are you...

So I'm feeling like... So when I was a kid, probably still now, if I'm honest, no matter what the meal is, I was just looking forward to pudding. And I was like, really, I'm putting it... And when I was a kid at least, I was like, I'm putting in the shift with the other stuff, but I'm really just looking forward to dessert.

I kind of am already getting that vibe from you, Salasi. But maybe you're already thinking, I just want to get to that sweet pudding. Absolutely. Because we were doing this prawn and lobster bisque and you're like, yeah, okay, fine. Yeah, let's get it. Let's move on.

So that's the prawn and lobster bisque. Yeah, sure. But I can already see it in your head. We're not going to talk about your pudding yet. Okay. I'm a fan of saying that because with me, as soon as I... When I was a kid,

as soon as I had my last bite of savory, instantly the first words out in my mouth were, what's the pudding? And my parents had to not tell me what pudding was. I'm completely different. So I love the starter. I'm a proper starter boy. I'd rather eat like two courses of starters

when we used to go to a restaurant near us when I was a kid. My main course used to be a pickers basket to share. Pickers basket, what's that? So it was like a selection of all the starters and you're supposed to share it with people as a starter, but I'd have one to myself as a main. Because I was a little fat boy.

Deep fried mozzarella sticks, chicken satay sticks, that sort of stuff. I love starters. You're talking about a combo for two? Yeah, a pickers basket. That's what it was like. At the pub I worked at, it was called a combo for two. Right, okay.

The pub where you were the mash king? No, this is the pub before I was the mash king. I was the mash king at one of the pubs, so actually I made the best mashed potato. But before then, I was doing combos for two and deep frying them. Sure. Yeah. Well, that's...

I'm a starter boy and you two are clearly pudding boys. You're a pudding boys, right? Main. Main? You're a main boy? Yeah. Whoa. I'm a main boy.

Joe, what? We need to go out for a meal together. Because... It's perfect. Back, back, back. Can he tell you a drinks man? We're going out for a meal and we are surprising the staff

by just each having one course each. Yeah. And we don't even eat at the same time. Yeah. Edd eats first and then you eat and then I put in Thank you very much. I was a lovely free course meal. So the, the beast, I'm imagining this beast.

A beast is like a cream, creamy soup, right? Yeah, creamy soup. So they make a stock from the sea, the shellfish. Yeah, all of the shellfish and then the blitz it, etc. Yeah. Do they blitz the shells? With, you can do, you can do. You can just blitz the whole thing.

Yeah. The shells and the... I mean, the shells are not bad for you. I eat, I don't know, people probably hate me for saying this, but I do eat the shells on prawns and... Do you just whole thing in? Yeah, crab shells. Because I grew up on stuff like that back in Ghana,

you know, we go fishing, we cook it with the shell on and we eat it with the shell. So it's not bad for you. Yeah. I mean... It's texture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it a soft shell or is it quite crunchy?

It can be crunchy, depending on... Well, it normally is crunchy when you have like prawns, etc. Yeah. But you can have soft shell crab, which you can obviously eat the shell of. And yes, it has some soft shell crab. There you go. Huh?

Burger? No, no, no. But... I like... As twice now, Slasie's... I mean, please keep doing this because I like it. He tries to guess the end of my sentence. So, so far, it's been...

It's been that scientists don't drink water. Drink water. And this is a soft shell crab burger. And no, sushi. And some soft shell crab. It was a sushi roll. Some soft shell crab in it. That's what I had yesterday.

It was very nice. But now I want a soft shell crab burger. So thank you. I feel like I missed out yesterday. I didn't fear you, Emil. I saw that somewhere. I haven't had it myself. But I think I saw it on TV somewhere

where someone was visiting different restaurants and then they had a soft shell crab burger, which looked epic. So, yeah. That'd be good. I mean, it took me a while to try soft shell crab because I was... I bought up in a little town where you don't normally...

You'd never seen a crab. You didn't... You'd never seen a crab before. We wouldn't have done that kind of stuff. Yeah. And any ketrin listeners will know. It's a sponge ball, wasn't it? We're not going to be eating soft shell crab and ketrin.

That's not... What, would you be run out of town? Yeah, we're too cautious. We wouldn't trust it. What, chicken and what? What would you have been? Yeah, probably some normal chicken, unseasoned. We're not eating soft shell crab.

Scared. We're too scared. Let alone prawns with the shells on that side. What's the weirdest meat you've eaten then? The weirdest meat that I have eaten. That's a great question. It's not on the charts. In ketrin or outside of ketrin.

Weirdest meat inside ketrin would be lamb. Weirdest meat outside of... Well, bad snails. Yeah, I love snails. I really like snails. Do you eat them with the shell on, Salasi? No. Straight in there, popping it back like Bob Stoppers.

Yeah, so probably something like snails. I don't think I've had anything weirder than that. Have you eaten weirder stuff? What's your weirdest meat? It should be a new section on the podcast. That's a really good new question. Welcome to What's Your Weirdest Meat? That could be a whole new podcast in itself.

Right, that damn beneath. It's been off podcast beneath, though. What's your weirdest meat? Salasi's hosting it, he came up with it. Yeah. What did that have? In Peru. So they have, what do you call it?

I think it's called grass cutter. It's basically, it looks like... It's a rodent, I can't remember the name, but it's a local delicacy there. And literally, they deep fry it, and then it's still got a claws on it. Oh, God. And then it's back tipped.

And it's just like... It's just like polished. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just on the plate with salad and fries. Is it in the shape, like, can you see that it was running away? It was like this. Yeah, it was making it. He got me, he got me now.

It was frozen. So that's the weirdest thing. That's the weirdest thing. I mean, what I tend to do is, everywhere I go, I try to have what their locals have just to... Yeah? Yeah, you know. Well, you should go to Kettering

and have some unseasoned chicken. Yeah, yeah. Have some chips. Or just go to his house, and that's it. Yeah, yeah, I know. My house is very different. My parents' house is very different. Okay.

My mum is a great, great cook. She'll be listening to this, she'll listen to everything that I do. So mum, I'm not slugging you off on this podcast. Just so you know. Your main course... This is the big one. It's a Salati's favourite course.

It's the main course. We all expected pudding. But main course... Surf and turf. Okay, here we go. Okay. I'm greedy, right? Yeah, so if I could have a whole entire main menu,

like a whole entire menu in the restaurant, I would. Yeah. If I could get away with it, I would. So I love seafood, and I do love a good steak. Yeah. And anything meaty. So I would go for...

I would tend to go for a serving. That's your absolute dream that somehow people have combined that already then. And it rhymes. It's so handy. I would go to church every day to thank the Lord if every menu had that. You were going to church every day to thank the Lord.

I would love that. Look, if I had been better, you said server term. If Salati was going to church every day, just to thank the Lord for the server term. Salati's here again. He's praying. I wonder what Salati's praying for. For every day of Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, for my server term. How do you think server term? They're definitely server term. So what... Is there a traditional combination of server term? Is it steak and then prawns? Is it normally steak and prawns?

Steak and prawns. So we're going double prawns? Yeah. Yeah, you've double prawned it. Would you add anything else? Because I guess if it's called server term, you could technically have any type of seafood with any type of lamb.

Prawns. I do love a good calamari. But you have to be careful because some are very greasy, depending on how they cook it. So yeah, so calamari. Loophole. Sugar Dolphin. You could technically have that.

Technically, yes. Oh no, oh no. You're doing well now. Yeah, those two, I think. Calamari and prawns and then a steak? A steak, definitely. What cuts? Any particular cut?

Any particular... Rump, I think. Rump. How big are we talking? Oh, huge. Because steak is, in a way, it's very easy to prepare right. And I love a medium rare.

So, nicely cooked, sprinkled of sea salt. That's what you need. Nothing fancy, no other, whatever. And mass, and absolutely massive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, perfect. Whereas the place you've had the best surf and turf you've ever had?

Or even just like the one that's in your head, maybe the first one you had? I remember the first time I had a surf and turf, I thought it was a genius. I felt like I'd invented it, even though it was on the menu. Yeah. Just like seeing it going,

that's a great idea. And like, I would probably... Yeah, if it's available on a lot of menus, I'll probably go surf and turf. With some garlic butter, though. Well, it feels like a cheat, doesn't it? It feels like you've hacked the menu. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you can have two things. Yeah. Same with a mixed grill. I love a mixed grill. Mixed grill is the ultimate loophole. Yeah. But those are like... I ordered a mixed grill once,

and I mean, I've said that she'll be listening. So she'll be listening to... Anyway, Mum, there's a little story about... Yeah, get ready. So, like, I mean, my dad ordered mixed grills, and it arrived, and my mum went, that'll give you bowel cancer, and that was it.

Completely ruined the meal. It would. It absolutely would. She'd probably write. All I could think about was that I was going to die, as I'd eaten it. What age were you when you started having surf and turf? Oh.

I mean, that is the weirdest question anyone's ever asked on a point. I just thought it didn't start happening until I was in my 20s. Yeah, but you're a relatively late food adopter, I'd say. Yeah, that's true. You've had food, a food revelation later on in life. Yeah.

For a lot of my life, I was just eating food because I had to, because otherwise I'd die. And that's not... So that's, he looked surprised at me when he looked at me. That's not a condition that I've got. Okay. That's everyone. Yeah, that's the same with everyone.

Yeah, that's not me telling you about an illness I've got. That's like... You look more surprised by people needing to eat food because otherwise they'll die than you did when James screamed poppy-dums or bread. Yeah, or when I said I was a genie. Those things weren't surprising to you, but me saying, if I don't eat food, I'll die.

You're like, man, I didn't know. Well, no, because maybe he's going along with the fact you're a genie. That is surprising that a genie needs to eat food otherwise they'll die. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good point, isn't it? I didn't know genies needed to eat, you know? Yeah, no time.

Yeah, that's fair enough. No, I take it back. You should be surprised. Yeah, I only got into food properly. Yeah, late 20s when I started actually properly enjoying... Well, I was always a pudding boy. Always like puddies, but I only started liking everything else and really loving it.

I was in my late 20s and I was going out with someone who also appreciated food as I get it now. But that's when I'd say I started having surf and turfs personally. I'll probably say for me, maybe six, seven years ago. But I guess before that, I would always... Well, you can't get anywhere but Jalofrice, which is a Ghanaian, not Nigerian, a Ghanaian...

Oh, wow, I mean... Now we're doing a cross-podcast beat. Yeah, bring it. Lonnie was in. Comedian Loli Arafopi was here and saying she wanted Nigerian food and I believe Jalofrice was brought up. Yeah.

So a shot has been fired over the bow. Jalofrice, if all restaurants served it, definitely. Would you be thanking Jesus in church if all restaurants served Jalofrice? Yes. Back to church. Three times a day now. But once for the surf, once for the turfs,

once for the Jalofrice. Yeah. Then a little extra prep for Peshawari Naan. Yeah. And then once more just to curse Nigerian Jalofrice. Please, please Lord, get rid of it. I don't like it. So what's Jalofrice?

How would you... How are you putting together Jalofrice? You first make... Well, I'm describing how I make it. So depending on what you're adding, so chicken or lamb or beef or goat or anything, you make a stock from the meat. Yeah.

Then you use the stock to make a stew. So it's a tomato stew. Yeah. And then you add your veg. If you want to add veg, then you cook it in basmati rice, not American long grain. Basmati rice.

And it's just a stewed rice made from tomato sauce. And then you can add the meat or you grill the meat separately and then you have the other side. Nice. And it's everything. That sounds very good actually. I got lost in that.

It's like I was listening to a poem. Yeah. Wait, this is the hardest one. So lovely. So it's a specific place you want to get this surf and turf steak from for you. Best one you've ever had?

I can't remember. I had to insure this. Blue's Kitchen. Oh yeah, Blue's Kitchen insured it. Nice. They do good surf and turf there. It knows it. It's a fun place.

And you like this one insured it? Rump medium rare with prawns. And a side dish. Side dish. Well, have you had the planting? Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

So fried planting wins all the time. Every time. Every time. Now, I feel this is another hack for you to get an extra little dessert tasting thing in there. Because it's quite sweet. It's like you've got the Peshwari Naan and then the plantain.

It's like you're just infusing the whole meal with a bit of sweetness. Do you want to put some marshmallows in your beast? Fried plantain, so in Ghana it's a street food. So it's called kelewale. And they cook it, or the fry it, seasoned with ginger, garlic, salt. And so it's quite, more chili as well.

So it can be quite spicy. And it's just amazing. And they have it with a side of peanuts. Oh, a side of peanuts? Yeah. How are the peanuts just as they are? Yeah, just as they are roasted peanuts. So roasted peanuts and you just mix it in.

And literally that's it. And they're serving literally a little wrapping thing. Paper or whatever you call it. That actually sounds like it'd go really well with the surf and turf as well. I don't know why people aren't putting that with surf and turf more often. Yeah, have it as a little side.

If they don't have it, then I'll have, I'm a big sweet potato fry. Yeah, I bet. Joel, dump it again. Fried sweet potato, like sweet potato chips. Well, you say if they don't have it, you're at the Dream Restaurant, Selassie. We have absolutely nothing.

We have anything. We're going to get you the plantain. We'll get you the plantain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Peshwari Naan, surf and turf, fried plantain. Fried plantain. And down exactly, like,

so the proper street food from Ghana, I'll get, I can get you that. Yeah. No, I'm not. Peanut's on the side. Some peanuts on the side. Oh, don't forget. Oh, not forget the peanuts.

The roasted peanuts on the side. And in an absolute ball of move, you're the first person to ask for a side with your side. Yeah. You've got a side dish to the side dish. Sorry, I'm greedy. I like it. Yeah, you flagged it up first.

So the plantain, so the peanuts on that. And the little side for the peanuts. I can put a little, a little something else. I'll keep the shell sauce. Put a single olive on the side. Just hanging off like a. To drink as well for the hot. So like this, I mean, this is,

and this is a, I think it'll be quite a big one. So obviously you were saying at the start that you'd normally start with a boozy drink. Yeah. Also you were telling us earlier that you're currently working with cocktail genius, pairing up desserts and cocktails. That was, that was off.

That was off. That was off menu. Off menu. That was off menu. Yeah. But exciting though. I should talk about that for a bit. You pop up.

So on the 28th of February, I'm hosting a desserts and cocktail event in Regent Street with Smeg. Just eating desserts and pairing them with cocktails just to get people right. Just watching James's eyes light up when you do that. Like a pinball machine.

I would absolutely. There's pairing desserts and cocktails. How long does it take to do that? What a day. I would love it. He's got a pair of them all first. Like, are you pairing them to, are you working together pairing them?

Are you making a dessert and then he pairs a cocktail with it or? Well, we're in true Celasi fashion. I'm a bit laid back on the prep stages of it. So I will get to it. But we will be working together. You didn't know what the dessert's like. Well, I know what the desserts are.

So the first one would be a consomme, which is basically, I guess, a fruit soup. So you basically poach or you sous vide fruits and then you get the liquid out and you serve it with, I don't know, something on the side, something crispy or some more fresh fruits, etc. Then the main would be a crack or it's not a drug. It's very delicious, very more-ish.

Have to emphasise that. Celasi's not serving crack cocaine. Crack cocaine cocktails and dessert. Crackling, so choux pastry, which will be filled with some sobomous and praline paste with ice cream. So we're going for a hot and cold dessert and then with either hot chocolate sauce

or something that we're still thinking about. Then the dessert, then the, so it's a three course dessert. And then the final course, it's a cold dessert. Putting pudding. Yeah, putting, putting, putting, putting, putting. Would be a, do you like Ferrero Rocher? Yes. Yeah, so it would be a take on rocher.

So you'll have the chocolate centre. You'll have a wafer shell. Then it will be rolled in hazelnut chocolate. Amazing. That sounds really good. That would be seven, it's on as well. That sounds delicious. And even then, you said, I'm quite laid back about it.

And then you're like, actually no, we've got the recipes and then some of those recipes involved something crispy and some sorts of mousse. I just have it there. Yeah, I know, it's there. Actually, I've got, I've brought some of the praline paste for you guys to try. Oh, thank you so much.

That is the reason we started this podcast is so people would bring in things like that. And we were very, very happy. Every single person so far, when they've sat down, at some point during the interview, I just go, you got any praline paste? Like I didn't, I was like, I don't have any praline paste.

We have to edit that out every time because I have a huge outward yell at them that they haven't bought praline pastings. I love it so much. Praline praline criteria. Yeah. I can't wait to try that. Also, do you need any help pairing them up

with the cocktails? I'll happily come along and just help you guys out. I'll bear their image. James can be a celebrity taster for you. He can come down and show his face. That's important. So the celebs have to sign off on these things. Otherwise they're not good, right?

Yeah, rubbish otherwise. That's what you need. You need a celebrity. And I really want to smoke fridge, so I'll pop down as well. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's where Smeg is.

I was thinking of Red Dwarf. I mean, that's a bit weird. He's doing a Red Dwarf thing to pop up event. And none of the recipe seems to relate to Red Dwarf at all. Yeah, none of them are very Red Dwarfy. So drinks wise, what are you going to have with this dream meal? Obviously, so far I'm expecting that you are

going to have a sweet cocktail or something because... Oh, yeah. What have you been so far? I'm a big whiskey fan. I do love a whiskey. So if I can have a neat whiskey, then fine. But if it's in a cocktail, old-fashioned. But you can have whatever you like, Celestine.

This is you can... Old-fashioned. If you... Yeah, old-fashioned. Great. Yeah. Old-fashioned or whiskey sour. Yeah, whiskey sour was my gateway to cocktails

because obviously it is just a pudding. Yeah. So like, that was the first time like I even bothered with a cocktail. It was that it's not there anymore. Place for a wishbone in Brixton Village. Used to do like really good whiskey sours. And that's why I started going there.

And then it changed its name to Chicken Liquor because it was taken over by Meat Liquor. So Meat Liquor took it over, called it Chicken Liquor. I wasn't happy about the name change, but the menu was the same. That was fine. Yeah, yeah. Now it's a Meat Liquor.

There ain't even any chicken on there. And that shutting down as well. It's the chicken on the menu. Do you know what? If they're listening, I'm glad you're shutting down. And that's what you get that you absolutely deserve. It was great when it was wishbone, and then you came along and you changed it and you ruined it.

Even though- If you haven't broke, don't fix it. Yeah, exactly. I mean, they think it would give me a free meal once because I mentioned on QI, I mentioned it just off hand. I mentioned Chicken Liquor, and it got back to them and they offered me a free meal. All right.

And they let me and nine friends go. Did you come in? No, I wasn't invited. I went with nine of my buddies. Yeah, nine friends. Yeah, I can't believe I didn't make the cut. You must have been invited to this. I can't believe I'm your tenth best friend.

There's no way you're not invited to it. I will not have this. There's no way you weren't invited. You must have been invited. But it was a lot of us went there and they kept on. It was the best, like, oh, what a meal because we got there. Well, hang on. You've just massively slagged them off

and now you're trying to pull it back. No, no, I'm not pulling it back. They're dead in the water. Fuck him. But I'll be even handed and say about this amazing meal that I had because this was great. We turn up and that gives the menu. While you're deciding, we'll just put some nibbles out.

And it was like, but the nibbles were full dishes. So full baskets of chicken. And they've done this Nashville hot chicken at the time as well. And that had just gone on the menu. I hadn't tried that before. So we basically have a full meal while we're deciding on our meal. Then we all order our chicken.

And also, they just keep us topped up with cocktails because they know a lot of the whiskey sours. So they keep coming over. And as soon as you finish your cocktail, they just top it up with another one. And there was also this punch that they had done that was really lethal. I don't know what was in that, but that was insane.

And we drank all of that. And then we absolutely smashed. And then we watched Lolli had a faux pay. You went to her show? Yeah. Just went to Lolli's show at the time. I was like, yeah, I was absolutely Lolli if you're listening, which you won't be.

But Lolli, I was so drunk at that gig. I'm so sorry. So this restaurant gave you a free meal. Yes. And you have now thrown it back in their face by saying that you're angry at them. So now, by the way, if you work for Meat Liquor, you can now contact James and ask him

for the money for that meal. Uh-oh. Oh, no. You feel free to recoup that money. This is just because you didn't get invited. You look, yes. You bitter bastard. You son of a bitch.

You bitter son of a bitch. You tried to get me to pay for that free meal I had. And also, I'm not slugging off Chicken Liquor. It was the Chicken Liquor staff who did that for me. And then Meat Liquor took them over and ruined it. No, but Chicken Liquor, Chicken Liquor's a... branch of Meat Liquor. It's the same company.

No, no, no. Here's how it worked. They were wishbone. They got takeover by Meat Liquor, but the same guy was still in charge of it. And then when they got takeover by Meat Liquor properly, then that guy had to step down and the staff changed. And now it's shutting down. It deserves it.

Meat Liquor could rot in hell, but I love Chicken Liquor. So, an old-fashioned? Old-fashioned. Any specific whiskey? You can have any whiskey you like in it. What is it you love about an old-fashioned? Two questions. It's a very dangerous drink, right?

Yeah. Yeah, because there's a bit of sugar in there. So, you don't... Surprise, surprise for Salasi. Surprise. But... Probably the melted-down corpse of a sugar dolphin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought you got waist-not-one, not? Yeah. I'll do like a smoky whiskey. So, I'll go for a LaFroy. Oh, yeah. Super smoky. Super, yeah. Yes.

Super. Very nice. Old-fashioned is good. Old-fashioned, I like Rob Roy's as well. Do you like Rob Roy's? It's what I imagined whiskey tasted like before I drank whiskey. Does that make sense? I've always had the taste of Jack Daniels.

Like, because I uni, we literally... Because, you know, you're a broke student, and now you have his JD and Coke JD and Coke. So, I've never really been a fan of JD since then. So, I mean, my first sort of experience as a whiskey would be JD and it's just like horrible. Yeah, I don't like JD.

No, now I drink old-fashioned Manhattan's. Yeah. Whiskey sours now and again. I love it. Brown drinks. Ed lives in Mad Men. I don't know if you know that. Yeah.

I want to be in the show Mad Men. He's in Mad Men. He's on Draper. He drinks all those drinks. Now, it's the big question. If you choose cheese and biscuits, it'd be the funniest thing you ever had. I don't like cheese, so...

You don't like cheese? Well, I'm not the biggest, like, the ganky-looking ones, no. The ganky-looking cheeses. Name some of the ganky-looking ones. Top three gankiest cheeses, please. So, lastly... Name some... Name and shame.

What are the gangsters? Do you mean soft ones, ganky ones? Or smelly-looking ones? Both. Soft and smelly. Soft and smelly. Hashtag soft and smelly. I'm putting a brie in front of you. How do you feel about that?

Ganky? Yuck. Ganky. Yeah. Stilton? Yuck. Ganky. The worst.

The even worst. I don't mind mozzarella, because it's tasteless, and, you know, I mean, they love a pizza, so... Yeah, mozzarella cheddar all day. Yeah. But the rest... Cheesecake, obviously. Cheeseball, that wouldn't go near it.

No. I'll probably just grab the grapes off it, but that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bunch of eggs straight in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. So, that's a warning. If you ever offer Celacia cheeseball, he's just going to take the grapes.

Just give me a bowl of grapes. He's going to say something about the cheeseball being ganky, and then he's going to run away. That's a fair play. Well, that's good, because I've always been anti-cheeseboard, and it's very pro-cheeseboard. I love cheeseball. But I like...

The ganky are the better for me. Oh, really? Yeah. One of my favourite cheeses is a cheese that's called Stinking Bishop. You believe that? And it's the correct name for it. That's right. Yeah.

Stinking Bishop. What a boy. I go to church every day, and I pray. To the Stinking Bishop. To the Stinking Bishop. He works there anyway. Yeah, he works there, and he feels... But he hears me praying, talking about the Stinking Bishop,

but he thinks it's about him. Yeah. And now he's really self-conscious. He's washing it all the time. He's been doing service. He's probably a shower gel. Washing. Oh, and Gamble said, I stink again.

I mean, he's very grateful for me, but he says I stink. So, your actual pudding, then. This is the big one. This is why, I mean, some people, hello to everyone who's just skipped ahead to this bit. Some people were just listening. So, just to hear what Salasi's favourite pudding is.

Here we go. For the listener, he appears to be just thinking about it now. And also praying. Yeah, he is praying. You got your hands in the prayer. Chocolate pudding. Whoa. Simple.

We need more information, Salasi. We need you to go into some details here, my friend. Chocolate pudding. I mean, I do love a good chocolate cake, but then you've got a chocolate pudding with a molten chocolate in the middle. You cut through it, and it just oozes out. And you have a side of...

A side of blackberry sauce, which is seasoned with ground black pepper. Oh. Oh, yes. And it's just much made in heaven. And is this something that you make on a regular basis? This is one of yours? Yes. Yes.

And it's my go-to. I think you're the first person to come to the Dream Restaurant and then offer to go in the kitchen and cook the pudding. I was going to say that. Oh, first one for pudding. Obviously, Scubius Pip cooked his own main course. He cooked his own main course. With the Meadsy base.

Yeah, yeah. Which I've taken off, and loads of people have enjoyed the Meadsy base. But now we've got Salasi's chocolate pudding with... I mean, that sauce sounds incredible. Is it like a fondant? Yeah, chocolate fondant. Yeah, chocolate fondant. With blackberry sauce with black pepper in it.

And how long have you been making that particular dish for? Oh, for a while now. So this was like a... Yeah, go-to. Go-to. Because I'm not... They're going to kill me now. I mean, I'm a dessert person.

But I'm not... When I go to a restaurant, I don't really look at the dessert because I always feel, oh, I eat it so much. I eat it so much. Oh, okay. So it's not an arrogance thing. It's like, I eat so much dessert that I'd rather just get on with the main. And then, yeah.

Have you ever been out to a restaurant, had a starter in a main, and then gone home and cooked a dessert yourself? No. Well, maybe I should do that. You should do that. That's great. It's a cheaper way of eating out.

Yeah, and also... I got the service charge. Yeah, exactly. You get a little walk before the dessert. Yeah, exactly. That's quite good. Because the thing with desserts, right, is you have it at the end of the meal, of course,

but then you don't want to have too much of it. Yeah. So it needs to be very little, very tasty. And because people sometimes feel like, oh, I don't think I have room for dessert. So with a chocolate pudding, it's very simple. It comes in a little ramekin and then that's it. So you don't have a slab of pie in front of you

with ice cream on it and drizzle of caramel or whatever, et cetera, whatever the dessert is. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, someone who always has room for dessert, it's James A. Kaster. God, it's dessert stomach. Except for dessert stomach. And that's...

What does it all go? Huh? Yeah, I know. Salasi, trust me, we'd get so angry about this. I have to run a bloody marathon when I have one dessert. Just to lose it. You did run a marathon, right?

Yes, I did. A lot of the Bake Off people, a lot of people all do it on the marathon together. The Bakers doesn't. We did it last April. And then it was, yeah, I was a killer. Where did you... Because surely, at the end of it,

even though no one cares where they place a marathon, but you care where you place amongst your friends, right? Well, I did, then I realized, you know what? Yeah, I didn't get my time. So let's be all like, yeah, I still run the marathon. Yeah, I think that's for it. Was it the London Marathon last year? London Marathon, yeah.

It was boiling, right? It was the hottest. It was the hottest. So when I was training for it... Did you run it as well, last year? No, I ran it the year before, and the weather was all right. And I'm running it this year as well.

Why are you? Yeah, and I'm kind of really, really hoping the weather is not warm because it looked horrible last year. It was. I was like dying, literally. Yeah. Yeah, just...

I was in pain. And you don't drink water either, so that must be absolutely awful. You're turning it down all the time. Salasi, no, thank you. An old-fashioned, if you will. They're actually run somewhere, maybe in Ketchum, where you can basically run with beer

and beggar or something. Yeah, sure. I think Ketchum, yeah. Absolutely. Chewing on an unseasoned chicken. Right. That's your thing, Si. Wow, wow.

You're doing it this year, Ed? Yeah. How's the training going? All right. I mean, it's still... We're still about 16 weeks away, so it's okay. Yeah, yeah, you got loads of time.

Yeah, I think I've got a while. But I quite enjoy the training. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I love it. I like having a bit of structure in my life. You're changing your diet, aren't you, for it? Yeah.

And well, I'm trying to not eat three-course meals all the time. Just two. Just two, two courses. Every new year, though, you're quite good at doing something like that. Every new year, like last new year, you went vegan for a bit.

Yeah, for six months. I went vegan for six months. Yeah. Yeah. No, Salasi's not happy with that. Salasi's making a cross-sign with his hands. Like he was banishing a demon from the room. And they didn't do vegan week when you were on Bake Off,

but now they do vegan week regularly. You wouldn't have been happy with that? Nah. Nah. I mean, you know, veganism, it sounds like a religion, right? Well, you know, you're the one praying for surf and turf every day. You're the one taking Jesus for food.

I've always grown up on meat and just everything else. Sure, yeah. You know, so I wouldn't, it wouldn't be a life choice that I would make myself. Fair enough. And it's not a life choice. I'm not here dissing anyone, you know, is your choice.

Go ahead. Do what you want. Well, I did extra slice when it was vegan week, because they're vegan week in the last series. And those cakes were delicious. I was amazed by... Some vegan cakes are great. I mean, I'm pretty close-minded, actually.

Yeah. I hold my hands up. And they were so nice. Yeah. I would not have... I know you like the compliment people always give vegan food is that you wouldn't know it was vegan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's like... But like, honestly, I think you were a bit... I've had some good vegan cakes. So if it's a chocolate cake and it's vegan, it's amazing. Yeah. But if you try... Well, when you try and do other sort of vegan stuff, sometimes it's a bit, you know,

because you can make avocado chocolate cake. Yeah. Which sometimes, if you don't get it right, the avocado is just overpowering. It just tastes like avocado. Yeah, you don't want to studge your avocado in the flour mixture in your mouth kind of thing. So it's a bit...

Yeah. So you have to get it right. I've had some great vegan recipes of meals, but then I wouldn't necessarily go back yet. Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. I think that's a very balanced opinion, Celasi, don't worry.

Thank you. Future politician it will make it. Right, so shall I read your order back to you? Make sure that you're happy with it. Yes. You would like still water to start, but you won't be finishing it. No.

So can you give it in a shot glass if you like? I'll do. And just to let you know, Celasi was not lying. He's had a glass of water in front of him for the whole record, and he has not touched any of it. Gone nowhere.

Sorry, I'll have a sip. No, you don't need to. I'll have a sip. You don't sip in the water. Don't have a sip. No, it's absolutely disgusted by the whole thing. Yeah, I'll have a sip. Peshwari naan, then you would like a prawn and lobster beast,

preferably from... Was it Malta? Yeah. Yeah. Serpent turf, and you would like the rump steak medium rare with the prawn and calamari, but not too greasy on the calamari.

Yep, that's correct. Side of fried plantain, but the street food one with the peanuts on the side. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. You would like an old fashioned with the smoky whiskey. What was the whiskey?

Lafroy. Lafroy, and you would like chocolate pudding made by your own hands, with a side of blackberry and pepper sauce. Yes, get rid of the pastry chef. Get rid of the pastry chef? I'll make my own dessert. And then...

I mean, technically, that's me. The whole thing is me. So I'll let you into the kitchen for a bit, make that pudding. Well, thank you very much, Selassie. Thanks for having me. Thank you. That is a wonderful meal as well.

Yeah, it's a delicious meal. And I just took you guys... Some of them were close to... When we started off, close to Joel Domit's one with the Pershuari now. I was a little bit worried, but this goes to show that Joel's individual choices aren't bad.

It's entire life in general. So it's not... It's fine. Mm-mm, mm-mm. Yum, yum, yum. Great meal. Great meal. Great meal.

There's a proper good meal. And not a licorice in sight. No licorice was mentioned. Thank the Lord. I pray every day that licorice was not mentioned. Loads of praying in the church today. I liked that. I really liked it.

We should offer that as a service to a lot of our guests. There's also a genie church. Not a genie church. Yeah, next door there's a church, and the vicar's a genie. Not me. The vicar's a genie?

Yeah. Why does the vicar have to be a genie? Because the person who runs the church has to be a genie. I think that'd be too flashy for a vicar, because you're already in there praying to God, aren't you? Why would the vicar be running around

like a genie, which is pretty holy? Genies are pretty holy, right? So God is a genie. Is that what you're saying? Well, God, a genie is almost a type of God, isn't it? So you would rather that God is a genie in the church? And life is a dance floor.

God is a genie, life is a dance floor. Life is a roller coaster, and I'm going to ride it. So before we get two side tracks with philosophy, thank you very much to Salasi for coming in. Lovely stuff, great meal. The most chilled out guest we have ever had, he took everything within his stride, apart from the revelation that James

needs to eat food to survive. Yeah, and sorry to any listeners who also didn't know that. If we scared you during your morning commute, we didn't mean to. But that is, you know, we can educate people. Maybe, hey, if any of you are listening to the, more than one podcast, if any of you listen to that,

no such thing as a fish podcast that the QILs do, if they say that fact on it, call them on it. But they've stolen that off us. Yeah. If they say on it that if you don't eat food, you'll die, and they've got that off of us. Yeah. Thank you to Salasi also for this,

which I'm holding in my hand, a lovely jar of praline paste that he has left for us. Yes, it does look good, actually. I might try a little spoonful of it later. Well, it's in my hands, mate, so good luck. Good luck, any idea of this? I'm drinking it all. Hey, James, anything you want to plug?

Oh, I'm on tour this year. Also, on the television will be Hypothetical soon, hosted by Josh Whitcomb and myself on Dave. We asked our guests, post final hypothetical situations to our guests, one of which is actually Ed Gamble, in one of the episodes. As you know, I'm a guest. I'm not a hypothetical situation.

No, no, no. You're a guest on it. I won't invite into a chicken shop, but I'll invite him on my TV show. Yes. That's how much of a nice guy I am. I just remembered you did that. I definitely invited you to that.

Hey, I'm on tour two. My show is called Blizzard. It's touring nationwide. It has now started. So I'll be feeling pretty down right now. No, I'll be on tour. It's very exciting. So check out my website, edgamble.co.uk.

Check out where I'm doing my show near you and come along. Nice little sight in there. That's very nice. I enjoyed that. James. So all that's left to say is eat well. Don't die. And see you next time on Off Menu, I think.

And huge shout out to Barry and everyone at Angel Comedy, who's let us record the podcast today in Angel Comedy Club. Camden Head and Angel do come along. See some shows here. See some shows at the Bill Murray, where they also run wonderful gigs. Great gigs.

Wonderful gigs. Thank you to them. Thank you to Salasi. Thank you to you, James. Thank you to our producer, The Great Benito. We will see you next week on Off Menu. Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu,

where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato. And our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed.

But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North, because, look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny.

Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Gladell's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian?

It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.