Oh What A Time... - #14 Your Correspondence

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

As regular listeners will note, over the past few weeks we have invented many of the world's greatest podcasting features: ONE DAY TIME MACHINE, HOW WOULD YOU IMPRESS SOMEONE IN 500AD and of course DO YOU HAVE A RELATIVE OF NOTE? And given the fact our inbox has been so full of good stuff, we decided that this week we'd dedicate a whole episode to these HOT NEW PODCASTING FORMATS. And guess what, we're back every Monday at the moment; so got an episode idea? Want to contribute to any of our INCREDIBLE format points? Do let us know at: [e-mail] Aaannnd if you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice? Oh and please follow us on Twitter at @ohwhatatimepod And Instagram at @ohwhatatimepod (where we'll put that picture of the soldier from the Battle of Towton) Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk). And thank you for listening! We’ll see you next week! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku dot ca hello and welcome to oh what a time the history podcast where we try to figure out if the past was absolutely rubbish i'm chris skull joining. Joining me also, Tom Crane and Ellis James. A bit of a different show today because the email, the correspondence has been, I mean, our inbox has been red hot. Red hot like a blacksmith's forge. Yeah.

Nice. Yeah? Like a judge's gavel. What I like about that is normally when you... Dispensing justice. When you charge into a simile, you have some idea of what that simile might be, but Chris went straight in, red-hot like it,

and then thought, oh, I'm in too deep now. I'm panicking, what have I got? And you thought to yourself, this is a history podcast, I might be discrediting myself. It's funny, blacksmith was the first hot profession that came to mind. I like that. Hot air balloonist? Only a part of that is hot, of course.

The top of his head and the flame. The rest should be quite cool. Ideally. It's as hot as a hot air balloonist's basket. There we are. If I got in a hot air balloon and the basket felt hot, I'd immediately get out again, incidentally. I'm not going...

I'm sticking with this trip. This feels like this is going to end well. I raise my hand yeah further into the flame you've lost that that's gone can i say if i was if the victorians didn't they come up with a hot air balloon but like we've stuck with wicker haven't we against all odds you think you think wicker would be a terrible idea. Now, that is a very good observation. The one bit they haven't changed. You'd think there'd be some sort of fiberglass basket now. It makes it a very old school... But maybe, can I give the argument, Ellis,

that maybe that's what people enjoy, that actually it's quite a nostalgic form of travel, and that's why they've stuck with the wicker. Well, two things. It's a nostalgic form of travel and that's why they've stuck with the wicker. Well, two things. It's not a form of travel. Are you going to work on Monday? Probably hot air balloon. Well, what is it then?

And B, it's a kind of odd bus time. And B, surely what people enjoy is the height. Okay, I'll give you that. Not the fact that they're in a bit of wicker. I could be in wicker in pretty much any conservatory in the UK. I actually think Tom's work will take to it when he turns up five hours late and says, sorry, the wind changed this morning.

Hovering above a writer's room I'm already late for and saying, guys, I'm above you. I just don't know how to make this go down. Can someone tell me how? I do want I'm above you, I just don't know how to make this go down. Can someone tell me how? I do want to be in work, I just don't know how to reach you. Do I come down a rope? What do I do? Yeah.

What do I do now? Yeah, if you all get a ladder, I'm in the right spot. I'm just too high. Yeah, I wouldn't class the hot air balloons. Okay, fair enough. I'm willing to concede. Good point, though. Good point about the wicker.

Yeah, that does make sense. That's really interesting. The point is, though, rather than the wicker and the boiling hot blacksmith, we've had lots of emails. That's the point, isn't it? Well, I think there's a second point as well. It's the sheer quality of the emails. Absolutely. They are incredible. It's the sheer quality of the emails. Absolutely.

They are incredible. It's brilliant. I want to be friends with all of our listeners. That's the thing that always comes across. I always think, oh, you strike me as a really good person who writes very, very funny emails. That means we don't have to do as much work. It's the quality.

You are right, Ellis. It's the quality of stuff that our listeners... Do other podcasts get this? Are we alone? Are we lucky? I wouldn't say we're outplayed, but I would say we're certainly in the top 1%. I'm not going to start naming podcasts that have the worst emails. Name them.

Even though I'm desperate to name and shame. All right, I'm going to do it. Does the Peter Crouch podcast get emails as good as ours? Almost certainly not. So, this is a special episode, isn't it, Chris? What are we doing today? We are going through your correspondence. The three main, three of the world's top four podcasting features are going to get their own time to really... Flourish. I was going to say fester. That's not the word I'm looking for. Just their own time to really percolate, say fester that's not the word i'm looking for just their own time to really percolate percolate and flourish yeah i can't stop thinking about being

a blacksmith now it's like that is a top the heat if you get burned oh dear i can guarantee to you that i would be injured on day one yes and it And it would be a classic life-altering. My grandfather lost an eye welding. Welding? Yeah, in the early 50s, yeah. Spark, I think. Stray spark. Wallop.

Was he not wearing a mask? It was 1954, so I think... This is pre-masks. I think people laughed at masks in the 50s when was the mask invented it was 1955 isn't it yeah when it first came in what are the chances i i do think though ellis i do agree medieval um blacksmith is up there with the worst jobs you can possibly have oh my god like first of all it's the danger it's the sparks it's the heat secondly it's the strength of holding up the things you've got to wallop things with.

Thirdly, tough medieval types who are promising to pay you for things you've done, but they haven't paid you yet. It's also that aspect of getting your money from hard medieval people. I should be in a blacksmith all day and at the end of it you don't get paid. Because someone hasn't done a check run on your invoice. Because someone hasn't done a check run on your invoice Yeah In the next three months, Max, you'll get paid, don't worry They're always covered in dirt as well

Like going home to your bedsheets To be covered in tar half the time Another thing that used to Had a bizarrely Important role in Children's television when I was a kid I don't think it's on children's television as much anymore, was glassblowing.

Oh, yes. That always looked pretty unpleasant as a job. You'd always get someone from Blue Peter to do some glassblowing, and that looks very hot and uncomfortable. You know, in the same way that you get shoe repairers and key cutters in the same thing, aren't blacksmiths and glassblowers kind of... If you went to a blacksmith, would they be doing glassblters are the same thing Aren't blacksmiths And glass blowers kind of If you went to a blacksmith would they be doing glass blowers The same shot

No but I think they'd have a lot to talk about at a wedding If you're on the same table Yeah Well I think we've found another Feature if not a feature Certainly a topic for people to email us on Which medieval job Would be by today's standards

a bit of a skive? Bearing in mind, I don't want to get burnt. I'm kind of, my body's built for podcasting, but I feel very, very lucky that obviously I live now and not in, you know,

500 BBC or the 1300 or whatever. So, yeah, any old job that would have been a bit of a skive, because I reckon agriculture would be a nightmare. You'd get a bad back and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, I just need skive jobs. So you want easy jobs

if you were to go back in time, easy jobs. That's what you're saying. Bearing in mind, before anyone suggests like clerk or civil servant, I find admin very boring. By the way, I've thought of a situation. We were discussing there briefly about the idea of trying to get paid for work you've done as a blacksmith.

The mistake I would make would be, along these sort of lines, I would make someone a sword, I would hand them the sword, and then I would ask for the money and now they've got a sword and obviously I've lost all power and I'll think why didn't I ask for the money before giving them the weapon this is 400 times in a row now

imagine being stabbed with a weapon that you'd spent hours making save for the knowledge that it's still hot as well. The amount of love that went into that weapon. It's not even a

room temperature sword. I did an all-nighter on that one. I was actually really enjoying the craft of it. You can hear your liver cooking because the sword is still hot. You can hear your liver cooking because the sword is still hot. All right, you horrible lot.

Here's how you can stay in touch with the show. You can email us at hello at oh, what a time dot com. And you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Oh What A Time Pod. Now clear off. Are you Dave, a claims-free hybrid driving university grad who signed up online? Well, Dave, this jingle's for you. Who saves with TD Insurance? Because he's a claims-free hybrid driving university grad who signed up online. It's Dave.

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between is amazing. From football to basketball and hockey to baseball, whatever the moment, it's never ordinary at Bet365. Must be 19 or older,ario only please play responsibly if you or someone you know has concerns about gambling visit connects ontario.ca i am uh taking the first section of this episode uh and yeah sure i've just come up with another great email topic we're just coming up with topics features items left right and, right and centre. It's effortless. It's effortless podcasting. However, the greatest feature in the history of podcasting, invented, of course, by Tom's wife, Claire, One Day Time Machine.

And we've had lots in on this. Should we be rude not to listen to the jingle? Should we do the jingle? Go for it. It's the One Day Time Machine. It's the One Day Time Machine. It's the one day time machine. It's the one day time machine. It's the one day time machine.

This first email is, I hope I'm pronouncing this right, Jope. Jope Smeets. If I'm sent back to let's say the 12th century, I would tell anybody who wants to hear about it, about an enormous continent with massive natural resources if you just head due east.

I'd say that Japan is off the coast of China, that Australia is somewhere, if you just follow this basic world map I just drew for you. I'd study upon cartography, I'd focus on rivers, natural harbours and mountain ranges before taking the time machine home. I'd focus on rivers, natural harbours and mountain ranges before taking the time machine home. I do not know how to sail and get very seasick, so the success of my plan would entirely hinge on if people in that time knew how to go do anywhere on boats. I mean, that's very vague. Do anywhere. I love that writing. That's beautiful. You turn up and you go, OK, if you head east, sorry, what's east?

What are you on about? There's no frame of reference here. And then I'd say the phrase, I'd then say, never eat shredded wheat. And they'll say, well, how does that help? And I'd say, that's all I have. That's all I have. So the success of my plan would entirely hinge on if people in that time knew how to go do anywhere on boats and could spare a few ships to go follow up what I'd said, come back, confirm everything I'd said and then surely fame and glory

would be mine. I mean, Job, is it the nail on the head there, really? You'd have so much knowledge but it would be difficult to convince people, wouldn't it? Like you're just going up to some random person in the street saying, Australia is somewhere.

And then they're're going what's that mean oh well imagine it you've got like these little animals like like some little cute bears but they're quite dopey um sort of bouncing animals called you you just sound like a maniac none of it would sound reasonable or relevant you'd be like you know in about 700 times they're gonna be making really great soap operas, some of which are going to be shown twice a day on British television.

It's that good. And sometimes you'll have watched the early version and you'll still watch the afternoon version of that soap opera and you won't mind. You'll enjoy it.

Some of those stars will have break-up careers, they'll become singers. One in particular, quite a diminutive young lady called Kylie Minogue who started off as a mechanic

called Charlene she will become a global superstar that honestly can you go do anywhere on a boat

that is a really good point like Chris for example how are you convincing someone in that situation what are you doing to sell yourself as someone they should listen to maps is a it's

a tricky thing isn't it because you say you draw a perfectly accurate map of the world i think you're just going to get shrugs back yeah but it's interesting when i when you go to the british museum where you see those ancient maps that bear some resemblance to the world you're like how on earth have they managed that? Like Mappa Mundi. Do you remember that? What's a Mappa Mundi? What's that? Mappa Mundi is any medieval European map of the world.

So we studied these at school and they are... I'm not having a go at medieval cartographers. Of course I am. I am. Hilariously wrong. You can, Ellis. It's fine. They're all dead now. None of them are listening. They were shit. Yeah.

Would you rather to sort of chance your arm without a map if you were back there and you had to get somewhere? Would you just go, I'm just going to freestyle it? Because that is clearly useless. It is difficult, isn't it? I think if you met a cartographer or a mapmaker maybe then they'd be more into it but the stuff you were saying would be so different to what they thought was best

and what they thought was right I think sorry son I've been making maps for about 40 years in Hereford Cathedral, and I kind of think I know where the Vatican is, actually. Mate, you're fucking miles out. Scale means it's completely off as well.

I'm looking at your map. About 1% of it is sea. You've completely missed the Pacific, and you've completely missed the ocean. You've completely missed the Atlantic and you've completely missed the ocean. You've completely missed the Atlantic, you complete oaf. I would say anything you do go back, I wouldn't get so aggressive so quickly if you're trying to sell. That's probably not the way to get the result you want in 24 hours if after two minutes

you're telling him he's a wanker and he has no idea what he's doing career-wise. Maybe sort of give a little bit of sugar. Calling a medieval cartographer an oaf. I basically think, are you the same as this? I have a feeling that I would say that Chris is probably all right on this front, but I would struggle. I'm so glad I live in the era of the sat-nav.

Like, just maps, even decent maps in the 80s and 90s. I had no idea what I was doing when I was asked to do that. Well, I begun my stand-up career in the year 2005, and I was a driver. I used to drive you to gigs. And I didn't get a sat-nav until about 2010. So for five years, I was doing it either with, you know, A to Z, AA route planners,

or the printout sheets of the AA route planner sort of website. God, that takes me back. Yes. But the problem with that, if you go wrong once, the rest of the sheets are completely useless. You now just own a sort of tale of what could have been. Yeah. 15 pages of what you could have had. I remember trying to drive to a gig in East London,

took a wrong turning in West London, and then I was just in London with absolutely no idea where to go, and it was horrible. The sat-nav, I mean, it is... Can you imagine I don't know, being a pirate in the golden age of piracy and you've got access to a sat-nav?

Do you know what I've kind of I was thinking the other day, like, does anyone it's such a big thing to pull over and ask someone for directions and it would happen to you all the time. It just doesn't happen. That's a thing that's been lost down the generations. My grandfather apparently refused to do this.

So my mother grew up in Carmarthen, went to Liverpool University. And I think they got as far as Liverpool. And then my mother and my grandmother were like, can we not just pull over and ask someone? He was like, no. So then he's just driving around Liverpool, desperately looking for the address where those residents were. But yeah, I used to ask people all the time.

In the first five years, I was constantly asking people. Did you ever do that thing where someone pulls over and asks you for directions and you go, oh yeah, you need to go down there and left. And then you see them pull away and you're like, actually is that right yeah shit anyway so yeah i'm glad i live now i think yeah pre sat nav nightmare it's one more uh one day time machine before we move on to something else hello ellis tom and chris i'm really enjoying the podcast and being able to follow the real-time invention of so many hot new format points. I don't know where I would choose to go with the one-day time machine, but your recent question about what clearly demonstrable fact would you show someone from the past to blow their mind really got me thinking. In the end, I came up with soap. I've made soap as a hobby,

and it's quite straightforward, really. I definitely think I'd be able to make some rough bars of the stuff, even with limited supplies available in the Middle Ages. Depending on what was around where I turned up, I may even throw in some lavender or whatever. Or whatever. Or whatever

suggests he hasn't got any other ideas beyond lavender. He's chucked in as if to say I could come up with loads of things now but i'm not going to but really it means i've just got lavender yeah it's a basil so you'd smell like soup um it probably won't look anything like something you'd find in lush but i think i could at least demonstrate the power of using soap to sanitize your hands quite convincingly to people from the unwashed middle ages perhaps by showing the difference in rate of decay between food

handled by clean versus dirty hands if there's if there's one thing this is such a good point you really do not want to do in the past it's it gets sick because think about it even like no paracetamol the lack of pain relief yeah that's a really good point if there's one thing you really do not want to do in the past it gets sick so i think focusing on uh on it and sanitization would be a pretty sensible approach to time travel keep up the good work reuben i'll tell you what i've got an idea though i think ellis you've touched on something there yes going back i think the thing you could do to to amaze people think about like the outbreaks of cholera in london they're all from those water pumps. That took us centuries to figure out, quite late on. You just go typhoid, cholera,

stop drinking out of these bloody pumps, go get some fresh water elsewhere, you'll be fine. Buy some bottled water you oaf. This is from Lauren Chepstone. This is relevant to that last email from Ruben. Hi guys, thanks for working so hard on the podcast. It's been a

genuine joy from day one, something to look forward to for my dull from Ruben. Hi guys, thanks for working so hard on the podcast. It's been a genuine joy from day one, something to look forward to for my dull Monday come outs. My husband mentioned something the other day that I thought was interesting. Would a person from the past be blown away by the absence of bad smells in the present? So you're bringing someone from the past into 2023 in this scenario.

The past must have been really stinky with a heady combo of body odour, rotting rubbish in the streets, piss in the gutters and other aromas. Do they count as aromas or smells? So if we were to use the one day time machine to bring someone back from the past, a la Bill and Ted, would they be shocked at how fragrant

the present is? Something to ponder, Lauren Chepstow. I think the city basically stinks. But a field now is going to be a field in 1600. I think broadly the smells would be alright. I was on

the west way in London and we had our windows down and within a couple of minutes the car was full of fumes from other cars i thought this is not good but then again yeah that i think it does a less healthy smell than someone's sweat isn't it from the year 1600 for instance that's just unpleasant but it's not it's not damaging your lungs but we are we're accustomed to smells here aren't we so that is it is it that is it

would they actually there's a chance that maybe things like soap, and let's just say if you showed a medieval person a bath bomb, they might think it's an orphanage. That's a thing. So if I turned up, the overwhelming smell of radox would be like, people are like, oh my God. Well, there is a chance. Imagine if you went back to 1600 with a little bottle of that mint tea gel stuff?

People would think they were rotting. Yeah, the Australian mint one was quite big about ten years ago. We used to feel like your scalp was burning as you washed your hair. I think there is a good chance that people would be disgusted by your smell, because it would be so unusual. All right, they love something pointed. But I could quite easily situation where someone walks up to you covered in sort of faeces and having not washed in four years

and still you're the problem. I can still see that. Well, do you know what? Funny, on that note, my daughter said to me the other morning, she was like, oh, your breath really stinks. I went, really? Of what? She went, toothpaste.

So maybe like, if you go back to 1600, people would be like, this geezer's breath is absolutely toxic. It just smells like mint. On that toothpaste thing, and that is the thing I've thought about before, the idea of kissing someone in medieval times. Medieval mouths must have been quite disgusting why are you sorry why are you going back to 1600 going straight on the pool no i'm just saying no that the good white sweetheart approach yeah it's tom's first thought is god what's the snogging my wife says i'm not allowed to kiss anyone else Unless it's in a different time If I go forward or back in time Then we're on a break

That's what she says Tom's rocking up at the oldie tavern And he's parking up at the bar He's read the game I'm negging someone He's just started negging immediately No, I didn't mean me I meant for two

In love, hopefully in love, medieval people, when they're kissing, it just must be acceptance that your teeth have old food, one tooth. Yeah, you're just like, this is part of the deal. Yeah, exactly. Maybe sex was completely kissless. Yeah. Like animals.

This is a great email from cameron shemai ellis that's the welsh word for hello hi tom and chris whilst i'm predominantly a 20th century historian rather than a medievalist i might be able to provide some information to help answer your questions from the other week about the extent that combatants in medieval battles got stuck into the mixer which was a great it was a great use of a um a cliche from football commentary to describe medieval battles describe them as the mixers it's how usually people describe sort of 18 yard box in football where they're with them you know a lot of goals are scored so we were basically discussing whether people really threw themselves into the fight. That's what it was. And could you have time off? Yeah.

So, you know, you've done a couple of minutes of sword fighting. Your arm is sore. You're knackered. You're like, I'm just going to go and stand over there for a bit. And then I'll get my breath back and see where that takes me. In the early 2000s, researchers at the University of Manchester examined and reconstructed the remains of a middle-aged man, number 16, who was killed at the Battle of Touton during the Wars of the Roses.

They found that his skull had several wounds in the forehead and temporal bones, meaning that he likely died after being struck in the head with a poleaxe. He also had a long cut across the bottom of his face that had split his jawbone in two, leaving a gaping hole in his

face. The blow would have bled excessively, cut his facial nerves and may also have damaged his tongue. This would have impacted his ability to speak and eat and led to a loss of feeling across his face. However, the wound was well healed, albeit leaving a massive scar, meaning that it was not actually inflicted at Touton but rather at a previous battle. Despite such a horrific injury, this man went back into the mixer, knowing full well what he was letting himself in for. Of course, you don't know for certain whether or not he did so completely willingly, but the healing of this old wound implies that it was treated quickly, with researchers believing that he may receive preferential access to a barber surgeon as a result of higher social standing.

This, perhaps, offers an indication of how much agency he had in the decision to get stuck in at Houghton. I love the way this genuine historian keeps using the phrase stuck in. You can read the article below if you'd like to see a reconstruction of what his face might have looked like. If you just Google image, facial reconstruction battle of Touton, number 16, it's quite easy to find. I did that just now. There's a long article on the Science Direct website.

The scar is bad. Okay. It's not like a shaving nick. It's properly... No, it really, really isn't. Even though it would have been treated by a shaving nick it's properly no it really really isn't even though it would have been treated by a barber it is bad and yet he decided to get back stuck back into the mixer straight away afterwards

it's fascinating though the idea of such a bad injury but obviously the Battle of Towton I don't know if he was a professional soldier the other thing imagine having a gash that bad treated by your barber i'm just looking at the pictures now and we'll put this on our instagram i have to say there's not that bad he's like it that's this is in 1461 if this this guy

had this done now i'd go they've done well there that's incredible yeah i mean they've done a good job on stitching him back up but if you look at there i've seen a picture of his skull and um it's a nasty gash uh and if i was fighting in a battle and a bloke turned up with a gash that big on his face that had healed i would shit myself well i was just thinking that would you shit yourself or would you go well there's a guy who's been absolutely turned over before? Yes. I mean, he looks a little bit like the Terminator. Barber surgeons are interesting. Most early physicians disdained surgery

and the barbers did surgery of wounds, blood, letting, cupping and leeching, enemas and extracting teeth. Since the barbers were involved not only with haircutting, hairdressing and shaving but also with surgery they were called barber surgeons the phrase jack of all trade jack of all trades comes to mind do you think there'd be um a sort of that feeling when you're having a haircut as well because it's a barber surgeon to have conversations about any nice holidays they've got coming up so that while they're stitching your face together is it like

that or when they put they put your lower jaw back together they get the mirrors and go happy with that nice and tight stitched it all together thanks right see you in a month do we want to chat about historical relatives? Oh, yes, please. I can actually return this conversation back to hot air balloons, courtesy of a lovely email from Becky. Hi, Chris, Tom and Ellis. Hope you're well.

Loving the pod. I have an MA in medieval history. Great. Because I panicked and wanted to put off adulthood for another year. So it's taken me back to the good old days. A historical relative for you my grandma and i did some family history a few years ago found lots of french ancestry on my mum's side including a relative who allegedly escaped the siege of paris during the franco

prussian war in 1870 via hot air balloon oh, Ellis, if you're escaping on something, to my mind, it's a mode of transport. He travelled on to the UK and settled in the East Midlands, which I suppose had to be mildly better than besieged Paris. Escaping via a hot air balloon from a siege. So slow, isn't it? If you are escaping from a siege in a hot air balloon, you're giving the finger, aren't you?

It would, no, It would be horribly slow. Yeah, yeah. Painful. I once drove away from some football fans, and a friend of mine had given the finger to. Traffic lights were a bloody nightmare. Go, go, go, go, go! Say you take off in the hot air balloon.

Yeah. The Prussians Laying siege to Paris You look down and you go Then the wind stops And you realise you've got a rope dangling down And they've just grabbed hold of it So you're going nowhere

You're going Zoot-a-lore It's such a slow way to get away Isn't it? It's either slow or I would say chillingly fast depending on the wind Also you don't have much control as to where it's taking you as well, it might blow you into a worse uprising

Into Prussia, on the wind This is the one thing I didn't want to happen You drift across the border Mind you when you land you might go you're not going to bloody believe this

and they'll go oh you've been unlucky we'll let you go with your trickle all coloured balloon clear where you've come from yeah

also it must have been I mean people must have been desperate to get in that hot air balloon and there's only room in the busker

for three or four. Yeah. It's like the last chopper out of Saigon, but just really slow. The last buskett. That's amazing. And we're not assuming that he floated to Britain. It says that he emigrated to Britain. That wasn't on the hot air balloon, was it?

Well, the email implies that, but I wouldn't like to speak to it. He cut off. That's like a month, isn't it, to get across the channel, surely, in the hot air balloon, was it? Well, the email implies that, but I wouldn't like to speculate. He cut off. That's like a month, isn't it, to get across the channel, surely, on a hot air balloon? Not a month. I don't know. Well, it depends where. I mean, a Eurostar takes an hour.

Okay, fair enough. Let's stay in the air. We've had an email from Andy Rouse. His grandfather was a rear gunner in a Lancaster bomber during the Second World War, which was the job, if you can call it that, which had the shortest life expectancy in the war. Now, that's a difficult sell, isn't it?

Excuse me, sir. Hello, old chap. Got any family? Loved ones? One or two. Andy goes on. He said he found a collection of diary pages from him and other members of the crew after he passed away. And they often had a full English before flying

because the flights were long. And they played football on the tarmac before flying because why not? The chances of coming home with slim new mitres will have a laugh. I love that. See, I do like that bit of it. That bit sounds quite... What, the full English and the football?

I love fry-ups. I love a game of football. If I was trying to sell the role of rear gunner to someone in World War II, I'd lead with the football and the full English, rather than the shortest life expectancy. I'd start with that. That would be on the front page of the brochure.

Do you like sausages? Yes. Do you like football? Do you believe in the phrase live fast die young also you wouldn't you wouldn't give a shit about the cholesterol content of a fry absolutely i'll have the fried bread i'll have the black pudding it doesn't matter yeah if me and some other crew in the lancaster bomber were going on what might be the last flight of our lives. Would I want that cockpit stinking of farts?

Would I want to go out to the smell of excrement as several bodies digest a deep fried sausage? Well, for my breakfast, I'd have a fry up, I'd have a dairy milk, milk tray, Milk tray, box of Quality Street, box of roses, Sunday dinner, lasagna, a Chinese and curry. That reminds me, actually, when I was young and I heard about the death row and you get the last meal. I remember thinking, well, if I was ever on death row, I would just keep ordering the courses until they keep putting off the execution. Because I'll just keep ordering another after eight mint, another bean. A 140-course tasting menu. That sees you through for the next 30 years. I read once that pizza is the most commonly ordered meal, the last meal.

That's a very underwhelming choice i think yeah mcdonald's as well apparently mcdonald's is one of the is one of the key ones yeah yeah i'm not sure i've had much of an appetite to be perfectly honest i think that when it came to that point i couldn't do a lancaster bomber theory you're having a full english yeah but there's still hope in that situation you might yeah yeah yeah it's gonna take quite the sort of set of events to see you return to your sale and release isn't it.

So I think as they brought in the oysters I go I think I'll pass. I don't know why I ordered them I don't know why I don't run into

shellfish. I always fancy trying oysters. Seems a little bit pointless now I must admit. I'll just get the bill. I'll just get the bill Shall we wrap up this correspondence special

With some emails about battle reenactments Do we fancy that? Oh yes Before we get into that I want to read one quick email Which is one of my favourite emails we've ever received it's very short simply says hi um i'm 75 i live on my own and i love anything audio i have sat here like queen victoria for ages not amused but now i found your podcast and at last i'm laughing out loud thank you jam how sweet is that that's a big win that's a huge win jam uh thank you so much that's uh that means the world a big win. That's a huge win, Jan. Thank you so much. That means the world.

It genuinely does. Okay, let's get into the world of Battle Reenactment. So a few weeks ago, I talked about going to Battle Reenactment and seeing someone wearing Converse All-Stars and it really taking me out of the moment. And we've had a number of emails on people who've had similar situations. So I'm going to start with Kyle. Kyle has emailed us to say good afternoon

lads all this talk of historical reenactments gone wrong got me thinking about a family holiday in Cornwall and a medieval fair at Pendennis Castle in Falmouth. There was a hog roast, music and jousting. It was thoroughly entertaining. Now the knights paraded around on their horses and were introduced to the crowd. We have the red knight who was good knight, night there was a green knight the yellow knight and the blue knight who was the baddie and the baddie knight rode around gesturing to the crowd and sneering at the children and generally being a good heel of a character out of interest how do you think you get into that job by the way i think you've either got to have have gone have gone quite far down the rung of acting or gone quite far down the rung of being an actual knight okay right or you have

two fashions horse riding and pole vaulting you're not quite sure how to combine the two or the crap knights when they get released from their knight contracts this is for you so kyle has said always going well at this cornish event and the crowd would love the opportunity to boo and hiss at the blue Knight up until the first run of the first match of the event when the Blue Knight took a lance directly to the crops

from the red light from the Red Knight she said there was a single short shrill scream followed by a collective ooooh from the crowd

yes I still can't tell whether this scream was from the audience member or the Blue Knight himself the lances were only made of light wood and shattered on impact however I imagine there was still a considerable amount of force generated into a single point of

contact which is such a good point well we found we found my worst it's two single points of contact as well when you think about it so this is where it gets worse 45 minutes later long after the chousing had finished the blue knight was still sitting on his horse behind the tent in the same hunch position we get so we're gonna have quite a few emails about like jousting accidents like things gone wrong and the enactments gone wrong exactly to the extent that you think why are these carrying on we need to draw a line under this so he was was still sat on the horse, half an hour, 45 minutes later, hunched in the same position with his helmet still on

and members of the St John's ambulance trying to coax him off the horse. Oh, my God. The answer there, of course, is walk the horse into the ambulance with the knight still on it. Surely that's the answer. Take out the bed. It's basically a horse box, isn't it? I must say, I can't imagine that the uh medieval

reenactment jousting community is particularly big on health and safety i think they probably treat the health and safety at 1974 with some disdain it says here this guy he was eventually led away outside by often thinking about this man

and how his life turned out post jowls did he ever have children was he led on horseback directly to horse hospital did his confidence take a knock that day

anyway keep up the good work lads the podcast certainly brightens up my week best wishes Kyle you'd be terrified

at having a look at them yeah you would yeah the first time you took your chamber off. Oh my God. Yeah. How is this sport, though,

not the most popular sport in the world? Jousting. Still, considering people's thirst for danger and excitement, it's people running at each other with a horse and trying to knock it. It should be huge still. I think it's been replaced by gym fail videos,

which now just appear on my Twitter feed, even though I don't follow any of these accounts. And some of the ones I've seen are absolutely horrific. Yeah. Give me an example. Idiotic American man tries to bench press 485 pounds like his arms have snappedagged you're like i i don't want to see this well you say you don't want to see this but the reason it's being

recommended to you is because you keep clicking on them that's literally how algorithms work so you'll defend it you're saying i don't want to see this but technology suggests you're lying oh my god i'll tell you what i'm gonna say if there was was like a pay-per-view jousting event on DAZN I'd go and there was a lot of promo around it I think I'd tune in

I would certainly buy a cricket box I'd probably double up actually having read that email I'm going to finish with one more email this is from Jonathan Hi folks, love the podcast I'm going to try and pronounce this right okay i'm gonna i'm gonna finish with one more um email this is from jonathan jonathan says hi folks love the podcast uh i'm gonna try and pronounce this right uh which is irish for thank you very much apologies if i've read that wrong on the subject of historical reenactments

when i was in primary school there was a time when we had actors dressed up as vikings who would visit our assemblies to demonstrate Viking life in Ireland as it was. They'd bring artefacts and props and always dress up in the garb of the time. Now, given that we were growing up in 90s Belfast, we always wanted to see the Vikings fight each other. I would always ask them to fight when they asked any questions. So they'd say, have you got any questions? They'd put their hand up and ask that they'd fight. And it's said that the Vikings would refuse, given our daily exposure to violence growing up. Of course, this was a difficult time in Belfast at the time.

Maybe with the impending peace process being introduced shortly, the Vikings finally relented one week and had a mock fight with their axes and shields. And in the midst of the battle, one of the Vikings severed their finger when it was caught by an axe on accident when attempting to parry a blow. Oh, my god.

Rather than pure horror, I can vividly remember the assembly hall bursting and going absolutely, and I love this word, boogaloo at the thought of blood being drawn. To which the principal had to step in to halt the proceedings. Made a break from the religious breakdancing groups we used to get on other occasions. Cheers, Jonathan. So there you are.

A battle reenactment at the school with two Vikings where someone lost a finger. It is a dangerous game. That's the moral of the story. A dangerous game. Brilliant stuff. Well, that's it for this week. Thank you so much for your emails.

And once again, thank you for all those ratings and reviews you're leaving on your podcast app of choice and if you want to add to that tally why not five stars if you can thank you so much normal service we'll resume next week we'll get back into some more history but do keep those emails coming in the meantime until next week bye bye goodbye Bye. Bye. Goodbye. Thank you.