Oh What A Time... - #7 Pets
Episode Date: August 27, 2023This week on the podcast we're turning our attention to the animals humans have befriended throughout history; from the animals beloved by Mayans and Aztecs, to the most famous horse in ancient Rome, ...to pigeon racing in South Wales (no prizes for figuring out which of your three presenters has tackled that one). We've got a new feature: ONE DAY TIME MACHINE. Let us know where in history you'd like to go for one day and also please fill us in on your time travel rules: hello@ohwhatatime.com This first series will contain 12 episodes that we’ll be releasing weekly. If there's an episode you'd like to hear, please let us know! And thank you so much for your support for the podcast since our launch a few weeks ago. If you like it, why not drop us a review in your podcast app of choice? (Thus taking heed of our increasingly desperate pleas for reviews). We’re also on Twitter and Instagram @ohwhatatimepod And thank you to Dr Daryl Leeworthy for his help with this week’s research. Thank you to Dan Evans for the artwork (idrawforfood.co.uk). And thank you for listening! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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Hello and welcome to Oh, What a Time, the history podcast that tries to decide if the past was as awful as it seems.
I'm Chris Scull. I'm Ellis James. And I'm Tom Crane.
And each week on this show we'll be looking at a brand new historical subject.
And today we're going to be discussing pets.
From the most famous horse in ancient Rome, the pets of the Mayans, and the history of pigeon racing in South Wales.
All right, welcome to the show.
The postbag this week is chock-a-full of your wonderful emails.
And Ellis, you've picked out a few favourites.
Yes, we love reading your emails.
If you've got any correspondence you'd like to send it, you can send it to hello at ohwhatatime.com.
But we got this from Lizzie Hopley.
Hello, fabulously funny history dudes.
Thank you very much, Lizzie.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Yours is my new favourite podcast, so thank you.
I first heard of goat licking as a form of torture
when it was referred to on Game of Thrones,
and it's apparently a thing.
I think if you stick to the Romans and Spanish Inquisition,
you'd be okay for subject matter, question mark.
But yeah, it's not the funniest of subjects.
So, can I also suggest the subject of relics?
That's a great idea, I think.
Items kept in churches and cathedrals that claim to be the actual blood, hair, slash, underpants of a saint or a martyr.
So many of them were dodgy claims deliberately made up in order to promote religion and gain popularity with pilgrims and tourists
and or to raise money for the building of the cathedral.
It's a really interesting thing, so we're definitely going to look into relics.
But she sent us a screen grab of goat licking, and it's Romans.
They use tickling as a torture with goats licking feet dipped in salt water.
It's an amazing picture.
It is.
Just to describe it, Ellis, just to describe what we're seeing there.
Well, the goat looks absolutely thrilled to bits.
There's a man lying back on a plank with his bare feet uncovered
and the happiest goat you've ever seen licking those feet.
His legs are tethered to the plank.
That's pretty bad, but a worse method of torture would be
if you were forced to lick a goat until it was completely clean.
A goat's hoof.
Being forced to lick a goat's hoof.
A goat that's been out in the pasture for a day
and you have to keep licking until it is 100% clean.
I had many hopes for this podcast, but one of them wasn't,
that we would look at ancient methods of torture and improve them.
By the time you got around to the back bit of the goat,
you're confessing to anything at that point, aren't you?
I'm just kind of, whatever you want to
know from me.
That's amazing. Also, in that email
they mentioned seeing dodgy relics. I've
seen a dodgy relic. Talking about Julian
Dix, the ex-West Ham player.
Geoffrey Boycott.rey boycott really nice really nice that is it's a reminder of a bygone age so i went to i went to bruges we've all been to bruges actually i'm tom's tag too
i went to bruges many years ago with a very early kind of date my now wife and we went to bruges and
i was looking for recommendations one of my mates said you've got to go to the basilica of the holy blood in
which they claim to have a vial of christ blood so i went there it's a kind of beautiful beautiful
church you can go in there and basically you pay a fee and a nun you go up on this like little stage
and then you pay a fee and a nun she's got like a really serious looking mother
theresa like nun old like a lot you feel like she's got a lot of authority as opposed to what
sorry what what sort of what sort of non-serious nuns are you coming across like a like like a
cool nun hip nun you know you know sister act isn't a documentary they're not normally that
wacky they are generally in sister act very much the older nun that's really angry.
Not the young,
cool young ones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The proper nun.
What I would describe
as a proper nun.
So she was old.
So she'd drawn the blood herself.
She looked like
Indiana Jones style.
She may have been
manning Christ's blood
for 2,000 years.
Right, okay, okay.
So you're stood
on a little stage.
So she'd go up on this stage.
I went in the middle of it.
There was no one else around.
There was one guy,
a youngish guy, had gone in front of me. So she got up on this stage. I went in the middle of it. There was no one else around. There was one guy, a youngish guy,
had gone in front of me.
And you go up,
and I'm watching this happen for the first time.
You panned over your money to the nun.
And then she's got a glass box,
but it's covered in this purple satin kind of cloth.
You pay your money.
You stand there,
and she pulls it back.
And you get three or four seconds to stare at this glass vial
and um the guy so so the guy in front of me i'm just in the queue behind and she pulls it back
and he like double taps the box like taps on his hand and then the nun and him like exchange a nod
off he walks and i'm like right this is the thing you've got to do you've got to tap this is the
thing so i go up there.
The nun pulls back the cloth,
and there's like,
what I can only describe
is like a sausage in a glass vial.
And also, I swear,
I haven't Googled this,
but I swear it says on it,
like 1258 or something like that.
It's got engraved with a year.
It's like at least a thousand years later
than Christ died.
Yeah.
Anyway, so she pulls it back.
I'm looking at this glass sausage,
and I just give it a double tap.
I'm like, yeah, have a nod with a nun, walk off.
Then my wife's behind me.
She comes up.
Nun pulls back the thing.
She has a good look at it.
Double taps.
Double taps the sausage.
She gives it another nod
walk off
and then my wife
goes up to me
and goes
why did you
why did you double tap it
I was like
I've got no idea
that guy
fronted it
I thought that was
the thing
she goes
I don't know
the nun kind of
has given me a date
like you're picking
out a steak bacon
Greg's
I'll have that one
he's having the sausage it was a bit like a Mexican wave well they're doing it Like you're picking out a steak bake in Gregg's. I'll have that one.
It was a bit like a Mexican wave.
Well, they're doing it.
And it just kind of came off afterwards.
I was like, that was so absurd.
The whole thing is so absurd.
Why did it look like a sausage?
Was his diet really bad?
You don't get enough chance to really look at it.
Well, that's why they whip the thing.
That's why they're so quick with a cloth.
Because if it's there for too long, you're like, wait a second, that's just a sausage.
Yeah, yeah. What have I paid for?
So they need to put it back again.
And then you wander away, you go, oh, it can't have been a sausage.
I only saw it for two seconds.
It can't have been a sausage, can it?
And I was concentrating too much on the double tap.
I was concentrating too much on the double tap.
Well, if you have any similar stories of weird historical relics that you've been fooled into looking at,
the more ridiculous the better.
Do get in contact with the show.
But we also have a brand new bit of content, don't we, Ellis?
Do you want to introduce the most exciting thing
that has happened on the six or seven episodes of this show so far?
It's yet another
brilliant idea that's been come up with by tom crane's wife so thank you claire um yeah although
tom did come up with the title and the title of the feature is one day time machine if you could
go back in time to one specific day and you've got the whole of history to choose from what would you choose
and why also i mean this is a more sort of existential uh discussion are you taking part
are you a ghost are you invisible yeah you can create your own rules yeah because this is the
thing i've never been like am i am i floating back to, I don't know, the release of Sgt Pepper?
Am I simply observing?
Am I quantum leaping it?
So I'm a photographer at the release of the record
and I'm having to try and fit in using 60s vernacular.
Am I saying groovy a lot?
Or am I a coffee table?
Am I just...
The records have been placed on me.
I can hear everything, but i can't say
anything i can't contribute it's completely up to you an awkward moment when you've chosen coffee
table they've all moved into another room for some reason now you're stuck in an empty room
are you a walking coffee table are you a couple are you a cup like chip from booting the beast
these are all questions we need you to tell us.
We need you to answer. It's one day
time, Athene. Thank you, my wife, Claire.
And here is how you get in contact with the show.
Alright, you horrible
lot. Here's
how you can stay in touch
with the show. You can
email us at hello
at ohwhatt time dot com and you can follow us on
Instagram and Twitter at oh what a time pod. Now clear off. I'm going to be talking about the crazy
pets of ancient Rome. I will be talking about the phenomenon that was pigeon fancying in industrial
areas, in particular South Wales. And I'll be talking about the pets of the Mayans and the
Aztecs. So pets. Quick question, are you pets people? Let's just ask that. Are you into animals?
Seriously considering a cat because my children are obsessed with cats and the joy they feel every time they see a cat, even if it's just a picture of a cat on a postcard, makes me think that I should pull the trigger and kill a cat.
And buy a cat.
Yeah.
But no, I had a dog when I was a little kid, but I haven't owned a pet.
And goldfish
oh nice uh goldfish actually from the fair which ended up sort of breaking records and living
until they were about 14. really wow i had well i had the same thing i had a goldfish called sooty
and i said to my dad when i was about 20 i said wasn't it mad that that goldfish sooty lived till
it was like 12 years old and he was like there were about eight versionsfish sooty lived till it was like 12 years old. And he was like, there were about eight versions of sooty.
Like, into my 20s, I believed it was the same character.
It was getting replaced all the time, and I never noticed.
You're saying into your 20s, I'm 42.
So, great, thank you.
You've ruined my childhood there, Chris.
That's brilliant.
Claire went to a
dinner party once with some friends two of whom are sisters and they were talking about their dog
they had growing up and how is this going to be a pet salad it is a pet salad
and they were talking about their dog they'd had growing up and they were saying do you know what
the thing it was it was such an intelligent dog that at the age of six it uh wouldn't work for the um the police as
a as a sniffer dog they it was it was headhunted as such a brilliant dog it wouldn't work for the
police one of the guys there was one of these girls new boyfriends and he went he was obviously
put down wasn't it and they both their faces dropped
neither of them had realized and they were like in their 30s this dog hadn't been headhunted
and drafted into the police clearly been at best putting a pound
that is that makes it sound like
like the sort of
the scouting network you have
for kids like oh yeah there's this
11 year old boy and he's in Norfolk
and Man United are after him
the idea that that is how the
police dog team at the Met
find dogs they just walk around looking
for really well behaved pets
that one! Police scouts watching you take it.
Do you want to serve your country?
And every so often, obviously the dad did this,
they would receive letters from the dog with a paw print at the bottom
saying the crimes it had been involved in.
So obviously it had been really perpetuated, this lie.
But then this realisation that, oh no.
I hope the crimes that the dog was allegedly involved in
were like the really big famous crimes of the day.
Briggs Mac.
Yeah, all of that.
Briggs Mac.
So he did the great train robbery. Briggs Mac.
Wow!
You know a dog nicked the World Cup? Well, our dog found it again.
He's looking for WMD
that is absolutely incredible
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I'm going to take you on a journey, guys, back to ancient Rome to talk to you about the pets of ancient Rome.
Are you up for that?
Yes.
I love ancient Rome.
I love going back there.
It's one of my favourite places to mentally travel to when I do this. And also it feels sunny in my mind. It feels like it's a bit of a Rome. Are you up for that? Love ancient Rome. Love going back there. It's one of my favourite places to mentally travel to.
It is. And also it feels sunny in my mind.
It feels like it's a bit of a holiday.
Yeah, that's true. If I think about medieval
Britain, it's not like I don't feel, oh good, I'm going
on a trip back to medieval Britain.
No, I just think of sludge. Yeah, exactly.
Do not wear your white trainers
to go back to medieval Britain. No, my god
no. Absolutely. So, here we are. We're back to medieval Britain. No, my God, no. Absolutely.
So, here we are.
We're back in ancient Rome.
Now, ancient Rome was an interesting time for pets, mainly for emperors.
Now, I'm going to start you off by telling you about the most famous pet in the history of ancient Rome.
Now, Gaius Caesar, better known as Emperor Caligula, had a favourite horse called Incitatus.
Now, have you heard of Incitatus?
I haven't.
No, but I've heard of Caligula.
Yes.
Bit of a boy.
He was, exactly.
Yeah, yeah, top lad.
And this horse held quite a cherished role in his life.
So much so that he made the horse a priest and he also was in discussions, people feel,
about him becoming a member of the Senate.
So this is how much he loved...
I've heard that. I've actually heard that.
Yeah.
Wasn't that because he hated the Senate
and he was like, my horse could do a better job than you?
Yes.
There are feelings amongst some historians
that part of the reason he was doing this
was basically a way of riling the Senate,
who he hated.
But I guess the alternative is that he thought
this horse would genuinely do a good job.
Yeah.
Like Mr. Ed.
He's got some good ideas.
How would it vote?
Well, I'll tell you what it is.
The nays would have it. Who fucked? You ever that and the nays would have it? Oh, absolutely. Like Mr. Ed. He's got some good ideas. How would it vault? Well, I'll tell you what it is. The nays would have it.
Who fucked?
Yeah, when that and the nays would have it.
Oh, very good.
He's one of the nation's top comedy writers.
I had that written on my pad here.
That's not off the cuff, but I had that ready to go.
I mean, this guy's written 27 Seas of the Last Leg.
And now you're writing jokes about Caligula.
Thank God, you know, if the last leg was on in ancient
Rome, just imagine what you'd have achieved.
You've been topical for 2,000 years.
Feelings on a horse
in government? Do a better job than
this lot, right? Of course, someone
had to say it. If he was doing it
to prove a point about the Senate
in a sort of, my horse could do a better job than
this lot, I really, my horse could do a better job than this lot.
I really, really admire that as a kind of bargaining tool slash argument.
That's a very, very funny thing to say.
Can you imagine if Keir Starmer
filled his shadow cabinet with animals?
The dispatch box.
Like, I don't know, a goose or a cockerel.
The Speaker of the House yelling, order, order, louder and louder as a monkey rips off Rees-Mogg's face.
Also, as we all know, Britain is a nation of pet lovers.
You definitely win votes from some people. People love horses. When you think about what they spend on racehorses,
they would definitely be a person
voting for the horse party, I reckon,
if you put horses up for election.
True, I think you'd grow to love it as well.
I think you'd get your deposit back.
I think
in a rural constituency,
if you put a horse up for election,
you'd definitely get your deposit back
it would have to be green party or something like that i think they'd have to be
that way leaning surely so this horse incitatus although it didn't actually make it into the
senate it lived a sort of quite a crazy privileged life so firstly it had a diet which was described as fit for a
king would you like to guess what its main go-to food was what it's uh what would normally have
wine wine not bad guess actually pheasant so its main meal was uh oats mixed with gold so it would
have oats with flakes of gold stirred through it and this is basically what this horse would eat every meal.
If you're a stable hand, because that gold's going straight through like sweetcorn.
Surely the rush to be sifting through that.
That is a very good point.
There's a way to plump up your wages.
That can't be good for anyone, though.
Any mammal eating sort of gold leaf.
You would just want the best oats rather than oats mixed with gold, wouldn't you?
I suppose it's quite hard to sift through your oats
when you've got hooves, isn't it?
You can't really pick them out.
You'd want organic jumbo oats if you were a horse.
If you need money, put it into a bunker gun.
But what was weirder,
the gold in the oats isn't the weirdest thing.
The weirdest thing is that this horse,
he wouldn't eat alone in his stable.
According to the Roman historian Suetonius,
the horse would eat in the royal court,
sat with visiting dignitaries and being served by waiters.
So imagine turning up to a dinner party or like an event
and you're looking at your name on the table plan and you're thinking,
please, please don't be...
I really don't want to be sat by the horse. And you go, oh no. And then you are, you're looking at your name on the table plan, and you're thinking, please, please don't be, I really don't want to be slapped by the horse.
And you go, oh, no.
And then you are, you're slapped by the horse,
and you're asking to pass you the wine,
and he keeps knocking stuff over.
Yeah.
Also.
Eating all the apples.
In the pre-mobile phone age, pre-smartphone age,
you'd be forced to try and make conversation.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
You couldn't just think, sorry, I'll check my emails.
You'd be like
so uh a gold leaf then does it taste nice or did you mainly taste oats when you i don't know
how long till you break out they why the long face joke oh yeah well for you i would say that
would be straight away straight off the bat in absolute panic so they would sit at the table
with this horse and eat with this horse and eat his gold.
But eating with your pets at the table
wasn't kind of a particularly weird thing for emperors.
So Emperor Elagabalus had tame lions and leopards as pets,
which he would use...
Now, now then, now then, now then.
I have a real issue with the idea of a tame lion.
Completely agree.
That is nonsense, isn't it?
It's an oxymoron.
They are not domesticated animals.
Even if you've brought it up since it was a tiny cub.
Is this your line in the sand?
Is this the thing you'll die on?
It is fair to say that if I turned up at some sort of formal meal and there
were tame lions there i would shit myself i would be out of there faster i don't care you know
if it's a corporate event and i'm being paid money to i'd be like you keep the money yeah
here's my script. Do it yourself.
Script, eh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Someone's professional.
Yeah.
Here's a couple of post-it notes I've jotted a few ideas down on.
Work it out for yourself. Was that a subtle comment to any corporate bookers that might be listening that you do prepare and you are professional?
It was a very, very transparent come get me me plea because i've overstretched myself on the mortgage
so it was it was weirder than that though ellis not only did he have lions and leopards uh he
would also choose to release them during dessert and encourage them to get up on the furniture
basically because he found it hilarious when the guests would start to panic. Because his point of view was, he knew they were tame,
but my guests don't.
That was his point of view.
Can you imagine the terror?
The idea of lions, brackets, inverted commas,
tame lions being released as a prank.
Absolutely.
Can you think of anything more pantrifying?
If the lion roars at you, and then Caligula turns turns around and goes don't worry they're tame just like fuck off mate
you're best mate with a horse i'm not listening to you absolutely what are you on about it's a lion
is it a man in a lion outfit no it's a real lion then it's a lion the basic rule of a dinner party
is i think should be that at no point should you be made to feel like you're going to be one of the courses.
I think that's quite a fair thing to...
Is that your red line?
That is my red line.
Yeah, exactly.
That joke would go really well at a corporate as well because it's clean.
It's relevant.
Okay.
There's no real victims in it.
Yeah.
It's relevant.
Okay.
There's no real victims in it.
I mean, sort of, you've got red-faced CEOs in their 60s were like that,
and the younger people were like,
that's good stuff.
I'm now going to add to your pitch, and I'm going to pitch myself.
So you'll get Ellis for a reasonable fee, and I will write for Ellis. So you'll get a double whammy.
Skull can do audio.
You can do the audio.
That is good stuff.
That is good stuff. That is good stuff.
We're here to celebrate the life of Stephen,
who unfortunately last month, as we all know,
was eaten by a lion at a dinner party.
So these lions would come out.
People would freak out.
They'd run away.
And that was basically the way it was at emperor's dinner parties.
But for the general public in
ancient rome they also had a real passion for animals now the average animals that they kept
actually weren't that different to what we have now the dog the cat and the caged bird were the
main three for normal households in ancient rome yeah and archaeologists have actually they've
genuinely discovered beware of the dog signs in the ruins of ancient Pompeii.
That is superb.
How cool is that?
That's, yeah, that's cool.
If it wasn't dogs, as I say, it was caged birds.
The main one that your average Roman owned was the parrot,
and they loved it mainly for its ability to mimic.
The writer Apuleius, who tells us there were standard Roman practices,
basically, for trying to train your parrot to speak.
He says, when it is being taught to imitate human human speech the parrot is beaten over the head with an
iron wand that it may recognize its master command and that is the rod of its school days so basically
you would teach it what you want it to learn you give it a whack on the head when it said the word
that's correct or maybe got it wrong I guess it'd make more sense and then that's how people would
teach their parrots to mimic but he goes on to say that you must be careful because teaching a parrot to swear it will swear continually making night
and day hideous with its imprecations swearing becomes its natural note and its ideal of melody
when it's repeated all its curses it repeats the same strain again i cannot foresee
any situation where i wouldn't find a parrot swearing hilarious absolutely
a funeral maybe no it's still funny it would be it would be fantastic at a funeral apuleius does
have advice for what happens if you do end up with a swearing parrot he says should you desire to rid
yourself of its bad language you must either cut out its tongue or send it back as soon as possible
to its native woods.
But I've been thinking about this.
If you sent a swearing parrot back to the woods,
wouldn't it just teach all the other parrots in that wood to swear?
And then you'd live in the funniest country of all time.
Productivity would crash because everyone's just laughing all the time.
I would never get used to it and I'd never not love it.
Yeah.
It would be fantastic
Going on a romantic stroll through a wood with your partner
And being told you're a wanker by 400 parrots
That she can do better
Let's talk about the Aztecs and the Mayans.
So the Aztecs and the Mayans of pre-conquest Central and South America
were as enthusiastic as the Romans about keeping pets.
And the dog, in particular, played a powerful role in domestic life
and in religious practice, particularly those aspects related to the afterlife.
It was thought that dogs were there in the underworld
to guide souls to their final destination.
And the Mayans believed that dogs were responsible
for bringing humans the knowledge of fire.
Right.
If you're a dog and you need to convey how to make fire,
how are you going about that?
You haven't watched Lassie for a long time have you uh could lassie talk how was she doing that lassie could communicate but only to
that one boy yeah well there's a young girl's trapped on a mineshaft what lassie what's that
get two sticks and rub them together for hours and then take that hot ash and pour it onto kindle
and then waft it for an hour and then put some bigger logs on.
You say we need wood to start a fire.
What sort of wood?
And then Lassie would go, bark.
And you go, oh, that's fine.
Again, it's good stuff for a corporate.
For a very particular bark-based corporate.
A factory that shaves off bark from trees for some kind of...
Ideally for use in Tinder.
Oh, this is Tinder.
There's got to be a joke there to do with the dating app as well.
Absolutely delighted to perform at the Wales and South West Tree Surgeon of the Year Awards
and
I don't know if anyone remembers Lassie.
It's all good stuff.
So they genuinely believe
that dogs had taught them how to...
The Mayans believed that dogs had
conveyed the knowledge of fire to humans.
Wow. Wow.
Interesting.
You'd be quite annoyed if you were the guy who discovered fire.
In Mayan civilisation.
And there's some guy called Dave or whatever.
He's like, you keep going, no, it was me.
Everyone was there.
You saw me rub the things together.
Someone else is saying, actually, it was Rover.
Rover told Dave.
And Dave's like, no, Rover didn't tell me anything.
I like Rover. And I will feed Rover. And I will. Rover told Dave. And Dave's like, no, Rover didn't tell me anything. I like Rover and I will feed Rover and I will take Rover for walks.
But I'm the fire guy.
It was Rover, actually.
Well, maybe that's what happened.
We need to nip this in the bud now.
What happened, Ellis, is that Dave and Rover...
Rover was there.
The idea was mine.
Exactly.
Dave and Rover, they've gone off on idea was mine. Exactly. Dave and Rover,
they've gone off on a walk together,
just the two of them.
And when they've come back,
Dave has worked out how to make fire
and everyone's gone,
no way Dave came out with that.
Come on.
Dave, he's an idiot.
Dave is thick as shit.
It's got to be the dog.
It's got to be the dog.
There's no other explanation. I smell a t-shirt range, Scal. That's our first merch. It's got to be the dog. There's no other explanation.
I smell a T-shirt range, Gal.
That's our first merch.
It's got to be the dog on T-shirt.
It's got to be the dog.
Dave holding two sticks alight and the dog looking proud.
Do you expect me to believe, Dave, that that was Ewan, not Rover?
Hang on.
Mate, you've been around for 50,000 years and not worked out how to do fire,
and you just walk off with that dog,
and you, Dave...
I'm meant to believe that you figured this out.
And the dog just happened to be there.
All right, fine, it was collaborative.
The Aztecs domesticated a relative of the Chihuahua,
and these served as family pets,
much as the Chihuahua does today. Larger dogs, domesticated by both the Aztecs domesticated a relative of the Chihuahua, and these served as family pets, much as the Chihuahua does today.
Larger dogs, domesticated by both the Aztecs and the Mayans,
were used as companions on hunting trips,
and both types were fed a corn-based diet,
which helped to fatten up the animal over a period of about a year,
at which point, according to the available archaeological evidence,
the dogs were killed and then eaten by their owners. Oh, wow which point, according to the available archaeological evidence,
the dogs were killed and then eaten by their owners.
Oh, wow. Oh, no.
Any story involving the Mayans and the Aztecs is like,
oh, they're doing something nice here.
Oh, that's nice that they're feeding,
they're plumping up that dog.
Oh, they're eating it.
Oh, dear.
It always comes back to killing and eating everything.
Oh, dear.
Wow.
But apparently dog meat was an essential source of protein
for the Aztecs and the Mayans. in the 1500s spanish conquistadors such as bernal diaz de castillo saw the menagerie
of animals kept by the aztec emperor moctezuma and noted there was nothing pet like about the
beasts kept in cages the spaniard actually wrote he saw that he saw every kind of eagle and every species of bird in their full splendour of plumage.
All these birds, he said, had appropriate places to live and were under the care of several aviculturists
who had to keep the nests clean, give proper food and set the birds for breeding.
and there's also evidence that the conquering Europeans insisted that the animals were looked after properly
and fed dog meat and the offal of human sacrifice
What's the belief around that?
Whether they were actually feeding
or they think this is a western version of...
Well, they definitely kept them
and this is why
In the wake of the conquistadors,
men of learning arrived from Europe
to study the civilizations that had been encountered.
And these men produced various documents,
notably the Florentine Codex,
a multi-volume work which detailed everyday life
and natural history in Central and South America.
And in the book,
we find evidence of the importance attached
to the brightly colored plumage of birds such as the macaw.
So it was the plumage, really, which is why they were keeping them.
Specifically the macaw.
So traders travelled vast distances, some measuring hundreds of miles,
to gather the finest, most colourful birds.
They were then domesticated, kept as pets for many years.
It was the feathers that were routinely harvested.
So the macaw may have escaped being eaten, but it was a full-time working pet all the time and its feathers you see them on the headdresses the aztecs and the mayans wore and all those other
ritual pieces of clothing you know the people looking after the birds with the aztecs sort of
you know working in the aviaries i reckon that is what I would have done. I'm not a hunter.
I'm not cut out for government.
I think I just would have kept my head down
and I'd have been the McCaw guy.
You don't want to be on that altar with your heart being held aloft
while you look on.
God, no.
I think that's actually the secret to survival in Aztec society
is find a niche that you know a lot about, and then you sort it.
No offence, I really believe that within six months
you'd have been pecked to death by a macaw.
I do believe that would have happened.
You'd have done something wrong, and three macaws would have turned on you.
No, I wouldn't have died, but I'd have been pecked in really embarrassing places.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I'd have been pecked in really embarrassing places
and the whole town would have known.
Yeah, the whole town would have seen.
And McCall would have pulled your shorts down in the town square.
To the Peruvian Andes, where guinea pigs were kept as pets,
one writer suggested that their squeaks and constant scurrying about
and noisiness provided companionship in otherwise isolated communities. pigs were kept as pets one writer suggested that their squeaks and constant scurrying about and
noisiness provide a companionship for in otherwise isolated communities there's an idea isn't it oh
just release thousands of guinea pigs in an isolated community they'll make everyone just feel
that it's busy it's a busy dynamic place to be living i had a guinea pig when i was growing up
i remember about two weeks in going, oh, this is quite annoying now.
I just remember...
Is this it?
It was like a weekend.
It was like a Sunday afternoon.
It's all tipped.
I was like, I just can't be bothered anymore.
Obviously, I kept.
I think my mum just basically took over from that point on,
which is terrible.
Yeah, of course.
I was only about eight.
But yeah, yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah, that's a story that's been repeated in households
up and down the country forever.
So in the Peruvian Andes, some mummified guinea pigs have been found in human graves
indicating close association with their human owners.
You're hoping those guinea...
I mean, are they sticking those guinea pigs in alive, basically?
Yes, that's the great fear.
I find that quite comforting, though.
That, you know, you read in the newspaper every few months
like an elderly person will leave all of their money to their cat
or someone will die when they leave all the money to a batty dog.
People still have globally enormous relationships,
incredibly powerful relationships with their pets.
And there's something quite comforting
about the continuity that suggests
that it's such an instinctive part
of the human condition,
the urge to domesticate animals.
I think there's something quite nice about that.
Yeah, it really is.
Do you know, when the Europeans were amped,
had their minds blown by guinea pigs,
and they were brought back.
I can imagine, yeah.
If you'd never seen one, it would be incredible, wouldn't it?
The Elizabethan period is really notable
for the amount of guinea pigs brought back from the New World.
And if you have a look at the portraits of members of elite society,
including the Queen, there are guinea pigs all over the place.
It was the big thing in Elizabethan society.
The Royal Seal of Approval made the guinea pig a very fashionable accessory to possess.
Kind of like Paris Hilton, I guess, and those little dogs you keep in a handbag.
In our street, we have an albino squirrel.
And this thing, it sets the whatsapp group the street whatsapp group a light
because if you spot the albino squirrel out of your back window out of the kitchen window
suddenly you've got us you've got to take a photo of it and you've got to text it to the
street whatsapp group and then you will get 30 replies it is people when you see a slightly
uh curious animal like a guinea pig,
if you've never seen one before, they're sort of
incredible, aren't they?
The albino squirrel, is he sort of
the situation as the red squirrels
and the grey squirrels are fighting? Is he in the middle
trying to mediate? What's the situation?
Because he hasn't got a side
to be on. No, he hasn't, no.
got a side to be on.
No, he hasn't, no.
Okay, well I'm going to take on a walk.
Now if you go on a walk through the South Wales Valleys, you will sometimes
come across a well-appointed
small shed that's not
far from a house, but it's far
enough. If you get close
you will hear the comforting
coo of pigeons, for this is the pride
and joy of a fancier, the latest in generations of working-class men who really, really love their
birds. Now, as the Glamorgan Advertiser put it in 1927, there are three things of which the Welsh
miner is particularly fond. Any visitor to the valleys would be impressed by the number of pigeon
lofts to be found in back gardens. They will often, too, see miners with large crates full of So what a life it is.
Pigeons, rugby and chapel.
They're the big three.
So you're working long hours in a very, very dangerous place of work.
What are the three things you do to unwind?
It's pigeon time, it's rugby time and it's chapel time.
Now, such was the popularity of pigeon racing and pigeon fancying.
I always think the pigeon fancying is quite an unfortunate name.
Exactly what I'm thinking it is. It feels like
something someone would say to you at school.
Yeah, he's a pigeon fancyer.
Because you've once stood near
a pigeon and you're saying,
Yeah, he doesn't
fancy people, he fancies pigeons.
Yeah, exactly.
Now, this was replicated in other working class areas of Britain
as well. And it was so
popular that an entire subculture grew up around the
sport in the late 19th and early
20th century. So men and occasionally women
spent their earnings
building ever grander coupes,
coats, lofts or foul houses
furnishing them with the best facilities
they could afford. They spent money
on buying the best birds, on subscribing to
magazines and travelling to shows and to competitions
all over Britain and abroad. Belgium, Spain spain and france in particular belgium that they
were yeah that it was a very very big scene in belgium the pigeon fancying scene very very
popular there and i suppose that is no different now to people spending money on golf clubs or
bikes or any any of the sort of things that people do at the weekend to
unwind it's just it has gone out of fact you still you still see it there's still a boat but it has
gone so when you go back home do you there are still pigeon fanciers around are they not as much
it was something i remember from when i was a little kid like it was the kind of thing that
sort of a few friends grandfathers were into. But I mean, I don't know
anyone who does it now. But it was
something that you were kind of aware of. But I see
it as a very, very old-fashioned
thing. What about you? Do you know what I was just thinking?
Isn't it funny? Was it like the 70s
or 80s where, was it
Richard David Attenborough?
He put darts and snooker
on the telly and it just went
mad. If pigeon racing was a televised sport, I think I would watch it.
How are you showing it? That's the problem.
You could attach a GoPro to a pigeon.
That would be Attenborough's first question.
You'd basically cover it like you covered the Tour de France.
Yeah.
You'd have a lot of drones.
You'd be going back to people in the studio.
Analysing the pigeons to see where
they're looking knackered well you know we're saying this doping in pigeon racing is a thing
no way no so yeah i was reading about this so you know how obviously in the 90s doping doping and
cycling was huge and it's obviously there's all those Tour de France races in the 2000s with no winners because they were won by Lance Armstrong.
Yeah, people dope pigeons, believe it or not,
because it's such a big business, right?
Wow.
Now, advertising columns in the newspapers offered single birds
or small flocks for sale, as well as equipment, new and secondhand,
and adverts for books, like Fulton's Book of Pigeons,
which apparently was indispensable for true fanciers.
And there would be
reveals of sort of pigeon based books small flock do you think that's kind of you don't really know
what you're going to get you're just hoping there's a good one in there but it's a real
culture now people buying retro clothing in bags and you don't know what you're going to get it's
a huge thing on ebay so you might be in there you get like a 1994 brazil shirt and it's worth loads
of money but it may also be just loads of rubbish.
Yeah, and you can do that with kids' clothes as well, where you just get a percent of bundle of children's clothing that hasn't really been sorted out.
Like a flock of birds.
Well, for a while there were pigeon dealerships on the high street.
No!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Next to like the Nissan garage. Yeah, well, it's like a sort of cross between a car showroom and a drug lord.
And they would employ kids to nick pigeons,
or they'd encourage children to nick pigeons,
to sell to the dealers for a pittance,
who in turn then sold them for large sums on the open market.
Because pigeons were, you know,
they were really sought after.
Now, the Rhondda in the South Wales Valleys
was the absolute heartland of this sort of pet culture.
And in the Rhondda, pigeons, they were loved, they were stroked, they were caressed.
Competitions in the 1890s could attract hundreds of entries,
and there were as many as 15 separate classes of competition
under the umbrella of the Treherbert's Dog and Poultry Show alone.
Now, that's one village in one part of the Rhondda.
And this tally was matched in
every other township in the valley so that's loads and loads of competitions i mean they were
everywhere i mean at one point people said south wales might have almost been as famous for pigeons
as it was for coal one miner said that just before the first world war there were probably four or
five pigeon lofts in every street each loft housing about 30 birds
some that's 150 pigeons per street wow now the thing is right when i'm eating a sandwich in a
major sort of city railway station and i'm surrounded by pigeons i've never thought to
myself i need more of these in my life but the opposite of that if you're a pigeon fancier and
in a railway station and you see the usain Bolt of pigeons, do you think to yourself,
I've got to get that pigeon.
I've got to somehow grab a hold of that because that pigeon is money.
That is a very good point.
However, the ones that you see in railway stations always tend to look really unhealthy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All clubfoot.
Yeah, I never see a pigeon,
like at London Bridge,
and think to myself,
that's the picture of health, that pigeon.
Is that pigeon on steroids?
We were all there at Josh Whitacombe's London wedding.
There was a little park just up the road from it.
And I was with Charlie, my boy, who would have been two at the time. We were in the little park. And I went from it and uh i was with charlie my boy who would have been
two at a time we were in the little park and i went oh look over there there's a little pigeon
should go see the pigeon and i picked him up we walked across to look at the pigeon and the
pigeon was missing its head and it was such a london moment it was such a sort of what am i
doing living here what the hell am i thinking just like yeah
literally no head there was another time about another sort of animal london moment about a year
ago when i was with my boys and a couple of their friends in a little park and they were all looking
across in a bush and i said oh what game you playing and they said we're looking for the rat
and they were spending the...
Basically, there's a huge rat,
and they just spent an hour trying to find this rat
in a bush near some bins.
That's what life in the capital's like.
During lockdown, when options were severely limited,
we used to go to Crystal Palace Park and look at the rats.
And I remember then thinking,
this has to be my lowest ever.
Such a Dickensian Britain thing What do you want to do kids?
Do you want to look at the rats?
Yeah
We used to look
We used to stand there
And I would hold their hands
And go look at all of those rats
Take a little flute
And try and lure them to the river
Can't we go to the zoo dad?
No
We're looking at the rats
150 pigeons per street Some are more commodious Can't we go to the zoo, Dad? No, we're looking at the rats.
150 pigeons per street.
Some were more commodious than the rooms in the miners' cottages, talking about the lofts.
On the day of a big race, the whole village would be agog,
and the backyard crowded with people looking at the sky as though expecting a new comet or the eclipse of the sun.
Wow.
Now, unsurprisingly, given the importance attached to the sport, pigeons became points of conflict. Some regarded them as a public health nuisance, others as nodes of the local economy. Thefts were endemic, in part driven by those unscrupulous dealers, and the local courts dealt with endless cases of so-called pigeon larceny, which is an old-fashioned theft. So that's a side... Word for theft, I should say. So that's aside from shooting pigeons.
Murdering them in other ways or simply letting them go free.
Now, in 1867,
one Swansea man was sent down for six months
after nicking a pigeon.
Imagine getting six months of bird
for nicking a pigeon.
Doing bird?
Yeah, doing bird.
Maybe that's where the term...
Maybe it is. No, it's not. Is's where the term Maybe it is
No, it's not
Is that where the term bird comes from?
In Cardiff, others face prison sentences
of anywhere between a month and three months
or for the same crimes
If you're going to steal a pigeon
you want a Cardiff Jewelry
and a Cardiff Magistrate
Six months
Because then you'll get off
You won't get off scot-free
but you'll do less time in Swansea
If you were in prison, Ellis
would you admit that's what you're down for?
I would say murder.
Yeah.
And then I would hope that no one looked into it.
Yeah.
I'd say, and I only got six months because the judge was so scared of me.
He was too scared to give me more than six months.
Even children weren't immune to punishment.
Eleven-year-old William Edwards received six weeks in prison under whipping for stealing a single-team pigeon in Swansea in 1864.
In Swansea, they came down really hard on any kind of pigeon larceny.
Wow.
And in 1879, 13-year-old Francis Williams from Cardiff
received six strokes of the cane.
I mean, it's not a pleasant punishment,
but you'd take the cane of a prison, wouldn't you, for pigeon larceny?
Yeah.
You'd be hoping for the cane.
Even where birds weren't stolen,
the items necessary to make a loft,
such as wooden boxes, might well be.
This happened in Aberday in 1903.
The result, no box and a fine of 40 shillings,
or two quid, which was an awful lot of money back then.
Wow, that must have been, yeah, that's a load.
An indication of the value of pigeons
from a newspaper article published in 1890
when one man went to court in Newport claiming a pound in damages.
One of his flyers had been shot dead by a rival fancier.
I mean, this is like gangster stuff.
Yeah, absolutely.
Shot dead.
A quid, right, which seems like a lot of money.
But as the newspaper pointed out,
a pound is a small sum to ask for a homing pigeon.
£15 and £20 are ordinary prices.
And for one particular bird in South Wales
£100 is asked.
£100 in 1890 is worth
about £10,500 today.
That is worth more than my car.
That's crazy.
That pigeon must be unbelievable.
Imagine telling your wife
that you'd spent £10,500
on a pigeon.
Oh, I've done it again.
What have what?
I've treated myself to what?
I've treated myself to South Wales' best pigeon.
How much did you spend on it?
£100.
What?
What I don't understand is,
how much joy do you get?
Because of those pigeon raisings and stuff.
I don't get it.
Because they let them off from one place,
and then they fly back to your house.
So you just...
Where's the adrenaline rush there?
Pigeon fancying just does not do it for me at all.
Also, currently...
So I imagine if you do it today,
you release your pigeon,
and because we can drive,
you can get to the finish line ahead of the pigeon
and see who wins.
Surely... Well, some pigeon races are like 600 miles. pigeon and see who wins. Surely. Well, some
pigeon races are like 600 miles.
Oh, really? Okay. Wow.
Well, back then, there's no way you
are getting there before
the pigeon. So you're not even getting
the satisfaction of seeing your... Unless
someone else goes and releases it for you from the
start point and you stand at the end.
I don't know. I'm not quite sure. But I'm just... Yeah, it's where
the satisfaction is. You'll just get there and your pigeon
will be home already. It'll be tucked into bed.
It'll be having a cocoa.
Doing stretches
in an ice bath after the...
He's on a static bike just doing some recovery
before the next race.
Anyway, that's
pigeons. Huge part of the
sporting culture of South Wales
absolutely incredible
yeah
amazing
I
one little thing
you mentioned there
that in one street
there could be
four or five houses
with all these
it must have been
really noisy
yeah yeah
like I'm just trying to
it would have pissed me off
a lot of poo everywhere
as well
like if you
the streets must have been
absolutely covered
surely unless they're
all kept in their
boxes but imagine
that every morning
the dawn chorus
there's 400 pigeons
just going
go go go go
piss off
I'm working
nights
shut up
that's it for this week thank you so much for listening and if you enjoyed what you've just
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It's all about community, Chris, isn't it?
It's about creating a community.
That's what we want to do here.
Yeah, exactly.
And if that's a bad thing, if creating community in this divided time is a bad thing, then, you know, so shoot me.
And also, if you've seen any dodgy relics
and also have you got any ideas around one day time machine we're going to end this show with
the jingle that i'm going to create for one day time machine send them in hello at oh what a time
dot com that's it for this week until next week bye it's the one day time machine it's the one day time machine it's the one day time machine it's
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