On Display with Melissa Gorga - Pre-Approved for Love (w/ Tracy Tutor)

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Melissa brings on one of the stars of Million Dollar Listing LA, Tracy Tutor, to talk about navigating out of a toxic relationship on reality tv, how filming schedules can put different strains on relationships, and why some younger men are checking off all of the boxes for women these days.  It's premiere night for Million Dollar Listing LA! Kick up the feet, pour a glass, and be sure to check it out.  This week's sponsor:  Advocare - Energy Mix: advocare.com/meliss a (15% off)

I'm like bitch, I can buy my own handbag. Okay. Yeah. All right, everyone. I am really excited for this next guest. She's an author. She's a real estate agent. And you can check her out on the latest season of million dollar listing L.A. that premieres tonight on bravo. I have Miss Tracy Tudor with me today. Hi, Melissa. How are you? Good. How are you?

I'm good. I'm just on the West Coast loving the sunshine right now, but it's freezing in my house. So I'm wearing a little sweater today. Yeah, I told you I'm mess. I was running around all day. I went to the gym. I have no makeup on, so no judgments, no judgments here. Oh no, you look gorgeous. Thank you. Wait, so have you and I met in person? I bravo, Conn. I don't actually think we met. I have met Teresa. Okay.

But I met her in the green room during NBC Uni when we were doing up fronts. But no one else on the show. I just saw you in passing, but you guys are like, I mean, you guys walk in and it's like the president of the United States came up with all kinds of things. It's like crazy.

The housewives are like. It's like a million dollar listing. God, does anyone give a shit? Yes, they do. Just housewives have, you know, the crazy, the crazy drama and all of that. It was chaos, right? You have stories. Robocon. Oh my god.

Nothing like nothing totally nuts. I mean, there's some, there's some crazy fans out there for sure, but I'm always nice to everybody. I did see some behind the scenes stuff, going on between the ladies, but damn, you guys get crazy. Like when we were on stage doing the watch what happens and like they do the, where they bring up one

and then the other and people were like, going at it, that tamer camera man, she can really, she can take someone down. I didn't know her bad side. She she goes for it gives me it's like, I'm honestly like, yes, I'm on the house wise, but I don't have that like, like tear you down mentality as much as some of the other girls do. So I actually get anxiety. I get like a little

uncomfortable during that time. Like a watch, you know, Andy's very shady when it comes to like the watch what happens lives, especially if he's going to have every housewife together in the same room. You know, he's going to utilize that, right? And I get like, oh my god, I think at one point, were you there when they called me up for like the wheel that spins and it was like me and Mercedes. I was like, I said something wrong to her. I'm like, I don't, I'm like, who, I was like in shock when my name, when my little head popped up on that screen. It was like, probably like, oh my God.

I was like, really? What's about to happen right now? This is like, nutty. I feel like if I was in your shoes, I would feel the same way. I think it's so much easier doing the show that we do because we just don't have that kind of

like craziness and fan craziness as well. But yeah, you definitely don't you are not you are approachable and kind and normal. But I think in the chaos of Bravo Con, like, there's some housewives out there that I'm like, there is, I would love a behind the scenes with one of these.

And so I'm so stoked that I want to hear it all. Like I kind of want to interview you. Oh my gosh, you know, would you love, you can listen, this is like a free, you can talk to me any questions, any questions you have for me today, you interview me, you ask me whatever you want For for housewives. Yeah

Since 2010 so we're about to be in 2013 years almost 13 years I've been on reality TV and and it's not easy I know that you also you were married when you first got on to million dollar listing, right? I started the show married and you know, our show shoots. A lot of people don't know this, but our show shoots for between 10 and 12 months because we're following

actual real estate deals. So we don't, you know, we don't shoot for three or four months where that's like our job. So they're following stuff throughout the year and it takes a long, long time to do it. So when I first got on the show, Jason wasn't thrilled that I wanted to do it and halfway through the season, you know, I knew I wanted a divorce and so I kind of kept it to

my... It was hard. It was a really, really rough year and then of course, you know, the end where they put up the little cards to be like, what are they up to now? They were like, you know, and everything's great with Tracy's business. And she filed for divorce. Oh, like, want, want, want, those exactly. And do you think that the show had any involvement with the divorce or pushed it?

Was it something that put him over the edge? Not at all. I think it's not the show that was the problem. Our marriage was the problem. And I think because independently of him as a career woman, I made the decision that it was time for me to push the envelope. I'd been selling real estate for like,

I think when I started the show, 18 years or something. pushed the envelope. I'd been selling real estate for like, I think when I started the show, you know, 18 years or something. So, and you know, I had to work a lot harder than a lot of the guys did to get where I was. And I thought, you know what, here's an opportunity. I'm the first woman on this show. Maybe I can hold my own. And I had, you know, I'd gone to theater school, so I was comfortable in front of a camera. And said, I just got to take the risk and he was not having it. He was not, he thought, he wasn't supportive of it at all. And I said, I've got to do me.

And I sort of knew our marriage was on the fritz anyways. And I decided that I had to do what was right for me in my business and lo and behold, the marriage fell apart anyway. So I'm glad that I didn't turn it down to quote unquote, save my marriage because it wasn't saving. It wasn't getting saved, you know? Well, you know what they say?

No one leaves a happy marriage. There's, they, they, you know, there's always, and sometimes I asked because I'm interested like just if the world of reality, it's sometimes, you know what happens with some men? They're not happy for you. They almost look at it like they feel threatened and that you're suddenly going to have an upper hand

in some sort of way. Yeah. And it does threaten and they, and they a lot of men out there. And I know a lot of the housewife husbands for a fact get very, it's like almost takes the woman and gives them this leverage that they didn't have before or some type of power. And a lot of them, instead of being happy for the ladies, they get jealous and it causes a lot of riffs and problems and they'll start

making a lot of the ladies feel guilty that they're even taking this opportunity and you're a mother and you're a wife and you're all these other things like, why do you need to show off on this reality show? And I'm not saying that was your experience, but sometimes it does add to the fire. I mean, the truth that you're absolutely 100% right and it was not any different in my experience. I also think, you know, I was financially sort of the breadwinner in the relationship. So I already had that a little bit of that sort of struggle between masculine and feminine and him being the man of the house. And I always allowed for that.

But I also felt like I had the right to be successful and be comfortable with that. And I earned a living so that I could make decisions that I wanted to make for the betterment of my own family. And I made that decision and it was not, you know, it was a lot of, I was with Jason for almost 17 and a half years by the time we got divorced. And, you know, the last year of it was, you know, plagued by, you know, infidelity and other stuff, which I haven't talked about ever before

and recently I was talking to Jeff Lewis about it. And I was like, you know what, it's four years later, we're in a good place, he's married, we're friends, we're happy, it took me a long time to recover from it. Why am I still keeping this a secret? Why can't I be open about it? Because candidly, it was my first year on the show, and the fans gave me a lot of shit. I was one woman on a male dominated cast, and it was

really difficult, you know, like, it was hard enough being the only woman and being judged for not being as good as them or being too sexy, or whatever it was that first season. It was hard for people and women to embrace me. And then when I got divorced, how could you leave that man who was so good to you? Your selfish career driven woman and, you know, they didn't know anything. And forever I kept that to myself. But, you know, the God's honest truth is it was a really difficult time. Right. And listen, I can totally, I've been married for 18 years. So very, I can imagine what it's like to be with someone.

I know exactly what it would be like to be with someone for that long. And you're so used to a situation. And then it ends. I mean, it has to be, it's devastating. It's hard. It's like a whole, obviously, it's hard. It's rough. But the fact that there was

infidelity, I think it sometimes does help other women's when you do tell your story and you do explain it. If you're not, you know, I get it because you have girls, right? And you don't, you don't want to throw their daddy under the bus either. I think that's always like a huge part of it. Was that something like that you thought was going on for a while? Or was just like a freak thing? Was that something like that you thought was going on for a while or was just like a freak thing? No, there was nothing freak about it. It was something that I've been going on while the last year of our marriage. And you know, my kids now know, so I'm comfortable discussing it, otherwise I wouldn't, but and my husband, my ex-husband knows that my kids, everybody, we're all on the same page.

And it took me a long time to heal. And I think him as well and sort of repair our relationship because we were best friends. And you know, that's kind of a comfortable circle. We're parenting our kids now. And he redid, he did the remodel for my house. So we're in a very different place. But that time was incredibly difficult, and obviously I was on the show,

and I didn't wanna talk about it, and I wanted to protect my kids, and they were much, much younger. And now, Juliet's almost 17 years old, and Scarlett's 14, and we're in a very different place, but when you're coming into a TV show, and you're going through something like that,

I didn't even speak to producers about it like no one knew. And then, you know, the next season, there was a lot, you know, a little bit of interviewing and pushing me to talk about it. And I had to be very careful sort of around my words. And now I feel like a little bit, it feel, it's very freeing to sort of talk about it, but not from an angry person. Like I'm past it. You know, but at the time, there was so much anger, and hurt, and deception, and betrayal. I couldn't talk about it in a way that was healthy for me, or for my kids, or for anyone even watching. Now, I can talk about it and say, like, you know, how many other women and men can relate to that.

And I think when you've been talking about it from a healthy place where you've healed from it versus this hateful place where there were many nights I wanted to. And I'm sure you made the right decision by holding it in because you probably would have said things that you didn't want to say or make it insane. And it would have just, you would have talked out of anger opposed to talking out of like facts and logic, right? So it's some, and you're lucky that you're not on a show like house-wise because if you can imagine how that would have gotten... Oh, I mean, you would have been, you were going to superstar. As sad as that is, as crazy as that is. Do you know what I'm saying?

Because it's so you're lucky that you're on a show that it's, you know, it's highlighted, but it's not the center of attraction. Your personal marriage life where housewives, it is rough girl. It is rough. Like, we like a say, a boot of a shother. Like, we could look at each other the wrong way. And it's like, what's going on?

There's something happening here. We're going to need to dig a little deeper. I'm like, no, nothing. I actually just think he's an asshole today. Like that's all. And you're lucky. You know, so it's rough. But, you know, you're lucky that you, you were on that show. I know how the holidays get me feeling with the presents, the family events, the meals and all the other run around, the family events, the meals, and all the other run-around, which is why I have to tell you guys about the new energy drink mix called Spark. Guys, this is like a great tasting energy drink mix that's sugar-free and it's powered

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wellness solutions at avacare.com slash Melissa. That's advocare dot com slash Melissa, get 15% off your first order at advocate.com slash Melissa today. I mean, does this divorce have anything to do with why your body is so amazing. I was, I, I, a couple of your pictures popped up on my Instagram and I'm like, you're beautiful. I love the way you keep yourself in shape and you, you're definitely, you know, your're beautiful. I love the way you keep yourself in shape and you're definitely, you know, your healthy lifestyle. Does the divorce affect that? Are you always that way?

I mean, listen, no, I really wasn't. I'm a normal girl. I always, you know, growing up, I was always a little bit chubby, but I was funny. So like, I relied on my personality to, you know, get there. But I was never like the prettiest girl in the room or the thinnest girl in the room. So like I relied on my personality to like, you know, get there. But I was never like the prettiest girl in the room or the thinnest girl in the room.

And, you know, I had to work hard, you know, and then I think after the divorce, like most women, you go through such a stressful period that you, you know, you lose weight or whatever. And again, it's now been almost five years, but a couple of years ago, when I moved to almost three years ago now, when I moved to Beverly Hills after my divorce and I sold my house, I met a trainer,

actually. I don't know if that's true. I think that you're dating that I see also on your Instagram. Okay, good. I was hoping you'd bring him up because I wanted to have a conversation about this as well. So he's a younger man. Is it fair to say that? He is 27. He's 27. He's January. And I am 40.

But I'm like playing on the fact that he'll be 28 in January. Yes. So you have to just, just like scale it up. He's 28. There you go. Yeah. Make it just a little bit better. Right. So let me just ask you because I have multiple girlfriends. I have other people I know in my life who get divorced. They're also in great shape.

They're healthy. They take care of themselves. And they tend to date the younger guys. And they're in their 40ies as well or they're in their late thirties. They all swear to me and that the younger guys treat them like a queen, pay attention to their needs, their wants, listen to them when they speak and that when they dated men, their age or older, they weren't getting the tension that these younger guys. And almost like the,

it's not even just the word attention, I think it's more of like a, just the way that they kind of embrace you. And they're like almost obsessed with you. Do you find that true? Or were you the older men first? I dated older guys first. I had two boyfriends after my divorce. One was like 55 and the other one was like 52. And I was in a relationship with both of those guys. And good guys, not for me in the long run, but it took me a minute. Of course, after Jason, I was like,

I need to find someone older who's more financially secure. And maybe I don't have to work as hard, that kind of thing. And for whatever reason, those two obviously weren't right for me, and I was doing my own thing, and he was training me, and I was getting in shape. And I had no idea that he was interested in me and he just made a move one day and I was like, you're so balsy.

I can't believe you're just like, go for it. And, but he picked up the phone and called me and asked me out to dinner and I'm like, the 52 year old boyfriend I had texted me for the first. You know what I mean? There was a certain, I honestly, Melissa, I think it's generational. The 52 year old boyfriend I had texted me for the first you know what I mean like

I honestly Melissa. I think it's generational. There's Men or more a little more connected. They're a little more Self-aware maybe I'd dare I say feminine like they I think now you're saying now You know what I mean like masculinity and and men in their fifties like they were raised a certain way That's just how they are. And I think as you know time progresses and these new generations are becoming a little bit more aware because they have no choice. And I will say that you know Eric is it does adore me. And he's super affectionate.

And while he can't you know fly me private or take me on a yacht anywhere. What he brings to my life from a support standpoint. And it's not even like he puts me on a pedestal. He's just enduring. He just wants the best for me. He wants to see me shine. He's happy when I succeed in business. There isn't a competition. He's just for you. He roots for you. He roots for you. He wants to see you do well.

And that I have, which is so important, I feel like sometimes younger men are painted as being immature, right? But that's not always the case, like, or fuck boys. So to speak. But that's not always the case. They are adoring. They do kind of, I don't want to say look up to you

But in a way, I think they have an appreciation, right? Well, yeah, any hardworking woman. And by the way, of course everyone said he was a fuck boy and at first Maybe I was looking at it as I didn't you think I've but it's been almost been three years Do you think that I thought that this is how it was gonna go down? I really didn't. Like I was having fun or whatever. And then it morphed into this much deeper relationship and he's honestly been incredibly, I mean, I've never felt better about myself,

you know, physically, emotionally. That has a large part to do with him. Like I was out all the time. I was socializing five nights a week. I'm at home. I was up at 5.30 this morning in the kitchen. Yeah, I just take better care of myself. It's just a different life.

And it's good for me. And when you feel good about yourself, you kind of look around, you go, why are things different? Well, the only thing that's really different in my life is this man. So I do works. Yeah, and it works.

And I can't say that it's gonna work forever, you know? He's, like I said, there's a big age gap and I'm just trying to not project, I guess, five years down the road. Right, Enjoy. I could do that. I could do that until I'm blue in the face. And that's anxiety producing on a level.

So I have to like constantly say it to myself. Today you're happy. Like, stop when you're not. You'll handle it at that point, right? And you'll fix it at that point. And you'll deal. You know, my other question is like for successful women, which you are, right, that you do have your own money. You do make your own money. Does it also sometimes affect

the fact that like, listen, yes, sometimes the younger guys in their 20s, they're not financially there yet, right? They're just not, but at almost, you're at a point in life where you don't need someone's money, you you're looking for a partner, you're looking for a best friend. So do you think, and I'm not just pertaining this to you, this is for a lot of women in your shoes who are finding who are successful women, right? Who are finding the younger guy who's 10 and 15 and even 20 years younger? Is it because you're like, listen, I don't need anyone for their money. You're truly going for true love and personality and where you're happy. I think that might have also something to do with it where there's other women who

might leave a relationship, right? And it was a hard relationship. They didn't have the money to do certain things. Their husband was a deadbeat. I think they may be looking in, like, I want nice things now. Like, sometimes people go for the opposite, right? But guilty, like, I, you know,

my ex-husband didn't okay, like financially, but I was definitely far and away, the breadwinner. And, you know, again, that is exactly what I thought, okay, Tracy, you are 40 years old, you're in your prime, you've got this, you can take care of yourself, but wouldn't it be nice if you found someone that had A, B, and C? And all my friends wanted that for me.

They really did, like, I mean, the amount of setups of older rich guys was intense. But at the end of the day, the problem with that is there's still that old mentality of like, yeah, they would love to have me on their arm, right? On the arm. Of course. Not on their arm with on the arm. Of course. Not on their arm with like a voice. Just just a successful, beautiful woman on their arm. I totally understand what you're saying. But you can't hold your own there. Like and I found myself feeling stifled. I was like, fuck that. I have an opinion like I have a lot to say and I'm a lot, right? So like I'm not the you know the 28 year old pretty girl who's like just and this is not to shame women younger women for dating older men. So don't get me wrong but

I'm not going to be you know what a lot of women are really happy to be just taken care of right. I'm not that like I have a, I have opinions about almost everything. And for a lot of successful men that are maybe in their 50s or 60s, they're like, listen, I've got enough going on. The last thing I need is an opinionated woman. I just would like her to have sex with her, let her, you know, make me breakfast in the morning and then I'm going to work.

And I'll take her on vacation a few times a year. And that makes her happy. They almost just do things that they have to do to like, here's a handbag. I'm like, bitch, I can buy my own handbag. Okay, like you don't need to buy me a fendee. Like I, 100 per, agree.

Like honestly, I think that when you're more successful and do you think that when you're more successful, your lens is just a little bit clearer in finding a better partner for yourself. I just think that when a woman can stand on her own, their lens is just a little bit clearer, and you're not looking for the, here's the handbag. Here, I'm not going to see you all week,

but on Tuesday, I'm going to take you away for the weekend. And like, you know, it's not just about that. And I'm not saying all older men are that either. I mean, we're not categorizing here, but it's, there's something about that your lens is a little bit clearer when you're not looking for anything specific, especially something like a younger trainer who you had no idea this was going to happen.

And it just kind of out of nowhere happens. And especially when it's not like you were out there being a cruuer, it was like, you know, right? It's like, it's just? It's like, it just, In a way, it happened during COVID, where there was nothing else to do but connect. So you either, I mean, you know,

so many relationships during that time either went one way or the other. Right. And we sort of came together and found this like cool, magical little thing. And it's, you know, we're approaching three years together. And if I could see this to like any woman who's going to land in your lane. And I'll take the last three years of utter joy, like beautiful sexual relationship,

beautiful emotional relationship. And if it only lasts for five years, then it was a damn good five years, rather than looking for this unattended, by the way, non-existent and unattainable sort of life that you tell yourself in your head that's going to make you happy because in the ultimate end of the day, no matter how big their checkbook is or whatever you think they have that's going to make you feel secure,

it doesn't. I completely hear it. I think these are like words of wisdom, by the way, words of wisdom. So what's next for Tracy in 2023? What's coming up with you? What can we look forward to? I mean, right now, I'm so happy to, you know, have done this season. It's going to be obviously a really different season. You know, there's historically on our show been between five and six people. And so you don't really jump into any of our personal lives.

And this year, it's literally just myself and Josh Altman and Josh Flag. So I think it's a little bit more of a personal season. I hope the fans appreciate that. You're still going to have sexy real estate and everything. But I think getting a little bit more of, I think, what some of these other shows have in terms of the touch points, like Josh is going through a divorce on the show. And of course, I'm the only one that's been down that road.

So, you know, we have some advice, the whole thing. But like, we go through that together. And so I'm happy to kind of, you know, be done with that. I'm excited to watch it because, you know, the show's been on for 13 years. This is its 14th year. And it's always been a formula and very like, that's the way it's been.

And so this is the first year we're sort of breaking the rules. And I hope the fans really enjoy it. Outside of that, I'm just getting back to selling real estate and I'm building a guesthouse and you know trying to take some time off everyone. So well good for you Tracy. This has been so nice talking to you. It really has. I'm so glad we got to actually have like a conversation. I cannot wait. I will be watching tonight. Million Dollar listing L.A. guys tonight on Bravo.

Do not miss it. Tracy, this has been so much fun. And I'm going to do a horrible if you want Instagram to see what's going on in your life. Absolutely. And I'm a big fan. So I'll be following you with like, thank you. I got you. I always am forever. All right, honey. Thank you. So nice to talk to you.

All right, honey. Thank you so nice to hear. All right. Bye. I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth and we're the hosts of Trust Me, the podcast about cults, extreme belief and the abuse of power. Now on Podcast One, we're real life cult survivors and we're the hosts of Trust Me, the podcast about cults, extreme belief, and the abuse of power. Now on podcast one, we're real life cult survivors, and we're here to tell you anyone can join a cult. If you've ever dived headfirst into a new self-help program, or believed well, heartedly in a spiritual practice, or even just trusted someone with your life, guess what?

You're just as susceptible as everyone else. No one is safe, especially not Megan. I'm the most susceptible. We want to debunk the myth that people who join cults are uneducated or naive or broken, because anyone can be manipulated by an arse assist or feel good in a new group they've joined. And we should know we both have been.

Join us every week as we explore the world of extreme belief, talk to survivors and experts, and share our own experiences with cults and the abuse of power. Don're missing out on because you're not selling on Shopify. And what does it sound like with Shopify? Ah, much better. Whether you're a garage entrepreneur or IPO ready, Shopify's the only tool you need to start, run, and grow your business without the struggle. Shopify puts you in control of every sales channel, so whether you're selling satin sheets

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