On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 4 Ways We Self-Sabotage & 3 Ways to Improve the Relationship We Have With Ourselves

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

What’s blocking you? What’s holding you back? Today, Jay talks about the concept of self-sabotage, examining how it manifests in various aspects of our lives and offering strategies for overcoming it. Self-sabotage is defined as behaviors that undermine our own success, happiness, and stated goals. These actions often occur subconsciously, rooted in deep psychological patterns formed during early childhood. Jay outlines four primary ways people self-sabotage: chronic lateness, procrastination, putting oneself down, and perfectionism. He also discusses the habit of putting oneself down, which can manifest through over-apologizing or refusing to take credit for accomplishments. This behavior is often linked to low self-esteem or an internalized critical voice from childhood. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Recognize Self-Sabotage How to Stop Putting Yourself Down How to Change Negative Self-Talk How to Understand Your Triggers How to Set Boundaries By understanding and working through these patterns, you can unlock your full potential and achieve the success and happiness you desire. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:08 What is Self-Sabotage? 05:41 Passive-Aggressive Behavior 08:22 Behavior that Counters What We Tell Ourselves 11:08 What Leads to Self-Sabotage? 14:26 #1: Chronic Lateness 16:22 #2: Procrastination 19:53 #3: Putting Yourself Down 23:15 #4: Perfectionism 27:01 Three Ways to Deal with Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior 28:53 weird noise in the backgroundSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get emotional with me, Radhie Devlukya, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there, Amir. I know, because this is... People that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right?

Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to a really good cry with Rali Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste. And that's where the perspective shift comes. That it's not a waste that everything you've done has built you to where you are now. This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them.

Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots. Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol. The joy they brought to the nation. You're free completely. No one is there to destroy you. The danger they endured.

They said my head should be cut off. I'm John Legend. Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. There's a lot of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic. I mean, we all want to be more present and self-aware, more patient, less judgmental. We discuss all these themes on the podcast, but it's hard to actually be mindful in your day-to-day life.

That's where calm comes in. I've been working with calm for a few years now with the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy. Calm has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits, shift your self-talk, reframe your negative thoughts, and generally feel better in your daily life. So many incredible options from the most knowledgeable experts in the world along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also check out my 7-minute daily series to help you live more mindfully each and every day.

Right now listeners of On Purpose get 40% off a subscription to Calm Premium at Calm.com forward slash j. That's C-A-L-M dot com forward slash j-a-y. For 40% off, calm your mind, change your life. Procrastination can be a form of self-sabotage and a source of self-undoing. For example, it shows up regularly in people who are working one job, but harbor a secret, unfulfilled fantasy of doing something else. Maybe their dream is to become a performer or a writer, or maybe they've always wanted to learn to play the piano or run a full marathon or hike.

They spend hours, days, weeks and years dreaming about this future self and imagining how fulfilling and rich their lives will become once they finally make their move. Someday they think. But if you're a procrastinator, it never happens. come up with to explain why, very likely have nothing to do with the real reason, which in nine cases out of ten can be traced back to experiences they had and the patterning that was imprinted in their early childhood. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.

The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm so grateful that you're here, spending your next few minutes with me. Whether you're on a walk, whether you're walking your dog, whether you're cooking, whether you're driving, whether you're cleaning, whatever you're up to.

Thanks for tuning in with me right now. And I'm so glad that we're living at a time where mental health has taken centre stage and where more of us than ever before are familiar with the ideas and concepts around mental health. I believe that on purpose has been a significant part of doing that because of you. You've helped spread on purpose, spread this message so that so many people feel seen, feel heard, feel understood. And I couldn't thank you enough for all the reviews, for sharing the episodes with friends,

the cut downs on TikTok and Instagram. It's amazing. Keep them coming. Today's episode is about the four ways we self-sabotage ourselves and the three ways we can overcome those instincts and impulses that run counter to our own success and happiness. While we may not be familiar with self-sabotage, most of us know what sabotage means. We've all seen films or television shows where one person sabotages another, whether it's a co-worker who steals a colleague's report, or a bridesmaid who sabotages her friend's wedding by drinking too much and causing a scene. Outside of the movies though, it's surprisingly common at work as well.

For example, you and your team may be engaged in a collaborative project, but a colleague decides to withhold important information and his behaviour ends up compromising everything you've ever worked for. That's sabotage. But in this episode, we're going to be focusing on the kind of sabotage that's aimed at ourselves. I define acts of self-sabotage as behaviors where we get in our own way. We trip ourselves up. We do or say things or act in ways that run counter to our own stated goals and our own

success. Behaviors where we're our worst enemy and not even aware we are either. In fact, self-sabotage can even be framed as acting in a passive aggressive way around ourselves because somewhere inside our own brains we don't want what we tell ourselves we want. Think about this for a second. There's this beautiful statement by Bahamad Ali. He said, it's not the mountain you're climbing,

it's the pebble in your shoe. Right? This idea of what's tripping you up, what's getting caught in your shoe. I'm sure you're thinking about that recently as well. Like, what's blocking you? And sometimes we'll blame someone externally, sometimes we'll find someone else to take the responsibility, we'll shift accountability. But what is that?

It's self-sabotage. And some of you may even have become more familiar with this idea and you're thinking to yourself, Jay, I keep doing this. I keep getting in my own way. But now I feel guilty about it. Now I feel shameful about it. And now I feel bad about it. And I feel shameful about it and now I feel bad about it And that's not the point of this episode. The point of this episode is not to make you feel worse about it

It's to help you deal with it and feel better about it So what do I mean when I say passive-aggressive? When we use that term about other people it's usually in the context of say a friend making a joking remark Usually in the context of say a friend making a joking remark, except she delivers that remark in a tone of voice that's not especially friendly or well-meaning. It's like when your partner's mad at you, but they want to try and pass it off as it's not that serious, but really it is that serious. Maybe they're angry at you, but they can't admit it or more like they're not even aware of their own anger and instead of acknowledging it sneaks out indirectly or

passively in a way that communicates what they're feeling, but it's not honest enough, right? It's like it's coming out in a way where it's like, I hope you know what I mean, but I'm not going to have the courage enough to say it. Or let's imagine that you and your partner just ended the night out with a big argument. Most couples take a certain amount of time to cool off before sitting down and doing the repair work necessary to ensure their relationship is back on good footing. But if your partner is passive aggressive, he or she will go out of their way to avoid

resolving the argument. They might give you the silent treatment, or stomp around the house and make a lot of noise to communicate that they're angry or their feelings have been hurt. What they won't do is tell you, which means you have to read in between the lines and be the grown up. You now all of a sudden have to become a mind reader, you have to be that person who understands what's not being said and you kind of feel a bit of pressure for it. What's really interesting is that self-sabotage acts in a similar way but with an important difference. When a friend acts in a passive aggressive manner, they're refusing or unable to acknowledge

their feelings, and as I said, sometimes they have no idea what those feelings are in the first place. This is why I often frame acts of self-sabotage as passive aggressive behavior that we show not to another person, but to ourselves. Buried deep in our brain are feelings that for whatever reason we don't want to let out into the open. Feelings that usually go back to our childhoods, our relationship with our parents or our siblings, and the attachments we developed or weren't able to develop with family members and friends. Years afterwards we're still

reenacting these models and dynamics in our behaviour at work, and with our members and friends. Years afterwards we're still reenacting these models and dynamics in our behaviour at work, and with our friends, and in our relationships. The problem being that most of the time, we're the last people to know about it. Another way to define self-sabotage is behaviour that runs counter to, or even contradicts, what we tell ourselves we want. Let me give you an example. On the morning you're scheduled to deliver an important presentation at work, you don't hear your alarm clock ring and you oversleep. Instead of getting up early and rehearsing your presentation, as you've been planning

to do all week, you roll out of bed in a panic, take a crazed 2 minute shower and show up at work an hour late. By now what's left of our nervous system is in tatters. When the time comes for you to deliver the presentation, you don't do as good as a job as you hoped. Your voice is unsteady, the slides in your deck are out of order, and you leave the room convinced you're going to be fired. Now we all have days that don't go the way we want them to, but it's not irrelevant

to the topic of self-sabotage to wonder what's really going on with you. The answer could be any number of things. Maybe you hate your job or your boss and have been thinking about quitting for weeks, except you fear what your parents might say. So in this case, by showing up late and being unprepared, you've set up your boss to be disappointed in you and possibly lay you off. In essence, what is going on is that since you can't acknowledge your own ambivalence at work, you end up blowing up your own career.

Does that, can you relate to that? Like maybe not exactly like that, but I hope that resonates. Here's another example. Imagine you're in a relationship that from every category you can check off is ideal. The two of you get along fantastically well, you have the same taste in food and music and film and TV shows, your families get along, they have things in common, and you feel you could spend the rest of your life with this person. At least that's what you tell yourself.

So why, even though you feel you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, have you begun acting so cold and withdrawn, to the point where your partner becomes so frustrated, they decide to break things off with you? Maybe just maybe, the truth of the matter is that you fear intimacy and you don't know it. Maybe you were burned before or multiple times before, and your detachment and indifference is nothing more than a defense mechanism. Maybe without being aware of if you learned from your parents' relationship, or somewhere else, that people close to you

can't be trusted. So out comes an act of self-sabotage, in this case, emotional withdrawal. And from that point on, you tell yourself that you're terrible at relationships and how it's never your fault, but always the fault of the other person. That's self-sabotage. You're probably wondering what's going on in the brain that leads to self-sabotage. You're probably wondering what's going on in the brain that leads to self-sabotage. Well, remember that the brain has one mission, which is to keep us alive and in balance. In that guise, it's focused on steering us away from threats, while simultaneously motivating us with the promise of future rewards. Self-sabotage typically comes about when these two desires get confused and blurry.

Think of it as an ongoing war between dopamine and other brain regions that include the hypothalamus, amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. To use our early example, let's imagine that on the surface at least, you tell yourself you want to excel at work. There's no reason not to believe you either. You're eager to show your boss and your colleagues what you can do. And in response, your brain floods your system with dopamine. But other areas of your brain have something to say too.

Hearing you want to excel at work stresses your brain out, puts it on edge, makes it fearful. The hypothalamus kicks off this stress response by sending a message to the pituitary gland which in turn stimulates the adrenal glands which release cortisol, the stress hormone. Your breathing, heart rate and blood pressure all shoot up.

More and more blood sugar is pumped into your bloodstream to give you energy for what's ahead. Basically what's happening is that the reward and threat centers of your brain are at war with each other. They're being given contradictory messages, but the problem is you can't admit it. Remember that the brain is always acting in our own best interest.

Its mission at the end of every day is to protect us. The reward seeking part of your brain may be saying, I want to succeed at work. But the regions of the brain that predict potential threats respond by saying, do I really? Then why do I feel so angry? Why am I holding back? In its chemical way, our brains are like friends through thick and thin who know us better than we know ourselves.

Here's another example. You might be someone who has always wanted to follow their passion but keep putting it off. This is because your brain is busy predicting how you would feel if you pursued that dream but came up short. In other words, your brain is trying to protect you from emotions it knows are painful for you to feel. Future embarrassment, future disappointment, future pain. This is the essence of self-sabotage. The brain, knowing

things we don't, or that we don't want to admit to ourselves, which in turn obliges us to act cross-purposes with ourselves. Self-sabotage isn't a cause or a source of anything. It's a symptom of a feeling or a dynamic that we're usually not aware of. When we act in a self-sabotaging way, we almost never do it consciously. Otherwise, we would probably stop ourselves. Unless we've been seeing a therapist for a long time, rarely do we have access to the original feeling or model that leads us to act in ways that run counter to our own interests and ambitions. Self-sabotage has many faces, but here are the top four ways we do it. So you can use this as a checklist to understand.

The first way is chronic lateness. Here I'm not talking about those times when we're stuck in traffic or when we realize the clock in our car doesn't match the time on our phones and we arrive 20 minutes later for a doctor's appointment or a meeting with a friend. I'm talking about the habit of lateness. Lateness that happens so often and predictably that it's your middle name. The trait most closely associated with you. If someone tells you that lunch starts at 1 o'clock sharp, you don't show up till 1.15, 1.30 or even later.

You always have a good reason too. Your car was low on gas. You couldn't find your keys. The dog needed to be let out. A phone call came in that you had to take. Whatever the reason, it's always something. Now most of us who are late, apologize for holding everyone else up, and after that things are fine.

It's no big deal. You might even be someone with a genuinely flaky relationship with time and scheduling. Someone who has trouble predicting how long it takes to get somewhere or get something done. But consider what your chronic lateness communicates to your friends and work colleagues. It reduces the trust they have in you. It means you can't be trusted to keep your word or be relied upon. Those are the real world effects your chronic lateness has on other people. But considering that this episode is about self-sabotage, what are some of the

underlying reasons that drive the behaviour of someone who's never on time? You could be someone who secretly believes the rules that apply to other people don't apply to you. Maybe you're on the outs with your friends, but don't have the heart, the time or the patience to find another friend group. Maybe you're secretly a diva who knows that by always showing up late, you can make a grand entrance, with everyone's eyes on you, and everyone whispering about that you're finally here. Whatever the unconscious motive is, it ends up doing you far more damage than good. Something that makes me crazy is when people say,

well, I had this career before, but it was a waste. And that's where the perspective shift comes. That it's not a waste that everything you've done has built you to where you are now. This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them. Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots, as I sit down with inspiring women like Misty Copeland, Brooke Shields, Vanessa Hudgens, and so many more.

We dive into how these women made their pivot and their mindset shifts that happened as a result. It's a podcast about women, their stories, and how their pivot became their success. Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Get emotional with me, Radhita Vlukya, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone.

We're going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development, and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there, aren't we? People that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life.

Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself. I already see myself. And so when people give me an opportunity, I'm just like, oh great, you see me too. We'll laugh together, we'll cry together, and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Rali Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

A new season of Bridgerton is here and with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast. I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins, and this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton. Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad. Is betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor? Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen. We're discussing it all. I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season. Watch season 3 of the Shondaland series on Netflix. Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton the Official Podcast on the

iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday. A second way we self-sabotage ourselves is procrastination. Procrastination of course means putting things off until the very last minute, or in some cases never getting around to them at all. Like all the examples of self-sabotage in this episode, we've all been guilty at least once in our life. The problem is always is when we take these actual behaviors to extremes. For example, I'm sure we've all had the experience in high school or college when we put off writing a paper.

We were given a week to complete it and every day we told ourselves we would at least get started. But as the week went on, we never did. At least not until the day before it was due when we stayed up all night writing it and earned a not very good grade from the teacher or the professor. Or maybe you were one of those people who always did well anyway. But when it becomes a habit or a routine, procrastination can be a form of self-sabotage and a source of self-undoing. For example, you might be someone who delays paying bills you know are due the first of every month but which you don't get the first of every month, but which you

don't get around to addressing in time, which gets you into trouble with creditors and collection agencies. But where I see procrastination most often is in our own ambitions. It shows up regularly in people who are working one job, but harbour a secret, unfulfilled fantasy of doing something else. Maybe their dream is to become a performer or a writer, or maybe they've always wanted to learn to play the piano or run a full marathon or hike. They spend hours, days, weeks and years dreaming about this future self

and imagining how fulfilling and rich their lives will become once they finally make their move. Someday they think, but if you're a procrastinator, it never happens for any number of reasons and the excuses they come up with to explain why very likely have nothing to do with the real reason, which in nine cases out of ten can be traced back to experiences they had and the patterning that was imprinted in their early childhood. The fear of failure, for example, or its close cousin, the fear of success. What would it really mean to pursue and accomplish their dreams or their goals? It might mean doing better than your parents in a way that's shameful to acknowledge.

Or maybe your mom or dad had their own dreams they weren't able to pursue. By procrastinating and putting off what you want, you're protecting your parents and maintaining a familiar dynamic within your own family. It's an act of love that ends up damaging you. I don't have enough time, you think, or I'm too old, or I have responsibilities to your partner and my family. All of these things may be true, but it's not the real reason why you're procrastinating. By now, I hope you've become more aware of the conflict that arises in the brain

when we self-sabotage and of the conflict that arises in the brain when we self-sabotage, and of the misalignment that happens when our conscious behaviour is at odds with our own unconscious motives. All acts of self-sabotage, remember, can be seen as defence mechanisms. They're the brain's way of protecting us from the stress and fear of confronting more difficult emotions. The third way we self-sabotage ourselves is by putting ourselves down. It's pretty easy to make fun of people who take themselves too seriously.

There's even an argument to be made that the TV show The Office gave rise to a new brand of humour that comes from knowing more about other people than they know about themselves. And make no mistake, self-deprecating humour is a very attractive and humanising quality to have. It not only shows you have a sense of humour about yourself and your position in the world, it communicates that despite the good things that are happening in your life, you're still the person you always were.

But here I'm referring to the constant habit of denigrating yourself, whether by apologizing too much, showing excessive humility, or never stopping to acknowledge the times you have a win in your column. Putting yourself down shows up in ways both obvious and not so obvious. Studies show that girls and women apologize more than men do and many girls say I'm sorry almost as a reflex. But as well as showing kindness and consideration, the habit of over apologizing can risk coming across to others as insecure and self-doubting while at the same time undermining your own self-esteem.

Denigrating yourself is also very common in people who don't know how to receive compliments. I have a friend who is doing fantastically well in his career, but whenever I would point this out, he would always say something like, I was just lucky, or I was in the right place at the right time. But refusing to take credit for your own accomplishments can end up hurting you. In my friend's case, by refusing to acknowledge and appreciate his own success, he was effectively asking others to buttress and validate his accomplishments. He came across as insecure and unconfident,

qualities I knew wouldn't serve him well in the future. As is true in all instances of self-sabotage, the origins of our behaviour vary, though it's safe to say they began when we were children. If you're constantly denigrating yourself, maybe you grew up around a hypercritical parent, and putting yourself down is a way of keeping that parents voice close. Maybe, and this is a theme that keeps

coming up with self-sabotage, it stems from lower than usual self-esteem where a long time ago someone gave us the impression that we weren't good enough or smart enough or deserving enough. If you're in the habit of putting yourself down, you might fear that the act of owning your success risks alienating friends who aren't at the same level as you. Or possibly you'd think that unless you put yourself down, someone else will jump in and do it for you. Studies show that while self-deprecation is linked to improve overall psychological health in most people, as usual the risk comes from overdoing it and being seen as someone who lacks confidence and proficiency in their work. So the next time you hear yourself saying,

I was just lucky, or anyone could have done what I did, ask yourself, are my words serving me? did. Ask yourself, are my words serving me? Followed by, or are my words protecting me? The fourth and final step of the ways we self-sabotage ourselves is perfectionism. Perfectionism is a personality trait marked by sky-high standards and expectations for yourself and everyone around you. If you're a perfectionist, you're no doubt averse to making mistakes. And this is often accompanied by fear that unless you act or dress or speak or engage or produce in any way other than what you deem to be perfect, then you're opening up yourself to criticism, unhappiness and feelings of failure. Perfectionism is another common way we self-sabotage ourselves and psych ourselves out of attaining our potential. Perfectionism blocks progress.

Perfectionism blocks the process. Perfectionism can block you from unlocking your potential. Perfectionism has its healthy, beneficial sides. It can be incredibly motivating for one thing, and help you overcome challenges and accomplish what you're after. But what can make perfectionism unhealthy and even toxic is its capacity to paralyse us and keep us from going forward, since our greatest fear is what might happen if we make a mistake or a bad decision. Of course, self-sabotaging perfectionists can't admit this and instead believe they have higher standards than other people and a vision no one else shares. If you're a perfectionist, chances are good you revise and rework things constantly until you decide they match your impossible standards of perfection,

only to discover the next day that the work you considered perfect 24 hours earlier suddenly feels imperfect and in need of more work, which means you have to start all over again. Perfect and perfection are like the proverbial goalposts that refuse to stay put and that keep inching backward depending on what day of the week it is. Naturally, perfectionism can cause problems at work and in your social and love life. It can also impair both your physical and mental health. Perfectionism goes hand in hand with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and eventually burnout. Since you're convinced that nothing you do and no one you know is perfect enough to match, never mind exceed, your own high standards, this often leads to erratic friendships and relationships.

There's nothing wrong with seeking excellence. The problem comes when we take it to extremes. When our own perfectionism ends up boxing us into a corner. We forget that perfect as a concept is an abstract ideal, one that can change daily. When you lead your life expected to be graded for everything you do, you're setting yourself up for disappointment, disillusion and endless frustration. By now, we know that the reasons behind any act of self-sabotage vary, though the culprit

is usually a relationship or imprint from long ago. It could be a fixed and internalized belief about ourselves, or an exaggerated need for control. Perfectionists have both these traits in spades, the downside being that their perfectionism leaves them more vulnerable than most people to anxiety, depression and escapist habits like drinking and drugs. Taking aim and chipping away at our own self-sabotage means beginning to collaborate with our own brains, and that means delving deep into the root causes of whatever self-sabotaging behavior is creating problems in your daily

life or getting in the way of things you hope to accomplish. Here are three ways to get closer to the roots of your own self-sabotaging behavior. Step one in this journey is self-compassion. This can be a tough one for self-saboteurs to accept. By their very definition, procrastinators, perfectionists, chronically late, self-deprecating people are already extremely hard on themselves. Many have grown impatient with their own behaviour, and some even believe they're beyond repair. I'm terrible at love and relationships, they think.

Or I'm hopeless at work and will never amount to anything. But if you read between the lines, what they're really communicating is that their best behaviors are misaligned with what they really want and they don't know what to do about it. If someone tells you they're beyond fixing or they've given up, most of the time they're doubling down on the original feeling or injury they experienced as children that they're now trying to avoid as adults. This is where self-compassion comes in. Instead of telling

yourself that it's too late or you're never going to change or something is wrong with you and unfixable, why not try to picture yourself as a little kid? A four-foot tall, 95-pound bundle of love and energy, who in between discovering new things about the world, is also absorbing messages from parents, siblings, friends, extended family members, teachers and classmates. A child new to the world world whose feelings are easily hurt, and who is doing everything in their limited power to understand and defend themselves against a world that can sometimes seem overwhelming and unkind. Remember too that they were born with a brain whose job it is on one hand to motivate them to seek rewards and on the other to avoid stress, hurt, injury and disappointment.

Show your inner child some compassion. Treat them with as much patience, empathy and understanding as you can. In a way possibly you wish someone had treated you back then. As you start pinpointing the possible reasons why you and your goals got misaligned, remember that your brain is on your side and the two of you need to work together. And then watch as everything you've always wanted, and I mean really wanted, starts making greater sense, and that by making peace with feelings you've spent a lifetime running away from, you're able to soar to levels you've always told yourself you wanted, but never

thought possible. Thanks for tuning in and listening. I'm always in your corner, I'm forever rooting for you. If you loved this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past. Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it? It grows where it's soft and green and vulnerable. Guess what, Will?

What's that, Mango? I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults. I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy. We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food, and how do dollar stores make money, and then of course, can you game a dog show? So what you're saying is everyone should be listening. Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeart Radio app

or wherever you get your podcasts. A new season of Bridgerton is here. And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast. I'm your host, Gabby Collins. And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton. Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix. Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton The Official Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe to catch

a new episode every Thursday.