On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 8 Unrealistic Expectations We Have in Relationships & 8 Ways to Replace Them for Success in Love

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

In every relationship we have, we often set expectations. When these expectations aren’t met, we feel unloved and uncared for. And sometimes, we feel that it’s not working and that it isn’t true... love. What we fail to realize is that our expectations are based on our standards, our own ideals, our own terms. OURS, not theirs. It’s one sided. We want the other person to meet our standards, ideals, and goals; but we never consider THEIR own expectations of us. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty explains why setting unrealistic expectations only leads to a failure in your relationship and builds up your insecurities. Sign up for Jay Shetty’s free “Pursuit of Purpose” Live Masterclass at www.jayshettypurpose.com Key Takeaways: 01:34 What are your expectations when you’re in a relationship? 03:45 Expectation #1: We create a list of expectations that we will find 07:07 The three G’s: Goal, Growth, Gratitude 11:20 Expectation #2: Our partner should be perfect 15:50 Expectation #3: Expecting your partner to make you happy 18:56 Expectation #4: Our partners can read our mind 22:20 Expectation #5: Know how to do things we usually do that we’ve never explained 25:33 Expectation #6: Have it all together all the time 27:38 Expectation #7: Our partner want the same things we want 30:03 Expectation #8: Our partner should understand us immediately Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:01:36 An expectation is a wish. An expectation is an assumption that this exists. What it takes away is any responsibility in creating it, developing it, and building. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Up Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. And I just want
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Starting point is 00:03:01 Thank you so, so much. Now in this episode, we're talking about the eight false expectations you shouldn't have in a relationship, and you're sitting there going, Jay, what are they? What are those eight expectations I shouldn't have? Right? Mostly our conversations around relationships start with, well, what do you expect from a relationship? What are the things that you think are important that your partner should have? What are the expectations that a person should have
Starting point is 00:03:35 before a relationship? That's a very normal conversation. It's been happening for years and years and years and people will say to you, what's your list of expectations? If you have a list of expectations? If you have a list of expectations, then you'll find the right person. Right?
Starting point is 00:03:49 How many of you have sat there? Be honest. Raise your hand. No one's looking apart from you in your reflection in the mirror on the phone right now. Raise your hand. Be honest. How many of you have ever written down what you want from a relationship? And I remember reading those funny columns in magazines
Starting point is 00:04:07 that were lying around my parents' home when I was younger where people said they wanted someone with a good sense of humor. They wanted someone who was flexible. They wanted someone who was confident. They wanted someone who was ambitious. They wanted someone who had time for the family. And I'm like, yeah, none of those things actually work at the same time, right? But we've all been trained to have a list of expectations. And our hope is that if we walk into a room with a list of expectations, we will find someone who matches those expectations. Now, it's important to have a list of values. It's important to have a list of
Starting point is 00:04:44 important to have a list of values. It's important to have a list of focuses. It's important to have a list of criteria to look out for. That's an important thing to have. But a list of expectations can actually be very, very misleading, right? Very, very misleading. And today I want to discuss what those eight false expectations are that we have from a relationship that actually make us go down the wrong path, actually make relationships extremely difficult. And the first expectation is that we should create a list of expectations that we will find. That is the first false expectation that your expectation list will actually help you find the right person.
Starting point is 00:05:36 The challenge with an expectation list is that it's often idealistic. It's often not human. It often doesn't allow for error. It doesn't allow for a background in a past. It doesn't allow for trauma. It doesn't allow for uncovering new challenges. It doesn't allow for someone healing and growing, which is so much what a relationship is a part of. Right. The role of a relationship is so much more about growth and development and healing than it is about having fun and enjoyment. And what I mean by that, it's something that I was speaking about in the episode with Will Smith when I said that relationships and more about education and enlightenment than
Starting point is 00:06:23 they are enjoyment and the education and enlightenment, then they are enjoyment. And the education and enlightenment is the enjoyment. When you figure out your partner, when you learn about them, when you grow together, now you're actually enjoying. Now you're actually having a full experience. When you have a limited understanding of what someone or something is able to do, you have a very limited understanding of what someone or something is able to do. You have a very limited sense of joy and often more frustration.
Starting point is 00:06:50 When you have a complete understanding of something, that allows you to experience it fully, right? It allows you to truly have a deep, immersive experience when you allow yourself to truly understand someone more deeply. So the first false expectation is thinking that your expectations are going to be met. And I have something I call the 3G's model, which is what you need to focus on instead of setting expectations. So not only do I believe these are false expectations, I actually believe all expectations are not helpful because an expectation is a hope and expectation is a wish and
Starting point is 00:07:33 expectation is an assumption that this exists What it takes away is any responsibility in creating it Developing it and building it. I'll give you an example. You may have an expectation that the perfect house in the world is out there. And you go out and you find a house, and then you realize it's not near the schools you want to send your kids to. Or you find the house, but the garden's not quite perfect. Or you find the house, but actually the last tenants destroyed the floors. Whatever it is, you can tell that I got really personal
Starting point is 00:08:07 on that last one, but whatever it is, the point is that an expectation doesn't help you focus on creating, building, or developing. It's all about finding, wishing, and hoping. And what that means is that your probability for failure increases. Your probability for failure goes through the roof with expectations.
Starting point is 00:08:29 As opposed to, if you focused on creating building and developing, you're less likely to fail because you get to influence the outcome. So the three Gs are as follows. The first one is instead of setting an expectation, set a goal. Set a goal that I want to create a relationship like this, and this is what it's going to take, right? Set a goal for the type of relationship.
Starting point is 00:08:53 I often speak to Rady, and I'll say to her, well, this is the type of relationship I want to create with you. Are you in with me? And that sets a goal, it sets a mood, it sets a pace, then now we both know what we're working towards. As opposed to an expectation is expecting that someone's already going to have it, already going to be able to deliver, and already going to have it covered, as opposed to the
Starting point is 00:09:17 idea that we're going to get there together. After understanding your goal of the relationship, you want to set your growth. Okay, well, we want to get to that goal. What are we both going to have to do? What are we both going to have to grow? What are we both going to have to learn in order to achieve that goal? So now again, you're not expecting that the other person has amazing communication skills. You're not expecting that the other person really understands how to be emotionally intelligent.
Starting point is 00:09:46 You're both saying, well, that's what we're going to learn. That's what we have to develop. Now, of course, there is something here that both people are willing to do this, but what I have always found is that in a relationship, one person has to tread the path first and they have to patiently wait and see if the other person will tread the path to follow them. And it's never the person that forces the follower. It's never the person that pressurizes the follower. It's never the person that stresses out the follower that wins. It's the person that improves and grows because they know that's the right thing to do. That's the thing that they believe they need to do for their sanity and themselves.
Starting point is 00:10:30 And then if the other person joins them, that's amazing. And if they don't, then they have an opportunity to say, well, maybe this isn't the right relationship. And it's all about how long you're willing to be patient and wait for a person to grow because sometimes it will take forever, sometimes it will never happen and their growth is not up to you. But setting a growth plan instead of an expectation is the right way to approach any relationship, whether you're in one or whether you want to be in one, setting an expectation is not going to help you find the right person. Setting a plan of growth is going to help you find and be with the right person.
Starting point is 00:11:05 And the third way of replacing expectations is replacing expectations with gratitude. Gratitude for who you are, what you've learned, what you've already achieved. It's so important because so many of us have expectations. And even when those expectations are met, we forget that at one point, that was all we wanted. At one point, we forget that that expectation that we currently have something that we expected has now been met, but we forget that it's been met. Even at one point, that was your dream. That's what you aimed for. So gratitude is a great replacement for an expectation
Starting point is 00:11:52 because it truly allows you to live from a place of being centered and grounded. It allows you to move from a place of feeling aligned. And that's really what it is. You can either respond from your unalignment or respond from your alignment to life and gratitude brings you back to an alignment. If you want to respond to someone,
Starting point is 00:12:19 you either react based on your lack of alignment or you respond based on your alignment. Now those are the three G's, goals, growth and gratitude to replace expectations as a way of operating. This second expectation that we have of our partner is a big one and this applies to anyone who feels like they're in a good relationship. It's kind of going in the right direction, but you're like, ah, they're not, you know, they're not perfect. You know, I keep getting attention from people
Starting point is 00:12:50 that seem nicer. This second expectation we have, that is a false expectation, is the expectation that our partner should be perfect, that our partner should be God. We want our partners to be our God. Take a moment to just let that settle in. Take a moment to really let that land.
Starting point is 00:13:15 We want our partners to be our God. We want our partners to be perfect. We expect them. And I know you're sitting there going, Jay, I don't expect perfect. I just want them to improve this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. You've just explained perfection, right? If you look at the probability of that, you've just explained perfection. Your partner is at about 83. You want them to be at a 97. And worse, you believe that someone out there is a 99, you just haven't met them yet.
Starting point is 00:13:46 No, I'm not saying to settle and I'm not saying to accept less than you deserve and I'm not saying to stay somewhere you don't wanna stay. But I am saying that there is a difference between a good relationship, a great relationship and the expectation of a God-like relationship. Our partners are not God. They will let us down. They will not be perfect. They will make mistakes. And if we're not willing to work with them through those moments, if we're not willing
Starting point is 00:14:25 If we're not willing to elevate at those moments, we're really gonna struggle in any relationship. This is one of the reasons why so many people cheat or so many people leave their partner and search for another because they believe the next relationship will be the God-like relationship. The next relationship will be the perfect relationship. We don't realize, we just carry our trauma and baggage from this one into the next one. They're carrying their one into the next one and now we're just dealing with more baggage
Starting point is 00:14:49 and more trauma. And we don't realize that what we're experiencing in a relationship is our self. Listen to this carefully. In any relationship you are experiencing that relationship through yourself. It is an experience of you. What triggers you, triggers you because of your triggers that have been created through your trauma. What upsets you, what makes you for insecure has come from something. Now, I'm not saying that your partner has no responsibility or isn't someone who should take responsibility. What I'm saying is that your experience, even if you were with the most trustworthy person, if you had an insecurity trigger, that would still be the case, no matter who you were with. That's what I'm trying to help you understand. That whether you're with someone who's imperfect or perfect, if you have an insecurity, you will feel that with
Starting point is 00:15:48 anyone. But expecting our partner to be God comes from that desire to love, to adore, to worship, which no person is worthy of. And the challenge is that we have this strong expectation. We want to find someone that perfectly holds us, helps us, supports us, believes in us, understands us. And I'm not saying you shouldn't have someone who understands you, believes in you and all of that, but just don't expect someone to be perfect because you could push away a really great thing in the pursuit of wanting them to be God. So replace that expectation of wanting someone to be God for wanting to be great yourself
Starting point is 00:16:34 and helping that person become great. The great version of themselves that they see, not the potential that you see. And this is where this God paradox comes in to a relationship is the idea that you have to help someone become as great as they want to be, not as great as you see them. And often we project, we project what we believe they can be on to them when actually they need to help us understand where they want to be and who they want to be and where they
Starting point is 00:17:04 want to go. So, allow yourself to not project godliness onto them or greatness onto them that they don't want to be. Allow yourself to understand them so deeply that they grow in the direction that they want to grow in without any sense of pressure. The third expectation is the sense of pressure. The third expectation is expecting your partner to make you happy. It's like almost like a happiness machine. You wanna put in a little quarter or a dollar or a penny
Starting point is 00:17:36 or a pound of stock using all US currency terms, been living here for five years, I guess that's normal. But you have this habit of like, you think, Oh, put a coin in, I'll get happiness, right? It's like that instant gratification and make me happy, almost like a toy. I press this button and you say the right thing, right? And you may say, Jay, that sounds crazy. I don't feel like that. But we do, we look at our partners and almost like the first door is make me happy, make me happy. Or why don't you make me happy, right? That's often how we approach our partners.
Starting point is 00:18:07 This is a false expectation. Your partner cannot make you happy. You make yourself happy. You have that choice. You have that power. Your partner cannot make you happy. So having that expectation puts so much pressure on someone. Do you think that you're the only person
Starting point is 00:18:26 that can make your partner happy? And by the way, that also creates issues. When you think that your partner's happiness is dependent on you, how much pressure do you feel? How much weight do you think you're carrying? When you think that your partner's happiness is dependent on you, how hard is that to carry? And we carry that and then we make them carry that. Now we're both carrying the pressure of making each other happy. We've only known each other
Starting point is 00:19:00 for three months, right? You're putting the pressure of making each other happy on each other when actually we should have the responsibility for our own happiness and then to share that happiness with others. And by the way, I promise you, it is a lot easier to make yourself happier than to make someone else happier. And when you are happy, it is much easier to help someone in an unhappy place than it is when you're unhappy too. So it all makes sense. It all lines up. So I really want you to consider that. Like, are you sitting there going, oh my gosh, my partner's happiness is dependent on me
Starting point is 00:19:35 and you're stressing yourself out. And you're putting yourself under so much pain. And that false dependence that you've created on yourself is de-abilitating for you. So let go of that desire that your partner is going to make you happy or that you're the only person that can make your partner happy and start focusing on developing your own sense of happiness, your own choice, your own sense of love, your own sense of passion in your life
Starting point is 00:20:04 because that's a position of strength. Right? A tree can only give shade to others after it's grown itself. Otherwise, it's just trying to compete for the sun. Right? Think about that. Trees are competing in the direction of the sun when they're trying to grow, but when a tree's really high and grown and strong, it can give shade to so many.
Starting point is 00:20:27 Think about that. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, and my podcast deeply well is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey, from guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices, heal, and have more joy.
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Starting point is 00:22:00 Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to before breakfast on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly ourselves. We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to
Starting point is 00:22:46 break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. The fourth thing that we expect from our partners, and you know this one all too well, is them to know what you're thinking and feeling all the time. We expect that our partners can read our minds and that reading our minds is almost a sign of love that if they can remember, if they can intuitively get a signal from us, from that
Starting point is 00:23:43 mystical power of our minds, then they are the one, right? We have this thing of like, oh, if they can sense what I'm feeling right now, then we must be connected. We feel that connection means knowing intuitively. We make connection parallel with reading my mind, right? If you can read my mind, we are in love and if I can read my mind, right? If you can read my mind, we are in love. And if I can read your mind, then we are in love
Starting point is 00:24:09 and we have something real. And I don't know where that idea comes from actually. I wanna look into that. I wonder where that idea comes from. Like why do we have this deep desire to feel that our partner, you know, like just can read our mind at any given time. The gift we want, how
Starting point is 00:24:25 we want to celebrate our birthday, what we want to do for our anniversary, what we want for dinner tonight, all of that kind of stuff. And again, instead of that, we can help our partners know what we're thinking and feeling. So saying things like, hey, when we're going through an argument, I just really need time to process. If I don't talk, I promise you it's not personal, it's just something I need to deal with. Hey, when I come back from work after a long day, the last thing I want to do is talk about works. I don't ask them about work. Let's talk about something else. Oh, by the way, you know, when it comes around to my birthday,
Starting point is 00:25:00 I get really nervous because my birthday was never a big thing growing up and it's the time of anxiety for me. So I just want you to know that. So if I'm acting on around my birthday, it's because of that. And for you to be able to inform your partner of any of these things, you have to be aware of that. You have to be conscious. You have to be self aware enough to help them understand that. But that's what's needed. Instead of having the expectation that you should know what I'm thinking and feeling, let's set the plan to say, Hey, I actually am going to communicate to you what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. And I want you to grow with me. I want you to learn from me. I want to help you learn
Starting point is 00:25:42 about me and understand me better. Right? And just think about how much more successful your relationship would be if you approached it that way. Just genuinely think about it for a moment. Think about it right now. How much more successful would your relationship be if instead of trying to get some of the radio mind and know what you're thinking, you actually help them understand what you're thinking at different times.
Starting point is 00:26:05 You actually did the hard work, and that's it, right? That's it actually. It's the idea of we want someone else to do the hard work and we don't want to do the hard work ourselves. We don't want to do the hard work of understanding ourselves, so we want someone else to do the hard work of understanding us. And the truth is, we need to focus on understanding ourselves and articulating that effectively. So that was the fourth expectation that we have that we need to switch.
Starting point is 00:26:36 The fifth is we expect them to know how to do things that we usually do that we've never explained. I speak to so many parents who say, oh my gosh, my kids, they just don't know how to do any housework. They don't help around the house. And my first question is, well, when did you teach them? And they say, what do you mean, teach them? I always let them focus on their studies and I always let them focus on their work. I was like, yeah, but you've never taught them how to do that. I remember my mom taught me how to iron my own clothes when I was 12 years old. And until this day, I iron my own clothes.
Starting point is 00:27:13 I take a lot of pride in it. I don't like wearing anything without it being ironed. I don't like wearing anything with a crease in it. And so I remember that my mom taught me how to do that. 12. My mom also taught me how to wash the dishes and clean the table top and the surfaces at that age. And so I got very comfortable doing those things. And so if we're not teaching someone how to do something, we can't just expect them to do it. You know, rather than I go through this all the time, and I've never learned how to cook,
Starting point is 00:27:46 it's not a skill of mine. And I manage certain things in the home. Not really, doesn't manage. And we've realized that breaking up our responsibility actually really helps. But the problem is when you expect the partner to fill in your gap, but they've never had that experience. They've never had that experience before.
Starting point is 00:28:04 And so if you have an expectation of your partner to do something around the house that you're good at, make sure that you've taught them how to do it. Make sure you've shared it with them. And you may find it really simple. You may think it's the easiest thing in the world, but I promise you that doesn't make it easy. You may think it's the most basic skill.
Starting point is 00:28:21 You may think it's the most obvious skill that someone should be good at, but that does not make it obvious. There are certain things that I find so difficult like hooking. They're really find so easy. And there are certain things like scheduling, organizing, managing that I find so easy and really find so difficult. And so you have to start to recognize that if we want to grow with someone, you can't set them up for failure. And often we set our partners up for failure. We know they can't do something. We're like, let's see if they care enough about me to learn it.
Starting point is 00:28:56 And we realize it's not about whether they care enough about you. It's about whether they have the skill or not. And if someone's helped them or not. And so don't set your partner up for failure. We have to realize that if you're going to spend the rest of your... This really helps me. I just want to take a pause to talk about this point. This has always helped me. If I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person, why do I want to see them fail? Why do I want to see them make mistakes?
Starting point is 00:29:21 Why do I want to set them up for failure? So I can say, I told you, so look, I'm better than you in this relationship. Why am I turning this relationship into a competition? So you can't expect people to do things. You've never explained to them. And I think we all experienced up with our parents where they just expect for you to know about mortgages and finances. And you're just like, but you never taught me. And they're like, well, that's what you learn when you grow up. And you're thinking, yeah, but we never went through this. Right. I wasn't on the curriculum.
Starting point is 00:29:48 All right. The sixth expectation that we have is that we expect our partner to always have it together. Today, we want our partners to be more emotional and more vulnerable and more open, but we also expect them to have it all together all the time. And when they don't have it all together, we get insecure because now we've realized that we've been holding it together and we haven't been allowed to drop our guard. We haven't allowed ourselves because we were too scared
Starting point is 00:30:16 that we weren't allowed. And because we thought we weren't allowed, we thought they weren't allowed. And now when they're being vulnerable and open and sharing their feelings, I remember when the first time Rady cried to me and she's so good at having it all together often and I really had to check myself and be like, but if I want to be there for my partner, I have to understand this, I have to listen to this, I have to hear her out. I can't expect it to have it all together all the time and I shouldn't expect myself to have it together all the time. But we expect our partners to be resilient, stoic, and the problem with that is they're now holding it in,
Starting point is 00:30:51 and that's why 10 years down the line, they come out and share something huge with you, and you're shocked. You're surprised where did this come from. I didn't realize you were going through this. Why didn't you tell me, but when they did try and tell you, you were like, yeah, you suck it up. You know, get it all together. Like, don't worry about it. It's not a big deal.
Starting point is 00:31:07 That's the crazy thing. We want people to be honest with us. But when they're honest with us, we're like, oh, you're not being honest in the way I want you to be honest with me. Have you ever had that? Think about that for a moment. It's literally such a mind-mess. You're like, please be honest with me. But when then someone's honest with you, you're like, oh, no, not like that. Right? Honestly means someone being transparent and saying exactly what they feel even if it doesn't sound like something you want to hear. So don't expect your partner to have it all together. Instead, allow your partner to have an honest, transparent relationship with you where you build a plan of action to improve and then you do the same with them. Don't force them into wearing a mask
Starting point is 00:31:49 when they're trying to be really transparent with you. Okay, expectation number seven. Oh, this is a big one. I mean, really, there. We're only got two more to go. So there's the penultimate one. We have the expectation that our partner wants the same thing. And we see them not wanting the same thing as a sign that we're not meant to be. Now me and Rady, we want the same thing and a lot of things, luckily, like interior design and homes and things like that. And in certain areas of our life, we don't want, like I love change and I love moving and traveling
Starting point is 00:32:27 and she likes being in one place and nesting and building a home. So we have lots of differences, but the problem is when we see our differences as disrespect. In a relationship you can't see your differences as disrespect, you have to see them as just what they are, differences.
Starting point is 00:32:45 They are just differences of opinion, different backgrounds, different experiences, different upbringing, expecting your partner to want the same thing is not always gonna work. Creating something together is better than wanting the same thing. Create something together, build something together, but sit in there going, well, why don't you want the same thing. Create something together, build something together, but sit in there going,
Starting point is 00:33:07 well, why don't you want the same thing as me? I thought we were in love is a completely fiction-based statement. There's no fact in that statement. You can't say, I thought we were so in love, I thought we wanted the same thing. Wanting the same thing doesn't mean you're in love, but we see it as that.
Starting point is 00:33:23 So if someone doesn't want to get married when we want to get married, we think that they don't love us. If someone doesn't want to move when we want to move, that means they don't love us. That's not the truth. They just have a different pace. I move quickly and make decisions quickly. Rade takes time. So if we're talking about moving home, if we're talking about, even when we're moving country, I know it takes Rade longer to get around to it.
Starting point is 00:33:43 And she needs certain things and levers to move in her mind to help her get there. So I can either help her get there without force or pressure, or I can expect her to get there. Notice the difference between expecting and respecting.
Starting point is 00:33:58 When you expect something from someone, you stop respecting them. Because when you expect it, you expect that they should do it at the drop of a hat. Wow, this podcast, I hope is so powerful for you right now. I feel like there are so many things that I'm discussing that are really, really powerful for me. I hope they're powerful for you.
Starting point is 00:34:18 And now is number eight. It's expecting our partner to understand us immediately all the time. We expect our partners to understand us as soon as we speak. We want them to auto fill, right? Like Google auto complete, sorry, is what I'm thinking about. Google auto complete our sentences. We want them to understand us immediately. There's this instant that we need.
Starting point is 00:34:38 We need you to, you need to get me immediately. I've explained it once. You should already know. You should know exactly what I'm saying and what I'm thinking and what I believe in right now, you should get it. You might have been thinking about it for months or maybe even a year. You may have had an idea that you've let simmer and build and brew and now you've shared it and you want someone to be at the level you're at. How does that make sense? How does that make any sense? So instead of that expectation, you want to switch that expectation to again, focusing on articulating yourself as deeply as your partner needs.
Starting point is 00:35:13 If your partner needs more explanation, more clarification, more detail, more color, give it to them. Don't see it as a sign of a lack of love. And if they close off, when you're sharing something really deep, if they close off, don't make it personal, don't make it defensive, say, hey, how can I help you understand this better? Hey, how can I understand what insecurity
Starting point is 00:35:33 you're going through right now? So these are the eight expectations. We falsely have in relationships, and the eight upgrades that we need to make. I really hope that you apply this in your relationship. I promise you any one of these will be a game changer. If you love this episode, make sure that you leave a review on the app and means the world to podcasts.
Starting point is 00:35:56 And again, thank you for being part of the on purpose community. I'll see you soon. Let's get real. Most people either don't like their jobs, feel unfulfilled in their jobs or realize their day jobs are no longer stable. But what's required in a fulfilling career? You need to feel like you're good at what you do and that your job allows you to serve
Starting point is 00:36:21 the world through your greater purpose in some capacity. If you feel like you haven't achieved this yet in life, the important thing to remember is that it's never too late. It's never too late to start over and choose to really go after what you're meant to do. Join me on July 1st for my brand new live masterclass pursuit of purpose. We'll discuss the ways in which you can create a career
Starting point is 00:36:44 that fulfills your soul and how you can serve the world by living out your values, passions and purpose. To register, just go to jshettypurpose.com. Again, that's jshettypurpose.com. The only way you're going to feel satisfied in your career is if you choose to honor your greatest values. It's time to find what makes you come alive. I'm so grateful and so excited for you to join your pursuit of purpose. See you on July 1st. Hi, I'm David Eagleman.
Starting point is 00:37:12 I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagelman on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:37:42 I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:38:12 Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness, around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste.

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