On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Alexis Ren & Allie Michelle: 3 Ways to Stop Putting a Guard up in Love & Why You Need to Change Your Mindset On What Success Means in Dating

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

How can you start letting your guard down in love? How can you become more open and vulnerable in your relationships? Today, let's welcome Alexis Ren and Allie Michelle. Alexis is a model, entrepreneur, and social media influencer with over 18 million followers on Instagram. Known for her advocacy of mental health and self-empowerment, Alexis has leveraged her platform to promote wellness and personal growth. She is also the co-founder of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide.  Allie is a bestselling author, spoken word artist, and certified yoga, breathwork, meditation, Reiki, and craniosacral therapist. She is passionate about holistic health and personal development, which she incorporates into her work. The duo are the co-founders of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide.  Alexis and Allie's friendship began when they were preteens and they share how their relationship has been a cornerstone of their personal growth, providing mutual support through life's challenges. A significant turning point in their friendship occurred when Alexis's mother passed away, leading to Allie’s family adopting Alexis.  A significant theme throughout the discussion is the balance of masculine and feminine energies, which Alexis and Allie explore in depth. They describe how these energies play out in their lives and work, with Alexis often taking on a more masculine, action-oriented role, while Allie embodies a more feminine, intuitive approach. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and honoring both energies within oneself and in others, as this balance has been crucial in their personal and professional lives. Alexis and Allie also address the societal pressures that women face, particularly around beauty standards and career expectations. Both women emphasize the importance of breaking free from limiting beliefs and societal expectations to find deeper fulfillment and authenticity. In this interview, you'll learn: How to support a friend How to manage criticism How to build a strong friendship How to stay authentic How to handle creative blocks How to empower others Embrace the balance of your masculine and feminine energies, break free from societal expectations, and empower each other to thrive on the journey to self-discovery and growth. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:38 Beginning of a Friendship  08:25 Growing Together Independently 10:21 Going Through Big and Small Changes 15:19 Creative and Emotional Intelligence 18:30 Validating and Complimenting Each Other  21:59 Types of Archetypes 27:18 What's Holding Women Back? 29:46 Start Embracing Your Feminine Energy 33:38 Why Did It Trigger You? 41:00 How to Prepare for Life 45:23 Living an Internally Peaceful Life 52:44 Balance Between Masculine and Feminine Energy 01:02:25 Dealing with the Imbalance in Your Energy 01:07:00 You Can Do Uncomfortable Things 01:10:16 The Best Journaling Practice 01:14:39 Speak to Your Subconscious 01:16:55 Try Leaning Into the Moment 01:23:27 Relationship Checklist  01:28:38 Alexis and Allie on Final Five  01:37:46 Giving Each Other the Grace of Change Episode Resources: Alexis Ren | YouTube Alexis Ren | Instagram Alexis Ren | Facebook Alexis Ren | TikTok Allie Michelle | YouTube Allie Michelle | Instagram Allie Michelle | TikTok Allie Michelle | Books We Are Warriors See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Subscribe right now. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier and more healed. I'm so grateful to have conversations with friends, thought leaders,

experts, athletes, musicians, people from all walks of life and backgrounds who come here to share their stories, share their experiences and share their insights so that all of us can grow together. Today, I get to invite one of my friends and someone who's really special to her too, so we have two amazing guests, two friends, two people that I've got to know over the last couple of years.

And today's conversation is gonna be one that I hope you listen to with your friends, with your family, with your sisters, with your cousins, with your brothers. I want this to be an episode that you consume with someone else so that you can discuss it just like we will. You can dissect it just like we will,

and you can share in the experience with someone else. Today, I'd like to introduce my two guests. One of them is someone we've had on the show before. She absolutely crushed it last time. You love the episode. Her name is Alexis Ren, one of the most influential personalities on social media with over 18 million followers on Instagram alone.

Alexis is an American entrepreneur, model, and advocate for mental health and self-empowerment. And our second guest who's on the show as well is Ali Michelle. She's a three times bestselling author, viral spoken word artist, and Ali is also a certified yoga, breath work, meditation, Reiki, and craniosacral therapist. Alexis and Ali launched We Are Warriors, a female driven mind body wellness community

that focuses on fostering and cultivating self growth, love, and strength for women around the world. Alexis and Ali launched their new journal, which I'm so excited to have in my hands right now. It's out right now as well, that guides you through the depths of your subconscious, helping you uncover the whys behind your patterns, and offering eye-opening insights into your own behavior and emotions.

Go and grab your copy right now. I can't recommend this enough. Please welcome to the show Alexis and Ali. Thank and grab your copy right now. I can't recommend this enough. Please welcome to the show Alexis and Ali. Thank you so much for being here. Oh my God. I could just listen to you talk all day. My goodness. We were remembering when you were here a couple of years ago, we had a sacred Kirtan ceremony at the home and both of you joined, which was so beautiful. And I'm so excited to have you back on the show, Alexis. Ali, I'm so excited to have you back on the show Alexis. Ali, I'm so excited to have you on the show for the first time and I want to start by

just getting to understand how you two became friends and how you met. I think it's always beautiful for our audience to hear how two powerhouse humans have come together to create beautiful things in the world. You also have your podcast releasing this summer, I believe, and it's called Easy A. Easy A. I love that title, I love the movie. So Easy A coming out this summer as well,

and you're launching that together. But I'd love to hear the origin story of how this relationship became to be. So I'll leave it to you to figure out how do you tell that story. It was a super synchronistic one. We met when we were what, 12, 13? 11.

11. She remembers everything. I just add jokes here and there. We became very, very close very quickly. I think one of the reasons that we always stayed friends was we never held each other to a certain type of relationship. We were very fluid with our friendship, but it didn't really cement until my mom got sick. When that started

to happen to my family, her mom stepped in, her whole family stepped in, and then when my mom passed, they actually adopted me and I actually moved in with them. And her mom taught me about taxes and business and got me into all sorts of book. Marianne Williamson kind of set me on my path and reminded me of who I was. And then after that, we just knew that this was gonna be a lifelong relationship and a very unique one at that because we're actually kind of polar opposites. We couldn't be more different.

I think because of that, we blend really nicely with each other. And we always knew there was gonna be some kind of path, divine path for us, but we didn't know what and how. And for a while we just kind of let each other go off and do different things. I went more of the traditional Hollywood route and then she went and started traveling.

And we always have this funny joke, like I'll take care of our outsides and she takes care of our insides. And like, that's how we kind of do this. And then things started manifesting for us to actually start working together. When Warriors was founded in 2020, it morphed into so many different things. But then at one point I was like, it would make so much sense to bring Ali on here because she's literally she's she's my other heart.

She's my other brain. I trust her opinion as much as I trust my own. And so bringing her on to We Are Warriors just felt right. And then through that, she's really helped me just harness and strengthen what that community does for the girls and for just everyone in it. And so far we've already tackled like almost 10,000 girls in and out of that community. And it's pretty insane because now we've actually become the big sister mentors and yeah, essentially become the girls that we needed when we were flailing around being like, what is our purpose? The weight of the

world on our shoulders, we need to save the earth. And now we're just kind of coming back around to that joyful playfulness and seeing where it takes us. And then Warriors kind of got us ready for the podcast. And that was really nice because it's gated. We had this opportunity to just learn how to speak to a crowd and learn how to host essentially because it is a talent and you're one of the best, I will say. My goodness, gracious. Like no one tops you. And so through that, we got really comfortable with being able to balance each other out in that way. And then just made sense and of course selfishly there's so many people me and Ali want to talk to we've always just been so curious About different people of all landscapes. I'm sure that's one of the reasons you also got into it because it's just so cool

you have an excuse to just Speak to anyone that you've ever wanted to and and so now we actually have that excuse to do that Yeah, I mean, I think warriors is really a love letter to her mom. She was always into the holistic health stuff of, you know, acupuncture and meditation. And so she really introduced me to all of that. So it just feels like she almost brought us together for Warriors. But to your point, I think the beautiful thing is we've never held each other hostage to a specific version or, you know, judge each other for our choices

or tried to change one another. And so for me, it's been my greatest example of a healthy love. Exactly. We really taught each other how to communicate in the hardest way as possible. You know. Well, that's actually when I was thinking about when I was preparing for this interview, that was actually what was on my heart that I wanted to understand how you do that. And even hearing you both describe it as we've allowed this relationship to be fluid and it's taken on many forms.

I think when you're young, especially we have this idea of this is my best friend and this is my next best friend and this person, right? We live in this kind of very binary world when we're kids. And so we do put people in boxes and we do label people. And then sometimes those labels last as we get older and sometimes they fade away. And sometimes we still act like kids, even when we're older with how we see our relationships, how did you both develop that ability to allow each other to be who you were separately?

Like you just said, Alexis, you were like, I went down the Hollywood route. You know, Ali, you went traveling. You went, seems like down the healing route, quite as a priority externally as well, even though Alexis was doing that internally, but her external career was different. How did you allow each other to be who you were independently, but still respect each other and connect? Because I think that seems to be a big need in our world today,

whether it's friendships, whether it's romantic relationships, whether it's business and professional relationships. I think we live at a time when it's so easy to judge each other. How did you develop that over time? Was it always like that? Or was there a time when you were like, oh, you know, she sold out or she's like, did you have those assumptions about each other? I mean, we butt heads, of course, because we're opposites,

but our North stars are the same. And I think that's what sees us through, is there's something so much bigger than us. And, you know, especially because we made it through the loss of her mom together, it didn't really matter if we were fighting, because I'm going to talk to you next week. We're family.

And so, you know, I think when you have such a clear devotion to someone, it doesn't really matter what shape it takes. It reminds me of that one poem where you talk about the marriage and how the guy was like, I've been married for X amount of years and someone was like, I'll let you, I'm butchering it but gone. So I watched this interview of these couples who had been together for 60 plus years. And there was one that had been together for 67. And the interviewer looks at the husband and says, how have you been with the same woman for so long?

And he says, she hasn't been the same woman at all. Yeah, there's so much evolution and so much growth. But I guess that's what it is, right? I feel like as humans, we have a resistance to other people growing, just as we have a limitation on who we can be. And we almost extend that limitation to others as well. When you saw each other grow in different ways, maybe in congruent ways, random ways, what allowed you to have difficult but healthy conversations around that. And I'm speaking from my personal experience, even I've only been with Radhi for 11 years.

Only. No, but in the sense of compared to 67, I was like... We've been together for 11 years and I agree with that statement completely. Radhi has transformed in so many ways in the last 11 years since I met her. I fully agree with that. But that evolution requires two people to sign up to that and subscribe to that. So what were those moments where you saw each other going through these big or small changes and how did you adapt with each other? We would definitely trigger each other. But then we had enough wisdom where we knew when there was

a trigger, there was a path we had to take in order to get through that ego and then into the growth part So and we also we truly do love watching each other grow It gives us a lot of joy and we've also never held each other back If I disagree with her for instance, I will state that truth immediately I'll be like I disagree with you, but I absolutely respect your decision. I'm gonna love you no matter what, whatever happens, I was right. She loves to always be right. And she usually is, that's the unfortunate thing.

But then I think that's always the nuanced way to communicate is you have to voice that. Cause if you don't, then there's this resentment that builds in the relationship and then you can't harness authenticity. So with her, it's like, I have to state this, but I also am going to let you be you. And so that's always been our rule with each other is that we kind of dance on the ashes of who we once were. And we never hold each other to this idea of who we're supposed to be. But she's also just become

such an incredible woman. And it's been so almost surreal watching it happen because when you've known each other since you were 12, it's just, I mean, I always think if I would have told 12 year old Ali that you were speaking in front of 500 people at conferences and traveling all over the world doing spoken word it would 12-year-old you would literally run into a closet What is actually going on right now? But I think that's also when we hold each other accountable for growth That's the main thing because there's gonna be a lot of friction with that always

I've noticed in my own life and I'm assuming with you as well wherever there's the most resistance There's also the most transformation and we've always had actually the most resistance in our friendship. We've gone through so many different versions of ourselves. We've stopped talking for six months. We've gone, I think our limit was like a year without talking, and then we always got back into it. It's almost that feminine energy of just letting it flow as opposed to trying to put this expectation of the friendship friendship because I think that is why relationships in any shape or form kind of become stagnant because we're holding this idea of someone to them and then they resent it because they're trying to grow our ego's heart because you don't want them to move

out of that box that you're so comfortable that they're being. And this happens weekly with us. I think a really honest vulnerable relationship, it's an almost daily thing we have to go through. But then it's fun because now we look at who we are as like these little avatars and we can add different attributes to each other and just be like, I think I want to be funnier. I think I want to be grittier. And we have these really honest conversations with ourselves, and then we build together. Like truly, we've built ourselves together. And then of course, that over, that the energy of my mom kind of always being there, it feels

really divine and sacred. And I think that really is what drives everything we do. Yeah, I was put on Ritalin and Adderall and just different ADD medications, super young, around like 10 or 11. And it kind of snuffed out my creativity. And her mom was one of the people that helped turn my light on inside.

And so there is just this greater devotion to her that I feel. And I think our culture, Western culture is particularly non-committal. There's almost this one foot in, one foot out. We have so many options. I don't And I think our culture, Western culture, is particularly non-committal. There's almost this one foot in, one foot out. We have so many options. I don't know which one to take, but there's actually a freedom that happens

when you just fully plant both feet on the ground and say like, this is what I'm committed to. It's contradicting. It's so contradicting, but I think also because it's not a romantic relationship, there's so much room to breathe. You know, there are way less expectations. And because we're fully committed to each other,

we just figure it out. Like now we communicate a lot better by writing each other letters. Because if we step on a tender spot and it gets really reactive. Emotion field now, conclusion now. And she's like, five to 10 business days, please. And so we really had to.

Like I need to withdraw. She's like, I need to explode. I'm like, how about a letter? So it's that, it's finding whatever can be a bridge between you. What was the reason that you went on the medications and then what... Talk to me about the journey of

finding your way with that because it sounds like, obviously right now creativity is... By the way, if anyone has not seen, I'm speaking to the audience right now, if any of you have not seen Ali I'm speaking to the audience right now, if any of you have not seen Ali and Alexis perform a spoken word together, it is insane. That was amazing.

I remember seeing it. I commented on it immediately. I remember it coming out. I think I even shared it. It came up, I think it was on my TikTok feed or maybe it was on Instagram, but that was spectacular. It was so good.

Like, I don't know how long it took you to write it, and you were both gonna say like two hours or something, but it was spectacular. It was so good. Like, I don't know how long it took you to write it, and you were both gonna say like two hours or something, but it was unbelievable. It was so good. Like, it was so powerful, like every line. So obviously you've tapped into that now, and that seems to be the greatest part of your expression, but to hear that actually,

based on the medications you were on, that was dampened. Walk us through that a little bit, just to give the audience context. I just think there's so many different types of intelligence and I have a natural inclination towards creative and emotional intelligence. But my sister, for example, had like a semi-photographic memory

and just got incredible grades and was very smart in a specific way. And so when you're in school and the system is kind of a one size fits all for the most part, it's very difficult as a kid to have high self-esteem if that's not a value that's within the school. And so her mom, you know, was such a huge help in that of, no, this is really valuable. Like, no, you are intuitive.

No, it's okay. Like, you can express your creativity. Well, she had to deal with me being like, I can't do math. And she's like, it's okay. Your value is somewhere else. Everyone has, um, no, really everyone has their deck of cards to play. Some people are, are like goodwill hunting, you know, and some people are like Mozart and some people can grow the perfect flower and it's all should weigh equally on the scale in my opinion.

So I think it was that journey of just learning to believe in myself in that way and place value on my gifts that maybe society didn't. Oh, that's so beautiful. I want to come back to that because I love that theme and I love the examples you just shared there. I was watching an interview or at least a clip of an interview where Melinda Gates, who just came on the show, she was interviewing Oprah who's been on the show and, um, Gail King.

And so Melinda's interviewing them and it was, it's all about female friendships and relationships. And Oprah said something that really stood out to me. She said that the reason why she's been able to be friends with Gayle for so long is because she's one of the few people who's not been envious of her. And I was thinking about that and it really resonated with me. And I started to realize how all the friendships I had that have lasted are non-envious friendships and all the friendships, business

partnerships, even relationships, romantic relationships that didn't last all had envy in them somewhere. Whether someone was envious or insecure about you, whether someone was envious in a business sense, whether someone was envious. I remember guy friends when you were teenagers being like, oh, let's see who can get more numbers tonight from girls. And I'm like, why does it have to be that? I thought we were friends.

Like, when did this turn into a competition? And it's interesting how what starts off as innocent teenage competitiveness kind of can transcend into our adult life as well. Talk to me as to how you keep envy at bay in a friendship like this and a business partnership like this, because I think it is the crux

of the quality of relationship you have. And it's not talked about enough. I think it's a really uncomfortable, awkward thing to talk about. But I genuinely believe that my best friend who was my best man at my wedding, the reason why we're best friends and have been for the past 20 years

is because he's not envious of me and I'm not envious of him. Even that doesn't mean that I'm not proud of him and I don't admire him and he doesn't doubt me, but there isn't that sense. Would you agree? Would you disagree? How do you feel? I wanna hear about it from you guys.

For me personally, it always makes me like my love, my love language is like helping people become better. I think that's acts of service in a form. We call it renification. Improvement. I love helping people improve. I always have this like vision for them and I get really excited when I can help, you know,

make that vision come to life. So, and for me, I always, you know, coming from the homeschooling background, I never felt intelligently adequate enough. And, but she was, you know, in her own intelligently adequate enough. But she was, in her own right, so intelligent. And so I think we almost reassured each other. For her, she was insecure about in that awkward teenage phase.

And I was just way too confident at that age. So we mediated each other out. I had a unibrow and braces and she was Alexis Wren. Let's just. But we validated each other where our wounds were most apparent. And that's why there is no envy. Because I almost look at her as like, the same way I would look at myself like a project that I That I helped create that I helped you know and vice versa. She she helped me Really? I mean I wouldn't be who truly I wouldn't be who I am without you and even thinking to our first, you know

Conversation on this podcast. It was so much of the things that I said, you know We're we're in honor of her and conversations that I've had with her. I think I even shouted her out in the book. I was just like, Ali. Yeah, I just, I wouldn't have believed in my depth if it wasn't for her just really calmly next to me being like, you're good. You got this. You have it too. And me vice versa with, you know, wearing that dress or doing those, you know, more of those exterior things of like, not like the time is now like put on that dress. Let's get your like just caring so much so that it's okay to care about it. Because I think when you're so vulnerable about a specific attribute that you don't feel confident in, you almost want to pretend not to care about it. Because you're

like, Oh, like, I don't I don't care about how I look or it's fine. I don't care if I know math or whatever. But it's, it's actually where you care deeply. Yeah. But you're also like, I should say, Alexis is like a genie and she makes her friends dreams her dreams. She went to a corporate company, to the head, marched on his office and said, you're going to hire my friend. And you got him. Roddy was there actually.

There was no position. This didn't exist. And she convinced this owner of a really successful company to just create a position for her friend because she was in an unhealthy job setting. And so Alexis just does this for everyone. Like our other friend almost lost her script and she was calling eight different agents. She's just really supportive. And I think that's the beauty is she's the archetype of the ruler, which means she serves her people. And so she makes everyone's dreams belong to her.

And I think that's the key is like, you have to nurture your friend's dreams, like they're your own too. And what archetype are you? The magician. Oh, the magician. Okay. She's so cute. Tell them, tell them a little bit about the archetype.

Yeah, talk, yeah, we'll talk a little bit. We've done this actually with the community as well. Go for it. There's, um, there's a book by Carol Pearson, and I think it's called The Twelve Archetypes or something like that, but if you look at her name, it'll pop up. Awaken the heroes with them. Thank you. But it goes to the 12 major archetypes

within our subconscious, and a lot of it is based on Carl Jung's psychology. And I personally love storytelling and fairy tales as a way to translate wisdom. And so there's this book called Earthsea as well, where this young sorcerer releases a demon shadow into the world. And the way that he stops it is he gives it his own name. And so by naming the shadow, it ceases to have power.

And when you use these kind of archetypes rather than clinging to one identity of like, I am this, I am that, I'm a Pisces, I'm a Capricorn, whatever it is. I'm a three. I'm a neogram. This is the aspect of my subconscious that I'm wielding right now with this different archetype. And so it creates more compassionate understanding. And to me, it also helps me name my shadow a lot clearer.

So. Yeah, and that's why I love the archetypes because it's, you're never one. It's just what you're building with right now. So you could go back and look, okay, the orphan archetype needs more work. Or you were saying America, actually the large, we have the most connection to the orphan archetype because we all kind of come here for this dream or come here from other places.

And it's kind of the like, do I belong here? Where do I belong? So I think different countries to also, um, build on different archetypes, um, depending on like their culture. So it's really interesting and what I found the most funny about all of this was the ruler and the magician have this really interesting relationship. It's the most volatile pairing. I love that.

Because? So look at King Arthur and Merlin. That's a great example. They're equally important to each other, but the downfall of that would be like a tyrant king. I think Joffrey from Game of Thrones or something and then Jafar from Aladdin. It's the evil sorcerer and then the wicked ruler. And so we hold each other accountable in that way. If we're sitting at two opposite ends of this power spectrum

and we keep each other from slipping into like evil sorcerer and tyrant. Whenever we're having a disagreement, I'm like, am I being a tyrant? Is it okay? We're just gonna write a letter. I'm like, please don't unname me. But I just love looking at people like characters in books because it creates so much more compassion

because if you had a perfect character, it would be really boring to read about. You know, it's all those idiosyncrasies that make them so unique. So I think that helps too. And that's why I think that's truly like her perception of that is why I've loved myself so much because all of these little quirks I've had,

she's like, keep going, keep doing it. Like she'll give me the little check mark in a conversation with people and I'll just go off. And I love it because she kind of gives me permission, she a little permission slip to just yeah, lean into those quirky parts of me that I felt for a really long time I needed to like hold back and keep tight and that's been really cool and yeah and it's really cool too because her fantasy book, she put a character in for me and that was really cool as well because reading it

for me. And that was really cool as well because reading it, I was like, one, I'm immortalized, which is crazy. Two, I'm awesome. Oh my God, is this how you perceive me? Yes. Now whenever someone says, oh, Ren's my favorite character in Ali's book, I'm like... Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste. And that's where the perspective shift comes, that it's not a waste that everything you've done has built you to where you are now. This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them. Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots as I sit down with inspiring women like

Misty Copeland, Brooke Shields, Vanessa Hudgens, and so many more. We dive into how these women made their pivot and their mindset shifts that happened as a result. It's a podcast about women, their stories, and how their pivot became their success. Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're gonna talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone. We're gonna go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development, and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life.

We're gonna be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were gonna go there, Amit. I know, they're all gonna be like, this is the best. People that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life.

Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself. I already see myself. And so when people give me an opportunity,

I'm just like, oh great, you see me too. We'll laugh together, we'll cry together, and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Rali Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A new season of Bridgerton is here. And with it, a new season of Bridgerton the official podcast. I'm your host Gabrielle Collins, and this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton. Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad. Is betrothal written in the stars for

the eligible bachelor? Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen. We're discussing it all. I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season. Watch season 3 of the Shondaland series on Netflix. Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton the Official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday. What I love about what it's bringing out for me, going back to the question of envy, is that what I found is that when you understand your place and your pace of growth, which is the archetype, and when you understand someone else's place and their pace of growth, it allows you to be non-envious because it allows you to see that you're moving at your own pace and you have a place forever. And that that person does too. And I find that the reason we experience envy is because we don't know where we stand and we kind of like where someone else stands, even though that may not be the platform for us to be on. And so it's this constant tug and war between I like this person, but I also want to be like them. And actually, not only do I want to be like them, I don't want them to be liked that much.

And that's where Envy kind of takes over so much of our friendship. So I'm so glad you talked about the archetypes a little bit. Is there a test that people can take? Like if people want to understand the archetype, how would you suggest they go about that? Yeah, Carole Pearson has a website. And then if you get the book too, it's in the book. It's a large book.

It's a huge book, it's a textbook. But I like it because it's fluid, you know, it's not a zodiac sign. Awakening the heroes within. Awakening the heroes within. Perfect. Alright, if anyone's listening. And I love that. And you've been teaching that in Warriors as well. That's been something that you've been sharing with your community.

Literally anything. We'll just like pick up a book or we'll have a conversation. I mean, I remember I was literally last week went to her crying about not going to say it on the spot, yes, but I was like, oh no, oh no, I don't know what to do. And then she slowly like, I'm going to write the warrior workshop. And what was it? Navigating the unknown. There's been so many times when we've just created workshops around what we're personally experienced because it's resonance.

And so yeah, we'll make workshops around anything that feels very alive in the moment, because I find the girls are often going through similar things in their own way. Yeah. I wanted to talk about that actually. What would you say, having built this community, you've had thousands of women who've been a part of this community, it's growing. If you had to pick, and I know this is a hard exercise, but I want to do it for the basis of our conversation today. If you had to pick the top three challenges,

and we'll just start with the top one challenge that you hear, would you feel is at the root of so many women's challenges in your community? And of course, broader than that too. What is that one, two, three? What are those three things in no particular order? But what would you say those themes are that are holding women back, that they're constantly perplexed by, that they are feeling limited, restricted by, what would they be? The first one that came to my mind is really knowing and understanding your own femininity.

Because I think this is, especially in America, it's very like masculine dominated, build your empire, blah, blah, blah. And I think we get, as females get really lost in that because the female you know energy is to attract and the male Energy is to like make happen and both are needed But so many girls they they kind of spin out even just from a biological level, you know There's different we're a different person every single week Then they feel like they have to like push down the doors the way with that masculine energy feel like they have to like push down the doors the way with that masculine energy forever. And they're exhausted being like, is this living my dream life? And I'm like, no, it's

just a belief you're having that's probably not helping you. And so we kind of will help them break down what those beliefs are. But it usually has to do with them not honoring their femininity in some way, shape or form. And we have to remind each other of that because even with the podcast, like this idea of divine timing has been so helpful because when I went into more of the business side of things, it was like, there's a deadline, we have to have it now. Even when it didn't feel good, we would just kind of stick to these deadlines. But with the podcast, it was like, we're going to launch this month? No, we're not. Okay. keep it moving. And we just kind of kept waiting and waiting and waiting until. Yeah, like you're in conversation.

Yeah, and we just kind of waited until it was the right moment, the right time and all of the components came together so beautifully. And so that was what, that's when I was like, okay, there's this theme happening here. And even with the girls as well, there's this theme of kind of running up to this wall and then trying to push it as opposed to letting the opening of the cave, you know, come through and then walking it. So I think that's definitely one.

Let's talk about that one. I like that. Let's talk about that together. I think that's such a huge one and I'm fascinated by it. How does someone start to embrace or encourage their feminine energy in a world that's so masculine dominant, or at least would you describe it as the masculine storyline has been propagated more? Yeah, it's more of a storyline. I think it's just you have to break down the beliefs first. So you have to understand what beliefs you're, it's like the car, what beliefs, what wheels, let's say the beliefs are the wheels, like what is driving you down that way? And then once you understand, okay, those are the beliefs that have been manifesting

this creation, this life. What are the beliefs that I would like to have? I still remember I was with a friend and we were walking around a pond one day and she was like, oh, remember when we believed things had to be hard? And I was like, oh, I know. So, belief is a thought that you just have

over and over and over again until you think it's just your life and it's ingrained into you and it's permanent when it's really not. So part of that has been just showing people and acting is taught a lot. For me, I've learned so much about this for acting where I'm like, that's actually you are so much more fluid. And it really is just breaking down what these really tall structures are and then chiseling at them just little by little. And probably not all at once.

We usually take like one solid belief that they have and then we'll either make a workshop from that and break it down even more. But that for sure is definitely a way. As a creator, my goal is to try and make content that makes you happier, healthier and more healed. And if you're a creator or an entrepreneur or looking to become one, one of the biggest challenges is finding the right tools to support your creative vision. That's where Kajabi comes in to help.

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There are thousands of creators on Kajabi with less than 50,000 followers making six and seven figures. Right now, Kajabi is offering a 30-day free trial to start your business if you go to kajabi.com forward slash jshetty. That's k-a-j-a-b-i.com forward slash jshetty. kajabi.com forward slash jshetty. Join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over $7 billion. What are some of those beliefs, Sally, maybe as well, that you think are those restricting feminine energy and kind of blocking the women from their potential in the community? I think beauty is a huge one, actually,

because beauty has provided security for women for thousands of years, primarily. It's just, you know, if you become this attractive thing, then you'll find a mate that can protect you. And so people call it surface level or whatever it might be, but there is this primal hardwired security that we're raging against in a way. And I used to live in a house full of musicians and there was this one guy who could just belt from the bottom of his soul.

And another girl in the house who could sing so beautifully, but she sang very softly like she was singing into a bottle. And she finally turns to him and she goes, How do you sing that way? Like I know that's in me, but I can't get there. And he says, Make an ugly face. And she makes this like cute little ugly face. And he said, I said, Make a real ugly face. And she does. And he said, That's where you need to sing from. And then she did. And her voice cracked a little, but she belted.

And so it's that we need permission to kind of break out of this porcelain suit that we walk around in nowadays, because that's where our power comes from. Wow. That's so powerful. I mean, that's, I feel like all of us can relate to that in so many ways. And I feel like it's so difficult. It goes back to what Alexis was saying earlier, that you've given her the permission to have all these quirks and be all of herself.

And I've definitely had that where I feel the people who know me the deepest and the most well will say to me, Jay, one of the things I love about you is I get to talk to you about spirituality, business and media. And there's not many people I could talk to about all three of those things. And that's like the most, it's one of those moments, whenever I hear that from someone who's spent a lot of time with me and spend deep time with me, I feel so seen, because I want to be all those things. And I appreciate all those things. And I admire all those things. I want to talk all those things and I appreciate all those things and I admire all those things. I want to talk about my monk life

as much as I want to talk about media, as much as I want to talk about marketing, like an art and I love all of it. And I am all of it and all of it is me. But I find often that I'm forced to choose a box to put myself in. It's like, oh, you can either be spiritual or your material, or you can either be,

like you're saying, you can either be this porcelain doll, or you can be ugly or whatever. Like there's a choice there that all of a sudden like defines who you are. Talk to me about some of the practices you both have developed. I definitely want to talk about the journal as well, but talk to me about some of the practices you've developed

because we all know, all three of us know that this isn't as simple as just standing in front of the mirror and saying things to yourself. That's a part of it. But it's like, this is a deep subconscious belief that we're having to rewire, and we're doing it at the same time, while the propaganda and the broadcasting

from the world around us is so strongly the other way. And so walk me through some of the exercises, maybe some of them that are in the journal that you love, some that you've practiced, you both keep talking about letters and I know the journal is full of letters. So just maybe give me a couple of insights and steps and principles each that you feel have been profound for your own journey. Or maybe you even have stories of people that you've helped that they've practiced some of these techniques. I feel like all these practices sound like, oh, roll my eyes. Okay, fine. I'll write a little five minute journal of gratitude, whatever, like, you think they're not

important. But when you actually apply them, it's like, Whoa, Dr. McCall, he's this wonderful, naturopathic doctor, but we had on the podcast, he was talking about a way to kind of deal with a trigger in real time, because I think every time there's a trigger, there's a little blockage that, you know, happens in our body. And disease is the physical manifestation of all of these different triggers getting blocked and no way out.

And one of the things that he said in his book was the second that someone triggers you, you have to immediately think back and just be like, okay, why did that trigger me? Go to the child self and then have a quick, in the moment, even if you're with them, you literally have to, I do it in my brain. I'm just like, okay, why did that trigger me, go to the little, the child self, and then have a quick, in the moment, even if you're with them, you literally have to, I do it in my brain, I'm just like, okay, why did that trigger me? For instance, I was in the car with a friend and there was, my car went off and saying

that there was a flat tire and it was the second time this month and I was just like, ooh, and I braced myself for this really stressful situation that we were gonna have and my friend was just like, oh well, and I was like, and that triggered me that he was so calm about it. And then I asked myself, why am I triggered by this tire? That's it's going to be fine. And then I'm also double triggered that he was so calm about it. And I realized because my household was so chaotic, that one more thing would have blown up the whole, like just, it was just a compilation of triggers.

And we, the electricity went out and this went out. And so all of these tiny little things created this huge explosion in my childhood. And so I had this moment where I just held myself and I was like, it's okay. Your family's reactions to these little bad things happening was not valid. It wasn't okay for you to see that much stress

with something that was so easy to fix. And I'm sorry And you're seen and your love and it was the first time where the trigger went away instantly and Didn't store into my body. So I think that was that's been the most transformational thing I found right now I love that. Yeah, I can I can while you were talking about that. I can think of so many Scenarios where I can see that as being practical and useful. Yeah, but you have to do it in seconds.

In the moment, I agree. And you don't want to do it because you're like, I'm just triggered and I want to sit in the hurt because it's valid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, I love that. I think whatever I get validated for the most in life becomes my porcelain suit. And so for a while, I was the deep one. And so I couldn't be funny. I was like, let me speak in bumper sticker and be as spiritual as possible, because that's how I belong.

And so it's about making the ugly face for me. And I had this poetry mentor, and I first started doing spoken word. And I was trying to sound very melodic. And he said, I want you to scream. And I screamed the poem. And he starts smacking me with a pillow. And he's like, now jump up and down and wave your arms.

I'm like, this feels so bad. I don't feel cool at all. And that was the point was to just kind of slip out of my cool so I could tap into what was really honest. Yeah, no, that's such a, I mean, I can relate to that. I've said that to so many guests where I just felt like, I just feel like everyone's just waiting for me to say something deep and profound. And at one point I really carried it as a weight where I realized I stopped listening to people

because I was just thinking in my own head what to say. And then I realized that not only was I never going to say something profound if I didn't listen, but that maybe sometimes the most profound thing to do was to listen. Like that was it. Like it didn't even need a word. And I remember a famous statement by Saint Francis where he said that you should preach wherever you go and if necessary, open your mouth. And I love that. It's like that idea of just like, you know, we always feel like, yes, saying the thing is the thing.

And it's like, well, no, just being present and just listening and just being there. And like you just said, like holding yourself internally during a trigger, it's not like you had to say something or repeat something. You get a high off of the wisdom and then you don't actually integrate it. At least for me for a while, whenever I would

hear something profound out of my own mouth or I would be like, yes, and write it down down and then it just kind of became a game as opposed to real integration. I can so relate to that. I resonate so deeply with what you're saying about just trying to make something profound and life-changing because me and Ali personally are exhausted by that. I don't want to be profound. I just want to be here. Fun and have a good conversation. And if it happens, it happens. It doesn't, it doesn't.

But like letting it be what it is as opposed to trying to put the moment in a box in a way. Yeah, I've seen that with all my friends who are, you know, successful comedians. I'm sure we have people in common. Like they just feel the pressure that if they're not funny at dinner and they're not funny at breakfast and they're not funny at lunch, it's like people are going to think, oh, you're not that funny. You're not funny at dinner, and they're not funny at breakfast, and they're not funny at lunch, it's like people are going to think, oh, you're not that funny. Like, you're not that interesting.

And they're like, well, no, there's so much more to me. And it's giving yourself that permission and also recognizing we live in a society where it's like, we think when we meet a dentist, they're analyzing our teeth. Like, that's all they must think about. Did you floss today? I was like, yeah, you just saw.

And they're not thinking about that. And, and, but we are, and I think that's such an important, that's such an important tool and principle. I remember when Russ came on the podcast, he talked about how when all of his squad and his crew would come into the studio, he would try and act cool and he'd make the worst music. And so he said his favorite thing to do was get everyone out the studio and make weird sounds into the microphone

and stand in weird places and do really strange things, kind of like what you're saying, because he said that was the only way I could break the mold because if my friends were in there, I was just trying to look and sound cool. And I think everyone has their version of it, whether you're a rapper, whether you're a teacher, or a guide, or whether you're a comedian.

In acting as well, like me and my friends, we like host little acting classes, just the version of it, whether you're a rapper, whether you're a teacher or a guide, or whether you're a comedian. In acting as well. Acting, of course. Me and my friends, we host little acting classes, just the three of us, but one of these acting techniques that we do is just follow your little child self. If you wanna lay down, if you wanna look at yourself in the mirror,

if you wanna jump up and down, it's like knowing what those intuitive pulses are is what gets you into that flow state. But if you don't know what it is, because everyone's different in their own way in how they pull out the creativity, or the profoundness, or the flow state, whatever it is, I think that's what's so almost ironic

about the whole spiritual journey, because it's realizing that it was just supposed to be fun, and oh, we were just supposed to be children all along, just kind of playing with it and having fun, and taking all of that weight and knowledge off of it so then wisdom can integrate. Because that was literally our entire life like for the last two years has just been like,

oh, fun. Yeah. What's something else would you say that the community struggles with? So we started with that big one. What else is there? What else comes up for people? I mean, just basic adult things like how to regulate your own nervous system and

do taxes. You know, I don't know why that wasn't in school. Those are the two most valuable things as an adult in modern society. No, um, there's other things. But I feel like you're not really prepared for life and traditional schooling. And so that's the huge passion is just, you know, bringing on financial educators, bringing on breathwork teachers, meditation teachers and and really just handing tools to these women. It's the teach Amanda Fish story, you know? Yeah, I think that's the that's the difference.

It's like we're not coming on here being a therapist. We're just coming on here being big sisters, being like, here are the right questions so you can get to your answers, but that you have to learn how to get there yourself because that's what being a leader is. And that's what's so cool because then on the reverse end of that, watching girls go from 17 to 22 years old and seeing that growth, it is the most fulfilling thing ever. Just knowing that our work with some of our girls will go on to their parenting and their life partners and the people around them and their friends.

And it's just, it's incredible to see the ripple effect of that deeper work. It's so cool. Cause we're like, our warriors are kind of like little light bulbs, just glowing, walking around the earth, spreading what it means to live a fulfilled life and not be afraid of that desire. And it's amazing, you're working with women as young as 17 and that's incredible.

I love that people are starting that early and doing the work and finding that mentorship and advice, because I feel like we're all trying to come to it as early as we possibly can. I know, it's like that's a competition itself. That's something that I've noticed too, is a lot of people who are older than me, not by much, but they're like, oh, I wish I had that wisdom when I was your age. And I was like, it's not a competition. It's really not because this information, this knowledge, this wisdom sometimes weighed me down as to what you were saying, because then it put me in this box that I need to

always fill and make sure people see and value me in that box. And for a while for me, it was beauty and looks. And like that felt so like, okay, this is my little value box. I'm gonna sit in here and do the best that I can and like work and be the best of that that I could be. Being so afraid of not being loved when, you know, I had a pimple. Which it sounds so silly, but it's so

deeply rooted into us. But yeah, no, like the experience being human in all different ways. But what I've noticed too is when you finally realize you're in a box, you're like, I'll just get a bigger box. Just jump to bigger boxes. And that's why like, you know, when we were talking about spoken word in poetry, it's like, I wrote that one poem about paradoxes and how it's kind of just like, it's both. It's not this or that, it's always going to be both. And that's why when you're looking for another box,

you're already in the wrong. Because for a while I was like, okay, if I don't wanna be valued for just my looks, then I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna get into business. And I just added more boxes. I didn't really evolve. But the beautiful thing about growth is sometimes the outside doesn't have to change for the growth to happen.

And I think that's what was so cool is when I realized like, hey, I actually love dressing up and being beautiful and feeling beautiful and validating my friends for wanting to do that too and telling them to wear that outfit and telling them that we're going out and having all that. And knowing that it's coming from this pure 12-year-old, just homeschooled girl that had nowhere to go, but just loved fashion so much

that she wanted to make it happen. And so externally, nothing has changed, but my why has been integrated so deeply that it feels now light and exciting and happy. And then also understanding that wisdom itself comes from those life experiences. And then also trusting that wisdom can come from peace as well, I think for a really long time,

I thought, okay, if my life isn't chaotic and there isn't these big lessons or these things happening that I'm not evolving. And then that was just a belief I had. But when I realized I could evolve and be in peace and go through these motions and actually learn some of the deepest lessons from the simplest of things. That's when it got exciting again, because I didn't have to be on a rollercoaster anymore. I was like, oh, thank God.

You've reminded me of something I wanted to read. I just brought it up here because we're all on the same page about this idea of just, we've got to be able to look at our ugly side, our dark side, our shadow self, we've got to be able to look at the subconscious and rewire our beliefs, we've got to be able to then take action on it outside. And like you just beautifully said, like we do just end up looking for bigger boxes or more boxes to define ourselves. But I think often what's not talked about is the discomfort in those transitions

and how hard it is to go from someone who says, well, all I'm valued for is for my looks. Now I'm going to get into business. And it reminded me of this speech. And that's why I want to read parts of it. I'm just trying to find the right part. This was a Taylor Swift speech. And I believe it was at the Billboard Awards years ago now. It was a long long time ago, but it was it was so powerful I've

seen the video for it and she said, let me just find the exact part, so Taylor Swift said, and now I realized that this is just what happens to a woman in music if she achieves success or power beyond the people's comfort level. I now have come to expect that with good news comes some sort of pushback, but I didn't know that then. So then I decided that I would be the only songwriter on my third album, Speak Now, and that I would tour constantly, work on my vocals every day, and perfect my stamina in a live show. I decided I would be what they said I couldn't be. I didn't know then that soon enough people would decide on something else

I wasn't quite doing right. And the circle would keep going on and on and rolling along, and I would keep accommodating, over-correcting, in an effort to appease my critics. They're saying I'm dating too much in my 20s. Okay, I'll stop and just be single. For years. Now they're saying my album Red is filled with too many breakup songs. Okay, I'll make one about moving to New York and deciding that, really, my life is more

fun with just friends. Okay, they're saying my music is changing too much for me to stay in country music. Alright, okay, here's an entire genre shift and a pop album called 1989. Oh, you heard it, sick. Now it's that I'm showing you too many pictures of me with my friends. Okay, I can stop doing that too. Now I'm actually a calculated manipulator

rather than a smart business woman. Okay, I'll disappear from public view for years. Now I'm being cast as a villain too. Okay, here's an album called Reputation and there are lots of snakes everywhere. In the last 10 years, I've watched as women in this industry are criticized and measured up to each other and picked out for their bodies and their romantic lives

and their fashion. Or have you heard someone say about a male artist, I really like his songs, but I don't know what it is. There's just something about him I just don't like. No, that criticism is reserved for us. Wow. Anyway, watching that video of the way she delivers that speech is so powerful, like I didn't do it justice at all.

It's really powerful, but I feel like it's that constant shape shifting that we all go through. It's like you found your porcelain doll version and then you realized it wasn't you, so you decided to expand because you got criticized for perfecting that thing. And it's almost like we all go through that cycle where you practice something and everyone likes you. Or you start something and everyone laughs at you.

You practice something and everyone likes you. And then you perfect it and then everyone criticizes you. And then you keep doing that on so many other levels. How do you help yourselves and help others go through those uncomfortable transitions? Because that moment you're being criticized for the thing you thought everyone wanted you to do or the thing that you thought you wanted to do is probably the hardest part of it. When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan,

millions were plunged into silence. Radios were smashed, cassettes burned. You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules. And yet, Afghans did it anyway. This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol. The danger they endured. They said my head should be cut off.

The joy they brought to the nation. You're free completely. No one is there to destroy you. I'm John Legend. Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Guess what, Mango? What's that, Will? So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius. I know. That's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion. It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House. Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there. Why don't we just tell people

about our show instead? Yeah, that's a better idea. So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions. Things like, when did America start dialing 911? Is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto? Also, what happened to Esperanto? Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food? How do dollar stores stay in business? And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese? There absolutely is, and we are risking our lives by talking about it. But if you love mind-blowing facts, incredible history, and really bad jokes,

make your brains happy and tune in to Part-Time Genius. Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, it reminds me of what we were talking about with making me a hero or a villain. In the opening, my fantasy book, the first line is make me neither a hero nor a villain. Both live within all of us. Make me into whatever you need, but don't take away my humanity by making a hero out of me. So good. I love that. And that's so true. It's true. Because like once you get, it's just in our nature. When a person gets at a certain point, it's uncomfortable for everyone.

And then it's like, all right, time to pull them down from that level. Pull the level, Gronk. Also, no living thing does well under a microscope. I mean, I can't imagine if we all were judging each other's actions 24 hours a day. And I think that's why the conversation about shape shifting and being fluid, maybe your core essence is the same and your values remain the same, but whatever shape it takes, you know, life is a dance. Yeah. And I think that is part of the service for me too, is that, and I know you posted about this Alexis, I thought you posted something about this like, I think it was a year or two back and

it was a really thoughtful caption around what, I can't remember the exact language you used, but this idea of what pseudo spirituality looks like. Was it with the cigarette? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I remember that. We went off about, yeah. And just that idea of just like how I think part of it is, you know, I always grew up believing that spiritual people were poor and that materialistic people had things.

And I was so wrong. I was like, you know, spiritual people are abundant. Like, you know, it's such an important quality of a spiritual individual. And to me, that became so much more prominent as I grew older and matured and recognized the value as opposed to this belief system that, you know, you don't, you can't, you shouldn't have anything and you can't have anything and you can't create value for others and not realizing that we have a full team of people across the world who are all working on a mission who are providing for their families,

because we are going out there and building something abundant. This isn't about me, this is about so many people being supported. And we often miss that in our world of, I've just got to take care of myself and no one else. And so... Are you pretty good with balancing the feminine and masculine in yourself? I really want to talk about it with you two, so you're going to have to tell me whether I am,

but you're going to have to teach us. And it's so funny because I've had three people in my life say something to me that when I first heard it, I was like, watch what you're saying. And then now I'm like, no, no, no, yeah. Exactly. And now I'm like, no, that's me. So I've had three people say this to me over the last like eight years,

Jay, you have the perfect balance of masculine and feminine in the way you approach life. And the first time I heard that I was like, you what? And my masculine went super triggered. And then now I'm like, I really appreciate it. I hope that's true. And I think I'm working on it. I think that's because I was raised by my mom

and that's where the strong... And my mom's actually in the house right now, she's visiting, but that's where the strong feminine energy came from. And at the same time, I have very masculine qualities, tendencies, drives, ambitions. But I'd love to understand more about the two through both of you, because I know this is a space you both talk about. I think our community would be so fascinated to hear about it from you,

because I think we've started to think fascinated to hear about it from you, because I think we've started to think of the masculine feminine energy as gender and it's just getting complicated. So let's talk about it and then you can tell me whether I am or not. Yeah, and I should preface this with, I'm not an expert or a guru on this topic at all.

I just love- Own experience, life experience. I just also love reading books. But I would say the feminine is kind of built to navigate the unknown Even in the way we bring life into the world. It's like we're bringing something unknown into the known and The masculine is really great at navigating the known. It's like the mind in the heart, you know, you can use your mind to analyze and Decide what to do based on what's real and what's right in front of you here and now, but the mind can't future cast and figure things out. And yet the heart is what guides us blindly through these moments.

And so that's kind of how I differentiated, but it's obviously a really complex subject with lots of layers. Yeah. And for me, I look at it as nature. I think the God is the masculine and Mother Earth is the nature and look how chaotic and unforgiving but beautiful and incredible our nature is. And so I think it's like the two, they're lovers, they're a part of all of us. And so it's more of an energetic conversation as opposed to, and it's a way of being in the world. And for me, I naturally fall into my masculinity because didn't have very much of a father growing up.

And when my mom passed away, it was like, okay, gotta like parent myself right now. Like, let's get it going. And like, I can do this. And then she always falls really deep into her feminine. Like we always joke, like I'm the husband, you know, if it were that. But because I know that and because I have that awareness,

I balance myself out. I do things, for instance, with my physical body, I do things that are very feminine like ballet or yoga and slower pilates. Like I go slower because I know my internal natural reaction to life in general is more of a masculine, like we're just gonna bulldoze through this. Once you understand your initial reactions to things, you'll understand, okay, do I

come from more of the feminine or do I come from more of the masculine? And learning to balance that, obviously, it's a journey as is life. And life is just the classroom that we're all just going to sit in for the rest of whatever this dimension is. And so I think the masculine and the feminine is one of the bigger lessons that we're all just gonna sit in for the rest of whatever this dimension is. And so I think the masculine and the feminine is one of the bigger lessons that we have because that's even in like the Hermetic principles, it talks about the principle of gender and how there's always a masculine and feminine. And it's not what you were saying.

It's not black and white. It's not, you know, the biology of it. It's truly like an energetic field that we use to navigate this universe and this dimension specifically. And then I want you to talk a little bit about how you've integrated the masculine in your life because you've done a really good job at that. Yeah, I think when I was very extreme in my feminine, it was very hard to actually use my will to create things where I would have an idea for a book, but I wouldn't write the book.

And so integrating that, I realized, oh, okay, the masculine is, it's almost like a chariot that you can ride. It'll get you where you need to go. Then you can get off. Yeah. And then you can get off and you can rest, which I'm, you know, we're working on in our modern culture. It's a little difficult to do nothing, but I try and weigh now what life is asking of me of, am I meant to bring my feminine energy into this moment? Am I meant to be patient and nurturing and navigate that unknown space?

Or am I meant to use force and will? And, you know, it's like the door's not opening. Let me kick it down. I don't know. Sometimes it's also nice to look at these energies as archetypes, like inside out. Yeah. Have you seen the second one? I haven't seen the second one.

Yeah, I need to. It is so good. Can we please go with you guys? Yeah. Has Roddy seen it? I'll see it again. No, no, Roddy hasn't seen it yet. I like the second one better than the first one.

The second one's better. But what helps is it just, once again, back with the archetypes, it helps kind of personify these different energies in us. And then we just, like after Inside Out 2, some profound stuff, guys, I had such compassion for my anxiety. I was like, oh my god, you've gotten me so far. Thank you, you've literally exhausted my body,

but thank you so much for getting me here and preparing me over preparation. My God, calm down. But thank you. And I felt such gratitude for her. And I also felt, I felt love for anxiety for the first time in my life. And then through that, I think joy and anxiety,

and I noticed this with my dog. We're on the way to the park. She's like so excited. And then all of a sudden she has anxiety and she's whining and crying. And I'm like, Oh my God, same. That's so true. Because it's such a, it's such a similar energy even coming here. I'm like, I'm excited for this podcast.

Like I said, you're not nervous. You're excited. I was just, yeah. But we get those energies mixed up, but they also, they, they kind of service each other in a way. So that was really fun. It just, it takes also they kind of service each other in a way. For sure. So that was really fun. It just it takes once again, I think our journey right now with our wisdom is taking off the weight of all of it and also not expecting it to come out with something profound every single time and just enjoying the moment for it. And I think when we personify those emotions, it gives us an opportunity to immediately giggle about it.

Honestly, I think for us, laughter has been, it's everything. Like sometimes you just need a giggle. Like sometimes it's too soon. But my goal, I know I crack jokes way too soon. And then everyone's just silent. And then someone goes, that was too soon Alexis. And I'm like, oops. And then I wait another month.

And then I say it and everyone laughs. And I'm like, okay, I'll I wait another month and then I say it never lasts. And I'm like, okay, I'll figure out when to shoot those. When to shoot for the stars, land on a cloud, don't worry guys. But yeah, no, it's so helpful to have just that comedic relief and I think that too, like that's actually the full archetype is what me and Ali have been really implementing and love.

Like the Jack Sparrow, kind of just everything happens to him. Love Jack Sparrow, yeah. One of my my favorite characters and just, yeah, even like the Duncan Trestle and the Mr. Brainwash and just like these people who have just kind of stumbled ass backward into like this divine life. And it's like the legally blonde, like what, like it's hard just like unraveling all of these beliefs I had around success and abundance, like similar with you where I'm like, oh, this can be fun.

And almost like a treasure hunt. My manager, he's so cute. I love my manager to death, we're best friends. But he was, every time he calls me, he's like, guess what? And I'm like, what? And he's like, so I found this ring and it was my dad's ring and it was a blue sapphire.

And then I go over here and this psychic told me and he just like puts together all of these little clues and I stopped him and I was like, it's so beautiful that you look at your life like this little treasure hunt to the divine. And the fact that you look at it in that way is why it's unfolding in this beautiful, fun, like scavenger hunty way. And it's just a belief he had.

So I was like, I'm going to acquire this belief. If you don't mind, I'm going to take this from you. And ever since then, I've just been kind of taking on that full Jack Sparrow archetype of like, let's just like fall into shit and see what happens. I love it. You know why that comes full circle? Because I told you I just went to Kauai. So they shot one of the Jack Sparrow scenes on that beach. In Blue Room. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. And so when I was there, that's all I was thinking about.

I was like, this is so cool. His run. Yeah, exactly. I love his run. I know. I love what you're talking about because I think what's really interesting about it is you're talking about the benefits of actually balancing masculine and feminine energy and how you both have seen value in both. And I think it's so strange because I think the conversation often shifts to like, well, which one are you prioritizing? How would you encourage people to think about their balancing of their masculine and feminine? And how would you encourage them to kind of navigate that, I guess, the imbalance that

they may have? Because I don't think most people are trying to think about the balance because we're thinking it's either or. Yeah. We're thinking, oh, well, masculine energy is the one I need because that gets things done. But you're saying, well, what about rest and refuel and nourishment? Or in your case, you know, balancing your masculine energy with the feminine.

Yeah. I think the first step is giving a lot of compassion to like once you find out. Because I think too, we look at spiritual growth in any capacity of like when we weren't balanced or aligned, we failed. It's just like, no, like the contrast is there to show us the way. Like there wouldn't be light without dark. It has to come together. It's both. And so honoring, okay, maybe I've been leaning into my masculine a little bit more and maybe

it's been draining my body a lot because I've been trying to force things and make them happen and carve things out of nothing. And okay, but that's also the reason that I'm here and safe and I've survived. So just really like thanking it for helping you survive and getting to where you are. Because if we go still with that black and white way of thinking of, oh, that's bad because I've been doing that and I'm not fulfilled, that's bad. And it's like, no, you need it. You just need to understand how to integrate it

and incorporate it into your life. So I just, I want, you know, if there's like a girl, you know, listening who's like, ah, you know, I would love to feel more feminine. I would love to, you know, have more of that fairy energy inside of me. First is recognizing and giving so much appreciation to that masculine that got you here,

because it was, there was probably a reason you leaned into the masculine. We, our bodies are intelligent, our hearts are intelligent, and we lean into what we need to in order to survive. And so it's like, this is incredible, but now it's time to not just survive anymore and it's time to truly get into that thriving. And then you can look at it as in, how do I want to bring this feminine energy into it? So it's both. They've been, I mean, even anxiety. She's just trying to keep me safe.

She's just trying to keep me prepared for this interview so I don't say something stupid. She's just trying to help. It's all there to assist you. This is all intelligently created divinely for you. And when you trust that, that's always the belief I try to get girls to is like, this is all divine. If you can trust that it's all divine, then any scenario that comes your way,

you're going to look for the growth because you're going to, because you know it's meant for you and you're not a victim anymore. So anything bad that happens, I'm like, okay, what do we do? God, like, how is this going to navigate? How is this going to assist my growth? Because it is, because this is divine, because I believe it. One thing you raised that I love is this idea of how we, at one point, start to hate things that helped us survive.

And it's fascinating. It's like that saved you, that helped you. It got you to the other side. And now that it's no longer serving you, we feel like we wasted time. We hate it. We were wrong. We messed up rather than going that served me then and now I'll find the next thing to serve me.

And I'll always honor that. I'll always have a space for that in my life. And it's a tool, it's a skill, it's a habit, it's a mindset I can go back to. But I don't have to now hate it and neglect it and negate it from having value. Yeah, or feel embarrassed. Feel embarrassed. Yeah, that's a common emotion. I love that first of all, because I don't know.

Actually, I don't want to spoil it inside out, but there's a really beautiful scene at the end. Do it. Oh, of inside out. This is a full inside out spoiler. It is. I won't spoil it, but it's like the visual representation of what you just said and it's really beautiful.

So look out for it. Okay. This is just an inside out ad apparently. Yeah, exactly. Sponsor us. It really is one of those brilliant movies. I try to look at things in storytelling and even archetypically, I'm

trying to do the opposite of my nature. Like, for example, let's say I really had an integrated ruler. The only one that is just as powerful as the ruler of said the magician would be the fool because the fool can say anything to the king that he wants to not be beheaded because that's his job, just to be funny and honest.

And so he can poke at the king's ego in a way that no one else can. And so with the ruler, maybe you're more serious and stoic but maybe you need to bring in some of the fool archetype. And so it's the same with masculine and feminine. It's like, what is my impulse, my reactive step that I want to take? And can I actually try doing the opposite as an experiment and see what happens? And do you bring that in through other people or through activities you do yourself?

Or both? Whatever the moment presents, you know, if I'm doing a poem and I've done it the same way a hundred times and it's gotten a great reaction, I'm like, well, let's yell. Let's yell and jump up and down and see. Because I think to your point, we need the freedom to try new coping mechanisms. We need the freedom to fail. That's super important, not just for artists, but people in general is to not be so hard on ourselves, to be perfect all the time.

But I like being perfect all the time. So, but I like being perfect all the time. It's impossible. We're just inside our characters. Yeah, you're just inside our voices at this point. No, we all, yeah, we all love pretending to be perfect. It was one of the reasons why when I did my tour, you guys didn't come to my show last year. I did.

You did? Yeah, I did. Like one of the reasons I did my show in the style I did it, and you can be honest with me about how you felt about it. But the reason I did it in the way I did was show in the style I did it, and you can be honest with me about how you felt about it, but the reason I did it in the way I did was because I wanted to shake off that holier than thou, I'm the teacher, I'm the guide, I wanted just that to just go.

And so from the moment I came out, it was me making natural jokes, humor, everything was just real. It was who I am in who I really believe I am. And on stage, I feel like I can be 360 degrees of who I am, which I can't always be in a video or a snapshot or whatever it may be. And if someone listens to the podcast, they get all of who I am. But on stage, I can just totally let loose.

My real goal of the show was to show people that they could do uncomfortable things. It wasn't that I could tell you the right thing and you could think I'm great. It's that you could see people like you. So I would take people from the audience and they would do some of the most incredible, uncomfortable things live on stage.

And it was just random people from the audience that we hadn't prepared with. They weren't staged or casted. It was truly organic. And I loved it. It was beautiful because I was just amazed at the human spirit and resilience and grit. And at the same time, I was able to make my audience the star of the show. So people would like...

There was one girl who came up and she said to me afterwards, she said, Jay, like, literally, I got 10 people around and hugged me after I told my story. Or like after I came off stage, like I had seven people approached me and asked me to build community with me. And it was just amazing to kind of create that energy. And that's what it was for me. It's what you both just said. It was like, I used it as a creative expression to say, I want to shake off those shackles of what I think people think of me. It's exactly what you did and going back to this idea of instead of giving people the answer,

it's more about presenting just more and more honest questions until they get there. That's exactly what you did on stage. Now, I don't know if I had the balls to get up on that stage. My God, some of those people were so brave. Which show did you come to? The LA show? Yeah, the one near the airport. Yeah, yeah, near the airport. I don't know exactly what that little area is. YouTube theatre.

Yeah, and that was incredible because watching them transform through their own answers, like that's true power for an individual. So it was incredible to see that for you instead. Because usually a show like that would typically just be you sharing wisdom, but it felt so interactive. So I definitely saw that from my end of it as well. Definitely. It was the hope. Yeah.

I want to talk to you a bit about this journal you've built and created, because I think that you've thought about journals very differently. I think a lot of journals are very daily and your journals feels like more like a journey that can kind of begin and end and start wherever you want, which is beautiful. You both have talked about letters this whole time. Yeah. And you encourage letter writing as part of your journaling process. Walk me through your favorite journaling practice in there that could include a letter, may not include a letter that you're so excited for people to do

and why they should do it, when they should do it, and what you hope they'll get out of it. I, one of my favorites is we have like a letter to fear essentially and it's basically you write a letter to fear and then the next you start asking it's questions and you kind of start having this really beautiful fluid conversation with fear. And our goal always is to get people out of this mindset of like bad good, because that is what shields us in all of these boxes. And so with the journal, it's just us sharing

and hoping to just show you those honest answers that you guys give where you realize how it all assists you, even your fear. And I also love the one where we even have you talk to death as well. We get into some, because I think, Allie points this out beautifully. She was like, you can never truly live if you haven't really faced death in some way,

because that's what makes life so valuable and beautiful is knowing that this is temporary. And you also don't really know, like everything becomes clear, you know, when something of that nature happens. And so giving kind of people, yeah, just a little bit of a plant medicine journey via journal. And getting them very clear on what they want.

Because when you just ask, like, what do you want, it becomes overwhelming, you shut down. But when you start asking, hey, what have I been shielding myself from? What do I envy in people? What triggers me the most? Like, those types of questions are going to get you to what you truly want and desire quicker

than any of, like, more of the forthcoming answers. Yeah, I think it's just valuable to climb into perspectives other than your own. So there's one where you write yourself a letter as though you're your mother or father on the day you're born. There's one where you talk to death, there's one where you talk to fear. And it's just very important to step outside of yourself, especially in forgiveness work or you know, if you need to express anger or whatever it is. A journal is a place where everything gets to belong. There's nothing too ugly. It just has to be honest. That's really the intention.

And also subconscious writing. That's been one of my favorite tools that we give them. There's like five or six just blank pages and basically we'll give you a subject and you have to write as fast as you can because it will quite literally get to your subconscious. And acting coach actually did this with me. We're using my dad as a reference for the scene and she was like, I want you to write as fast as you can about your dad. And by the 10th page, I was crying because I had all of these messages and things come through that I never knew was inside of me because I finally got through that conscious mind back to the

subconscious and it finally started talking to me. So you can subconscious write literally about anything and that's that's why it's so powerful because you could subconscious write without any intention and you'll still get to some light bulb a moment because it's just finally it's like meditation you're writing as fast as your thoughts so you can't really read it back and it kind of gets all messy and we're just like writing our our warriors are like I can't feel my hand just like just keep going but they always come to these incredible realizations so that's definitely something I wish that you guys try at some point whoever's listening.

It's really, it's an incredible gift. It's kind of like the morning pages from like the artist way. But instead of, you know, over analyzing what you're saying, and if you're growing, and is it working, you just you write so fast that there is you and you write the thoughts. So it's like, the subconscious writing starts, hey, I don't really want to do this. My hands are already aches. How am I going to get, how am I going to write 10 pages? You quite literally have to be super honest with exactly what's going through your brain.

And that's how you get through. I'm assuming that you both believe that most of us don't often connect with our subconscious or do we and do we not see the signs? How do you feel about, I guess the question is, does our subconscious ever try and communicate with us or is it something that we're always having to try and unleash and unravel? I feel like we're ruled by what remains buried in us. And I do a lot of dream work with my friend.

He's a great dream analyst and he uses Carl Jung again. I love Carl Jung. Clearly. But it's that, it's a language and I think if your subconscious knows you're speaking to it, it starts speaking back. I always personify it as a little monster when I feel like it's getting overactive.

Like if things are going really well, for example, my subconscious is waiting for the shoe to drop and so it starts looking for things to upper limit or panic about when everything's totally fine. And so I gave it a character. It's like this little ladybug and I named it Burt because it removes the power. It's that process of naming something

when you can just make it this funny little thing. But I think if you can love your little monster, it'll love you back and it will help you and be with you in your life versus ignoring it. Then it starts to rule you and be in the driver's seat. At least that's how I see it. Similar with intuition actually too. Once you start building that intuitive and understanding your intuitive pulses, you start

having a stronger and stronger relationship with it. And then it's like, and it's just speed dial. I can connect with my intuition immediately. And it's yeah, it's yeah, I think that was another really incredible thing that we had with the Warriors because we were like, okay, let's talk about intuition. And all the girls were like, but I don't, what is my intuition? And I was like, oh, wow, okay, first we need to figure out how to get you guys back to connecting with intuition and what that means for you.

And then through that, we can use intuition and workshops, but we had to even go back farther to be like, oh, okay, let's, let's build a relationship first, because everything has relationships. Everything is a relationship. And it's always a two way street. Yeah, I fully agree with you. We have a relationship with money. We have a relationship with food.

We have a relationship with our bodies. We have a relationship with others. And that's something I wanted to talk to you both about. I imagine that a lot of questions you get have some correlation to dating, love, a romantic partner. What are some of these subconscious beliefs that you're seeing holding people back from love? What have you seen in your own journeys towards romantic love that you feel have held you back from really creating something powerful or beautiful like you have in your friendship. And how do you guide young women through that journey of their life?

Because I feel like if there's anything that has been seen as put on the greatest pedestal or platform or the ultimate achievement, as you rightly said, was why you become the porcelain doll, is because you've been told that that's what gives you protection. So that's so hardwired. What's the breakthrough insight for that? At least for me, my work is, um, and love surrendering the sword first. That's the only way to win the battle. And like we, it's very easy to throw up a guard and to tiptoe into something, especially now there's so many options.

You can be non-committal so easily because there's always something, you know, richer, smarter, prettier, whatever it is, versus actually leaning into the person in front of you. And I think that's my work is fully leaning in no matter what so that when, if it ends, whether that's through dying together in our nineties or nine minutes from now, it just doesn't work out. At least I'll know I gave all of myself because I think that's what haunts me is if I didn't lean into a moment. So yeah, I think by surrendering my sword, by being the first to strip off my armor, that's when I actually feel really proud of myself and love whether or not it works out. I feel it's successful in that

way. How do you respond to that when it could be that someone took advantage of that, or someone misused that openness and vulnerability that you gave them? How do you reconcile that afterwards in the aftermath that it only lasted three months or six months or whatever it was, and it wasn't as deep and beautiful as you wanted to commit towards? There's not really a way for me to know that, you know, I can't peer into the future and that's the risk I take in love. It reminds me of that Khalil Gibran poem on love where he says, when love beckons you, follow him though his ways are hard and steep. You know, it's true,

you might get wounded and it's just the risk that we take with caring about people. You know, we'll lose them one way or another, whether they die before us or we die before them. This fear of, will I ever find my person is now replaced with, will I lose my person? And that just comes with caring about someone other than yourself. It's an inevitable reality. And so if I can face that every day and accept that, it makes me have more courage to lean in.

Yeah, I want to echo that just because I think we define successful relationships as lasting forever. Whereas for me and Ali, as we're learning and growing, it's really about letting it morph into whatever it's meant to be. So whether that stays romantic or it changes into something else, or if you feel like it's time to leave,

making sure that the love is still there no matter the decision, because I think it's way easier to just wait until you both get so triggered that then we can just make each other the bad villain or whatever and then move on with our lives. But the real growth and when kind of the universe the God knows that you're ready for a partner

is when you act in love, not because they deserve it or you know because you want to show them or whatever it's because you are love and that's just what you attract and so for me at least like with my prior relationship to this one that's exactly what happened I was absolutely heartbroken but I knew that this was a conversation with me and God now about, okay, can you end this in love? Because regardless if he wants to stay, you are love. And so you're going to end it in this way. And then therefore, the real the real partnership will come. And and that's exactly what happens. So also to, you know, it is it is a little chaotic right now in the world with this idea of non-attachment.

You know, we associate it with spirituality a lot because it's like, oh, I'm not attached. But Ali also has this beautiful poem where she was like, if you don't, if you just constantly go with the flow of the river, you're going to fall off the waterfall. Like, it's when we don't use that masculine energy to say, no, I want this, I want to do this, I want to work for this, then everything just, there's no real intimacy and no real connection. And I think that's my goal, at least with every romantic relationship. If I have one, whatever it is, is just getting to the depth of that connection so that both of us can grow.

And growth is my definition of success in relationship, not time. And it's scary too, because I think when you're in a relationship and you feel like you're not getting something that you want, you usually will go in your bathroom, try and figure it out, come to a conclusion, and then tell the person, as opposed to letting them in on the conversation being like, hey, I'm not getting this type of energy or this type of treatment. And I'm really noticing that it's an ultimatum for me in relationships. And I wanna include you on this conversation

because I'm terrified of hurting you, or I'm terrified of leaving this life. And bringing them into the conversation is what takes the power away from it. And then it's an honest love no matter what. And it's really scary, because it's way easier to just come to the conclusion and then present's like, it's an honest love no matter what. And that's, it's really scary because it's way easier to just come to the conclusion and then present it to them. And it's even scarier being like,

hey, I'm terrified of breaking your heart. How does that make you feel? But at least it's, it's, it's an honest conversation. And I'm, I'm noticing that with our relationship. I've been in a relationship for four, almost five years now. And that's it. Like every six to nine months, we just, we have to have a conversation of like, hey, is there anything that's not being honored

within the relationship that you feel like you need? Because I think going back to this masculine and feminine, that's super important in a relationship. It's fluid, sometimes you'll lean into the masculine, sometimes he'll lean into feminine. But when we, especially with females, we are in the masculine too much in a relationship, we kind of become the mother archetype a little bit of like,

did you do the bed? Blah, like you're picking on things that don't need to be picked on. And it's usually because the feminine in us hasn't been honored in a way where it's like, have you taken her out? Have you done a romantic weekend or whatever it is? It's just bringing that romance back into it. So then the female can just like

fall into her femininity and feel like a princess truly. Cause that's what we also want in a relationship. At least for me, I like to feel like a princess. Alex like, no, she likes princess too. What's your take on like how this language language of high value man and high value woman has permeated social media culture relationships? I don't know. To me, it feels so transactional. I think we're drawn to people who bring out the side of us that needs to come out in a way.

And I've always trusted that life will bring me the person that us that needs to come out in a way. And I've always trusted that life will bring me the person that I meant to fall for. And I've trusted that I feel like I'll feel it when I see them versus if I create this checklist of like, he has to make this much money and drive this car and look like this and do this, it takes the magic out of it. And I'm not actually present with the person in front of me. And at least on a soul level, I don't know that I'll learn the most from the person on my checklist. I don't know that I'll be able to dance on the ashes

of who we once were together if it's what my mind thinks. Cause at least I find whatever my mind thinks should happen is usually not what should happen. I agree, wow. At all. So I wanna be surprised because love is such a greater force than me and it's so humbling.

And yeah, I guess when I hear the high value man, high value woman, it automatically, So I want to be surprised because love is such a greater force than me and it's so humbling. And yeah, I guess when I hear the high value man, high value woman, it automatically to me insinuates that you don't have value. You know what I mean? It triggers the self-esteem thing. At least that's how I feel when I hear it. Absolutely. Yeah. I love your take on it. And I think, I think my take is that you can't really judge value in that way because I always give this example of like, when I met Radhi, I was in debt and didn't have a job and didn't know what I was going to do. And so if I was judged on my value of my net worth or any of those things, it would have been minus.

But I was not judged. I was approached by rather based on my values, not my value. And that totally was a different take. And she invested in my values. And those values are what constructs a healthy relationship today. I don't think whether we've had money or not had money, it actually affected our romantic connection, or whether we had things or didn't have things, whether it affected our intimacy. Like, that wasn't what had an impact. I always say to people, like, how tall someone is

isn't gonna change... whether you guys are having... It's also so much fun to grow with them. Yeah, exactly. And to be like, I was there from the beginning. Yeah, totally. That's so satisfying and cool in its own way. So when we're always constantly looking for like,

the finished product of someone, it's like, well then, where's that gritty growth that I love so much? Because at least that's what we have in our friendship. Yeah, it's what you said in the beginning. It's just like this gritty, like I'm going to continue to like, go with you on this journey, whichever way, you know, if you need like this gritty, like I'm going to continue to like go with you

on this journey, whichever way, you know, if you need to bury dead body, let's go. Like it's that energy on purpose podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, cut. Yeah, I'm like, yeah. We leave each other out. No, but it's true.

Like I, even in the past five years, I'm like, this is incredible to see how much we've grown together. It's almost, it's exh. Like, I, I, I, even in the past five years, I'm like, this is incredible to see how much we've grown together. Yeah. It's almost, it's exhilarating in its own way. So I do think too. And men also, I think I want to talk a little bit about potential because I think women, women who run with the wolves, that incredible book, they were talking about how women it's

in one of it's part of our nature to see a man's potential and to truly help lift them to get them there. And so, so many times I hear my friends embarrassed that they fell for his potential and then they felt guilty or bad that they were trying to push him in a direction that maybe he didn't wanna go. And when I read that in the book, I realized, oh no, because the right man will be so excited

that you see that path for them and will walk that path with you in a beautiful way. So there is truth within that, that natural ability that women have. It's so beautiful. And I've seen that with my own relationship. It is so fun to watch him grow and become this incredible man. It's so much more satisfying than if I would have just gone on a date with this

version of him now and met him now. It's our nature to, to, to, to feed that potential to something greater. And if he, if he's the right guy and he's ready for you, then that's where the growth and the beautiful like garden that you guys will create comes from. So it's really beautiful. I could listen to you both talk forever. Now we can on the Easy A podcast. I'm so excited.

I hope you're both going to have loads of conversations with each other too, because I could just hear you two talk without any guests or any... It's been interesting being a host, like I will say so, because like watching you do this and how you're able to... You're so present, you're able to wrap around a story and you're able to take different questions and form them into new ones to take us on this new path. It's this incredible talent that you have. So I definitely have watched yours and studied yours a lot.

But then also adding our own little sauce into it has been so fun. And it's actually way more intimidating to be interviewed as opposed to be the host. I prefer being the host so much more. But it's really cool. I've started to realize that. You realize that because in the beginning when you're hosting, you're also nervous and scared. And then you realize the person in the seat has a way harder job.

Way more intense. So, you both are phenomenal. I want to end with the final five, which we always do the end of every on purpose interview, but we're going to change it up. We're going to take questions from the journal because I think that would be fun. And so the questions that, but the hard part is the questions have to be answered in one

word to one sentence maximum. And I'll probably allow you, I'll probably want you to expand as time goes on. So question one, let's start with an easy one. Let's not start with that. He keeps flipping. Yeah, I'm like, I've got a really good one there for later on. Oh no. But let's, we'll start with an easy one. What piece of advice would you give to a

younger you? Your brain's just not fully formed. You're going to be okay. Don't worry about it. Like 25, it'll calm down smooth sailing, but just like, it's fine. You're good. I love it. Buckle up, baby. Enjoy the ride. Okay, great. If life stopped today, what would you regret not doing? I love that question. Surfing, spending way more time with family. You could be on the water more. Yeah. Honestly, nothing.

Oh, yeah. That's beautiful. That's an amazing place to be. Tell me about all the parts of yourself that you cringe at. My unfiltered thoughts, my intrusive thoughts, they just come out. I've been pretty good on this episode, but like, I love your intrusive thoughts. But they just become my personality. And it can, I just, yeah, there's moments where I'm like, don't, don't.

And it just comes out. So I guess, yeah, my intrusive thoughts are pretty cringy, especially when I just can't stop saying them out loud. I think it was being homeschooled. There's just no filter. And then also my mother was like, oh, adults. Oh, no, they're just, they're like you, but older. And I was like, oh, and then I never really got, you know, afraid and never called people Mr. and Mrs. And so there was never like this disconnection from me and my elders in a sense. So I just, there's no filter and everyone just goes, I just will keep talking. So I'm going to shut up now.

This is all injuries of dogs. I love it. Yeah. I think I just cringe at being a walking bumper sticker. Like as a poet, I'm just so trained. I can see her cringe. She's about to say a line that she said just so trained. I can see her cringe. I hate it. She's about to say a line that she said a hundred times. I can't stand it. It's a good line though.

I think that's why I appreciate her. It's the balance. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing composed and I'm too composed and so somewhere we'll become a person in the middle. I always say that like I take life too seriously and Rathi doesn't take life seriously at all. Yeah. And it's the only way to balance it out. It's a similar dynamic. Yeah. I know what I'm doing every minute of the day and Rathi doesn't. All right.

Question number four. List the things that you're running from. Okay. I just spit. Mortality. To get like really deep. I've been feeling like I've been meaning to face death in different types of ways. Maybe it's a plant medicine thing. Maybe I don't know what it is, but I feel once I can have a more honest relationship with death, I'll be able to... Because now I love my life so much and I love who I am so much.

So I'm like, I just really want to be in it so deeply. And I know that like fear of death and fear of losing it all is kind of ruining the presence for me a little bit. So yeah. Thank you. I'm running for my gifts. I think I've hit a certain comfortable place in writing, but I want to see how far I can go and stretch that muscle, but it feels like that Marianne Williamson quote,

if we're afraid of our power more than failure, I just butchered that terribly, but I'm afraid of that, of seeing how far I can go. What about you, Jay Shetty? What am I running from? Yeah, that's a great question. Is that what you're saying? That's what you're saying, right? That question.

It's such a great question. I literally can't wait to do this. I'm really excited. What am I running from? I think I'm running from... I'm actually doing what I was talking about earlier. I'm running from a past self, and identity that no longer serves me, but I think I'm doing it not in the right way.

So my history is important to me and it's powerful and it's so much the reason I am who I am today. And I think sometimes I'm trying to run away from my history because I'm so different today externally and in so many other ways, but I don't think that's the right thing to do. So I'd say that's what I'm running from. That makes sense at all. It does.

It does. All right. And fifth and final question, what are you pretending not to know right now? That's the question that I wanted him to... Oh, is it? Yeah. Remember? Yeah, remember? Yeah. Or what did Coop say?

Our friend Coop Blackson asked us that in a workshop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I interviewed Coop years ago. Oh, he's so powerful. He's incredible. He's great.

He's... Oh my God. What a force. He's larger than life. Yeah. Oh my gosh. What am I pretending not to know right now? Oh no.

Oh no, I was really hoping he wasn't gonna ask that question, but I wanted to ask him that question and now we're in. I'll answer it too. I'll answer it. I'll have an answer with you guys. I think I do feel a little bit of fear of success with the podcast because we had this conversation with Coot, there's a difference between sharing who you are

and exposing who you are. And I always got nervous with that because with social media, everyone's just gonna use any part of their life to gain attraction. And I really wanna maintain a sense of privacy while also sharing deeply who I am. I feel you do a really good job about that.

So I think I'm afraid of, sharing deeply who I am. I feel you do a really good job about that. So I think I'm afraid of that line being crossed with now that we're in this more slow form content because this is the only type of content on the internet that I feel actually shows all versions of someone. And that's why me and Ali were so excited to get into it, but there's definitely a huge fear of it right now that I'll expose myself in some way. Or feel like I hate those vulnerability hangovers. My God.

Doesn't feel good. Oh, it doesn't feel good. So real. So yeah. Yeah. What about you? I actually think it's what you said earlier about the inner peace, external chaos, um, I find what brings me inner peace,

I notice rocks the boat of people I love most a lot of the time. And so I really, really struggle with not wanting to hurt people and then suffocating a part of myself. And I think there's a balance between the two of freedom and security, but I think it's pretending not to know

when something's good for me, but I know it's gonna be something that feels like upheaval inside. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you guys. It's going deep. You're doing it. I like it. Yeah, I'll answer it too. What are you pretending not to know right now? I'd say, I feel that there's a larger than life, bigger service that I'm meant to walk into, is a larger than life, bigger service that I'm meant to walk into.

But I feel like the immediate keeps taking my attention. And so I'm pretending not to know that there's this bigger thing that will be harder work, that will be deeper work. Yeah. That is asking me to pick up the call, but it's almost like you're avoiding the call because there's all this immediate stuff that is good and it's great and it's helping and it is service-based as well, but it's, you know there's more

and you're not picking up the call. So. Oh, that's a good, that's honest. What I love about everything I've said to you guys and even just sitting and do this activity with you, I love that those beautiful, simple, well-crafted questions made me say things that I probably haven't said out loud to anyone in years maybe.

So, you know, the power of the questions you've curated and chosen are really special. And I'm so excited for people to dive into it. I'm honestly seeing with you both today, I can honestly say that I hope that you come back to teach me some more. And offline as well.

I mean, I actually genuinely mean that. I'm not just saying that. I really hope you'll come back offline to teach me some more. I'm going to reach out to both of you. I can't wait for people to listen to EZE. I'm so excited for people to use the becoming a warrior journals. And I'm rooting for you guys forever in your corner in any way that I can be. And so grateful that you came onto on purpose.

You're the best ever. Thank you so much. You've supported me for years. And I just, I feel so much gratitude when I think of you and Roddy. And like truly you've, you guys kind of like took me under your wing. So I really, really appreciate it.

And thank you for welcoming Ali on. So I really, really appreciate it. And thank you for welcoming Ali on. Of course. Thank you. You really create such a beautiful, safe space where it elicits honesty in a way that's not invasive. But like calm honesty. It doesn't feel...

It's like supportive and loving. Yeah. Thank you. It means the world to me. Did I not ask you anything that you wanted to share or something that was on your heart and mind that you really want to share with the community right now? If there's anything, please feel free.

It's an open floor. I just think the box conversation has just been so relevant in my life in the last year. And it always just comes back to this idea of giving the world, us individuals, the grace of change, because it's truly what we need. And that's why me and Ali have such a close connection, because we've given each other the grace of change and we need that more than ever in this world. I fully agree.

Ali, any? What she said. I love it. Everyone has been listening or watching wherever you are, whether you're walking your dog, you're at home, you're on the way to work, on the way back from work, you're at the gym, wherever you are, please make sure that you tag all three of us, tag Ali, tag Alexis, tag myself. Let us know what stood out to you, what resonated with you.

Remember, I want you to go listen to this with a friend to deepen your friendship, to remove envy from your connections, and of course, start removing the boxes, start trying to live in bigger boxes and allow ourselves to give us permission to be the fullest 360 degree version of ourselves. So big thank you to Alexis, big thank you to Ali and thank you for listening to On Purpose everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma Thank you.