On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Anna Akana: ON How To Trust Yourself More & The Importance Of Using Your Voice To Help Others

Episode Date: December 9, 2019

On this episode of On Purpose, I sat down with Anna Akana. Anna is an American actress, filmmaker, musician, author, and comedian. She is most known for her massive presence on YouTube. Anna’s experience losing her 13-year-old sister to suicide when she 17 taught her that ultimately age is a gift that comes with wisdom. She's destigmatizing the way we feel about mental health issues & reminding us that we are not alone and your voice matters to at-least one person. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Munga Shatekler and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international banks, kpop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me and my whole view on astrology changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

podcasts. Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast Podcast in each bite-sized daily episode. Time management and productivity expert, Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home. These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to before breakfast on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box cart. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me, but the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil,

you're going to find them there in the rail yard. Undenail Morton, come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. We live in a very competitive environment. Now that we have social media, you're constantly looking at everyone's highlight reels and you feel unworthy and insecure and insignificant.

If someone has a success, they can't take that away from me. You know, I'm not taking that away from them. And the mantra that I have actually up in my bathroom is what is mine will find me. And it is true. It's like if something is meant to be yours, it's gonna find you.

If someone has success, that was always meant to be theirs. I'm so excited to introduce you to my next guest. Today's guest can be seen on Comedy Central's corporate. She stars in the film Go Back to China, which premieres in the narrative competition at 2019 South by Southwest Film Festival. She's the lead and executive producer of YouTube's Red Youth and Consequence, and can be seen in Marvel's Ant-Man, Netflix's You Get Me, and Freeform's Stitches. She's most known for her online weekly show with 2.5 million subscribers and has sold out two North American tours

as a stand-up comic, playing comedy songs on her guitar. And what I personally really love about today's guest is that she's super honest, super vulnerable, and has this incredible, straight talking approach, which is endearing, hilarious, and on such a huge fan of. Her name is Anna Akana. Let's please welcome her to the show. Anna, thank you for being here.

Thank you so much for having me, Jay. I'm genuinely so grateful because I've literally been a fan and a follower from a distance for so long. Oh, yeah. And then I remember being backstage with you at the Streamies where we first met last year. And you just won, and I won just after you, I think it's a congratulations.

And I was like, oh my god, it's Anna, how do I say it? I was like, what do I say? And then I was just like, hey, I love your videos. Oh, yeah. I'm excited for this to deepen our friendship and to get to know each other better. Same, I'm a big fan of what you do in the message you put out in the world.

And obviously, we're very aligned on a lot of the things we like to dive into. So I'm like, yes, this is exactly the stuff I like to talk about. Yeah, brilliant. And I love it. And it's amazing because I'm going to start here because it is the day that I first met you. You chose that day to come out. Yes, I did. And around the same time to your friends and your family, to the online community,

on the stage. And you spoke very, very deeply about it too at the same time. What was that experience like? I don't remember. I just sort of blacked it out. I wasn't expecting to come out. It's only something that I'd recently sort of actually accepted and grappled with. And I don't know.

Like, I have this weird, continuing thing where I get on to a stage and I don't know what I'm going to say. And I sort of like just live in the moment and later don't remember what I said at all. And my friends are always like, that was great. Like, did you plan that? Did you practice that? And I'm like, no, I don't know what I said. I'm going to walk to the internet later to figure out what it was. But yeah, it felt like a really good time to just say something meaningful if you have

the opportunity to be in front of a lot of eyeballs. Yeah. And I thought you did that. You used the platform to talk about a really important message. Yeah. And what I loved afterwards is the video you did with your parents. Oh, yeah. I thought that was so brave and bold.

I was like, oh my god, how did that feel talking to your parents about it? It was great. You know, my parents used to be so typical Asian parents, very strict, very uptight, one movie, a doctor, a lawyer. And after my sister died, they've sort of like loosened up and really understood like, oh, we're all gonna die none of this actually really matters.

We need to just live in love for our kids. And so they've been so great ever since, you know, understandably going through their grief and we had a hard time. But now they're just very accepting, very loving and have chilled out tremendously. Yeah, I definitely wanted to come on to that later as well. Thank you for sharing it.

And just for everyone who's watching or listening right now, this is how amazing Anna is. I said, how do we make this really meaningful for you? What do we talk about? She goes, I want to talk about death. I want to do a mental health. And I love that about you that you're so straightforward about what you want to talk about.

And then you're able to make it hilarious. Like you're one of the few people who can do that really well. Thank you. And I really commend you and respect you for taking it so hard on. A pretty good one. So I've got a long list of questions that I want to ask you today. Feel free to ask me more. I'm sure it's going to evolve into a conversation, but I love asking specific questions because there's stuff about you that blows my mind. So one of the first things I wanted to talk to you about was regarding what we were talking about about coming out.

Yeah. What's your advice for other young people who are exploring their sexuality, who are learning about themselves? In a climate that both is supportive and sometimes totally the opposite. It's like a weird time right now. It's like, it's everywhere and then it's like, oh, well, no. How would you advise them and guide them? Well, I only have my one experience, but so I am, I used to think that bisexuality

or homosexuality was like a pie chart and you either had to be the entire pie chart or a straight half and half. And so I always classified myself as not bisexual because I've only liked maybe a handful of girls in my entire life and I'm mostly attracted to men. And I had a friend very early on in my teen years tell me like I wasn't actually queer.

I just wanted to be interesting. And it was like a cool thing to try to be interesting. And I had a lot of sort of like aggressive lesbians in my circle who were very discouraging of bisexuality and saw it almost as straight girls trying to like cheat their way into being interesting, like playing into the male gaze and the male fantasy. And so for me, I always internalize that is like,

oh, they're right, like I'm just doing this to sort of be cool, like I'm not actually bisexual, because if I am, I have to be, you know, half women, half men, it's cut in dry and it's black and white. And now we know that's not true. And it's also, sexuality is incredibly fluid. A lot of my friends who are bisexual are like, sometimes I'm more attracted to men than I am women.

Sometimes I'm more attracted to women than I am men. Honestly, if we expect to change as people all the time, why wouldn't our sexuality change with us? And so I think now it's like, don't get hung up on labels. It's something that really helped me, not having to define myself in this one little box and take this one definition of it and just like fall in love with who you fall in love with.

And that's such a refreshing approach. I'm sure everyone who's listening to that and is in that stage of exploring it for themselves just finds that so much more like liberating. Yeah. It's like a weight-office shoulder. Like you don't have to like take a box. Yeah. And it's like that's kind of how I guess we've always been

male or female, on forms and papers that we all have to fill out. Yeah, and just these ideas in your head of what that's supposed to mean and what that looks like based on the media you consume, and it's so much more complicated than that. Yeah, absolutely. And you're playing one thing I find fascinating about you, and we shared your intro earlier, which is unbelievable what you've achieved by the way. It's incredible. And it's so fun to watch for me, but you know, you're acting, you're, you're super artistic, you're a comedian, like, were you always this talented? Like there's like a million things that... I don't know, I can think I just get bored. Honestly, like if I do the same thing for too long,

I'm like, this isn't challenging. I want to try something else. And so something that I've always just really found natural is to sort of rotate through art forms to like tell different stories on different platforms. So I don't know. I think I just really like doing that. Yeah, well, you do it well. Thank you. Yeah. When I then found out that it was you and at man at that moment, I was like, oh my god, yeah, it's that. But it was just, yeah, I think you do the more really well, though. I think that's has to be said, like there's getting bored, but then there's your ability to actually get great at it.

Like, where's that coming from? Like because I get the part about, okay I'm bored, I need a new challenge, but how do you actually get good at that new challenge? I think, I don't know. I don't know, I haven't really analyzed that part of it. I think for me, it always comes down to just like, what do I wanna say and how do I say that

in the best way possible? Yeah, cool. Yeah. I want you to analyze it more and come back to you. I will. I know that you've posed the question like, hmm, I love introspection. Yeah, and I'd love for you to do that,

because I do think that everything that you're working on, it is, I get that boredom piece though. I know you're a fan of flow state too. And so when I hear you talk about that, for anyone who doesn't know what flow state, it's when your challenge matches your skill. And so if your challenge is lower than your skill, then you get bored.

And if your skill is lower than your challenge, then you get frustrated. So you're always doing both. So you figure that out. You know, you just got to keep doing it. It sounds like I just learned this now just outside when we were talking that you've actually, in one sense, in my opinion, because I've never really moved around

as a young person. In one sense, had a challenging life of moving around the lot. But you seem to have loved it. Tell us a bit about that. Yeah. So by the time I was six, I'd lived in over 13 states. My dad was a naval officer, I'm sorry,

a Marine Corps officer, a hurrah, and he would fix Jets. So he was a naval officer, I'm sorry, I'm a Marine Corps officer, a hurrah, and he would fix jets. So he was like an engineer for jets. And he was very much in demand. So every six months to two years, we would move to a new place. And I loved it because I was like, oh, we're moving to this new place where no one knows me. I can try on this facet of my personality and see if I like being this person more or that person more. And there's a very high correlation between military kids and entertainment because you're so used to the turnaround, like the entertainment environment and sort of what you thrive in because you're so used to like this almost summer camp

feel if I get really close to these people for six months and then I go away forever until the next production. And so I always found it incredibly challenging and fun to be stimulated by different cultures and different environments and different people constantly. And I found it very fascinating to move to California because most of my life I was either thought I was white as a child because I grew up around all white people and had no idea. Or I was in Asian countries and white people were the minority and we get bullied. So coming to California and experiencing like racism for the first time I was like oh my god this is so novel like oh this is so and white people were the minority and we get bullied. So coming to California and experiencing racism for the first time, I was like,

oh my God, this is so novel. Like, oh, this is so cool. So yeah, I feel like a lot of my life, I've just been like very used to change. That was such a beautiful quality to have. Yeah. Like as in we always talk about that, like change is probably one of the hardest things

for most people, but the fact that you had it ingrained into you, and you were always positive about it from day one. There was never a moment where you were like, oh, this is going to take some time. Well, I'm going to miss this friend that I just made. I mean, I'll miss friends for sure, but then you kind of get used to the idea that like,

oh, there's always something new to explore or experience. And then you start to look forward to it, because you also have no choice. Yeah, yeah, true. Yeah, exactly. That's so nice as well, just getting to that point of recognizing. Actually, I have no choice. Yeah.

And life's kind of like that. Yeah. Sometimes we're like, yeah, I don't actually have a choice. I've got a doubt. I've got to move on. Yeah. All you have is your mindset about whatever's going on. And what's really led to that? Like what has helped you create the mindset that you have right now? So for anyone who's watching or listening, as soon as Anna came through the door today, she just brought this like beautiful burst of energy.

I think. Like, I was just, I was happy straight away. I was happier, I was brighter, I was just like, I'm so looking forward to this. And, you know, so you have that, where's that coming from and how have you worked on that? Yeah, I would say it's been like going through so much dark shit, can I swear on this?

Yeah, sure, you can go with your own. Like going through death much dark shit, can I swear on this book? Yeah, sure, you can. Okay, so what are you doing? Like going through death at such an early age and a mortality crisis at such an early age has made me realize like, oh, nothing is as bad as this. You know, it gives you a new reference level for just how bad things can get. And so I mean, sometimes I still get frustrated

if my printer doesn't work, you know, and you like scream and cry. But I think ultimately you've come to realize like age is a gift. And I know in L.A. you know, we value youth and society values youth and like, and all that. But I don't know. I think age comes with such a beautiful wisdom. And life is is so long that we lose track of just how short it is. That I've really been able to sort of cultivate even like when bad things happen. I'm like, well, how can I turn this into the best thing that's ever happened to me? And all like physically right out, like when I went through my really bad breakup last year, I was like, okay,

how am I going to make this like serve me in the highest way possible? And I literally made a list, like a full two-page list of everything I was going to do so that I would come out at the other side being so grateful that it had happened. What was some of those things on that list if you don't mind, yeah. I was like, I'm gonna write a movie. I'm gonna like rediscover my spirituality because I'd been really disconnected from that for a while. I was like, I'm gonna start a crystal collection.

I'm gonna remodel and like redecorate my entire house. I'm gonna like paint a lot. I'm gonna do animated poetry. So I just like, yeah, it was like anything I can do to be grateful for this. Let me put it in there. Wow. And you've done a lot of that.

I've done it all of it. Oh, wow. That is amazing. Yeah. And I saw you at the start of this year. I think it was coming up with your vision board. Yeah. You're posting stories and I was loving it.

I was like, this is so cool. Tell me about that process. I love vision boarding. Highly, highly recommended for anyone. Um, it's just a macro view of what you want your year to be and put it somewhere where you're going to see it every day. Because me, it's like I've been vision boarding every single year of my life and it's the reason I am able to achieve so much because you're constantly reminded of your long-term goals and that way every day you're executing whatever little

action you need to take to get there. I think a lot of us get consumed with the idea of like, oh well I want to do this huge thing and that's overwhelming and it's like no all it takes is 10 minutes a day every day. And then you spend, you know, however many hours upon hours that year getting closer and closer to something that understandably takes a long time to achieve. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save for retirement?

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Who is the first person that introduced you to this whole process of self-development, personal growth? Oh wow. School of Charity. I don't know. I think I was Buddhist for a time. Like, yeah, as a teenager after my sister died. I like very deep-dived into religious studies to kind of be like, is there an answer? Does anybody know?

I don't like the idea of a detachment in Buddhism as much, because I feel like, I understand what the principle is, but I feel like for me detachment just holds such a different connotation. But yeah, I think it was ultimately Buddhism. Well, okay, and that was part of your upbringing. No, Buddhism was not part of my upbringing. Oh, wow.

Yeah, my parents were a Christian. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Cool. Let's talk about it. You've mentioned it a couple of times, and for the audience who doesn't have the background, and I'd love for you to share it. When I read about this, and I looked at the letters in your book, at Centris, you lost your sister when she was 13 years old to suicide. I mean, like I'm just gonna send loads of love prayers to your family to her

in this moment right now and it's, I mean, I don't know what that feels like. I've never experienced that. I hope everyone listening doesn't have to, but we naturally know that it happens. Yes. Like tell me where you start when that happens. Wow. I mean, it was just such a shock at the time. So I was 17, and she'd gone into a fight with every single person in my family and talked to me last.

I was the last person who saw her alive. And we fought, and I was like, I hate you. Get the fuck out of my room. And she like knocked a bunch of my shit over and like slammed the door. And it was Valentine's Day. So I like took a boyfriend out to like the park. And we were having a picnic and like talking about life. And all of a sudden I was just like, I need to go home. And he was like, why? And I was like, there's something really wrong at home. I need to be home right now. And so we went back to the house. And he was like, why? And I was like, there's something really wrong at home. I need to be home right now. And so we went back to the house and there were paramedics and police officers and like a fire truck in front of our house. And I would just remember very like

crystal clearly seeing her being loaded from a stretcher by two paramedics who were laughing about some joke that they told to each other. And there was an oxygen mask over her mouth, though she'd been dead for 20 minutes. And, you know, it's such a surreal feeling where you're like, oh, I don't feel like I'm here, because then, you know, you're shuttled into a car and you're driven to the hospital and you're waiting in this weird, like, pastel pink room with, like, flowers and happy faces everywhere. And then you know the moment the doctor comes in that it's bad because they won't look at you and they just sit down in front

of you and they're like, oh, we couldn't save her, but you can go say goodbye to the body now. And there's a woman whose job it is to hug you. Just a strange woman in death rooms who will hug you to try to stimulate oxytocin in your body. Because if you hold someone for six seconds, you get like a big burst of that. And it's just, it was so weird, because then you're like, oh, and now we plan a funeral and where do we do with the body? And like, do we have to

buy a burial plot and like, how, like, okay, we can't go to school tomorrow. Like, do we have to like notify the people? Or where do, like, how how are we gonna go on for the rest of our lives? I'm dealing with that so young, like this very permanent decision that someone had made without any concept of how long life is was just such a trip for me. I was like, oh, I never get to say I'm sorry. I never get to like grow up with her.

Like she's stuck forever at 13. And I think knowing that has shaped pretty much my entire life, my entire stuck forever at 13. And I think knowing knowing that has shaped pretty much my entire life, my entire life from that point. It's very much like up before and after catalyst. And it took me probably about four or five years to even go to therapy for it and to realize like the actual lasting effect. Because for a long time, I was just very much in denial. I did a lot of drugs. I drank all the time. I dropped out of college. I worked a dead-end job.

I just had no direction whatsoever in life. And it was just so depressing that I was like, OK, well, I can't, I'm like, what? I was like 20 at the time. I was like, what am I going to do? Spend the rest of my life feeling like a victim and that this isn't fair. And life shouldn't be this way.

And so I really was like, okay, like this, maybe this is my purpose now, is to like help people not get to this point where, you know, they feel so lonely and so upset that they do kill themselves. And suicide is the highest, second highest cause of death in teens, second highest. It was like third highest a couple years ago and it jumped. Which is just so sad, because you know, and I I know now that we're older, it's like, oh no, life goes on. Like, whatever you were upset about at 13, you laugh about now.

Like it seems ridiculous. And so, yeah, it's just kind of become my main thing in life. If I can just have one kid not to that, then at least I also feel like a little bit of a redemption punch in my punch card of guilt free zone. Yeah, definitely. Thank you for sharing that with me. Yeah, of course. Like I know you have before, but still like I appreciate it. And I can't imagine, you know, with your approach to dealing with it as well, it's like that feeling of that regret, or like I wish I didn't say that last thing I said to that regret, or like I wish I didn't say that, the last thing I said to that person, or like I wish I could have said this,

I could have said that, and that's what obviously that's your book. Yeah. Right, where you let his back, what's your advice to someone who has lost someone? Well, I did one group therapy session, and there was a man there, he was like in his 50s,

and he lost his mother to suicide when he was five. And he was like, you know, everyone says that time heals everything and that you're gonna move on and you're gonna be fine. And he's like, the truth is you never get over it. You never fully move on. And he was like, I'm 50 years old. I've been dealing with this for 45 years, you know?

And he was like, every day I still think about my mom. And, you know, why she left me. And I think that was the best advice someone gave to me. Because there is this feeling of when you move on, you're like, oh, is this a bad thing for me to do? Like, you don't want to forget that person. They were important to you. You loved them so much.

But you also don't want to be stuck in paralyzing grief. And so I think that advice helped me realize, like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to carry her with me forever. And it's sort of a rollercoaster of days I feel close to her and days I feel like very distant from it. And that has given me a lot of, I don't know, like a lot of relief and a lot of comfort that no matter where I am in relation to her, it's okay. It's just part of it.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, not judging it and being like, oh, it's been three years and I have to have moved on or like that kind of pressure that's sometimes there, either way. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, anyway, yeah. And in terms of like someone who's listening and watching and like, and I'm sure,

and I want to get on to this, but in terms of people who are listening and watching right now and have contemplated too, so people are listening and watching and have thought about it or planned it, what should take to them? Because I know you've shared insights and approaches before. I think it's really normal.

And I feel like it's unfortunate because we act like it's not normal. And I think it's two or three times in your life if you feel like you really suicidal. That's a normal thing. And we as a society really shy away from that. We don't know how to deal with it. We don't want to deal with someone else's discomfort on that level. We don't have the tools or feel equipped to handle that

in any way. And I wish there was more education on that, from a younger level, from our parents, from our friends. Because I've had, made about two moments in my entire life where I've had a plan. And I've been like, I want to kill myself. And in talking to a few of my friends about it, they actually made things worse,

because they didn't know all I needed was the validation that like, hey, you're loved, I want you to stay here. Like, it's okay for you to feel this way. I'm here for you. Let's do this. And instead, friends would understandably internally freak out and not know how to deal with it and be like, you're stressing me out.

Like, I don't want to deal with this. Like, go talk to a therapist or something. And so I feel like if you are struggling with it, just knowing that it's normal. To seek help from people who are hopefully qualified to help you and or to confide in someone who you feel has the tools to deal with your emotions. I love how you're normalizing it.

I've not had many people say that before at all, and I think that's a really unique approach. In just saying, it's normal, you're going to think about it. So don't overthink the fact that you're gonna think about it, figure out, and I love that advice to people who are dealing with it too, of just letting people know that their presence matters. Yeah.

That they love, something as simple as that. Yeah, because I feel like most often, when you are feeling that way, you just don't feel like anyone loves you, not even yourself. And so it's like you just need someone to reassure you that they love you and they want you here. And you're like, okay. And they're here with you to go through it.

Like that's all I ever want when I'm at that place. And that's what's helped you personally. Yes. Who have been those people in your life that have kind of stood that for you? I've been in therapy for 10 years. His name's Andrew. He's awesome. He's awesome.

He's also like this much older man. He's like in his, I think he's almost 70 now. Yeah, but he has such beautiful perspective on life. You know, and he'll tell me stories about when he was 20 or when he was 30. And I'm like, oh man, you've like lived it. You've like done it all. And he's been on antidepressants.

His wife was suicidal at some point. And so with him, I kind of realized, oh yeah, it is really normal for us all to go through this. And he'll often, I mean, without giving away a confidentiality, he'll tell me about his other patients who have had such and such experience and this and this experience.

And you're like, yeah, okay, we're all going through it together. You don't have to feel like you're alone in this. Absolutely, yeah. And I've also had that experience of, there are some people who are like, oh, that can never be me. Right?

And if you're listening to this right now, or watching this right now, and your head, your mind's tricking you and going, that can never be me. I can never be in that situation. It's good to let go of that thought, because often you can find yourself, like, I remember that when I used to say to myself,

like, oh, I can never be depressed. Like, he can never have me. And then when I experienced depression, I was like, oh, you know, I was like crap. But, you know, you know, you know, I mean, I didn't say that because it was a lot more painful, but it's interesting how sometimes the things you think are never going to happen to you or you are stronger than that. It's actually leads to it.

Yeah. I think resistance only makes it, like, come back so much harder for you. So it's like, just let it be. just let it pass through, breathe through it. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for that very refreshing advice. Of course. Yeah, amazing.

No, really, it's really good to get your perspective on it because I feel like you just, when I view you and I listen to you, I'm just like, you've really like got the pieces of your life in place to support you. And I love seeing that. You know, you're like, I've been in therapy for 10 years. Like, I've got my friends, I've got my work. You're like, there's parts of your life. It's almost like, and the list that you made, you're like, this one, I'm going to do this year to get over this.

Like, I'm fascinated by your mind. I wish we could just, I wish we could just like, break it open and just, which is the introspection part. Yeah. I love that. How much of you, how much of your creativity beyond your videos and just look at it, which is the introspection part. I love that. How much of your creativity beyond your videos and your online show, like so into your movies

and the work, how much of you brought your own perspectives and how much of you are bringing into your goals and into your... Yeah, I think I always feel like I'm insecure that like, oh, all I can write about is me or all the shows I make are just about my sister. But, you know, I guys them in like sci-fi or this funny high school thing. But I think everything comes down to perspective.

You know, that's what we buy into. That's what we love. Like people love your perspective. You were like, I was a monk for three years. And like, I lived this lifestyle and this is like the knowledge and the perspective I have to offer the world. And as someone who's consuming them, like, yeah,

like I wanna know what you know as being a monk and being in this person. And for me, that perspective has always been death and like suicide in particular. And what it feels like to be like, oh, I have failed. My literal job as an older sister was to take care of the younger ones

and I have failed or at least, you know, me feeling that way. So yeah, I would say perspective is just 100% in every role and every show that I have worked on ever since. And I'm sure your work has led to people messaging you saying that you've stopped them from committing suicide. Yeah, yeah, that's always the best way to make it happen. I'm sure that people have messaged you and said,

Anna, you got me through this tough time or you helped me through a break up on my divorce. Tell me about some of those and how that's helped you in your progress or your journey or your healing. Yeah, I mean, we're seeing it on your phone or on the internet is kind of like, it's cool, but then you don't really understand the impact of someone says that to you in person.

So like the first time I ever realized like, oh, this does matter. I was at like the DMV renewing my license and this 16 year old girl screamed from like across the DMV renewing my license and this 16 year old girl screamed from like across the DMV and started charging for me and I was like, oh my god, like is there like a shooter here? Like what's going on? And she just like came up to me and was like bawling

and she was like, I was ready to kill myself last year and I saw your video saying, you know, please don't. And she was like, and I vowed to myself, I would never put my sister through that or I would never put my parents through that. And she was like, and I vowed to myself, I would never put my sister through that or I would never put my parents through that. And she was just like shaking and crying. And I was like, oh my God. And she was like, I'm not exaggerating

you're the reason that I'm alive. Because I was ready to like drink bleach or some scary horrible thing. And yeah, I mean, that validates my entire existence, honestly. I felt so grateful that like, oh my God, like you can put a message out there. You can be a voice. And it also made me wonder like,

if YouTube was something my sister had watched, like would she have killed herself? Like if she had grace, hell big, or lies a kosher, someone that she connected to, so she didn't feel alone, like could that have saved her life? And it's proven time and time again, I'm sure as you meet people at conventions or I do,

you're like, yeah, oh my God, like my words, my actions, they have power and I have to wield that incredibly responsibly. Because you can save a life with it, it's crazy. Yeah, and whether that's one or a million, it matters, like on every level. Yeah. Like whenever someone's like, oh my voice doesn't matter, it's like, well, actually everyone's voice will save at least one person. Yeah.

Or will connect to at least one person. And I think that's what we need is when we realize that our words, actions, thoughts, behaviors, energies is impacting even the immediate people around them. Yeah. Mark Plyra was on, did you know Mark Plyra? He's... I don't know in person, he's a lovely man. He had this beautiful story we were doing a mental health panel together. And he told this story about this young kid was on the beach throwing washed up starfish back into the ocean.

And this old man was like, why are you doing this? Who care? You come out and you do this every day. Who cares about this starfish? And he picks one up and throws it back. And he goes, that one cared. And you're like, oh, it's true. All it takes is one, you know?

And now I can't even kill a bug without feeling. I was looking at a nat today and I was gonna kill it. And I was like, wait, just, does it really matter? It's just a small little living thing. Like, he can just live with you in this plant. It's fine. Yeah.

Yeah. I can relate. I just got back from India, anytime I'm in India, or the bugs are crazy. Like, I just let my wife deal, every time I'm in India, the bugs are crazy. I just let my wife deal with them. It's her job, I'm like, no, can't do it. I can't do it.

There's a cockroach in there, no, can't do it. It's over to you. I'm the worst of the country. Beautiful story and definitely the reality of it. I feel like a lot of us, I think a lot of people today, especially with social media, et cetera, we question like, oh, how many people could I affect? How many people can I impact?

And it's almost like just recognizing that when you can impact one person deeply, that's gonna give you all the confidence, all of the trust in yourself that you need to recognize, that's all it takes. I mean, Margaret chose the entire reason I'm here. I saw her perform comedy on Comedy Central and I was like, oh my God, she looks like me.

I can do that. Also like for 30 minutes, I've forgotten my sister is dead. What a beautiful gift. And yeah, all it takes is one, just literally one. Yeah, so yeah, if you're that one, well you are that one. Everyone listening and watching, be that one. Yeah, just be that one.

It's as simple as that. I want to dive into some of your videos. Chef. Because this is where I want to dive into your expert mind, your insight mind, because I think there's just so many great things people can learn from you. Every time I watch you, I'm like, I learn something new. So I picked out a few of my videos that I love of yours. One of the ones was being jealous of other people's success. Yeah. And I really want to talk about that one because I think that that's such a big thing right now. Yeah. That feeling envies, feeling jealous, competition, comparing yourself to other people is just such a big thing that we all share. Whether you're a creator or not, it's just there.

So you said something in there. You said you can decide whether jealousy turns into insecurity or ambition. I love that. I was just like Sutra to speak to us about that. Yeah, I mean, as you know, we live in a very competitive environment, especially being creators, and now that we have social media, you're constantly looking at everyone's highlight reels, and you feel on-worthy and insecure and insignificant. And for me, I think I realized it when I had expressed good news to a friend and she responded like, oh great, that's good for you. And I felt like, oh, she's not actually happy for me. And then the same day, a friend had expressed great news

for me and I was like, oh great, like wonderful for you. That's one day I was on both sides of the exact same thing. And I was like, oh, this neither of these serve me. Like, I'm being a shitty friend, and also I am having a shitty friend, like, interact with me at the same time. And so, I think that was the moment that it clicked for me was like, if someone has a success,

like, they can't take that away from me. You know, I'm not taking that away from them. And the mantra that I have actually up in my bathroom is like, what is mine will find me? And it is true. It's like if something is meant to be yours, it's going to find you. It's going to be yours. Nothing and no one can take that away from you. If someone has success, that was always meant to be theirs. And once I was able to make that mine shift, like I was able to celebrate and other people's success even more and then be like inspired by it and motivated by it and be like, well,

how can I learn? Like, what'd you do to you do to get there, rather than just being like, oh great, good for you. Well, maybe you were just lucky. Maybe you just work harder than I do. Maybe I just suck. Because I was like, this is just a waste of time. Yeah. I love how introspective you are though,

because you could spot the same thing happening both from you and someone else. And I think often we only amplify the part where our friends are like that to us. Yeah. And it's really hard to be like, oh wait a minute, I was just like that to us. Yeah. And it's really hard to be like, oh wait a minute, I was just like that. Yeah.

Right? Like, realizing that we both experience both. Most of the time. Yes. Right? It's really one way. No, it's never one way. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, we have it too. No, I love that. And you said that we were mentioning earlier that sometimes you make videos because most of your videos, like my real scenarios, real situations, and then your friends see that they were in them. Like tell me how you're doing with that. So usually if you're my friend, a lot of my friends just know like, oh, if you have an altercation with Anna, it's probably going to be on the internet at some point. But I have

had friends who are very upset about that. So, you know, obviously it's a three minute video. I have to simplify some things. Otherwise, it becomes like a he said, she said, complex thing. And normally I just try to extricate whatever learning I had from an experience and recreate that in the most accessible way. But I have had friends who are not friends anymore,

specifically because of a video hurt their feelings. And I don't think it was just this one video that ended the friendship. It was a lot of other factors, but the video And I don't think it was just this one video that ended the friendship. It was a lot of other factors, but the video is usually what cinches it. And so I've kind of sort of strayed away from talking too much about my personal experiences and much less than I used to, because I don't want to be

insensitive and I don't want to hurt other people's feelings. I've been the subject of someone else's art, and I know how incredibly violating it can feel when that person is expressing their point of view, but it also hurts you and feels unfair, and feels like you don't get the chance to say something back to that piece of art. So it's been a weird balance that I've had to find

over the last couple of years of like, what can I talk about that is still meaningful and give something to the world, but doesn't hurt the feelings of the person I experienced it with. Yeah, definitely. And I feel like when I watch your stuff, it's that balance between generic and specific. Yeah.

Like it's a specific issue, but it's almost like a generic person. Yeah. Like it could have been anyone who acted that way because we all have this in our friend groups. And the strange thing is, and I love that you give people a choice between you can either respond with insecurity or ambition.

Because I feel that what happens is when you respond with insecurity, you end up pushing that relationship further away. Like the person who's receiving that is going, I don't want any more, I can't share my greatness with this person anymore because I'm gonna get that negative energy. And then she end up pushing that person away.

Have you experienced that before as well? Either way. Either way, yeah for sure. I had a friend who anytime I told her good news, that person away. Have you experienced that before as well? Either way? Yeah, either way, for sure. I had a friend who, anytime I told her good news, is she, her automatic response was fuck you with a smile. And I was just so like, you keep saying that every time I was like, this hurts my feelings. Can't you say, that's great for you?

I work hard. And she just couldn't be that person for me. So finally, you kind of realize, like, like emotional support has to go both ways. And she would often tell me, well, we're gonna be friends forever, so it's fine. Like you just have to accept me for who I am. And I'd be like, no, actually, I don't have to be your friend forever.

If you're not gonna emotionally give me what I'm asking you for, then I'm sorry. And I've also been that person where, you know, maybe I'm not fulfilling someone in the way that they need to be or I know I have a tendency to be very like, I have a fear of being a burden and therefore I become a burden to like fulfill that fear. So I'll just like bombard that person with like every update about nothing. They're like, okay, calm down. So yeah, it's like a fun, weird balance of like trying to recognize what you can improve in yourself

but then also realizing your boundaries with other people. I, every other point, do we end up fulfilling our fears? Oh my God, so much at the time. Yeah, tell me that. I think so. Yeah, no, I agree. I agree with you about it here, your perspective. Well, I think I had, I always thought,

I have a very fine line between intuition because I have a very strong intuition and manifestation. And I often get them confused where I'll have a fear that I then am just moving into, I'm actually manifesting my fear instead of this being like an intuitive thing that I know. And I think they feel very the same. So it's hard to figure out which one they are.

But with certain people in my life, like I had an X where I was always like, you're gonna leave me. And he'd be like, what? What more can I do? Like I live right across the street for you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm like, no, I just know like, you're gonna leave me

and then I'm gonna be sad and I would talk about it all the time. And of course what happened, he left because he was so much like, I'm tired of you not trusting me and acting really mean towards me because you think I'm going to leave. So sure, I'll leave. And so yeah, I've found a lot of moments in my life

where I'm like, maybe if I like stopped believing in that it wouldn't have come true. Yeah, I've definitely a lot of moments in my life where I'm like, hmm, maybe if I like stopped believing in that, it wouldn't have come true. Yeah, I've definitely been on the receiving end of that. Yeah. Exactly. That's what I was like. I've had girlfriends before, which were always like that with me, they were just like, no, but like, you could be doing this.

So you could, and I'm like, no, but I'm here right now. Yeah. I'm choosing to be here with you. And that was one of the most beautiful things that I fell in love with my wife, because she was one of the first people that I have in that that was just very self-assured, very confident, but not in an arrogant way and just kind of let me be and just trusted me. And I love that because when someone trusted me, it's like I wanted to live up to that trust.

Like I wanted to earn that trust back. I didn't want to exploit it. And that's what I loved about being trusted. And so I totally agree with you. Yeah. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly ourselves. We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist,

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Okay, next video that I pulled out, this is great. The next video that I put out, and I love this because you made a video called why you're angry or Abset for No Reason. And you say it's often about having poor boundaries, emotional, physical, spiritual, etc. I love that point. Thank you. Let's dive into that one. I over commit.

And then I'm very angry at everyone who I've said yes to, which is bullshit, because it's like you're the one who said yes. You have no one to be mad about yourself. And so now I'm realizing like, in the moment, if it feels wrong, it's just say no. It's always better to say no. And then maybe if you want to later,

you come back to it later. But I have a lot of pent up resentment of like, why did I agree to all of these things? I didn't actually wanted to do, but I wanted to be nice. So I said yes, and now I'm stuck doing them. And so boundary implementing has been really hard for me, but I'm learning it.

Me too. And that used to be it for me. For me, it was being seen as nice in the moment. I didn't want someone to think that, oh, Jay's thinks he's special, or Jay's got more important things to do. So I was like, I want to be seen as nice. And I want that moment of them saying, oh, Jay, thank you. Like, you're so kind.

And then like, a week later, I'm dreading it. Like, I'm just like, oh, look, I'm going to sketch you. It's so bad. Yeah. And I think setting boundaries and writing them down about what your boundaries are and how you make decisions. I always say to people, like, have decision-making criteria so that you can make intuitive, smart decisions in the moment,

like having a checklist of, like, does it serve this or does it serve this? It just makes it easier. Yeah. Rather than if it's just a free-for-rule. I remember a few years ago when I started first getting invited to speak in the international, I'm saying with you, I'm sure like, when you first get that like outpouring of like, common beer part of this and beer part of this,

I was like traveling internationally across the world doing crazy schedule. Yeah. And it was hard. Like, it was tough. Like, I was like traveling internationally across the world doing crazy schedule. Yeah. And it was hard. Like it was tough. Like I was getting tired. And I wasn't, I didn't feel like I was even giving my best everywhere that I was. And then you're like, then you don't like yourself

even more. Yeah. Right. And then you're just angry and bitter. And you're like, I, the thing I love is now the thing I hate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's causing me so much anxiety.

Exactly. And you're so right. It's just up to us. Yeah. Are you better at that now? I am. I've improved a lot. Oh, good. And I think I still got a long way to go.

But I have improved a lot. That's good. I've definitely got much better at knowing what my criteria are. And I want to dive into this because you mentioned it. And I love hearing that. Like, intuitions have been such a strong part of my whole life. Yeah. And that voice has been so strong.

And even now, just the other day, I was on a phone call with my team. And I said to them, I said, my learning here is, my intuition was right three months ago. And I let you all lead me. And like, I just wanna go back to saying that next time we're in this situation, I just wanna trust my intuition.

Yeah. Right? That's the lesson you have to learn so much. That's so much, right? Yeah. Especially how have you strengthened your relationship with your intuition? I'd love to know.

I used to have the strongest intuition before adulthood. I would dream of places before we moved there. I've had really weird premonitions about stuff. There was a time where I was very convinced, like, I'm a psychic. Oh, my God. Because I would just know things. When you say it in that voice, I believe you.

Thank you. Yeah. 25 dollars an hour, come on down. But I sort of lost that voice along the way by like constantly denying it. You know, and I think like over working was a big thing because my intuition would be like, you're tired. You need to stop doing all of this stuff. You need to recharge.

You need to go out in nature. And I'd be like, no, I have to stay up till 3 AM and answer every email in my inbox, because that's what makes me a professional. And it was only a couple of years ago where I was like, oh, there's so many things that went wrong and caused me pain that I totally knew were going to cause me pain. And if I had just listened to that voice and avoided them,

I wouldn't be in this situation now. And so now I ask myself every day, is there anything I have to do? Is there any message I'm supposed to receive? And sometimes, sometimes I'll deny it. My intuition will be like, go to the beach. And I'll be like, that's really far. Can I go anywhere else but the beach?

And it'll be fine. Just go to a park. Just be in nature for like 30 minutes. And I'm like, OK, go, go, go. Or sometimes it's like, hit up this friend you haven't talked to in 12 years. And I'll be like, OK, I don't have text turn. We'll have a good conversation. And I'll find out something okay, and I'll text her and we'll have a good conversation

and I'll find out something I needed to know. And so now it's just I think about getting quiet and still and really asking yourself what you're supposed to do. I also read a book called Practical Intuition by Laura Schu, what's your last name? Laura Day, I think. But she has exercises you can do to increase your intuition.

Yeah. And she's the most world-renowned famous intuitioner. has exercises you can do to increase your intuition. Ooh, I like that. And she's the most world-renowned famous intuitioner. People would give her envelopes full of stuff and she'd be able to say what was in them or other people's relationship to them. She was incredibly good. Yeah. Oh, that's pretty cool.

I love all of this stuff. I love talking about intuition. And it's nice talking about someone who feels they've had that strong relationship. Because that's the same for me. I felt like my intuition has guided all my best decisions in life. It's constantly what I've turned to. And you're so right. You've raised this. And I've never heard anyone say that before. You're saying how hard work and actually overworking. Sorry, that's what you said. You said overworking can start blocking

your intuition. And you're 100% on the mic. And that is so right. Yeah. That is so right. I've never heard that before. But it's fun. How do you improve your intuition? I always like to know. Yeah. I think for me, it's been first thing for everyone out there

who doesn't even know what their intuition is. Yeah. And that's what I think. I only realized my intuition was my intuition after a long time. And what I did, one thing that really helped me strengthen my intuition as I looked at all the best decisions I made in my life, not based on the result, but how I felt when I made that decision.

And that's a really important thing. I think people think the intuition's right when they get the result they want. And that's not true. Intuition's right about when you feel you made the right decision in that moment. And so I looked back at all the decisions I made and I looked at the patterns in my intuition. And I noticed that every good decision made my life was made with the same environment The same energy the same thing. So I'll give you an example like Taking a gap here before I started university was one of my best decisions

It was completely against what all my friends did because all my friends went directly to university It was something that I felt I needed to do spiritually. It was a spiritual decision. And the third thing was that no one agreed with me. Like my parents were like, this is a bad idea, you should go straight, age and parents. So, and then I looked at my next best decision which was becoming a monk. It was a spiritual decision.

Everyone was against me. Like everyone was like, don't do this, you're crazy. And all my friends were starting work. And so I started to notice that any time I do anything that it's spiritual, everyone's against and most people don't agree with me, is usually the right choice. So I started to noticed that any time I do anything, that it's spiritual, everyone's against, and most people don't agree with me, is usually the right choice. So I started to recognize that my intuition even had a pattern,

like my intuition had some, my intuition had its own philosophy and ideology. Oh, that's fascinating. Yeah, that really, really helped me. Oh, oh. Yeah, so that was one thing, like just mapping it. And I did the same for negative decisions, bad decisions, and I started to see patterns in all my bad decisions.

So I call it like a karma code. It's like, I believe that all of us have, and that doesn't mean that those things apply to everyone. That's just my intuition, philosophy and guide, and that's really helped me. And the other one I think is, like what you said, just listening to it more, like stop telling it to be quiet.

Like when it's shouting out to you and it's screaming out to you, and you're like artificially just trying to squash shouting out to you and it's screaming out to you and you're like artificially just trying to squash it away because you think there's something more important. Yeah. And I think just listening to it and just like a friend, like if you listen to a friend more, they get closer to you. Because if you ignore your friend, like they're going to be far away, intuitions either a friend or or not a friend. And so for me, just listening to my intuitions really, really helped. And then having moments like this, like I was doing my the other day, when I recognized I should have followed my intuition three months ago,

and then writing that down and going like, how did it feel when I ignored my intuition? Oh. Like, you know, like, how did it feel? And just being aware of like, hey, I'm only in this position because I chose to be led by someone else's intelligence or someone else's ideas as opposed to my intuition. That's always so hard. I've had that lesson so much, but I feel like it's hard because when you're an introspective

person, you're like, well, am I actually like putting forward my intuition, or am I just being difficult? You know, you want to find that balance, but every decision I've ever regretted not following my intuition, you're like, oh, okay, okay, I know what that feels like next time. Next time. But then when everyone's telling you, like, no, listen to us, we know what we're doing, we're smart, Jay.

Like, okay, all right, I guess I will. Yeah, and I need, yeah, I've got so many things to talk to you about in that. But I've done that so often because I also feel like, I'm comment, like, I never studied media, I never studied film, I never studied anything that I currently do in my life. And therefore I sometimes trust that people who have no more than me about what's happening. Yeah, right. And it's it's like you have that trust based on your intelligence. Yeah, that person has a degree that done this for 10 years like they're an agent or they're a manager or they're whatever they are and they're smarter than me in this field

So I should trust them, but then I realized that right yeah so much. Yeah, and I'm not saying they're not smart people They are but I think if you have a strong intuition. It's just a smarter guide. I agree 100% Yeah, we're gonna have more intuition conversation. Yeah, we're gonna boost each other Yeah, we've got a we've got a beach's intuitions, hype people. There you go. Yeah. Listen to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think we need that.

I think even a couple of days ago, we were on a flight, one of my flights was delayed. And I was meant to give a keynote somewhere and I wasn't gonna get there until like an hour before. And it was gonna be a really long journey. I wasn't gonna get any sleep.

And then my assistant Jess, she said to me, she goes, Jay, trust your intuition on it. And I was just like, oh, thanks. It was just so nice to hear that. I was like, yeah, I'm not going. Like, because I'm not going to perform the best. I'm not going to get my best.

Yes, I'm not going to make that much money. But that's not important. The importance is, how am I going to feel when I get there? And how am I going to perform when I get there? And both of those, my intuition was saying, no. And I felt like having someone around you who's just like, yeah, just trust your intuition. Yeah, that's beautiful.

Anyway. OK, last video I wanted to talk about. Oh, yes. The one step to self-love. Oh, yeah. Because self-love's like the theme of the year. It really? Yeah.

Like, self-love is the thing. We were just talking about that. It's so nice to see everyone around us. I feel having self-love, like practices, and beliefs and everything, like where did, and you made that, you said it so openly, you were like, you only realized last year that you hated yourself.

Yeah. Tell me about that journey. Oh, well, I always thought I did like myself. So I was like, why wouldn't I like myself? I'm great. Like I have my stuff together, my career is fine. I help all these cats, I do all these things. But then I hated being alone, and I could not stand being

alone with myself. And if I was alone, I had to distract myself with something like TV, or I had to disappear into a book, or I had to be doing some kind of activity that I could justify as productive. And when I really, actually the thing that I made me realize it was an ex of mine had made an entire album about our relationship and in one of the lines he's he talked about like you're tough to love because you hate yourself.

And I was like yeah it hurt but I was like oh that hurts because it resonates and when I really sat down and be like and because I love feedback like I'll take feedback and I'll sit with it and I'll like be like it does it ring true for me and if it does I want to change it. feedback and I'll sit with it and I'll be like, it doesn't ring true for me and if it does, I want to change it. And it did. It was like, oh, he's totally right. Like, I do hate myself on a very deep level

and I realized I had a very deep denial of clinical depression because I was just very tired of being the sad girl. And people on the internet are very surprised when you're like, no, I deal with these things. So like, but you're so peppy two minutes a week that I see you, you know? And so like, 2018 was a lot of deep diving into like,

why do I hate myself? And how can I change that relationship to myself? And really focusing on treating myself like I would a partner, because I'm so good to other people and I'm such a shit to myself. Like, I will make the time for someone else, I will cook them extravagant meals,

I will plan great dates, but for me, I'm like, ah, postmates from like this one place is fine. Ah, I don't have to go out to like botanical gardens, like hang out or you know, I don't have to take myself to this movie, I'll just chill out at home on the couch. And so the moment I really started treating myself, like I would anyone else in my life is when I was like, oh, this is what love feels like

from yourself, this is quite nice. Yeah. And I feel like when you're getting there, you also feel guilty at the beginning. Yes. When you're first being nice to yourself, it's like you feel guilty. I remember when I started booking myself,

every time I land off a flight, sorry, I booked myself a massage now, because I feel I travel so much, and the only thing that helps me detox with the jet lag is getting a really good massage. And when I first started doing that, I was like, oh God, this is so expensive. I shouldn't do this.

I should just rough it out. I should be more, you know? Have you ever felt like you're... A hundred percent of the time. Yeah, you feel like you're being arrogant and like, egotistical and narcissistic and like all these things that you're not being, you're just being kind and compassionate to yourself.

Yeah, where's a good place for people to stop? Where should people stop? I mean, I found journaling to be like the one way to figure like have you ever done the artist's way by Julia Cameron? Love it. Love us way. Yeah. So I recently started doing it with a group of gals and in the morning pages is where I really discovered like how mean I am to myself and like the shit I say to myself, that it's just like, I would never let a friend talk to me this way. And so I started doing a lot of very specific

affirmation work. Like I, Anna Akana, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And doing that over and over again, every single morning, I was like, now what I'm out in the world and I'm making a decision, I'm like, no, because I, Anna Akana, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I'm not gonna do that. I love it.

Do you have voices for different, like a voice between tuition and a voice for affirmations? Or not? Do you do characters into it or not? If I hear a negative voice now, like something that my dating coach actually taught me was, she was like, when you have a negative voice in your head, repeat that thought with like the dumbest voice you can imagine,

like a goblin voice or like a stupid silly voice that'll make you laugh because then you realize how ridiculous it is. And so I also do a lot of voiceover for cartoons. So now, my negative voice just sounds like the dumbest little goblin. So yeah, all like actively. Can you guys an example? I don't know, like if I'm thinking,

oh Anna, you're being so self-indulgent right now to be like, oh Anna, you're being so self-indulgent right now. And then I'll just laugh, because I'm like, that sounds ridiculous. And you're like, yeah, I'm not being self-indulgent right now to be like, oh, Anna, you're being so self-indulgent right now. And then I'll just laugh, because I'm like, that sounds ridiculous. And you're like, yeah, I'm not being self-indulgent. I'm just taking care of myself. I love that. I think it's really important, actually,

that we, as strangers to sound, give the voices in our head characters. Yeah. Because, like, give them a persona. Yeah. Like, with people in our life, we know what energy we like around us because of how they look, feel, M&A, et cetera. And with the people in our life we know what energy we like around us because of how they look feel

M&A etc. And with the voices on our head They all sound like the same thing. Yeah, because we haven't given them a character Right, and so so I feel like even with my ego like I've always for years given my ego a character What's your character? It's a snake Because I don't because because because ego is not something I enjoy in life Yeah, I don't mean ego in terms of self-worth and pride. I mean, the negative side of ego, arrogance and narcissism, etc. So it's like this big snake.

And that comes from an ancient monk tale that I know of where ego is compared to a snake. So I recognize that as a snake, and I don't like snakes. I don't have any of your answer. No offense to anyone who has snakes is pets and stuff. But it's not my thing. So straight away, when I visualize my ego in that way, I can see that I don't want it in my life, right?

Rather than when I hear my ego and then I hear my intuition and then I hear my manifestation and then I hear Anna and then it's like, oh, wait a minute, all those voices sound like the same person. Yeah, that's a helpful tool. Visualization I think is so helpful. Self work is the hardest work, man, because it's all in your head.

You would be like literally sit there or like write stuff down and now I'm like, oh I see why people take a long time to get to this. Yeah, exactly. But it's so worth it. And when I'm speaking to you, I feel so happy because you're doing the work all the time. I'm trying to do the work all the time too.

And you see the benefits of it. Like you can feel someone's energy who's doing the work. Yeah. It's just very apparent. So it's beautiful to watch. And I do think that if you've got, if you're good at voice service, do what Anadaz, give a voice to each voice in your head.

And if you don't have good voice service like me, then simply add a face or a visualization to the voices in your head so that you can remember which ones they are. Remembering like, oh yeah, that was my ego. Oh yeah, that was my intuition. I had that and then hopefully that would help. Yeah. I hope anyway. Hot tip. Yeah, I was gonna ask you, eventually you have a relationship coach dating coach. What have you learned from your? I've learned that I actually even though I really want commitment, I am a commitment fob. I remember she was like, I think you have

issues with commitment. I was like, no, I don't. I'm ready to get married. I have kids in three to five years. She listed off all the things that commitment fobs have. I was like, oh my god. She's like, you also constantly choose partners who have commitment fobia, which means you're safely allowed to exist in a space of, I want commitment from a person who will never give it to me because I am afraid of it and secretly don't want it. And it was the most mind-blowing realization I had because I am so used to change. And so the thought of being with one person forever

is incredibly frightening on a deep level to me. And so working through that, and even just like, finally becoming aware of something that I never knew I had was like mind-boggling. Is it, how was it getting to that switch? Like you said, your initial response was like, no, that's not me, I love commitment. How was that switch when you could vocalize it to yourself

and now obviously here? How was that process of switching over and recognizing? I mean, it's like when someone told me I was Asian when I was nine, I was like, oh my god, it makes so much sense now. You know, I don't have blonde hair, like all of my friends. It's just like such a weird, it's such a weird realization where now you see

your entire life through this new filter and you're like, oh, I've had this issue. I didn't even know I had. But then it's wonderful because now I can work on it and actually be like, okay, well, why am I feeling this way? How can I actively change that? Yeah. Whereas before, if you're not aware of something,

you can't change it. And I was like, oh, I'm glad I'm not doomed to repeat this pattern and go through my life thinking I want something that I'm actually pushing away. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, at least it's not this unconscious, unawakened approach. Yes. Yes. What do you think it's happening to you? Yes. Rather than from you, right? It's like we're constantly thinking like, oh, no, but I'm with this person who doesn't want to commit, but actually you realize, oh, that's a reflection of what I'm bringing into my life. 100%. And I think that's the hardest thing for me to get like everything you experience is like radiating back from you. Ruppy Kapoor, Kapoor? Because she actually just released

an amazing poem about that of like, how did I think that it was actually like you loving me? It was like a reflection of my love. You were just experiencing my warmth and sending it back to me. And I was like, oh my god, this feels like so triggering. And I love it. But yeah, I love that. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I think everything in our life is reflecting back off of us. And sometimes the reason why it's hard to notice is because the reflection we're experiencing

now is from a crack from a few years ago So it's like the reflections not necessarily like in the moment now A reflection can be break based on a reflection that just took a longer time to To appear Wow, and that's like that's what makes it complicated I think for people because I think sometimes we're like no, but I'm good now like I'm just radiating good now like why isn't good happening now And it's like well well, because the radiation or the reflection is sharing your journey. Yeah.

Like it's taking a time, right? It's not just gonna be instant. So anyway. Wanna wonderful point. That's all right. Thank you. I don't know. You're inspiring it.

And you're like, you're reflecting. I don't know who's reflecting. You're reflecting all this wisdom back to me. Yeah. Awesome. I wanted to ask you this because I've seen that you love Reflect, reflect, reflect, reflect. Reflecting all this wisdom back to me. Yeah. Awesome. I wanted to ask you this because I've seen that you love learning new things and you try it.

Like you said vision boarding is a huge part of your life. You have a day in coach. What are you experimenting with recently? Like what is it that you're trying to learn? What are you experimenting with? The mindset of how did a thing, a skill, whatever it may be? Letting go is a big, big thing for me.

Like letting go of, because I am such a, I have such a big imagination. I often fall in love with potential or a story around someone that I've crafted in my head about that person and like not actually seeing my reality for what it is, but the story I've created about my reality. And so for me, it's like letting go and really seeing like what is true, not what I want to be

true and just trying to like make shift that into what I'm seeing. I love that. Yeah, the difference between what is true and what I want to be true. Yeah. Yeah, that's such a great point. And that's a great activity to do. I feel like just writing down your life of what you want and then looking at what it really is like.

Yeah. And be like, oh wait a minute. Where's the disconnect here? Oh, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Is that all right? Yeah, yeah. You're just cuddling it, giving it a hug. But yeah, no, it's true.

I think that's such a brilliant point to hear. And I'm glad, what am I currently experimenting with? I'm going to ask you about something that you're trying to learn soon as well. What am I experimenting with? I think I'm experimenting with building the right teams around me, like the right people around me. I don't mean in an energy way, I mean professionally.

And so I'm like, I'm experimenting. It's like, who do I really need around me to get things to move forward in different areas? Like, how do you find? And I don't mean in a material sense of recruitment and hiring, I mean in a sense of like, who do I feel like is working on the same mission and how do you find and I don't mean in a material sense of recruitment and hiring? I mean in a sense of like who do I feel like is working on the same mission and how do you find that out about someone, you know, clearly because I feel like it takes a while to really understand what someone's like mission and vision is in life and

and some people don't know. Yeah, some people don't know. Yeah, I always try to, I used to take like, I mean, you know, being a boss can be very difficult. And sometimes when people want to move on, you like take it personally. And now I'm like, no, I'm just like a chapter in everyone's life. And if I can clarify where they want to get to or like give them some kind of, I don't know,

take away value, that's gonna help them move forward into what they actually want to do. I'm cool. Yes. Nice. But it seems like you have a great team here. I'm lucky, I've got a good team. Yeah, very fortunate. Yeah, I've got a great team. And like I said, I think it's been being patient.

I always feel like if I don't trust my intuition, I end up settling. Yeah. So if your intuition's telling you the way it's better to wait than to settle. Yeah. Because if you settle, then you have to like get yourself out of that again. It's like another thing to get out of and let go of. Yeah. So I feel like with my team, I've just been trying to be intuitive and waiting, even if I'm like, oh, I need this now. I need this person now.

But it's like, no, let's just wait. You know, let's just wait. So that's helped me. Yeah. It's a hard one. Being patient in this day and age is very hard. Yeah. What have you done with patients at all?

My one of my mantras is like the universe unfolds in perfect timing. And I'm like, it's going to happen when it's exactly when it's supposed to happen. I don't have to worry about anything. And one practice that artists weigh, was it artists weigh that to me to do this? Or I think it was asking it is given. You split a paper in half and on the left side you write like everything I can do today to achieve my goals and on the right side everything I want the universe to take care of. And so I've been doing that every day and I'm like okay like realistically I can do like two to three really big things every day

and everything else that just you do it like here divine take it thank you. Nice. I like that. What are you on the daily habits or weekly habits like that that have kind of become building blocks of your... I mean I have a monthly habit tracker I don't know if you've had this. It's amazing. I keep it in my journal and you write down all of the habits that you want to have on a daily basis and then you actually track them. So the end of the month, you can see exactly what you're doing. Yeah. And so for me, that's been huge and cultivating like, I want to be really good at piano. So I have to practice at least 10 minutes a day. I want to make sure I'm meditating every single day.

Am I eating healthy that day? Like at the end of the, I even have like a feelings tracker. So like I'll do, have you seen like the emotional guidance scale? They're like the 22 emotions. So I'll have those on there and every day like log, which emotions I went through. Normally all of them, but you know, it's actually like really get clarity on where I'm at.

Yeah, you were such a hather hacker. Yeah, I love him. I love it. No, but it's so awesome because I think this is the part that'm at. Yeah, you're such a have it hacker. Yeah, I love have. I love it. No, but it's so awesome because I think this is the part that people miss. Yeah. Not everyone gets to hear this about you or see this about you. And it's just like, you're so meticulous as intuitive as you are.

Yeah. And this is what I love, like hearing you and that's why excites me. It's like intuition and insight. Like it's both. It's not like I'm just letting the university decide what's happening in my life. It's not like I'm just letting the university decide what's happening in my life. It's like no, there's an equal relationship

of my intuition guiding me. And then also I'm being really insightful. I'm being really like not mechanical, but I'm being very meticulous in my attempt to become better and be better. Yes. And I've been seeing your videos of you playing the piano.

Oh yeah. It's fun. You're awesome. Thank you. My cats are slowly learning that if they go on the piano that they'll get pet. And so I'm like, it's fun. You're awesome. Thank you. My cats are slowly learning that if they go on the piano, that they'll get pet. And so I'm like, oh, I got to solve it. And you have how many cats?

I have five. Five. I was going to say four. Five cats. What are their names? I have Lily, Jimmy, Abby, Congress, and Beatle. I had ghost as well, but she ran away. Oh, no.

My name was Ghost, then. I know. So like a ghost in the game. Yeah. Sorry, I don't know if probably everyone's made that joke. It's fine. But I had to say, it's like the fulfilling your fear of fulfilling someone's name. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know, I know.

I should have named her Stay. Stay, yeah, stay. That could be your next cat's name. Are you planning on having more? No. Five's enough. I mostly have accumulated that many because people have given them to me. Really?

I've discovered them and be like, you're on my son, yeah. Really? People gift you cats? Yeah. That's like a responsibility. I know, I know, I trust me, I know. I was like, why did you do this? No, I know I feel bad if I brought you a cat.

No, don't bring me a cat. No, don't bring you. No, don't even bring me cat things. Like people give me so many cat things, I look like an insane person. I'm like, I didn't buy this stuff Have you have you what have cats added to your life? I don't have that. Yeah, I love them They're constant companions. I love also taking care of things So I have a lot of plants as well as a lot of cats. I love nurturing

Yeah, they're just awesome. They're like fun little creatures with their own personalities Yeah, they're my kids. Yeah, I've started to recognize that I like pets more. I guess growing up in an Asian household, especially in Indian households, they're the closest thing you have to a pet is a fish. Yeah. And that doesn't quite count. Because there's, I don't know, I mean, fish are nice,

but you don't necessarily... You can't cuddle them. Yeah, you can't cuddle them. And then recently I've had, I've been going over to friends homes who have like really cute little dogs. And I'm like, oh wow, I see it. I see it. And it's so interesting how, when you've been closed over to friends homes who have really cute little dogs, and I'm like, oh wow, I see it. I see it, and it's so interesting how

when you've been closed off to an experience, as simple as having pets or anything. You just don't know. You should get a couple cats. I don't know if I could do it. We've got plants. Take a kick out of the plant. Cats are so easy.

Gonna have babies at some point. Cats are so easy and so great with babies. Oh really? Cats are so good with babies. Wow, you're gonna have to convince my wife. Yeah, I'll let her know. I don't know. We have to come over and play with the cats one day.

Yeah, you should. That would help. They're so friendly and they're so sweet. And when you raise them, they kind of act like dogs in their own way. Really? Yeah, like they get attached to you and they love you. And the thing I love about cats is like,

with dogs, they give their trust to everybody. With cats, you have to earn their trust. And it's like how you said with your wife, like you want to live up to that trust and take care of her. And like, you have to earn their trust. And it's like how you said with your wife, like you want to live up to that trust and take care. And like, you'd be great, yeah. So you're doing all of those things for your five cats. You're gonna do it for five. Yeah.

Yeah, it's easy, it's not bad at all. I love it. They sleep 16 hours a day. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. And they get very buff while they sleep. Oh, wow.

Cats gain muscle in their sleep. They're really, wow. Yeah, so they just sit there. I had no idea. Oh, wow. Cats gain muscle in their sleep. They're really, wow. So they just sit there. I know idea. That's unbelievable. I wish I could sleep that long. Yeah, they're also very intuitive animals. Amazing.

What? Now I'm like, now I'm like, we're doing my cats. It's a cat podcast. No, I love that. Let's go back to some of those habits. I want to finish off on a few of those habits. What are other habits that you're doing? The habit truck is brilliant.

I loved that. I love habit trucker. I also do, I'm a sucker for any kind of lists or bullet journaling. So I journal every morning, three pages, stream of consciousness doing the morning pages from artist way. I journal at the end of the day, everything

that I'm grateful for. I try to think about, oh, were there anything that I handled poorly today that I wish I could have handled better and visualizing how I would handle that? And also just trying to be guided by my intuition. If something goes off course or something pops up, I used to get very stressed out if things are not going

according to the schedule and according to plan. And I'm like, oh, okay, this just means that this is what I'm supposed to be doing now. But also trying not to overthink and overdo the self work, because you can get a little bit to in your head about that stuff. And so trying to find a good balance. Yeah. That's a good point.

That is a good point that I can't lead to that. It doesn't sound like it has for you, but it can lead to that. We're like doing overdoing the work, getting to into it, overthinking it. One thing that's really helped me is visualizing and intention setting for how I wanna wake up in the morning. So I found that I was, for a long time in my life,

I was waking up early, I was meditating early every day, but it's like I was tired, I was energy less, I was forcing myself. And after a while, you don't enjoy that. Like there's a period of change that requires it to be push, force, like a bit of effort, etc. And then after a while. And so what I started to do was every night I'd go to sleep and obviously I was sleeping

early, etc. But I was sleeping, saying to myself, like, I want to, I will wake up tomorrow feeling energetic, healthy and happy. And I felt that like when I would wake up and I was like, I would wake up early, enthusiastic to meditate, et cetera. So I was like setting and almost wiring my brain for the next morning. And that was working really, really well for me.

I was like waking up and I was feeling all of those things I set my mind to. I love that. So yeah, that one was a really nice one for me. In addition to everything that Anna said that I think, definitely if you can get into habit trackers, it would be a huge change. Oh yeah, habit Trackers are,

they've totally changed the way I look at my days. Like now I'm like, oh, I can squeeze in 10 minutes of piano here. And even just that is enough. Yeah, and let's talk about your music. Oh yeah. You've got new music coming out this year. I do.

End of March, I'm so excited. I think you have an incredible voice. I also love watching you make videos on Instagram with the piano, but I can only imagine what a song's gonna sound like. Thanks. It's been fun. I mean, I quit comedy after 10 years of doing standup.

You've quit? I've quit standup, yep. Really? I didn't know that. Yeah, it was a really like weird decision, but intuitively it was time. It was just time. Okay.

Comedy was a beautiful escape and helped me heal. I was very cathartic, but I feel like, you know, we're in such a weird political climate now society. And even globally, it feels like we're all sort of depressed. And what I think the differentiation between comedy and music is comedies like, hey, let's forget that for a while. Let me make you laugh.

Let me poke fun at some stuff. And music's like, hey, let's sit with that feeling. And let's like really indulge it and like feel it and like let it pass through you. And I don't know. With comedy, I just did not like the environment that feeling and let's like really indulge it and like feel it and like let it pass through you. And I don't know, I just, with comedy, I just did not like the environment that much anymore. It's very negative, bitter and resentful. The community is not very supportive.

Yeah, I didn't have like a good strong support system there. And also touring solo as a comedian is so lonely. But touring as a musician, you have your entire band, and it just probably give us time to move on. Wow, I love that transition. And that makes so much sense. Yeah. That's beautiful. It's almost like comedy was your part of your cure

and your growth, et cetera. And it's like you're switching over. And I really identify with that. I think you're so right about having to feel stuff and having to heal it through feeling rather than just making a joke, putting it to the side, etc. Totally. So where's your music being inspired by? I actually wrote all this, music is kind of what got me through last year, like through my breakup and like going through all of those complicated

emotions. So it tackles a lot, like something I've never really talked about as my issues with alcohol. I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic, but I definitely have poor boundaries with it, and I'm a lightweight and a people pleaser. So if people are offering me drinks, I'm like, yes, of course, I'll take anything you want to give me. And then before I know it, I'm like wasted and amass. And so this year I pledged to be sober for the entire year. Yeah. How's it going?

It's great. Amazing. I started actually in November, because I was like, I don't want to do like the whole like January first thing. Yeah. And also if I'm a year sober, then I can drink next Christmas. Like a glass of wine is a celebratory hurrah. So, so, so. But it's been great. I felt so much clear and just better and have more energy and, you know, being clinically depressed and drinking is a depressive. So it's like, you probably shouldn't mix those two as often as you think you should.

Wow, I love that. That's awesome. Yeah, I haven't drank for 13 years. Wow. Literally, it's been like, why'd you stop? I was in, one since I'd describe it very similar to you. So I was a social drinker.

I was a people pleaser. I love drinking games. Yes. I love the kind of like, the competition between guys who could drink more and all that kind of stuff. And so I had no boundaries. I loved that way of putting it. Just extremely poor boundaries with it.

And I was seeing it making me do dumb stuff. Especially when I was doing stupid things that people wouldn't even think I would do now, but trust me, I was doing that. And I'm not proud of it at all. And I was just like, I can't do that. I'm disrespecting other people's property. I'm disrespecting other people.

Yeah, and it was like going, and I would only do it when I was drinking. And so I made a decision way before I became a monk instead of stopped drinking alcohol. When I became a monk, I was one of the requirements. I was like, I'm already there. I've made it. And then now I never went back because I never missed it. And I found, I preferred myself always when I wasn't. So it stayed that way. And it was hard. Like I've worked, I've been to, I went to university like that. Like, so

ago I went to new jobs, but I've just found it's been such a beautiful thing for me. So that's what I'm excited for. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. It's been hard and social. I can imagine. So yeah, it's weird too, because if I go to like an event, like the bartenders always like, what do you want? I was like, oh, I don't want anything. And they like, assured we have one. We'd be, and I'm like, oh, I just have to be like, I'm sober. And then they're like, okay, okay, sorry, sorry. And then they'll leave you alone. But even on flights, like if I don't say, I am sober, they will keep offering me drinks. And you don't really like how ingrained it is until like you decide not to do it. Totally. Yeah, totally. Whenever I go on to a flight and and someone's trying to be nice and polite

Or they they recognize you whatever it is and they're like oh, we got a bottle of champagne for you And I'm like, I'm sorry like I feel so bad to you like it's like someone's gonna be nice And then you're like no, but I don't drink yeah, but yeah, no, it's true. It's in our society And I think now like you said like we are getting to a place where there is more Understanding and compassion and empathy and and respect to people's boundaries Yeah, like you said like people are getting to a place where there is more understanding and compassion and empathy and respect to people's boundaries. Like you said, like people are not going to force it down here. Well no, that's for, we can always hang out together at parties. Yeah.

So I'm going to do for now. I love that. That's amazing. Okay, so music, another thing I want to ask you about it is what type of music is, what genre is it? It's all pop. Okay. So like in some of them, I'm is it? It's all pop. Okay. So like in some of them, I'm just straight up singing.

Others, I rap, I rap quite a bit in that. I rap? Oh my God, I love it. Yeah. It's my dream when I was 13 to be a rapper. So, for feeling that, it almost 30. You should make a rap song. I love it.

It's so fun. Rap pop, it's it, it's it, it's gone. Yeah. Yeah, all pop. Yeah, it's like, it's like a kind of rock pop, five, six. Yeah. And you have a band. And you have a band.

Do you play the piano? Well, I'm not gonna play the piano live, because I need to be so like good at the piano before I do that, but yeah. Did you learn the piano when you were younger too? Or this is going to be? I learned when I was younger, but I learned in Japan, so I don't remember anything,

because I could not understand what she was even telling me. Mm-hmm. So I've been learning now as an adult, it's much easier. Nice. Yeah, I that's my biggest regret I was forced to go to piano lessons by my parents when I was a kid and I went and I was like no I want to learn the drum kit because the piano is not cool So I learned to play the drum kit too and then I didn't play instruments forever And I'm like I wish I could play the piano. I know I want to get it's interesting that I I liked when I had that you were Gotting in music. It was like for me. That was the same thing so music was the biggest part of my life from 14 to 18 So I used to rap I used to get, it's interesting that I liked when I had that you were getting into music, it was like for me that was the same thing.

So music was the biggest part of my life from 14 to 18. So I used to rap, I used to rap music, just in love with it. And then I kind of lost touch. And then it's been such a big part of my life I want to re-explore. You should. So I need to ask you for tips of how you got back into it and like, how you started writing and... If you need some good producers, my producers, Neathee and Shay at Jenga Productions are

honestly the most kindhearted good people. I am so blessed that I randomly started working with them first because I have so many musician friends who are like your producers are unheard of just in terms of how organized they are. People in the music industry are incredibly flaky and shady and sketchy a lot of the time and I just got so lucky that I worked with them first and it's just been such a great collaboration. Amazing. So excited. And a march.

Yes. No names yet, no nothing. It's all in the bullhead. The album's called Casualty. Okay. Yeah, and it's going to be a visual album so I have music videos for all 13 tracks. That's so cool. I love it.

I can't wait. And you said summer animated. Yeah. A fourth are animated. Amazing. So I love animation. So excited. Yeah, a fourth are animated. Amazing. It's a love animation. So excited. Yeah.

2019 is going to be amazing. It's going to be really great. Yeah. Yeah. Is there anything that I haven't asked you about? Do you like, do you have anyone to talk about us? We didn't get to talk about it. I mean, I guess I'm just wondering, what are your 2019 resolutions?

What are you going to do? That's a good question. So I'm learning. Anyone who's listening to this, what knows is launching this podcast. I, yeah, I really wanted to build a deeper relationship with my audience. So I love doing Facebook lives, I love responding to comments, but I was just like, how do I really let someone into my thoughts, ideas and the thoughts and ideas of people that I love and

admire and respect and learn from too. And I just felt like I was like, how do I do that? And then a podcast is the form it's taking. But really for me, like I was sharing with you earlier, my goal was, how do I deepen my relationship with already existing friends, or do I make new friendships with people like yourself through this medium, and then share that with this beautiful audience that I love and is so supportive of me and my work. So I always felt interviews are beautiful way of doing that. So launching this podcast is a big part of my life this year. It's very exciting for me because it's yeah it's just that I love I never wanted a follower to be a number I don't see as a statistic.

I wanted to be a relationship and for, that means me opening up more longer forms so that people can really dive into topics and themes and ideas, so that was one thing. Do you mean external resolutions? Or do you want to go out? No, I don't know, that was great. Okay. It could be anything you want.

Yeah, sure, so I'm working on my book. Nice. Yeah, which I'm really excited about, because I've stayed away from it for so long, because not because I didn't want to write one, but because I didn't want to write one for the sake of it. And so for so long, I was just like, let me really wrestle with this. I've redone my proposal like three times over just because I was like, no, I need to understand.

If someone's going to take out time out their life to read this book, it's going to help them do the work. And it's going to help to get them there. It can't just be like, J. wrote a book because he can't. It can't be like that. And I really wanted to work through that. So I kind of feel like we're at 90% stage of finishing off my proposal. So it's nearly there.

Well listen to your intuition. One of my regrets of my book is taking the advice of my editor and not listening to my intuition. So definitely do not let your editor have the last word. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Good advice. Yeah. Okay. Because you'll think they have all the answers and then you'll, it's printed forever. And you'll always be like, oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm a sucker for experts too. So when you think someone's an expert, you're like, yeah, do it. Yeah. Okay. Good advice. Yeah. This is great. I'm getting, I'm getting counsel by you. I love it.

So that's, that's another huge focus we need to write the book this year. So I'm going to take out a lot of personal time. Another one for thing for me was to get away regularly with my wife. So one of the things on my list was we're going to do more weekend breaks. So we started testing ideas last year. So lastly we had a palm spring for the first time, which was beautiful. And so this year, it's a real focus for me to have more breaks and rest time and Refuel time. So 2016 was the year I first started making content and Things broke through and a lot happened and it was amazing, but then 2016 and 2017 I've never worked that hard in my life to really figure out what life was like as an entrepreneur to figure out what life was like Not having a paycheck to figure out what life was like, not having a paycheck, to figure out what life was like,

not knowing what you were doing and all of that. And that was very much my 2017 and 2016, and then 2018 was incredible. And this year's really to almost own what's happened and then make it sustainable. Like this is the year where it's like, yes, I've worked hard, I've pushed hard. I've pushed hard. I've gone through all those boundaries

and broken everything I needed to do. And now I need to show myself even more rest, refuel time, et cetera. So that's a big focus for me this year. Take more regular breaks, spend more time in nature, on beaches, all of that. So we started the year spending 30 days meditating in India, like, so I was away from everything

and that was just amazing. So I've only really started working in February and I'm already took my rest. Yeah, rest is important. It is, it really is. Yeah, and it makes me more creative. I found, like, because I didn't think about anything and I love creating, like, for me, this isn't work.

I love it. And same with you, like, making a video isn't work for me I love it it's my passion it's my purpose but I was so much more creative when I came back because I didn't think about a video for a few days and I was just like wow like ideas are just rushing to you know and we've all experienced that so I want to make more time for that to make space for inspiration to come through solid so yeah that's kind of what's happening this year. Hell yeah.

So yeah, I think it's crossed. And yeah, I need all your positive energy and vibes, sending it back. Yes. Yeah, I'm excited for the book. I can't wait to read it. Yeah, oh, thank you. Yeah, and it's a big thing for me.

I definitely want to work on it. But we end every interview with what I call the final five. These are my final five fast questions. OK. So you usually have to answer in one to three words. Okay. You're going to be a part of this. This is like easy for you. So you can answer this with humor or seriousness. Where will you be in five years? Hopefully, that's really dark, so you'll play a live. It's true, it's true too.

Okay, the best advice you've ever received. It's gonna be fine. Nice, worst advice you've ever received. It's not gonna be okay. People who make, person who makes you laugh the most. Myself. I love that. Oh, that's awesome.

I'm not that funny, but I cracked my top of my mouth. You are, you are so funny. You are funny. I love that. And, that's awesome. I'm not that funny, but I cracked my top level. You are. You are so funny. I love that. And what's your current purpose? What's motivating you right now? What's inspiring you right now? Spreading light, I think, is my purpose then.

Yeah, that has been really good for me. I love that. Thank you for being here, Anna. Yeah, thank you for having me. And I really, and I mean this, I'm not just saying it because it's on the podcast, I'm saying it's for real. You're someone that I would love to develop more of a relationship within 2019.

I love your energy, I love your life. And I feel it's so important for all of us who want the same for the world to stick together. And that's been a big thing for me. So actually, I'd add that to my list of 2019. There's a few people that I really want to deepen my relationship with because I feel like all of us together being friends for the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years of our life

could make a huge difference long-term. So even if it's not about, and that's where it's, for me, it's getting beyond the like, okay, how can we collaborate? What can we do now? But it's like, actually, if we're just friends, like in 10, 20, 30 years time, that's gonna make a huge difference for me personally. No, I love that. I love having friends too, who are very, who are very introspective and doing the work.

So I also feel like when people are aware of themselves or even more aware of you, and I don't have a lot of friends who are willing to not like call me out, but be like, hey, I've noticed this. Like, is this a thing? Do I need to be concerned? Do I need to be worried?

Or I know, have that kind of open dialogue. Yeah, I love that. So let's get that. Yeah, that's the thing we're trying to do. I'm gonna do it. But thank you Anna, you're the best. Everyone who's listening and watching. Thank you so much I hope you enjoyed that episode with Anna Akana. She's incredible Anna. They can find you everywhere

Yeah, under your name, but anywhere specifically YouTube. Yeah, find Anna on YouTube will obviously have the link etc Please, please, please go follow her. Check out our videos They're unbelievable. You'll just be watching them for hours and hours and hours laughing away So and I'm excited for everything she's going to do this year. So, she's someone I fully support. So please, please, please, please, fully support her too. And I thank you so much. Thank you for having me, Jake.

Thank you. Thank you. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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