On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Becky G ON: Finding Your Sense of Belonging & How to Masterfully Block Negativity and Rejection

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Do you want to feel like you belong?  Do you want to block negativity and rejection?  In this episode we dive deep into what it means to step into your authentic self and the tools needed to do so. Today, I welcome multi-platinum, award-winning singer, songwriter, actress, and activist Becky G. The 26-year-old global superstar's long list of achievements include four Latin GRAMMY nominations, four number one hits on the Billboard Latin Airplay Charts, and her debut album Mala Santa (October 2019) is certified 8X Platinum in the United States. In June, Becky released her latest single “La Nena” alongside Gabito Ballesteros giving fans another glimpse of what’s to come.  Becky G did not hesitate to dive deep into the heart of authenticity and self-discovery. We start by awakening to a deeper sense of self, shaking off those social constructs that keep us from being our authentic selves. It's a reminder that it's perfectly okay to embrace who we are and find happiness in that authenticity. Throughout our conversation, we explore the importance of creating spaces where our uniqueness is celebrated, not just tolerated. We also touch on the idea that it's alright if not everyone likes us - what truly matters is staying true to ourselves. In this interview, you'll learn: How to tap into your authentic self How to embrace your uniqueness How to take risks for success Why self-love is a must How to be persistent in adversities How stay focused on your goal Join us on this journey of self-discovery and connection, where we celebrate the beauty of being our authentic selves in a complex world. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:41 An awakening for a deeper sense of self 02:48 The social constructs that don’t allow us to be our authentic self 04:27 The concept of not half of this and half of that 09:12 You gotta make yourself happy and stay rooted to your authenticity 12:31 We need spaces where our uniqueness is accepted 15:17 We all come from something so much bigger than us 19:13 Maybe it’s okay if we’re not liked by everybody 25:13 “You have to be willing to do something you haven’t done to get the result you never had.” 28:49 The three-legged table: the mind, body, and soul 34:54 How do you create quality connections? 37:23 “Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should.” 39:59 Always have empathy and compassion for yourself 46:56 Sometimes a good cry is the best way to release pent up emotions 51:46 “Everything happens for you, not to you.” 58:13 The healing journey of relationships that has ended 01:01:27 Who do you share your failures and successes with? 01:09:29 Starting an acting career after empowered personalities 01:14:49 Finding mutual spaces where you can change and grow 01:17:53 How do you stay open to finding your purpose you have in life 01:20:06 Do you believe in guardian angels? 01:23:45 Did we lose our listening ability when communicating? 01:06:37 Becky G on Final Five Episode Resources: Becky G | YouTube Becky G | Instagram Becky G | Facebook Becky G | TikTok Becky G | Website Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, I'm Womor Madramma, executive producer of the new podcast, Day My Avalita First. Each week, the incredible Vico Ortiz and fabulous Avalita Lillana Montenegro will play matchmaker for a group of hopeful romantics, right Vico? You know it! Listen to Day My Avalita First! Thursdays on the I-HAR radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. And remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do. Just do it better.

Visitos. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover. And a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. I'm very proud of myself for having made it through those moments. I didn't know that that was like my body physically telling me something's wrong.

To the singer, actress, activists, all those superstars, please welcome Becky G! When you start in a career as young as I did, it's very much so like, put your head down, get it done, get it done, get it done, get it done. And then you like blink and then you're like, oh snap, I'm 26. Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews that will help you become happier, healthier and more healed. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support.

It's incredible to see all your comments, and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing. It means the world to me. The best selling author in the post. The number one health and wellness podcast. The purpose of day shedding.

Hey everyone, welcome back to Unpurpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you who come back every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. You know that our goal here is to only style stories that are going to make us feel better, to make us improve ourselves, to make us connect with ourselves in a more authentic and deep way. And today's guest is someone that I've wanted to have on the show.

For years now, some so happy that she's finally in this seat. I'm talking about Multi-Platum, award-winning singer, songwriter, actress, and activist Becky G, who is born for the spotlight. And her multi-faceted career has proven Becky to be one of the most influential artists of her generation. The 26-year-old global superstar's long list of achievements include four Latin Grammy nominations, four number one hits on the Billboard Latin Airplay charts, and her debut album Malacente certified eight times platinum in the United States, Planet of Spain and Gold in Mexico, putting Becky at over 8.9 billion global career streams to date. Today we're talking about her new album, Askinas.

Did I say that right? Yeah, you did. Welcome to the show. Thank you, Jeep. Becky, what's going on? Wow, I felt like I was holding my breath all the time because I was like, Jeep, Jeep, Jeep, Jeep, Jeep, Jeep, Jeep.

Just giving the whole spiel of my entire career layout. And I admire you so much. And I'm so happy to be here. And the same way you've been trying to get me to sit in this chair in front of you for so long. I feel like everything just happens for a reason with purpose on purpose. And I'm ready for the triple H, man. I'm ready for it. I love it. Why was now the right time for you, personally, earlier you were just mentioning that you and Rady bumped into each other last week and you were saying now's the time where you've been looking for the signs. Why is now a good time for you to be talking and sharing?

Why are you feeling that way? I feel like I'm in a time in my life where, well, I mean, if we go all the way back to like when I was young, I'm such an observer. Like I am a little sponge, I take in everything around me, but especially like when you start in a career as young as I did, it's very much so like put your head down, get it done, get it done, get it done, get it done, get it done, get it done, and you just keep going, you keep going, and then you like blink and then you're like, oh snap, I'm 26. Like look at all the things around me. Like what is this?

What's actually happening? And so there's a little bit of an awakening, I would say that's happening in this season of my life, of a deeper sense of self, a desire to expand. And so as I look around and invite these signs, it's just, it's beautiful when it's really like affirmed by the universe that like, there's no better it's really affirmed by the universe that there's no better

time than now. Absolutely. And what was it that got you started so young? How and why did that even come about for you? I think, well, I love making people smile. That's for sure. I grew up in a very big family. So I'm one of four kids.

I'm the eldest. And then I have my brother Frankie, my brother Alex, and then my baby sister Stephanie. And we were just like this dynamic for, fantastic four, always. Like we didn't do anything without each other. And I feel like we all just were so different, but we all had this sense of belonging because of how nurturing my mom was about our differences

and how one you know, one could like this color, but you can also like a different color. And Frankie, you like to play sports, but be, you like to dance. And Stephanie, you love to cook. And we were just very free to be ourselves at home. I felt so lucky to experience that at such a young age, but I felt so misunderstood outside of that space because I realized, wow, like there's a lot of social constructs that don't allow us to really be that true authentic version of ourself. And so I was just like, hell, Ben, on making sure that other people felt seen and felt heard

and felt love the same way I got to when I was younger. And so yeah, I think it started with that desire, that desire to make people feel a connection, you know, for me to feel connection with someone else outside of that space as well. Absolutely. And I feel like we're all, everything we all do is wanting to feel connected, right? Whether we're crying or whether we're laughing or whether we're reaching out for help or we're reaching out to help, like all of it almost seems to be a cry for connection. We're all wanting to feel that. And you've talked a lot about this concept of the 200%,

which is what this new album is based on your roots. And I love that idea. Can you explain it? Because it's the first time I'd heard about it in that way. And I really, really appreciate it. Yeah, of course. Well, I, okay, so I'm Mexican-American. I was born and raised here in LA.

And it's interesting to me how I always like, it was always like the 50-50, you know, you're half this, half that. And I didn't like that. There was something about that that never sat well with me. And I think it's because it made me feel like in order to be accepted here, I have to give up a part of myself.

And in order to be accepted there, I have to give up a part of myself. And in to be accepted there, I have to give up a part of myself. And in reality, it's like, I am who I am. I shouldn't have to give up any of who it is that is my true authentic being to be accepted somewhere to fit into this space, this shape, right? That doesn't feel organic to me. That doesn't feel natural to me. And it wasn't little micro experiences, like even hanging around my cousins who were from Mexico

and I'm telling me I was American. And I'm like, I guess technically, yeah, but I don't know when I'm in America, they tell me that I'm Mexican, so which one am I? And there's this saying in Spanish, you know, Nideaqui, Nidea, yeah. You're not from here, you're not from there. And then I would respond to that.

And Thun says on the mic, he says, well, in that case, where do I stay? Like, where do I belong? You know, and so it's kind of like rewriting that to say like, no, Siso, like I am, I am from here and from there. Siso, the Aki, Ii, the Aya, you know? And it's kind of what inspired the album,

Mesquinas, because I am not this side or that side of the streets that raised me. I am the corner of two flags, two cultures, two languages, and I know I'm not the only one. You know, not just within the Latin community even, but I'd say, I have so many friends who, I mean, I don't know about you. Do you feel like you have a 200% experience sometimes? Yeah.

Well, I love that. That's why I love the way you put it. And even just now the way you explained that is so beautiful and elegant, like it really resonates with me. I love that idea about not having to be half of this and half of that. I actually experience it even more in the roles I've played in the world. And so I often say to people that I'm as much the monk mindset as I am the manager in my work,

as I am the media person, as I am now a married person. Like all of that is me. I'm not one or the other because I often get that where it's like, well, Jay, you used to be a monk and now you have companies and you're married and you're this and that. And I'm like, yeah, but the two things can coexist for me as an identity because there's so much from that that I love and relate to.

And then there's so much from this that I love and relate to. And again, with being born in London, but my parents are originally from India, but then my mother's from Yemen. And so there's so many cross sections in my background. And then I'm someone who was born and raised in London, but now lives in LA. And so there's that intersection. And I love the idea of how we can all be so much more than what our passport says or than what our job title says or then what our bank balance says or whatever it may be.

Like we're all so much more. So I think by you saying that, and I love the idea of the street corner. Yeah. That's really cool. Because that's, and all the cool stuff happens on the corner, not on either side of the street anyway. That mean totally. And if you're from LA, you know,

that's where all the best fruit stands are and the best tacos stands. So, but I, yeah, it's the intersectionality. That's what it is, exactly what it is. It's like where all of these things meet, all the spaces in between, you know, and I think that's, there's so much beauty in it, but I think unfortunately there's, you know, systems

that make us think that they're wrong, but in reality, it's just an old programming that doesn't necessarily work anymore. And that's okay too, you know, and I love what you said about letting, you know, all the truth exist, because that's something that I think growing up, I felt society tells you you had to think very black and white, and I'm like life isn't color for a reason, you know, like we should be seeing life in color. There's so much going on around us. And I like to think that, you know, like we should be seeing life in color. There's so much going on around us. And I like to think that, you know, this vessel I'm very thankful for, I'm very thankful for the vessel that allows me to experience this life. But my spirit is so much bigger.

My soul needs to expand, you know, in the same way we can experience such beauty, we can experience pain. And there's all these opposites of everything, and then it's the spaces in between that kinda just tie it all together. I love that there's purpose in that. How did you go about that journey of giving yourself permission to belong in both? It just, it felt like I could only stay

in that uncomfortable position for so long. You know, you're sleeping on a plane, and you're so tired, you will fall asleep anyway, but then there's that half hour that goes by when you wake up and you're like, my leg is dead. And I can't feel my neck and it hurts, and this isn't good quality sleep. I can't wait until I get into my bed.

And I felt like I would feel that way sometimes. I could stay here for just a little bit, you know, but it didn't feel very long lasting. And I think that there just comes a time where if you allow yourself to, and like you said, give yourself permission to even just explore what could be on the other side to explore that maybe I don't want to sleep on the plane.

Maybe I do want to sleep in my bed. And I can't right now and that's okay, but I can't wait for the day, you know, or the time that comes, and look forward to it. And so I would always look forward to like the day that like I wouldn't be compared to like another artist that like literally look nothing like me,

spoke nothing like me, and I'd be like, I don't want to be them. I want to be Becky, you know? Like, and I was so young already feeling that way growing up in this industry. And, um, and it was those boxes, man, it was those boxes that just like, I knew I could check them. I knew I could check those boxes and make other people happy, but there came a point, I think, when I decided, honestly, to pursue singing Spanish music, was that turning point for me. And it was because I was gonna be facing my biggest fear,

which was, okay, well, I am American and I've started a professional career singing music in English, but I've always repped my Latinidad, but now me singing in Spanish, I don't know if I'll be accepted there. And that was like really scary because the only real point of reference I had was the queen Selena Quintanilla,

who you know unfortunately is no longer with us. And so I just remember being like, there's a scene in the movie where her dad says, you have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, it's exhausting. And he says it like that too, it's exhausting. And I'm like, yeah, your girl's tired, man, I'm tired.

Like, I just want to be, I just want to be who I am. And the truth is, is like, I think when you lean into the authenticity of just knowing, like, I got to make myself happy. And this, this really does make me happy. There's got to be something on the other side of that. And little did I know I was gonna be confronted with so many other, you know, obstacles in Latin culture that totally didn't want me to succeed, you know, the machismo that exists, the amount of times, you know,

the labels will say, you know, girls on cell tickets, they don't get played on the radio, all kinds of stuff. And I like to think, you know, we're here, we're doing it. So there must be something, right? You know? Doing a lot right. We're doing a lot right. Tell me about that, that fear that you had in terms of, like, I've started my career singing in English,

now I'm moving over, will I be accepted? Yeah. And that fear is really displacing too. Again, when you're like, I'm moving over will I be accepted? Yeah, and That fears really displacing too again when you're like I'm from here and I'm from there as well What was it inside of you that pushed you to say I'm gonna do this anyway? Like what was it that gave you the courage and strength because I can imagine there's so many people who are listening and watching right now Who are thinking I don't want to do that because I don't want to be seen that way or I don't want to do that because someone's going to put me in a box or someone's going to push me back. We all have these doubts in our own ways.

What was it that helped you overcome that doubt? I think remembering what someone like Selena did for me and understanding that like somebody's got to do it. And not like so I so now I have to. It really came from a place of truly desiring and wanting to do that for myself because I know I deserved that space. And the same way I believe I deserve that space.

I believe there's so many other talented young women that deserve that space. And so, you know, brick by brick. And if I only bring one brick to this bridge, that's fine, so be it, but we need it. There's a need for this. And I want to be a part of that. And I think that was really inspiring for me

to be able to take agency in that way. And know that there was a lot of naysayers that were not believing, but then also knowing like the same way I was in that nurturing household where I was allowed to be different. Like, we're gonna keep building spaces like that. Like we need that in the systems that are, you know,

continuing because they're not sustainable. Somebody's gotta shake it up. And so, and I remember being a part of like, specifically the Latin industry at that time. And I think it was my intersectionality that made it kind of less intimidating for me. Because I was like, I know what it's like to not be accepted here.

Like, because it happened on the other side. So there's nothing you can tell me here that I haven't already heard. You know? It's fascinating, isn't it? That when you're young, you're forced to fit in. And then as you get older, it's all about how do you stand out?

Yep. And it doesn't make any sense because it's so counterintuitive. Your whole life you've been told, stand in line. Do as they do, do as I say, and everyone's told to conform. And as you get older, it's like, well, how do you brand yourself? How do you market yourself?

What's unique about you? But you've been told to hide all of your... All of it. You's unique about you? But you've been told to hide all of your uniqueness, right? You've been told to hide all of it. So it's almost like we're trying to figure out what that uniqueness is. I love your idea about, or the vision that you just painted for all of us of like how we're all just laying another brick on the bridge.

That's such a beautiful way to think about it. And I wonder how instrumental your grandfather was in this whole journey for you. Yes. I know that this album is inspired, dedicated to, and you sadly lost him a few years ago, but tell us a bit about why family's been so important to you, but particularly him.

And I can see you taking it in for those who are not watching. Mm-hmm. You can. Big deep breath. Yeah. Big deep breath from Becky. Yeah. No, I think it's because I mean to understand that we come from something so much bigger than us is so powerful. Sometimes overwhelming, I think for a lot of us mixed ethnicity kids because, you know, we're not just walking into a room with our dreams. We're walking into a room with our dreams and then the dreams of the generations before. Not just into a room with our own sacrifices, but the sacrifices of those before.

All of the stuff that, you know, can feel very heavy sometimes, but then those two truths can exist at the same time that I really hear so strongly in the back of my subconscious, which is that it can be really heavy, but such an honor. And there's a power in that to come from people who have had to make something out of nothing. And if they did, you can too. My grandfather, Miguel Gomez, he is one of the greatest men I think I've ever gotten to know in this life. And I feel this way about all my grandparents, like to have had all four of my grandparents

so present in my life and to be a part of the village that raised me, you know, it's such an honor to me. And when he passed away and it hit me in my first grandparent that I lose, just that thing that I hold onto is that, although, again, his vessel may no longer be with me, that guidance, that honor that it is to carry that super power with me, is just, it's so incredibly motivating and so inspirational.

And I think there's a lot there that, when I look back at it, he was really a big part as to why I started pursuing this. Because a lot of my grandparents, I mean, they didn't finish their education. And so, I started working very, very young. And that was the social norm in Mexico. In Mexico, that was part of what it was.

You don't finish school. You work to help your family. Obviously, we live in America and there's such thing as child labor laws. So it wasn't the same thing for me, but the concept of being nine years old and working to provide for my family and going out in the streets and hustling, like, it didn't feel like an absolute no to me. It felt like, well, they did it. I can do it too, you know? And to see everything that my grandparents have built, I mean, my grandmother talks about the day she says, I mean, my grandmother talks about the day, she says, I, her little village, she's so thankful to God for her little village

that she created, you know, with my grandpa. And it's just like, yeah, like, yeah, I really did that. And we're all just this ever growing tree of branches and of those roots, you know. And so, so yeah, he's with me every day, I feel it. That's beautiful. Yeah. You can kind of see that energy coming through you right now as well.

It's like, it's evident that he has a place in your heart that's really deep and special. And it must be so powerful to be able to use that to give back and to connect with people. Definitely. Yeah. And I think it's like, it's their humanness. You know, it's seeing their old age, like even seeing like,

they once could and now they can't physically, but we can. You know, so like, how do we carry that on? It's just, it's so beautiful and so empowering. And so, just knowing that even when we're no longer here, like things stay, like there's an energy there that stays. There's something so meaningful and so purposeful to our every word and interaction shared. It's just like you want to live a life that is of substance. You know, like, I don't want to just lolligag and just, you know, I mean, maybe every now and then, I know you're wrong.

But, no, I mean it in the way of just like, even in the simplest of things, just like living in gratitude. Becky, you grew up in the public eye, and, you know, you've grown up in the public eye too, and it's the idea of like, growing up. Growing up, yeah, growing up.

Growing up, yeah, growing up in the public eye, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up.

Growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up. Growing up, growing up.

Growing up. Growing up. Growing up, growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. Growing up. saw many of the cons to it as a kid because I was just like, wow, like, this is so cool, a space to just be and be yourself. And they don't really realize how you're exposing yourself, like beyond what then the average person, like usually gets exposed to, and it's not just like the support, it's also the opposite of what support is, right? People having a thought and a say or an intention that isn't always positive against everything that you do.

And it wasn't until you were like a teenager and you're getting made fun of for the way you dress or what your teeth look like or having acne or whatever. And you're like, wow, you're really wearing these things. But you're really wearing it. And then, you know, on top of that, you're dealing with, I mean, for me, I was dealing with, you know, the pressures to provide for my family. So, like, I'm really showing up as my best self because there's too much writing on the line. It's not just me. It's everybody who's walking in the room with me. So, when you are kind of put in this place where you were, you almost attacked sometimes or you know you feel let down you don't feel as supported as you thought you would you start to question like oh is

this a safe space is this is this what it's supposed is this what I signed up for because that's what everybody's telling me this is what you signed up for this way signed up for and it's like as I've continued to grow up in this space I think the biggest like lesson for me is just like, maybe I'm not supposed to be liked to fight everybody. Maybe that's not the goal. You know, maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not supposed to be for everyone. Maybe I can be a little bit more sacred with my energy.

You know, maybe I don't have to be on social media 24-7, you know, like, maybe I can remember that there's a real world out there with real people and quality connection matters, not the quantity of connections I make. And so I think that like for me going from literal baby Becky, 14 years old, getting discovered on the internet to the 26 year old that is still figuring out how to practice those boundaries every single day. Yeah, it's like the biggest takeaway for me. Yeah, and that realization that we're not for everyone is

really difficult to swallow because I feel like our whole life we've been trained to kind of be people who make everyone around us happy, we've been trained to kind of be people who make everyone around us happy. We've been trained to be that way conditioned, like we made people smile or you were the peacemaker in your family or you were the change maker in your family or you were the person who kind of, you know, communicated individually and mediated

with your family, like we've all played roles and most of those roles revolve around us being liked, or doing things to be liked. And all of a sudden, you grow up, and especially if you have a large public platform, and even if you don't have a large public platform, just growing up, you're going to work and you have family. It's crazy, because I was literally going to introduce right there to to say you do not have to be someone with a platform like ours To know what this pressure is like today agreed and that actually makes me so fearful for the future generations

Because we are constantly comparing ourselves to everyone's greatest hits and that is really really hard to leave any room any space for grace For for growth, because there's this fear, this fear of messing up, saying the wrong thing, or whatever, and it's just like, that's actually part of learning. We have to leave room to learn, and I think it's also learning that we can be something different.

I was thinking about this the other day, and I had a conversation with a really close friend of mine about how it's wild to me that. I've shared so much of my life on the internet since such a young age. And because I shared that my favorite flavor of ice cream seven years ago was chocolate that someone can come across that today and be like, oh, she's a chocolate ice cream loving girly. And like little do they know know like I don't really like ice cream anymore Like that don't even have a favorite flavor actually for frozen yogurt, you know and and there's like seven years But because someone can come across that, you know today

It can be like no that's who she is and unless it's documented You can't tell me any different. Yeah, you know's like, I think it's leaving space that like, I can change my mind. I mean, I could love ice cream tomorrow, who knows? You know, and that's totally possible. But on a deeper level, it's interesting. You were saying something. There's a book that I read called The Family on Bradshaw.

And it really blew my mind about the rigid roles that we play in like family systems. And we find so much purpose in that, but then we get so attached to what that role is, to forget that we have to go out into the world and learn more. It terrifies me sometimes when I think about that, because I feel like I've lived so much life

in my 26 years, and I'm like, wait, there's more. You're telling me there's more? I should be inspired and excited at that idea, and a part of me is, but then there's another part of me that's absolutely terrifying. And I think it's, again, leaving room for those two truths to exist. And usually when it's terrifying, I think it's because it's right for you. You're not in me. It's supposed to be scary.

Just at least just a little bit to ignite that thing in you that really catches your soul on fire and says, I was made for this. And I'm so happy that I did it. How hard was it for you? You just talked about there where you're like, maybe I want to be someone who experiences the real world. Maybe I do want to switch off from social media. Like as a public figure, and even in our friend circles, like I remember when I quit drinking alcohol. And when I went back to my friend group

that was used to me drinking alcohol and being a certain person at the party and now I don't, it was a complete switch. I didn't have a public platform, I wasn't known, but even in my group or my community, it was like, wait a minute, J, have you changed, right? Or when I stopped doing certain things or when I started doing certain things, we all go through these like identity deaths of who we were and who we wanted to be to, who we

are today. And when you're trying to make a transition, like not being as active on social media or you're trying to make a transition of, I don't go to those places anymore, whatever it may be, I feel we all go through this moment of identity shifts. And it sounds like you've had to do that too. What has helped you make those as smooth as they can be or what has happened when you've made those shifts and what have you dealt with? I'm laughing because Jay, it's so not smooth. It's not, yeah. It's so rough out here. So not smooth. Like it's not, yeah.

It's so rough out here. It's very new for me. It is so new. I have lived more of my life this way than I have practicing, trying something new. But it makes me very proud of myself to know that I can look at myself every day in the mirror and say, I know it's going to be really hard.

And it's going to be challenging hard and it's gonna be challenging and there's gonna be things that trigger a response from you maybe that you are, that is second nature. We are gonna take time to process. We're gonna add some filters in your process that are better for you because there's better ways to deal with things.

There's better ways than having to just like, promote your pain. You know, I, somebody the other day, it was so funny, somebody the other day, mentioned to me like, what's up with all these young kids posting videos of themselves crying on the internet? And I said, first of all, that's really mean

because little do you know maybe they're singing for connection and second of all, I've totally done that. Damn it! I'm guilty, I'm so guilty of it. But are there times where I wish I didn't? Absolutely, because maybe not everybody needed to see that. I wanted to be seen so badly,

but who am I seeking that from? Why am I seeking that from the world? When maybe it's really within myself. And so that daily practice for me is still very new, but it's doing things differently. Willing to, what's that saying? You gotta be willing to do something you've never done in order to get the result you've never had, right?

And so if I want to be the healthiest version of myself, I have to be willing to look at my daily routines, mentally, the mental routines that I have, the spiritual routines that I have, the physical routines that I have, and really just be honest with myself, and am I setting myself up for success? And there's been hard times,

like people very close to me would be like, we had this conversation. We've had this conversation. And they very lovingly hold space for me to come back around and be like, you're right. Yeah. You're so right. You know, but it's like just understanding that we are constantly always in

process. Yeah. Yeah. Let's walk through some of those actually because we love doing that on on purpose. You mentioned mental, spiritual and physical routines. Let's talk about some of the, let's love doing that on purpose. You mentioned mental, spiritual, and physical routines. Let's talk about some of the, let's start with the mental routines. What are some daily routines or habits or practices that you've been working on?

Okay, so shout out to my therapist because she's helped me the three-legged table. Shout out to all therapists. I love the whole therapist. Me too. There you go. They keep it real, that's for sure. But the three-legged table is the mind body soul. And if it's a table that needs to work, right, it needs to hold things on top of it. If one of the tables is a little wobbly or one of the tables, the legs break, it can't fulfill its purpose, right?

What it's intended for. And so I am very much so a mind body soul kind of person. And I think for me, if we're starting with the mind, just like not being on my phone, the first moments that I wake up in the morning, I didn't realize how second nature was. Like even just having a separate alarm clock outside of my phone. Very new for me. Actually just started practicing that. I do a social media detox once a month.

So like, I'll literally delete the apps from my phone completely. And it's the best for how long? For how long? I do at least seven days. Wow, every month. Yeah. Wow, that's cool.

Yeah, also very new, but it's working. Highly recommend. And I don't say these things to knock any bugs. There's some people I know that can like very much so be on these platforms and are so unfazed by it, and it's great for them. And I love that for them, but I know myself. And I'm very, very sensitive.

So kind of just practicing those things has been super helpful for me on the mental side. And then I would say on the spiritual side, meditating has done so much for me, like meditation and prayer. I think just believing and having faith in something that is greater than you is always helpful. You know, I think it's really hard to trust something that you can't see, that you can't physically feel or touch, but there's also something very magical when you tap into that.

And there's been moments where my day will be so crazy. And I, you know, this is constantly trying to find time. How do we reset the mind? How do we reprogram? And I just think to myself, even after 10 minutes of meditation, there's another version of me on the other side of that that will be so much better, so much capable.

What part of me can't give myself 10 minutes today? So that spiritual tap in and like recentering for me is special sauce. And what type of meditation is that for you? Guided meditation still for me because we've got a lot of thoughts these days, and it's hard to silence them. But it's sometimes twice a day. I try to do it twice a day, definitely in the morning or sometimes when I'm in the sauna,

post workout to kind of just really be in my body. And then at night, and I also do, do you know Wim Hof? Yeah, of course. I love it. Yeah, love it. We've had Wim on the show. Oh my god. Another person I would like absolutely geek out to me.

But honestly, that whole routine for me, even like before shows, just really relaxes the nervous system on that breath hold. There's a spiritual feeling that I have. And sometimes I'll play frequency during. And it just, there's moments where I'm like, oh my God, I'm totally coming out of my body right now. And this is so nice. Yeah. And what about prayer?

You mentioned prayer there. Yes, yeah, prayer is super important. It's funny. I grew up in a very religious household. I'm very Mexican in that sense. My grandmothers are very Catholic and I'm much more spiritual than religious, I'd say, but I think seeing them in their dedication, seeing them in their practice was like

very inspiring to me when I was younger. And also the communal aspect of it too, like getting to pray with my grandmothers growing up is something very sacred to me when I was younger, and also the communal aspect of it too, like getting to pray with my grandmother's growing up is something very sacred to me. And I just think that, yeah, when I pray and I surrender, like, like go and like, God, is like, I literally have it tattooed because it's important to know

that you can't control everything. You just can't. You can control what you do, how you react to what's going on around you, but you can't. You can control what you do, how you react to what's going on around you, but you can't actually control everything that's happening around you. And I'd struggle with that on a daily basis. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all UT lovers out there. And even if you don't love T, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhianai poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because

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We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuny.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuny.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Those are beautiful routines. That's mental and spiritual. What about physical? There's not a version of me before this, this, I'd say age that would say I love being

in the gym. I love working out so much the point where I'm like, maybe I should prioritize sleep a little bit more than the gym, but good sleep, good diet, gym. Like feeling strong physically and knowing that I'm taking care of my body, again, like the vessel needs to be safe and it needs to be protected and provided for. And so I try my absolute best. But even in that sense, it's like, you know, and not that my indulgent self takes over, but like enjoying the little things in life, like the balance, you know, like I love food.

So the balance of that is like, you go burn it off in the gym, girl, and you'll be just fine. I love that. No, and it's so beautiful that you're thinking about your life as those three legs to the table or the stool in your life, because it is so interesting to me about how,

as soon as you take your eye off of one of them, how much harder everything else becomes. And yet when those three things are good, like you said, they can carry the weight, even if it's getting really, really heavy, you still have us fighting chance almost. And I guess the thing that I found that has really helped me and that regard as well is making sure

that I'm not trying to solve all three at the same time. It's almost like one at a time. Like I remember I always had my spiritual practice and then I added my mental practice and then I added my physical practice. And for me that's all the worked really well, whereas when you're trying to solve all three at the same time, then two, it's almost like saying if you're putting a table together using your analogy, you can't put all three legs on at the same time. It just doesn't work that way.

You got to put one in properly, then the other one, and then the other one. I want to go back to something you said earlier. You talked about the need for quality connections instead of quantity connections. What is Becky G's definition of a quality connection? How do you view a quality connection? You know, I think it's when I feel safe in a room to be my true authentic self. And there's ways that my body used to tell me

that that like, this isn't authentic. Like there's something about this that doesn't feel right, and I would stay in the room because you're scared of how that might come off. Or again, the people pleasing tendencies totally start to come through, right? You're I'm a performer by nature at this point

because I've been doing this for longer than I've ever not been doing it. But I think it was just really understanding, man, like it feels really good when I can just show up and be me. And when I'm trying to be my authentic self, sometimes there's a little fumbling that happens or she sometimes it flows. Like right now, this feels like a quality connection. It's just flowing. I'm not really thinking about what could be said or what could be felt and how that might come off

and that feels to me again, sign from the universe and really affirms that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And so when I have those feelings that feel very affirmed in a moment, that is quality connection. And it might be with the stranger. There's been times where like, I mean, man, I'll be at the airport sometimes, just killing time,

cause I'm totally like my grandparents, I don't wanna be late for a flight or something. And I'm just talking to like the person behind the bar and just like, how's your day today? And I walk away like, oh my God, Johnny was so sweet. I wanna go to his mom's pizza shop. Like next time I'm in the city, I'm coming.

Because there's like a true connection that's being made. And I think what we celebrate today is like followers, like how many followers you have, how many numbers you have streaming this. And it's like that I think is amazing when you're thinking from a business aspect, but even then truly, like, people want to support something that is real.

I want to support something that is real, whether it be in my friendships, whether it be with my family, with my team, with my fans. And so, yeah, I'd say that's when it is. It's like that authenticity. I could feel it. Yeah. And it's really interesting, right? You said that we almost all have a inner compass

or an inner dial that tells us whether something feels authentic and aligned or it doesn't. But we tend to ignore it sometimes. Because of our people pleasing tendencies or whatever it may have been, when is the time in your life where you feel like you've ignored it and it's misled you, or it's led you away from feeling how you feel now

or you feel safe in yourself? Yeah, I definitely feel so reflective on like certain career moments, where it was very easy for me to let other people make decisions for me. And then, and then when it wouldn't work, be like, ah, I should have said something, you know? Oh, why didn't I say, oh, but there wasn't enough time. There just wasn't enough time.

We just, and realizing like, man, I spent some key pivotal moments in my career, feeling like I was being far more reactive to what was happening than proactive and setting myself up to fully be present. And I look back at it and I'm like, I'm very proud of myself for having made it through those moments, but there was moments where,

and this is even deeper on the experiences I used to have with anxiety anxiety and panic attacks, you know I didn't know that that was like my body physically telling me something's wrong Like you're not okay But because you're scared to let other people down or scared of what other people might say you push through anyways and I realize like just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

And I think that that's one of my most valuable lessons, for sure, because there was, I mean, many moments before going on to a stage. And I mean, we're talking full-blown tears, can't breathe. If you've had a panic attack, you know, the world is ending. And there's also this subconscious part of you

that's like, girl, breathe. Just breathe, you know what this is. But your nervous system can't tell the difference between the mental bear and the real bear that's in the room. And there's no bears in the room. So like chillax, it's okay. Yeah, just being really young in a really high stress situations.

Like, you're everybody's boss, but technically everybody's older than you. And it's just such an interesting dynamic to have grown up in. And so I think that that has been the most valuable lesson for me up until this point, you know, just like, yeah, just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Yeah, that's good advice.

Well said, when you were doing what people pleasing there, and that naturally happens in environments where like you said, even though you're the boss, everyone's older than you, it's natural to want to please our elders in the same ways we try to please our parents and our family. And I know you've worked a lot on therapy and that's an area of your life you've invested in deeply.

How is therapy or what work have you done in therapy that's helped you identify your people pleasing tendencies and allow you to start reframing and reshaping them? Because I think so many of us often work so hard at pleasing people that we end up displeasing and disconnecting from ourselves. And we don't realize that in the attempt to make someone else happy,

we're making ourselves more unhappy and miserable. And the other person's not happy either because they can tell that it's not coming from an authentic genuine place. It's just coming from a place of like, I don't want to cause any trouble. So what some of the work that you've done or what some of the lessons that you've been able to illuminate about your triggers and where they come from and reframing how to

people, how to move away from people, please. Yeah, well, like I said, it's definitely like a daily practice for me, but I think a lot of the first, I would say like the first two years of therapy for me were very reactive to what was happening in real time. It wasn't really comfortable with the idea of shining a spotlight on what the root cause of anything was, you know, it was very ambiguous in the sense of like, it's gotta be this, this, this, this, this happened.

And so going back to like the reactiveness of the first two years for me is, is funny because yeah, there was a lot of small fires that I had to put out in that moment. It was a very high stress time in my career in my personal life when I had first started therapy. But I think when I really surrendered to the fact that this goes so much deeper than just what's happening around me,

but it's like how I exist in all of it. Like that is when I was like, oh yeah, this goes a lot deeper. And a lot of it. Like that is when I was like, oh yeah, this goes a lot deeper. And a lot of it is childhood stuff. And when I think about, you know, big part of my childhood was also shared in the industry that, you know, my parents were very, very young. They knew nothing about it, like quite literally.

And even then, I like to think I came out kind of okay. But, you know, like they, they couldn't really protect me from much when it came to that stuff. And then the fact that they were young parents when they got married and had children, like they were babies raising babies. And so there was a lot of things I had to like learn for myself and teach for myself.

And so I think having a lot more empathy for myself was like a big step in therapy because it was hard for me to accept the fact that I went without things. Like, what do you mean? But we tried our best. But we did what we had to do. I did what I had to do.

There was just so much resistance to the fact that it still didn't get what I really needed. And so I think when you can just come from that space of empathy and compassion for yourself that like everybody really was trying. You really were trying. And it still came out a little short. But hey, it's not too late. Like you just still learn. You can still learn, you know, and that was like, I would say the out 30 year of therapy. And that's crazy. Because you're right. It's an investment. And even then, I mean, some of the types of work that I do. I think when you take inventory on your life,

like really taking inventory on what your relationships with the people around you and your life look like and felt like from the moment you were born until this current day, inventory on memories, experiences that you've had in your recollections of them. And then also kind of revisiting those with those people and being like, hey, what was your experience like in this? You know, it's the trippiest thing for me and my siblings. And I'm like, we did as have the same parents grow, but the same four walls around us, and we're also different.

And we all process so different, right? So going back to even the deeper level of compassion and empathy, holding space for each other in that way, so beautiful. We didn't get to really doing that until we went into family therapy together. So thankful for the resource and opportunity to do that, because there's a lot of times where I'm like, man, like we, things could have gone one or another way.

And we kept choosing, you know, family. And we got to a point where like choosing family, this ride or die mentality of like, oh, you know, why do we have to ride or die? Why can't we just be? You know, like, nobody's going to ask that question. And I was the big sister who was like, you know, parentified. So I was like, I'm their parent, they're my, and they're like, we just want you to be our big sister. We don't need you to be our mom or our dad. And I'm like, what do you mean I have to be? It was like all those rigid roles and stuff.

So taking inventory was super helpful for me. It gave me so much perspective. And then recently I started doing like parts work, which when we're talking about all the parts, you know? Like, oh, there's a part of me that's still a child. I'm still freaking afraid of the dark. I, the amount of times I travel, and I'm alone in my hotel room, and I'm like, I'm gonna sleep with a TV on,

just so it feels like somebody's here, because it's a little scary in here. That's a part of me. You know, that's a part of me that's still trying to figure things out, so if there's a little lonely, that still feels a little lost. There's the boss part of me that feels super empowered and feels like such a visionary over the career that I've a little lost. There's the boss part of me that feels super empowered

and feels like such a visionary over the career that I've built for myself. And excited to like continue to attack these like parts of the industry that quite literally need to just be broken down, you know, so more of me can get in there. When I say more of me, I mean other powerful women who have, you know, so much talent and so much just to offer in these spaces. Yeah, it's beautiful.

I love the parts work. Yeah, no, and it's so beautiful to hear someone talk about it. So thoroughly and thoughtfully. And I think when you can articulate something effectively, it means you're more likely to be able to process it up here. Yeah. Right? The feeling part, though.

That's the other part, because I learned this from myself. It's like, Becky, you're really gonna intellectualizing your feelings, but do you feel them? Q the tears. Like, on purpose sometimes, have to like, get myself to that space to release, because the body keeps count, the body keeps score of all of what you go through.

So you can be like, yeah, I was really stressed. I was really, if you don't allow your body to feel it, somatically, like, that's the other thing that for me, I think I find myself like, that's was the manifestation of the panic attacks and things like that. Like, oh, right, anxiety depression, they're not the diagnosis, they're the result of. That was like, whoa, big, knowledge for me. Because I was like, oh yeah, I just have anxiety and depression, it's normal. Like I just have panic attacks all the time.

Like, no, your body is telling you something. You are processing something that you aren't letting your body feel, you know? It's again a hard reality because allowing yourself to feel it again is, it's almost goes back to that giving permission, like just giving ourselves permission to feel, giving ourselves permission to process something, giving ourselves permission to allow for this paradox to exist. When was the last time you cried?

This morning. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I'm not crying right now. No, truly truthfully speaking you cried? This morning. Yeah? Yeah, that's why I'm not crying right now. No, truly, truly speaking, it was this morning. It's such a stressful time, you know? And it's a time where I feel like in my career, it's funny to me, I'm like, I can walk off a stage and feel like, I wanna do that all over again and then leading up to a performance.

I'm like, why do I do this to myself? This is torturous. And I, but I like to think that all over again and then leading up to a performance, I'm like, why do I do this to myself? This is torturous. And I never, I like to think that I always regret not working out. I never regret the workout. And so I try to think about that way in my life. Like, I got to do hard thing. I was designed to do hard things, you know, but even then acknowledging that it's hard is super important.

Because then you can have that compassion and empathy for yourself. But if you don't acknowledge that it can be very challenging, you're not going to leave any room for that compassion and that empathy that you need to have for yourself in order to do those hard things. And so, yeah, your girl was crying. It was a full moon. It was, it was all kinds of things, but it was good, it was a good cry. Like, it's not always like a sad cry. Sometimes it's like a release, like a sense of relief, you know? Yeah, it's really interesting that if someone's natural reaction to something was to laugh,

we'd see that as normal. But when someone's natural reaction to something is to cry, we see that as wrong. Or it's like, stop crying, everything will be okay. We'd never Or it's like stop crying, everything will be okay. We'd never say to someone, stop laughing, everything will be okay, right? Or everything is okay. It's really interesting to me which emotions we allow for in society and which emotions we try and block. Others and ourselves from having. And I find that the more we try and stop others from having a certain emotion, it's usually because we block that in ourselves

for a long, long time. And I love that you cried this morning and that was a release for you and it was helpful for you and it's powerful. Yeah, I think it's, and I'm so glad you share that with us today as well, because at the moment, we're experiencing a really vibrant abundant with your frequency and the interesting thing is,

when you were crying crying you were still vibrant and abundant like we shouldn't see that as not that right just because it looks different. I got to stay in an Airbnb on one of my recent travels and it definitely added a whole new layer to my travel experience. I got to explore the neighborhood and I tried the amazing restaurants. It really made me live like a local during my trip. Maybe you've stayed in an Airbnb before and thought to yourself, this actually seems pretty doable. Maybe my place could be an Airbnb. It could be as simple as starting with a spare room or your whole place when you're away. You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even knowing.

Maybe you have an extra bedroom or in-law unit where friends and family come to stay with you. You could Airbnb and make some extra cash while it sits empty. Whether you could use extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca forward slash host. Listen to comeback stories. I'm Darren Waller. You may know me best as a tight-in for the New York Giants. You may also know me for my story of overcoming addiction and alcoholism.

You may have heard a few of my tracks as an artist or producer. You may have seen the work that I've done through my foundation. And you may know my friend and co-host Donnie Starkens as well. He's a mindfulness teacher, a yoga instructor, a life coach, a man fully invested in seeing people reach their fullest potential and we've come to form this platform of comeback stories to really highlight not only our own adversity but adversity in the lives of well-known guests with amazing stories. Catch us every week on Comeback Stories, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Something about Mary Poppins?

Something about Mary Poppins. Exactly. Oh, man, this is fun. I'm AJ Jacobs and I am an author and a journalist and I tend to get obsessed with stuff. And my current obsession is Puzzles. And that has given birth to my new podcast, The Puzzler Dressing. Dressing. Oh, French dressing.

Exactly. That's good. That's good. That's good. We are living in the golden age of puzzles. And now you can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears for 10 minutes or less. Every day on the puzzler, short and sweet. I thought to myself, I bet I know what this is, and now I definitely know what this is. This is so weird. This is fun. Let's try this one. Listen to the puzzler every day on the iHeart radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's awful. And I should have seen it coming. Yeah, definitely. And I think it goes back to those core emotions, really understanding what are the symptoms of those core emotions and when I'm feeling this anxiety, when I'm feeling, is it coming from a place of fear?

And do I just need to talk about it? Or am I experiencing such great joy that my body really doesn't know how to receive this right now? Or am I experiencing both because there's two things going on at the same time. And I think it's doing that, that check in with yourself, that's super important,

making time for it. I genuinely made time to cry today. And I'm very proud that I did that because I would be crying right now, which would have been totally fine as well. But I think it's also such a sacred practice for me, not crying, but just checking in with myself that to be able to know how to do that

and support myself in that way, instead of seeking it again in a space of validation when it feels too late and more reactive, or from people who maybe don't know how to do that for me, it feels empowering to know, oh, I got me, I always got me, you know? Oh, I mean, if we could all just feel like, I've always got me. And we don't all the time.

Like I said, it's a daily practice to make that effort and even then, I fall short, you know? I fell in church even for friends and family members of mine. And I think that's when our human really shows. You know, like there's that window of tolerance, and we can try to expand it as much as possible, but it's still a window. You know, like it's still a window,

and some days it's this big, and some days it could be this big. And so it's just like acknowledging, and then expressing that too, just letting everyone, hey, my window's really small today. It's Becky's side. Or sometimes it's just like, oh, my window's really small today. It's Becky's time. Or sometimes it's just like, oh, my window's big.

We could fit a whole house to that day. Everybody bring, come on in. It's nice to just be able to vibe check like that. Yeah, and that's that daily, as you've used to it, inventory that daily check in of like, where am I at, how am I feeling, what can I offer is today a internal day or an external day. I do that all the time too.

There are certain days where I can literally be there for anyone and everyone and I am this outward person, and then there are days where I just wanna be alone and be in silence and stillness, and being able to accept that they're both one and the same thing. Yes. That one is not a better expression of me and one is not a worse expression of me. I think we still live in this world of what's right and wrong and better or wrong.

Good or bad. Good or bad. I can't. That's what I mean about the black and white thinking. Yeah. I was talking about earlier. And I would say there's a story about the man and he says, well, we'll just have to wait and see, basically.

I'm totally into it. Is he like a father and his son and the thing happens and then they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. And he's like, well, we'll see. And it actually, there's so many things that you think are a bad thing, right? A quote unquote bad thing that are happening, but in reality it's a good thing. And then maybe it turns out to not be a bad thing, right? Quantical bad thing that are happening, but in reality it's a good thing.

And then maybe it turns out to not be a good thing. And you just never know, you know? But I like to think that everything happens for you, not to you. Like that is my, that is my, my mojo these days. Everything is happening for me, not to me. And it's interesting how you're, the way you exist in those

spaces will actually shift because you realize, oh, this is in my favor. I'm supposed to learn something from this, you know, I'm supposed to like gain something from this. And that's why the whole concept of failure and success, like navigating this industry since such a young age, there's songs of mine that I love, that I thought deserve to be the number one song, and they're probably the lowest streaming, whatever, you know? But it's like what it means to me is a win. Like that is a success to me. That's not a failure, you know?

And so it's like redefining what success means to you, redefining what greatness is. It's redefining what all of the stuff that life has to offer and saying, no, this is happening for me, not to me, for me. And I just think it's so, yeah. Yeah, for anyone who's wondering the story that Becky was referring to,

which just encapsulated that point, it's a beautiful Zen story about a man and his son and the man buys his son a horse Well actually his son finds a horse I believe and comes home riding this beautiful horse and all the villages are like wow This is amazing like he's just so incredible that he could tame this wild horse and now he's riding in look how elegant it is And the man said, the father says, good thing bad thing who knows. Or maybe let's see. And then the next thing that happens is

that the sun's riding the horse and then he gets thrown off the horse. And when he gets thrown off the horse, his leg gets fractured and he has to have on operation and surgery and whatever else. And everyone in the village is like, oh my God, this is the worst thing that's ever happened. Don't know or no or no.

And the man says, good thing bad thing. Who knows? Or maybe let's see. And then after that, they come and recruit everyone in the village to join the army because they've got to defend themselves. But this guy can't go. And everyone's like, you're so lucky. Your son's not going because his legs broken. All of our sons have gone. We're going to miss them. And the man says, good thing bad thing. Who knows? Or maybe maybe let's see and it continues that way that it's and it's really hard in the moment to live that way because when it feels like because our mind has been trained in that good and bad when something bad is happening it feels like nothing good can come from it and the interesting thing

is when something good happens we're also equally convinced nothing good can come from it. And the interesting thing is when something good happens, we're also equally convinced nothing bad can come from this. And the truth is, those two moments can switch so quickly. And I've been at the intersection of both of them in my life, and I've just found that not seeing things is good or bad, but seeing them as just learning and lessons and healing and growth. And what you just said, which is that it's all about what's happening for us. If we can just live in that way, it's better than the dichotomy of good and bad, positive

and negative. Oh, Jay, shut it, ladies and gentlemen. I just, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you definitely told the story better than I did. No, no, I'm just filling in the gaps. No, but I really appreciate you going into that, that much detail, because I think that is, I wish that for the future generations

to really know that, to really know that there is no such thing as good or bad, there's just you. Just doing what you can do for yourself, whatever that looks like. And unfortunately, I think what happens for a lot of youth that grows up in communities like the ones I grew up in, it's like, we're doing a lot of things that we were never taught. We're doing a lot of things that we were never taught. And so there's a lot of like self doubt that creeps in. There's a lot of shame that creeps in. There's a lot of, oh, you know, do I trust myself or do I just stay where

I'm comfortable? And it's just like, nah, just do the best that you can. Whatever that looks like, just do the best that you can. You know, and I feel proud that there's moments in my life that I can look back and say, wow, I really showed up for myself, you know, the best way I knew how to. Maybe we'd look a little different today, but even then, like, very proud nonetheless. And so, yeah, I hope that for the future generations that they leave room for themselves to know that good thing, bad thing, I don't know, guess we'll see, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, it's, you know what's really interesting back here. Obviously, I went, so I went on tour for the first time this year.

How was it? It was, what you just, it was hard and grueling and exhausting and at the same time the most fulfilling, beautiful, powerful thing we did. I think it was around just under 40 cities across the world and it was insane as an experience. And I'm so grateful I did it, but I couldn't do anything else but that for the time that I was out.

I think overall we did that in like 80 days, all of that. And it was it was a lot of travel and everything else. But I was obviously touring for my book, Eight Rules of Love. And it was really interesting to me because there were there were lots of moments of the difference about for those of you who came to my show, you already know, but it wasn't a speech or a lecture. It was literally like a social experiment where I would take people up from the audience. People would be in uncomfortable situations that be humor.

There were moments where people were sharing their story with the entire thousands of people in the room. It was really moving. And there was one area where we've really focused a lot on and it was this idea of how the biggest space we lose ourselves is often in romantic relationships. And romantic relationships tend to be the relationships where we invest the most of us and often find that we leave

feeling the most broken or hurt or whatever it may have been. And I wanted to ask you, how have you looked at healing through romantic relationships that you've had? We've talked a lot about platonic friendship, family, and life, but romantic relationships tend to affect us deeper. I don't know if you agree with that or feel that way,

but. Yeah, I mean, I'm a sucker for love. I love love. So much. So I did. And I'm so excited to talk about this with you, or feel that way. But, yeah, I mean, I'm a sucker for love. I love love. So much. So much. So I get it. And I'm so excited to talk about this with you, because I know you are. And I think for me, it doesn't get any closer to your heart than that.

You know, this is the type of experience that is actually chosen. You're not born into. You're not placed into. This is a space of choice. I enjoy this person. I enjoy the time that's spent with this person. And I think that there's so much to be revealed in a dynamic like that about yourself. And you don't realize it because sometimes you're so focused on the other person on the other side that when you realize like, oh, this is actually about me too. the other side that when you realize like, oh, this is actually about me too. You know, it's as close to your heart as it gets. And I think my healing and that is the deepest it's

gotten of, how do I exist in these spaces? You know, the self accountability part, the self-reflective part of like what part of me shows up in these faces. And going to the parts work and stuff that I've done in therapy, it's just like, yeah, it's powerful. I think it's as powerful as I could ever get. Because it's the most revealing of your weaknesses. Of your weaknesses, yeah, and your vulnerabilities, and all of that stuff. And also, maybe not your weaknesses, but also your strengths. You know, it can show you, like just how strong you are, how giving you can be to someone, finding parts of yourself that you didn't know existed, you know.

I think it's a very inspiring space to be in. I was talking, I was just to say, I'm talking about this with a friend, but it's funny enough is somebody who also works in the industry and she goes, oh, amiga, I used to be told all the time that I'm so unlucky and love and I beg the different, I've been so lucky and love and I'm like, it's that change of mindset of knowing that like everything is happening for us, not to us.

And I think that when I think of my journey of healing and relationships, you know, some of my earliest relationships and how I existed in them and then the ones that I've had and like my, you know, teenage years, young adult years and how they evolve and how you change so much. So much. What have you turned to that you'd encourage other people to turn to find that strength within themselves and that connection with themselves when it almost feels like the foundations are broken, like those three legs are just destroyed.

Yeah. Well, are the three legs actually destroyed? I think it's like, again, it's an opportunity to reflect inward. What is real, what is not real? And going back to like what's happening in the real world versus what's happening, what's happening on social media, it's not always reflective of the same thing, you know? And and one's experience and something can be so different than someone else's, but leaving room for yours is super important. And then also being selective and who you share that with because it is such a sacred thing, you know? And I

think that's been one of the most revealing things for me in this chapter of my life is like, who do I share with, with everything? Who do I share with? Who deserves to be in these spaces with me? In my pain, in my peak, in my process, all of those things, like I deserve to have filters. I deserve to hold space. I deserve to just be and not have to explain.

And I think being a person who's grown up on social media, there has been so many times in my life where I've just been like, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, just been like, I don't know what I said, what did I do? And then what you say, how you say it, who said it, always gets mixed up, always gets used against you in some shape or form. And I think for me it's just like, no, I'm good. Because my three legs are good.

They've been solidified. They're being catered to. They're being taken care of. And so my table is standing, you know, and I'm proud of that. You're very proud of that. To me, it's really powerful what you just said now around the idea of we get so lost in a conversation that's happening outside of us that isn't actually reality. And so almost we're looking at the wrong things, we're arguing about the wrong

things, we're internally having a debate about something that isn't the thing. I actually had a friend I was talking to a week ago and we were discussing, you know, he's been going through some stuff and there was someone in his life that he had some rightful animosity towards, right? Like it would be okay for him to feel this way about it. And I was asking him, what was the big win and what was the ego in? And I was asking, like, what is really the win in this situation? And he was saying, the win in this situation is that my family member can move on from what they've been going through. And I said, what's the ego in? And the ego in was that person's life is ruined, right? The other person that they were mad at. And it was really interesting,

like just looking at it from that perspective of like, it's natural to have the ego win become strong in a situation. But then when you look at the bigger picture and you zoom out, you're like, oh, actually, now when I make sense of this, that actually is irrelevant to what I really care about. Does that make any sense?

Yeah, 100%. And so I think to me, I'm always reflecting on that. Like, what's my ego win in this scenario? And what's the bigger win in this scenario? And that only comes when you take a step back and what you said, you look at the reality and you look at the filter that you just talked about. To me, that's the biggest one. And I love how you said it wasn't just about the pains,

it was the peaks. That's so well said. Like, who's the first person you wanna call when you win? And who's the first person you call when you wanna lose? Yeah. And there's a filter to that. There is a filter to that on what the qualifications of someone, anyone, in any way that comes into your space.

And I think going again, I so created that everything goes back to my childhood of just being like giving, giving, giving, giving. When do you take and not take just to take, I mean like receive, you know, like that to me is a, is like the thing to really be just thoughtful about. And so those filters are again constantly being re-evaluated for me. And that's why I say growing up. I'm not growing up. I'm growing up. And I'm sure, you know, the same way I felt this, I felt such a strong sense of self at 16. And I look back at her. And I'm like, you can give me some of that girlfriend. I don't know what that was or what you was on,

but you were locked in, but also not aware of what was really out there in the world. And so you go out in the world and you see it what's out there and you're learning and you're adapting and you're taking all these things in. And things start to feel a little different. Your surroundings, your circumstances, they all shift. And then, you know, this is how I feel at 26.

Who's this saying, I'm not gonna feel any different when I'm 36, you know, and then 46 and so on. And so I think just like leaving room again for that like, that humanness and that being in process and the filters, you know, like not the filters we see on social media, but the real filters that matter, you know, we can't just be drinking any water. You can't just drink any,

you think I'm really sick by drinking just any water. You know, but if also if you just drink only purified water, you're not getting the minerals that you need, you're not getting, you know, so you can't be too guarded. Yeah. Because then that's a very lonely space to live in, you know, to have these walls that no one could ever get through. But if you have no walls, you have these walls that no one could ever get through. But if you have no walls,

you have no boundaries, no anything, and everyone and anyone can come in whenever they want to, I don't think that's a way to live life either. You know? So I like to think of the house that I was born into had no roof sometimes, you know? maybe some of the doors were a little funky. There's no locks on the doors and the windows are a little broken. But there comes a time when you grow up and you can say, I don't have to live in this house anymore. I can go build a new house. I can build my own house where the windows I can open and close them

as I want to check the blinds or let in the light. There's locks on my doors. I can let people in them as I want to Check the blinds or let in the light. There's locks on my doors I can let people in and share in my in my space and Share a meal with them and and even if they'd like to move into my house Because I choose for them to be in that house beautiful But also there's locks on my doors and not just anybody can come into my house You know knowing that knowing that I've I've provided a roof over my head that, yeah, if it rains, we're good. We're fine. You know, it can come crashing down and I will be

safe. I think that's beautiful. Like, we're all building our own houses that look very different than the houses we grew up in. I got to stay in an Airbnb on one of my recent travels and it definitely added a whole new layer to my travel experience. I got to explore the neighborhood and I tried the amazing restaurants. It really made me live like a local during my trip. Maybe you've stayed in an Airbnb before and thought to yourself, this actually seems pretty doable. Maybe my place could be an Airbnb.

It could be as simple as starting with a spare room or your whole place when you're away. You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even knowing. Maybe you have an extra bedroom or in-law unit where friends and family come to stay with you. You could Airbnb and make some extra cash while it sits empty. Whether you could use extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca forward slash host. All on me, hands in there. This is Wormer of Adorama,

executive producer of the new podcast, name my abuelita first. Part of IH Radio's microtuda podcast network. Each week, host V Corpis and abuelita, Lilliana Montenegro, will play matchmaker for a group of hopeful romantics who are putting their trust in Abuelita to find the mandate. Your job right now is to get an Abuelita's really good site!

Our Abuelita definitely knows best. On date, my Abuelita first, three single contestants will buy for a date with one lucky main date, except to get their hearts, they have to win over Awele de Liliana first! We are ready for love! Through speed dating rounds, hilarious games, and Liliana's intuition, one contestant will either be a step closer to getting that bandulsa, or a step closer to getting that chankleta! Let's see if cheesepuzz will fly, or if these singles will be sent back to the dating apps.

Listen to Dave Mayawali the first on the IHAR radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. That is so powerful. Becky G, just off his shoulder. That was like... Thank you. Thank you. No, that was so powerful. I love that analogy. It's so true. There are some people you only meet in restaurants. There are some people who make it to the porch of the front door. There are some people who make it inside to the living room. There are some people who you'll cook a meal for. Some people just order in for. And there's some people who, not everyone's allowed into your private spaces, your bedroom, you know, like, I think for people to know that they can set how intimate they want

to be with different people. Yeah. And that there isn't a policy that exists outside of that. It's something you have to set for yourself. Is such an important thing to remind people because I think people feel forced through stages. They feel uncomfortable through the different steps. And for you, I mean, you just referred to the home, I was wondering, I think it was,

was it when you were nine years old that the home you grew up in? Yeah, I was, I was a, it didn't burn down. So the economy at the time was just, it was a very scary time. There was a recession happening. And I just think that, you know, at the time, my parents were so young, they had no idea,

they were first time homeowners, no idea really what type of mortgage they had gotten, you know, committed to, and you hope for the best, but not necessarily prepared for the worst, you know. And so it's one of those things where I think, I mean, thank God for our families that we had, like this family support that we had, because we lost everything. We lost our home. I went from having like my first own bedroom. And most of my life I shared up until that point, I'd shared a bedroom with my siblings, all three of them.

And so I remember this house that we were living in. It was the first year I had ever had in my own room and I was so excited. I was like, this is what Lizzie McQuire has. This is what like, all the girls on Disney Channel they get to put posters up on their wall and they get to like, you know, rhinestone, their closets and whatever.

And I just remember like being so excited about moving into that house and then when we lost it, just feeling like, oh, well, that didn't last for very long. I think like subconsciously that started something in my mind that felt like, oh, when, that didn't last for very long. I think subconsciously that started something in my mind that felt like, oh, when you have good things, they go away. Nothing lasts forever. So don't hold on to it too tight. And I'm thankful for the flexibility

that that gave me in life, but it also makes me very sad for my younger self that really believed that everything good that happened to me came with a really hard price to pay. So like if you have good things, oh, you've got to be ready, got to be ready for something that you know, for the shoot or drop. And so we moved into my grandparents' comfort of garage in Inglewood, where I was born.

And it was a garage, I would say the size of the studio actually. And it was all six of us, my mom, my dad, my two brothers and my sister. And there was bunk beds. I slept on the bottom bunk with my sister, my brothers up top and my parents on the food ton bed that they would make couch during the days. We'd have a little bit more room.

And we had a pop-up table from IKEA that I would do my homework on and eat my cereal. That was the knockoff brand of Cocoa Puffs. Not the real one. All too fast forward to the day that I decided, you know, I want to do this. I was obsessed with, which is really funny to me. I had mentioned Lizzie McGuire, blonde, white girl. I mentioned I was obsessed with Shirley Temple, young, blonde, white girl. I was obsessed with Dakota Fanning, blonde, white girl. I don't know what it was, but it was something about how

young they were and how empowered they were. And they were doing these very adult things. They were the heroes of the stories that they were doing and acting. And I just remember thinking, oh, I want to do that. I want to, and I'm shot out to the end, and I'd go on Google, and I just remember thinking, like, oh, I want to do that. Like, I want to, and I'm shout out to the internet. I go on Google and I look up, like, what do you need to do? Or what, who represents Dakota fanning?

And all these things, like, how do you become an actress? And my first agency that I signed with at nine years old was Osbrink agency, shout out to my first agents. And at the time, they were representing Dakota fanningning and I did not know what the heck a monologue was. I didn't know what headshots were. I didn't know any of that was. But I just knew I really wanted to learn.

I really wanted to do this. And a huge shout out to my parents too because again, they knew nothing about this. They had three other kids, you know, to take care of too. And the drive from Inglewood to Hollywood is, you know, with traffic, especially, is not very close. LA County's big, but they really supported me through that. And I have like a little, like I printed out a little contract to my parents, and I said, give me six months, just six months.

And if nothing happens, then like, okay, like, you know, that's fine. Like I'll leave it alone and we'll pretend this never happened or we can renegotiate our terms. We can renegotiate our terms after six months if all goes well. And yeah, going back to just like that instinct, that agency, that empowerment that I felt to just like, to do this thing, That no one in my family had ever done. Like, there was really no point of reference. And I'm glad I did it because I look back at the garage,

which is like still a real place, but my family still lives. You know, there's a lot of things up there. My grandma has a couple of like little shrine things of like, oh, you know, I'm like, grandma, this isn't a museum. I'm just being a walking by the house. It's like, is this the house that Becky lived in? My grandma's like, absolutely, I'm like, no.

Very sacred space. But yeah, it's like, it's crazy to look back at and think like, this is, you know, this is where it all started, that fire within me that felt like, no, I can really do this. Like, let's try this. That's so spectacular. That's special.

That's special how so many big dreams start from so many small places and small places within us too. And I was gonna ask you that, like how have you, now that you're building this new home that has windows that work and has doors that have locks. What's changed about how you decide and define how someone gets to get closer to you and connect it to you. What is changed? What is evolved? What have you learned growing up about who you allow close? Yeah, I think it's like, again, it comes back to knowing

not anything has to be concrete. You know, you can vibe with people. You can enjoy beautiful moments with people. And then the moment that something doesn't feel right, you can speak to that. And everything is always, to me, always older conversation. You know, I've had friendships in my life that just in all honesty, I grew and there's all love and always owed a conversation. I've had friendships in my life that just in all honesty,

I grew and there's all love and it was a conversation. And it's sometimes that simple, but I think it's just like leaving room for that growth. Just like, it's gonna change. That's the point. Like we grow. Like we change. Going back to the ice cream seven years ago,

it was chocolate today, it's frozen yogurt, you know. I'm still hot by that, because I love chocolate. I mean, I'm broken. I'm broken, I'm broken. I'm broken, I'm broken. But, you know, like, you're literal, like, even your physical body changes. Why wouldn't our minds and our hearts also expand

and change in those ways too, you know? So I think it's like, and it's not just in the way that I hope to be received by other people, but it's just also like, or like how I hold space for other people. It's also like being around people who hold that same space for me, you know? Like I think understanding that these are like

mutual spaces, right? Like, it's just powering when you're like, oh, this is a choice. Yeah. Like I get to choose to be here. You got to choose to be here. Like, and we're like, oh, this is a choice. Like, I get to choose to be here. You got to choose to be here. Like, and we're here together. Like, that to me has been the most beautiful part

of my like, evolution and healing is like, man, like when I go on tour, my fans buy their tickets because they chose to be there. Like, you know, the same way I chose to walk onto that stage, like, let's not rob ourselves of that like empowerment, that agency that we have over our lives, to decide, to choose what's good for you,

what's best for you, what motivates you, what inspires you. And that can be the bad things, I could be the hard things, I could be the, because there's no such thing as good, bad, whatever, you know, it just is. You know, when I'm speaking to you and I love this, and I love it when I get to experience it in someone because I think it's quite rare. But you just have such a strong spirit of just like positivity, mindset, like obviously you're working on all of these things as we've been talking about today.

And I love seeing it be so tough in someone. I'm not saying that, of course, like you said, you cried this morning, like, I'm not saying. I'm not saying. I'm not saying without, I'm actually more tough. I'm not saying tough in the sense that there isn't any pain or stress, of course. And to me, the display of, to yourself of pain is even tougher to be able

to admit to yourself that, hey, I'm working on this stuff. How have you stayed so open to that mindset of trust and forgiveness for yourself and others when it almost seems like there's so many reasons to not be that way. If that makes sense. Well, I think it's just going back to, it makes it easier for our human mind to see things in black and white, right? It makes our life easier, but actually it doesn't. I feel like it cuts a short from the experience that we're supposed to have. Like, I believe in karmic energy. I believe that we are here for reason. We're here on purpose. There's a purpose to our pain, to our happiness, to our greatest joys, to our anger.

There's purpose to all of it. I think just really allowing yourself to be open to it is where I think I find it. It is that story of the father and his son. Like, I don't think that there's these practices that have been around for like generations and generations and decades, you know, to think that, like, yeah, it's just a bunch of focus, focus. You know, like, I just don't, I don't think so.

Like, I think that's why I have a hard time trusting. Like the power of technology sometime, that's a whole other conversation. It's like, hasn't been around long enough for me to really understand what this is and what it's capable of. Great point, yeah. And the impact that it has, like I said,

on the future generations, like it's intimidating and I think, but you gotta be open to it. Because if it cuts our processing time, by half and our kids can learn more, that's great, but I believe in balance. I believe that we need balance as human beings. And I think that there's just so much more to this life than just being like, well, I don't like you.

It's like, okay, well, maybe there's something in that person that you don't like, that actually reflects something that you don't like about yourself. But you're not ready for that conversation. Some people just aren't, and that's totally fine, but I am that person. Like, put, yeah, I love it. I really do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can sense that. I can tell that, and it's fun to watch.

I think it's really meaningful to see in someone. You've talked about having guardian angels. And I want to ask you, Wendy, for most connected to your guardian angels. Oh, I feel like my faith journey is very interesting because it was something that I was introduced to again at a very, very young age because I grew up in a very religious family. My mom was kind of the one to break that up for us, which I'm very thankful for because it allowed me the opportunity

to kind of find it on my own instead of it be something that was forced. Because like my mom, I remember many times she'd tell me stories, you know, your grandma would just call us in, we'd be like playing outside, having the time of our lives. She's like, kids don't even play outside anymore, you know?

But here, there we were like playing outside and my mom would make us come inside and pray the rosary and we'd be like, I get, come on, grandma, come on mom, you know? And what I loved is like, as a kid, I would have so many questions. Like I tell my mom, like, you know, sometimes when I was little, this is very funny.

My grandma would sometimes be like, kind of insinuate, insinuate like oh you know people don't go to church or like they're on the they're on the bad list the naughty list right and and so my mom would be like you know how grandma is you know we're gonna go to the Ositos house you know which is like to go to church we're gonna go to the Ositos I'm like why doesn't the Ositos come to our house like why can't he come to our house like with this concept of us having to go to him why can't he come to our house? Like, what's his concept of what's happened to go to him? Why can't he come to us? Like, challenging these things all the time. And I just remember just thinking like,

no, spirituality is a mutual connection with source, with greater source. And for me, my connection with God is just like, yeah, like, he loves me regardless. There's times where I pray and I mean, some of the stuff that I share, I'm just like, you know what I mean? You know what I mean, you know? And I think that that's like, I love that for me

that I was able to discover that faith and I feel so protected and some of the moments that are so simple. You know, I mean, not just like in my moments of deep confusion or like pain, when I am challenged to surrender, that control, when I say I practice like, oh, God, but even just when I'm by myself in my house, making my coffee, and I'm playing,

I don't know a certain song will come on, all my playlist, and I'm just like, that's my grandpa, I know it. I know it, or today. Big thing for me is Dragonflies. I have a Dragonfly tattoo and they definitely represent something very significant for me. And I mean, for months now, on the way here, Dragonflies.

I was like, how are these going to be fine? I love you. We chill in. I love that. It's beautiful. And it's wonderful to have these notes and signs and, you know, moments that make us feel aligned. We all need them in some capacity. And we all look for them because we're all trying to feel connected to something higher and bigger and more powerful

than ourselves, whatever it may be, whether it's in the world or whether it's beyond. And it's nice hearing about your spiritual journey and how it's evolved because it is so personal. And there's a beautiful, there's a beautiful statement. I believe it's, I believe it was said by David Lynch. And he said that prayer is you talking to God, and meditation is God talking to you. And I've always loved that, that idea of God, of God universe, whatever you call it, but the idea that prayer is when you're speaking

and meditation is when you're listening. Yes. And that communication is mutual. As you said, it's this two-way connection. It's not a one-way as it's often portrayed or comes across. And I really find that as well, that sometimes my job is to stop talking and just to listen. And so often we're just talking too much. We're trying to figure it all

out or problem solving. And that listening ability is so lost in the art of communication. A hundred percent. Yeah. That's why I said, you know, everything is always a conversation. I think that's how we should look at. even things I can't talk back to me. My dogs that live in my mom's house, you know, all of a sudden I love them so much. There is a mutual love. They can't necessarily talk back to me, but I listen. I take the time to like connect with them, you know. But I think it's about being that type of, you know, intentional type of person, I guess,

when you're having these daily practices. And that's why I think when I like meditate, like there was like a shift instead of person, I guess, when you're having these daily practices. And that's why I think when I like meditate, like there was like a shift instead of saying, like, what do I want? What do I feel right now? It's like, what do you want? Like it's, it's, it's, you have to ask your subconscious, you have to bring parts of yourself forward, you know, to really receive what that is because our psyche is like, it's crazy. There's certain things that I have unpacked in therapy. I was like, oh, I didn't even remember that that happened. You know, and it's because our minds are very powerful.

Our minds were designed to protect us, right? Like our human body wants to survive and avoid death at all costs, but our spirit needs death. Our spirit needs death, the thing of giving up something to then have a rebirth of something else to gain something else. Like, you have to be willing to do that. You there's so many parts of myself that I think, you know, I have kind of like resolved with and it's beautiful to look back at. Like that's that skin that I needed to shed.

That's a beautiful thing. But there's like, you know, parts and that that probably people I grew up with, people that knew me to be a certain way that was more beneficial for them, would probably be like, she changed. Yeah. It's like, no, I did. I actually did.

I did change, you know? And I don't think that's a bad thing. So it's funny how, yeah, spirit can need something different than like what our body is like designed for. And you're like, no, no, it's not the literal thing. It's the shedding, you know, it's the shedding that needs to happen. Yeah. Becky, it's been such a joy talking to you today.

And I'm so glad that we've finally connected in this where we've got to share your abundant energetic spirit with everyone through this episode. And I'm hoping that everyone who listens to it can kind of walk away feeling that positive energy through your voice, through your energy into them as well, because I really feel like it's come across for me too. Thank you.

You just, yeah, you just have this spark. And I'm hoping that everyone today got to feel a bit of it. But we end every on purpose episode with our final five, which is a question that asked me answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So Becky G, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? You miss 100% of the shots you never take.

Hmm. I think that's one sentence, right? Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's one of Asian. I was like, it's one of the really V1 words. That was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was one word to one sentence. That's fine. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

I don't know, I'm that, I'm that positive, Patty. I'm like, what is the worst advice you've ever had or received? I don't know, I'm that, I'm that positive patty. I'm like, even those negative things, they're a positive thing. Ah, I would say, just make sure you really think about it. It's like, no, you could overthink it. That's what I would say. Just make sure you really think about it.

Really think about what you're saying. Or really think about, you know, what is that you're asking for? No, no, no, I trust my gut. But say probably that's the worst of it. You should really think about that. Yeah, got it. Ha ha ha. Question number three,

what is something you're currently trying to unlearn? Definitely people pleasing. What's the hardest part about giving it up? Ah, it's just second nature. You don't even realize how you practice that on a daily basis. Like I said, growing up in this industry, just I feel like there's a lot of child stars

that are set up to not be very successful as adults who are trying to take agency over their own life. And so just knowing that your feelings matter, how you feel matters. And also not everybody needs to participate in that. And that even if you spend your whole life trying to please everyone, chances are they'll still be upset with you for something else. Yeah. And again, maybe has more to do with them than it does you. So totally. Yeah, and again, maybe has more to do with them than it does you. So totally.

Yeah. Great. All right, question number four. What's something that you used to value that isn't important anymore? I would say like the optics, the optics of what it is to be in the limelight. Like going back to that thing that,

oh, everybody needs to like you. And you gotta feed the beastelight. Going back to that thing that, oh, everybody needs to like you. And you got to feed the beast or whatever. I don't think I really value that anymore. I value my personal piece more than anything else. I like that. Beautiful. 15th final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Oh, that everybody

practice and had access to some form of therapy. Yeah, I'd love for to be able to help that happen. Yes. Yeah, the access to resource, I think, is very crucial, but I think I would make that Crucial, but I think I would make that like immediate like starting today sign on the dotted line Like I think we all deserve safe spaces. I don't think we have enough of them Well said Becky J everyone. Thank you so much Becky for having so much presence openness vulnerability with us here today and everyone who's been listening or watching make sure you tag me and back you with your favorite moments. I love seeing

what stuck with you. Maybe what's helped you. Maybe something you're gonna pass on to a friend because you know they need to hear it. I know back in I would love to see that. Please make sure you do that and back you. Thank you so much. I can't wait for everyone to go and stream as Kina's right now. It's available if you're listening right now. You can go stream right right now. So go to everywhere you listen to music And go and listen in but thank you so much back here. Thank you. I really appreciate you so much Thank you so much. If you love this episode you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of.

The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life amidst the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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