On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Birthday Episode: 12 Life Lessons I’ve Learned This Year

Episode Date: September 6, 2019

When I lived as a Monk we were recommended to reflect every 2-4 weeks. Usually we wait for new years resolution, but for me my birthday has always been a time for deep reflection. It’s important to reflect on the lessons from the past because they are the only thing you can truly take with you to the future. Life will teach you the same lessons over and over if you fail to listen. So much more than I could’ve ever imagined has happened this year, and I want to share the lessons with you. Get ready! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever.

I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One-E-Feed podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The One You Feed has over 30 million downloads

and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcast. Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. wherever you get your podcasts. We either create a mythical balance in life for 10 years, or we go through short term imbalance for three years to create our life.

What I mean by this is very clear, and I'll be really straight up about it. If you've got goals in your life, you can either try to kind of get to them in 10 years, but also go on holidays and also have a break and also live a balanced life, and that's beautiful. There's nothing wrong with that. All you can say, I'm really going to go after my goals. I'm going to work really hard for two to three years. And then I'm going to come back to balance.

Welcome to On Purpose Everyone. Today is a special episode for me. A really, really exciting episode for me. It's, really exciting episode for me. It's my birthday and I'm just so grateful that I get to spend it with all of you. And I'm so happy that you've downloaded this episode to listen. It's been an amazing journey so far. We launched on February 14th, 2019,

this year of this podcast. And my birthday is September, it's today today and so it's been an amazing, amazing few months this year sharing this with you and this really was just an idea on my last birthday. So every year there's something I do on my birthday that I want to share with you because I'm guessing that a lot of you do that as well and I'm guessing that a lot of you take this time to do this on your birthday. So every year on my birthday, I sit down to reflect on the year that has passed.

How many of you do that, right? Like how many of you have done that this year? How many of you have done that for a few years? This is a habit that I've done quite consistently because I love having milestones, I love having landmarks, I love having points of reflection. And when I lived as a monk, we were recommended to reflect every two weeks to four weeks. And of course, you could continue to review at the end of the year.

And usually we wait for things like New Year's resolutions or the New Year. But for me, my birthday's always been a moment of deep reflection. And I look at everything from the progress that's been made, the achievements, the goals that have been reached, but most importantly, I focus on the lessons learned. And let me tell you why that's so important to me, right? Usually when people reflect, they think about the progress, the achievements, the goals, but for me, it's so important to reflect on the lessons. but for me it's so important to reflect on the lessons. And this is why lessons are the only thing that we can truly take into the next year.

Right, you don't take your achievements to the next year. You don't take your awards to the next year. You do take your progress internally to the next year, but your lessons, if you learn deep, powerful lessons in your life, these will last you a lifetime. And these lessons are going to keep coming back and you're going to keep needing to bring them out and use them in different scenarios. So if you've overcome a certain type of pain in the past, you can learn that lesson in the

past and then reuse that lesson in the future. But if you become unconscious of it, like if you're not aware of that lesson, then you have to learn it all over again. How many times have you ever been in a situation where you feel life is teaching you the same lesson again and again and again? And that happens because we don't learn it the first time, we don't observe it the first time, and we don't go deep on it the first time. I think it's really important that we become conscious of these lessons so we can use them again for long-term growth and success. So as I was reflecting on this

year, I thought I should share my 12 life lessons from the last 12 months with you. I thought this would be the best birthday episode to do, where I can share the 12 life lessons that I've learned this year. And a lot has happened in 12 months, and this is not one of the live lessons. It's just something I'm throwing out there. So much has happened in a year way more than I could ever imagine. More than I could ever have predicted. And as always, I'm so grateful and deeply touched by my community, all of you. So just over 12 months ago, my wife and I moved to LA after having lived in New York for

two years. And this was the third time we had moved in the last two to three years, but we were so excited about it. And even this move to LA was completely spontaneous. We were literally in LA for one of my work trips and we stayed for about a month. And literally in the first week, first couple of weeks, we just fell in love with everything from our relationship in LA to the weather, to the amazing friends we have now. There was just so much about the energy of the place and I truly believe that we hear

a lot about power places, but I really believe everyone has a purpose place. There are some places you go to where you feel more connected to your purpose. There are some places you go to that you feel more empowered to live your purpose. And there are some places that really facilitate your purpose. Now that doesn't mean you need to move. It could mean that you need to travel more

to get that break, to get that inspiration. But we really felt that LA became our purpose place, right, a place where we could really serve, give back, make a difference and hopefully make an impact on the world through the content that I'm creating, through the work that I'm doing. And remember, I just want to add, these are my reflections, their my realizations that I believe could be and will be useful to you when you listen to this podcast. And now you may apply them differently, you may think about them differently, but what I'm encouraging through this podcast is reflection, is introspection, is taking lessons with

us. Not just thinking, oh, I learned that lesson great. Don't need to think about it. How can I actually add that lesson to my toolbox and my toolkit so that I can reuse that lesson in the future. So these are my 12 life lessons and as I'm sharing them, I want you to reflect on your own. And what I've done with these life lessons is I've shown sometimes how they can be counter-intuitive or sometimes they surprise us. So some of these you may actually find slightly mind-boggling

or they may provoke thought, but hopefully they're things that will resonate and go deep. And I'm also going to be sharing some of the insights around these reflections, not just from my experience, but from other stories and science and different thoughts, like I always do. But again, thank you for listening on my birthday. I mean so much to me that we're spending this time together right now and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else apart from sharing this right with you. So the first lesson I learned is this, tell people what you genuinely want but don't

expect it from them. Now what I mean by this is not demanding what you want but telling people genuinely, being open, being vulnerable, being okay with sharing what you're really looking for in life. And the reason is because before I moved to LA and just generally an entertainment, you hear a lot about how everyone's very nice to each other but no one tells the truth. Or you hear about how everyone's saying yes, yes, yes, to your face and then people are saying no behind your back.

And so I was just like, well, how do I deal with that? Like how am I going to function in that world? And my promise to myself was, I would always be honest with myself and honest with everyone else on what I'm looking for, what I'm trying to grow in. So when I moved to LA, there were a few amazing people I really wanted to connect with,

right, when you're starting a new role, when you're starting a new job, when you're starting a new school, you may think, oh, there's a few people that I really want to connect with. And this wasn't for any professional gain, right? It wasn't because I wanted a collaboration or an agenda or something to do with work or business.

It's because I was curious and believed that we genuinely connect, right? There's some people that I see their video or I see their Instagram profile or I see something they share. And I'm like, I could be friends with that person, right? And I'm sure you feel that way too. And I was just like, okay, I want to make an effort to get to know these people,

not just not to post a self, we had a post a picture, but to really get to know these people. And also more importantly than that, I really felt that I could learn from them, right? And that I could share some things too, but I felt like maybe there was things that I could learn from them. Now, when I was introduced to these individuals who should remain nameless, after spending some quality time with them,

I literally said something that now when I say it out loud, makes me sound so desperate or so weird, but I was saying what I truly meant. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast, on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet.

Oprah, everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luminous Hamilton, that's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself,

because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon.

Concord your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast podcast in each bite-sized daily episode Time management and productivity expert Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time both at work and at home These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to Before Breakfast on the I Heart Radio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart.

I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain

steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And after spending some time with these people, I literally said to them, all I want is to be friends and connect more, right? I actually said that to someone. Now, I'm laughing out loud at myself right now, but the funny thing is, I'm genuinely

friends with them now, right? Thankfully. And actually, some of them are like family now. And the genuine reason is because it's so important to be open and vulnerable with people about our intentions. Unless we make our intentions clear, it's hard for someone to respond, right? We're always trying to get people to read our minds or read in between the lines or figure things out, but the key is to not expect it to always work out. So yeah, one of the first mistakes we make is that we don't tell people how we feel, right? We're scared. We're like, oh my god, maybe that makes you look weak or maybe that makes me look desperate or maybe,

you know, they're not going to understand me. And we don't tell them. The other option that we take, so we don't say anything. The other option that we take is we don't tell them what we genuinely want. We're not clear about that. And that way that person's always wondering what our real intention is. And one of the things we have to do when we do this is we have to expect that it could not work out. But if you've been honest, what you've done is you just saved yourself time, money, energy, and resources. When you say the truth about what you're looking for in a relationship and a connection, you save yourself from wasted time, energy, and effort. And we invest in things for so long because we don't tell people our expectations and

they don't tell us theirs. And that's where we get lost, like I was saying before, and trying to read people's minds, reading between the lines, and then we end up with no signs, right? Sorry for the rhymes. But, you know, that happens so often when we lose that. So tell people what you genuinely want in any relationship, be really intentional, be really open, honest, vulnerable, focused and aware, because that way, A, you're more likely to see if they're really willing to be able to provide that or give that. Now, lesson number two is this. And this is a

really, really powerful one for me, really, really powerful one for me. You will have to make sacrifices, but don't sacrifice who you are, right? All of us to get to what we want to in life will have to make sacrifices, but you don't have to sacrifice who you are. If you do that, you've gone too far. So I know a lot of people who have never watched Game of Thrones, believe it or not, right? I know people who've never watched House of Cards. I'm one of them, by the way, for both of these.

But for the past 12 months, and actually, for the last three years, I've dedicated my time and energy to try become better at my art of simplifying wisdom and making it more accessible and relevant. And it's something that I'm doing all the time. It's something that I'm obsessing over. It's something that I'm focused on. It's something that never leaves my mind and I love that. It's not something that I'm addicted to with a lack of choice. It's something I'm selectively focused on with my energy. And for me, it's so, so, so important that I may have to make a couple of sacrifices because I actually don't feel like sacrifices.

And that's really when you know you're winning that what most people say is a sacrifice you don't at all. And so studies show that the most happy, wealthy and wise people choose to forego TV and random social events for mastering their art, mastering their craft. And there's one of my favorite Drake lyrics says this. So listen to this carefully. And you know, they're always, and it's in my British English accent. So, you know, you can, the rhyme may not work exactly. But this is a Drake lyric. I believe it's from a song that he did with Jay-Z and Little Wayne, forgetting the name right now. I can't remember the name, but hopefully it'll come back to me. So Drake goes, they always tell me nobody's working as hard as you, and even

though I laugh it off, it's probably true. Because while all my closest friends are out partying, I'm busy here making the music that they party to, right? And I love that lyric, because that last line, right? Because while all my closest friends are out partying, I'm busy making the music that they party to. And so it's that understanding of not being able to go out because you're creative, right? And you see this, this isn't just him, this is anyone who you admire that you look up to, that you aspire to be like, they've made that choice. Remember the people on TV are working whilst you're watching.

Right? While we're watching someone else is working to create that. This is a really, really important point, and this is about work ethic, and it's also about sacrifice and recognizing that there is no sacrifice when you're getting closer to what you actually want to get close to. And so I'm trying to remember if I know the song now, if it can come to my mind one second, I'm going to take a quick look just to tell you not that you actually care. Maybe you do. I don't know.

Let's have a look. Let's see if you do you care. Oh, it's called Light Up. The song's called Light Up by Drake, Jay-Z and Lil Wayne. So I just checked it out. So that's the name of the track with that lyrics come from. But anyway, back to what we're talking about.

So this, again, isn't just about money or success. It's about loving what you do, finding, meaning, and purpose. I'm not talking about sacrificing, you know, having late night so you can make loads of money. Like that's never what I'm talking about. I'm talking about sacrificing to find meaning, to find purpose so you can make loads of money. Like, that's never what I'm talking about. I'm talking about sacrificing to find meaning, to find purpose. Now, not everyone has to do this, right?

Someone may prefer a show to starting a YouTube channel or watching a movie instead of writing articles or your blog, right? And that's fine. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. There's no judgment. But an important thing here is not to sacrifice who you are. It's very easy.

So on one end, we sacrifice our goal by pursuing things that don't really matter to us. And on the other side, we sacrifice who we are, right? We go all the way, we go too far. And it's so easy to get carried away and become what we think will be perceived as successful. And we lose ourselves in the process. And this illusory energy in the Vedic teachings is called Maya. Maya means illusion. And when one is in Maya, one gets lost in Maya and loses themselves in the pursuit of something. So a common question I get asked is, Jay, and this is something I had for years, actually,

even when I worked in the corporate world. And people always say this to me, they'd say, Jay, you don't drink. How do you network? Right, you don't drink. How do you you network? Right, you don't drink. So how do you network? And I was asked this when I was in the corporate world. I was asked this when I was in university because I gave up drinking pretty early in life.

And I was asked this the whole time. And it was really funny that people, I found it crazy in hilarious that people saw drinking as synonymous with networking. And I remember the first time someone said to me, oh, Jay, should we get a juice instead of get a drink? Oh, Jay, should we get a coffee instead of gay, alcohol, alcohol, drink, or whatever it may have been?

And it's just interesting to me that people see parties as synonymous with networking or drinking as synonymous with networking. And what I've realized is that there are plenty of people who don't want to network over drinks and parties and they'll actually make time to get to know you where they can actually talk to you. In the 1680s, a feisty opera singer burned down a nunnery

and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruise way to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans. What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day.

I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Yomla, and on my podcast, the R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need. And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us.

When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown. And my podcast, Deeply Well,

is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here's where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices.

Heal and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life. And live our purpose, which leads to community impact and higher consciousness for all beings.

Deeply well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love, namaste. And this is something that I started to see that you could actually meet someone, have a more impactful conversation with them,

have a better meeting with them, in a non-social setting as well, and maybe a social setting that's different, that's changing it up. I mean, what you're actually doing is adding an alternative to someone's life that they're not used to. So I didn't want to sacrifice who I was,

I didn't want to start having to do things that weren't in line with my values. Again, I don't judge anyone who drinks. That's not the point I'm making, but I didn't want to have to change just for someone to have a meeting with me. And I think this is a really, really important point to put out.

And this is from the beginning when I started, right? It's not about waiting till you have negotiation. This can happen right now. So you don't have to sacrifice who you are to fit in. And if you want a bit more on that, you can go to last week's episode and it was all about how you can stand out with real confidence and not have to fit in.

So don't really have to change to be accepted, right? People who really want to connect with you will connect with you for who you truly, truly are. Point number three. Remember, there are 12 of these. We're number three and I had to give you 12 for 12 months. So listen to this carefully. Make rules and routines for effortless relationships. Right? Structure can enhance spontaneity. Right? Structure can enhance spontaneity. Right? Structure can enhance spontaneity. Recently, I put up a video about my morning routine.

And I'm really glad it got so much great feedback, not just for the great editing by my team, but also because it gave people an insight into how I try and live my life. And trust me, like, morning routines are hard. It's a lot of effort trying to get it right. I make a lot of mistakes, but I'm always trying to get better, it's not perfect.

And the scientific American wrote an article by the name of how everyday routines can make life more meaningful. And in the same article, researchers from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology asked participants to complete five mazes. So imagine you were given a maze on a piece of paper and you asked to complete it mazes. So imagine you were given a maze on a piece of paper and you asked to complete it. Some participants had similar solutions and others didn't. Right, so some people had mazes that look similar and some people didn't.

The subjects with similar solutions parallel to routines and habits reported greater meaning in life. The study goes on to say that we find meaning when we have routines and rules. Even though we think that structure can make life boring, it actually creates the bedrock and foundation for spontaneity. So, when I move to a place like LA and everyone's busy, I'm busy, I'm traveling, you're moving around all the time, I set certain rules for my relationship. So, you've heard me before,

tell you my 30-day, three-hour rule, three-day rule, right? I talk about how every 30 days me and my wife go away for three days, somewhere within three hours away from LA. Now, that was a routine rule that we put into place that helps spontaneity. Another one of my favorite was with certain friends. I was like, we're gonna make sure that we have dinner once a month, or we're gonna make sure we go

and hike together once every two weeks. And setting those parameters actually led to building really meaningful relationships in a place where everyone's always traveling, everyone's always moving. So it could even be as simple as things like having dinner with my wife, or making sure I have a dinner in a movie with specific friends.

And we have to make sure the relationships stay a high priority. And I always used to say this, but I used to struggle to figure it out because I was always so busy and doing so many things. And I found used to say this, but I used to struggle to figure it out because I was always so busy and doing so many things. And I found that making rules and routines for effortless relationships really helped. Now, the key here is this. And I say this to anyone who's like, Jay, I'd love to spend more time with you or I'm saying this to someone that I want to spend more time with. I always make this very clear. This is what I say.

I say this relationship say, this relationship is going to work when we're both flexible and committed. And what I mean by that is, if I reach out to you a day before we had plans and I say, look, I can't make it up as this has come up, but I give you another date. You don't have to just do that other day, but you have to realize I do want to spend time with you. See, relationships get tough when we start judging each other. When someone cancels us on someone and we immediately think, oh, they didn't value me anyway, and this wasn't meant to happen.

And I just, I again, I'm so clear with my intentions. I wanna spend time with you. I want you to know that. But you have to recognize that we both have to be flexible because we lead busy lives. So I really believe, as you can see, this honest communication is a really important thing for me. Now, number four is what I call small steps big priorities, especially in our health.

Now this is how it usually goes in our life. We want to make big steps, but we make them all small priorities. And this, what I'm saying, small steps, big priorities is the only real method for change in life. Right? What we do is we try to take lots of big steps, but they're all small priorities. In other words, we try and change everything

all at the same time. And this is especially true for our health, and health to me is such a pillar in my life, and I would really want you to make it a pillar in your life because I truly believe everything is built around good health. Now health is many layers. So in the past 12 months for me, the biggest focus has been my physical health because I've always wanted to master the mind.

It's something I've done and focused on for quite a while. And it's been fun to navigate emotions and learn to manage stress. But I found that in some areas of my life, I was neglecting my physical fitness in the pursuit of mental fitness. And I believe the four key pillars to our mental and physical health are the follows. Now, I can't help but they do spell out meds, right?

So meds, M, meditation, E, exercise, D, diet, S, sleep. These are the four key pillars of our health. Our meditation for our mind, our exercise for our body and our mind, our diet for definitely body and mind and sleep for body and mind. Now if you listen to this podcast and you go, that's it from tomorrow, I'm going to do all these four layers all at the same time. Guess what? We're all going to fail.

And so in my life, this is kind of how it went. I prioritized meditation for a long time. I think the next thing that came in my life was sleep. The next thing that came in my life was diet and the last thing that came into my life in the last 12 months was exercise. And what I found is building them one by one actually allowed me to maintain the first one and then build the next one. And when you master one, it gives you the confidence to go and build your next one. So right now, if you're like me and a few years ago, look at all of them and be like, wow, I'm doing none of those.

I want to start doing all of them. The biggest mistake we can make is trying to do them all at the same time. The best decision we can make is trying to one by one. So I just want you to pick one. Right, for me this year, it was physical health, it was exercise, and for me, that became such a big pillar and priority in my life. It became a small step of going to the gym four times a week or three to four times a week in the beginning

for 45 minutes, but it became a big priority. What I mean by that is I said it at a time that was non-negotiable. I went at 8.15 to 9 a.m. And no matter what I was being offered at that time, I would turn it down because that became a big priority. So the last thing you wanna do is set something really important

at a time you know it's gonna have to change. When I first started, I'd set it in the afternoon or towards the end of the day, and I started to realize I was always rescheduling and cancelling because I was running late from a meeting. So again, you want to make it a small step in a big priority. So I wasn't saying to myself, okay,

the first thing I'm gonna do with my health is I'm gonna run a marathon, I'm gonna do an Iron Man or whatever it is like any of those things, it's a small step and a big priority, right? That's a great way of creating change in your life and creating consistency in your life. So remember meds, meditation, exercise, diet and sleep. And remember so often, so many of our challenges, because we don't sleep enough.

So what I'd like you to do for here is rate on those where you are and where you want to be. So you may say, I'm meditation, I'm at a five, I want to be at a seven, exercise I'm at two, I want to be at a, you know, six, diet, I'm at a one, I need to be at a five, and sleep, I'm at a, you know, one, and I really think I need to get better sleep. Maybe I'm at a nine. So then you figure out which one's got the biggest gap and that becomes your focus. That's when you know, when that's the one you want to focus on and build into your life. Okay, now lesson number five, listen to this and this, this will apply to your work. To think outside of the box, get in the zone, right? To think outside the box, to be more creative,

get in the zone and let me explain, right? We all want to be more creative, whether it's a work, whether it's a home, with our friends, or even for your children. Now the world economic forum talks about how creativity is one of the most important skills needed for the workplace. But what I hear the most when

I'm out at conferences or when I'm at events is that we all believe creativity comes from randomness or chaos or by complete surprise. And even though there's some merit in that studies show the opposite. Research suggests that immersion, focus and discipline, consistency can be great foundations for creativity. Right, we may come up with a great idea in the shower or a random conversation, but to truly be creative and go deeply with that, we need to get in the zone.

And this has really been a huge finding for me. So I obviously create so much content. We create eight podcasts a month, 12 videos a month, and then daily content out on Instagram and all these other places. And for me, one of the things I've really realized that helps me is I try and create all of my content for the month in seven days. So at seven days in the month, or where I go deep into script writing, deep into creativity, deep into ideation, deep into recording, and that way I can create more content.

So now content isn't a pressure or a burden I'm not running around every day or every week. Oh my god. What do I come on coming up with this week and It's the same with the podcast when I'm trying to record a podcast Sometimes I'll go to New York and I'll record two podcasts a day and what that helps me do It helps me become a better interviewer because I go deep into that identity and that conversation And I'm doing it again and again and again. So sometimes we're less creative when we're creating out of stress and out of a burden and we get more creative when we're actually able to get in the zone. So what I'm

saying here is schedule time where you can be with something for longer, rather than trying to just hope that it's gonna come from somewhere else. So lesson number six, approach one thing from multiple paths. I think one of the biggest questions I get asked all the time is, Jay, how do I get there? Like, it's not working out. Like, I'm trying this, but it's not working. One of the things that I've seen work in my life, whether it's launching the podcast, whether it's not working. One of the things that I've seen work in my life, whether it's launching the podcast, whether it's connecting with amazing people,

whether it was launching the videos, it was approaching one thing, one goal from multiple paths. And the multiple paths have to be volume and variety. Listen to this carefully, volume and variety. What I mean by that is the more parts you try, the more likely you're going to get to the goal, and the more variables you create in the paths, the more likely you are to get to your goal. What we usually do is do one path, one style of focus. What I'm saying is do multiple paths with different volume, with more volume and more variety.

When you had variety, so when I was thinking about launching a podcast, I looked at all the options. So the options. The options were, do it on my own, partner with a big company, sell my idea to a bigger company. You start looking at all the paths and you start exploring all of them. Then a variety of ideas that formed the foundation. When you're trying to chase your goal, don't just try and look for one path to get there. Try and look at multiple paths to get there. How many times are you on Google Maps or Ways and you see the rerouting, where it says seven minutes slower or three

minutes quicker or whatever it is and you change it up to be the quickest, but in real life, it's good to explore more volume and more variety because you're going to learn more from that. You're going to feel more confident from that knowing that that route is the best because life is not going to give you a timeline, like Google Maps or Waze does, like you're not just gonna know this is gonna take seven minutes or 70 days. So it's so important that we walk more paths

to gain more experience, to learn more, as long as it's in line with our one goal. So I approach one thing, but for multiple paths, I learned that this year in everything that I launched. Now, this is probably one of my favorite things I've learned this year, and it's been cemented this year.

Lesson number seven, be patient for the big things and impatient about the small things. Listen to that carefully. Be patient about the big things and be impatient about the small things. What I mean here is, usually there's this debate about, do you have to be patient? Like how long do you have to be patient for?

So my thing is be patient about the big things. There may be a huge project you want to do. There may be a huge brand you want to launch. You may want to do your own TV show, whatever it is. Those are the things you have to be patient about because they take time. You may want to fall in love this year. But there are lots of things you can get started right now.

Like for me, the podcast was something I could be impatient about because it was totally in my control, right? So I could launch that. If you're looking to start dating online, creating a profile online, you can be impatient about, you can get going with that right away. So what I mean by that is you can balance patience for the big things with impatience for the small things.

And usually what we do is we just are either impatient about everything and that frustrates us, or we're patient about everything. And that frustrates us because you don't get it anywhere. So the way to do it is with small things, get them going, get started, start working, start building, get scrappy. And for the big things, start building,

start focusing, start putting the right plans in place. Now lesson number eight, growing doesn't feel how we think it should. It feels like purification and cleansing, right? When you're detoxing your body, or you're detoxing your mind, it doesn't feel like a beautiful sunshine or a beautiful sunset, or you know, it doesn't feel like that. What it feels like is work. And that's what I've realized this year. All the challenges, all the setbacks, everything, that's growth, that resistance, that's growth.

Don't mistake that growth for, you know, fatigue or too much or too much pressure, realize it's purifying and cleansing. Of course take care of yourself, self-care first, but remember that growth is going to feel purifying and cleansing. Now, lesson number nine, this was a big one because I think it's something we all struggle with. No one will change your life apart from you.

When I moved to LA, I know a lot of people are talking about agents, managers, bosses. We're constantly, and I even hear it now from so much young talent, or so many people like, I'm looking for this agent who can change my life. I'm looking for the manager who's going to understand how to do this. I'm looking for this person. And these are all important roles in our life. But I can't stress you enough.

No one will change your life apart from you. And I had to realize this, that you can have an amazing team around you and you should. But you are your best ambassador. You are your best priority and focus because you're thinking about you all day. And what we do as an excuse sometimes is we look for someone outside to fill that gap and fulfill that role, but recognize that person is not coming, that person is you. So don't keep waiting for that person, right? Get creating now. Don't keep waiting for that person is you. So don't keep waiting for that person, right? Get creating now. Don't

keep waiting for that person. Now the 10th lesson I learned this year is this. To be successful and happy, we must serve, serve, serve. And I put this on the list and you'll see, I actually have this on the list every year because you can forget the importance of service. See, the myth about services? To give something away you have to have it first, and that's not necessarily true. Service studies actually show that even those with chronic pain or mental health, when they give peer services volunteers, it reduces their own symptoms. Another study with 2000 subjects found that people who said they were very happy were volunteering 5.8 hours per month. Service, always rewiring my intention, always refining

my intention, always making sure that every conversation, every interaction is about giving. This doesn't just mean charity work means how you speak to people. Everything can be from a place of service and helping. When you live that way, you naturally boost your happiness. I have to continuously remind myself because the world completely tries to take us away from service. I've said this before, but I'll say it again, we're wired for generosity, but educated for greed. We're wired for generosity, but educated for greed. Things will constantly try to make us more self-serving when actually we get the most happiness

from selfless service. Now I've got two more lessons to give you. Here's the 11th one, with two choices in life. We either create a mythical balance in life for 10 years or we go through short term imbalance for three years to create our life. What I mean by this is, is very clear and I'll be really straight up about it. If you've got goals in your life, you can either try to kind of get to them in 10 years, but also go on holidays and also have a break and also live a balanced life.

And that's beautiful. There's nothing wrong with that. Or you can say, I'm really going to go after my goals. I'm going to work really hard for two to three years. And then I'm going to come back to balance. And in that two to three years, I'm going to make enough progress so that I'm really going to go after my goals. I'm going to work really hard for two to three years. And then I'm going to come back to balance. And in that two to three years, I'm going to make enough progress so that I'm actually achieving and building my life

in such a way that I'm on the path. Now, for me, I've always realized this. And it comes back to the sacrifice point as well, is that for some of us, what's most important, and this is so important about priorities and values. How much is your purpose of priority and value and how much do you want to go after with full attention and full focus and full dedication because if you do, you'll see the results faster but you may have to put things off for now. And this has been a big thing for me. I've really realized

that I really want to build and build and serve and give you and facilitate more content. So I've always focused on how can I become impatient about those things right now so that I can give them and be patient for the bigger things. But I don't want to live a life where everything's perfect. So I talked about on Instagram recently, we went on my honeymoon three years late me and my wife. And a lot of people when we didn't go on our honeymoon

in the first place, we were like, oh my God, how can you miss a honeymoon? That's crazy. And the crazy thing is we had an amazing honeymoon three years later. We knew each other better. We knew what we'd have fun doing. We really appreciated it.

And that's because for the last three years, I was really working hard, building momentum, growing, serving, making a difference in my life, and the lives of others. And the 12th and final lesson I've learned, which has been really powerful, is that, you know, good times will show you who cares and bad times will show you who really cares. And it's so important to remember the people that were with us from the start, to be grateful to them, to never lose that connection because they've seen the whole story.

They've seen the whole you. They've seen the whole you. They've seen your growth. And when you had to share that with them, it's such a beautiful thing. So today, I know it's a very different podcast. I wanted to share openly about some of the lessons I've learned this year. Some of the big things that have stuck out to me, I would love for you to make your own 12 lessons

from the last 12 months in your birthday. I think it's a beautiful thing to take forward and really put a star next to the ones that you're taking into next year that you know will be good reminders for next year. Thank you so much for being a part of this community. Make sure that you've subscribed to the podcast. If you have subscribed, please rate and review the podcast. It means so much to me. And please share which one of these lessons really stood out to you. I'd love to see what really connected and resonated with you, because that's going to help me remind, that's going to help remind me what's truly important as well. Thank you so much for being a part of this community. Make sure you share this podcast, and I'll see you

again next week, and I'm so excited for this next guest. I am so so excited. I cannot wait. I cannot wait for you to hear who I guessed on Monday is. See you soon. Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're gonna share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know, post it, tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts.

I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you. I'm Munga Shatekler and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international banks, kpop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me and my whole view on astrology changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas

are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw this taxocasian in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacao tree and recently, variety of cacao, thought to have been lost centuries ago, were rediscovered in the Amazon.

There is no chocolate on earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle to find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along. OK, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to obsessions, wild chocolate. On the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or whatever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm David Eagleman.

I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eaglement on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.