On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Charli D’Amelio ON: How Our Thoughts Define Our Reality & Ways to Shift Self-Criticism Into Curiosity

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

Do you want to shift your thoughts to change your reality?  Do you want to shift your self- criticism into compassion?  Today I welcome Charli D’Amelio, a digital superstar, crowned “the reigning queen of TikTok,” by The New York Times. Charli was the first on the platform to hit 100 million followers and is the current leading female TikTok creator with over 150 million followers, making her the most followed person on the platform. Now Charli is one of the most recognizable faces online, in print and on screen with her family’s Hulu docuseries, The D’Amelio Show. In this interview, Charli doesn’t hold anything back. She openly discusses how she preserves her self-esteem and identity while navigating the challenges of online bullying and fame. She talks about her breaking point and what led her to change the way she talked to herself by implementing self-compassion. It’s a reminder that checking in with yourself is important in order to sort out emotions and assess your physical and emotional needs.  In this interview, you will learn  The importance of being kind to yourself  How to tap into your authentic self How to rediscover yourself and giving yourself permission to be  The power of learning to trust yourself and your decisions  Strengthening your ability to bounce back from setbacks. How to voice your needs to those around you.  Join us in a conversation of self-exploration, where we explore the depths of self-awareness and empower you to build trust in yourself and your choices.  With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro  02:34 Did Charli Just Get Lucky?!  5:50 Charli’s Online Identity vs. Her Real-life Persona  11:26 Learning To Focus On What Actually Matters  13:43 On Losing Her Identity 19:10 Finding Joy In Everyday Life  25:00 How To Be Less Self-critical  29:00 Treating Your Friends With Kindness  32:43 Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics  36:43 What It’s Like To Film A Reality TV Show  39:10 On Being Trust In The Adult World At The Age of  16 45:24 Gossip, Rumors, and Clickbait 47:38 Being Friends With Other Influencers  50:15 Having A Famous Boyfriend  54:28 Learning To Ignore The Haters  58:34 Raising Her New Puppy!  1:00:30 Finding Her Personal Style  1:02:00 Learning To Use Her Voice  1:09:40 Finding Peace With Animals  1:13:15 Visiting Africa  1:17:30 Charli D'Amelio On Final Five Episode Resources: Charli D'Amelio | Instagram Charli D'Amelio | TikTok Charli D'Amelio | YouTube Charli D'Amelio | Twitter Charli D'Amelio | Facebook Charli D'Amelio | Website Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hey everyone, welcome back to Unpurpose. Thank you so much for choosing us every single week to become the happier, healthier, and more healed. You know my goals just to sit down with fascinating people, learn about their stories, their journeys, their challenges, so that we can all learn and grow together, so that we can start to make better decisions, choices,

and have insights in our life that help us along the way. I've found that studying people's lives and studying people's stories has helped me so much in my own life, and I'm hoping that through on purpose, we can do that together. Today's guest is someone that I've never had the joy of sitting down with one-on-one on the show. So I'm very, very excited to invite the superstar crown the reigning queen of TikTok by the New York Times, Charlie Demilio, one of the first on the platform to hit over 100 million followers and is the current leading female TikTok creator.

Now one of the most recognizable faces online in print and on screen with her family's Hulu-Docque series, The Demilio Show. In May of 2021, Charlie and Dixie launched their own clothing brand Social Tourist. Charlie recently starred in Prada's Global Ad Campaign at the end of 2022, and in June of 2022, Charlie launched her first ever fragrance venture, Born Dreamer. Alongside her family in May of 2023, they launched Demilio Footwear under Demilio Brands. Charlie's influence on social media has earned a coveted spot on all the major lists.

And I wanna welcome to the show, Charlie, the Millio, Charlie, thank you for doing this. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me, I'm excited. Yeah, I've been really looking forward to this because I wanna say this to you because I don't think I've ever talked about this with you. But you come up in more conversations

or when I'm doing keynotes on stages and it's really funny because I kind of think of you randomly and often, I want to share this to you, I've never said this to you. And it comes up because I have watched your journey from afar as everyone has for such a long time and I've really deeply admired just how phenomenally skilled you are at what you do.

I think you're a phenomenal dancer, an incredible performer. And if I'm ever presenting or talking to anyone about social media or digital or whatever is, I always bring your name up because I think you're one of those people that obviously got your moment on TikTok when it took off and everything. But I feel like there were just years and years of practice and hard work that went behind it that we don't always see. And I just wanted to share that with you as we kick off today that I think it's incredible and I think you've been practicing for this life that you live since you were like four years old.

And so I always try and highlight that. And so I don't know. I think of you in that context often. No, thank you. I mean, I appreciate that. I think when it comes to social media, it's very easy to get on yourself and say it was just luck. But to hear that from someone like you was definitely, you know, puts it into a different perspective

that I don't always let myself feel, which is really nice. Good, I'm glad. Thank you. Do you still kind of kid yourself and just say it's luck to yourself now after all these years? Do you still feel that way? I do. And I think that, you know, having that in the back of my mind definitely keeps me a little bit more humble and helps me, you know, this wasn't something that I was asking for, looking for, but I mean, I've all, like, my entire life, I've been filming videos, whether it's like,

I was 10 and look at how I do this, or this how I do my makeup, like, always just making videos. That was always something I loved, and I never shared them with anyone until TikTok. So it's really, it's crazy to think back about those times and how they probably really did help me get to where I am now. I love what you said, that luck, or viewing your success as luck helps you stay humble.

I think that's such a beautiful trait and quality to aspire for and to always practice. At the same time, though, I'm guessing that when you see it through the lens of luck, sometimes it can affect your self-esteem or self-worth because you're like, oh, I just got lucky and maybe I don't deserve this. I don't know if those thoughts come up at the same time as trying to stay humble. There's this side of like low self-esteem that we all go through. I mean, absolutely. I think it's hard not to feel that way, especially a lot of my journey was everyone telling me that I didn't deserve it, kind of feeding into that and it's starting to really affect, you know, how I think about myself.

Do I deserve anything? Why am I where I am? I don't do anything special. I'm not different than anyone. There's millions of people that would probably be better at my job than I am, but somehow it's me. And, you know, I kind of try and separate myself online from who I am in person. I always like to say it's Charlie Demilio, who everyone else sees, and Charlie, who I am, when it's just me. And, you know, you really have to appreciate the things that you work hard for because I feel like those are the moments where I really do feel proud of myself because I don't

always, even when achieving these amazing things, I'm like, well, it's not really me. It's the people that are watching me that got me here, you know, like they could have done this to anyone. But when it comes to things like dancing with the stars or hosting the kids' choice awards, like those were two of probably my favorite accomplishments of mine because I really felt like I had to work for that. And it was just moments where I really truly felt proud of myself and I don't feel like that very often. I'm so glad that you shared that with us because yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? It's like the reason why you did so well on both of those is because you've done it for years and years and

years. But sometimes you need to have a moment where you're working really hard on one specific thing so that you can see it. How long did it take you to make this awareness of like there's Charlie Demillion and then there's Charlie? Like how long did it take you to figure that out for yourself and to even explain it in that way? Yeah, it definitely took me a while. I always knew in the back of my mind, I was like, I would do certain brand deals or ads

and they'd have this creative and I do it and I put on this like super happy smiley, like obviously catering to a younger audience, which I love doing, but that's not who I am at heart. And I think growing up, and I started this when I was 15 years old, and then I was turning 17 and 18, and I was getting tattoos, and I would curse, and everyone would be like, whoa, this is crazy. And I was like, this is what I do in my normal day-to-day life. Like this is who I am.

So I really just had to... the version that people don't like isn't even me. You know, it's what they knit pick out of certain things that I do. And I think coming to that realization, honestly, over the past few months, maybe this past year, I think has been probably one of the most helpful things to not let what other people say get to me. I empathize and feel so compassionate for how difficult that could be to be that young and have millions and millions and millions of people having an opinion on everything from what you were to what you say to what you do and

who you date and just everything right like I can't imagine being your age and being put under a magnifying glass like in in the way you have, which I think is also very unique because I think TikTok put people under a magnifying glass in a way that it also never been done before. It's like a first time thing. So what has changed about then 15 and you're only 18 now. So it's only been three years right? 19. 19 now you're 19 now so it's been four years yeah in those four years what has what would you say is the biggest change that you've seen in who you thought

you were then and who you are now I just, you know, I was in high school. It was one day no one cared what I did, no one cared what I wore, what I looked like, what I said, and then all of a sudden that was all anyone to talk about. It happened so fast, and I put up a shield to kind of protect myself, which helped me, but also hurt me a little bit because it was hard to get out of that shell. And I mean, I think back to some of the things that I said in interviews three years ago, yeah, hate comments don't bother me. And I was like, you went home and cried all night because of it. Like, I would say things to make people think one thing, but inside I was very sheltered

and I went through a pretty big stage for maybe like the first two years where I always looked out for the best in people and I got myself hurt a lot. You know, people wanted to make videos together and and they would invite me over for a collab. And then they would all hang out. And I wouldn't be invited. And I would I would be so confused. And the excuse was always you're too young or you know, whatever. And I was like, you guys are just hanging out at a house. Like how am I too young for that? But not too young to have in all your videos. And it took a lot of, you know, distancing myself, a lot of talking to my family, going to therapy, you know, figuring out who I am outside of anyone watching to be a little bit more content with myself and understand that I don't need to have all of these people like me.

You know, I'm fine on my own, I love being by myself. I'm fine with the friends that I have in my corner that I've had for years or the new friends that come into my life that actually love me for me. And, you know, there's nothing that I can do. I feel like now I'm kind of at a point where, you know, whatever, like that's kind of my motto, I always am just like, all right, okay, I don't know, I don't care. And focusing more on the things that really matter to me, like it sounds so lame, because I constantly talk about my dogs like them, my children. It sounds so lame because I constantly talk about my dogs like they're my children. But literally, spending the day with them, taking care of them, my responsibility being them and not myself. I don't have to worry about work or anything.

They don't care if I have a million followers or none. I don't know, just focusing more on the things that actually matter. The fans that actually love me no matter what, like have been there for years or are brand new and actually like who I am and not just what I put out, you know? Yeah, and it's so hard because so much of what you put out is you or is a part of you.

And it can feel like the biggest part of you because it gets the biggest response. Yeah. And it's, it's almost confusing in your brain to be like, when you're with your dogs, it's a small part of your life. Well, there's a small amount of people there, but it's actually a bigger, yeah, bigger importance or biggest significance to you. Because I have so much life that no one sees. I've so much about me that no one knows about. And I'm fine with that, you know? I don't feel like I need to change myself for anyone because I did that for so long, and it was so exhausting, and I worked so much while being so burnt out, and just wanting to while being so burnt out and just wanting to kind of get away from everyone, that now what I want to do is definitely a lot more important than what

everyone's telling me to do. And that's really tough. Like when I've spoken to even like young musicians and music stars, it's like most people get their break when they're like 15 years old or something like that. And naturally everyone's older than you. And as a 15 year old, you're used to having parents or people older than you telling you what to do. And so whether it's your manager, whether it's your agent or your team or whatever it is,

they book you and then you're doing what they say because you're doing what the adults say. It's kind of normal. And now that you're an adult yourself, you're kind of like trying to take that back. What was it that you felt you did that wasn't you or that you felt you were doing because the adults are saying to do it? Or what were those things that you felt like you moved away from who you wanted to be

or who you were? I think I, you know, for quite some time tried to just do whatever anyone said to make them like me, whether it was how I dressed or how I talked or what I said, anything, what type of videos I make, I was listening to every comment, whether it was like, I hate that hoodie, well, never wearing that again, like this person doesn't like it. And dictating every decision I made through what other people said. And I mean, for a long time, the beginning, I was only surrounded by a bunch of adults and 25 year olds and all of this stuff, and they would always say how mature I am, but I was just trying to fit in.

I was still in high school, still like, you wanna be with the cool kids. So the people that I thought was cool, I would do anything to be like them. You know, dress different every day, or speak about specific things or try to sound cool or change myself. And it's just so not worth it.

Because why am I going to do that? And how long am I going to do that until they realize that it's like, okay, we get it. You like whatever we like, you don't have to do that. You know, it's just, I think it's so unfair to yourself to have to do that all the time. I love that you use that word unfair. It's almost like it's just unfair to do that to yourself. That really hit me and resonated with me because it's almost like you're just doing yourself

such a big disservice by moding yourself into what you think someone wants. And that was just a thought they had on one day, in one second, in one comment. And then you have no idea who you are. I had to sit with myself and say, I have no idea what I like. I have no idea how I wanna dress.

I have no idea how I wanna do my makeup I have no idea how I want to do my makeup or what's my favorite song or what's my favorite movie. I just, I don't know. I do not know anything about myself and my answer to every question was, I don't know. And I actually had to talk to my therapist about this and I was like, I say I don't know to everything, but the thing is, I really don't know.

I don't know who I am. I feel like all I know is what anyone tells me to do. And I mean, it's a really weird feeling because how do you get out of that? How do you find out what you like? But you really just have to try things. Get out of your house. I was not leaving my house ever.

Like I would go through these phases where I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't wanna do anything. I just wanna stay in my room all day, watch TV, like not get ready, nothing. And I've been really low a couple times. And I think this past time that I got really low was when I was like, okay, my parents even said they were like, we're not going to let you, we're not going to sit here and watch you rot in bed all day

and not do anything. And just like, we can't do that. That's so unfair. And especially when you don't live with your parents and they're noticing that it's an issue. So I had to kind of really dig deep and ask the questions that I didn't ask for so long for whatever reason. Maybe I didn't want to know the answer. It was too much or scary to figure it out and be your own person, but I think it's just so much easier. And I think it's also just being, it's really hard when you're living your own journey. And then you realize as you're getting older and as you are maturing, as everyone does, you're looking back going, I can't really expect

my 15-year-old self to know all this anyway. I think, you know, for me, when I think about being back to 15, and I didn't know anything about myself, and I wasn't dealing with the pressures you dealt with or the challenges that you had. And sure, I had different challenges and different stresses as I'm sure everyone does have their own thing. But the point is that as a 15 year old self, you don't really know what you like anyway, because it is true. You are trying to be with the cool kids, or you are trying to be like the other people,

and you're getting involved in all sorts of things just for people to give you approval and validate you. And then all of a sudden, it's amazing that you're now coming to that point, where you're like, I wanna know. And I think what I love about what you said is, and it's because I love about what you said is and It's because I said this often in my books and my work is that

Knowing what movies you like what food you like what songs you like that is the beginning of self-awareness like it's that basic It's it's not this complicated Deep thing that it begins with it really starts with those things it starts with these really simple everyday choices That we all have to make so I starts with these really simple everyday choices that we all have to make. So I want to ask you simple everyday choices. What is it now that Charlie likes? Like, what is it that Charlie has discovered that not Charlie DeMilleo but Charlie enjoys and appreciates? What are the joys of life that your dogs obviously mentioned? But what are some of the things that brings you joy that you feel you're discovering for the first time? Things that bring me joy. I love cleaning. That's something that sounds so lame but is so therapeutic.

I love, um, what about cleaning? Because I want to know, I want to know now, the way you said that was so much gentleness. I'm like, all right, what about cleaning? Honestly Honestly to me, it's just therapeutic. Like put something on my TV, clean my room, organize my stuff, make it how I like it, you know? Because there can be certain things that, oh well, you know, this is cool. I guess I like this, but what picture do I want out? What am I proud of and what presented? How do I like my bed made? How do I like my chargers to be set up? It's like such minuscule things that I think makes such a difference. And it also makes you feel productive and makes me feel like I have my

stuff together. And I mean, as someone who struggles with obsessive compulsive disorder, that's one of my like big things where I feel like when I'm doing that, I'm almost clearing my head. So I don't know, it's just something that I genuinely enjoy doing. And I think it's super fun like this morning, because I've had such bad jet lag. I was like, okay, I can either try to go to sleep for the next three hours or get up and clean the kitchen and play with the dogs. And I was like, all right, let's just get up and do it. I'll get up in five minutes and we'll start to do this stuff. You order your coffee and do all the things

that you need to do to feel together. And that made me happy. And I was really proud I did that. And I started my day on a great note and now I feel great. So it's just like little things that I just, I find so much fun in. Yeah, no, I mean, the team will attest to this too. I'm like addicted to organizing shelves and bookshelves.

So I'll take you to the house afterwards and I have, like, I have this bookshelf in there that I personally curated and like, everything and like, even if my wife moves one book, I'll know to say. And I'll be like, where's that book going? But it's like, I get that organizing spaces, and creating spaces to be spaces you want to live in, and sit in, even this room right now.

I curated it because I want to be in this space, and I want it to feel comfortable for my guests, and for myself, and I want it to feel comfortable for my guests and for myself and I want it to also spark curiosity or whatever it may be. And I think it's interesting how all these tiny things when you're intentional about them, they can spark someone's joy without trying that hard. And I mean, it might be a little bit of like the very few parts of my life that I genuinely get to control. You know, it's not up to anyone else, it's not, you know, do it this way or wear this or show this product. It's like, I just get to do this and make it how I want the way I want it on my own schedule and I'm fully in control of this

task. Start to finish. Which, you know, it's a way to deal with being a little bit of a control freak. Yeah. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhian and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adapt good for you, listen to this. Rather than I pour our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you,

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I think that's such a great point. It's rare that we have that much certainty and control over anything in life. And if we don't do it at home, we're gonna potentially try and do it everywhere else where we can. Yeah. No, I think that's a great point.

What else would you say that you've discovered about your likes and dislikes? Like what was something that you thought you liked before or someone had told you to like before? And now you're like, I actually changed now. Like that's not how I feel about it. Oh, there's definitely a few. I'd say one thing that I started to specifically like my own way was music. I would listen to whatever's popular and I feel like now I really only listen to the songs that I

genuinely enjoy listening to or I relate to. even if it's the most random playlist ever, where it's like rap, sad music, country music, like all in one, I enjoy listening to that. And I don't have to listen to whatever everyone else is listening to, and I also can if I want to, if I want to listen to whatever's the top 100, I'm gonna do that, you know? Even in front of other people,

I can play what I like and I'll take suggestions and not just what's your favorite song, well whatever one's the top one right now. Like, you know, having that to myself is also something really nice. Have you discovered any new artists or anyone recently that you're like, someone that maybe we haven't heard of

or someone that maybe is less heard of that you're like? Well my favorite artist, his name is Pimstones. He doesn't make music anymore which is really, really sad, but he's my favorite artist ever. He's made like some of the most incredible songs I've ever heard and they're just so beautiful to listen to. And one of them has been my favorite song for a while. Actually, someone at my dance studio when I was like, probably 13, had a solo to it. Wow. And ever since then, I've been obsessed. And he only has like two songs out on Spotify. But I will listen to the two of them just on repeat forever and ever and ever, because they're so good. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. That's amazing. Yeah, I love that. I'll check it out. Only two songs on Spotify. Yeah. So, Gimstones. All right.

I'm going to go check it out after this interview. No, I love that. And I think it's really refreshing and it must feel so good. I can see it in your face. So you just seem so like genuinely happy talking about the things that spark joy, that bring you that sense of comfort and ease and make life that much more. What, if someone right now is listening

and they're like, Charlie, I'm struggling with what you just said. Like, I find it hard to be open and honest about the things I like because people make fun of me or ridicule me or maybe people tell me that's not cool or whatever it is, like, what has slowly given you the confidence to get there and what do you think people need to hear to almost feel confident in themselves to say that? I think it just starts with giving yourself permission to be open with yourself. Because it really like, as much as it sucks to hear, like, it is all in your head. You have to work on yourself talking. I think positive self-talk is something that is so often overlooked because everyone's so

overly critical of themselves. You see your face, you know, in the reflection of your phone, you're in pictures, background of photos, you're like, oh, I hate this one, but this one posted it, and I can't do anything about it. You have to, once you start speaking in a more positive tone about yourself and the people around you, the easier it is to feel more positive, you know? Instead of, oh, I hate the way I look today.

You know what, my hair's doing something different, and I kind of like it, you know? Starting with those little, little things that sound so, so, like, it's so tiny, who even cares? It's in my head. It's not affecting anyone, but it's affecting yourself. So I think just the more you can be positive

and open with yourself, and not so overly critical of yourself. If you like a movie and no one else likes that movie, it doesn't mean it's a bad movie and you can't like it. You can still enjoy watching it and, okay, we just have different opinions. That's normal and they probably like stuff I don't like, but that doesn't take away from what they like.

It's just, you know, the way you talk to yourself is so important. Yeah, you're so right. And it's so subtle. Like those thoughts, as you just said, like, I love that switch that you just made between, I don't like how my hair looks today or, oh, my hair's doing something different today and that's interesting or it looks cool. Whatever it may be, there's an amazing book for those who are more interested in what Charlie's talking about right now, it's called psychosybanetics. And it's this whole idea of how our thoughts completely define our reality. Yeah.

And how, as you just said, studies show that we have 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day, and 80% of them are negative and repetitive. So we're often having the same thought, which is like, I don't like how I look, I don't like how my hair looks or I don't like this about me or whatever it may be. And you keep having that thought. Oh yeah. And then it just spirals and then that's all you feel about yourself and then it becomes your reality. So that book really helped me. It's an old school classic in this space, but it convinces you that you can change your thoughts. And it's not like you're lying to yourself, right?

Like I want to address this for people who think that positive, this is not about positive thinking. This is not like looking at yourself and going, I'm amazing. And I'm special. Like that stuff doesn't work either. But it's almost just tweaking your thoughts slightly to being, how do you change from being critical to just being curious? And that little switch can change everything?

Exactly, and I think it's so important because getting to the point where you have a more positive self-talk, it's not linear. You're gonna have dips and bad days and good days and bad months and good months. That's how it works. But I noticed when I start to see myself slip and realize, I've been super critical of myself. And you know what, I've had such a bad week.

That's probably why. I'm feeling so insecure and maybe I'm taking it out on other people. Or I don't want to leave my house because I've critiqued everything about the way I look and not focus on one positive thing at all. You know, it really, that's when I noticed, when I started to dip again, how important it is to really focus on being kind to yourself. Yeah, and I, I hope people really hear that because I think the reason why we're hard on others is because we're so hard on ourselves and the reason why we're hard on others is because we're so hard on ourselves. And the reason we're so hard on ourselves is because we're so hard on others.

And it's almost like if we were just able to be kind to the stranger or our friend, our family member, then I think we'd actually be able to be more kind to ourselves and vice versa. Even in friendships and relationships, I think it's important. If you're telling jokes back and forth to each other and maybe they're like, you know, I joke with your friends,

like, sometimes it can be a little mean. I've, you know, I've done the, why don't we try and just be really, really nice to each other for a little bit. Let's really focus on bringing each other up. And I've actually had that conversation before. And I think it's something that sounds almost corny. Like, let's be super nice to each other, but it really is helpful to have the people that you love. And maybe you say it when you're a little bit down. So, you know, you're not asking for compliments. You're just asking for a more positive environment around you.

And I think that there's something so special about that. And the people around you that love you will definitely be open to it, you know? And I think that there's also something in that the people that you have around you every day, you need to try and build up with you. Yeah, and that's, I get that people find that hard because I'm also in England, we banter a lot.

And so I banter a lot of my team with my wife. If people see me and my wife together, they're like, you guys hate each other. Because we'd go so hard. And even my friends, I just came back from London for my sister's wedding. And I was there with all my boys and I was so, we're so intense with each other. And that's how close we are. Like more intense we could be. But you're right, that's sometimes,

and it's really interesting because when you get into a one-on-one with a friend, they'll say how much they need the opposite. Like when you're with a group of people and you're all bantering, it's great, but then when you're one-on-one with someone, you hear how someone's like, you know, I need a bit of encouragement, right?

I need to know that you think I'm doing good at this or whatever it may be, so. And also, like, don't be afraid to be the person that is going to text all the people around you. Every time you see them do something, I'm so proud of you. You looked amazing at this. Or this was so cool that you did this.

Like, be that person, be the annoying person. I wish I did it more and I should, and that's something that I'll take into the rest of the day. But this morning, even, I had a conversation with my mom and she's something that I'll take into the rest of the day. But this morning even I had a conversation with my mom and she's got back into modeling. She's in Louisiana right now, so I haven't seen her in a couple days and she was sending me photos and I didn't answer my phone for a little bit just because I've been jet lagged and crazy and I was like, geez, like if I sent her something I would want to hear back how proud she is of me.

So let me just go over the top because sometimes you need to be that person, especially if that's the energy that you're trying to get back, you can't get that without giving it to. Yeah, well said. And how's that been? Because obviously that's a big part of it, right?

Especially with the new, new documentary series as well, like the new season, like this idea of your whole family is now in the spotlight. Yeah. And it's almost like people just lumped everyone together, especially when it's a big family and everyone's got exciting things happening. And, you know, I've obviously interviewed your whole family before, so I've sat with them and it's wonderful and at the same time, it's hard to find your own space and carve your

own identity, right? Like that's challenging. Yeah. I think that the family dynamic is something that is really, really confusing, especially for me, I'm the youngest. So you spend all your time trying to impress your older sister. You spend all your time trying to prove something to your parents, even when they're already proud of you. It's really confusing. You don't know where you fit in. I'm like, I live with my sister.

I don't live with my parents, but I still want the same support that I got when I lived with them, but I can't just go up to their room anytime I'm having a bad day. They don't know what's going on with me all the time. When we're working together and on a shoot, you know, I hate to say this, but sometimes they want more stuff of me or whatever it is. Or we want this for the family. And then they'll, you know, expect extra for me. And it's like, well, where do I fit in? Because I'm the youngest, but sometimes they want the most. And because I'm the youngest, but sometimes they want the most. And it gets to a point where it's like, well, they're not there for me.

And it's like, well, everyone's doing their own stuff. Everyone has their own stuff going on. Dixie is music. My mom's modeling. My dad's doing business stuff. There's so much going on for all of us at the same time, it can get hard to celebrate every single achievement when there's just four of us all doing different things all at the same time, running from place to place, traveling, you know, we're still figuring that out now.

I think while filming season three our entire family was going through a lot, like mentally and with work. So it's hard to watch back those episodes because we were just all in such a different place and so confused at where we all stand and taking it out on each other, which I think is probably the biggest regret I have through all of this with my family is like we need to have each other's backs through everything. Because, you know, the root all you work with people, you make friends, whatever, you have to have family or people that you've kind of adopted as family that are there to support you.

When there's no cameras or when there's no likes or followers, anything, like you need that. And the hardest time for all of us was when we didn't have each other to lean on. And that is really, really shown in season three. And like, even when I see clips, I'm like, I don't want to see it at all. Like that was such a hard time for all of us. And it's so embarrassing at times to see that, like, people posting it, reposting it, edits of it, edits of times where I was like, really, really, really struggling and hearing people, she's so dramatic. You hear a tenth of what was actually going on, you know?

So it's, it's a lot or things are, you know, maybe I was upset about one thing, but in the show, it looks like I'm upset about something else. It's like a whole bunch of stuff that's just, I don't even want to pay attention to it. It must be so challenging. Like I've always, I've always thought about it like having a show where every one of your feelings and emotions is being documented and then broadcast sounds like the most challenging thing ever. It's a lot. Yeah, it's like even just that as a premise and I know it's been around forever and, you know, families have been followed forever and there's this format has been around forever.

But I'm like, it doesn't get easier because of that, because as humans, we love to watch drama, we love to watch the gossip, we wanna see the scoop, the show has twists and changes, and characters that are upset at each other, and you have all of this going on, but then behind all of that, there's a real human with real emotions,

trying to figure it all out. Have you been able to separate like yourself and then the character on the show too? Like do you feel, or do you feel that's just so interrelated that you're like? In ways, yes, for sure. But like people don't realize when you're filming, sometimes you forget you have a mic on and you say something and you're like, I really wasn't that deep. It's not that important. Sometimes you're really, really upset or you're maybe mentally struggling a little bit and you don't have a reason because sometimes you don't need a reason. Sometimes you just feel really bad and that happens. So you go through these, well, why are you?

Well, what was happening? Was it this person's fault? And it's like, I don't know. I was just really feeling bad. And I didn't have a handle on it. And I had to film. So you know, it's like, I don't get a choice of how I go into filming. I can try and go in with a positive mindset, but after a couple hours, I'm tired and you

see how maybe I was really feeling that day. Maybe it's nothing that was at all in the show, like people watching have no idea, but it is so many real emotions that it's really, really hard to separate the two, but hopefully, you know, another season happens. I'll be able to do that. And why did you feel though in season three that it got harder with family than easier? Like you'd hope that season three like made it easier,

but why do you think it got harder? Is it just that everyone's more busy now or? Yeah, I think we were just all going through so much individually and constantly taking it out on each other. And you know, that's building blocks to working with your family. No family that works together is perfect all the time. And if you say you are, you are so wrong.

Especially when, you know, we talk about it all the time, like family is everything. But when you're in those moments where you're like, I'm pissed at this person in my family because of maybe it's something stupid, but to me, it's like it feels like a lot. It feels like the entire world on my shoulders for maybe something that isn't that big of a deal, but it feels like that to me. You know, it's just we were all going through so much at the same time that there was no way that these cameras weren't going to catch it. It sounds like even though obviously you said that, you know, when you're a kid, you still

want your family to take care of you. And obviously now you're in a position where obviously you take care of yourself, you live with your sister, but what would you say has been the biggest skills you've learned in how to take care of yourself when you don't have your family to rely on? I don't even know. I feel like that something that is so confusing to me still, I feel so independent because, you know, traveling without any of my friends or family, I'm on these big work calls. Like, I have no training for this. I didn't even finish high school.

Like, I don't know how to do this. I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I don't know if this is, you know, good or bad. I still call my dad all the time. And I'm like, okay, but seriously, what do you think about this? Because I, like, this sounds not that cool to me, but apparently it's really, like,

I have no idea how this works. And, you know, the more I do it, the more I get comfortable and learn, but I missed so much of the normal growing up, going to college, and then coming back for Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or whatever it is, that I kind of had to like race to figure it out because it was one day you're a kid and you're in high school and you have no responsibilities. And now you have people that are working for you and you're responsible for them and you're responsible for everything that you do and you're not allowed to mess up.

But I'm 16. I don't know how to not mess up. I don't know anything. Like, how am I supposed to learn that without having these real life experiences? So I think the more as time goes on and the more I'm putting these situations where I have to be independent and a grown up, you know, the easier it gets, but it's still something that I really have to figure out in each individual situation. Yeah.

I'm 36 and I still don't know how not to mess up. It's just because I think what we don't realize is you've got yourself and your identity, like you as an individual, which is always changing. Yeah. So whether you're 36 or whether you're 19, you're still dealing with that. On top of that, you've now got the industries always changing. So like the platforms are changing, and the business is changing, and the social, whatever, all of that's always changing. So you've never done it before, and most people have never done it before. So no matter how smart someone was five months ago, everything's changed changed and so everything's being updated.

And then on top of all of that, you've got everyone around you who's constantly changing and growing and evolving. And so it's so hard to ever feel you ever have a handle on all areas of your life. And so definitely as a 16 year old, now a 19 year old, like it's so much to learn quickly. And I think you had your, you recently had your prom

or you did your prom here, right? Like you had that. Yeah, I had to. We did one on the show. Yeah. And then I went to my high school prom back in my hometown. OK, cool.

Yeah, which is really fun. And like, the bit of senior year that I got to have, which was really nice because I didn't get that at all. And a lot of kids didn't during COVID and everything. So I'm definitely not the only person feeling like this. A lot of freshmen, software, or college, like people didn't get that. People didn't get that very, very integral part of growing up or whether it's your first job, like this was my first job.

I had never had any true responsibility before. I don't know how and there's no rulebook to say, well, this is how you be an adult. It's kind of just figuring it out and messing up along the way. When you mess up and you have so many people telling you how you messed up and how that's horrible and you're doing all of these things wrong, you're like, yeah, I know, but this is all I know how to do. You kind of just every day learn a little bit and just continue to do your best because that's all you can do.

Yeah. And I, you know what? It's interesting because we're hearing that from you and I think everyone is listening right now. It's going, that's me too. Like, you know, I think it doesn't matter how old you are or how wise you are or how smart or whether you have your own business or you don't or we're just all feeling that way

because everyone is just trying to do their best and sometimes their best is not good enough for everyone else. But that's all they could give. And I feel that for anyone and everyone today. And so I think what you're saying resonates or feels very relatable, at least even to me. And I'm sure everyone is listening

is thinking that as well, like I'm just trying. And that's like the normal human experience. Yeah. Staying in an Airbnb has been a game changer for me. I tried it on my recent trip and I found a perfect spot that was far away from tourist spots and it made me feel like a local. Maybe you've stayed in an Airbnb before and thought to yourself, this actually seems pretty doable.

Maybe my place could be an Airbnb. It could be as simple as starting with the spare room or your whole place while you're away. You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even knowing whether you could use extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at www.abnb.ca forward slash host. Hi, I'm David Eagleman.

I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or, can we create new senses for humans? Or, what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception,

and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. In the 1680s, a feisty, opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruiseway to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans. What do these stories have in common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history

podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host, Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leafyling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And I definitely get on myself about it, but everyone's just doing their best. My parents are still figuring out who they are. It's ever changing.

My grandmother, before she passed, started to get a handle on all of the social media stuff and how to watch me. She would watch YouTube videos or see things online articles and she would be like, I heard you did this and I'm like Well, that's not true. That's just like an article, you know And she's like no, no, but I saw it in the press and I was like, yeah, I know, but it's not it's not true So we like had to get a handle on that but she was changing and she was

Evolving with the times and she didn't know how it worked and she was was, you know, she was, she was a lot older and still figuring out who she is. And well, how do I do this? And I wanna watch you, but I have to discover this whole new thing. Like everyone is learning something. And she was just doing her best to watch her grandchildren on social media.

Like it's something that is so cute and something that seems so simple to me, like, we'll just download TikTok and watch my videos, you know? But to her, it was like this whole new thing that she has to learn. And I think once you realize that literally everyone is just trying to do their best to get to the next day, like, you can be a lot easier on yourself, but also a lot easier on everyone around you. And also even just what you said about your grandmother, like learning about how she's reading something, that sounds so true and you're like, no, it didn't happen that way. And it's funny because I go through similar things with me and my family, so my parents

will read an article about me or whatever, and they'll get really upset for me, or they'll get offended for me because there's something in it that they don't like or whatever it is. Or there's something said about the family, which you must have to deal with way more than I do, because your families in the spotlight too. But then they're like, oh, well, why did they say that about the family and this and that? And I'm like, I didn't say anything. Like, you know, it's always like, I didn't even talk about that. I didn't mention anything. It's just someone coming up with something. Yeah. And I can't imagine.

It's like the clickbait articles. I'm like, I'm telling you that this isn't real. Or she'd like see someone online. She's like, I don't like them. Why? They said something about you three years ago. Well, they're my friends now. She's like, I don't know.

I don't like them. It's like, all right. You're going gonna think whatever you think like that's fine and she was so cute and so so supportive like she spent all day on her iPad just watching YouTube compilations of my TikToks and every time I see her she'd be like you need to stop cursing on the internet I was like I know I know that's so sweet that's so funny. Yeah, and nice of you, not the blocker from those videos. Oh yeah, even though-

I know so many people that do that. My other grandma, she still swiped stuff on all my stories. She's like, you look great or she replied to fan pages. Like, a lot of people's grandparents, I hear this all the time from all the social media kids. It's like, my grandma responds to my fan pages thinking they're me. And I'm like, it's so, it's so silly. And I love it.

And I mean, my grandma, that's my grandma, my dad's side. Like, she still text me all the time. Like, do you look so good in this? Or this is so cool? Or anytime I do anything where it's like something that she would like, I'll like send her a photo and you know, she's just proud. You know, that's also a good person to talk to that's just like always going to be proud of me.

Just really nice to have. Yeah, definitely. To allow that in. Do you find that you found like, I know you're close with Marquelle. I love to. I love Marquelle's energy. I've only met him a couple of times, but he's so awesome. Have you found that you've got a good group of friends around you in the industry?

What I've found is that, so I have a bunch of great friends back in London who are like my best friends, like my best man and my wedding, and like my closest friends that I grew up with, and I speak to them, I speak to my best friend like three times a week still because it's so important to me and I need it. And at the same time, I also need friends who are in the industry because there are certain things that we can all understand about the industry kind of like the idea of yeah, don't trust the press on that and whatever because they already know that because they go through the same stuff.

Do you find, it sounds like you have a great group of friends back at home. Do you find that you've also found the good friends in the industry that you can kind of compare notes with a bit too and be like, oh, I just went through that. And this is how I'm feeling. Yeah, definitely. I mean, Markelle's like, he's family to me.

Yeah, being friends. Has shown so much to me just as a person, whether it's talking to me one-on-one or defending me online or, you know, defending me to the people around him. Like, he is someone that every person that meets him has so much amazing things to say about him and I'm so thankful that I have him in my life. Whether it's like we're doing nothing or we're out with a bunch of people and we wanna have a dance party in the middle of the dance floor

and it's just us too, like we'll do it. We're in the middle of a restaurant, whatever it is. Like I love that, but I've definitely found a lot of people that are in the industry and a lot of the friendships that I have, I tend to keep quiet about. And a lot of the friendships that I have I tend to keep quiet about. And a lot of the friendships that I have I've met them in very, very weird ways. Because how am I supposed to meet people? I don't go out super often. I'm not usually around people my own age. Like a lot of my friends that I met, they were actually dancers at the

Kids Choice Awards and we just clicked and I started hanging out with them and I really liked them and they're really cool people and they're in an industry that I'm so fascinated by. And yeah, they do so much similar things to me, but it's also different. And I think that that's really special. And after meeting them, it was really refreshing to be around people my own age. And also just have people that are hard working and determined and not competitive with me at all and just happy to see me happy.

And I can have fun with whether we're filming or not, you know? But even like my boyfriend, he's in the industry. And, you know, we tend to handle things a little bit differently, but sometimes I have to be like, it's not worth it, you know? We don't have to respond, we don't have to do anything. Like, it's not worth it. I know you, you know me, whether people are saying things about me or people are saying things about our relationship, you know, having each other to kind of navigate that. On our own is really nice because it's also what two 19 year olds in a relationship have their lives together, you know, there's ups and downs, like, whether I'm working all the time,

or he's working all the time, or I'm traveling, or whatever it is, like, there's always so much going on that can so easily put a strain on a relationship, and also just coming into adulthood with two teenagers that have no idea what they're doing, and just trying their best. Like, you know, it's been really confusing to navigate, but also really refreshing to have someone else there that's like just trying to figure it out day by day. It's almost, yeah, it's almost easier in one sense because you have someone to bounce it off of. Yeah. As opposed to. You're like, am I crazy? Are you crazy? Is this like, is this okay? You know? So it's really nice.

Do you think the hardest part about success and fame is having a relationship in the public eye? Would you say that that's the hardest part in terms of when it comes to your relationships or that's not? Sometimes I feel like, you know, when two people that are in a relationship have like an off week or whatever, there can be the whole, this person didn't like their photo

or they haven't posted together, they're broken up or this person's starting a rumor. Like even if you two are struggling, that's for you to go through and handle it. However's appropriate, whether you guys part's for you to go through and handle it. However, it's appropriate whether you guys part ways or continue to work through things together. No relationship is perfect ever. You have moments where so much is going on.

During dancing with the stars, I was dancing seven days a week. I was never home. He was like, I felt like I didn't have a girlfriend. And that was really hard. It was hard on my parents, you know? Like, it's a lot. And especially for two young teenagers to go through, like, we don't, we don't know how to do this. No one knows how to do this. So we're just doing our best. And there's ups and downs, but we work through it. That's just being a person, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. And just the idea of it is interesting when you've got two people who have crazy lives and have different journeys and have different commitments

and family commitments. And there's just so much going on. Yeah. To keep up with it all, what have you found? What has helped you both kind of keep up with each other's schedules and each other's lives? Because that's not going to change. Yeah. At least not right now. And so, what has helped? What has worked? I think, you know, we've obviously talked about this so much, just as a whole. I was just gone from us two weeks and we were on different time zones just trying to text and update each other but it's figuring out what each other needs. You know, if he wants me to keep him updated then I'll keep him updated because that's what he needs. If he if I need him to tell me what's going

on in his week so I don't feel left out, like, that's totally cool. That's what I need. It's just having that conversation and realizing that people's needs change and adapting with that and not feeling like, why don't I want to make them upset? Like, he's working a lot and I know he's super busy. Like, I need a shoulder to lean on. It's also having the conversation.

Like, sometimes I'll literally say, I'm really, really sensitive right now. Like, I just need some extra support. And then he knows to, well, she needs this right now. Okay. Like, that's totally cool. That's two people in a relationship doing whatever they can to make the other person happy. Just normal human things things and definitely not worrying about what anyone online has to say, it's so not worth it. It really isn't because 99% of these people are looking for you to respond. Even today, I woke up to some crazy person talking about me and the most wildly disrespectful way is like I've really seen the long time and the thing is like me and this person were at an event together and this person introduced

themselves, I introduced myself, we tried to be nice, this kid was not nice to me and then went and talked very poorly on me and Lannan's like well let me call this kid and I'm like it's not that big of a deal, like it's not. That's what he's looking for. Is it taking everything in me not to respond or not to text him? Yeah, but I know if I text him, he's going to post it. And that's going to be a thing. And he's going to get exactly what he wants, meet a respond and give in to whatever story he wants to portray to the people that watch him.

It's not, it's not my problem. Like, I know who I am. and that's good enough for me. Like, it doesn't matter. Yeah, and it's so hard to get to that point. Mm-hmm. But it's so liberating when you do. Yeah. Like, it's so freeing when you realize that

where you're like actually not responding is not getting caught up in someone else's thing. Yeah. And like, then it just gives people an opportunity to, well, if I say this about her, then she's gonna respond. And it's like, I don't have time to respond to every little thing that people have to say about me. And it takes so much, it's so draining to have to see that.

And the more you talk about it, the more your fans talk about it. And people in the press talk about it. And it's like, for what reason? Because I was angry at this kid who I met once. Like, who cares? Yeah. And it's hard when the person who you're in a relationship with wants to defend you to you and like.

And he's so sweet. He is so quick to defend me in every way possible. And I just have to be like, it's cool. Like it's good. I feel like I tell him that all the time, because he gets so upset whenever people have something negative to say about me or his family. And I mean, I think I definitely told him like many, many times, it's cool. It's totally fine. They're going to say it no matter what.

And even if you respond and are like, well, this is entry because this is this, they're not, they're, they already read it. And they think what they think about you. They're not going to change their minds. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're arguing with people that don't care what you have to say. Yeah, it's already lost. Like, Yeah, it's a loose, loose situation. So moving on is the best thing you can do. Yeah, no, and it's wonderful to be with someone and have that with someone who you know cares about you that deeply.

And my wife's like that. Like, my wife gets very defensive about me and can get really activated and she gets really upset for me and whatever it may be. And I really always appreciate that because I can see that she knows who I am. And that's kind of what it goes back to where I'll always say the same thing to him.

I'm just glad I have someone who knows who I am. Especially when someone cares about you, that to see you upset because of something and not being able to fix the problem because they just want to see you happy. I understand how upset that might make you, you know, and I feel bad because sometimes I feel like I drag him into the drama just because of the relationship, but I think knowing that, you know, we have each other and I can tell him like,

this was, this actually really hurt my feelings today. And it was, it was a lot. And I just need some comfort. And I need you to be by my side. And that's good enough for me, you know? Definitely, definitely. Charlie, what are you excited about right now? Like what's kind of like, you know, you've done so many amazing things.

And I feel like this journey that you're saying with your identity of like, getting to know yourself better. Yeah. You've done so many things. And I'm guessing some of them, you're like, oh yeah, like getting to know yourself better. Yeah. You've done so many things and I'm guessing some of them, you're like, oh yeah, that was Charlie D'Amelio and then this is Charlie. It's like, what is Charlie like really excited about

or curious about or passionate about? Or like what's coming up where you're like, oh, I really want to try that out or learn that or whatever it may be, like open for you. Okay, I think first thing that I'm most excited about is my dogs, I have a puppy. I know I sound so lame. I have a puppy.

I'm not loving that I think it's lame. I love it if it's cute. It's just like, you're gonna have to open up a dog shelter. So I know, I'm in love with her. I am like older dog who's nine. She's literally me as a dog and I'm obsessed with her. She's the most adorable dog ever. She's a literal human. But then I have this puppy that Lanna and I adopted from Nashville. And she's like, she was abandoned and she was like, it was a horrible story and it really like

pulled at my heartstrings. And I was like, okay, I need to take you home now. I will take care of you. I love you. And watching her grow up and being responsible for her, I think has been very refreshing to me because my older dog, she's very self-sufficient. She's also very lazy, so I'll be up in the morning and she'll wake up two hours later ready to be fed. She has her own schedule and I love that about her because that's how I race her.

She's a very like laid back dog, can have all the lights on and she's sleeping. Like I love that. But this puppy, you know, you have to train her. You have to, it's very specific in these formative puppy years are so important to who this dog becomes. There's no bad dogs. There's only bad dog owners. So I just like, I'm loving this journey of truly, because you know, I got my dog nine years ago. I was 10. I wasn't actually raising her. And now I'm getting the

chance to raise a dog. And it's really, really exciting and special. And seeing the two of them together is like my favorite thing ever. I think something else that I'm excited for is I have a dance room in my garage, so I love just going down there any time of the day, whether it's four in the morning or one p.m. and just letting go and being open with myself and using movement as therapy and also getting a little bit of a workout in, like being productive, I love that. And probably experimenting more with my style,

that's something that I've just recently started to get into. I think Landon and my sister had a lot to do with that because I love the way that they put together outfits. I think that they both have really good styles, and it comes very natural to them. And to me, it's a lot harder, because I always go for what I know instead of stepping out of the box,

but I'm trying. So that's something exciting, and it's fun to experiment, you know? Yeah, I love how personal old as well. That's a great, they're great choices. Thank you. Yeah, I love how fast an old old as well. That's a great, that was great choices. Thank you. Yeah, I love how none of them were career related and like none of them were work related.

And that's awesome because I can tell that you've really started carving those two things except for work wise, you know, using my voice more online. I think that, you know, even doing a podcast is something very outside of my comfort zone. A lot of my career has been not talking, so it's been very hard for me to get into using my voice and figuring out what do I want to say, especially when you don't know yourself, how do you answer questions? I don't, you can't just say I don't know for everything. So that's something that's been special and I've been trying to make more content for my fans

and trying to use my voice more. And like even little things finishing a Get Ready with me, which I film 50 of them and I post one of them, like trying to get more into it and go back to the reason why I started social media because I like it. And I'm finally at a point where I like it again, which is really refreshing and nice.

It doesn't feel like work. Mm-hmm, I love that. And what's been, what is that when you say you want to use your voice and even do in the podcast today, like you coming on today and, you know, being open and trusting me and trusting this space and just being vulnerable with the idea of like you said,

I don't know, I'm trying to figure out who I am. Yeah. And being okay with that, which I think by the way for a 19 year old is completely normal and wonderful and good. And like, I think that's amazing that you want to spend this time in your life figuring out who you are. I think it's the best investment you could ever make.

I'm so happy that you're doing it. I'm hoping that you take your whole audience and community on a journey to do it for themselves because you're going to save so many people from so many stressful 20 to 30-year-old journeys, right? Like literally, you can either do it now or you can do it when you're 30. And if you do it now, it's that you're going to help so many people. What is that kind of like, when you say using your voice, is that the type of journey you want people to go on with you? Or are you still figuring out what that journey it is

that you want people to go on with you? Yeah, as of right now, it's literally just talking, talking online, just actually using my voice, you know, for so long it was a song and no words. Like it sounds so little but just talking. I feel like that's something that is which is so weird, but it's so outside of my comfort zone. And I feel so like we're doing it, but it has honestly been really refreshing for me because, you know, I'm growing up and a part of growing up is being confident with what you have to say and using your words and just talking with, you know, a little bit of purpose. And I'm growing up, but also

so are all of the people that are watching me. And I think bringing them on that journey of, this is literally just what I'm doing. I'm not talking about anything that's really of any importance. Sometimes I'm just talking, but that's what I need to do to move to this next step of my life, to hopefully talk about something important and talk about what matters to me. I think that this is a very integral step of growing up. I think that's really smart. I genuinely do.

I think that takes a lot of courage to even say that. I don't think it's insignificant at all. I think it makes a lot of sense to me that in order for you to stand for something, you need to get to where you're just for comfortable being open and sharing. Yeah, and so much of the beginning, few years of this journey, every time I talked, someone had something to say, and you know, you get canceled every five seconds. Like, that was what was happening to me for so long, anytime I open my mouth, so I just stopped talking.

I stopped saying anything that was important to me. I stopped doing anything that was outside of the box that I was put in where I couldn't go wrong if I just didn't do anything, you know? And I have opinions, I have thoughts, I have things I like, I have things I don't like. Why can't I just say it? Like who is stopping me? The people that actually care what I have to say, they're going to support me even if they disagree, you know? Whether it's, I really like this outfit and they don't, like that's cool, they respect my opinion, I respect theirs,

that's awesome. The people that don't like me, they're not going to like me no matter what. They didn't like me when I wasn't saying anything. They're not going to like me now. That's fine. I'm not making my videos for them. Yeah, definitely. When you say you still want to get to know who you are and your identity, what are the parts that you're like, I'm still just trying to figure this out. At this point, I'm like, really curious about. I'm trying to learn about this about myself, but I don't want to be like, what are those parts of yourself? Yeah, I think a lot of it has to do with the way

that I present myself, whether it's, how do I like my makeup done? How do I like to dress? How do I like to look? How do I like to show myself to other people? Not just what is going on at the moment. How do I like to smell?

You know, I like born dreamer, I know I like that, and let's discover for future with born dreamer, what else do I like? You know, whatever I know, I like go a little bit deeper. And you know, something so simple, I've been doing more colors with my nails, which is so random and so small, it's your nails. You know, people get their nails in all the time, but I did bright green and I thought about that for three weeks before I did it. And like, why? I enjoyed it. I like the color. I wanted all my nails. It made me happy. Every time I saw them, I was like, I did that. That was something different. I normally do nude. Let's do something fun.

Like that little thing was so much fun for me and it brought me so much happiness and I would match this color to this and it's so fun. Why am I robbing myself of fun because I don't want to put myself out there? Yeah, good for you. Honestly, you literally doing all the practical steps that it takes to build your values. And that's what it is. All of these little habits for anyone who's listening, all these little habits and these little changes that you're making, they turn into values that you appreciate by yourself. So a value could be, and I'm not putting a value on you, I'm just throwing it out there

is for a reflection, but a value could be, I like freedom or like self-expression or I like, random can be a value or whatever it may be. And then those values become things you can use in the future for how you make decisions. Now, one of my values has always been to take risks. I feel like I took risks ever since I was 14, 18, 21, and I've noticed that pattern in my life. And so now when I'm taking a risk, I'm not that scared anymore, because I've always taken risks my whole life.

And I love how, when I first took a risk, I didn't even know what a risk was, like when I was 14 years old or 18, I just did it. And now when I look back, I'm like, oh no, that's a skill I have now. And so it's almost like when you're doing all these things, you're just collecting lots of different skills. And then one day they'll evolve into values

which will form an identity. And then you'll be able to be like, these are the three things that I value and that really matter to me. And I love how simple you've made it for yourself. And I love how you've broken it down because I think a lot of us try to leap frog to like, this is who I am now. And we almost want the performance part before the work part.

And it's like, I feel like you're doing the work part. Yeah. And it's great to watch. It's really great to see. Thank you. Charlie, what have I not asked you about that? You're like, I really want to share this. So this has been on my heart, on my mind.

Or like, something you want to talk about that. You're like, I really want to share this so this has been on my heart or my mind or like something you want to talk about that you're like, this is what I want to use my voice for and you haven't asked me about it or it just didn't come up. Staying in an Airbnb has been a game changer for me. I tried it on my recent trip and I found a perfect spot that was far away from tourist spots and it made me feel like a local. Maybe you've stayed in an Airbnb before and thought to yourself, this actually seems pretty doable. Maybe my place could be an Airbnb.

It could be as simple as starting with the spare room or your whole place while you're away. You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even knowing. Whether you could use extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca forward slash host. Hola, mi gente.

This is Womorva Durama, executive producer of the new podcast, name my abuelita first. Part of I.R. Radio's my culture podcast network. Each week, host V.Cortis and Abuelita Lilliano Montenegro will play matchmaker for a group of hopeful romantics who are putting their trust in Abwalita to find the mandate. Your job right now is to get an Awalita's really good site! Our Awalita definitely knows best.

On date, my Awalita first, three single contestants will buy for a date with one lucky main date or except to get their hearts. They have to win over Awalita Lilliana first! Zai Lilliana! Yes, we are ready for love! Through speed dating rounds, hilarious games, and Liliana's intuition, one contestant will either be a step closer to getting that bandulsa, if you know what I mean,

or a step closer to getting that changlita! Let's see if cheesepast will fly or if these singles will be sent back to the dating apps! Listen to Dave Mayawelita first on the IHARHAR Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Something for me that I think is very interesting, which is very random and has nothing to do with my career, my personal life or anything. I love the San Diego Safari Park, which is so random, but I've recently found, I watched this whole video on it. This very specific thing that you have to go through a lot of steps to be able to get it for a zoo or a aquarium or anything, but it's a certificate that shows if it's humane to the animals.

And learning about that has been really interesting because I love going there, and I love how free the animals are and how it's just like they are in the wild and how they help the animals. And that's definitely something that I want to get more into is like figuring out exactly what it is and going to more places like that and you know, not appreciating places like SeaWorld that treat their animals horribly. You know, like little things like that that I think is so interesting because I love animals.

So that was something. I need to find the name of exactly what that little thing is, but it's really cool. And like, to get that, you have to go through a lot of work and every place is constantly trying to outdo each other. So the bar is constantly being raised, which I think is so interesting. As to quality of how they treat the animals,

and they have to pause to set a number of, right, right, right, wow. So that's really cool and something random that I just never had. No, I love that. Yeah, my wife's a big fan of visiting animals as much as we can. And so she's kind of always led that. And we've gone to some of the randomest places in L.A. because of her, but her relationship with animals is really beautiful.

And she can like, you know, start a relationship with. I love it. Yeah, and it's really special to watch. And it's really interesting because we went to a couple last year and she'd always come back really like even more calm and even more just still. And I, and it was really beautiful to see just how when you're connected to nature and we are nature and, you know, we're a part of that. But now we feel so disconnected from it.

But animals are such a great way of reconnecting. What do you find, I guess, fulfilling or meaningful about being, obviously, to your dogs, but with these animals, like, what is it about it for you specifically that you appreciate about it? I think it's just so peaceful. And to learn so much, like, when you go to these places, I will come back only talking about animal facts for like a month and I love it and

sometimes people are like That's like what where did you even come up with that? But I think it's so cool and so interesting to see all these animals and With each other and and how they respond to things. And I love places where it's like, if they're out and you see them, that's great. If not, they don't feel like being out. That's just how it is.

I just think it's so interesting. And I literally, I've been to the San Diego Safari twice. And the first time talked about animal facts for like two months, the second time. I was leading up to going. That was all I could talk about. And I brought, I got so many other people excited about it because it was like, but you don't understand how cool it is.

Like you are 20 feet away from Acheeda with, like there's no big fence up, you know, like it's crazy just to see these animals just living. Not worried about anything that is so materialistic or anything like that. Like, I don't know, I just find so much joy in it. Yeah, definitely. Have you been to anywhere in Africa before? I haven't and I really want to go. I've like, I've seen so many videos and so many of my friends have gone and it just seems so cool.

Yeah, I've talked about this before on the podcast, but I'm sharing it because it's natural in our conversation. I went to Rwanda last year. Wow. And Rwanda reveres gorillas. So literally every time there's a new gorilla in Rwanda, the community comes together and they name it. And they have this whole ceremony for it.

And so they've had these gorillas sanctuaries for years. And so same is what you're saying. there's no fences or walls or whatever, it's basically the mountains. And you take treks into the mountains and you discover guerrilla in the natural habitat. And there's families, so we followed, I went three days and one of the days we discovered a family that had like 20 guerrillas in it. And we discovered another one and you get to see the babies and the adults. And it was easily one of my favorite things I've done in my entire life. And it was just

the most magical experience because you're truly in nature. The animals are in their habitats. You're going into their home. And they're going to risk, they're so respectful and let you do your thing. And at the same time, you get to learn about them in this really intimate way. It was beautiful to just see how they took care of the kids, how the kids played around, how they were defensive if we got too close. Just everything about them and the guides that we had

said that you can also go and walk. So this was walking with gorillas, but they said you could go walk with elephants too. That's cool. And me and my wife have been talking about doing that. We're like, I'd love to go walk with elephants. Like how cool would that be? Yeah.

There's all these incredible experiences out there and whether it's a local safari or whether it's being able to go there and have this experience, I definitely feel. And my other team, some of my teams we've been talking about going to see the Great Migration, which is what, so the easy version of it, I'm giving a very bad explanation, but just to make it relatable for everyone, it's basically what happens in the Lion

King when all the world are beast, like running across. So that's the Great Migration where they're like stampeding across the stampede where Mufasa unfortunately dies, like that moment is what the Great Migration is and it happens every single year. That's so cool. So yeah, anyway, I'm getting carried away too. But I mean, it's so easy too. Yeah, it really is. Yeah, and it's magical to think that these things exist and you can go and witness them or even watch them online or on a documentary, whatever, you know.

Well, at the San Diego Safari, they're literally, like, with the Southern White Rhinos and the Northern White Rhinos, it's like, one of them is going extinct and they're literally figuring out through stem cells, like how to bring it back. It's so, so wild and so interesting. And hearing these people talk about it and all of the steps they're going through

with scientists and zoologists and literally everyone to help bring back the species of rhinos, it's like, this is so cool and has nothing to do with anything that I do in my normal everyday life, but how interesting is that to just hear and see and like, what? That's crazy, but I don't know,

I just think that that's so cool. I love it, I love it. And I hope you just keep pursuing and following all of these think that that's so cool. I love it. I love it. And I hope you just keep pursuing and following all of these things that you think are cool. And you know, it's not that you don't know yourself. I wouldn't say that you don't know who you are. I just say that you're firmly on that path. Yeah. You're on that path of self discovery and you're doing it a perfect time in your life and you're taking every one of the right steps. Like, you know, it's not that you don't know who you are or you're confused.

You're just taking those steps. And all of it's gonna become more and more clear as you continue to take more steps. So thank you for sharing this part of the journey with me because I'm hoping that in a few years' time, you'll come back and then you'll be like, Jay, I figured this out. I'm doing this.

These are all my favorite things that I've decided. Yeah. And I hope they'll change again. And you know, but I'm glad that you came and shared this part because this is the hardest part to share when you're not sure and you're figuring it out. And I'm glad that we had the opportunity to capture that today.

Yeah. And I really, really appreciate you sharing that with people because it is the hardest part to share when you're like, I don't know. I'm not quite there, but this is where I am now. Yeah. Perfect, Charlie. Thank you so much. No, thank you.

Coming on the show today, and we end every episode with a final five. And these, I'm going to totally ruin these because I enjoy doing that. But you meant to answer them in one word to one sentence maximum, but I will probably ask you to expand because they always lead to more thoughtful answers. So, all right, Charlie, these are your final five. The first question is,

what is the best advice you've ever heard or received or even given to someone? This is probably the only thing that keeps me sane. Whether it's good or bad, everything happens for a reason. You can't control it. And that's something you hold onto it. It's always there. It makes me feel like I'm not going crazy. When have you used that the most you can expect me to end one sentence? I mean, when I feel like I have no idea what to do next or I feel like everything's coming crashing down.

This is important because it's helping me get to the next step of my life. And as much as this sucks right now, I need it. And some of the worst parts where I feel like I'm at an all-time low, that helped me get to that next step. So next time I'm feeling like that, I know first I can get myself out of it. And second, that maybe it's not that big of a deal.

And a year, not even going to remember it. Absolutely. Love that. All right. Second question. What's the worst advice you've ever had or received? Probably that I need to say yes to everything because you don't know when this is gonna end. Sometimes you just need to say no

and take that time for yourself. I'm so glad you brought that up. So many young creators here that- I just overwhelm themselves. And you're doing a disservice to yourself. Give yourself time to figure out who you are. And I think you're so right. I've said this to a lot of people too, that it will

only end when you want it to. Like nothing can end if you're alive and you're creating and you're building, like things just don't end. And I think we use the end as a scarcity tactic or a fear tactic to get more out of someone or to get the most out of it right now, not realizing that someone could take a break for three years if that's what they wanted to do and come back even stronger and bigger and better and whatever. And I just don't think we allow people to have that space.

And I think it's really unhealthy for anyone to think that if I'm not doing this, I'm going to be irrelevant or whatever. It's like, actually, if you're an artist, you could take time out and come back in years from now and create a masterpiece. Yeah, I mean, the first like three years of my career, all anyone was saying was, it could be over like that. No one's going to care about you. And I spent so much time.

When is it going to end? Everyone keeps telling me it's going to end. Like, do I want it to end? Maybe I want it to end. Maybe I want to break and it just to all be over and go back to my normal life. I've taken breaks. I've taken stepbacks. I've done everything that was coming to me at the moment.

And it's like letting whether the people that are watching you are going to stay or leave dictate every move you make those people that really care about you. They're not just going to leave if you stop posting for a month or a week or however long like put your own. Mental state first yeah yeah because if you don't put your mental state first then it's definitely going to go away, you're going to get burnt out and then no one's going to care because you don't care. Exactly. Or you're not going to be able to put anything out. Like, you know, and if you look at that perspective, it's like, yeah, you just keep pushing and pushing and pushing. Yeah. You lose yourself and then you have nothing to share. And then you've definitely, you know, lost out. No, really, really great answer. I love that question. Number three, what is the craziest rumors you've heard about yourself? One that made you laugh and one that made

you cry? Once that made me laugh are probably the ones where I'll like, I'll seem super, I'll see like blind items about myself. And it's like, she did this crazy thing at this party, and it was wild, and I was like, didn't even go to a party. That's so like, where did you guys come up with this? I wasn't even there. So those ones always make me laugh, and they're like, so not true. And I just be like, okay, it's crazy.

Yeah, it's funny you said about not being at the party. So I officiated Ben and Jen's wedding last year. And there was a guest list that was printed. And the guest list just had everyone's name on it. And everyone was like asking me like, how did you see this person? Do you see this person? I was like, they weren't there. It gives a really private wedding. But it's like everyone assumes that all these people were there. Now that all these magazines are printed,

everyone assumes that it was just this big celebrity wedding. It's like, well, it wasn't. It was just really intimate friends and family wedding. It just makes you laugh. Like, you guys pulled this out of nowhere. No way. It was just crazy to me. I was like, how do you make this up?

Like, you know, and so there was no official guest list printed externally. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And then one that kind of like got to you or if there was one that like made you more emotional, or things that make you more emotional generally.

Things that make me more emotional are definitely ones that try to display my character in a way where, you know, I don't want to defend everything that I do. I don't want to defend every rumor that comes out about me. But it's like to think that people think I'm capable of doing these things that, you know, are sometimes so horrible or, you know know they're especially when I was like 16, 16 was really hard for me and I would hear these grown adults every single day, Charlie did this, Charlie did that, Charlie did this. I literally, it was actually right when I hit a hundred million, I think I was at the lowest mental state possible.

And I looked so happy online. And it got to the point where I was, I was like, I am not doing this anymore. Like I physically cannot do this. Like it got really dark to where I was like, I don't even want to be here anymore. And I think back to those times and the grown adults that put 16-year-old me in that mindset. And I'm just like, like you guys have kids now. Like you guys are grown. And first of all, never gotten apology through a direct message, never gotten apology or anything besides if it was for other people or that they want something from me. And I just like, I wish that they could see what they

did to me and how truly horrible they treated me. And like, what if that was your kid? What if, what if that was you? How would you feel? And like, I'm so proud of myself for getting myself through that, because that really, like, depending on how I responded to that, could have changed the trajectory of my life, whether I started to cope in unhealthy ways or harmed myself or did something that, you know, would make these people feel bad. Like, I'm just very glad that I have the people around me. And also,

got to give some credit to myself was able to get out of that. I can't, I mean, even just hearing you talk about it, like it feels so hard and heavy. And like, I can feel how intense it could have been. Like what got you through that? Like what was it that? Because at 16, I mean, you don't have a lot to pull on. Like what gets you through all of that, especially being around, you know,

now your family's more used to it. So everyone has a bit more. Doesn't make it easier. I'm not saying it makes it easier, but people are more aware of it. Yeah, for sure. But at that time, it's like right at the beginning. You know, it was really hard for a long time, and especially at that point, I showed myself

in a very specific light and didn't want to let anyone know it was getting to me. And then I would go and cry on live. And I think back to that. And I think it was the people that I had around me. Like, it was getting to the point where people were coming to my house to check on me. It was bad. And I don't know if these people that did this, I think they know who they are, but are ever going to see this.

First of all, I think I this, like, first of all, I think I deserve an apology. Second of all, not that I need one because I'm content with how it happened, whatever, but the fact that there's no accountability for those people, but there was so much accountability for a 16-year-old, I think is so wild. And there's so, like honestly, the hardest stuff to deal with was the people that were grown adults that were like just ripping on me every second of every day. Like 20 videos. Like what I now look back and I'm so disgusted by the fact that these people like thought that that was okay, it's so wild. And I'm just, I'm very thankful that I had

my friends and my family and enough in myself to want to get through it and come out the other side and show these people that they can't ruin me. And I have more to show people than what I've done so far. That's so powerful. And it's so, no, it really is. It's so powerful to hear that. And it breaks my heart hearing it too, because I totally get what you're saying in terms of just like when you have kids, we live in a world

that wants to prioritize mental health. But then when we take people apart, whether they made a mistake or not, we're not mindful of their mental health at all. And it's almost like if someone's made a mistake or maybe not even made a mistake, it's almost like, well, now we don't have to treat them as if they have mental health at all.

Or it's like people love to me because I wasn't perfect and I was authentic, but then time I would mix up my words or make a mistake or do anything outside of what was okay for these people, it was like, well, I hate her and everyone should hate her and she's a horrible person because of this. And I was like, but what did I do? It was so hard to come to terms with the fact that so many people hated me. And I was just doing my best. I was like, but I don't get it. Like all I do is try to please everyone around me

and they're not happy. Like how do I, how do I do this? I'm never gonna win. And you know, that's really hard. Like I give myself so much credit for how I handled this stuff. The best way I knew how like so wild. If you ever doubt how tough you are, you just got to remember 60 hour Charlie because she was a beast. Yeah, that's so tough. That is really, really intense. Yeah. It is really, really intense.

How have you dealt with that feeling of like trying to keep everyone else? I know you've talked about it before. The idea of like trying to keep everyone else afloat and you want to kind of let go of that pressure. Do you feel like you've let go of it or do you feel like you're letting go of it? I think I am in certain aspects, but also leaning into it a little, you know, like maybe not what the internet wants but what does my family want? What do my friends want? What does my boyfriend want? You know?

Like those people, what do my true fans want? What do they want me to put out that would make them happy? Because I'm doing it for these people and maybe if I'm feeling a little bit burnt out right now, I really think back to, well, this is the reason that I started doing it, you know? But also understanding that I have to listen to myself and what I need. Yeah, figuring out that balance, which I don't think I'll ever truly get the hang of, because it's always changing, but at least acknowledging it. All right, question four and five. Last two questions. What something new that you're trying to learn this year or something that is skilled

that you're trying to develop? I want to get better at packing. I love it. And like traveling. Because you travel so much. Yeah, and it's such a stressor for me. Literally every single time before I leave for a trip, I will have a little mental breakdown, full like tears, everything. It's a, that's another control

thing and a very obsessive, compulsive thing that I do because I like to have my stuff around me. I like to have my things. I like to have everything that I could possibly need, even in my purse, everything that I could possibly need for if I go on a three-day vacation. It just causes me so much stress that I would like to be able to take a overnight trip and just pack and go without worrying so much. That would be the dream. Yeah, that's a great, I think that's a great deal that I wish everyone was told.

Right. Definitely, there are great packers and there are bad packers. Yeah. And I'm a bad packer for sure. And I get that, do what my wife does. My wife just takes six suitcases. She says, My sister, she will go places,

pack like an hour before. She's like, only brought one shoe. Like, how do you do this? This is insane. Yeah, that's amazing. I love it. All right, great. Charlie, final question, fifth and final question.

If you could, and you could take your time with this, if you could create one rule or one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Lead with empathy. Don't be so hard on every single thing, every situation, everything. No matter what, like you never, ever know what someone's truly going through. Even you can ask me what's wrong and I could tell you one thing and maybe deep down it's something else that I'm embarrassed to tell you about.

You just never know the struggle that someone's dealing with when they're by themselves. So just be a little more empathetic. I feel like COVID really caused people to react fast. Just take a step back. You know, hear people out. Just calm down. Calm down a little bit. Yeah, it's so needed for ourselves and others. And it's amazing how many of us, we all know we need that world. But it's almost like the system and society and the way it works is set up to make us not be that. Yeah. Right?

Like we all want that. We all say that and then something happens in the press and then everyone jumps on it. And like, and I have to say that to myself too. Keep yourself in check, you know? Definitely. Charlie, I love how this conversation's been so fun and deep and like random and unique.

And I love that because that's what all of us are, right? Like a thing, if you try and have a conversation that's just deep or just cool or just whatever, it doesn't work, but when you just get to know someone 360, it's a bit quirky, it's a bit funny, it was super thoughtful and insightful. And I'm so glad that it was truly you. I hope you felt that way. Yeah, definitely.

This is refreshing for me. Good, I'm glad. And thank you so much for trusting me and being here. And I'm so grateful and everyone has been listening or watching, whether you're walking your dogs, whether you do that, whether you're at the gym, whether you're driving to and from work, or whether you're editing a video right now, I want to say thank you to you for listening. And I hope that you're going to share your highlights of so many great insights, thoughts, just reflections, I think that Charlie shared with us today. Make sure you share the ones

that stood out to you, tag both me and Charlie as well, whether you're using TikTok, X, or Instagram, because I love seeing what you related to and what you connected to. There were so many parts today I felt when I was listening, I was like, oh, I get that, like I hear that. And I want to know what you heard and what you understood and what you learned. Charlie, thank you so much again. I hope you'll come on many, many more times. Yes, thank you for having me seriously. This is really nice to be able to have the space to talk about anything. Well, you're always welcome. Thank you. Always welcome. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.

You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter? Hey, I'm woman of a drama executive producer

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And remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do. Just do it better. Pecitas! Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Just do it better. Visit us. Does your brain keep you up at bedtime? I'm Catherine Nicolai, and my podcast Nothing Much Happens, Bedtime Stories to Help You Sleep, has helped millions of people to get consistent, deep sleep. My stories are family-friendly. They celebrate everyday pleasures and train you over time to fall asleep faster with less waking in the night.

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