On Purpose with Jay Shetty - La La Anthony ON: Breaking the Cycle of Self- Sabotage & Ways to Turn Rejection into Redirection

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Can we transform rejection into a powerful force for redirection?  What if setbacks were not roadblocks but rather signposts pointing us toward growth?  Today in On Purpose, we have a special guest, La La Anthony, whose story is a shining example of self-discovery, resilience, and making a positive impact on the world. La La Anthony is a talented actress, TV personality, bestselling author, and a passionate advocate for prison reform. She's not just about the glitz and glamor but also about creating positive change. In this episode, we'll dive into La La's life, her experiences, and what she's learned along the way. We'll discover the importance of being true to yourself, even when the world tries to push you in different directions. From personal challenges to finding one's authentic self, La La's journey is a lesson in self-acceptance and embracing who you are. We'll explore her efforts in supporting prison reform and how she empowers children to express themselves. La La's story is a reminder that you can overcome obstacles and pursue your dreams while staying true to your authentic self. Join us as we journey through La La Anthony's remarkable life, filled with resilience, compassion, and the transformative power of being yourself. In this interview, you’ll learn: How to prioritize self care without feeling guilt The unique balance of being both a parent and a best friend to your child The transformative power of love and a change in environment Insights on coping with criticism and negativity Remember, each of us has the potential to overcome challenges, prioritize self-care, and achieve our dreams while staying true to our authentic selves.  With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Thank you to Soho Works 10 Jay in Dumbo for hosting us for this episode. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:37 Healing is Messy 04:33 Creating Your Own Happiness 07:33 The Reality Behind the Spotlight 09:31 True Friendship in Life's Ups and Downs 14:01 Prioritizing Self-Care Without Guilt 19:20 Becoming Your Child’s Best Friend 25:17 The Passion of Creating and Producing 28:33 How Rejection Shapes Success 35:51 Breaking Free from the People-Pleasing Cycle 41:23 La La's Prison Reform Advocacy 51:21 Navigating Life's Unexpected Turns 58:09 Discovering Self-Love and New Beginnings Episode Resources: La La Anthony | Instagram La La Anthony | Twitter La La Anthony | Facebook Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, Jennifer Lopez here with the new season of My Overcomefer Podcast. What's overcomefer all about? It's about inspiring confidence in all of us and choosing calling over comfort. Every Tuesday I'll be having real and honest conversations. You'll hear it from me first before any cheeseman hits your social media feed. Join me as I create a space where opening up is not only okay, it's encouraged. Listen to Overcomefer Podcast with with Jenna Colopas on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

On his new podcast, six degrees with Kevin Bacon, join Kevin for inspiring conversations with his friends and fellow celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world, like actor Mark Ruffalo. You know, I found myself moving upstate in the middle of this fracking fight, you know, and I'm trying to raise kids there and, you know, my neighbors like willing to poison my water. Listen to 6 degrees with Kevin Bacon on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas

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I grew up in a world where it's so competitive. Even if I'm not the most talented, I'm the hardest worker. Until you're burnt out and you don't have anything else to give and then what? If I'm trying to talk to you about a job opportunity, do I look unemployed to you? You are emerging in Hollywood and such a real world. Give it up for La La Anthony! When my whole marriage came crumbling down and I was in that bed, I was there by myself. Nobody gets married as this. I'm getting divorced. You get married because you feel like you found your person and this is what the rest of your life is going to be like.

What can I do? I have to adjust. Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite you to join this community, to hear more interviews that will help you become happier, healthier and more healed. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button, I love your support, it's incredible to see all your comments and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go on this journey with you, thank you so much for subscribing, it means the world to me. The best selling author and host.

The number one health and wellness podcast. The purpose of day shedding. as selling author and host. The number one health and wellness podcast. I'm on purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for trusting me with your ears and eyes and for spending your valuable time here to listen, learn, and grow. Today's guest is someone that we've had on the show before, but she came on the show so early on as an avid supporter, someone who is cheering me on. I was so grateful to have that conversation.

Clips of it. I've gone viral over the years again and again and again. And I'm so grateful that I get to sit down again with her right now in New York City. Lala is an actress, producer, New York Times bestselling author and entrepreneur. Lala's best known for her role on the hit show Power, which wrapped its sixth and final season on stars in 2020. Lala joined the cast of Show Times the Shy in 2020 and later received an NAACP Image Award nomination in the outstanding guest performance category in 2022. Lala's teamed up with Issa Raid to executive produce the forthcoming horror comedy for Universal Pictures, Juju. Please welcome to the show Lala. Lala, thank you so much for

doing this. Honestly, like I will always show up for you. You literally like you came on the show when like I don't even know anyone knew what the show was and you I think we just connected online and we'd start messaging and I was so grateful when you came on and since then we stayed in touch. We've always stayed in touch. And I always say you're my friend and someone I could depend on and you always say the right things.

At like, you just said something to your right now, I was like, I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that. Like today's been sometimes one of those days and I was like, I needed that. You always like know exactly what to say. We're very sweet and I appreciate that. And I wanna, let's start there actually.

Like one thing I've been encouraging my friends to do, people that I love, people I care about, is reflecting on difficult things they've got through. Difficult things they've broken through because I think often we do a lot of difficult things and I realize this through my mom actually. So my mom is a superwoman. She has done so many difficult things in her life, but she sees them as normal. So she never stops to think, oh, I'm powerful. I'm strong. Just a part of life. Just a part of life. So what's something difficult or hard that you've done in the last 12 months or

recently that you want to take a moment to just honor yourself for. That is so nice. I should honor myself. I think, you know, learning that healing is messy. That's something that I'm dealing with. And it comes and goes, it's not always there, but understanding that there's no time limit on healing and giving myself credit for

healing and going through everything that I've been through and learning that I don't always have to act like everything's okay. If it's not, I have a tendency to do that. Like it's one thing to not let people see you sweat, which I do understand that and you don't need to put all your business on social media or whatever, but it's okay to feel things and understand that healing is messy. So my mom sent me something recently that was like, you know, be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace because healing is messy.

As soon as you think like, oh, I'm done with that, I'm over that. All of a sudden it's like, well, why is this still making me feel like that? Or you're here to hear something or see something and like, why am I still a little bothered by that? And I hear you talk about this. You know, there's no like time frame.

Like, okay, once it's been two months, you're done with whatever the difficult thing was. You shouldn't even be thinking about it anymore. Could be years and something that's still pop up and trigger you or whatever, and being kind to yourself during those periods. So I wanna honor myself for just finally understanding healing is messy and not being so hard on myself

On certain things to not say you should have been done with that already Why are you still thinking about that or why did that still bother you is life? We're human We have feelings things happen as you said when you walked in life is life is life is life is life And you know there's so many blessings in this beautiful life and I'm blessed to have the life that I have and So many blessings in this beautiful life, and I'm blessed to have the life that I have. And I'm constantly, you know, thanking God for this beautiful life. And sometimes you feel ungrateful or like, what do you have to complain about? Like, you have a beautiful life, you're doing well. I might not have some of the financial troubles or issues that a lot of people are going through

that I have had, you know, before my life. But it doesn't shield you from feelings are going through that I have had before in my life, but it doesn't shield you from feelings and going through things. And I think a lot of time people kind of confuse that. Yeah, I think different platforms and different levels have different problems. And they keep changing and the problems you have today weren't the problems you had then and the problems you had then and not problems you have today. I feel like healing is an interesting word because everyone's looking at what happens You have today weren't the problems you had then and the problems you had then and not problems you have today.

I feel like healing's an interesting word because everyone's looking at what happens on the outside. But what do you think you're trying to heal on the inside? Like what have you discovered about what you are trying to heal? I think on the inside, I'm just trying to heal a person who probably has dealt with feelings of like abandonment, a person who has dealt

with feelings of not feeling good enough or definitely always having the questions of like abandonment, a person who has dealt with feelings of not feeling good enough or Definitely always having the questions of like why me? Why did this have to happen to me? Why me? Why did I have to go through this? I give so much good in the world. I do so much for so many people like why do I have to suffer or go through What I feel like at times is some of the hardest things to go through, but still keep a brief face, still keep a smile. So understanding that, like, I really do believe when people say, you know, that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. And I remind myself of that, like, you went through it

because you could, and you come out better, and people can learn from you, and this can help somebody else. And I just have to remind myself of those things because you do get caught up in the why me and like, look at everyone else, they have this, they have that, why me, why am I, you know, whatever it is. So just getting better at that, I think. When you talk to people because I'm assuming that,

you know, sometimes when we have that view of like, oh, they have it all, they have it all, I'm sure you talk to people behind the scenes and realize they don't have it all. Right, right. And so then how does that make you feel when you realize, oh, wait a minute, they don't have it all, they have it all. I'm sure you talk to people behind the scenes and realize they don't have it all. Right, right. And then how does that make you feel when you realize, oh, wait a minute, they don't have it all.

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't make me feel good. I'm not wishing for anyone to be struggling or not happy. But you just realized that things are just not always what they seem. And you know, in the world of social media, in the world of just constantly looking at everyone else, whether it's how they look, their bodies, or their lives, and saying, oh, I wish that could be me.

It's like, it's not reality. You don't know what people are dealing with. You don't know what people go home to. You don't know what's happening on the inside. And sometimes you do know, because you'll hear things or see things and you're like, oh, I thought this person had the perfect life. Now they're whatever.

So it's just like really honing in on making yourself happy, figuring out what it is that you need and not comparing or always looking at something else. Because if we do that, I just feel like you'll never be happy and you'll never be satisfied. Because there's always going to be somebody that looks better, dresses better, younger, more talented, whatever it is. Like, so if you're looking for a reason to knock yourself down,

you're gonna find it. It's not that hard, you're gonna find it. So you have to be whole within yourself and I am confident within myself. I'm not insecure, I'm confident. And I do walk with a certain level of confidence. So that part, I'm good at dealing with the kind of just like, wow, why me do certain things happen to, I'm still, you know,

pushing through that and learning every day. Like life is about learning. I don't think you're supposed to ever have it all figured out. You strike me as somebody that has it all figured out, but you're learning every day. And I think when we have these conversations, you learn from us and vice versa. Like, it's a constant learning experience.

Yeah, I'm constantly trying. It's really interesting, isn't it, when you are in a position of influence, people often assume that you do have it all figured out. And I'm constantly, I think people who listen to the podcast, they know me very deeply and intimately because they hear me say, I struggle with this this week

or this is something I'm going through. But if someone just sees a post on social media, they think, oh yeah, everything must be perfect. And I find that I encourage everyone. And this is why you coming on the podcast is so great because I encourage everyone to study people. They follow a bit deeper, not to take them down or to think happy that they've got problems too. Not that reason. But the reason of like when you really study someone or you get to know someone, you start to realize we're all actually in a much more similar place.

Right, it's so true. And what I've learned in my journey of life is you start realizing no matter how much money, how much status, or whatever. Like my friends that I grew up with when I had, you know, nothing are going through similar issues as friends of mine who have all the money in the world, all the success, all the people are people.

What you do every day is what you do every day. Money status doesn't change that. And I think we live in a society where people automatically assume money fixes everything or influence fixes everything or fame fixes everything. Not understanding that there's so many amazing things that come with them, I'm not gonna sit here and be like, oh, being successful, being famous, being whatever is like the worst thing in the world.

I'm not that person. I'm so grateful for my success, my fame, my influence, and I don't take it lightly. But it doesn't mean that it protects me or stops me from dealing with other things. And fame, influence comes with other sets of problems. You know, people feeling like they can criticize you. People feeling like your life is an open book

and they can say anything. A lot of us, when we go through things, the whole world doesn't have to know about it. When people like us go through things, it's open for discussion for the whole world and everyone has an opinion. And that's not easy either. So you just have to continue to kinda strengthen yourself

to be able to deal with all that ag that comes with it. Yeah, I love what you said there. I've thought about that a lot too, because last time you came, we were tracking your whole career journey. You've hustled, you've worked hard, you've done so much to get to where you are today, and I want to get to that. But for me, as I've been on this journey, I've been reflecting on what's changed over time as my external situation's changed and what makes me feel protected and

use that word protection. And I've realized that, of course, we have to have our internal protection of how we feel about ourselves, our confidence, our own practices. But I found that the thing that makes me feel the most protected is knowing the people around me who really know me and how much closer we get through that process. Right. Like, I have to take so much strength in the fact that the people around me, not only do they have my back, but they actually know me and understand me at a core.

I understand. And I kind of take a lot of energy from that. You do the same. I take so much energy from that. I don't like the people who know they know, the people that I need to depend on. They're always there. I'm blessed to have an amazing family, amazing group of friends that are like,

ride or die that I know are there no matter what. And it's something that I don't take lightly. So it's not about proving to the world anything like if my core group gets it, knows me inside and out, knows my ups, knows my downs and are there for me. That's the energy I pull from as well. I want to talk to you about friendship. I think a lot of people feel quite, even when you're close friends,

and I'm sure you felt this, it's hard to open up about things that are going wrong in your life. And I think a lot of people are listening or watching that's something that they can relate to where it's like, I have my friends, but I don't know how to tell them that I'm going through this.

Or I know they'd care about me, but I don't want them to feel sorry for me. Yeah, that's it too. Or maybe they're going through so much stuff that I don't want to put my stuff on them. Right. How have you managed to keep strong relationships as you've grown in life, as you've built your career? How have you managed to keep that core

instead of losing it as you get more busy? Yeah, I think that my friendships have gotten even stronger because of those moments. I don't base my friendships off of, you know, this person has only been around when everything's been great. Or we only talk about sunshine and flowers and cupcakes. Like friends have to be there through everything

and you have to be able to be okay with being raw and real with people that you consider your friend and don't throw that word around lightly. If you're saying this is my friend, this is my go-to, you should be able to share whatever's happening in your life, whether it's good or bad. And those are the things that bond you. You know, through those, I remember the friends that were there for me when I was going through my divorce.

When I was publicly, you know, going through what I was going through as a result of what happened in my marriage. Like, I remember my friends that were there. I remember when my son was really young and had to have surgery and who was there in that moment. Like, I remember all of that and those were the strengthening moments of our friendship. Now, the fun stuff is great too.

I remember my friends have been on vacation with me and got drunk and had a great time, but it's a balance. You know, the real friendships had a mix of all of that stuff, because that's what life is. Life is not always just fun and games. Life is up and down and up and down. That's what life is.

Was there anything that a friend said to you or guidance you heard when you were going through a divorce that really helped or that really stayed with you or that you kind of carry around in your heart? Just not to blame myself. You know, in your heart. Just not to blame myself. You know, this isn't your fault, not to blame myself. That always kind of stuck with me because it's easy to just blame yourself

or get down on yourself or what was it that I did. And when I say not blaming yourself, I'm not saying don't take accountability for whatever you might have had to do with the situation. Like it's important to sit back and say, okay, where could I have been better? Because life is about being better and learning. You don't want to just say, oh, this happened.

It had nothing to do with me. You want to understand like, where could I have done better? Or where did maybe I fall short on some things? But that's different than blaming yourself for what happened. And I think by taking accountability, I was able to grow and become a better person for whatever happens in my life in the future. You don't go through these experiences not to learn than what was the point? Like you don't go through these experiences to then duplicate the same issues

in your next relationship or your next marriage or whatever it is. That's not what that was there for. It was to learn to get better and then to apply that knowledge to the next situation, whether it's a friendship, relationship marriage, whatever it is. I love what you brought out there and I want everyone to just take note of that because I think we think we either have to take full responsibility or no responsibility. Right. So we either blame the other person or we blame ourselves.

And it's only either or and the truth is, it's so much more balanced where it's like, I don't wanna blame myself and beat myself up because that's gonna send me down a terrible spiral. At the same time, I'm not gonna sit here and just blame everything on the other person because that's not true. And there's accountability on both sides.

And so let me look at how can I be better, but how can I not beat myself up? What is it that you think you learned or what about you do you think has become better or healed or what have you worked on because of that shift in your life? Just a balance, you know, understanding balance. I'm such a career driven, work driven person that that could just take over my life and that becomes what's, you know, the most important to me outside of my son. There's never been anything that's more important than cayenne.

And you know this, you just get caught up in the work. And next thing, you know, friends or partners or whatever are feeling neglected or like, I just feel like you never have time or you're not making them feel special in there, you know, moments and being there for them because it's like, you got to film one more podcast. I got to go to set. I got to film one more episode. I got to go do this really fast, but it'll be quick. And I'll come right back, you know,

and then you realize when people, friends as well, are feeling like neglected in those departments, problems can happen because of that. You start looking for other ways to fulfill that void and that that need and that's how things happen. So again, it's not blaming myself, but just being aware of things that happen and finding that balance and getting better at that balance. And I need the balance, Jay, for myself. It's not even for a partner for myself because I should be okay with having a personal life and a professional life. And not feel guilty. I was the person that, if I went on a vacation, I felt guilty.

Like, I gotta work. I can't be doing this. Like, I don't want people to think I'm just having a good time. I should be on set. I should be doing, and like really beating myself up me while I work my ass off. I should be able to take a vacation. If I want to take a month off, I should be able to do that.

I've worked, I've been in this industry since I was 16 years old, I should be able to do that. I've worked, I've been in this industry since I was 16 years old. I should be able to do that. I have enough equity in the game with all I've given it to be able to do that, but I still would feel so guilty over that. So that's the balance that I'm talking about. Yeah, no, I'm really glad that you went that step further of like, it's giving yourself to your friends, a potential partner, but also to yourself.

What do you think it was for you that blocked you from giving yourself to your friends, a potential partner, but also to yourself. Yeah. What do you think it was for you that blocked you from giving yourself that permission? And the reason I asked that is because I was looking at the studies in the US and it was saying how so many people don't take all of their leave from work. Like most people aren't taking their leave. And there's not even that much leave in the US to take. So when I was in the UK, you get like 30 days off a year. Wow. And like I think you're awesome. you get like 30 days off a year. Wow.

And I think it's awesome. Yeah, and here it's not that many. And so when I moved here, and I remember looking at that, I was thinking, wow, and still people aren't taking time off. I think that something people can relate to, that a lot of people struggle to think,

well, maybe when I come back, I'll have so many more emails. Oh my God, I'm really so behind. Oh my gosh, I won't get promoted this year. Oh my gosh, I might get let go. I'm competing with this person. I may become irrelevant. Right.

I have to stay on top of stuff. Right. What was it for you that kind of, do you think stopped you from giving yourself permission to have a balance? Definitely a fear. And you and I always talk about fear. A fear of someone's gonna come and take my job

or someone's gonna come and take my place or I used to take so much pride in being like, you know, even if I'm not the most talented, I'm the hardest worker. No one could outwork me. And that was like my badge of honor. Like, I will outwork everyone until you're burnt out and you don't have anything else to give. And then what, they move on to the next person anyway. So it's like, you have to take care of yourself. And I had to learn that because I would just go until I couldn't go anymore and then not have anything to give to anyone because I didn't have that balance, but that was all because of fear. And not also believing in myself enough to say, I'm enough, and if someone is able to just come and take this from me,

it was never mine to begin with. And really being okay with that. But I just think we, well, I grew up in a world where it's so competitive. And it's like, you know, you can't take your foot off the gas. As soon as you do it, somebody else is coming. Or don't even give, you know, somebody else a chance to take your spot. Whatever that even means,

but that's the culture I grew up in and what I was conditioned and brainwashed to always believe. So it was like, go till you can't go anymore. And now I'm like, I'm not doing that anymore. Have I reached a place where I found the perfect balance? No, but I am getting better at it. I just told you I took a trip. I was at a couple of different places prior to that.

I took Kayan to the Cayman Islands and we had a great time and I felt happy. I felt not guilty for doing that and I felt okay with posting about it, not thinking like, oh, I don't think this girl. She's always on vacation or something like that. I felt good about that because I deserve it and I need to do that.

Welcome to the OverCumfer Podcast with Jenna Calopes. Yup, that's me. You may know my late mom, Jenny Rivera, my queen. She's been my guiding light as I bring you a new season of OverCfort podcast. This season I'll continue to discover and encourage you and me to get out of our comfort zones and choose our calling. Join me as I dive into conversations that will inspire you, challenge you, and bring you healing. We're on this journey together. I'm opening up about my life and telling

my story in my own words. Yes, you'll hear it from me first before the Cheezman lands on your social media food. If you thought you knew everything, guess again. So I took another test with Ancestry and it told me a lot about who I am and it led me to my biological father. And everyone here, my friends laugh but I'm Puerto Rican! Listen to the Overcome for Podcasts with Jennifer Lopez as part of Michael Durant Podcast Network available on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Craig Ferguson, the grandmaster, the architect of wisdom, Maharishi of Murth goes in search of joy.

I'm here to help. You'll be speaking with actors, doctors, comedians, and scientists, artists, and athletes, and people of faith in search of extreme happiness. United States of America, our cram champions of the world. At last, a podcast on a mission, a podcast that wonders what is joy. Is it love, religion, drug, success, money, revenge? Is it a surge of chemicals or a deeper awakening?

Can it be nurtured, cultivated and refined? Find out! As Craig Ferguson explores the countless ways people find joy. The celebrations that dances the science, poetry, laughter, and music of joy. Don't miss it! Joy! With Craig Ferguson! Here it now!

On the IHART Radio App, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On his new podcast, six degrees with Kevin Bacon, join Kevin for inspiring conversations with celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world, like musical artist, Jewel. And what an equal opportunist misery is, it doesn't care if you're black or white or rich or poor or famous or homeless, if you are raised in misery systems, it's perpetual. Kevin is the founder of the nonprofit organization, SixEgris.org. Now he's meeting with like-minded actors who share a passion for change, like Mark Rapelo. You know, I found myself moving up state in the middle of this fracking fight that I'm

trying to raise kids there and my neighbors, like willing to poison my water. These conversations between Kevin and activist Matthew McConaughey will have you ready to lean in, learn, and inspire to act. They're all in the wrong track, helping get on the right track. If they're on the right track, let's help them double down on that and see the opportunities stay on the right track for success in the future. Listen to six degrees with Kevin Bacon on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts

or wherever you get your podcasts. Absolutely, absolutely. And I love hearing the practical ways in which it's actually taking part. It's really interesting. It's so much about what we get our significance from, like what makes us feel worthy. And for some of us, it's really interesting. It's so much about what we get our significance from, what makes us feel worthy. And for some of us, it's overworking.

For some of us, it's overgiving. For some of us, it's oversharing. And it's like, what makes you feel worthy? Today, what makes you feel worthy and happy today? Definitely my son. He makes me so happy because you start really seeing the influence you have over your child at a certain age where it's like wow everything I've taught him or things I've tried to drill in his head now I'm seeing it

actually come to forewishing or he's repeating things to me that I'm like oh he was listening to me when I said that or he is following my guidance or advice you know he's 16 years old now and he's making a career and a lane for himself in basketball and you know, he's doing so well. But I just see how humble he is, how kind he is, how he's all about, you know, giving back to the community and all the things that are so important to me. Now I'm just seeing him take on all of that same stuff

and that makes me so happy. Because I feel like, you know, I did a great job. And it's not like I'm done being a parent, but I did a great job thus far of being a parent and never allowing whatever was happening in my life or to affect my parenting or affect how I was with, you know, my child. That's something that makes me happy

and something I'm really proud of. Because that's not easy, you know, to deal with day-to-day life and ups and downs and then come home and be, you know, therefore your child and be willing to just listen to their needs and what they have going on. That's not easy. What's been the biggest thing you think he's taught you? Definitely patience.

Everyone says like, you don't experience love till you have a child and you're like, what does that really mean? Like I know what it's like to love someone, but it definitely is a different kind of love. So just unconditional love, patience. And, you know, I always say that my son is my best friend. Now, it's interesting because people will say that,

and I don't know if you've read about this, J.M. Curious to know your take, people will say that your children should not be your best friend, that you should be a parent and your child should not be your best friend. I'm on the other side of it. My son is my best friend and I'm still able to be a parent and have him as my best friend. And best friend, I mean, I spend more time with my son than anyone else. I live with my child, so he's the person I live with.

He's my roommate, essentially, and knows me in every shape and form. Happy days, the sad days, everything. And there's nothing I don't feel like we can talk about on his side, on my side. To me, those are all the qualities of a best friend. Do I still parent him and discipline him? And of course I do. But there's a lot of tight, read a lot of talk about that.

And sometimes when I write, like, hanging with my best friends, like, ah, your son should be your best friend. Like, you should just be a parent. That's the problem these days. Parents trying to be their kids' friends and isn't it? I come from a different. Yeah, I mean, I can't, I'm obviously,

I'm not a parent, so I can't answer it from that perspective. But if I think about it with my parents, I would say at this point, I'm good friends with my parents. I would say, I wish we were best friends growing up. Okay. And I felt that I was parented, which made me actually not tell them stuff and keep secrets and do my own thing and not really have that open relationship with them, which I wish I think would have been healthier for me and for them.

And now I'm glad that it's evolved to where it has, but I agree I would have liked to have been friendly with my parents when I was younger because I think I could have avoided a lot of the mistakes I made. Had I had that relationship with them. And felt comfortable talking to them about something. Yeah, I was always scared to tell them anything because I'm not gonna trouble.

Exactly, and so, and I don't think that that was a healthy feeling as a child of, oh, I'm gonna get into trouble if I do, no, I was a child, that was a teenager. as a child of, oh, I'm gonna get into trouble. No, I was a child. That was a teenager. Right. But I'm not a child, I was obedient anyway. But when I was a teenager, it's like, I think that's the age.

If you can be friends with your 16 year old, that's pretty dope because that's good for her. And being friends, Jay doesn't mean he doesn't get in trouble. Yeah, of course. Because if he does something wrong, he gets in trouble or you know, I have to sit down and talk to him, but I think it's the approach and the way

because sometimes just yelling or, it's not effective, at least from what I've seen with other people parenting, you know, and I don't judge anyone's parenting, but yelling, screaming, like, they're not hearing you. So sometimes just having a honest conversation or why you shouldn't have done that or why that was wrong for me, that gets me further than like, what the hell are you thinking? Why don't they're like, they're blocking you out. They're not hearing you anyway. I actually went through something like that the other day.

So I bumped into someone and I was talking to their teenager. He was probably like, maybe like 14, 15. Okay. And his mom was like behind me like telling him what to ask me. And it was almost like she was making it out. Like he wouldn't ask good question. Right, like not giving him the opportunity. Yeah, and the thing is, he was actually asking

really smart questions and I was like really engaged, but I could see that she kept distracting him and he kept me like, mom, I'm talking about it. I got it, yeah, and it was just really interesting. And I'd look back and I'd smile and be like, he's cool, like you know, it's all right. And it was just really interesting to me, like she didn't trust that she'd actually

been an amazing parent. Right, and taught him well and put him in a situation where he can handle himself. Yeah, and he was doing great. And I said to her afterwards, I was like, I just want you to know, like you must have raised your son really well because he was so present, he asked me,

I was so impressed by a 15 year old asking those kind of questions. Like, I wanted her to know that too because I guess mom guilt and reflecting and like kind of feeling like it's never good enough must be a big part of what you carry to yeah for sure That's a real thing you know mom guilt and just everything you just said is just so real because again We get in the habit of beating ourselves up for everything so it's like blaming ourselves for everything So you know my sons like this because of whatever So it is nice when I always say the biggest

compliment I've ever heard is when people tell me your son's so well-mannered. He's so humble. He's so down to earth. He cares about people. Like that makes me feel better than anything, any award, any, any, you know, high rated TV show, what a movie, anything. Like someone to tell me that my kid is kind, and humble, and well mannered. That's like the best thing I could ever hear. Yeah, that's beautiful. I love hearing that. And I want to talk about your career. Cause last time you came,

we kind of did a full biography of all the jobs and like how you started, we talked about your first job and how you broke through. What about your driven ambitious person still despite everything you've achieved, what is that drive pursuing today? What does that look like right now? I'm always trying to figure out what my next thing is. I'm always working extremely hard.

I think I still am close enough to remember what not having felt like to continue to push myself the way I do. I'm not that far removed from remembering what that felt like and it lives in me and it's close to me. So I'm like, I don't like that. I don't want to go back there. So that's the motivation and a drive to continue to push forward and I enjoy it. Like I like working. I mean, my mom tells me on time like, you don't think you should just like take a break

and I'm like, mom, I like working. Some people like other things. I like working. Some people, you know, rather be at home and do certain things, which is fine. Everyone has a different motivation. I like working. That brings me happiness. That brings me joy.

So I push myself in that department. But for me, I'm always trying to see what's next right now. You know, I'm heavy in the acting space, producing space, really big on my prison reform charity, which takes up a lot of my time. And giving back in that way is so important to me. So those are kind of where my immediate focuses are right now, but there's always so many things happening.

With the acting and production, like what part of it right now do you feel most immersed and in love with? Because you've done both for a while now. It's like, what's the project that's kind of like bringing you alive? So, you know, just finding projects that I'm interested in, producing is so amazing because you can now bring

something that you love to life. And you can be in control of that IP or whatever it is and bring it to life. So producing just puts you in control for so long as an actor, you're waiting for someone else to give you an opportunity. You're auditioning with 10 other girls that look very similar to you and just hoping that, hey, pick me, pick me. I'm the right person for the role.

And nine times out of 10, you never, you don't get picked. I mean, you get those lucky times, but for the most part, you don't always get picked. So by producing, you're not waiting. Now you're creating, and you're also putting yourself in a position to create jobs and opportunities for other people. And that's what I'm about.

Opening the doors for other people to come in and you know, have these experiences and be able to give them a piece of what I have going on. So that's what I love about producing and just going out there and finding projects that mean something to me. And it's not always about like, oh, I'm gonna produce this

because I wanted to be this huge success. Of course you want things you do to be a huge success, but sometimes you wanna do it for you. I'm passionate about this. I wanna tell this story. And whoever gets it gets it. Maybe this is not the billion dollar hit or whatever, maybe this is just for a small group of

people that are into this, but that matters to me. So that's what gets me excited from the producing standpoint. And acting, I am on a show. So it's great to just have steady work. And I love, you know, the people I work with, I love the show I'm a part of. It's incredible. And it's nice to just always have that kind of in the stash. Yeah, absolutely. You switch out rejection there again. Another thing I think people relate to whether they're auditioning or playing for jobs, it's one of those things that we all face in life in different realms. And I think people often think that when you get to a certain level of success, you don't get rejection anymore. That is touchy. How does that feel like

after having, I don't know how many auditions you must have done in a long time. Oh my God, more than I could ever count. Right, like how many like tape auditions, like in person. Oh my God, in person, signing the contract before thinking that I definitely had the job just to find out

that they're not going with me. I mean, I've had everything happen to me. It does it get easier and how do you react to rejection differently today than you did 16 years ago? So today I realized that most of the time it has nothing to do with you. There's so many other factors. And now being on the producing side, I see the other factors. It could be anything, it could be height, it could be how you stand next to your co-star. It could be a billion things that are out of your control is not a decision based on you weren't good enough

or you weren't talented enough. And once I realized that I got better with dealing with it and also being happy and grateful for the person who did get the job, because for whatever reason, they were the right person for that job, not feeling like, oh, why did they give it to them and not me, like actually leading with grace and kindness

and realizing that because I started doing that, more good things started happening for me. But in the beginning, it was like, oh, they don't like me. I didn't do a good job. Oh, they think I suck. I shouldn't be doing this. Like I was ready to give up on acting a hundred times.

I was like, clearly this is the one thing that's never gonna happen for me. Like I had to have one thing that just wasn't gonna go. This is it, but I just kept being persistent, kept learning, kept getting better, and then realizing now a lot of the decisions are not based on talent. There's just so many other factors.

When my videos were first seen like seven years ago, around a year later, a TV production company had reached out and said, we wanna make a TV show about your work. Right. And I was like, this is so cool. I never imagined a million years that that would even be possible. And so we made the deck, we went and like pitched it at all these companies. And it was really interesting because no one took the show.

I was really passionate about the idea we'd created. I thought it was really cool and different. And no one cared. Like, it didn't even go beyond the first meeting. Like, from the first meeting, I was like, we're not sure. And it's really interesting to me, because I was talking about this with a friend a couple of weeks ago, and I was saying that one thing that happened was

it built a number of long-term friendships. So everyone I met at those pitches, not everyone, but some of the people have become long-term friends that I actually still see now socially, even though we never did anything professionally. So there was a massive win. The other thing was it gave me a great experience of what that process is like.

I'd never done it before. And now I actually understand what that looks like. And it was a complete learning curve. But the third one, which is the best one, is I often say to people, had I been given that show, I potentially may never have started this show, I potentially may never have started this podcast, I potentially may never have written my book, I potentially may never have

gone on tour this year because I wouldn't have had this opportunity to have to build my own work. That's so true. That's what I want to remind people is like just trust in the timing as long as you're moving forward. That's it. And I think that's the mistake that we often make is that our disappointment slows us down or like our feeling of failure forces us to just switch off.

Yeah. And instead, when you're moving, shifting, figuring things out, discovering, anything's possible. Yeah, it's so true. And it's funny because on our last podcast, the, I've said it's been years, it's that that clip is still viral,

but we talk about fear, and we always say that people stop because they're disappointed in fear right before something great is going to happen. Like, you stop and don't even realize, right? Pass that. If you push past that feeling, if you push past that amazing things are going to happen. And because of our talk, I realize how much that resonated with people. Like, don't let the fear and disappointment stop you because you don't know what's going to happen after that. Let it build you. Let it build your character. Let it build your armor to be strong and go through these things so that you can keep, like you said,

as long as you're moving forward, it's just so important. Hmm. What fear are you trying to push forward from right now in your life? I'm such a people pleaser. And I've always wanted to, even as a young kid, I've always wanted to be liked by everyone. I was that person like I wanted everybody to be my friend and it's funny because people say all the time, oh, last friends with everybody, everybody loves Lala, which is great. I don't think everybody loves me, but that's great. But also being okay with understanding that you'll never be able to please everyone, especially in this day and age of,

we talked about social media, everyone now having a platform to comment to tell you what you're doing wrong and speak about who you are as a person. People that don't even know you. There was a time where that would have really rattled me and bothered me because it's like, well, you don't even know me,

you never be in that conversation with me. If you knew me, you would love me. You would see I'm this type of person. Now it's like, well, you don't even know me. You never be in that conversation with me. If you knew me, you would love me. You would see I'm this type person. Now it's like, I'm secure myself. So I'm continuing to push through that fear of wanting to be liked or the fear of someone not liking me. I should say that the fear of someone not liking me. I've gotten so much better at that

and just embracing the people that love me and care about me. Another thing my mom's always told me, I quote my mom a lot. She's a very smart person. Another thing my mom always told me is celebrate the people that are there. You know you can have a party or a get together. And the first thing you'll say is,

well why didn't someone so come? Damn, I invited someone so why aren't they here? You're not even acknowledging the 10, 15, 20 people that came to support you on your birthday or whatever the occasion was. Well, damn, I invited someone, so they didn't even come. Like, I always remind myself for that. Celebrate the people who are there for your moments

who want to be there, but you want to stop worrying about the person who wasn't there. Same thing with comments. Everyone, Jay, we love you. You're the greatest. We listen to everything. That one person who's like, Jay, what the hell are you talking about? You don't know what you're talking. You're like, same thing with comments. Everyone, Jay, we love you. You're the greatest. We listen to everything. That one person who's like, Jay,

what the hell are you talking about? You don't know what you're talking. You're like zooming in on that. Wanna find out, you wanna respond. You wanna go to their page. See how they look? But you just had a thousand comments about how wonderful you are

and that one will just throw people off. I've just gotten so much better at that. I won't give somebody that much power over me. And again, I want to celebrate the people who are celebrating me. That's what I'm getting better at. Yeah, no, I love that you said that. I literally, it was a habit that I used to have

where you'd see all these good reviews or good comments and you would literally just scroll past them. She's waiting for the negative one and I've been so sure. Literally, right? You're just treating the good ones like, oh yeah sure, of course. I don't, you don't really mean that. And then when someone says something bad

and I've trained myself now, like I genuinely do this and I talk about in the podcast a lot, I will sit there and I will read a positive review, I'll read a comment, a positive comment, and I'll let it sit here. And I'll just let it sit there and I'll let myself accept it because for so long I just tried to like not let myself accept it and I don't mean let it go to your head. I mean like feel it in your heart.

Feel it. Like someone felt like telling you that your work or your words or whatever it was your life or that clip of you on the last podcast like that that made a difference in their lives. Let that just let yourself receive that and I wish all of us would allow ourselves to receive love as seriously as we receive hate. It's so true. When you see hate, you don't think that might not be true.

You just accept that it must be true. Whereas when you see love, you think, oh, yeah, that didn't really mean that. Oh, it probably isn't that real, right? It's so interesting how we second-guess. And it's interesting because we'll believe the hate is true from someone who doesn't even know us. Yeah. This is coming from someone who'd never had a conversation with you.

He knows nothing about you. So it's like, it's the wrong way to think, but you had to train yourself to think differently. Yeah. I had to train myself to think differently. For me, a lot of times it's better for me just not to read anything. Totally. Because I still can get hyper focus on. So I don't really get caught up in that. I get caught up in more like when people stop me

and say, you know, love you a lot. Thanks for this or whatever it is. Those are my genuine moments. And I do still, sometimes, you know, take a peek but I don't go too deep. That's safer. I think that's safer. I just like peek in but I don't go too deep. That's safer. I think that's safer. I think that's safer.

I don't go too deep. I think that's safer. And sometimes when I see criticism, I'll also allow myself, if I'm in a good space, because I agree with you, like, what I'm sharing is when you're in a good space. If you're really struggling with it, just turn it off and get away from it.

I'm fully with you. But if I am in a good place, I'll look at criticism and I'll say, let me take the feedback and leave the criticism. Like, how do I do that? Like, how do I listen to this, allow it in, but then leave the part that is kind of the venom in it, or the spite, or the ferociousness. Like, kick that out and take the feedback,

because there could be something for me to learn. I'm open to that. The constructive part of it, or constructive criticism. I'm part of it. I do understand that. I don't think all of us are there part. But I do understand that. I don't think all of us are there yet. Neither am I. I'm just, I'm trying.

I'm trying. Yeah, exactly. We're trying. And a lot of us, you know, are still struggling with understanding what being love feels like or never being loved growing up. You know, I work with so many people through my charity and just people I know who you realize some of the basic principles of just love they've never experienced and don't understand what that is but they do understand hate being told you're not good enough, being ignored, not being paid attention to.

So they gravitate more to that because that's what they're used to. So it's just about changing the narrative and I talk about that with, you know, the group that I work with through my charity 360 all the time is like changing the narrative and I talk about that with, you know, the group that I work with through my charity, 360 all the time is like changing the narrative, changing those negative thoughts into positive thoughts. So that's really important. Something about Mary Poppins? Something about Mary Poppins.

Exactly. Oh, man, this is fun. I'm AJ Jacobs and I am an author and a journalist and I tend to get obsessed with stuff. And my current obsession is puzzles. And that has given birth to my new podcast, The Puzzler. Dressing. Dressing.

Frick's dressing. Exactly. That's good. That's good. We are living in the golden age of puzzles. And now you can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears for 10 minutes or less. Every day on the puzzler, short and sweet.

I thought to myself, I bet I know what this is. And now I definitely know what this is. This is so weird. This is fun. Let's try this one. Listen to the puzzler every day on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's awful, and I should have seen it coming! On his new podcast, six degrees with Kevin Bacon, join Kevin for inspiring conversations with

celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world, like musical artist, Jewel. And what an equal opportunist misery is, it doesn't care if you're black or white, or rich, or poor, or famous, or homeless, if you are raised in misery systems, it's perpetual. Kevin is the founder of the nonprofit organization, Six degrees dot org. Now he's meeting with like-minded actors who share a passion for change, like Mark Ruffalo. You know, I found myself moving up state in the middle of this fracking fight that I'm trying to raise kids there and my neighbors like willing to poison my water.

These conversations between Kevin and activist Matthew McConaughey will have you ready to lean in, learn, and inspire to act. They're all in the wrong track, help get on the right track. If they're on the right track, let's help them double down on that and see the opportunities stay on the right track for success in the future. Listen to six degrees with Kevin Bacon on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get your podcasts. What got you involved in the prison reform work? And what is the thing that you think would surprise us to learn about it? Because you've actually spent time, you're working with people, it's your charity, it's your project. What do you think would surprise us?

I think that people would be surprised how simply changing a person's environment and simply loving someone can be all you need to actually see a complete change in a person. Telling someone you love them, telling someone you're proud of them all you need to actually see a complete change in a person. Telling someone you love them, telling someone you're proud of them is sometimes enough to just completely change a person. And realizing that those simple words, a lot of people have never even heard before, is

mind blowing that I'll sit with the young men in my program. I mostly work with young men ages 18 to 21. And they will tell me they've never heard someone say I love you before. They've never heard, definitely never heard someone say I'm proud of you. What have I ever done for someone to be proud of me? Or definitely just never knew what feeling important to somebody was. And when they start feeling that, the change you see in them, when I put them in situations

where there's jobs or things to thrive, like how amazing they've been doing just because the environment is different. You can love somebody all you want and then put them back in that same toxic, you know, dysfunctional environment and then like, well, why are they acting like this? They shouldn't be acting like this. Why are they being a menace to society?

I mean, but we wouldn't last one day in a household like that. You know, and just being compassionate. So love and a change in environment are like two of the key things that I've seen where I've seen the most success and the most change. For sure. Yeah, that is fascinating. And how do you get, like, I guess the external perception is, everyone would be quite hard in prison, be quite cold.

How do you have a conversation about love and compassion is everyone would be quite hard in prison, be quite cold. How do you have a conversation about love and compassion and empathy with someone who hasn't had it before? How do you even start that conversation? Because I think the perception would be they'd just be like, I don't need to be loved. There'd be a certain kind of shield to it. Is that real? Is that true or do you find it's quite easy to tell?

When I first come in, it's not easy. There's like, if it's a new group, it's kind of the stone face. That's for me, yeah. Yeah, we know a lot about what she, what's she gonna talk to us about? But it's really just having real authentic conversations. When you talk to somebody, Jay,

you just have that talent to where they know you're speaking from a genuine place. When you talk to me, I'm like, I gotta listen to what Jay's saying. Like, I got, what would Jay do in this situation? You just have that. So it's like, when you're speaking from your heart and you're leading with love,

people feel that, even the hardest people feel that, because at every month's core, what do we want? We want to be loved. Everyone wants to be loved, whether they've experienced or not, at every month's core, they want to be loved. So I'm going to hit you in that place that just wants to be loved. And I'm also going to make you understand that I understand what you've been through. I understand why you may have made some of these choices. And

guess what? I'm not judging you, but I'm pushing you to do better. And that's how I kind of run my group and what we talk about. And once they hear that and feel that, it just melts away. They just want to hug. They just want you to tell them you love them. They just want to sit down and have some food with you. It just like melts away.

And it's emotional, it's incredible to see. And I wish that more people could be involved in the work and see this instead of just writing certain people off because of whatever they've been through. Because one thing I always say is, hey, these guys in my program are not going anywhere. So you got two choices. They can either be an asset to our communities

or they can be a problem. Which one do you want? Because they're not going anywhere. So I rather mold them and work with them to be assets and great fathers and great community leaders and great workers in our community than be a problem. And sometimes all they really need is to feel supported

and to feel loved. That's been my experience. For sure. What drew you to that work specifically? I mean, you could have started something about anything in the world. What was it deeply inside of you that was like, this is where I wanna put my energy and efforts?

I think just growing up, that's always been a part of life, like knowing someone who's in jail, seeing different things but feeling helpless, like, what can I do? I can just go visit right a letter here and there. I'm not in a position to do anything. You would see things that you wanted to change but feel helpless.

And now I'm in a position where I can actually make change. You know, I can actually use my voice on my platform to make a change and help people I care about who are still incarcerated or people who have been incarcerated, you know, help them change their experience and provide them with different things that people before us didn't have.

So I'm gonna use my platform for that. And also as a mom of a 16-year-old, a young black man, I understand, you know, how all of us are one decision or one bad moment away from being any of the kids that I deal with, who are incarcerated right now. How many of my kids was just wrong place at the wrong time? Hanging with the wrong crowd, we can relate to that. I have a son, like he could be at the wrong place

at the wrong time, trying to be cool, running with a certain group of kids, anything can happen. So I'm sympathetic to that. And I think that's where I draw my inspiration from to wanna do the work. Did you see the lack of support, like breaking families, like how bad did it get?

It got bad. It got bad. I saw it. It got bad. I had, you know, one of the closest people to me, his mother was incarcerated for many, many years and just seeing what it was like for him to grow up without his mom, you know, being there. She was there in every way, but she was incarcerated.

She was an amazing, she isn't amazing, mother of a, she was incarcerated and just watching what that felt like. And feeling like there's got to be a way to still hold the family bonds even with this going on. So just seeing things and like, this doesn't make sense. Or this is supposed to be a rehabilitation, but there's no rehabilitation going on. Where are the programs, where are the things so that people can come out and not do the same mistakes or be better equipped to make better decisions like, what are we doing? And now again being in a position, I would see all of that.

But again, Phil, help us. Like, what am I going to do? I can't do anything. All that I could do is go visit on the visiting days, buy some food out the vendor machine and call it a day. Like, what am I going to do? But now I can do something. So it's just what I've become so passionate about. And when I look at the young men in my program, I always say, I speak to them and look at them the same way I talk to Kayanne, my son, who's 16 years old, because they're 18. They're two years away from Kayanne and dealing with some of the same struggles and issues that I see Kayanne goes through, you know, insecure, trying to fit in, trying to be the cool kid.

You know, all of these things that, you know, sometimes can lead to bad decisions and trouble if you don't have strong family and strong support and they don't have that. Yeah, could you tell us maybe some of the stories that you've seen of people, you know, coming back in a society and some of the moments where you're like, wow, this is like,

it's inspiring and hope for giving Yeah, so I did I had a kid in my program his name is Rondo and While he was incarcerated I bought someone who worked for reform alliance, which is founded by Michael Rubin, Mekmil, Jay-Z I had Jessica Jackson who works really close with Kim. I'm Kardashian So they came and they visited and Rondo just stood out to them. And I remember Jessica telling him, when you get out, I'm going to have a job for you. You really have blew me away, won me over it. And they waited and waited for him

to come out. When he came out, he came out like on a Thursday, I was at the court when they released him. He came out on Thursday. He was in that office on Monday starting his job, working so hard. And now when you see this kid, Jay, it's unbelievable. He's traveled the whole country. He's spoken on platforms with Kim, who was my best friend. Obviously, so I'm like Kim and Rondo side by side talking about prison reform, him speaking to the the Gen Z population about, you know, what needs to be done. His experiences, I'm just mind blown. I found this kid and Rikers Island fighting, you know, dealing with so many different things. And now he's side by side with Kim and Michael Rubin, not too long ago. I'm like, he's at Michael Rubin's house, like hosting a panel and it's just, it's mind

blowing. And what was it? Opportunity, change of environment, love that made the change. And we have others that are following in the same path, but it's amazing to see. It's like it makes you just feel like it's all worth it. You just like everything I'm doing is worth it. Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that with us.

I think it's hard sometimes to connect the dots. I was talking to, I think you probably know Scott as well, Scott Badenick. As you know, Scott, like a couple of weeks ago, he's so passionate. And for those of people who don't know, Scott made the three hangover movies, but then also made just mercy. You know, that movie for him was all about prison reform and changing the narrative and trying to give people an opportunity and rethinking, you know, how we feel about people and how we treat people who've made certain decisions. And it's so phenomenal to hear that so many people, also all of you, are collaborating.

Yeah, for sure. In order to do this. For sure, you can't do this type of work along, Jay, you need a support system. And my charity, again, is 360, and I'm so happy to have Reform Alliance as a partner who really guide me and help me because I'm new to the space. I'm not new to the experience, but I'm new to the space and just learning and navigating and them just really holding my hand through the whole thing

has been great. You can't do it alone, but it's a challenging space but such a rewarding space at the same time. Yeah. Lala, what's, you've had such a career in the public eye, life of the public eye. What's something about you that you think people don't know that you'd love them to know? People around me always say like, people don't know how funny you are. Like, I'm joking around all the time.

Like, I'm always up for having a good time. Like, I want to be the life of the party and I love seeing everyone around have a good time. Those are some things. I'm just learning to just enjoy life and the new chapter in my life. It still is new coming from being married, not anymore, and just like, what does that look like? And that's where I said, you can't put a time frame on things people would think, oh, by now she would already be in another relationship or be married

again or whatever. None of that has happened yet. And I'm okay with that. I'm just going with the flow in whichever way life takes me. I'm just, I'm just going that way and just understanding that everything happens when it's supposed to not rushing things, just enjoying the moment. Yeah. I definitely found you hum again through when I first met you.

Yeah. I was just cracking out the everything you were saying. And I was just like, you know, it's, you definitely feel that when you meet someone and it's interesting because, yeah, I feel like people say the same, when I'm on stage or when I'm in person, I'm hopefully a lot of funnier

than I have on my social media page. When I'm in my wife, I'm definitely funny here because I'm boring from her because she's hilarious. But it's so hard transitioning and it's so hard transitioning in the public eye because it's almost like you have all these opinions, you have other people's narratives, you're still trying to figure things out yourself and it's almost like I almost like and I always say to people, imagine you're going through something in every new family, every friend's circle is talking about it, and everyone has their version.

That's what you're experiencing at a news level, at a world level. And that's very difficult when you are either in that space yourself or you have friends in that space and you see how challenging it is, and you're saying you're trying to enjoy the moment, and you haven't, obviously, like you're saying, you haven't just moved on, and it's not as easy. Is the hardest thing about it that you thought life was going a certain way and then it

didn't? Is that the hardest thing about it? That's the hardest thing. You don't get married to get divorced. Nobody gets married as this. I'm getting divorced. You get married because you feel like you found your person and this is what the rest of your life is going to be like.

And you start building a life with this person and then something changes that you weren't prepared for, that you don't have the tools and skills to, no one's gonna prepare you for divorce. You're married right now, Jay, no one's saying, you Jay comes to town, let me tell you what's gonna happen when you get divorced. Nobody's doing that.

We're wishing you and your wife the best to ride off into the sunset forever together. So you're not equipped with the knowledge and the tools on what to do emotionally or anything when that happens and then you just find yourself in a position to just figure it out. So that's really difficult. And life for me looks different right now and I still have those moments where I can be at home and I'm like, you could never tell me that this would be my life right now. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing.

I love my life right now, but owning a home by myself, my son and I, living together, then on certain days him going to stay with his dad, and then I'm home alone, and it's still a family but separate in a sense. And just, okay, well, what time are you coming home today? You could have never told me that that was going to be my life but what can I do? I have to adjust like I have to adjust and be strong and figure out what the new norm is. This is my new normal and I just had to adjust to it. Was it easy of course not and are there still days where it can hit you and and be really hard. Yeah and I want to be honest and tell people that

because it's been a while for me and you would really think that by now like that's something I never think about anymore Of course I do had a family like a beautiful family And now I still have a family, but it's just looks a little bit different and I'm okay with that But it's still your moments where you're like wow, this is this is different. Yeah Absolutely and I guess it sounds like both of you been able to be there for Kayan so that he's having, you know, yeah. The co-parenting is strong with us and that's something I'm very grateful for because whatever happened between me and his dad, I don't feel like Kayan should have to suffer because of that. So we try to do a good job at

co-parenting and still, you know, leading with love and kids are going to be a reflection of what they see. Like I can tell them all day, oh, you know, no, me and kids are gonna be a reflection of what they see. Like I can tell them all day, oh, you know, no, me and your dad but if he sees us arguing all the time or never around each other, then it doesn't matter. What I say, but we make it a point for him to see us getting along and both being there for his moments, his basketball games, his school plays, you know,

parent teacher conference, whatever it is. So he always feels supported because one day Coyen's gonna have a family and I want him to understand, you know, parent teach your conference, whatever it is. So he always feels supported because one day, Coyen's gonna have a family. And I want him to understand, you know, what having a family means. And even though mom and dad might not have been able to figure it out in the traditional way,

we still loved you. And my hope is that he can do better than we did. And you know what it is? What's really interesting about that is, I don't know, anyone whose life is actually traditional in the traditional way. Like, even, even people who stay together forever. Like, I don't know, it's so interesting, right? Like how we have these stereotypes and these views of like what a healthy, successful relationship looks like between a family, people, friendships. Like, my relationship with my parents is very different to what I would consider

the traditional, perfect relationship with your parents. Because I just, that wasn't our way. Yeah. And it's so interesting because you kind of almost always make yourself a guilty or shamed for not having the traditional thing. It's true. But then when I actually think about like,

who has the traditional setup, I don't know. And I think of the more you go through life you start understanding and realizing that. And now my saying is like, whatever works for them, like who am I to judge and say it shouldn't be this way, it should only be this way. I mean, nothing is traditional anymore. People just have to figure out what works for them

and what that looks like for them. Like if it works for you, that's what matters. Because at the end of the day, I always say when you're going through something, when you're down, when you're depressed, more times or not, you're dealing with that alone. You have your friend support, but I'm saying in those critical moments, when you're in that bathroom,

looking in that mirror and you're crying and going through stuff, you're going through that alone. So make decisions that make you happy and not worrying about what everybody else is gonna say or how people are gonna view me because in those quiet moments, you are by yourself and you have to face yourself, whatever that looks like. And I had to learn that because again, the people please earn me.

What is this one going to say? Or is this one going to be mad if I do this? I got to make this one happy. And it was always about everybody else and putting myself last. And then when I, when my whole, you know, marriage came crumbling down and I was in that bed, I was there by myself. And I had to deal with that by myself. Yeah, that's the truth. What is being loved by yourself and someone else look like now

for you? What have you learned about how you want to be loved by yourself and potentially by anyone else? Words hold so much power, getting better at speaking nicely to myself, being content. Not that I used to just beat myself up and say negative things, but like, wow, look how much you've accomplished. Look how many people you've helped. Look at the sun you've raised.

You've done really, really good. In the public eye, you've never just crumbled and fell apart. You were able to keep it together. You went through something that would break most people. Like what I went through would have broken a lot of people and I handled it with as much grace as I possibly could. And afterwards I didn't make me change how I feel about like love. I don't know if marriage is still in the cards for me.

It's kind of changed my perception on that. One of my friends was like, you cannot go on podcasts and say you're never getting married again. I'm like, so I'm open. I'm just saying that I don't know if that's in the cards, but I'm being open to whatever happens and being loved by somebody else at this point to me is just really aligning with somebody that makes me feel happy, makes me feel like I can be myself. And somebody who I just enjoy being around, it's not like I'm looking for someone to take care of me, it's not like I'm looking for a father for my son. And we have all of those things.

Now it's about how are you connecting with me? How are you making me feel? And I get excited when I think that, believe that that person is out there somewhere and who is it gonna be like, and what are they gonna come find me? You know, I get excited about those things because who doesn't want that in their life?

I don't think you're meant to just go through life alone. Like, who doesn't want that? There's so much of what you've said today which is so relatable to so many. So like connected to so many people's hearts. When you bring it out of me, Jay, you just make it so comfortable. And I just, I mean, I follow you,

I follow your words, your podcasts, I'm on your page all the time. I'm always looking for quotes from your page. But then sometimes I gotta be careful because I'm like, if I post this quote, they're gonna think I'm talking about so much. So like, I'm always like, because some of your quotes are just so spot on. I'm like that's exactly what I was thinking. So I'm always

going to your page finding quotes. I have a million screenshots of your quotes in my phone, but just thank you for being there for all of us in the way that you are and just making everybody feel so comfortable and loved. And you know, I've read your book, I follow what you say in some of my hard moments, I refer to your podcast and different things and it just really helps me. So I just appreciate that. You're just gonna pick up the phone. Yes, I got it.

I'm gonna pick up the phone. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, just cool. Okay, so then I'll pick up the phone. No, I just really, really, really believe that if we just look at the essence of the humanness and everyone that we meet, and you just realize like everyone is so beautiful and wonderful and powerful and phenomenal, but we just, we've missed it because we've all

been covered over by everything else. And even that person may not be able to see that in themselves. And I just, I try and see people through the eyes that I hope one day they'll be able to see themselves through. And that's my only goal, really, and in how I try and live. I don't want to live to judge or criticize or compare or be better than anyone or holier than anyone.

Like it's, if we could always look at each other as equals, like true equals, because we are at our essence. We're exactly the same. Every single person, every single animal being on this planet is exactly the same in the essence and the pure sense of it all. And I think all we can do for each other is provide a safe space. The world's hard enough anyway. It's so hard. It's so hard. It's so hard to not have any way. So thank you for saying those kind words, but thank you for always opening your heart with me, opening your mind. And I know this is gonna help so many people who listen to it.

Is there anything that I didn't ask you that you wanted to share that? We always get right to it. I said in this chair it's like, and we get right to it. I think we hit on so many points and I just hope anyone listening, watching can take something away from this.

Not perfect. I've been through a lot still figuring life out. I don't think you ever just have it figured out and just be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Love yourself. It is so important. And definitely one thing we talked about is, you know, don't blame yourself. You know, we're all doing the best we can with what we have. No, you can hear that in your voice.

It's not even today. It's not just about what you've said. It's like you can hear that genuineness and that sincerity in your voice. It's like, I think it's really going to land with people. So I hope everyone listens to this not once, but twice. Yes. Same twice. And everyone who's listening and watching, make sure that you cut the, I know you guys do a great job cutting stuff for TikTok yourself and stuff like cut the stuff that really resonated with you, that connectives you

and share it with someone because I'm sure you've got friends who are going through breakups, maybe they're going through a divorce, maybe they're raising a kid on the run. Maybe, you know, everything that LaLa is going through, there are so many things that I know so many of you are connected to in your ecosystems and your lives. And I hope that you'll clip the bits that stand out to you,

that connect to you. And I hope you'll share it with others because sometimes we just need to feel seen, heard and understood. And I think today a lot of people will feel seen, heard and understood. Thank you, Jay. Thank you, love you.

Love you too. Thank you so much. Thank you. Pick up the phone. I promise. You have to. I will. I mean it.

If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child. You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter? looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter?" On his new podcast, Six Degrees with Kevin Bacon joined Kevin for inspiring conversations with his friends and fellow celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world,

like actor Mark Ruffalo. "-You know, I found myself moving up state in the middle of this fracking fight, you know, and I'm trying to raise kids there and you know my neighbors like willing to poison my water. Listen to 6 degrees with Kevin Bacon on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The street stoic podcast is back. We are combining hip hop lyrics and quotes from some of the greatest to ever grace a microphone.

It's a line for Lauren Hill and she says, don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem. Along with ancient wisdom from some of the greatest philosophers of all time. Seneca, right? And he says, your mind will take shape of what you frequently hold in thought. For the human spirit is colored by such impression. Listen, a season two of the Street Stove podcast on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast

or wherever you get your podcasts.