On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Lisa Bilyeu : ON The Importance Of Having A Growth Mindset & Keeping Agreements With Your Partner

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

Is it possible to run successful businesses and have a fantastic marriage? In this video, Jay Shetty and Lisa Bilyeu, co-founder of Impact Theory, Quest Nutrition, and Women of Impact, discuss the highs and lows of entrepreneurship and life. Years of hard work and sacrifice not only strengthened her marriage, but helped her hone in on what really mattered. Hear how she discovered her true identity and passions walking side-by-side with husband Tom Bilyeu. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177Want to have YOUR best year yet? Join me for my Free Online Workshop: 5 Intentions for a Purpose-Filled Yearhttps://jayshetty.me/purpose A Word From Our Sponsors:Go to Grove.co/JAY you will get FREE FIVE PIECE Cleaning Set from Mrs. Meyer and Grove - a THIRTY DOLLAR value!Go to Blinkist.com/JAY try it FREE for 7 days AND save 25% off your new subscription.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment.

They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nuneum. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand

it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Every time I would learn something, I would talk about it. Because I'm like, well, if I can find this piece of information out, what about somebody else? Maybe it may help one person. And if I can overcome my insecurities of talking about it

and you know saying, yes, I'm sick, yes, I'm struggling, if I can overcome that, just imagine the impact I could make. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you. Thank you so much for taking out your time every single week to listen, to learn, and to grow with me. And you know that my guarantee to you is to try and find guests and bring on guests that I believe are their best genuine on authentic selves and that their stories will inspire you to live a life on purpose. Now, today's guest is gonna do just that.

She's an amazing friend. I actually remember the first moment I met her. I actually met her through her voice. I heard her when I was visiting a particular home that I will get into. And I was just like, I recognize that accent. And literally all of a sudden, I felt this instant connection

with that and we became instant friends and I'm very good friends with her and our husband. She's amazing friends with my wife. So this is a true pleasure. But beyond being my friend, she is way, way, way more than that. So this is why I want you to listen to Lisa Beliu is the co-founder and president of Impact Theory,

a digital media production company focused on empowering content. In addition to co- president of Impact Theory, a digital media production company focused on empowering content. In addition to co-founding Impact Theory, she co-founded the billion dollar brand Question Nutrition nine years ago. Her career trajectory has been an astonishing arc from, in her own words, Housewife to Entrepreneur and transforming her business focus from nutrition to entertainment media. Now jumping in front of the camera, Lisa hosts the show Women of Impact that centers on all things from female empowerment. Welcome to the show, Lisa Willey.

Lisa, thanks for being here. I can't believe I'm here finally. I'm so glad you're doing this. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so happy. I'll tell everyone sitting at home, why? Lisa without a doubt, and this is before she had the hundreds of thousands of followers and, you know, the millions of views and everything.

Lisa is without a doubt one of the best storytellers on Instagram. Like in one caption, Lisa will make you cry, laugh, and have the deepest reflection. And so when I first started following her and seeing all of this after I met Tom, so I met Tom and Lisa January 2018. Yeah.

Did you get it? It's only been two years. It is, no, I can't believe that. It feels like, in one sense, I feel like I've known you forever. And then in one sense, I'm like, no, it was just yesterday I was there, but we've known each other for two years. And literally, the way you tell stories about your life and what you both have achieved and where it started and everything is so beautiful.

Like I actually love it. It's so effortless. And at the same time, I think you're teaching through it, you do it with no ego and you're teaching through it. And that's what I love about you the most, I think. Thank you. That you're so humble, so down to, so granted. Now everyone's gonna get to experience that.

Yeah, buddy. But okay, Lisa, we're gonna go straight into it. Now I know you like alarms. I do. And you send a lot of alarms to let yourself what to do. So I've got three for you right now. All right. So I want you like alarms. I did. And you set a lot of alarms to let you somewhat to do. So I've got three for you right now. All right. So I want you to fill in the blank. Okay. I like. Ooh. My husband. Oh nice. Okay, that's good. Maybe loves the next ride. I know. Yeah. I wish. But isn't like strong as well. Oh, go on. I love my husband,

but I also like him. Tell me that I love this. Yeah, sorry. It means well. Ooh, go on. I love my husband, but I also like him. Tell me that I love this, where this is going. Yeah, sorry, it didn't mean to interrupt me. No, no, I love it, good. I don't know, just because we all focus on like, who do you love and who's meaningful to you, but like, I like being around him. He makes me laugh.

And so when I think about, what do I actually like? He was the first thing that came to mind. I love that, that's great, okay, good. I wish. I wish, oh. I wish. I wish my health was 100%. Yes, don't we all as well? And yeah, no, absolutely wonderful. And I wonder.

Oh, I wonder what where I will be this time exactly the state next year. I love that. Don't you love doing that? Yeah, oh my God, I love it. I was literally saying to someone the other day, I was like, actually, I was telling my team the other day, I don't know, Julian, I was saying, you should imagine you had a diary of the last decade of where you

were on the 31st of December. Every single year. And you could look back. And I was like, I wish I had that. So I'm going to start doing that this year. Then I'm going to start doing a serious reflection. I want to have it 10 years time. I love the phone thing now that they remind you, like this time last year, you were, and you look at the photos and it's just crazy. Like I love that reminder, because I love looking back at where I was, but I also love looking forward to where I'm gonna go,

but I think both of them are just as important. Absolutely. Yeah, you've done such a phenomenal job of documenting your life. And I really admire that when I observe you. I feel like a lot of people when they're starting out are scared to take pictures. They're scared to document the journey

because the beginning is not glamorous. The beginning is scary and lame in one sense. It's like, you're not wearing the best clothes. You don't look the best. It's like taking that're not wearing the best clothes. You don't look the best. Right? It's like taking that before picture. And you never post that before picture in the before until you have the after.

But you've been so good at documenting your journey. So when I observe you from the outside in, I'm like, oh wow, at least I've got all these old pictures. When you started your journeys, whether it was with Quest, whether it was with Tom, whatever it was, have you always been someone who believed it was gonna become something, or were you someone who kind of went along with Quest, whether it was with Tom, whatever it was. Have you always been someone who believed it was gonna become something or were you someone who kind of went along with them,

found out along the way? Yeah, no, I love the naivety of the beginner, right? So it's like every time I start something, I'm like, oh, so when we're huge, you know, like not realizing how difficult something may actually be to do. But yeah, I've always had that because I think it's so important to focus on your goal

and getting there, not just like a mythical, like I will be there one day. I actually think, okay, when I'm standing on the stage, when in my academy award, I need a photo showing me with a camera in my hand. And it's that little mentality that pushes me when times are hard, right? When I am on set, like when we started impact theory, we'd just come from, you know, question nutrition, billion dollar company, but we treated impact theory like a startup. And so I was camera operating, I was figuring out what life switching equipment I needed. And in those moments, I think about the future. And because there was the certain things that I just don't enjoy doing, right? And so to get me through those moments, I have to visualize where I'm gonna be

and where I'm going and actually believe it. Not just say it, but actually believe it. And so taking photos, I say all the time, like, oh, this would be great before and after photo, because when you're in those moments of just this sucks and why am I doing this? I just remind myself, Lisa, this is gonna be a great story to tell.

Yes, absolutely. I love that one too. I always said, when everything's going wrong, I'm always just like, this is gonna make the story better. Like I always say that to myself, because if your journey just worked out, it would be such a boring story to tell.

Like, oh, I went from this success to this success, to this success and it's like, everyone's like, well, that can't be real. And it isn't real. But tell me about this thing that was hardest to start. In all the things you've started, whether it was relationships, whether it was quest, whether it was impact through women of impact now, like, what was the toughest thing for you personally to start on why?

I don't know about the starting, but the hardest thing I had to do was be a housewife. So, you know, and I don't say that, like, I think if you choose to be a housewife, it can be the most beautiful thing in your life, but I didn't choose to be. And so when we started on our entrepreneurial journey, it was all like, we want to make movies, let's just make enough money to make our own films, you know, earning money shouldn't be too difficult. And so we went into that thinking, okay, I'm just gonna be a housewife for a year.

And our plan was, Tom was gonna go, basically go after the money, and we looked at all the successful people in the world, and we looked at Steve Jobs, and we were like, how does he live his life? And we saw that he doesn't take time to choose his color shirt, because we only have a certain amount of decisions we can make in one year in a day.

So Tom was like, okay, well, if I took off the decisions of my plate from the house, then I can really concentrate on the money. So we made an agreement that for a year, I would be the stay-at-home wife and I would do everything from him. From the moment he woke up, his clothes would be laid out for him. From going and going to the gym and coming back, his work clothes were laid out for him. His lunch was made like every single thing outside of business, I handled.

And so I thought, okay, this is, as a partnership, we're going in this together. We've agreed what we're doing, how we're gonna do it. We've given ourselves 12 months. 12 months came, two years came, three years came, four years came, before we knew it was an eight-year journey. And that was the hardest thing because I hadn't planned on it. It wasn't what I wanted to be,

it wasn't what I wanted to do. But I had almost tricked myself enough that every day I was doing something that was meaningful, that I wasn't addressing how I actually felt. Right, like I kept telling myself, you're doing this for this purpose, you're doing it for your husband, you're doing it for your mission, you're doing it because you guys agreed that you're going to do it. And at no point did I stop and go, but I don't enjoy it anymore. And that was the hardest thing because I would fill my days with mundane

things, but just enough to get pleasure out of them. So I would clean and I would find pleasure in cleaning, so I could get through the day. And that became an eight-year journey where looking back now, I was at my most miserable because I didn't address how I felt. And now in business and everything I do, I reassess. But I didn't have a growth mindset back then. So now I'm just like, am I enjoying what I'm doing? What is my life's purpose? And am I doing that every single day? And I didn't do that back then. So that was the hardest thing for me. It's so hard to admit that, isn't it? When you're in when you're in the thick of it and I know Tick-N-T-Hon calls it, we rather live with familiar pain than unfamiliar pain.

So true. Right. And it's like we'd rather live with familiar pain because unfamiliar pain. So true. Right, and I said, we'd rather live with familiar pain because I know what's going to go wrong today. I know what makes me sad. And I would rather live with what I know will make me sad, rather than what I don't know might make me happy or sad. And that uncertainty, that unfamiliarity,

we go, no, I don't want that in my life. How did you, when did you feel confident enough to admit to yourself and what was that process like? If not just in me and to yourself, but then telling your partner, and was Tom aware at this time. And that's actually a really good point in that. I didn't want to let my partner down.

And so I thought like, well, if I say that I'm not happy, does that mean that I'm weak? Does it mean that I'm not a good wife? Because he was going out every day, busting his butts, trying to earn enough money so that we could live the quote unquote dream that we thought we wanted. And so I felt like, well, I can't be the one

that's saying, no, I don't want to do this anymore. I mean, he's out every single day. I'm just a home. Right? That was the mentality I had. And so for me, I actually stumbled into finding my passion. So he'd come home, he was very miserable at work, we were just chasing money for the longest time,

you know his story. And one day I just looked at him and I was like, I can't do it anymore. I need my husband back, I've lost every ounce of, because he was so driven by money at the time. His personality had completely gone. He was no longer excited about everything. He came home and didn't want to talk about work. I said, I don't care about money. I just want

my husband. If that means that we have to give up everything we've just spent the last eight years trying to build, then so be it, but I'm not willing to let my husband go over money or career. So he turned around. He's like, I hear you. So he went into quit. And at this point, he had gained about $2 million in shares equity in the company. But we agreed that if he doesn't cross the finish line, he doesn't deserve the money. And we went into that knowing that.

And so he went in and quit and metaphorically passed over the $2 million back to his business partners. And that was kind of the first step in then us moving towards Quest. So he turned around and he's like, all right babe, we're going to try this new business. We're going to do something that we both all of us love. And so I just need your help. I was like, I got a course. I'm a good wife, right? I'll help you. What do you need? He's like, I just need you to help us make these protein bars. So it's not a big deal. It's like get a rolling pin in a knife,

measure out some ingredients, and then ship them from our living room floor because they were trying to then sell the company they were going to distance themselves from. So I was like, yeah, of course, no problem. I'm a good wife, I would absolutely help. So I'm shipping these bars from the living room floor. In that moment, it was, I wanna be a good wife.

I wanna support him, like he's been supporting me and our house was on the line. So that moment, it was, I want to be a good wife. I want to support him like he's been supporting me and our house was on the line. So that was the next thing. He came home and he's like, all right, we all hate the company we're doing. My business partners, we all agree, we're going to transition. We're going to do this protein bar company. But if we do, our house is on the line. And if it loo, if it fails, we lose the house. And so the famous lines that now he talks about is, I say, babe, I bet on you. Like, I don't care about a house. I believe in you, and so I'm in.

But of course, the reality is, I'm still, can I swear on this show? Go for it. So I'm still scared. That's, we're going to lose the house. I don't want to lose my house. So I'm shipping bars off the living room floor. I'm mixing ingredients in our kitchen.

We're renting the kitchen, a rental kitchen by an hour. And so I'm thinking it's in service of my husband and in service of me not losing my house. And in doing that, I started to learn things. So because we were growing so fast, we grew at 57,000%. Every time I hear that, I don't think anyone can understand because that was what the second last this growing company at the time. Yeah, and we went from zero to a billion dollars in five years. So it's

I don't think anyone can like even fathom what that means from a work point of view and and yeah, and just I mean I've I've spoken to talk to you in terms about it and I've heard him say it. But yeah, anyway, just, I wanna take a moment to just be like, that is amazing. Congratulations. Thank you. Like just everyone listening. But when you're in the weeds, right? It's, we weren't necessarily as faggot,

maybe other people were, but I wasn't so focused on the growth as opposed to just don't drown. Right. It's like, don't sink, keep paddling, no matter what happens, stay afloat. Like, I've gotta be strong for my husband. I gotta be strong for this business. I don't to lose my house. And so every obstacle I faced,

it wasn't, I didn't feel at the time like I had the choice. It was you better figure it out. Like you can't let your husband down, you don't want to lose your house. And so I never gave myself the luxury of being like, but what if this doesn't work? What if I fail? What if I can't do this? I didn't give myself that luxury. And so when I went from shipping bars for my living room floor to then we got our first office and then we got our first warehouse, everyone was like, Oh, Lisa, you know how to do it to keep doing it. So I was just trying to stay alive. I'm Googling literally on YouTube, like, how do you do freight shipping? Where do I buy a palette from? What the hell is a palette?

Right. And so I had no clue. I just kept learning, kept going on Google, kept researching and me myself just from shipping. I went from living shipping from my living room floor to we had $80 million in inventory. I had 40 employees underneath me and a 10,000 square fee in two years. And again, I just kept having to teach myself how to do it because I didn't wanna fail, I didn't wanna let people down. And that was the biggest thing that I was like, wow, I can do it.

Oh my God, at least you can actually learn this stuff. Here I was just trying not to fail and not to look like a fool, to my husband and his business partners, but then I started to value the fact that I could learn, I could grow. If I failed, I could pick myself up. If I didn't know something, I could teach myself.

And that became like a drug to me. And my purpose changed. And that was when I realized I really liked this. I really want to do more of this. And now I don't want to be a housewife. And so that was the conversation, Tom and I had to sit down and really have. Whereas like once upon a time, I'd said, I'm gonna be a housewife,

I'm gonna have kids, I wanted a traditional Greek family, even though we had these dreams, I did want children, and now everything had changed. I didn't know if I wanted children anymore. I didn't wanna stay at home and put clothes out for my husband, I didn't wanna cook for him anymore. And so we had to really sit down and look at that and talk about that very openly.

You know what Lisa, I think your superpower is that, and I see you now, whenever I see Lisa, and you should follow on Instagram if you don't already, when I see you post stories, and I follow you very closely, because I love everything you post. So I literally know everything about what you're up to. But when you're posting, you're editing this and you're project managing this, like with everything with impact theory and then you're hosting women of impact. And the one thing I notice about you,

which I really feel is your superpower, is that you know and you feel that you can learn anything. Because it seems that you've just constantly taught yourself, like you took my YouTube and Google and like reading about pal, and stuff like freight shipping, which is like the most, it sounds to me like the most random thing in the world, like I have no idea where to start with that. And so if you can teach yourself freight shipping, you can teach yourself how to upload a video

onto YouTube, you know, it's like, but that seems like you just, and if I'm completely honest, I think that's probably one of the best superpowers in the world is knowing that you can teach yourself anything. And just tell the audience, what did you study before this? Still making. Right, exactly. It's a callist film. Thank you. We're making to freight shipping, right?

When they make a movie about your life, who's going to play you, Lisa? Oh, I've never thought about that, Jay. I'm putting it out there. Oh, right. Who do you think should play me? I don't know. Let's think. Who would play Tom and who would play you? Oh, that's me? I don't know, let's think. I know. Who would play Tom and who would play you?

Oh, that's true. I don't know. I used to get that I look like Michelle, Sarah Michelle Gell, I used to get that a lot as a kid. Yeah, I could see that. I don't think she's not. She's not. Yeah, no, yeah, okay.

Oh yeah, I love to think about it. I get back to you on that. Think about it, get back to me. Okay. I don't know who Tom would play Tom as well. Or maybe you'll play you and then someone else would play Tom. There it is. Well then, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Okay. We'll get it. We'll get it. We'll get it. Think about it for the end of the interview. But no, but I think that's incredible. You study filmmaking and at freight shipping.

Like, was it the pressure and the fear that got you to just get on with it? Was that what it was at that time? And how can people use fear and pressure positively? Yeah. Like how did you use it positively? Because I think a lot of people with fear and pressure just go, you just crumble. Yeah.

What was it about you that didn't crumble? At the time, it definitely was fear and pressure. It was like, I just don't wanna lose my house. It was purely fear based. So it's like, I don't wanna lose my house. I have no idea what I'm doing, but let me tell you the fear of losing my house, way outweighed the fear of not knowing what I was doing.

So that was number one. And then also, I just think like, now that I have a growth mindset, my house, way outweighed the fear of not knowing what I was doing. So that was number one. And then also I just think like, now that I have a growth mindset, because I didn't have a growth mindset back then, I was just like in hustle and I don't do it, do it, do it. Now I look back and I'm like, but what serves you? Like what is that goal that you have and what serves you? If having fear and not doing something serves your goal, then great, it just didn't serve mine. So anything, any obstacle that I face, something now that I don't have, I'm like, okay, I can see it is I can't do that.

But that mentality doesn't get me to where I want to go. So even if I'm scared, I tell myself I can overcome the fear, and that gets me to where I want to go. So I just go, like, does this feeling serve my mission or not? And then I run by that and it's like, no, it doesn't serve my mission. Okay. So why are you doing it? I don't know. That's definitely my driving force.

And then I say, what's the worst that can happen? Like, honestly, what is the worst that can happen? I've done public speaking for the first time earlier this year. It was amazing. Oh, bless you. Thank you. But I was so scared. I mean, I was getting hot palpitations two months leading up to it. That's how scared I was. And it was like, oh, no, you've do it. Thank you. But I was so scared. I mean, I was getting hot palpitations two months leading up to it.

That's how scared I was. And it was like, oh, no, you've got it, but you're good in front of the camera. It's such a different ball game that, so in a way, my anxiety was through the roof. I don't normally suffer from anxiety. And so I was like, what is going on? Okay, I could have said no.

What's the worst, but then I said, what's the worst that can happen? I go on stage and I freeze. And what? Like literally when stage and I freeze and what Like literally when you think about it and what nothing People may go wash. He was terrible. Okay, I can live with that But I can't live with the voice in my head that said you too scared to try and So I just assess how I feel about certain things and what I'm gonna regret and let me tell you on my deathbed

I would have regretted not stepping on stage because I don't know what that could have led to. And that is my driving force on how I always overcome the fear and not let it stop me because it's not that I don't have it. I try to stop the negative voice, I try to stop the fear, realize that was a wasted time because I just can't do it. I'm always going to be fearful.

I always have a negative voice. So now what can I do to overcome it instead of trying to stop it? That is energy well placed. I think that's great advice. And do you know what I love about this whole interview so far? It's like everything that you're saying, I feel is so much the voice that everyone has in their hands. Like everything you're saying is so much like what I think is the widespread challenges that we all have today in our heads. And when I'm hearing you saying it,

I'm hoping that everyone is listening and watching right now is going, I sound like the voice is on. Just like that. Right? Like I'm sure everyone can relate to everything you're saying. I think the fear of losing your home, the fear of not impressing your husband

and the business partners, the fear of scaring your husband that now you're not gonna do this. Like I think these are very real fears. I think we forget that everyone has them. There are people in the world who've had these very real fears. I can almost fuel your fear from that time, not now. Tell me about that tough conversation. Tell us about that conversation sitting down with Tom. I decided I didn't want to be a half-up. Yes, yes. I'd been in my head for a long time, kind of think,

I really love this, and I was trying to do both. So I, like most women, I was trying to be the perfect wife, still as close, make his lunch, everything, and then still explore this side of me that I'd never seen before, this interest in learning new things, and I was trying to do both and realize that I just couldn't. And so I say, I'm done. I said, babe, I don't know what to do.

This is not like I had an answer. I was just like, I need to be honest with you. I freaking love coming to work every day. I freaking love having to deal with all these problems. I love doing all this stuff. But at the same time, I want to be a good wife, but I don't enjoy cooking for you anymore. But time, I want to be a good wife, but I don't enjoy cooking for you anymore. But I don't want to be that person. I mean, you know, we've been married

and I said that I was going to, you know, have kids. And so how do you feel about me changing that and changing who I want to become? And God blessed that man. He just looked at me and he said, babe, look, who doesn't want their food made every day? Who doesn't want to wake up and have their clothes ready for them? He's like, it's amazing. So to pretend it's not, it's me being, you know, I'm not being real with you. But he's like, but the only thing that would make me happy is to see you happy. And if you're happy doing business, if you're happy doing that, he's like, what kind of husband would I be if I didn't support you on that? And so we had to, you know, and so he said, let me mourn. And that's very important. Let me mourn the wife you used to be, you know,

and not in like a sad crying way, but I have to, you know, I have to adjust and I have to adapt. And you need to give me the leeway, excuse me, and the time to be able to adapt. And so I said, I totally understand, you know, we knew off. I'll put out your shirt. Exactly. So like, they won't just your clothes there, but not your food anymore. And, you know, and so I had to respect where he was coming from as well. And so we slowly developed, you know, so that he would slowly not get his food ready or have his food ready. And then it became the puppies. We have two puppies.

Yeah. And we had to agree, okay, well, what does that look like? And because of my health, it wasn't doing me a service that I was just running myself into the ground. And so bless him, he said, all right, we'll make a deal, contract, it's kind of how we have. And I'll look after the puppies and you do on the weekend. So we have like these kind of,

and I know you actually did a post recently about relationship shouldn't be contracts, which is fascinating, I so wanted to talk to you about that because it's actually served us and it's not like we write it down or anything, but for me and him, it's easier for us to have an agreement like that.

Okay, you're going to do this, I'm going to do that. So there's no misunderstanding, there's no animosity that's building up inside us where he's like, but you're the wife you should do this. Because the truth is, is technically, well, technically, but I guess how people think and feel. And myself as well, I should be looking after the puppies as the quail and quail mother. And again, my health just wasn't great. And I really wanted to focus on the business. And I love my puppies, but to think about, oh my God, having alarms on my phone,

when am I gonna feed them, he's like, no, I'll take care of it. But we had to talk about it so that there was no animosity building up, where it's like, I can't believe he's not doing it. Oh, I can't believe she's not doing it. To the point where, okay, if someone breaks in, who's gonna get out our bed? And he's like, well, of course, it's going to be him. But we've discussed all that.

Yes. You know? I love that. So, I'm actually with you, when I hear that, I love the language of agreement versus contract. Ooh. Because I feel like contract... And this is again, perception.

It's totally analyzing words. But when I hear the word contract, I always think of give and take. I always think of give and take. I always think of like this awkward, like trying to get more out of the other, like contracts or anything of legal, especially in US, like you think of law,

which I think of agreement. I'm like, we've really thought about this together. We've come to an agreement. So is it the meaning behind the word specifically that makes you feel like it takes the love connection out of it? Correct. Like I like the word agreement. I like the word agreement. Okay. Okay. When you said that, I've never used that, but I like the word agreement because I feel,

oh, we're agreeing to this. We're coming together. I just watched married story on Netflix. I don't know if it's really. Oh, no, I haven't. It's really painful. It's like watching a real-life divorce from a very intimate perspective and you see the legals of a divorce. And so that's what's sparking me with contracts and legalities and that kind of thing. Whereas I feel agreements are different. But again, I'm with you on it. I agree with you that I think, and I just talk about this with me and Rady, like we talked about the tiniest of things and how they affected both of us, where we lived, how much we worked, what we did on weekends, all of that stuff, which I know you do too,

and I think that's so important, because it's that stuff that people break up over and that stuff that we argue about. You don't argue about the other stuff. It's so true. Right? Like, tell me a bit about, so I love this by the way. So you have the courage to have this honest conversation

with your husband, Tom being the amazing man that he is, and the man to have this honest conversation with your husband, Tom being the amazing man that he is and the man that we know he is today as well, even more. He has the decency to be honest again with you and say, which is such beautiful. Everyone is listening watching like this is how relationships need to function more with honesty but with realism. Right. It's not like you were like sugarcane, you're feelings and he was sugarcane. You're saying like, oh, babe, don't worry. Yeah. It's not like you were like sugarcane, your feelings and he was sugarcane, you're like, oh babe, don't worry, I'll do it all myself.

And then the next day, he's playing the guilt trip on you. Yeah, yeah, right. It doesn't serve you to do that again, going back to what I was saying earlier, right? It doesn't serve you. Yeah, yeah. What did, tell me, you know, now that you've like,

you've built, built Quest, you've built Impact Theory, which is insane. Like I love all the program you do. You're women of impact. Like now that you've built all these incredible things, what did Little Lisa want to be growing up in North London? Which is what I love that we grew up, probably about, well, like 10 minutes away from you.

Not even that. But we were saying where we lived and grew up, it's crazy to think. What was your road again? So I don't visit. Yeah, yeah. We were living Southgate. Southgate, how about that? We went to Southgate schools. What did you go to?

Garfield primary in on a scrub. Oh, on a scrub. Very close. Yeah, very close. Anyway, yeah, so so it's just like what did little Lisa want to be and what did little Lisa expect from her life versus were you always that dreamer? Yeah. Well, I'm actually so I'm still working towards that little Lisa dream, which is the win Academy Awards. Yes, I know that. And Tom and I do these romantic dips that we always take photos where he does like the Prince charming and he dips me. And the vision I have is to be on the Academy Awards stage, win Academy Awards for a show, a movie that we've produced and him to dip me.

So that's very clear, girl. Growing up, it was, I wanted to live in America. Yeah. I wanted to live in America. Yeah. I wanted to be a lawyer and artist or a film director. I realized being a lawyer had to maybe defend people that were guilty, so decided I don't want to do that. And then I just, yeah, I love filmmaking, I love storytelling, I love how powerful storytelling can be. I hold on way more to people's stories

than I do like a class or a lesson. And so storytelling for me in film was just always a way to escape, to always be inspired, to be impacted. So I've always wanted, so I really wanted to be in the film industry. And then it was that stepping stone of like, okay, well, I guess you have to live in America to be in the film industry and you know, got all the naysay is like, well, who do you know in America?

Like Hollywood, please, you know, your heads are in the class, I got that all the time. And I just kept pushing. I was naive enough again to go, well, why can't I live in America? Why can't I make a movie? And it's kind of, yeah, so I met Tom and I'm living in America, and I'm still on that path to that dream and fighting every day. So that was our steps of impact theory

building the studio. So Quest was we were able to get enough finances to build the studio. Now the studio, we have two divisions of it. We have the nonfiction, or you were on our show, Impact Theory, and then the fiction side of it. So we're creating graphic novels. I'm doing a female empowered graphic novel

with women's superheroes called The Wish Academy. So I'm in production with that now. And that's kind of the next stepping stone into creating storytelling to then do into television and movies. And are you painting all of those? I'm not. It's been too long.

I joke, I say Tom can't afford me, because I love drawing art. Yeah, you're phenomenal. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Again, if you don't follow Lisa already, go and check out her art.

When you're drawing, I mean, you're drawing it insane. Thank you. They're out of this world. But I realize though that it's a passion of mine. Yes. And that's actually like that fine line about what are things that you love doing, but I don't want it to be a business. Like, I don't want it.

Let's talk about this is really good. I like this. I like when this is going, this is awesome. Tell us that difference. Yeah. I could easily do it as a job. And before we started Quest, I was designing websites and I had clients that were picking things I didn't like.

Right, because I tried to give variations. Here's a logo, here's a website design, here's three different variations and they always chose like the ones I didn't love. And I realized that it was just breaking my heart and I realized what I loved about creating specifically drawing. It was it was passion for me. It was being creative in my own space. And even though I've tried to meditate, I find it very difficult still. My mind is still raising.

But I found peace in drawing. And so I've said from the get-go, or once, I stopped drawing through quest, which was heartbreaking for 10 years. I was just focused on making money, building a business, making money. And then I was like, I need to bring back that passion that I had. So now I draw on Sundays, it is my meditation time for me. I will not do it as for work, add-on, Tom's like, oh, you should draw this and you should draw that.

And you should do it digital, so we can blow it up and I keep saying no. I'm like, if the image doesn't empower me, I'm not drawing it. And I don't wanna do on a computer because I do everything else in my life is learning to do something to get to that next step. And drawing I just want for me.

And that has made such a difference to my health, going back to having health issues. It's have that time for you, that selfish time. People don't like to use the word selfish, but I think it's so important. And every week, Tom and I, we sit down and we look at each other and we say, what selfish time do you want this week? And that means I'm gonna do whatever the hell I like

without him, with him, but I will say what I want to do. And I will create and carve time out just for me. And I've learned to get over the guilt of that, because I say no to friends going out. I say no to calling my family on Sundays. I say no to a lot of things. And I had to get over the guilt element because I knew this was good for me.

And so that is why I don't draw. I'm not gonna be drawing on my graphic novel. I'll hire artists that can do it. I love that. I think that's such an important lesson for so many people too, because I think we live in a world right now where there's a lot of pressure to like, I'll monetize that.

I'll figure out a way to sell that on Amazon or whatever it is. And I'm just like, yeah, and Rade gets all the time too. So Rade knows that when everyone's like, oh, why don't you do catering or clients? And she's like, I like cooking for my friends and family. Like that's her passion to cook for them. And yes, she may release products in the future

that are consumer products, et cetera, and food, but she doesn't want to be a cook for, you know, high-prev of our clients, whatever, that doesn't excite her because she wants to cook for people she loves and that's her offering. And I've always wanted her to honor that and keep that. And I'm like, it doesn't matter how much money you can make from this, because if you

ended up hating painting or like artistry, then what would be the point of doing it? Yeah. And there's just too many billionaires who have committed suicide to think that money is going to be the answer to what your desires are. Wow. That's really powerful. What you just said. That's, yeah.

When you think about it. It yeah. When you think about it. It's crazy when you think about it. Because everyone I think when you don't have the money, you so focus on money is going to make all my problems go away. And things because you look at people that have money and you may admire certain things that they have. And so that admiration you think you're

going to have for yourself when you get there. And the truth is, it's still you looking in the mirror, staring back at yourself. You may just have a nice mirror, but it's the truth. So yeah, I won't ever sell my soul for that. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And I know that you mean that.

I feel that with you guys all the time whenever I spend time with you and Tom, I never feel any different. And I love that. If I think if I would have known would would agree. Southgate, Southgate Lisa is the same as Hollywood Lisa. I can't believe it. Even now, I'm just like, holy crap. I really wanted to live in L.A. and be married to the man of my dreams and live in the hills and have an amazing view in Hollywood. Like, it is all coming true, but I don't focus on that because that's also important.

I could all go away tomorrow. It easily could go away tomorrow. Like, I'm not naive to think that it couldn't, but as long as I have my husband and I remind myself that every day when I think about, oh my God, how cool is this? How cool I'm sitting with Jay Shetty. Like, all these things, like I get excited about

and I allow myself to get excited. I love that, yeah. But I also remind myself it could go away tomorrow. And if it did, what actually matters? And it is my husband, that doesn't mean I'm not gonna cry, doesn't mean I'm not gonna weep him, be horrified that I've lost everything. But I remind myself because it could.

And I don't want to have my value based on the dreams that are coming true. I don't want to base my value on the money that I have or the house that I have or the successes I have because anyone could take it away. I mean, you know, we had fires here very recently. Yes, we were messaging you. Yeah, you're so sweet. But everything could have gone, right? My house could have gone. And in those moments, it's a beautiful reminder, even though it's scary, it was beautiful reminder to say, yeah, as long as my dogs are okay, as long as I have my wedding photos, right? Like, nothing else really matters. It would suck. Don't get me wrong, you would suck. But ultimately, if the house went down,

it is what it is. Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel that. I think it's so interesting when I'm hearing, and I love hearing about how other people thought it, because you know, I always thought we were going to live in England. I always thought we were going to live in Watford, because that's where my wife from, and that's a lot of my friends grew up in Barnett, Stammor, Edgeworth, that sort of area. And I believed I would spend the rest of my life there and but I knew one thing when I left the hangar monk that I wanted to wake up and do something I loved everyday. And I said, I wanna wake up every day

and I want to do what I love every day. And I don't wanna compromise on that because when I was a monk, I felt like I got to do that. And when I left, I was like, oh wow, now I feel like if I ever get a real job, I'm just gonna hate it. Or if I do. I hate a real job. Forget it, yeah. Because I still pinch myself. I'm like, wow, and that's why I'm so grateful to everyone who listens, everyone who watches, if I bump into people, I'm always, and I always say on all my program, I'm like, if you see me on the street, comment, say hello, like, I'll give you a hug,

like comment, say hello, because you've allowed me, like you've given me the opportunity to do what I get to do today, and I don't take you for granted at all. I feel I'm blessed every single day to get to wake up and do what I love in a way that serves people, and that's because of the people that allow me to serve them. And so that's what I live for, and then everything else that's come around it, of course I appreciate, and that's what you're saying. Of course I appreciate having a good you're saying. Of course I appreciate, you know,

having a good life and taking care of my wife properly and all those things, but at the same time, it's, that's not the reason that we do it. But you've done an incredible job to build your life and myself, like I've really worked and to build the life around what fulfills me. Yes. But to also be able to monetize it, because because I'm a massive fan and advocate for monetization and wealth creation. I think that you can do incredible things when you have money. It does bring you the ability.

I mean, look, we're sitting here on your set with these lights cost money. And so you building your life around your purpose, but also saying, okay, well, how do I monetize it? How do I live a life of abundance and luxury? Like, I'm all for luxury. I love getting my head on, right? Like, I'm not gonna pretend. So to be able to do the two combined

is just so beautiful. So I'm so happy for you. No, same, yeah. And I think that's what we need to encourage more because that's what I realized. I remember at one point, I had a hundred million views and I was four months away from being broke. Oh, yeah. Right. And this was beginning like 2016, 2017, time, at a hundred million views and I was four months

away from being broke. And it wasn't a matter of, and it's exactly what we're talking about now. It wasn't like, oh, I don't want to be broke. It was like, well, wait a minute, if I go broke, that means I can't create content anymore because who's going to pay for the videographer and who's going to pay for the editing and who's going to pay for the, if if I wanna make bigger videos and cooler videos, like this year we made a video in a plane set, right? It's like setting a plane and we've got chairs

and it's like, oh, that costs some money, but I wanted to and that video performed really well. So people loved it. I was like, oh well, if we would have shot that like on my couch, it wouldn't have looked like a plane. So, you know, there's so many things and I realized that I didn't want my creativity to ever feel fixed.

I wanted my creativity to be abundant and for my creativity to be abundant, I needed to be abundant. And I think we get lost in that, if you're doing good, then you can't be abundant. Right. I'll give it a thought of that. Oh, good. Yeah. And look, you probably get it way more than me because you were a monk. So it's almost like, well, if you're a monk, what you have to not care about money or care about finance, it's like to me that doesn't make sense. I think that everybody can use it for good. Or you're just like having a superpower.

You can use it for good, or you can use it for bad. It's your choice. You know, to rather have the superpower and use it for good, then not have a superpower. Totally. Although it's just saying that only the bad people have superpower. Exactly, exactly.

So yeah, I've found a way to embrace that side of things because I definitely was worried about how can I say that I'm doing good and really focus on financing, finances. And I just, you know, going back to what you said at the beginning, I just try, I'm just me. And it's like, I love expensive clothes, you know, and to deny that, why would I deny that? It doesn't mean that I've put my value on expensive clothes. I don't value myself and who I am on expensive jewellery, but at the same time, I freaking love it. So why not? But I don't put that first, I don't make that my mission, I don't hold my worth to it, I don't hold mine in Tom's success to it.

So it's a constant battle and a yin and a yang of embracing the beauty that it has with it and saying yes, I have a Gucci watch and not being embarrassed about it but also saying but that doesn't define me. That's not just who I am that doesn't mean that's my the value I put on myself. It just means I really like good to watch it. And to own and not feel like I only have to be one thing. I only have to be bringing impact to people and not care about the lifestyle that I live. It's like, no, as you know, we live in Quest, we put every penny we had into building impact theory.

And to say, our goal is to impact period. That is our first goal and everything else. If I can monetize that, if I can bring wealth to that, then beautiful. I'm not willing to sacrifice. I'm not willing to do things to make money and it not be impactful. Right. I'm not willing to do that for money. So having that fine line, having that line of owning it, being happy for yourself, when you've achieved it, but not putting so much value to it, that it then starts to dictate how you live your life, the decisions you make. So yeah, that's kind of how I've, I still struggle with it, of course, but I definitely

run mine myself every day of just own it. Yeah, definitely. I want to dive into that with you offline more as well. We'll talk about all of this stuff again. What is the you mentioned your health a few times? Yeah, and I know that you in such a beautiful way So open about it on social media too. Like you're very Open about like today. I've had a good day and today my house been bad or you know I went out for dinner, but I had to take dinner with me or you know, you're very open about like today I've had a good day. And today my house been bad or you know, I went out for dinner but I had to take dinner with me or you know, you're so open about the challenges you've had with health.

And I think they're great because I think when I first started struggling with my health instead of talking about it with people, I didn't realize that everyone had like a lot of the same issues. And again, I always feel that way because we don't talk about our issues. You don't realize that actually we're all in the same boat. We could probably go to the same doctor together and it would be helpful. So tell me about the experience you had when you first felt that

your your health started to become an issue and you started to notice that health was a priority for you personally. Yeah, so it's been a long journey. I've been discovering what had happened, but about four years ago, we'd brought the house of our dreams, I had envisioned, you know, Tom and I, when we were dirt broke, we were driving around, you know, Beverly Hills dreaming of the day that we would have our own house with a pool and a waterfall. And I used to joke that I want to be, and we create that scene from a rap song, where I want to be in a bikini and pour like champagne down me, you know, just me just me and Tom. But I had this dream and I used to joke about it. Well, finally we got the house, we had the water for

and we had the bottle of champagne. And I chugged it and then from this was four years ago, about 10 minutes later, my digestion felt like it literally erupted. And I've discovered kind of what had happened since, but that's how it felt. Half an hour later, I could barely stand up. And hour later, I was so much agony. That was a year's journey of not being able

to eat pretty much at all. So my hair was falling out, I wasn't getting the right nutrients, I didn't have an appetite, my stomach was cramping to the point of I literally couldn't stand up for longer than five minutes. I had to shower sitting down. That was to shower sitting down. That was for over a year. Now at this point, Quest was number one. We'd already been announced as a billion dollar company. We were one of the largest nutrition companies in the world.

And here I was, I could barely eat. Someone else would brittle. I didn't tell anybody because I was embarrassed. I was going back to the ego thing. I hadn't had to growth mindset back then. So I was just ego protective. I was like, wow, I can't be this sick and say I can't even eat our product.

What does that look like to Tom, a reflection of him and the reflection of his business partners in the company? So I just didn't tell anybody. And Tom knew and his partners knew that I would go into work every day. And I would come home and I would just crash. And over time, I started to realize that I can't do this, you know, at that intensity. So I started to tell people, cut to impact theory, cut to like developing a growth mindset

and talking to just friends. And like you said, realizing, well, people actually have this too. And over time I started to talk about more and more and I started to realize that there was a few things that I could just in just talking about could help people. So one number one, I'm very fortunate enough to be able to go to the best doctors. And so I was going to the best doctors, learning lessons, visiting different doctors, holistic doctors, gastroenterologists, every doctor I could possibly find, and every time I would learn something, I would talk about it. Because I'm like, well, if I can find this piece of information out, what about somebody else?

Maybe it may help one person, and if I can overcome my insecurities of talking about it, and you know, saying, yes, I'm sick, yes, I'm struggling, if I can overcome that, just imagine the impact I could make. And to not speak out, because I'm being tied up in my own insecurities and ego, doesn't serve the person I want to be. And the person I want to be is to impact people. So that's how I started to start talking about it publicly. And the more I was talking about it publicly, the more people were like, oh my God, me too. And then I started to realize there was comfort in people saying, wow, even her who owns

an nutrition company can have health issues. And so that just encouraged me even more to talk about it and help people. And then get over the emotion side of it, which is as a woman, I don't feel sexy, right? When I'm sick, I don't feel sexy when I have stomach cramps. I don't necessarily want to pounce on my husband when I'm not, when I'm feeling like that. And so it made me feel like less of a woman and less sexual. And all of these things I had to really start to be honest about and open about and talking to Tom about it and then talking publicly, women

have come out saying thank you for saying this and how did you handle it with your husband and the truth is I'm just always honest about it. So it kind of started to fuel me talking about it more because people were reaching out saying thank you for being honest about it, thank you for talking about your journey, thank you for talking about the really hard things because you're going to the Academy Awards. And I have to think about what I'm going to eat than as soon as I put on that dress because I have to make sure that so I lost your,

I did get to get to the Academy Awards. Yeah, you guys look great. I wasn't nominated. So let's say that. Didn't do the dip. No, you did do the dip. You did. You did.

Outside, yes. But it has to be on the stage. Right. That's the goal. That's the that. No, you did do the dip. You did. You did do the dip outside. Outside, yes. But it has to be on the stage. That's the goal. That's the vision. But I have to think about, what am I going to wear? What am I going to eat? Before I put on this dress, because the truth is,

I may need to run to the restroom, in trying to be very honest here. I may have to run to the restroom. And so it has to be something that doesn't take me 30 minutes to take off. It has to be something that I get a lot of bloating. So these are realities I have to do and to pretend that I'm just this person that's being glamorous and I'm going to the Oscars and wow, look at me in my lovely dress is misleading. And I don't want to mislead anyone because I don't think that's going to help going

back to my mission and my purpose is to actually help people, not to be as and give them a false vision of what my life is like. No, this really is my life. I have to make sure that I eat hours before I put the dress on. I have to make sure that I don't eat anything that can upset my stomach, which means I can't eat out, which means I have to do it home cooked.

So all of these things I've just discovered and again, going back to, I just don't want to mislead anyone to pretend that I've got this glamorous life, and I never wanted my social page or anything to be other, anything other than this is me, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful stuff, but the terrible stuff as well. Absolutely. Yeah, and I think what we forget is that, and everyone who's going through this knows it, that the physical pain also comes with the emotional pain that comes with it, right? And sometimes it's the emotional pain that's actually heavier than the physical pain. So that the physical pain is already bad enough.

And then it's the ego, then it's the feeling that you can't be there for someone, then it's the, oh, but how am I gonna tell someone that I can't eat out with it? Yes. Right, and all that kind of stuff. And I know that I mean, Rady's struggle with this too,

because we have very specific diet. I have a very specific diet. I can only eat very particular things as well throughout the day. My diet's pretty much the same every single day to maintain mine. And when we lived in New York in our tiny 500, the 500, 600 square foot apartment,

like the pressure and the stress and the pressure cooker of being in New York and then eating out and networking, it took a toll on my body too. And so I've seen how much health has been such a shaken pillar in my life. And then you start going, well, yeah, if I don't get that right, how can I give myself? And, you know, how much can I extend myself? And so I'm grateful that you share so much of that journey. And I'm happy you do.

And, and, and, and, and, you know, everyone just so you know this, Lisa doesn't claim to be a health expert, but she knows a ton of that. Right? Like Lisa knows so much. So like if you follow, you'll actually get so much advice from that health perspective as well. Tell me about, and you're so honest, like literally you'll go from telling me, oh, today, yesterday, I had a great day today's terrible. Like that's how honest you are. Like it's so healthy is one of those weird things that it can be so flipping. Mine's like that too. There are days when my stomach feels great and there are days when I could eat something

tiny, like a tomato, which I shouldn't eat much of. And it just triggers everything. It's like, how do you maintain your focus and discipline when actually the results are sometimes so, nor here nor there, right? Because you have a process and you have a formula and you do it and then you get a result. Right? If you're working out, if I do enough of these links and you work out a lot, how do you keep a strong resolve when actually sometimes the results are totally unpredictable? Yeah, so as you know, the mind is very powerful. And so if every time I got sick or something

happen, I'm like, well, what's the point anymore? Well, I'm never going to get better. Like, I can't tell myself, like, oh, well, now you're in the, you know, you're not doing well, and your health is terrible. So you may as well give up. That mentality doesn't serve you. And so I go, okay, what are the variables that I know? And what are the variables that I don't know? And be open to the fact there are variables I don't know. And so at any point, yes, something could go wrong.

At any point, my health could go bad. But as long as I know, okay, I've done everything in my power today to serve my health, then I'm good. But there are days I know that I haven't, right? And I've noticed that even if I eat the same food, so I have a chef that comes and cooks for me so I can guarantee the oils that were in my food.

And the seasonings. So the chef comes, cooks for me. I may have three days in a row when I've eaten exactly the same thing, like you were saying. And then the third day, I have massive stomach cramps. It means I have to cancel meetings. It means I have to do phone calls instead of face-to-face things. It means I have to be in my pajamas, lying in bed, doing Skype calls with people because I can't be there presently. And I've done everything that's exactly the same. Well, yeah, I could say like, oh my God, why me, throwing

my hands up, I can't believe this is actually happening. Or I can say, okay, you know you did everything in your power to get things, you know, like to eat the same thing. Or did you? Let's look back, Lisa. What did you do these last three days? Because it's a knock on effect. And I look at my lifestyle. Okay, did I give time to myself? Was I frantic these last three days?

Did I have a lot of pressure on myself? And so I try to identify what that cause was. And I really try to be open and say, it could be your fault. And that's okay. Like I don't blame myself if it's my fault, but I need to identify if it was my fault or not. And I see if I can figure it out.

If I can't, I just go, it's one of those things. Pick yourself back up and keep going. Because if I lick my wounds, if I stay down too long, if I say, why me, I'm never gonna achieve my dreams and my goals. And I can't let this get in the way. And my mind is so powerful that I know if I just sit there and lick my wounds, what's going to happen? My body's going to start to listen. Oh, Lisa, it's poor you time. Great. Let's shut down. Yeah.

Or it's like, Oh, Lisa, you're telling yourself that you've got this. You've telling yourself that you can pick yourself up that you're strong enough to get through this today. What's going to happen? My body's going to react. And so I just repeat that over and over again. I love that. I love that. And I think that's kind of where we all need to start repeating, like, it's, and I love this about you and Tom, because I know you're very scientific.

Yeah, yes, yes. And you both love science. And I'm kind of in, I love science and spirituality, like I'm very like, both worlds. And it's like talking to your body and talking to yourself is both scientific and spiritual. Like it works on both fronts. And I think what you've just told us now, it says like I think most of what we say to ourselves is wallowing in our own pity or sympathy rather than the empathy with ourselves of trying to, you know, push ourselves forward. Tell me about some of the experiences

and agreements that you and Tom made. I wanna focus to fit on relationships because I know my audience loves relationships. Okay. I love sharing from my relationship. I have a plan and I want you to know this because I'm putting it out there right now. I wanna do an episode where me and Raleigh

sit down with you and Tom. Oh my God, I wish we had this so much. Yeah, so we have to do that. So we're doing it next year. I wanna do that episode. So I wanna get you and Tom on together and me, and Rade. Because I'm setting up a new series of episodes next year,

which is that. I'm sorry. So I want to do that. But tell me about some other agreements and how you formed them with you and Tom that have been really powerful for your relationship. All right. Because you're both powerhouses.

You're both doing so much. Thank you. But you both support each other. I love the funny pictures you take in the back of Ubers and Liv. So, so, so, Rade's version is when Rade's doing a crazy dance in the car. That's usually when I'm thinking or working. And she'll just get me in the background. And I see you posting Tom and Dwayne.

And you're like, oh, he's working. Yeah, it's really like the look like again, another IG photo story. So we're ex, me and Tom are so similar in so many ways. It's hilarious. Yeah. So tell me some other agreements and how you came to them as well. The stories behind those. OK.

So there's actually two that came to mind. So one's business and one's personal. Love it. All right. Which one do you want me to start with? Start with business. All right. Let's start with business.

OK. So starting in Pat Theory, one more request, because initially I was like, I'm just going to help out. I'm just going to help out. I became running. I started, I was running our shipping department and then moved on to running our media department. But technically on paper, I was still working

underneath our director of marketing. So my title was, you know, Studio Creator. I can't remember what the title was now. So I technically, he was basically my boss in essence, but when we went over to impact theory, we sat down and we said, what are our roles? And we discussed every little detail. And I was more than happy for him to take 51%, I'll take 49 because I know he's going to put more time and energy into it than me. So I was like, it makes sense that you would get more of the percent legally than I would. And he turned around and said, no, it's going to be 50%. I don't care. This could be, you know, we joke, like,

in fact, we don't joke about the word divorce. We never say that word. But when he was speaking to his lawyer, he said, create the best, the worst divorce scenario ever, because I need my wife to know she's equal here. So, so we were on paper we're equal, but still titles, we had to figure out what's the title. Now, our goal is to build the company to be a fricking juggernaut. Okay, that's an agreement. Let's say we're sitting with our team and a decision needs to be made and we don't agree. So he's CEO and president and we let's say we don't agree on the decision. Okay, well we can debate it, he can try to persuade me, give me every reason why he's right, I can do the same. But at some point, what if we still don't agree? What happens next?

We hit a brick wall. You can't. If you really want to grow your business, you have momentum matters. So you have to keep going. So to stop and hit a brick wall doesn't serve our goals. So we sat down in, we're calling the emotional sober moments. We sat down emotionally sober and said, okay, when we hit a brick wall who has the final say, because at some point, we need to keep going. And so together, we said he's gonna have the final say. And we've been in business now, in fact, there has been around for three and a half years.

About six months ago, we had the very first time where neither of us could convince each other. Because normally, we're very respectful. It's like, hey, I'm gonna tell you why, I think I'm right. And then one of us is convince each other. Because normally we're very respectful. It's like, hey, I'm gonna tell you why I think I'm right. And then one of us is like, okay, yeah, you're right. Let's do it. This time neither of us would agree. I'm like, no, I think we should do this.

And he's like, no, I think we should do this. And we're in front of our entire team. There's 25 of us. And he turns around. And he's like, I hear you, but we're going with my idea. And in that moment, oh my God, it's stung. Oh God, it's stung. And I sat there and I just reminded myself of the agreement we had made. And I said, Lisa, in your sober moment, no matter how much you think he's making a mistake right now,

you have decided together the right decision for your business and the right decision for your goal is that he's going to make final decision. And so he said, we're going to move forward. And so I turned around and I said, I disagree, but I commit. And that's a phrase that we use within our company because it doesn't mean you have to agree with it. Not everyone is going to agree. But what do you need? You need to know everyone's going to commit to it because you can't be fighting two battles. Yes. And so that was an agreement we made. In that moment, I was actually very proud that I was able to say that out loud because my ego is definitely hurt.

I definitely thought he was making a mistake, but we'd agreed and so we moved forward. So that's the type of communication we have so that we don't hit brick walls. That's our business one. I love that. That's great. That's such great advice. And I love that too.

You can always commit. Yes. Because I think I think you're so right that often when we disagree, we take our energy away with us and life and business definitely doesn't work like that. Because if your partner's made a decision and that's what I love also that you're not just partners metaphorically. You're actually partners on paper. Correct. Which I think is phenomenal. Like that's, I don't know if that's what people usually do when they're couples and business, but I think that's a really smart way of doing it. Because when you're partners on paper, it's like this is real.

Yeah. This is serious. And now we're seeing each other. So you're now at work expecting of your wife what you'd expect of a business partner. Correct. She's not your wife at work and he's not your husband at work.

Right. Which is great because it really separates that. And we've had to separate it. And this has been an evolution of going from quest to impact theory, but we've had to separate it. And you know, we've got like little tricks, for instance, where he'll, because he literally works up until he goes to bed. I mean, he's brushing his teeth while listening to podcasts and, to podcasts and he takes his headphones off as he's climbing into bed.

And so I realized with my health, I can't do that. And I've had to accept that and not think that I'm bringing less to the table than him if I had to actually work on that and get over it. But I have to stop at least an hour before bedtime. And he would come in because he's still in work mode and he'd walk in and he'd start asking me business questions. And at one point I'm just like babe I mean family mode, you're my husband now, I'm no longer your business partner. So you should

have a, oh no, you don't eat me. If you go to a Brazilian restaurant, they have like these little like things that says you want more meat or you don't want them to bring you in. Because they bring me around to your tables. And there's like a little chip thing or different restaurants have different things. It says, more meat or no meat. I said, we need something like that, where it's like a little like working, not working. And so for a while, I had a lamp in my room and I would switch the lamp on. And that would be basically if I was why, if I was no longer working. So he would walk into the room, see the lamp on, and then literally just back up and go, all right, love you, babe, and then walk back out.

So things like that where, you know, it may sound funny, but you actually have to implement things like that so that you don't cross those lines because my relationship is so, is the most important thing to me. And stress and business is real. And so how do you actually come up with actual things to do to separate the two? It's one thing saying it, it's a whole other world just actually doing it. Absolutely. So we've had to come up with little tricks like that to separate the two.

Absolutely. Yeah, no, I get that. I remember last couple of years before 2019, like I was always on my phone working this and this and this and this. And when we were together, I'd be always working and doing this, this is. And I'd developed this and I'd never really clarified rather that's what I was doing. And it's weird when you work social media. Yes.

Because it also looks very casual. Like sometimes it's like when I went around my parents and I'm on social media, whatever, they'll just be like, why are you on social media? I'm like, no, no, no, this is my business. It's my work. As in I love it, it's my purpose, but it's also my work.

And I need to be on to see what video we shared today and reply to comments and DM people and connect and all this kind of stuff. And so at the start, it was like for her to realize that what I was doing was actually impactful for our lives. And at the same time, me being respectful back and saying, okay, we're gonna make a commitment, what works for us.

So then we made a commitment that I would never be on social media when we're together if we're out on a weekend. Or if we're doing something together, which is a couple time, then I can't be on my phone when we're together if we're out on a weekend. Or if we're doing something together which is a couple time, then I can't be on my phone, no matter how important it is. And if I do, I have to say,

hey, I just really have to post this right now, and I'm gonna take a second, give me one moment, and just draw these very clear boundaries because it's all lost in the miscommunication. I mean, sorry, the misinterpretation is all lost when there's no communication. And so I feel like drawing clear boundaries is so powerful. Tell me why before we get to the personal, tell me why you don't joke about divorce

because I love that point you just made that. Yeah, we literally don't, I love that. We don't even say the word, say, we say the D word just so you know it's like it's that like forbidden. I think it's Voldemort. Yeah, yeah like that much. Yes, that's the truth. Should have not been aimed. Yeah. I think it goes back to mindset. It's like the second that you think divorce is an option. Now look, it is an option for some people.

And if he, I have rules, if he ever lays a hand on me abusively or ever cheated on me, he's out the door. I will absolutely. Same rules. So I've made the word. Same rules. Same rules. Same rules. Exactly the same. but setting those walls and say,

yes, it's not like I'm saying we can, you know, we will survive anything. No. If he cheats on me or lays a hand on me physically, like we're done. So it's not that I'm naive or closed off to that. But other than that, I don't even like to think that that's an option. Because the second it comes into my mindset, it makes you go, oh, well, he was really horrible, but to me, he's been neglecting me for weeks or whatever. So we just took off the table. It's not an option.

So don't even joke about it. And so that's like, yeah, one thing. I like it. I like the point there that I'm picking up and it's just not joking about things. Because we always say, we always hear this. Whenever you joke about something, there's an element of truth. Yes, it is. Like, this. Whenever you joke about something, there's an element of truth.

Yes, it is. But always, you never joke about something that there's no element of truth. And so, when you joke about these types of things, and you keep becoming more comfortable to joke with them, then it can very easily turn into reality. And that's why it's so important for us to be conscious about what we joke with about

with our partners. Like, I would always, and this is a mistake I made, I would always joke with Radi about, like, you know, I was a monk, I can live on my own. Like, I would always, and this is a mistake I made, I would always joke with Rade about like, you know, I was a monk, I can live on my own. Like I would always joke that. And it was just, it was terrible for our relationship. Because all it did was push her away. Because all I was, and I was joking about it, I was like, oh yeah, you know, I lived as a monk for three years. Like I'm pretty good on my own, you know.

And all it did was basically tell her, oh, Jay's good on his own. He doesn't need me. And so that's what we had in reality because of stuff like that that I joked about. And then I think I would joke about once like I would joke with her, like, oh, you know, I know that your parents are your first love and I'm your second. And I would joke about it, but there was an element of truth in that. And the funny thing is when you say that over and over again, it becomes a reality. Yeah. Whereas when I've stopped taking those, when I've stopped making those

jokes over the past few years Our relationship is just flourished because now I'm like no, I miss you. I do need you my life I love you. I know that you prioritize me as your number one in this area of your life You know, and and we have our jokes also reaffirm what happens to us and I think we forget about that So I love that you don't joke about divorce and I love that that you said that as well, because I noticed, sometimes if I joke with Tom, I'm like, oh, why did you just joke about that? Is there an element of truth to it? Because you're right, because I so believe that.

But I'm just like, but it's not like I mean to say something real, but when I joke about it automatically, I'm like, how, what are you trying to tell yourself? Yes, yes, exactly, exactly. And it was also like, sometimes like a joke, there's like a slide dig in there as well. I do that to Rally. She's not, I do it way more to her than she does to me. It comes from my parenting and other challenges.

And it's like, I'll always say something. And I was like, I could just have said that. I didn't have to joke and dig at the same time. I could have just told her that I feel this way. Yeah. And yeah, jokes, jokes are an interesting, as in we laugh a lot, like use the, Yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah.

The jokes about the truth and not as fun. Tell me about the personal one. Oh God, okay. Yeah. The personal one was us having kids. Okay. So, I'd grown up, I wanted four children, that was my thing.

Big Greek family. Big Greek family, exactly. Tom, when I met him, he was like, I could get married, I don't, you know, he'd never had these dreams of, I wanna get married and have kids. So when I met him, he was like, I wanna get married. I don't, you know, he'd never had these dreams of, I wanna get married and have kids. So when I met him, he was like, I wanna marry you. And then it was like, all kids.

And he's like, you know, I'm definitely open to them. I love the idea of them. I wanted for, so he was like, of course, like, let's have kids. That was when we first got married. But then I started to assess my lifestyle. I loved business, started to really find myself, sort of really to grow into the person I am today. Love challenges, love the business world,

really still wanna make movies. And I started to assess, wow, I don't know if I wanna stay home with children anymore. And I looked at what I was doing, my lifestyle, and I was like, okay, I'm the type of person. I know this about me. I like to go all in. So if I have kids, personally,

not there's anything wrong with it, but if I have kids, personally, not there's anything wrong with it, but if I have kids, I wanna be with them. I don't wanna have Nanny's bringing them up. Right now, my dog goes to our assistance more than she comes to me, you know, and even that stings a little. But I'm like, okay, I've chosen this life. They feed them, she walks them.

Of course she's gonna go to them more than me. I'm not home as much, but that's a reality. And I say, I don't want that as a to have to yet. I'd rather not have children than have my kids be brought up by somebody else. And that was just something that was important to me. Then I looked, okay, well, are you willing to stay at home? And Tom and I sat down, I said, okay, babe, what does our lives look like? And we said, we literally laid out, what does it choose they look like? What does a Saturday look like? And we wake up and what happens?

So Tom was like, well babe, I'm driven. I love what I do. I want to build, I'm not going to work less just because we have kids. And he said, I need to be honest with you about that. So he said, if you want to have kids, I'll be there, but I'm not going to be changing diapers getting up in the middle of the night.

I just, that's not more my priorities. So he was very clear, very clear about that. So I said, okay, on a Tuesday, I wake up in the middle of the night, I wake up to feed them. He goes off to work, I stay home and I laid out every hour. He's going to come home, he said, he's not a nine to five. He never comes home for dinner. I don't eat dinner with him. Period. He's gonna come home. He said he's not a nine to five. He never comes home for dinner I don't eat dinner with him period unless it's the weekends. I don't even know what time he eats dinner these days So he's not gonna come home for dinner. He's always barbed. Yeah, exactly that too

So he's gone all day He gets home when he gets home. How am I gonna feel about that? How am I gonna feel that? He wasn't there to put the kids to bed. That now I'm changing all the diapers, I'm feeding them, I'm doing all this. Well, he's been very honest with me, so I can't resent him for not doing it. And so we looked at, okay, that's how the life was going to be on a Tuesday. What does a Saturday look like? Right now, he's my number one in life. I'm his number one. right now he's my number one in life. I'm his number one. Nature, make sure that when you have kids,

especially for women, that that changes. And so he was honest, I don't wanna be your number two. I know that when we have kids, they will be your number one and rightly so, but he doesn't wanna be the number two. But again, that doesn't mean that we don't have kids. We just being honest with each other. And so then he said, when he comes home from work,

if the kids are awake, if he has time, he's gonna spend it with them, not with me, because he wants to be a good father. On the weekends, if he's not working, he wants to spend it with the kids, he wants to help be a part of their lives. So again, where do I go? Do I go to number three?

Do I go to number two, depending on if it works more important at that time. And so we started to look and we're like, wow, we're doing a lot to change our relationship. And right now, I honestly feel like I have the best fucking relationship in the world. Like he is everything to me. And I get them with people who have kids say, look, you'll never know love into you have children. I get that's true. But I don't know that love. The love that I know now is the love I have for my husband and the love he has for me. And why on God's green earth would

I do something to change it when I'm not looking to change it? And so we had that open communication, that hard talk of, I don't know if I want to be a mother anymore, he had to have the honest talk of hearing that, of does he really want children? Am I now going back on my word when we first got married? I said I was going to have kids. We just had to let all the you know, ego go and the thing of like yes We're both growing and we're both changing and the one thing I freaking hate is when people like not the person I married Yeah, I hope not Right like if the whole point is growing and learning and becoming a better person every single day, why on earth would you want that person to be the same?

They were, you know, Tom and I've been together for 19 years. 100%. Why on earth would I want him to be the same man, you know, that we got married 17 years ago? I wouldn't. Totally, totally. I completely agree with that.

I love that. No, and I think you explained it so well. And anyway, when I summarize this, that's definitely left a massive point for me. Is there any experience or story that I haven't asked you about today that was so life-defining that you're like, Jay, I have to share this with you in your audience.

You're like, this moment of, for me personally, or this starting this or ending this or breaking up with this, or what is there any moment that I haven't asked you about, or you haven't shared to it that you're like, Jay, I really want your audience to know this. I don't have to. Yeah, I've given you the big keys of the things that we're really defining. Money was another thing for us, I think, because that is like literature.

I think it's number two, the biggest cause of divorce is finance. So maybe that may be beneficial to talk about for people. But with Tom and I, at first, because I was staying at home and he was going out and working, it was very weird for me to feel like the money was also mine. But I didn't like the feel of asking him for permission. So I had to figure out, okay, well, if he's going out to work and I'm staying at home,

we've both agreed this is what we're going to do. So it was a partnership. So even though the check is in his name, it is equal. And he was the first to say, babe, you're and half of this. Just because I'm out with the check in my name, we've agreed this is the lifestyle we're going to live. And so this money is both of us. Okay, so that emotionally felt good.

But still, let's say I'm at Target and I'm getting stuff for us. And I see a shirt I like. Well, do I still ask him, even though it's both of our money? So it just became like, I was feeling uncomfortable, I wasn't feeling like an adult. He was feeling the same because he loves comic books and things like that. So he wants to pay for things, but should we keep checking him with each other and like, if league, you know, if we should do it, or like what's the fine line? Is it over 10. anyway? It was all just very uncomfortable.

I didn't feel like an adult. He didn't feel like an adult. So we just sat down and said, okay, we're gonna have an account that is our expenses. So all bills go into this account. We're going to put X amount percent in our in our salary, electing our salary, in our salary we're going to put to this. Okay, after that how much do we collectively agree to save for future? There's a tornado in our house falls apart,

whatever happens, how much do we save? Okay, we agree we're going to put 15 percent or whatever that was. Then we have our spending money. We split down the middle, 50, 50. You spend whatever you like. Literally, let burn it if you want. It's your money to do. And me, I would spend whatever I like on mine. And that was so fundamental in changing how I felt about myself with finance

because I'm like, I'm not asking for permission. This is money I've earned. I would do whatever I want with this. If I want to save it for a rainy day If I want to save it for a rainy day I'm gonna save it for a rainy day and go on a vacation with my sister. Yeah, if that's what I want to do But it is my money and so we started we were very honest about the emotion behind it How it made us feel and then how to act accordingly to fix it and Now that that was back when we didn't have money at all, now things are slightly different.

But it's the same premise. It's the same premise of saying, how much money goes to your family, how much money goes to my family, how much is yours to spend and burn if you want, and having those conversations, because honestly, if Tom wanted a gamble, all right, gamble your money, baby, it's your money. You don't ever have to feel guilty about it. It's money you've earned. And if you want to literally burn it away or go to Vegas and throw it all on the roulette table, it's fine. It's your money.

You should never, yes, you would never, yes, you hate gambling. But given an example where people start to prepress you on each other and their partners of what you're doing with your money. But if you want to spend it literally and just make it rain with one dollar bills, go ahead and do it. It's your money. And that gave us the independence and freedom to really handle it the way we felt was independence going back to that. We're both, we love being co-dependent, but we also want to be independent. Yeah.

So it's this, this, this, this, blend. I love that. Lisa, you've been amazing. You've been an incredible guest. I've learned so many insane things today. Generally, there was so many insights in this. And I love the way you share through story because I think when I'm listening to you and I know when everyone else is listening to you today,

it's just like, yeah, that's me. You know, like I can hear everyone saying that. Like, that's what my voice sounds like. That's what my mind sounds like. So we, and every interview, the final five, is a final five rapid fire question. So you have to answer in one word or one sentence max. Okay.

And you know I'm quite wordy, Jay. I know. I know. I will cut it down. Yes. Okay. I will cut it down. Usually I'm the worst because I always get guests to go, I'll tell me more. So I have to try DJ. I know. I know. I will cut it down. Yes. I will cut it down. Usually I'm the worst because I always get guests to go, I'll tell me more. So I have to try not to do that.

All right. So what have you recently started doing in your life that has brought you peace? Taking selfish time. Perfect. Love that answer. Second, what are you not okay with? People being cool to get ahead. Oh, I love that. Okay, great. Number three. What's your greatest accomplishment to date? My marriage. Love that question. I was expected that but I was asking. I have to ask it question number four

What's something you now value that you once took for granted? Oh? My parents. Oh, that's so true, isn't it? Yeah, oh my God. How much do you take your parents for granted when you were a kid? 100%. Yeah, I think that's beautiful. Rade did something recently which I think is wonderful on this. She interviewed her grandma to keep all her stories.

Yes, we did that with my dad. Oh, did you? There you go. Yeah, legacy videos? Yes, yes, yes. Oh my God, yeah, we have to do with everyone in our family, but you've got to do it with your family as well, Jay. I just feel especially Indian parents.

I don't know what Greek parents are like, but Indian parents are very, they don't really talk about their history because it's almost like no one ever asked them. And I kept, I was saying this to some of the other day when I was being interviewed for something, I was like, I think everyone, like we're lucky, we get to be interviewed. So we get to reflect on our life. But most people never get interviewed. Whereas I think everyone in the world should get interviewed. Because I feel like everyone's had such an interesting life in their own way.

And we almost only think that people in the public eye have interesting life. Which is not true at all. There are some people that people have never heard of. They have phenomenal stories. So. Could you imagine if we had interviews of our great grandparents, the stories they would have? Yeah.

And you don't really need, doesn't cost anything. I put up your iPhone and literally ask your parents or your grandparents questions. It's a movie or anything. Yeah. Love that so much. Okay. So that was great answer. Okay.

And question number five, how do you deal with regret? What's your game plan for regret? I try not to use the word regret because I like to think of it as a lesson and I think words matter. So any time that I've done something like, ah, shit, I shouldn't have done that. And I'm like, all right, what was the lesson you learn? Because that's the only way I can empower myself because I naturally go into the negative. I actually do, like my default is like to go to the negative. And it may not seem like that in this interview, but I've worked so hard to get over that, to overcome the negative.

And so yeah, that's... Yeah, I love that. Thank you, Lisa. Oh, I'm so glad you're here. I love you. You're a jacket. Oh, it's so cool. We have to show it off.

Look at this. Look at this. I love it. I love how much we both love Christmas. Yeah. I love Christmas. I love Christmas music. I love Christmas decoration. I love gifts. I love it. I love how much we both love Christmas. Yeah. When I say I love I love Christmas music. I love Christmas decoration. I love gifts. I love trees. Like so, but thank you Lisa for doing this. Like I'm so grateful that you came on. Honestly,

like this is your your an amazing person inside and out and I'm just so grateful that we got to sit down and do this. And I know everyone's going to learn so much from it. And just thank you for genuinely authentically you were showing up. I've never felt that anything else when I've met you and spent time with you and time too, but definitely I've never felt that. I just love who you are as a person. So thank you for coming on.

And back at you, when I first met you, you were just up and coming. And so to see what you're accomplishing now and the impact you're having on people, dude, it's so just incredible. You have an incredible way of articulating your voice and your message. And I freaking love it.

So yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm excited for two North Londoners in LA for a long, long time. I want to have Trippie this podcast is for people to listen to. I really hope people pick this up from, I hope everyone back home where we grew up listen to this They'll get in the house. Yeah, I would agree. I really hope so because yeah, it's yeah There's so much I learned from growing up in that area to so yeah, thank you Lisa Amazing my three big takeaways from today

Which I want everyone who's listening and watching to to remember and kind of go back to is one that Lisa has the superpower of learning anything. And that doesn't come from education or it doesn't come from what she studied at university or college or any of that stuff. It comes from her ability to say, I need to learn stuff. Can I be honest? I'm going to be like, oh please, tell me I'm wrong. I think everybody has that superpower. They just don't believe it. Right? It's like, I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest.

I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest.

I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest.

I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be, yes, yes, I could. If I chose to, right, it doesn't mean that it's going to be easy. I could, I'd have to give up my life. I'd have to quit my business. I'd have to be a terrible wife. But if I put in the time and effort, yeah, I could. And it's so empowering. So sorry, I didn't mean to get you. I think everyone has the ability to learn. You just have to believe that you can and be realistic about what it's going to take to get there. Absolutely. And I think that's my point that you've done that, and I'm hoping that people listening will be inspired that you don't have a background that makes you that way.

Correct. It's something that you had to learn. It's not, and you went to, I don't know what learning school is called, but you don't want to be, you didn't, you went a jack of all trade point. Right, no. It's not like that. It's not, you were a general manager growing up.

It's not coming from any backgrounds're a general manager growing up. It's not coming from any backgrounds, coming from that mindset of wanting to get on with it and learn something. The second thing that I thought was beautiful is you and Tom both, you don't resent honesty. And I think that's really powerful in a relationship because I think we often in our relationships judge people for their honesty. That's why people lie in relationships. And that's why you don't move

forward in a relationship because everyone's scared of hurting the other person. So they lie about their feelings, they lie about how they feel about the other person, and now no one knows each other anymore. And then the next thing you know is you're breaking up or you're moving apart because you've forgotten who each other are. And so I think you both not resenting each other's honesty is huge. So when your partner's honest with you, build up that bond where you can be honest back and don't resent them. I think that's awesome.

And the third and final one that I love is this agreement building of getting into every corner and saying, well, if we woke up with a kid on Saturday night, what would that be like? Yeah. Or like, if we start a business and next week, you're going to have to travel halfway across the world, how am I going to feel about that?

Like, it's exposing, especially in a relationship. I think when you're just taking care of your own mind, you can kind of be flexible. When you're taking care of two minds, you've got to explore each of those scenarios. So, anyway, those were three of my biggest takeaways and there's so many more. So thank you. When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-car. And into the city of the rails. There I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful,

that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there. And if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. I'm Denon Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails.

Listen to city of the rails, on the I Heart Radio I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts or city of the rails.com. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app,

Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and

your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the IHART radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.