On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Tiffany Haddish: 4 Ways to Navigate Complicated Family Relationships & How to Have Hard Conversations You are Avoiding

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

Are you struggling with initiating difficult conversations? Are you struggling with having difficult conversations with family members? Today's guest is the hilarious and incredible story teller Tiffany Haddish, Emmy and Grammy-winning actress, comedian, and author. Known for her breakout role in "Girls Trip" and her New York Times bestselling book "The Last Black Unicorn," Tiffany has become one of the most influential voices in comedy with her sharp wit, resilience, and authentic storytelling.  Tiffany and Jay have a vulnerable conversation with a candid look into Tiffany’s life, showcasing her journey from a challenging upbringing to becoming one of Hollywood’s brightest stars. Tiffany shares the emotional and often tumultuous experiences she faced growing up in foster care. Despite these challenges, she credits these early adversities for instilling in her a resilience that later became instrumental in her career. Tiffany discusses how humor became her coping mechanism and how it eventually became a tool for empowerment. Jay and Tiffany also talk about relationships and the lessons she has learned from her experiences. She opens up about her past relationships and how they shaped her understanding of love, vulnerability, and self-respect. We get to listen to the healing power of laughter, the importance of community, and the role of faith in overcoming life’s challenges.  In this interview, you'll learn: How to overcome adversity How to turn pain into humor and use it as fuel How to embrace vulnerability How to handle criticism How to advocate for yourself  With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:08 Built to Have Fun 04:19 Emotional Hoarder 07:16 Celibacy 12:11 Being with the Wrong Person 15:41 Do You Believe in Past Life? 18:06 Who Do You Want to Date? 20:10 Growing Your Own Garden 22:48 Growing with a Creative Mind 25:05 Worst Thing About Being Me 29:11 Dealing with Online Hate 31:36 She’s Not My Mom Anymore 37:46 Processing and Dealing with Grief 43:36 Resenting and Forgiving My Father 48:46 The Phone Call with My Dad 55:24 Let’s Understand People’s Stories 57:59 Self Care is a Process 01:02:15 My Father Was Sick 01:05:07 Make Home in Your Childhood Community 01:10:29 The Love to Entertain People 01:18:07 What Would Little T be Proud Of? 01:20:24 Childhood Dreams 01:25:09 TIffany on Final Five Episode Resources: Tiffany Haddish | TikTok Tiffany Haddish | Instagram Tiffany Haddish | YouTube Tiffany Haddish | Facebook The Last Black Unicorn I Curse You with Joy See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care and we'll see you there.

Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste. And that's where the perspective shift comes. That it's not a waste. That everything you've done has built you to where you are now. This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them. Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots. Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Get emotional with me, Radhita Vleukya, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there, Amir. I know, because this is people that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right?

Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Raleigh DeVlucia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Kind of would like to start a service where like retired basketball players can hold you like a baby. I asked Shaq, I said, would you hold me like a baby

and like them burp me? And he was like, girl, you crazy. You so damn silly. We got a special guest in the building. Emmy award winning actors and comedians became the first black female comic to host SNL. Please welcome Tiffany Haddish. I was like, where are you? We cannot see you. I need to see you. I miss you.

Hey, everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. I miss you! Make it easy to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier and more healed. This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you and the world. Subscribe right now. Hey everyone, welcome back, Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for tuning in

to become happier, healthier and more healed, which is the focus of this show. Now today's guest is someone that I've wanted to have on for a long, long time. And I'm so excited that she's finally in the studio. She's already brought so much joy, laughter, and enjoyment into this room just by her mere presence. Today's guest is none other than Tiffany Haddish,

an Emmy, Grammy, NAACP Image Award winner who's established herself as one of the most sought after comedic actresses and performers worldwide. Tiffany's a New York Times bestselling author for her book, The Last Black Unicorn, and a children's book, author of Layla, The Last Black Unicorn. Her latest book is called, I Curse You With Joy.

I want you to go and grab this book right now. It releases May 7th, and this is the book we're diving into today. Tiffany pours her heart out, she shares her story, she shares the incredible journey that she's been on and she makes it funny and deeply fulfilling. I can't wait for you to read this book. Go and grab it right now. Welcome to the show, Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany. Thank you. And the cover is pretty. The cover is beautiful.

The cover is beautiful. You can almost see all my ribs, cause I was sucking them in. And that's where I wanted you to be able to see my heart. I was like, can y'all just show like three more ribs right there and then maybe you have my heart beat out. And they was like, we not, that's unhealthy. How long did it take to get that shot? Didn't take long at all.

Took like all of maybe five minutes. Wow, that's impressive. I asked them if they could show my ribs more. Yeah. Just cause I wanted my heart to show. No, they did not. No, they did not. I asked them if they could show my ribs more. Yeah. Just because I wanted my heart to show. No, they did not. No, they did not. They did not.

But I did suck in my breath and like flex, flex. I learned how to flex. Flex your chest muscles because I don't have much breasts. We flex the chest. Got it. That's a lot of padding right there. I love it. I love it.

It's brilliant. Tiffany, what is the best part about being Tiffany Addish? The best part about being Tiffany? What's the best part about being me, girl? I don't know. I have so much fun. I have a lot of fun. I can tell. I carry a lot, but I'm built for it. And I have a lot of fun doing it.

Sometimes I complain about it. Sometimes I whine. But I'm built for it and I enjoy it. When did you realize you were built for it? Probably when I was like 21, 22. Cause yeah, 22. I say 22 cause at 21 I was like, I don't want to be here on this planet no more. This sucks.

Like, it feels like everybody's taking their pain out on me. Like, but what I realized is like, oh, I'm, I love to hear people laughing. Maybe they're bringing me their pain and taking that, because I'm supposed to transmute that into laughter. I'm supposed to take that and flip it for them. And once I learn how to do that and perfect it, then the easier it'll be for me. And it is easier in relationships for me now,

but when it comes to other things, it's a lot more difficult, like cleaning my room. I am a hoarder. I think I'm an emotional hoarder and it shows up, it manifests in my bedroom. What kind of things do you hoard? Clothes, knickknacks, gadgets. I love gadgets.

I don't know why I bring the gadget to the bed. Like it's going to do something magical in the bed and it's not even for the bed, it's probably for the kitchen. But I'm like, let me see how this gadget work and I like I'm big on experimenting and I do a lot of it in my bedroom Because that's my layer and I don't let like people in my room. So like I got a microscope in there It's like half laboratory half office half Closet half with this all this over here. If I walk into the I'm not allowed

But if I was to walk into your bedroom would I fall over and trip over and hurt myself? You would trip over a basket of clothes and then you'll be like, what is that in the corner? Are you building something? Like what kind of electronics is that? And then like, why is there clothes all over here? And then what's that on the bed? And are you making jewelry or are you sorting the jewelry? Like what is going on?

Wow. Yeah, there's a lot going on. You need to show me a picture later. I'm not going to show you no picture. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. When I look at it, I'm like, geez, Tiffany, your brain is everywhere. Wow.

That's what it feels like. Yeah. Because I imagine that like your bedroom is a reflection of your mind. Because it's where I do spend most of my time in the house. And like all the rest of the house is pretty clean. There might be some little boxes in the corner here by like mail on a table, but I go through that, sort that out real quick. But the, my room, I don't know. It's like, Oh, I'll get to that when I feel like it. I'm gonna play with this

right now. Let me see how these sea monkeys are doing in the corner over here. Let me see what this is doing. Like, do you have pets in your room too? I mean, no, it's some sea monkeys. Are those pets? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think those are pets. You don't want to tell me? No, that's an experiment.

That's a shrimp. But I mean, my cat might come in there occasionally. And if I get really like lonely or whatever, I'll bring the dog in. You know, and then the dog is like burrowing herself in my dirty clothes. And I get her out of there because she likes to chew the crotch of my underwear. It's my dirty underwear. I don't like it. And you like that chaos?

Like you like waking up to that, sleeping in that kind of... It feels cozy. Okay. I don't have a man. I don't have nobody else's mind of sort but my own. So when men do spend the night, I only let them sleep in the guest room. Got it. So because they're guests in my house. So you pay bills, you only let them sleep in the guest room. Got it. So, because they're guests in my house. So you pay bills, you can't come up in the main room.

And when they start paying my bills, then I guess that's when I'll clean up my room and make space for them. I'm a classic Virgo, so everything for me has to be organized, like tidy. Everything has to be in its place. Like, I think I can, I walk into a room and I can spot the one thing that's like half a centimeter off and I need to put it back in its place. And that would be the kind of guy I would like to date. Right.

So that he can like clean up after me. Got it. And then I'll make him laugh and stuff and bring him joy and have adventure for him. I have some adventures for you. Not too much drama. I'm not big on the drama, but I am big on adventure, experiences. And then I'm, but I'm messy. Yeah. That's cool. You're allowed to be messy. But I'm not dirty, but it's then I'm, but I'm messy. Yeah.

That's cool. You're allowed to be messy. But I'm not dirty, but it's like, yeah. I get it. I get it. Yeah. And I mean, I saw that you said you've been celibate for the past six months. Who said that? Is that true?

Okay. Okay. Okay. So, I mean, does kissing count? No, as in that's still celibate. I just not, yeah. Okay. I'm not being penetrated.

That's for sure. No penetration as in that's still celibate. I just not, yeah, okay. I'm not being penetrated. That's for sure. No penetration. Is that an intentional choice? Was that something you were trying to work up to and practice or? Has it been six months though? I guess so. October does make it six months. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause I don't just, I just don't want to lay down with nobody. Just anybody, you know, I just feel like dang, I am the prize, and these dudes got to qualify. And when I think about my track record of who I lay down with, it takes a year or so for me to even warm up. It's a line. It's a line of dudes that's, you know,

hey, Div, hey, I mean, I love going to free dinners. I'll go on free dinner dates. I mean, not free dinner dates, but like, yeah, it's free for me. So yeah, but it do cost me money to get, you know, cute and stuff, and the gas in the car or whatever, but yeah. You know, I asked because obviously when I lived as a monk, I was celibate for three years. So it was like a, it was a big, big, big commitment in my life.

Did it make you feel like, ah! In the beginning, yes. Really? For sure, for sure. It was hard. But then... I bet it was hard. Yeah, it's time when I... Yes, for sure, for sure it was hard but then... I bet it was hard.

Yeah, it's time when I... Oh Tiffany, early year, early year. It feels easy. I don't know, I've been working out a lot. So I feel like I get my sexual frustrations out in the workout. And then like I said, gadgets. Did it take you a while to raise your standards? Like where did this qualification, this language, this vocabulary you have right now around dating,

was that something that has come with time? Is that something that was always there? No, it was definitely not always there. Definitely, if you read the book, you know that it was not always there. I just feel like it's like certain things that I want for myself and I want to share the success. And what I've learned is when you're like laying down with people that's not really as ambitious as you are or comfortable in their skin or confident with who they are or even just not even necessarily confident, just know who they are. It becomes a problem.

And I think when you lay down with somebody, you are sharing your soul, you are sharing a piece of yourself, you're giving a little piece of yourself up. And I don't, I think, like I only got so much soul left and I don't want to necessarily just give it over to anybody, you know? I don't think, I don't know if the soul grows. I don't know if you can rejuvenate new soul like you do skin or hair, but it just feels like I don't want to subject myself to it.

Also, now once I let you inside my body, I got to know you, got to get to know, got to learn you and all that stuff. And so scientifically, okay, now we're going to get into the science of it all. I've done some research on it. Yeah, yeah, so I did my scientific research. I was reading about how, you know,

once you let somebody ejaculate a sperm, right, once the uterus is very absorbent, so you absorb all of that into your bloodstream, right? So now you like attracted to them. So like when the Bible says, you will only desire your husband, this is part why, because now he's like in your blood, like in like binding with your DNA.

And if you get pregnant by this person, it takes like six months or so for them to get out of your DNA. And if you decide to have a baby or get pregnant by this person. It takes like six months or so for them to get out of your DNA. And if you decide to have a baby or get pregnant by this person, those stem cells from that baby is in you forever. So they are forever a part of you. Do I forever want to be a part of somebody who's like mentally ill? Do I forever want this person to be like in my eyeballs, in my brain, in my heart, the stem cells from them and what we, like, you know, could have potentially made. Do I ever want that? And then I think about like, like, hoes and why they'd be so crazy. And it's because it's too many personalities.

Too much in me. That's how I see it anyway. That's my science. That's science from Tiffany Haddish. When is the Tiffany Haddish Sex Ed masterclass coming out? Well, there's a short sex ed portion in the book. You know, I think I would have been a great sex education teacher. That's what I'm thinking listening to you right now. Yeah, I think I would have been really good at that. I think we need to get a national program.

Yeah, because I noticed like females that I know that like are really emotional and like going like always the world is like in an uproar. And then if you find out like how many, what's their body count and like, and especially if it's a high body count, there's a lot of them probably didn't have no condom on. And then you probably absorbed a lot of that stuff. And who's to say they didn't, they might have been pregnant, didn't realize they were pregnant and just thought, oh, this is a hard period, but really they might've been having a miscarriage or it was just a pregnancy that didn't stick. Whatever. Like it's a lot. It's a lot.

It sounds like this has obviously been something that, I know we're laughing, but at the same time, a miscarriage or it was just a pregnancy that didn't stay, whatever. Like it's a lot. It's a lot. It sounds like this has obviously been something that I know we're laughing, but at the same time we're learning, like this has been something you've been learning about, thinking about, reflecting on, especially when you dive into your book, as we were talking about earlier, you make everything sound really funny and there's this expression of the feeling, but then there's the deep pain and the stress that comes from it. and there's this expression of the feeling, but then there's the deep pain and the stress that comes from it. Were there particular romantic experiences that were hard for you to get over?

Was a lot of our audience is struggling with breakups, is struggling with missing their axis, struggling with trying to move on and find the right person. What have you been through that you could share with those people that may help you? Yeah, okay, so I'm gonna be real clear with you. The people that I was missing, I probably shouldn't have been missing, right? Like the ones that like inflicted a lot of physical pain on me,

the ones that inflicted emotional pain on me. I think I talked about one of them in this book. I know I talked about the X in the other book. But this book, like, okay, so I had this like, you know, homie-loving friend for a long time. A long, long, okay, so I had this, like, you know, homie-loving friend for a long time. A long, long, long, long time. He's very disrespectful to me, very kind of messed up to me. But in my mind, we was, we could get married, we had the most beautiful babies, he handsome,

I'm pretty. Like, it would be so cool. He's smart and intellectual. I'm kind of smart. I think, like, it would be fun. We have the best conversations. Like we have fun, but then he would treat me like crap. Right?

So like, and I would, I would subject myself to that man. And I would be like happy to be in his presence, but at the same time, when he's not around, I'll be hurting so bad. Hurting so bad, like in fiending form, like a, like kind of like, I don't know what it's like to do like, hard drugs, but I'm imagining that's the hard drug right there.

The D, that D, like, when you really like, like, that could be the hard drug. And breaking myself from that, and that would be like, okay, what else do you love? What else do you care about? Put your energy into something else. I've seen, like, all online, like, oh, Tiffany's feigning for her,

or she's still pining over this guy that she was dating. Like, that was fun. That relationship was fun. Only thing I miss about that relationship is the fun. Everything else was like, eh, eh, cool. But we had a lot of fun. And people I have fun with, I miss all of them. When I don't get to see them often, when I don't talk to them, I miss all of them. Even if they were a bad influence, I miss them all.

But I'm not like, oh God, I gotta have them. Or talking mess about them, like, no, I genuinely love that person, wish them the best. I'm busy doing this now, they're busy doing that now, cool. But was there a particular, like, yeah, that one, that homie lover friend who was like on and off for like almost 20 years. Wow, 20 years!

Yes, I can be loyal. I can be loyal with the homie lover friends. You know, it's like, oh, we not, we on, but we not in a relationship. But in my mind, I painted this. Yeah, we was married. We was, I was cooking for him and doing all kinds of stuff. Like, you know, make sure his telephone stayed on

so I could talk to him. Stupid stuff, stupid, just done, just done. Then like, oh, I realized, okay, this isn't gonna go nowhere, so I'ma go with this guy that likes me and then that don't like pan out, cause really I'm still fiending over this dude. Then okay, that didn't work out,

no, no, no, I'ma get married, somebody wanna marry me, I'm gonna get married. You don't wanna marry me? Like, y'all's gonna marry me. And then that didn't really, yeah, like, I didn't wanna get small. Like, yeah, I didn't wanna be small. And then, then it was just like free for all, you know.

What you working with? What's up, baby? You got, as long as you got a good credit score, what's your credit score? Because that means you're going to be responsible with my heart. At least I think you are, I hope you are. And then, but now I got a whole criteria.

What did you find that people that had a good credit score, did that have any correlation with? I feel like it had a lot to do with how they treat me. Good credit score, they're like more responsible. They show up on time. You showed that? I noticed that. Yeah, I saw that.

Like I would ask like, hey, do you know your credit score? First of all, I think that's something you should know, because that's your grownup report card. I just wanted to see how responsible they were. And most of them were very, like I have yet to meet somebody with a pretty high credit score that wasn't like reliable. You didn't find that you met people who were arrogant or showboating? No, they might have been arrogant.

They might have been like showboating, but they were responsible. I want somebody to be responsible with my heart. Like it's a... I got a big heart, right? Got a lot of love to give and I'm very forgiving and all that, but like don't abuse it. It's been abused enough and I don't want to have to like attack you. I don't want to have to like be vicious with you.

That's what like, I would say the last like five relationships I've had, like I really respect those dudes because they were kind with my heart. You know, they, for what they could, you know, they were good with my heart. They didn't like, get up. Where I'm just like, F men. I'm bring on the pussies.

I'm gay now. I think I'm still like two or three heartbreaks away from that. Right. I don't even think that's a thing though for me. I really think I'm a gay man, but that's neither here nor there. And what are your criteria now? You said that's a lot of information, Disney.

I mean, I think I was a man in my past. Like, you believe in past lives? Yeah, we were talking. I think we were messaging about this. Yeah, yeah. I think I was a man in my past life. And I think I was a man that was kind of messed up. I think I was like, maybe I had a really big penis

and I was a womanizer and maybe I was bisexual. Maybe I hurt a lot of hearts. And I feel like in this life, God said, okay, you're going to suffer some, but you're going to win too. And I think that's why I got endometriosis. So I can really understand the pain of a woman. And understand the value of the heart. My wife jokes with me that she thinks we were married in our past life,

but she was the guy and I was the girl. So that's like the trade off. Because I'm the romantic one. I'm the one writing her notes and messages. And I want to do all the grand gestures and stuff. I'm the one interior designing our home and doing all of that stuff. And she does not care.

Now she's like, let's get money and go on a trip. Let's have some fun. Let's go do an adventure. Yeah, I like adventure. I like adventure. But you were saying you have criteria now. What are the criteria to date Tiffany? Okay, so now that I'm older I can't have that criteria of like, oh he can't have no kids because we're older now

So I expect like if he has kids cool, but they need to be like grown 18 or over Because I don't want to deal like with baby mama drama and I feel like you know know, I'm going to, I like communicating like an adult. Also, he needs to have his own career or some sort of business, you know what I'm saying? He needs to have like an EIN number. I think that's really important. He needs to know how to run something. Because, you know, men, I think men like to have control and power over women and want to run women and want to be the leader. What can you, how's your business? Does your business run well? Or do you have, do you have long-term employees? Do you like, is that doing well? Like, cause, cause now I'm a,

if I'm going to give you access to me, I need to know that you know how to do that. Good credit score. Now, I will forgive if maybe your credit score fell off for a minute cause you had to go to the doctor or something happened, you know, whatever. Okay. I might could forgive that. But then also, I want you to be physically healthy and fit. So, you better be on top of your health. Like, because I'm trying my best with mine,

and I don't want to be changing nobody's diapers. That's grown. If you have pubic hairs, I don't think I should be changing your diaper. Yeah, I find that to be the biggest one. Like, I find so many people don't grow up till so much later in life. And I find so many of my friends either with guys or girls or whoever it may be that feel young.

They feel like they are the person's parent. Yeah. And they're their partner's parent. And they're cooking for them, cleaning for them, taking care of all of this stuff. It's bizarre to me that we're still living in that time. Yeah, I don't want to feel like I'm your parent. I don't want to feel like I'm your doctor.

But if you got like a cold or something, or you feeling like you got a little back pain, I love to rub your back. And I come up with elixirs and stuff to make you feel better or whatever. Yeah, but you need to come already showing up pretty healthy. Yeah. Like think it is like the military. What's in these elixirs? Oh, these elixirs.

You know, we got ginger, we got turmeric, you know, we got the little vitamins and nutrients, you know. Aloe vera, things from my garden. You grow some of this stuff? I grow this stuff. Wow. Yeah, I grow food. Like, and also I need to, God, it's not afraid to get a little dirty.

You know, help me in the garden. Like don't be afraid of bees and stuff, because I got bees and I harvest honey. Do you have the full hazmat suit? Yeah, I got the whole suit, but I barely... I don't know why you call it hazmat suit. What's it called? What is it? It's a beekeeper suit. The beekeeper suit.

The beekeeper suit. Yeah. Keep you from being stung. But also, most of the time I sit out there with no suit on. I just sit and talk to them, listen to them, like sing to the bees. How many bees will you have on you at one time? I don't know. I'll be sitting there counting like, oh to them, like sing to the bees. How many bees will you have on you at one time? I don't know. I'll be sitting there counting like, ooh, look at me, I got a hundred bees.

Like, they don't sit on me. Like, they'd be around me. I'd be singing, telling them stories, telling jokes, maybe complaining. I'm pretty sure my neighbors hear me. So maybe the neighbors feel like I'm like crazy talking to myself or talking on the phone or whatever. I don't know. I sing songs to them all the time. My favorite song is that, I know the bees are probably like, why is she singing this song to us? But I like,

butterfly come and hear you stand upon my hand. I will not harm you or never need alarm you. I want to see your pretty wings, tiny dainainty, colorful things, orange and yellow, pretty fellow. And I change the colors every time. Wow. I sing that and then I sing Skinna Marinky Dinky Dinky to the songs that make me happy. Wow. I sing to them.

Mostly when I'm stressed out, I go sit out with the bees. So you, when you're stressed out, you sing, sing to the bees, sit outdoors. Yeah. Yeah, sit outdoors, laying the grass next to them. Sometimes I just listen to them and imagine they telling me stories. And I'm just really listening to the hive buzz. And it's... They say that there's a...

The C tone or there's a tone in a beehive that helps get rid of PTSD. Oh, I didn't know that. Wow. Yeah, that's what they say. When I was doing my research on bees, that was something like that. The noise of a hive helps with PTSD. So I like that noise. Wow, that's fascinating. And that you learned while you were getting the bees

or afterwards or before? Once I got the bees. Yeah, once I got the bees, I learned that. You know, I was like, oh, I'm in a relationship now with thousands. Let's figure this out. Are you a queen bee? out. Your queen bee. There's a queen bee.

I'm the master queen. I'm the friend of the bees. I feed them. I give them like, you know, spirulina with some sugar water or some like chlorophyll with sugar water and stuff like that. So you're like really in touch with nature. Like nature seems to be... I love nature.

That's where I can like... You can go sit in a tree, like in the trees, but I do be in the tree sometimes. You can go sit near the trees or in the trees and you could cry in the trees and not gonna be like, what's wrong with you? You know? If anything, they'll like blow the leaves and like

rub your shoulder or something, you know? Yeah, wow. In my mind, that's what I imagine. Yeah, okay. I have a very vivid imagination. So. And has that always been like that since you were young? Always been like that. Always.

Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? Yes, I did. I had two. What were their names? Carbolita and Cracker. Cracker was a bird. And I used to be like, Cracker won a Polly and I would break Crackers up on my shoulders. It was really the imaginary friends was to make real friends.

I mean, there were coping mechanisms for kids as well. For sure. Coping mechanism. I felt in my mind, they listened to everything I said. I know exactly what they look like in my mind. I used to really rock them hard in junior high. And we used to be like, cracker, what's answer number seven? And they'd be like, Tiffany's being racist. I'm like, no, I'm not, I'm talking to my bird. And Carbolita? Yeah, Carbolita, yeah, she's like a Puerto Rican mommy.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. What was her role? Her role was like to keep people away from me. Yeah, so I'd be like, oh, you can't sit here, Carbalita's sitting there. You can't sit right there. It's her seat. Yeah. You know, Carbalita said that you cute.

Yeah. She wanted to know if you want to share your coffee cake with her. Yeah, so she was that in between, that go between. Yeah, and people would laugh. They'd be like, girl, you silly as hell. It's fascinating, isn't it? I feel like that whole idea of imaginary friends, it's like, if you thought about that when you were young, you'd laugh at it. But now when you look back, you're like, oh wait, there was a role that that person played

that I didn't have someone else play in my life, so I created someone. Yeah, I would be like, my sister would be trying to play with me. I'd be like, you can't play Carpalita's sister, she's doing this one. You can't do that one, Carpalita's doing... really. I just didn't want my sister to be doing it, but I didn't want to tell her I don't want you to do it. So I say Carpalita didn't want it. Yeah. Wow. But it was really me. Wow.

I really didn't want her to. The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is an NAACP and Webby award-winning podcast dedicated to all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help Black women decipher how their past informed who they are today and use that information to decide who they want to be moving forward. We chat about things like how to establish routines that center self-care,

what burnout looks and feels like, and defining what aspects of our lives are making us happy and what parts are holding us back. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Hardin-Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. And I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care and we'll see you there. Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste. And that's where the perspective shift comes, that it's not a waste that everything you've

done has built you to where you are now. This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them. Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots, as I sit down with inspiring women like Misty Copeland, Brooke Shields, Vanessa Hudgens, and so many more. We dive into how these women made their pivot and their mindset shifts that happened as a result. It's a podcast about women, their stories, and how their pivot became their success.

Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Tune into the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like easy listening but perfection. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Katherine Nikolai, and you might know me from the Bedtime Story podcast, Nothing Much Happens. I'm an architect of Cozy, and I invite you to come spend some time where everyone is welcome and kindness is the default. When you tune in, you'll hear stories everyone is welcome and kindness is the default.

When you tune in you'll hear stories about bakeries and walks in the woods, a favorite booth at the diner on a blustery autumn day, cats and dogs and rescued goats and donkeys, old houses, book shops, beaches where kites fly and pretty stones are found. I have so many stories to tell you, and they are all designed to help you feel good and feel connected to what is good in the world. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the village of nothing much

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So you told us the best things about being Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany, what are the worst things about being Tiffany Haddish? The worst thing about being Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany, what are the worst things about being Tiffany Haddish? The worst thing about being Tiffany Haddish is, Tiffany Haddish is always under attack, and you got to just let that happen, I guess.

I guess that's just a part of being famous. But also I just feel like that's been my whole life. It's always somebody's been hating, somebody's talking mess, somebody. But at least back in the 1900s, people did it to your face. But if they talked behind your back, if somebody told you they was talking behind your back, then you went up to approach them and say, you say this about me? They would either say yes or no. Like there would be like, you know, you can hold someone accountable for what they were saying.

Even if there was a reporter, you know, you could call up to the newspaper and say, I want to talk to this reporter. Why do you say this about me? And then they'll tell you why they said what they said, right? But now it's like everybody say whatever they want and they think they can't be touched. But that's why I'm investing in technology. You are? Yeah, allow me to be able to call them. Okay. Why you feel like this? What did I do to you? Did I sleep with your man and I don't know it? What's the issue with you? Why you putting out this? What did I do to you? Did I sleep with your man and I don't know it? What's the issue with you?

Why you putting out such mean words? I mean, I think it's so crazy right now with social media, because I mean, suicide with teenagers right now is at an all... with children, all time high. Higher than it's ever been in the history of humans, because they can read and they're seeing what people say. Like, I work with a lot of foster youth and my kids, they be telling me they don't want

me to be famous no more because they don't like what people saying about me and it makes them cry. It hurts them. So while it, and I'm like, don't worry, it doesn't bother me. I'm used to it. That's normal. It's normal. If I was, if I didn't have people talking mess about me, then I wouldn't be doing good.

I mean, do you believe in Jesus? If you believe in Jesus, everybody was talking mess about him too. And then look what happened. They're like, I don't want you to be assassinated like Jesus. I don't want you to die. I'm not going to die. Okay, I will die, but I'm not going to die that way. I'm pretty sure I hope I die during sex, but I'm not going to die in that way, I don but you know and I don't know but like we can't fester on that and don't just block that person Just take those negative words off your thing like block those words But I would love to be able to just call these people because what I've what I found

Is the people that be hating usually they really love me. They really, they study me super hard. They spend hours and hours making videos and like just saying mean stuff and talking. But you spend hours of your life studying me. There's some love there. There's, so you gotta really care about me to a certain extent, so I'm honored, but it sucks because you're not brave enough to say it to my face.

I run into them at a party, and they're like, oh, can I get a picture? And I'm like, why? Why do you want a picture with me? You did a horribly mean video about me. Oh, you saw that? You saw, yeah, I saw you put my name in the title. You don't think the algorithm is going to shoot me things

that got my name in it. When Google first came out, Bling, all of them, when they first came out, what's the first thing you looked up? I looked up my name. And so the algorithm knows I care about me. So it's gonna send me the stuff about me. So you will sing.

I see you. And I'm gonna tell you to your face, because I'm not fake. I'm an actual human. And I wish it tell you to your face. Cause I'm not fake. I'm an actual human. And I wish it was the 1900s where you could slap somebody for talking shit. But now you can't even slap nobody no more. They want to sue you or whatever.

Like punks. So that's the hard part. That's the hard part. Yeah, cause I really want to fight, but I can't, I can't, though it's not a battle worth fighting, right? But on my period, I will use my fake little page and I will chime in a little bit. Oh, is it?

Take it back to the 90s. There's a Finsta. Yeah, Finsta. That's what they call it, right? A fake Insta. Yeah, fake Insta. But it's not an Insta, it's a Twitter. Oh, it's a Twitter, okay. Or an X.

It's X, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cereb's a Twitter, okay. Or an ex. It's ex, yeah. Yeah, Sarah be going in. Okay. Yeah. How does that help? It feels good. It feels good?

It's like a little release. And this is Sarah kind of like Carbolita who's like protecting Tiffany or no? Sarah's my middle name, it's me. It's me, but I would love to develop like an AI boyfriend that like protects me and like make him look really good and stuff. And he have the, you know, Instagram account and just like program him to protect me and to like shut down people. And like, yeah, but I found out I hired a forensic tech guy and I found out like 75%

of the hate I get is bots. It's not even real people. And the other 25% is people responding to the bots or making videos because of what they read from the bots. It's not even real. A lot of these articles be AI articles, not even real articles. No way. Yeah, it's my name, but that's how powerful my name is.

Like that's at least that's what they make me think. Like my name is so dope that's at least that's what they make me think. Like my name is so dope. Like they want those clicks. They want that, you know, like I did this to Tiffany. Like I got all these clicks now, all these followers, because I was talking shit about Tiffany. Like it's kind of dope. It's kind of dope.

It's kind of dope. But key like hot words will bring in the bots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I'm learning a lot from you today. Yeah. Yeah. You can hire. Tech Ed, sex Ed. It's like. Wow. I'm learning a lot from you today. Yeah, yeah. You can hire it.

There's tech ed, sex ed. It's like... Yeah, I'm multifaceted. I'm like a little onion. It's great. It's amazing. I love how curious your mind is. I've already learned about bees.

Like, it's fascinating. It's fascinating. I want to go backwards, Tiffany, because I feel like one of the things you do in this book is you really led us into some of the trauma, the challenges, the difficult experiences. And as I said to you before, what I find amazing about the way you communicate is that we feel what you felt, even if we've not been there. And I think the way you write in this book is really powerful. Like you said earlier, you said, I think I'm smart. You're smart because the way you express yourself

lands and resonates, even if you just read one or two lines that just grab hold of you. And at the same time, you're making everyone laugh through the book too. But I want to kind of go backwards because you did have a really, you had many different challenging, traumatic relationships in your life. I want to start with your mother

because she went through something horrific herself, which when I read about that, I was like, I can't even believe what she's had to go through and then how it impact on you. I was going to ask you, has that relationship ever had an opportunity to heal or improve? Like is it possible? It's getting better and better every day, better and better every day because I have a better understanding. You know, I used to be really mad at her and really like upset with her.

Like, just take your meds, just heal already, just be back to my mommy, my like, my everything. You know, I always think about this time when like I love that woman. I like really, really, I loved that woman. I, like, really, really, really loved that woman, like, like immensely. Like, that's my first love. This woman fed me, clothed me, taught me. I loved this woman, and it's like she came back from that accident somebody else. Not, not the woman that I love, but that's her meat suit, that's her body, but that's not my mommy. And I get glimpses of her and as time has gone by, and I've used my money to get her the best of the best

and get her healthy and get her on track and get my sister to education. My sister's helping me. We help each other. We are working as a team, right? And to see like the progress is like, it's such a, it's like, okay, well, it's a money's the root of all evil,

but if you know how to use it right, it's a tool and if you know how to use it right, you can help like heal and get like glimpses of what was and um I remember when I was a little girl I wanted to like just make her happy that's all I want to do make her happy and she would work these graveyard uh hours at the post office and I was like three and I wanted to make her eggs because she would come in and make me eggs right and I used to always try to cook for would come in and make me eggs, right? And I used to always try to cook for her.

Always, I'd put all the pots and pans and everything out. Like I'm going to cook for my mommy and I'm going to play music too. Like, you know what, like waste all this food. I'll put oatmeal, Worcestershire sauce, large season sauce, all this stuff. And like, she'd be like, no, no, stop messing around in my stuff.

And I get a spanking. There's one particular day though, I was determined to make her some eggs. So I did everything I saw her do the day before. So I got the eggs out the refrigerator. I did all the eggs, all the eggs. I didn't take the shells off of them. Put all the eggs in this Tupperware bowl.

I stirred it all up. I put pepper, I put garlic salt, I put lard seasoning salt. Stir them all up, stir them all up, stir them all up. And then I turned on the fire on the stove and I just put the Tupperware container on top of the fire and I was stirring it. I was like, why is it not doing what it's supposed to do? And then it's like plastic, it's like smoking and it's burning.

And my mom comes in there and she had just got off work, right? So she's in the bathroom, whatever. My mom comes in, what are you doing? Oh my goodness. She gives me a whooping, she turns off the fire, cleans up, gives me a spanking, says, you not supposed to do this. You don't touch the stove, you don't this. And I was just like, I'm trying to make you breakfast.

I'm trying to make you breakfast. And she stopped. And this is what I loved about my mommy. She's the best mommy. She was the best. What I loved about her, she stopped. And this is what I loved about my mommy. She's the best mommy. She was the best. What I loved about her, she stopped, right? And she was like, I'ma teach you. If you gonna keep doing this,

I gotta teach you how to do this. So we cleaned the stove and everything together. She got some, we got some more eggs because I had to get all the eggs. I had to get all the eggs. She got more eggs and stuff. We went to the grocery store. She said, this how you buy the eggs,

this how you this, this how you that. We get home. She's like, okay, I'm gonna show you how to make this. And she got another Tupperware bowl. She said, this is just for mixing, okay? And you use this and you do a dash like that. And I do the dash and I do the dash. And she did this and then the dash.

And I did the dash and did the dash, right? And she's like stirring it up. She showed me how to stir it up. I stirred it up and she said, okay, you see this skillet? There's a cast iron skillet. You put the eggs in here, always in the cast iron. And then you have to have butter Tiffany

so the eggs can slide. And then she should give me the butter and then she let me scoop the butter and put the butter in there. And she said, now you turn the fire on, but you don't turn it on super high. You turn it on medium because you don't want your eggs to burn, okay? And I'm like, okay. So I turn hers on medium. And then she's like, very good, very good.

Now pour the eggs in there. And I pour it in, and she said, pour it in slow. You don't got to pour it fast. Oh, oh, oh, slow, slow. And she said, now take your spoon and stir it, stir it. Just the scrambledramble eggs, you're making scramble. I'm like, scramble, scramble. I was so happy, so happy. Now I got my ass lit, I almost burned down the house, and now she's teaching me how to do it. And we did it and we ate the eggs together.

And I just remember I was in love with this woman for teaching me this, and then she's like, now you have to clean up. When you cook, you got to clean. So then it was then we cleaned the dishes together. And then after that, I was her dishwasher. I always washed the dishes. Whenever she cooked, I was in there trying to cook with her.

I mean, I was cutting up vegetables and stuff at three and four years old. Like I was the sous chef. I was always like, I wanted to be her best friend, helper, everything. Like, and she taught me a lot, like every, like grocery shopping, all that. When my sisters was born, I'm changing diapers. I'm making bottles. I'm her best helper.

I'm her everything. Like that was, I loved her. I still love her, but I miss that mommy. I miss that mommy and I'm her helper now, but she liked to fight me. So we gotta be careful because I can't be showing up to work with a black eye. Because she different now.

I miss that mommy though. I can't imagine how hard it is to know someone that intimately, that closely. And then they're not that person because of a horrific accident that she had. So it was totally out of her control. And now not only do you have to get to know this new person, you miss this person that you just so beautifully described. When did you start even letting yourself process that grief? Because I can imagine it's just shock. Processing that grief?

I mean, I don't know. I think when my grandma passed, who's my first best friend, who I still miss terribly. I think that's when I start really like, okay. Like the last, since she's been gone, it's been two years. I think it's been the hardest two years in my whole existence. Because that was my shield.

That was my protector. I could tell her all my dreams. Like, and she would be like, well, if you wanna do that, you better figure this out. You better figure it out. Like she was like a good sounding boy for me. And that's my first best friend. And I don't even, some days I don't even know

how I get out the bed, because I miss her so much. But then also I don't want to let her down. And she put, she installs so much, like, don't give up. Don't be a quitter. We're not quitters over here, so you can't quit. So, figure it out. Even if you got half-ass, do it. Half-ass, do it. Get it done.

Figure it out. And so that's what I do. But I also had to, like, learn to, like... I've been learning how to grieve. I've been learning how to sitieve. I've been learning how to sit in and like... Some people tell me I should make jokes out of everything, but that's how I process. And I think you use the same muscles.

The muscles that you use to cry, same muscles you use to laugh. It hurts so much when you cry. I mean, sometimes I cry so hard I throw up and it is... Like, even though I could use the apps, but it's like, I don't want that. I'd rather have the apps from laughing so hard. I'd rather, like, so I'll get to a point where I'm like, oh, I miss my grandma. And I'll try to remember something.

I'll click on something that's like in my brain, like I'm clicking on, like opening files up, like in a library. Remember those index? Yeah. And I'm like, okay, oh, when we made a sweet potato pie, oh, and when we went to the fair together and left everybody behind, oh, what we did, like try to like click to the good memories to the fun stuff. You know, there was a lot of hard stuff, but like, I mean, I still got her wigs. I'll be putting on her wigs sometimes.

And like, I'm getting afraid because they starting to lose her scent, but you know, there still is in the back of my memory, isn't there? But like, yeah, and I've been grieving my mom. I guess I've been grieving her my whole life. My whole like teens and twenties and thirties and all that, but not really focused on it so much as grieving because the flesh is still here and I know she in there somewhere and I can get a little, sometimes a little fix.

She in there somewhere. The only wish I had, I wish I had magical powers. I could just, Mommy's back. Oh my God. That would be crazy though, because she was super thirsty for knowledge too. She calls me sometimes. We got her a cell phone and she's been using it,

but she keep on trying to buy stuff. So we had to be careful, like, don't put no credit card on it, don't assign it to no nothing, because she wouldn't want to buy stuff. And she called me and said, I need to go to college. I'm trying to go to college.

I need to go get certified in culinary arts. I'm going to go get certified in dog grooming. I need to get certified in my demo deluxe program. I'm like demo deluxe? She's like, yes, samples, food samples and marketing in grocery stores. I was like, well, I'm building a grocery store. So then you could just, you know,

do demos in the grocery store. You don't got to get certified. I got you. She's like, no, no, but I need to go to college. I need to, do demos in the grocery store. You don't got to get certified. I got you." She's like, no, no, but I need to go to college. I need to go to school. Okay, I have to go to school. And I'm like, okay, mama. And that makes me excited that she wants to learn, that she wants to go to school.

But then I'm like, concerned. Do I let her go to school? Do I send her to this community college where she potentially might have an episode and fight somebody? Or she might disturb the class, start talking, or she starts seeing things and start screaming at them? Or, you know, like, do I allow this? And like, what if we give her too much medication and she like falls asleep in the class and

she starts snoring super loud and they put her out and then we can't find her. Do I hire a nurse to go to school with her? Do I like, okay, you trying to go to school, then you got to go to school with my mama and y'all take the same classes? Do I pay for somebody then you got to go to school with my mama and y'all take the same classes? Do I pay for somebody else's school to go to school with my mama, protect my mom and make sure she don't eat too much candy and make sure she don't eat no junk food and stuff.

Like, because that, when she eats junk food or processed foods that sends her over the edge and now she's like in another dimension. And am I blocking my mama from these dimensions? Cause maybe her being in those other dimensions is really good material and I need to be sitting with her when she talking to these people that I don't see. And maybe that's like something I could use

for a movie or something, I don't know. And maybe God gave her this like brain injury to see over there and maybe she really protected me and I don't even know it, I'm blocking my protection because I feel like my grandma was my shield and my protection. But now that's gone and I don't have the protector no more. So I got to figure out who's protecting me. His right now is just me.

Yeah, my prayers and I think my sister, my sister is definitely, we, we work well together. So. And your faith? My faith is definitely protected. Yeah, that's why I say my prayers. Yeah, like, you know what I mean? God is like, that's my dad. I lost my actual biological, physical father, but I feel like God's been my dad all this

time. I've always believed in God, I've always had a relationship. I've been very mad at Him a lot, but you know, it is what it is. I still love Him very much. Yeah, I mean, as I'm listening to you, it's so challenging to think that you have someone in front of you, but you know that the person you love is inside of them.

And like you said, you get the glimpses, but then at the same time, like you said, it can get abusive, it can be violent, it can, because of the brain injury. And then when you look at your relationship with your father, and you go to in depth in the book, and I want people to read the book, but I believe your father left when you look at your relationship with your father, and you go to in depth in the book, and I want people to read the book, but I believe your father left when you were like three or four.

And you always had this fixation of wanting to reconnect with him. And you talk about in the book, how like any back of the head you see that looked like your father, it's like, you're like, daddy, is that my dad? Are you my dad? Like, you know, that book, are you my mother? And like, is that my dad? Are you my dad? Like, you know, that book, Are You My Mother? And like, are you my daddy? Are you my daddy? Like, so wanting a dad, I needed that.

Like, I think if I would have had him, I probably, I might not be who I am today for sure. I wouldn't be who I am today. And that would be a very, just a tragedy. But maybe I wouldn't have slept with so many dudes. Maybe I wouldn't have been so thirsty for attention, or maybe I would have learned how to live with the man and been a better wife and be a better girlfriend

and understand men better. But I think everything happens the way it's supposed to, even though I wish there was some male that was there that I felt safe with that could show me on a regular basis how to be around men and not like how I learned how to be around men, which was like I was a tomboy and I was like,

oh yeah, I can do that too. Like, stupid. Stupid. No, I told you, you were figuring it out. You were figuring it out. Yeah, I was figuring it out, but dang. But how much time would I have saved, you know? And my dad probably would have felt so much less guilt had he been around.

You know, but my mom was threatening to put him in jail, saying get him deported or whatever. So I get it, I get it. He didn't want to go back to the war, I get it. Yeah, but you were able to reconnect with him. Yeah. From what, when you read about that, you're like, wow, because you think most people would have resentment and bitterness

and have this like angst against this person. But actually you were just like, this is amazing. Yeah, well see, I wanted to have that. I thought that's what I would have. I thought I would kick him in the balls and be like, why did you even have sex with my mama and make me and leave me behind? Like, I thought I would be like so mean to him and mad with him. But that's not what my soul was feeling.

My soul was feeling like, okay, this is our new adventure. This is amazing. Like, oh, he's way handsomer than mama said. He's actually way kinder than what she said. He's actually this, like, everything that I was told was like the opposite. And then like everything my grandma told me was kind of like right on point, which I should have been listening to her. She was my best friend. I should have listened to was like the opposite. And then like everything my grandma told me was kind of like right on point,

which I should have been listening to her. She was my best friend. I should have listened to her from the first. But you know, the love of my life is telling me these things. So I'm believing what she said. And like to be in his presence was like the little girl, the three year old in me was so happy. And I was kind of upset that I was too big

for him to pick up. Like I wanted him to pick me up and hold me and put me on his hip. And I still kind of got this affixation with that where I kind of would like to start a service where like retired basketball players can hold you like a baby. That's amazing. Like you pay them like $300 an hour and they just hold you like a baby and tell you it's going to be okay and pat you on the back and burp you. Why does nobody burps you anymore? I want somebody to burp me.

That's hilarious. I've just got this vision of like Shaq. I asked Shaq. Shaq said, girl, you crazy. You so damn silly. You actually asked him? Yeah, I asked him. He was like, girl, you silly. Wait, wait, wait. What did you ask him? I said, would you hold me like a baby and like then burp me? And he was like, girl, you crazy. You so damn silly. Have you asked any other players? I have mentioned it and they just laugh

But I think they think I'm joking but I'm dead serious. I don't even laugh when I say it I'm like would you hold me like a baby and then like put me over your shoulder and burp me and then like maybe hold me On your hip like this and just tell me it's gonna be okay that everything gonna be alright Would you do that for me?" And they'd be like, Oh, you're crazy girl, you're so stupid. Girl, you're stupid as hell, girl. You hear Tiffany?

She's a damn comedian. This a comedian right here. And it's, girl. It's a real request though. Like I can hear what you're saying. Like there's, we all want this feeling of being embraced and being like, just feeling like nothing else matters and that everything's taken care of.

And there's a safety that we're all craving. Like when I see my mom now, like I see her all the time. But it's like right, I could tell when my cycle coming right before it comes because I see her and I just want her to hold me. So I just hug her super tight. She's like, get off, okay, okay. I'm like, all right, that's enough.

And I'm like, no, mama, hold me. And she's like, that's enough, that's enough. And I'm like, no, mama, hold me. And she like, that's enough, that's enough. Clearly my love language is touch, right? So then another time she was sitting on the couch in my house watching TV and she's just like, this TV's so big and I felt so proud of myself that she said my TV's so big. So then I sat down next to her

and then I just tried to like crawl up in her lap. I tried to like get in her lap and she's like, girl, you're too big, get off of me, get off of me. And I'm just like, I want her to hold me in her lap like she used to when I was a baby. When I was little, I used to sit in her lap and watch TV, lean on her like this. You know, we watch TV together. But I'm too big now. I'm too damn big.

Walk me through that phone call with your dad when it comes out of nowhere. Because you're so much... How old are you in that? Call Kendall. 26. Yeah. So we're talking about 3, 4 to 26, 27. It's like walk me through.

Okay. So I talked to this man that's at some facility, he said he knows my dad or whatever, and he's going to give my dad the number and all that stuff. And I said, okay, cool. Then like days go by and then I get the car and he's like, hello, is this Tiffany? And I'm like, I knew, like my whole soul knew instantly who he was. Like it's like DNA, like recognition or something. Like the little girl in me lit up, like if I was like laying on the couch sleeping, he

was like, daddy? I was like, daddy, is that you? And I was like, daddy? I was like, daddy, is that you? And I was like, yes. He was like, this is Thayat, your father. I'm like, daddy, where you been? Where you been? Are you sure you my dad? How you know?

Wait, are you sure you my dad? Like, and I was asking him questions about family members. He knew stuff that nobody else would know except like him and my mama would know. And I was like, where are you? When can I see you? I need to see you. I miss you. Where you been? Why you ain't come and get me? Like, I just want him to keep talking. That voice, man. I'm not very good at impersonating it, but I got like a lot of voicemails.

I always ask him like, if I don't answer, please leave me a voice message. I got his voice messages and I be listening to him make me feel better. Like I miss him. I was missing him. Like I barely knew him and I was missing him, right? So like I be loving people too much, I think. But I knew it was him immediately. I wanted to see him immediately.

It was set up a time for me to go and visit him, to drive up to Virginia, went up to Virginia. And I went to see him as soon as I saw him. It was like my whole soul rejoiced, so happy. He's very handsome. I'm glad I met him. Like in that way, instead of like in some nightclub or something, because I probably would have tried to hit on him or something.

I thought he was beautiful. And we just talked and talked and talked. And I was just like trying to crawl in his lap, but I'm bigger than him. Bigger than him. I was trying to get him to hold me. Trying to spend as much time with him as I could. Like he was feeling a lot of guilt.

He's like, I should have been there for this. I should have been there for that. And I'm like, yeah, you should have, but you're here now. Like we got this now. And just getting to know him and I was asking him all these questions. Like, is it true that I'm Jewish? My grandma always said this, is this true?

He goes, yes, this is true. But this and this and this, and this is what happened. And I had to leave and I had to this. And I'm just like, wow, like asking him so many questions. What was it like for you when you was a little boy? Did you use toilet in the hole? Did you use toilet in the toilet? Like, did you have, like, what did you have?

And he was like, yeah, we had money. We had a toilet. I went, I had Italian clothes. I had this, I got, I learned German. I learned this language. I know this, I know that. It was like eight languages. I just was constantly, I feel like I was interrogating

them all the time. And then he came to California, and then I would take him to go see my mom, but then I would snap at him and stuff, because it would be part of me that's like, damn, I'm doing all this shit for you, when you going to do something for me? But then I had to check myself, like, hey, he gave us life, be nice. But sometimes I had to check myself. Like, hey, he gave us life. Be nice.

But sometimes I would be mean. Especially, and he would get the business. If I drank, sometimes I would get really lit and remorseful. Then I would call him and I'd just cuss him out. I'd just give him all. I'm like, that was awful, because you wasn't there. I was this, because you didn't show up. You didn't teach me how to do this.

He did hear that. Yeah, he did hear it. He heard it from the drunk side of me. Were was this because you didn't show up. You didn't teach me how to do this. He did hear that. Yeah, he did hear it. He heard it from the drunk side of me. Were you funny when you were drunk like that? Or no, that was like intense? No, I was in 10. I was sitting on the porch. I was like, I married this man.

I shouldn't have married this man. I was like, yeah, I was at home drinking. The man was on my nerves. I'm like, what did I do? I ruined my life. Like, this isn't who I'm like, what did I do? I ruined my life. Like, this isn't who I'm supposed to be with, but clearly I was supposed to be there because I needed to learn some things.

And I learned a lot from that relationship. And I'm grateful for that relationship, but I would never go back. I remember sitting on the porch just crying to my daddy about how like I made all these bad decisions and bad choices because I didn't have my daddy to guide me. And I need, I need my dad. I need, I need need I need you like and he's like I would get the place with if you don't have to be with them I will get a place and you can have your

own room and you can have your own this and he never did do that he never got to that level because he wasn't mentally are where he needed to be like he was and that man witnessed a war in then came here and witnessed a whole bunch of other horrible things that like I could only imagine. And then the guilt that he was feeling for like abandoning his country, and you know, abandoning his daughter, doing it like, so he's feeling super duper guilty.

And then he's learning how to grieve too. His mother died, his daddy died, his brothers are all dead. All he got is aunties and they, you know, if they're anything, if they were doing to him anything like what they do to me, and they probably did it to him more, I just, you know, I pray for him. I pray for his soul. I feel like, oh man, he's gotta feel horrible.

He probably felt like shit on a daily basis. So I've really, and then the next day I apologize so tough to him for going off on him like that. And I'm like, I should have never did that. He's like, no, it's okay. You know, my friends, my friends always like, how's your daughter so nice to you? because going off on him like that, I'm like, I should have never did that. He's like, no, it's okay. My friends, my friends are always like, how's your daughter so nice to you, and you didn't even raise her.

I raised my daughters, and my daughter's so mean to me, and evil to me, and your daughter's nice and kind to you, and loves you, like my daughter, maybe I shouldn't have been there for my daughter, maybe she would be nice to me, because my daughter's mean to me. And then when I was mean to him, he's like telling all his friends,

she's falling with me to me, she cussed me out, she was mean to me, gosh, hey, hey, hey, hey, me. Like, he could fit in with his group of friends or whatever, but he's like, it's okay, you gotta express yourself. You gotta let that out, express yourself. And I'm like, no, but it's wrong. Because I really do love you. I really do appreciate you giving me life, even though I hate this life a lot of days.

Like, a lot of days I hate even, like, man, why couldn't I have this life a lot of days. Like a lot of days I hate even like, man, why couldn't I have just been a tree? Like, why could I just stay in one place and watch the world change around me? Like, but then trees get abused too. So, what they are. Yeah, for sure, for sure. What they are.

There's a great, yeah, I mean, trees live through a lot. And they've seen a lot and they've been through a lot. And they live through a lot of abuse. Yeah, for sure. But there's so much in what you're saying that I think resonates so deeply with me. This curiosity and context around how our parents became who they were is so huge.

Like to actually have context of how your dad became your dad, how your mom became your mom. This isn't a matter of whose fault is it. It's your fault. It's a count... It's not that. It's let's understand people's stories. Yeah, so I don't feel that like... That it's your fault.

Yeah, that it's not my fault. It's not your fault. You had these experiences. And I think I like to imagine that there's a contract that you signed with God before you got here that says, hey, this is the stuff you're going to go through so you can accomplish these things. And maybe their job was just to make me. Maybe their job was to be in certain people's lives and find this thing and to activate this person for that and activate this person for this.

Maybe that was their job. Maybe that's the contract they signed. And I hope my mom has a whole bunch more stuff to do and lives a lot longer. And I hope I do get her into college and like she doesn't fight the teachers or anything like that. Like I hope that it turns out great and she does get her certification in culinary arts

and she's able to cook and do whatever it is that she wants to do. Like whatever her dream is, I want her to have her dream. And I would love to facilitate it, but also I want to protect the safety of others at the same time, and the mental sanity of others. Because- You have to set up a private school.

Yeah, maybe it's set up a private school. Maybe I have professors come to teach her, but she wants to go. Yeah, yeah, she wants to attend. So maybe I set it up, like, you know, hire some actors and, you know, see teachers. You know, like she's at school, you're at school. And then maybe they are psychologists.

Like, you know, maybe she's a work study. Maybe she's a study. Maybe it's a study program where there's all therapists in the room, but they study in culinary arts and they see how someone with this type of damage in their brain operates in this type of environment. You know what? I should make some money off of that. That could contribute to the generational wealth I'm trying to create for this family. Tune into the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like easy listening but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the

glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Katherine Nicholai, and you might know me from the Bedtime Story podcast, Nothing Much Happens. I'm an architect of Cozy, and I invite you to come spend some time where everyone is welcome and kindness is the default. When you tune in, you'll hear stories about bakeries and walks in the woods, a favorite booth at the diner on a blustery autumn day, cats and dogs and rescued goats and donkeys, old houses, bookshops, beaches where kites fly and pretty stones are found.

I have so many stories to tell you, and they are all designed to help you feel good and feel connected to what is good in the world. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Get emotional with me, Radhita Vlukya, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone. We're going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development, and just building your mindset

to have a happier, healthier life. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there, aren't we? I'm a little nervous because this year is people that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life.

Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself. I already see myself. And so when people give me an opportunity, I'm just like, oh, great, you see me too. We'll laugh together, we'll cry together, and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one.

Listen to A Really Good Cry with Rali Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. and this is my best friend, Mika! Hi, I'm Mika, and this is our brand new podcast, Blippi and Mika's Road Trip! The Blippi-mobile will take us to amazing places! Click, click, put your seatbelts on Get ready for a ride, we're gonna have some fun! We'll explore and listen to the sounds of awesome places like farms, racetracks, and even construction sites! Follow your ears, what do you hear?

And we'll meet new friends along the way! They'll teach us awesome new things about the places and things we see and hear! What did we learn today? It's so cool! Listen to Blippi and Mika's Road Trip podcasts on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Did you always, you know, honestly, Tiffany, I think when people read this book, they're gonna laugh as I'm laughing right now, and they're also gonna feel, I'm not just saying this is flattering. I'm not just saying it because you're here. I really do mean this.

It's very rare to meet someone who's been through as much as you have and hear it in a processed, thoughtful way. Yes, it's hilarious, but it's also processed was what else apart from comedy was your therapy? Like what else has been part of this healing journey to help process? Actual therapy. We're ordered therapy. Yeah, I was like ordered by the courts to go to therapy eventually and like that helped a lot.

And some therapists were really good and some were like horrible. And I felt like I was like sitting in a therapist's office just doing stand-up for them because they're giggling and laughing and stuff and I'm like heal me, heal me, like get the pain away like give me where I can like function and they would make suggestions and those suggestions actually like did make a difference that one therapist that said like get back to doing stand-up as a hobby just do it as a hobby and that that turned into a full blown living. And I appreciate her for saying that. But like actual therapy, actually reading books, like actually like reading different books about like self care, like self care stuff.

And maybe there'd be like, you read this 300 page book and it'd be like one thing in it that I could take with me. Man, Louise Hayes, I love me some Louise Hayes. That lady, if she was still alive, I remember when she died, I cried for her. If she was still alive, I kiss her right on her third eye and say thank you. Kiss her right on her third eye.

Yeah, cause that, like her, her like mantras, the you can heal your body book. Like even though I don't know if those, those mantras really help, I do them anyways. You know, just distract my mind from whatever that's going on. I don't think the one for endometriosis works. I think we got to rewrite that one.

But, but, but I mean, just, just those things, But I mean, just those things, like the self care, self care, being self aware. Like, and it's a process, you know, look, I've been drinking, I've been drinking since I was 21 years old, on and off, I would go years without drinking, drink, no drink, drink, no drink, whatever, not really my bag, you know, have my incidents and I'm just like, you know what? I ain't gonna be drinking no more, I'm cool. And that was five months ago, by the way. Congratulations, yeah.

Not six months, but we can roll with six. Oh. It'll be six months, it'll be six years, it'll be probably 16 years from now, like, and I'll have like a big old mocktail company. And I found this non-alcoholic Rosada is bomb. It's bomb. I can't even tell you the name

because they need to pay me. I don't spend so much money on it. Cause like when I would go to parties, I always bring whatever I like to drink to the party. I just went to MGK's party, his birthday party, and I brought the non-alcoholic rosé. People are like, oh, you drinking? What is that? What you drinking? I'm like, non-alcoholic rosé, you want to try something? They're like, oh, this is good.

I was like, yep, and my body's not going to hurt tomorrow. Yours will. Nice, nice, nice, nice. It was like so good. Oh my God. Well, drop the name here. They're going to come find you. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like they won't. They won't. It was like so good. Oh my God. Well drop the name here, they're going to come find you. Mm-hmm. I don't know, I don't know. I feel like they won't.

They won't? I feel like they won't. They won't? I feel like they got to come find me. They know, they in Whole Foods. Okay, they in Whole Foods, all right. You dropping the little clues, the little breadcrumbs. They in Whole Foods and it's a rose.

And it's the animal on the cup. I love it. All the hints are dropped. All the hints are dropped. All the hints are dropped. I also like this non-alcoholic vodka too. Even though it's... I just imagine that it's rubbing alcohol though. That's what it kind of tastes like. But it doesn't get you. Tastes like what? Rubbing alcohol. It tastes like alcohol. It's alcohol.

It is alcohol. It's not alcohol. It's not alcohol. It's not alcoholic. But that's good though, no? It tastes exactly how you want it to taste. Oh, you don't like, okay, all right. I never, look, I never really liked the taste of alcohol, but you know, you put a little flavor, a little sugar in it, like drop a Jolly Rancher in there, you know what I'm saying? Or put some lemons, make it alkaline.

That's what I would tell myself. Got it. But it takes the pain away. It would take the pain away from me. And now, and now, now you don't use that to take the pain away. So you just sit in the pain, which ain't got processed it. With your father, I felt like ultimately his guilt and shame kind of made you feel

like you lost him again because that was so heavy for him that he kind of distanced himself, right? Yeah, he distanced himself from me. I think he knew he was sick, and that he didn't want me to see him like that. And he didn't want to have to depend on me, because he knew I would take care of him. Like, he knew I would.

And he never wanted money. He never, like, you talk about, he didn't want money from you, he didn't want to be a part of your fame. It wasn't, it wasn't that. No, and I would still like highly pay the light bills send groceries to his house and say be like don't do that I got like He wanted to take care of me, but he wasn't capable of taking care of me

he was sick and I think he didn't want me to know that or have anything to do like Think he felt like this was his punishment or whatever, for whatever. Wow. But he left like a whole, like, memorandum, like, what I need to do, how I need to do it, and I did it all.

Like, I'm obedient when it come to my parents. At least I try to be. I definitely am obedient. Did you end up organizing the funeral and attending, or? He didn't want no funeral. Oh, wow, okay. But he didn't want that. He didn't want me spending any money on him, because he felt like he didn't spend nothing on me.

But he did want to be buried with his mother. And it's against the tradition to cremate. He's like, they're going to be mad at you, but I don't want you spending all the money to take me back. Go ahead and cremate money to take me back. Go ahead and cremate me, take me, and put me with my mom." And I told him, if I cremate you, you're going to put half of you with your mama and half of you in my garden, because you never really fed me anyways.

You have to grow me some food. And I did that. And then I just read this thing last year that if you have a cemetery in your backyard, your property tax-free, if you family members like buried in your backyard, I was like, hmm, I wonder if ashes count. Cause I mean, this property tax is killing me. Well, how do you come across all this interesting information? I'm always digging for information, especially when it comes to my money and my health.

Like, so yeah, I was just looking for tax breaks. Also, I saw that, you know, Trump buried, you know, his people's on the golf course and then now they don't have to pay no tax over there. I did see that. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, oh, what can I do here in South Central LA? I'm like, babe, my daddy's over here near the collard greens.

He brought the chili peppers in the mints. Let us know if that goes through. Let us know if you figure it out. They told me no. I already went to the city and tried it. I was like, my father was in the backyard. They was like, no, you need to exhume the body. I was like, well, it's ashes.

I can't really, I'm sure the plants ate him up two years ago. That was back in 2017, you know, so I'm pretty sure he's gone. Gone, gone. But... You were talking about taking care of your money and your health. You were saying there was one point in time where you had like a billboard up for your show,

but then you still had like a, you know, like a Obama phone, I think you called it. Like this idea of like, you've always tried to figure that out. Even now, like at one point you lived homeless when you were growing up in your teens and like living in a car. But now you still live in the area you grew up in. Yeah. And that's to inspire others to see what's possible and see that you can still move because usually people make it and then they leave.

Right. But you really felt that that was important. Yeah, I felt it's important to stay. Um, also I like it over there. I feel safe over there and I want to be where I'm wanted. You know, I don't want to be where I'm tolerated. I want to be where I'm wanted. So it's staying in the hood. I just feel like I'm a great example to these other kids.

Like, look, Tiffany couldn't read that good. Tiffany couldn't read it off for a minute. Tiffany couldn't this, Tiffany couldn't that. And look where she has. She on the billboard right on the corner from the house. She on that house right there. And like three other houses on this street. She also doing this, she doing that. Like she doing stuff in a community.

Like I'm a firm believer of like, oh, if my community is like messed up, I don't have to leave my community. I can stay right here and I can make it better. Now, if I was like, if I was the gang member, maybe it'd be more difficult, but maybe I could be influencing the other people in the gang to like, okay, we're going to do this now.

This is what the gang's going to do now. This is what we're doing now. Now you the manager, you the security, you the this. Like you got to buy a house now. You have to buy a house now. It's funny when somebody buys a house how their like perspective changes on what type of activities they participate in. Oh interesting. Yeah like that's what I've noticed anyways from like my hood friends, like people in the community, like what they was all about fighting, all about this, all about boom. As soon as they bought a house they like, oh no, I can't be doing all that. I gotta cut my grass. I gotta do this't be doing all that. I got to cut my grass. I got to do this.

I got to do this. I need to make my mortgage. I need to do this. Like, I got to go to work. I got to do this. Like, it kind of changes the activity that you participate in. Like, you might still be a thug and still be a gangster,

but I got to go get my money. I don't have time to be fighting you. I don't have time to be like potentially killing you and losing my house, even though the house could help me post bail. Like, I just also never always be telling them, like, I can't have time to be like potentially killing you and losing my house, even though the house could help me post bail. Like, I just also never always be telling them like, I can't imagine you saying this is my block, this is my block, but you on Section 8, you don't own nothing on this block. Like you own nothing on this block, but this is your block. No, this block belongs to the Herrera's, the Zazinski's, the go- like this block belongs to everybody that owns land over here. You don't own nothing. You actually paying $12 a month in rent and selling dope.

Like you a rental store friend. Like you don't own nothing over here. Who in your crew owns something? Like to me, that's more like, okay, this our block. Like do your granny pass... Your granny don't even... You sold, like y'all sold it and still rent. Like you don't... Nobody owns anything on our block. Like do your, your granny passed, your granny don't even, you sold, like y'all sold it and still rent, like, you don't, nobody owns anything on this block.

Wow. But you saying it's your block. It ain't your block, bruh. You can't even inherit anything over here. What did they say when you said that? So you look like an idiot. You protecting all their stuff and you're not even really protecting it.

You running it into the ground. Like how you expect anybody to really respect you. You don't even own anything. Like, would you own this old ass Oldsmobile with them rims? You own the rims? No, you renting those rims. You don't even own the rims. Like, yeah, life is temporary, but you got four kids.

They need to have something to inherit. What are they gonna inherit from you? Those rims? You could do better, bruh. Do better. Do you see people, do you feel that you see things changing and people changing and that even if it's slow and patient?

Yeah, it's slow, slowly changing, but also the demographic is changing too. So like, but they thought they was going to be in that section eight for, I don't know how long they thought they was going to be in it. Now the landlord's like, Oh no, I don't no longer want it to be section eight. So you have to pay the $4,000 a month for rent or you're going to have to move. And now they in section A on Lancaster, Palmdale, Hemet. So now I barely even see them anymore, if at all.

And they like, hey, I bought the house. I bought like people buying that stuff. They're like, I had to go way out of LA to buy it, but I own something now. Like, this is going better for me. This is going better for me. So I see changes in like the people that I grew up with and I'm really happy for them. Yeah, that's beautiful.

Really happy for them. I mean, I mean, it's incredible that you've been able to, you know, make home in the community and you talk about it as your community. It's a place where you feel safe, you feel comfortable. Yeah, and then we'd be looking out for each other and the Asian lady across the street be like, I saw the man in the car with the camera.

I called the police. Like, thank you. The dude next door, he's a retired police officer. He be shooing people off and stuff. That's amazing. Like, you should be behind a gate. You should be behind a gate. I'm like, but behind this door is guns.

Like they don't want no, I don't want their smoke. Like don't come up in here. And I might make you clean my room up, so. So amazing. Good luck finding anything of any value in there. It's amazing. Tiffany, you've had such a, you know, genuinely, we've been talking about your personal life so much.

You've had such an amazing professional journey as well. When you're talking about your imagination and even your solutions for wanting a basketball player to hold you and make you feel like a baby or, you know, just the way your imagination works to solve things. Like, what is your imagination saying about creative artistic expressive projects? Like, where do you, not what's next,

because I don't find that question interesting, but in the sense of like, where do you let your imagination run free and how do you allow it to do that so that you can explore this amazing world you have inside your head? Yes, Tiffany Land. I wish I could be in an amusement park.

Black Unicorn Island. Black Unicorn Island, yes! Okay, that's the next book. Okay, so, well, it's been running. So like with music, I love creating music. Like I said, I like singing to the bees. I like singing. I've been preparing, like I got a band.

And so I've always been kind of in love with like the 40s, the 30s, the 20s, you know, that jazzy era, the 50s, and singing in a, like a supper club and doing that. So I just performed that Verbrato last month and it was like super dope. It was so much fun. No, that was this month actually. It was super fun and I had this classic dress on

and singing these songs. Now I am not the best singer, but you know what? If Bob Dylan can make a career out of it, I could too. That's how I feel about it. It's not about how well you sing. It's about how entertaining you are. How do you make them feel? It's all about how you, that's what entertainment is.

It's like, well you contain these people and you make them feel a certain type of way. And it's the feeling that they want to walk away and say, hey, I want other people to feel that too. That was kind of great. That was amazing. That was an experience, right? So like, I want other people to feel that too. That was kind of great. That was amazing. Or that was an experience, right? So like, I'm very like about that.

So I'm singing like old songs from the 30s and 20s and 40s and 50s. And then some of my original songs that I've made. And I've been working with like Diane Warren, right? And some really dope songs to like empower women, empower people anyways. And then like a really cool breakup song. It's like my favorite.

I want you, but I want you gone. I need you, but I need you out of my life. I fucking love it. That's so good. And then like all the movies I want to make, right? So like somebody's asking, like you said you want to make 80 movies by the time you're 50, you got a long way to go.

And I'm like, I didn't say I want to be in all those movies. I want to create an opportunity for other people to tell their stories, and I'm just producing on it. I'm being a part of the creation process. Like, we still haven't shot the Flojo movie. Got to get that script right. Like, and I can just imagine how dope that's going to be. The nails, the hair, me running off fast,

my body like, brrrra-ta-ta. You know, and hey, if I'm too old, okay, I'm too old, give someone else the opportunity. Or AI is coming in real good. But tell that love story between her and her husband. And then, I want to do, I want to see the Etta James story. I want to do, I want to see the Etta James story. I want to see that.

Like, cause she grew up in foster care like me. She been through the wringer, had to perform as a kid and all the different homes she was in. Like, I want to see that story. Also, I want to do some kind of like a documentary or something about like all these successful women. I have never met one successful woman that has not been through shit. Like any woman that I have ever met or heard of

that's successful has like been beat up in some kind of way, physically, emotionally, mentally, something. Been beat up some kind of way and bounced back and like stood strong, 10 toes down, I'ma make this happen and it happens, right? And I want to do something about that because I think right now too, like there's so many young girls that I've talked to

that seem to feel hopeless, feel like, you know, what's the point? Like, nobody cares about me. And it's like, there are people that care about you. You just can't see them right now. You haven't met them yet. Or you have met them and you just don't know how to identify what care is. So something about that, I want to do Who Framed Roger Rabbit too.

I feel like, oh, that would be so good. And I want to be the detective and Jessica Rabbit. Maybe I'll be Rebecca Rabbit, Jessica's sister who marries Roger's brother. I don't know. But I want to see that. Because that was a really good movie that was based off of some true stuff that happened in Los Angeles. That's why we have freeways now.

Because of that judge that was in that movie, that's a real judge. So I would love to do something with that. I have so many ideas. I love it. I love it. Animation. I want to open this grocery store. I could see it in my mind's eye. It's like I'm shopping in it every day.

I know that's going to happen and create some like really awesome human beings. I love how there's no limits to creativity. And I think we're now living in a time in the world where people can be multi-hyphenates. And what you just said, I think a lot of the time we've been like, oh, you have to be talented, you have to be this. And what we've realized is who can make people feel something in any sort of way.

And we resonate with that. We all connect with it. And I think if anyone who's listening and watching and wants to do something, thinks, oh, I wish I started 10 years ago. I wish I started when I was younger. Oh, I didn't get that. You know, I didn't have parents who were supporting it. It's almost like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

The KFC dude started at what, 65, 70 years old? I think so, yeah. He was old. And that thing is all over the world. KFC is all over the world. Kentucky Fried Chicken, every single country. And they had enough competition too, like McDonald's and Wendy's and whatever else. Wendy's competition is all over the world.

Now he might not live long enough to see it be all over the world, but hey, he started something, he's a visionary. And I feel like that's what I am at the end of the day. I'm a visionary and I'm an administrator of joy. That's all I am and some people hate that. And that's okay, that's because you don't know how to process joy. You got a lot of hurt in your heart. Got a lot of hurt.

You need to figure out how to process that. And if you want to learn, I'm down to show you a little bit. I can't, you know, I'm still processing my heart. But if you read this book, it might... I curse you with joy. I curse you with joy. It might help you some. It might help you some.

And maybe your breath won't stink so bad. I think people with a lot of hate in their heart got bad breath. Oh, that's an interesting hypothesis. Wow. That's, that's interesting. I'm going to start testing that out. Yeah, just do my research. It's just, I mean, I don't, it's funny.

Like people that talk really poorly and negative about other people, their breath usually stank. That's fascinating. If you think about it, I mean, do you ever sit around people that just talk negative all the time? I don't usually. So you don't, but like mean, do you ever sit around people that just talk negative all the time? I don't usually, so... You don't, but like you could be at a party or something and they just like, did you know the bitch did this?

Or you'd be like, breath is horrible. They are dying on the inside. Or you ever been in a car with somebody and they don't stop talking and the whole car smells like they breathed. It's just atrocious. That's been it. And then everything, you start to realize everything they're saying is negative.

It's not even anything positive. It's a lot of hate in their heart. Or they need a dentist. Because that tooth is dead. That tooth is hating the rest of their body. And they end up having a heart attack from that. Did you know most heart attacks come from bad teeth? I did not. That's not... Is that true?

No, that's not true. I think so. That's what I think so. Now start believing all your research. If you start making claims... The Dentist Association loves me for this. But just think about this. Just think about this.

Think about this. Every person that you know that's had a heart attack. Okay. Was their teeth nice? I'll have to look into it. I have to look into it. I have to look into it. Think about it. Bad teeth, bad heart.

Tiffany, tell me what little Tiffany. Little T. If little T looked at you now, what would you be proud of? Little T would be proud that we own so many homes. Little T would be proud that we're housing so many foster kids. Little T would be proud that we lived out our dreams of being like on Arsenio Hall's show. And although we didn't get pregnant by Arsenio or anything,

still happy that that's a friend that we could call on for advice. Little T would be really happy. Little T would be so happy about the car that we have now, even though it's so hooptie right now because somebody hit my other car. Little T is happy that I got that car because it's like a transformer when the hood go down,

even though it's old and raggedy. She loves that car. Little T would be super happy about the fact that we have enough money that we never have to be hungry again. Never hungry and never homeless again. Never. No matter what, Little T would be happy that we made enough friends that if something was to happen,

it would be okay. It would be okay that we wouldn't, we might not have our own home, but we would have a place to stay. And Little T would be very proud that we didn't go to prison. But Little T is confident that if we went to prison, we would be like doing just fine in there. Because we was definitely thinking of ways that could have ended us up in prison.

Thinking of some really crazy stuff. And she will be proud that we can give jobs. That I'm capable of creating jobs and that every time I say yes to a job, that's two or three hundred people that get to work immediately and thousands that get to work once it comes out. You know? And little T would be like even, she would be disappointed that you know we got a DUI but even more proud that if you google black women with a DUI only I pop up

in Glowrilla. What with Lil T? And Josephine Baker. At first before Glowrilla got hers it was just me and Josephine Baker. Wow. Look google famous black women with a DUI. See what come up. Wow. What would little T look at you now and feel like?

She'd be like, you are international. We international. They talked about it on the Korean news. The news in Africa. It's international. You're world famous. She'd be so proud. What would you wish that you were international? The news in Africa is international. You're world famous.

You should be so proud. What would you wish that you did, what would you wish if there was anything that, she was like, I wish we could get back to that. I wish we could do more of that. I wish there was, I wish we still did that. There's some- Gymnastics.

Cool. And the rhythmic dance. Cool. She wishes that I will, I know she does wish we could've went to the Olympics and been a rhythmic dancer. And stuck to that. Still possible.

She's disappointed in me that my splits are not all the way to the ground anymore. They used to be? They used to be to the ground. They used to be coochie to the floor. Not no more. Not no more. Not no more. She's very disappointed in that.

It's still possible though. It's possible. It's possible. Proper training and discipline. This can be done. But she is disappointed also that we didn't become hula dancers. It's supposed to be a hula dancer. She's disappointed in that too.

But other than that, I mean that's possible. I took a few classes. I know how to work them hips. I'm just not a professional hula dancer. We could create a movie where I end up being a hula dancer, everything is possible. Also, she's a little disappointed that we not working in a snicker factory or know how to make pantyhose from scratch.

I'm supposed to know how to make pantyhose by now, but I don't. I love it. But I can sew some, but I don't know how to like, you know, weave them and fix a run. I'm supposed to know how to fix a run in the stocking. I know how to put the nail polish on there and stop the run. Hit it with the hairspray, stop the run. But I'm supposed to know how to weave nylon and stop it.

That's what I'm supposed to know how to do. It's not too late to learn. It's not too late. I keep telling little T, it ain't too late. It's not too late. We never know. But she is proud that I did make my own beef jerky Even though we supposed to work in a beef jerky factory, but I know I know how to make beef jerky So she's proud of that. We got a food dehydrator And I talk about we isn't me and little T

She's still alive. Of course And she still be talking mess I love it. Tiffany's still alive. Of course. And she still be talking mess. I love it. Tiffany, you are so... What is it? Who's up on the... Did you Google it? It is only you.

You are the only person that comes up. Legendary. Did you hear that? We just checked it. Verified. I'm just saying that some people will be like, that's you. You should be ashamed of that. But I know a lot of other famous black women who have DUIs, but nobody knows.

Ah, interesting. but nobody knows. Oh, interesting. Because nobody cares. They care about me. That's how I look at it. Now that might be a horrible thing. It might be horrible. It might be horrible for me to think that way, but I did my community service and I'm helping out in all these different places and I've made new friends because of it.

And I might be going on dinner dates with this police now because of me. Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. If I get married in Beverly Hills, you know why. Everything happens for a reason. But that allowed me to know that like little tears like, yo, it's a lot of people that care about us. Cause if didn't nobody care about you,

nobody would write about it. They wouldn't make videos about it. They wouldn't be like, oh gosh, she's having a breakdown, whatever. Like they wouldn't be talking about it. Like, I'm like, I'm white girl famous. They talking about it in Africa, all over Africa. They talking about it in Asia.

I didn't even know I was popping like that in Asia, like in Korean news. These studios can now not say she's not international. You can't say that. This is the proof. This is the proof. International, BBC talked about it. CNN, a DUI, and I blew a point oh three I was

sleep pulled over now maybe I was parked wrong it should have been a bad parking ticket that's what it should have been but you know what it is what it is some things need to happen for came no studio. She's not international. That proves it right there. Right there. It might not be the best way to prove it, but God damn it, that proves it. People care. Tiffany, you are a treat and a joy to spend time with. I don't think I've ever laughed this much on the show. He wasn't even laughing. He was just giggling.

I was laughing. I was laughing. Honestly, I'm so, so happy that you put this book together. I'm so grateful that I got to hang out with you and do this with you. We've been talking for nearly two hours and it's flown by. We end every episode of On Purpose with a fast five, a final five. Every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay. Good luck. Tiffany Addish, these are your final five. No, these are rules, Tiffany. Okay, these are rules. We have to follow rules. You hear that, little T? You hear that? You hear that?

So question one. Okay. Tiffany, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Don't let nobody in your house that don't have nothing to lose. I like that. That would never have had that. Love that. Question number two. What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? I'm just thinking of stupid stuff. Stupid stuff I've heard men say to me that I've never thought you... No, because that's a statement. That's not necessarily advice. That makes sense. Go on, say it. If it's coming to your mind, I want to hear it.

The look on your face means we have to hear it. Girl, I don't got to put no condom on. You know I love you. That do not mean a man love you. It do not mean he love you. That's brilliant. That is not love. That's brilliant.

That is not love. Every woman out there, just because he don't want to put a condom on, does not mean he love you. He's just trying to get wet. Spit on it. Glad you shared that. Sorry. I'm glad you shared it.

That's the worst. It's so honest, too. Question number three. What is your most repeated thought on a daily basis? Clean your room. Clean your room. Clean your room. I gotta clean my room. I'm gonna make some time to clean this room. I love that. That's good. Okay. You can't keep working on that one project. Clean the room.

That's great. Question number four, what's something that you used to value that you don't value anymore? Something that I used to value that you don't value anymore? Hmm. Something that I used to value that I don't value anymore. Saving checks. I used to save checks. Okay. Checks that people would write me.

I put them in a photo album. Okay. I don't do that no more. Because? Too many checks. There's direct deposit. But yeah, but if someone hands me a check today, I will take a picture of it. But I don't put it in a photo album anymore. It's in a folder though in my phone.

That's beautiful. But I used like, because I thought it was so awesome when somebody hand write me a check, they sign it, even if it's a company, they send, they mailed it to me and it's money. And then when you could take a picture of it and deposit, I have two photo albums full of checks. I love that. Fifth and final question, Tiffany. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Well, you have to hug someone every day. Oh, I love that one. I love a hug. A hug, a hug. Even if you don't like being hug Well, you have to hug someone every day. Oh, I love that one. I love a hug. A hug, a hug. Even if you don't like being hugged, you got to hug. Like if you don't get at least one hug in, you got to get a hug or make someone else laugh.

Every day. Yeah, that would make the world better. That's a good look. A lot of people are angry cause they don't get no hugs. Nobody touches them and they need a hug. Yeah, but don't be just hugged. People be randomly just hugging me. Yesterday I was in the airport,

this lady just came up to me crying full tears. And she said, just thank you so much. Thank you so much. And I start crying, I was like, what are we thinking, what's going on? And she just hugged me. And then I was like happy that she hugged me. But then at the same time I was mad

cause she had all them tears and it was all on my shoulder. You set the law. You set the law, she just following the law. She was following the law. And I appreciated the hug, but I did not like the tears on my shoulder. But I really wanted to know why she was crying. And I do not know why she was crying.

I had to get on the plane. I still don't know exactly why. I think she was happy. Either she was happy that I cut all my hair off because all her hair was cut off, or she was happy that I went to Israel because I did see a star of David on her. So I'm gonna go with this because I went to Israel. Even though could be because we all had it. Yeah, I went in February for Black History Month and I went to find all the black people

and I did. What was that experience like? It was amazing. It's just like California, bro. It felt like I was in America, but they speak Hebrew. It's very interesting. Was this your first time? First time. Was that quite a powerful experience in terms of...

It was very powerful. Because you know, every religion is there. Everybody's there. Everybody's there. I've been as well, yeah. You went in 2017. You went in 2017. And when I went to Jerusalem, maybe because there's a war going on,

there was barely anybody in Jerusalem like that. So I didn't have to wait in no long lines. I could do all the activities, got to shop freely. Nobody's bumping into me, nobody's yelling at me. So it was kind of beautiful, because I had been doing my research and seeing like, oh, you might have to wait in line to go in here. You might have to wait in line to go in here,

wait for this. I didn't have to wait to go in anything. I went into all the churches. I did not get to go into the mosque, probably because they knew who I was or whatever, and that I'm Jewish. But I looked, I was like, I was over here like this. What made you wanna go right now?

Well, I was supposed to go like four years ago. I was supposed to go, already was planning on going. I already had a ticket, like trying to go. It's funny because there were people saying, they paid you to go, already was planning on going. I already had a ticket, like trying to go. It's funny because people were saying, they paid you to go there. And I'm like, that chick I would have took a picture of and posted, okay? Nobody paid me to be anywhere.

This was me wanting to, like, I'm super thirsty for knowledge. I read about these places in the Bible, in the Torah, in the Quran. I read about, like, I went to the church of Scientology, they talked about Jerusalem. Everybody talks about this place. I need to see this.

And this is like where Jesus was, where this person was, Abraham. All the major players was in that area. So let me go see this. And I went and it was, I got to go in that tunnel, right? The underground tunnel and where the mikvah is. And like learn about the, that's where baptism came from, from the mikvah and all that stuff.

And people getting cleaned up, coming from all the other nations to come visit. And that's the trail that Jesus walked every year. And then he walked at that one particular year and got assassinated at the top of it, right? And they built a church around where they have, you know, killed them and around where they say he was buried. And it's something there.

I don't know if it's aliens underneath the rock or if the rock is from Mars and it got some kind of energy. It's some kind of energetic, like reboots, reset. Like on the soul, I felt like I was surrounded. Like I felt like I was surrounded by my ancestors. I could hear whispers. I was looking around to see, did they put some speakers in here or something? I was hearing, like, hey, this is what you need to do now. This is what you need.

Like guidance. This is where you go for guidance. I prayed at the wall, put a little few prayers in there. I prayed in the church. I was like, I'm going to pray everywhere. If God is here, if God is all throughout this, well then, geez, let me get something, let me pray everywhere. Yeah.

You know? That's how I felt about it. I feel like we all praying to the same person. We're just doing it in different ways because we come from different cultures. Because of Babylon. Was it Babylon where everybody got the different languages and stuff? We're in the Bible where it's like, uh, where everybody was speaking one language at first and then they babble, babble when they was building a tower of Babylon, Babylon, right? And then everybody started babbling. It was everybody speaking different languages and they start separating into

different tribes, different whatever, because they didn't speak the same languages anymore, right? Is that, is that the- I didn't speak the same languages anymore. Right? Is that the answer? I'm not sure of the exact place. Come on, you a monk, you supposed to know all these different things. Different tradition, different tradition.

Okay, so what did the monks say, how did different languages come about? We never really talked about that. That wasn't part of the education. So you didn't care about why people speak different languages? No, I did, I care about that, but that wasn't part of our learning. But you don't know why people speak different languages. Let, I did care about that, but that wasn't part of our learning. But you don't know why people speak different languages.

Let's ask our researcher over there. Researcher, can you tell me? Because I'm pretty sure it's Babylon. That's pretty true, yeah. What was the place? Where people started, when God made people start speaking different languages. Because he was like, oh, they keep talking to Muslims,

so they're doing too much. Got it. Okay, where God caused some confusion. keep talking to monsters, so they're doing too much. Okay, well, he got caused some confusion. That's like my number one thing I hate is confusion. But my room looks like it's confused, but I know where everything at, but I hate confusion. Oh, the Tower of Babel. The Tower of Babel.

Yeah, yeah. The Tower of Babel, there we go. I know my research. I just want to be sure. I know my research. I didn't want to say anything I didn't know. So I say all that to say, I don't know if it's aliens under that rock.

I don't know if the rock is from Mars. I don't know if that's actually God is in the rock. I don't know if God is hanging out in the mosque, in the temple. I don't know. But what I do know about Jerusalem is it is a very powerful place. There's definitely something spiritual going on. It taps into the spirit. I don't know if it's like heightened energy

where all your chakras open up and you could get like messages coming through or whatever. Something's going on there. And it's all the different races and religions are there and all throughout the country. Like in there, and they're dealing with a lot of the same crap that we're dealing with amongst themselves. I was talking to the black Jews,

there's a very large African-American diaspora of black Hebrew Jews up in Dimona, and they say Dimona is where the nuclear weapons are. Shh. But I think the nuclear weapons is them black African-Americans. But the diaspora there, they off the chain. But I could be wrong, I don't know.

But I was hanging out with a lot of them, and I was learning a lot, and I went to Masada, and that was like absolutely gorgeous. I went to the Dead Sea, do not pee when you in the Dead Sea. Don't have cuts before you go in. They gonna heal. Oh, they gonna heal. They gonna burn.

And they say they gonna burn. Well, it's gonna heal, it's gonna be disinfected. They said, they said that nothing grows in the Dead Sea, but I beg to differ, because I seen them salt spikes growing on the poles over there. I think the salt grows. And then, what else? Honey, I got so much to say.

Oh, and I went to this other place called Sakne. And it's like natural springs, and it's like the whole thing of 300 or whatever, the Spartans of 300 was like not too far away from where Saqmé is and there's this natural experience and I was all in there and I felt like I was getting younger or something. There was fish coming up, eating the dead skin off my feet.

So I was experiencing a lot of the nature and the actual people. And I was talking with the Bedouins. I talk with everybody. And there was Palestinians there too and I'm talking with them. And I got to go to Kibbutz and I got with everyone, and there was Palestinians there too, and I'm talking with them. And I got to go to Kibbutz, and I could see Gaza from there, and it was horrible. It was absolutely horrible.

I don't know why humans do this to each other, maybe because they don't know why, like, I don't understand how, like, anybody would want to eradicate any group of people, or any kind of, like, that part, I just, I don't know. I don't have that in me. I can't understand it. I don't even want to make myself understand it. I just would like that to stop. I want peace. Everybody should have peace.

Everybody deserves joy. So I curse the world with joy. The book is called, I Curse You With Joy, Tiffany Haddish. It's available right now. This conversation, I'm sure has inspired you to go and grab a copy of the book, dive deep into it. You are gonna laugh, you're gonna learn, you're gonna cry, you're gonna feel it all.

Tiffany, thank you for being extraordinary, genuinely. You're extraordinary. Thank you. I can't think of another word. Oh, thank you. I thought you said I was extraordinary and I got really excited because that's all, you know, I want to be ordinary, but I know that I'm not. I'm extraordinary. You're right. Your presence is infectious. Your energy is magnetic. I mean, it's honestly just being around you is joy. Good. And I want to thank you for sharing that with us

and my on purpose community today. Thank you. I got some of that rock in my pocket. I love it. That's what it is. I love it. But I did still some dirt from that tunnel. That's beautiful.

And two rocks from there. I want to become an archeologist. That's going to be my next thing. I'm going to go over there and do archeology for like three days. I love it. And go dig out some more stuff. Maybe open a dress shop in that tunnel.

It felt like a mall. Yeah. Doesn't that trail look like a mall? Well, the malls probably copied that. Someone got the idea from there probably. That's how they got it. You right. Yeah, that's how they got it. You right. Yeah, that's how they got it. You right.

See? See, Jay, when I hang out with you, I learn stuff too. No, I just know. Nothing at all. I think our intentions were met here today. Without a doubt. And I want to tell everyone who's listening and watching, make sure you share what you learned from Tiffany.

Tag both of us on X, on Instagram, on TikTok. Let us know what stayed on Instagram, on TikTok. Let us know what stayed with you, what resonated with you, what connected with you in the YouTube comments. Let us know because I love to see what Tiffany shared that's helping you become happier, healthier, and healed. Thanks so much. Thank you.

You are amazing. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Meghan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out. My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for five minutes. It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, now I'm looking at myself like I've been hacked. But day three when I did it, I was like, you know what, her thighs are cute.

Tune into the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like easy listening but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Catherine Nicolai, and I'm an architect of cozy. Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the village of nothing much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, from Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten. We've always been intrigued by stories of

disappearances. Whether it's a fraudster from the 17th century who kept evading the authorities, or a novelist who taunted the Nazis and faked her own death, we all want to know. What happened next? To find out, listen to Wamanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, welcome to Across Generations, where the voices of Black women unite. I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Join me and be a part of sisterhood, friendship, wisdom, and laughter. We gather a seasoned elder, myself as the middle generation, and a vibrant

young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations prepared to engage or hear perspectives that literally no one else has had. Listen to Across Generations podcast on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.